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batsandbugs · 3 years

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Help (I Need Somebody) Help

AN:Hey everyone! Hope you’re doing well, here’s chapter two of my wrong number daminette AU. I had a lot of fun with this, enjoy!

Chapter 2

Damian held back an unimpressed sigh when two goons rushed him. Their stances were off balance, and he could smell the stench of alcohol wafting off of them. A low sweep to their legs had both tumbling to the ground. If he had a dime for every lowbrow thug who thought they had a chance at beating him, he’d be richer than his father twice over.

It wasn’t his fault the brain lacking buffoons hadn’t figured out they had a snowball’s chance in hell to beat him in the seven years he lived here. Damian certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell them different now. He needed some sort of stress relief after Alfred banned swearing in the house.

He flipped another grunt over his shoulders, an audible crack of a broken bone soon followed.

His mask hid a glint of amusement that was surely gleaming in his eyes, but he kept his face an annoyed scowl. The last thing he needed was word getting back to his father for finding pleasure in the suffering of others. Even if the whole reason they were out tonight, punching up a contingent of near brain-dead loons, was to stop a sex trafficking ring. It was times like this where he seriously considered the validity of his father’s no-killing rule; surely some scum wouldn’t be missed.

He whipped around to punch another man, nearly a foot taller than him and thrice as wide, across the face. Blood spurted from the thug’s nose as the behemoth fell to the ground. Good. Damian jumped back and flipped himself over to roundhouse kick another goon. Another satisfying crack, and the last of them had finally fallen to his superior skills.

Easy.

He waited for the warm glow of satisfaction after a fight well fought, but all he received was the familiar rush of adrenaline and the delicious burn of his muscles tensing for another go.

Unfortunately, all too easy.

Damian didn’t sigh, he was too disciplined for that, but the low-level grumbling in his mind, and the displeased sneer were all too indicative of his problem.

He was utterly unchallenged.

It wasn’t that he enjoyed getting beat to hell and back. He wasn’t a masochist (although, the same could not be said for the rest of his family, if anyone asked him (which, of course, they didn’t)). It was just… after three years with the Titans, constantly stretching to prove himself, pushing his abilities to keep up with those endowed with advantages he simply didn’t have, Gotham felt… lacking in comparison.

And with the Titans all but formally disbanded, Gotham was all he had.

Well… that wasn’t entirely true. He could follow Cyborg and Blue Beetle and join the Justice League. He had enough blackmail material on all the core members needed to vote him in if his father protested. It would be a welcome change; higher level threats and off world missions, if only there wasn’t the pesky problem of dealing with other heroes.

He would be the first to admit that in his younger teenage years his anti-socialness was a bit… problematic, but he’d grown past that. Socializing with the Titans had been difficult at first, but by the end he could say he was more than an acquaintance with them – even if he wouldn’t go so far as to call all of them friends. But even if he had gotten used to them, it still took three years. At least in Gotham his potential partners were all known quantities. Even if he disliked half of them on his good days.

“Robin, do you read?” called his father on the comms. He shook away his distracting maudlin thoughts.

He raised a hand to his comm. “All clear southside Batman, making my way to the roof.”

“Negative, Hood is already there. Red Robin needs help releasing the captives – cops will be here in fifteen.”

Damian bit back an irritated sigh. “I’ll be of more use-”

“Robin, that’s an order.”

The words wrapped around him, restricting in their resoluteness. He glared down at the unconscious thug and gave a swift kick to the side resulting in an incoherent groan. Gritting his teeth, he muttered, “Yes, Batman.”

His comm feed dropped off.

The resulting string of swear words he uttered in Arabic would have cost him two hundred dollars in the swear jar. Damian just didn’t give enough of a fuck to bring himself to care.

-0o0-

Damian didn’t slam his bedroom door shut, but it was a close thing.

Between avoiding his father, deflecting the inane chatter of his siblings, and dealing with the GCPD, all of whom were either corrupt, uncaring, or ridiculously overworked, he had been ready stab someone, repeatedly, consequences be damned.

And that discounted dealing with the inconsolable sobbing women they rescued from the shipping containers. The sight of dozens of girls packed together like cargo, most of them his age, if not younger, would be enough to throw even the most experienced off their game.

Damian lived through some truly horrid things growing up in the League. He killed a grown man before he lost his first baby tooth. Suffered through endless hours of training with painful consequences upon any sign of failure. He had been beaten, starved, tortured, and pushed to the extremes of what a child could endure, but the utter horror and disgust he was faced with tonight, well…

At least the suffering he’d endured had a point.

Rubbing a towel through his still damp hair, he collapsed on top of his bed with an exhausted groan. The shower did little in relaxing his tensed muscles, his bed a welcome retreat after being on his feet for hours. Reaching out blindly he grabbed his phone off his bedside table. Going to bed would be the better choice, but it was Saturday, so he didn’t really give a damn.

His phone flicked on and he was taken aback by the notification awaiting him.

40 unread messages

He raised an eyebrow. That was odd. Not completely impossible, but odd. He did have acquaintances who would text him, Jon and Garfield came to mind, but it would be one or two messages at the most. Maybe a missed call if it was something extremely important.

