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mejomonster · 2 years

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also on the subject of zhang qiling’s characterization. i really want to get through more of the novels. i’ve only gotten through books 1 and 2 so far, and only the english translations (which im assuming up in quality a bit once you move to merebear translates in the later books), and i did not even get to the xiaoge parts in book one in the chinese versions yet.

so like, my opinion of him in the books is very specifically book 1 and 2 translated. and im very curious how he evolves and how he’s presented and how he acts to the iron triangle group.

book 1 and book 2 i actually think overall the drama adaptations did a good job of showing xiaoge’s personality in them, although a bit ‘sped up’ (just like pangzi’s mostly himself but ‘sped up’ to be closer and warmer and kinder to wu xie quicker than he is in the book, im assuming so the shows could get the iron triangle dynamic sooner).

in book 1, like The Lost Tomb drama, xiaoge is mostly a detached mystery man who’s intensely competent, dangerous, and aloof. in the book he doesn’t particularly give notice to wu xie as far as we can tell (from what i remember anyway), and wu xie mostly only notices him for how Talented he is (his cool fingers... ok wu xie calm Down lol), and because wu xie at that point is trying to pretend to be a tough cutthroat tomb raider like San Shu, but he’s naive and at heart always been just unable to ignore others suffering If he thinks he can help. So we get little bits of wu xie wondering if xiaoge’s okay, wondering where he is, checking on him (like wu xie is ultimately doing with pretty much everyone on the expedition he thinks he’s even got a .001% of being helpful to). Wu Xie is less charitable and goody-two-shoes than the shows, and just thinks in his pov selfishly, but even thinking himself ‘trying to keep myself alive fuck others’ he ends up going ‘oh fuck i should go try and grab that guy and help huh?’. So wu xie is thinking that way about xiaoge too, as is to be expected. What’s unique about it is that no one else is thinking of xiaoge as someone who needs to be cared about - who’s weak enough to need help, or an ally enough to deserve their time, etc.

And that dynamic is also true in the show - in the drama the rest of the team is quick to assume xiaoge is against them, could kill them (quite possible), is using them, can handle things without them sticking any limbs out for him, and a lot of them don’t necessarily assume xiaoge would even help them If he was around and it was convienient for him. The drama blows it out of proportion, with wu xie being damsel-in-distress saved by xiaoge nonstop, and xiaoge visibly to the audience taking notice of wu xie SPECIFICALLY asking if xiaoge’s okay and trying to help him (as early as the scene in the Inn when wu xie carries him to a bed, and gets him food to eat). In the novel xiaoge does help wu xie at times, but at least from wu xie’s pov (the only one we get) it seems he just Happens to be helping. One can say xiaoge maybe already took a special interest in wu xie, simply because he DECIDES to help him (which he likely does because he notes wu xie is actually treating him like a Person unlike pretty much everyone else on the team, and wu xie’s also the only civilian on the team and therefore not necessarily as much of a potential enemy/threat to xiaoge and his goals). But from wu xie’s perspective xiaoge just seems like an enigma in book 1, who’s VERY competent and VERY cool and very mysterious, who wu xie treats like a Person who deserves to be concerned for like himself (unlike how others treat xiaoge), who happens to help wu xie out a bit (but multiple people help wu xie he’s a naive first timer he needs it lol).

So from book 1, you really don’t see a clear perspective on how Xiaoge views wu xie. Only that its apparent wu xie himself treats tomb raiders, all people generally, as People as worthwhile as himself to help (if he thinks - foolishly- he could survive helping them). So wu xie’s behavior is a contrast to literally everyone, and for someone like xiaoge its a treatment he generally doesn’t get. (I’d argue for Pangzi too, a reason they gradually gravitate toward each other too). The drama follows a similar arc, but xiaoge’s interest and the fact he’s been Affected by someone caring for him and what that makes him feel like is WAY more obvious and likely sped up (cause the early dramas speed up iron triangle dynamics a bit). In the drama, its CLEAR xiaoge’s repeatedly saving wu xie in part because wu xie in particular is trying to help xiaoge, treating xiaoge like a normal person like wu xie is, and assuming xiaoge has good intentions by default/is an ally by default. Wu Xie is being trustworthy, and safe, and attempting to be helpful, all things xiaoge never gets. And drama xiaoge tests that, even trying to show himself as scary and brutal AND a dangerous ‘traitor’ to the group without arguing with San Shu when san shu starts painting him that way. Killing an immortal in front of the group and wu xie after wu xie assumes he isn’t a killer, xiaoge and pangzi ready to murder each other, xiaoge and san shu clearly on opposing sides (meaning wu xie assuming the best of xiaoge means even MORE if he’s assuming xiaoge is worth trusting even as a stranger against the person wu xie loves/knows/trusts most in that group). So in the drama its more clear xiaoge is very affected by wu xie’s treatment of him, and that’s likely why he has an interest in checking in on him/keeping him safe later at the auction scene they add in, and the implication is that in The Lost Tomb 2 xiaoge’s still so eager on wu xie because wu xie truly WAS the person to treat him like a trusted person back. The drama is clearly more sped up/obvious than book 1. But the core intention of xiaoge mysterious, wu xie’s normal personality happening to touch xiaoge are in both.

Onto book 2. I watched the drama The Lost Tomb 2 first, and so i expected that xiaoge suddenly being a lot WARMER and friendlier and open to smiling and joking and trying to be close to wu xie was “the drama speeding pingxie/iron triangle up in closeness” just like the first drama. However, mostly, that wasn’t the case. In both the show and book, Xiaoge first is introduced as Old Man Zhang who is a “professor” who shakes wu xie’s hand and smiles and is EAGER to talk to and touch him. Then wu xie finds out, once attacks happen, that old man Zhang is actually Zhang Qiling as he removes the face-mask disguise and helps wu xie out. In the show, I thought that was already SUCH a change of pace - for xiaoge to show up covertly, and then go gush to wu xie in disguise (just xiaoge gushing/socializing in general is out of place for him normally!). But then I read book 2, and in it old man Zhang gets more dialogue of trying to compliment wu xie (and wu xie taking it as veiled-insults implying wu xie is inexperienced, when its actually xiaoge having RESEARCHED wu xie’s background and gushing in an attempt to say he finds wu xie cool too and wants to be friends).

So Old Man Zhang itself is so interesting, because this disguise and warmth to wu xie implies at some point in book 1 xiaoge DID decide he’s interested in knowing wu xie, and decided when book 2 came and wu xie was scouted for an expedition, that he xiaoge would show up too and attempt to socialize with wu xie again. which is all HUGE for xiaoge, a guy who 1. does not socialize or care to, 2. does not generally have any attachment to the world so just having an interest in getting to know someone is big for him 3. is purposefully making efforts to be warm and interact which are things from book 1 he seemed to not care to do at all. So in book 2 he is suddenly acting a LOT more like pangzi (a tomb raider but sociable and aware of how to be at least casually friendly and make JOKES, compliment people, vocalize team work and strategy). xiaoge is doing a LOT in book 2 to try and reach an olive branch out to wu xie in the hopes wu xie will take it. I also think the disguise portion as old man Zhang indicates on some level Xiaoge wanted to try socializing/connecting to wu xie without it being tied to himself, in case things went badly and he needed to not leave such an impression on wu xie. He clearly cared a LOT about how their next interaction went and wanting it to go WELL post book 1, which i find fascinating. In retrospect then, what WAS xiaoge thinking of wu xie in book 1. I wonder.

And then this final bit, is perhaps me reading too deep into it, but Old Man Zhang specifically being old - to me that reads like Xiaoge hinting he’s maybe not this young cool enigma wu xie met him as, and seeing how wu xie will receive an older version of him (since he is in fact over 100). Its Xiaoge testing out the idea of if wu xie will socialize, still treat him the way he likes wu xie treating him, if wu xie finds out he’s not exactly the man wu xie expects. (and Xiaoge is not going to be what wu xie expects in MANY ways - he’s not as good intentioned as wu xie thinks sometimes, he isn’t human as far as he himself views things, he’s older than wu xie thinks, he’s not cool like wu xie thinks but more just very very out of touch and isolated. And to a degree i personally read, that Old Man Zhang was xiaoge testing the waters to see if wu xie would still amicably treat him decent if he didn’t meet Wu Xie’s expectations.

Then the rest of xiaoge later? As he acts uncharacteristically warm and friendly compared to book 1? Rather than testing if wu xie will like his more particular niche traits, hes testing if He can interact in a way compatible with wu xie, and if that will get him the friendship and closeness he wants - like when u act more charming to win over a person’s attention. And it largely works, wu xie overall gets quite friendly and teamwork’s in response and trusts xiaoge. In the show The Lost Tomb 2 this is almost JARRING compared to xiaoge’s mysterious closed off personality in The Lost Tomb. In TLT2 he smiles warmly, he stares directly at wu xie a lot, he jokes, he touches wu xie in camradiere and not just to ‘save’ or help him. He discusses what he’s doing and his plans for getting through a given area to a degree (aka he communicates/attempts to). He is trying to joke and be team-player around as much as pangzi (who is a much more sociable tomb raider with a lot of charisma), and regardless of how intense xiaoge is acting his main goal just seems to be to develop a connection to wu xie. This is xiaoge, and he could have showed up, said little, offered a bit of help (since wu xie Trying to be helpful to others tends to sometimes inspire it in the people he’s with), done his own mysterious agenda, then disappeared. He didn’t need to smile, or discuss any plans at all with wu xie, or compliment wu xie on his background and credentials, or even research and look into him. I expected the drama version of xiaoge to be ramped-up for pingxie shipping potential that the drama wanted to utilize. But then i read book 2. And in book 2 yeah, there’s not exactly a bunch of soul staring gazes, so as usual drama ramped up things a little. But the core element, xiaoge changing so Drastically in an attempt to connect to wu xie and build a relationship to him, is still there. He’s wildly more like a ‘usual tomb raider’ like pangzi or panzi in book 2 - talking to wu xie, working as a team, actually helping wu xie clearly on PURPOSE and not just ‘oh it happened to be convienient to help him.’

Book or drama version, im guessing to some degree its book 2 with pangzi and xiaoge teamed up with wu xie, where wu xie starts gradually making an impression on them. In the long term, wu xie’s connection to them tends to temper them both to be kinder people... where they might have shot someone to death or stabbed them, when wu xie’s around they tend to slow those instincts, when wu xie remains their team member as the stories go on, they tend to want to do these things a bit less even when wu xie isn’t around because ‘what would he think.’ At least that’s true in the shows. So pangzi is also going through a transformation as early as perhaps book 2 from “casually sociable but will kill anyone if they turn out to not be allied to him” into someone more like “well wu xie’s naive but i may not wanna leave him to die” or “well if i don’t Have to shoot xiaoge maybe i won’t since he’s technically being neutral right now and we’re both with wu xie.’ I’m curious how that transition happens in the books for pangzi. In the shows? The shows 1 and 2 speed the transition up to make pangzi a loyal trusted friend FAIRLY quickly, then show 3 Ultimate Note tempers it a little to a more reasonable pace of ‘shady tomb raider who’ll kill most people’ to ‘well maybe he’s got a soft spot for wu xie.’ TLT2 in particular speeds things up intensely, but still showcases exactly how brutal pangzi (and xiaoge) are when wu xie is not around - how they only don’t kill each other cause they’re allies, how they’ll kill a-ning and her men or other randoms if its needed without a concern, how neither of them particularly care if an immortal gets murdered by xiaoge, how they don’t personally look out for one another and think ‘you’re a tomb raider too take care of yourself and i’ll handle me cause i don’t expect u to help if im screwed.’

Pangzi is an interesting case because like... as shown in TLT2, he can charismatically act inept then fight someone and win, he can charismatically act friendly then betray someone (he often uses looking incompetent, or seeming friendly, to get himself out of traps or save wu xie or get the chance to attack someone). So pangzi’s transition from closed-off tomb raider fine with killing, to emotionally attached to wu xie and wanting to align with wu xie’s morals a bit, is more subtle. Because he acts friendly to wu xie before its actually genuine friendship, and he’ll use the same ‘warmth’ to harm others that he uses without any intention but kindness toward wu xie. Pangzi’s evolution is more about getting a soft spot for wu xie, where he starts to feel he can be Himself without it always being an act, where he feels he Can risk being kind and helpful without getting screwed (because wu xie won’t screw him over generally), where he starts to feel bad about being brutal toward a novice like wu xie. I imagine once we get to Ultimate Note and the coinciding book, Pangzi’s characterization starts matching up more (but i haven’t read the books that far yet).

I’m very interested on if book Xiaoge’s development matches when it coincides with Ultimate Note’s timeline. Because book 1 xiaoge is so much of a mystery/closed off its hard to pin down exactly what he thinks about the new person he meets wu xie. Then book 2 implies he thought quite a Lot but he also seems to be putting on a different kind of act in it. If in book 1 (and drama The Lost Tomb) xiaoge is trying to come off as an unknown stranger to keep people out and at a distance, then book 2 (drama The Lost Tomb 2 sea-tomb part) Xiaoge is trying to give off the impression he’s a sociable tomb raider like San Shu or Pangzi (even though he’s not) because he’s trying to get wu xie to engage with him more. And because it’s all wu xie’s pov in the books, we don’t really know why xiaoge took a particular notice to wu xie for sure, and why he decided it was worthwhile enough to attempt to engage and emulate tomb raiders who are Good at interacting with wu xie in order to get wu xie’s friendship too. I’m wondering if in later books we ever get a perspective on why xiaoge wanted wu xie’s notice/connection, and i am very excited to see xiaoge in general unfolding into more of his many facets as the books go on. Because as mentioned, book 1 he keeps people at a distance as strangers, and book 2 he’s putting on an act (and also potentially revealing how big his capacity for chatty friendliness is given the right incentive lol).

I found Ultimate Note drama xiaoge to be interesting because he is clearly back to closed-off this-is-my-problem-to-handle but Wu Xie keeps extending olive branches to try and meet him halfway, and xiaoge tries at times to extend it back in an Honest way. Staring to try and say things to wu xie, letting wu xie feed him, letting wu xie ‘help’ him, letting wu xie start convos and HOLD him in those convos when he could easily just leave or overpower wu xie - and doing all these things while admitting he thinks its his problem, that he’s a monster, that he doesn’t want wu xie hurt, that he thinks wu xie is stepping out of line pushing this of him etc. whereas in TLT2 he was extending an olive branch just to get wu xie to be warm to him... by Ultimate Note he’d rather abandon wu xie if it means wu xie is out of THIS mess (he’s also like that in the later TLT2 portion after the water tomb). By UN he also realizes leaving wu xie won’t get what he wants, that wu xie will jump into xiaoge’s mess anyway, and they both try to meet each other halfway a bit more honestly. (and unfortunately the dramas are missing the time between water-tomb to Ultimate Note’s plot and all the development happening off screen/in the books there). From a book perspective, i’m wondering how things develop to UN’s point, and im wondering how close (or Overdone) UN’s depiction of the characterizations are compared to the corresponding book. (Because again... the shows tend to overdo the iron triangle closeness/development i personally think just in case they’re the first/only dmbj drama seen, so the audience gets iron triangle and pingxie dynamics no matter which drama they watch).

#xiaoge #pangzi #zhang qiling #wu xie #iron triangle #pingxie #meta #dmbj #did anyone ask for dmbj meta? no? lol well im dropping #dmbj novels #and show comparison meta on xiaoge's character anyway #and pangzi's #i would LOVE to read a fic where like Reboot or Ultimate Note era xiaoge acts like Old Man Zhang. acts like water-tomb tlt2 xiaoge #because we KNOW thats an aspect of his personality #we know xiaoges got a fucking degree? or at least a fake one. we know he's got a professor alias with Old Man Zhang.#we know he IS capable of physical affection starting like holding hands grabbing shoulders and desiring to cuddle #and that he can RANT compliments if given the chance and motivation #so like. has there ever been a date where xiaoge just brings wu xie's research highlighted #and they're at some dinner. and xiaoge's just smiling gushing about X and Y that wu xie wrote and asdking questions???#and wu xie's blushing cause hes a BABY compared to xiaoge and its NOT truly impressive to xiaoge who #Lived thru this stuff. right? but xiaoge insists NO IT IS IMPRESSIVE IT IS #and wu xie cracking a big smile he cant supress and blushing more and trying to talk #and xiaoge staring at him with a smile listening raptly #and then like pangzi crashes the date #and xiaoge goes silent as the grave cold eyes. as if he was not gushing 2 minutes prior #but pangzi saw him smiling like a SAP as he walked in. so he still KNOWS #like. as far as im aware? that could all canonically happen. it falls in line with Xiaoge's behavior as old man zhang #and we know wu xie's fond pov in the books is not gonna mention it. not gonna out xiaoge as a mushy dork when he's 'suave and cool' in the #pov journals lol.#but if xiaoge ever dresses in a pretty dress for wu xie? well wu xie Wont mention the particulars but he'll journal oh how HOT it would be.

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lucemferto · 3 years

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Niki Nihachu & Barbara Kean

Gonna drop something controversial real quick.

Niki Nihachu is the most tragic character on the Dream SMP – and I don’t mean in the sense of her having a tragic story (though she is up there), but in the sense that she is tragically mishandled.

I want to start out by saying that this essay is by no means an attack on the content creator Niki Nihachu or her abilities as a performer. She is frequently one of the strongest actors on the SMP and I have no idea how much of her character writing was within her power. How much of it was improv, how much pre-planned, how much something she genuinely wanted to do and how much stuff she just stumbled into or – in the worst-case scenario – was forced upon her. I don’t know.

The Dream SMP is not very transparent when it comes to their creative process. As such I can only judge it as a discerning viewer and English major dropout, who retained some half-remembered stuff about narratology.

So, a few weeks ago, I tumbled on here that Niki’s character journey reminded me a lot of the character Barbara Kean from the hit TV-show Gotham. Then I got an ask asking me to elaborate. This is the elaboration.

Barbara Kean

So, a quick crash course for people who haven’t seen Gotham (the greatest comic book show on Television, seriously, what are you doing with your life?!): Barbara Kean was a major female character throughout all five seasons of Gotham – and not once during those five seasons did the writers ever figure out what they wanted to do with her.

Every 10-12 episodes or so, Barbara’s role shifted completely. She started out as cop-protagonist Jim Gordon’s girlfriend at home and moral compass, then became part of a bisexual love triangle, then a hard-drinking jealous party girl with a backstory as repressed, lonely rich kid, before being kidnapped by a serial killer and ultimately making her perfect metamorphosis into the psychotic ex-girlfriend trope.

And that was Season 1.

Since then, she became the pseudo-Harley Quinn to the pseudo-Joker, a whip-wielding dominatrix, the obligatory female member in a supervillain squad, some sort of information broker, a mafia kingpin, the leader of a girl-power posse and – my favourite – the reincarnated wife of an ancient immortal who also controls all of Gotham and transferred that control over to her before that plot-point was dropped harder than a half-dead Oswald Cobblepot of the Gotham piers.

Also, she’s Batgirl’s mom.

In short, it’s a mess – but that’s what makes Gotham kinda fun.

Character Cohesion

Now, obviously, Niki’s character journey has not been quite as extreme. But it falls into the same traps, I find. Namely, that there’s just a distinct lack of character cohesion or character continuity.

Now, character cohesion or character continuity doesn’t mean that the arcs these characters undertake can’t be explained in a logical way. Barbara’s character journey is logical in the sense that you can explain it all with in-universe logic – but it’s not logical from a narratological sense now, is it?

Character Cohesion basically means that a character’s journey is reflected in their personal conflict – their Want vs. Need. Their arc is the natural continuation of what was set-up in previous sequences. Everything falls into a whole with Set-up, Confrontation, Resolution – we set up the character’s Want, their Want and Need are conflicting, the Want vs. Need is resolved. Ideally this coincides with the plot beats of the large conflict surrounding the cast.

