#it’s giving that ultimate trans experience

[boyfridged]

this is only vaguely related to my last ask but it got me thinking again how much i don't like the type of scrutiny that some people engage with when it comes to headcanons. don't get me wrong, there is plenty of headcanons that i despite when they appear in a particular context because they clearly come from a place of total ignorance and sometimes even borderline malice; and there are ways of writing about characters that are very obviously rooted in reactionary attitudes. but i have also seen situations in which people of specific ethnicities were told they were not supposed to hc a character to be said ethnicity because of the classist implications. i have seen people saying that headcanoning a particular character to be trans is too stereotypical and that it makes them "sick." i've seen people annoyed about characters being a particular religion because "there's another character who was said to be that religion before" (shocking and upsetting to some americans especially: religions are real and usually have more than one follower so they don't have to be assigned to a single character per title as their token.) and idk i think we should all pause for a moment and remember that the pieces of identity that people assign their favourite characters are often their own. there are ways to reclaim these cliches too. it's a matter of intention. people often read themselves into their beloved pieces of art. and maybe it does not always create the truest image of the author's intention nor a revolutionary picture of minority rep, but no one claims it does.

#a matter that always gives me a headache is how people read my post about the issue of jason being portrayed as psychotic #as me saying he should never be portrayed as psychotic #when what i meant was that psychosis should not be associated with violence the way it was in these comics. #i write jason psychotic sometimes. #i also write jason queer in all the possible ways. he's a trans guy he's a woman he's aroace he's gay etc. #i also do write him in a way that suggests he has at least a cultural link to eastern europe. #and very explicitly catholic. as i do write quite a lot of characters. most notably dick #all things that could be read as extremely inflammatory and stereotypical #but that are ultimately pieces of me or my loved ones. #i think fanfiction and creative interpretation are a work of love in more way than one #as i said: in a sense you do not only read the material but also read yourself into it. #and there has to be careful consideration when it comes to it at times. #to make sure there is still engagement with the source that makes it worthwhile #but i don't think it's fair to tell people these experiences are inappropriate for these contexts. #it's another thing if devin grayson makes dick romani #it's another thing if a person of a particular id & experience wishes to explore it in fanwork #sorry idk. love wins.

[goldiipond]

don and emma best friends. one of my greatest truths

#skye's ramblings #CRIMINAL how little one-on-one interactions they get in canon they would have one of the best and funniest dynamics #theyare autism+adhd combo besties to me. both got double coolest person ever disorder #they were probably the best people for each other to play with at gracefield just because they never fucking ran out of energy <3 #ithink they would infodump to eachother endlessy they can both talk soo much all the time #also like. don experiences a lot of insecurities especially pre-escape and ithink they were probably even worse when he was younger #eema was the ultimate voice of fuck that youre amazing bro and she always put a smile on his face <3 #ALSO ALSO. trans/agender besties ilike to think abt them bonding during their repective gender journeys #don n emma bonding over the euphoria or being bound to a skirt by gendered dress codes n never wearing one again once given that option #OOUUGH especialy that one ihave a little comic rotating in my head abt it <3 too bad theworld hates the idea of me finishing a comic ever #and ALSO x3 imentioned this in last art post but emma n don carrying the other kids around. they are strong and so so affectionate <3 #and they like to mess with ray. crucial detail #tbh ilove the dynamic w ray thrown into the mix aswell. mayb bc theyre my top 3 faves but. dynamic ithink abt a lot #but thats a tangent n im sleepy. anywayay don emma bestest besties ever. this is true #they had don save emmas life w the blood transfusion after goldy pond but they couldnt even give them a good amt of interactions. shameful

[animentality]

it's pretty sad how terfs talk about womanhood as this horrible agonizing burden that no human being could ever enjoy or desire, like, the self hatred is actually soooo tragic.

like, they say trans men just hate being women and trans women are just men mocking women's suffering and plight as women-

and it's like, I know they're fundamentally miserable people. they're terfs. that's self explanatory.

but that in particular just cements it for me.

they're projecting. so. fucking. hard.

they are miserable because they're toxic, bitter, indoctrinated losers who don't have friends, who don't meet new people, or give anyone the benefit of the doubt.

and they have joined a cult that just perpetuates falsehoods and misinformation, and convinces them that women through out all of history have never ever been happy, nor even had the capacity for happiness, not then, nor even today.

and it's like... sweetie.

are you absolutely sure that you feel this way because trans women exist, or is it because you have a series of mental issues that you refuse to acknowledge or work on?

are you sure someone transitioning because it'll make them happy is what's making you miserable, or is the fact that you're deeply unhappy with yourself and you resent seeing other people doing what they want to do?

you can flash your fangs all you like, but I see the look in your eyes, and I can read you like a fucking pamphlet.

you need to get a hobby aside from harassing trans women on Twitter. you need to talk to other people, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because to open your mind and your heart is integral to the human experience, and to human evolution, ultimately too. you need to deal with your SHIT.

but if you can't do any of that.

the best you can do is shut your mouth and keep your damage limited to yourself.

we all have our bad fucking days and mental health issues.

you don't see all of us attacking vulnerable people so we can feel righteous and tall.

get over your mean girl phase please, you're like 35.

[catboybiologist]

God, I really, really wish all trans people were able to have the experience I've had with my HRT provider.

Some gender care providers: uwu make sure not to take more than the prescribed dose! I'll prescribe juuuuussssttttt the right amount just in case you get any ideas, and it's vewy vewy dangerous so always make sure you're doing just as I say!!!

My gender care provider (awesome middle aged lesbian nurse): sweet, you're a biologist, ayo I'm not cancelling your prescription for sublingual so you can stock up, here's how to get extra needles for your new injection prescription, if shit hits the fan after the elections I can still check your levels, make sure you know how to diy just in case, do whatever the fucm you want with what I can prescribe just be sterile about injections, I'll give you detailed recommendations about how to do things but ultimately I'll prescribe you whatever the fuck you want, peace ✌️

#mtf hrt

[abtrusion]

Theories of the holy shit what did I just see back there on the street?

Because transmisogyny makes them so impossible to ignore, for at least the last 70 years transfeminized people have served as key material of Anglo-American gender/queer/trans theories, as laundered through anthropology, sexology, and uncited personal witnessing. The anaemic denial of this fact through snappy and surface-level distinctions between ‘queer’ and ‘trans’ and between different transfeminized groups has made it functionally impossible for these theories to seriously account for transf* life, and this failure is highly productive, because it allows for the continued use of both ‘premodern’ ‘third gender’ and ‘postmodern’ transgenderism as lobotomized material for the theories of other people. The last century of gender theoretic development has revolved around slowly refining methods of extracting transfeminized peoples’ insight, forgetting and re-introducing them to their field over and over again to frame them as perpetual novelties, leading to a pernicious form of feminist amnesia that repeats over and over again.

1 . MARGARET MEAD (1949)

The work begins with Margaret Mead, the ‘most famous anthropologist of our century’ (Behar and Gordon 1996), who made her career studying indigenous groups in Samoa and New Guinea, then joined the larger anthropological effort to inform the US Government’s genocidal re-education campaigns against Indigenous American tribes. She later enjoyed a prodigious career as a public intellectual and shifted to more explicitly feminist writing which extensively influenced the movements of the 60s and 70s. Mead argued that essentially all sex-gender roles were culturally determined, and used the specter of the transfeminized homosexual-transvestite both to make that argument and to advocate for gender abolition.

This can be seen most clearly in Mead’s 1949 book Male and Female: a Study of the Sexes in a Changing World. Mead chronologically traces individual gender development through an ethnographic-sexological narrative, beginning with ‘first learnings’ that a child receives primarily through observation. Then the family comes in, and the transvestite comes with it, existing as the primary motive (alongside Freudian sexual attachment) which motivates gendered socialization:

Too great softness, too great passivity, in the male and he will not become a man. The American Plains Indians, valuing courage in battle above all other qualities, watched their little boys with desperate intensity, and drove a fair number of them to give up the struggle and assume women’s dress. (Mead 1949)

Mead argues that “fear that boys will be feminine in behavior may drive many boys into taking refuge in explicit femininity,” but makes a distinction between this identification and what she calls ‘full transvestitism,’ the culturally-specific recognition of that status. This differential leads her to conclude that the physical traits seen as markers of ‘gender inversion’ are culturally specific, and that what is understood as physical sex (then existing on a ‘spectrum’ model) is therefore partially socially determined.

For Mead, gender must be abolished precisely because of the fact that she could even make this argument. As she says,

Only a denial of life itself makes it possible to deny the interdependence of the sexes. Once that interdependence is recognized and traced in minute detail to the infant’s first experience of the contrast between the extra roughness of a shaven cheek and a deeper voice and his mother’s softer skin and higher voice, any programme which claims that the wholeness of one sex can be advanced without considering the other is automatically disallowed.

The desperate need to reproduce these distinctions, to make sex clear and visible and obvious, leads Mead to ultimately argue for a gender abolition that rests on complementary sex-roles. The main benefit of this approach for Mead is the complete eradication of sex-gender ‘confusion’ and its incarnation in transfeminized people, so associated precisely because of their intense usefulness as a tool for undermining sex-gender distinctions. So Mead sees the construction of physical and social gender by using transfeminized people as a lens, but because of her own disgust she can only fix gender by unseeing it again, by displacing gender to ‘real’ physical sex and protecting herself by breaking the tool. This, unsurprisingly, leaves her exactly where she started.

2. BETTY FRIEDAN (1963)

The feminist theorists that came after Mead directly confronted this reversion to ‘complementary sex’ logics, most notably in Betty Friedan’s foundational work The Feminine Mystique. Friedan discusses the ‘paradox’ of Mead’s influence, the strange combination of her exposure of ‘the infinite variety of sexual patterns and the enormous plasticity of human nature’ and her ‘glorification of women in the female role – as defined by their sexual biological function.’ In the middle, Friedan cites a page-long quote describing a point of ambivalent warning in Mead’s writing:

The difference between the two sexes is one of the important conditions upon which we have built the many varieties of human culture that give human beings dignity and stature… Sometimes one quality has been assigned to one sex, sometimes to the other. Now it is boys who are thought of as infinitely vulnerable and in need of special cherishing care, now it is girls… Some people think of women as too weak to work out of doors, others regard women as the appropriate bearers of heavy burdens “because their heads are stronger than men’s” … Some religions, including our European traditional religions, have assigned women an inferior role in the religious hierarchy, others have built their whole symbolic relationship with the supernatural world upon male imitations of the biological functions of women. (emph added by me)

...Are we dealing with a must that we dare not flout because it is rooted so deep in our biological mammalian nature that to flout it means individual and social disease? Or with a must that, although not so deeply rooted, still is so very socially convenient and so well tried that it would be uneconomical to flout it…

...We must also ask: What are the potentialities of sex differences? … If little boys have to meet and assimilate the early shock of knowing that they can never create a baby with the sureness and incontrovertibility that is a woman’s birthright, how does this make them more creatively ambitious, as well as more dependent upon achievement?

