#is it because its just not that deep and i dont care? or do i care and i just havent figured it out yet? idk

[thestarsarebrightertonight]

but daddy i love him! // theodore nott x fem granger reader

playlist : but daddy i love him - taylor swift

summary : being hermiones slightly younger , less intelligant and more reblellious sister, it is your duty to have a boyfriend no one approves of to match.

y/n used , gryffindor granger reader , swearing

masterlist

"merlin hes so hot" you whined with you head in your hand , staring across the hall at theodore nott.

hermione shuddered in disgust , "yeah and hes a terrible person."

"mione hes really not , just because hes slytherin doesnt mean hes some kind of horrific monster," you rolled your eyes , finally looking away from theodore and looking at hermione across from you.

"dont mix your delusion with reality y/n. him and his friends have bullied us since first year," hermione snapped back.

"whos us? ive never been teased by him before but stay safe i guess," you argued , getting more annoyed by the second.

"you cant be with him y/n , not only does he not do relationships , clearly , hes not good for you!"

"oh but daddy i love him!" you said in a mocking childish tone.

"did you just call hermione daddy?" ron cringed inbetween his quick eating.

"its a little mermaid reference ronald." you said sternly , judging the boys messy consumption of the food on his full plate.

"whats a little mermaid reference?" he mocked.

you, hermione and harry all looked at him with pure shock , forgetting ron wasnt really accustomed to muggle films , "please educate your man mione."

she gasped in pure horror as ron pretened to gag , they both argued over eachother throwing loud defenses and digs at eachother.

"look! i would actually rather die than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning!!" you shouted over them , silencing their arguing as harry nodded along with your statement.

"y/n i dont mean to stir the pot but i dont really think nott is a great partner either," ron said with disgust.

"thanks for that ron! wanna add your two cents harry? seems like everyone cares who i have silly crushes on nowadays!" you fumed , turning to the twins who sat on the table besides you , "good morning george , fred, would you like to give your opinion on theodore nott?"

"hate him," fred stated plainly.

"i always target him in quidditch," george quickly followed with a shrug as you let out a defeated groan.

you turned back to the trio , crossing your arms in anger , "im going to go see ginny , see what she thinks of all this , she always supports me unlike you little goblins!"

"yeah cause ginny has a crush on basically every guy," ron scoffed.

"atleast ginny can admit when she has feeling for someone and doesnt pine on her best friend for years! atleast she isnt in denail!" you said smugly as hermione and ron squirmed in discomfort , blushing.

you abruptly stood up from the table , beginning to stomp away when harry shouted after you , "have a great day mrs nott!"

you turned to look at him , flipping him off before shouting back , "aw you too mr weasley!".

harry blushed as ron looked between the two of you , "shes insane , calling you weasley , what weasley could you possibly marry!"

ron scoffed and continued eating his food as harry scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and exchanged a look with hermione.

---

you now found yourself storming the corridors , looking for ginny when someone fell into step besides you , their deep voice making you shudder.

"hello mrs nott."

you stopped in you tracks and looked besides you in horror , theodore smirked down at you.

"erm hi," you mumbled quietly , face deep red in embarrassment. how could you forget the whole time that theodore had been sat with his friends on the table across from you?!

"dont go all shy on me now , i liked how you defended me." he smirked.

"i was really just joking dont get excited ," you teased , finally shaking your shyness.

"didnt sound like a joke to me? you got really worked up granger," he still held his smug expression , eyes peircing yours even when you didnt look back.

"look nott , i just like picking fights with them its funny to tease them." you shrugged continuing your walk as theodore followed still looking at you the whole time.

"go out with me," he said sternly as you paused again.

"are you being serious?" you said trying to seem not as interested as you truly were.

he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the empty classroom besides you , pushing you against the door to shut it.

he put one hand beside your head on the door and the other playing with your hair and grazing your cheekbone , "dead serious."

you looked at him , finally silent for the first time in your life , your silence allowing him to continue , "you can say you dont like me all you want. that its jokes , that its just to get a reaction. but i think we both know its more than that."

"im not gonna be one of your girls nott , im not like that. sure i have a different type to my sister but that doesnt mean i go for fucking man whores who just wanna get me in their bed."

"ouch , your words hurt me, bella. ive never touched a single girl asides from you. ive waited for you." he said softly.

"basically every person in this school says otherwise nott."

his hand that was resting on the door cleched into a first tightly , "stop calling me nott. its theo to you."