When you look at Barbara in Season 1 of Gotham, you’re not thinking “This one right here – she’s the reincarnated wife of Ra’s Al Ghul”. Because why would you? There was no set-up; it’s not part of what her character was about in this moment – or any moment before that concept was introduced. It’s not needed for her character conflict (or any thematic conflicts for that matter).

It’s quite transparently just something that is affixed to her so that she has something until the writers come up with the next at which that first thing will dropped, underdeveloped.

Niki in Season 1

Niki follows the same route, unfortunately. She’s set-up as the resistance in L’Manburg, allies herself with Eret and HBomb until – oops – it doesn’t end mattering, because that entire side of the “plot” is completely underdeveloped. Just be a damsel until Wilbur can swoop in and save you, Niki.

Okay, but now she has a big moment with Tommy and Tubbo just after the pit-scene. “We’ll figure something out”, she says. “We need L’Manburg back”. This is all before the backdrop of Wilbur completely giving in to his role as a villain and Techno’s apparent “betrayal”.

So, now, surely, Niki is gonna affect change in Pogtopia and will have some influence on either Tommy or Wilbur, the two people she’s closest to. What’s this? Her biggest contribution is holding a birthday party where Quackity convinces Wilbur to hold off on his TNT-plan? And after that … she’s just gonna be part of the Pogtopia-masses?

Now, I like Wilbur’s writing and Season 1 generally, but when it comes to Niki (and Eret) something went terribly wrong. Both of them provided many a set-up – none of which were taken advantage of, unfortunately.

And, just to be clear, I’m not putting the blame on Niki here (or at least not most of it). Season 1 was pretty firmly in Wilbur’s hand … and Season 2 was a train wreck.

Niki in Season 2

Niki is – for the most part of Season 2 – a nothing character. She has no real conflict, no character beats, no arc. This is because through some unfortunate writing decisions, Season 2 is pretty squarely focused on a specific set of characters – and even fewer of those characters are granted a fully explored, completed character arc.

It all culminates in her Doomsday villain arc – a moment that can be logically explained from both an in-character perspective and a meta-perspective, but unfortunately, it’s not justified from a technical writing point of view.

Niki burning down the L’Mantree is her “Ra’s Al Ghul’s reincarnated wife”-moment. It’s a big statement that put her character on the map for a large part of the audience again. It was a striking visual. It could not be ignored.

Most of that was because it was a stark departure from her characterization in Season 1. Now, such a departure doesn’t necessarily have to be bad. The problem comes in when

a.) The full potential of the character in their previous narrative role had not yet been fully or even partly exhausted

b.) It cuts into an on-going character arc and drastically changes its course

c.) It’s not foreshadowed or developed properly.

And most of those are true for Niki’s character. She was not necessarily underdeveloped but underexplored in Season 1 and had no consistent storyline going on in Season 2. She was a witness to Tommy’s trial, but that was never worked into an on-going storyline for her. No matter how much we retroactively pretend like this turn to villainy, this breakdown, was brewing deep inside of her – there was no foreshadowing.

The reason, why I said it’s understandable from a meta-perspective, is that the content creator Niki Nihachu had a self-admittedly hard time getting her foot in in Season 2 – because Season 2, for as much love as I will heap upon Tommy’s and Dream’s storyline, was a pretty messy.

So, the villain arc was not well foreshadowed and Niki’s turn was developed, but what happened after she was in it?

Niki in Season 3

Well, unfortunately that problem of an inconsistent storyline never really went away for her. In the beginning of Season 3, she hatched her wagons with Jack Manifold, which was a pretty big tonal shift – from darkly tragic to cartoonish villainy.

But as Jack kept developing his character in that lane and following up on big plot development with corresponding character moments, Niki again just … vanished. She then changed gears again, joining the Syndicate – a great idea if only the Syndicate actually streamed together and developed a storyline and group cohesion.

As it stands right now, Niki’s character exists in the negative space of the fandom imaginations. We are given some scraps and good character moments – her sleeping in a jail cell, “I started baking again”, her secret city – but those moments never coalesce into a full-fledged storyline.

Her character’s journey is still as fragmented and underexplored as it ever was. I really hope that – with Wilbur’s revival and the new character conflict that seems to arise from that for her – she manages to finally get the foot in and get the storyline and dynamic arc she deserves.

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writefightandflightclub · 4 years

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Tiptoe around this (Poe Dameron x reader)

Summary: Poe x short!reader. He CANNOT deal with your smolness.

Rating: TEEN

Author’s note: I’m doing soft blurbs this week bc you all deserve a hug from one of our fave fictional husbands. Let’s all destress and be comforted one blurb at a time, okay? (I’m doing these quickly so I can complete as many as I can for you, so they’ll be a bit scrappy, please forgive!) This one deleted itself and then I ahd to recreate it from nothing. The first version was better and probably had fewer typos but here we are. Ran out of time to check before dinner!

Warnings: short!reader; kissing (mildly steamy, no smut or implied smut).

GIF: @thestarwarsdaily LOOK HOW PRETTY

Poe’s dying. He swears he’s dying.

He’s doing his best to obscure this fact from Rey and Finn, however, so continues engaging in casual chat all the while as he hurtles towards his demise.

Poe’s dying, and, cause of death? Your cuteness.

Poe watches you surreptitiously from across the hangar. Watches as you realise someone has stolen your step ladders again, despite the fact you etched your kriffing name onto them in Aurebesh last time this happened. And so, to reach the tools you need -valiantly struggling on with your tasks anyway- you clamber up the face of the shelves and stretch to your full length as you attempt to grab down the box.

It appears you can’t quite reach them, even having climbed into a pretty precarious position.

The trouble is, you’re just too kriffing smol.

And it kills Poe. Every single time.

Of course, your height is only one of the reasons he likes you. He’s never even had a preference for his partner’s height before, to be honest. There’s just something about you. Something about how short you are which brings out his protective instincts. Makes him want to hold you and take care of you and spoil you. And Poe is already the type of guy to spoil his partner, so you can imagine how he feels about you.

Oh, and it certainly helps that you’re so kriffing gorgeous too. And funny. And nice. And did he mention SMOL?

Poe would never be patronising towards you because of your size, of course. He knows you’ve been underestimated plenty of times because of it - by both the enemy and allies- and without good reason! You might be cute to a lethal degree, but Poe is also well aware that you’re badass, capable, intelligent, and fierce. Small but mighty, you could say.

Still, when he sees you on your tippy toes trying to reach the box of parts, his heart melts and dribbles out of his feet. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like.

Death, by cuteness.

As you continue to persevere, Poe stops pretending to listen to Finn and Rey’s chatter altogether, a dopey smile settling on his face. He stands from the chair he’s straddling to zoom over to you, before some other handsome, height-endowed recruit can come to your assistance. He couldn’t have that, now, could he?

“Hey,” he says from behind you, a warm and gentle hand settling on your shoulder in greeting. “Can I help you?”

Poe hopes he can reach the damn shelf, because whilst he’s certainly taller than you are, he’s not exactly Chewy. Now, that would be embarrassing.

“Sure,” you say, even as you huff and puff, successfully grappling the box down to the floor without any further intervention. You recognise the Commander’s familiar, sandy voice before you even turn around, but when you do, you flash him a warm smile, and he could swear -if you killed him a moment ago- that smile has revived him back to life. “You can tell your damn recruits to stop stealing my ladders, Commander. I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour from my squadron.”

You’re adorable, for sure, but there’s a fire in your eyes telling Poe you are not to be messed with. In fact, he’s sure that given half a chance you could raze the whole First Order to the ground, even if you did the whole thing on your tip toes.

Poe simply looks at you goofily, trying to remember how to speak, your eyes big as you gaze up at him from beneath your lashes. You’re basically a whole head shorter than him, if not more, and he can’t help but want to pull you into a hug, imagining how it would feel to enfold you against his chest and rest his chin on top of your head as his arms wound around you.

“Commander?” you ask again, clicking your fingers in front of his face. “I’m sick of doing everything on my tiptoes - I’m not a ballerina.”

Your gesture brings him back to the real world, and he notices the rolled-up sleeves of your flight suit as they hover in front of his face, his eyes dropping to the rolled-up cuffs of the legs resting on top of your boots. Standard-issue is too long for you and… yes, you’ve guessed it…

Kriffing adorable.

“Sure thing, Commander,” he finally says, still retaining that dopey, lovestruck expression on his face.

You nod to thank him, getting lost in his umber eyes somewhere along the way. He’s always entirely flustered when he speaks to you, and quite frankly, it’s so adorable that it makes your heart melt out of your feet. At least, that’s what it feels like.

You like Poe, and you think he likes you, but... both of you have been tiptoeing around this for far too long now.

“You know, there’s maybe one thing I like to do on my tiptoes,” you say with a knowing smirk as Poe looks helplessly between your eyes and lips, helplessly lost in yearning.

“What’s that?” he asks, and he can swear he intended the words to come out at a normal volume, despite the fact a mere whisper is all that emerges. Still, he’s happy as it causes you to lean in closer.

“Kissing,” you say with a gentle suggestion in your eyes, voice breathy and matching his hushed tones. You think it’s about time one of you makes a move, and it may as well be you.

Poe visibly gulps, and shuffles his feet a little closer to you.

Is this really happening?

He’s not sure how many times he can die and be reborn in one day, if he’s honest. The implication of your words and in your eyes encourages him though. Besides, he’s waited long enough for this moment, and now is as good a time as any, right?

“Kissing, huh? Well, honey, do you think you’d need to be on your tiptoes to kiss me?”

Your tongue darts out over your bottom lip, and an eagerness swells in your whole being, your body tingling with nerves and heat. Your mouths inch towards one another as if magnetised, your chin tipping up and his head stooping lower to greet you, as months of tension is compressed into the diminutive space between you.

“Guess we should find out,” you suggest with a sultry smirk, pausing a small distance from his lips, sharing the same air in the tight space between you.

Poe wraps his arms around your back, his hands feeling large and broad against you. You feel delicate encased in his strong arms, and you grab firmly at the holsters around his wide hips, tugging him close and bringing his body flush to yours. Poe feels warm and big and sturdy pressed against you. You’ve always been independent and capable, and yet there is something about Poe Dameron which makes you want to swoon for him, if only he would pledge to protect and care for you in all the ways your diminutive form might suggest you need him to.

Poe’s face inches closer and closer to yours, his lips pausing a hair’s breadth away from yours as your eyes fan shut, leaving you wanting. You swear your lips are tingling from the near-contact alone, crying out to brush with his.

“Oh oh,” he teases. “Can’t reach.”

You smile as you stand up on your tiptoes, closing the distance in an instant and crushing your lips to his, finding them soft, a hint of stubble grazing your cheek and he tips his head to the side. Upon contact, his tongue melds immediately with yours, deftly probing the cave of your mouth and melting you from within. Your hands slide up and up, coming to rest with your fingers laced around his neck, slipping into his hair.

As the kiss sparks and grows, Poe’s arms wrap firmly around your waist, and he bundles you up towards him, easily taking most of the weight of you, until your toes are entirely lifted off the floor as the kiss reaches its peak. You feel like you’re floating, in every sense.

Breathless and floored by that kiss, Poe sets you gently down, idiotic grins spreading across both of your faces as you stand there for a moment, still holding each other close. Poe looks down at you with adoration shining in his eyes, backlit with a gentle heat.

Feet back on the ground, more or less, you look self-consciously around as you both become suddenly aware of the hubbub created by the fact you both did that in the middle of the hangar.

Oops.

When your eyes look up at Poe again, he still has the softest, lovestruck smile on his pretty face.

“See you later?” he asks hopefully.

“Yeah. I hope so,” you respond, returning his smile, and you stand on your toes to plant a quick chaste kiss to his cheek, cupping his face in your hand. You could swear his skin darkens in embarrassment, and he turns from you with the most bashful and adorable expression you’ve seen on his face yet.

You’re dying, you think. You must be dying. Death by cuteness.

You ignore the commotion you’ve caused, for the most part, and you watch Finn accost Poe for gossip as he tracks across the hangar. You see Rey beelining for you too, the dumbest grin on her face, and you turn back to your work as you notice her approach, taking a much-needed moment to catch your breath.

You kissed him. Poe Dameron. Your long-time crush.

It was true, that the two of you have both spent far too long tiptoeing around this, but it seems that Poe has finally swept you off your feet. It’s safe to say that you’ve never been so glad in your life to be too short to reach a shelf. Funny then, that his kiss has you feeling ten feet tall.

What’s more, this the last day that anyone steals your stepladders. Poe sees to that. Ain’t no-one gonna mess with his precious, smol bean. At least, not if he has anything to do with it.

#poe dameron x reader #poe x reader #poe dameron fic #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron blurb #poe dameron imagine #short!reader #petite!reader #star wars x reader #star wars #star wars fic #oscar isaac

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aflyingcontradiction · 3 years

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The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 139 - Chosen

Smart move on your part. They always are, aren’t they? Smart moves. Someday you’re going to push your luck too far, and when you do… well you just better hope it isn’t Jude who comes to collect. - Statement of Eugene Vanderstock

She did and it wasn't. I assume Elias was a more merciful murderer than Jude would have been.

Anyone who talks about “the Blitz spirit” wasn’t there, or wants to paper over their fear with nostalgia. Terrible things happened in the Blackout, and we hurt each other just as much as the Germans hurt us.

You know, I think there's a ring of truth to this line. Even having only delved into this topic on a very shallow level, I am already aware of plenty of - hm, how to put this - internal backstabbing, mostly of the non-violent kind, but I'm pretty sure the other kind existed, too. People in a crisis don't just develop a uniform spirit of solidarity. That's just not how people work. There might be a little bit of solidarity between unexpected people, but where there's an ingroup, there's an outgroup. In a war that may be the people actually bombing you, sure, but it may well be your neighbours who are doing a little bit better than you or who have expressed some doubts about your favourite leader's policies. (On a personal note: I have already seen people talking about the early pandemic days in a way that makes it sound like there was some sort of universal all-encompassing spirit of solidarity and the sheer rose-tintedness of those glasses makes me want to VOMIT. Way to sweep all the crisis-induced interpersonal conflict under a rug and pretend it didn't cause some people horrible pain and trauma. If, a few decades from now, I see anyone using the term "covid spirit" in an analogous way to "Blitz spirit" I swear I'm going to absolutely lose it.)

He wanted a grand inferno, a ritual of apocalyptic burning that would make the firebombing of Dresden look like a sparkler. Which sounded… amazing. But a few of us pointed out that the Allied air force had a tad more firepower than we did, as none of us were likely to make the rank of Air Marshal anytime soon.

Oh god, I would love to be a fly on the wall for THAT conversation, the sheer levels of snark in that room must have been off the scales.

Some objected, said that unless the child was conceived of the flame, it could never be a true incarnation. But they had no idea of how such a conception could possibly even work, so it was decided that it would have to be enough to birth the child by fire.

"But the father was just some guy, the child will never be the true chosen one if she isn't conceived by flame." "Okay, buddy, get back to me when you've figured out how to FUCK FIRE!"

She was quiet, considerate, but prone to fits of violent rage, which, while not unexpected given what burned inside her, still made living in a single location for any length of time untenable.

... "not unexpected given what burned inside her"??? More like "not unexpected given that literally every caregiver she has ever had has been a violent sadist who treated her like a symbol rather than a human being and she has never once experienced actual love and care, learn some basic childcare, you absolute arse!" I'd be prone to fits of violent rage, too!

Arthur tried to frame all this as a test of faith, and declared that those who we lost raising Agnes had been found wanting in their devotion to the Lightless Flame. Prick. She was just a brat.

I have a visceral dislike of the word "brat" because certain people (*cough* my stepdad *cough*) regularly use it as short-hand for "A small child who actually has human needs and expresses them in the only way their still-developing linguistic and emotional abilities will allow them to". And if you disregard the supernatural element, that is pretty much the exact way Eugene uses it here and that, more than the fact that he's a sadistic murderer, makes me want to FUCKING STRANGLE THE GUY!

I took foreign workers, mostly, those with the fewest connections to complicate matters, and the most hopeful dreams of what their life might be.

TMA gets really on-the-nose with its politics in season 5 but it is undeniably political even earlier than that and this isn't exactly what I would call SUBTLE (mind you, this is an observation, not a complaint).

Maybe they assumed it was some long, torturous plan, and she was simply building the kindling for a bonfire of aching loss and suffering such as we had never before seen. And I suppose, in a way, she was. Just not the one any of us expected.

Heh. The worshippers of the Desolation, utterly desolated.

I’m curious to see what it was she did to derail this big ritual, because I’m sure she didn’t pay poor Jack Barnabas to fall in love with Agnes. ... Well, ninety percent sure. - Jon

I see. Jon's starting to have the same "Well, you never know with her" feeling that I do.

God knows. It’s not like I don’t have my own office politics to keep track of.

I feel like Jon is perhaps having his own moment of "Damn, I would need a corkboard and some string to figure this out" about all things Lightless Flame. I certainly am!

Every other Avatar gets to have their feelings burned right out of them, but me? I’ve just got to sit in mine.

That's actually very untrue. Most of the avatars are full to the brim with the feels and you can easily tell that even from the little insight into their psychology that we get through the statements and the occasional personal interaction. So I'm not sure what the hell Jon is even talking about here, but it's clearly some frustrated nonsense.

My impression of this episode

The internal dynamics of the Cult of the Lightless Flame are, quite frankly, fascinating. They're all just stumbling around in separate directions, trying to convince the rest of the cult that their idea of "Asag" is the truth. It's amazing. And then there's Agnes, of course, who is just ... well, I have a soft spot for her. Pushed into a role that was chosen for her before she was even born and only allowed to leave that role on death - a death she chose because she didn't think she could fit that role anymore. Agnes deserved better!

#tma relisten #the magnus archives

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author-archive · 4 years

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Author Interview: awickedplacethisis

Name: Simon

Tumblr: @awickedplacethisis

Where else you can find them: ao3

What is the main pairing you write for?

Harringrove - Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington from Stranger Things

What inspired you to start writing for them?

The obvious tension between them in the show, and all the queer subtext I could see in Billy’s character! Plus, of course, all the amazing creators I found in the fandom. I wanted to contribute too!

Do you remember the first fic you ever wrote?

The first fic I ever wrote was definitely something Harry Potter related. The first fic I SHARED was a Simon vs. fic I wrote when the book came out, when that fandom was even smaller than it still is.

What fic/scene has been the hardest for you to write and why?

Billy’s relationship with his dad is always a challenge for me to write. Because we saw so little of it, and the little we saw was a mess. There’s a lot that hits close to home, whenever I write Billy in general. When I look back to the first time I ever wrote their relationship, I just want to go back and change it all. It’s a struggle, to capture something real, there.

What inspires you?

When I write, I get a lot of inspiration from thoughts running around in my own head, true events or just random things that COULD happen, to me. To someone LIKE me. But also, a lot of the beautiful fanart in the fandom give me real good ideas for fics. Just generally in life, my inspiration comes from fiction, I think. I’ve always read a lot, and that feeling of seeing something on paper that could happen to you, or would never ever happen, having that grip you and keep you in a whole different world, that feeling means a lot to me. Literature plays a big part in all aspects of my life, in the end.

Do you have a writing process? If so, what's it like?

Oh... I don’t think I even know my own process, really. I try to always have something at hand, a phone or computer or notebook, so I can write down ideas as soon as inspiration hits. That’s probably the only consistent thing, I write down all my ideas, big ones or small ones, because I know I forget them within the minute if I don’t. And from there, I usually try to find the “eye of the storm” first. What does the whole fic revolve around? How does it come to that place? Why does it change? Honestly, my projects are messes right until they’re done. Snippets of dialogue here, some author notes to myself there, delusional 2 am writing hidden away in a corner.

