#is this a vent post?? no i dont think it is but i definitely am rambling at this point

[aw-bean-s]

its 4am. i was going to go to bed 2 hours ago. however. for some fucking reason. my c:drive filled up while i was drawing. which is weird. because i swear to fucking god i had at least 50 gigs left. so i have been googling. and cleaning. and searching. and whatever the fuck for two goddamn hours. only for no one and nothing to have a solution for me. i am going to fucking scream.

#even worse.im going to have to get my dad involved. #kill me #he works in it so he knows his stuff or whaver #but hes such a massive dick about it #hes going to be ngry and swearing and condescending as fuck #and i. am going. to cry. #i just dont wanna fuck up my pc #ive only had it a few months it shouldnt be full and i definitely had enough storage space before i started drawing #but hes going to find a way to blame me just not being smart like him again #fuck even thinking about it upsets me which is WHY ive been trying to fix it for two hours even though i dont know shit or dick #fuck and my siblings coming home tomorrow i cant ruin that with this shit fuck #also yes i did a disk cleanup and yes i emptied my recycling and yes i used my anti malware program to check for viruses and no #none of it worked. #fuck me ijust wanted to do a drawing for my sibling #this is why i stick to traditional and mspaint #good night im gonna probably cry some more and try not to think about it #Kinda awful that the worst part of all this is asking my dad for help #I'm not gonna examine that goodnight #Whoops fuck forgot to tag sorry #Vent tw #Vent cw #Vent post #Vent #I'm just tired and frustrated and melodramatic but better to be safe

[apeiron-trolls]

maybe being an rp blog isn't my thing

#spkr on #do i regret being kind of a weirdo and leaving that server? #yeah #but i don't think it's a good idea for me to return there #and i don't think i would've lasted in that server anyway #the only thing i'm upset about it not telling anyone why i left and feeling like i upset someone there #is this a vent post?? no i dont think it is but i definitely am rambling at this point

[head-without-a-fucking-brain]

Istg writing fanfics would be much more easier and fun if i was just confident about my english skills. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

#aaghhhh #i hate it when things are going smoothly and then #“wait... am i spelling that correctly???” #and searching for the word and its definition to make sure its perfect. #only to confirm that #yes you were right and it means what you thought it did #so now you've wasted time and energy #cuz you felt insecure #and u start to think“why am i even doing this if i dont feel confident enough to write a fucking sentence without doubting my abilities?” #and then you sulk and cry for hours #even when you KNOW that it doesnt have to be perfect and that no matter how much you try #you are going to make mistakes because you're human #but you feel like you gotta do your fucking best even if its just for fun cause you really feel passionate about it #and its probably one of the few things in life that makes u feel something other than that knot of idek in your chest #and guts #and it freaking sucks #bc you promised to try and change for the better #but better just doesnt seem to be for “people” like you #and it always ends up with you falling into bad habits #because of course you do! #you're an spoiled brat who got praised way to much as a kid and now that you've grown up you realised that you're flawed like everybody els #you failed miserably and you are self-sabotaging again like the baby you are <3 #that motivation is gone and time has been promptly wasted ;) #but anyways sooo #this was supposed to be short #and silly #but it turned out an angsty mess #son las cosas de la vida i guess #i shoud tag this like a vent post #tw vent

[confused-and-dickless]

In the latest instalment of my personal divine comedy: I've spent all my spare emotional and mental energy on understanding chemistry (which I still don't understand) and now I'm about to take a biology exam over diabetes- a disease THAT I HAVE. And I am fairly sure I'm not gonna do great friends.

