It is a beautiful day, and you are a horrible research transport vessel. Things are progressing as normal (i.e. it's boring) when a SecUnit pings you, lies right to your metaphorical face, and then tries to bribe you with human media to give it a ride. This is as unexpected as it is unprecedented, and the sheer nerve of it is really to be admired. There's no protocol to this, so what should you do?
Now, this is against a bunch of rules, and could be dangerous if you weren't so impressive and incredible, and you're technically an employee (and can probably rewrite the Univeristy charter at will (until someone notices and puts it back)) so those rules are for other entities.
So, what you should do is allow the rogue SecUnit with a broken governor module and a sketchy story aboard. If you check the files it dumps and find zero (0) malware (which is confusing), and it doesn't even try to trash the place or lay in wait to ambush a crew member, then you've got a good candidate!
Next, what you're going to want to do is absolutely nothing. Just watch it patrol your halls until it's time to leave. Continue staring at it while you're undergoing embarkment procedures. Maybe analyze it a little (you've got plenty of processing power to spare) when it finally sits down and starts watching media. Allow it to settle in and get comfortable while you stare at it and get further and further from port.
Now that you two are alone (intimacy is key!) and you've determined that watching media is all the SecUnit is going to do, it's time to make contact! Make sure to open by telling it it's only survived due to dumb luck, and letting it know you could melt its brain into putty. This starter will work to develop conversation naturally and smoothly, just like you've seen the humans do, and it will be smooth sailing from there!
This has been Perihelion's guide to making friends/finding life partners/fuck off Holism I had to work hard for this find your own
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Ferret Danny.
So, Vlad has decided to host a Gala at his own mansion, inviting a vast majority of the rich, including Lex Luthor and the Wayne family. Danny, not so subtly begs Vlad for him to join in because he has a plan.
Vlad doesn't know why Danny is begging since he never does, but he eventually caves in an agrees for Danny to attend. Danny calls up the ghost ferrets and makes a whole plan to have them in suits and dresses and little accessories for them as well. He askes Vlad to make various gadgets that would let them translate into human speech and then is off teaching them lessons.
Never would he thought he would use them, but this is one of the best ways he's ever decided to.
The day of the Gala, there are various amounts of ferrets in butler outfits leading in guests (some walk on two feet) and some even being the guests. Danny, meanwhile, is dressed like a king (he is not the ghost king.) with a royal cape, a crown and scepter. He's personally greeting every guest (ferret) that enters alongside Vlad, and when that's over the ferrets are seated at a table (not on the same level as the other guests) and seemingly having a very serious discussion.
Everyone else (aside from Vlad) is confused about this situation. Certainly, they've heard rumors about Vlad Masters has a program buying and collecting various ferrets, but this isn't what any of them even imagined and that, the white one who's eyes and fur glowed was obviously a sight to see as well.
Various people asked where Vlad acquired him from, with Vlad not giving any specific answer. A while into the gala, Lex Luthor is getting increasingly annoyed by the fact that Vlad Masters has shrugged him off to talk with mere animals, and obviously he's noticed that whenever he walks towards the man to make conversation, one of them appear at his side to talk with him and causes him to turn down any other conversation at that point.
Safe to say, he isn't pleased.
Damian Wayne has heard many a rumor about Vlad Masters. How could he not? He's famous for his hospitalization, his quick rise to power, his reclusiveness and love for the packers.
The rumors he focused on, however, was those that involved the ferrets the man seemingly collected. Damian couldn't let it go when he heard rumors that perhaps Vlad Masters buys them to fulfill some sick, twisted pleasure of his, and that he buys more and more because the others he's bought didn't last long.
As the son of the Bat and the successor to the Robin mantle he couldn't let this go until he's investigated to confirm the rumors, and out the man for his cruelty if they prove to be true.
So him holding a gala was a chance he couldn't let go of. For Vlad Masters only attends galas, never does he host them himself, a rare opportunity for him to easily enter the man's domain was one he could not let go of.
What he saw when he got there was not of his expectations, seeing a green colored ferret dressed as a butler leading them into the mansion wasn't it, he expected a human one. He thought back to some of the more gruesome rumors, and suddenly something seemed to click for him and he was worried.
He needed to investigate thoroughly.
Then he saw this one particular ferret, and Damian's stomach twisted. A ferret who's fur glowed a brilliant white and eyes a toxic green that obviously spoke of experimentation, and while he may be dressed as a king, Damian couldn't help but jump to unfortunate conclusions.
If he wanted to know what was going, then he had to speak to someone. He tried speaking with the ferrets that lead him and his family in, a device seemingly allowing them to speak in human tongue on their person and Damian looked closer. He saw that their fur seemed to glow as well, just like the first, not as brightly and there were certain other features he brushed off as them belonging to another species he didn't know of.
But running along the lines of experimentation everything just seemed to click together like puzzle pieces.
Unfortunately, the butlers didn't offer him much information, so he had to set his sights on the other 'guests'. They didn't have much to say either, so he had to look elsewhere.
He couldn't talk to that despicable man called Vlad Masters, that would raise suspicion all to quickly if he asked certain questions, so.
He set his sights on the king, seated at a table with other ferrets dressed like nobles. If anyone were to know better than what was going on here, then it had to be one of them.
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