How would you describe your writing style?

My writing style is... messy. But that’s why I like it. It’s filled with cut off thoughts and italics, ‘cause that’s how I think. And that’s how I’d like to imagine those characters think. It’s also slightly influenced by the poetry I read, and just other literature in general. All though I try to be careful when it comes to that, ‘cause I’d rather something be plain when it comes to wording, than to be all fancy in a way the characters would never think. My writing style is like mundane poetry, if that makes sense.

Is there anyone that influences your style?

Not really, at least not consciously. I definitely take up tips from other writers, both in fandom and published authors. I see things I like in someone else’s writing and remember it for the next time I write. Something I think influences me a little is “The book of disquiet” by Fernando Pessoa.

What's your favourite line that you've written? This was a tough one, really. Probably this one, from my fic “the first time I saw the ocean (it was in your eyes)”

“to find darker blue in the lighter, specs of green so vivid that it’s weird he’s never seen them before. Maybe he’s never really looked , before.”

It’s really not a deep line or anything, but it really just captures Steve’s unknowing longing. The way he wants but he doesn’t know what. The way he sees so much that he’s never seen before, doesn’t really know what to do with that.

What do you find to be the easiest part of writing?

I don’t know if it counts, but nsfw content is definitely the easiest and non challenging stuff for me to write. ‘Cause just on a base level, it doesn’t really hold any depth. It can, depending on what you do with it, how you write the characters inner turmoil and everythin’. Other than that, I feel like it’s easy for me to write dialogue, all sorts of it. As a theatre kid, scripts have always had a big appeal, I guess.

What's the hardest?

The hardest is definitely getting to the point. I’ll spend too many words on building up a backstory, and then the actual plot just never happens. Backstory can be nice, but some fics call for that “being plunged right into the chaos”, from the start.

Why do you write?

I write ‘cause I’ve learnt no one else is going to give me the fiction I want. No ones gonna write characters like me if I do nothing. Sure, it’s starting, the whole diversity thing. But I won’t sit around and hope someone will write a book or script a movie with characters I can see myself in. I’ll write it myself. Of course, writing is a passion of mine. It’s not just that I wanna see myself on a page or a screen. The way we have languages, ways of creating stories and immortalize them, it’s so amazing to me. And I love it.

Why do you share your work?

I share my work in hope to make someone feel something. I want people to read words I’ve put together and feel things, feel pain or happiness or sadness or hope. Anything. ‘Cause it’s so baffling to me that words can DO that. I also want other people to be able to see themselves in something. A lot of people turn to fanfiction to find some kinda story they can see themselves in, and if I make even one person feel like they belong thanks to my work, I’ve succeeded.

Is there anything you’d like to share from a current WIP?

I’ve got quite a few of ‘em, and too little organization to finish them. Here’s an excerpt from my fic “the first time you said sorry (you used all the wrong words)” - part 2 of my “a series of firsts (in a way)”

“Nothing changes, except Steve can’t stop thinking about it. And he’s great at not thinking about it, but blue eyes and rough hands and deft fingers keep following him. That feeling, too. The one that gripped him, locked him in place. It choked him, left him heaving. Maybe it’s ‘cause it was Hargrove. He’d find some way of hurting him, even if he didn’t pound his face in. Maybe it’s the queer thing. The thing he’s never, ever thought about. The thing he locked away, kept away. Maybe it’s a sign that he’s not, that it’s so wrong that his body protested against it, locked itself in.”

(Italics got removed, but you can imagine I overuse the hell outta them)

Question from an anon: as a gay man, how do you feel about straight women who enjoy m/m fanfiction?

Now, this is quite the heated subject. And I do have a lot of feelings about that. Both as a gay man, and as a fanfiction writer. First, and most importantly, if what you enjoy is not harmful to you or anyone else, it’s okay to enjoy it. I’m all for enjoying things. As a content provider, my whole goal is for people to enjoy themselves. And I’d never restrict my content to one group of people, ‘cause everyone has the right to consume free media, and I want to share my work with everyone.

Straight women have the same right to enjoy content as any other person. Whatever floats your boat, do that. But, one thing needs to be clear. Enjoying m/m fanfiction in itself is nothing more than that. It doesn’t make you an ally of the community, and it doesn’t make you apart of it. Honestly, its just fetishizing. If you consume gay porn, it’s ‘cause it gets you going. If a straight woman consciously searches out gay porn or m/m fan fiction, its fetishizing.

And the extreme fetishizing of gay men in media is a problem. We’ve been given breadcrumbs of representation only to now be used as bait for straight girls who think it’s just sooo cute to see Timothée Chalamet get fucked on screen. And I get angry about that. I get angry that the representation we need is redirected to other people, people who really don’t care about the community as a whole further than their cute gay (and cis, and white) couples. I hate that. But i can’t sit and pretend like I have some sort of moral high ground. ‘Cause I make content that feeds into that. But it’s different, with fanfiction. I make content for MYSELF, and then whoever sees it, good for them. If all of my readers were straight women, I’d be fine with that. As long as they know that all they do is enjoy porn that fits their fetish. Or, if its not the smut, its still to an extent that. Fetishizing or romanticizing a group of people. And you do you, as long as you know that’s all you do.

Enjoy the harmless content you want to enjoy. And fanfiction is harmless. Just, this is the important part, don’t act like you’re doing more than that. You’re not a gay icon or an ally or super woke for reading about two fictional characters who interacted once fuck. You’re enjoying yourself, and thats fine. But in the end, its nothing more than that. We’re a community, and you gotta stick up for everyone if you think you’re even close to an ‘ally’. Queer folk stick together. And when i say i don’t mind straight women reading my work, I gotta make one thing clear:

My work is to LGBT+ people, from someone in the community. I write because we deserve to see authentic people like us in fiction. And I’m doing my part to make at least one person feel like they can see a character and think “this is me”.

#awickedplacethisis #interview:awickedplacethisis #author interview #st author archive #staa #stranger things author archive #author archive

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delicioustrashlove · 3 years

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To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones. You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!! And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !! Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!! The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn. I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed. See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path . God bless <3 no angry im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer. Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

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grotesquegabby · 4 years

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I know I may have asked this before so you can skip it and I can try to find the OG answer, but how would your elders feel about mine? I believe you only did three of yours which is okay, just wanted to see if you were willing to do it for others

I found the og post huehue~ So I can answer for the rest of them. uwu I am totally willing~ some of these guys are assholes so I apologize ahead of time

Seraph: (golden bitch)

Risus - Eh suppose you are fine as long as you dont cause trouble for me.

Trituna - Would try and stay out of Tritunas way not because they are scared but because even Seraph understands the balance of things shouldnt be fucked with.

Conllium - this may come as a surprise but Seraph would actually like Conllium but wont admit it. They like Conlliums realm and how just....the way everything is. They wont admit this to anyone though x3

Cundolili - Would mostly be curious about Cundolili

Trema/Astute - would be neutral towards

Decla - another they would be neutral towards

Nalia - Just wants to say they love Nalias outfit but wont say anything else x3

Sionis - booorrring.

Mecor - Another beautiful elder whom Seraph will be jealous of x3 but wont say anything about it.

Logium - wouldn’t really know too much about Logium so not too much of an opinion.

Zerneboh: (bastard mode activated)

Risus - a possible ally/friend/frenemy

Trituna - As one who destroys the balance of things they will hate each other.

Conllium - Wouldn’t like Conllium one bit.

Cundolili - Will be curious, as to who this is and why they will be replacing Conllium.

Trema/Astute - Would Tolerate more than Decla.

Decla - Would tolerate Decla but would not like them. Zerneboh loves absolute chaos and disaster~

Nalia - Wouldn’t like Nalia in the least but knowing Zerneboh he pretends to be friendly with almost anyone. Cause hes a bastard.

Sionis - would find them annoying.

Mecor - hmm~ Zerneboh might be a creep to her but there are those who wont let that happen so she will be fine. But what an interesting family~ he thinks to himself

Logium - No

Orfeo: (a little bitch)

Risus - would see a possible friend in Risus.

Trituna - Dont think He would like her. Balance....gonna fuck that shit up.

Conllium - Nope

Cundolili - uhhh

Trema/Astute - maaaybe?.....I...wait...no...

Decla - They deal with Risus they can handle Orfeo x3 so this is a Nope from him heheh

Nalia - Thinks they are beautiful will learn quickly not to be a creep to them

Sionis - ah fuck...

Mecor - beautiful~.... (dont even think about it Orfeo...)

Logium -well x3 I dont really need to say why these two wont get along lol

Pestilence:

Risus - What he feels about Risus is hard to say, Pestilence is a complicated guy.

Trituna - Pestilence is iffy again here. Hes not one to always deliberately piss someone off like Famine or accidentally like War. I imagine these two would be an on off kind of possible friendship or allyship wise.

Conllium - A chill tree, a lovely place to be. Definitely would see them as a friend indeed. His contribution to the decorations are masks to hang upon their branches~

Cundolili - Would be welcoming to Cundolili. Curious about them, but would never do them harm. Just as welcoming to them as they are to Mecor. uwu

Trema/Astute - Wouldnt mind Trema, though Trema might mind him. Pestilence can be annoying to some.

Decla - I feel the relationship here would be rocky considering Pestilence is Pestilence and they spread all kinds of sickness and destruction. But he is a chill guy who wouldnt mind chilling out if asked nicely. hes weird that way x3

Nalia - honestly seems like a really fun person. Pestilence would enjoy their company a lot uwu

Sionis - Doesn’t mind Sionis, chill, does a good job at their role. Even Pestilence loves Justice, especially when it happens to those who deserve it.

Mecor - Elder to be/New Elder, Pestilence would welcome her with open arms. He enjoys meeting new people. Would think shes a swell lady, lovely family.

Logium - Time is Time and Time is a friend to some and an enemy to others. But Pestilence has no issue with the Lord of Time in fact finds them quite entertaining and such uwu

War:

Risus - is a torn between hating and wanting to help them in whatever they do. War is a complicated person and War does as War does.

Trituna - I think these two would have a tough time getting along.

Conllium - I imagine she has tried to fight Conllium but failed to lift them cause she would try that. I imagine she would give up though and pass out next to them asleep x3

Cundolili - would want to know who this is as soon as possible. Could be a wrestle buddy you never know. x3

Trema/Astute - might find Trema kind of boring.

Decla - Wanna wrestle...at least? I think they would see Decla as a possible buddy. Something about Decla screams friend to War.

Nalia - I dont imagine these two would get along very well. War might not like how peppy Nalia is or seems. and Would try and void them.

Sionis - Wants to fight but in like a...friendly way. War isn’t so good at understanding friendship but she would Sionis as a possible ally and friend.

Mecor - Will ask if she wants to fight as a sort of welcome and to see how tough she is. You can turn her down its okay plus she will be told thats not how we welcome people into the council. Stop asking everyone to fight (its like that zodiac make up video where one of the zodiacs constantly is like wanna fight)

Logium - Gets the weirdest feeling they have to be super respectful. So shes gonna try.

Famine: ( the least liked of the horsemen)

Risus - eh...could get along actually. Famines is more leaning towards that side.

Trituna - Famine is the type fo fuck up balance. He and Trituna I dont believe would get along very well...

Conllium - He wouldn’t care for Conllium no reason specified why though

Cundolili - Wouldnt really have an opinion as of yet.

Trema/Astute - Wouldn’t have too much of an opinion but would tolerate Trema/perhaps even find some enjoyment in talking with them though Famines not much of a talker.

Decla - The things Famine does is in no way a sensible disaster...I imagine Decla would be trying to fix whatever damage Famine does. So they wouldnt get along either. Would find Decla annoying

Nalia - Would find Nalias outlook and attitude irritating. Too much positivity.

Sionis - For some reason I dont see these two getting along. I see Famine being kind of a dick to Sionis, it could be that Sionis is for justice/protection and such and Famine is...well Famine. So he would see Sionis as someone who would try and stop him from what hes doing.

Mecor - a newcomer who was fated to come. Hed share his piece about the Elders with Mecor and be on his way. Hes not very welcoming....so just ignore him the others will tell Mecor the same uwu

Logium - Mysterious being who Famine has honestly never seen. And hed be lying if he said he wasn’t a tad bit nervous to meet them. Something about this elder would send a slight shiver down his spine.

Hope:

Risus - Oh crumbling biscuits....not another one.

Trituna - You are the elder of Balance, she would consider it an honor to meet them. Hope loves many of the elders like Trituna. Would show them respect uwu

Conllium - definitely someone she would fall asleep next to them. She would also go and talk with them a lot. Conllium is such a wonderful elder. uwu

Cundolili - Would adore Cundolili (- uwu-) even if their presence means Conllium is no longer around which would sadden Hope. She would welcome Cundolili with open arms.

Trema/Astute - somewhat nervous around but would get used to them uwu Knows they are not a bad elder like Risus or Zerneboh

Decla - This is a being who works very hard and deals with a lot. They deal with Risus and who knows what else. Definitely deserves respect

Nalia - Would Love Nalia, absolutely love them. Would definitely want to spend time with Nalia the most.

Sionis - Sionis would make Hope a bit nervous but she knows they are just a serious person. She would trust them and find them quite reliable uwu look up to them even.

Mecor - Would love to meet her, cant wait to meet her. Shes heard nothing but good things!

Logium -A very wise and calm being, Who Hope would feel compltely safe around. uwu Definite trust from the start.

Space Grandpa:

Risus - Would absolutely dislike them

Trituna - is someone they would enjoy being around. Space Grandpa isnt always one for talk but Trituna is someone they would enjoy spending time with regardless if they talked or not.

Conllium - Is one who would visit Conllium, unfortunately would not be able to sit beside them and sleep. Too big. x3 but They would love to chat with them, spend time with them.

Cundolili - welcome with open.....tentacles? arms? claws? something x3 they will welcome them. Offer any assistance if they so wish for it.

Trema/Astute - would remind him of The Void,

Decla - would feel bad they have to deal with Risus so much. Would offer an ear to listen. Space Grandpas a good listener. Definitely would see Decla as a possible friend.

Nalia - Loves how Nalia is, loves their attitude and personality.

Sionis - Admire Sionis, Dependable, a good person. Sees them as an equal like other elders among them.

Mecor - Would be welcoming, more so than normal with others. Mecor is family after all.

Logium -equal footing. A good being and wise, mysterious

Void: (This is more of how void would describe them..as Void is neutral to everyone)

Risus - one who causes trouble

Trituna - Balance, you are very important to the multiverse.

Conllium - a peaceful being

Cundolili - a young one, welcome

Trema/Astute - perfect neutrality

Decla - hard worker

Nalia - peppy one, they were once that way. It is nice to see another

Sionis - a being who watches, reliable.

Mecor - fated to be.

Logium - Father time is a thing theyve heard humans say. But Time is Time

Hope this was good~ uwu sorry I know its a lot

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angsty-nerd · 4 years

Text

Echo-inspired Season 1 Playlist

So I’ve been meaning to share this for… a really long time. But I’m kind of glad that I waited so long because I found a bunch more songs to add and ended up doing an edit on this playlist this weekend, so this is where it landed. It’s a bit of a beast—40+ songs. (And it’s my shorter Echo playlist… I have another one I’m still playing with that has all of these, plus the show’s soundtrack songs, plus recommendations that I’m still considering for future Echo use…so this is the reasonably lengthen one…haha). If you just want to go to Spotify and check it out, here’s the link.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/14ZIHN2MwjfgFbA6yF3RAO?si=5vPkiahyQw-voaZjqMLWsw

If you want to read my rambles about the progression of the songs and why I picked them, along with some lyrics from each one that make me think of Echo, that beastly monstrosity is below the cut for you! Here’s just the track list:

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles 2. People Need a Melody - the Head and the Heart 3. A World to Explore - Joshua Radin 4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart 5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie 6. It’s OK - Natalie Taylor 7. Something American - Jade Bird 8. Anchor - Novo Amor 9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young 10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band 11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue 12. The Storm - The Airborne Toxic Event 13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band 14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 15. Ruins - Jade Bird 16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody 17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers 18. Wild Heart - Bleachers 19. Dream - Bishop Briggs 20. Lullaby - Lord Huron 21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre 22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 23. 17 - Jade Bird 24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie 25. Lose that Light - Folly and the Hunter 26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne 27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids 28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor 29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide 30. Courage - P!nk 31. Easy - Camilla Cabello 32. Day Too Soon - Sis 33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore 34. Side by Side - Layup 35. Electric Love - BØRNS 36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow feat. Stephanie Briggs 37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last 38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart 39. Come to this - Natalie Taylor 40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish 41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos 42. Poetry by Dead Men - Sara Bareilles 43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows 44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

PRE-SHOW

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles

Stolen from Carina’s Liz mix, and obviously heavy on the Ortecho vibe in general. I might associate it a little more with Rosa back in the flashbacks, being proud of Liz and protective of her.

You think I am high and mighty mister Wait til you meet my little sister

2. People Need A Melody - the Head and the Heart

This song just gives me images of Max sitting at home over the years, listening to music, and then Bright Eyes comes on and it just takes him back to that day in the desert when he was lucky enough to be openly in love with Liz for one day before everything went to hell. 💔

All those books in your head, Is that all this really was? Just a role you play that you could hide behind Is it what you want? To bury yourself away Before your time goes I don’t want a love that holds us back I don’t want a life that I can’t have

Cause people need a melody to open their eyes Like a key to a memory frozen in time Holding onto everything, you’re stuck in the past Boy, when you gonna learn the world moves fast?

3. A World to Explore - Josh Radin

Liz leaves on her road trip, pushing the past away, and moving forward into her new life.

Yesterday rains came Everything’s changing The past has closed its door Well I know there’s something more I know there’s so much more So far to go On this open road, a world to explore So far to go On this open road, away we go

4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart

Somewhat self explanatory, I think. Mostly I just think of Max staying in Roswell haunted by all of the what ifs, and how close he and Liz came to being something real.

Did you find what you were looking for? Had to open every single door I get the feeling you’ve been here before From a missed connection Don’t tell me I lost a step Criss-crossed in the wrong direction Found myself in a conversation From a missed connection

5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie

This is, like, my #1 Max over the 10 year gap song. I just hear him all through it, haunted by Rosa’s death and the coverup, heartbroken by Liz’s sudden departure, and trapped in his life.

Sometimes I’m overcome by every choice I couldn’t outrun… And I wonder where you are tonight If the one you’re with is a compromise Cause we’re walking lines in parallel That will never meet and it’s just as well

6. It’s Ok - Natalie Taylor

You know in the pilot, Max says he used to think about what he’d say if he ever saw Liz again. Meaning he didn’t really anymore. Meaning at some point he let go of the hope of her returning to Roswell. That’s kind of where my mind goes listening to this song.

It only hurts me to live this way Holding on to yesterday… Close my eyes, you’re gone And I’m the only one still holding on It’s ok I’ve got to let you go

7. Something American - Jade Bird

I have an old-school song fic just waiting to come out inspired by this song… I hear a lot of different things in it. Mostly I hear Max and the memory of Liz and Cameron in it. With a little bit of Kyle thrown in too.

In my dreams I find The stars align and they all collide And it’s you and I back in time It feels so right But you don’t call me now And I don’t think too much about you When she’s not around I can feel you’re lonely

PILOT

8. Anchor - Novo Amor

Max’s reaction to Liz finally coming home & hoping she’ll stay.

I hear your ship is coming in Your tears a sea for me to swim I hear a storm is coming in My dear, is it all we’ve ever been Anchor up to me, love

9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young

Max gets that brief smile on his face when he’s watching Liz dance in the Crashdown, before he lets her know he’s there. And this is what I hear going through his head in that moment.

