#it makes me feel bad :')

[the-cookie-of-doom]

I know I default to neutral/stoic/RBF, but I’m not actually as emotionless as people seem to think I am, and it really hurts that people I think of as friends keep saying hurtful shit to me when they think they’re being funny. Just making really inappropriate jokes, completely unprompted, that really just feel like digs at me. Maybe I’m being too sensitive, but when I’m completely excluded from a conversation, minding my own business on my phone, and then someone only involves me to make a snide little comment as a “joke”? Fucking sucks.

#cookie speaks #and then they get mad at me when I don’t laugh/play along #I don’t call anyone out #I don’t draw attention to the fact that I’m hurt #but even these people are smart enough to realize that a little oh : / #is not a good sign #ofc then I’m the killjoy taking everything too seriously #like I’m sorry I didn’t like that you insulted me? #I don’t like mean jokes from friends #I’m not that kind of person #it makes me feel bad

[peachteaships]

Fuck not again

#peach vents kinda #please dont reblog #upcoming vent in the tags #so anxiety is rising again because well like i said todya i stumbled across some information #that information was about a discourse #i got more information on what happened and i lowkey hate how it reminded me of how my ex gf and ex friend were #i think i got a grasp on what happened but also im just socked more than anything #and now im dealing with a bit of an art block #and well #more like some 'performance' anxiety #i keep seeing everyone else have better looking and more interesting looking tadc insert designs and mine #mine feels basic #it feels #like im just lazy #it makes me feel bad #especially because it makes me feel left out too #and i dont know how to handle it #i dont know if i should scrap everything and start over or just #drop it all #part of me is tempted to just drop it all together cause part of me is going whats the point #that part of me is telling me no one would care anyways #i dont know #im just #i hate this i hate feeling like this #i hate feeling inadequate #like everyone else is leagues ahead of me #im trying my best here #i try to interact as much as possible #i try to seem as inviting as i psosibly can #i dont know it sucks this all sucks and i hate it

[gimmethatagustd]

I’ve found that it’s impossible for me to write a series that’s like 20k+ words per chapter. I truly cannot do it. I feel like my brain turns off after 7k

#it makes me feel bad #cuz I feel like people prefer long chapters #but I just !!! #idk my brain doesn’t like sitting on long chapters #I just wanna write until i feel like stopping #jai talks

[frenchiefitzhere]

can't sleep also my nightmares are so mundane wtf. I just had one about cat litter in my basement but it was so realistic I had to get up and walk downstairs just to see if the basement looked the way it should or the way it did in my very boring nightmare

#it was okay #the cat little pan was still there #no one took it away #that's not really what made it a nightmare #I was having a fight with my mom over it in the dream #those are always my worst nightmares #where I'm yelling at someone else #it makes me feel bad

[squirmydonnie]

Cake.!

#cheeseburgerboy #i will feel very disappointed in myself if the only reason i feel this happy is because i stopped a majority of my daydreaming #it would really hurt my feelings #ive believed in imaginary things for a majority of my life #but if the second (2 months) its gone i start feeling better #it makes me feel bad #because i could have done this the whole time. i was just too scared

[kiingsroar]

         So every friday at work we have a TGIF happy hour call. Where we grab a drink, and we sit on a call together on teams for the last hour of work. and we were talking and the topic of sexuality came up. I was always afraid of mentioning my sexuality. Only one person on the team knew and he doesn’t fucking talk to me anymore so. ironically he was out today. 

       but anyway, I decided to tell them, that I am bisexual. And i dont anyone really grasped that about me? but, it turned out nice because two of them said i was brave for putting myself out there, and that they think I am really cool. so that was kind of a plus for me today. I was nervous as hell at what they’d think cuz, truthfully they all feel very conservative but, we had a good talk and I think they got to know a little more about me. idk it felt nice. cuz, i honestly love being very open about who I am. Its not something I like to hide. and for a long time it was bothering me cuz I felt like I had to hide it, and now I don’t. but ye ah dsbnjfklsd. 

#im a very proud person #like it took a long time to get to this point #so whenever i have to conceal or be anything than myself #it makes me feel bad #i dont like being put inside a cage #ooc. 》 ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵘᶜᵏˢ ᵗᵒ ᵍⁱᵛᵉ

[satoruzlove]

i swear i’m not mentally ill until someone speaks to me in a weird tone and then i want to cry

#like why do u sound like that what did i do #it makes me feel BAD #like bad bad #anw i’m so idk #i wanna do something but idk what to do and sigh #existential crisis amarite #raine sent a msg !

[reginrokkr]

𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐈. Khaenri’ah’s descent to destruction and King Irmin’s intentions.