"why do you care?" you asked as his frustration grew.

he stared at you now with cold eyes , danger in them like he was staring at his prey. you simply looked back , folding you arms and watching as his eyes flicked down your face.

"dont play hard to get. you practically announced your love for me a second ago y/n." he mumbled.

"sure. ill go out with you, charity work." you joked as he finally dropped his anger and laughed.

"i like it by the way," he said looking up with a smirk as you stared back with confusion , " 'mrs nott,' it suits you."

"hm i dont know. ive always been kinda progressive , mr granger," you smirked before pushing him away with one hand and walking out of the classroom, leaving him to stare at your figure.

the second you found ginny you practically screamed in her face with excitement , "ginnny you will not BELIEVE IT!!"

#harry potter x reader #harry potter #theodore nott #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott x y/n #theo nott #theodore #nott #hp #hp fandom #x reader #hp fanfic #slytherin #slytherin x reader #hermione granger #ron weasley #golden trio #grenger #draco malfoy x reader #mattheo x reader #mattheo riddle x reader #lorenzo berkshire x reader #taylor swift #but daddy i love him #the tortured poets department #the stars are brighter tonight masterlist

[coconutredbulllover]

little rant type shit about azzi and paiges current and kinda future media presences

i think azzis reposts are like her way of letting people know shes gonan be okay without having to be actually present and ibteractive on socials. she was literallt just comibg back from her drought/break/pause (wtvr u wanna call it) and likely wont post for a while because dawg camp and the draft content was like the most we’ve had from azzi in so long. i think shes probably doing alright considering the amount of support shes surrounded by and honestly she didnt really seem like in any hurry to suddenly become active like an instant unpause after not beibg active for so long, like i dont rlly think her being “on a break” was all that deep she was probably convinced to post but didnt really seriously care to upkeep not postibg in the first place so itd be practically no change in her lifestyle to go back to not posting i dont think she was like resisting the urge to post or anything. specifically now post-situation it might not be “i dont psot often but i sometines do wheneveb i feel like it” instead she might purposely stay away and actually jsut take time away from media focus for a little and we’ll get like a crumb once and a while.

and i think paige being active rn is a mix of moving on from the incident and also the fact that the season is over and shes back on media and does like beibg on it like for example on lives and stuff. i feel like shes trying to show that shes moving past it as well as not letting it effect or stop doing what she enjoys. i also think that if paige had gone media silent after what happened it mightve brought even more attention to it with people speculating the effects it had or twitter running wild as it always does. i think her vague-ish thanking for support tweet near when it happened was good because it further fueled people who had been covering the timeline and helped speed up efforts to get tweets taken down but didnt actively add crap tons of spotlight on it. plus her normally posting and tweeting helps spread around what people are focusing on when she appears or if shes mentioned and it js moves the crowd on. we also know shes been described as/has said about herself that shes the type to put on a strong front in stressing times so even if shes beibg active on media and seemingly doing alright she could be doing it for all the reasons i just mentioned about moving the public on (like damage control/reputation padding) and still be literallt depressed behind the scenes and js doing it bc she feels she has to. either way we have no way of knowing whats actually happening and we will probably never know, i can only guess abd assume just as much as everyone else, i could be insanely far off or completely spot on, even if it doesnt match how any of us assume or imagine her acting just remember that we literally do not know any of these people!

i hope things settle and we can see them together again i dont think the situation would have effected their relationship with eachother theyre like ride or die and its not like its their fault it happened. obviously no one wouldvt wanted it to happen but i like to think that behibd the scenes theyre supporting eachother or they could be givibg eachother space but all n all i dont see this being the reason they suddenly drop eachother and i have ful lconfidence theyll come out the other end still side by side.

if anyone has any thoughts or responses feel free to add on or share or if i left smth out or got smth wrong feel free to correct me bc its literallt 6:30 am rn and im suppsoed to be awake in less than 2 hours 🤣🥲

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #azzi fudd #pazzi #rant #my eyes burn #im tired and not at the same time

[courtney-deserved-better]

telling myself i can't start another tdwt rewrite but dear god do i want to write one focusing on alejandro and courtney in this weird situationship thats a lot more nuanced than just alejandro manipulating courtney and her falling for it. like theyre best friends they dont trust each other theyre the same person they dont know anything about the other one theres a mutual attraction theyre pining for other people theyre codependent they dont care about each other theyre platonic soulmates like i just want to do a deep dive into how messy that relationship couldve been building off of their friendship that exists in my head except the line between romantic and platonic is so fucking blurred they have no idea what they are to the other person