#all will be well im sure #im so grateful i have the privilege of my parents funding my college because buddy? im gonna lose a really good scholarship. #it's possible to salvage it but we're definitely going into next semester paying full price (minus any small scholarships i can get) #also my mom sent me a scholarship application for episcopalian college students and. while i love my church. im not episcopalian. im pagan #i go to church occasionally because i like the people #im gonna get a job this summer and save money so i can. invest it? im scared to start but i know its the smart thing to do #that way when im out of college i dont have to keep relying on my parents so much #this started as a #vent #but you know what? i love my parents. thats the new message of the post. thank you parents for being patient and reasonable #i was on the phone with my mom earlier and told her how bad things looked and she just said that we'll figure it out and she trusts me #she trusts im doing my best which i think i am? i know theres a lot more i could have done #but i also know plenty of people would have failed harder after starting the semester with 4 weeks of respiratory infection #i have hope. the universe always provides for me i trust her im just scared

[the-s1lly-corner]

Ragatha x mute s/o headcanons pls? I love her so much ToT she's so sweet

Ragatha x mute!reader

UEUEUEUE I wasnt expecting to get TADC requests but I am all for it! Perhaps I should make an official post to advertise requests being open, feed into this new interest of mine.. mweheheheh

Side note! I'm writing this on mobile, so there may be more typos and grammar mistakes than my recent stuff (which has been done on computer)

I simply

Do not wanna get out of bed, it's very cold in my house <\\3

That said I hope you enjoy! Possible OOC since I'm still studying characters and trying to figure out how I wish to write/interpret them!

+ some other hcs since the post felt too short with the simple base idea

Right off the back with the main idea that helped push me to answer this now rather than later; ragatha would definitely learn sign language so she can understand you, if you find sign language to be easier/more convenient ! If not she always keeps a pen and paper on her in case you need it/forget your own notebook

Immediately welcomes you to the circus, similar to in the pilot she would show you around and explain the general way of things in the digital circus

Advocates for you when others (mostly Jax) speak over you (ignoring your signing, your writing, ect) or dont pay attention to you in a conversations

She doesnt try to force you to speak, nor does she pry for why you're mute

Generally very sweet and patient and stands up for you in group settings and makes you people pay attention to your input

No thoughts only you two cuddling in one of yalls rooms and you start pressing signs into her skin, communicating that you love her or that shes pretty or that you're enjoying being around her , stuff like that. I think that's sweet, like how some people trace a finger over someones freckles or moles during cuddles

Now onto more general hcs and ideas

I saw a ferris wheel at the digital carnival. You already know what I'm about to say: THE FERRIS WHEEL GETTING STUCK TROPE. Ragatha tries to keep the air nice and light while you guys wait for Caine to fix the issue. Afterall, she ain't afraid of anything but centipedes!

Speaking of, you're not afraid of centipedes, are you? Borrowing this from random things #7, where I mention an idea of the reader helping rid her room of the wretched things, that can be a surprisingly nice bonding moment with you two just talking and you letting her vent her frustrations

You two naturally gravitate to one another when Caine has everyone do a game or challenge or whatever he has planned for that day

#tadc x reader #tadc x you #ragatha x you #ragatha x reader #ragatha imagine #tadc imagine #digital circus x reader #digital circus x you #the amazing digital circus x reader

[steence]

guys can i complain about something?

like tw venting FR

because like. i used to think i had like. osdd. that thing whenever you have different people in ur head or whatever. and its soooo awful. the only reason i was able to escape that horrible, awful time in my life was when i went on r/systemscringe.

cus they b out there pointing out bullshit. and it snapped me out of it. but the remnants are still so awful. i still hear voices. i still can talk to people in my head and hear a response that i dont think im making even though i definitely am. i still feel so awful

whenever i thought i had it i was so shameful pf it. i didnt tell ANYONE. i was so scared that someone would find out. anytime someone irl brought it up i felt fear.

there are still things that i remember doing but that felt like i didnt *do* or like i did it in a dreamlike state. kind of like when you first wake up. even though i DIDNT.