When we were strangers I’d watch you from afar When we were lovers I’d love you with all my heart… Because I’m still in love with you I want to see you dance again

10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

It honestly took me a long time to get on board with adding this one, because it’s such an important OG Max/Liz song. But a while back in one of her Q&As, Carina said that if she could give the pilot a title it’d be this, and even with this different version of Max and Liz it still is the perfect song and perfect metaphor for their experience in the pilot.

Lost for you I’m so lost for you You come crash into me

11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue

I mean….

Do I need to say anything more? Okay, well here are some lyrics to emphasize my point.

She’s a diamond in the coal Something that enchants my soul Graceful and captivating Just one glance and my mind is invaded… So should I try really really hard Or just keep loving you from afar… Oh can we walk into the sunset Until our bodies are silhouettes Cause busy days cause busy lives And maybe you’ll just keep on walking by Are my hopes just gonna suffocate in my doubt Or am I being my anxious self drowning my chances out

SO MUCH FOR THE AFTERGLOW

12. The Storm - the Airborne Toxic Event

I definitely stole this from someone else’s Echo mix…but take it as a compliment! I definitely see a little bit of Liz coming home in this song, both from her perspective and Max’s. But in my playlist’s narrative I also see this as being kind of like the end of 1x02, when Liz makes the decision to stay and investigate Rosa’s murder.

I surprise myself sometimes The way the days unfold and this road unwinds You tell me you see it too And the miles seem like inches when I think of you It’s been 25 days since I’ve been gone 25 weeks since I’ve seen my home I spent 25 months chasing this song and all of this time I’ve been alone Then you walk right through the doorway You tell me you’re here to stay

TEARING UP MY HEART

13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

So if the last song was the end of 1x02, that means now we’re in the awkward, heartbreaking period where Max is pouring his heart out, and Liz is pretending to feel nothing because she doesn’t trust him. 💔 Which is basically the running theme for the next few songs…

You cannot quit me so quickly There’s no hope in you for me… The space between the wicked lies we tell And hope to keep safe from the pain… We’re strange allies with warring hearts…

14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

My brother played this song while we were driving from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon in February. It was the morning after Smells Like Teen Spirit aired, Liz had just told Max that she never wanted to see him again, and I heard this song for the first time and said to myself, “YES.”

All around your island there’s a barricade That keeps out the danger that holds in the pain Sometimes you’re happy sometimes you cry Half of me is ocean half of me is sky But you’ve got a heart so big it could crush this town But I can’t hold out forever even walls fall down

15. Ruins - Jade Bird

Just…I think about Max and that painful scene between him and Liz at the end of this episode, and how much her accusations throw him off. And the resulting explosion that caused the blackout.

How do we have to do this again? I’ll tell you how I’m feeling You’re like a cryptomaniac trying to connect the dots and the facts How do we have to be here? ‘Cause these hotels, I just can’t relax The more I bend, the worse that I snap I feel like a goddamn maniac

Tell me what did I do to deserve somebody like you? It’s too hard to tell the truth nothing’s real and nothing’s rude I’m just a product of my emotions and they’re all setting off again… You sure you wanna do this now? Oh, you sure you wanna do this now?

'Cause I mean it when I say that I don’t understand And I mean it when I say that I’m not sure who I am 'Cause one minute I love you and the next it’s all in ruins One minute thinking of you and the next my mind’s in ruins

WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE

16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody

Very much the Crashdown “how do you truly feel about me” scene.

Find myself at your door just like all those times before I’m not sure how I got there all roads, they lead me here I imagine you are home in your room, all alone And you open your eyes into mine and everything feels better And right before your eyes I’m breaking No past, no reasons why just you and me This is the last time I’m asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I’m asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye

DON’T SPEAK

Don’t Speak is one of my favorite chunks of this playlist. I love the pre-pilot set of songs, this set, and then the Recovering the Satellites to the end set the most out of all of this whole thing. Just thought I’d share. Also 3 of my 4 favorite episodes. Hmmm… 🤔

17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers

So, this is kind of my interpretation of Max’s POV after learning that Isobel sent Liz away. I feel like that knowledge and the realization that Michael and Isobel had manipulated the biggest heartbreak of his life, and lied to him for a decade about it, kind of freed him in a sense. And for the first time he felt like he could stop hiding and release his guilt. If Liz hadn’t been in trouble, I think he would have gone straight to her and confessed everything.

It doesn’t get easier the further I run It gets harder to carry the weight of what I’ve done I am speaking from experience I don’t wanna run no more

18. Wild Heart - Bleachers Pretty much same themes as above. These two songs to me are kind of the combo of that determination in Max. Above is more focused on his guilt and wanting to reveal the truth. This one is more about his love for Liz and his determination to find her and protect her and love her.

As I sat with the echoes of lies that I told I felt young, never changed by crooked hearts… Well, everything has changed And now it’s only you that matters I will find any way to your wild heart

19. Dream - Bishop Briggs

I don’t remember who did a fanvid to this…was it Mo? It was wonderful and it’s perfect for the end of this episode. Max running to save Liz from Wyatt Long and wanting to come clean to her, even though he knew it would likely still make her turn away from him. Liz breaking down at the end…sniffles.

Oh, I had a dream that you couldn’t hear me screaming Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn’t stop you leaving I wanna wake up where your love is 'Cause your love is always waking mine

I wanna break down where your heart gets So torn it’s almost breaking mine I wanna lay here, lost and bitter So long, I feel like I could die I wanna tell you what my truth is But it’s buried down inside

20. Lullaby - Lord Huron

I heart this song… and I think it speaks to Liz in this episode so much. The danger she puts herself in, Wyatt!Noah coming after her, Max desperately wanting to protect her…

You arrive along with the sun Where have you been darlin’? What have you done? You were out finding trouble again There’s a fire in your eyes and there’s blood on your hands Come inside and lie down to sleep You ain’t gonna run and you know that you’re beat Rest awhile, they’re coming for you There’s a price to be paid for the things that we do

Fall asleep and forget all your troubles Dream of laughter and old friends and lovers Dream of when you were innocent

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre Early in the episode, when they were happy and innocent. I feel like this song just kind of captures that young love, high school vibe.

Watch me when you look my way See me smiling, be my night and day Touch me in your own sweet way Feel me tremble, you take my words away All of the time I love you Make you a rhyme, I love you

22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Here’s another Tom Petty song from my brother’s playlist that we listened to on the way to the Grand Canyon on the day after this episode aired. I heard it, and immediately thought of the Pod Squad (and Liz) and how the incidents surrounding Rosa’s death kind of forced them all out of their youth and into a traumatic adulthood. Also I think it kind of bridges back to the present with Max telling Liz the story of Rosa’s death and her reaction towards him at the end of the episode.

We grew up fast when lies were just a fact of life We grew up mad cause we never had a home… Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down No, I just can’t lie down, I just can’t lie down Well, you know who I am So don’t treat me like I’m someone else… You never talk like that to no one else You never scream like that for no one else

23. 17 - Jade Bird

This…just…the look on Max’s face when Liz runs out after telling him she never wants to see him again. It’s like his heart is breaking all over again.

You asked me to be yours, well you’re tempting fate How I left a promise but it’s one I can’t make Lord knows it’d kill me if you walked away But darling my lies, they hide you from the pain Stay, let me explain why I act so mean Don’t look away, baby, it’s not all that it seems I’m so afraid that you’ll just get up and leave My heart will break like I’m 17

I SAW THE SIGN & BARELY BREATHING

24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie

“Liz Ortecho is my hurricane.” Max is such a ball of anger and angst in this episode. This song may lean a little more on the anger side than really played out in the episode, but I still think it works, considering that Liz spends much of this episode creating the serum.

You used to be such a delicate kid A lonely fish in a sea full of squid So I can’t blame you for leaving how you did You just fell off the grid 'Cause heaven is a hole in the sky The stars are cracks in the ceiling of night But you can’t be your own alibi As hard as you try It’s a tired refrain you’re singing over and over again As you try to explain who’s at fault for your mistakes But I won’t be the debris in your hurricane

25. Lose That Light - Folly and the Hunter

I don’t recall where I got this song from…it may have come from someone else’s playlist. But it makes me think about how rough of a go Max has it in Barely Breathing and how Liz is, like, the light that kind of guides him through it, that he has faith in to save his sister.

In my arms you fell, after fighting tooth and nail. The convictions you have are all gone now. You followed that trail, just to take a chance and fail. Do not let that dark voice call you out Even if it gets hard, don’t lose that light…

26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne

I see this as the end of the episode, when they are so close to being on the same page, but Liz is still afraid and still puts up that wall. Max sees how amazing she is, how she’s willing to fight to save Isobel for him. And Liz is beginning to feel it as well, because the drive to do it for Max, to comfort him, was so powerful. “My heart is like paper” = Max, “yours is like a flame” = Liz.

Tell me what you’re feeling I can take the pain Tell me that you mean it That you won’t leave again Tell me what your heart wants Such a simple thing My heart is like paper Yours is like a flame

SONGS ABOUT TEXAS

27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids

This song just makes me think about that vibe all through Songs About Texas prior to the kiss. The heart eyes looks, the touches, how close they are to going there, even though it hasn’t happened yet. This is also the only song I couldn’t find lyrics for online so I transcribed as best I can, but I couldn’t figure one line out, so I just left it off the post! Sorryyyy…

I guess you win, I guess I’ll see you around again Locked eyes, brushed hands. I’ll lie and say we’re only friends Yes I want you but I don’t want to Cause I can’t hold you when I want to So maybe I’m selfish, maybe it’s reckless Maybe I’m out of my mind

Ooh you make me weak you, you make me seek you You’d make me dive down to the depth of your ocean Ooh if I could hold you… I’d make these colors real

28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor

Throughout this whole episode I feel like there’s a general sense of Liz giving up her fight against Max. She can’t hide how much she loves him anymore. She hasn’t quite decided to be with him yet…but throughout the episode that wall thins more and more until she finally does give in to him.

No one will win this time I just want you back I’m running to your side Flying my white flag, my white flag… Whenever you’re ready, whenever you’re ready Can we, can we surrender I surrender

29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide

I’m pretty sure this came from another Echo playlist…because it’s the perfect song to represent Max’s speech to Liz to reveal how well he sees her.

I find it hard to believe you don’t know The beauty you are But if you don’t let me be your eyes A hand to your darkness, so you won’t be afraid When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you’re twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you I’ll be your mirror, reflect what you are

30. Courage - P!nk

That split second before Liz decides to grab Max and pull him in for the kiss…

See, I let the light in the darkest places Let the sun shine, pain goes away Nothing is permanent for me Have I the courage to change?

31. Easy - Camilla Cabello

It’s almost ridiculous how Echo’s first kiss this song is. Like, seriously, Camilla? Do you watch RNM? Are you an Echo shipper? Is this your own personal fan song?

You really, really know me The future and the old me All of the mazes and the madness in my mind You really, really love me You know me and you love me And it’s the kind of thing I always hoped I’d find

Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Touch me 'til I find myself, in a feeling Tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy All I know is you, heal me when I’m broken, heal me when I’m broken All I know is you, saved me and you know it, saved me and you know it

32. Day Too Soon - Sia

Liz making the choice that it is finally the right time for her to stop running. Okay, Max has been waiting patiently, but for Liz everything has finally perfectly collided.

Pick me up in your arms Carry me away from harm You’re never gonna put me down I know you’re just one good man You’ll tire before we see land You’re never gonna put me down You’ll risk all this for just a kiss I promise I will not resist

Promise you won’t hold me down And when we reach a good place Let’s be sure to leave no trace Promise they won’t track us down

Now I’ve been running all my life I ran away, I ran away from good Yeah, I’ve been waiting all my life You’re not a day, you’re not a day too soon

33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore

Awesome cover of 90’s song? Check! Super romantic to the point of almost cheesy? Check! It’s got Echo getting together written all over it.

I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy. I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need. I’ll love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do I want to stand with you on a mountain I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me

I DON’T WANT TO MISS A THING, CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA, CREEP

34. Side By Side - Layup

Sadly, I don’t have a lot of songs for this chunk of episodes for Echo. But they’re finally together, on the same team, being awesome, so that’s pretty much all I’m getting at with this song.

And so, now I go down all these roads with you, my home And now, I’ll keep you close I hope you know - I love you most So here I walk by your side, oh, on our own time Oh, we’ll be alright, as long as we stay side by side From the coldest nights to warmer degrees we’ll get by You and I, side by side

RECOVERING THE SATELLITES

35. Electric Love - BØRNS

I mean… Alien!God Max channeling all that lightning to get the job done is fucking sexy. And then he just marches home to worship his love the way Liz deserves. *nods firmly*

Baby you’re like lightning in a bottle I can’t let you go now that I got it All I need is to be struck By your electric love Baby, you’re electric love Electric love Rushing through me I feel your energy rushing through me…

36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow f/ Stephanie Briggs

Echo love scene. Just ignore that Liz is not wearing a dress. Everything else fits. And the chorus? *chefs kiss* “Because I’ve seen you and I know you”...ties right back to their first kiss and Max proving to Liz that he isn’t holding onto some high school fantasy. “And I’m not going anywhere”...it breaks my heart because it was 100% true in that moment…but hours later Max is dead. 😭

I bet your shoulders can hold more than just the straps of that tiny dress That I’ll help you slide aside when we get home I’ve seen 'em carry family and the steel drum weight of me Effortless, just like that dress that I’ll help off I bet your back can carry more than just the weight of your button-down One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home I’ve seen you carry family and all my insecurities One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home

Because I’ve seen you And I know you And I’m not going anywhere

37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last

This is, like, the most Max song ever. Especially where his head is at right at the end of Recovering the Satellites after he and Liz make love, when he is straight up in worshipful puppy mode. It makes me both 😍 and 😭, because I love how much he loves her, but I know how unhealthy his devotion is, and that it leads to him dying.

Sweetheart, you look a little tired when did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home stay as long as you need Tell me, is something wrong? If something’s wrong, you can count on me You know I’ll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat It’s okay if you can’t find the words Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached It’s okay if you can’t catch your breath You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest I know exactly how the rule goes put my mask on first No, I don’t want to talk about myself tell me where it hurts I just want to build you up, build you up ‘til you’re good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too I don’t even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached What a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you, love Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached I will love you without a single string attached

38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart

In my head this is another afterglow, Max manic on love & power and it pushes him to do something crazy song...I both see he and Liz happy together in his bed in the morning sunlights and flickering firelight...and Max deciding to heal Rosa. 😍😭

These are just flames burning in your fireplace I hear your voice and it seems as if it was all a dream I wish it was all a dream I see a world, a world turning in on itself Are we just like hungry wolves howling in the night I don’t want no music tonight

Every time I hear another story Oh the poor boy lost his head Everybody feels a little crazy But we go on living with it

39. Come to This - Natalie Taylor

Liz crying over Max’s body 😭😭😭. There is no heart eyes here. It’s all just paaaain. 😭😭😭

How can this happen? How can this be? There is no ending, there is no peace The darkness is so close The light so quickly goes And now it’s all gone Now it’s all gone Will you hear me when I speak? Do you feel the pain with me? I’ve tried to be so strong I thought that hope would come But you’re not here

Oh, the darkness keeps its grip Oh, how’d it come to this? Oh, please come back Please come back

40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish

More Liz crying over Max’s body…and just love and pain and death and sadness. 😭😭😭

Retrace my lips Erase your touch It’s all too much for me Blow away Like smoke in air How can you die carelessly? Our love is six feet under I can’t help but wonder If our grave was watered by the rain Would roses bloom? Could roses bloom?

POST-SEASON 1

These are just kind of my headcanon songs of various post-S1 reactions from Liz at various different dark moments.

41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos

I see a lot of people attribute this song to Liz at the beginning of the show, but I think it’s more appropriate at the end of the season. I’d love it if they use this song in Season 2. I see it more as Liz putting the walls she had at the beginning of the show back up again after loving and losing Max, which would break my heart. But I think it’s how she would cope while he’s gone and then those walls would come back down.

Hello, my old heart It’s been so long Since I’ve given you away And every day, I add another stone To the walls I built around you To keep you safe

Oh, oh, don’t leave me here alone Don’t tell me that we’ve grown For having loved a little while Oh, oh, I don’t wanna be alone I wanna find a home And I wanna share it with you

42. Poetry By Dead Men - Sara Bareilles

I can see this scene in my head. I can see Liz and Max both longing for this scene in their head. Just the simple domesticity of drinking coffee together in the afterglow, while Max reads poetry to Liz. Except that he had to go and die first and that just fucking sucks. So I hear some anger and a little bit of “don’t let the door hit you on your way out” in this song, and I could see Liz occasionally just having moments of anger in her grief where she feels this way. Briefly.

By the time you hear this, who knows where I might be Singing about another near-miss love that ended incomplete I was ready, but you weren’t So jump with your net from this bridge you’ve burned I wanted to tell you things, all the secrets I’ve been keeping I saw it in front of me, but then you just kept disappearing A good dream, almost, now I tell your ghost

I wanted to be your girl in a white T-shirt Over coffee, stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men I wanted to be your girl with your hands on my skin Stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men

43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows

This is one of the few episode titles where the lyrics actually get to me, like in a plotty way. But not necessarily from what happens in the episode, so much as the idea of Liz questioning later whether the brief moment of love she had with Max was worth all of the accompanying pain. 😭😭😭😭

So why’d you come home to this sleepless town? It’s a lifetime commitment, recovering the satellites All anybody really wants to know is When you’re gonna come down, when you’re gonna come down But we only stay in orbit for a moment of time And then you’re everybody’s satellite I wish that you were mine, I wish that you were mine

44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

Definitely stole this from someone else, but it’s perfect and I love ending with it, because even though it’s loaded down with all of the pain we’re feeling at the end of the season, it also has a little twinge of hope and possibility for that future day when Max comes back (which we all know he will)! So in other words, it’s 😭😭😍😍

The sky looks pissed The wind talks back My bones are shifting in my skin And you my love are gone My room feels wrong The bed won’t fit I cannot seem to operate And you my love are gone

I’ll never say that I’ll never love But I don’t say a lot of things And you my love are gone

So glide away on soapy heels And promise not to promise anymore And if you come around again Then I will take, Then I will take, The chain from off the door

#music of my soul #rnm echo music #rnm echo

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camillemontespan · 5 years

Text

a kingdom divided [part seventeen: devil on your shoulder]

Part Sixteen if you want to catch up!

@jovialyouthmusic @pug-bitch @moonlightgem7 @sirbeepsalot @drakesensworld @ifyouseekheart @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @dcbbw @carabeth @be-still-my-aching-heart @notoriouscs @thecordoniandiaries

**************************************************************************************

‘I hope Liam knows you’re dying for him. I know he won’t care.'

Kiara's words echoed in Olivia's mind. She could feel Kiara's fingers closing around her throat, intent to bring death. Her eyes were wild and huge.

‘I hope Liam knows you’re dying for him. I know he won’t care.'

Olivia felt a surge of anger in her heart. Kiara knew nothing. Olivia was not going to die with that being the last thing she ever heard in this world, especially from someone as weak as Kiara.

'Let her go!' Leo shouted, getting closer. Olivia's anger only intensified - no man was capable of helping a Nevrakis out of something like this. Nevrakis women could defend themselves.

In a flash, Olivia pulled her dagger from its holster and drove it forward.

Kiara gasped harshly.

Her fingers around Olivia's neck loosened and she dropped her own dagger which she had tucked against her palm. Kiara looked down at her stomach, where redness was beginning to bloom.

'I think I'm going to be sick..' Kiara murmured, wobbling. Olivia breathed heavily, staring at Kiara, trying to shake off the shock that she had just hurt the other girl. This was no time to get emotional. 'Tell me. Who is poisoning court?'

