#it makes rereading the first five chapters especially hard

[treeshroudrelic]

Finally continuing my reread of RTF in order to make save files of it for my laptop to replace the ones I had on my phone.

Reading a bit of chapter 4 today and it ended up reinforcing something I noticed rereading the previous three chapters. Spoilers for Remember the Flowers VN.

Cyrus is terrified of incurring Cooper's wrath and finds himself minimizing Cooper's outbursts in order to cope with this fear.

Incident number 1 being when Cyrus benignly asks Cooper about his name and is immediately threatened. Cyrus immediately jumps from being afraid to trying to minimize that fear by thinking that he should be grateful.

Incident 2 (where Cooper wakes Cyrus up and berates him for not telling him about regaining some of his memories) is probably the most overt in it's scariness because it's Cooper's biggest display of rage and Cyrus outright states that he feels unsafe. Cyrus finds himself able to assert himself and fight back somewhat but this is quashed when Cooper switches gears and tricks him into thinking that HE was the unreasonable one. This is all capped off by this scene.

Incident 3 is probably the most minor and wouldn't seem bad in a vacuum but given the prior occurrences and what Cyrus's thought processes have turned to it's quite chilling. After eating a meal at the docks, Cyrus inquires about Cooper's dislike for fish which ends with Cooper angrily reaffirming his distaste for the food and Cyrus immediately drops it. They talk about another subject before heading back but Cooper's anger is still fresh in Cyrus's mind and his behaviour is very much geared to try and avoid stepping on the eggshells.

And Cooper doesn't attempt to put Cyrus at ease here or assure him that he shouldn't feel responsible for his bad mood, but instead berates him for not voicing his thoughts, despite how much of Cooper's behaviour and actions have discouraged Cyrus from doing so.

At this point Cyrus no longer inquires about Cooper's anger even internally and shifts the conversation to move from his discomfort. It ends up with him thinking this about Cooper which would be a good trait in a vacuum but given what I've pointed out before it takes a more sinister light.

And that speaks a lot about Lance "Cooper" Krager. He may seem like the bad boy with a tough exterior who's soft on the inside and on some level that is true. But that also hides the much more prominent and all encompassing aspect of him that is incredibly horrifying and evil. Every trait about him and every action he takes has a dark twist to it once you know who he really is.

#remember the flowers vn spoilers #remember the flowers vn #cyrus galahad cantwell #lance “cooper” krager #Cooper/Cyrus is intensely horrifying under the surface when you know what Cooper's true intentions are #it makes rereading the first five chapters especially hard #my meta #my ramblings #remember the flowers vn meta

[doggernaut]

Fic Author Self-Rec Meme

@anyawen tagged me to do this weeks ago and I’ve only just now had the time to sit down and work on it (and also only just discovered that while I can’t load Tumblr on my phone or laptop in the hotel I’ve been in for the past two weeks, it somehow works on my iPad?!). Anyway, reccing five of my own fics is hard because I don’t always feel worthy enough to rec. But I think this is a me-problem because I feel this way about most things in my life and I’m trying to be better. In any case, five fics ( in no particular order, and possibly not what I would choose if making this list tomorrow) I wrote that I enjoy and hope you will too.

And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

The idea for this fic came to me while reaching for the almond milk pumpkin spice coffee creamer in the fridge and I sat down and immediately wrote the first two chapters. I am obsessed with Year 1 Bitty and Jack not knowing yet that they’re in a love story. I loved the idea of Bitty somehow moving forward in time and finding out that his stern, grumpy captain is apparently the love of his life. I wanted to write about how this Bitty who is “stuck” in the future could fall in love with Jack and the life they’ve built.

Home Like Apple Pie

This my my first stab at a “The Kiss Never Happened” AU. It took a lot of mental gymnastics to figure out how Jack would fall out of Bitty’s life and the NHL and resurface as a chef but I loved writing about them slowly finding their way back to each other.

Merry Christmas, I'm Yours

This is not my most popular fic, maybe because it’s got too much angst? But that’s okay because I wrote it mostly for myself. I wanted to write something inspired by but not a direct beat-for-beat recreation of When Harry Met Sally. There’s no road trip or one night stand here, just years of best friendship and pining. I really enjoy rereading this, especially the California chapter.

Happily Ever After, After All 

This is also not my most popular fic, maybe because it’s more interesting to read about getting together than happily ever afters? I think this is one of my funniest fics and a lot of that humor comes from Jack and Bitty’s home life as parents of teenagers. Of all of my fics I’ve written, it’s my personal comfort read.

All I Want is You

This fic—one of the first things I wrote for this fandom—is old, but I still really love it. Tonally it’s different from most of what I’ve written in fandom but I think it stands up as a unique take on the typical soulmate setup.

I am supposed to tag five people in this so in no particular order I tag: @wrathofthestag, @mapleleafcameo, @mcbangle, @sweatersinthesummer, and @parvuls

#fic author self rec meme #my fic

[forever--darling]

one of us series | neteyam x avatar!reader

first of all, the fact that you all love the series so much this early on is insane, especially since it's only part 3, so I want to say thank you. I am literally in awe by all of your reblogs and comments and drops into my inbox with your kind messages and own interpretations of the series. it's also so rewarding to see that many of you are pointing things out and making assumptions that I tried so hard to build for my characters. you all are so sickeningly sweet in the best way possible and I literally reread everything you all say

also with that said, I just finished writing part five and may I say I am so sorry. just because things are going to take a turn as I am getting close to finishing up this series and I really hope you all fall in love with the direction I decided to go in.

I thought about it for a while and with the last two chapters, I have spent a lot of time rereading, cutting things out, and adding extra dialogue because now this series is no longer just for me but also for all of you.

so get ready, part 4, t-minus 1 hour.

p.s. just to clarify I haven't figured out how many parts it's going to be yet but probably close to six or seven

#author's note #update #avatar series #forever--darling #my writing

[tojiscumdumpster]

𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝙗𝙮 𝙇𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝘼𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙧

𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗼𝗳 2023

𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗙𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.

𝗚𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘆 𝘅 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲. 𝗔𝗴𝗲 𝗚𝗮𝗽 (𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀)

I devoured this book in a day. BookTok has been raving about Terms and Conditions for ages, and I never gave in until now. I've been reading nothing but billionaire romances lately, so I wanted to try this one out. This was my first time reading from Lauren Asher, and honestly, I think I'm going to check out her other work. I really like how she writes.

The author isn't black, but I do appreciate her for writing a Black FMC. She did it well. No stereotypes. No microaggression. You know, things I worry about when a nonblack author writes black characters. She added important things like Iris getting braids, making it know that she's a black woman by making her skin color known, wearing a bonnet, etc.

Speaking of Iris...

I absolutely love her. I think she's super fun and adorable. Like her personality is addicting. No one Declan fell for her hard. I do feel she was a little too hard on herself at times due to her learning differences, which is normal since so many talked bad about her because of it--including her own father. But she didn't allow that to hinder her career. I love how she's her own person outside of Declan. That's important to me in a romance story. It's like yeah the MMC and FMC are supposed to fall in love, but I wanna see who they without each other around. Iris's friendship with Cal was sweet, too. Very enjoyable and clearly they are two peas in pod if they get a kick out of getting on Declan's nerves, LOL. I giggled at times.

Now for Declan Kane...

Yeah, he's added to my book boyfriend list. I see of the bad reviews saying they didn't love Declan, and that's he's insufferable. See, me? I LOVE Declan. He's such a grump. A billionaire asshole who softens up for his girl. I really like how Lauren wrote Declan. He has daddy issues, struggled at times, but overall, he didn't allow that to cost him the future he desperately wanted with Iris. Great development from his character. When he's an ass. He's an ass. But when he softens up for Iris? Gosh, he was so damn sweet to her. I was definitely swinging my feet while reading. His family is... complicating, to say the least. Declan's father is horrible. My bad. Seth is horrible. Declan's relationship with his problems are oddly heartwarming, despite how much they argue. I mean, that's inevitable for siblings. But I still love seeing them interact.

I really love Iris and Declan's chemistry. It didn't feel forced or robotic regardless of their arrangement. It was built very well. The spice scenes were written nicely, too. I didn't really care for the lack of obscenity because it was replaced with intimacy, which I loved. Especially from Declan's POV. You knew from the beginning he always had a soft spot for Iris. Third act break up was good too. Thank goodness it didn't stem from miscommunication. I would've cursed myself if that happened. But Declan I wanted to hit you with car for what you did. Still love you tho. And honestly, I think he didn’t grovel more is because the author probably didn’t want to make the book longer than what it was. Lauren was probably trying to wrap it up, LOL. Still, maybe she couldn’t written in a time frame within those three chapters. The two epilogues were very sweet, too. I love how they blossomed, and enjoy seeing Declan that way and Iris so happy. They deserved that happily ever after.

I highly recommend this book and I would definitely reread this book. I honestly can't find one thing I dislike about this book. Maybe the only I thing I can say I wished happened was flashback chapters for both Declan and Iris's past. I think that would've made the story a bit more angsty. Other than that, an easy five star.

#alfie’s book reviews 📚

[sacrificedtoatree]

Thoughts on Almost Nowhere

Almost Nowhere is over, so here's my reaction post. I was going to call it "Thoughts on the Almost Nowhere ending" but then I rambled all over and didn't just talk about the ending.

This post is FULL of spoilers for Almost Nowhere, all after the cut.

First, wow there were some very good fakeouts in those last few chapters.

1) I was sure that the Beasts were going to use the Wish-Power once more, in defiance of Everywhere-Heaven. Didn't see Twenty-Five just shooting her before they had time.

2) I was sure that the final chapter would end with something like, “But really, we can’t know which new story Twenty-Seven will choose. We are a part of the old story, and we cannot follow her to the moment of choice. It is not for us.” Especially with how careful our authors have been so far to convey to us that they only know what they were able to find out as a group of characters.

____

I like that the final chapter recalled the world of Anne’s tower again. It hadn’t been such a major presence in Act 3. But really, the completely-real-seeming world of the Annes was one of the big original draws of Almost Nowhere. The bizarre writing of “Ratleak”, the way the Annes just accepted everything as perfectly normal and only casually mentioned things that were totally different from the real world.

In fact, I have a specific memory from early chapters. When Cordelia mentioned that Anne was being kept in a “fucked-up crash” and proceeded to rescue her in Chapter 3, I was kinda disappointed. I thought that the weirdness of Anne’s world, the hook that had grabbed me in the very first few pages, was being demoted to backstory, that it being just one example of a type made it a little smaller, that Michael was being revealed as the equivalent of, say, some random cult in the middle of nowhere that’s got a few people kidnapped.