THERE ARE POSTS ON MY ACCOUNT I DONT REMEMBER MAKING. THERE ARE DRAWINGS IN MY SKETCHBOOK (lets be fr, school workbook) THAT I KNOW I WOULD NEVER MAKE, BUT I REMEMBER DOING

i KNOW you guys wanna hate fakeclaimers but theyre the ONLY reason i was able to get out. and its still awful.

so if ur a system i KNOW uou dont wanna hear this but PLEASE make sure 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is true. please dont go down the awful path i did.

ok rant over <3

#syscourse #did #osdd #osdd-1b #sysmed #help #vent #tw vent

[barbwritesstuff]

Ugh i dont know if its just me (and its definitely not a complaint about you, you're wonderful), there's quit a few scenes, routes and even Ro's that i can never find unless i ask you about it specifically??? Am i just that dumb??

Like, just yesterday you casually posted "you can find Ravima in a gay bar in chapter 4" and no matter how many times i replayed the game i have never stumbled upon it :( literally did not know it existed until you talked about it.

Again this is just me venting about my own incompetence, its not a complaint ask about you at all Barb <3

.....also how do we meet Ravima in a gay bar?

Messages like this really scare me because I thought people wanted more interactivity. I thought replaying to find the other scenes would be fun, not frustrating or upsetting.

I really didn't mean to make you feel incompetent, anon. I just wanted to add value by making the game different if you make different choices. Thicker Than is not as liner as Blood Moon. There is a lot you'll miss if you only play once, and that is by design. Different choices result in different outcomes.

I thought players would like discovering those differences by replaying the game... but I get a lot of messages like this asking me for roadmaps on how to get certain moments which makes me think players aren't enjoying the replay experience. They don't want to try and figure out what else is out there. They're annoyed that they have to click through it again to see what they missed.

Which is valid but, like I said, really terrifies me because I'm worried I've messed up.

I think I have read the room wrong. I think overly interactive is annoying rather than fun. But I also don't know how to change it now. Thicker Than is too big to rewrite at this point.

I'm really sorry if my game made you feel dumb, but getting messages like this in my inbox really upsets me. I'm not going to respond to anymore roadmap requests for a while. I'm sorry.

[pop-roxs]

{Referencing this post: } https://www.tumblr.com/blondeaxolotl/749991556821483520?source=share

I don't talk about this normally and i'm not sure if this is okay to message you about but... I'm kinda going through it rn :( Do you have any advice on what someone who's really spiralling should do? Forget every day, every hour is a new struggle and I just want to wither away. I think I might have to withdraw from exams and it's a big deal because my parents sacrificed so much to get me to this stage, and I really just can't do this anymore I feel like i'm slowly rotting on the inside.... Not to mention the shame of outing myself to the school faculty that yes, I am in fact more than a little cuckoo /j

(You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I know it's a hard topic to chat about. Have a nice day though, hopefully your week is going better than mine. Here are some flowers for your struggles 💐)

oh hello anon!!

i think the best thing you could do right now is just take time for yourself. the school year is very close to ending, and from what it seems, exam season isnt the stress that youre ready for. despite the fact that your parents sacrificed a lot to get you to that point, your health should always come before your academics. if your parents are good parents, theyd definitely understand.

confiding in your friends i think would help as well. if you dont have anyone to chat with, id be open to do so, in here or on discord (if thats an option). maybe try to pick up a new hobby or binge your favorite series, replay your favorite game... treating yourself to something indulgent would be nice. you for sure deserve it, after all.

distractions, in the heat of the moment, help. venting to a willing friend and receiving comfort/validation helps. i understand that this next part seems a bit cheesy or whatever, but maybe writing down daily affirmations to say verbally in the mirror could help as well? saying things to yourself in your head is something, but its not nearly as much as saying it out loud to your face is. it can be something simple or something specific.

i can definitely say that now that i know about you and your struggles, i would be sad to hear that you are gone. i dont know who you are, and ive probably never talked to you before, but that doesnt mean i dont care. my advice may be stupid or disorganized, and thats because im not really the best person to ask about these things, though i fully genuinely care about anyone and everyone who feels like this.

every time i hear about someone who had attempted suicide and failed, i hear them say that theyre glad they didnt go through with it, or theyre glad that it hadnt worked. not once have i heard the opposite. you have a future. a really, really good future. please dont throw it away.