Kiara's eyes were full of pain. 'I can't say..'

'Yes you fucking can. Tell me or this dagger is going through your throat.'

Kiara staggered, grabbing hold of Olivia's arm. ' Le Club Citoyen Secret has many members,' she whispered, struggling to form the words. 'You won't find them all.'

'Give me a name of one member. Or if you can't do that just give me something, anything,' Olivia ground out, clenching her fists. Kiara stared at her then whispered.

'Secret tunnels.'

Suddenly, Kiara fell to her knees, clutching her stomach. Olivia watched as she keeled over into a heap.

Olivia would normally have spat on the body. But this wasn't just any body. This was Kiara.

'Olivia!'

Leo had reached her. The gardens were huge and he looked exhausted from the effort of sprinting. He stared down at Kiara. 'Oh god. Is she dead?'

Olivia nodded silently. Her anger had evaporated and all that remained was a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick and scared. What she would call a weak emotion was now running wild in her system. She was terrified. 'What have I done?' she choked.

Leo pulled her into him and his eyes bore into hers. 'You defended yourself. That's all.'

'I murdered her..'

'She was trying to murder you, Liv. I saw her advancing on you with her dagger, she was out for blood.'

Olivia's body came out in a cold sweat. 'I.. I don't know what to do,' she whispered. She was so quiet that Leo had to lean in to hear her. 'I just felt so much anger.' Her ice blue eyes were darting around, her hands were trembling. She looked so vulnerable.

'We'll figure this out,' Leo told her fiercely. Olivia stared at him. 'We?'

'Yes. You and me. I'm here for you Liv. I'm in your corner.'

For once, Olivia didn't protest. 'What should we do now? If Liam finds out.. Oh god, he's going to be furious.'

'We'll deal with him later. Right now, we have to get away from the garden. We'll go round to the front and act like we have been at the front courtyard, okay?'

Olivia stared at him. 'So we just leave her here?!'

Leo sighed. 'Do you want to parade Kiara around the ballroom and have everyone accuse you of murder?' he asked sarcastically. 'Or would you rather leave her here for someone to find and given how courtiers are dropping like flies, the poor person will just assume this is yet another rebel act. Which do you think would be better? '

Olivia reddened. She wasn't used to having someone correct her and tell her what to do. She kind of liked it.

Leo sensed her decision and led her away from Kiara's body. Olivia forced herself not to look back.

The two of them reached the front courtyard and casually walked up the steps to the front door. 'Be normal,' Leo whispered. Olivia nodded and threw back her shoulders to adopt her usual posture.

'Champagne?' Leo asked in his usual easygoing manner. Olivia rolled her eyes but followed him back to the ballroom. She needed alcohol and lots of it. Leo ordered a bottle from the bar. Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.

******************************************************

Hana pried Nevilles hands away from her lower back and placed them back on the center of her spine. He was getting too close for comfort. 'So Hana, tell me. How is life treating you?'

'Not very well,' she said. 'I'm just so worried about everything going on at court. I feel so awful for Penelope..'

'Hmm yes, she was innocent. Poor girl,' Neville replied. He twirled Hana around. 'At least we are safe,' he continued. 'Well, myself at least.. Maybe not you since you are close with the King and he is not very popular at the moment..'

Hana tensed. 'Do you agree with the ones who dislike him?'

'Meh. I see why they're angry. They want their efforts at court to be rewarded. They don't want commoners to be promoted, like that Walker runt and his commoner wife -'

'They are the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria,' Hana suddenly spat. 'You will respect them.'

Neville chuckled. 'Wow. I do like it when you're fiery..' His hands reached down her back again towards her ass. Hana pulled away. She saw Maxwell, standing nearby, staring at Neville with a look of fury etched on his face.

'Please Neville. Play nice,' Hana said, trying to calm down. She couldn't blow her cover now. She needed information.

'As I was saying,' Neville began again, 'I see why they're angry. But I don't understand why the servants are getting involved -' He stopped, his face turning pale.

'Servants?' Hana asked, pretending she didn't know. 'Why would the servants be involved?'

'Oh, um.. Uhh..'

'Neville..' she interrupted, her voice cold.

He sighed and lead her to a corner of the room. He leaned close to whisper in her ear. 'I've heard there's a secret club of nobles and commoners. They want the monarchy dead. They will stop at nothing and they are poisoning all of the King's allies. Hana.. I am only telling you this because you are close to the King and I quite admire you. This is a secret.'

'Where have you heard this?' she asked.

'Because I have been.. opinionated about the King and his decisions, many nobles feel I would agree with them so they talk openly. I listen, if only to find out what drinks to avoid at parties in case I drink a poisoned one.'

'How many nobles talk about poisoning the King? And why are they part of a poison plot? Why not just go to the King and vent their frustration?'

'More than half the court,' he answered bluntly. Hana stepped back, shocked. 'And as for why? They're inspired by your commoner friends colourful French background. Madame de Montespan, have you heard of her?'

Hana nodded.

'They've tried to vent to the King but he hasn't done anything. They are tired of it.'

'Would you want to be part of the club?' Hana dared to ask.

Neville stared at her. 'Do you really think I'm that horrific a person? No. Yes I think he is weak, but he doesn't deserve to be the victim of this plot. I may be opinionated and arrogant, but I'm not a killer.'

'What else have you heard?'

He groaned. 'Well.. They have meetings.'

Hana's heart leapt. 'Meetings? Where?'

'There's a room in the secret tunnels underground. They go there.'

Hana nodded, processing his words. She then spoke. 'Thank you Neville.'

'For what?'

'For being honest.'

'Heh, just keeping an eye out for a fellow noble.'

Hana nodded and moved to leave him. He grabbed her arm. 'Don't tell anyone what I've just told you.'

****************************************************

Olivia had been waiting to hear a scream. Her eyes had been fixed on the French doors out to the gardens.

'Liv.'

Leo clicked his fingers in front of her eyes. Olivia blinked. 'Sorry. Um.. What were you saying?'

Leo sighed. 'Do you want to get out of here?'

'Where would we go?'

'Back to the palace. No funny business I promise. I just don't think you're coping here.'

He did look concerned. His green eyes were looking into hers. Olivia groaned. 'You're right. Let's go.'

She picked up their bottle of champagne and Leo followed. He found their coats in the cloakroom and signalled for Olivia's driver. 'To the palace please,' he instructed.

Olivia took a deep gulp of champagne from the bottle. She passed it to Leo.

In the back of the car, they were sat together closely. Olivia could smell Leo's scent. He had that deep masculine smell. She saw that his fists were clenched.

'Are you okay?' she asked.

Leo looked at her. Perhaps it was because of the darkness so he couldn't see her properly, but in that moment of silence and dark space, he answered honestly. 'I'm glad you're still alive.'

Olivia looked out of the window. 'Me too.'

Leo sighed and turned away to watch the car passing the harbour. He jumped when Olivia spoke. 'Thank you for coming after me. I mean, I could have handled it myself... but thank you all the same.'

Leo chuckled. He drew in a breath when she leaned her head against his shoulder. They stayed like that in silence for the rest of the drive.

**************************************************

Drake could taste Camille's watermelon lip balm. His hands tangled in her hair as she straddled him. 'God, Camille, you feel incredible,' he murmured against her mouth. Camille nipped at his ear with her teeth and circled her hips, enjoying the feel of him inside her.

They had gone down to the lake to watch the sunset. The Texas air was warm and the lake was still. Camille had snuggled up into Drake, wearing a loose black sweater and denim shorts. She looked a million miles away from her Duchess persona and the thought that she was just Camille again made Drake want her instantly. He had initiated it, kissing her neck as the sun turned the sky from blue to orange. The sunset made Camille's skin glow and she looked so beautiful in that light.

Now, she was riding him slowly, deliberately. Drake moved his hand down her bump towards her clit, gently finding it. He circled his fingers against her as he bucked his hips and Camille let out a throaty groan as she concentrated on everything he was doing to her.

She was naked against the setting sun. The glow around her body was phenomenal, making her look ethereal and Drake's eyes roamed her body, from her breasts to her slender waist to her baby bump, which was growing by the day. It was so prominent now. It was still a neat little bump but it was obvious now that she was having a baby. His baby.

Her dark hair was tousled around her shoulders. 'Tell me what you're thinking,' she said, smiling. Drake ran his hands up her waist. 'I'm thinking about you.'

Camille leaned down to kiss him. 'Correct answer.'

Afterwards, they lay curled up beside each other, twisted up in their blankets. The sky had turned violet. The twilight hour.

‘What do you want to do tomorrow?’ Drake asked. Camille shrugged. ‘I don’t know.. since we left Valtoria, we have no Duke and Duchess duties. Bertrand is going to visit the manor once a week just to check in, see how are things are so really, we have nothing to worry about. So I’m honestly not sure, we’ve not had a free day in months!’ Drake ran his finger along her shoulder. ‘How about tomorrow morning, I make us breakfast in bed? We could take the boat out after?’ Camille beamed. ‘That sounds perfect.’

*******************************************************************************************

Olivia wandered along the corridor with Leo next to her. She reached her bedroom door and placed her hand on the door handle. She turned to look at Leo.

‘Don’t worry about anything,’ he said. ‘Just get a good nights sleep.’ Olivia smiled weakly. ‘I don’t think I will.’ ‘Just try.’ She stepped forward and looked up into his green eyes. ‘Can you sleep with me?’ Leo blinked. ‘What?’ She sighed. ‘I don’t mean sex. I mean... actually sleep with me. I know I’m Olivia Nevrakis but I don’t really want to be alone right now.’

Leo’s eyes locked with hers. ‘I get it.’ Olivia opened her door and Leo silently followed her in. He looked around her room. It was painted red, her favourite colour, with a four poster bed covered with gold silk cushions and a Chinese screen was in the corner with a claw foot bath standing behind it. It was very opulent, very glamorous and very Olivia. Leo felt it was a big deal being allowed into her domain. He had the feeling not many were given the privilege.

He took off his suit jacket and hung it up. Olivia faced him. ‘Can you help me unzip my dress?’ He nodded, beckoning her over and she turned around so he could see her back. He gently unzipped the dress, his eyes exploring each part of her back as her skin became more exposed. He resisted the urge to touch her. She wouldn’t like that and he didn’t want to show his cards. Not yet.

The purple dress pooled down onto the floor around her feet. She turned to him. She was wearing a purple lace bralette and thong. She unclipped her hair and it fell in red waves down her back. She looked like a mermaid emerging from the purple deep.

They stared at each other in a charged silence.

‘I just want to sleep,’ Olivia told him.

‘I believe you,’ Leo answered.

She went over to the bed and got under the covers. Leo unbuttoned his shirt and trousers. Olivia watched him, just as he had watched her.

Leo got under the covers with her. ‘So Nevrakis,’ he said. ‘What’s your bedtime habits then? Read a book? Cuddle a teddy bear?’ Olivia turned to face him. ‘I read.’ ‘Oh. What books?’ ‘Historical fiction.’ He stared at her. ‘You read historical fiction?’ ‘Yes. Is that so hard to believe?’ ‘Kind of. I thought it would be books about war or fighting techniques.’ ‘That’s my day time reading,’ she answered dryly.

Leo laughed and Olivia, surprisingly, smiled at him. She caught herself and fixed her mouth back into a hard line. ‘You smiled at me,’ Leo said. ‘No, I didn’t.’ ‘You did. Don’t deny it, Liv. You smiled.’ She swatted him away. Her touch burned against his skin.

Olivia rolled over and closed her eyes. A minute later, Leo sighed and rolled over, slinging his arm around her. They moved and found that they were both spooning.

Olivia expected to feel her skin crawl as it usually did when someone got too close for comfort. But she didn’t feel that. Instead, she felt.. safe. Ugh. She felt so tragic. ‘Fuck..’ she whispered to herself. Leo sniggered. ‘You’re thinking about how nice this is, aren’t you? And you hate yourself for it.’ Olivia didn’t bother lying. ‘How did you guess?’

Leo pulled her in closer. ‘This doesn’t have to mean anything,’ he whispered. ‘It’s just me. You wanted company, you got it. I’m not going to try anything. I’m your friend right now.’ ‘What are you usually?’ ‘Hmm.. the devil on your shoulder?’ Olivia smirked. ‘Sounds about right.’

They fell asleep soon after, all thoughts about the evening gone.

*******************************************************************************************

There was a scream.

Liam’s conversation with Emmeline was interrupted. The guests in the ballroom all turned to see a woman running in from the gardens. ‘Kiara!’ she screamed. Liam rushed forward to take the woman. ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?!’ The woman, Christina, shook. ‘In the gardens.. around the side..’

Liam and a few of the courtiers raced outside. Hana, Maxwell and Bertrand followed, Hana clutching onto Maxwell’s hand.

They all stopped short when they rounded the side of the manor and found Kiara’s body. The girl lay on her back, her eyes open and glassy. Liam let out a strangled cry.

He got down on his knees and propped Kiara up against him. Tears ran down his face. Another person dead in my court.

Liam’s eyes studied her, trying to work out how long she had been dead, how it had happened. It was when his eyes settled on the dagger protruding out of her stomach that his heart dropped.

He recognised the dagger. It had a red ruby handle. Only one person he knew had that dagger. Olivia.

#drake walker x mc #olivia nevrakis #hana lee #a kingdom divided #the royal romance

41 notes · View notes

lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

Note

Sorry for this XD, but 1, 4, 9, 11, 26 and 27 for the salty ask? If it's not too much, of course

Don't say sorry! 😁 Thanks for the ask Nonny and apologies for the delay.

I must caution you, the post is going to be long and and there's too much salt in my responses for even me to handle.

1. OTP in fandom that you just do not get.

IDK I most don't give much of a thought to OTPs that I don't get. Like that is the nature of any fandom, that you can see potential for ships even without a say-so from canon.

What I really don't get is the absurd double standards that I see sometimes - how some fans will pull down other LIs/characters to make a favourite look good, how some LIs will be nitpicked to high hell while others can say the grossest things and not be judged. How one character can be judged for the same thing we will admire in another (I'll get to this later).

It's weird, considering the app literally allows you to choose who you will fall for (unless you're wlw or like a character that's a person of colour in a majority-white cast, in which case they will dangle scraps in front of you once every ten chapters, I suppose). You don't need to trash one LI to justify your choice of another. They're there. Stop tearing down an LI while deliberately tagging the character's tag and ship tags for your notes. Go generate (and promote) content for your own ships and characters instead.

4. A personal NOTP? Are they considered an OTP in the fandom?

Hana x Madeleine. Fortunately, lots of people had plenty of problems with this pair and the way it was written in Book 3. The narrative was subtly pushing that ship over the course of Book 3, but the backlash was strong enough that they got Madeleine to issue an apology for her bullying in the epilogue instead (I doubt they even remember the chocolate allergy scene, given that the MC acts like this information is brand new).

It still left a bad taste in my mouth, because it showed me how little the writers cared for Hana as a character, but at least the fandom made sure it didn't become a ship.

9. Most Disliked Character(s):

Hoo boy. I have a freaking list. Besides the really really obvious ones:

• Drake Walker: has way more privilege than he knows what to do with. Narrative acts like he is the Voice of the Commoner...well. I feel sorry for the commoners that don't get to practically live in court without having to change their attire or yap all day about steak, burgers and whiskey. And whose sisters don't have friends that will fleece their entire ancestral house's already-plummeting finances to keep her house running while her brother trash-talks the same friend in Book 1.

• Damien Nazario: is a hypocrite. That is all.

• Constantine: Almost every apology of his has to come punctuated with an excuse. Even if it involves orchestrating sexual assault.

• Madeleine (TRR) and Mallory (RoE): The demonic duo of People PB Wants So Desperately For Me To Forgive™. Without them even having to earn that forgiveness, too (Nana deserves to be on this list too, except the question of forgiveness doesn't even arise when it comes to her. She is worshipped in this series!). I see a small step towards change in D&D Book 2 with Lady Grandmother, but only time will tell if they will actually execute the "will never forgive you" route properly.

• Penelope: is so, so fucking entitled I just can't. I understood how her condition, and manipulation from people like Constantine and Bastien, got her to the point where she would be ready to harm someone. But I can't for the life of me understand how she can forget this so easily after the tea party.

I was hoping for a redemption arc where Penelope recognizes what she's done and unconditionally tries to make amends in Book 3, but that never happened. There was not a single reference in Book 3 to the harm she did you in Book 1. We had to do an immense amount of coddling to convince her to come for the wedding, and there were consequences if you didn't call her your "best friend" or support her demands. The narrative has Drake Walker...Drake "Ambassadors Go To Dangerous Areas, Lady Kiara (So Get Over It)" Freaking Walker...reassure Penelope in a way that Kiara never gets from anyone in the group, and she suffered a knife attack. Ezekiel is literally created out of thin air as a reward for her.

Why does she need a reward again? Who knows.

• Ajay: Didn't apologize.

11. Unpopular Character that You Like that Fandom Doesn't.

(This is going to be loooong. I'm not sorry. This rant has been really, really building up. It's like a dam).

Kiara. It's popular to sorta kinda like her now, but back when she started showing feelings for Drake she got a lot of hate...hate that I feel bled into the treatment she got in the third book.

It took me a while to warm up to Kiara, but I think what did it for me was her friendship with Penelope. She was protective and supportive, even though she lacked an understanding of what Penelope was going through. I was even more pleasantly surprised when she spoke about her bond with Savannah. There was a warmth and a sweetness about Kiara in Book 2 that we didn't see much of in Book 1 and she slowly won me over. When they spoke about her injuries in Book 3, I was looking forward to seeing that story explored.

I will always maintain that Kiara in Book 3 is what happens when both the writing team and the louder, more vocal portion of the fandom are heartless towards a particular character. Heartless is a heavy word, and a word I don't want to be using willy-nilly, but I've seen enough to come to that conclusion in this case.

Kiara was often called an opportunist and a host of other names in the fandom for not supporting the MC through the scandal. Except that we all forget she never promised anything beyond supporting your claim to being picked as future Queen. She tells you straight off the bat in Book 1 that she is looking for allies and not friends (guess who is often admired for that mindset? Madeleine...well, until she harms Hana for flimsy reasons). Meanwhile we have Penelope being all adorable and happy and congratulating you knowing that you're going to be slut-shamed, humiliated and dragged out of court for a scandal she helped generate. Kiara on the other hand was honest. She wanted a job in the ministry and a bomb married life while she was at it. I'd rather have an ambitious (but won't abuse her power like Madeleine does) Kiara in my corner than a person who lies to my face about supporting me, does little more to help than just tell me who her boss was, then expects me to call her my best friend later.

Kiara had to only look at and flirt with Drake for people to hate on her. Meanwhile Olivia could spring an unwanted kiss on Liam in public, and the fandom would still be blaming Liam for not loving her back. In regular fandom content Kiara was mocked and sometimes suspected of having an illicit affair with Drake, in fanfic that featured her she was often either villainized, or written as the "other woman". Which is okay - fanfic is your own personal sandbox, after all - but it does highlight a pattern.

In canon...Kiara was made a survivor of a terrorist attack and nobody cared. Not the MC, not the country's king, not her closest friends, not the man who got injured at the same ball. It was bad enough that her parents were considering leaving the goddamn country (they should have). She was ignored in her own estate. The MC speaks to her not with sympathy and reassurances, but instead reminds her of her 'duty' and pressurizes her. (@callmetippytumbles illustrates this amazingly in her ask here, having Liam say "have a apple and buck up for Cordonia". No lie there. No lie there at all). All the 'sympathy' goes to a brother who has absolutely nothing to do with court.

