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anerdinallherglory · 4 years

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Approaching Sun (27)

Author’s Note: I am SO sorry about how long this chapter took to update. Taking on master’s classes on top of work has been a rough transition. The majority of this chapter had been planned and typed a long time ago, but it just took me ages to organize it, detail it, clean it up, and fluff it with a fork. For those of you who have contacted recently, (and I probably have yet to respond) this chapter is for you. Without your encouragement, who knows how much longer this chapter would have taken.

Forgive me. Hope you enjoy.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26

Chapter 27: Confirmation

Sakura had fully intended on eavesdropping on Sasuke’s conversation with Satou; in fact, it was the only reason that Sakura had allowed the interaction to transpire between her patient and her teammate. After Sasuke had closed the door firmly behind her, Sakura had walked heavily down the hallway so her footsteps could be heard. Her next step was to take the stairs, walk silently up two floors, and listen in by opening the window directly above Satou’s. Sakura had noted that Satou’s patient room window had been cracked open. Surely her ninja skills would be well-adapted to a simple eavesdropping.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, as Sakura walked down the hall, she noted that her breathing was becoming short. Her chest was tightening considerably, a feeling that she dismissed at first to anxiety at the current situation. When she paused to consider it, Sakura tried to swallow past her itchy throat. A terrifying realization came over Sakura has she glanced down at her hands that held the freshly pulverized Ashuwa.

Shit.

Sakura covered the mortar, sprinted down the remainder of the hallway, and took a right. She held tightly to the Ashuwa despite the situation; she couldn’t afford to sacrifice what they had acquired in her state of panic. Sakura tried her best to remember the hospital’s layout; there was a drug storage room on every level, so thankfully Sakura wouldn’t have to take stairs in her compromised situation. Turning another corner, Sakura was relieved to finally stumble up to the door marked “薬” for medication. Placing the mortar of Ashuwa on the ground, Sakura managed to focus through her shortness of breath and perform the sign of the ram to channel her chakra to her palm. Placing it on the center of the door, Sakura nearly stumbled as the door received her chakra signature and swung open to grant her access to the room.

Sakura’s vision began to blur as she shuffled through the drawers and cabinets. She could barely read the itemized labels of the stored items. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. She felt lethargic and her throat was swelling quickly. She should have taken Mako’s warning more seriously. He had told her of the drug’s disuse in the medical environment due to many allergic reactions to it. This was what she had been testing earlier when she picked a generous pinch of Ashu from the ground and placing it in her mouth; however, her and Mako both had gotten distracted by the issue of Satou.

Sakura cursed at herself for being careless but felt confident in her approach. If only she could find the medicine. She narrowed her focus to the vials on the top shelf and coughed violently as she reached for one. Stumbling into the shelf resulted in several of them busting onto the ground. After locating the blue tagged bottle labeled “adrenaline,” Sakura threw open cabinet after cabinet until she found the drawer of packaged syringes. She was choking now, a fish out of water and she aimed the needle into the top of the bottle; her hands shook as she waisted even more time trying to draw the medicine into the plunger.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke was trying to outwalk Mako, who was smiling kindly and attempting to make small talk as they quickly made their way down the hall from Satou’s room. Sasuke thought if he could just stride quickly enough, Mako might take the hint and part ways with him.

Sasuke frowned at Mako’s prattling of, “I have to admit. I was concerned with the whole genjutsu approach, but I think that it might be pretty effective. That was brilliant!”

Sasuke stopped his break-neck pace and narrowed his eyes at the medic, scrutinizing him carefully. “What do you want?”

“What do you mean?” asked Mako innocently, crossing his arms behind him.

Sasuke debated Mako for a second. Here was a skilled shinobi of medicine, an assistant to his friend, and Sakura addressed him casually. This trip was the first occasion that Sasuke had ever met him, yet Mako recognized Sasuke’s attempt at genjutsu before he had even performed it. Perhaps he was knowledgeable of the sharingan; many people were. It was Sasuke’s past of constantly being targeted that had the Uchiha wary. Was this the reason Sasuke was inclined to distrust him, or was it the fact that Sakura was involved?

Sasuke clarified. “I want to know who you are and what you want.”

Mako laughed and smiled nicely. “Well, I am a medic ninja here at the Suna hospital. I have been appointed to assist Sakura-san during her stay with us. Kankuro was pretty adamant about it.”

“Hn.” Sasuke responded before walking forward again. Mako sped to catch up.

“Honestly,” he continued, “Sunagakure owes a lot to Sakura-san. You have probably heard this before, but we have advanced due to her and the Leaf’s medical supervision and instruction. We are something in her debt.”

Sasuke didn’t respond. Perhaps that was all there was to it. Sasuke supposed it made sense that Gaara and Kankuro would assign the most ambitious learner and fellow medicinal expert as Sakura’s assistant. Sunagakure wanted to take advantage of every lesson and tip available. Sakura’s discipline and dedication to the medical practice made her share a common interest with the professionals here. Not everyone always had some double meaning to their actions like most ninja in the shinobi world.

As Sasuke and Mako rounded the corner to the left, they paused as several people ran past them in the opposite direction, back toward the center of the third floor. One man who bumped into Mako’s shoulder turned to look at him in recognition, jogging backwards. “Code 10. Haruno-san.”

“Shit!” Mako cursed, chasing after the man who spoke. Sasuke didn’t know what “Code 10” meant, but to see a panicked response in connection to the name “Haruno” had Sasuke quickly following.

“What is it?” he demanded, matching Mako’s stride this time.

“Anaphylaxis” Mako said breathlessly as they rounded the final corner and nearly collided with several attendants outside a small room in the hallway. Someone was kneeling just outside the door and Sasuke couldn’t make out the questions they were asking before until he began to make his way through with Mako right on his heels.

When he came in line with the entrance, Sasuke froze. Sakura was on her back, broken glass surrounding her on a messy floor. A medic was kneeling down beside her and removing a syringe from her hand. “We need to get her into one of the rooms. Now.” Sasuke’s heart was racing as someone wheeled a gurney past him. Mako began pulling him away from the entrance to which Sasuke almost shrugged off.

Sakura’s pink head was closest to the door so Sasuke couldn’t get a good look at her face until they began lifting her onto the gurney and wheeled her past him. To Sasuke’s great relief, his medic friend was fully alert despite the hives across her face and swelling lips. When making eye contact with him, she raised her hand and waved awkwardly.

“Hey.” She said past swollen lips.

“Hey?!” Sasuke responded, irritation quickly replacing his concern. Was she serious?! Mako let out a surprised laugh at her casual greeting. Sasuke ignored him completely and began tailing the gurney as it rolled away with her.

“What the hell happened?” he asked her with pointed annoyance. After failing to mumble past her tomato mouth, Sasuke shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“I’ll explain,” Mako said from the other side of the swiveling table. Sasuke spent the next several minutes listening to Mako explain a basic understanding of anaphylaxis and staring disbelievingly at Sakura as they unloaded her onto a bed. They began to hook her up to an IV and other machinery that would monitor her pulse and blood pressure.

Mako continued his explanation, “Antihistamines are what comes next. Luckily, she responded to the epinephrine and doesn’t need intubation. We’ll have to monitor her for a few hours just to make sure she doesn’t have another episode.”

Sakura was nodding her blistered head in agreement at everything he said. Sasuke just glared at her.

“Why did you eat a plant you knew was toxic?” he asked crossly. She shrugged her shoulders, the only response she could really make at the moment.

“I should have stopped you, Haruno-san.” Mako bowed. “It is all my fault.”

Sakura began shaking her head to dismiss Mako’s apology. Then she began to gesture for Sasuke to come over to her bedside. When he was close enough, Sakura pointed toward his hand.

“What?” he asked, looking down at it. My hand? What about it? He sure wasn’t going to hold her hand if that was what she was implying. Especially not in front of anyone.

A word made it past her lips but Sasuke didn’t understand it. “Hn?”

“Rath,” she repeated, still pointing. “Da ya hath a rath?”

“Oh,” Mako exclaimed. “You were handling the Ashuwa earlier, Sasuke. Do you have a rash on your hand?”

Ah. Sasuke’s hand was partially gloved except for his fingertips, which were unmarred. It had been approximately 30-45 minutes since Sasuke had even touched the plant. Sakura had sampled the herb 10 minutes before that, so it was too early to tell if Sasuke would have a similar reaction. He didn’t have a rash on his fingertips though.

Another physician handed Mako a familiar mortar and removed his disposable gloves after touching it. Mako immediately pinched a piece out of it and offered it to the Uchiha.

Sasuke responded with a glare as Mako continued to hold it out. “You’re not suggesting I eat that?”

“We need to make sure that you don’t develop a similar reaction, especially if you plan on using the chakra pills that Sakura is making.”

Sakura was mutely nodding in agreement and Sasuke annoyingly spat out toward her, “Why? You want me to end up looking like you?” Her nodding turned to shaking.

She followed with, “He’th ight. Eat wow you ah here.” Sasuke scoffed and blinked in disbelief at her communication efforts. How was she even talking?!

This was an absolute lunatic idea. She wanted the BOTH of them in hospital beds in this village while Gaara was away handling potential psychos that were after them? It was already a concern that she was incapacitated; Sasuke sure as hell wasn’t going into anaphylaxis too by choice.

“I’ll wait until you’re better,” he answered, shooing Mako’s hand away from his face. As he did so, Sasuke pointed at the door, ordering Mako to just go and check on Satou’s kid. Mako blinked at him in confusion before taking the hint and exiting with that same excuse.

When the silence grew thick between them, Sasuke took a casual stance against the wall next to Sakura’s bedside.

“Ya are wathing time,” Sakura began, looking guilty despite her swollen mouth as she tucked her hands beneath the covers and looked around at nonexistent people in the room; anywhere but at him. She was right. He was wasting time, and Sasuke mentally shook himself as he realized his indifference to that. He was trying to remind himself of his goal but in that moment, Sasuke’s feelings were outweighing that purpose.

He turned his back and peered out the small window at the darkening sky. He glanced back at her briefly before turning back to the window. “Are you okay?”

There wasn’t a reply which had the Uchiha worried and he turned to see her wide-eyed expression at his question. The face Sakura was making looked as if Sasuke had grown two heads. “I mean,” he added quickly, “with a mouth like that, it looks difficult to breath.”

She immediately covered her mouth and frowned at him, obviously embarrassed at his words. “I ah fine!” she shouted in embarrassment into her fingers and turned her head. Sasuke resisted the urge to smirk.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

After the administration of the antihistamine, Sakura didn’t wait long before she began removing her own IV. She felt bad for the time that had been wasted today when she was supposed to be making the food pills. Sakura was just relieved that the Ashu had been tested before she gave Sasuke a drug that could potentially kill him.

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked as she removed the monitor and turned off the flatlining machine before anyone came in at the sound. “They said it would be best to stay the night.”

“I’m ah do-ter” she told him. Yes, Sakura would have advised the same thing to her patients, but she was out of danger now and she felt anxious despite her drowsiness. She was troubling Sasuke enough by accompanying him on his mission. She didn’t want to get in his way; she was supposed to be making things easier.

Sasuke scoffed at her dismissive, mumbled declaration as she stood from the bed. She blinked heavily and managed to stand upright. It would still take a little bit of time for her to completely pass out from the side effects, so Sakura figured the time she had left awake could be spent productively.

The medic immediately went over to the cabinets and pulled out disposable gloves and a mask from the drawer. The mask would serve two purposes: 1) protect her from inhaling the Ashuwa as she worked and 2) hide her ridiculous “tomato” mouth as Sasuke referred to it. Ugh. Sakura could die from embarrassment.

“What are you doing now?” Sasuke grumbled irritably, following her as she moved. She immediately headed over to the mortar on the cabinet and pinched some of the yellow herb, skin protected from the substance thanks to the gloves.

“Eat.” She stated plainly. They couldn’t proceed further if Sasuke was likely to have a similar allergic reaction. Sakura would have to scrap their entire progress by disposing of the food pill batch. She would be back to square one and they would have to start all over by finding a new foundational herb with the correct properties to achieve the correct results.

“Forget it,” the Uchiha deadpanned before making to head for the door. Sakura caught hold of his hand, stumbling in the process and taking a hard fall on her knee. She winced visibly. That would bruise later. Sasuke immediately turned and helped her up and Sakura thanked her mask for hiding her blushing cheeks as well.

With the same hand Sasuke had offered, Sakura turned his palm up and placed the Ashuwa in his cupped fingers. “No time.”

Sasuke glared at her for what seemed like several minutes before reluctantly dumping it down his throat. They both knew he had to for his own sake.

Sakura nodded before trashing her gloves and retrieving a new pair. She couldn’t risk leaving traces around the hospital and anyone else coming into contact with the pollen if it was responsible for anaphylaxis. Mako had said that it was such a common reaction that they had stopped using it altogether.

Sakura halted in her steps, considered her plan, and decided to grab the entire box of disposable gloves. She handed Sasuke the mortar.

Sasuke gave her an expression that radiated annoyance but somehow was miraculously completely blank. If she could speak clearly in this moment, Sakura would have asked him how he managed that.

“Fowwo” she murmured through her mask-covered lips, pairing the word with a beckoning wave. “We’ll tesh your weaction why we wait.” She was shuffling out the door before Sasuke had the chance to say anything more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke trailed his teammate from the room, carrying the mortar of Ashuwa he had ground up earlier that day. This was one of the few times in his life that Sasuke somewhat regretted his decision to refuse the artificial limb that Tsunade had made for he and Naruto. Sakura was walking with one arm against the wall for support and Sasuke’s one and only hand was currently occupied.

It was well after dark now and many of the staff members were busy attending overnight patients, so they weren’t stopped by anyone as Sakura found her way back to the medicine room, which was now cleaned of broken glass and everything back in its space. She reached up and grabbed several bottles of adrenaline and then dug through the drawer for syringes.

“Sakura,” Sasuke began as she dropped some of the things she was holding onto the floor. “You need rest. We can finish this later.”

“We hafe to wait for weaction anyway. Might as well make the pills.”

“I feel fine.” Sasuke reassured her. It was true. Time had passed enough for his fingertips to develop a rash if there was going to be a topical reaction. He had yet to show signs from consumption.

Sakura strode past him again, this time walking backwards to face him. He could make out a smile beneath her mask which somewhat irked the Uchiha. She seemed awfully cheery despite nearly dying from anaphylaxis. Sasuke concluded that it had to be the medicine making her drowsy.

“Turn around before you fall,” he grumbled. She laughed as she began to walk slowly up the stairs. He hurried up behind her and offered her his elbow which she took thankfully despite his huffed “So annoying.” Her laugh was her only response.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura was practically nodding off as she watched Sasuke mix and prepare the batch of ingredients for the food pills. She felt relieved at finally seeing headway as Sasuke rolled the batter into 1-inch circular doses according to her instructions and placed them in the hospital’s oven. Sakura had tried to do so herself, but Sasuke had insisted she sit down to avoid screwing them up and risking their progress. Sakura allowed him to take the reins, praying desperately that the food pills would turn out and serve their purpose after such a hassle.