He unlocked his phone.

Tapping on his messaging app, he saw that the messages all came from an unknown number.

That raised even more concerns, considering anyone who had this number were people he should already have programed into his contacts.

This put Damian’s suspicions on high alert.

Cautiously tapping on the text stream, he began reading.

- As long as you’re not an evil villain running around in a purple suit or a bitchy Italian transfer student I figure you won’t care about what I have to say

- I haven’t slept in two days. My brain is buzzing. And between my insomnia and four years of repressed anger generated by existing in the same city as an emotional terrorist who uses magical butterflies to turn distressed people into monsters, I might come off a bit incoherent

Before Damian could stop it, a small laugh of amusement passed his lips. This person was either really high, or entirely serious.

His finger hovered over the delete button. This had nothing to do with him. The person admitted they were texting a random number to blow off steam. He should just let it go and get some sleep.

But despite the long drive home, the debriefing, and a shower, the adrenaline hadn’t left his system yet. And the sight of those women in the container wasn’t going to leave his brain for a while. Sleep wouldn’t be coming for a long time yet. Whoever this was, sounded, if not entirely sane, at least somewhat amusing.

Looking back on it, Damian didn’t know what the influencing factor that made him read further. It could have been amusement, or curiosity. It could have been sleep deprivation. It could have been the promise of distraction. It could all of those or none of those, or any combination thereof.

Or it could have been luck.

Pulling up the knitted blanket from the end of his bed, he settled in against his covers, and began to read.

Permanent Tag List

@theunquiet-dead @loveswifi @fusser90 @animegirlweeb @ihavehomeworkbutistillhere @your-resident-chicken-nugget

Story Tag List

@maskedpainter @ambrosiabcp03 @mystery-5-5 @faunrasthewinterelf @greatcatblaze @shifty-lesbian-retro-goblin @dorkus-minimus @nickristus-dreamer @beautiful-disasters-sunshine @justafanwarrior @lunathealphafemale @dood-space @sdg-art-film-stories @tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff @dawnwave16 @mewwitch

#damian x marinette #maridami #maribat #damimari #mlb crossover #ml x dc #marinette dupain-cheng x damian wayne #marinette dupain cheng x damian wayne #moodboard #damientte #fanfic

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volturialice · 3 years

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me: i’m not gonna write any more of the drugged!human alice au

also me:

it has a title now too I guess. posting in a huge rush because I was supposed to be out the door ten minutes ago, so it’s even more unbeta’ed than usual. oh well

2,180 words

warnings: drugs, discussion of date rape, vomiting

rating: T

pairings: jalice

part 1 here

perihelion 2/?

It’s hard to tell visions from dreams. Sometimes, Alice doesn’t know which is which until a vision is coming true right in front of her, and then it’s like, okay, too late to do anything about this now. It means all of her dreams are high stakes—any nightmare could become a life-ruining disaster, any good dream could be made or unmade real by some hidden catalyst she doesn’t know about. She’s pretty sure she almost bombed the PSAT because she didn’t wear the blue top she had on in the dream where she scored a 189.

But her inability to tell the difference was never that big of a deal until Forks—until she started dreaming about the Cullens, and Jasper specifically. She wishes she could tell which of the Jasper dreams are real. They’re just so…well, horny. If Alice knew they were visions, and not her subconscious making a complete, desperate idiot of itself, she could be less embarrassed about the whole thing.

Tonight she dreams of Jasper and Rosalie in a room with green walls and shiny wood floors. They’re different in the dream, somehow—more still. Rosalie doesn’t sit. Jasper doesn’t blink.

Between them, an open doorway gapes into darkness. Just visible in the room beyond is the silhouette of a prone figure on a bed, unmoving. They watch it for an uncomfortable amount of time before Rosalie speaks.

“If she were any other human, I would have hunted you for sport, you know.”

“I know,” says Jasper, sounding impossibly old and tired.

“I would be off absolutely wrecking your shit right now, and then I would take care of the liability, because that’s how it works in this family. But she’s…this.” Rosalie grimaces, gesturing to the figure on the bed. “And why was it you told us you were following her, again? To ‘ensure her silence?’ Right,” she scoffs, evidently too disgusted with Jasper to keep looking at him.

“She hasn’t said anything. She won’t.”

“No, she won’t, because you’ll stop her at all costs, will you?”

Jasper’s face doesn’t betray the slightest twitch, but his eyes harden almost imperceptibly. “Not that way.”

Rosalie whirls back around. “You were supposed to be the one person I could count on to do what’s necessary! And now you’re telling me you won’t? Listen to yourself!”

Jasper throws up his hands. “Why are you here, then, Rose? Why are you helping her?”

“I’m helping you, you jackass! I know you all think I’m this narcissistic bitch, but I’m not…not inhumane, okay?” Rosalie levels a contemptuous glance at him, then looks away. “I don’t want some girl to be date-raped, however dangerous she is. And I’m not about to sit by and watch you make a complete mess of things.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I think that ship may have sailed,” grumbles Jasper.