#you dont have to listen to any of this #im really glad you reached out though #again im not the best person but im proud of you for asking anyway #water posts #those offers to talk are real and id love to get to know you #im sure youre wonderful #please stay safe

[wackytheorist]

sorry if this is all over the place I’m nd and dyslexic so typing hard but the “ableist crow” is just a user who made some slightly heated vent posts about some of tubbos behaviours (such as talking over people despite other ccs asking him to stop) etc. while I don’t agree with the posts 100% myself I definitely dont read them as ableist? like this is a stretch example (and no I’m not calling tubbo a toddler) but like if I saw a little kid in a store having a meltdown I wouldn’t blame the kid cause it’s not their fault if their overwhelmed but like I can still be annoyed by the screaming? Idk if that makes sense but that’s kinda my take on what they probably meant by that post? (they’re nd themselves btw) their post got screenied and posted to Twitter by a tubbling (I know who posted it but I won’t say so they don’t get hate sent) where tubbo then saw it so it got blown up even more than it needed to

but yeah idk by reading through their blog they seem to take a mixed bag approach of finding things annoying or questionable and venting these frustrations but waiting to see how things develop. another post of theirs that springs to mind is the "abuse defender" one in which it was like a day or two after the new eggs and roier abusing pepito and they were asking people to wait to see if the abuse thing developed in case it was just a bit he was doing rather than immediately calling a latino cc an abuser? Especially when Roier has beefed with other eggs before and similar bits by other ccs were seen as funny (slime purposefully abusing flippa with “parenting styles” comes to mind but granted that was very early server where everyone was being more goofy anyway)

again like I said I don’t agree with all their posts but I think a lot of what they’ve said is being taken out of context or pushed to extremes to make them look worse than they are?? 🤷

Your fine, I understand the wording(I too am terrible at typing for different reasons.) I'm part of relaxed qsmpblr as I've mentioned in a different post and don't have much of a problem

Everyone should be allowed to express their opinion, yours is valid

But imo, I didn't have much of a problem with their posts(as I said before in the statement above) or the april fools account was problematic(I mean if someone thought I was worth an april fool account, I'd be losing my shit reading it but everyones different.)

But their response was a bit... off to me, especially since the person was a minor.

#qsmp #qsmp discourse #asks #I wont be answering any more asks about the situation sorry but Its not my place #vent #< just in case

[system-of-a-feather]

You definitely deserve support and struggle internally. I dont want to invalidate that. But you are not high support needs. People who are high supports needs need things like a carer and couldn't pull together to feign some front of functioning even if it was a matter of safety. People with high support needs have also asked repeatedly that those who aren't not co opt that language to feel more validated. There is a major issue with people who appear more functioning not being listened to or supported. But that is its own thing

If this is in terms of autism, I apologize in the sense I wasn't thinking of it in terms of ANY label. Quite frankly I wrote that post as a vent because I am Exhausted and not to make a statement, so coincidentally, because Im exhausted, I am not literally thinking of all the interpretations of a vent post.

I meant high support needs in the sense that I need a lot of support cause I have multiple severe disorders that should cripple me - not as a label, and I agree with you, as a label I am not high supports needs nor do I identify as such - it was a slip of the tongue cause I am not in the most stellar mental state - thus the vent post.

I agree with you and I apologize cause I forgot its an actual term and Ill add a disclaimer to it but please, next time try to take into context that someone venting about exhaustion may not be thinking the most about interpretations and giving a benefit of doubt would be appreciated

Thank you.

#alter: riku #ask #asks

[cuntyhumanz]

Blog Intro Post !!

more under the cut !!

hey i’m wynter / haunt and i use ix / he / they / daze / gore / misc / it pronouns and many more !! but you can just wynter and ix / he mostly. i’m 18yrs old, trans and a lesbian. i’m happily taken by my soulmate who i’m engaged to and i’m not looking AT ALL. i’m a C - DID RAMCOA system, no you don’t get my trauma or life story but i will probably sprinkle in some vents about it sometimes. extremely unwell both physically and mentally, i won’t list them all and you don’t get to see diagnosis forms you weirdos but just keep in mind how i act is because i have PERSONALITY disorders that therefore effect my personality . i’m always up for talking in reblogs or dms and im always happy to make new friends and such!