“Sasuke,” she whispered, immediately touching her lips behind the mask as she noticed the decrease in swelling. The ice Sakura had retrieved from icebox was doing its job.

“Hm?” he answered, trashing the latex glove he used to protect his skin and replacing his own. He turned to her then in the dim light, but Sakura couldn’t make out his expression because the only light in the room was a lamp over the counter workspace behind him. There was a shadow concealing his features and Sakura was too tired to try to make them out.

A lot easier now that her lips were shrinking, Sakura asked, “How are you? Any shortness of breath?”

“I’m fine,” he stated simply.

“Good,” she replied, thanking that ridiculous Uchiha blood of his for not reacting to the Ashuwa like her’s had. How ironic, Sakura thought, that even Sasuke’s genetics seemed to be working for him even in this circumstance. How superior he must feel.

Reclined across the small seating bench in the corner, Sakura placed her chin on her chest and inhaled the gentle night breeze that was coming from the opened window. It seemed to be the first night that the sand wasn’t trying to shatter the glass; to be honest, Sakura was surprised that the hospital windows even opened. Perhaps they were high enough on the fourth story to avoid the sand barrage.

Sasuke came to stand before her and Sakura blinked sleepily up at him in an antihistamine induced haze.

“Sleep,” the Uchiha before her ordered. “I’ll wake you when they’re done.”

Sakura wanted to argue that she could manage to stay awake for another 20 minutes while the chakra pills roasted, but she wasn’t that confident in her ability to do so. At most, she could manage maybe 5 more minutes if she concentrated hard enough. She wanted to ask Sasuke about the conversation he had with Satou.

“Sit with me,” she said, but it sounded more like a question. There was a minute of silence as Sasuke observed her. The bench wasn’t roomy, but Sakura was too drowsy to be apprehensive about their proximity. Sasuke must have not been either, because he sat and exhaled when he did so. Perhaps he was tired too.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke tried not to lean away from her as she settled into his side. He cursed her medicated self for such confidence in a small, darkened space. He counted down the time in his head; he would only have to stay seated here for 17 more minutes. For some reason, that time seemed both entirely too long and entirely too short.

“Satou,” Sakura began, reaching up to take off the medical mask on her face. Sasuke tried not to smirk at the lips that were still puckered despite having minimized in size. He blinked past the image to focus on her words.

“Hn,” he responded sourly, thinking of the man whose name had just been dropped between them like a heavy, unwanted stone. Sasuke didn’t particularly feel like talking about that man. He had, had enough of Satou for one day.

“How did it go?” his teammate probed politely despite being nosey.

“Fine,” he replied shortly, not wanting Sakura to find out about too many details. How would she react if she knew he had used his Sharingan on him? Probably not well. Sakura would continue to dig for more specifics if Sasuke didn’t bring an end to the topic promptly. “His son needs to be sent to Konoha.”

Sakura nodded, not seeming too surprised at Sasuke assessment. Perhaps she had been thinking similarly. “Thank you for talking to him.”

It wasn’t much of a talk, but Sasuke wasn’t going to tell her that, so he just responded again with a finalizing “Hn.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but jump when Sakura’s fingers touched his right hand. “Sasuke,” she began, almost in sleepy inquiry as she brushed his palm with her thumb and index. There was hopefulness in her voice and Sasuke cursed her medication again for her damn self-assurance.

“I..” she began, but Sasuke cut her off before she continued. Sasuke was almost absolutely certain that he knew which words would come next.

“Shh,” he replied, leaning comfortably into her side as his answer to her unspoken confession. “Just sleep.”

After a few breaths, and when Sakura’s head nodded onto his shoulder, Sasuke scooped up her hand into his, finding the courage to splay her fingers with his own and fasten them into place. Even when he would let her go in 15 minutes, Sasuke would lock the moment into his heart to last him the rest of his life.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When he counted down to the last second in his mind, Sasuke counted a few extra seconds. And then a few more. He thought about letting the doses of chakra pills burn to a crisp in the oven, but he decided against it, reluctantly releasing Sakura’s hand and pulling away from her heavy head.

Making sure that Sakura wouldn’t wake, Sasuke silently rose, turned off the oven and retrieved the pills from inside. He placed them on the counter quietly and turned to lean against the counter. He watched Sakura’s sleeping form for a few minutes, considering if he should wake her as he promised or let her sleep longer. What was the possibility of sitting beside her and stealing a few moments more?

Sasuke knew he was playing a dangerous game. Tomorrow, the Uchiha would test the chakra pill nearby and he and Sakura both were aware of what would happen after that. With the issue of his chakra reserves addressed, he would return to the desert to attempt cross-connecting dimensions again. They both realized Sasuke couldn’t waste any more time.

And with that thought, Sasuke’s stern resolve slipped. He would distance himself later, he thought. He would put the space back between them tomorrow. Tonight, Sasuke wanted to be next to Sakura.

He sat back down beside her and softly took up her hand again. Just for a little while longer.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura woke in the middle of the night from the pain in her arched neck. She blinked past sleep and realized that she was folded into Sasuke’s side with her knees tucked and Sasuke’s head leaning against hers. Not only that, but Sakura froze as she realized her hand was entwined with Sasuke’s between them. The moment was fragile, and Sakura almost cried of joy and then heartbreak as it shattered when Sasuke responded to her shifting.

The weight of his head on hers lifted and Sakura tried not to grab desperately at him to keep him from moving. Instead, Sakura pivoted her eyes to his as his sleep faded and realization appeared on his face.

Sasuke released her hand and stood hurriedly, saying nothing despite how Sakura’s heart wanted answers. She wanted to know if this moment was genuine or if she had been the one to hold onto him in her sleep. Sakura wanted to believe desperately that Sasuke had allowed himself to be transparent for just a moment and had secretly revealed his true feelings for her by holding her as she slept. Had that been the case? Was she being too optimistic? This wouldn’t be the first time their hands had touched. Had he been supporting her as a friend, or did he feel something more? She had to know.

“Sasuke,” she began, but he cut her off for the second time that night.

“Good. You’re awake. Let’s go.” He declared, hastily placing the finished chakra pills in an open travel container on the counter.

Sakura stood then, heart racing and adrenaline pumping as she worked up the courage to come up behind him as he worked. She wasn’t going to confess this time. She was going to ask Sasuke if he had been confessing to her while she slept?

“Do you… love me?”

Sakura was almost certain that he stopped breathing altogether as he paused his task. The Uchiha took a minute to compose himself before exhaling. “When are you going to stop that?”

The statement was meant to be cold, but the fact that it came out so desperately low gave Sakura a rare feeling of hope despite the words. “When are you?” she responded calmly in a whisper.

“What?” he asked incredulously, finally turning to her.

She gradually took the last few steps between them and stood carefully in front of him. “When are you going to stop pretending that you have no feelings for me?”

Sakura expected a scoff, a ridicule, but what she got in return was painful fear in Sasuke’s usually expression-less eyes.

It was true, she realized. Sasuke did have feelings for her. There had been so many signs, but Sakura had been unsure about all of them until this very moment. But what had just passed between them was confirmation. Sakura almost lost her breath at the realization.

“You’re mistaken,” finally came the blunt retort, but it was too late.

Sakura was already closing the inches between them. Her fingers were already brushing his cheeks as she brought his face to hers. She hesitated. Just for a second. Just long enough for him to pull away from her. But Sasuke barely took a breath before Sakura touched her lips to his.

#approaching sun #sasusaku #sasuke and sakura #sasukeshinden #sakura hiden #Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Haruno #ssfanfiction #sasusakufanfiction #blank period #naruto #naruto fanfiction

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let-it-raines · 4 years

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Catch Me If You Can (30/40)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: I am not a fan of the fact that there are only 10 chapters left. Like, not at all. Where did all of this time go? How are we at this point in the story? I feel like I was just writing it!

Anyway, it seems fitting that this chapter posts in a week where a lot of us have gone home to see family because Killian is going home with Emma to meet Ruth😘 Thanks to you all for being you and thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke for reading these words for me and checking my facts!

Found on AO3: beginning | current

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-/-

“Did you know that it’s Friday the thirteenth and a full moon?”

“Thank you, Alec Trebek.”

“No, seriously. That’s what it says on my phone.”

“Love, I know the date.”

“But did you know about the moon thing?”

“I did,” Killian sighs, picking his suitcase up off of the security belt and placing it on the ground while Emma grabs her sneakers. “I read about it the other day, and I am prepared for all of the haunted werewolves to come out to play.”

“Shut up,” Emma laughs before she plops herself down on a bench to tie her shoes.

It’s a little past four thirty in the morning, and JFK is nearly empty of anyone who isn’t traveling in some kind of suit. He and Emma are surrounded by people in black blazers and tailored trousers only traveling with a sleek black suitcase and their briefcase. He and Emma, meanwhile, are both in joggers with t-shirts on (Emma has on his Vandy sweatshirt over hers) and their hair tucked underneath baseball caps.

Emma got in from Detroit late last night, only taking five minutes to kiss him hello and take a quick shower before collapsing on his bed on top of the covers. The only flight they could get so last minute that wasn’t an exuberant amount of money is at the ungodly hour of six in the morning, so Killian insisted that she just stay at his place last night so that they could leave from the same place and save time. Considering they woke up ten minutes before their Uber arrived and could barely brush their teeth before they left, that didn’t exactly work in the whole saving time department.

It doesn’t help that Emma has pretty much been deadweight this entire morning until she started to wake up right before they went through security.

He, on the other hand, is wide awake. Nervous jitters run through his body, his stomach twisting in knots, and for someone who doesn’t get nervous for many things other than baseball, Killian is pretty much a wreck when it comes to meeting Emma’s family. Ruth is the last one, the final piece of the puzzle, and as intimidating as David was to meet, his mother might outrank her.

Killian both wants to spend the entire weekend sucking up to her and thanking her for taking Emma in and giving her the love she’s never had but has always deserved, but that could prove to be a bit much.

Then again, if Ruth hadn’t taken Emma in thirteen years ago, Emma would have never met David. If Emma hadn’t met David, David would have never taken her to the baseball game that truly allowed Emma to fall in love with sports. And if Emma hadn’t done that, he doubts she’d have ever gotten into broadcasting and found her passion there that makes her so damn happy.

The two of them also would never have met, and that thought sends a shiver down his spine.

It’s funny how such little things can change absolutely everything.

Everything.

So, yeah, Killian is most definitely a little nervous to meet Ruth.

“You want to go find some coffee, Swan?” Killian asks Emma as he props his foot up to tie his own sneaker. “I think the two of us are in some desperate need of caffeine.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think we’ll be able to find a coffee shop in an airport. There are never any coffee places here.”

“I don’t appreciate all of this sarcasm so early this morning.”

She pokes his stomach. “You’re the one who woke me up.”

“We’re going home to meet your family.”

“I don’t see your point.”

“You should.”

“Well,” Emma huffs, standing up and pulling up her pants so that he sees a flash of tanned skin on her stomach, “you should. Onto coffee we go.”

They both grab onto their bags and start walking down the terminal, passing gate after gate and store after store, but everything is black with the lights turned off and bars pulled over the stores. Nothing is open, not even the convenience stores, and the moment Emma realizes this, she stops walking and buries her face in his shoulder.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“There are vending machines,” he soothes. “I think they have coffee.”

“But it’s gross coffee,” she wines before wrapping her arms around his stomach. At first, Killian thinks that she’s being affectionate, but then he realizes that she’s using him so that she doesn’t have to stand on her own. He’s not sure he minds either way. “I need real coffee, and I need it in an IV.”

“Okay, Lorelai Gilmore.”

Emma laughs into his shoulder, the vibrations working through his shoulder. “You’re learning. I’m so proud, babe.”

“I might have watched an episode or two.”

Emma’s head pops up then, the bill of her cap hitting him in the chin. “When?”

“While you were gone. It was on Netflix, and it just kind of happened.”

“Good choice, twenty-nine. Good choice.” Emma’s lips brush against the corner of his jaw, and he tugs her a little closer as his hand runs up and down her back while she presses up on her toes to make contact with his lips. “I need a diet coke or something, and then when the stores open, I’m buying the biggest damn cup of coffee in this entire airport.”

“Whatever your heart desires.”

-/-

The flight is only an hour and a half, Emma sleeps the entire time despite them getting her the biggest damn cup of coffee in the airport right before they boarded, and Killian spends his time answering emails before closing out the app so that he won’t see anything else work-related for this entire weekend. It’s a conscious decision, one he’s happy to make, and it’s almost refreshing to know that he doesn’t have anything to worry about for at least a few days.

Well, anything to worry about except for Ruth Nolan and making sure that he can impress her.

-/-

The taxi they get from the airport takes them directly to Ruth’s house, so Emma doesn’t get much time to show him around, only pointing out a few landmarks. They pass the minor league baseball stadium here, the Portland Sea Dogs, and Emma tells him that she’s never actually been despite having such easy access. She was too caught up in everything having to do with New York and getting there that she never really thought about it. He teases her and tells her they’ll have to go to a game, but Emma turns him down by saying that she needs a break from baseball.

He does too.

So that’ll probably be knocked off the itinerary that Killian is sure Mary Margaret has made. Luckily, though, she and David won’t be here until early evening since they both had to be at work and school for half a day, so they’re pretty much free to do whatever they want with Ruth today.

He’s still slightly reeling from his injury and their fight and everything that came from that. He’s not angry or upset, but this is all still such an adjustment. He should be playing. He shouldn’t be here, but it’s his own damn fault that he is. He screwed up on so many levels, and owning up to it all has been a tough pill to swallow.

Hurting the people he loved nearly killed him, and he doesn’t want anyone to hurt because of him ever again.

In the blink of a bleary eye, they’re pulling up to a quaint two-story Victorian home with brown and white details and bright green bushes lining the brick-paved walkway to the front door. It’s a home, undoubtedly, one much the same as all of the ones in the city and yet entirely different in that he can see vibrant green grass and flushed trees that spread out all over the neighborhood. It reminds him of growing up in Ohio, even if they were not the ones to have the spaciously fenced-in backyard, and a little fluttering of his heart takes place as Killian takes it all in.

He’s always kind of wanted a place like this – away from everything.

“So, this is the place?”

“This is the place.”

“It’s nice.”

“Yeah, I’ve always thought so.” Emma hikes her bag up a little higher on her shoulder and turns to look at him, trepidation written across her face. “We can still turn around if you want to. There are hotels around here.”

“We’re going inside, love.” He leans down and quickly brushes his lips over hers. She tastes strongly of coffee just from the little taste that he got. He’d like to kiss her more, to have the privacy of the hotel so he can show her just how much he’s missed her the past few days of her being gone, but they’re not doing that. “Besides, I believe I just saw Ruth peeking her head through the window looking at us, so it’s too late to turn around now.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighs, “I guess it is.”

Emma steps forward and begins moving up the path, Killian following right behind her, and Emma barely gets a chance to knock on the door before it’s swinging open and Ruth is lunging forward to practically smother Emma with a hug.

Damn. Ruth Nolan is a force of nature.