She was suspected and interrogated at Lythikos. The MC has the option to be dismissive and to minimize - by labelling her "not as driven" - as Kiara literally pours her heart out about her trauma. Sample this:

(Ngl folks. Reading this was really, really triggering for me. I know exactly what it feels like to have my trauma dismissed like this. It doesn't feel great. Fuck you MC. Fuck you Drake. Fuck you TRR writers)

There are no consequences for doing this to her, btw. She still returns and she still fights at the boutique and she'll still speak very positively about you to her mother. I imagine if Joelle found out the truth of how the group really treated her daughter, she'd verbally destroy them and never support the kingdom again. And she'd be right not to.

On its own that scenario looks bad enough already, but when you hold it up next to how we treat the other ladies? Pure, stinking trash:

Madeleine: A diamond scene to console and encourage her, and all the right options are meant to support her to her parents. If you don't succeed in making her parents understand what she wants, you lose out on their support. There are consequences.

Penelope: A diamond scene to comfort and reassure her that they will not be like Madeleine. Immense coddling from the group. If you don't call her your best friend or altogether be nice and supportive to her, that negatively impacts the way Landon responds to you. AND I have heard that if her parents don't believe Penelope is safe with you, she doesn't even join the tour. There are consequences.

Kiara: No diamond scenes to even figure out how she is or what she thinks. A one-minute scene to convince (emotionally blackmail, actually) her to "do your duty", which will happen no matter which option, then a diamond option for her brother...who exists only because they want to give Penelope a reward for something I still cannot fathom. Her brother's response depends on his own issues and the presence of Penelope, and Hakim and Joelle's depend on what you do at the Festival. Kiara's situation of being an attack victim should have warranted the kind of coddling Penelope felt entitled to, yet when it comes right down to it her plight matters to literally no one.

In Lythikos no special diamond scenes for her either, just an interrogation. While we can choose to view Kiara as innocent in Chapter 11, her leaving is branded "suspicious" by both Drake and the MC by default the next chapter, and Maxwell literally says (disappointment writ large on his face) "jeez, that's one suspect off our list" after we're done. We go to her pretending to be her well-wishers, but in reality we're interrogating a traumatized woman, and not even ashamed when she trusts our untrustworthy asses with her secret.

You get the option to forget what happened to her (for which she rightfully slams you). You get the option to be a trauma-minimizing pile of steaming fecal matter (for which she doesn't slam you, even though she should). No matter what, Drake is your puppet and will agree with you, and you get away with all this. Drake stands there and minimizes her experiences with you, and shows zero remorse for putting an attack victim in that situation.

Like, it's actually quite shameful the more you think about it. Kiara was interrogated. After two traumatic experiences that at the very least should have her questioning whether we are worth her support at all. In a scenario that any fool would realise was at least scary to her if not altogether traumatizing. Madeleine and Penelope feel entitled to good treatment, Kiara has to make do with the crumbs we throw at her. She is never given a chance to speak of this as problematic, and the group never gets truly called out on their bullshit.

Even if you do pick the absolute nicest options...the fact remains that the MC, Duchess of Valtoria (and possible future Queen) and her group of influential friends, ignored the concerns a person who was badly injured at their event, pressurized her into showing support for them, didn't do jackshit to ensure her safety, suspected and questioned her when she rightfully withdrew public support, and dishonestly interrogated this traumatized woman, while still keeping the expectation that she support them. All without earning a shred of that support. They felt zero remorse, every last one of them, for putting her in that position.

Kiara not getting much attention isn't exactly a surprise. She has always been given the least focus among the ladies of the court and Book 3 wouldn't have been an exception...if they hadn't made her a victim of a terrorist attack!! Once they placed Kiara in that position, she deserved to have her concerns addressed, and addressed properly. What happened to her was a highlight of the failure of the security system at the palace and Royal Court, and to have that ignored while we had all the time in the world to address Madeleine's parents' petty family squabbles was disgusting. That there are absolutely no consequences for doing this to Kiara, while there are for not attending to Penelope or Madeleine's concerns, and it all ends with Kiara praising us to her mother, is disgusting. That the writers were more busy trying to backtrack on Driara and make the ship impossible to happen in canon, than on focusing on Kiara's own story in her own estate, is disgusting. And I cannot ignore that the latter decision sprung in a large part from the hate the fandom was spewing on Kiara for most of Book 2. The writers wouldn't have dared to do such a thing to Penelope, and it was clearly because there would be a backlash. They knew they could get away with insensitive writing for Kiara easier than they would with Penelope - and they did.

The other thing is this. Back in Books 2 and 3, loads of people in the fandom used to aggressively ship Liam and Olivia (to the point where he would be blamed for not returning her affections). Loads of people would also find excuses to hate on Kiara once she began to show she liked Drake. Nowadays, it's popular to state that "Olivia deserves better" (I'd be inclined to agree if it weren't for the way that argument is often framed. She deserves a man who loves her completely) - again, in a way that blames Liam for not returning her affections.

Yet, when people speak of Kiara's feelings being one-sided? Little to no blame for Drake there, even though he was rude or dismissive to her more than once (for me, personally, Lythikos was the last straw). Hardly a handful would say "Kiara deserves better than Drake". I can bet if Liam treated Olivia even half as poorly as Drake behaved with Kiara, we'd be bashing that man to the high heavens. I guess it's because it's Kiara who is the recipient of this kind of treatment that it matters to so few. I shouldn't be surprised.

26. Most shippable character?

Hayden xD Mostly because they're so much fun to customize, yet there's a very strong inner core there that does not change and that grounds the character.

27. Least shippable character?

I don't know. Nana?

#salty asks #ask me #trr kiara #anti drake walker #anti damien nazario #anti trr #anti the royal romance #anti trr penelope #anti trr madeleine #long post

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essu-rwby-desu · 5 years

Photo

Episode 2: Uncovered

-SUPER LONG POST. SPOILERS-

*There may be typos, incorrect spelling, and bad grammar due to me trying to rush this and episode 3. Bare with me plz. The amount of gifs made for this was overkill and will lighten them up in the next post. Also, I will be referring to these posts as commentary since that’s what they mostly are and not reviews/reactions. Without further ado:

-Fade in from black-

~Ah Haaa ahhh ahhh Ahhh Ahhhhhhh~

So Cinder’s still alive. Not surprised tbh because of the intro.

Wait. So you’re telling me. That the vault to one of the Relics, a vault that has a gate to another dimension, is now wide open to walk in now? Oz, how about a little bit of house keeping? Oh I don’t know, maybe have some thicker walls or something???

Welp. That’s a shame. Another one bites the Dust. Poor lady didn't deserve that fate.

“We need to take the Relic to Atlas?”

I said it before, poor child had barely escaped now they have to go back.

Blake ready to throw Weiss under the bus LOL. I felt some snark coming from her haha.

“Ex-Heiress, actually.” That volume one throw back.

YANG IS ON BOARD THE “THROW THE WEISS UNDER THE BUS” TRAIN. Poor Weiss LOL.

Just look at her. ¯\_(~‿^)_/¯

The Lantern can answer any questions? Any 3 questions? So it’s like. Knowledge is power kind of thing? I guess you could say that. The Lantern’s magic is quite. Enlightening.

JESUS FUCk, NORA PLEASE.

OH MY GOD, NORA PLEASE. Your Yandere is showing.

Nora has the best characterization. So full of energy. So full of Mood.

Yang in there, Yang.

Oscar, the MVP, is on board the “Throwing People Under the Bus” Train, now featuring Ozpin.

“Do you really think Leo was the first? That he didn’t say those exact same words to me? I’m sorry, but you have to understand my behavior is backed by experience.”

I have to say Oz has it rough. Having lived multiple times only to have close allies betray him, multiple times he implies. I don’t blame him for walling himself off from others. But at the same time, his approach could be. Better? I’m not saying he should entirely trust Team RWBY, but he should really tell them all the important details of, well, everything, if he’s to lead them to stopping Salem in whatever the fuck she plans to do with the Relics.

Also shout out to Aaron Dismuke for such great voice acting on this part for Oscar/Ozpin. The way he said “Do you really think Leo was the first?” shook me.

What’s really strange about this part is that Ozpin forgot about the Relic. Like it’s very important to keep an eye on this thing right? I found it surprising that he didn’t realize he no longer had it on him for such a long time. Sure, he might have been distracted, but I feel like his priorities were kind of “Relic first” ya know?

Wtf, he’s still hiding more shit??? Oscar what are you doing.

“Her name is Jinn”?

WHO IS “HER”? AND “JINN” LIKE A DJINN? LIKE. A GENIE?

If there was ever a time for a more mature/vulgar dialogue for Team RWBY,

It would be, RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

BECAUSE:

ITS. FUCKING. GENIE.

TEN THOUSSANNNNNNNDDDDD YEARRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSS CAN LEAVE SUCHA CRICK IN THE NECK. RUBY ROSE, YOU AINT NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME.

(I think this is just me but her eyes make me feel uncomfortable. I think its the lashes..??? They look SUPER huge???)

ME TOO RUBY. ME TOO.

Qrow, you don’t have to pretend to be so modest.

So where did Cinder end up exactly? She’s still somewhere in Mistral but this looks like a very Black Market-y kind of place. Also Idk why but she looks good in those clothe- I just remembered she killed someone for them. Hm.

?????SPIDERMAN????

“Looks like your life’s savings.” “It was somebodies.”

I have to admit, that was a good line. Cute indeed.

“Little Miss Malachite”. I’ll be honest I totally forgot about the Little Miss Muffet rhyme. BUT MALACHITE. I can only think of 2 other specific twins with that last name in this show! But it might just be a coincidence...

So. Okay. What I don’t understand is why is Cinder looking for RWBYJNR. She knows Raven is the Spring Maiden, but she doesn’t know that Raven gave Yang the Relic. Cinder was tossed off the edge before Yang even got down there. If anything Cinder should be looking for Raven since she might be the one with the Relic.

Hm but I guess if Raven betrayed Cinder, then Cinder could assume Raven was working with the opposing party. Hmm...

I get she got her ass whooped by Raven and is a bit jumpy, but Cinder, you’re basically an Avatar. You could wipe the floor with anyone in that building. It was implied that her powers got weakened after she crawled out of the water, but by how much? And was that even the Maiden’s power or her own semblance?

Information trade is a business. SO SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR CINDER.

So the first I want to bring up (with the ordering not being important) are the Malachite twins, Melanie & Miltiades Malachite. I bring this up first cuz I feel like this is the unlikely people or group looking for Cinder. Despite, again, both Little Miss and the Twins share a “last name”, I doubt they’re linked in any way. I mean one is here in Mistral while the other in Vale. The only connection the Twins would have with Cinder is Roman. And of course we see Roman’s hat fly by Cinder in the OP.

SO SECOND, which I believe is on most people’s mind is NEO. The next closest, and probably the closest person connected to Roman is probably the one looking for Cinder, since she, too, has worked for Cinder. And we don’t know if Neo actually knows what happened to Roman since she flew off the airship. And the only 2 people that might know would be Ruby Rose or Cinder Fall. And perhaps Neo has been trying to track down Ruby all the way to Mistral. But now that Ruby and the gang are leaving the continent, but Cinder is still in town, it might be easier to go after Cinder instead.

Just bring back my Neopolitan.

OKAY SO. JINN. GOD OF LIGHT. 3 QUESTIONS. But luckily, there’s 2 left.

So, one, what the fuck Oz? Why you lying? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE QUESTIONS ALREADY BEING USED UP???

Two: WHAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION???

Three: GOD OF LIGHT??? Is this God one of the Brothers Grimm???

Again, I feel bad for Oz, but at the same time I still think he should’ve said more about, again, everything, to prevent

This. I understand keeping some deep dark secrets to yourself, but if the world is at jeopardy, then mayyybeee some of those secrets should be brought into light??? I mean look, Yang Weiss and Blake are already, and literally, up in arms. If Oz had shared more, then this situation couldve been avoided, or at the very least, diffused.

Also, Team ‘Protect Ruby Rose at ALL COSTS”

If I were Qrow, and I too, were kept in the dark, I would want to know more about everything as well. And I’m sure he trusts his niece to do the right thing.

That was quite a visceral scream.

Oz, what were you even planning to do to Ruby? Like???

Also looks like Ruby took the Red Pill cuz welcome to the fucking Matrix.

-Shameless self made gif insert- but then again arent all these gif self made?

SALEM.

DID OZ LOCK HER UP IN THE TOWER? WHO IS SALEM REALLY?? MAY YOU SUMMON ME A CHEEZBORGER???

THESE ARE MY 3 QUESTIONS, JINN. PLEASE. IM HUNGRY.

Aside from answering virtually any question and granting people an AR replay, can Jinn do any other sort of magical things? Cuz if she can conjur up some food. 👌 👌 👌

#rwby #rwby volume 6 #Essu's RWBY Reactionu #SO MANY GIFS #the next review will have a mix of screen caps and some gifs #All Gif Mode was a mistake #also my capture for these gifs wasnt the greatest....#Essu's RWBY Commentary

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jarmes · 5 years

Text

Birdcage Chapter XIII

Masterpost - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Mistakes, or: the story told at dinner

A few days after the night we stood waiting for Camazotz to attack, the Knights gathered at the palace to receive a speech from the king. Only the bare minimum Knights were left guarding the wall. The Squads stood in lines in front of the castle. Our line was the shortest.

King Tasciovanus walked out onto a balcony overlooking the crowd. His two retainers, Johnson and Reynolds, stood behind him. The Knights bowed when we saw our King. He smiled and began his speech.

“A few nights ago marked the tenth anniversary of the great purge,” he said in a hollow voice. “Each and every one of you, I would wager, lost someone on that fateful day. I personally lost my dear wife Dietlinde. Our hearts, torn asunder by that fateful day, have beaten as one ever since.”

“We have spent much of the past decade cowering in fear, waiting for the next evil to threaten our great Kingdom,” the King continued. “Many of us feared the return of the vampire wars. But, the anniversary of his latest death passed without incident. Allies of ours in the Southern Seas have confirmed that the fortress on Mist Spire Island is empty. The Vampire King is dead, for good this time. Now we can start to move on.”

The King stepped back, and Firebrand Johnson took his place. “Okay, here’s the deal,” Johnson said as he took the stage. “After the Abrumian Crusade, we decided realized we didn’t have enough manpower to survive another large scale military operation. We’ve spent the last six years hidden behind these walls, stockpiling men and resources. In doing so, we made ensured Cieleta would survive in the event the Vampire King returned.”

“Holding back has come with its own problems,” Firebrand continued. “The treasury is nearly empty. Worse, we still haven’t reclaimed any of the land lost in the Purge. We don’t have enough farmland to provide for our citizens, and have been forced to buy food from other nations. At first, this wasn’t an issue; but, like I said, the treasury is empty now. We estimate that we can survive for another six months before we run out of food. Now that we know we Camazotz isn’t going to be a problem, we can use our military might to fix this problem”

“Enter the Reclamation Project, a plan to begin reclaiming the world outside these walls. Our first target is Stonecage, a mining town on the border of the Naitumon Mountains. The tunnels beneath Stonecage are rich in gold, iron, magic crystals, things that can save Cieleta. If we can reclaim Stonecage and set up a safe route between it and the Capital, our troubles will be over.”

“We’re sending a large expedition team, comprised of approximately half of the Knights, to Stonecage in three weeks. Captains will be informed in advance if their Squads will be needed. Preparations will begin immediately.”

We discussed development as soon as we returned to the barracks. “A journey outside the wall, to reclaim a fallen city and save the Kingdom,” Cas said. “It sounds-”

“Insanely dangerous,” Pollux interjected.

“I was going to say exciting, but I guess you aren’t wrong.”

“I’m not too worried about the Reclamation Project,” Sterling said. “Lest you forget, we’re considered by many to be the weakest Squad. Someone has to stay behind and handle wall duty. Don’t be surprised when that’s us.”

“We aren’t that pathetic,” I said. “We managed to put up a pretty good fight against that Eric guy.”

“Correction, we managed to survive long enough to watch that Eric guy run away,” Sterling said.

I strapped my sword to my back, preparing for a shift guarding the gate. “Hey Ernest, you up for a round of sparring tonight?” Pollux asked.

“Can’t. I have dinner with my grandfather once a month. Otherwise, he worries,” I said.

“Your grandfather, the vampire slayer?” Cas asked.

I shrugged. “I guess,” I said.

“It must be awesome, having someone so cool as a grandpa,” Cas said. “I bet he tells you all sort of cool stories.”

I rolled my eyes. “There’s a finite amount of stories Grandfather knows. I lived with him for ten years. It gets old after a while,” I said.

“Poor you, having a loving family member who wants to spend time with you,” Pollux snarked. “It sounds unbelievably horrible.”

“If you want, you guys can come along and meet him for yourself,” I said.

“I’d love to!” Cas said.

“Don’t be so intrusive,” Pollux shouted while elbowing in his brother in the ribs. “Ernest deserves to spend time alone with his family if he wants to.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t want to come,” Cas shot back.

“I mean, I do, but I’m not going to be pushy about it,” Pollux muttered.

“Really, it isn’t any trouble,” I said. “Sterling, do you want to come?”

“I mean, if everyone else is going, I suppose I could stop by,” he said.

That evening, the four of us showed up at Grandfather’s house. Anna answered the door. She eyed us over for a minute before turning and shouting. “Grandpa, Ernest and his friends are here!” she yelled.

“Distract our guests for a few minutes while I finish dinner!” Grandpa shouted back.

Anna stood in the doorway, not moving or saying anything. “I’m, uh, Castor,” Cas said. “It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

“Anna,” she replied.

“Can we come in?” Pollux asked.

“I don’t know, can you?” Anna asked.

I shoved past Anna, leading my friends into my old home. “Welcome to our house,” I said. “It isn’t much, but it’s home.”

Pollux and Castor looked side, at walls covered in hanging paintings of monsters. “Interesting interior decorating,” Pollux muttered.

“Grandpa paints a lot,” Ernest said. “It helps him with his nightmares.”

“Speaking of nightmares,” Anna said. “Ernest used to-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” I shouted.

“Ernest used to get really bad nightmares,” Anna said. “Like, wake up with soaking sheets every night level of bad nightmares.”

“Anna, you’re embarrassing me,” I muttered.

A few minutes later, Grandfather came out with several dishes full of food and a large bottle of ale. “Sorry if there isn’t enough food for you boys,” he said. “The prices have been a bit high recently.”

“It’s more than enough, sir,” Cas said.

We all sat down and dug into the food. Anna ate in her room. “Now, I know Ernest pretty well and I met MacDonald a few months ago, but I haven’t been properly introduced to you two,” Grandfather said while taking a sip of ale.

“I’m Pollux and my brother’s Cas,” Pollux said.

“I thought you two looked alike,” Grandfather said. “How do you like being a part of Squad V?”

“It’s great, sir,” Cas said.

“You know, I was the Captain of Squad V for a number of years. I could tell you a few stories from the good old days, if you’d like.”

“We would like that very much, sir.”

“Okay, here’s a good one for you,” Grandfather said, beginning a story I’d heard a dozen times before. “My Squad and I were traveling between the islands surrounding the Vampire King’s base, Mist Spire Island, when a magical fog surrounded our boat. We couldn’t see five feet in front of us. That’s when it struck.”

“A large bat-like creature, with massive black wings and pointed teeth, descended on our boat, picking us off one by one,” Grandfather continued. “Calvin did his best to keep us safe, but it wasn’t enough. The beast with too quick, and the fog kept us from seeing it as it flew by.”

“What did you do?” Cas asked.

“I closed my eyes and waited. As the beast drew close, I heard the sound its wings made as it glided through the air. With a single swing, I cleaved the beast in two, saving my Squad.”

“Wow, you’re so cool, Mr. Zuckerman,” Cas said. “I hope I can be like you when I’m older.”