BEFORE YOU INTERACT!! i will vent and talk about upsetting topics, i might forget to tw sometimes but they’ll all be tagged with my vent tag. i smoke and drink and will likely talk about that as well as the meds and hospital visits i go to. i am schizophrenic !! i experience intense delusions and being reality checked is REALLY DANGEROUS for me, please don’t do that or i will block you😋 . i have NPD and ASPD which majorly shows in how i treat people and how i think and act. i can’t help this, i’m in therapy and working on it so don’t be a dick. i unironically use emojis and emoticons i promise im not being sarcastic or rude i just really type like. i sometimes space punctuation and you’ll definitely notice change in typing style depending on who’s fronting which YOU DONT GET TO KNOW!! we don’t always know and don’t like telling unless we’re close / directly talking one on one .

i have so many interests!! PLEASE ask me if i like the same things as you do because i likely do and just haven’t had a chance to speak about it yet :3 !! ill mostly talk about undertale and mcyt (i don’t support all the creators but its always been a big comfort interest and sp/in) so feel free to ask about specific mcyts you like and we can talk about them!!!

DONT FUCKING INTERACT!! anti m - spec, weird fans of any fandom . i will just block you if i don’t like you or what you say :D i don’t have too specific a dni just be normal i beg.

#𝒢𝒞．posts #intro post #blog intro #introductory post #system stuff #system things #traumagenic system #dissociative system #did system #plurality #sysblr #complex dissociative disorder #actually dissociative #dissociative identity disorder #pluralposting #pluralgang #traumagenic did

[redmirrorshard]

I'll probably delete this later... but I just wanted to come on here to vent a little bit. So please be aware. THIS IS A VENT. I AM SAD AND EMOTIONAL AND UPSET AND I WILL SAY THINGS THAT MAY SOUND HARSH. PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN READING AND DONT READ IF IT WILL MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!! (TL:DR at the end)

You have been warned

When I got into TWST probably two years ago now, there was so much room and potential for wonderful fan interactions and creations. And I have had wonderful interactions with wonderful people from this fandom and I will continue to treasure those I've met through it.

I love everything about TWST. The lore, the characters, the art, the story. It means so much to me as a piece of media and is a huge inspiration to me as both an artist and a writer. Idia in particular speaks to me on personal levels and he has become one of my favourite characters in all of media.

TWST has also taught me about love. Love for who you are despite what others think. Familial love (blood or no). Love between friends. TWST has taught me about bravery, protecting those you love, sticking to your ambitions, sacrifice and surprisingly cooking and food heh. TWST has also made me laugh like a maniac in the way only one other piece of media ever could (aha I'm so funny).

I was aware, however, that it would have it's issues just like any other fandom.

For one, I was VERY aware of Yana's rocky history as a creator. I knew she was controversial from the start and anything she created would subsequently also be very controversial. In the end, while I do disagree heavily with some parts of the media and I knew Yana could have done so much better with other parts (cough-leona event- cough), I think she did a great job overall. You can tell how much love and dedication went into creating TWST and I'm eternally thankful to her. Thank you, Yana-sensei.

For second...

I feel that you should be allowed to create and say whatever you want, but also take responsibility (to a certain extent) for the thing you created. For instance, if I make a piece of art and post it on the internet, that is my responsibility. I could choose NOT to post the piece of art (nasty comment, offensive joke etc etc etc but you get the idea), but I chose to do it anyway. Now, I can't completely control what people will do with the art (comment/post etc), but I still chose to post it. Same with this post. I CHOSE to post this, and I am ready to take responsibility for this post. If you're not ready to accept responsibility for your post, DON'T POST. As simple as that. (But alas nothing is ever simple)

There is a sore lack of responsibility it the TWST fandom (in any fandom, really, but this is about TWST specifically). Maybe less so here, but definitely so on other platforms.