Of course, I was totally wrong. Anne's tower is explored to a great extent in Act 2, both in terms of the aesthetics and day to day experience of living there and in terms of plot implications!

____

In his post for new readers, Robnost mentions that he really got serious about plotting in Chapter 13.

It’s hard to tell now if I can tell that, or noticed the transition as it was happening. For me:

The first two chapters are fucking perfect.

(Like seriously, it’s hard to tell that anything wasn’t planned out when rereading the first two chapters, and hard to imagine any of their individual paragraphs being more perfectly written)

Then the chapters start to feel a little more like stuff is being thrown at the wall, as new plot elements accrue quickly (though even then ... early Cordelia chapters make a lot more sense in retrospect than they did at the time).

If there’s a low point, it’s the Stein on Stein’s Rock chapter. This chapter has some of the only elements that seem like Robnost throwing things at the wall in a way that didn’t stick. Most specifically, WTF is the Social Web, why are they in space, and in what context would an organization called the “Geometric Brotherhood” be a part of Almost Nowhere? My impression is that Rob noticed this and retconned it with that Annabel monologue.

Then by chapter 11 and 12, it feels like things are coming together and there’s a plan again. I remember Chapter 13, but as a step on that path, not a new direction - but I do have some memory that I noticed it as a particularly [i]longer[/i] chapter than usual for that point.

(But now I look back and it doesn't seem particularly long, though the early chapters do seem unusually short for AN)

Then Aidan’s MM lecture blew me away. The ending of the chapter, with all those plot elements briefly teased and then hidden for another third of the book, was brutal, and brutally effective. And also served to tell me that from then on, it wouldn’t be any kind of crapshoot whether a chapter was good or not.

____

If I could change something in Almost Nowhere, I’d just … make the finale a little shorter?

Rob said he imagined the final section being “fast and explosive”. It did feel that way during the serial chapters. But then, the last block of six dropped and the final act ended up being nearly as long as 1 and 2 put together.

I feel like it would be better if Act 2 had remained the longest act? When I look back over Almost Nowhere, it at least seems to have the largest amount of "differing stuff" in it.

Not a word could be shaved off of Sylvie's physics essay though.

____

btw, Thank You Rob for not having all the characters just give in and accept the alleged moral supremacy of Everywhere-Heaven. I don't like being mugged.

Things I’m still wondering about: the Titanomachy. I was sure it would be revealed that the Alpha Centauri Surface Civilization had fought the Anomalings before, and that was what the “bombs that can kill gods” stuff was about. But apparently Titans are a [i]different[/i] thing created by the Alpha Centauri Surface Civilization?

But wait, the ACSC must have fought the Anomalings at some point, right? How would they still be around otherwise, if they’re stack-users?

I’m interested in Sylvie’s plans for future humanity, but I don’t need to, like, actually understand them. I don't understand the anti-language plague at all. Do feel like some of the big plot tensioners just went away (the Beasts encroaching on Advanced Containment and Hector’s desire to use it for rebase if Anne won’t use Michael’s crash). Though I like that Hector's actually willing to talk. All in all there's enough resolution.

The last chapter is excellent. It truly ties up the main arc. Act 1 interrupted Twenty-Six's orderly universe, Act 2 had Twenty-Six learn to be Twenty-Seven and explore all the secrets and implications of Michael’s crash, and the biggest thing hanging over and driving the plot of Act 3 was what Twenty-Seven would do when it was finally time to rebase Michael's crash. And I was truly surprised by her decision! But I can understand why she made it, and it fits well with the themes (these characters really need to work with what they've got instead of obsessing over what really poisoned the world at its root). And I really liked the little scene with Twenty-Six at the end. Takes us all the way back to the beginning.

I can't believe this thing is really over! I've been obsessing over it since sometime last summer. Looking back I was really lucky to get into it in Spring 2022 when Rob was updating regularly ... I think I had the perfect amount of time to enjoy being a serial reader but not to get frustrated at how long I had to wait for answers.

And now I have the answers. Or at least, enough of them.

Thanks, Rob.

#almost nowhere #nostalgebraist

[mogseltof]

3, 10 and 17 for the book ask!

eyyy!

3: Top five books I read this year (excluding answers to the other questions because I ate well this year)

A Very Stable Genius by Philip Rucker and Carol Leonnig (I'm currently waist deep in the follow up "I Alone Can Fix This") which is some of the most detailed investigative journalism applied to biography I've ever read, this thing is a doorstopper and covers the Trump presidency in great detail while still being extremely engaging. I Alone Can Fix This somehow manages to be even better at splitting the focus of its narrative but I haven't finished it yet, these were easily my best impule pick ups from the library this year.

Vagabonds by Hao Jingfang I read for bookclub and it was one of my favourites! The most lasting impression I got from the narrative was one of "Oh this is what it is like to exist while Chinese on the broader internet", it's a sci fi that takes a leaf out of the Dispossessed following the narrative of an 18 year old girl returning home to Mars after spending her teen years on Earth in capitalist society and the effects of everything around that. Very cool and an extremely good author.

Hell House by Richard Matheson is not the most recent release but I only got round to it this year and Jesus H Christ. Prototypical haunted house novel, you can see the fingerprints this thing left over the horror genre in its entirety, I loved every minute of it. Haunted houses, 20s occultism taken too far, seventies paranormal scientists trying to be taken seriously, washed up child psychics, New Age sensibilities put to the test, this thing has everything *pats the roof of this sucker*

The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida by Shehan Karunatilaka I finished while camping in August and is one that's going to stay with me for a while. I loved this book, I loved its presentation of the afterlife, I loved the main character, and it's definitely the 'further reading' book of the year for me given how little I know about Sri Lanka's history, especially in this context of late 80s/early 90s conflicts. This one's my hard recommend of the list.

Leech by Hiron Ennes was deeply fascinating and threw me for the most loops. I love a hivemind and reading from the perspective of one was so cool, especially at the points of [redacted] and [redacted]. I was also totally taken in by the historicality of the setting so when I realised that what I was reading was actually [redacted] it hooked me even more. The interplay with the demographic elements as experienced by a parasitic hivemind was also deeply fascinating, this was my fastest read on this list because once I started I couldn't stop.

Honorary mentions to: The Darkest Web by Eileen Ormsby, Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll, The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones, Mister Magic by Kiersten White, Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero (minus the last like, 500 words rip), and Troll Hunting by Ginger Gorman.

10: My favourite new release of 2023

I'm not great at keeping up with new releases but this one goes to my only preorder of the year,

A House with Good Bones by T. Kingfisher, which I absolutely devoured. There's something about the mid century occultists that I find both hilarious and fascinating, and Kingfisher/Vernon managed to hit exactly on what I love about reading about them, while also capturing the horror of being stuck in your racist grandma's house. I'm a huge fan of her protagonists as well, and 'furloughed archaeoentomologist' is overflowing with great character bits and I love her. I want to reread this book now because I opened it up to the first chapter to make sure I was remembering her job accurately and got totally sucked into the vulture commentary in the first few pages. Goddamnit.

In close runner up is Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle because holy fuck man, I read that like 2 days ago and I'm a little bit obsessed. I've known Rose Darlings. I've met all of those characters (except maybe the demons). Incredible work by the Tingler Master.

17: A book that suprised me with how good it was

Fairy Tale by Stephen King. One of my friends gave this to me right at the beginning of the year because she'd bought a copy and then had two friends buy it for her as well, and holy fuck mom. I'm really on and off with King, I love some of his stuff, but when I don't like it I hate it, and Fairy Tale I genuinely loved. There were definitely bits that made me go 'mmm', but King also had the forethought to cover for it in later narration which I appreciated ahahaha. I've never gelled with his fantasies before, so I wasn't expecting to enjoy this one, but this is the closest to a spiritual successor to the Oz novels as I've ever read, and I loved his take on it. Still kind of amazed at how much I loved it.

#another sad lieutenant #ask game #books #mogseltof reads

[obsequence]

hi i hope this isn't weird askdjfksdksl, you seem to be much more active on twitter but i REFUSE to make an account on that website BUT a mutual of mine just said something to me about the idea of an au where the rattlers run like. an apocalypse gladiator ring instead and ellie eventually gets caught and stuck there with abby and this is just actually insane we can't believe no one else seems to have had this idea yet??????? my first thought was tell the only ellabs person i know of who is in any way active on social media idk you can tell twitter about this or whatever i just think you need to know. i think ellabs nation (ellabs village really lol) needs to consider the possibilities

1) come to twitter i promise it’s like not that bad i just get into fights a lot 😭

2) i have a new tumblr but it’s under a pseudonym because i’m literally writing x readers and i know people will clown me and think i’m doing it in the “y/n” way (nothing wrong with that) and not the “x readers are a great way to character study without making whole ocs and you’re able to share them with a large audience” way

3) honestly , i really hate fics that have like . anything to do with the rattlers . because they’re just , like , EXTREMELY miserable (hypocritical coming from me , i know) and i deserve a speck of dopamine every now and then . but i will spread the idea ! because tbh it’s pretty good and not done before . just not my thing

4) i’m going to take this as an opportunity to explain why the fuck tl2 isn’t out yet , but it’s going to be a very longwinded self-psychoanalytical bananza , sooo . .

so , tl2 isn’t going to be a multichapter , if it ever gets put out . it’s gonna be a really long oneshot , because if i post it , i want it to be FINISHED so i don’t leave anyone waiting again .

the reason why i have a mental block against writing it right now is because i’m really unhappy about where tl1 left off . i never really liked it honestly , i just felt a bit pressured to get it out asap so i could be done . i reread the first few chapters all the time , and i really consider that its peak , because it started to feel like a chore after chapter six .

it’s hard to write the sequel to something you don’t like . it feels like you can only disappoint (if not others , yourself) and expand on its horribleness , which sounds so melancholy , i know , lol , but it’s the truth . like , how do you fix what’s broken on something you can’t touch ? by adding more that’s broken ? nuh uh . it’s a lot of stress .

also , i just . . need a creative recharge . “spencer , it’s been like five months since you finished tl !!” no i mean like . a year . before i even poke it with a ten foor pole again . LOL it’s that bad . this might change , but that’s how i feel right now .

i’ve been really insecure about my work lately , and i’ve never been able to read original novels or other fics without feeling incredibly envious of others’ talent , and it has sowed a lot of discontent inside of me . so i stopped consuming others’ work for a bit , but that just left me uninspired and in an echo chamber of my own writing without any improvement , so it became hyper-stylized and odd to read , especially months later . i don’t even know what i was trying to accomplish at some points ?? it’s all very odd and tryhard and makes me cringe .

so , right now , my goal is to read more published work lol . i’m reading my childhood favorite “daughter of smoke and bone” right now , and it’s even better than i remember . highly recommend

but yeahhh that’s why tl2 isn’t out sorry 🌸🩷🩷💕🥺🥺🥺

(but like fr i am incredibly sorry)

#asks #my writing #ellabs

[crystaiskiess]

Okay, first, I had planned to post something today in honor of s3 (!!!) (another one of those scene + show edits) but didn’t have the time, but I’m going to make one like this week (maybe end up using scenes from this chapter because aaaa).  Second, I have so many thoughts about this chapter that I’m going to leave a comment on it on ao3.  So, here are my aaaaa thoughts and my ao3 comment will probably actually sound coherent lol.

