#im so lucky i fell in somewhere with decent people. it is always - always - the best part

[mosstrades]

Today during lunch break all my coworkers gathered around the table, eating or not (even the chef who never has lunch), and we just chatted. And it hit me, suddenly - a feeling of belonging. Weary and small, not quite friendship, but a comforting, grounding solidarity. We're all in there with each other, and I'm lucky enough to have fallen into an enviroment where we all try to make that decent. I wouldn't have gone within ten feet of most of these people if we weren't coworkers, and yet. I'll take a lot of things with me that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't met them, for better and worse. And I felt good, with all the ones that were there. It wasn't exactly friendship, and it wasn't exactly safety. But it was good. I ate what we had cooked, and laughed some, and felt like myself. And realized that I have been feeling like myself again, even at work, for the past little while. A feeling of existing, of being awake, and of existing together, and of that being enough. And it was nice.

#only 9 working days left on my contract. good #but also - today i was told by the Spanish guy who works mornings that he misses me already because i make him laugh #and i walked up to the kitchen whiteboard and the chef had doodled my face saying hello #nobody used to doodle on the whiteboard until i started doing it #im gonna miss gossiping in spanish with the other immigrants #and im gonna miss the satisfaction of a smooth service #and i think im gonna miss working there despite it all #what a stupid thing and what a lovely thing. i cant wait to be done but i cant help hoping it doesnt pass too fast #silly. silly #im glad i sticked around for that #im so lucky i fell in somewhere with decent people. it is always - always - the best part #the people are always the best or the worst part #nick.txt #sorry for the influx of personal posts #itll continue to happen #i still struggle talking to friends but i guess posting to the void is better than not verbalizing things at all #...worse than journaling tho #but (waves vaguely) it hard #anyways. work. insane thing thatll make you insane #lately I've been blasting Queen during service. everyone lowkey sings along with their silly french accents. it makes me so happy

[beforeoursunsets]

aud. i'm so obsessed with literally EVERYTHING on your masterlist. ugh chefs kiss af. as for the request: since i haven't seen this trope on your account yet, what about some good ole amnesia? like one day draco gets wiped OUT by a bludger, wakes up, and forgets being in love with the reader. i just know you'd do this justice ILY

Amnesia - d.m

a/n: hiiii anon! tysm for the love you are so kind and i hope i didn't totally butcher this request!!! also im too tired to come up with an original title,, lol enjoy <33

house: slytherin

word count: 1.7k

warnings: just amnesia but idk if that counts, oh and a sorta open ending dont kill me

-----

You almost fell out of your seat, a cry escaping you as Draco plummeted nearly fifteen meters to the grass below. The astounding crack and thud sent the entire stadium quiet, Madam Hooch and her surrounding professors racing to the unconscious blond.

“Is he…” Pansy breathed, “...alive?”

Concern, etched on both of your faces, felt like a complete understatement compared to how you actually felt about the incident. Grabbing the coat you’d almost left behind, Parkinson followed along as you went straight for the infirmary.

Minutes later she had to slow down, unable to keep up with your running pace. Once she was finally able to catch up, Pansy found you bickering with Madam Pomfrey, begging her to let you inside the hospital wing.

“No you listen,” The matron scowled, “you can visit him tomorrow morning. Mr. Malfoy needs ample time to rest.” She said with finality.

You gave up, irritably walking towards your panting friend while dragging her back in the direction she had just come from. Tears stained your cheeks, but the weeping was gone momentarily, replaced with newfound disdain for Madam Pompfrey.

“She won’t tell me anything.” You complained, pacing in the Slytherin common room. “From what I know they could be embalming him right now!”

“Y/N, I think we both just need to relax right now. I don’t think Draco’s dead,” Pansy reassured you. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

After a long night of restless tossing and turning, you were out of bed the minute the sun rose. Thankfully it was a Saturday, and with no classes to attend you could spend the entire day in the hospital wing. Once you were inside, she would have to drag you out of there herself.

You pulled one of your boyfriend’s sweaters, holding it close to you as the cold morning air nipped your skin. With your best friend at your side, you pushed open the infirmary door, eyes searching for the injured boy.

Madam Pomfrey motioned for you to stay quiet, narrowing in her eyes as she did so.

You found Draco quickly, as he was the only other student in the room. His arm and left leg were bandaged up, his neck in a brace to hold it steady. The mere sight of him made your knees grow heavy, threatening to send you to the ground if you weren’t clutching onto his bed.

Pansy put a hand on your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you, “Hey, look, he’s waking up.” She whispered.

Slowly, his eyes opened, grimacing at the room’s lighting. Draco looked down at his hand entwined with yours, hesitantly recoiling it.

“Pansy? What’s going on?” He asked, his voice raspy.

You were almost taken aback. Never had you been insecure about his friendship with Parkinson, but it was like he didn’t even see you standing beside him. She looked almost uncomfortable, dealt with his awkward inquiry.

“One of the Ravenclaw beaters took you down with a bludger…” She prompted, trying to kickstart his recollection of last night’s quidditch game.

“Oh.” He responded simply.

“Are you serious?” You cut in, “You almost died and that’s the best you can say?”

Draco had finally made eye contact, looking back at you incredulously, “Why are you wearing my sweater?”

“And why is L/N even here?” He asked Pansy, turning away from you.

The matron picked up on the conversation, now concerned herself. “Miss L/N, I think it’s best for you to leave.”

“Of course I’m here, I’m your girlf--”

“I said, I think it’s best for you to leave.” She reiterated.

You were utterly confused, sending Pansy a look of near despair. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Leave. Now.”

After you had begrudgingly left the hospital wing, Pansy stayed behind as requested by Madam Pomfrey. Draco had seemed to recognize his friend, unlike you, who had only befuddled him.

She pulled your friend to the side, beginning to explain Draco’s condition now that you were out of sight. “I’m starting to believe that Mr. Malfoy here has suffered a brain injury after his fall. For how long have he and Miss L/N been together?” She inquired.

“Over a year,” She responded quickly.

Returning to his bedside, Madam Pomfrey began asking Draco a series of questions, trying to pinpoint how far his memory had recoiled. “What year are you in?”

“Fourth, obviously.” He drawled, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“And what was the last thing you remember?” She prodded.

“The goblet of fire,” Draco responded, “bloody Potter managed to cheat the damn thing.” He spat.

Pansy looked at Madam Pomfrey with concern, that had happened two years ago.

“Would anyone care to explain what bludger you’ve been blabbering about? And why has L/N stolen my jumper? Can someone tell me what’s going on!” Draco quickly grew frustrated by the women’s secretive conversations, demanding answers at once.

“Draco,” She began, “you’re a sixth year--and Y/N--she’s your girlfriend.”

-----

“What do you mean he doesn’t remember me?” You cried out in exasperation.

“He knows who you are,” Pansy explained, “he just has no memory of your relationship. It’s like he’s still a fifteen year old.”

Never had you imagined Draco could forget you so suddenly, so entirely. It was like one of your worst nightmares had sprung to life. “I need to talk to him.” You responded, getting off your bed.

He had been released from the hospital a few hours prior, now on strict bedrest. You knew he’d be in his room, and luckily, you had a key.

Unlocking his bedroom door, you knocked on the oak wood as it slowly creaked open, signalling that someone was there. “Draco?”

He was laying on top of his comforter, nose buried in his journal. Clearly he was trying to piece together the last two years of his life, your life together. You had hoped that something in there could possibly trigger his memory, a hope that would only set you up for disappointment.

“You can come in,” He spoke gruffly, his eyes still trained on the ivory pages littered with his handwriting.

You sat at the edge of his bed, the distance between him and you feeling so foreign. “I write about you a lot.” He almost chuckles, scanning one last entry.

“You really don’t remember?”

He shook his head regretfully, “No, I don’t.” He apologized, “But I really wish I did, honest. From what it looks like, I was seriously in love with you.”

I was, his voice repeated in your head. Who would’ve thought that one sentence could pierce your heart so deeply. “If it helps--” Draco piped up.

“I still fancy you, even now--or back then--I don’t really know how to talk about it.” He rambled, somehow eliciting a small laugh from you.

“Well I’m just happy to hear you confirm it, I’ve always had my suspicions about our timeline.” You smiled softly, the air filled with a bittersweet tension.

“You know, I can come back.” Getting back on your feet, you went for the door, suddenly feeling like an intruder.

Draco held a hand out to stop you, softly closing the journal to his left. “No, don’t go.” He pleaded, “I have so many questions.”

You sighed, tentatively sitting back down a few feet away. He cleared his throat, and by the look on his face Draco was actively trying to pull back a memory, any sort of recollection of you he could muster.

“How did it, you know, happen? Us, I mean.” He asked after a moment.

Fighting a smile, you replied with “Well, you and I both know we had fought since the moment you stepped foot in the common room, it wasn’t just two years ago.”

“How could I forget?”

“At the end of our fifth year you got into a bit of a tussle with Cormac again, something about how you were the only one allowed to bully me.” You laughed, “After that, I had my own personal bodyguard--on the rare occasions you were being decent.”

“People were messing with you? Why?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“There were a lot of rumors going ‘round back then, most of them about my romantic affairs.” Rolling your eyes, you added “All about you, of course.”

Draco’s fallen smile was back and brighter than before, “Nice to know I’ve always been a nuance.”

“It wasn’t always that way.” You clarified, “We had some really good times, and no one--not even Pansy or Blaise--expected you to be such a romantic.”

He sighed, “I just wish I could remember it. It’s all there, I know it is, but no matter how hard I try the memories stay locked up somewhere.”

You moved closer, placing a hand over his, “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’ll come back sooner than later. Besides, I won your heart once, I have full confidence that I can do it again.”

“Did the part where I mentioned my current massive crush on you just fly right over your head?”

“How could I forget?” You mimicked, “I’m just glad you’re okay, Draco, your fall had us all freaked out.”

“Is it weird?” He asked out of the blue, “Talking to me?”

You thought about his question for a moment, as there aren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe exactly how it all felt. “It is weird, I suppose. Honestly, if anything I’m scared, scared that your feelings for me won’t be the same after the accident. I have all these memories of the last year with you and the only thing left of them is that journal of yours.”

“Believe me, I’ve read it.” He assured you, “The moment Madam Pomfrey released me I was practically glued to it.” Draco finally pulled you into a hug, the long awaited embrace feeling like a weight being lifted off your chest.

“It's awful to say, but I feel so lucky right now.” He mumbled into your hair, “I’m experiencing you all over again.”

taglist (link in my bio/nav if you want to be added): @gwlvr @thatsassyhufflepuff @dracoswhore007 @eunoniaa @darlingmalfoy @dracoscene

#draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco x slytherin!reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fluff #draco x you #draco angst #draco fluff #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x slytherin!reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco x yn #draco x female reader #draco x fem!reader #draco fuckingmalfoy #draco fic #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco x reader fluff

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

#lena's asks #yandere x reader #yandere zoro #yandere one piece

[tomsandal]

The one where Tom went "can I just make stuff up?" and didn't wait for an answer

a/n: incredibly terrible title brought to you by you yes you who couldn't give me better one heart

characters: červená kapota, tom sandál

warnings: teensy weensy cosmic horror/death depiction at the start (because i am a moron and a fool and forgot what genre im writing), alcohol mention

words: 1,8k

To truly start at the story’s beginning, we’ll need to go many pages back in history books.

It was millennia ago, when something very strange took place and changed the world from how it was known.

It so happened that, for some mysterious reason, a meteorite crashed down on earth and landed in a crater in some frankly unnoteworthy forest.

This incident did not go without notice of course, and not too long after it had fallen were there already parties of plenty that were eager to find out what strangeness took place the night before. Many ventured into the forest, allured by the mystery or driven by their responsibility to protect their village, but not a single one of those brave souls has ever made the journey back. And so the number of volunteers and explorers thinned over time, for the prospect of being lost to those woods without a seeming trace was enough to ward off even the bravest of the brave.

However all those who did go, did not disappear in an equal way.

Some of those who ventured started to feel effects of a mysterious force soon after the start of their journey. Those ones met their end lying down on the forest floor, feverish and plagued by visions indescribable. No man’s willpower to follow common sense and go back home could win over the pull of the compelling presence.

But some of them pulled through. The strongest and greatest of them all did get to see what their end goal was this whole time.

There in the clearing lay the mystery. Patches of brilliant blue were shining among the dark stone, twinkling not unlike the stars that hung above them.

And standing there, in this crushing magical presence, humans did what humans tend to do and moved to touch the shiny stone.

It was no easy feat, bracing against the sheer force of the meteorite this close to the source of all this madness, but some of them managed to do so.

Finally, with their goal at their literal fingertips, they laid their hands at the glittering surface. And their hands melted right off.

The lucky ones died from the immediate shock from the pain. The rest bled out among the grass, suffocating in the stone’s heavy aura.

And some of them leaned even closer... for the call had won over.

For some time has the stone been left undisturbed, lying unmoved while its surroundings changed as the years went by. No wise enough soul dared to enter the haunted forest. And so the years passed in hundreds and the celestial body had started to merge with the surrounding environment. Many years has it been since then, when it was finally fully covered and sunken deep into the ground and its power dimmed to a hum.