Friedan attributes this ultimate focus on sexual difference to Mead’s Freudianism: she argues that Mead’s need to approach culture and personality through sexual difference, combined with her anthropological understanding that ‘there are no true-for-every-culture sexual differences except those involved in the act of procreation’ (Friedan and Quindlen 1963), combines to cause her to inflate the cultural importance of the reproductive role of women. Friedan intensely rebukes this reification of reproduction as another component of the ‘feminine mystique’ (very close to the modern ‘divine feminine’), advocating for programs which enable women to reject the mystique and housewife status and to seek education and employment, to combat the problem ‘which had no name’ but takes shape through spikes in female ‘sex-hunger’ and ‘overt manifestations’ of passive male homosexuality, both understood as ‘children acting out the sexual phantasies of their housewife-mothers.’ In a paradoxical return to Freudianism, Friedan characterizes husbands unwilling to let their wives work as being seduced ‘by the infantile phantasy of having an ever-present mother’ (the Freudian homosexuality-signifier), associating antifeminism with passive homosexuality with femininity which the aspiring feminist has escaped, learning to compete “not as a woman, but as a human being.”

3. THE MULTIPLICATION OF TRANSFEMINIZED SUBJECTS

As we can see, transfeminized subjects are frequently used as signs of system collapse, hypervisible enough to be easy examples and potent enough to rhetorically corrode existing sex-gender systems in preparation for the author’s own vision. Once a piece is published, these examples are usually then forgotten, assumed as scaffolding for the real theory; but the rhetorical strawmen of these transfeminized subjects still remain, trapped implicitly in the text, and they bleed into one another with every new addition to the corpus, every call to action invoking a new transfeminized archetype.

So far we have seen Mead’s anthropological-orientalist framing of ‘transvestitism’ among the anthropological Other and Friedan’s psychological framing of ‘passive homosexuality’ in the United States. The increasing visibility of adult ‘transsexuality,’ somewhat disjoint from the developmental sexology Gill-Peterson (2017) discusses because of its visibility in high-profile cases like Christine Jorgensen, was likewise framed for theory. Harold Garfinkel’s (1967) book Studies in Ethnomethodology, which described methods for observing ‘the objective reality of social facts as an ongoing accomplishment,’ used an intersex woman named Agnes as an avenue to expose how everyday social facts are constructed. Agnes was an ideal exemplar because her insistence on getting HRT and being seen as a woman was considered psychologically normal: “Such insistence was not accompanied by clinically interesting ego defects. These persons contrast in many interesting ways with transvestites, trans-sexualists, and homosexuals.” Of course, Garfinkel was later notified that Agnes did not have an intersex condition, and he then noted that ‘this news turned the article into a feature of the same circumstances it reported, i.e. into a situated report.’

Anyways, now it’s time for yet another transfeminized subject: the ‘transsexually constructed lesbian feminist.’

4. JANICE RAYMOND (1979)

As with her predecessors, Raymond sees analytical power in her particular transfeminized group, arguing that “transsexualism goes to the question of what gender is, how to challenge it, and what reinforces gender stereotypes in a role-defined society.” But she also has some concerns for ‘transsexual women,’ initially assumed heterosexual, none of which are particularly novel or interesting. Now that she’s writing in an environment dominated by Friedan’s mandate towards shedding femininity, feminist amnesia makes it novel to regurgitate Margaret Mead’s responses: that “male transsexualism may well be a graphic expression of the destruction that sex-role molding has wrought on men,” and that “men recognize the power that women have by virtue of female biology and the fact that this power, symbolized in giving birth, is not only procreative but multidimensionally creative” (Raymond 1979).

Her analysis of (new archetype) ‘transsexually-constructed lesbian feminism’ is much more interesting. While Raymond can understand heterosexual transsexual women as ‘reinforcing gender stereotyping’ by pulling primarily from medical archives already hegemonized by gatekeeping and passing requirements, the transsexual women in the lesbian-feminist movement achieved a certain degree of personal contact and visibility that undermined ‘hegemonizing’ logics. So Raymond uses three main arguments: an essentialist appeal to fundamental ‘maleness,’ a red-scare-esque appeal to transsexual lesbian feminists as ‘court eunuchs’ bent on monitoring and controlling feminist spaces, and finally, an argument that transsexual lesbian feminists are fundamentally epistemically corrosive to lesbian feminist spaces:

Whereas the lesbian-feminist crosses the boundary of her patriarchally imposed sex role, the transsexually constructed lesbian-feminist is a boundary violator. This violation is also profoundly mythic, for as Norman O. Brown writes of Dionysus, he as the ‘‘mad god who breaks down boundaries.’’

Contrary to contemporary transmisogynistic discourse which frames trans lesbians as personal threats to women in lesbian-feminist spaces, this violation takes its form not in any particular act but in the act of passing, the deconstructive question this existence seemingly automatically places on lesbian-feminist spaces:

One of the most constraining questions that transsexuals, and, in particular, transsexually constructed lesbian-feminists, pose is the question of self-definition—who is a woman, who is a lesbian-feminist? But, of course, they pose the question on their terms, and we are faced with answering it.

Raymond notes with some frustration that this transsexual question has been discussed ‘out of proportion to their actual numbers,’ using up valuable feminist energy, and frames this as a symptom and crime of transsexual lesbianism itself. The trans question is transsexual women; like the theorists before her, she sees transfeminized people as a gaping hole in the gendered world, but now they’re inside her house, feeding “off woman’s true energy source, i.e., her woman-identified self,” and inherently stand to break “the boundaries of what constitutes femaleness,” to dissolve lesbian-feminism itself.

I want to stress two main points in all of this. First, Raymond understands studying transsexualism as a crucial tool for answering ‘the question of what gender is’ and ‘how to challenge it.’ Second, Raymond’s anxiety about transsexual lesbian-feminists moves away from specific actions and towards the ‘penetration’ inherent in their existence in these spaces at all, the understanding that transsexual women are inherently corrosive to lesbian-feminist movements. These two points are clearly linked. Raymond understands transsexuality as a form of epistemic gender acid, something that can be useful at arm’s length but is deadly up close. Of course, the transfeminized people she discusses were not necessarily invested in asking the Trans Question themselves; trans women attended lesbian-feminist events like Michfest before and after their trans exclusion policies, and regardless of ‘passing’ many people enjoyed a form of don’t ask don’t tell (Tagonist 1997). But within these spaces, the Trans* Question long predated the actual existence of transfeminized people – so once they arrived, the Question and person were fundamentally linked. Trans theorists have negotiated this association extensively, but that’s not the topic of this essay, so I’ll leave you with some sources (Stryker 1994; Stone 1992) and move to Butler.

5. JUDITH BUTLER (1990)

This work has been done already by Vivian Namaste (2020), who argues that “contemporary discussions of Anglo-American feminist theory, exemplified in Butler’s work, begin with the Transgender Question as a way to narrow our focus to the constitution, reproduction, and resignification of gender.” This singular focus on the ‘Transgender Question’ has made it functionally impossible for Anglo-American feminist theory to consider the outsized role of work, particularly sex work, in motivating the discrimination and violence against transfeminized people of color: “framing violence against transsexual prostitutes as ‘gender violence’ is a radical recuperation of these events and their causal nature-a violence at the level of epistemology itself.”

Namaste attributes this focus on featureless ‘gender violence’ to a crippling lack of empiricism, a lack of researcher-subject equity, and an exclusion of subject knowledges. She provides an effective power-based solution to this epistemic violence – that feminist theorists should talk with the subjects of their theory and give them some measure of power in the transaction – a sort of endpoint analysis which means she doesn’t need to consider too much of the internals of the system she’s challenging. That’s a good idea for her work, but with the benefit of history we can move differently. The next section synthesizes Butler, Friedan, Mead, and Raymond together to provide a functionalist analysis of the feminist theoretic use of transfeminized people. What are the benefits of using transfeminized people as an epistemic tool in feminist theory? What are the dangers of using this epistemic tool, and how does feminist theory manage those dangers?

6. PATTERNS OF EXTRACTION AND DEFENSE

Looking past Butler and further into the past reveals that transfeminized people have been crucial not just to the feminist theory of the past 20 years, but have served as exemplars as far back as the 1940s. The ‘Trans* Question,’ which frames transfeminized people as the most visible signifier and most horrifying symptom of social gender, has been cyclically used in a form of feminist cultural amnesia:

A transfeminized group serves as a hypervisible example to 'deconstruct' social gender

Transfeminized deconstruction bloats beyond itself, undermining 'sex traits' or 'femaleness' or some other foundational category of feminist analysis.

Reconstruction of gender as 'biological sex,' alliance between feminist theorists and men of all stripes by arguing that post-gender eradication of transfeminized people will (a) allow men to be feminine without becoming women or (b) destroy femininity entirely.

New-generation feminist theorists realize their predecessors have reinvented social gender. Return to (1).

As Margaret Mead’s work shows, the use of transfeminized groups to deconstruct both physical and social gender has been observed regardless of transmedicalization. This helical pattern has a few general properties:

Each cycle introduces a distinct transfeminized group, positioning it against prior groups as uniquely suitable for analysis, but simultaneously blurs the new group into the existing melange.

This "Trans* Queston" is almost entirely devoid of group-specific context and rooted in transmisogyny, which positions them as horrifying and visible symptoms of social gender.

Each "Trans* Question" initially exposes social gender, but constantly threatens to dissolve other categories or even the theorist's own writing as socially constructed, against the theorist's will.

Each new cycle demonstrates near-complete historical amnesia as to the relevance of transfeminized people in the prior theoretical move.