The relationships!!!  I love how you write relationships in their complexities.  Morgana and Arthur’s relationship being a focus in this really fits, especially the difference in the beginning versus the end.

All he could feel was her absence. They were like two pieces of cotton woven to make a string, his life does not exist if not alongside hers. Even when they were not directly interacting he would see her at every moment throughout the day. Now, her empty seat at dinner seems to dominate the space, consuming his attention, memories of her in the halls and his chambers haunt him like a ghost. The one time he dared to go to her chambers the emptiness felt like an aching wound. Morgana entered his life when he was five years old, he doesn’t know a time when she wasn’t in the castle with him. She has always been a sister to him, and he misses her like a limb.

That being in the first four paragraphs, god my heart was being torn out of my chest already.  I knew the chapter would hurt, but I hadn’t been expecting it to hurt that fast.  I sat down, finally able to read after running errands, and was immediately kicked in the chest at full force.  Then we have Morgana’s perspective later, and once again, kicked in the chest.

Morgana looks up from the cauldron with a start. “Not Arthur.”

That one line had me have to stop for a second because I love the dynamic.  They love each other so very dearly that they see each other as siblings without even knowing they’re siblings.  Often times, we don’t get to see that explored in fics because it’s kind of hard to know in canon.  Or at least my opinion because we don’t understand if Morgana has entirely changed or there’s still some “good” (for a lack of a better word) left in her.

I will say that Gwen’s pov of Morgana actually made me want to sob.  Honestly, your writing just makes me feel all the emotions of the characters, so it’s not surprising that they’re in some distress that I’m in distress.  As I’ve said before, you have such a strength in emotion writing.  If you have any tips, please share because I’m always blown away every time I read OAFK (which has been several times). 

Where Gwen had once kept careful distance, Morgana pulled her in with both hands into her open arms. They grew beyond the role of maid and mistress, developing a true friendship that Gwen cherishes more than most other things in her life.

I’m trying to not like quote it too much, because it makes these get so long but it’s these two sentences that just started off their established relationship and getting ready to see what it is now.  Also, the knowledge of how Morgana feels/felt for Gwen doesn’t make it hurt but does at the same time.  I’m pretty sure it’s chapter nine where we’re introduced to Morgana’s love for Gwen, but it’s chapter thirteen where she thinks that Gwen knows she loves her (or maybe I misinterpreted that).  They both love each other so deeply, regardless of if in different ways, and seeing that fall apart a little just hurts.  It hurts Gwen, so it hurts me.

I have many thoughts and feelings about Morgana and Merlin, but that will make this probably 2k+ words long, and I’ll just do it in a comment on the chapter!  Also, do not feel bad about changing the update schedule!!!  You take the time you need to update!  There’s nearly 300k words currently, we can just reread it a million times.  It’s fun because you get to see more and more details every time!

HELLO !! im so sorry it took me so long to get to this, i read it immediately but it made me so happy i truly didn't know how to respond (also genuinely squealed over your ao3 comment too, you dont know how much it means to read analysis about my work i love it so much thank you)

morgana and arthur's dynamic is truly one of the most important things to me so im so glad you enjoyed this chapter and how i addressed them, i feel like the idea of her turning truly on arthur seems impossible to me when he technically had done nothing to her yet to make her feel betrayed, so it was important to me to show how much they love each other (this may come to hurt teehee)

and yes gwen and morgana !!!! the tragedy of what happens to them shouldnt be overlooked and there's absolutely more of that to come so look forward to that 👀

and thank you for your kind words about the update schedule !! it means a lot, it wasn't my ideal situation but id much rather continue posting regularly and just more spaced apart than have to hiatus so its the way it has to be !!

seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind comments and all your thoughts i keep coming back to them it just makes me so happy !! and thank you again for reading !!

#oafk #tj talks #not-rome

[felikatze]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Oh my, an opportunity to be vain!

The first one is gonna be my current baby, of course.

You awoke to blood in your mouth and birdsong in your ears.

Grima's closest servant followed the Shepherds into the past. Alone and injured, Morgan makes a vow. To save the world, to save their family, to save their father.

No matter the cost.

(Or: Hierophant Morgan AU, without amnesia and a Future Past adjacent Morgan.)

I think abt this fic so much. so much. i keep talking abt my Plans for it bcuz i am just STOKED. i barely even remember what inspired this fic outside the vague notion of "What if FP but Main Timeline"

this version of morgan is near and dear to me. i love laying out their various psycholigical issues. did you notice they emulate grima's speech when trying to be evil.

second! not FE! My original baby on hiatus because the FE brainworms took over. When missing link drops it'll be back I promise.

Naminé finds a shadow creature inside a cave, Repliku gets attached before he can get rid of it, and Vanitas would like for people to stop petting him please.

(Or: Two introverts try to hide a really weird cat from their keyblade-wielding friends, who will probably slay it on sight.)

Oh man. I havent worked on this one in a WHILE which is especially cruel because I left on a cliffhanger but you gotta consider. terminal FE brain. this fic is what REALLY got me started on writing. It actually made me plan things.

It also made me realize that writing slice of life is really hard. If you don't have an overarching plot to push outside of general character arcs what do you even?? do???

i love this fic but i do cringe when i reread it.

if you ever notice oddly slapstick elements in plusquam, this is where they come from. morgan getting yeeted two chapters in a row is really just an evolution of the vanitas defenestration joke.

next up, my current series.

It's just another pitstop for Grima's hoard; Naga's Tear. But as he tears through the ruins, a girl hugs him and claims to be his daughter. Now, if Grima knew how she came to be, and what bees had to do with children, that'd be great.

And of course Chrom had to recruit her. What else.

(Or: Grima meets Morgan. He's conflicted about this.)

Out of the labyrinth is a series that gives me insane joy from its sheer sillyness, but don't feed that thing after midnight is my favorite of the bunch so far. you might notice i love morgan.

considering how mired i was in my AU morgan characterization, going back to canon and seeing how silly as hell she is made me love her all the more. also. also. joke fic yeah but DID YOU NOTICE how much of grima's thoughts about her mirror forneus' in the valentian accord. did you. please i'm so proud of that.

next, what the fuck do you mean this fic is a year old, was my ninjago phase really last summer:

The fateful inheritance letter reaches Jay eventually. Only now, he knows it's coming.

Just in time for Cliff Gordon's funeral.

(Or: Jay meets his mother.)

out of all my eleven ninjago fics, this is my favorite. i wrote it because i kept thinking about skybound during 4am summer insomnia. it went through many typo fixes.

i do love how i did jay in this one. it's far too late for his mom to be his mom. he's already an adult. but it's not late enough for her to be his friend. it's a nice sentiment.

and last but not least! this fic us two years old, goddamn!

Astrid Remond did not expect life after death. And after another death. And a third one, for good measure.

She also did not expect meeting the protagonist. (And falling for them.)

(Or: Reincarnation, the fourth wall, and the slightly eldritch nature of customizable player characters.)

even if i'm not really into loh anymore for various reasons, a lot of the characters are still near and dear to me! lord/astrid is such a ship and astrid is a really fascinating character, and i wanted to explore that. when she came back in extreme mode, i was floored. also floored that my joke that she got isekai'd was actually true.

i also used a custom skin to make the text blue!! look at that!!

honorable mentions for "fics of mine i really like" go out to One Whole Boy, Sunny-side Up, Jailbreak, and dusk of a new night.

thank you for giving me the chance to gush about my fics!!! i have fifty five of these now, jesus christ!! i cant believe i've been writing fic for. five years now. FIVE YEARS!! THAT'S A LONG TIME!! that's a quarter of my whole life so far actually.

#Feli gets asked #feli writes #ehehe. i am deeply flattered by this ask by the way.

[waywardstraysau]

Hunter hadn’t slept well that night, or rather, he hadn’t slept at all. Granted, he hadn’t planned to do so in the first place. When he retired to his new quarters the night before, he had intended to spend the night doing research, finding out what the school knew about going to other worlds, what their limits were, and building on that knowledge. He had to get back home, it wasn’t a question of if or when, he had to do it now! Emperor Belos, his uncle, was waiting for him, he couldn’t waste precious time sleeping. He had allowed himself to rest back at the Noceda household after his many searches of the abandoned shack proved fruitless. There was nothing overtly special about the decrepit thing, the portal just opened up in its doorway for some indiscernible reason, like it was some fixed point between the two realms. He might have been able to find an answer if he had a proper team of investigators to work with, but no, instead, he was stuck with a pair of criminals, a terrified shapeshifter and a… what was Mrs. Noceda’s occupation again? A “veterinarian” was it? None of them would be of any help in finding out how to get home, but now… He had resources, information, others with firsthand experience, it was more than he could have possibly hoped for! Getting back to the Boiling Isles should be easy now! He just had to sit down, get to work, and focus. Or rather… he tried to.