“Don’t worry, kid, your story is just beginning. I’m sure there’re great things in your future” Grandfather said. “For example, I heard that Calvin hired you two after you helped Ernest and MacDonald fight off a dark mage.”

“I mean, Ernest and Sterling did most of the work,” Cas said.

Shortly afterward, we heard a knock on the door. We opened it to find Captain Cross, with a dark look on his face. “Hello Jim, might I come in and talk to my Squad?” Cross asked.

“Of course, Calvin. Why don’t you stay for dinner?” Grandfather said.

“I can stay, but I’m afraid I may ruin your meal with bad news,” Cross said. “I just finished up a meeting with the other officers about the Reclamation Project.”

“So, are we going to Stonecage?” Pollux asked.

“Firebrand Johnson requested that I personally go along, due to the defensive capabilities of my verse, while you four stay here and continue watching the gate,” Cross said. “Of course, I told them that I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my Squad alone, especially after what happened eight months ago.”

“So we aren’t going to Stonecage?” Pollux asked.

“Well, the thing is, Firebrand may have misinterpreted my request,” Cross said. “He decided to send all four of us to Stonecage.”

The reaction to this was mixed. Excitement from me and Cas, worry from Cross and Pollux, and a mix from Grandfather. Sterling stayed silent. “Don’t worry, James, I’ll ensure that these boys stay safe during the Stonecage mission,” Cross said. “Ernest, Castor, Pollux, and Sterling are under my protection.”

“Sterling, that’s MacDonald, right?” Grandfather asked. “You know, I must’ve heard someone call him Sterling sometime before now, but it only just clicked in my head. Your name is Sterling MacDonald, isn’t it?”

“It is, sir,” Sterling muttered.

“I’ve heard of a knight named Sterling MacDonald. You wouldn’t happen to be him, would you?” Grandfather asked.

“Depends on which Sterling MacDonald you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about the one that received a lot of attention ten years ago. The one that became a Captain at the age of nineteen.”

“Wait, Sterling was a Captain?” Cas asked.

“Are you the Sterling MacDonald I’m thinking of?” Grandfather asked.

“I am,” Sterling said quietly.

“I thought so. You’re the infamous traitor, aren’t you?” Grandfather said.

“That’s quite enough, James,” Cross said.

“What’s he talking about, Sterling?” Cas asked. “What does he mean, the infamous traitor?”

“If you’d stop interrupting, maybe we’d find out,” Pollux said.

Sterling stood up. “I think it would be best if I left, Mr. Zuckerman,” he said. “Thank you for inviting me into your home.”

“Sterling, wait,” I said.

Sterling walked away, ignoring me. The door slammed behind him. I turned back to Grandfather. “What was that?” I asked.

“Your friend never told you about his past, did he?” Grandfather asked.

“I don’t care about his past,” I said. “Sterling’s my friend. He’s saved my life on multiple occasions.”

“Doesn’t really wipe away the people he doomed though, does it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know you know a lot about the Purge, Ernest. Did you ever hear about the Dark Duo’s inside man who helped them pull it off? What if I were to tell you that Sterling was that inside man?”

Cross slammed his fist down on the table. “That is enough, Jim,” he said. “If you have problems with MacDonald, take them up with me. I hired him because I trust him and know he’s a good man. I don’t know what kind of rumors you’ve heard, but I assure you, they’re false.”

Grandfather glanced at his bottle of ale and sighed. “Maybe I’ve had a little too much to drink,” he muttered.

I left after that. I found Sterling sitting on top of the wall, looking out over the empty plains. “Hey,” I said as I climbed up.

“Hey,” Sterling said.

“When we first met, you said that you made some mistakes when you were younger and ruined your reputation,” I said.

Sterling sighed. “It’s a long story,” he said.

“I’ve got time.”

Sterling looked at the night sky for a moment. “It’s a full moon tonight,” he said. “That’s funny. It was a full moon on the night before the Purge, too.”

“Grandfather said you were responsible for the Purge. Is that true?”

“The magic, the planning, the execution, I wasn’t a part of that. But I played my roll in it, I suppose.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?”

“The purge didn’t begin as a hurricane. It started with the flapping of a single butterfly’s wings, that grew into a nightmare. The King’s dead wife, Dietlinde, she belonged to a bloodline containing powerful magic. Black and Darkholme sacrificed her to begin the Purge.”

“And your role in all this?”

“Back then, I was a novice Captain. The queen was doing a tour of the Kingdom, visiting various villages damaged by the raids. My Squad was put in charge of guarding her. The night before the Purge, a mercenary hired by Darkhomle attacked us on the open road. I was the only member of my Squad he spared.”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered.

“After the Purge, the King didn’t take kindly to my survival,” Sterling said. “A lot of people thought I betrayed the Knights, that my survival was a gift from Darkholme for my cooperation. The King wanted to execute me for my crimes. Calvin, an old friend of mine, stopped him.”

“Did you betray the Knights?”

“Do you count failure as an act of betrayal?”

I placed my hand on Sterling’s. “Do you remember what I told you, when we woke up in the hospital? I told you that I’d help you restore your reputation,” I said. “I’m not about to break that pact because of a few mistakes.”

“You’re a good man, Ernest. You deserve better than me.”

#writing #fantasy

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fics-for-my-heart · 6 years

Text

Hallway sleeper

Summary: A 2am ice cream run ends with finding a boy sleeping in the hallway and a shoulder to cry on.

Word count: 1784 (I don’t know how to write less words omg)

Warning: swearing

A/N: so I like to look through Pinterest for prompts/ ideas. I found some I like (here) and went with the vague theme of them, and I’m going to write a story for each. Hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

It was two in the morning, and here you were still crying. For good, well, not so good, reason though. Jason, your now ex-boyfriend had broken up with you that morning. No warning, just a text. To make it worse, everyone was out of town so you spent the day sad and alone. Your friends all checked on you through, texting and FaceTiming you throughout the day, it didn’t quite sooth a broke heart the way physical contact does though. But ice cream helps, when you don’t eat it all. In your defense there was already only half a carton, so when you finished it before four you didn’t feel that guilty. As the night went on, you laid on the couch watching but not really watching tv.

“I need more ice cream.” You groaned, stretching your legs out. As you walked to the kitchen you remembered the empty Brownie Blast carton in the trash. “Shit.” With a light foot stomp (mindful of your downstairs neighbors) you turned and grabbed your keys. You looked a hot mess, hoodie covering your unbrushed hair, shorts you’d been in all day, and your face a bit puffy from crying. But who cares, your heart was broken and you just wanted ice cream.

The building was silent, except few TVs left on too loud and the humming from the lights. Your steps echoed as you made your way down the three flights to the front door. There’s something about the calmness of the streets in the middle of the night that lighten your mood a bit in the two blocks to the 24 hour mart. The cashier gave you a knowing look as you set down the tub of ice cream and bag of chocolates. You paid, and made your way back to your apartment, up the echoey steps, past the loud TVs and to your do- there’s a person? Sleeping? In the middle of the hall? Slowly you make your way closer, noticing that they have a pillow and blanket. So not locked out. Is that,

“Tom?” You whispered, after not speaking most of the day your voice was scratchy. He didn’t move though, and soft snores left his parted lips. Him and Harrison, his roommate, had been the first to welcome you to the hall. They brought you some cookies and flowers and gave you the “grand tour”. The three of you had occasional movie nights or watched the soccer games together. But once Harrison got engaged, that all kinda stopped. You still saw them a lot but not nearly as much.

You crouched beside the sleeping boy, poking his cheek with a finger. “Thomas.”

“Le meh lone. Sleeping.” He groaned, pulling the blanket over his head.

You chuckled for the first time that day. “Tommy, honey. I see that. But you’re in the middle of the hall.” You pull the blanket off his face. Tracing the wrinkle that appeared on his forehead.

“Y/N?” He croaked. Eyes still not opened.

Again you let out a soft laugh. “Yes, it’s me. Why are you in the hallway?”

His eyes finally opened, taking in your face then locking with you eye. “Why have you been crying?”

You rubbed your face with a sleeve covered hand. “I haven’t. Just allergies.” You could feel his eyes on you, but you avoided them. “Come on. You can sleep in my guest room.” You patted his head, grabbing your bag and going to open your door. Tom didn’t move. “Are you coming?”

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Will you tell me why your in the hall?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then I’ll talk too. Come on.”

You entered your apartment, leaving the door open for Tom. While he made his way to your couch, you grabbed two spoons and joined him. “You first.” You said, handing him the spoon and setting the ice cream between you.

“Harrison has Emma over and it’s been one stop for almost three hours. I tried our couch, but I could still hear them, so I moved to the hall.” He shrugged, taking a spoon full of ice cream before speaking around it. “Yur trn.”

“Jason broke up with me.” You muttered, eating your own spoon full.

Tom dropped his spoon, a comforting hand coming across to hold your shoulder. “Oh, Y/N. I’m sorry.” You shrug, taking another bite of ice cream. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not really. But I need to?” You stab your spoon into the ice cream and wrap your arms around yourself. “We were suppose to meet up for brunch today. Our eight month anniversary is coming up but he wasn’t able to get off work so we agreed to do it early. I was just about ready when he texted me that we were done.” A tear slid down your cheek. You’d given so many short versions that finally talking about it made everything hurt all over. “All the text said was “don’t bother with brunch, I think we should break up.” Like who does that? After almost eight months?” More tear started to fall.

Tom moved the ice cream to the table, scooting closer and pulling you to him. “A div that’s who. Text is such a lousy way to break off a relationship. No one deserves that. Especially someone as kind as you.” You laughed, whipping your face with your sleeves. “Hey, I’m serious. You’re letting me stay in your guest room just cause my mate and his lady can’t be quiet, plus you’ve paid for take out so many times. And don’t think I haven’t seen you feed the strays in the ally. And on top of all that your so pretty. You deserve someone who will treat you like a queen. Not someone who can’t see how valuable you are.” He pulled you closer, kissing the top of your head.

He held you while you cried. Which was exactly what you needed. His hand softly rubbing up and down your arm, and the slight rocking movement he had going on lulled you to sleep. When you woke up the next morning you were snug in your bed, a note on your bedside table.

“Thanks for letting me sleep over. If you ever need anything, please come to me. XX Tom.”

The next month or so was much the same. Tom showing up at odd hours of the night every few days with pillow and blanket in tow. Staying up way too late talking or watching awful movies. Eventually there were two types of ice cream in the freezer. A bigger stack of take out menus. A new blanket left in your guest room. Occasionally finding his jumper or sweats in your laundry (and maybe wearing them). And an empty spot on your key hook where your spare use to hang.

One night you were up late studying. Your headphones were in and your books were spread all over the coffee table. You had a massive final in a week and needed to refresh yourself on all the coursework. Dancing to the music and highlighting important things, you were in your own little world, completely oblivious to the soft smiling boy watching from beside the couch. That is, till you reached for your drink and practically screamed.

“Fuck, Thomas.” You jumped, sloshing a bit of water on your hoodie.

“Sorry. Sorry Y/N.” His giggle shook his body as he handed you a napkin from the side table. “Is that my hoodie?”

“You left it, so it’s mine now.” You finally looked up at him. His eyes were half lidded with sleep and he looked like he had just woken up. You moved up to the couch, patting the spot beside you. “Everything okay?”

“Uh, not really. Is it okay if I stay the night?” His hand scratched the back of his neck.

“Of course. Why do you think I gave you a key, silly? I’m about to pack this stuff up. You hungry?”

“Not really, late dinner. Hey, can I ask you something though?” His voice was soft, like a kid asking their parents for something risky.

You eyed him, positioning yourself crisscrossed to face him. “You can ask me anything.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay. So. Harrison and Emma are getting married in a few months.” You nod, having already been invited. “Last night, Harrison asked Emma to move in with us.”

“That’s awesome. A step closer to the married life. Right?” Tom’s face didn’t seem happy about the thought of them all living together.

“Eh. Honestly, they go at it like bunnies and it’s so annoying.” His face scrunched in the most adorable way . “But, I think it will be too much with all of us in the small apartment. Truthfully, I don’t think I want to keep living there.”

“You better not go to far, who else will I cry to at three in the morning.” You poked him with your toe, earning a laugh.

“Well, that’s the thing. Harrison said I could stay, after all it’s not like she will be needing a room, but it would be so crowded.”

You had an idea of where this was going, but you wanted him to ask. “I could see how that could be a problem. Your apartment is the same size as mine, and really there’s only room for me.” Tom’s face fell a smidge more. “Unless I find a roommate, then I would be forced to downsize a bit. But that doesn’t seem so bad.” You pretended to think, giving Tom a chance to ask.

“Would you like a roommate?” He seemed a bit hesitant.

“Sure, but I’m pretty picky about who I live with.” You glance at him and he’s already looking at you. He’s trying to keep his face neutral, but his expressive eyebrows are giving him away.

“Picky as in?”

“Well, is have to know them, obviously. It would be ideal if they already had some stuff here, like maybe a blanket and some clothes.” You shrugged and a smile worked its way into his face. “It would also be ideal if they had their own key already. Ya know, to make my love a bit easier so there isn’t much that needs done. Oh, also, they would have to be up to eating ice cream at odd hours of the night.”

Tom put his fingers to his chin, pretending to think. “Hmm, I know someone who fits that description. His current roommate is getting married soon so he’ll need a place to stay. What do you say?”

You laughed and poked his nose. “Tom, you already pretty much live here, might as well make it official.”

#tom #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #thomas holland

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wheredidhiseyebrowsgo · 7 years

Note

Sorry I feel like I'm being a pain, asking so often... but do you guys have a werewolf convention tag? Where things like Electricity in the Contact and Wake Up Call and Pretty in Tents and similar fics would be? If this makes sense? ... its late and I'm not wearing my glasses. Thanks in advance.

AND

Anonymous said:Can you rec some werewolf convention fics? Thank you x

Omggggggggggg….NO. I had this huge post almost done, and then accidentally dragged another tab on top and it reloaded this page, so I lost everything *wails*. I think I recovered most of the links, fingers crossed! (damn you, Tumblr!!! Let me save replies as drafts!!!!!) -Emmy

Indulgence by Inell

(2,500 I Explicit I Complete) *sterek, emissary!Stiles, married!sterek, public sex

Derek and Stiles indulge in a mutual kink in a hotel corridor outside a crowded ballroom during a werewolf conference.

Pack Dynamics Among Born Werewolves by alocalband

(3,009 I Mature I Complete) *sterek, enemies to lovers

A Werewolf Convention AU in which both Derek and Stiles are complete nerds about supernatural politics.

Anything But Dull by tryslora

(3,593 I Teen I Complete) *stackson, fake!sterek, arranged marriage

Politics is everything at a werewolf conference. Stiles is pretending to be Derek’s boyfriend. Peter is trying to make alliances by marrying Jackson and Malia off to other packs. And Jackson is frustrated by wanting the one person he can’t have.

Only Fools (Fall) by werewolvesandarrows (nerdy_farm_girl)

(4,836 I Teen I Complete) *derek/stiles/scott

Scott knew this was a bad idea from the get go.Okay, maybe not quite, but let’s just say he had some reservations about bringing Derek and Stiles to the Northern California Alpha Symposium as his guests. He was willing to take a majority of the blame, but he just wishes someone (coughLYDIAcough) would have stepped in and straightened this out before things got out of hand.

Operation Get Derek Laid by Kikileduc

(5,109 I Mature I Complete) *sterek, secret relationship, spark!stiles

There’s pining, misunderstandings, confusion, a little jealousy…

Stiles and Derek they have a nice thing, no one knows, yet. The issue is, they want their alpha to get lucky at the werewolf seminar, and well Stiles thinks Derek wants that too…

Two Beds + Three People by KuriKuri

(5,145 I Explicit I Complete) *derek/stiles/scott, polyamory

“You’re not going to try out the bed, Derek?” Scott asks, and Derek really, really hopes Scott doesn’t notice the way his heart skips a beat. There are many ways Derek can think of trying out Scott and Stiles’ hotel bed, none of them appropriate.

(Or: sour skittles at a werewolf convention.)

Alpha and Emissary by Chiomi

(6,319 I Teen I Complete) *sterek, magic!stiles

One hears rumors, seeping out of Beacon Hills on waves of smoke and blood.

And then one sees the True Alpha’s Star Wars swim trunks.

The whole weekend is very unnerving.

My Best Decision (Has Yet To Be Made) by only_one_word

(6,563 I Teen I Complete) *sterek, emissary!stiles

Stiles knows a couple things about Derek:Derek doesn’t like to speak in full sentences in the morningSimilarly, he doesn’t like asking for help

Family Unit by AsagiStilinski

(8,851 I Teen I Complete) *sterek, magic!stiles, packmom!stiles, roadtrip

So werewolf symposiums are a thing

That’s a thing that exists, it’s happening, it’s in the world now

And Stiles doesn’t know what in the name of hell he did to deserve this

(“It’s a mixed supernatural convention Stiles, not a ‘werewolf symposium’!”“)

We Have Potential by dragon_temeraire

(10,196 I Teen I Complete) *sterek, fake relationship, werewolf culture

Derek has finally been invited to the annual North American Werewolf Convention. The only problem? They’re expecting him to bring a significant other. He doesn’t actually have one, but everyone volunteers Stiles for the job.

Mates and Mushrooms by mikkimouse

(11,536 I Explicit I Complete) *sterek, fake/pretend relationship, sex pollen, dubious consent

Derek’s not that excited about spending three days at a conference getting propositioned by every Alpha with a single pack member. Stiles has a plan to make it stop.

It might be a great plan…if only Derek weren’t head over heels in love with him.

It might be an even better plan if someone at the conference didn’t have a vested interest in Derek staying single.

Find Me Sitting Poolside by TroubleIWant

(14,286 I Teen I Complete) *sterek, fake/pretend relationship

“Oh, and you’re the Hales!” the host exclaims when Stiles slides the sign-up sheet back. “Or, Hale and Stilinski, I guess. For now.” She gives them a conspiratorial wink. “I have to say, we are just pleased as punch to see an adorable couple like you attending!”

Stiles tosses an arm familiarly around Derek’s shoulders despite all the bags hanging off them, and gives him a squeeze. “I know! We’re pretty much the cutest. Right, honey?” He shoots his Alpha a shit-eating grin.

Derek bares his teeth in what’s probably supposed to be a smile, except that it isn’t, in much the same way that they are supposed to be a couple, but aren’t.

Survival is a Habit by HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere

(15,805 I Not Rated I WIP) *sterek, spark!stiles

Nearly a year after the Hale pack defeated their first real threat, Talia gets a call inviting them to attend the Triennial Pack Convention.

They gladly accept, hoping to use the TPC as one last celebration before the younger members go off to college, but when a series of events puts the pack at risk, they find themselves in desperate need of allies.

Love You Harder by tryslora

(24,886 I Explicit I Complete) *scott/stiles, unrequited love, fake/pretend relationship, emissary!stiles

Pretend dating is hard. Like really. Like walking around hard all the time hard. Stiles is starting to wonder if he’s going to survive the experience.

Espy Me, While I Watch You by frostedgoddess

(27,280 I General I WIP) *sterek, spark!Stiles

Derek Hale is a lot of things; Alpha, leader, survivor, and hopeless closet fanboy to the devastatingly cute YouTube sensation, Spark Stiles Stilinski.

Then, Derek’s betas come up with an amazing plan to get Derek an emissary. Any Alpha’s dream come true.

And it will be, if Derek can juggle his responsibilities as an Alpha, judgement, guilt, and roughly a metric fuckton of self-loathing and doubt about whether he’s good enough for a beautiful thing like Stiles.

It’s Free (And Always Will Be) by kellifer_fic, maichan808 (maichan)

(31,681 I Explicit I Complete) *sterek, werewolves are known

Stiles starts looking around, like there’s someone who’ll rescue him from this painfully awkward situation and Derek can’t blame him. All he can think is this is some kind of elaborate prank Laura is playing on him after she’d found his pile of Fangboy back copies last month.