“I’ll say. I drive up and she’s going on about how you’re stalking her and claiming you’re dating? She should have been killed the moment she figured out what we were, but instead you’re following her around protecting her because of some bizarre psychic connection she claims you have? Make it make sense, Jasper.”

“Edward confirmed her ability is real.”

“Great, so she’s a bigger freak than us. That makes it all ok,” snaps Rosalie, dripping with sarcasm. “Wonderful to know your abysmal taste in women hasn’t altered after all these years.”

Jasper ignores both the jab and the implication. “Earlier you made it sound like you were on her side.”

“I just think you ought to admit what’s really going on here. You won’t let us kill her—fine. It’s utterly irresponsible and stupid, but I can accept that. But it’s not like we can allow her to keep existing out there as a human, knowing what she knows.”

Jasper barks out a humorless, incredulous laugh. “Are you advocating that we should have Carlisle change her? You, Rosalie Hale, want to ‘take away her humanity?’”

Rosalie shrugs. “I’m not saying she wouldn’t be better off dead. But she’s not a very good human, is she? I gather she’s not exactly thriving. They have to pump her full of drugs just to keep her functional, and her human peers still think she’s insane. Be realistic. Her life was over the moment she learned the truth about us.”

Jasper’s only response is a slow shake of his head, like he still can’t believe what he’s hearing.

Rosalie’s eyes narrow. “Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about changing her. Don’t tell me it wasn’t your first thought, when you realized you didn’t want her dead. I may not be the mind reader in the family, but I know that’s a lie.”

It takes Jasper a beat too long to answer. “Of course I’ve thought about it.”

“Not enough, apparently. Right now, we’re in as much danger as she is. If she were one of us…well, her life is already ruined anyway. At least then we’d have her oh-so-special ability on our side. Surely you can see the strategic advantage,” Rosalie rebukes. “Better Carlisle changes her than the Volturi. Has it occurred to you that if they ever find out she exists, the decision will be taken right out of your hands?”

“It’s not in my hands.”

Rosalie rolls her eyes again. “Hers, then.”

He sighs. “The possibility did occur to me.”

“You think she wants to learn Italian and live in a sewer? Eat tourists?”

“I have no idea what she wants.”

Rosalie laughs. “Right, because she’s playing it so close to the vest. She called you a simp. Do you know what that means?”

“We’re not talking about this.”

“Funny how you never want to confide in anyone, yet here we are.”

Jasper’s look says that isn’t what’s going on here, but he doesn’t respond. They settle back into tense silence.

“What are you going to do about the man? The one who drugged her?” asks Rosalie after a while.

“Eliminate him. Quietly.”

Rosalie nods. “Carlisle won’t like it.”

“He doesn’t have to.”

“Can you actually do it, though? Without slipping?”

Jasper doesn’t answer, which is an answer in itself.

“I could do it.” Rosalie’s voice is quiet.

“It’s not your problem.”

“Exactly,” Rosalie insists. “It wouldn’t be a problem for me. If you slip…well, we may not have to move, but you won’t be able to come back to school for months. Going to trust the rest of us to babysit your human?”

“I won’t slip,” says Jasper, but for the first time, he sounds uncertain.

Alice’s dream chooses this moment to blur and shift. Jasper and Rosalie melt away, voices distorting until they’re drowned out by other voices, other sounds and images that crowd in and pull at her, like being tossed around in a rough ocean. They come one after another, too fast to make sense of them—muddy tires, a burst of cut-off music, a slow, dark ooze crawling over pavement, an echoing splash. Familiar red eyes, looking down at her.

Then Alice is awake, and the eyes looking down at her are black. Wait, no. There are no eyes looking down at her. It must have been part of the dream.

She’s lying on something soft—a bed. Above her is a white ceiling. Her head throbs with a confused, cotton-y ache, and her mouth tastes disgusting.

What the hell happened? Alice isn’t great at piecing together chronological sequences at the best of times. She remembers being in Port Angeles…splitting up with Bella in order to meet her friends from the art show at a bar, and then…people talking, her legs sticking to the green leather barstool. The lights getting blurry around the edges, the cool, slippery feel of condensation from the glass in her hand, and…oh. Oh, shit. Jasper.

Jasper had been there. The last thing she can recall is Jasper approaching, his face twisted in rage so murderous that she’d thought, huh, I guess he really is a vampire.

She rolls over and—speak of the devil—there he is, standing kind of a weird distance away, halfway between the bed and the door. He looks far less murderous than she remembers.

“Good morning,” she croaks, struggling into a sitting position. “Um. Where the hell am I?”

“Port Townsend,” says Jasper, which means absolutely nothing to her. She’s only been in Forks a few months—is she seriously supposed to know Washington geography?

To Alice’s immense relief, she’s still fully clothed. She does a surreptitious check to make sure her boobs aren’t falling out of her shirt, and when she looks back up there’s a glass of water in front of her face. She takes it and chugs the whole thing down in a few gulps. Why does she feel so hungover? She had only had, like, two drinks last night. Certainly not enough to make her black out and forget the whole evening. No, this big, empty gap in her memory feels more like when they used to drug her at the hospital. In fact, it feels exactly like that.