If you were to walk by that place at that moment, you wouldn't think there to be anything out of the ordinary. And so didn't the people that had settled there.

Who might know why they chose this secluded woodland place for their settlement but they did and surprisingly prospered without any casualties.

The stone's powers have dulled over the centuries but they were still there nonetheless, even if only in a shadow of its former self, and the construction and disturbance of the ground was bound to wake it up.

And so the energy started seeping out, warping the unaware residence in the process. With each generation grew the changes more profound, until the place was almost unrecognizable. Plants grew wild and high, displaying colours very uncommon to vegetation anywhere, the roaming animals wouldn't be recognized even by the highest of scholars, trees grew twisted with leaves of gold and humans were born with features never seen before. Their hair was bright and shining in arrays of blues, purples and greens, just like the lights in the sky that could be seen from time to time. But since no negative effect seemed to take place, this magical village of star-touched people lived in-

“Star-touched...really.”

“Yes and no interruptions please.”

-lived in peace. But time was not kind to them.

The year was 1610, the witchcraft craze was at its peak and it didn’t take long until the hunt was brought to them as well. Their clearly otherworldly appearance couldn't be excused and many fell on the trials, under the hands of men driven by fear and hatred. The rest left their homeland, which ended promptly burned to the ground. From then on, they lived as hermits far, far from the human eye.

They lay in hiding for long, until their time has finally come, when people started walking among themselves with wild bright coloured hair and-

“wait, wait what about the magical wolves”

“That is tied to my own personal upbringing and no, was not in fact universal for everyone, stop messing up the timeline”

“oh I am messing up the timeline and not you making something different every ti-”

“As i was saying-” “and when do the glow squids come in” “My glow squid ancestry is clearly the reason for my eyes not the hair ”

“yes, of course, the eyes that are obviously not coloured contacts”

“Keep that tone to yourself and shush.”

///

It was a pleasant summer night, the air was crisp and the streets were quiet. And there, in a certain bar, sat two peculiar people.

Kapota sighed and let her friend-but not friend-associate from work-but not wanting to kill each other right now-buddy ramble on as she took a sip from her glass. She had ordered something called the Hanky Panky Cocktail Supreme and deemed it as decent enough, if a bit overpriced for a glorified gin and fernet.

Still, she would rather be holding a pint of good old fashioned beer, but finding a place around these parts with a half decent beer is near impossible. She will not be drinking that dishwater no thank you.

Good thing that she’s a skilled fancy drinker. A life skill which she picked up from her business bar outings, such as now, which maybe wasn't actually the most objective of examples since most of those were with Tom.

Not that the aforementioned was any help in the drink picking department, that maniac of a man just sashays to the bar and orders a literal colour and when no further explanation is given the bemused barkeep has to pick themselves from their array of colourful drinks.

Seems that they picked well today, because the current “pink” already sat empty before Tom.

She continued to mull over this and that, all the while enjoying the bar’s comfortable atmosphere, when something caught her attention.

“wait wait roll that back”

“Why, could it be that you weren’t paying attention?”

“Yes I was, but what were you saying about pointed ears?”

“Oh, just that the star-touched had pointy ears alongside the wild hair.”

“well, please do pray tell me Sandál dearest how could it be that your ears are rounded”

“As I said, a long time ago in the times most desperate, riddled with fear, pain and terror, food was scarce and from the terrible hunger they gnawed on their ears until they were completely rounded and from then on this feature was lost to them.”

“ok see now i know you're just making fun of me because thats just from that dumb movie you like”

“should have been listening.

Honestly why do i even bother, I am so generously sharing the long lost history of my kind and yet this audience is so ungrateful”

“noo i like your lore, don’t worry it's much more entertaining than ‘I went to the aisle 12 in Kaufland and picked the gaudiest shade of purple they had’”

Tom just grumbled to that and moved to take a demonstrative swig of his drink, but then he realized he didn't have any left anymore so he instead picked up the little paper umbrella and pointed it accusatively at Kapota.

“Never, have I been more disrespected, as I am right now.” He complained, while accentuating every word with a swish of the tiny umbrella.

“It's nothing personal pal, but you can’t exactly expect people to believe you with a name like yours.”

“Oh that's rich coming from you!”

“I'll let you know that the Kapota name is very ancient and regal, thank you very much. Passed down only by the generations of the clan McKap”

“Absolutely not.”

“It’s true look it up”

“Not happening, if i did that you would just laugh at me that i fell for it.”

“Well in that case I guess you’ll never know”

“oh shut up!”

“you shut up!”

…

It was a pleasant summer night, the air was crisp and the streets were quiet. And there, in a certain bar, bickered two peculiar people.

///

All in all Tom would consider this a successful night. He left the bar on his own two feet, had all his belongings still with him, including both of his important trademark sandals still on, and head somewhat clear.

About ten minutes back, they had been politely ushered out of the bar, because it was apparently closing. The shiny sign with the numbers 24 and 7 would beg to differ but sure.

Yeah, ‘always open’ my arse, people can't even trust bars these days.

He wasn’t really upset though, couldn’t blame the poor bloke either, because anyone who had to listen to their nonsense for the past -who knows how long- had all the right to kick them out. It didn’t matter anyway, tonight really was quite nice.

So now they were just lounging together on the sidewalk, enjoying the chilly air.

A lone car sped by somewhere in the distance.

Tom gently thunked his head on the wall behind him and let out a content sigh, next to him Kapota finally broke the silence.

“So...who’s the designated driver, hahh”

A good question indeed, since neither of them even closely qualify to anything akin to sober. Not that it would have changed much, given the fact that Tom does not in fact have a driving licence anyway. His most beloved, bless their heart, is incredibly awesome and does have one of those and drives him around in times of need. This would seem like a time of need and it wouldn't even be the first time Kap would hitch a ride with them, but this hour, other than time of need, is also time commonly known as ‘very late’.

“I guess I can try to give Tobi a call, but I dunno it's pretty late...”

“Nah, let ‘em sleep”

“So whats the battle plan Kaptn’? ”

“Where's the uhhh friggin closest bus stop.”

“Few damn blocks away at least that's for sure”

“Awesome... lets go its field trip time”

And so they went onto the grand adventure of getting safely home.

Some would deem it highly unwise to blunder around dark alleyways in the middle of the night, but honestly, unfortunate are those street rats who shall foolheartedly decide to pick those two fools as their next victims.

#2.5 bc #is the fic introduvtion at the start necessary? no but I wanted to make it pretty n cool ykno :) #idk that were the only one here #pretty for *us* #červená kapota #tom sandál #2.5 bc but with more words #thats the tag for fics now yes #kinda wanna write again but dont know what

[sunnylh]

       AAAA !   i’m so excited.. just , maybe I should        ( possibly ) introduce myself first.  my name is        nikki and i go by female pronouns  [ cst  / 21 ]        and by luck , sunny is my ‘ sweet ‘ lil daughter.        she’s a bit of a handful ; but a great one at that        you can find her profile , history , and plots by        clicking their specific words !   orrrrrrr...... you        could give this post a  pretty heart  for those        plot IMs   ( i’m also available on discord ).         so , yeuh !  can’t wait to write with everyone !          some briefing over her is also under the cut.                                                               toodles ~

⠀

⠀

tw: death, murder, self harm suicide, homophobia, homophobic slurs, etc.

Yoon Sunhee (Sunny) was born on February 21st, 2003 in Jeju. Lucky for her, she got two parents who were decently popular celebrities, at least to the public it was lucky. Because at home she never received any emotional connection to her parents like everyone else did, it was always a babysitter/nanny or her homeschool teacher. This left Sunhee extremely socially deprived. She guided herself to the internet to invest time.

Her birth was well known to the public, they kept a close eye on her growth / everything they did. Think of it as her parents thinking it is safer for her to be at home.

Finally, during high school, her parents allowed her to enroll in an actual school since they believed she could take care of herself (even if she started school with a body guard for the first year).

Due to her lack of socialization, Sunhee glued herself to the more rich kids that she thought was pretty. Little did she know how toxic they could be, but she kept herself to it and adapted their personality due to the fact she wanted to fit in.

Jiah, someone in the same year as her, was one of the many people that took interest in her. She often flirted with Sunhee and it made Sunhee uncomfortable because her friends were homophobic (even if she wasn’t and Jiah’s smile actually made her feel warm). This lead to her friends deciding they should teach Jiah a lesson to stay away from Sunhee.

Unfortunately, the ‘prank’ / ‘lesson’ actually lead to Jiah’s death by accident. The other girls went a little too hard on her, causing her to fall off a cliff and hit her head hard enough to kill her instantly. All of those there decided to lie to hide their connection to Jiah with false alibis to save themselves.

Two months after Jiah was reported missing, her body was discovered and labeled as a suicide. Sunhee never spoke about Jiah or the incident since.

Her personality fell apart with blame, this caused Sunhee to become depressed with PTSD and suicidal tendencies. She would cut herself deeply (like the scar down her hip). Eventually her parents decided to move somewhere else thinking it was because of her friends. She moved to Seoul.

While in Seoul, Sunhee decided to attempt a new life by beginning a career via social media and monetizing herself off her parent’s fames. It worked, to say the least, and she enjoyed it as it mentally made her (not really) move past what happened.

Right now she is a social media influencer for the fashion and beauty community.

She decided to enroll into Gosan U as a business major because she wants to open her own makeup product line, etc. But she spends a lot of time dwelling in dramas, parties, and one night stands. #MissPopular.

#▐⠀⠀ՙ 작가 )⠀/⠀tune in next time. #is there an intro tag? #idk. #i've been reading bios to the moon #so if i alr have some ideas for your muse dont @ me #im just excited asf

[crypticalwitch]

Violet Eyed Curse

I (still) blame the awesome hermitcraft Mag pirate Au for my ideas. So enjoy how Xerxes met the first member of his crew

Part 1:

Lost to Greed, Violet Eyed Curse, Dead Woman Walking

Warnings- Pirates, Main Character Death, Ghosts, Ambiguous death.

It was one of the first towns Xerxes ventured to. A town he had been told was successful and strong, yet when he entered the city with haunting fog that followed him, it was desolate, and empty. The few who wandered the streets were sallow and pale.

Xerxes was sure he lucky was already dead, else he might catch whatever plague fell the village. He quickly did the shopping, drinks, food, ropes, whatever his ship of one may need, asking his question, the one he had done even in life,

"Has anyone with the name Void been here recently?" A desperate search for his brother even on the other side of the veil. Typically ment with a no, or at worst, a "You just missed him."

All this he had done, before slipping into the silent tavern.

Xerxes was a sailor and a Pirate, he had been in many a tavern before his death, and even after. Taverns typically were full of happy chatter or drinking songs, often both. The tavern was eerily quiet, the little chatter there was of other sailors who wondered what had happened, and then an elderly man wandered in.

The man was silver haired with a long beard, twisted over a cane, with a sorrowful look. Xerxes could tell he had been either a sailor or minor in his younger days, but he had stayed here. He ordered a drink, took a swig and grabbed the attention of everyone around him with a loud, sharp whistle.

"The town was not always like this." the man's voice was deep and gravely. "Once it was thriving, a bustle of life and harmony, until the first man died. And then another, and another. when the bodys were eventually found, they were strung up in ritual curealty, tied to elm trees hands and legs bound tight." Xerxes took a drink, and rubbed his wrists, even after death he could feel the sharp hempen rope his old crew used. "They panicked, superstition and suspicion ran rampant in the town, then he came into town. A young man, a traveler with more than his share of scars and vibrant eyes as purple as morning glories came into town. He had hardly asked the tavern keep his questions before a mob came and took him away."

The man sighed. "Us elders and Sea men tried to warn them. "Thoughts give power" we said, "If you kill him with the idea that he has wronged the town, and he is innocent, he may not know mercy" we said "you have no PROOF," we said. They did not listen. The man was kept for a year and a day, before going to the gallows." he shook his head, "They hardly buried him in a grave. The elders and more superstitious of us held a ceremony to apologise, and yet its done nothing to help."

The man looked out the window to the setting sun. "We are cursed now. Illness spreads like fire, and none can leave. A fire broke out the other day at the courthouse, burnt everything to the ground 'cept the prisoners themselves, and the noose used to hang the traveler. Some seem to be immune to the illness and can leave the city, us elders, the seafolk, the few who did the ceremony, but the rest...the rest are dying."

The man smiled, his eyes dark and damp, before taking another swig. "You'd best not stay longer than needed, lest you be unable to leave, and if you see a man walking out around playing with cards, do not speak to him and most of all do not play his game. for now with this fog, the veil is thin, and you don't want to be on the other side."

A drunken man scoft, "Why should we be so worried about a bit of fog, no big deal."

"ugh," One of the man's fellows said, punching the drunkard in the arm, "Have you no memory of The Grand Sea? Fog when none should be is a sign of a ghost ship!"