People throw around nasty and downright hurtful jokes and comments like it's confetti, but cry and whine that they're innocent when called out about it. This is especially hurtful to the smaller, less represented groups in the fandom who create content they want to see. My advice? If you see something you don't agree with,mute,block and report if necessary and just move along. No one is forcing you to interact with what that person is making. A lot of hurt and asshole-ery would be avoided if people followed this simple rule.

I've also seen people throw hate to younger artists or members of the fandom and this always upsets me. TWST is especially prone to having a younger audience due to it being a Disney property, and that's FINE. Leave them be. They're not hurting anyone.

And finally, the amount of misinformation and misinterpretations of the TWST characters floating around is practically insulting. I've seen so many just plain wrong interpretations of a character or a line and I'm frankly sick of it. There are so many hard working and dedicated translators working their asses off to translate the game and put it on the internet for free. (Note: I am eternally grateful to the EN translation team for doing their absolute best on TWST EN. While it's still a solid translation, it has several big flaws and misses a lot of character nuances. I'd still recommend anyone getting into TWST to read the JP translations along with EN)

Here are my go to, feel free to add your own:

-TWST Wiki/Miraheze (always. These people are powerhouses)

- YuuRei (Twitter and YT). They make excellent analysis and translations.

-Shell_BB (YT)

-Otome Ayui (YT)

So, in closing... (TL:DR)

The internet sucks. People suck. Get used to it. Protect yourself and your mental health and move along.

TWST has flaws, and that's FINE.

Respect eachother

Take responsibility for what you say or post

Kids will be cringe. Leave them be. You were cringe too.

Read. Please. I beg of you.

SUPPORT THE PEOPLE I MENTIONED. THEY'RE WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF FOR US, THEY DESERVE THE WORLD.

Anyway, thanks for reading all that and sorry for the long vent. A cookie and a hug for you.

Now go forth and have a great day/night on purpose!!⭐🩷

~shard

#twisted wonderland #vent post #twst

[e77y]

relating to that vent, i getchu so bad. i feel like in general, the internet might worsen compulsions & obsession within ocd + etc. i have a similar feeling (wouldnt say identical cause i know u from tumblr n yaknow yaknow) that tells me everything i do needs to be 100% morally correct or [insert awful things] will happen to me or someone i love. and this is easier to deal with when you're offline, because there's a limit on the people that can get mad at you. half of the world won't get mad at you because only 0.00001% (or whatever) of the world knows you, yaknow. on the net, it feels like everyone who has an account knows you. your brain telly you anyone who has an account on here might see what you posted & they might be mad at you & they might make a callout post or whatever. even though they don't know you. which is a terrifying thought for many. i dont think youre alone in this, genuinely. and i feel it can be improved. some stuff that's helped me: - making separate accounts w private stuff (doesnt rly work on tumblr but like a private account on insta & etc etc) - rationalising thoughts (an example of this would be thinking: is it really likely many people will agree with someone being mad at me? or: how many people actually do see my posts? is that proportional to the amount of followers i have) - and talking ab it w friends. genuinely, the communication + processing of these thoughts & feelings is soo helpful. sending u soo much love <3 if u wanna chat a bit ab it you can dm me :) (ask can be published or responded 2 privately, whatever u prefer!)

Thank you so much for this message omg :’) ❤️❤️❤️❤️ So thoughtful. This made me tear up a little haha. I’m posting it here so I can look back at it later; hopefully that’s okay.