#they live rent free in my head as you can tell #ive been writing some intense moments for them in amicus curiae and im having a lot of Feelings about platonic alecourtney #tbh the whole concept of them replacing the best friends has been a great avenue for me to do a deep dive into their friendship #aughhhh i just. love them so much #and i do want to explore them in a situation where there is relationship potential even if that relationship never actually happens #because everything between them during tdwt could be so MESSY!! #like alejandro says he's just manipulating courtney but he's also doing it to make heather jealous but he's also genuinely worried about he #after the duncan thing but this is the only way he knows how to express that concern without making himself look weak #meanwhile courtney is falling for the act but she also knows its an act and is going with it for the emotional support it provides and shes #just doing it to make duncan/gwen jealous but she also is starting to see the real alejandro underneath it all because he does care even #though he doesn't want to and they do feel a strong connection that they dont know whether its platonic or romantic because romance is bein #shoved down their throats on this show and theyre both in complicated romantic dynamics with other people that theyre the easier option for #one another but they dont really want to be with one another like it just doesnt feel right #okay okay i legit have to stop and go to bed but just. them. im thinking so hard about them #platonic alecourtney

[the-acid-pear]

I fucking love this movie because look at it look at IGNORE THE CENTIPEDE BTW DONT WORRY ABOUT IT but look at the color and the framing and the fucking Fog like i cannot stress enough just how cinematic the first movie is man. Kind of but not entirely lost in the sequels, where the settings were simply Ugly.

#luly talks #also do look at Heiter's gay little pose this scene is so fun #like its hard to believe but the human centipede 1 is way more artsy than you'd imagine #and i love it bc it never feels pretentious like its just. a pretty fucking movie #there's a lot of simple character building for Heiter too #everything he does his whole house how he behaves #the way he looks and carries that pic of his dogs the naked swimming him fixing the window as a chekhov's gun #maybe not that since the bullet came backwards for the girl but yknow #even the surgery scene is so telling of how much he CARES about this like he's doing surgery on THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE ALL ON HIS OWN #you see him sweat you see him focusing with so much care and precision #i already analyzed in depth too my feelings on a man who previously separated bodies fighting so hard to unite them #i dont give this movie enough credit because im unfortunately obsessed w the third one which is. schlocky as fuck. but like #it's genuinely such a beautiful movie. it's campy too but there's so much soul to it. it's mental. #much better than msot the modern ones i've seen that try to be deep and fail GOD im about to rip my shirt off #I LOVE THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rin-enjoyer]

"oh sakura is the rin of team 7 cuz they're both gealers" "naruto is the rin of team 7 cuz they're both optimistic" WRONG sasuke is the rin of team 7 on account of they both equate "having goals" with "being a person."

#do you see my vision #guys who hinge their entire identity on what they set out to accomplish lmao lmao #i mean everyone's a little guilty of that but they're by far the worst offenders #nohara “if i want to throw the earth into the sun surely i will get a good grade in being a person” rin #and uchiha “i am an avenger i will kill my brother i wll fulfil my purpose and then like. die i guess” sasuke #its the trauma <3 and the masks <3 and the assumptions that somewhere deep down they have a “real self” #(they dont cuz thats not how personing works. but they think they do. and they're very put out because they cant find it) #i just think they're neat :3333 #oh kakashi is sakura of course of course (aughhhh self flagulation aufg augh) #and naruto is obito. i guess cannon can have that one. #mann naruto makes me sad. golden retrivor of a guy who wanted to change things #but got beat down by the system he wanted to challenge until he was complicit in it. sad! #anyways someday i will compile my thoughts on how rin and sasuke disengage witg the shinobi system #by just. having different values. and Not Caring about that junk #i mean dont get me wrong theres smth wrong with both of them still. its just like. a different #weird problem #ok cool. walks off into the ocean

[oatbugs]

idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second. #remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one. #make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard. #you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper. #she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep. #there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true. #you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her. #the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers. #your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts. #learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again. #i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this. #right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full. #youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts. #breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful. #the lack of her is still beautiful

[nerdie-faerie]