Then again, she was already for being a single mom most of her life and still taking in foster children, especially one as stubborn as Emma. He can’t even begin to imagine.

He fully intends on finding out this weekend. There are a million questions running around in his mind.

“Oh,” Ruth coos, shaking Emma in her embrace. A dog escapes the front door and comes to sniff at Killian’s feet. This must be Wilby. “I have missed you so much. I think I’m going to have to move to New York so I can see you more often. Do you have room in that apartment of yours?”

“Only if the couch is comfortable for you.”

“I think it may kill my back.”

“No, it’ll definitely kill your back. I have no doubt. It kills my back. Killian’s couch is super comfortable, though.”

“Well, I hardly know the man. I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to sleep over in his apartment.”

“Who cares about proper, love?” Killian teases. “I would be remiss to not let a beautiful woman sleep over at my apartment.”

The words slip out of his mouth before he’s able to stop them, and he immediately regrets them. Ruth may not be Emma’s mom, the title something that Emma still struggles with no matter how much she loves Ruth, but she’s very much a mother figure. Yet here he is spewing words that pretty much scream in her face that he doesn’t care about proper and has been fucking Emma for months now. What a smooth start.

The pit in his stomach becomes a heavy, solid weight, one that’s going to have him breaking the wood of the wraparound front porch.

Shit.

But then Ruth is leaning her head back in laughter, her eyes shining brightly as her hair falls off of her shoulders, and that weight lessens a little bit.

“I’m not much of one for proper either,” Ruth says with laughter still on her lips. She releases Emma and steps toward him, wrapping him in a hug as well, even if this one isn’t quite as smothering. It likely helps that he’s larger than Emma. “Hello, sweetie. SoSo, you’re the infamous Killian Jones I’ve been hearing about?”

“From Emma?”

“No, my grandson. He loves you. I think he was probably more devastated about your arm than Emma was.”

“How did you know I was devastated?”

Ruth pulls back from him to look at Emma. “Intuition told me that you’d be upset over the fact that your boyfriend is injured. Mary Margaret gave me all of the other details.”

Emma’s eyes roll. “Of course she did.”

“You know she can’t keep a secret.”

Killian looks over to Emma to see what she’s got to say, thinking that this first meeting is going rather smoothly, but then Ruth’s eyes are snapping back to him and looking him up and down in a way that has him feeling rather naked under her scrutiny.

Obviously, it was wishful thinking for him to assume he was quite out of the woods.

“You’re much more handsome in person than on TV.”

“Thanks,” Killian laughs awkwardly as he reaches up to scratch behind his ear. “I, uh, appreciate that.”

Emma looks over to him with raised brows that are pinched together, probably wondering when he turned into a stumbling fool instead of someone who can charm anyone, and all he can do is shrug is shoulders at her. She shrugs back before squatting down on the porch to scratch behind the dog’s ears.

“Have you eaten breakfast yet, Ruth?” Emma asks, obviously trying to save him. “We’ve had coffee but not food, and we’d love to take you out to breakfast.”

Ruth waves her away. “Nonsense. I’ll cook breakfast for all of us.”

“You really don’t have to do that, Mrs. Nolan.”

She smiles at him. “It’s Ruth, and yes I do. I hear you’re quite the baker, so you can help.”

“Well, who told you that?”

“Mary Margaret. She’s where I get all of my information, don’t you know? Emma and David don’t give me nearly enough.”

“You know, Ruth,” Killian smiles, “I have heard a little bit about the two of them not sharing a lot of information. You practically have to drag it out of them. I would never do such a thing as keeping secrets.”

Emma scoffs but there’s that loving, playful smile. “Too soon, twenty-nine. Too soon.”

Ruth guides them inside and sends Emma off to take their bags to her old room. Killian raises his brow in question to make sure it’s okay for them to share a room, and Emma simply rolls her eyes before taking both of their bags up the stairs while Ruth ushers him into the living room.

It’s just as homey as the outside. Everything is covered in warm colors from the deep brown of the leather couch to the inviting green of the wall. Two windows sit on either side of the stone fireplace where the television is mounted, and that’s when Killian spots the myriad of picture frames on the mantel, as well as on the bookshelf in the corner of the room.

This is exactly what he’s been so excited about.

(Besides getting to spend a weekend away with Emma where she spent the last of her teenager years.)

There are a few photos of David as a child, ones of him alone and then ones of him with both of his parents. Most of them, however, everyone is a tad bit older. Killian knows that it’s so Emma can be included in all of the photos, and his heart swells a bit at the thought of Ruth being that thoughtful so that Emma doesn’t have to feel left out in any way.

A picture of David, Mary Margaret, and Emma sits in the middle of the mantle. David and Mary Margaret look much the same, if not younger than they look now, but with different hairstyles. Killian makes a mental note to tease David about his shoulder-length hair. Emma, though, is definitely a teenager here. Her face is rounder, far less angled, and he can see the tepidness of her smile as she leans into David in the picture.

“Are you looking at how cute I am?” Emma questions as she walks into the room.

Killian turns to look at her and at the shy smile on her face now, and he opens up his arm to let her walk into him so that her arm can wrap around his back while her head rests on his shoulder.

“How old are you here, love?”

“Um, that’s a question I don’t know the answer to.”

“Sixteen,” Ruth supplies, and Killian doesn’t miss the way she’s smiling at the two of them standing there. “That’s from Thanksgiving. Emma still wasn’t too sure about us.”

“I’m still not.”

Killian squeezes her hip. “Liar.”

“Nope, I’m serious. You’ve only just met Ruth, so I don’t think you can judge her character yet.”

“Oh no, darling, I can. She’s promised to tell me stories about you while we cook breakfast, and that’s good enough for me to love her forever.”

Emma groans and dips her head down. “Just let me sulk, and I’ll come to the kitchen when breakfast is ready.”

“Just like when you were a teenager,” Ruth teases.

The morning is mostly spent in the kitchen where they eat waffles and bacon, which is definitely not on his diet but he’s not playing right now anyways, and he gets to listen to Ruth tease Emma all about what she was like as a teenager. Emma’s cheeks are painted red, the embarrassment very clearly there, but she takes it like a champ and smiles and laughs along even when Ruth tells a story about Emma nearly breaking her arm while trying to sneak back into the house after meeting a guy who she wasn’t supposed to be meeting.

“Not my finest moment,” Emma admits as she bites into a piece of bacon. “And definitely not my finest boyfriend.”

The stories continue, and as the day passes on, Killian’s stomach hurts from all of the laughter. Everything about his time here just seems so…perfect. And he knows that there is no such thing as perfect, but the crisp breeze of the air with the sunshine filtering through the leaves of the trees tells him otherwise as the two of them help Ruth with some of her yardwork. Of course, he hasn’t done yardwork in over a decade, so he’s a little rusty. Ruth and Emma make sure to point that out to him every time he cuts a shrub in the wrong way or manages to screw up turning on the lawnmower.

It was complicated, okay?

And Killian definitely wasn’t aware that this is how they’d be spending the first part of their afternoon. It was not at all mentioned in Emma’s pitch of asking him to come here.

Not that he would have ever said no to helping. It’s good to feel useful when he’s been feeling a little useless lately no matter how well he thinks that he’s handling his injury layoff.

It’s decidedly different than the first time around. It likely helps that the injury isn’t as serious and that Killian knows that the end of it is in sight, even if there’s still bits of uncertainty that no one can answer and predict for him. Yet, it also has everything to do with the fact that the people closest to him know exactly what’s going on instead of him letting it all fester inside of him. Honesty is the better policy this time, even if his hand was the slightest bit forced.

Watching Emma easily guide him through Old Port with a beatific smile on her face may help as well.

No, it definitely helps.

She’s such a force of light in his life, even if she doesn’t like admitting that sometimes, but the fact almost seems reinforced after having been apart from her and facing the thoughts of what his life may be like without her in it outside of being someone who he works with.

Frankly, it would be kind of dim. She’s integrated herself so easily into every aspect of his daily routine, and while at first, he thought it really only had to do with her clothes in his closet and her shampoo bottles littering his shower, it’s more in the way that he’ll be sitting with Elsa and look over to see her texting Emma or the way that whenever he wakes up in the morning and she’s not in bed with him, his first thought is to check his phone for a text from her. It’s ridiculous and yet also…not.

She annoys him more than anything or anyone in the world, but he also loves her more than anything. It’s easy in a way that it’s never been before, and Killian wonders if this feeling of fluttering deep in his belly is what he was missing in the past.

They grab a late lunch at a quaint little seafood place, one he can tell is family-owned simply from the atmosphere, and instead of sitting inside, they settle down at one of the umbrella-covered tables outside so that they can have a view of the ocean with the salt-water breeze wafting over them.

He’s missed the water.

Of course, he’s been around it living in Manhattan and traveling to several places around the country that are surrounded by water. Hell, he’s even been back in it in the three years since the accident with Liam. But it’s been a long damn time since he’s sat and simply enjoyed getting to spend time near the water.

During the off-season, he and Emma are going somewhere that’s surrounded by water for at least a week, and they’re not going to let any outside distractions get to them. It’s making plans for the future, and that’s all that he wants right now.

(Some would call it baseball mating season, and while he doesn’t plan on them reproducing anytime soon, they can sure as hell practice.)

They get a call that David and Mary Margaret are nearly there when Emma is showing him some of the lighthouses while using a ridiculous voice that she calls her “tour guide” voice, so they quickly gather their things and start walking back to Ruth’s car since she absolutely cannot wait to see the rest of her family and refuses to have them be at her house before she can get back to her house.

David and Mary Margaret get there first because they are apparently the fastest drivers on the planet today.

And Leo practically tackles Ruth in all of his ten-year-old glory when he sees her.

That’s how Addy and Lucy are with Elsa’s parents too, and Killian imagines that being a grandparent is a hell of a lot of fun since you aren’t in charge of molding a little person into a functioning human being. You just have to give them candy and all of the things their parents don’t want them to have.

Or, at least, that’s what he thinks Ruth does.

(That’s what he does as an uncle and wishes his mom could have done as a grandmother.)

They all eat takeout dinner together from an Italian place that Emma and David swear by, and while it’s certainly not the best thing he’s ever had to eat, it’s pretty damn good. Then again, he’s had so much to eat today that his stomach very well may explode soon. He’ll have to get up and go for a jog in the morning.

But right now, it’s a little past ten at night, he’s been up for over eighteen hours, and all he really wants is to sleep. His body is dragging enough that he imagines he’ll have no trouble falling into a slumber as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He’s wrong.

Because then he sees Emma’s teenage bedroom and sees just how empty it is. It’s absolutely nothing like her apartment in New York full of throw pillows and blankets and every artificial plant known to man with a colorful paintings above her headboard. Everything here is rather…beige.

Emma walks out of the bathroom where she’s been getting ready for bed, and he watches as she rubs lotion up and down her hands and her forearms. “Why that glum look on your face? Are you still trying to figure out better ways to argue with David over soccer? Because that dinner conversation is long over. I thought Leo was going to climb on top of the table and start beating on his chest or something equally ridiculous.”

“Hm, no,” Killian chuckles, opening his knees so that Emma can step into them and his hands can find their spots on her waist, warm flesh against his fingertips.

“Then what?”

He blinks up at her, not entirely sure if now is the right time to ask, but then he sees the glint of his mom’s ring falling against Emma’s chest and is reassured in who he is to Emma. “I can’t help but notice that your room here is not quite as colorful as your room at home.”

Emma sighs, and he squeezes her hip in response so that she looks down at him and smile. “It’s kind of a stupid reason. You don’t want to hear about it.”

“I’d love to know more of your beginnings, Swan.”

“Haven’t you heard enough about them today?”

“There is never enough information, love.”

She smiles and reaches to push his hair back off of his head, her hands a magic touch as they move through the strands there. “I’m not a sentimental person. Or, I wasn’t.” Her right hand leaves his hair to find the chain around her neck. Killian’s heart stutters at that movement. “And I never trusted that I was going to stay in one place for very long, so if I had the chance to decorate my room, I didn’t. I kept everything I owned in a little box that was always ready to go.”

His heart may actually break for Emma in this moment, the sad reality of what she’s telling him something that’s hard for him to take in. He can’t imagine what it must be like for her to have lived that way.

“I think this place worked out for you, though.”

“Yeah, it did.” She smiles again, but Killian can see the twinge of sadness in the corners of her lips. “You sure you still want to know about these beginnings of mine when they’re a little bit sad?”

“Like I’ve said before, love, we make quite the team, sad backstories and all. I do, however, think that you need a little something on these walls of yours.”

“I think all of the home décor stores may be closed.”

Killian winks. “Well, I think I’ll just have to get a little creative then.”

His hand slides around her back to squeeze her ass before he’s pushing Emma back from him and getting up from the bed to walk out the door. Everything is darkened with the lights turned off, and since he doesn’t want to wake up everyone else in the house, he uses the flashlight on his phone and quietly walks down the stairs to find his way to the kitchen where he knows there were sheets of paper in the printer as well as a few pens in a cup right behind it. Emma is on his heels, questioning what the hell it is he’s doing, but he doesn’t tell her until he’s grabbing the paper and a thick blue marker.

“What are you doing?” Emma hisses.

“I’m making you some artwork for your wall.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s endearing.”

“You say that about every weird thing that you do.”

“Because the weird things are endearing,” he corrects, looking back at her and smiling. “What kind of drawing do you want? I’m pretty talented, if I do say so myself, but it’s been awhile since I’ve drawn anything.”

“Just…do whatever you want. I’m going to fix myself a hot chocolate. Do you want one?”

“Does Ruth have any tea?”

“I’m going to make you the hot chocolate. It’s better than tea.”

Killian rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t protest as he starts sketching out what he can remember of the view of the lighthouse today. It’s rough, definitely not his best work, but considering his original plan was simply going to be writing her name out, it’ll have to do for quick work.

Strange things happen when he’s far past tired.

“Milady,” Killian sighs, picking up the paper as well as a bit of tape before walking the few steps toward Emma as she sits on a barstool at the island with two cups of hot chocolate, her mug piled up with whipped cream and sprinkles of cinnamon, “I present to you your artwork for your wall.”

Emma’s eyes glance over it before glancing up at him with a slight smile on her face. “You’ve got to sign it.”

He taps the corner of the paper where he’s scribbled in his number. “Already done.”

“Ah,” Emma laughs, “how could I have missed that?”

“You were distracted by the beauty of the picture.”

“Exactly.” Emma presses up over the countertop and leans forward to quickly brush her lips over Killian’s, and while a part of him wants to deepen it, he doesn’t want to get carried awhile while here. “Thank you. That is very sweet of you to do.”

“Endearing, right?”

“Sure.” She shakes her head and slides his mug over to him so that he can have some of his hot chocolate. “I hope today hasn’t scarred you for life, especially since you still have to survive tomorrow.”

“It’s been fun, Swan. I’ve been…I think it’s gotten me majorly out of my own head. I needed that. And I liked getting to see you be so happy. My only complaint is that I’m under strict instructions not to make your bed squeak. I don’t like that rule.”