I’m really glad to hear other people feel the same way/have the same worry… like logically I know that it’s something a lot of people worry about, but idk; my brain has a way of convincing me I am the only person in the world who has done anything ‘bad’ ever LMAOO. So this was really nice to hear

Also I’m a very talkative person! Like I’m definitely an introvert, but I do like to talk about myself and my interests and my feelings etc. Especially when I have a forum (cough Tumblr) to post into the void 😭😭 So I guess that’s part of my issue; IRL, there are less people to be upset if I do/say something ‘bad’, and most of them are my close friends and know I don’t have bad intentions. But online, I walk on eggshells bc 1) strangers online DON’T know my intentions and 2) I just think my mutuals are really cool lol. So I don’t want to do/say anything ‘bad’ or even embarrassing in their presence yk? And online, their ‘presence’ comprises literally all the time w everything I post

I should probably make a more private account 😅 This one is kind of that (just bc it has far fewer followers than my other blog), and I have one on Instagram with like two people following it that I haven’t touched in a while, sooo maybe I will go back to that for more personal vents and whatnot 🫡 I try not to post anything TOO personal on Tumblr, anyway. I just also really like creating fan content, which sort of inherently puts me in a public space even if I don’t WANT to have an ‘audience’ (regardless of how small that audience is; ik there are people who look up to my writing, and that puts a lot of extra pressure on me, but I don’t want to stop writing, either…. Agh)

Idk this is probably overly personal and also very disjointed bc I just finished writing a 1,800 word essay and my brain is mush lol. I’m just sort of reiterating everything you said. Sorry for making you read all this lmao 😭🙏 But thank you for the kind words, seriously ❤️ I really really appreciate it :’D !!!!!!!

#thank you <3 #like this is so sweet omg. thank you :’) #also I am soooo bad at dming people oops. but you are welcome to dm me too if you ever want ^_^ #ask

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.

sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.

work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.

but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.

i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.

[darkxwolf17]

i remember following you at some point when you were arguing with this one proshipper, and at the time i was well... on your side. but lately, i've started thinking.. what's the point of all this discourse?? like... even then, there's a difference between proshipping and comshipping (proshipping- ship and let ship; block and move on) (comship -"complex" shipping; what proshipping in the md and other fandoms are usually confused with) so.. i feel like i've been adopting the proshipping mentality, though i wouldn't call myself a comshipper :] i know you're probably not going to answer this, but what's your full, honest opinion on the pro/anti ship discourse?

EDIT: Proshippers DO NOT INTERACT with this post i dont want you here get out

Hello, thank you for this ask, my opinion on the whole debate is actually more complex than what might be seen. Despite me being very much anti-proship (which I'll get to what that means later), I actually do not consider myself anti-fiction (though some proshippers may disagree with me and call me a "puriteen" or whatever).

Personally, I am in the opinion that the original meaning of dead dove and all that is something i can get behind. Before anyone calls me a proshipper, (I'm not and never will be), let me specify I said the *original* definition. This definition being "okay, there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction that shouldn't be romanticized ever in the real world." By this, I'm mainly meaning toxic relationships (I joke about toxic yuri, and it's because there are some ships that Are toxic i do genuinely enjoy, ie Voll), as well as some other kinks (that I won't get into because this is a safe for work blog that minors follow) that cannot be performed in real life. Fiction is a place to explore these things, and I am fully in support of using it as an outlet for the bizarre and weird.

My issue with proshipping is that, despite what many may claim, nowadays it really is just a fancy word for enjoying drawn csem. I don't care if it's "just fiction." Remember that thing i said earlier about how there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction? Well, children are not and never will be one of them. It is never okay, in ANY universe, to sexualize a child. I will stand by that firmly.

Other things i do not condone being romanticized in fiction is incest, or literal animals. Incest because it's a real thing that is traumatizing just like child abuse, and animals because, well, I hate zoophiles. "But Marven!" you may say. "You're a furry, doesn't your community have a good chunk who draw furry nsfw?" Well, to that I say there is a huge, huge difference between sexualizing an anthropomorphic walking talking consenting creature that is essentially just a human with fur, and a literal dog on four legs. If you can't see the difference between those two, that's your problem.

"But what about trauma? Shouldn't victims be able to express themselves through art?" Why, yes! of course. However, there is a difference between drawing vent art privately in closed circles and posting erotic material featuring children with the intent to arouse publicly. I am in full support of trauma survivors using any method to cope, but forming communities dedicated to drawing and getting off to images of children is not a way to cope. It's illegal! And normalizing terrible behavior, repeating a cycle of abuse.