Jasper takes the empty glass from her and hands her another full one. He’s still watching her in a way that makes her want to squirm and fidget. Why had he been so angry last night?

She chugs the second glass of water while her sluggish brain tries to add it all up. Angry Jasper plus no memory plus waking up in a bed in a strange place, equals…yikes. Maybe she shouldn’t be drinking whatever he hands her.

“Uh,” she taps her fingers against the empty glass, “why do I feel like I’ve been roofied?”

“Because you were. Here,” says Jasper, handing her something else. Her own phone, somehow fully charged. One new voicemail, from…herself.

Future Alice, this is Past Alice. You’re probably pretty freaked out right now, but it’s okay! Jasper didn’t drug you. I repeat, Jasper did not drug you. Be nice to Rosalie; she’s there to help. Now put the phone down, you’re about to hurl. Bye!

Alice has just enough time to think, Rosalie? before a violent wave of nausea hits and she’s throwing up into the waste bin that appears in front of her face. “Ugh,” says the person holding it, and sure enough, there’s Rosalie.

There’s something extra humiliating about throwing up in front of two vampires, one of whom she kind of has a thing with and the other of whom is his super-hot sister who hates her. Thankfully, her stomach was empty except for the two glasses of water.

Rosalie blurs out of the room—damn, she’s fast—and reappears without the waste bin. It’s weird being on the bed while Rosalie and Jasper are standing, so Alice gets to her feet, already feeling way better. “Whose house is this?” she asks.

“Mine,” says Rosalie, practically shooting laser beams of resentment from her eyes.

“You wouldn’t let us take you home or to the hospital,” explains Jasper. “This is Rosalie and Emmett’s beach cottage.”

“Cottage” seems like the wrong word for this place, now that Alice gets a look at it. It has eight- or nine-foot ceilings and the view out the window—a vast, gray body of water that might be the ocean or some kind of bay—looks like a default computer desktop.

“Oh. So, then…someone else drugged me last night?” She tries to remember who she was talking to before Jasper came over, but she’d talked to so many people at the bar that they all kind of blur together in her head.

Jasper nods.

“Like we’d ever need to drug you,” says Rosalie. Oh, right. Vampires.

“So you just…watched me sleep?”

“Yeah, it was riveting. I had no idea snoring like a lawnmower was a side effect of rohypnol.”

So Alice was supposed to be nice to Rosalie, huh? Easier said than fucking done.

Something pushes at the back of her mind—Rosalie and Jasper watching her sleep. She, Alice, had watched them watching her sleep—from outside her own body. A vision, then, and not a dream.

She tries to remember the rest of it on the drive back to Forks, staring out the back window of Rosalie’s BMW like a kid with the two vampires up front. There had been something else in the vision, something besides the disjointed set of images. Jasper and Rosalie had talked about her, about whether or not she should be a vampire. She sneaks a glance at Jasper in the car mirror, at his downcast, shadowed eyes. Had he ever actually said whether he wanted Alice to be a vampire or not?

His eyes snap up to meet hers in the mirror, so suddenly she almost jumps. Alice looks away, guilty for no real reason. The vision, think about the vision.

There had been something else in it: a plan. They were going to…something. Something about slipping, something Rosalie thought she could do better than Jasper…

Right. They were going to kill someone.

rosalie @ human bella: noooo don’t become a vampire you’re so fertile aha

rosalie @ human alice: yeah nobody’s impregnating this little gremlin. bite away

#twilight fanfiction #jalice #jasper hale #alice cullen #rosalie hale #fic: mine #drugs //#date rape mention //#vomiting //#perihelion tag

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floggingink · 6 years

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Riverdale, “Episode Twenty-One: House of the Devil”

Jughead writes at the Whyte Wyrm now, which presumably people, there, still think is weird

Fifth period is AP English: Jughead compares the Black Hood to Edgar Allan Poe’s Red Death, which I think was an allegory for like, the Plague

“CARNAL DEFIANCE”

Sixth period is Intro to Film: Why does Cheryl call Archie & Veronica making out “xenomorphs,” which are the aliens in Aliens? I need help

Jughead drops the name “Varchie,” truly proving he is not above the rest of us

I like to think that Jughead chronicling the carnal defiance is him thinking to himself how objective and journalistic he is being

the carnal defiance montage is good, though

Veronica was rich: “The tasting menu at Pourquoi is thirteen courses, Archie.”

literally on a white fur rug in front of a fire?

I like the soft class differences in Archie immediately suggesting they maybe watch Netflix and Veronica immediately suggesting they maybe watch HBO

Veronica as usual is an emotionally-multitasking saint-genius in giving Archie a genuine had-a-good-time kiss as he frantically leaves

Jug calls McGinty “Freddy Krueger,” which I will allow

Jughead doubts it: Jughead is “dubious” that the Reaper is the BH, as he’d have to be in his 60’s. plus, he was MAYBE lynched! or they lynched someone who was MAYBE him!

God, Betty and Jughead Black & Golding it up at Pop’s hit me with some choice nostalgia. remember when they tried to break Polly out of Catholic school? innocent times!