Xerxes sipped his drink feeling very awkward at the mention of ghost ships. but then his mind slipped to the story. Perhaps he could find this mysterious spirit, he rose and payed for his drink, before slipping out into the night.

It took him too long of strolling the street to find the mysterious ghost. He strode through the streets, the thick fog that followed him swirling with a faint red glow.  It wasn't til he sat down on the steps, that he saw the man.  

He wore a thin leather coat, pulled tight over a ripped and torn shirt. His hair was long and unkempt, gold curls shining in the few lamps and candles whos light reached the foggy streets. He seemed to cast his own glow in the swirling cloud, a soft purple, that same hue his eyes glowed, that seemed to flickr as he shuffled the deck of cards. It wasn't any set of playing cards Xerxes had seen before, but the design was familiar, an old set a fortune cards he had seen in a novelty shop once.

He had always through Fortune cards were silly. Tarot cards, maybe, but fortune cards made no sense. Fortune cards were always blank, and they were said to fill in images when important things happened to you or people close to you. Xerxes had heard stories of sailors cards depicting their first ship or storm, others depicting deaths in families before they even knew. But they were always tales, and Xerxes never put much stock into tales of board sailors.

The man nearly passed Xerxes by as he inspected the cards. Xerxes had to leap up and float-run toward the strange spirit.

"Lovely night, isn't it?" The man said, his accent very different from the man's in the Tavern, much more similar to Xerxes accent. He was hardly looking at Xerxes.

"Any night it's not pouring hell is nice to me." Xerxes said, falling in step with the man, who was a decent way shorter than him.

"Your a Sailor then?" The man said, his voice peaking slightly, before calming down, "Must be nice to be on land again then, even if it's here."

 "I'll admit," Xerxes laughed slightly, "Being off the sea for a time is nice,"

Silence passed as the pair walked soundlessly. Xerxes wonder if his strange companion realised they made no noise as they walked.

"There's a good one about that..." Xerxes said, hoping to fill the silence, "Though it's quite hard to sing alone i suppose."

"A good what?" the man said, looking at Xerxes for the first time since they began walking.

"A good sea shanty," Xerxes said, looking to the stars, "those are fairly difficult to sing alone."

"How does it go?" childlike Excitement flooding into the spirits voice, and Xerxes's memories of NP slipped into his mind.

Xerxes took a deep breath,

"Come me boys and heave with me, Let's get off this curs-ed sea, Let's be home to lovers and wives,And leave behind these four hour lives.." Xerxes sang, his spirit companion followed along, repeating where it felt right, but let Xerxes lead.

A comfortable silence hung between the two as they stalked down the pathways. and that how it went. For almost a week straight,Xerxes would muddle around town, let the sun go down, and meet with his mysterious friend. He would tell stories of far off places he traveled when his was alive, and Xerxes would teach him Songs. and when the sun came up, they would go their separate ways.

and that's how it went on, until the last day.

"Zedaph..." the spirit suddenly said as they walked past the ships, all covered in thick fog.

"what?"

"My name, its Zedaph," the man relaxed, his deck of cards placed away in a case. "no one here asked or cared about my name, so someone should know, even after im dead."

Xerxes placed a hand on Zedaphs shoulder. "Xerxes Void. It's nice to meet you, from one spirit, to another."

"...YOUR DEAD TOO?!"

Xerxes laughed, "yup!!"

"Oh my god I didn't notice!" Zedaph laughed, a wide grin on his face. "wow...so how are you here? aren't you stuck somewhere?"

"....you're not stuck here?" Xerxes said, "You know that right?"

"wat?"

"Yeah, we can just...go...places." Xerxes smiled.

"I thought I was stuck here and would never..."Zedaph trailed off.

"do you want to come with me, Zedaph?"

"huh?"

"The Void Seeker only has me on it, would you like to join me?"

"REALLY!" Zedaphs purple eyes shone brighter.

"I wouldnt ask if I wasn't serious."

#hermitcraft #Hermitcraft Pirate Au #Crypt’s Hermitcraft Pirate Au #evil xisuma #Xerxes Void #Zedaph #writing #my writing #do people want a tag list #should i add one?

[uricl]

NEW POST ( 2/19/2020 )

I hung out with him one night a few years back. He is very conscious of his reputation and goes out of his way to act gentlemanly. He’s funny and makes a lot of jokes in person. I would say more but don’t want to reveal who I am as I’m still close with some members of his team.

He made a joke about his dick size and then profusely apologized (again - super self conscious about his reputation), let us wear his sunglasses in the club, sang along loudly to his own music on the radio in the car, laughed at all our jokes too. He’s a goofball for sure. It’s funny all the guys with the worst reputations have been the nicest in person and the guys with happy-go-lucky reputations are the worst (ahem, Kid Cudi…)

It is true he was doing cocaine in front of Royalty. His friends do drugs around her but Nia didn’t file a protective order that I know of. She was blackmailing him for more money. Nia smashed most of his friend and a few other famous celebs before running off somewhere.

He is just complex asf..especially since he had another baby. Right now he refuses to hang with any other girl that isn’t Nikia.

I met Uriel when I lived in Miami…he got his friend to get my number for him at LIV. We hung out for maybe three months, and most of the time we didn’t do anything sexual honestly. He would just invite me over to watch movies or something. I think he’s really lonely. He also does a shit ton of ketamine, lean, and cocaine. This was during the time when he was dating nika…I didn’t know about her but then again he is uriel cain so I assumed he was messing around with a ton of girls. He doesn’t like using condoms…I’ll tell you that.

He has a million arcade games in his house and he has racks of clothing everywhere (in the halls, in the kitchen, in the living room) you can barely walk around. But overall he was actually…sweet. Respectful. Always made sure I was taken care of. We kind of just fell off because he’s a totally different person on drugs

🔴 WE’VE GOT THE TEA FOR YOU.

his family has been trying to get Uriel some help for a long time. His issues are deeper then being immature he has SERIOUS dark issues.

i have specific details about his abuse. It wasn’t normal spankings. One instance that I this person gave me is that his stepdad took his head and slammed it into the wall. The person I knew said that he was severely abused and that his step father used to lock him in closets whenever he was upset.

He once admitted a few years back that he “lost his virginity” at 8 years old to a 14 year old girl. The fact that he willingly admitted it to the world proves that he thinks there was nothing wrong with a 14 year old sexually assaulting an 8 year old.

His stylist says he hardly eats. I think that’s bad since he does cardio and dances frequently but I’m not sure.

My friend who works for Uriel always stresses that he is by far the nicest and warm hearted people to work with. He has helped my friend with so much financially and emotionally. He’s provided opportunities to my friend when he was struggling and I know that he has helped many of his employees with financial stuff and with there kids schooling.

Ive always thought he has BPD but who knows for sure. He’s diagnosed as bipolar and has a severe case of PTSD. But maybe being bipolar mixed with the issues he has and self medicating with cocaine/crack has something to do with that. Im pretty sure he’s a pill popper (xan) too based on what this person was telling me.

Uriel never wanted to be a musician he actually wanted to play basketball professionally.

Also Uriel hit his mom as an adult not a child.

Uriel took both of those girls around his family alot. Im not sure about this since I didnt ask. Uriel’s mom loved Zhara (who did spoil his family especially the kids and his mom) and hated Avery.

Uriel can be one of the nicest and friendliest people, per everyone I’ve known that knows him (NOTE: this does not negate the facts of his abusive and poor behavior). There’s a reason he still has so many friends and supporters in the industry and in his private life; when he’s straight, he’s a pretty decent person at heart. But dealing with anybody with his kind of demons is scary and unpredictable. Some legitimate Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit. Untreated mental illness mixed with teenage fame, constant public criticism, some enabling in his circle, and drugs will do a hell of a number on a person.

The tea on lipstick alley may have some truth to it, Uriel entourage and even his family as a history of spilling his most inner dark secrets to TMZ, TSR, and many other gossip blogs to collect a coin. It doesn’t matter how many of his cleaners he sends in to clean up the threads/post on him it doesn’t matter. Uriel is an extremely private person for a reason, and sadly the public will never get much of a chance to see the true Uriel. His life has been nothing but a struggle since the day he was born, his problems have always been existent. Zhara WAS NEVER the cause of his problems and his family will always love her to pieces and he still loves her as a friend until this day. But I supposed Uriel was born to be just a handsome tragedy. The only reason why Uriel still as a career is because of Deleon, if it was for him Uriel’s fame would have burnt out a long time ago. Uriel blames his mom for the many issues he has now, how would you feel if your mother just stood by and watched her new husband beat on you? Yes, Uriel has a big-heart, yes he is kind and generous, but untreated mental illness mixed with teenage fame, constant criticism, along with enabling and drugs will do a toll on a person.

NEW POST ( 12/7/2018 )

Leilani Uriel’s former fling did an interview with TMZ and spoke about her relationship with the singer. She said the two were very close and could have been something more if she didn’t step away from him. She said women who have petite and have more oriental features or small features seem to be more attractive to Uriel than most girls with an average body shape. Even though Uriel as fucked woman outside of his type those are the type of woman he tends to go for more. Uriel requires all of his girls not to be a homie hopper’s, have a big mouth and run to blogs, and at least spend time with him for at least 3 weeks. But for the three weeks you spend with him he will spoil you with trips and constant shopping. Uriel loves woman that have something going for themselves but still want the help of a man, Uriel likes to take care of those he’s affiliated with, so as long you don’t break the rules all will be well.

Leilani spilled the tea when it came to Winter and Uriel’s relationship and said it wasn’t what it seemed. After Winter caught Uriel in bed with another woman and attempted to fight said girl, that’s when things turned ugly. Uriel gave winter to shop with to make up for his mistake, but winter wasn’t having it and threatened to fuck Uriel’s friend Capo to make Uriel jealous. When they got back to LA a few weeks later Winter left the harem and Uriel kept a professional relationship with her just for her to come back a few days later, and then leave the harem again two days later. Uriel and Winter never had sex after the New York incident and Winter went outside of the harem to get fucked. Countless times Winter threatened to buy Uriel out of the development contract he had signed to her to, when she had the money to buy him out she did. And that pretty much ended their relationship.

#〆 𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖕𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙┋muse

[percyinpanties]

25 Solgrace and 109 Solackson! THANK YOU! :D

okay first of all: this is an absolute and utter mess. it took a turn at some point i didn’t bargain for and im not sure its for the better lol.

second of all, I am so tempted to give the idea those prompts gave me what they deserve by actually writing a decent longer fic of a few chapters at least but… im not sure thats going to happen. i have a lot of feelings about the au i had in my head while writing this and I... want... to ... so badly....

Solgrace  - longdistance relationship kept alive through disgustingly cute snapchats au

Solackson – fell in love while backpacking acrossEurope together

Will had never seen a real castle before. Hiking upthe hill, spying the pale towers and high walls through the trees, Will findsit hard to breathe as awe fills him. As far as castles went it wasn’t that big,or that old, but before coming to Europe Will had considered a hundred years tobe an unimaginably long time, so this definitely didn’t fail to impress him.

He adjusts the straps of his backpack to stop themfrom digging into his shoulders and continues on his path. It’s still early,but Will doesn’t want to waste any time that he could spend exploring thisbeautiful place instead. The sun is just starting to filter through the clouds,bathing the view in a fairy tale light.

The road is empty, maybe because of the early hour orWill choosing to walk the path most people just take by car. It’s peaceful andWill could lose himself in it – almost does, when suddenly the noise of a bikeapproaching rips him out of his thoughts.

He half turns where he stands, unable to help hiscuriosity. The bike is coming racing up the hill, with a lot more ease thanWill’s slow hike, but instead of zinging by, the stranger stops his bike rightnext to where Will has stopped in his step.

 The motor shuts off, the quiet returning as Willwatches silently while the stranger removes their helmet – revealing a mop ofmussed black hair and a pair of bright green eyes. He’s gorgeous, Will catches himself thinking and only just stops himselffrom staring with his mouth half open.

 “You going up to the castle?” The guy asks him,English with a distinctive New York accent even though they are standing on aroad in France.

 Will blinks slowly, just processing for a second, butthen he nods slowly. The stranger grins at that, and Will ignores the way thatsight makes him feel. It’s bad news, in more ways than one.

 “Me too. You want a ride?” The offer is casual, nonchalant,and the smile on the stranger’s face is genuine enough that Will wants tobelieve he’d have offered this to anyone found hiking up the same trail. “Thename’s Percy, by the way.”

 ~*~

Somewhere along the way, Will actually picks up some French.It’s not a lot, and he keeps getting it mixed up with the Spanish he’d learnedin high school, but it comes in helpful more often than not. The people seem toappreciate Will trying more than anything – and if whispering some words toJason on the phone makes the other all flustered, that’s just a bonus.

 Will is in the empty hostel kitchen – up early to beable to chat to Jason before he goes to bed – taking a snap of himself with bedhair and sleepy eyes, dressed in only one of Jason’s jersey’s and a pair ofboxers. He knows exactly how much Jason loves seeing Will wear his clothes,especially when they’re apart, and there’s little else he can do to feelconnected when they’re on different sides of the world.