He was in the human realm, and it… it was… it was everything the rumors said it was. Trees with leaves as green as emeralds, nights so quiet you could hear the bugs singing outside your window, he had yet to see if the claims about non-boiling rain was true or not though. At this point he wouldn’t be surprised, especially after he had seen the size of the “United States” as this place was apparently called. He never thought a single landmass could be so large, it was beyond his ability to fully comprehend, despite the fact he had seen it with his own two eyes! His “dorm room” as the Teodora girl called it was… uncomfortable. The walls were covered in a dull yellow wallpaper, nothing like the stonework of his quarters in the castle. His bed, which he found far too big for a single person, had been against the far left corner of the room, but there was no way he could sleep like that, and ended up rotating the bed so only the headboard against the wall instead. It was a small change, but it made it closer to what was truly his. As for his research… he didn’t trust the others to not spy on him if he simply tried to walk out and retrieve a book from the library. Those two pesky criminals would probably follow him if they realized he had left and would insist on bothering him. They may have had the same end goal of going home, but their lackadaisical attitudes didn’t inspire confidence that they would actually be serious about putting in the hard work the task required. Their lack of discipline would turn into a distraction for him and end up slowing him down, or worse, make him miss something vitally important. If not them, then the squabbling from Blinky and his brother was also a possibility, and who knew what the other students were like? Maria had seemed reasonable enough, he’d probably be able to check out as many books as the library allowed despite it only being his first night there. So long as he minded his manners and promised to return them on time. He hoped… He had intended to reread a few chapters of Ruler’s Reach until he was certain nobody was around to bother him once he actually headed to the library. He quietly thanked the Titan he had the book in his bag when he ended up in this damned realm. Skara had insisted he give it a try and he found himself rereading it regularly. It was one of many small reasons he was grateful for having ever met the Emerald Entrails, five percent at most; the team itself made up the other ninety-five percent. The things they introduced him to seemingly shined like sunlight through a chandelier at just the right angle and he found himself hooked. The book he had become so enamored with was just a novel, not one of the heavy, scholarly tomes that the castle had in abundance. Those had made up the majority of the reading material he had consumed in his young life. His private tutors were the ones who provided alternative options, just to ensure his reading comprehension was beyond reproach. He was Emperor Belos’s nephew after all, he couldn’t have any shortcomings and committing some faux pas due to poor reading skills would be such an utter embarrassment. Ruler’s Reach was different though. While he loved reading and learning about sigil magic (and secretly wild magic), this was one of the exceedingly rare books he read just for the fun of it. He didn’t have to think about symbolism or what message the author was trying to send, he didn’t end up going down rabbit holes of new concepts and research begging for him to explore. He could just sit, read, and relax… …unless, however, his brain chose to absolutely betray him and refuse to be cooperative. Despite reading the same line over and over again, it wouldn’t process the words he was looking at and he became trapped in an endless loop. He hated it when this happened. His brain would refuse to take in information out of the blue, and he’d have to fight to memorize anything. He grit his teeth hard and strained for a moment before a sharp pain made him yelp and broke his concentration. Flapjack fluttered down from the top of the young witch’s head, having pecked his head and chirped when they made eye contact. He advocated for him to stop trying to read, the little bird always did when his partner’s brain refused to work anymore and claimed he needed to rest. Hunter didn’t know how the bird knew when it happened or why he insisted on him stopping but something about the way he said it would at least convince the witch to take a break. Tonight however, Flapjack’s tone was much more firm, even tugging on the loose lock of hair that he could seemingly never tame. He was forced to reluctantly concede, he just couldn’t say no to the palisman. No… his palisman. He had a palisman. A thing of wild magic. The notion had left him torn when it first occurred to him, something he had been told all his life was dangerous, only to become a strange, small comfort in his life. A secret, something that was his and his alone, Flapjack had nothing to do with the Emperor’s Coven, his position as the Golden Guard, the Titan’s will, or his uncle. Flapjack came with no expectations, he had only wanted to be there for Hunter and he had proven it multiple times over. Finding him at the castle, refusing to leave, following him to the Knee, flying between him and the youngest Blight’s attack. A palisman he had kidnapped and planned to hand over to his uncle had protected him… Hunter scooped him up out of the air and pressed his forehead against the bird’s. “Okay buddy… I’ll get some sleep.” Rest might have been a more accurate word for what he ended up doing, because despite the very long, very active day, his brain betrayed him again and refused to let him sleep. He usually took advantage of the rare bout of insomnia, he would spend the night reading or preparing for whatever mission he might have the next day. Now he couldn’t do either and he hated it. Hours slipped through his fingers like sand, it simultaneously felt horribly slow, but when he opened his eyes to check the time, it suddenly felt like hours had disappeared in the blink of an eye. The strange whiplash just made him bury his face into the pillows, desperate for what scraps of sleep he could get. He finally gave up when he noticed the sky outside had started to lighten, announcing the night’s quiet end. Checking the clock again, its face glowed at 5:28 AM. Well it wasn’t the earliest he had ever been up at, but with so much time left before “classes” started, and his brain’s refusal to read, he felt hot frustration bubbling inside his core. When he finally couldn’t take it anymore, he violently threw the covers off himself and stormed to the window. If he had to stay in this house, in this room, for a moment longer, he wasn’t sure what he might do. He threw the window open and with nothing more than the athletic skills he had gained from years of physical training, he managed to leap forward, twist mid-air, grab the overhang above and haul himself up onto it. It wasn’t exactly easy from that angle, and he had to limit how much speed he used, lest he risk missing entirely. He had no doubt Flapjack would be able to catch him in time, but he wanted to be able to do it on his own. The shingles of the roof were rough and came close to leaving abrasions, but he hardly noticed. He had endured far worse in his basic training, at worse they would just be an irritant later. He found himself on a slanted roof, it threw off his balance a little but he barely had to adjust to traverse it. He remembered seeing how steep it was at the front of the building, it seemed that didn’t hold true for the back. He counted himself lucky, if he had ended up on the front half, one small misstep would have sent him sliding downwards almost immediately with no real guarantee of being able to catch himself.

He took a quick glance around, found a shadowy corner and sat down, using his knees supporting his arms. He could feel his exposed skin rise in bumps from the chill in the air, they were called goosebumps here according to Mrs Camilla, but he forced them from his mind. He felt the need to scratch at his them from how… thin the air felt. Yes, thin, that was a good word to describe it. The air was thin in the human realm, it wasn’t thick, warm and muggy like it was back home. The Boiling Sea ensured that the air on the island was constantly thick and a little sticky, even on the Knee the air was damp, which just made it even more dangerous, especially to unprepared visitors who often succumbed to hypothermia, When they first arrived here, he constantly found the air just too different to ever be fully comfortable. The air didn’t feel nearly as dense, and it was… cool, it just didn’t fill his lungs the same way, the right way. During the day it was tolerable so long as he didn’t linger on it, but it made the nights even more strange and unfamiliar. It was all wrong, and that was just at the Noceda household, this place was somehow even worse! He hadn’t thought it was possible but now the cool sensation didn’t seem to ever leave his lungs, even during the day. Still, between being stuck inside a moment longer and being out at a time where the air was no doubt at its coldest, he would have to choose the latter option for the time being. Flapjack landed on top of his arm, chirping concern at him and Hunter couldn’t help but smile at his little companion. At least he had one thing that was still the same. “Don’t worry buddy, I’ll get us home.” He went to pet the palisman, but stopped when he heard something. Music. At least, he thought it was music, it was a sound unlike any he had ever heard before. It almost reminded him of a lute and other similar string instruments, but nothing quite like this. And at this hour? From the way he others spoke at dinner the night before, he fully expected to be the only one up for some time yet! He got up from his little hiding spot and followed the strange sound, it led him to the other side of the roof, in the direction of the rising sun. Due to his many years of military training, he found himself ducking behind one of the chimneys before peeking out. There was someone sitting on the edge of the roofing, facing the sunrise and the music was indeed coming from them. He squinted, trying to focus on their appearance despite the sun’s attempts to blind him, while Flapjack hopped onto his head. He chirped, telling Hunter to approach, which earned a sharp shush from the blonde boy, just as the song the stranger was playing came to an end. “I know you’re there so you can come out.” Hunter squeaked! He was compromised! He hesitated and reminded himself of where he was before coming out of hiding. The person then turned away from the blinding light, and given Hunter’s new angle, he could make them out. It was a young man, roughly his own age, he had a strong and sturdy build, with dark, fluffy curls for hair, and equally dark eyes. He was wearing a pink letterman jacket with a white collar and cuffs, the shirt he wore was black with a single, large yellow star on it, a pair of those, what were they called again, jeans, and soft red sandals. In his lap was a strange little instrument, it was incredibly small, and his earlier assessment had been right, it did vaguely resemble a lute. A very small one, with a longer neck, made from yellow wood, and the smaller, strangely shaped body was covered in stickers. Hunter… wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking at. This stranger seemed nice enough, he had spoken very softly when he urged him to come out of his hiding place, and wasn’t showing any signs of hostility… but he found he couldn’t move. The worst part was he had no idea why. “Sorry if my playing disturbed you,” the stranger said with a warm smile, “There’s rarely even anyone else up here at this hour.” “Uh… no, you didn’t,” he answered stiffly, “I uh… I just… needed to get out of the building.” “Couldn’t sleep huh?” “How did you-” “It happens more often than you’d think around here, though people don’t normally go to the roof this early in the morning. Hurts their eyes too much,” he pointed with a thumb towards the sun, “You’re one of the new students right?” “That obvious?” “Well there’s only so many of us here, you get to a point you recognize everyone’s face except for new arrivals. Plus, not to be rude but uh…” He pointed at his own ears. “Nobody else here has those.” Oh… right. Flapjack, sensing the tension building in his owner, fluttered away from Hunter and, despite the witch’s protest, landed on the stranger's knee. “Aw, hi little guy,” he gently rubbed the bird’s cheek with a finger, “Is he yours?” “Y-Yes, he is,” he answered without meaning to. “He’s a friendly one, what’s his name?” “Um… F-Flapjack.” “Hehe, that’s cute!” He didn’t know how it counted as “cute” but he didn’t particularly feel like having it elaborated on. “Why’d you name him that?” “I uh… I didn’t name him, he came with it.” “He did?” “Yeah… a-apparently he belonged to someone else before me.” The stranger frowned softly before looking at Flapjack’s blinded eye and stroked his head. The little bird chirped, happily declaring he liked this new human, which made Hunter smirk. “You like everyone, buddy.” “Huh?” the stranger looked at him in confusion. “Oh uh, h-him, I-I was talking to him…” he gestured to Flapjack. “...wait, you can talk to animals?” “What? No! I… j-just to him.” “...you can talk to your pet?” “He’s not a pet. He’s a palisman.” “What’s that?” “...he’s…magic and carved from the wood of a palistrum tree.” The stranger’s eyes widened. “Really? Whoa… that’s totally different from the kind of magic I know.” “Wait… you know magic?” Did all humans seemingly have magic? He was excited to learn about it but at the same time, a small, bitter part of himself was also jealous. He was a witch, he was supposed to have magic, especially when he was Belos’s nephew, how did these humans all seemingly have it instead? “Well… magic might not be the most accurate word for it,” the stranger explained, “It’s what my family and others like us tend to call it, but it seems to be more… I’m not sure what the right word for it is. It’s… limited, compared to what some of the others here can do, and even then, there are some powers only certain kinds of us can do.” “Like the coven system!” Hunter’s exclamation echoed ever so softly on the early morning air, and he had taken an excited step forward. “...the what system?” “The coven system! It’s what my world has, to unify our magic and to bring order from chaos!” The stranger blinked at him in painfully blunt confusion. “...you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” “No, not really, sorry,” he admitted as he rubbed the back of his head, “But you can tell me later if you want.” He found himself smiling at the opportunity. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to anyone about the coven system, or Belos, or magic or anything of importance without that annoying human girl and little demon rat around to interrupt. He hadn’t felt this level of excitement bubble up in him since before arriving in the human realm and he let a small bit of it flow out as he exclaimed, “Yes! Definitely! Absolutely!” “Hehehe,” the stranger patted the spot beside him, “Care to join me?” “Uh… alright…! Yeah, sure!” He sat down beside him, though he didn’t dangle his legs over the edge like the other boy was. He picked his instrument back up and began to play again, the melody was simpler this time, but felt oddly appropriate for some reason. He smiled before asking a very simple, but obvious question that Hunter hadn’t even considered. “By the way, what’s your name?” He paused, and felt a jolt of embarrassment. He had spent this time talking without once properly introducing himself. How had he forgotten to do something so simple? “Uh… Hunter… It's Hunter.” “Well, it’s nice to meet you Hunter. My name’s Steven, Steven Universe.” He blinked in surprise, and he remembered the coven scout with a very similar name, Steve. He liked him, he was very enthusiastic about his job, and always did his assignments eagerly, it was why he worked directly for the last two coven heads, first Lilith and then under him. If this new companion hadn’t repeated his name, he might have misheard and thought the two of them had the same name. “Um… sorry to ask, but what is that thing you’re playing?” “Oh this? This is a ukulele. You don’t have them where you’re from?” “No… I mean, we have instruments but they’re not like that.” “Eh, different world, different instruments and different kinds of music. Nothing wrong with that.” “So… you’re a bard?” Steven looked at him with a bit of puzzlement on his face. “Uh… technically? Though in this world, we’re just called musicians.” “Do you use that to channel your magic?” “What? No no, I just play it for fun. My magic’s a bit more complicated than that.” “Oh.”