So the “Trans* Question” allows for the basic feminist move, asserting that gender is socially constructed, but if improperly controlled it stands to dissolve virtually any definition feminist theorists try to build. To be clear, I do not believe in the total deconstruction of categories – you need definitions, even ones you acknowledge as imprecise, to say anything at all. But transfeminized people probably have pretty solid ideas about gender, having to, you know, live with it. The alienated ‘Trans Question*’ has none of this insight, appearing instead as a gaping epistemic hole in the world, and so feminist theorists are forced to come up with complicated quarantining measures to keep the Question from spilling over.

What jeopardizes feminist theory’s use of the Question? One answer (among many) comes by looking at Mead, who concluded that physical characteristics seen as ‘sex traits’ were socially constructed by looking at the culture-specific construction of what she called ‘full transvestitism.’ In this case, the Question undermined sex when the social position of transfeminized subjects were seen as simultaneously normative and anti-normative, existing in some normative ‘social’ role while being understood as distinct from non-transfeminized subjects via another ‘natural’ axis. The fact that these splits were made differently across different transfeminized groups undermined the distinction between social and ‘natural/biological’ aspects of gender, and because the alienated Question provides no means of making anything solid out of any of this, Mead retreated to the womb.

So understanding that the Question allows for the deconstruction of gender, and that it overgrows when multiple (studied as) semi-normative transfeminized groups are cross-compared with one another, we can consider aspects of contemporary feministqueertrans theory that enforce the epistemic isolation and normativization/antinormativization of transfeminized groups. The knots this ties in feminist theories seem relevant both to the ‘why does trans theory exist’ question posed by Chu & Drager (2019) and to the challenges and limitations of applying queer/trans theory to groups outside the anglosphere (Chiang 2021, Savci 2021). I’ll discuss that more in another essay.

SOURCES

Behar, Ruth, and Deborah A. Gordon. 1996. Women Writing Culture. First Edition. Berkeley: University of California Press.

Chiang, Howard. 2021. Transtopia in the Sinophone Pacific. Columbia University Press.

Chu, Andrea Long, and Emmett Harsin Drager. 2019. “After Trans Studies.” TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly 6 (1): 103–16. https://doi.org/10.1215/23289252-7253524.

Friedan, Betty, and Anna Quindlen. 1963. The Feminine Mystique. Reprint edition. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

Garfinkel, Harold. 1967. Studies in Ethnomethodology. 1st edition. Cambridge Oxford Malden,MA: Polity.

Gill-Peterson, Jules. 2017. “Implanting Plasticity into Sex and Trans/Gender.” Angelaki 22 (2): 47–60. https://doi.org/10.1080/0969725X.2017.1322818.

Mead, Margaret. 1949. Male and Female: A Study of the Sexes in a Changing World. First Edition. William Morrow.

Namaste, Viviane. 2020. “Undoing Theory: The ‘Transgender Question’ and the Epistemic Violence of Anglo-American Feminist Theory.” In Feminist Theory Reader, edited by Carole McCann, Seung-kyung Kim, and Emek Ergun, 5th edition. New York, NY London: Routledge.

Raymond, Janice G. 1979. The Transsexual Empire: The Making of the She-Male. New York: Teachers College Press.

Savci, Evren. 2021. Queer in Translation: Sexual Politics Under Neoliberal Islam. Durham (N.C.): Duke University Press Books.

Stone, Sandy. 1992. “The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto.” Camera Obscura: Feminism, Culture, and Media Studies 10 (2 (29)): 150–76. https://doi.org/10.1215/02705346-10-2_29-150.

Stryker, Susan. 1994. “My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix: Performing Transgender Rage.” GLQ: A Journal of Lesbian and Gay Studies 1 (3): 237–54. https://doi.org/10.1215/10642684-1-3-237.

Tagonist, Anne. 1997. “Sister Subverter Diary August ’97.” Unapologetic: The Journal of Irresponsible Gender.

#transmisogyny #trans #transgender #my writing

[hjartasalt]

Saw a detransitioner asking us (the trans community) to be more empathetic towards detransitioners and I have a couple of thoughts on the matter because in the context of this they were asking people be more understanding of a transphobic detransitioner.

First of all, detransitioning is a nuanced topic. I am never going to judge someone for detransitioning nor direct any hate towards them for doing so. After all we all deserve to feel comfortable in our bodies and that would be hypocritical of me to do as a trans person. I understand that for many detransitioners it is a traumatising experience and I do not wish to add on to that trauma.

However.

If you discover that transitioning isn't for you after all and decide to use your experience to spread hate? I will not be extending any sympathy towards you. My empathy is already limited as is and I am not going to waste any efforts trying to understand someone who no longer wishes to understand me or advocate for my rights. I understand that they are hurt, but ultimately so are we and being hurt does not ever justify hurting others who do not deserve it. I do not care about their feelings when they openly do not care about mine. As detransitioners, many cis people will take your word over ours when it comes to trans issues, despite the fact that you do not indentify as trans, and you should be very well aware that you are capable of deeply impacting our medical rights, rights to treatment which you are no longer undergoing. This is going to cost people their lives. I do sincerely believe that many detransitioners are pushed to take out their trauma on the trans community, but just because I understand why someone is attacking me does not mean I will not fight back.

I do not consider it hypocritical of us as trans people to get angry when detransitioners openly go on about how dysphoric they are as a result of medically transitioning to their cis audiences who are already on the fence about supporting trans people's rights to medically transition in the first place. I think this is something that is absoltely vile of them to do. As a community we should be understanding that in many cases people go through many different labels before finding the right one. I certainly did, but that does not give me the right to turn my back on any of the communities I once identified with. I do not speak on wlw issues, because I am not part of that community anymore. It is as simple as that. What I do consider hypocritical is how many detransitioners will go through an incredibly difficult to access medical transition only to then talk about how doctors are practically sneaking hormones into kids' halloween candy. I do consider it hypocritical of a group of people who still experiences gender dysphoria on a daily basis and are very often no longer cis passing to turn their backs on the only other group of people who can fully understand their struggles. As stated before, I will not judge someone for the act of detransitioning, but I will judge someone who uses that experience to spread hate towards a group of marginalised people who are already incredibly vulnerable. We have been hurt enough.

[genderkoolaid]

I saw a post that was showing some statistics about trans women getting paid the least out of like al trans people like a way to discredit transandrophobia and compared us to cis mras and all I could think about was that trans men are the most likely to be suicidal out of all trans people and like I just wanted to scream at OP this isn't a competition we all are oppressed

Idk what study/studies they were citing, but I will say that this study suggests that trans pay rates are a bit more complicated than that?

They look at binary trans men (FTM), binary trans women (MTF), and genderqueer/nonbinary people AFAB & AMAB in the USA. Here are some findings:

Within the ‘Trans’ grouping, these estimates indicate that the income of FTMs ranges between 5–19% less than similarly situated MTFs. Within the ‘GQNB’ grouping, the income of AFAB GQNBs ranges between 9–22% less than AMAB GQNBs. For the ‘AMAB’ grouping, AMAB GQNBs income ranges 12–15% less than their MTF counterparts, with the exception of one insignificant decomposition estimate.28 Finally, AFAB GQNBs income ranges 13–26% less than their FTM counterparts in the ‘AFAB’ grouping.

Compared with this group, MTFs who transitioned from male-to-female later in life – between 25–29 years, 30–34 years, or ≥35 years – have incomes which are 30%, 43% and 52% more, respectively. In contrast, FTMs transitioning to male later in life is correlated with progressively lower incomes, with those transitioning at ≥35 years having 25% lower incomes than those who transitioned up to 24 years old

The two groups [identifying as wo/men vs. identifying as trans wo/men] of MTFs do not significantly differ along standard demographic or employment characteristics, while FTMs who identify as men have higher rates of education and income compared with their trans male identifying counterparts. The main differences in these groups are along trans specific characteristics. Those simply identifying as women and men are significantly more likely to have socially transitioned to living as their gender identity on a day-to-day basis, and to “pass” as their gender identity rather than their assigned sex. Of those who have socially transitioned, the age at which they began doing so does not significantly differ among these sub-groups of MTFs and FTMs.

Compared with ACS [American Community Survey] cis-men, those assigned male at birth (MTFs and AMAB GQNBs) have similar rates of labour force participation, while those assigned female at birth (FTMs and AFAB GQNBs) are around 4 percentage points more likely to be out of the labour force. Despite similar or lower rates of labour force participation, all transgender groups have higher rates of unemployment (5–8 pp) and, conditional on being in employment, being transgender is correlated with higher rates of part-time work (2–19 pp). All transgender groups have higher rates of poverty (8–16 pp) also.

This is just one study but I really like how it looks further into the issue and is inclusive of GQ/NB people. The authors actually point out how identifying as GQ/NB can result in worse treatment because of having a gender further outside the norm. I also find it interesting how they look at trans people who identify specifically as trans vs. just as men or women, and the result that trans-identified FTMs tend to have higher education and income- which could point to them having better access to transitioning through wealth and being more aligned with cisheternormative standards, giving them more experiences in line with cis men of their race and class, while FTMs who do not pass as cis(het) men feel their transness is more crucial to their experiences.

But anyways. Even if trans women are paid the least, that doesn't erase the real damage of anti-transmasculinity- but, also, it may be much more complex than that. There's a lot more variables to consider than just "trans or not trans." And, ultimately, we're all paid less as a result of being trans.

#m. #ask box #transandrophobia #transmisandry #anti transmasculinity #transunity

[ftmtftm]

I've been following the transandrophobia discussions for quite some time, and it's so frustrating to see sweeping claims that trans men are granted male privilege. I socially transitioned years ago but have not medically transitioned and I can't think of a single time I benefitted from male privilege. Obviously every situation is different but it sucks as non-passing trans guy to be left out of the conversation as if we don't exist. So thank you for acknowledging us.

Of course - your experiences are so incredibly important and we are brothers in this conversation. I'm genuinely sorry you're pushed even farther to the margins of the broader trans community because people act like your experiences aren't worth talking about.

People really do act like privilege is stored in individual identity when like... "Failing at patriarchal womanhood" is also seen as a huge offense against the gender binary and it just doesn't give you magical man privileges.

The more visibly you've "failed" at womanhood (especially without "succeeding" at manhood) the more likely you are to continue to be ostracized and I don't get why that is so difficult for people to understand. (Like ultimately I do get why but it's frustrating to think about.)