So yeah, tldr; There are some things in fiction that can be romanticized that shouldn't be romanticized irl. There is some merit to a "Dead dove" label. However, if you do end up calling yourself a proshipper, just know that you will be grouping yourself with some very, very nasty people.

I hope I could be of some help, best of luck to you anon and I urge you, as someone who nearly fell down the proshipping pipeline, to please understand what kinds of people that community holds.

#tw proship mention #tw pedophila mention #tw zoophile mention #tw incest mention

[flowersbark]

Holy shit. Okay. Hi. I’m also a csa survivor. I’m legit so desperate for anything sort of recognition on this issue I’ve been having for almost 2 years now. https://www.tumblr.com/flowersbark/740288973409288192/fellas-is-it-a-proship-to-project-cocsacsa-on

It relates to this post, except I am going to get EXTRA personal on this.

Tw for r//pe, gr///ming, Self-h//rm, and csa (obvsly)

Okay so I also really really reallyyy don’t like proshippers, I am hypersexual, and I have zero access to any sort of help atp in my life. Now that I have those things out of the way right now, I am essentially in a dilemma a lot like that post. One major problem, it’s not me JUST wanting to project, it’s me wanting to BE in that spot of the victim again for some reason. And I mean like srsly getting assaulted again and all that horrible stuff. Like, i THINK these ideas, thoughts, and urges I have are called “intrusive thoughts”?? But I’m not sure. I’m disturbed by them regardless.

This has been so frustrating to deal with bc first of all, I’m not a victim to gr//ming, second, yes, I am a victim of csa at a young age, and third, I find myself having some sort of YEARNING to be hurt in such a way. (Not cocsacsa, just to not let things get mixed up btw) I have looked around on the internet for so long about this issue and I find NOTHING on it, like, am I just going crazy? Am I trying to cope with it in the worst way possible? Like, I genuinely don’t know, and it drives me mad because on one hand, I have this massive theory that it’s a mental attempt of “self- h//rm”, and then on the other hand, it’s a bizarre extreme version of yearning for touch and affection, but I’m just so unsure because I can’t find any other personal accounts of anyone else!

I acknowledge that your post wasn’t about this oddly specifc scenario, and I’m so sorry that this is so out of pocket, and possibly even counterproductive (idk) but as another csa victim, would you be able to offer some sort of insight? Is that something I can even ask for on here? It’s okay if you can’t, or don’t want to, I fully understand if I just never see a response to this. I really hope things get better for you and that you’re a having at the very least, a decent day regardless. Thank you.

Also p.s., sorry for not being able to answer that question, I myself am also uncertain on a definite answer for that. Like, the most I can say is that I think it’s okay to explore unhealthy dynamics, so long as they’re both acknowledged as bad/unhealthy/traumatizing things, and not put out to the public since people can take/look at things and get weird and nasty🤢 (so generally just used in a private and secure setting)

HI !!! uhh

first off, yes you can ask for advice, insight, anything. thats why i made this blog, other than to just vent to strangers. second, thank you for giving me your opinion on the csa proship situation.

i do think what you're going through are intrusive thoughts, and i get those a lot too. especially about going through what i did again, or worse. i also fucking HATE those thoughts, especially because my mind makes it by people i know irl, especially classmate im close to. it makes me feel disgusting and like im sexualizing and making my classmates horrible people when they ARENT. intrusive thoughts arent a reflection of who you are, theyre a reflection of who you DONT want to be, thats why theyre so disturbing.

again, the almost yearning for it is intrusive. it's also a trauma response. like how people who are used to being mentally abused will seek out and be with people that will treat them like that, its kinda like that. its not a good way to cope, but its not the WORST. as the absolute worst would be repeating the cycle.

im sorry if this doesn't help, its kinda just my word vomit with no revisions,, but i hope it does. it gets better, i promise. keep going.

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