Emma reaches over to slap his shoulder, but he moves it out of the way quick enough that she doesn’t get it. It also causes a slight twinge in his shoulder that reminds him that he needs an ice pack for tonight. He hasn’t gotten to put ice on it all day. So, he turns toward the fridge and opens up the freezer, grabbing one of Ruth’s ice packs, and placing it on top of his shoulder before turning back to Emma whose fingers are tracing over the drawing.

Emotion lodges in his throat again, something that’s been happening quite a lot tonight, and it’s what propels him forward to step behind Emma’s back and wrap his arms around her stomach before resting his chin on top of her head.

“I’m not going anywhere, Emma,” he promises, meaning every word. “Not unless you tell me to go. So, you can plan on hanging paintings and making plans and keeping little trinkets in more places than a box. I love you more than I know how to tell you. That’s not going to change.”

Emma audibly sighs, something that he feels under the palms of his hands, before leaning back into Killian and simply staying in that spot so that he can breathe her in.

“I love you,” she breathes out as her head tilts up so that her lips can move across the underside of his jaw. “Let’s take the hot chocolate upstairs and go to bed.”

“And your picture?”

“Yeah, that too.”

-/-

Killian’s arm tingles, the feeling nearly gone, when he wakes up in the morning and finds Emma’s body pressed around it. This isn’t how they fell asleep, not even close, and he’ll probably never have use of his arm again. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, and he flexes his fingers a bit before nuzzling his nose into the back of Emma’s head in an attempt to get to go back to sleep.

They were up until maybe two in the morning talking, sleep never really coming to either of them no matter how much they both wanted it, and judging from the dim light coming through the blinds on the window, it’s still early yet.

He desperately needs coffee. He’s probably not going to be able to go back to sleep, and he desperately needs coffee.

Slowly, Killian begins to extract his arm from Emma’s grip, stopping when she flinches, and after several careful minutes, he’s able to quietly get off the bed and step out of the room, leaving her door cracked so as not to make any kind of noise. He walks down the hallway and uses the guest bathroom before walking down the stairs and wandering to the kitchen in search of coffee.

To his surprise, David is already there sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop open and a cup of coffee sitting next to him, the smell wafting toward Killian.

“Hey,” Killian greets. David nearly jumps out of his chair and knocks everything over, and Killian can’t help but laugh at the shock on his face. “Did you really not hear me coming down the stairs?”

“I, uh, I – ” David is stuttering, obviously at a loss for words, and Killian can’t quite figure out what’s going on. He doesn’t think Dave is usually this flustered in the mornings. “I wasn’t expecting you or Emma to be up this early.”

Killian shakes out his arm, still trying to wake it up. “Believe me. I wish I wasn’t up. Do you always work this early in the morning on a Saturday?”

“No, I don’t, but my phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with emails this morning, so I came downstairs to see so it wouldn’t wake Mary Margaret up.”

“Ah, I turned off my emails this weekend for that exact reason.”

“You probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“What’s that, mate?” David coughs in response, and Killian steps forward to the table and sits down across from David, confusion running through him as his stomach twists and turns. “Seriously. What?”

David can’t look at him, not really, and that doesn’t help calm any of Killian’s nerves as he tries to figure out what in the world is going on with him this morning.

“I didn’t know this was happening, I swear. I’d have stopped it if I got one whiff of it, but there’s been an article.”

“An article?”

David turns his computer around, and Killian reads a headline that he’s always expected to see and yet has always hoped to avoid.

The Truth Behind Killian Jones: A Story Told by His Father.

“Fucking hell,” he murmurs, his eyes taking in the picture of his father that’s plastered on the screen. Killian hasn’t seen him in years, actual years, and yet he looks exactly the same. “What kind of shit is this?”

“It gets worse.”

“How could it possibly get worse?”

“Look at the journalist.”

Killian’s eyes glance toward the screen again, his gaze finding more words he didn’t want to see.

Walsh Osborne.

As in Emma’s ex, Walsh Osborne who she still works with at ESPN. Though, this article is decidedly not on ESPN’s website.

Holy fucking shit.

Killian’s got to go back to bed. This isn’t real. This is all some kind of messed up nightmare that he’s experiencing, and soon, he’ll wake up and none of it will be real. And yet Killian keeps scrolling through the article, skipping the words to instead look at pictures of himself that Killian hasn’t seen in years. His father shouldn’t have these pictures. Liam should have all of them. And yet, somehow, he doesn’t.

Childhood pictures are nothing, though, at least for right now, when at the bottom of the article are pictures of Killian and Emma standing in the airport yesterday with Emma’s arms wrapped around his waist as well as a picture of them kissing in his car from who knows when. Then there’s one that he knows is from the hallways of Yankee stadium in what was supposed to be a private room.

“Everyone knows about you and Emma,” David tells him.

This is too much. It’s all too much, and he doesn’t know how to handle the reappearance of his father and the very public reveal of his private relationship.

Fuck.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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lasercruz · 4 years

Text

@quarterdollar fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call? No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1 .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔 i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding? yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery? dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile 😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting? its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

#ask #mine

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thewritingstar · 4 years

Note

Ah well were all at home better ask all 200 questions g, don't really know much about u

200 QUESTIONS???? ALRIGHT HERE YA GO.

hope you enjoy me spending an hour answering all of these :)

200: My crush’s name is: N/A 199: I was born in: 2000 198: I am really: nice 197: My cellphone company is: idk 196: My eye color is: Hazel, can turn dark brown or light green sometimes 195: My shoe size is: 8 194: My ring size is: 7 I think 193: My height is: 5′3 192: I am allergic to: penicillin 191: My 1st car was: Toyota 190: My 1st job was: Baskin Robbins 189: Last book you read: Suicide Notes (highly recommend) 188: My bed is: galaxy bedding and is currently on the floor in my bed fram cause my friends broke it... 187: My pet: Black cockapoo and a white cockapoo named Abby and Molly 186: My best friend: is a hoe 185: My favorite shampoo is: herbal essence color me happy 184: Xbox or ps3: I perfer Wii, Wii U or Nintendo switch 183: Piggy banks are: cute, Mine is a ducktales cup 182: In my pockets: nothing rn 181: On my calendar: nothing rn 180: Marriage is: a good thing but not a necessity for a happy life 179: Spongebob can: get it 178: My mom: is a queen 177: The last three songs I bought were? i only buy cds for my car so: Lover, Hozier, Blink 182 176: Last YouTube video watched: The Office deleted scenes 175: How many cousins do you have? 8 but I only see four of them and two of them are adults with kids so i consider them more of aunt and uncle figures 174: Do you have any siblings? One older sister 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope 171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 170: What did you do yesterday? Sat on ass and watched youtube

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: ye why not 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: kinda 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: mmmm yes i guess 163: Hell: yes 162: God: uhhhhh yes and no, kinda indifferent 161: Horoscopes: yep 160: Soul mates: yesss 159: Ghosts: ye 158: Gay Marriage: WHO THE FUCK DOESNT BELIEVE IN THISS?? ITS REAL 157: War: think it does more harm than good 156: Orbs: ye 155: Magic: ye i wanna be a wizard

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: drunk, i dont do drugs and i dont drink yet but ill prob get drunk 152: Phone or Online: oo i use both but Online i guess 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: HOT 148: Summer or winter: Summer 147: Autumn or Spring: Both 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Day 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: I have straight hair but curly hair is also beautiful 142: McDonalds or Burger King: BURGER KING..I HATE MCDONALDS 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK 140: Mac or PC: Pc 139: Flip flops or high heals:...High heels prob 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR, IM ALREADY UGLY 137: Coke or Pepsi: NEITHER 136: Hillary or Obama: obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: love both but maybe dancing rn 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk who they are 131: Small town or Big city: Big city, i grew up in a small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY 123: Yankees or Red Sox: eww sports

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War:....does more harm than good 121: George Bush:....dont know enough to say but im pretty sure he was an awful human 120: Gay Marriage: It should just be called marriage, just because you’re gay doesnt make it any less or any more, its equal to other marriages 119: The presidential election: 118: Abortion: Pro Choice, no one has the right to tell someone what to do with their body 117: MySpace: i never used it cause i was too young but i bet it was lit 116: Reality TV: its funny af 115: Parents: are nice if they care about their child but if they are abusive or horrible then they dont deserve respect 114: Back stabbers: should be stabbed 113: Ebay: its nice 112: Facebook: full of idiots and boomers 111: Work: a scam 110: My Neighbors: they fine 109: Gas Prices: A SCAM 108: Designer Clothes: a nice but really $200 for socks, no mama 107: College: SHOULD BE FREE 106: Sports: fun but no one needs to make that much money for throwing a ball 105: My family: i like them 104: The future: is wild and idk at this point

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: my mom like a few days ago 102: Last time you ate: at 11 today! 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 100: Cried in front of someone: my mom after i yelled at her 99: Went to a movie theater: i saw Onward when we were allowed outside 98: Took a vacation: went to disneyland last October 97: Swam in a pool: like almost two years sadly 96: Changed a diaper: when i was like 8 95: Got my nails done: never got them done because my mom wouldnt take me cause i was a ‘tom boy’ 94: Went to a wedding: never 93: Broke a bone: when i was three, my big toe 92: Got a piercing: my nose in January 91: Broke the law: i guess i sped the other day 90: Texted: literally as im doing this

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: my friend 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the silence of being alone 87: The last movie I saw: Princess and the Frog 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving for college 85: The thing im not looking forward to: 84: People call me: Deanna (real name), Dean, Star (what yall call me) ton of others 83: The most difficult thing to do is: idk 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was: 79: First time you had a crush: Ive had 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my best friends 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my friends over ft 76: Right now I am talking to: no one 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully being an animator 74: I have/will get a job: at disney 73: Tomorrow: doing nothing 72: Today: doing nothing 71: Next Summer: hopefully not on quarantine 70: Next Weekend: nothing special 69: I have these pets: 2 doggos 68: The worst sound in the world: ICE SCRAPING OR MOUTH BREATHING 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: 66: People that make you happy: my friends 65: Last time I cried: few days ago 64: My friends are: my world 63: My computer is: a Dell 62: My School: is a community college 61: My Car: it goes 60: I lose all respect for people who: are bigots, dehumanize people, republicans 59: The movie I cried at was: Onward had me sobbing 58: Your hair color is: Brown rn 57: TV shows you watch: theres too many 56: Favorite web site: tumblr or youtube 55: Your dream vacation: every disney park 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: i think when i cut my finger or when i went to the hospital for my chest 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium rare 52: My room is: disney themed and my safe zone 51: My favorite celebrity is: Tara Strong 50: Where would you like to be: Disneyland 49: Do you want children: ehh maybe 48: Ever been in love: nope 47: Who’s your best friend: my neighbor that ive known since i was 4 46: More guy friends or girl friends: more girl 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: making cake 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my cousin 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: ye 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: my mom 39: I would like to move to: La 38: I wish I was a professional: animator

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Kitkat 36: Vehicle: Cars 35: President: 34: State visited: California, Nevada, Texas, Hawaii, 33: Cellphone provider: 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: Colin O'Donoghue 30: Actress: Lana Parrilla 29: Singer: Joe Jonas, Taylor Swift 28: Band: Big Time Rush 27: Clothing store: Hot topic, Ross, 26: Grocery store: Safeway 25: TV show: Once Upon A Time or PPG 24: Movie: Princess and the Frog and Ratatouille 23: Website: tumblr 22: Animal: elephant 21: Theme park: disneyland 20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: hockey 18: Sport to play:..i do not play 17: Magazine: i dont read mags 16: Book: Kingdom Keepers 15: Day of the week: Friday 14: Beach: one i went to in Hawaii 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers 12: Thing to cook: chowmein and strawberry shortcake 11: Food: Chowmein 10: Restaurant: my fav Chinese restaurant 9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio 8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla 7: Perfume: Vanilla 6: Flower: Rose or Larkspur 5: Color: Black or blue 4: Talk show host: umm i dont watch many but i guess Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: Jaboukie Young-White or John Mulaney 2: Dog breed: Pomeranian 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye

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wherethewindtakesher · 4 years

Text

weeeeee

the biggest thank you to @caws5749 for sending me all 134 questions 🥰

1: Name Lorena

2: Age 20

3: 3 Fears drowning, the ocean, and fishes.

4: 3 things I love my dog, my friends, and mangoes.

5: 4 turns on humor, charisma, telling me how much you want m-, and moaning.

6: 4 turns off being full of themselves, disrespectfulness, afraid to be themselves, and not showing a care about the well being of others.

7: My best friend k, f, and @brownmantwo.

8: Sexual orientation bisexual.

9: My best first date i’ve never been on a date!

10: How tall am I 5′2

11: What do I miss being fucking skinny-

12: What time were I born 10:45 pm!

13: Favorite color red.

14: Do I have a crush uh...

15: Favorite quote “I got STDS they make my coochie itch” SKSKSKDKSDKAD.

16: Favorite place my house.

17: Favorite food rice.

18: Do I use sarcasm 99.9% of my vocabulary is sarcasm.

19: What am I listening to right now “everything I wanted” by billie eilish because ya girl is depressed.

20: First thing I notice in new person how they hold themselves.

21: Shoe size 8 or 8.5 sometimes a 9.

22: Eye color dark brown.

23: Hair color black.

24: Favorite style of clothing baggy clothes or dark bold colors.

25: Ever done a prank call? yea. I use to call those numbers where it takes you to a different number to prank.

27: Meaning behind my URL its not necessarily an interesting story I just came up with it in my head one day.

28: Favorite movie too many to count.

29: Favorite song literally too many.

30: Favorite band three days grace.

31: How I feel right now fucking sad.

32: Someone I love my friends.

33: My current relationship status single.

34: My relationship with my parents its good! but there is a lot I tend to not discuss with them.

35: Favorite holiday halloween!

36: Tattoos and piercing I have I have two tattoos, both on my left arm. my finger tattoo is of a rose and my bicep is a ghost wearing a witch hat! piercing: septum, conch (but it closed) and my two lobes.

37: Tattoos and piercing I want a bunch more of tattoos and I want to get a few more ear piercings.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr to be cool like my older niece.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we do not. lots of love and respect left in between us.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? not really.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? NO BECAUSE @domromanoff and I ARE BASICALLY SISTERS AND THATS INCEST.

42: When did I last hold hands? years ago.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10 minutes to get up from bed and 5 to actually get ready.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? yes I have because I like smooth legs.

45: Where am I right now? my kitchen.

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? no ones because they'll just leave me behind and laugh at my misery. jkjk but my dear friends.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? L O U D.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I do because rent in LA is fucking e x p e n s I v e.

49: Am I excited for anything? to go to bed.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? I have 2 of them.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? too often tbh.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? a few weeks ago I believe?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? they should because thats their baby momma.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? yup.

55: What is something I disliked about today? waking up.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? lady gaga and scarlett johansson.

57: What do I think about most? what tattoo to get, if I should get another dog, how to annoy @caws5749 that day, etc etc.

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can move the bones in my wrist.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? im scared of fish!

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind because I am a nervous mess and I like taking control of such.