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO, OKAY.”

Betty’s sweater with that red pencil skirt???

Veronica’s sleeveless floral blouse with that bow???

Veronica VERY NICELY looks excited that FP is getting out of jail. I don’t know if she cares, but she will act like she cares. Veronica is just that good

Archie > Dawson: Archie being like, I assume you need help with something because your life sucks and I’ve come to expect it, and Jughead and Betty being like, Yes, continue to investigate this decades-old murder while we plan a working-class graduation party, truly, sums everything up about them

I do applaud the self-awareness of Veronica being like, We’re Bughead right now?

these two angels are up for it. Archie doesn’t give him any nonsense about Moose’s physical therapy (I hope Moose is okay). he’ll Scooby Gang with Veronica for his bro

Cheryl’s pins: Cheryl has her own special red towel, because…..because…..

Gay?!: I do want an unprompted back massage with lavender essential oil from Cheryl, but Josie is one tea with Penelope away from needing to Get Out

What damn high school in America: weirdly, I feel like Ms. Svenson is largely guileless here, but like...don’t just open the door…

Cheryl draws back, the moment over, Josie is like...I gotta go...

Hiram’s exceedingly wholesome red sweater

Veronica gets my favorite line of the night: “Well, I don’t know about those other people, but we’re ACTUALLY SINNERS.”

“Damn good coffee”: I don’t know what “the martial arts” are, but Andre is trained in them

Smithers is dead, right? Smithers is dead

The female gaze: “Archie, as pictured here exiting the shower, would literally die for you, so keep him around.”

can we give Archie a more interesting phone background?

Alice is dusting with an actual feather duster? those DO not work

TBH what is Jughead’s plan with the Mayor? she has demonstrated many times over that she does not GAF about the southside, and Jughead is not exactly a charismatic master salesman. what he needs to do is get Veronica to talk to HIRAM about the southside, but that ship has sailed. I want to say I’m with Serpent Daddy on this one, and you know what if that makes me a little bitch, THEN I GUESS I AM ONE

I do like the Generation Z insurrection from inside of the Serpents, though. phase out the olds! maybe Tall Boy SHOULD shut up and let them fucking try and actually save their part of town. it won’t work, but it will be honorable. plus then they’d be younger and cooler, like the Ghoulies. okay, Jughead, you brought me around. except at this point in time I still think I would rather be a Ghoulie

Jughead drunk on his own righteousness and calling for “a vote” to oust Tall Boy is like the most assertive he has ever been

Veronica, hell-bent that they not talk about It, brings up the murder house, the BH letter, and how she wants to get laid

Veronica has her reading glasses at the breakfast table!!! VERONICA I LOVE YOU. I’LL SAY IT TOO

okay I do think Fred is right that with “those three words,” people are usually “on different schedules”

Please protect Betty: Alice lets Betty “borrow” the station wagon on the condition that she, Alice, drives it

INCREDIBLY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED? CARNAL DEFIANCE?

“Mom! What?” “Wow.”

brace yourself because the Riverdale prison is called “Shankshaw”

FP leaving the Serpents is fucking news to Jughead

“Working, Warden Cooper.”

oh, AA? AA, FP? I’m looking at my watch

FP lifting his pinkie to drink his coffee like Alice shows just how fierce prison turned him

Sheriff Keller’s continued patience with the Scoobies is the act of a desperate man

“The Devil’s house? What if he’s home?”

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Jughead’s motorcycle jacket is good and his helmet hair is great

of course FP has that obnoxious man-child motorcycle with the jacked-up handlebars

FP and Jughead have apparently parked alongside a Civil War battlefield

FP says when he was 16, Jughead’s age, his father kicked him out of the house, so he joined the Serpents. this is like exactly the opposite of what FP & Jughead are doing, but in the saddest possible way

Jughead must ACTUALLY like being in the Serpents. a group where he isn’t the odd one out all the time. the non-joiner joined and now doesn’t want to leave

FP’s condition is that Jughead keeps writing. FP DOES LOVE HIS SON, THE SCREW-UP

“I will. I do, every day.” YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME, JUG

I can’t endorse FP’s knockoff Ray-Bans, though

Cheryl’s sheaths: THAT SHIRT?

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Cheryl is DISGUSTED that Reggie is going to escort Josie to his father’s car dealership opening. $5,000, though?? to some people, Cheryl, that is A LOT OF MONEY

The Blossom spawn: “Clean that up, plebe. The way you did my brother’s blood.”

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: I think Cheryl is allowed at least one lashing-out at FP (FOR DISPOSING OF HER BROTHER’S BODY) and FP knows it

a “king”? a “leader of men”? was he, Jughead?