Currently thinking about the last time I met up with my college friends, and we went around the table reintroducing ourselves with names and pronouns, cus it gets like that. And every time it would come around to me, I would deflect and distract instead of answering because I hadn't actually figured it out yet. It's coming up on a year since then, I still have no idea what the answer would be

#Queer gang #it was literally this time last year cus it was the last time i went home for winter break that i saw them all #i panicked and got distracted the first time i was supposed to introduce myself despite the fact theyre the last people who would judge #but were a bunch of very easily distracted fckers so it wasnt even that noticeable that i hadnt answered at first #but then one of them realised id never actually introduced myself and i cant even remember how i changed the topic #but someone would always realise in the middle of someones story so id just redirect the attention to what we were already discussing #to buy myself time to think but i never actually came up with an answer and im stuck on a coach rn so my brain has all this time to think #and im just. its been a year since that incident its been several years since i started to think maybe my gender didnt entirely fit #but every time i try to figure it out like a puzzle like i did with my sexuality the first time i realise i dont really have an answer #its not that i feel that something else would fit better and i cant figure out why it doesnt feel right in the first place #is it because i was raised hyperfeminine despite growing up predominantly around brothers? #is it because tradition gender roles dont fit anyway when yoyre queer because so much of gender is tangled up in sexuality? #is it because im taking too much of a theoretical/whatever approach to it when i know gender is predominantly a social construct? #is it because its just not that deep and i dont care? or do i care and i just havent figured it out yet? idk

[charmallows]

every day people misunderstand steven universe future and every day i have to pay for it (being very annoyed)

#like at this point ppl just misinterpret it on purpose just to argue....cause its ridiculous // #number 1 steven defender til the day i die. these mfs cannot keep giving him shit #like. maybe its not that deep but just SAY you do not care about real mental health struggles and get the fuck out #if you cant even handle your precious little angel steven having an understandable reaction to literal trauma #then maybe you just didnt understand steven in the first place. #no you dont like classic steven more than future steven you just Dont Like Steven #by treating him like a different character when he does something you dont like you are PART of the problem #the point is that you do not root for him. youre not SUPPOSED to root for him when he is actively breaking down #youre faced with his struggles and you hope for his recovery. you FEEL for him. like GOD #its fine to not like suf but dont blatantly read it in bad faith just because you dont like it #dont pretend its trying to say something its obviously Not #sighs #su #charmaaallow

[thanatos-nightshade]

Im so sorry i played Our Life: beginnings and always and not only has it sucker punched me with bittersweet feelings of life and change and relationships but its also thrown me into brain rot hell of it. Im sorry if ocean boy cove floods your feed get it? Its a pun

#t-n talks #personal #our life: beginnings & always #olba #i love him so much i love them all so much i need to replay with all the dlcs and get shiloh to come to our wedding #because i named a fosh after him in like step 2 or 3 and i missed him and i dont care if he lied to us im sorry shiloh #come baaack #but also baxter what happened baxter we missed you so much youre important to us youre important to meeeeeee #everyones my friend now how do i have jeremy at my wedding but not shiloh? jeremy you should have made shiloh suffer tooooo #im so glad i got jeremy though god i felt for him so bad like genuinely what was wrong while he was mean to us #i just wanted to be nice and friends but also dont be mean to cove and im so glad hes mellowed out a bit hes really a good kid sometimes #i love them all so much dereeeekkkkk hes such a good friend god hes SUCH A GOOD FRIEND im screaming #and baxter baxter baxter baxter sometimes i dont think hes in love with us but in love with our relationship but also like #i wouldnt mind us three being closer because youre fucking important to me baxter just like jeremy #youre all part of this found family gay as shit now if i can be adopted then that means i can adopt you too!!! #god but seriously? like i expected to cry because of relationship love drama at first not because i was having #complicated feelings about being adopted and my relatiinship with my sister god ive never had an older sister really #and my siblings and i arent super close but im adopted and i dont think ive ever wanted something more than this family #this game man i just god my fiance was like “i dont think this game was meant to be so deep/intense” but like its a visual novel #novels are meant to invoke feelings and thoughts and discussion and reflection at least thats what i believe every story has a purpose #its up to us to figure out what its purpose is maybe not in general but to us what can we take away from it and god #it makes me want to hold onto my friendships tightly and reach out to everyone i knew/know #i have too many tags on here because of brain rot but i love this game and im so excited for the next one and i would love to download #like my log of the entire game so that i can recap everything at like my leisure #just cause im not gonna remember all my choices and stuff