“I guess your magic works differently though?”

“I… guess you could say that.” He was still getting used to the idea of magic working differently from how it did back home, not defined by the coven system or wild magic. He had had two weeks to let it be absorbed and processed… but maybe that hadn’t worked as well as he’d thought. “Hey… you want some breakfast? Or some coffee” Steven asked from seemingly nowhere, “Breakfast isn’t gonna be served for a while, but I could make us something now if ya want.”

“Wait, is that allowed?”

“Yeah it’s fine, just uh… stay close. The kitchen can be a bit chaotic.”

That made sense, Hunter had been in the castle’s kitchen plenty of times in his life and it was always buzzing with activity, the school was probably no different. He nodded at Steven, who smiled as he stood up.

“C’mon, we should probably hurry then.”

Hunter’s heart dropped into his stomach when the other boy stepped right off the roof.

“Steven!”

Flapjack turned into a staff in less than a second and was in his owner’s hand as the Golden Gjuard prepared to jump, ready to propel himself downwards to catch the seemingly suicidal boy…

Except, Steven didn’t fall.

Instead, he was slowly descending, his stomach now at the same level as the roof. A look of confusion on his face before it quickly morphed into horrified realization.

“Oh geez! I’m so sorry! I totally spaced! I forgot to warn you about this!” “How-How are you doing that?!” “This is… uh… one of my powers. I have the ability to float, so whenever I’m up here I just use it to get back down, and uh… I got so used to it I forgot to warn you about it? Sorry!” “I… I’ve never seen anything like this before…” “Yeah, that’s what most people say about this one… anyway, my room’s down here, c’mon.” He held his hand out to Hunter, who paused. “I uh… I can fly on my own actually…” He mounted his staff and kicked off from the roof, making Steven’s eyes widen. “Whoa…! That’s amazing! You didn’t say Flapjack could do… whatever that is!” “He turned into a magic staff, all palismen can.” “Whoa… you’ll have to tell me more about it later!” He let out a small laugh as he grabbed onto the roof with one hand, his ukulele in the other, he lowered himself a little faster and then swung down and out of sight. Hunter lowered himself as well, before spotting an open window, making it clear where Steven had gone. He flew inside and looked around. The room was filled to the brim with even more musical instruments. They were all vaguely similar to ones back on the Boiling Isles, almost like they could be distant relatives. Some, similar to the ukulele Steven had been playing, hung from the walls, others like a strange drum set were far too big and had to be set up on the far side of the room. Posters of musicians hung from the walls, as well as images from the “movies” and “anime” he had caught glances of back at the Noceda home. There were also photographs and a few books scattered around in odd places, it seemed strangely disorganized in a way Hunter couldn’t quite put his finger on. “Sorry about the mess,” he apologized as he placed his ukulele on the wall, “I got some of my stuff from home a few days ago and haven’t found a place to put it all yet.” “I see…” Hunter couldn’t really complain his own quarters back at the castle had been something of a cluttered mess, though his excuse was he studied so much that the mess sort of just accumulated over time. It never got too out of control, but it was certainly nothing to be proud of either. Steven smiled and gestured for the young witch to follow him. He led him out of the dorm room and through the halls, somehow in the early morning light the place seemed more like a maze than a school. The musically inclined teenager was humming to himself as they walked, from the structure and repeating pattern of notes, it was an actual, proper song, not one he was making up as he went. He even let a few words slip out, ever so softly that Hunter couldn’t be sure what he was saying. They went down the stairs in the main foyer, and the song seemed to come to an end as they entered the dining room, and they could hear strange sounds that got louder as they approached the kitchen. As they got closer, Hunter caught sight of the signs hanging around the doorway. He had noticed them the night before at dinner but hadn’t gotten close enough to actually read them. They… were concerning. Much like the bottom button in the elevator, they all screamed warnings to those intending to enter. Things like “Warzone!!!”, “Enter at your own risk!!”, “Look out for flying utensils!” were taped to the doorway. “...uh… why are those there?” he questioned cautiously. “Well… do you have the phrase “too many cooks in the kitchen spoils the broth” in your world?” Steven asked in a strangely flat and drained way, a total departure from how he had been a moment before. “No, but we have something similar with potion making.” “Well… when you throw in deep passion for a particular type of cooking, some from completely different parts of the world and cultures, various levels of sleep deprivation, and a lot of combat training, things can get a bit-” He was interrupted by a loud crash from the kitchen, something metal bounced and a large bowl rolled out of the doorway before falling over in front of them. “...chaotic.” As if completely unaffected by what he had just said, Steven calmly put his hands in his pockets and walked into the kitchen. Hunter once again followed and was stunned by the sight waiting for them. Well over half a dozen people were in the kitchen, many of them were yelling, some of them working away to prepare food… and far too many of them were actively throwing things at everyone else. None of what was being thrown was the actual food, it was everything else that was flying through the air. How nobody had been seemingly hit yet was a miracle, or at least they were acting like they hadn’t been hurt. Everything you could think of was being thrown, plastic bowls, wooden spoons, cookie cutters, an empty ice cube tray, cookbooks, chip clips, egg beaters, and far too many knives. Wait, knives?! Sure enough, amongst the thrown items were several knives, ranging from mostly harmless butter knives to very dangerous butcher knives. And Steven was just calmly strolling in like nothing was happening at all! “Wait, don’t! It’s not safe!” Either Hunter’s warning somehow went unheard or the other boy didn’t care, he continued to casually walk into the fight. The young witch immediately went to follow, being forced to stop when a large device, a microwave he thought it was called, landed with a hard crash in front of him. He then ducked and rolled to avoid a whirling blender that had come a little too close for comfort. He looked back into the chaos, scanning the situation, and found Steven, right in the middle… And easily avoiding every object that was thrown in his direction. He didn’t even need to break his stride, he merely tilted his head to the side, hopped when something would have hit him in the leg, and leaned backwards when a cutting board would have smacked him in the face, avoiding it all together. He was… so horrifying casual about it, like this was something he did all the time… And Hunter realized he probably did, if this really was part of his morning routine. He somehow made his way to a counter and turned on a pair of coffee makers, odd but the witch didn’t have the time to question it, dodging a thrown oven rack tends to do that. By the time he caught up, Steven had already poured a cup of the dark brew, finished mixing in some milk, and was adding something on top… what was it called again? Whipped cream? “Here ya go,” he passed Hunter the mug, who had to resist making a face. Who put whipped cream on coffee anyway? It seemed ridiculous, but he didn’t want to be rude, he needed all the help he could get to go back home… so, with a steeled nerve, he thanked the other boy and took a large sip of the concoction. His eyes shot open at the delightfully sweet taste, he normally just chugged the bitter brew, it allowed him to work more. The stronger the better, even if it impacted the taste, but this… this had that same strong kick but it tasted so much better that he actually wanted to slow to a near stop and savor it. He could hear chuckling and then he realized Steven was laughing. “I had a feeling you would like cappuccinos, but from the looks of it, you’ve never even had one before.” “...I thought this was coffee…” “Hunter, cappuccinos are a type of coffee.” His cheeks turned red in embarrassment. “...oh.” Steven smiled and turned to the second coffee make, which had a variety of stickers on it. Ones in the shape of letters were put on the front, spelling out “Steven’s Coffee,” which was proven when the brunette pulled it towards himself… And he drank straight from the pot. Hunter couldn’t stop staring at the strange sight. He needed his daily fix of caffeine too but this was… extreme… and wouldn’t it burn his mouth? Steven didn’t act like he was in any pain and moved to the fridge, ducking as an empty utensils drawer flew over his head, twirling as he did so. He had started humming again, and it took Hunter a moment to realize… he was singing… and dancing… in the middle of a violent fight like it was nothing. He pulled some ingredients out of the fridge, some from the pantry, inexplicably avoiding thrown objects the whole way. Then… he started cooking. The dark haired boy worked with unbelievable ease and speed, mixing batter, cooking bacon and eggs on the stove, preparing berries, and sipping from the coffee pot, he was seemingly completely unbothered by the fight. Hunter meanwhile actively avoided whatever object was thrown in his direction, relying on Flapjack’s magic to magically move out of the way as fast as possible. He didn’t see Steven finish cooking, or when he started putting the food on a pair of plates. He put them on a tray and turned to the witch. “Breakfast is ready!”