I feel like it’s really important to address these two lines to shed more light into them. Without too much thinking into it, it suggests that by the time this happened, Khaenri’ah was in a bad shape and not necessarily because of the former king’s passing alone. When a new king takes the reigns of a country and a restoration attempt is failed, that implies that the country was wounded for more than just the lack of the former king. Without going too much into detail, can you guess why?

That’s right, the person who these statuettes were created in the likeness of is the one-eyed king Irmin and while there is more to this than just this description, this doesn’t necessarily sound like something good in my book.

#◟༺✦༻◞ Events to be remembered in blue veins ┊Addendum.┊ #I won't go into more detail yet #as I plan to write an in depth #headcanon about this #but yeah related to this #it makes me feel bad #for the Alberich Clan #they tried to fix a country #that was wounded for centuries #I'd dare to say for millennia even #if those ruin machines are anything #to go by here

[cyanroads]

You okay?

Yes, just really wanted to fight an asshole today but only yelled at him in the middle of class because we got put together as partners for a game (and we have a long history of hatred towards each other so do not know why my math teacher thought it was a good idea to put us together) and he was being a son of a bitch so I yelled at him and we were immediately separated.

#he was being transphobic and homophobic and making sex jokes when he knows that makes me very uncomfortable #so it was his fault #i just don't like yelling at people #it makes me feel bad

[thecolorsfucked]

.

#a post rly triggered my internalized fatphobia and i am not feeling great about myself rn #like i genuinely believe i look good but im very much aware that the majority of the world does not hold this opinion or they think im #attractive but with an addition like they're cute but fat they'd be hot if they lost weight #and it's like ik professionally it would be advantageous to be thinner for that #in addition to the medical bias it's like #yeah no there are real tangible reasons to lose weight but fucking christ I SHOULDNT HAVE TO #i'm not unable to do the things i care about bcuz of my weight #i like how i look #weight is not an indicator of anything but weight #so it's like why should i have to do something proven to be unhealthy dangerous and unlikely to work long term without surgery #like it's bullshit #it's garbage #it makes me feel bad #fatphobia tw

[fencesandfrogs]

Not if we make steven his other younger sibling besides randall 😎

No, no that still erases his DID.

Like, I don’t want to be rude here, because I totally get the desire to give him a happy childhood. 100%. I fully understand why someone would want to do that.

But doing so NECESSARILY means he no longer develops DID.

I’m not in the mood to form an opinion on if that’s Wrong. Like — I don’t want to make up my mind on that right now, because there’s so much nuance and we here in the Matthew experience subscribe to Don’t Like; Don’t Read. But it is important that you understand that giving him a happy childhood means his identity fully integrates and he doesn’t develop a dissociative identity disorder.

(But Matthew, I hear you say, I want him to have a good mother!

Well, if THAT’S all you want, just make his childhood traumatic in another way.)

#mine #ask #anon #moon knight #I really don’t feel good about erasing his DID #it makes me feel Bad #I just don’t want to make any statement on it right now #mk osddid info

[literaphobe]

depending on teams i'll either watch sapnap, hannah or punz. probably hannah tho

we’ll see who’s in!

#ask #i wish i could be even half as excited when hes not in it :( #it makes me feel bad

[intersex-idiots]

typing quirks make me want to cry + rip my eyes out + eat pillow fluff + die

i cant understand why people would willingly go 2917922918910 or use k instead of c or z instead of s and expect people to understand it

#dyslexic #autism #why is this a thing #why do typing quirks exist #my brain hates it #i hate typing quirks #i dont understand why this triggers me but it does #it makes me feel bad #and it makes me feel so uncomfy #especially when people say they cant control it when they literally can and dont type normally even when u beg them to #please someone rip my eyes out i cant deal with this anymore

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[hunter-rodrigez]

Accessibility tip:

If you want to automate your home a bit, but you don't want any "smart" tech, you can just buy remote controlled power sockets instead

They are a lot cheaper and easier to set up and use than some home automation smart tech nonsense

They don't need an app (but some models come with optional apps and there are apps that are compatible with most of these)

Many of them use the 433mhz frequency to communicate, which makes most models compatible with each other, even if they are from different manufacturers

The tech has been around for a long time and will be around for a long time to come

You don't have to put any fucking corporate listening devices like an amazon echo in your home

Models for outdoors exist as well

#accessibility #automation #tech #a set like the one pictured above usually costs around $20-$30 #I got like 7 of these bad boys and 3 remotes #I can control basically everything in my room with these remotes #I got one remote on my office chair one on my nightstand and one by my door #this always makes me feel a bit like I am in Arnold's room from Hey Arnold!