61: What was the last lie I told? “im okay”

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? both honestly! I love video chatting with @domromanoff and my friends!

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes.

64: Do I believe in magic? hell yea I grew up around all that shit.

65: Do I believe in luck? not really.

66: What’s the weather like right now? its chilly.

67: What was the last book I’ve read? jesus christ I forgot the name but its currently under my bed rn.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? YES.

69: Do I have any nicknames? clown, wueej by @caws5749, pi- prin-, bottom by @domromanoff, lore, lorecha, whore, hoe.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I pulled my thigh muscle recently and OMG I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN.

71: Do I spend money or save it? I SPEND IT HONEY YASSSS.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? sadly no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? my water bottle c:

74: Favorite animal? I fucking love cows.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? crying lmao.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? nikolas is it not??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? “Judas” by lady gaga.

78: How can you win my heart? just be yourself and believe wholeheartedly of what you want and desire.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “madi did it”

80: What is my favorite word? fuck.

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @caws5749 @domromanoff @dailyavengers @ravenforce andddddd @supercorpbechloe there’s so many more I’m editing this rn AKSJSHSHSHS I love each and everyone’s accounts here!

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? GLOBAL WARMING IS A REAL THING YALL.

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? i think so 👀 but im not close to them.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? maybe like telekinesis or some mind power.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in your mind?

86: What is my current desktop picture? a winter forest.

87: Had sex? if oral sex counts then sure.

88: Bought condoms? I haven't bought them I just magically obtained them.

89: Gotten pregnant? oh god no.

90: Failed a class? yUUUUP.

91: Kissed a boy? yes.

92: Kissed a girl? yes.

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? back in middle school lmaoooo.

94: Had job? yes im on my second one rn.

95: Left the house without my wallet? all the damn time.

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no because im not a fucking asshole.

97: Had sex in public? not yet.

98: Played on a sports team? yea I was in track n field and cross country!

99: Smoked weed? I haven't but I once wanted to try it but I was to much of a pussy to skip class.

100: Did drugs? nope.

101: Smoked cigarettes? ew no.

102: Drank alcohol? y’all Ive gotten so fucked up on here so of cOURSE. my friends think I have a drinking problem ksjlksdjlkjds.

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? I am not.

104: Been overweight? yea.

105: Been underweight? No.

106: Been to a wedding? I have when I was younger.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? sadly yes because of video games.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yea when I binge watched the walking dead.

109: Been outside my home country? yes!

110: Gotten my heart broken? yeah.

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes because everyone in LA has possibly been to a dodgers game.

112: Broken a bone? nope!

113: Cut myself? oh man..I have and I deeply regret doing so but its a part of me now and i’ve accepted it.

114: Been to prom? YES! best night of my life.

115: Been in airplane? once and that was it because fuck planes lsjdkjlksdjs.

116: Fly by helicopter? nope!

117: What concerts have I been to? daddy yankee and some other guy I don't remember heheheh.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? duh im gay.

119: Learned another language? I tried (and failed) to learn japanese.

120: Wore make up? a couple of times. i’m not the hugest fan of makeup.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? nope!

122: Had oral sex? once.

123: Dyed my hair? too many times.

124: Voted in a presidential election? no but I will this upcoming one for sure.

125: Rode in an ambulance? no but I want to!

126: Had a surgery? no but I did have to get stitches on my lower lip.

127: Met someone famous? I meant jenni rivera’s brother at a movie theater once!

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yes? but not to a weird extent.

129: Peed outside? only because no one was around to open the door to my apartment complex and I couldn't hold it in-

130: Been fishing? I am T E R R I F I E D of fish so no.

131: Helped with charity? yup! I bought a shirt from one of @markiplier‘s livestreams that donated all the money to a charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? yea.

133: Broken a mirror? I think maybe once??

134: What do I want for birthday? I want a tattoo.

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alkalinerock · 5 years

Text

50 questions air

thank you @kisamas i love talking about myself

1. What takes up too much of your time? im double fisting ffxiv and three houses rn im swear im gonna beat nier one day and i recently got bloodstained so i might fuck around with that :)

2. What makes your day better? eating something tasty and then im happy :) i also like it when i talk w/ the pals makes me feel good

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? I am thinking about making mashed potatos i will i promise and it will b the best thing today

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? if i could visit some ffxiv maps like crystarium would b cool. n like, id visit inkopolis (i wanna b squiddo) and ryme city would be dope as hell would love a shinx buddy

5. Are you good at giving advice? i feel like i am but i feel like i still have so much more to learn about imparting wisdom. i was thinking about this the other night n as funny as this sounds i heard a lot of good advice on tumblr. mainly realizing how simple but important the small things are. “i’m proud of you” or “you did really well”. and i like giving advice i think it makes people feel less alone when theyre dealing with situations. if nothing else thats what i want to accomplish

6. Do you have a mental illness? idk i feel like i do but i never officially got diagnosed we got no health insurance. a lot of ppl tell me that im depressed and i think i believe it too but i always tell them im gonna remain impartial about it until i (finally) get a chance to talk to a profreshinal

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? ya a few years ago after class id take like, a nap daily. and most of the times i wake up unable 2 move. sometimes im in like, a bad position where my face is a little too close to my pillow and its hard to breathe. i havent gotten it in a while but it sure does stink.

8. What musician inspires you the most? i dont think any musician INSPIRES me but octopath’s composer yasunori nishiki really makes me wanna be like “quit your job join my octopath band”

9. Have you ever fallen in love? yeah it rocked but things didnt always work out but i learned a lot in the end

10. What’s your dream date? never rly thought about this kinda stuff i dont really fantasize about my ideal date. i think the best things in life happen spontaneously. i think.

11. What do others notice about you? i like 2 talk about myself and that im cute and smart funny and handsome and my meat is huge :)

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? i play a lot of osu!taiko so i have this finger tapping habit and a lot of like anxious tics like shaking my leg i bite my nails n whatever i do this n that a lot

13. Do you still talk to your first love? yea we’re like still best friends

14. How many exes do you have? two too

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i have many playlists i have soundcloud playlists for like. anime music/future funk/game music/etc. my spotify playlists have like. hundreds of songs. my youtube playlist also have like. hundreds of songs. some things i listen to on a daily basis i havent even saved so it just keeps growing.

16. What instruments can you play? i used to b able to play geetar, piano, clarinent but ive forgotten everything since

17. What do you have the most pictures of? animals n other stuff

18. Where would you like to go before you die? oh wow uhhh like. i have general locations but nothing specific. it’d be nice to visit japan and see korea (finally) n then like new zealand. i know it doesnt sound exciting but i’d be happy to be anywhere.

19. What’s your zodiac? tavros

20. Do you relate to it? sometimes but i take astrology with a grain of sand anyways

21. What is happiness to you? chillin

22. Are you going through anything right now? tryin 2 get a job. get my AA.

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? hmmm i have made many bad decisions but nothing stands on top as my worst. i think anything that falls under the category of “mistreating my friends because of my short-sightedness” is considered the worst.

24. What’s your favorite store? food stores

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? pro

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nop

27. Do you have a favorite album? no lol

28. What do you want for your birthday? uhm. better earphones?

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? im silly maybe

30. What age do you seem according to most people? a little younger than i am.

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on the dresser next to my bed or like. on my bed next to me in a safe corner

32. What word do you say the most? idk maybe like. epic. or. legit. or fuck.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? i donno lol maybe like. 1000.

34. What’s the youngest you would date? my age and above lol wtf

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? any job that requires, like, talking. on two occasions ive heard ppl say that i have a voice suited for customer service (like, ehh?? i just talk politely lol) but like. counseling too i guess.

36. What’s your favorite music genre? most genres but lately ive been listening to anime op/eds and bideo game music and bandori songs and like. brockhampton or like. outrun. this n that.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? i donno... i don really think about this stuff

38. What is your current favorite song? fire bird by roselia (lol)

39. How long have you had this blog for? for a while idr how long maybe like. 5 yrs

40. What are you excited for? these maybe mashed potatoes im gonna make LOL

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i think im both. i prefer to listen and i think depending on my conversation partner i think listening is more important

42. What was the last productive thing you did? i got out of bed brushed my teeth and got something to drink. i know its not much but ive really been makin an effort to improve my....””””mornings””””. ive been waking up at like 1-2pm these days so the least i could do is get my day started right

43. What do you want for Christmas? something rly good to eat!!

44. What class do you get the best grades in? i dont look at my grades LMAO i do like. OK on most of my classes but somtimes i make an oopsie whoopsie and lose a lot of points becuase im forgetful and stupid

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? like. 7. 10 being like, i just ate something really great and im chillin w/ the homies. im 7 becase i ate something sorta tasty and im chillin but no homies. n im thinkin about the mash potatoe im going to maybe make

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? uhm. maybe teaching? doing something like, being sillay with my pals. i dont think about the future i just kinda just. Do.

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? never rly the breakups were my responsibility becos i was mentally immature so i tend to like, think about what i did wrong.

48. What age do you want to get married? ahh im not rly thinking about this but itd be nice to have a gf first LOL these future oriented questions be like. “idk!”

49. What career did you want to have as a child? yuusha

50. What do you crave right now? despite what ive been saying about thos mash potatoes i really want like. a good burger or somethin. i just wanna eat something free and tasty!!

@gurmza @learnosaurusrex @advancewars2 do it and please read over my answers very carefully i will test you on this on discord without warning

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dfwemelie · 5 years

Text

May 2019

May 1st, nothing really that special happened today. We made icecream in Culinary and Carlos got really excited cause their were sugar cones. Izzy ate the most icecream out of all of us and hes lactose intolerant so he was hurting afterwards.

May 2nd, I was really stressed out this motning cause I havent finished my dress for the Fashion show tomorrow and it was raining and thundering. I had to stay after school for Fashion till 4 and I stayed with Scott after that until 5:30. I like staying after with him. We just makeout and talk and get paranoid about cars passing by. I think today we made out for 25 minutes straight which is a new record lol. He tops himself every fucking time and it’s so hot. Like holy shit because makeout sessions ever.

May 3rd, today was the fashion show and I was really stressed out at first but I ended up finishing my dress. The problem was that it was extremely short so I kept having to pull it down so you wouldnt be able to see my shorts under it. Seth and Aj were their watching their girlfriends and both of them took videos of me and sent it to Scotty. He said I looked beautiful. I met Kelly’s mom and sister and they seem really nice. I havent ate since Chickfila this morning and I’m starting to get really hungry/hangry. I might make me food but idk yet.

May 4th, Lots of pain occurred today. I woke up at 7:35 to get ready for the Nami Walk. Once my grandparents picked me up we got to Chickfila and headed to the Sam Houston State Park in Houston. The walk started around 9:30 and we finished at 11 only because my meme and Mrs.Pat walk so slow. It was fun overall but my feet were killing me and the back of my left leg was hurting alot and idk why. After the walk we headed to Galveston to meet up with my family. We stayed at the beach for an hour then went home. I ate a little bit and took a shower and now I’m here. I’m currently watching Thor Ragnarok cause it’s the only Marvel Avengers movie I havent seen.

May 5th, Cincooooo De Mayooooo. I didnt really do anything today besides sleep. I woke up at 3am for no reason then fell asleep. then woke up at 7 then fell back asleep at 1 till 5. I dont think I will br falling asleep early tonight cause I’ve slept so much. Scotty got to drink a margarita and I’m jealous. Also Ghala and Kaylie are so fucking cute and I stan them sooo much.

May 10th, damn. I told myself I would do this more often, bitch I havent done it in 5 days. Let’s talk about yesterday, May 9th. Scotty and I stayed afterschool (nothing new) and he was sitting down and I was ontop of him and we were making out. This BITCH flips me over to the ground, puts his hand down my pants, and…yeah…not actually touching me, just through my underwear. I was very ShOoK by this but I didnt stop him cause it felt really really fucking good. Like I’m not complaining.(I hate the word moaning so I use cake) Lots of cake was happening and he end up getting a boner. He has actually been getting them since we first started staying afterschool and I didnt know lol. I almost ended up having an orgasm but cars kept driving by and I told him if I see a car then he has to stop. I’ve never ever gotten this close with a guy. Not complaining. While cars were going by we kept telling weird sex related stories to eachother. He told me how when he was little his parents used the word dessert instead of condoms when he was around. Then his older brother told him what it meant and he was shook. On his 13th birthday his dad said he had a surprise birthday present in his drawer that didnt get opened at his party. He asked what it was and his dad said dessert. There were condoms in the bottom drawer of his dresser lol. Scotty also told me that he has personally bought different ones to use for future purposes. Now listen, I know its gonna be with me. I want our first times to be with eachother. That sounds strange but I love him and I want to lol but not now. Scotty wants me to go over to his house on his birthday to meet his parents. He also wants his birthday present from me to be us doing it. I said that’s not happening for a long ass time cause it’s too early and I’m not ready yet, even though I want him to be my first.

Different topic lol. Yesterday we got hit with some really bad weather and it fucked up my sleep schedule. I fell asleep at like 9pm then woke up at 11 then woke up at 2 then stayed awake till 4:30 then woke up at 5 then work up at 11. Like wtf??

May 12th, wow get ur shit together lol, do this more. Its official, I will be going over to Scott’s house if I get my gas laws homework packet done. My mom thinks I’m going over to Kaylies house, I hope she buys it. Im extremely nervous about meeting his parents, I’m hoping I’ll make a good first impression. Ive never met a boyfriends parents before so idk what to expect. I sent Kaylie a bunch videos about me deciding on what I’m gonna wear. I’ve decided on curled hair, light natural makeup, my blue ripped Jean’s, and either a red or blue shirt. I dont know how to act ugghhh.

Today I went over to my grandparents house and it was okay ig. My cousin Coleson came over and I was excited about that. He is my favorite cousin by far. I played basketball and ate food. I also drove from their house and back twice and I did pretty good. I wish I could talk to Scott but I dont want to interrupt his time with his mom cause it is Mothers day after all.

May 13th, I feel sick sksksks. like a vomit kind of sick and I feel like my limbs are weak and they are kinda shaking. It’s making me scared asf. I hope it will go away soon. I dont like feeling like this cause it gives me really bad anxiety and makes me have anxiety attacks. I’ve been getting alot of anxiety and panic attacks since sophmore year started

May 16th, Wow I really need to start doing this more often. Yesterday was Scott and I’s one month and he made a really cute video and I love it so much. I am still super nervous about Sunday, for alot of reasons. First I gotta meet his parents and idk how im gonna do that. I don’t know how to act or anything. Also Scott said its a shoes off house and I don’t want them seeing the cuts on my ankles. I’ll try to wear socks that cover them, I mean im gonna have to since i also wanna cover my 2 ankle tattoos. Also Scott says he wants to have sex. I don’t know if im ready for that yet. I’ve been thinking about it alot, mostly what would go wrong. Of course we would use condoms but they are only effective 98% of the time. I’m mainly worried about if I am gonna get pregnant or not. I can’t get pregnant. My life would be over. I’m saying this now, which is very contriversal, I would have an abortion. Yes its a human person who probably deserves to live but I just cant do that. I cant be pregnant. I don’t want to focus on all the bad stuff about sex, but the good stuff too. It supposedly has alot of health benefits. I don’t know how to do it though. Like I know how, but at the same time I don’t. Ya know? I also think we should wait to do it but in Scotts words, “I don’t plan on breaking up with you ever so we arent gonna get the opportunity to do it for a long time. So why not do it now when its gonna happen eventually.” I think im gonna do it. Talking about it makes me feel less nervous and weve been talking about it more and more since his birthday is in like 3 days. I want to talk to Kaylie about it but im scared she might say its too early. I know shes gonna support me in whatever I do, but I still want her opinion on it. I also nervous about Scott’s parents or siblings knocking on the door while we are in the middle of having sex. Scott always has his door locked which is good for the both of us. I know his older brother wouldnt bother us cause he’s like a cool brother and knows whats going on lol. I hope it doesnt happen but it might, just might be his mom checking up on us. I think im ready. Im nervous, but I want to do it with him. Im not being pressured into doing it by the way. He knows that if i dont want to do it, he won’t try, we would do what we normally do afterschool, but in his bed.