#asks #anon #transandrophobia

[syekick-powers]

gotta say, i do not like how lately i've been seeing posts from people who use a person having colorfully dyed hair as a sort of shorthand for "leftist who is actually secretly an asshole." like people making comments like "the girl with blue hair and perfect eyeliner wings is also the one who won't give up their seat for a disabled person on the bus". like we already have to deal with the right-wing fascists using "blue hair and pronouns" as a shorthand for "leftist (trans) person who is insufferable and oversensitive", can we please not turn brightly colored hair into a caricature in leftist circles as well. having brightly dyed hair is not some magic symbol of "person who claims to be a leftist but is actually secretly an asshole". it is a morally neutral trait. and while i'm not discounting anyone's experience with someone with brightly dyed hair who treated them badly, i think that turning it into some kind of shorthand for "asshole" is just going to ultimately hurt us more than it's going to help.

#sye's babbles #like. i love having blue hair. i don't feel right without it. #and i am kinda getting uncomfortable with the level of vitriol that is being aimed at ppl with brightly dyed hair #from BOTH sides of the political spectrum #just because you had one fucking person with pink hair treat you badly does not mean everyone w bright hair will #it's obviously not comparable to axes of oppression since its a personal choice to style your hair like that and all #but also like. it just feels like two steps below being an asshole to someone who is gnc #because having brightly dyed hair IS a non-conformist hairstyle #it's treated as improper and unprofessional #and shitting on people for not conforming is always going to make you look like a conformist assimilationist douche. #please for the love of god begging EVERYONE to be normal about brightly dyed hair.

[jesterwriting]

I saw your requests are open and I wanted to ask if you could write headcanons or drabbles (whatever you feel like) about how Zoro, Sanji and Law would take care of/help a trans masc Reader having a bad gender dysphoric day? Thank you so much and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! ♡

(not sure if you write for Mihawk but if you end up making headcanons and write for him, it'd make me really happy if he were among them as well 👉👈)

pairing: zoro x reader, sanji x reader, law x reader, mihawk x reader (separate)

contents: transmasc!reader, gender dysphoria, clueless but he tries zoro, ‘it’s not dysphoria, it’s dysphoriUS’ sanji, talks of gender affirming surgery in law’s

word count: 1.5k words

note: so personally i don’t experience a lot of dysphoria besides some chest dysphoria, so this might not be the best. just know that i tried VERY hard and i hope you enjoy these headcanons all the same :3 i love to put out trans centered content when i can hehe <33

playlist: rabbit in a headlight - autoheart

Roronoa Zoro

Zoro, bless his heart, doesn’t get it. To him, you look perfectly masculine and it’s hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that you think otherwise. His first instinct is to invite you to work out with him; get your endorphins going. (There’s nothing more masculine than getting sweaty with another man.) Zoro will give you tips as to what muscles to train to get a build you’ll be happier with. If you need it, he will even help write up a training regimen for yourself, especially if his original plan of working out helps you. Zoro won’t go easy on you, he knows your strengths and weaknesses enough to know what you can handle. That said, he may end up overestimating your abilities in an attempt to get you to push yourself. In terms of taking care of you, Zoro might bring you a glass of water, maybe a plate of food if you missed a meal. It took him a lot of effort to keep enough food away from Luffy to fill your plate, so you better be thankful. Give him a smile and watch his ears turn pink.

Words of affirmation are not his strong suit. If you need to vent, he’ll be there, of course. His replies will be blunt and to the point as he leans against the side of the ship, one eye open as he listens to you. Zoro might come off as a little insensitive with his words, but ultimately, he wants you to understand that he doesn’t view you any different from any other man he knows. If anyone misgenders you, may god have mercy on their soul. They will have a very unhappy swordsman barking up their tree within seconds. Afterwards, Zoro will remind you not to listen to idiots who don’t know what they’re talking about.

Black Leg Sanji

Unlike Zoro, words of affirmation are Sanji’s speciality, second only to acts of service. Listening carefully to your words, he will interrupt every so often to compliment you, or to remind you of how handsome he finds you. He can feel his heart crack at the thought of you feeling ill at ease with your body, taking it a bit more personally than he needs to. Sanji loves you deeply, and the fact that you are hurting while there is little that he can do about it is enough to drive him batty. As you’re explaining how you feel, you can see tears well in his eyes. It’s a little awkward, if not sweet that he cares about you enough to take your feelings to heart. You won’t be expected to move a muscle so long as you’re feeling bad. Sanji brings your meals to you, each one hand made with as much love as he could muster. He hopes you can taste it.

As soon as you want to get up, you’ll notice that every mirror on the Sunny is covered by a blanket so as not to cause you any unnecessary stress. Sanji treats you as if you are made of glass, and is more than a bit dramatic with his attempts to help you. The entire day, he follows you around, offering declarations of how handsome you are at every step. It would be somewhat annoying if his attempts weren’t entirely in earnest. Like Zoro, Sanji doesn’t quite understand dysphoria. How you perceive yourself and how he perceives you differ enough that it confuses him, and he feels like he’s not doing enough as a partner to make you feel comfortable in your own skin. You’re going to have to explain to him that it’s something entirely out of both of your control. You just have to ride the wave when it arrives. Sanji understands that, at least. On bad days, you will have your very own cheerleader, entirely willing to wait on you hand and foot.

Trafalgar Law

Like Zoro, Law is very solutions based. He is a doctor, not only does he understand how you feel — at least in a medical sense — he comes equipped with solutions other’s aren’t able to offer. If he catches you avoiding mirrors or wearing baggy clothing more often, he will sit you down and offer said solutions to you. You are aware that it’s not outside of his capabilities to perform gender affirming surgery, right? He is more than happy to provide if it means you’ll feel euphoric rather than dysphoric. Of course, any surgery is a big decision. Take time to discuss it with him and yourself, Law is patient and more than willing to help explain the process if you want him to. If you decide against it, Law understands. It’s a very big, very permanent decision, though he assures you he’s available if you ever change your mind. To help assuage your fears, Law will offer you one of his textbooks that detail gender affirming care, openly explaining any medical term you’re unfamiliar with and processes you don’t understand.

In terms of taking care of you, Law is more than a little awkward. He gives good, albeit stiff, hugs. His arms are long enough to fully wrap you in his embrace and hold you against him for however long you need. (That said, you can feel him start to get antsy once you pass the sixty second mark.) If you’re having trouble showering, Law offers to share the bathroom with you. Of course, he would have his back to you, he assures. It would just be easier to get done if you have someone in there distracting you from any negative thoughts. If you want to spend the day in bed, Law will join you throughout the day, laying next to you and quietly reading when he has down time. He enjoys sharing space with you, and if you want, he will even absentmindedly run his fingers through your hair as you lay next to him. It’s hard for Law to properly take care of others when he can hardly remember to eat half the time. For you, however, he is attentive and caring, treating you like a patient until you feel 100% yourself again. Every thirty minutes, Law will ask you on a scale of one to ten how you feel, never judging you for your response.

Dracule Mihawk

Like Law, and unlike Sanji and Zoro, Mihawk understands your dysphoria. While he’s never experienced it himself, he’s lived long enough to know what it is and what it entails. Lending you a listening ear, he is quiet as you speak, fully absorbing the weight of your words while you vent to him. He lays next to you in bed, an arm wrapped around your shoulder, his thumb gently stroking your skin. Once you’re done, he offers cool words of affirmation, a balm for your aching soul. Afterwards, like Zoro, he offers to help you train your body to be one that you’re able to feel euphoric about. And if that doesn’t sound appealing to you, Mihawk is more than happy to pull some strings and get you to meet Ivankov. They are far more equipped to help you than he is. Of course, if you much prefer comfort over solutions, Mihawk is capable of that as well. He will make you a cup of tea, pour himself a glass of wine, and sit by your bedside for hours, simply sharing the space with you, his golden eyes studying every inch of your frame for any obvious signs of distress.

Mihawk thinks you look wonderful, no matter what you wear. If you find comfort in baggy, oversized clothing, he will think you look just as good now as you do in elegant suits, perfectly tailored to fit your body. His only preference is for you to wear soft fabrics. Something he can run his hands over when he passes you by in the halls or when he’s greeting you in the kitchen. Cashmere and velvet are two favorites of his. In the days that follow, Mihawk will run his calloused palm along the sides of your face, placing a chaste kiss to your lips, before he tells you how handsome you look today. It’s not the first time that he’s complimented you, but it certainly comes as a surprise. After learning that there are days you are more ill at ease with your body than others, Mihawk makes more of an effort to compliment you. Reminding you that he sees and appreciates the man in front of him.

#one piece x reader #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #law x reader #mihawk x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #sanji x you #trafalgar law x reader #dracule mihawk x reader #sanji x yn #dracule mihawk x you #zoro x you #trafalgar law x you #.jesterwrites

[kallie-den]

Renewable Energy

Ziratha, an intrepid young succubus researcher, finds the ultimate solution to the looking Succubus Energy Crisis: a device that brainwashes its subjects back into nourishing, delicious, easily-flustered virgins - even rough, experienced, punk trans girls like Vivi

This was a delightful commission from GrillFan65, one of my patrons, and features a very, very fun TF ;)

If you enjoy my work and are looking for more, or you want to support me, I strongly encourage you to check out my Patreon! I write erotica full-time, which means I need your patronage to keep creating, and my Patrons also get benefits like early access to my stories, extra stories, and the ability to vote on what I write next! So, if that sounds good to you, head over and join the couple hundred patrons I already have :)

---

“Wow. This is a succubus’s lab?” The crust punk trans girl looked around Ziratha’s research laboratory and sniffed. “I would have expected more candles. Magic circles. Maybe a few jars of goat semen or something.”

Ziratha the succubus rolled her eyes as the punk laughed at her own bad joke. “That’s a stereotype. You’d think humans would know better now. We’ve been living amongst your kind for decades now, and-“

“And succubi are simply people just like us, living perfectly normal lives, except for the whole needing sex for subsistence thing,” the punk interrupted. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard the history lesson before.”

Ziratha had to suppress a groan. Alongside her PhD research, a full-time job in its own right, she worked part-time as an adjunct making minimum wage. She’d forgotten what a good night’s sleep felt like. Half her blood was coffee. She was way too tired for this.

Unfortunately for her, this punk girl - Vivi - was the best shot she was going to get at seeing her research reach fruition.

“Anyway,” Vivi piped up, “hurry up and tell me why I’m here already.”