Betty’s solution is, as always, to throw a party

These students are legally children: Toni is bartending? Toni, a legal child, is bartending? I think if Alice really wanted to hit them where it hurts she could simply report them to the ABC for flagrant underage drinking violations (Toni is not drinking)

I say “X-adjacent” all the time, so I liked Betty calling herself “Serpent-adjacent”

ALTHOUGH SHE IS JUST AS MUCH A HEREDITARY SERPENT AS JUGHEAD

Byrdie, I think, smokes a couple of packs a day

Jughead wants the Serpents to stick up for themselves through actually viable legal channels. Toni wants to eliminate their sexist, misogynistic initial rituals. Sweet Pea probably wants to include an outreach program and feed little kids before school in case they can’t afford breakfast! PURGE THE OLDS FROM THE SERPENTS, THE KIDS ARE DOING GREAT

Jughead has come a long way from balking at Betty throwing him a birthday party for like six people to convincing FP that a retirement party at the alcoholic bar owned by his old biker gang will be fun, only last “like three hours”

“Don’t bogart the egg rolls.”

Penny thinks Jughead’s “soft underbelly” is his “quite fetching” girlfriend, even more than his well-meaning dolt father

Veronica’s cape!!!!!

FLASHBACK CAM!!!!

of course the SHATTERED PORTRAIT of mother and child is still there, like in Tarzan

this Reaper was a stone-cold motherfucker

OH, THE ORIGINAL BLOODSTAINED WOOD IS STILL THERE?

Archie finds the clue box! Veronica finds the third child’s initials! Archie and Veronica are GREAT Betty and Jugheads!

why is Penny AROUND if EVERYONE is scared of her? because she can actually do a good job when she’s “incentivized”?

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Toni’s lovely, looping pink side-braids

Alice storms over to Pop’s, preemptively furious that Betty is going to pole dance to become Serpent-adjacent

FP is like, PLEASE SHUT UP

this scene is GREAT. “THEY WEREN’T ALL MISTAKES.” FP’s bowtie! he looks great in white? “Are you high on fumes?”

Alice tries to throw Hal in FP’s face and FP is like, drop that like it’s hot

Best costume bit: Veronica’s perkily no-nonsense Lois Lane outfit during the debrief

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Jughead is quick to point out the possible Dexter ramifications on a body having to watch their family get murdered

Jughead sort of coos in Betty’s ear to remind her they have to leave

Betty’s belated invitation amuses Veronica and nonplusses Archie, and Jughead rather gallantly gives them an easy out in case they like DON’T WANT TO GO, “IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL”

Archie’s waist looks particularly small in that shirt

Joseph Conway honestly out here thinking he can outrun Archie! when the only person who can do that is Jughead Jones!

AN EVIL PREACHER!

A REAL MOB!

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica’s interrogation was great because Veronica is a natural Bad Cop

Betty has a picture of herself and Jughead at the Retro Reunion Dance from Hell on her mirror

I think Hermione and Hiram say “I love you” all the time, in many different ways. he calls her a dove. she brings him his coffee. he gets her boyfriend’s underage construction workers beaten up. she claims she wrote a threatening letter about herself

Archie’s brown Henley

Jughead did “a sweep” of “the perimeter”

Archie telling himself it’s going to be a good night, Jughead pats him on the back: “Here’s hoping”

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: once again Alice demonstrates that dressing “like the southside” does not preclude dressing fabulously, rather that other Serpents are simply not putting in the time

Alice does not want the worm that comes with her shot of mezcal

Jughead, PRECIOUSLY, clarifies that when he said “You look incredible,” he meant Betty, he was not hitting on Alice

Archie is VERY GOOD telling Veronica that he said what he said because HE was feeling good! GOOD, ARCHIE

HOLD THE PHONE, HAS ARCHIE SEEN DONNIE DARKO?

Archie immediately pivots to passive aggression when his kindness is not reciprocated with declarations of love! BAD, ARCHIE

“Mad World” is a great song. I would hedge on whether or not it’s a great karaoke song. I would strongly hedge on whether it’s a rousing crowd-pleaser at a drunken gangbanger send-off

did Archie like Donnie Darko? did he understand it? if so, could he explain it to me?

Veronica’s silky alto makes another appearance

“DEAD END FP”????

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: oh, Sweet Pea’s there! Sweet Pea is standing alone by the wall. Sweet Pea COULD be standing with Jughead, if he wanted. Jughead is also standing alone

apparently Betty has a whole secret drawer of black lingerie

never in ten thousand billion years would Jughead enjoy any sort of exhibitionism on Betty’s behalf in front of other people. BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING SHY, unless he’s calling Tall Boy a bitch

Gay.: Toni is amused. carnal defiance?

50 Shades of Betty: is Betty a Serpent now? BETTY?

I did rather enjoy the possibly inadvertent parallel to that episode of Fresh Prince when Will and Carlton end up stripping together at that rich-lady benefit and Aunt Viv walks in on it and she’s like, “PUT IT ON.”

FP, I want to say, saves the day by taking charge of the fallout: “Ha ha, great! EVERYTHING’S FINE! Put this on.”

Certified pedigree: OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE FP IS GOING BACK TO THE SERPENTS. of course he does it with the most melodramatic speech possible. of course he does it by dismissing his own son, dismissing his family, dismissing parole, dismissing sobriety. of course he’s actually doing it to protect Jughead but of course doing do by actually destroying Jughead’s life in a different way

“Coyote Ugly” is pretty good

“I AM NOT GOING GENTLY INTO THE NIGHT!” FP, do you read Dylan Thomas?!