Hunter looked up from where a waffle iron had crashed into a cabinet and was met with a bright smile from the musically inclined teenager. He also saw the split second glint of metal as a wickedly sharp knife that had become airborne, headed right for said musician. “Steven!” It was already so close, and thrown with such force, he couldn’t teleport there in time! He began to remember the basics of first aid when- FWING! A shield surrounded by glittering light materialized against Steven’s arm, and around the blade of the knife, stopping it in its tracks. He hadn’t even looked, just raised his arm, there had been a small, very quick flash of light, and suddenly it had appeared. The shield was a warm shade of pink, with a vine-like spiral leading to the center, where a strange flower shape surrounded a reddish-pink gemstone, and it had a blue-silver edge… though the oddest thing about the damned thing was that it was transparent, almost like glass or a sunbeam peeking out from behind the clouds.

Was… was this the magic Steven had told him about? “Whoa…” If it was, it was far more beautiful than he had imagined! Steven himself, just looked mildly annoyed. He moved his arm and the shield followed, he hovered it over the counter and in that same flash of glittering light, the shield vanished. After safely depositing the knife, he looked back to Hunter, the annoyance still hadn’t left his face and any questions the young witch might have had were frozen in their place at the sight. “We should get out of here before that happens again.” The blonde wisely followed, and the battle continued behind them as they left. When they reached the nearest table, Steven took a long, deep breath through his nose, held it, and then exhaled through his mouth before placing their breakfast down. Hunter stared in confusion but he wasn’t going to question it, maybe it had to do with his magic. Flapjack returned to his usual form as they sat down and Hunter’s brow raised at the sight of some of the food, an act that didn’t go unnoticed. “Don’t have food like this where you come from?” “Uh… not… really?” “Don’t worry, it’s all good. It’s just some eggs, sausage, some berries for your little bird buddy, oh, and a few pancakes-” “Pancakes?!”

Hunter nearly knocked over his coffee as he exclaimed. “...yeah? Is something wrong? Oh, wait, are you allergic or something!? Oh man, I’m so sorry, I should have ask-” “What?! No no, it’s not that! I… uh… the word came up in some… research I did back home… I… didn’t know that they were a type of food.” This made Steven pause before looking to Flapjack, who was happily pecking away at a blueberry. The little red ball of feathers just chirped, before looking to his owner, and chirped a few more times before seeming to convince Hunter to speak up. “So… that shield… is that… was it… magic?” “...kinda, I guess? It used to be my mom’s, I inherited it from her, but I had to learn how to use it properly on my own. Couldn’t exactly summon it on command, it was like… trying to figure out a part of me I didn’t know I had until I had it?” “Well, why didn’t your mother teach you?” There was a pause. It was brief, not even a split second long, but it was there, and Hunter noticed it. “My uh… my mom… isn’t around anymore.”

There was another pause, a heavier, longer one, and this time, Hunter felt something, something he didn’t have a name for. Steven clutched his stomach in a strange way with one hand, like he was in distress.

“...oh…” “Yeah… eheh, but it was before I could have ever known her, so I don’t have any memories of her or anything, so it’s not a big deal, not for me anyway… well… the people who loved her had… feelings about it, related to her and me but uh… I never knew her myself…” Once again, there was a long pause. It lasted almost ten seconds before Hunter spoke. “I never knew my mom either.” Now it was Steven’s turn to feel something he didn’t have a name for. He looked to Hunter, who was fiddling with his gloved fingers, his breakfast forgotten. “Or my dad… or grandparents… or if I had siblings… they were all destroyed before I was old enough to remember. The only person I have left is my uncle, he took me in and I’ve been with him since… but… now I’m here… and he isn’t. And I… I need to go back. We’re all the other has left.” Hunter didn’t know why he was opening up like this, to a stranger he had met only minutes ago at that, but once Steven had mentioned not knowing his mother, something just… changed. Like a pair of massive double doors had been slowly opened, and what they contained couldn’t be stopped. No, not stopped, but he didn’t have to go into detail about it all either, he didn’t have to mention the wild magic, the fact his uncle was the emperor, that he was the Golden Guard, that… that could come up later. He glanced at his new companion, and to his surprise Steven had placed a hand to his mouth, eyes widening and… were those… tears? They were pink, was that normal for humans?! Any further thoughts were interrupted when a very weary group of students stumbled into the dining room, all of them bearing various scrapes, scratches and abrasions. Hunter recognized Danny and Randy among the group, and even a few of the fighters from the sparring ring the night before. The one who lost to Jack, the boy with the yellow jacket and weird hair, looked like he had gotten the worst of it, choosing to collapse face first into the floor with a pained groan and no trace of dignity to be found. The others managed to just sink to the floor and only a few actually managed to make it to a seat. “Ho boy…” Steven said with a quiver in his voice, before wiping away his own tears, “Looks like they really went hard at it this time.”

Hunter, who was a second away from having Flapjack transform again, looked at him in confusion. He had been ready to spring into action and fight if whatever had left them all in such a state was still in pursuit.

“What do you mean? Weren’t they attacked?”

“Psh, nah, those guys just fit in some extra combat training first thing in the morning if they can.”

He looked at the one collapsed on the floor.

“Though it looks like they really pushed themselves today.”

“Indeed they did.”

Stickler was entering the room, apparently following the group. He brushed some dust from his jacket, straightened it, and looked towards the duo.

“Good morning Hunter, Mr. Universe,” he nodded.

“Good morning Mr. Strickler,” Steven nodded before taking a bite of his pancakes, “Showed no mercy again huh?”

“Yes, well, they asked for it.”

“Did they literally? Or did someone just get cocky and you decided to knock them down a peg?” the young man smirked, and Hunter had a feeling that both possibilities had been the correct answer multiple times in the past.

“The former.”

Steven looked to the one collapsed on the floor again, implying that he was the one the musician suspected of making the request. Hunter however just raised a brow, the students’ wounds were all surface level, the kind that would hurt and sting, but nothing close to what he had after his usual training sessions. Not a magically induced burn, laceration, or broken bone in sight.

Part of him wondered if it was a sign that Strickler, whoever or whatever he was, wasn’t as strong as Hunter’s trainers, or that humans were a lot more sturdy and hardy than witches. That second one seems unlikely, but then he remembered some of them weren’t actually human, they just looked like they were. That probably explained it, and he wondered if it would be a good idea to study how they fought, to improve his own ability.

“Can I at least finish my breakfast before helping?” Steven’s request surprised Hunter. Help? How could he help? Did he know basic first aid or something…?

“There’ll be no need for that, they can get patched up by Barbara,” Strickler said before frowning softly, “And, what did the doctor say about your unhealthy need to help with every little thing?”

He noticeably froze at the question, the same way coven scouts who failed in spectacular fashion would when Belos put the fear of the Titan in them. It set the witch on edge, fully expecting something bad to happen, something that would need to be dodged, outrun, he was ready for anything. To his surprise however, Steven simply took a very long, very slow inhale through his nose, and then out through the mouth.

“It’s not my responsibility to help everyone,” he recited, “That while it’s all nice and good to assist if I can, I don’t have to bend over backwards for everyone in my life and I’m allowed to say no or to back out of things if need be.”

“Very good,” Stirckler nodded before eyeballing the mostly filled coffee pot the young man was drinking from, “Although you really shouldn’t drink that much, it isn’t good for you.”

Steven paused for a beat, with an expression Hunter couldn’t quite identify. He then grabbed the pot and began to chug from it, drinking at an odd angle that allowed him to keep a very hard eye contact with the older man. He didn’t even pause to breathe, and Hunter recoiled slightly, just imagining the burning.

“...you and your strange acts of disgruntled rebellion,” Strickler groaned, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in a repeating motion, completely unconcerned.

“S’funny when he does it,” the one collapsed on the floor said in a slurring, punch drunk voice.

“Alright you lot,” Strickler said, regaining everyone’s focus, “Barbara is waiting, get yourselves to her office. Now.”

There were groans as the students forced themselves to their feet, dragging themselves out of the room.

“Seriously, I can help,” Steven offered again.

“No, a brief lesson in endurance will be good for them,” Stickler sighed, “As for you two… enjoy your breakfast and please stay out of trouble.”

“Sir, if anyone will be finding trouble, it will be the two criminals I came here with,” Hunter stated, almost insulted at the idea he would do something like that…

Then again he did accidentally cause that goblin rampage yesterday. Maybe he better take a few precautions to avoid future accidents. As if reading his mind, Strickler merely shook his head.

“We shall see…”

#wayward strays #Wayward Strays AU #toh hunter #steven universe #fanfic

[appleciders]

for the writer ask meme 👀 2, 3, 5, & 25 please!

its been a bajillion years but tysm for the ask!! i love the 2+3 = 5, 5x5 = 25 of it all.

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

absolutely 100% for sure. i wrote them for me first and foremost! i don't reread all of them with the same frequency - some i like better than others, some are shorter and easier to reread, etc. after i post something, i'll generally go through a period of rereading it a lot, then i'll taper off and probably come back to it once in a blue moon, often if some beloved stranger leaves a comment or a kudos.

i don't always enjoy doing it - if the fic's a problem child, it can frustrate me - but i do think i learn stuff from what parts of it i don't think worked. and then if i do still love parts of it, i get to hear my past self tell me a story, which i always love. for example, i just reread let the heavens falter, where i'm like...okay, i rushed the last couple chapters and the editing, so if i were changing things about it now i would probably cut a bunch of stuff to make the pacing tighter, and let certain sections breathe and develop a bit more. and the fic is a deep dive into some messy stuff, and i don't know if i handled it all in a way i'm satisfied with, but i have a really good time seeing how i tried?

either way, i'm very pro-rereading ur own fic!