“You’re here,” Ziratha replied tersely, “because I caught you breaking a window at the back of the lab. Probably looking for something to sell. And because if you help me out, I can delete the feed from the security camera. Got it?”

“A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do,” Vivi shot back. “HRT ain’t free, you know?”

Ziratha sighed. In truth, she didn’t hold the attempted theft against her. It was simply that the succubus really, really needed just one single research subject. One was surely all it would take to get the funding board to sit up and pay attention.

“So, c’mon,” Vivi insisted. “What do you need me to do?”

Ziratha took a very, very deep breath. “OK, let me explain. Firstly, what do you know about the SEC?”

Vivi sniffed. “Sounds familiar.

“The Succubus Energy Crisis,” Ziratha told her patiently. “We succubi depend on energy harvested from our sexual partners. You clearly know that much. However, what you may not know is that sexual energy isn’t a sustainable resource.”

“How’s that?” Vivi seemed more interested in scoping out Ziratha’s messy lab than in the answer.

“The amount of energy a succubus harvests from her partner is inversely proportional to their sexual experience,” Ziratha went on. Reciting this was practically automatic. She’d been over it a hundred times in class. “The potency of sexual energy declines after, well, sex. Especially sex with succubi. The more we take, the less they have to give. Sex with ‘well-used’ partners yields negligible energy - and furthermore, might actually kill the human.”

“OK.” Vivi laughed offhandedly. “So what? There will always be more virgins, right?”

“That’s what people used to say about coal and oil,” Ziratha pointed out. “As it turns out, no. Thanks to a declining birth rate, an increasingly sexualized culture, and a constant expansion of liberal sexual mores into untapped parts of the world, reserves are depleting faster than they can naturally refill. Humanity’s store of sexual energy is trending towards zero. Starvation for succubuskind.”

“Right…” Vivi said skeptically, before shrugging. “I don’t see what that’s got to do with me.”

“I was getting to that,” Ziratha retorted. “I’m working on a solution, OK? See, traditional succubic magiscience holds that the depletion of sexual energy following virginity loss is a spiritual-metaphysical phenomenon. In other words, completely and totally irreversible. But that’s bullshit!”

Vivi looked up sharply at the sudden outburst of passion from the succubus.

“Those idiots in the academy just don’t want to let go of their precious little doctrines!” Ziratha fumed. “They’d rather sink billions into pipe dreams than admit the textbooks could be wrong.  I mean, the SuperCharm Collider? Seriously? It’s a joke! But once I get my funding, I’ll be the one who’s laughing!”

She let out a loud, rich cackle worthy of her demonic forebears.

“See, my research indicates that the source of this problem is purely neural-psychological,” Ziratha ranted. “In other words: if you can turn back the clock on someone’s mind, you can completely refill their sexual energy. It’s a perfect solution. Renewable energy for all, forever. But the Institutional Review Board won’t give me the damn funding for a proper set of clinical trials.”

“Hold up,” Vivi broke in. “Are you about to tell me that I’m your guinea pig? And… you want to turn me back into a virgin?”

Ziratha grinned, her eyes flashing behind her nerdy glasses. “Exactly! Behold my Transcranial Magical Stimulation Unit. Which I expect to be known more widely as: the revirginization helmet!”

Reaching over to her workbench, she picked up something that looked halfway between an old VR headset and a military-issue tin foil hat.

Vivi folded her arms over her battle vest. “There’s no way I’m wearing that.”

“It’s safe!” Ziratha insisted defensively. “I made sure of it. If it wasn’t, this would kill my entire career.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Vivi replied, unconvinced. Then, she tilted her head to one side, and a crafty, dirty grin slowly spread across her face. “Hey. How about you and I go someplace comfortable and find a solution to a different kind of energy crisis?”

“Huh?” Ziratha blinked.

Vivi kept grinning and winked.

“Oh, I see.” Ziratha smiled wearily. “You want to have sex.”

Vivi giggled and nodded. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” the punk girl said, “but you look like you could do with a little top-off.”

Ziratha frowned. “Rude!”

In truth, though, she couldn’t be too offended. It had been a long time since Ziratha had fed properly, and it showed. Proper, nourishing partners weren’t easy to come by. Her deep red skin had taken on a slightly unhealthy pallor, her horns were nubs, and her tail was just a thin, dainty little thing. It was a far cry from the kind of overbearingly transhuman appearance succubi could have if they were permitted to glut themselves to their hearts’ content.

Admittedly, Ziratha wasn’t exactly playing to her own strengths. Instead of anything particularly alluring, she was dressed in the universal uniform of the overworked grad student: an old t-shirt, grey sweatpants and comfy sneakers, with a lab coat over top. Her hair was tied back in a hasty ponytail, her huge, round glasses made her look like exactly the nerd she was, and she hadn’t bothered with any makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes.

Beneath it all, though, she still had a killer body. She was still a succubus, after all.

“What do you say?” Vivi proposed. She glanced pointedly at Ziratha’s chest. “Wanna turn those C-cups into something bigger?”

Ziratha was surprised Vivi knew so much about how energy levels affected succubi. “You’ve slept with my kind before?”

“Sure have.” Vivi’s smirk was infuriatingly cocky. “A few times. And don’t worry - they were never disappointed. I know just how to treat a girl - mortal or demon.”

Ziratha rolled her eyes at the lewd comments, but she was smiling too. This made Vivi the ideal test subject. It was what Ziratha had been hoping for when she’d first laid eyes on her. Vivi was tall, hot, and confident, and while Ziratha knew better than to judge a book by its cover, Vivi did look like someone with a certain amount of ‘experience’.

She was pure punk, top to bottom. Vivi was wearing a battle vest covered in patches and spikes over a simple, loose-fitting top, and beneath the belt she had on a pleated skirt, some torn stockings, and an impressive pair of boots. A lot of the skin she was showing was covered in ink, and both sides of her head were shaven, leaving her with a messy streak of hair that was dyed neon blue.

Ziratha would have been pretty shocked if Vivi had told her she was a virgin.

“As attractive an offer as that is, I’ll have to decline.” Ziratha didn’t bother to conceal her weary sarcasm. “You’re a guinea pig.”

Vivi rolled her eyes. “Fine. I guess I can think of worse things than getting my ‘sexual energy’ replenished - whatever that’s gonna feel like.”

“Great. Great!” Ziratha immediately started ushering Vivi deeper into her lab before the punk could change her mind. “Take a seat, please.”

She gestured towards a chair that looked like it had been ripped out of a hospital examination room, with all kinds of wires and machines hooked up to it. Vivi glanced at the chair dubiously, but still moved to sit down.

“What’s all this, huh?” she asked, settling.

“Just monitoring equipment,” Ziratha explained. “Taking your vitals, measuring neural readings. That kind of stuff.”

“Nerd stuff, got it.” Vivi winked. “OK. I’m ready, I guess.”

Ziratha could barely contain her excitement. This was it. Her breakthrough. Her triumph. But the succubus was too much of a scientist to count her chickens before they hatched. “Here. Put this on.”

She handed Vivi the helmet she’d spent hundreds of hours designing and building. The punk looked at the strange, ramshackle device even more dubiously than she had at the chair, but she did as she was told. Once the helmet was properly adjusted, the screen mounted to it hung in front of Vivi’s face, obscuring most of her vision.

Ziratha tapped a few keys on her laptop and the screen came to life. A few lights and indicators on the helmet started to glow and flash, and the whole apparatus began to hum as the large capacitors mounted to it started to charge.

“Hey, so, how long is this going to take, anyway?” Vivi asked. The punk sounded a little less brash and a little more uncertain now. “Is this, like, some kind of long-ass meditation thing? Because I have places to be.”

“No, don’t worry,” Ziratha answered. “It’s much quicker than that.”

The succubus tapped a few more keys, checked a few readouts, and then hammered the space bar.

There was a huge, bright flash, like an old camera going off.

Vivi went still and stiff for a moment, and then groaned faintly.

“What the fuck?” she complained. “What… was that it?”

“That was it,” Ziratha confirmed. Her tail was very straight, and her voice was thick with anticipation. “How do you feel?”

“My head is throbbing.” Vivi slipped the helmet off her head and blinked as her eyes readjusted. “You could have given me some real warning, you know. So, did it work?”

Ziratha glanced at her laptop screen. “According to the diagnostics, it should have worked.”

“How’s my, uh, energy?” Vivi asked, a faintly mocking smile on her face. “Any of your fancy instruments tell you that?”

Ziratha simply returned the smile. “Oh, I don’t need any instruments for that at all.”

The succubus reached out and took Vivi’s hand, and let her demonic sixth sense for energy tell her everything she needed to know. Her smile immediately became a wide grin. Oh yes, it had worked. Succubi could always tell when someone would make a good meal. It was no different from any other predator’s sense of smell, although physical contact made it far more precise. Right now, Vivi had the scent of a ripe, untouched virgin.

This was it. The breakthrough Ziratha had long searched for. Her invention was about to change the world.

Despite such heady thoughts, though, Ziratha wasn’t celebrating. Something else had caught her attention. There was something very strange about the way Vivi was reacting.

The punk girl was trying not to let it show, but she kept squirming and shifting in her seat. A distinct pink blush was showing in her cheeks, and Ziratha could feel Vivi’s palm starting to turn hot and sweaty as they held hands.

The succubus tilted her head. Now this was very, very interesting.

“Vivi,” Ziratha said. “How do you feel now?”

Vivi couldn’t seem to meet her gaze. “I-I’m fine,” she blurted out in reply. “It’s nothing.”

Ziratha wasn’t buying that for an instant. She had a succubus’s instincts. She could tell when someone was seriously flustered. Experimentally, Ziratha lent in closer and squeezed Vivi’s hand.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Jeez!” Vivi’s voice was a little too strained. Under Ziratha’s watchful gaze, she twitched tellingly. “You’re just being kind of l-lewd.”

Lewd? Just by holding her hand? “Fascinating…” Ziratha murmured.

The succubus pulled away, allowing Vivi to breathe a sigh of relief, and inspected some of her equipment readouts more carefully.

“It clearly worked,” she said, as much to herself as to her test subject. “But there’s signs of something else, too… hey, Vivi. Remind me: you’ve had sex, right?”

In contrast to her earlier, cocksure attitude, Vivi now looked like a deer in headlights at the question. “W-w-well, yeah! Of c-course!”