I should probably talk about what has happened today instead of talking about sex lol. Nothing special really happened. Scott wanted me to go eat lunch with him and I said no. 1. I dont like school lunches, and 2. I don’t want to sit even remotely near Derek, and 3. I don’t eat lol. I kept telling him he should go eat and he said ok. I just layed down on a couch on my phone alone. Felt like old times, when I had no one to sit with so i just listened to emo bitch music. Good times, good times.

May 17th, I had to take out my nose stud for pictures in Journalism and my piercing closed. At around 10pm I repeirced it with a thumbtack in the wall. I put a part of an earring in so it doesnt close overnight and now I have to sleep like that till I can go to the mall tmrw and get some more.

May 18th, I went to the mall and got some new piercings. I got a black star, blue ball, black hoop, purple gem, silver star, and a skull. I'm wearing the black hoop right now since it's my favorite. The skull makes me look emo lol. I'm really nervous about going to Scott's tmrw. Wish me luck

May 19th, Ok so I just got back from Scott's house. When my parents dropped me off they wanted one of them to walk to the door with me. I legit begged them not to. They wanted to make sure at least one parent was home so Scott's mom went out and waved. She also said she was Scott's mom but I dont think my parents thought anything of it since they didnt say anything to me yet about it. I met alot of people like his stepmom, stepdad, mom, all his siblings, some of his cousins, aunt and uncle, grandmas, and dog. His step dad was really funny and made alot of jokes. His step mom and I were talking a bunch about how cute JJ Watt and Tom Holland is and Harry Potter. We had pie and a bunch of us went up to his room and just messed around. His older brothers Damian and Ralph were messing with us and it was funny. My mom decided to be an asshole and picked me up 30 minutes early. I wish I could've stayed longer but Aunt Mandy and her boyfriend James are coming over to watch some wrestling thing. I'm glad I got to see Scott on his birthday. He seemed happy.

May 21st, I texted my mom yesterday about Scott, how we are dating, and how I lied and said I was at his house meeting his parents instead of going to Kaylies house. I thought I would be in really big trouble since I lied but apparently I wasnt. When I went downstairs to talk to them they were just happy i finally opened up and told them something about my personal life lol. They didn't ask that many questions about him which is a good thing cause i dont like questions, they make me feel uncomfortable. They know hes getting his license soon so my dad said we are gonna have to talk about people driving me around, other than Michael and his mom. I think it's just gonna be about not leaving the state and just staying close by to our house. At least I hope that's what it's only gonna be about. Knowing them, they are gonna put a bunch of restrictions. I'm pretty sure they would also want to meet Scotty before he drives me anywhere. They are 100% gonna make fun of him for driving a mini cooper lol, I already do. I'm actually really nervous about him meeting my parents, both sets. Ik I was nervous about meeting his but I think I'm more nervous about him meeting mine. I dont know how anyone is gonna react. Gavin is gonna be all weird and would want to talk alot lol. Gavin likes Scott, I really dont know why. Makes me nervous just thinking about it.

I took Scottys keys in Journalism today lol. It was cool just carrying them around. Made me feel like I actually had my own car even though there is a keychain with Scott's name on it. When he was walking me to class he took them back and I got offended. That's all that's happened so far lol.

May 23rd, I cried myself to sleep last night. Lol what a great way to start an entry. Basically I felt like I ruin everything I touch and somehow I was gonna ruin my relationship with Scott. He tried making me feel better but it didnt really work. Anyways, today has been kinda an off day. I dont know what it is about today, just not a good day. Haven’t been in the best mood since last night, but it’s fine..im fine. Everyone has their off days and I guess today is mine,

May 24th, Yesterday Scotty was acting kinda weird so I typed him out a little paragraph to at least try to make him happy and all he sent back was "Love you too". I'll admit, it was a little bit frustrating spending all that time on that and getting a short response but its fine.

May 25th, I'm spending the night at Kelly's, well actually I already did. We went night swimming and it was fun. I woke up at 5am cause I was in so much pain and now I'm in even more. I just love bleeding internally and having cramps that make me feel like I'm gonna vomit. I tried looking for some aspirin or advil but I couldnt find any which is just so fucking great for me. Yeah anyways, I'm in alot of pain, feel like I'm go throw up, kill me to end my suffering

May 28th, wow yeah love procrastinating this lol. I had my Journalism and Child Development finals today so basically I did nothing at school. I accidentally stole Scotts key for the entire day and I was lowkey panicking cause I didn't know if I was gonna have the opportunity to give them back. I mainly played on my phone in Journalism. We judged the class Photo Safari and my group got 1st place in two of the categories and got 2nd overall. I was really surprised the portrait of me won cause I don’t think I look that great but apparently the yearbook staff thinks so. Thanks Avery :’) Our child development final was easy. We basically just had to write down about something interesting we learned and 3 jobs associated with child care. After that I got out a piece of paper wrote down everything I was thinking cause I cant actually say it or else I think people would hate me. But I basically wrote how I think Scott doesn't understand how I am feeling and my bipolar and depression and about an Instagram comment about something I really shouldn't be worrying about. Also I was writing on their how I am a stupid piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything in her life cause she is just gonna fuck it up anyways just like she always does. I got done with that and the bell rang. I went to meet up with Scott and give him his keys then he walked with me for a little bit before he had to go talk to his teacher. Seeing him makes me happy, one of the few things that make me happy in this cruel world anymore. My dad called me and told me I had to get all of my work done tonight or else I would get my phone taken away all summer. I just don’t have the motivation to do this or anything for that matter. I’m gonna fucking fail anyways, might as well just deal with it.

I don’t feel anything anymore. No pain. No happiness. I am simply just...here. Maybe that's why I do it. To feel something...anything. I don’t care if it gives me pain I just want to feel human again.

Anyways. goodbye. Ig ill see ya in the next entry if im not already dead yet.

May 29th, today overall has been pretty good. I helped Cameron, Drew, Kaleb, Cassie, and others on the Geometry final. Which basically means I gave them all the answers. Cameron was 2 rows away from me so I texted them to him. I also took my Chemistry final today and I already know I failed that bitch. My parents are making me go to summer school for it which is no bueno. After the last bell rang I got to walk with Scott to the back doors. I don't want school to him. I'm gonna miss seeing him everyday. Tomorrow is the last day of school which means it's Izzys last day. I already know damn well I'm gonna fucking cry. I don't want him to leave but hes moving so their is nothing I can do about it. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell him how much of an amazing friend he has been and that everything will get better in the end. I dont want it to be tomorrow.

May 30th, Last day of school and just as I expected, I cried...alot. I didnt have a chance to say goodbye to Izzy like I wanted which made me very upset. I actually liked going to school, just not the learning. Seeing all my friends was the only thing I looked forward to. Now I have nothing. Once Scott gets his license we will be able to hang out but I want that to happen now, not in like a month. I said goodbye to Avery, Kaylie, Carlos, and all my teachers. I'm gonna miss it. But hey, I'm finally a junior. 2 more years then we can move to California. Maybe I'll start looking forward to that. I have to go to summer school and I'm really not excited about that, I know alot of people that are going which kinda makes me feel better ig.

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killerqueenjoy · 5 years

Text

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

4 notes · View notes

rydenstories · 6 years

Text

12 Children

It begins with the click and whir of a tape being played. Light buzzing for a moment. Finally, a young woman's voice speaks up.

"This is Dr. Tiffany Abshire with the children's emergency unit. It is currently 4:27 P.M. on August 2nd. This will serve as a personal log under these extreme circumstances, rather than typing it out. Only an hour ago, this department received a call from emergency services with warning that they would be bringing in a rather large number of children. We weren't given much information beyond that. Our staff prepared the entire emergency wing; transferring less serious cases up to another floor of the hospital. The children that arrived were not what we expected; malnourished looking, but not in terrible condition other than the dirt and grime on their school uniforms. Nurses have placed each child in their own individual room. There was also an adult woman with the children and while we assume this is the teacher, we cannot be sure until we can get someone from Psych at City Hospital. The woman is catatonic and unresponsive, seeming in the worst condition of the group. I will be joining Dr. Fieldsman in the initial interviews with these children, but we can't do much for them until we can contact the school and the parents."

The tape resumes that light, low buzziness that indicates a pause between recordings for about five seconds before the doctor picks up again.

"Dr. Abshire. It is now 5:30 PM and we haven't gotten anywhere with the children. We have no records for these patients and finding a way to reach their school has been challenging. The officer in charge of the case came and spoke with me shortly after the children arrived. He states that he was driving on a bridge that passes over the nearby lake when he spotted a rather large passenger boat out on the water. The children were desperately waving for attention, for rescue. Shortly afterward, 12 young students and their catholic school class monitor were pulled up onto the bridge from the boat, which apparently had died some days or even weeks ago. He didn't know much beyond that. He made a personal comment, something that always makes us feel a little more optimistic as doctors. "They seem like strong, resilient little kids. More hungry than anything else. I think they'll make it."

bzzzzzzz.

"Dr. Abshire. 6:30 PM. Dr. Fieldsman and I did a short round, just getting names and making sure the children were in stable condition. They all are in generally brave spirits, I don't think I've heard a single child cry for their parent. It's almost a little odd, but it has left our staff feeling at least optimistic about their overall health. As for everything else, well.... We're having a hard time identifying these children. No parents or local schools have reported children missing. The police are doing a nationwide search, but it will take a while. For now, Dr. Fieldsman and I are waiting for the green light to treat the children anyway. They could all use an IV drip to get their hydration levels back. I've also sent one of Fieldsman's techs to the cafeteria to bring back snacks for the children."

bzzzzz.

"This is Dr. Abshire and it is 7:43 PM. We got the go-ahead to treat the children at around 7. Fieldsman and I went around and explained to the children to the best of our ability, something we're not really used to as we normally deal mainly with the parent. It was surprisingly easy, though. Most of them didn't seem to mind, still more concerned with when they'd be given dinner. On a personal note, I felt a little horrible when they brought up food. We've been so concerned with identifying them even though feeding them would greatly improve their treatment. Strangely enough, though, Fieldsman's tech came back and passed out tiny bags of chips and cookies to the patients. They remained untouched when we did another round to check on their progress. As for their monitor, she still hasn't spoken. Someone is on their way from Psych and will hopefully be giving her the help she needs soon."

bzzzzzz.

"Dr. Abshire. 8:19 PM. Things have taken quite the turn as the children and monitor both have become incredibly agitated over the past some 30 minutes. She still wont speak, but the children are demanding food. We've reassured them that the hospital serves dinner soon and they'll be fed, but being children, they've become very impatient. It's understandable, but a few have already gone to the extreme of ripping out their IVs in anger. Psych send someone but being the oh so fantastic group of doctors they are, they could only come up with someone who can sedate their monitor. I guess they hope calming her down with bring her lucidity back."

bzzzzzzzzzz

"Dr. Abshire. 8:40 PM. The children were served dinner and all finally seemed quiet for about three minutes before trays of grilled cheese & tomato soup came flying from doors. One of the nurses that was in one of the rooms could be heard loudly chastising a child before we heard a large smack and cry of surprise. The nurse sprinted from the room in tears and shouted that the child had punched her before running off to the restroom to likely cry. From there came the sound of shouting from all 12 patient rooms. The children have protested that what they were given was not food, but we're not sure what they mean by that. Dr. Hayim clocked in around this time and organized a team of nurses and techs, which will attempt to calm the children, or at least prevent them from causing harm to themselves or others. Hayim says that if needed be, she isn't afraid to sedate them."

Bzzzzzz.

"Abshire. One of the children just bit a tech in his throat. He's not severely injured but he'll need to be moved to City Main for for it anyway. I personally tried to talk to their Monitor afterward. I got a first name; Amelia. Other than that though, the sedatives have her incoherent and unhelpful, although not for lack of trying. She mumbled and babbled and even tried to get out of the bed. Her assigned nurse settled her down and nearly as soon as her attention dropped, so did her consciousness. Dr. Hayim just put in a request to sedate all of the children to prevent further harm to any staff. Additionally, the nationwide search for a possible missing class of children has shockingly turned up nothing. It's quit puzzling; we see a lot of unwanted kids come through here over the years, but it doesn't seem plausible that a whole class of private school children would be so unloved that they weren't reported missing."

Bzzzzzzz.

"This is Dr. Abshire and the time is 10:30 PM. Normally, I'd be going home right around now. I just can't leave when I'm needed on a case so honestly baffling. I don't think I could sleep if I tried anyway. These kids have just gotten stranger and more aggressive. Chief of Medicine has refused to approve any sedatives, so we're pretty much all hands on deck down here. Fearing for the safety of our staff after two more techs were hit/bitten, we've pulled them from the rooms and have had no choice but to lock the children in until we can find space for them in safer quarters, the Psych wing. Until then, our staff hasn't much to do besides deal with other patients and watch the children through the tiny window of each door."

Bzzzzzzzzz

"Dr. Abshire. Staff is becoming increasingly worried as the children have turned their destructive, angry behavior onto themselves. Hitting, biting, scratching, throwing themselves into walls. Painting with their blood. Just screaming. Many of our techs and nurses have left, too afraid to deal with the situation any further. Fieldsman tried to slip out as well but Hayim stopped him with a swift slap in the face, accusing him of losing his compassion for sick children. I'm not sure what we're going to do next but...."

The voice on the tape trails off but the soft buzz didn't resume. Dr. Abshire's breathing can even still be heard as her attention is pulled away from the recorder, and to something else.

"Is that.... Amelia? Amelia?! Hey, what are you doing out of your room?!"

Bzzzzzzz.

Before any speaking starts, there is a lot more clear and distinct chaos in the background. Yelling and laughter. It all sounds very frightening although it begins to distance as Dr. Abshire's panting can be heard. There is the sound of a door closing and a little more shuffling around.

"This is Tiffany Abshire. I am hiding under my desk, in my office at City Children's. I'm so scared."

A pause.