[kohakhearts]

hey that pokemon 2000 gifset + your jn dub analysis made me think about the pokemon 2000 dub - I've only seen it subbed once (compared to the hundred times I watched it dubbed as a child) so I could be misremembering, but didn't the dub completely change the themes of the movie with the chosen one ash thing?

i actually haven’t watched the sub nearly as many as times as the dub either :p but i have read extensively about this topic bc it’s personally my favourite pokemon movie and yes! the first and second pokemon movies are both victim to this (like mewtwo’s epic speech we all love so much at the end of the first movie…being a complete fabrication by the dub team :p you gotta give those writers credit - they were VERY good at what they did), largely i’m guessing due to cultural values and expectations. since they were trying to sell the anime to an american audience, not a japanese one.

tangentially, i will say i also think that’s the root of this like…subtle distinction some people have between the characters “ash” and “satoshi.” i don’t differentiate them in any big way myself because fundamentally they still are very much the same, but it is true that in japanese, ash has somewhat different mannerisms and responds differently to events at times, especially in the early anime when it was so much easier to get away with making big changes for…a big assortment of reasons haha.

in THIS movie in particular, some of those things are like…well. the prophecy is probably the most obvious change. the dub team rewrote it to include the chosen one reference, which works great because of the word play on ash’s name. in japanese, it just says “an exceptional trainer will appear to help calm the wrath of the gods.” ash’s response to this is more mild trepidation than outright fear. he doesn’t hesitate like he does in the dub. and tbh? both reactions make perfect sense for his character in my opinion.

in japanese, his concern is more "do you really think i can fit that role?" this...tracks pretty well with his character development by this point. like yeah he said he could win the indigo league, but he's also thinking about dropping out after gary loses; it's that little grain of insecurity he has, which he's normally good at covering up with arrogance (a lot of which is also very genuine, don't get me wrong). but he sees the opportunity to help and he takes it. that's just...what ash does.

in english, though, the prophecy is pretty clearly about him. there's no one else it could be. it has to be him. and he...doesn't like that? that scares him. which, fair. anyone would be terrified by being singled out like that. it's also so much...not ash's thing, even at this point in the series. his character development is about embracing having to work hard to do well. to keep trying until you get it right, no matter how many times you get it wrong. the idea of being a "chosen one" completely robs him of his ability to be so single-minded about what he wants his destiny to be that it manifests as pre-determined; it just...pre-determines it for him, if that makes sense. lol.

the thesis of the japanese version of the film is that no one person or pokemon can stand on their own. everyone needs help. it's about harmonizing with each other and with nature. about letting others help you, and helping them in turn. the english version rewrites that into a story about power and destiny. the title alone says it all, right? it's called "the power of one" - no reference to lugia, no reference to the birds. in japan, the title is about the revelation (or "birth") of lugia.

westerners love a good chosen one story, so this was a really good choice by the dub team in that respect. i mean, it's a narrative that's stuck really well. fandom loves chosen one ash! in general, western fanbases are really into this narrative. it's everywhere. and there's a lot that goes into that, culturally, and especially religiously, historically, etc. so at the end of the day, i don't think the change is so much about conflicting ideas about collectivism and individualism. it's more about goals and ideals, on a personal level.

let me say again for the 273456784th time, i love that they resolved ash's story by having him realize that the goal he's really been striving for all this time is to meet and befriend pokemon. to learn from them. to earn their trust. it's like...he did the thing that everyone else thought represented his goal, maybe even himself included, only to realize that his dream was never about the end of it anyway. it was about everything he learnt and everyone he met along the way. (i also suspect nobody writing in 1997 knew that that would be the ultimate resolution, either. but it makes sense in the entire context. it's kind of a nice irony, even. to only figure it out after writing the story :p)

and i think this little distinction is important to that goal! it's his whole character! which is why even though i too love chosen one characters, i don't necessarily think of ash as one. because even if he is, his whole Thing is that he wants to try. a lot of the chosen one narrative is about characters being reluctant to be used for a "greater good," or about them collapsing under that pressure. ash doesn't really have that. he does what he thinks is right because he...thinks it's right. sometimes, sure, others have to push him into it a bit, but usually they're actually pushing the other way - it's too dangerous, you're going to get hurt, etc. and to me, i don't know - thinking of times he's died, or nearly died, and some legendary or mythical pokemon has saved him at the last minute...i don't think that has to mean he's special in a cosmic sort of way. i think it just means he's special to them. that he did something for them, or for someone else they had come to care for (thinking manaphy responding to may's emotions, not just to the fact that ash was drowning, or in mpm ash convincing latios to trust him because of their mutual desire to save latias, etc.), and so they want to help him. which is completely opposite to the typical chosen one narrative, i think? because he doesn't do those things out of obligation...he does them because he thinks he can become a better trainer by doing them, and he wants to do that. and well. he did do that.