“So your memory hasn’t been affected, just…” Ziratha murmured, before turning back to Vivi and clapping her hands. “I think I know what’s happened!”

“What?” Vivi demanded. “I mean, uh, nothing. Obviously. But what?”

“Just as I was hoping, my revirginizer helmet completely returned you to a virgin state regarding your reserve of sexual energy,” Ziratha explained. “But I theorize that it also affected some of your closely-related inhibitions, skills, and arousal responses.”

Vivi blinked. “And what does that mean? English please.”

“Well, do you remember being a blushing, nervous, inexperienced teenager, years ago? Remember how much ‘steam’ you had to blow off on a daily basis? Remember how it made you feel when a girl so much as looked at you?”

Vivi nodded, and waited for Ziratha to say something else. But when Ziratha just glanced at her significantly, the punk girl turned as white as a sheet.

“N-no way,” Vivi protested. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m afraid so.” Ziratha giggled. “It’s all connected, it seems. Congratulations. In just about every way that counts, you’re a virgin again.”

Vivi turned from white back to red upon hearing the v-word said out loud. She made to stand up. “I-I can’t believe you did this to me. I gotta get out of here.”

“Wait, wait,” Ziratha urged. She moved to Vivi’s side and calmed her with a simple hand on her arm. “I should really run a few more tests. Just to make sure.”

The succubus’s nostrils flared. She was shocked at how potent Vivi’s energy now felt. It was palpable, even when they weren’t touching. She could sense it in the air. Clearly, she had to investigate further. All in the name of science, of course.

Vivi was back to looking flustered, but she still threw a mutinous glare at Ziratha. “Y-you’re crazy! I can’t believe I even…”

Ziratha swiftly decided that if the betterment of succubuskind wasn’t a good enough reason for Vivi, she’d have to resort to other forms of persuasion. She bent down at the waist, putting her face close to the punk’s, and made her eyes very big and alluring.

“Please?” she whispered, in a voice that was suddenly soft and intimate. “Won’t you stay with me?”

Vivi looked like her body temperature had just shot up ten degrees, and Ziratha noticed that she couldn’t seem to meet her gaze properly. The succubus was sure she wouldn’t have fallen for that five minutes ago, but now she was a total sucker. “S-s-sure,” Vivi managed, in a strained voice.

“Wonderful.” Ziratha licked her lips. The distinctive virgin-scent Vivi was starting to give off was just delicious. “These readings - and reactions - are extraordinary. And I’ve done nothing more than hold your hand.”

Vivi whimpered plaintively.

“I can’t help but wonder,” the succubus murmured, “what kind of yields you might produce with slightly more purposeful stimulation.”

Vivi’s eyes registered alarm but, before she could protest, Ziratha slipped closer and planted a kiss on the punk girl’s cheek.

Her reaction was as immediate as it was striking. Vivi let out a faint gasp and her back arched slightly, even though she was clearly trying as hard as possible not to show it. But even more striking was the intensified deer-in-headlights look in her eyes, like she was desperately struggling to figure out what this meant and what she should do about it, even as she was so devastatingly flustered she couldn’t even manage basic addition.

Ziratha’s nostrils flared again. This was amazing, and she was starting to become aware of just how long it had been since she’d had a real feeding.

“Wow,” she said teasingly, momentarily letting her instincts get the better of her. “Just from one little kiss, huh?”

Vivi whined indignantly. "I-it’s not… that’s… t-this is nothing!”

“Yeah?” Ziratha couldn’t resist a giggle. “It’s just so funny - you seemed so cocky before. So experienced.”

“I am experienced!” Vivi tried to insist. “I’ve f… um… fu… I mean, you know… I’ve had s-s-s-“

Ziratha’s grin just kept growing as she watched the previously fierce punk trail off, her blush growing steadily deeper as she struggled to bring herself to actually say it. The transformation was quite the sight to behold. She had to keep pushing Vivi further. She just had to. It was part of the experiment, somehow, she reasoned. The succubus took advantage of Vivi’s helpless spluttering to press closer still and put her lips right by her ear.

“Sex?” Ziratha breathed, pouring as much suggestion and seductive glee as she possibly could into that one, single word.

Vivi looked like she was about to explode.

“You see?” Ziratha drew back, smirking victoriously. “You’re not experienced. Not really. Not anymore. You can remember that you’ve had sex before - but that’s it. And you can barely even bring yourself to think about those memories, because you might get too worked up. Neither your mind nor your body knows how to handle it.” She giggled. “Typical virgin.”

“I-I’m not…!” For a moment she thought Vivi was about to start tearing up, but then the punk girl managed to rally herself. “Y-you’re just messing with me! That’s all! It’s your stupid little machine, making me all confused. T-that’s the only reason I can’t think straight right now. I’m not, um, w-worked up.”

“Yeah?” Ziratha challenged. “Then explain this for me, please.”

She reached down and rested her hand firmly on the big, unmistakable tent in Vivi’s skirt.

Immediately, Vivi went as white as a sheet. Clearly, until that moment, she hadn’t noticed the huge hard-on she was sporting. She attempted a protest, or perhaps an explanation, but all that came out was a few strangled, incoherent sounds.

“My, my.” Ziratha licked her lips again, without even realizing it. She was so very hungry. “You see? You’ve become so adorably excitable.”

Vivi whined as Ziratha started stroking her fingertips along the surface of her bulge. “Y-you can’t just… what the hell are you d-doing? This is harassment!”

“I’m a scientist, Vivi,” Ziratha chided, in a voice that made her sound anything but scientific. “After my experiment, it’s only natural for me to give you a nice, thorough examination.”

The punk girl let out another whimpered protest, seeming to sense Ziratha’s ulterior motive, but under the succubus’s ministrations that soon gave way to a weak, pitiful moan. The new virgin was like putty in Ziratha’s hands. The power, the energy, the scent - it was all intoxicating.

“In particular,” Ziratha decided, “I think it’s only proper that I get a reading on your, ah, endurance. I really think - I really do think - it could be very, very scientifically interesting.”

Science was increasingly slipping out of view. Ziratha’s gaze was set firmly on the huge tent in Vivi’s skirt, and it was getting harder and harder to think clearly. After a little teasing, that sweet, sweet virgin energy was coming off Vivi in waves. The laboratory was thick with its scent.

Vivi was still giving the succubus that achingly alluring deer-in-headlights look, but after a moment, her willpower started to wane. She nodded. Ziratha’s nostrils flared. That made sense too. What kind of virgin had the resolve to say ‘no’ to a succubus?

In exchange, Ziratha decided, maybe it was time to make good use of some of the inherent succubic talents she’d spent all of grad school neglecting.

Ziratha straightened up and, as Vivi watched, shrugged out of her heavy lab coat. As it fell to the ground, she reached up and removed her hair tie, shaking her head to make sure her hair cascaded down around her face. Vivi was all but hypnotized by the sight.

But that was only the beginning.

Next, Ziratha took her t-shirt by its hem and lifted it off over her head. She moved slowly, though, letting the helpless punk watching her savor the sight of her tummy and cleavage being revealed. The way she slipped out of her sweatpants was even more seductive. She made a dance of it, swinging her hips from side to side as she peeled them away from her body to expose her long, sculpted legs.

The striptease left Vivi with a little trail of drool escaping one corner of her mouth. She couldn’t seem to stop leering. Her eyes were shining like she couldn’t believe her luck, and the tent in her skirt was now marked with a growing spot of damp precum.

Underneath her clothes, Ziratha wasn’t wearing lingerie, merely a comfy sports bra and a matching pair of boxers. But that, she decided, was plenty to work with when it came to a virgin.

And from the look on Vivi’s face, she was right.

“Tell me,” Ziratha panted, “have you ever gotten a lap dance before?”

Vivi looked almost panicked as she shook her head.

“Great,” Ziratha purred. “Then I suppose this will be a genuine first.”

Effortlessly, the succubus eased her weight into the examination chair, and backed up inch by inch until her naturally huge, curvy ass was pressed right up against Vivi’s hard bulge.

Vivi squeaked like a mouse.

At this point, her every little noise and twitch was like a red rag to a bull. The newly-restored virgin’s scent was so thick in the air Ziratha could taste it. Her hunger was awakening instincts she’d never known she had. Moving to the sound of unheard music, she started grinding and gyrating like she’d been doing it all her life.

The effect the lap dance had on Vivi was nothing short of explosive.

The punk looked like every bit the virgin she now was. Her eyes were wide and practically bulging, and her mouth was contorted into a goofy, uneven shape halfway between an amazed grin and a look of desperate, anxious disbelief.

She looked like she was about to blow.

“C’mon,” Ziratha mocked, in a voice dripping with honey and brimstone. “You can do better than this, right, virgin?”

Her teasing elicited another strangled whimper that just made the succubus want to push Vivi further and further. She danced her way up the punk girl’s body and turned to face her, rolling her hips as she pushed her ass back out behind her to grind into her throbbing bulge.

“Be a good girl,” she teased. “Hold on a little longer for me.”

Vivi just nodded haplessly. Her eyes were scrunched up closed, and she was gripping the sides of the chair so tightly her knuckles had turned white. Ziratha could just imagine what was going on in her head. Baseball scores. Times tables. Whatever she needed to help not utterly humiliate herself.

“Let’s see if you can handle something a little more… direct.”

Ziratha arched her and straightened her tail, daring the virgin punk writhing beneath her to open her eyes and stare at her amazing tits. Then, she reached back and used her deft fingertips to unfasten Vivi’s skirt. Vivi let out a moan that was as much protest as eagerness, but it didn’t stop Ziratha from using the motion of her hips and thighs to slide the garment out of the way, and then pull aside her panties until her hard, leaking cock was completely exposed.

Zirath’s long, forked tongue lolled out of her mouth as she stared at it, dripping drool down onto Vivi.

She needed it.

“Good news, punk,” she breathed, shivering. “You’re about to get your cherry popped.”

“W-w-what?” Vivi exclaimed pitifully.

“It’s, uh, for the experiment,” Ziratha reasoned. She was frenzied as she tore off her bra and panties. “I need to sample, uh… and, well, get a reading on the volume of…” She rolled her eyes and licked her lips. “Actually, forget the science. I’m just hungry, and you’re ripe for the eating.”

“B-b-but!” the trans girl spluttered, as Ziratha positioned herself against her cock. “I-I don’t know if I’m ready yet!”

“Yeah?” Ziratha paused, bemused.