"Amelia let the children out of their rooms. They went berserk. Within moments, the nurses station of the emergency wing became an absolute madhouse. I've never seen anything like it. Frail, sickly little children, coming at full grown adults with the strength of men. No. Not men. Monsters. I watched as two little girls dragged Dr. Fieldsman, one leg each, from one end of the hall to the other, playfully laughing and skipping as he bled from two very distinct bite marks on his neck. When they reached the end of the hallway, both screamed TAG before pouncing onto him again. I broke my eyes from that gruesome scene but they only locked onto another, and another, and another. I crouched down behind a toppled-over stretcher but it was almost immediately knocked into by Dr. Hayim, who was fighting off a bucktoothed seven year old with a stainless steel tray until Amelia got ahold of her. She actually said not so fast. She spoke with a fairly posh english accent that I didn't notice at all when she was mumbling at me earlier. With one swift motion of her hands, Hayim's neck was broken and her body dropped heavily to the floor. That's when Amelia's eyes locked with mine and I knew I had to run. It was over already anyway. Every adult there lay dead or dying on the floor, knelt over by hungry children who tore at them with teeth and nails."

Another pause.

"Oh god. I think they're coming."

Sure enough, tiny footfalls accompanied by an adult's approached at a frighteningly rapid pace in the background of the recording. Abshire is whimpering as the door slowly creaks open and another woman's voice, deep and very posh, is heard on the tape

"Just one more, darlings! We'll leave this wretched place and go home!”

Dissonant cheers come from three or four small voices.

There is another pause, and then indescribable screaming for only a moment before the tape cut out. There are no more recordings after this.

After listening to all of this, I put the recorder in the drawer of the desk that I had found it under. Upon being hired here at City Children's, I was excited to be a doctor making a difference in an emergency wing that I was told was recently abandoned by it's staff as some kind of "worker's strike." Since coming here, however, nobody seems to believe that story and now that I've heard this recording, I don't believe it either. I've since been looking around the hospital and while I've found a few things that are frightening, nothing has struck me more than a plaque with a photo that hangs in the middle of the emergency wing's nursing station. It's an award given to outstanding doctors and staff, with each staff member's name engraved on their own little gold plate. The photo is missing, but three standout names are there.

Dr. Kyle Fieldsman. Dr. Davina Hayim. Dr. Tiffany Abshire.

#mine #my story #creepypasta #creepy #nosleep

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deeeelightfuldee · 2 years

Text

Twelve Facts About You Where were you born? Illinois

What is your middle name? leigh.

How long until your birthday? google said 98 days

How old will you be? I’ll be 30

What is your natural hair color? dirty blonde

Eye color? blue/navy

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? no. I think what I have questioned is that ummmm sapiosexual -- needing, desiring, craving a highly intelligent partner

What are your religious affiliations, if any? I am a Christian

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? im the baby

How does that make you feel? im fine with it. it is what it is.

Do you have a birthmark? i have the faintest mark by my belly button. its like one shade darker than my skin tone and its super easy to miss.

Eleven Questions Concerning Friendships Who is your oldest friend? as in like years known? alix. ive known her since I was 5.

How long have you known them? 25 years

Is your best friend of the opposite sex? im so lost on these.

Who were the last non-relatives you hung out with? Z

How did you meet them? hinge.

Who was your best friend in kindergarten? alix lol

Are you still friends now? yes we still talk

Is your #1 a brunette? ??

What is your #2's sexual orienation? ??

Is your #3 single? ??

Where does your #4 go to school? ??

Ten Relationship Questions Are you currently single? 24 hours single.

What is the longest relationship you've been in? legit would be like a little over a year.

Where was the location of your first kiss? my driveway in his car

How are things between you and your most recent ex? hes extremely desiring to work things out. im numb at the moment. its extremely fresh.

Do you think marriage is an old-fashioned tradition? i love the concept of marriage.

Have you ever felt pressured to do something you weren't ready for? yesssssss. How far did you go with the last person you did something with? kissing/cuddling/etc.

Do you regret it? no?

Have you dated any of your top friends? what top friends? is that referring to myspace?

Are you a virgin? i was raped, so no.

Nine Cell Phone Questions What color is your phone? it is silver and lovely.

How long have you had it? K would know this better than me. I think just over a year. I believe last february is when we activated it because my earliest pictures were days before Miller passed away

Who is your provider? verizon

Who was your last received call? My mom.

Your last dialed call? gram

Your last missed call? k

Who is your 8th phone contact? Alando lol

How did you meet them? he worked at CFA when my friend did and he introduced us.

What is your ringtone? some ringtone the phone came with. 99% of the time my phone is on silent so oh well.

Eight Family Questions What are your parents’ names? Bill & Liz

Are they still married? no. divorced at 37 years together.

How many siblings do you have? 3

What are their names? nah lol

When did you last see your Dad? ummm about a year ago at Dutch’s bday party.

What is your Mom's maiden name? lol no.

Are either of your parents over 50? yes

Do you have any nieces or nephews? 6 (soon to be 7) boys and 1 girl

Seven Firsts First place you lived? Illinois

First grade teacher? mom

First job? nanny

First boyfriend/girlfriend? John

First date to a formal dance? Tyler took me to his prom

First movie you remember seeing in theaters? gosh i have no clue

First thing to make you laugh today? i dont think ive laughed today. its been a tough one

Six Lasts Last time you moved to a new residence? i moved briefly to FL for a year in 2018

Last school you attended? Trinity

Last time you slept in someone else's bed? someones guest bed maybe a couple monthsa ago?

Last person you saw? gram

Last person to leave you a comment? Taylor shes so sweet.

Last time you stayed up past 4am? a few weeks ago

Five Have You Ever Thrown random things in a fire just to see if they'd burn? no, not to my knowledge. I have a pretty healthy fear of fire since being burned.

Gotten a hickey and had to hide it (from parents, for work, etc.)? looooool. the days of getting a hickey they were always placed strategically.

Wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come? ummm maybe once?

Been so drunk you don't remember what you did? lol no

Given someone a fake number so they wouldn't call? yes.

Four Dream Vacation Spots switzerland italy greece ireland

Three Things You Are Currently Looking Forward To seeing the kiddos, resting, getting away. Two Things You Are Addicted To benny & chocolate One Inspiring Quote a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

0 notes

astralgloss · 6 years

Note

im a curious meanie so 1-134 muhahaha you get to relive the hell i just went through

etab i haTE U

1: Name

my name is marit lol but please just keep it mar

2: Age

i am 17 but i’ll b 18 in 2 months!!!!

3: 3 Fears

the dark, complete and utter loneliness, and clowns

4: 3 things I love

books, forest fruit tea, the sound of rain

5: 4 turns on

a nice smile that reaches the eyes, a nice smell, having a dog ngl, a soft touch

6: 4 turns off

extreme arrogance, insisting to pay for my meal if i want to pay bc its “what a man should do”, forcing lifestyles on me, not caring about my interests

7: My best friend

she does have tumblr but idk it but hey demi if u ever see this ur the bomb.com

8: Sexual orientation

im bi fam

9: My best first date

my bf and i went to amsterdam to go shopping and he followed me everywhere (even the bookshop even though he hates books) and idk i just love him it was a nice day

10: How tall am I

im 1,65m or 5′4″ but i can and will kick ur ass

11: What do I miss

nothing really??

12: What time was I born

ok so i asked my mom and she said i was born on a tuesday at exactly 12pm but i bet she’s lying

13: Favorite color

yellow!! im basic!!

14: Do I have a crush

well i sure hope so @ boyfriend

15: Favorite quote

to the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered

16: Favorite place

my bf’s house tbh, specifically his bed

17: Favorite food

pizza, specifically the hot chicken one from ny pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm

nah fam (ofc i do im a little shit)

19: What am I listening to right now

god is a woman by ariana grande

20: First thing I notice in new person

how they look at other people when those people don’t notice it

21: Shoe size

38/39 idk the other size lol sorry

22: Eye color

its blue but it changes with my mood (oh my god im so sorry im kidding please don’t hate me)

23: Hair color

im a blondie

24: Favorite style of clothing

sth casual but also a bit towards the punkish style, but i also rlly love looking tiny and soft and cute lol

25: Ever done a prank call?

ok so there’s this hotline for kids who have troubles with their parents and families but it was a shit hotline tbh so once i called it up with my friends pretending i was crying and the man on the phone asked me what was wrong so i told him that all my friends had fire type pokemon and i only had grass type pokemon and they kept beating me and i didnt know what to do and then man was so confused it was funny af

27: Meaning behind my URL

idk man i wanted a name that could b easy to remember and i was inspired by ridgeport tbh

28: Favorite movie

the perks of being a wallflower

29: Favorite song

Fav song atm is anything from p!atd's newest album and my fav song of all time is probably train of consequences by megadeth

30: Favorite band

megadeth lol

31: How I feel right now

pretty good but also annoyed bc i have to go to work in half an hour :(

32: Someone I love

my bf

33: My current relationship status

if u guys havent noticed by now im taken

34: My relationship with my parents

p ok

35: Favorite holiday

halloween/christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

I have my ears pierced and thats it lol

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

i rlly want a few bookish related tattoos, like a tiny raven, a little lightning bolt, and the city of velaris and then i also rlly want a sleeve tbh but imma be a teacher and idk if i can :/ about piercings: i rlly want a helix or tragus and maybe get second holes in my hearlobes

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

ok so ive been on tumblr for about 5 years and initially it was bc i was Depressed™ and then about a year ago i found out about simblr and i was hooked

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

tbh i dont even talk to him anymore i dont rlly care about him in any way

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yes bih

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

hes my bf so yea lol

42: When did I last hold hands?

wednesday

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

about 45 minutes bc im lazy and i keep getting distracted

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

nope

45: Where am I right now?

in bed lol

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

either my bf or my best friend

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

depends on where i am

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

mom

49: Am I excited for anything?

tbh moving out but thats gonna take a few more years

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

*insert bf here*

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

every time im at work lol

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

wednesday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

lol bye

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

nope

55: What is something I disliked about today?

the fact that i have to work a day shift instead of an evening shift

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my internet friends tbh it’d be cool to meet all the people from my bookish discord or from @booptherat‘s discord

57: What do I think about most?

what book i should read next

58: What’s my strangest talent?

i can finish a book in about 4 hours

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

not rlly? i hate the whole asmr thing tho ew

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind lol

61: What was the last lie I told?

i dont remember tbh

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

neither lol

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

look im not saying that believing that we’re the only living species in the entire universe is narcissistic, but it is. also dont fuck with ghosts

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yes

65: Do I believe in luck?

hell yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

idk probably cloudy and windy

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nah not rlly

69: Do I have any nicknames?

i guess mar?

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

when i was 2 i fell from sth and slammed the corner of my eye onto the corner of a table and i couldve been blind but thank god im not

71: Do I spend money or save it?

both

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

yup

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

post it notes

74: Favorite animal?

doggg

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

reading lol

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

idk man

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas lol

78: How can you win my heart?

give me a samoyed and a 1000 books

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“a boss ass bitch”

80: What is my favorite word?

fuck?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@cubersims @imvikai @ridgeport @cowplant-pizza @bloomlet @tiptoptab

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

spend fiddies, pet kitties, hold tiddies

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of lol

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

the power to choose whatever power i want at any moment

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“do you like working here?”

86: What is my current desktop picture?

its an august background from @emmastudies

87: Had sex?

yes

88: Bought condoms?

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

yes

91: Kissed a boy?

yup, i’ve been kissing my bf for about 2,5 years now lol

92: Kissed a girl?

yup, i’m living the bisexual dream lol

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yes

94: Had job?

yes, im working at a movie theater right now!!

95: Left the house without my wallet?

tbh all the time now that i can pay with my phone

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

yea i used to but that was when i was 12 and i’d like to say that i’ve grown a lot in the past 5 years

97: Had sex in public?

nope

98: Played on a sports team?

yes

99: Smoked weed?

nope, even though i live like 20 minutes away from amsterdam lol

100: Did drugs?

nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nope

102: Drank alcohol?

yupppp, i love me some raspberry cider

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nope

104: Been overweight?

nope

105: Been underweight?

nope

106: Been to a wedding?

yup

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

lol all the time tbh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yup

109: Been outside my home country?

yup, however never outside of europe tho

110: Gotten my heart broken?

a few times

111: Been to a professional sports game?

yess, i saw the dutch female volleyball team once!

112: Broken a bone?

nope

113: Cut myself?

yes

114: Been to prom?

we dont do prom in the netherlands lol

115: Been in airplane?

yes

116: Fly by helicopter?

nope

117: What concerts have I been to?

k3 (only dutchies and belgians remember this), one direction, megadeth, and ed sheeran

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yupp

119: Learned another language?

i mean im from the netherlands and im fluent in english thanks to myself

120: Wore make up?

yuppp

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

yes

122: Had oral sex?

lol yes

123: Dyed my hair?

nope

124: Voted in a presidential election?

not old enough to vote :(

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nope

126: Had a surgery?

nope

127: Met someone famous?

nope

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

nope

129: Peed outside?

a few times lol

130: Been fishing?

nope

131: Helped with charity?

yep

132: Been rejected by a crush?

a few times

133: Broken a mirror?

lol yes

134: What do I want for birthday?

some books, money, cake, more books, makeup

#this was A LOT #im done now #no more questions #about me #asks #tiptoptab

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n1chijou · 6 years

Text

— Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people ❤

— tagged by @tsarizu and @firsltove and @jeonsthetic; thank you qts! (i feel like maybe I did this but im bored + it looks fun so idc!)

— i’m tagging everyone!! anyone who wants to can do this!!

last

1. drink - a gross protein drink

2. phone call - my friend claire

3. text message - my mom!

4. song you listened to - bad boys 3 - injury reserve

5. time you cried - yesterday when my cat gave me “i love you” eyes

ever

6. dated someone twice - .......maybe

7. kissed someone and regretted it - ha yes

8. been cheated on - ha yes

9. lost someone special - I guess? so vague

10. been depressed - yes

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - nope

fave colours

12. black coffee

13. milk tea

14. very muted steel blue

15. wine

in the last year have you

16. made new friends - yes!

17. fallen out of love - dont think so?

18. laughed until you cried - yes!

19. found out someone was talking about you - idk but probably

20. met someone who changed you - yes

21. found out who your friends are - yes

22. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - dont have facebook!

general

23. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - still dont have facebook!

24. do you have any pets - just my lil banshee cat enjoy

25. do you want to change your name - I used to wanna but now I don’t rlly care!

26. what did you do for your last birthday - I got dim sum with my mom and sister!

27. what time did you wake up today - 9 am! no matter when I go to bed I always wake up at 9 lmao

28. what were you doing at midnight last night - trying to sleep + watching a peachsaliva dark souls stream!

29. what is something you can’t wait for - my mom is coming this weekend and we’re getting pho and we’re gonna watch ghibli movies and stuff!

30. what are you listing to now - still watching a peachsaliva dark souls stream lmao

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - I dont think so?

32. something that gets on your nerves - the weather lately!!! I just wanna hang out in the sun but its been so so cloudy

33. most visited website - probably tumblr at this point

34. hair colour - bright purple! trying to strip it out tho!