anyway my tl;dr here is YES they changed the theme a lot haha, but i find it fun that they also changed the characters’ responses to that theme. funnily that’s…kind of also what fanfiction writers do all the time, lmao, but that’s a whole other conversation.

#answered #im sure id have something more insightful to say if id watched the original recently but i havent Dx #*meta #i guess #also re: the chosen one narrative being very religious #its more to the idea specifically of a character who does selfless things for the sake of being selfless and it often ends with the #character martyring themself somehow. which i dont think it’s necessarily WRONG to say is what ash does. self-sacrificial is not a Bad way #to describe him. i think its a reasonable and compelling read on his character. its just not mine i guess because as much as i also love #chosen one characters what i love most about it isnt the fact that they are a chosen one #so much as what the consequences of that have been because what they really want deep down is to just…not have to save the world #but ash isnt really like that. saving the world is more of a byproduct of what hes actually trying to do. which is to help others #rather than being forced to save the world to help the ones he cares for. its kinda opposite. idk. maybe i’ll write a post about this #properly someday bc rn my brain is mush and i can only think of three major western franchises that even have chosen ones lol

[autism-corner]

despite loving being trans i always do long to having boy teenage years/upbringing. But. im also autistic. i think that even if i was AMAB i wouldnt have gotten that classic boy life. that realization both deepens the grief yet relieves the feeling because i know that that wouldnt have been me anyway.

#its weird longing for something that others can get so easily. so naturally. wanting something they dont even think about. #its not meant for me. #in all of my teenage life i get half a year of that living as a guy. and only at school. i have to make do. #its hard looking at people younger than me that are already on HRT or have even had surgeries. the world seems so unfair because im not at. #... that point yet. but i know that i have to be gratefull aswell. some people discover theyre trans way later than i did. i imagine that.. #... aswell long for what i have. knowing im trans at 16 and living in a country with fairly good trans care (although the waiting lists... #...are hell). im lucky. i know that. yet. sometimes the pain hits harder than the delights. i want to be happy for people on HRT. for... #... people that easily pass. but they remind me of everything i dont have yet. #i need to remember that deep down were all the same. i dont have it the best nor is my situation the worst. its just something thats... #... unfortunately a huge part of my life. #anyway. rant done. im excited to be an out trans guy in uni. #i need to stop thinking help. #its not bringing anything good rn :/ #YAY transgenderism 6=w=9 #sillyposting

[caffeinatedopossum]

My anxiety and depression feel like the ocean. Even when I'm not drowning in it, I'm having to fight to swim and it's exhausting. Even when I'm not swimming in it, it's still there, waves greedily lapping at my feet. It's always there.

I don't talk about it because there isn't much to say. Everyone already knows the ocean exists, yknow? Telling them it does just seems redundant.

Even when I'm sitting safely on the shore I can't stop thinking about it, staring at it, swaying where I stand because I've forgotten what it feels like to stand without the waves. Just waiting for the tide to rise again because I know it has to. Waiting for the ocean to disappear even though I know it never could.

#this wasn't meant to sound poetic or anything. jts just something i cant stop thinking about #anyway just some musing about chronic depression and anxiety #it never feels easier. it never feels better. its all just part of the cycle #all of my friends know. they all know what i go througj #and it isnt quite that they dont care. its more like its just routine to them #like 'oh opossum wants to kill himself? opossum cant take the fear and exhaustion anymore?' just another monday to them #all the while the people who have never been to the ocean before tell me to keep swimming. tell me it gets better #tell me to get out and dry off #because in their minds the worst its been was the deep end of a swimming pool #i cant hate them for not drowning with me. its not like i would do anything different in their place really #its just angering #because i have no way to make anyone understand #i dont want to be alone but i dont want people to drown with me #i dont know what to do and i never have #im always waiting for something to change #but no matter how many people come into my life with beach towels and buckets for hauling water #theyll never make the ocean shallow or dry me off