"I mean… uh…” A bashful look came over Vivi’s face. “It’s just… I maybe… I wanted it to be special. You know?”

“Oh my god.” Ziratha snorted a laugh, and grinned wickedly. “You are going to be just delicious.”

In a single motion, she dropped her hips and impaled herself on Vivi’s cock.

Immediately, Vivi’s voice shot up an octave, and she let out a girlish cry of absolute pleasure. Right after, Ziratha’s rich, gleeful moans joined the chorus. The succubus couldn’t believe how good the virgin’s cock felt. It wasn’t just the sensation. It was the sustenance. Merely being in Vivi’s presence for the last few minutes had made Ziratha fiercely hungry. Now, at last, that hunger was being sated.

Once she recovered from the initial hit, Ziratha started moving her hips and bouncing greedily on the end of Vivi’s shaft. With each bounce, the punk girl underneath her thrashed madly in a clumsy, instinctive attempt to meet Ziratha thrust for thrust.

She mostly failed. But the attempt, at least, was adorable.

As she rode the sensitive, inexperienced punk, Ziratha started howling with glee. She’d never had the pleasure before, but it was true what they said - there was nothing like milking a virgin. Her body was humming with energy, and every time she buried Vivi’s cock to the hilt inside her pussy, the sensation got sweeter and sweeter. Something about the flavor of a virgin’s energy was utterly transcendent, and it was made all more nourishing by what it represented.

Ziratha’s complete and total victory.

Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before Vivi’s moans started to peak, signaling that she was at the edge. Clearly, despite her memories, the virgin had absolutely no stamina. Ziratha wasn’t going to complain. The orgasm was the sweetest part of the meal.

“Go ahead!” Ziratha urged. “Blow your load already. We both know you can’t hold back anymore.”

With a cry of absolute, mortified bliss, Vivi exploded inside her.

Ziratha’s moans peaked too when she felt Vivi’s virile, nourishing cum paint her insides. It was better than anything she’d ever felt before. The power, the pleasure, the feeding - all of it. Ziratha could already feel her body priming itself to swell and change with the infusion of fresh energy.

The ecstatic rush of it made her greedy. She wanted more. She wanted it all. Ziratha squeezed down on Vivi and started riding her harder and faster than ever. Every bounce, every thrust, coaxed more and more sweet, sweet cum from the virgin’s cock, until Vivi was whining in blissful agony as she came down from the high of orgasm. Eventually, Vivi’s eyes rolled back  into her head and simply passed out, her mind overwhelmed past its limits by sheer pleasure.

Ziratha kept riding her all the same. The succubus didn’t stop until she’d milked her for every last drop.

Eventually, though, once her hunger was sated, she slumped down next to the punk girl, giggling intermittently in giddy, light-headed glee. The succubus’s head was already filling with daydreams of fame and wealth when Vivi came to and pulled her into a hesitant, needy embrace.

“Hey, u-um,” Vivi whispered earnestly, in a voice that was anything but punk. “W-was it good for you too?”

“Huh?” Ziratha roused herself. There was something strange about the way Vivi sounded. No; about the way she felt. Ziratha had expected her to start returning to something closer to her normal behavior.

“I-I-I just, uh…” Vivi was once again turning bright red. “I-I thought it was really special. You know? Like, um, maybe we really have a connection.”

Ziratha seized Vivi’s hand again and, as Vivi stared at her hopefully, paid close attention to what she could sense from the punk girl. When the penny dropped, she started cackling.

“Oh my god!” she howled. “I can’t believe it. You’re still the same way. As fresh as ever.”

“What do you mean?” Vivi sounded defensive.

“I’m definitely going to need to hold you for some… oversight observation. Just to make sure.” Ziratha licked her lips suggestively. “But I can already tell. It’s like your brain can’t adapt anymore. Not just your energy levels. Your social skills. Your inhibitions. Your stamina. Everything.”

“What?” Vivi pressed anxiously.

“It’s the revirginization,” Ziratha pronounced. “All of it. It’s permanent.”

***

Mere weeks later, it was a very different Ziratha that stood upon the stage to make her big pitch to a room packed full of succubus leaders and investors. It wasn’t just the confidence - although she had that in spades, now that her Nobel prize was apparently all but assured. Her body had changed too. She stood taller. Grander. She exuded power and presence, and all of her body’s assets had gone from merely ‘hot’ to inhumanly mouth-watering. Her horns were a massive, knotted crown upon her head, and her tail was as deft as a whip and as thick as an anaconda.

All thanks to her favorite little meal.

Vivi was standing a little way behind her on the stage, and while physically she was unchanged, she seemed to have shrunk just as Ziratha had grown. She exuded a fragile, nebbish submissiveness despite all tattoos and piercings. She wore a choker collar bearing Ziratha’s name around her neck, and she was wearing a dress.

Ziratha liked her that way. And Vivi was no longer able to argue with the succubus.

“So, as you can see from our data, our early clinical trials have borne out the most promising of my invention’s results,” Ziratha was saying, as she rounded off her speech. “The regression to maiden status is, both psychologically and metaphysically speaking, permanent. The process isn’t damaging, but the subject’s mind naturally sheds its ability to develop new sexual skills or comfort zones, physical or social. Accordingly, their energy levels remain at peak capacity and potency - forever.”

Ziratha paused for a beat, letting the crowd of succubi sitting in front of her drink that in.

“In short,” she concluded, “they’re helpless perma-virgins. Isn’t that right, Vivi?”

Vivi blushed an incredibly deep red and looked down at the floor, but nodded.

“So!” Ziratha clapped her hands. “It’s safe to say that we’re ready to move into pre-production. Soon enough, each and every one of you could have one of my devices in your very own hands - assuming you’re willing to provide me with funding, of course. What do you say, ladies? A future of infinite, renewable energy awaits us!”

As expected, the auditorium was immediately filled with thunderous applause.

The age of the Succubus Energy Crisis was over.

The age of perma-virgin mortals and succubus dominance was about to begin.

---

I would like to express my gratitude for the generosity of all those who support me on Patreon, and to give a special thanks to the following patrons in particular for their exceptional support:

Artemis, Chloe, J, Secret Subject, Kathryn, Lucy, Dex, orangesya, Red, dmtph, Ember, MegatronTarantulas, Vanessa, Matt, Jeremy, Mattilda, Emily, William, ntad, Flluffie, Silgon, The Flock, ourladyoflilacs, Luna, Abigail, steb, Hypnogirl_Stephanie_, nicholas, Sue, Alan_, mintyasleep, Noelle, Lavender, Madness, Michael, Tasteful Ardour, Michael, Matthew, Full Blown Marxism, Anonymous, GrillFan65, Huge_Nerd, ZephanyZephZeph, Tram345, 8947jts, Chris, Breadloaf, Kyle, Emma, Jack the Monkey, Paul, Willow, Shadows exile, Drone 8315, Matthew, Alex, Madness, Sam, Selina, Daniel, Bubble_Butt, Francesca, WhyamIhere, John, Sarah, Crittergang, Setcab, Erin, Elysium, Bacon Man, Flintnsteal, Arik, John, bluaph, Kyle, Morriel, Jack the Monkey, Sola, NewtypeWoman, Envy, hellenberg, shoktherapy, L, Jim, Black Star, Kay, Michael, John, Praxis Memetics LLC, Frank, William, Olives, Christopher, Charlotte, Faun, Riley, Brinn, Brendon, B, Jackson, Kyle, Dennis, Nandi, Sanya, David, Morder, Myles_EXVS, Jade, Skylar, Foridin, gabbermoth, Jennifer, Selina, Violet, Slifer274, paxDulcetGirl, Roxxie, Hal, Devi, Phoenix, Laurel, Ivy, Jim, Michael, Joseph, June, Yaoups, Yooby Bomb, Peter, Paige, Sophie, imaencuru, Thomas, Katherine, Liz, uusavutonauto, Jens, Ada, EepyTimeTea, nitin, hypnoenby, Sebastian, ds2coffin, Yaoups, SuperJellyFrogEx, Utumnon, Bacon Man

#story #RenewableEnergy

[ao3demographicssurvey2024]

The gender responses show some very interesting responses. I've seen in other surveys most fanfiction readers are women or afab (it's interesting to see usually there is a bigger trans male population than trans females). I wonder if a female upbringing might entice people to explore fandom, even if they have a different gender identity. What are your thoughts on that, from a statistical viewpoint?

Since we didn't ask about assigned gender at birth, and more than 50% of the respondents gave answers which do not allow that data to be inferred, we can't really offer any definitive comment. The idea that AO3 users are predominantly afab is certainly consistent with our data, but it isn't proven by it.

I will say that in our longer analysis, we discussed that there seems to be a general trend of the number of people identifying as "women" in fandom decreasing over time, in favour of increasing numbers of people identifying as non-binary, agender, genderfluid, and other related identities. When you're comparing surveys, keep an eye on the date at which they were conducted (and if you're aware of any large fandom demographics surveys from the last 10 years that we haven't been referencing, let us know!)

I would definitely caution you about assuming that agab determines life experience. Someone who comes out as trans age 7 has a very different life experience than someone who comes out age 47, and someone who ultimately identifies as female-aligned non-binary will have a very different view of their experiences than someone who ultimately identifies as a binary trans man. It is difficult to make sweeping statements about any group, but grouping people by agab is particularly frowned upon because it erases people's identities in the present in favour of (the researcher's assumptions about) their past.

In my view at least, it seems more relevant to note that 58% of our respondents identified partially or wholly as women or girls, which still gives plenty of basis to speculate on why women are particularly drawn to transformative fandom spaces.

#survey results #asks

[magdawal]

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[cardentist]

hallo, hi...sorry for probably asking something small. but i see you explain things very well and if its okay i wanna have a person explain this to me.

what's a transfem and transmac? i don't quite understand what those terms are. i think i see people use them in context different from just "trans man" or "trans woman"...and looking online i still don't really understand it.

if i am being a bother, please let me know!

@re-ikrmso

well ! the first thing to understand is that these terms will ultimately mean different things for different people !

labels are for people, people aren't meant to conform to labels. so ultimately people will have their own ideas about what different labels mean to them on a personal level.

it's kind of like how there really Isn't one firm definition that separates bisexual from pansexual, the distinction is largely personal and highly dependent on the context of an individual's life. their experiences, what communities they grew up and/or found themselves in, etc !

which ultimately makes it very difficult to give a definitive definition of labels like this that won't risk alienating people, or that other people won't simply disagree with.