 It’s only when Will lowers the phone to type out amessage that he sees Percy in the background of the photo, walking by andsticking his tongue out – even more sparsely dressed than Will. It shouldn’tsend a rush through Will’s body, but he can’t help it either way. For a second,Will considers retaking the photo, then shakes his head and sends it as it is.

There is nothing to hide there, and Will doesn’t likethe implication that comes with keeping Percy and Jason oblivious to each other’sexistence.

 It’s not even a minute before he gets a snap return,although the photo is dark, Jason already curled up in their bed at home withglasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

 “Is that the guy you’re pretending not to moon over?”reads the caption and Will blushes darkly before quickly swiping the photo awayand with it all evidence of Jason catching on to Will’s unsubtle crush.

~*~

 After France, they cross through Belgium into theNetherlands. Will isn’t sure when or how they’d decided to travel together fromthere on out, but Will doesn’t find it in himself to protest or complain. He enjoysPercy’s company too much to walk away from it when there’s no need to – andthings have become a lot easier than they were when he was still all byhimself.

It’s still a while before he’s flying back home – backto Jason – but Will can squash any pesky feelings and attachments down untilthen. It’s not like Percy has shown any interest anyway and Will tells himselfthat it’s not just because he knows Will is already taken.

 When they decided to stay in Amsterdam for remainderof the month, in a tiny rented apartment in De Pijp that a friend of Percy’s gotthem into, Will hadn’t realised just how much harder ignoring his affectionwould become.

It was one thing to be out and exploring with Percy,to see the cities and cites and landscapes they travelled through, and to crashinto a shitty hostel bed at the end of the day amongst six or more other travellers.It was something entirely different to be living together in a place that wasessentially their own for the time being, with no one to disrupt and distractfrom whatever was or wasn’t going on between the two. The way things are going,Will isn’t sure he’ll make it to the end of the month.

 “Hey…”

Will looks up from the window he’d been standing by,brooding. Percy is close, one hand half reached out to Will’s arm buthesitating to touch without permission.

“Are you alright?” He asks, and now Percy’s concern showsclear on his face.

Will opens, then closes his mouth. He isn’t sure howto even begin answering this if he doesn’t want to lie, and most of the time,Percy can tell if he isn’t honest to begin with.

“Just thinking.” Will says, trying to avoid thequestion. It’s not quite like he can tell Percy that it’s killing him how muchhe wants to kiss his dumb face, or that despite Jason’s permission(encouragement even) Will can’t bring himself to because there is no way thatwouldn’t end in heart break.

 Will wouldn’t be flying home until Christmas, and heknows that Percy has no plans to return any earlier than that. Even before Willhad left North America, long before Percy stumbled into Will’s life, Jason andhe had decided to open up their relationship for whatever more they might find along the way. The problem now isn’t that Willcannot or should not give whatever he was feeling for Percy a try – the problemis that he isn’t sure that after once he’d had a taste of it, he’d ever be ableto let it go again.

Percy hands comes to rest on Will’s arm after all, andafter a second, pulls him close against his side. All Will can do is clench hisfists at his side so he doesn’t just melt into the embrace.

“Homesick?” Percy asks, and while that isn’t far off,it’s the entirely wrong conclusion.

“I guess so.” Will replies even so. He does missJason, and their friends, but that’s not what gnawing at him at the moment.

“You’ve always got me here.” Percy says gently andwhen Will looks up at him, there is a small, almost shy smile on Percy’s face. “Forwhat it’s worth.”

Will doesn’t answer, just studies Percy’s face foranother moment before finally giving in and allowing himself to lean into thehug.

“It’s worth more than you think.” He whispers, voicesmall. Will isn’t sure he even wants Percy to hear, and if Percy has, he doesn’tsay anything in response.

~*~

“New York isn’t that far.” Jason tries. His voicesounds distorted over the phone, but Will has gotten used to that by now.

He’s sitting on the balcony, looking down at theslowly emptying street of Amsterdam. It’s a warm evening, one of the last fewbefore fall will properly set in. Percy is out – Will isn’t entirely surewhere, but he’s grateful for the privacy of this conversation.

“It’s on the other side of the country, Jason.” Hereplies and even to his own ears, Will sounds like a kicked puppy. “And evenso, who says he’d even want to see me again once this is all over?”

This isn’t the first time the thought has crossed Will’smind, and it’s the one that’s holding him back the most. Even if Percy wouldwant him now, for the convenience or thrill of it, there is no guarantee he’llhave any interest in Will once they are both going back to their lives. Willcan’t get into this just for his heart to be broken.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Jason says, always the voice ofreason. “Baby, anyone would be lucky to have caught your attention like that.And you’ve stuck together this far, why should that change?”

Will huffs. Jason doesn’t get it, not quite, and Willisn’t sure he could explain it properly even if he tried.

“It’s convenient now, there is no one else.” Willsays. He doesn’t hear the apartment door unlock, despite the exit to thebalcony wide open behind him.

“We’re friends because it makes sense for now. Theclosest we’ve got to home over here and it’s easier than traveling alone. If youreally think that’s going to last further than that, you’re even more naïve thanI thought.” He doesn’t mean the words to come out as spiteful as they do, buthe is scared of getting hurt, and he’s scared of admitting how much it alreadymakes him ache to know he is right.

Jason sighs exasperated. Sometimes Will wonders wherehe takes the patience from to put up with Will’s whining.

“That’s not true.” He says simply. “Give him morecredit than that, give your friendship more credit than that.”

Will scoffs. He’s bitter now, and there’s no stoppingthe words coming out of his mouth no matter how much he loathes them: “Thiswill be over the second I step onto the plane to come back to you. It meansnothing, not in the big picture.”

“Will, I know you don’t mean that –” Jason starts, butWill doesn’t hear him – only the soft creak of the balcony door, then the stepsas they hurry away. Will only catches a glimpse of Percy’s hurt expression, butit’s enough to shatter his own heart into a thousand pieces.

“Percy, wait!” He calls, already scrambling to hisfeet, cursing himself and all this, hanging up on Jason without another – he canexplain later, this is more important. Out of context, his words will havesounded even worse than Will meant them to be.

The front door slams shut before Will even getsinside, and he rushes to find his shoes and grab a jacket (it’s one of Percy’s,but Will doesn’t notice now) to follow. He calls out again into the hallway,hearing Percy’s feet running down the stairs, and they don’t stop at the soundof Will’s voice.

He almost falls over himself trying to get down thestairs as far as possible, and when he finally stumbles out onto the street,Percy is already halfway down the block.

“Please!” Will shouts, and he doesn’t care that he’smaking a scene, making the few people still around stop and stare at the sourceof the noise. “Percy, come on!”

Will catches up with Percy at the end of the road,facing one of the canals running through the city. He must have slowed down, orelse Will never would have been able to outrun him, and that’s all Will needsfor now.

 “I’m sorry, Percy, I’m so sorry.” Will pants as soonas he is close enough, out of breath from the race down the street. “It’s notlike it sounded, I promise.”

Percy doesn’t reply right away, but he turns around toface Will, arms hugged around his middle and eyes brimming with not yet shedtears. It’s like a stab to Will’s chest, knowing he is the reason for them.When he opens his mouth to speak, to explain, Percy shakes his head slowly.

“Nothing.” Is all Percy says at first, and the word chillsWill to the core. “That’s all, hm? Just…nothing.”

Will wants to cry. He should have seen this coming,but of course he didn’t. Shaking his head slowly first, then feverishly, Willtries to reach out to Percy only to have him step out of reach.

“No, no you got it all wrong.” He pleads and his ownvoice sounds more pained than he has any right being now. It’s not Percy whohas hurt him like Will had feared all along – he is the bad guy now. “It isn’tnothing it’s – ”

Percy doesn’t let Will finish. He barks a laugh,bitter and hurt and Will feels a tear spill down his cheek after all.

“Don’t” Percy says and his voice is as cold as ice. “Idon’t want you to tell me any lies, I’ve heard enough. I’m convenient andnothing more – should have known better than to make myself believe this meanssomething to you.”

He tries to turn away, leave Will with nothing butthis dismissal but Will can’t bring himself to let Percy go, not like this. Hereaches out, ignoring the way it hurts when Percy flinches away from his touch –but it makes the other stop long enough for Will to speak again.

“This, no, you- you mean so much to me.” He tries, but his voice breaks. This was not howWill had seen his confession going down, not that he had believed it to happenat all. “So much that is scares the shit out of me. I want this to be nothingbecause I can’t stand the alternative, that there’s something there that I canhave for a month only to lose it when you go back to your life and forget allabout the stupid boy you picked up on the side of some road.”

Will’s crying now, in the middle of the street,feeling like the single most horrible person on earth.

“Jason kept saying that I’m being stupid, but I couldn’trisk it and ruin all the good memories just because I couldn’t be content withwhat you gave already. I wanted it to be nothing because if it was something,then it was something I would lose.”

Will finally stops and Percy – Percy just stares athim. There is a wet track down his cheek where a tear has gotten away, but therest of his face is a stony mask. Will is sure he has ruined it for good now,that maybe having Percy believe Will didn’t care about their friendship wouldhave been better than letting him know how much deeper his feelings truly run.

Percy doesn’t say a single word, but he steps closer,into Will’s reach, then into his space. It seems surreal, like Will is watchingit happen from the outside rather than living in this moment. Hands cup hischeek, green eyes lock onto his own. Will thinks his heart has stopped, but hedoesn’t care, not now.

“And people tell me I’m oblivious.” Percy says quietlyand Will doesn’t catch onto what he’s trying to say until there is a pair oflips against his own.

#solackson #solgrace #pjato #my stuff #my fic #now the actual fic would have jercy developing in the background too but theres no allusion to that in here

[abortionclinica-blog]