[transmonstera]

you can add your experience to the tags of something and people will really think you're telling people that's what they should always do huh anyway

#i would rather disclose my disability and what i cant do as well as my transness in the interview so they can be shitty on the sly #and Not hire me #than not tell them and try and hide it until i Have to tell them and am then forced into a hostile work environment which Has also happened #i stand by sometimes you can just be honest about employment gaps especially if its some shit like retail they do not care #it really is not that deep and you dont need to @ me and screenshot and write five paragraphs about how its bad advice #if you think that wont work for you simply dont do ot #also while i said i got the job offer the next day i had to ask a week in to lower my contract and i could only get that approved because i #had told them im autistic #soooo idk idk idk whatever what do i know im just a person with experiences that might differ to others and for some reason got put on blast #many such cases i guess

[ibrithir-was-here]

.

#i know part the reason im feeling unmoored is that my ADHD brain hates having to deal with my crummy management painting the apartment #and not responding to texts about how mu h longer it will take #and my room and schedules are all askew because of it #and also im on my period #but man i just feel really unsettled latley #like not spooked unsettled but like...unmoored yeah #im 30 and i really dont know what to do with my life #and its harder now to have hope for the future #im not despondent just...empty feeling #my religion i loved so much turned out to be untrue #the person i loved so much turned out to not care about me #as a romantic interest or even a friend #and both have really made me feel like i just cant trust anything or anybody in any real way #like in a deep You Are My Safe Place kind of way #im rambling sorry #will probably delete later #it really is probably just my period and my apartment being a mess thats screwing with me #and i really just want a real hug #and i dont have anyone nearby i can get one from and have it mean something #so im rambling at tumblr to make myself feel better

[valentinesparda]

I want to talk more about self insert and self ship stuff but my god I feel like I need to be sat down and applied torture methods to be able to talk without being like *avoids topic with deflection avoids being nice by being mean avoids saying positive things by deflection etc etc*

#val.txt #like i have been thinking tboights but i also dont know how to put those thoughts into coherent strings of text #and im into way too many things that hardly anyone cares about and most of my selfship and insert lore requires like. #deep introspective thought and an understanding of the source material that makes one seem mentally unwell in how much detail they know #like yeah its one thing to be like 'yeah such and such character is my ex' or 'we are reincarnated soulmates' #but it is entirely another for you to actually understand the painful backflipping i have to do to even #a) allow myself the pleasure of being able to imagine we are kissing eachother #and b) the absolute mental gymnastics and lore ive had to fuck with to make my ships even exist in the first place #its practically impossible to hold a conversation with someone who doesnt know the source of my ships or inserts #simply because of how much my logical brain has to work through to be able to have me be even remotely happy #and idk if thats because of how i treat self inserting and self shipping or if its the acearo talking. perhaps both being in the same space #kind of makes it hard to exist in the current state of the selfship community #idk maybe im just a little insane lol

[venussaidso]

AOS RANT

The fact that people here take 'finish Naksu/Cho Yeong's arc and stop abandoning it to shoehorn romance and reducing her to a mere love interest' and reduce it to 'yALL dOnT cArE aBoUT NakSU, yOu JuSt wANt aCtiOn aNd rEvEnGe!' is just telling me yall are eating tf outta their bad writing.

First of all, if you cared about Naksu, at all, you would care about the development of her arc. Which, let's be honest, there is none. It's completely nonexistent, she has no motivation as a character either so that's why people are annoyed. THAT IS WHY PEOPLE AREN'T FUCKING WITH THE WAY SHE'S BEEN MADE DORMANT THIS SEASON.

She still has so much material as a character and revenge/fighting for her identity is still such a sensible aspect of hers that is disrespectfully disregarded for filler shit and romance! I care enough to be pissed by that, like come onnnnn. What kind of content do yall dominantly consume to think she's written well this season? This is not good standard writing... at alllll!!

#like yall are soo dense if you're defending this istg #anyways its not that deep but like come on 💀 dont turn this take to 'you just want action scenes!' #like ofc i do but also naksu's story arc?? is literally in shambles #i can do the same to yall and say yall just care about romance uwu lmao because thats all im seeing #this is soo boring how opinions like mine are unpopular takes like 😭 #am i the only one witnessing all this fuckery?? 🥲 #alchemy of souls #alchemy of souls light and shadow