FP’S KISS OF DEATH. FP’S FREDO KISS. “YOU BROKE MY HEART, JUGHEAD.”

the shot he takes right to Jughead’s face is just mean

Jughead looks fucking stunned. can you be numb AND horrified? horrifumbed?

Veronica doesn’t have any deep-seated issues, for God’s sake! she isn’t in love with Archie right now! everyone take a breath!

Andre sat in the car during the whole party? I see a missed opportunity here

the hat’s off! HAT’S OFF

Jughead considers Archie gone, that he “cut bait,” a phrase I admit I have never heard before. Jughead is operating with the assumption that Archie has written him off and that Betty needs to do so as well, so it’s like the Archie-Jughead breakup, but sort of sideways

“I’M DRAGGING MY DAD DOWN.”

“You might get...you will probably get hurt.”

I did like the CLASSICALLY DRAMATIC wrenching Jughead back around by the arm and holding his face. IF YOU KIDS WOULD JUST SHUT UP AND HOLD EACH OTHER’S FACES. remember when sorcerer dementia-phantom Nana Rose scared you snooping in Jason Blossom’s bedroom??? innocent times!!!!!

I’m looking at this photograph of the Hangin’ Mob and I can’t tell who’s who, and it fills me with glee!

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: I’m not sure what Betty and Archie are supposed to be seeing in each other for the very first time, unless it’s that they scare their partners or something. can Betty and Archie Blue & Gold? maybe! Archie wasn’t great at holding the line against Betty when she was falling down the Black Hood rabbit hole, but he did recognize it when it was happening, PLUS he’s a huge handsome slab of boy meat! TIME TO STEP UP, ARCHIE

hey, is Jughead homeless again?

TOMORROW: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

#riverdale #i say #commentary #tropes

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mischievouspoltergeist · 7 years