Why Did You Choose Abortion

I know it was the right decision Im 26 now and I had an abortion a few months ago when I was 25. The father was mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. It took about 2 hours to get to the clinic, and the whole ride up the he tortured me. Threatened to put me on the side of the road, and alse told me he was going to spit on me. Which he actually did a few weeks after i got the abortion. We were riding in the car going somewhere, and he got offended at something I said. Then he literally spit in my face twice while he was driving my car. That whole situation was a nightmare. Of course I was depressed about my decision. But the father was a habitual felon, which means he’ll never have a decent career. Which also means he could never fully provide for me and my child. Which was even more reason why I got it done. I came from a pretty stable background. My parents have been married for 31 years, and are still married. And this is what I wanted for my child. My worst nightmare has always been becoming a single mom… —fourapples single parent I choose abortion became I don’t want to be single, I want to be married before I have another one. I’m having problems with the man who I’m pregnant with now so I know what its gonna be like if I have this baby. —Guest Renee Sad I was 13 an pregnant. My family would not talk to me. I did it, but I wish I dis not. I saw the baby dead. Me sad, I had now no dischion because the baby was already dead. God bless that baby and make the deivil hount me! I am agents that method of death! I wish that was never invented or not ligail! —Guest Kerrie Ann Heath Choice I am a very lucky 27year old woman. I work for a wonderful, inspiring non profit and live a life filled with the love and support of great friends and a brilliant, kind fiance. Even with these circumstances, I was not ready financially or emotionally for motherhood. I am grateful I live in a place that allows me to make this type of choice. —Guest Linda it’s hard to explain… but i’ll try me and my bf have been together 7 months i found out i was pregnant and didn’t want to tell any famiy until i was sure of what i was gonna do, i’m in foster care just graduated hs my bf has no job and lives in another state, i love him with all my heart but felt like he was presuring me to have a baby as a way to sort of keep me, i wanted it somedays others i couldn’t dream of my kid having a life like i have… horrible! so when i went to the doctors i took the pills and so my bf wouldn’t kill me i madeit look like a miscarriage, i feel awful for that. but i see it’s not the right time i want a baby still just wait a year or two, i knew itwould be a hard pregnancy because i was already having sicknessand complications early on… i just can’t help but wonder… what if??? but i’m kinda glad i was given another chance to just live… find myself… i’m a baby, i can’t have a baby —Guest rayray I know it was for the best Well I had my abortion today at 6 wks. I have 3 kids a 7 yr old, 3 yr old, and 1 yr old!!! I’m happily married but pretty much living check to check. This was the hardest choice of my life but this how I chose it: I want the best for my kids…I want to be financially, emotionally, mentally stable home for my kids, which Im struggling to but I am for my babies now, but bringing another one I honestly believe I could provide all that but not in a happy home because me and hubby would be more stressed. More stressed working not seeing kids much due to hubby would have to work 2 jobs, stretching our attentions and individual quality time kids do need and sometimes I slack on due to be so tired from work then straight to kids. Basically I just want to get on the right track before bringing another in, I don’t want to be half ass parents to my kids, it wouldnt be fair to them including the one I gave back to god to save for me a little later. It’s SO hard always will be but for the best —Guest JaaZZEe It works if you work it. This is for all of you who are on the fence about abortion. I was 18, and living with my boyfriend. I fell pregnant when I was a senior in highschool. We were so in love. He worked a low paying job, and I was attending school full time. I remember thinking, “Are we really ready for a child?” Of course, like all couples who are in a involved relationship, we had discussed the possibility of children. He wanted to wait, and me being an idealist, decided that I wanted a baby. And I’d received what I’d asked for. Although, I briefly toyed with the idea of abortion, considering our age, income, not to mention our precarious living situation! I quickly decided that abortion was not the answer for me. My husband joined the army to support us, and can now say that we have over $3000 in savings. My son is 2, and I’m actually attending my first year of college! It can be done ladies. Believe me, I’m doing it. I began with nothing, and here I sit, smiling at the greatest joy in my life, my baby. —ReedJess 24 YEARS OLD WELL I JUST HAD MY ABORTION IM 24 AND AN ESCORT AND I HAD MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS AND DIDNT HAVE A CLUE OF WHO THE FATHER COULD BE SO I FELT ABORTION WAS THE ONLY OPTION .. BUT I REGRET IT KNOW I WISH I WOULD HAVE KEPT IT .. I ALWAYS USED PROTECTION WITH ALL OF MY CLIENTS I DONT KNOW HOW THIS HAPPEN I DONT RECALL A CONDOM EVER BREAKING…RIP TO MY UNBORN CHILD —Guest MICHELLE MOORE Everyday Struggle I just had a abortion 3 weeks ago and it was the worst thing I have ever did in my life. I found out early that I was pregnant and from the jump my boyfriend wanted a abortion. Reading and watching videos had me terrified and deep down I didn’t want to do it. I was ready to deal with my angry parents instead of getting the abortion. The day of my procedure I cried the entire time of the process though it was only 5mmins and I was drugged. I can still remember every detail. I stopped my bleeding and my body is doing better but emotionally I’m torn. My boyfriend waited until after it was over to say he wish we could of kept it. Now I’m going through depression because I only got the abortion because of him and my parents. I still have my ultra picture I even got it as my screensaver on my phone.I’m only 20 yrs old but I know me and my boyfriend would of been great parents. I just need to learn how to deal with the fact that my baby is gone —Guest Guest Teary Eyed Mom hlhs. I kept my son… but there was a bit of debating of whether we would or not. My boyfriend and I were 18 and we found out about Thomas heart condition …… I want to just say I read one readers response aaout her baby having a heart problem and I don’t think you should regret it. Yea, I cry thinking about how close I came to not having my son… but he suffered his first few months of life. He’s had two open heart surgeries and one more on the way and I’m 20 years old trying tp be as mature as I can be and deal with the stress. You made the decision so your child would feelno pain. And they aren’t. Do not ever regret that. —Guest heart problems… me and my bf i was pregant for 1months so my bf told me to abortion the baby —Guest it was my bf faults why I chose abortion I was only 22 years old and the father of my unborn child was 27 years older than me I make an ok living but I am still in college. I was not only scared for my future but scared for my chld and the longevity of a relationship with the father —Guest julycw The most important choice 3 years ago I became pregnant when a condom broke and the morning after pill didn’t work. It was a difficult choice to make, and one that I think about everyday. Even though I think about my decision everyday, I feel that it is so important as women that we stand up for this option to remain our choice. Remember that if you make this decision, it is yours and yours alone, don’t let anybody make you feel less of a human for making it. You will become part of a secret sisterhood because society puts you there, but don’t let that be a negative. It is your body, your choice, and everyday that goes by becomes a little easier. Don’t punish yourself, being a parent is a huge responsibility, and carrying a child to term and giving it up for adoption is just as hard as abortion. Don’t let someone bully you into this decision either, sit down alone and think about what’s best for you, and what you really want. Then make your decision. Good Luck and remember you will be ok in the end. —Guest guest1234 Not the best decision I chose abortion because I was trying to please some else and I thought it would be the easier way out…I also chose it because I let my parents fill my head up with the negative things and how my life would change drastically if I had the baby. I also had people tell me how i would regret having the abortion done but i didn’t listen. I could do it all over again I have chosen to have the baby instead of getting rid of it. My advice to any women would be that getting the abortion is not the answer you should thing positive. There isnt anything negative about having your baby in your life and loving them unconditionally. —Guest Chloe I had to do it I had an abortion 10 years ago. After finding out I was pregnant, I knew straight away what I had to do. I was in a violent and sexually abusive relationship and was very trapped and I certainly didn’t want to bring a child into that sort of life. I felt like I was offered no support at all and was left in a waiting list until over 4 months, which obviously meant that I could not just take a tablet. I am happy to say that I am now out of that relationship and since moved on, but 9 years later, I still feel sad sometimes and often think what if, especially as I still have no children of my own yet. I strongly recommend that people seriously consider what they are doing when they make this decision, I certainly did not think it would effect me like it has. —Guest Sadtimes Too Young To Be Pregnant!!!!!! Now 17. I hate that i got an abortion because I couldn’t take care of my baby. It was hard. I know I was only 16 and I shouldn’t been having sex. I couldn’t take care of it. I’m Only in the 10th grade. I got the abortion and afterwards I started feeling bad. My boyfriend and I decided to tell our parents what we had done. They told us they were going to be there for us. And all that time we thought they were going to be mad about. They were really mad when they found out what we did. They told us we shouldn’t have done that. Now we are trying to move on. Hopefully in the future we wont make that mistake again. —Guest Shay I took MY decision I was with my new boyfriend for about 8 months when I learned I was pregnant . Already a mother of 3 kids from my first marriage, I did not want my boyfriend to feel he had to stay with me . It was too early in our relationship. We decided not to keep the baby . I had a medical abortion and never regretted it . We moved a few months later and started living together . We are now maried and we have two boys aged 10 and 7. I know he stayed with me and my children because he loved me not because I was the mother of his child . I’ve never regretted my decision and I even told my daughter when she was 14 about my abortion so that she never feels guilty if she has to make this choice . It is our live before being the baby’s life. —Guest frenchie The reason why I’m 18 and I graduate in May. I just found out that I’m 5 weeks pregnant. This has been a very scary moment. I planned on going to college in the fall, but now I don’t know what to do. The baby’s father is 26. He has a good job but also has two other kids. I live with my aunt and her and my whole family hates him. But I care for him, he says that he would help take care of the baby but he isn’t ready for us to move in together and be in a relationship. I feel like he is using me. My aunt and him want me to get an abortion, and I do too a little, but it’s not morally right and god will never forgive me. But my whole family will be disappointed if I tell them I’m pregnant. I kinda want to keep it. So I got an abortion. —Guest Kerry I’ve done it both ways…. I had a child in 2008 when I was at the end of my sophomore year of college. When I’d found out I was pregnant with him eight months prior, I never even considered an abortion. 2 1/2 years later, I became pregnant again. I had been using the pill, although not quite religiously. The guy didn’t want the child; abortion was his choice. I, however, wavered on it. On the one hand, I wanted the child. On the other, I was about to graduate and having a baby would keep me from getting a job and supporting my son. So, even though my friends told me to keep the baby, I was scared into an abortion. Raising two children was scary. I wasn’t sure I was capable of handling it. So, at 12.3 weeks, I got it done. At the time, I still didn’t want to do it but I was scared. The ultrasound picture haunts me. I feel like I’m in hell on earth. I wish I had kept the baby. I cry every day and night thinking about what I did to that baby. Keep the baby! Consider adoption over abortion. You will be much happier —Guest Neveragain88 A tough decision I had an abortion when I was 17 in Oct. 2006. It was really hard for me but I knew right when I found out I was pregnant that it was what I wanted to do. I wasn’t in the place in my life that I wanted to be in, and I was having such a hard time with my boyfriend at the time. He liked my sister, was emotionally abusive, I really couldn’t see myself with him forever, I couldn’t see myself going through this and being happy, and I didn’t want to be stuck with an a** forever so I called for the appointment. Two years later right before we broke up my ex told everyone we knew that I did it (no one but my family and him knew). It really is a very hard decision to make for any woman. I still feel sad about it every now and then especially now that I just recently had a baby (almost on the anniversary date of the abortion). But I don’t regret that I did it. I was right about most of the reasons why I didn’t want to go through with the pregnancy. Hope this helps someone out there —krs23 My reasons I was 18 when I had an abortion. Fresh out of high school, father was still married but separated. Being young and dumb, I was gullible in thinking his separation from his wife meant that I was something special (ha). I still lived at home, was making little over minimum wage (1981, pennies on the dollar), could no way afford a baby, and biggest reason of all….would have lost support and respect of my family. To have the baby would have defied all practical logic and it made sense to me. All I could see was dismal future, unhappiness, and a child with a father who was pissed off that the baby was born. I believe babies need to come into the world with both parents loving, open arms. Life is hard enough. People under duress are not in right frame of mind to make life-altering moral and ethical decisions; which is usually frame of mind when a women finds herself with an unplanned, unexpected pregnancy. I could just see myself on welfare. No way. —soosoo13579 Silent No More I had an abortion at 16. I was not encouraged by anyone to choose life , only death. Doctors on what was called a therapeutic abortion committee at the time told my parents that an abortion would be the best solution. They said it was a simple procedure and reassured my parents that I would return to school the next day unaffected. It was a lie! There was physical , emotional , psychological and spiritual pain that followed for many years. It’s been 31 yrs and I can honestly say,the abortion did not solve any problems for me. Instead , it created more problems such as drinking , drugging and promiscuity. I’ve had 5 miscarriages during my marriage and I believe they were a result of scar tissue from having a surgical abortion. I’ve also been treated for depression for many years. I’ve become involved with a campaign called “Silent No More” where I’ve found much support from others who have experienced abortion as well. I realized that I did not have to suffer alone and there is hope! —Guest Dale Not sure I just found out I was pregnant the other day. I immediately went to the doctor and confirmed everything. I’m 26 years old. I have always been very careful (birth control and smart decisions). We had a lapse in the birth control and in the 3 weeks without, even being “careful” didn’t stop this. I know my boyfriend (who I was ready to end things with) doesn’t want a child and has made that very clear. We didn’t have the best relationship while we were together. I guess I’m really a little unsure. I always thought I would have an abortion if this happened before I was married and stable but I never thought I would be 26 facing this. My body has already started changing (I’m only about 3/4 weeks) and to know there is a little person inside of me that God gave me makes this the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. —Guest Guest234 not sure what to do I’m about 9 weeks pregnant and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m in my first year at college and the father wants nothing to do with me or the baby (it was a one night stand). I have told my family, however I am not coping and I keep thinking how I have ruined my life. However, I don’t think I could go through with an abortion. Adoption is also not an option. I don’t know what to do. —Guest guilty Right Reason but still hard I had an abortion last week. I was 16 weeks and 2 days along. I had to have the abortion as my baby had a horrible illness that would have given him a short and sad life. My husband and I know that it was the right thing to do but it is still so hard to deal with. We are young but we know that we would have been really good parents. I find that I am getting really angry at