THAT SAID.

to my understanding, "trans masc" as a term simply means anyone who is trans in a masculine way, while "trans fem" as a term means anyone who is trans in a feminine way.

for example:

someone who is a Trans Man is most likely someone who was assigned female at birth who then identified as a man (if you'll excuse the outdated terminology for convenience).

but trans Masc may include a variety of other trans identities !

a nonbinary person who transitions or presents in a masculine way may consider themselves trans masc, or at least consider them relevant in discussions about trans masc people, because they have similar experiences (such at with testosterone, bottom/top surgery, how they're treated because of their presentation, etc).

and this Can be true whether this nonbinary person considers themselves Aligned (meaning they are nonbinary in a masc direction) or Unaligned (meaning agender or completely separated from the gender binary). it's ultimately up to personal preference.

or an intersex person may be assigned male at birth And Be Trans Masc, may still transition (medically or socially) into a masc presentation.

they're also convenient terms for people who play further with gender. genderqueer people, genderfluid people, bigender people, etc.

because ! for instance. I am a trans masc person. I was assigned female at birth and I have identified myself masculinely. I would like to take testosterone and go through the social transition into a masculine person.

I also consider myself a trans fem person ! I would like to present femininely as well as masculinely, and importantly I wish to continue doing so after I HAVE medically and socially transitioned. after I've had my name changed, after I've had my legal sex changed, after my body and voice has changed.

there will be times where I will be visibly identifiable as a trans body presenting femininely, And I Like That. I won't just be presenting femininely as a man, I want to be both a feminine and masculine person.

and what this means for me is that I will share experiences with both trans masc And trans fem people, especially socially (and especially where I live, in the deep south).

but there very much so Does need to be a distinction between me (an afab person who is trans in both a masculine and feminine way) and a trans woman (an amab person who is a woman) (again, apologies for the outdated terminology).

and in that sense ! trans fem is a good way to get across the fact that I share Experiences with trans women, but am not one. in much the same way that amab nonbinary people can say the same.

so in other words ! trans fem and trans masc are umbrella terms that loosely connect multiple different sorts of people with similar lived experiences and needs. which is a convenient way of speaking About said needs and issues that may affect all sorts of these people in as efficient a way as possible.

instead of Specifying trans women and a list of other identities that may share things in common with them (a list that will never encompass every kind of person who may), you can shorten it to one more generalized term.

the Drawback of this is that not everybody sees the term that way. some people see trans fem and trans masc as identities in and of themselves that trans women and trans men aren't a part of. some people are people who Do share lived experiences with either trans men or trans women but don't consider themselves either trans fem or trans masc.

and that's like. Okay Actually. it's just expected that for any term that exists in queer spaces there will be people who don't like it or don't personally identify with it or just have a different experience with it.

but ultimately I do find it convenient to use and I choose to do so.

#discourse #not really but that's my tag for talking about things like this fjklsajklafds #queer unity #trans unity #trans fem #trans masc

[catboybiologist]

About to fall asleep ramble time, this has been kicking around in my brain for a bit and I need to get some form of this thought out

I was diagnosed with ADHD and gender dysphoria one day after the other back in August. Extremely stereotypically zillenial of me, I know. Handling both of these has dramatically improved my quality of life. yes yes insert discourse about how much you need to have dysphoria as a diagnosis, it's just a tool for the medical system that's ultimately meaningless, that's not what this is about.

There's one thing that was really, really weird about the experience of getting care for both of these.

Most treatment and public talk of transition and motivations to transition are about misery. How much despair your birth sex gives you and how gender affirming care is the only stopgap against suicide (oftentimes, used as a barrier to entry that it should only be given when it's at the suicidal point). How crushing dysphoria is.

In contrast, most of the public perception of ADHD is this cutesy, "omg look I'm so quirky" kind of thing. People talk of ADHD "superpowers" and how neat it is to have hyperfixations (I'm low key starting to dislike that word, even though it's an accurate description of many things- it's very overused).

My actual experience has been almost exactly the opposite.

I absolutely had gender dysphoria, and still do, and misery associated with being AMAB. But is that what defines my trans experience? No, and in fact, it feels like a more incidental blip in it. My trans experience has mostly been defined by joy, by feeling my mind and body slowly make me more and more content with my default existence day after day. And the exploration of it all! The social roles, the romantic dynamics, the friendship dynamics, even small aesthetics like clothes and makeup, and again, the body and mood changes. It's incredible and it brings me joy so much of the time. That, more than anything, has defined my trans experience.

In contrast.... ADHD has objectively made nearly every aspect of my life more miserable. Working with my therapist and my pysch, as well as feeling what it's like to be properly medicated, have shown me extremely well how much the constant feelings of misery I always seemed to have were caused by ADHD. ADHD means being unable to receive a baseline level of dopamine to function under normal circumstances, so your brain starts looking for any way it can get new sources. And wouldn't ya know it, novel stimuli are a perfect way to do that. Keep in mind that dopamine isn't just "the pleasure molecule" it's a neurotransmitter with a broad range of functions. If you don't have ADHD, or even if you do, I want you to think about how miserable of an existence that is. Your default state is depression and inability to do things. It has been for me for most of my life. Additionally, anxieties creep into your head and distract you far more easily. You're less functional. You can't do simple things most of the time. You're distracted and have anxiety spikes easily. Continuous tasks are hard. And day in, day out... You are miserable. Almost constantly.

Oh also, you're easily addicted to extreme novel stimuli. For me, it was self harm. And when that stopped working... Well, I was in a state of mostly background depression that was only punctuated by spikes of massive, overwhelming anxiety that my brain hooked itself on. At a certain point, I just wanted it to end, by any means necessary.

It's been almost ten years since that day, and at this point I can genuinely say that I'm glad I'm still here.

But it wasn't dysphoria that did that (it contributed a bit, but still wasn't the biggest factor). Or a depressive disorder. Or bipolar. Or whatever the big, more "scary" mental illnesses or neurodivergencies are. They tried to treat me for some of them, and it ended horribly. My symptoms fit mixed presentation ADHD perfectly, including my physiological response to stimulants. They don't fit anything else. I likely don't have any strong comorbidities, unless you count the symptom-level anxiety and depression. ADHD did all of that to me. The "cute and quirky" one.

By the time I got around to a diagnosis, my pysch was astounded that I made it as far as I did with symptoms as severe as mine. Tackling ADHD has removed so much misery from my life, it's indescribable. Adderall has been the only thing that has ever actually gotten rid of my constant anxiety.

It's not fucking cute. Keeping with this being the flip side to my dysphoria, I do try to keep it light most of the time, and I join in on all of the classic "whoopsie doopsie my ADHD" trains and jokes. You don't have to stop making those, hell, they're fun. There are cute and funny parts to having ADHD, and ways it's made my personality what it is. But don't forget that this is also something that makes people genuinely suffer well beyond the "oopsie I'm such a procrastinator!!!" Type thing.

Idk where this thought is going. It's just kind of an observation that's been kicking around in my head for a bit. So uh. Hope it at least generates discussion? Feel free to add your experiences if you think it'll help you. But fuck I need to sleep lol

#trans #adhd #cw self harm #cw suicide

[lopposting]

some more LOP script translation notes

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

Geppetto:

Well, I suppose Carlo was mischievous. It seems you inherited his personality instead of his memories.

this line in korean + alternative interpretation

그래, 카를로는 항상 말썽꾸러기였지 기억 대신 그 성격이 네게 옮겨 갔나 보구나. Right, Carlo was always a troublemaker It seems like you’ve gotten that personality instead of his memory.

also, 기억 (gi-eok) means “memory”, but i believe it can also be interpreted as "mind” (although 정신 "jungshin" is much better). As in, even if Pino inherited his personality, he didn't gain Carlo's consciousness. If you used that interpretation, it would confirm that pino absolutely isn't carlo. again up to interpretation!!

"말썽꾸러기" 

as in a troublemaker (literal) or a rabble-rouser, but denotes a child. In the korean version Geppetto implies that Carlo was insubordinate rather than “mischievous”. in english, “mischievous” denotes playfulness or malicious intent.

Carlo has such a presence in the game. We can only ever really experience him through events of the past but that's the intangible nature of death. Like how this post describes the trope of the "dead girl" - the narrative is inhabited by his absence. His death is the beginning of everything. [Reminds me of Rachel Amber from 2015's Life is Strange . And on that tangent, that's also why I really feel like they shouldn't have done the DLC prequel with her. She is dead. We may catch wisps of her voice here and there but ultimately she is wholly unreachable.]

(terrifying and ominous text message player receives near the end of the game)

Also, revisiting that line ONCE AGAIN:

그깟 늙은이, 죽어도 상관 안 해. That old bastard, he can die for all I care.

Culture cannot be separated from language. Korea is generally a conformist society with a deep emphasis for respect for your elders and your parents. The fact that Carlo uses that form of speech with his father gives us an impression of their relationship – but it also suggests his feisty nature. [edit: Even in the portrait, Carlo stares back at us in sullen defiance.]

[the fact that carlo is actually pretty venomous here is also why it feels more fitting when romeo is like "Don't be like that" even though he was aware of geppetto's neglect. “He can die for all I care." The relationship with Carlo and Geppetto was AWFUL.]

more notes:

another small adjustment to a particular line:

Geppetto (released english version): I knew you had gone astray, you troublesome little puppet!

Korean line + slightly more literal trans:

네가 엇나간다는 건 진작 알았다. 이 말썽쟁이 인형 녀석! I knew long ago that you were going astray. You troublesome doll!

perhaps it's clearer in the korean line that Geppetto had begun to suspect us since the beginning.

Carlo is romanized as kareullo 카를로. Geppetto is Zepeto 제페토 and Romeo is Romio 로미오 (English pronunciation) and not Romeyo 로메오 (italian pronunciation) [from namu wiki]. He also says "Call me Lempuwik" 램프윅(lampwick, english), and not "Lucignolo" (original italian).

And probably the most important of all: The title pun in korean. P sounds like the character for blood. also ties in to the becoming human flesh-and-blood theme of the game. (P의 거짓)

korean netizens have taken to calling it "pigura 피구라" for short too.

#lies of p #lop #lies of p spoilers #life is strange spoilers #spoilers #scary warning #tw derealization #translations #theory #speculation #spoiler #lies of p carlo