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

oh, shit. i would say some sun has got to rise probably still takes the cake, even though it's from five years ago, now. it took me a year to write and i'm really proud of my teenage self for pouring so much of what i was feeling into it. it was really important to me then and it's still important to me today, especially knowing that it reached some other people and helped them through a hard time, too.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

fuck, you picked good questions!! i have a bajillion, just because my follow through is not great and my attention span for a hyperfixation where i'll actually have the ability to make something for it is tragically limited at the moment. i would say i'm probably never going to write the lupe aloto backstory that exists in my mind (and in pieces on the aloto discord server) for a few reasons, though i do care deeply about it (and her) and if i ever finish my other lupe fics it'll be strongly informing them

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

yeah, for sure. in different ways, too lmao - sometimes i make myself sad just because it's a sad scene, or i'm digging into grief or something. sometimes i upset myself because i don't like how it's turning out or turned out! writing is definitely a Hobby

#thank uuu for all these qs they were really cool to think through

[maplesyrizzup]

for @thiamsxbitch part 2

Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story? Yes, absolutely

Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc) Non-Con. Smut. Suicide. I don't think I would write a crossover, only because I don't think I'd be very good at it.

Best writing advice for other writers? Don't be too hard on yourself. Especially when you have writer's block. it's okay, it happens to everyone, you just need to wait it out.

Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you? I don't think I've gotten bad ones. mainly because I've only gotten advice from certain people

What fic do you wish you got more of a response on? I'm going to say Possession

Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride? uh, i'd say my writing is pretty tame, especially the humor, maybe: "Theo let me in." "no." is pretty funny

What is your most and least favorite part of writing? favorite: writing funny dialogue and scenes. least: it's not that I don't enjoy writing emotional scenes between couples, I'm just not very good at it.

On average, how much writing do you get done in a day? it really depends. sometimes I don't write for weeks, sometimes I write for a week straight. but if I'm trying i can knock out around 1.5k-2k

What’s your revision or editing process like? I read through it all. rewrite stuff I don't like

Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? I share rough drafts and snippets

Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing? characters(?)

Name three of your favorite fanfic writers. Teen Wolf - @ksbbb -@sterekshipper-writer -@waterloou Others -@bvcksmunson -@vigilvntes -@chaseadrian

Do you want to be published some day? yes

Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer? i enjoy writing for teen wolf, so I hope to continue that

What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?  Motivate.

How do you write kissing scenes? I haven't yet

How do you choose where to end a chapter? Suspense and/or cliffhangers

Would you ever write commissions? Maybe

Share a snippet from a WIP Liam wasn’t sure when he started to care, but he knew the first time he noticed it was when Liam asked Theo to stay. Well, actually with the way he phrased it, it didn't seem like a request.

If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see? something from Possession. maybe the scene where Liam is getting Possessed.

Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person? Yeah I reread them

What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it? Unintentional by @waterloou .YES. EVERYONE GO READ

Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person? I don't take joy in it but writing Angst is very fun

What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you? Lack of describing the scene. I'm trying but it is challenging for me

Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh? Both!

How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc) A lot of it is Humorous gen

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? Twice

What do you look for in a beta? I go to my friends

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them? I haven't yet, thankfully

How long is your longest fic? 40k

What’s your total AO3 word count? 18,926

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, it may take me sometime. i love to reread through comments, they make me smile

How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both? 50/50

Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones? Theo

What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on? My dialogue

Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?  waiting until it's finished

What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)  editing

Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone? yes some know but I only share with best friends and when I do share with them it's rare

Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like? Yes.

Why do you continue writing fics? Because I enjoy it

Thoughts on cliffhangers? Love them

Something you hate to see in smut. Non-Con.

Something you love to see in smut. Fluff and Smut. Love soft fluffy sex

Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project to finish Possession

How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)? I try not to let it pressure me. i would like to get something out every month, but if I can't then it's okay.

Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I like both

What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing? my adrian and eddie fics. they aren't very good

When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write? embarrassed

When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.? notes

[nothingtolosebutweight]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Thank you, you wonderful human being ♥

As almost always with those tagging 'games' I'm a bit late, but I waited on purpose with this post. It was exactly one year ago today that I published my first fanfiction [🥳🥳🥳], so I'm using this post as a kind of an anniversary recap. 🤣🤓

Thanks to @jackson--t for encouraging me to write my own stories and get them posted in the end. You can love him or hate him for that 🤣It's his fault that I spam the Heavar Tag [I miss you, Smuddy ♥], but also the fault of every reader who left some nice comments or likes. These make me go on and on. Therefore, a big thank you also to you my dear readers and supporters. You have a special place in my heart -right next to Alex and JRM ♥♥

If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right

-> It is not my very first story, but the first one that is still close to my heart. The somewhat crazy Heahmund still has a special place in my heart and sometimes I want to continue writing his story, but it would not end well and other projects always creep to the fore.

Somewhere I belong

-> It was my first multi-chapter story and also the first smut I managed to write. This story has a special place in my heart. I still can't read it again to this day (the cringe is real), but I'm still proud anyway XD I also have a series planned for these two, where they enjoy their affection for each other in different places, and one WIP of it is also quite advanced, but yeah, somehow I got stuck and again, other works took over.

• All Night Long

-> I had so much fun writing this oneshot and to this day it is my best work in terms of reader response (you little filthy animals 😘😘). The smut part could be a bit more detailed. Somehow it feels like they came after 5 seconds...😶

• Under the Night Sky & Part 2

-> It's super cheesy, but that's all the heart needs sometimes. I read it again a few days ago and died a bit of shame 🤣, but still...it's somehow cute. Part 2 was also the first time I put more effort into a moodboard and since then i has become another little sidehobby (which often costs me gray hairs too XD). One of my current WIPs is another part to this. One with a lot of blood and first shy explorations. I also want to let Heahmund be shy in this part when it comes to sharing intimate touches with another man. In most stories, he knows exactly what to do, but he's only had sex with women before and didn't have Google in his time to research how to do the same with a guy. Therefore, he must also slowly feel his way forward. Let's see how far I /he get/s ☺

• Heaven's just a Sin away

-> Also still proud of this one. I usually post something and then don't want to know about it again for a while, but this story I can reread almost without cringe. That means a lot for me 🤣 I am especially proud of the first part. But it also makes it kind of hard for me with current projects, because I compare everything to it and then don't feel it's good enough.

Dear readers,

what story have you enjoyed the most so far and what would you like to read more of in the future? If you don't want to answer it openly, you always can slide into my askbox. I provide masks to maintain anonymity 👹👺💀🤖 and if you don't want it answered in public, just add 🔒 to your message and I wont post it :)

#answered #tag games #writing anniversary

[astralscrivener]

hiiiii im rereading squad up bc I've been trawling the klance archives to rec stuff to my sister and im having feelings!!! The first feeling is deep and nostalgic affection!!! You were posting the chapters of their senior year during my junior year, and you bet I was rereading it my senior year, and a lot of the events that you referenced or like the media they liked my friends and I were into at the same time, like (to be continued 1/?)

(cont)

idk binging the entirety of whichever new vld season the second it dropped, or losing our minds over tlt musical. Your writing and the almost daily chapter notifications (holy shit) hold such a dear place in my heart, anyway ty for putting so much love into the world; you make it a better place.

The second feeling is awe bc hhhot damn do you write a lot and it just keeps getting better!! Wtf!!! (To be continued 2/?)  

(cont again)

Half the reason I stopped my reread to write this is because one of the ch notes (somewhere in the 70s) says smth like heyyyy I'm gonna maybe stop posting daily chapters anyway go read my other five ongoing fics. every time I see ur username in my inbox bc AO3 notifs I'm reminded of the sheer level of ridiculous talent & dedication I see in your writing. anyway thx for being cool (tbc 3/?)

(cont again again)

The third feeling is. Idk where it comes from but especially with this series I feel as tho u've given me-the-reader the chance to walk alongside something. In pace w the timeline or w the stage of life?? or the emotional ups/downs of the characters in a way that is rlly hard to find. Thank you for writing this in the time that you did, in the way that you did, and also specifically for writing love the way that you did because it's incredibly beautiful. (4/?)

(cont again again again)

anyway I'm gonna go back to my reread! gn and thanks for doing what you do <3 (5/5)

ngl i teared up receiving this ask last night 

thank you so much for this 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it still astounds me that there are people still not just like, following my socials but still reading my fics who were there 4-5 years ago when i was originally posting them

sometimes i have a complicated relationship with fics like squad up, just on a writing/technical level, and comments like these remind me of why i still keep it up

it originated just as a way for me to cope with day-to-day life because i was going through a lot when i was posting it. it was a transitional period in my life, my social life was in flux because of that, and i needed a way to escape. it touches me to know that i touched other people and was able to help them through their day-to-day lives, too. 

especially on the portrayal of love in squad up, that fic honestly helped me figure out that i was bi and what i wanted out of a relationship. almost 5 years out now from when i first started writing squad up, and at about the same point in my relationship where keith and lance were in theirs when i was writing it (1 year and 10 months into mine, vs keith and lance being 1 year and almost 5 months into theirs in chapter 1), my outlook on relationships hasn’t changed, and i think that’s a testament to the way it’s kind of helped me figure out what i wanted 

thank you for this. thank you so, so much, and best of luck in wherever life takes you 🥺🥺💖💖💖

#eileen answers #fic: squad up #luxpenumbra #this means so so so much to me im just gonna lie down now

[mintmatcha]

The Inevitable Things: chapter four

aizawa x reader fic

cw: cisfem reader, no quirks, office au, miscommunications, slow burn. full tags available on AO3 (linked in masterlist)

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

Five messages. 

Four texts, one video. 

The message preview stares back at you, the LED screen aglimmer in the morning sun, screen bouncing with the tremor of your hand. You're breathing, you're sure of that, but you also think you may have died; no matter how hard you breathe, your chest feels like a popped balloon, deflated and too ripped to hold air. The rush of something whizzing past your ear must be blood, it's too resonant and all encompassing to be anything else--

Five fucking messages. 

You can’t bring yourself to open any of them.

You stand there for longer than you’d like to admit, trying to process exactly what you’re looking at. Maybe it’s a glitch, or a typo, but when you turn your phone off and back on again, the unread messages pop up the same. Five unread messages from Aizawa Shouta. It makes sense logically; Aizawa is right above AVOID AT ALL COST in your contacts, you must have just clicked the incorrect thing in your drunken stupor--

But what doesn’t make sense is the fact that he replied-- and he replied positively. Aizawa Shouta does not respond positively to anything. Not the first cup of coffee in the morning, not his interns, probably not even kittens and rainbows, and yet he messaged you back. I’ve always wanted you. You refuse to reread anything from last night, but that sticks in your head.  

I’ve always wanted you. 