people with trivial problems and parents who treat their children badly. It is not something I ever want to do again and I never wanted to have to do it in the first place. —Guest Sarah Debating my 3rd abortion I had my first abortion when I was 21. My boyfriend at the time was having another baby with someone else who was further along. I decided that I didn’t want my baby to have to deal with questions of why he/she had a sibling the same age that wasn’t my child. I should have left but decided to stay with him. I got pregnant six months later. I miscarried around the time the other woman delivered. We found out the other baby wasn’t even his. We tried to make the relationship work after all the drama, I got pregnant again when I was 23. The pain of the drama/abortions before was intense and my morning sickness was so bad, I had a surgical abortion. We decided to try to make it work and moved to another city and now I am 10 weeks. I feel the need to have another abortion and just move away to another city. This time my friends and family know. I thought it would be different because I didn’t tell them before but I wish I would have just gotten a medical abortion when I found out. —Guest Andrea Best thing I ever did… ..well, I’m not trying to imply that minor surgery was fun, or anything. But it was a lot more fun than having an unwanted child would have been. I’ve never wanted children; there was an odd birth control failure (surprised my doctor). Fortunately there was a safe, easy plan B. And there you go…I HATE it when people kiss up to the right and say that abortion is always a “difficult”, “sad” choice. For many of us, who either don’t want children or realize the time isn’t right,and who don’t confuse zygotes with actual children, it’s the only choice, the responsible, caring one, and one for which we’re very grateful. Obviously I’ll never regret it. —Guest gina The worse thing I’ve ever done I am 26 years old and just recently got an abortion 3 days ago  …. I am separated from my husband and we have two beautiful children …. I was not financially stable in any means to raise another baby as a single mom . My soon to be ex husband hardly has anything to do with our children as it is … It was a quick decision I made one weekend with my best friend …. I was 10 weeks pregnant and had the dnc procedure . It was the worse pain I have ever went through in my entire life !!! Afterwards I feel like a murderer like I was supposed to take care of my baby and love it but I let some stranger dismember it and suck it out until it was no longer living …. Please for the love of god if your thinking of doing this DON’T !!! I made the worst mistake of my life and wish so much I could take it back bit it’s too late !! This will haunt me for the rest of my life  !! —Guest Mary may I will always regret it I had my abortion when I was 42. There was alot of pressure from my family and my husband to terminate the pregnancy. I am still saddened at the thought of what I did. Still angry at my husband and most times I don’t want him to touch me. The abortion was 3 years ago. I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. I don’t respect my husband for coercing me into aborting. What type of man does that to the women he loves? I see him as a coward now. —Guest JC Facing the hardest decision I am 28 and having an abortion tomorrow. This was a really hard decision for me. I’m 15 weeks and I can feel my little baby move… I even have pictures of him from the ultrasound. During my ultrasound the doctor discovered that my baby is at an increased risk for heart complications, but there is no way to know for sure until the baby is 22 weeks and by then it would be too late to terminate. My baby also has an increased risk for down syndrome. I believe it would be unfair to the baby and my four year old little girl to have a baby with serious ailments such as these. I wanted another baby so bad and there’s no way of knowing 100% if the baby actually has a serious problem. I’m so scared! I have no idea what to do! —Guest Shy The Worst Feeling In The World I fell pregnant at 19 years old. I was in no way ready. I had been kicked out of home with no money and only the clothes on my back. I stayed with my boyfriend’s cousin who did not support us because we didn’t pay to stay. My boyfriend is abusive. He has a severe anger problem and has done things that make me cry just thinking of it. I had the abortion in May 2009. I couldn’t handle the emotional pain and guilt. But I feared for myself and the baby because I had no home, and if I went back to my family my dad would have killed me. I can never live it down and I think of it all the time. I fell pregnant again just a few months later. I knew I did not want to go through it again. So I kept it and gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. I cannot be happier. I’m pregnant again. It’s only been a few months. I live with my parents and they strictly told me no more. I don’t know what to do I feel guilty as ever. I read pro-life comments & feel like a murderer. I don’t want to be. :’( —Guest Guest20 Regret it every day of my life I regret it every day of my life. I did it because I was a coward and was scared how others including my own family would perceive me. I never had a loving relationship with my mother. I wish I could convince other girls never to do this. A child is a blessing. It will forever haunt me and make me feel sadness even though I have other children. It took away my peace and happiness. I still laugh and smile but it has been many years and I think of it nearly every day. I feel the safest place for your baby should be your womb…where they are warm and protected. To think I let some doctor rip my baby out with a cold sterile instrument makes me feel such sadness. I pray to God that he will forgive me and I pray one day I will be able to see my babies face and finally find peace. If my daughter is ever faced with this I will love and support her and would never want her to consider abortion as an option. It does not solve anything–this world is just so messed up that we think it is ok. —Guest Amanda never trust sweet talk from a guy well my boyfriend and i were having a serious conversation about sexual relasonships and having a baby while i was only 15. He started doing some sweet talk that got to me, i feel for it.He said that no matter what happened between us our baby will always be taken care of and will recive the best from us.He would never let me down or leave me alone with the baby we will have.He would man up and take responciblity like he should do.So now i have fallen for all of that and got peragnant.2 weeks later i tell him about or futher baby and he goes nuts on me and he douthed about him being the father.He starts talking alot of crap that i dident expect.he and mention ABORTION i told him if he was crazy.I would never kill my baby he respnded ur the crazy one for planning to have a baby on your own with out a father and no job or no one to depend on or ask for help cause i wont be here to raise that baby thats not even mine.i started thinking and i relized an]bortion was all i could choose. —Guest samantha I am confused I have had a rough life. I was 1 of 5 children growing up. My mom was an addict. At an early age I started looking for love in all the wrong places. I ended up pregnant by age 12 when my mom forced me to have an abortion. At that age I hated her but now that I look back it was the best decision for me at that time. At the age of 16 I got pregnant and had a son. 6 months after I had my son, at the age of 17 I got pregnant again on the pill and I made the decision to get an abortion. At the age of 18 I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. 3 months later I was pregnant again and had a baby girl at the age of 19. I was married by the age of 20. My husband went to prison and I ended up becoming addicted to pain pills. I was pregnant 3 times over a 2 year period and got an abortion each time. I wasn’t on birth control at that point. I don’t know what the hell I was doing. I got clean & once my husband came home I got pregnant immediately and had a 2nd miscarriage. Got pregnant again and had a girl July 1st 2010 and I’m pregnant again while on the pill. I am lost. —Guest DMCS Lives with you I have had two abortions. It has taken me a long time to move forward in my life from it. I was suicidal for months after, depressed, and didn’t want to leave my apt. after my second abortion. The first one was very hard and I told myself I would never allow this to happen again. I was semi-involved with a guy friend who swore up and down that he was not able to get a woman pregnant because a doctor told him he would probably not have children, after an injury to the area. We ended up having sex and within a month found out on Fathers day that I was pregnant. I wanted to die because I had got into the same situation, I recently moved to my new apt., and could not afford another child because I have a 4 year old. I had a bad experince being left while pregnant with my lst child, and never wanted to be in the same situation again.I didn’t trust my guy friend to be a parent equally,and he was not right in his life at the time. I chose it and I regret it. —Guest Kate I had the abortion I had already published a piece of the story. At 8 weeks pregnant I found out my husband was talking to this girl. I confronted him about it and he took off. Never came back, never cared. That same week I got fired from my job. It all seemed just too much. I was crying all the time. I even asked my husband to try to work things out but he refused. He said I should spend my pregnancy in my home country (what nerve) and come deliver here is the USA. He said he’d help me financially and would be involve in the baby’s life… All while declaring he was never going to stop smoking pot or go to school to get a career. How can he support two adults, a baby and his habit on a server’s salary? It was not the right environment for a baby and I simply couldn’t do it on my own with no friends or family and a newborn. I had the abortion 5 days ago. I felt at piece with my decision. Well now I just feel empty and angry towards my husband. —Guest Scare and lonely Lost… I had an abortion in October 2009 and went through a lot of emotional turmoil. It totally messes you up. If your relationship with your boyfriend is dicey, it further messes you up. I was also on Accutane which causes fatal problems to the fetus so I had no choice but to abort. However, my boyfriend became an emotional wreck. He started becoming more distant. We lost both sexual and emotional intimacy. A year later, last month, Oct 2010, I had another abortion. This time, I really wanted to keep the baby. It was with the same guy, but we had too many arguments and he didn’t let me keep the baby. He is never there for me. In fact, he is on a trip (business and pleasure) and he hardly talks to me on the phone. My life is a mess. I don’t deem myself “right” for anyone. I have lost self confidence, self worth and I feel helpless. I was totally pro life and these 2 decisions which I couldn’t control one because of the medication and other because of the man, have left me devastated. —Guest Shway forgiveness I’m a Christian Minister and I want to say that God totally understands what we go through. I’d urge the women who still feel awful regret so many years on to find some help – maybe counselling or a good understanding church minister, and find ways to heal. If you feel you did wrong, ask God to forgive you. If you know you didn’t really have a choice at the time, ask God to help you forgive yourself. All any of us can do is make the best decision we can at the time, with the resources and understanding we have at the time. God understands that. and God understands how so often women get left to make such difficult decisions. If you are reading and haven’t decided whether to have an abortion or not yet, do follow the advice of women on here and get some proper sensible advice of all the options available to you. You’ll be confused and in a panic right now, and we all need some help working out what to do when we’re stuck. Hoping you’ll find peace. —Guest ray It was the best choice My husband and I are both in our 30s, finished with college and in professional careers. I have a 9-yr old child from a prior relationship, and I have a good relationship with his dad. My husband is physically and verbally abusive, and he has been for nearly a year. We separated in early August (2.5 months ago) after I told him he needed to leave or I would have him arrested (he was hurting me again.) He has done this many times, even in front of my child and in front of neighbors, yet somehow he finds a way to blame me for his anger. He has been coming over to spend time with me and my son a few times a week, often staying the night. He was talking about reconciliation, lots of couples counseling, even started taking meds. Then I found out I was pregnant, and that day he told me to have an abortion and he signed a lease elsewhere. He told me if I didn’t have one, he would make my life hell (he’s a lawyer, and I’m on his health insurance, and he makes most our income.) I chose an abortion. —Guest Kerry Terrible decision to have to make I was in school when I realized I was pregnant. I was engaged (now married) and being a mother is something I had wanted my whole life but at the time the thought of having to tell friends and family and the worry about not finishing school was overwhelming. Having said that, the decision to get the abortion was the worst decision I ever made. Years later, my life feels like its not what it should be. For me personally, the abortion has been traumatic and has left me terrified of intimacy but at the same time, overly desperate to be pregnant again. Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice and no matter how old you are or what your situation is, I really urge anyone thinking about having an abortion to really think about it. It’s amazing how a decision that seems logical can turn out to be so haunting. I hope and pray that anyone looking here for advice will benefit from the stories of those who have been through it. —linstelino The hardest decision I had my second abortion 4 days ago and I’m doing ok. My first abortion was 3 years ago and letting go of that was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was filled with guilt, regret and lots of “what ifs,” but counseling helped a great deal as did forgiving myself. I had the first and second abortion for numerous reasons from money to career and lots of other factors. While I know my partner and I could have raised 2 well adjusted kids we just were not in the position to do it. The hardest thing for me was not to worry about what other people thought about me and abortion but to accept I made the best decision for me and my future. This second abortion I have not felt bad at all. While my partner and I agreed on the decision it was ultimately my choice and I know it’s going to be ok. When we choose to have kids, I want to be excited and happy and look at the ultrasound pictures and know that this is what I want. Please don’t live in regret and guilt, it’s the worst thing. —Guest Guest M I don’t know what to do I’ll be 29 in a week, and my appointment to get an abortion is 3 days after. I am pregnant out of a complete lack of responsibility of my husband and I. He’s younger than me though, so I guess I’ll take the bigger blame. This would be my third abortion and I feel devastated even thinking about it. Both physically and emotionally, abortions are a really hard thing to deal with. I just don’t feel at all ready for a baby. I am working (well hardly as I’m sleepy and nauseous for most of the time I’m awake) my husband is unemployed and looking for a job. Besides the morality of it all, I don’t think we are in the condition of making a baby happy… and new life deserves happy parents that want to provide with a great environment for them, not like I don’t want to…just don’t know how. I feel so alone and sad. —Guest scared and lonely Alone in college facing the decision I was 17 when I chose abortion. I was 8 weeks and 6 days along. I had been pro-life my entire life being raised by a pro life mother. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to keep it. My boyfriend, who is still the love of my life made it a point that we were young with bright futures ahead of us. We weren’t ready. I went against everything I believed in because I loved him so much. After the abortion, I had this haunting fear or “what if he died, I would have nothing.” Despite my fears, I am completely healed from the abortion now even though my motherly instinct wants a baby more than anything. Now I am 18, and found out that my birth control has failed me. I am 12 weeks along. I haven’t told my boyfriend yet. I’m in college now all alone. I have no close friends or family where I am. I feel like abortion is my only option yet again. I am too far along to even have an abortion without a ride home. I don’t know where to begin. —Guest Brianna didn’t know my stance I don’t want to count the months it has been. I get emotional reading stories of regret, whereas before, I wouldn’t have had a connection. It is something you have to go through to relate to. I didn’t want to have an abortion. I knew I was pregnant but my partner refused to believe me because he thought (and still thinks) he is a genius at the rhythm/pull-out method. Before we got together, I said I would get an abortion if we got pregnant, but once I knew I was…it wasn’t far from our wedding date. This made me feel that it was okay since we were getting married. I started talking to the embryo, telling it ‘daddy’ will be home soon’, but since daddy was so ignorant, he wouldn’t believe I was pregnant and let me go on that way happily for the 7 weeks. I really don’t believe I will ever be as close to him as I was before HIS decision to terminate. I had thought of moving to Europe and giving it up for adoption, but I’m no feminist, so I let him manipulate me. —Guest manipulated Didn’t want to leave my 6 year old son I chose abortion so that I wouldn’t have to leave my soon-to-be ex husband’s house and I could stay with my 6 year old son. My “ex” told me that if I kept my baby (I was pregnant by my boyfriend) I would have to get the F out of the house. And I want to be with my son, and I know I wouldn’t have won custody in the divorce because when I left him I didn’t take my son with me because I was living in my jeep. Now I just want a baby and move out. I realize I was pressured into it. I had the abortion and my ex still tells me to get out of the house anyway. It was a big mistake. —bonolarryedge Why I had an abortion I went through with a surgical termination for a few reasons, I was too far gone for the medical and I was fully asleep for this option. Having the actual abortion took about 4-5 weeks to decide, as maternal as I am it was just not the right time for myself or my boyfriend. I think the hardest thing is mentally fighting against nature during the whole thing. I have had problems since health wise and so you need to be sure it is for you. I would be happy to answer questions from others and know your story. —Guest Clover My abortion is my only regret. I couldn’t even type my guest name without tearing up. I hate the fact that I am a mom, I know I am, but no one else does. I hate seeing pregnant women further along in their pregnancies than I was. I hate seeing young mothers with their babies. And the worse is seeing young couples with their babies. My baby’s father threatened to leave if I kept our baby. Now we are married, and I regret my decision more than ever. Because he probably would have stayed no matter what. He was probably just scared too. It was the worst experience of my life. And I will NEVER make that mistake again. I don’t know when I will ever have the opportunity to have children again, as my husband doesn’t want a baby. Even if we do, I do not think that I will ever feel complete. I never got to meet my baby….never got to hold my baby. And I am the only person to blame. —Guest Guest mommy of an angel No regrets…it was for the best… I was 20 and dealing with a mentally abusive, drug and alcohol addicted husband and raising a 1 year old with no money and no real place of residency. In my mind it was bad enough raising one child in that environment. Why do that to another? Thinking over the decision it wasn’t that hard. I know I could have adopted out the child to a family in need but I couldn’t do that either. To me that was harder — knowing about a child somewhere out there — rather than terminating the pregnancy. In the end it turned out to be the best thing for me. It got me out of a horrible scary marriage and back on track with giving my child and myself a life. —Guest Jessica I am glad to be able to make my choices I am a mother of 2 kids and in a happy marriage. This pregnancy is an accident and we never wanted more than 2 kids. I feel if I have the 3rd one at this stage, I will compromise on the upbringing of my other 2 that have been brought into this world with best intentions. I will hate to see that happen and at the same time do not want to compromise my future for the sake of something that we never wanted. I know I am making the right decision for the long term happiness of my family. Sorry, if my decision hurts anyone’s faith, but I being the pregnant lady has the right to do so! —Guest Almost 35 The freedom of choice I was going to have an abortion in 1996, I was 15 and afraid. I waited too long and couldn’t get one. Adoption was out of the question, I kept him. He is now 13 years old. I didn’t get a GED untill I was 21 and now at 29 I am going back to college. I have 2 children on 13 the other 10. I love them very much, but it was very hard getting here (to a stable point in my life). We have been on welfare, homeless and I have done things that I will regret for the rest of my life. My children deserved so much better than what we had. God sent me a man to help me get an education and to get out of the roach-infested drug area we were living in. I would still be working a dead end job and my children would still be neglected since I couldnt afford child care. I would tell girls that were in my situation to really weigh their options. I am thankful that the option was and is legal. —Guest Tanaya Pregnant, but do not want it… I realized over the past couple of years that I do not want children. I even thought I probably couldn’t have them. I was careless, though, and now my boyfriend and I agree we should terminate. It’s been difficult, because I know it has a little heartbeat, but I do NOT want children. I may change my mind in a year or two, and hopefully will be able to have them then, and afford them (I’ve been out of work for almost a year now and he doesn’t make much), but I am not in a place to deal with an infant right now. I never thought I’d be here, and I don’t wish these conflicted feelings on anyone, but I am SOOO glad we have options! My support people have said that whatever decision I make is the right one. I’m trusting them. —Guest Syriana Best Decision for My Family My husband of six years and I separated after I finished my first year of law school. After fighting it out many months with a counselor, we agreed to share custody of our two children aged 2 and 5. He moved thirty-five miles away to pastor a church in D.C. while I continued to live, work and attend graduate school in Baltimore. It was a very traumatic time for the children who did not understand what was happening to the family. I found the younger child sleepwalking at times when “visiting” me. The older child, previously very precocious, had a few episodes of soiling her underwear. This obviously was a frightening, unstable time for our small ones–as separation/divorce tends to be for children of all ages. One weekend, my husband & I attended a wedding of friends and were intimate with each other afterward. Loneliness, I guess. The condom broke, and a few weeks later that I learned that I was pregnant. Wanting to spare our children further trauma, I aborted the pregnancy. —Guest writer2 16 & pregnant I was 16 when I got pregnant by this boy I was in love with, and he was my first love. On Thanksgiving Day we decided to finally use a condom and it broke. We didn’t think anything of it because nothing had happened to us before, so we finished. One month later I didn’t get my period so I told him At first he tried to deny it, but he couldn’t. He knew it was his. Out of the 3 months I was pregnant I saw him 5 times. He didn’t call me. Instead, he he would text. We would argue because I wanted the baby and he didn’t. But I guess he really didn’t understand and his aunt was pressuring him too. The day of my abortion he went with me. I was nervous. They said they were giving me an ultrasound, so I went to get the ultrasound. I remember laying on the table with a bright light in my face, and my legs in the air. I got a shot called “twilight” it was to make you sleep, but I only felt drunk. I was in so much pain physically, mentally and emotionally. —angie1992 Why I did it I was 18. Father was my married boss who had no intention of leaving his wife and said he didn’t want 3 kids (he had two already). I was working at fast food minimum wage job, still living with parents, in college…..and terrified of my mother finding out, family response, anger from family at having baby when I could not support it and anger at who father was. At time, never considered anything but abortion as quickly as I could (6 weeks). I was terrified. Sure life went on as planned afterward, but what would my life be like now had I had the baby? My parents never would have rejected me/baby, father would have had to face his wife with the truth, the baby would have been an amazing person (just like my son), since father was smart and good looking. I threw away a perfect human being to avoid facing reality and so I could go on having fun with my friends without responsibility. That’s really the truth, deep down. —Guest Soo No regrets I went through a very bad time a few years back. My ex boyfriend got me into drugs, and I became dependent on heroin. I started stripping to buy what I needed to survive everyday. I was on the pill at first, but I couldn’t get to the clinic all the time to refill my prescription since I didn’t have a car. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant. It was about three months after stopping the pills. I hadn’t had my period for months because I didn’t take the placebos at the end of the month, I just went straight to the next pack. I thought the pills were still affecting my reproductive ability, so it was safe to have sex. I was wrong. I could not have a baby like this. In this situation. No way. I knew I was pregnant at about three and a half weeks. I took ru-486 at four weeks. I knew I was pregnant because I listened to my body. I knew I couldn’t bring a child into the world because I listened to my heart and my brain. I am better now. I have a wonderful life. I am happy. I stand by my choice. —Guest A Healed Soul I didn’t effect me… Until now (cont.) Well, we went through with the abortion at 12 weeks, and of course there was emotional turmoil from both of us for a bit, but we both felt like we had made the best decision. It’s been nearly five years, without me giving it much thought. My husband and I recently had our first son. I love him so much, and as stressed as I am, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But, now, all I can feel is guilt. 12 weeks. They can move. They are developing facial features. I look at my son, and it haunts me to think that he’s missing a sibling. I feel like it’s completely my fault. I can easily say that I do have regrets about the abortion. But, at the same time, I feel like my husband and I would be much worse off if I hadn’t had the abortion. I know for a fact that if I had continued the pregnancy that neither he, nor I would have been able to give up the child. Not to mention that my husband would be in jail at this time due to the pregnancy. Research. Weigh your options. Remember, it’s YOUR choice. —Guest Rika I didn’t effect me… Until now I was 15 when I had my abortion. I was a freshman in high school and had been dating my 17 year old boyfriend (now husband) for over a year. We had been practicing safe sex, but a slip up led to the pregnancy. Neither of us wanted to have the abortion, but being raised in a Mormon family, I knew that he and I would be subject to judgment and ridicule behind closed doors. Even so, what ultimately drew us to our decision was the looming fact that if my grandfather had found out, he would have reported my boyfriend for statutory rape, and he would have been registered as a sex offender for the rest of his life. We also knew that neither of us were ready to care for the child. We both grew up in poor situations involving poverty and drug usage from our parents and we did not want that environment for our child. My mother passed when I was 11 and my siblings and I were being raised by my grandmother. She had enough stress. (I’m going to continue in another post.) —Guest Rika i made the right decision i had an abortion when i was 18. i used to be completely against abortions untill i got pregnant. all these people that say abortion is wrong and put down women who have had an abortion dont know what it feels like. when you experience the situation personally its alot more understanding. i hate when people go on and on about how wrong it is.. they dont know how it feels to be a struggeling pregnant teenager obviously!! i think about my abortion every single day and i sometimes even wonder what if.. but in my heart i know that it was the right decision. —Guest caitlyn Confused Well im 6 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I am married. own house and car but my husband is the only one working. My last pregnancy I was sick for the full 9 months. Wasnt sure if me or my daughter was going to make it. Now here I am today. Its been 4 days and ive eaten nothing. Ive thrown up over 15 times. Ive passed out. Heart trouble….just too much stress. And I dont think I am ready to go thru this again. I feel like im nearly at death sometimes. —Guest JJ A choice I am a mother of one very needy 3 year old child, every minute of everyday I spend w/ him, I think back to my pregnancy and the first 2 years of his life. I am married to a wonderful man, with anxiety. And me I am fresh out of a pregnancy/ post partum depression. I am much better now, I’m 85 percent sure I’m having an abortion, when my son was a 0mos-24 mos. my husband worked 12-14 hours a day, away from my family or his, I had no help, there were times I wanted to hurt my child, I never did, but there were times I felt very close, and if you are any kind of honest mom in that situation you understand my feelings. I felt like a bad mom for my feelings, anger, resentment, frustration. I gained 85 lbs with my first pregnancy, and 3 years later I’ve only lost 35lbs of what I gained, it has put a strain on me mentally, and physically, I had a surgery 8wks ago. I’m having an abortion b/c I don’t feel I or my hub. Can handle another child physically or mentally. —Guest Dawna Angels Above. I’ve had 2 abortions and I’m 21 years old. The first I was 14 and had been raped. I couldn’t support myself let alone raise a child and didnt want to be reminded of my rapist every time I looked at my child. 2nd I was 18 and not living in a safe environment. Alot of violence and drug dealings going on around me. I knew it was the best decision for those circumstances at those times in my life but it still scars me to this day. I look at a child and get emotional. I am now 7 weeks pregnant and leaving the father as he mentally and emotionally abuses me. I would rather be a single mum than abort again. It just hurts to much. Think carefully before deciding to abort ladies. —Guest Mandz25 what to do? I was 21 and I had already had one with my sons father, Wowzers here comes another, but I was scared to have two kids and not be able to raise them properly because babies arent cheap. Plus my bd has other kids so we both said it was best we aint wont our baby to have to want for anything. So we decided to do it. I think of the lil angel a lot though. —Guest Ms.Leta why i choose it cus i have a babe and my bf ws not working although he wanted the babe so bad bt i couldnt deal with the fact that i have to suport the babe alone, its been two months now and he got work and my relatioship with him is real not going, has dumped me several times and is cheating with another, when i ask him he says he wants a babe and wil do anything to get it with sumone who is willing… so i wul say it was not the best decision i made.. —Guest beeve I wish my situation was better I was 27, separated from my ex-husband who had fathered 3 kids with his mistress during our 5 year marriage. When he sent me divorce papers out of the blue (that’s when I found out about the kids) we separated… I moved into my car and he moved in with her. He was happy. I wasn’t. So I went out and wanted to numb the pain of loneliness and depression and I slept with my closest guy friend. (Background – I have pcos and endometerosis and rarely have periods) so I thought everything was ok. It wasn’t. I went in for a routine check up on my cysts and found out I was pregnant. My ex found out and he and his insane family began to threaten me. When I told my only friend, he was there for me, and thrilled that I was carrying his child. I was shocked. But everyone in his family demanded that I abort or else. And since I had no job, no money, living out of my car with my only support being my friend whose family always hated me… I did what everyone wanted. It still hurts to this day. —Guest none kayleighr 2011 i had one yesterday at 12 weeks and ive never felt more relieved, i know its not nice but i want to bring a kid up when i have my own house and have worked and give it a good life instead of bringing a child up on benifits and income support i dont want to be relying on the goverment as they treat u like s..t and stop ur money when they feel like it then u end up living in a hostel struggling for food and cloths no thanks i made the right decision i know that now even though i was scared right up to the day. i hope to have a baby one day when im ready and give it a great life. —Guest kayleigh 2011 How about because I didn’t want a kid? And it was an excellent decision. The thought of having a 7 yr old today is enough to make me jump for joy that I wasn’t a religious nut who felt guilt-tripped into having a child. It is depressing that women still feel like they have to come up with a sentimental excuse to have an abortion. I had an abortion because I have a brain. I was 17. I am an intelligent person who wanted to go to college and work (which I did.) My life is significantly better due to my decision to have an abortion. Furthermore, all scientific evidence supports that fetuses in the 1st trimester cannot feel pain and are not self-aware. Actually, these anti-choicers should have more of a problem eating meat than aborting an early fetus. There is no good reason to feel bad about having an abortion unless you were forced to have one. The world would be a much better place (less poverty, starvation, etc) if more women chose this option. Just because you have a uterus, it doesn’t mean you need to fill it with a kid! —Guest Ashley Confused I have just