35. long or short hair - its like...medium ish? it touches my shoulders!

36. do you have a crush on someone - kinda but not really and it makes me crazy!!

37. what do you like about yourself - my tattoos + my waist/stomach! I was always self conscious of my tummy but now I think its rlly cute!

38. want any piercings - ive thought about a nose piercing and some more ear piercings but im a lil baby with piercings and am too scared!!!

39. blood type - A+ I think?

40. nicknames - dad, rach, behr (my last name)

41. relationship status - single and very lonely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

42. zodiac - gemini

43. pronouns - she/her

44. favorite tv shows - parks and rec, hyori’s bed and breakfast, i cant remember anything else right now!!!

45. tattoos - I have 4 so far! an equal sign on my left wrist, the dragonslayer from berserk on my right forearm, “memento mori” above my right inner elbow and a rose in a plain black frame on my back below my neck! all of them are pretty simple and colorless! I dont rlly plan on getting many color/heavily shaded tattoos beside maybe something all red

46. right or left handed - lefty >:)

47. ever had surgery - nope

48. piercings - just my ears!

49. sport - none currently but im thinkin bout starting some kind of martial arts when I move back to PA!

50. vacation - I guess im kinda on one now? im at home though lol

51. trainers - I own like 0 sneakers bc we couldnt wear them at school but I wanna buy some reeboks! i LOVE balenciaga triple Ses too but i dont have that kind of money lol

more general

52. eating - nothing

53. drinking - a gross protein shake

54. i’m about to watch - nothing!

55. waiting for - my motivation to clean to emerge

56. want - to fast forward to the weekend

57. get married - hmm idk! maybe not?

58. career - id love to have a really stable job as a colorist w a good clientele!

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - depends!

62. older or younger - depends!

63. nice arms or stomach - stomach!!!! love a soft tummy

64. hookup or relationship - depends!

65. troublemaker or hesitant - VERY HESITANT im the biggest goody two shoes

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard a liquor - yeah but not a fan

68. lost glasses - lmao yes one time I lost them for like 3 days bc I kinda just like...didnt feel like looking for them hahaha

69. turned someone down - yes

70. sex on first date - idk??

71. broken someone’s heart - idk man

72. had you heart broken - oh yes

73. been arrested - goodness no

74. cry when someone died - yeah

75. fallen for a friend - more often than id like to admit!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you believe in

76. yourself - yes and no

77. miracles - yes and no

78. love at first sight - not really

79. santa claus - no

80. kiss on a first date - depends?

81. angels - nah

other

82. best friend’s name - claire

83. eye colour - blue grey

84. favorite movie - right now probably howls moving castle or whisper of the heart

85. favorite actor - hmm idk! riz ahmed or hayley law or something. people with nice eyes! not a lot of celebrities are really -my type-

#tags

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yeetyeet2121yeet · 6 years

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All. Of. Them.

Oh god who are you? It's 1:30am! I'll do 100 questions for you, Anon1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?•The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For•Bang Bang - Green Day•Revolution Radio - Green Day• Family - Mother Mother• Summer Dress - July Talk• If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Probably Dan/Phil3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.'I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me'-page 22 of Will Grayson Will Grayson bc page 21 only had 16 lines4: What do you think about most?How people see me 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? Gn - the wise words of Ryley6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?Depends lol7: What’s your strangest talent?well, for being 14 I can talk people out of suicide pretty well8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)GIRLS LOVE GIRLS AND BOYSBoys can wear makeup too9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah, multiple times, both songs and poems10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?like, a week ago11: Do you have any strange phobias?I bloody hate having my window exposed at night 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?yeah13: What’s your religion?I'm not religious 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?probably making flower crowns15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?It depends16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?OH GOD NO I CAN'T17: What was the last lie you told?I told someone I was okay18: Do you believe in karma?sort of19: What does your URL mean?It's my preferred name and the year I was born20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?I think my forgiveness is both21: Who is your celebrity crush?hmmm,,,,, I don't really have one22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?yeah23: How do you vent your anger?I text a friend and rant 24: Do you have a collection of anything?yes25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Video chats26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?Well, the real me, yes. The me I present at home and school, no. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?My mother's voiceMy friends' voices28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if everyone is just pretending to like me?29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?I'm not sure about ghosts, but aliens have to exist. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.R- A wallL- my bookshelf31: Smell the air. What do you smell?Me. I smell me. I smell my room. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?Home. 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West because British Columbia 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?OHGOD I CANT35: To you, what is the meaning of life?To be true to yourself36: Define Art.Anything you create37: Do you believe in luck?Yes38: What’s the weather like right now?Dark af, but mosty cool39: What time is it?1:36am40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nah and nah 41: What was the last book you read?Carrie • Stephen King 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?HELL YEAH43: Do you have any nicknames?Yep! Annie, Bean Stalk, Ann, Jo, Twinkie Jo, Daddy (my guy friends are wierd shush), Master (once again, my guy friends hate me) and Hoe44: What was the last film you saw?Rocky Horror Picture Show 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Well, I had a soft palate cleft as a baby, but it wasn't as bad as the stuff you see on TV. Mine was just in the roof of my mouth46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Yeppo47: Do you have any obsessions right now?nah48: What’s your sexual orientation?I don't label that. I like who I like when I like them.49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?oh hell yeah50: Do you believe in magic?Yes51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?For a week or 2, then I get over it52: What is your astrological sign?Libra 53: Do you save money or spend it?Save54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Three Days Grace • Three Days Grace (CD)55: Love or lust?Love56: In a relationship?Nope57: How many relationships have you had?One, and he was a douche58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nah59: Where were you yesterday?In my room. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?nope61: Are you wearing socks right now?its 1:43 am hell no62: What’s your favourite animal?cat63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?Listen to them. Pay attention to them64: Where is your best friend?Calgary or like, some hard to spell state ( @unbuttered-toast help) 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.@unbuttered-toast@nocturnal-spleen@dennys@psych2go@accio-shitpost66: What is your heritage?Uhm, like Ukrainian, Irish, English, round them parts67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?Talking to Roan68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?McBitch69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?..yeah..70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yes, ofc71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?SAVE THE PUPPO 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) yea ofcb) I'd be 100% mec) maybe. I don't know73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Love, bc trust is a part of love 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?The Danny Phantom theme. Shut up. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?451476: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?TRuST and COMMuNICATION77: How can I win your heart?Be a decent human, ffs. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?Maybe. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Reaching out to people on here, bc ive made so many friends 80: What size shoes do you wear?Like, 5?81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?You got what you wanted. Don't you dare cry now. 82: What is your favourite word?Trust83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Love84: What is a saying you say a lot?SUck My ASs85: What’s the last song you listened to?The Curse of Curves • Cute is What We Aim For 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Black, purple, silver, gold87: What is your current desktop picture?Literally its just black. Nothing else. Just black. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?Matt/Jaxon89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Who I really am, but only around my school peeps and relatives90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Fucking kill myself before they can91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Mind reading92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?That half hour at camp where we were all watching Up, and Roan and I were cuddling, Ty had my hand, and Lily was lying on my legs. That was a good half hour. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?All the bad things that happen at home94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?No one, they're all WAY older than me 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?America to see my friends 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Probably, its my fucking relatives97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Yep98: Ever been on a plane?Nope99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?FOR FUCKS SAKE LOVE EACH OTHER

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atlanxic · 6 years

Text

I feel like I should talk about my surgery in as much detail as possible, both for my own memories and to get the information out there for others. Obviously I won’t be able to do a review of the results until I get the bandages off and recover some, but here’s my recollection of the hospital stay itself. Warnings for medical talk and details. I’m on mobile so I don’t think I can put a cut, sorry.

Leading up to the surgery, the clinic was better about communication than some other agencies I’ve dealt with, but it definitely still required some self-advocacy to get all the information I needed. There were some things I didn’t know until a bit later than I would have liked. I wasn’t entirely sure when I would need a post-op appointment with my local doctor until it was too late to book with them, so I’ll be going to a drop-in to get my nipple dressings off. I also didn’t know until a couple days before the surgery that it would be required for me to shave most of my torso and arm pits, even the peach fuzz.

The clinic in Montreal is associated with a bnb just into Laval, which is currently occupied exclusively by other trans people also getting surgery, and a couple other accompanying family members. My stay at the hotel is covered for 3 nights by OHIP. My mother, who is accompanying me, had to pay extra. There is only one bed in the hotel room, so we’ve been sharing it. She pays $20/meal aside from breakfast. The food is excellent home cooking, and everyone eats together. Taking my meals with other trans people going through similar experiences has been one of the highlights of my trip. There’s a real feeling of community.

Yesterday morning, me and two other patients, as well as two accompanying mothers (mine and another guy’s), were to share a taxi to the clinic. It was rather severely delayed, and we learned that there is only one taxi service on Laval, so we basically had no choice but to wait. When the taxi did arrive, there was only room for the actual patients. Our mothers had to get a second taxi. The first one was covered by the clinic, the second one was not. We arrived about 10 minutes late.

Inside the clinic, the reception desk and the nursing station are a joint island in the middle, with doors to patient rooms in a ring around the perimeter. There are about a dozen chairs basically just in the hallway after the entrance. You have to take your shoes off and put on little blue disposable slippers. Each patient was given a stack of paperwork comprised of three parts. The first part is a personal and medical form to fill out: very standard stuff. The second part is two consent forms regarding images. The first form asks you to state that you will not take photos of the staff, and your visitors will not take pictures at all. However, the patient is allowed to take photos of themself and their visitors, as long as they are solely for personal use. The second form asks your permission to use photos of you taken by the staff in their training and promotional materials. I understood it to be optional, but I gave them my consent, as I feel like that sort of thing is a valuable kind of activism. The third part of the paperwork is also optional, and is a very detailed demographic survey. It asked a couple ethnicity and language questions, a couple questions about my transition, and a whole lot of questions about the genders and orientations of my family members, to my surprise.

After filling out that paperwork, I was asked to come to a little booth attached to the center desk but isolated from the rest of the room. I signed consent regarding the type of surgery, the specific surgeon, and the anesthetist. I was asked some more medical questions, and they made sure I didn’t have any removable accessories on me any more: no piercings, no gum, no dentures, etc. They also asked me to confirm that I had shaved. One of the other clients I spoke to at dinner mentioned that if you did not shave adequately, they would ask you to do it in the washroom at the clinic, and they would not provide shaving cream. While I was in the booth, they gave me two strong Tylenol and a muscle relaxant, with about two tablespoons of water. I had been fasting (even water) since midnight, so I was very thirsty, and I honestly appreciated even that much water.

After that I returned to the waiting area for a short while, and then I was asked to change. I was given two hospital robes: a normal one that closed in the back and a second one with longer sleeves that closed in the front. I was asked to not even wear underwear or socks, and was given a fresh pair of disposable slippers. I waited for a little while longer. They asked me to use the washroom, and then I was escorted upstairs, via an elevator.

Upstairs I was put in another waiting room, with one of the people I had arrived in the taxi with. We chatted a bit about how our jobs were about our transitions and how longe we’d been on waitlists. He was seeing dr Belanger, I was seeing dr bensimon. My anesthetist came to the waiting room and took me aside. She introduced herself, asked me about the previous time I had been put under, and about whether I knew of anyone in my family who had suffered an averse reaction, or any medical allergies I might have. I think I signed my consent to her services again. The other guy in the waiting room was taken into another room to have incision lines sharpied onto him, and then taken to start his surgery.

Then I was taken into a side room to have incision lines sharpied onto me. Dr bensimon introduced himself too me, and cracked a joke, and then drew on my chest using a regular sharpie, a clear ruler, and a level app on his phone. I was not expecting it to be so low-tech, but I guess that part of it is as much an art as a science. He also took a photo of my chest before drawing the lines on, for medical record purposes. The process was strange and a bit ticklish, but not unpleasant.

I went back to the waiting room, the second one. I could hear dr bensimon and the nurses chatting in French and taking their break in the next room over. After a bit longer, I was finally escorted into the operating room. It looked impressively high tech, tbh I wish I could have gotten a photo. On my way in, I was asked to put on a hair net. They asked me to take off my second robe, and lie down. They put little ankle warmers and compression socks on me. They put four stickers on my chest and back to monitor my vitals, as well as an arm band to monitor my blood pressure and a finger clamp to monitor my pulse. I was covered in a warm blanket. And then they tied a rubber strap around my forearm, on the opposite arm to the one they were using to monitor my vitals, and put an IV in the side of my wrist, by my thumb. They put an oxygen mask on me, and repeatedly asked me to breathe deeply. My arm with the IV hurt more than I expected it to, and I wanted to ask if that was normal, but I didn’t. I get the impression that it took me longer to knock out than they expected, but not by too much.

When I was last aware of the time, it was probably 9 or 9:30. I woke up in a post-op resting room, with one or two other patients and a considerable amount of medical equipment. I was surprisingly lucid, but very sleepy and dizzy. There was one nurse looking after us. She was very kind. She told me that it was 11:30. I asked if everything had gone well, and she said that it had. I asked her to tell my mother that, and she said she would try to, but in the end she wasn’t able to find the time. She asked me how my pain was, and then gave me an injection for it. I asked for water and she said I couldn’t have any until I got to my actual patient room. I tried to stay awake and be patient, but I think I drifted off a couple times. She called someone to get them to take me donwstairs, and ended up having to call twice before anyone was free.

They wheeled me to the elevator and into my room. I called out to my mom when we passed by her. In the hospital room, the stretcher I was on was lined up with the bed and I was asked to scoot myself over, which turned out to be manageable. There was another patient in the room, but we were separated by a curtain, and did not interact. I was brought orange juice and water and a variety of crackers, all of which I appreciated. I think it was 1pm when I got downstairs. I texted ghost and played a bit of fire emblem, but it was very difficult for me to stay awake for any length of time. They wrapped ace bandages over my white dressings, and told me to keep the ace bandages on for the next 4 weeks. The white dressings can come off on Sunday, but I will have to go to a drop in on Tuesday or Wednesday to get my nipples uncovered. I asked about stitches. They said the stitches will dissolve, and that it is normal for that to take 30-90 days, and that it is also normal for skin to grow over them. They said that my nipples will be black and smelly when they are uncovered, but that is nothing to worry about.

They gave me prescriptions for two pain medications. White capsules which I am to take every 12 hours whether I feel I need them or not (apo celecoxib 100mg), and blue tablets I am allowed to take every 4 hours as needed (supeudol 5mg). They work to a point, but I can still definitely tell I have fresh deep wounds on my body. I am also supposed to ice them for 20 minutes out of every hour while I’m awake.

It has now been about 24 hours since I woke up, and I feel like I could not have stayed awake and focused for long enough to write this post until now. My thoughts have not been clouded or unusual, but I have just been so super sleepy.

I will post updates when I can. If anyone is interested in photos when I can take my bandages off, I can post some under a cut. I will be leaving Montreal by train tomorrow morning.

Thank you everyone who has sent me well wishes.

#journal blogging #top surgery #dr bensimon #transition blogging #transgender #grs #medical

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