You think about it the entire train ride, nibbling on the edges of your nails to kill the anxious buzz that builds in your jaw. Maybe you should quit. You could change your name and move to some mid-sized city; that’d be easier than the inevitable mess you're headed towards.  Suddenly, you miss yesterday, the yelling, the aggression-- 

It goes back to Touya. You know the question on everyone’s mind when they see you together, when they hear about the fights and the tension and the isolation: why? Why him, why stay, why wait, why, why, why? The answer is as simple as it is stupid: you stay because it's what you know. The turbulence feels like home. 

It's like sea legs. When sailors are on boats for a long time, they stop feeling the rock and roll of each wave. It becomes easy to walk straight, to live life like normal, until they return to shore. There, on level streets, long after the tide has pulled away, is where the waves hit.

You've learned to live in rocky waters- you’ve practically perfected it. Touya is your ship and you know his yaws and keels better than you know stability. 

 This whole situation is the equivalent of stepping ashore and being immediately hit by a semi truck.

The train pulls into your station and you debate staying on for a moment too long. I’ve always wanted you. That sentence makes your stomach turn. What does that mean? Is it solely physical? Is it more?

No, it can’t be. This man hates your guts; there’s no feelings between you other than mild, stupid lust.

Which makes you debate your own feelings. He's certainly… well, he’s not ugly. You’d even say, maybe, perhaps, in the right angles, he’s attractive, especially with this thick thighs and thicker cock-

The train doors almost close before you can scuttle out. Focus, girl, focus. Fighting through your surprisingly aching body and returning headache, you briskly walk the rest of the way to work, trying to think about anything other than the shitshow you’re about to walk into.

Prome is a half mile walk from the station, with only one tiny dash across a busy road. It’s not ideal, but it’s the only option you have right now. The interns have started a carpool, but you’re too old to be riding with them. Besides, Bakugo Katsuki’s car is nice. It’s embarrassing the have worse things than a college student-

  A familiar dented, red car squeaks to a halt inches from your ass, so close that you can feel the wind displaced. The squeal of tires steals your breath away and your body clenches in fear, so hard that your muscles scream. You jump and start blabbering in surprise, shouting out unearned apologies as you skitter back. It takes a second to gather yourself, but, when you do, you see a boy jut his head out of the window, all toothy smiles and bleach blonde hair.

“Hey!” he shouts. “If it isn’t my hero!”

“Denki?”

Kaminari Denki waves to you, sunshine personified behind the wheel of a truck without a bumper.

“Hold on, lemme park!”

The red monstrosity barely fits in a space. In its prime, it was probably a pretty car, but being owned by Denki clearly took a toll. The inside is littered with empty energy drink cans, clinking and sloshing as he throws the car into park and launches himself out. There's a reason he's not a part of the group's carpool.

“I could fucking kiss you right now!” He envelopes you in open arms, manhandling you side to side over and over in an overly friendly display. 

“Oh, please don't-- Denki!” 

He smashes his face into your cheek with a chaste, yet somehow wet smooch. When you try to squirm away, he doubles down; his lips actually make contact with yours, just for a moment, awful and impossibly damp. 

“Ew, gross! Get off!” You pry him off and wipe the slime off of your lips with the back of your hand. “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry, my bad, I’m just--” he laughs,  “Izuku told me you saved my ass!”

   You don’t mention the fact you’re the reason he was in trouble in the first place because you're too busy processing this information.

“Aizawa rehired you?”

“He called me yesterday and apologized, which was, holy shit, it was insane,” Denki says, with a wave of his hands, like it isn’t a shocking turn of events. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, I just, uh--” You grimace at the thought. “I talked to Toshinori. And cried a little.”

In retrospect, it does seem like overkill, but it worked.

“Do that more often!” He goes in for another hug and you reluctantly let him. He smells like axe body spray and cheap deodorant. God, he’s so young-- even the accidental kiss feels dirty. You have to remind yourself that he’s early twenties, really only a couple years younger than you-- wait, no. You’re thirty.  “I owe you my life! And my diploma!”

You still can't believe it. Aizawa, hard ass Aizawa, changed his mind? That couldn't be because of you. He's made people cry before, why would you be different-?

Oh. I've always wanted you.

That thought hits you like a punch to the gut.

Maybe it isn't just physical.

You have to shake your head to clear away that thought. You brush your clothes off and adjust yourself. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”  

“I’ll buy you a coffee.” He coos as you walk in. The security guard gives you both a curious look, eyebrows wiggling conspiratorially. You just ignore that and focus on getting to your desk. It's almost nine; you're both late.  “And anything you want-- alcohol, weed-”

“-We drug test here?”

“We do?” Denki gapes. “Fuck, good to know.”

Maybe saving him wasn’t a good career move.  You make it to your desk and drop your stuff on the group. Denki has been following you like a puppy, nipping at your heels the whole way.

“Just… please don’t get fired again." You jerk a head towards his department. "Go do your work."

“Absolutely!” He prances down the hall, wrinkled tie flapping in his wake.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You can’t believe he’s here. Truly. All of that worry and stress yesterday feels worth it as you settle into your desk. You clack a couple of keys to wake up your screen-- but there’s no response. After a moment, you try again, then again. A wiggle of the mouse does the trick, but the keyboard still doesn’t wake up when you try to type in your password. 

Crap. You split that coffee yesterday. The circuit or whatever must be fried. Great. Today is going to be pretty unproductive if you don’t solve this issue.

Engineering probably has a couple of extras, but you aren’t sure you’re ready to walk straight into the lion’s den, especially now that you aren’t sure how you feel about it all. The fact he rehired Denki does make you feel a bit better; maybe Hizashi and Nemuri were right and he’s actually a good guy. And, you can’t deny that you’re a tiny bit attracted to him now that you’ve seen… everything. 

Ugh, you need to make up your fucking mind and decide how you feel about all of this--

At that moment, Aizawa Shouta stomps down the hall, expression as flat and hard as ever. He looks the same as he always does, stupid yellow sweatshirt, messy black hair, under eye circles deep enough to worry about, but your chest hiccups at the sight. You don’t have a plan for this, no prepared speech or anything. For a moment, you wonder if he’s coming to kiss you or ravage you, like in one of those romance novels that are popular online-

And then he passes you and heads straight for the coffee machine. Relief washes over you, then confusion.  Not even a hint of attention thrown your way. That’s fairly strange-- you usually get at least a nod or a lukewarm greeting. You push off of your chair and join  him the the station.

“Hey, um-” Your idle hands dig into the sugar packets, jostling them side to side. The pitch of the coffee hitting the inside of his mug changes as he pours, pitch creeping higher and higher.  His jawline is dusted with a five o’clock shadow, flickers of salt and pepper across his skin and down to the curve of his adam’s apple. You said something about shaving last night, you think. You wonder if he listened or if this is how it’s always been-

“Do you need something?”  He interrupts your thoughts, not even looking away from the station.

“I-” What do you need? Confirmation? Reassurance? An explanation? “Uh-”

You suck in a breath and steel yourself, legs shoulder width again from that extra boost of stability. Your voice comes out as a whisper, much shakier than it should be.  I've always wanted you. You don't feel the same, but maybe, just maybe, you could learn to.

“Yesterday-- or, uh, last night- I just want to--”

“Let’s save each other the embarrassment and forget everything that happened yesterday.” The coffee pot clinks back into place, only the legs of droplets left to cling to the glass. “We’re out, by the way.”

And with that, he’s gone.

And a second truck has sideswiped you.

[petersthree]

3 & 13

ty bestieee

3. What were your top five books of the year? Oh GOD this is so hard lol. I didn't necessarily rate these the highest (like, there's a book that I rated a 4.5 while some of these are a 4 lol but still) but I'm rating this in terms of how much I enjoyed it at the time and think about it afterwards, bc there's some top notch books that I just immediately stopped thinking about lol. Also ignoring anything I reread like Percy Jackson

As Good as Dead by Holly Jackson. You specifically know how much I LOVE the AGGTM series, and man what a conclusion to the trilogy this was. Thank you again for introducing me to this series and making me sick in the head lmao

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. I linked the ultimate guide since it's what I read but I'm specifically talking about the first book in the series. I ADORED this book and I'll probably reread it again at some point. It's my ideal comedic book - probably my ideal sci-fi book too tbh lmao

Wrong Place, Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister. I thought this premise was SO unique and was worried it would end up being a disappointment (especially because as much as I love thrillers, they end up middling for me lol) but I thought this was amazing and fun, and a really unique premise for a thriller!

My Murder by Katie Williams. Again, another really unique concept for a book, of a serial killer's victim who ends up getting brought back to life by the government. It's not a thriller but I think it was marketed as one which is weird? It's a slower-paced book with a bit of mystery and sci-fi. And I fucking loved it lmao.

The Labors of Hercules Beal by Gary D. Schmidt. I was between a few books for this last slot (like Drowning or The Westing Game) but this book was such a great time for me. A middle school read but one that still was enjoyable to me as an adult and had a lot of heart to it.

13. What were your least favorite books of the year? Blegh quite a lot. I love thrillers but I feel like the thrillers I read this year started off strong for me and then tried having plot twists out of fucking nowhere for the sake of a twist. Same mindset about what counts as my least favorite applies as above, but asdfjkl inversed lol:

The Burnout by Sophie Kinsella. I'm ngl, I think it's largely based on how the main's lack of interest in sex was portrayed - without it I think this book would have probably been like, a 3.5 or something. I just didn't love how it was portrayed as her being broken or weird or abnormal - had the book acknowledged that this was something abnormal /for her/ that would have been perfectly fine, but it seemed to be in the sense that "not wanting sex = strange and weird" which just really left a bad taste in my mouth.

The Stepson by Diane Saxon. Some of the worst writing I've ever read imo

The Coworker by Freida McFadden. Just didn't hold me. I thought it was kind of simplistic and the characters were unlikeable, which would be fine if they were fun to read but they weren't lmao

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead: I'm just gonna put the first part of my review in why I didn't love this: "I kind of feel like this book just kept on going. And going. And going. It was just a lot of “so this is why YOU killed Heather” at the end of each chapters."

Perfectly Nice Neighbors by Kia Abdullah. I fully acknowledge that this one probably doesn't deserve to be here, and the fact that it produced such a visceral reaction is probably a compliment? But I hated how I got so attached to characters only for the ending to just. Suck for everyone lmao. Had I known it going into the story I think I would have been okay because I would have mentally prepared myself but it just didn't work for me. I also still think the final plot twist just wasn't great; it felt like a twist for the sake of a twist. Had the ending been different I could have excused that, because I was really invested in this book up until the final act, but it made it so that a book that I was ready to give a 5/5 ended up being rated here lmaooo

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