found out that i am pregnant, feelin very intense, scared and dont no how to tell anyone, confused whether to keep it or not! : ( as i have never been in a relationship with the father, it was all a bit of fun, he already has a child with his previuos partner and doesnt want anymore.. I darent tell him as i think too much of him, but i think about this unborn baby it cripples me, i dont no what to do —Guest Jackii hard times i had a abortion almost 12 years ago and i still reget it so much i was on my early 20′s with 3 boys i had a very hard life but after i had the abortion i never had kids again i regret it so much i been living with this n i feel so bad i can’t forgive myself —Guest regret what i did Tomorrow… My date for a medical abortion is tomorrow – 10 Dec 2011, I told my 4 year long boyfriend that I am pregnant last night (I am 35 and he 50) he immediately told me to have an abortion, that the night we conceived we were both drunk and that our relationship is not based on love but lust. He also asked me to sign a letter stating that I do not have any financial or other claims against him and waive my rights if i decide to go ahead and have the child, which I did this morning. I am having this abortion because i dont want a child to live in these types of circumstances -I am NOT going to explain to him/her one day that they arent wanted and I made that choice by choosing to be with such a pr*ck in the first place. EVERY CHILD has a right to a REAL life, NOT HALF a chance. I am giving myself a second chance in life, I choose to learn from my mistakes and not to destroy my heart in the process. My heart goes out to all of you, and all the best for a REAL future. —Guest Guest Mich Thank you I have never had to consider abortion, and was never pressured to have one. I have been conflicted about the legality of abortion for many years, and staggered by the millions of lives that have been lost since it became legal. I am Roman Catholic, and I do believe that abortion is a sin, since taking a life should never come without spiritual consequences. However we have a loving God, who forgives us our truly awful choices, if we truly repent. With your stories, I have decided that abortion should be legal until such time as our country so loves its children that they and their mothers are assured of care and of protection from the beginning of pregnancy and for as long as required. When there are no longer tens of thousands of children in foster care because they have all been adopted, then the country can make abortion illegal. Until then, there isn’t enough love in it for all, and women should have the right to abort in a safe and legal way, if they feel they have to. —trentriverwoman Really confused Im 17 nd my bf just turned 22, im 7 weeks and i have no idea what to do, my dad once told me if I ever get pregnet ,thall he would kick me out, and I would have to live with my bf, my bf lives with his mom and can barley afford himself, on top of that I feel like hes pressuring me to abort, deep down inside I dont, my mom and his mom say no, my bf tells me yes and im scared wat my dad will do.. —Guest Just pray Theres more ways out I was 14 when I had a abortion I wanted tht bby more than anything I was forced to have a abortion by my.mom.now I regret it.more than anything I have to go true life knowing I killed a poor bby. It.doesnt matter if u have the money or not theres is plenty of.more ways.out. Its only been a year and i still feel sad and depresed but theres noo turning now . I just wish this thing was ilegal or something. —Guest Not a good choice An Unresolved Issue I primarily did it out of shame, but it left me carrying guilt and shame the rest of my life. I was 20 and not married. I couldn’t bear having my very large, strict, Roman Catholic family learn that I was pregnant or that I would have a child out of wedlock. The irony is that the strict pro-life religion under which I was raised is what sent me running to the abortion clinic. I still feel haunted over the fact that I took this life. Adoption didn’t seem like a viable option, because the pregnancy would have been public and I would still have to bear the shame and stigma brought on by my family, my faith, and society. However, I could never escape my own judgement of myself. There will always be abortions until society becomes more forgiving and accepting of mistakes. I still think abortion is taking a life, but I see it as a form of self defense on the woman’s part. It is sad that an innocent child is caught in the middle. —Guest Haunted Dark Time I grew up in an abusive household. My mom was helpless and timid; always crying. My dad terrorized us. I swore that I would never get around someone similar. Unfortunately, my first serious boyfriend was much like my father and through fear and intimidation (and because it was what I was used to), I fell right back into a pattern of doing what I was told. He didn’t abuse me physically, but he was very obsessive/possessive and I was afraid of him. I was still very afraid of having to show my body to anyone, so I didn’t seek birth control from a clinic. Instead I used drugstore methods, though he would often force himself on me . He and I fought and my family fought with me because they didn’t like him. It became worse when he started drinking. I went to a clinic alone and was attacked by protesters. I never felt so alone, scared and sad in my life. I wish someone would have helped me. I wish I had the courage to say what was going on. I was 20 at the time, 28 now. It will always hurt. —yoruame You do you. you wanna have a baby? have a baby! if you don’t then theres adoption or abortion. It is YOUR choice ladies. not anyone else’s to decide for you. I personally had an abortion for lots of reasons. i don’t regret it. some do. it all depends on you! There are mean nasty ass people out there who will degrade and belittle you n will say nasty things. f*** ‘em. Only YOU know whats best for you the baby n the father, if he didn’t help get you pregnant then lose his balls n run once you found out. If anyone don’t agree with abortion… Then i suggest they don’t have one then, huh?!? —loretta.k Jesus Saves! I was sinning and very young. I knew if I had a baby out of wedlock I would shame my family and no man would ever make his wife. I feel confident about my decision to have an abortion because it was the decision that most benefited ME. Now I have a loving husband (who never has to find out) a Huge bank account, a beautiful house we had built brand new, three 2011 cars and 3 healthy (non bastard) children and a family that loves me. Praise the lord, Jesus has forgiven me, I am free of my sins. No matter what we do in this life, it’s between us and GOD! He gave me this body to do with what I CHOOSE! It’s NO ONE’S Business if we have had an abortion. You don’t have to tell anyone, I didn’t. God Bless —Guest Mellissa Harmon Worst decision of my life I had it about 2 months ago i am a 20 year old college student who had alot going on. Internship, had about a semester on my bachelors. Had just opened a small store with my friend. Things were really moving, and me and my boyfriend who had a very good job had just met actually it was about a month into our relationship i found out. I felt like i didnt really know him enough to have to deal with this person for 18 more years i also felt that i had done alot since i was 16 and being the best that i could be at everything i tried. Then i went and got pregnant and i just saw every bad possibility coming from this situation. College going up in flames, internship denying me another year. Just my life being over. Then my parents were forcing us to get married. He was older than me 31 to be exact, and i just wasnt ready. So i did it, july 14th i got rid of it. Right before i went in a nun urged me not to. I should of listened cause now everyday i feel empty. Empty as a glass. —Guest Sucks i regret myself yesterday only i did abortion(28th sept 2011) and today i am in total emotional turmoil, i am regretting and blaming my husband as well. he did not support me to have this baby so i had to abort my child and i also would like to request all the women never do such kind of mistake in your. this is indeed a murder in my view. children are the gift of god, they have the right to live. —Guest niru mishra No regrets I was in a relationship where I was controlled to the point where my ex didn’t want me to take birth control. I fought with him saying that I didn’t want a child at this time. So I tried to sneak birth control , and he abused me when he found out. He controlled and manipulated me so much that I wasn’t allowed to wear low cut shirts, skirts, make up, bathing suits, have any guy friends etc. So it came to the day that I was pregnant. I didn’t want to have a child, I wanted to wait till I was financially settled and educated enough to properly care for a child. I am not mentally ill, a horrible person and selfish, I was someone that was young and in a bad situation. So I chose to abort. To this day, I am fortunate that abortion is available, because I don’t know what I would be doing right now with a child, its hard enough to get by. His family were alcoholics and had a lot of problems, I didn’t want a child brought up in that life. I didn’t want a child at that time, period. —Guest Anonymous to be responsible Having an abortion when I was much younger was the responsible thing to do. My bf and I would have had to marry. I was very immature and emotionally unstable and my bf eventually came to understand that he was gay. I wanted to have a traditional family, and because I was easily able to procure an abortion (safe and nearly painless), I was allowed to grow up and have the family I wanted. Although society generally is more understanding now of single mothers, some families and cultural communities are still incredibly backwards. We should not make these women suffer because we do not walk in their shoes. —faneta few regrets I know I wouldn’t have the family and children I have now if I had not had an abortion 30 yrs ago. My main emotion afterwards was relief. My bf did not want the child or to marry. So although I wish I hadn’t gotten pregnant that first time, my 2 children would not exist. I’m so sick of these pro-lifers who don’t give a thought to the suffering of women and girls in truly desperate situations. The quality of life of an autonomous human being is more important that the life of a potential autonomous human being. Although they don’t mean to be, prolifers are really pro-suffering (esp. as it relates to sexual sin). The only authentic prolifers are those who are also 100% antiwar, like the Quakers. The rest are just unwitting sheep joining the religious patriarchy to keep women under control. You are not murderers! Stand up for your right to determine the course of your life, and respect other women’s. Ignore those who want to you to suffer emotionally just so they can feel superior. —faneta no support I had a abortion a week ago it hurts so bad.The reason I did it I had no type of support from my mother or the guy I was with. I cry almost everyday but I decided to heal myself by lighting a candle and praying for gods forgiveness and asking my baby for forgiveness.I know in my heart I will never get another abortion. —Guest Dj Why I chose abortion. I’ve had two abortion when I was 20 and 22. I was in a relationship with a man who didn’t have a job, depressed and has bipolar mother. I couldn’t see myself being with him and raising his children, I was panicking what I should do. After the first one I said never again to abortion. I was pregnant with 2nd child, I decided to tell my parents to keep the baby. I brought my ex, his mother, and our parents together to talk about what to do. My ex was all about talk, never went through and promised his words. So I said, I can’t do it. I cried so much but I knew I had to do it. I am pregnant again right now and decided to have one once again. I am now 26years old. I am trying to further my career and my current boyfriend still has to finish school. He doesn’t believe in abortion but he says he understands my point of view. I want to marry him someday and a child when we really want one. I feel terrible, ignorant, and selfish but I decided to do this for us. —Guest Lori More than money The cost of an abortion is much more than money. As some one who made that uneducated choice, I have had to live regret. I look at my children today and know that they are missing 2 siblings. My hope is that if you are reading this and feel that abortion is the only answer for you – you will open your heart to the child in your womb and know that you have been given this opportunity to choose life and love this child. There is always a way – when you look for it. —Wonderfullymade812 no regrets newfound love for being young I found out i was pregnant at16 it was the beginning of my junior year my bf wanted me to have it but it just wasnt realistic im a teenager my worries are school and work as they should be not supporting and raising a child my mom noticed i was pregnant before i did bc of the morning sickness im so lucky my mom was super supportive of my decision to get an abortion after having the procedure i was in a euphoria of relief and motivation to get the most out of life i come from a middle class family good grades there was no way i was going to end up broke single and un educated not to mention the burden i would place on my parents they have already raised children people who have kids when there still kids end up having mid life crisises feeling like theyv missed out on life they never really grow up life has so much to offer getting an abortion was the best decision of my life it gave me the option to have a life i appreciate being young so much more now and that i am truly greatful for —marge0000 Thought I couldnt get pregnant I’m 37, wz seeing 31 he has no kids. We met Jan. He said he wanted a baby with me in May. I read on the Internet it wz harder for women over 35. 25%-50%, weed smokers have slow sperm swimmers he’s 1, getting off the pill takes 1 yr. On 7/23 I conceived with 1 try only that month! On 8/6 I brk it off. On 8/12 I find out I’m pregnant. He said it’s ok but he’s someone. Rearing a child fatherless is not an option for me. He feels I trapped him. He’s 31, no kids, no car, lives with mom. I have 2 kids and a professional job. His anger & inability to father has made my choice. I’ve cried ALOT. I repent my own stupidity. I stopped pill, after he said he wanted baby in may. After an inconsistent cycle I said to himi stopped the pill. It went over his head. He thinks I trapped him. I have 2 kids and professional Job. He does not want to b dad. I dont want a fatherless child —Guest 37 After 2 and a half years i am healed I was 20 years of age at that time and i was so afraid. I really felt like keeping the baby but my boyfriend said no and i never ever really healed after that until i met my current Boyfriend. He is the greatest thing in my life, he helped me understand and get myself to forgive myself and as i stumbled upon this sight it truly made me realize how healed i am! And the best thing of all is that God forgave me, i truly feel that in my heart and i am so happy all the time! God gave me a gift in a form i would never ever have guessed would be possible. my advice would be to let God give you something to help you forgive yourself and be open towards God and have faith! it sometimes takes long but in the end it helped me through things i never would have before! —Guest Doreena Consider This I dont mean to be inappropriate by posting about the other side of the fence, I really dont. After reading many of these posts, I feel if I can advise one pregnant woman about what the other side of the fence is like, perhaps it could forever change her life forever. I considered abortion, I considered it long and hard. I even had the keys in hand, ready to head to a clinic a few times. They never made it to the cars ignition though. Abortion processes are not pretty, and I couldnt rip the child out chunk by chunk, I wasnt going to have a practicioner do if for me. I really wondered what it would have been like to have a long career. I am 21, my boyfriend is 23, our daughter is a month old. Loving her has been a process, notsomething that came easy when I was pregnant. But I am NOT broken on the inside, as it sounds many women are that have the procedure. I couldnt do it because my future is not more important than my daughter’s no matter what. When theres a will theres a way. —Guest Sarah Abortion clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za Medical abortion pills https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/medical-abortion-pills.html Surgical abortion https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/surgical-abortion.html Womb cleaning https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/womb-cleaning.html Abortion Counselling https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/abortion-counseling.html Pregnancy termination https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/pregnancy-termination.html Why abortion should be legal https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/why-abortion-should-be-legal.html Abortion law https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/abortion-law.html Abortion statistics https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/abortion-statistics.html Womens clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za Safe abortion clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za Legal abortion clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za History of abortions https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/history-of-abortion.html