Text

About me :3

1: Name; Charlie, or Char 2: Age; 21 3: 3 Fears; trains, spiders, the dark 4: 3 things I love; Chocolate, my phone, & my dog 5: 4 turns on; biting, good long kisses, touch my thigh and we’re so done, lingerie 6: 4 turns off: too much talking, blindfolds, the mere suggestion of taking pictures, and men being butthurt when I tell them I’m not enjoying something 7: My best friend: Daniel, my best friend of 10 years :3 8: Sexual orientation: I don’t even know anymore 9: My best first date; Went out for a walk around a beautiful lake. It was a good day. The best dates involve exercise for me tbh 10: How tall am I: V.small. 5′4 11: What do I miss: Going for 14 mile walks. Got no one to go with since my mam stopped! 12: What time were I born: I have absolutely no idea. My parents don’t remember anything like that. 13: Favorite color: Bluuueeeeee 14: Do I have a crush: Yes 15: Favorite quote: (gosh this is hard) I guess one that always sticks out is ‘Love that is not madness is not love’ - did a whole art project around that quote a few years ago 16: Favorite place: A beach about half an hour away from me. I just feel so chill there 17: Favorite food: chocolate. all the chocolate 18: Do I use sarcasm: Every other word is sarcasm, baby 19: What am I listening to right now: The sweet silence of an empty flat with the slight hint of fridge noise. 20: First thing I notice in new person: I have no idea. I don’t think like that, I guess. 21: Shoe size: UK size 8. Annoyingly big 22: Eye color: Hazel/brown/green, they change colour for some weird fucked up genetic reason 23: Hair color: Naturally brunette, currently blonde/ginger 24: Favorite style of clothing: Comfortable 25: Ever done a prank call?: Nope! Don’t have the guts! 27: Meaning behind my URL: Peeves from Harry Potter 28: Favorite movie: Harry Potter - any of them 29: Favorite song: Right now? Halsey - Haunting, or possibly Strange Love. Hard choice 30: Favorite band: Probably always be Linkin Park tbh. Those guys slay me 31: How I feel right now: A little bit sleepy but happy 32: Someone I love: A lot of people. I have a lot of love to give 33: My current relationship status: In an exclusive crush-ship 34: My relationship with my parents: Strained, at best. 35: Favorite holiday: A few years ago, me, my mum and my best friend took a nice quiet trip to Cornwall and it was so chill and de-stressed. 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: None 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I don’t like piercings much, and I want so many tattoos 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: A friend told me to 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: Oh my god so much. Well, idk if he hates me but frankly if I ever see him again and I have a hot iron to hand... 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: At the minute I do and I never knew it would make me this happy 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: Nope 42: When did I last hold hands?: November 9th 2016 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: Anywhere from 15 minutes to 45. 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: Hell no. I don’t gots no one to show off to. 45: Where am I right now?: At my dining table in my lovely new flat <3 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: Hopefully, my best female friend Charlotte :3 She’s pretty reliable 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: Honestly depends what mood I’m in. I try to keep it reasonable but if I’m stressed or angry, the volume increases 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: Nope! Just moved out my mum’s! 49: Am I excited for anything?: THE YU-GI-OH MOVIE OMG 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: Yah. Best friend 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: 97% of the time. I find I feel better if I smile anyway. Fake it til you make it~ 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: Uhhhhh Sunday :3 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I’d be pretty upset and hurt and confused! 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: Probably! 55: What is something I disliked about today?: I had to drive a car. Why make me do this 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Maria Mena. I just want to. 57: What do I think about most?: Idk. The crush bae. Naruto. YGO. My crushing mental illness. They all take up my mind evenly. 58: What’s my strangest talent?: I don’t think any of my talents are strange! (but I would say that) 59: Do I have any strange phobias?: Windows is pretty odd. I won’t touch windows if it’s dark outside. I rarely want to touch them during the day. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Both! 61: What was the last lie I told?: That I’m totally ready to book my driving test on the 20th February! 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Talking on the phone 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: I already answered this to hell the other day I’m lazy. So yes to aliens, unsure about ghosts. 64: Do I believe in magic?: Sadly, no 65: Do I believe in luck?: Strangely, yes 66: What’s the weather like right now?: It’s pissing it down. 67: What was the last book I’ve read?: Loving someone with bipolar disorder 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: No 69: Do I have any nicknames?: Char, Charmander, Lottie 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I crashed my motorbike and sliced my knee right down to the bone. Took 6 hours of awake surgery and some of it was so bad that it couldn’t be stitched. 71: Do I spend money or save it?: Save when I’m well. Spend when I’m not. 72: Can I touch my nose with my tongue?: Nope 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: Nope 74: Favorite animal?: Snow leopards 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Sleeping! :3 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: Fuck knows 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: Babycakes - 3 of a kind 78: How can you win my heart?: Say ‘Charlie.... will you walk 14 miles of the South West Coast Path with me today?’ or say ‘Charlie... will you tell me about your bipolar disorder and what I can do to help you?’ 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? To steal Spike Milligan’s grave; ‘I told you I was ill’ 80: What is my favorite word?: Probably ‘fuck’ 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I CAN’T NAME JUST 5 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: You all suck. Be nice to other people. 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: Not that I know of! 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Hopefully the power to turn invisible whenever I want 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: I don’t know. I’m pretty shameless honestly. 86: What is my current desktop picture?: Yu--gi-oh Bakura-shipping 87: Had sex?: All the sex 88: Bought condoms?: Yup bcos safe sex is good and because my friends used to go ‘will you buy them for me? I’m too scared!’ 89: Gotten pregnant?: Thankfully, no 90: Failed a class?: Yup. Chemistry A-level. You only get one batch of materials for your exam and if you fuck up with them, you fail the exam automatically. I very cleverly tipped hydrochloric acid all over myself, my coat and my bag, and my seat, and the floor.... and I basically went ‘hm. Maybe Chemistry isn’t for me’ and dropped out. 91: Kissed a boy?: Yes 92: Kissed a girl?: Tes 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: Yes. So overrated 94: Had job?: Yes, several 95: Left the house without my wallet?: Too many times 96: Bullied someone on the internet?: Yes, when I was very young I made some very careless and horrible remarks. Got in trouble. Never did it again. 97: Had sex in public?: When we say public, do you mean were we seen...? 98: Played on a sports team?: Only when made to at school 99: Smoked weed?: Yup 100: Did drugs?: See above 101: Smoked cigarettes?: Not unless they had other elicit substances in 102: Drank alcohol?: A lot 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: Slowly going vegetarian, easier now I live alone. 104: Been overweight?: Yes 105: Been underweight?: No. Too much muscle to allow it. 106: Been to a wedding?: Yes. Two! 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: All the time XD 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: Yup 109: Been outside my home country?: I went to Scotland once :P 110: Gotten my heart broken?: I don’t know about broken. I maybe broke my own heart once or twice I guess 111: Been to a professional sports game?: Yup. I was 6 and I fell asleep 112: Broken a bone?: Yap. Three fingers, a toe, and my wrist a couple times 113: Cut myself?: Way too much 114: Been to prom?: Nope. I skipped out on that 115: Been in airplane?: Nope 116: Fly by helicopter?: Sadly no 117: What concerts have I been to?: None. Too much noise 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: Yep 119: Learned another language?: Partially 120: Wore make up?: Yap 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: Yup, because that’s perfectly legal in the UK 122: Had oral sex?: Yup 123: Dyed my hair?: Loads 124: Voted in a presidential election?: Well, prime minister here, but yes 125: Rode in an ambulance?: 3 times last year alone. 126: Had a surgery?: Several when I was younger, and once last year. 127: Met someone famous?: CHRIS BARRIE FROM RED DWARF 128: Stalked someone on a social network?: So many people 129: Peed outside?: Not in the last 15 years or so 130: Been fishing?: No, thank god 131: Helped with charity?: I volunteer for one now! 132: Been rejected by a crush?: Yep. Lewis Spatcher, when I was 10 years old. Then Rebecca Haynes, 11 years old (then outed me as gay and I had the shit kicked out of me :’) ) 133: Broken a mirror?: Nope 134: What do I want for birthday?: Degus, and all the things I need to keep them

#me #this is what I do when I should be doing other stuff =D #do feel free to steal and edit in your own answers

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