Or, the one where Derek has to marry a human to save Clawbook and it turns out to be Stiles. He’s completely doomed.

Of Werewolves and Dolphins by Ilovesocks_24

(53,506 I Teen I Complete) *sterek, scott/isaac, friends to lovers

“Stiles, come on! It’ll be fun,” Scott said. “You can’t deny that seven days in the Caribbean on a cruise ship full of hot, single werewolves won’t be a good time.”

“Maybe for you,” Stiles said. “Because you’re tan and have a six pack. No one is going to talk to me at all. Also, fun fact: I’m not even a werewolf.”

“You don’t have to be a werewolf to come,” Scott said. “You just have to be twenty-one so you can drink. Or so hot guys can buy you drinks,” he added, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“No, thanks,” Stiles said, shrugging. “Go on without me, just send postcards with all the hot guys you meet.”

“They’re stopping in Cozumel,” Scott said. “It says here that you can swim with dolphins.”

“Did you say we could swim with dolphins?” Stiles asked, curiously. “Like the ones that do tricks at Seaworld?”

“That’s what swimming is,” Scott said, eyes gleaming.

“When do we leave?” Stiles asked.

Or the one where Scott convinces Stiles to go on a werewolf singles cruise. Stiles is really only going for the dolphins. Until he meets Derek.

You Make My Heart Ache by grimm

(248,910 I Explicit I Complete) *sterek, parrish/stiles, nogistune/stiles, mates, stripper!derek, bakery au

Based on this prompt & photo! I couldn’t resist. :D

Rating: GeneralApplicable Tags: Fake boyfriends, Fluff

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years

Text

Ep. 9: “If you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played” - Maddison

Maddison

I made the merge!!! Let’s gooo baby!

Aimee

I cannot believe me the oldest person made it to merge! I’m still shaking a little bit to be honest. Haha I always see those reality tv shows where the oldest person is the first boot. Haha and I know there are other 30 year olds but this feels special to me.

Yay merge! This lady is gonna kick it into high gear, hopefully the alliances I made and the friendships I have started help me to get far but we will see what the future brings 🌅

Olivia A.

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Grae G

We do be merging.... OG maola is in mini Priya so I will be spending every spare moment working my ass off to try and make as many OG Hanuha bonds as possible...

Najwah

While I'm happy to have made it to merge, I'm actually really sad about James. I've never been this sad about losing anyone in this game before. We started off never having had a one on one chat but we just had each others backs from day one. Stuck it out. Fought together. We spoke on a video call earlier and it was the most easiest conversation ever. He was genuine and kind and I wish him everything of the best in this life. He deserves so many good things. My heart is sore. I didn't want to be here with Amy. She's unresponsive and I don't really trust her. But she told me she had a steal a vote and she wanted to give it to me before tribal because it could be used post merge. And then, she changed her mind like 15 minutes before tribal she was like no this game is a distraction for me and I want to use it tonight. And it was either going to be James or me. She was in a position of power. I think she chose to vote James out coz she has previously stated that he is good at challenges. She wants to have a secret alliance with me. I agreed to it just so that I could be. Kept in the game by her I guess. I have no intention to betray other people I am in an alliance with. Idk. I'm just still shocked. I actually cried about it on a call with Cody earlier. Cody also told me that since day 1 Ben and Zack have been bitching about me voting James out and turning on James and weakening Hanúha Tribe alliance. Like? What? I'm so annoyed. Not once have I even considered voting out James. We had a good thing going. He's just one of the best people in this game and I honestly wish he was. Here. I'm not in the mood for these two faced assholes who only care about themselves.

Pedro A

im scared ..this can change the whole game

Sarah

AHHH, it’s Merge time! I’m so excited that I, along with most of my alliance, made it to Merge. Definitely sad about James being voted out at the last vote since he was one of my closest allies in the game but thanks for giving me coins and helping me get the idol James! 😊 Maybe Amy has put a target on her back after playing steal a vote and can be an “easy” first vote for the majority of people on our new tribe. Well, there was definitely a lot to catch up on in a week and I talked with Cody for quite awhile last night and he filled me in. He let me know that Ben confided in him and said he didn’t trust Zack fully either. Cody of course hasn’t completely trusted Zack this whole game so at some point, I’m sure everyone will vote out Zack. But for now, our alliance and former Hanuha tribe is staying strong. Like I’ve said, I feel like Cody and I are in one of the best positions in the game because of our connections with so many others. Aimee feels close to me, Najwah feels close to Cody, and Ben and Zack feel close to us. I have also had some communication with Grae and feel like I can talk with her. I do think there is an alliance between Grae, Maddison, Olivia, and maybe Amy though. This next challenge and tribal will be interesting for sure with a 6/6 tribe split.

Olivia A

At the moment it feels like we’re in the minority (with Pedro still mad abt the John vote) but with this idol and the plan to get everyone to target Pedro I feel like we can get in a good place again. And then convincing people to turn on Zack will hopefully not be too hard.

Maddison

It seems like the boys from original Hanuha are coming after me... and there is nothing I hate more than men chasing me. Time to bring down the hammer. :) I found an idol today thanks to the help of my lovely Rox the Sox alliance. I’m happy to have it in my possession but I’m also ready to use it for whomever in my alliance may need it. I wouldn’t have found it without them anyways.

Amy A

Made the merge 🎉🎉🎉🎉. Can’t say it has been an easy road. Almost voted out last night. Even though that was not even remotely gonna happen cos ‘Steal-a-vote’. So, definitely happy to be here but sad that I lost my advantage. Also, my alliance with Najwah seems pretty solid. I hope she isn’t just saying stuff to me just to gain my trust and then break it. I absolutely trust her. Even beyond the game. I feel like I can actually talk to her. Let’s go merge!!! Amy A. So, lies. I feel like this should be my little confessional to keep track of my lies cos 😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s so damn hilarious to ME. I don’t even have a cat but I feel like people seem you as more trustworthy when you have a pet. I also think Grae believes I’m not aligned with Najwah cos I told her I had a mini bond w James instead. This is really entertaining.

Zack M

"well, i got it." - valerie cherish, the comeback and by it i mean the merge. i'm here. i've accomplished what i wanted to do. now my goal is to make it to top 10. baby steps. but i feel like i'm going to be the first person voted out tbh. something is off with my tribe. the only person i feel like i can actually trust at the moment is najwah. we had like a 2 hour video call last night and compared notes. apparently cody also tried to buy the necklace with her. i'm like 89% positive that him and sarah have the idol. i really wanted to go to final two with him but 1. i don't see me making 2. if i do, i don't think i can fully trust him. it's obvious he is running around talking to everyone and it's starting to get messy. anyways, i think i will be voted out first because it's clear the maola girls are working together. maddison, grae, olivia, amy, kalle all need someone to vote out. why not the guy who was the "tribe leader" at the swap. there may be some hope IF pedro stays loyal and votes with the hanuha tribe but that would also mean that aimee and sarah have to stay with us. aimee apparently told pedro she's been on the bottom which isn't a lie but like why aimee? *face palm* if hanuha stays strong and pedro votes with us then it will be 7 /5 and i should be safe. i would like to pretend to vote amy out (#Justice4James) because i feel like alan may have gave her the idol, if they actually had one like rumor suggests. she plays the idol ... we flush it ... and take out maddison or grae. that would be dream scenario. but who knows what is going to happen with this auction coming up. stay tuned.

Olivia A

Pedro A

OKay so kalle basically said...."I've been on the bottom since the John vote lol....I just don't know who I can try to connect or reconnect with at this point"...so she doesnt trust them anymore....which is nice...and i kinda believe her..considering they didnt pick her to be in the swap tribe...which honestly was a mistake......Grae and Maddison..im coming for you...karma is a bitch

Pedro A

im talking with najwah...i kinda wanna know about her relationship with amy...cause amy is a snake gURL...But i feel like its too early on to ask that...but im watching you GURL

Pedro A

lets just hope we dont self destruct...cause then we will be devoured by the habuha. tribe

Olivia A

Checked in with Aimee and she’s seeming iffy about the original Hanuha people and is still interested in working with me! This is very good news :) If we get Pedro our next and Aimee sticks w us then we’ll have the numbers 6-5.

Kalle N

This first tribal is going to be a gigantic mess. Pedro now says he trusts me and asked me really nicely to not lie to him bc he's sick of being lied to, and it just made me feel really bad. I think rox the sox is still planning on voting Pedro but if I feel like I genuinely have him on my side, I could maybe try to get our alliance to vote for someone else like Zack or Ben. Ben really wants to take out Maddison or Grae but idk how much I want to rely on Ben.

Pedro

i honestly feel like i noone is being truthfull to me

Pedro A

Honestly im scared...at this point..i just want to make it into the top 10

Pedro A

one step at a time

Olivia A.

For this challenge I’m paired with Cody. I’m not really excited about it. I don’t have anything against him but I’ve never interacted w this man before and I don’t want to help him get immunity! He seems rly nice and funny I just feel like it’s gonna be awkward and also I have 0 ideas. Doesn’t rly matter though bc we’re not planning on targeting him so if he does get immunity it’s whatever. 🤷🤷

Pedro A

Is this a jokkeeee..I'm with graeeeee .....I'm so unlucky...I'm honestly doneeee..like wtf...what did I do to deserve this ass...gods please help..

Kalle N

I don't know if you're familiar with the show New Girl or not, but it's my favorite show of all time and I'm going to use an example from it to explain how I feel. In New Girl, Nick Miller once said "I'm so sick of the lying... and the manipulating .. and the out-manipulating". I'm lying and holding so much different info from different people and groups of people that my brain is going to explode. Can't wait to see what Aimee will be like but oof this is getting crazy

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Aimee

Haha I’m an idiot. I just sat there at the auction staring at the void. I think I’m still so shook I made it to merge that I just stare into the blankness instead of doing anything. Dang, I wish I would of gotten that envelope. I need that extra vote man. I don’t want that extra going to the Suite life of Zack and Cody. I feel like they are still a big threat to my game even if we are being friendly right now. I don’t necessarily believe in this old Hanuha strong alliance. I’m skeptical, the game of survivor is so complex and I don’t want to play this simple, it has burned me before. With this immunity challenge for me Kalle would be a simple vote to get out now. But now I have to work with her to get immunity. Damn. We will see how this goes. Your lady is gonna to try her best no matter what. No throwing challenges here , in this house.

Zack M

literally fml. i didn't get anything the auction which i don't care about tbh. but now it's our first INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE but we have to work in pairs. individual immunity challenge .... in pairs. i know. seems like kindergarten knowledge that we would work alone but like whatever. i'm partners with amy. she fucked over najwah and james. i hear she doesn't respond and she didn't even complete the last challenge. i guess i will be doing this alone. flashback to high school when i did all the group projects. this is kind of mean. amy could be a sweetheart of a person. she's been nothing but nice to me. and i did reach out to her this morning because her facial expressions during tribal do crack me up. so if you read this amy, know that my frustration isn't with you personally ... it's how you've played the game so far from what i've been able to see. + that our first individual immunity challenge isn't individual at all. whatever.

Sarah

FUCCKK. I didn’t buy anything in the auction except for a ticket with the VL (which I’m honestly thrilled about that). I definitely thought there would be 10 items, I learned my Survivor auction lesson.... So much has happened in the past hour I- Cody got an extra vote which he told me and then we discussed whether we should tell the whole group or not. I encouraged him to share it because it would keep our Hanuha tribe from getting paranoid at this first vote if they knew we had that advantage. We don’t want Zack to get paranoid and flip... So. Zack messaged Cody about Najwah sharing with him about what the necklace meant. Zack said that the necklace had to be used with an idol and would be like a super idol that can be played after the votes are read. But if Naj holds on to it, she gets a 5% disadvantage each week. Najwah didn’t message Cody about it and he was hurt and didn’t know if he could trust her. Cody asked Najwah and at first she said it was just a cursed necklace with a disadvantage and then later shared with him about using it with an idol. So we have no idea what is the truth and if Zack and Naj are closer than we think... but Zack literally wanted to vote Naj out so I have NO idea what to think anymore. I’m also worried that James shared with Naj he had shared 5 coins with me because they got close and now she may think I have an idol.... asdfghjkl. Cody also wants to start a group of 3 with Ben, him, and I but we don’t know if that will expose Cody and I and if Ben would share that with Zack. Sooo much uncertainty. Merge is CRAZY.

Grae G

Pedros my partner which sucks for him bc of my disadvantage :///

Najwah

I'm so happy about having Sarah as a partner in this challenge. Also awesome that I'm able to give people a 10% advantage. So Amy and I are secretly chatting. Initially I was ready to just blindside her and get her out but she's giving me the tea from the inside lmao and we are sharing ideas and hyping each other up and I love that. Pedro started talking to me too and we kinda connected. I told Amy the 10% in giving is for her and Zack and I'm telling Zack it's because I don't want to give Maddison, Grae or Olivia an advantage so Ben and Cody don't benefit from my advantage either. Aimee, Sarah, Zack, Amy and I do however and these are all people I'm willing to work with in the future. I have to play this very carefully. I THINK people trust me right now, but I suspect they're extremely weary. I don't want to be messy so I am sticking to Hanúha, Amy African Queen alliance and I'll listen and entertain Pedro if he wants to talk. He just needed to vent and I really think he's a genuine person. Not sure what he's going to be like now that he's working with someone he "Hates" and is "dead to him" yep my guy is hella dramatic. I feel for him though, I do. It's a game of survivor yes but the constant lying and betrayal affects one psychologically. It's important to still treat each other like humans and be kind. I feel okay right now. I think I'm in an okay position right now.

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Sarah

Cody, Ben, and I formed a three person alliance tonight and I honestly feel really good about it. Cody and I were worried that it might expose Cody and I’s closeness but we both really trust Ben and want to talk through things and work with him. Ben brought up the point of causing chaos at the first tribal so the former Maola tribe can play advantages/idols and we can flush some of them out. I think that will be a good plan. We will get more information tomorrow and then make a decision when we go to tribal. I still haven’t told Ben about my idol yet and I feel like I may but I just want to make sure sure sure that he wouldn’t tell anyone else... After talking with Ben, Cody and I called for another hour and seriously, our friendship goes beyond this game. It’s so crazy how someone can become your best friend in a couple weeks. We obviously want to get to final three/two together and don’t care about voting each other out (if there was a million dollars up for grabs yeah I would want to vote Cody out 😂). We want to go down as the best dynamic duo.

Pedro A

really GRAE an disadvantge??????....CHILLLLEEEEE....my luck...im literally so unlucky.....anyways lets try to win either way Im so not confidente about this challenge and about the next tribal jeez...this will be a long ride

Cody A

https://youtu.be/cAF4L9RNlHg

Pedro A

me and grae did fine.....i really liked our ideia....i hope the judges like it too......IM SO NERVOUS...after this challenge chilllee...IT WILL be a mess

Olivia A

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Olivia A

Working with Cody on this challenge was a lot of fun!! We’re not in the same alliance but if I’m in a position where I do need to strategically work with him later on I’m confident that won’t be too difficult. Also I love what we made lol.

Grae g

Amy got immunity which is very sexy Zack not so much but you know he’s not an active target ((yet))

Kalle N

Ok I literally had to make a chart to keep track of which lies I'm telling to which people bc this is getting WILD. Basically, Ben and I are trying to organize a Grae blindside without Grae knowing anything. If all goes according to plan, we have the numbers to make it happen without me even having to vote for Grae, which will make Maddison and Olivia still trust me. We're also trying to get Maddison to play her idol so we're pretending that her name is being thrown out. In order for this to work we NEED Aimee so tomorrow we're trying to pit her against Grae and make her think that Grae is just using her as a number and wants to get rid of her. I also have to keep talking to Pedro and just make sure he doesn't spread any info or find anything out. Bc he could topple this whole thing. I've also told everyone that I have a fake idol when it's actually real, and Grae is the only one who knows it's real. So if we vote them out and they haven't told anyone else, then that secret dies with them and I'm golden. Even Ben thinks my idol is fake. I'M OUT HERE PLAYING 11TH DIMENSIONAL CHESS rn

Zack M

to quote the great philosopher t-pain, "all i do is win win win...." dude. what?! i won the first "individual" immunity challenge?! this is so wild to me. najwah and sarah's was so cute. i want the little bead man najwah made of me. she really called me an #EMOGAY ... love to see it. back to my work though ... look ... was amy my first choice? no. literally no offense to you amy because you were actually a delight to work with because you allowed me to do what i wanted to do. the secret to a relationship with me is to let me have my way. you did and LOOK AT GOD you're safe. i know i'm a threat in this game and the second i don't win i will be in the mouths of everyone ... im including my alliances in that statement. like why would you want to keep me in this game with my track record? i guess for a shield? seems risky to me. i would 100% blindside me. i would like to take a second and talk to one of the judges from this challenge: dear raffy, lord where do i even start. this is an online game of survivor that's happening while everyone is also living real life. i'm not sure what you expected from people but like damn dude ... you were really acting like you were a guest judge on america's got talent or something. make way for TRYra banks. he called himself "a moment" in his bio. let me tell you that no people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. i can't. lol. you literally gave me a 6 for appeal but gave a computer generated buzzfeed quiz a 9. these judges should really have to explain their scores live in my opinion. ALSO JUDGES SHOULD NOT BE PEOPLE WHO ARE DRAFTING PLAYERS!!! now, i'm not saying they are cheating. (please do not edit this out because i just learned that was a thing from najwah. i will share whatever is missing from my confessions on twitter or somewhere if it isn't here when posted.) it seems a lot of this game is "in the family" and i don't like that. it's hard to be unbiased. but back to raffy ... you said i should have included the entire tribe or created a whole deck. sir ... 1. this is an INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE that i already had the displeasure of working on with someone else. it should have just been me on that card tbh. i'm tired of having everything comeback to a tribe. this isn't pre-merge. 2. create a whole deck? this was not some copy and paste art project. i did EVERYTHING including writing out the text on the cards instead of typing it out. now that that's out of my system .. jesus .. i don't even know where to begin with the vote. ben and i have decided to start floating maddison and olivia's names around. this will hopefully scare maddison into using whatever her MAYBE advantage from the auction is. let's flush that out. BUT the target i believe is going to be grae. we're not going to share that until later because we don't know if they're are any moles in the group. omg i just thought, what if her advantage is to steal immunity away from a player at tribal. i don't think that's ever been a thing but like maybe on this fucked up online version it could be. you just never know what to expect. hopefully everything goes according to plan and i just get to chill and see where everyone stands in the game .... and then i win again next time.

Pedro A

I dont like that Amy came to talk to me.....seems suspicious...expecially because amy and najwah for sure have an allience...LOL.....i dont even know what to say..........i think im going tonight...maybe im just being paranoid....But i have this feeling....and hey its my 3rd tribal....3 times its a charm LOL

Amy A

So my little alliance with Najwah is brewing 😂. We’re super close and tell each other everything and I think this is the best move I’ve made since the game started. Also, I won immunity 🎉. Najwah’s advantage really helped. Cos that’s what boosted us. Unless no one tells me she’s the vote, she’s NOT going home tonight. I feel really great for tonight’s tribal and can’t wait to see what’s next.

Pedro A

but im 95% sure najwah..and amy are working a together...like amy came to talk to me...while najwah was online....and it seemed like shes was comparing notes ..to what i said to najwah lol

Pedro A

it feel like Najwah came to supervise me and to get me to throw out a name...LIKE GURLLLL...you think im stoopid?....I HAVE A BAD FEELING...i think its me tonight...chilleeee...which is dumb tbh....cause theres bigger fish...

Pedro A

I feel like najwah...doesnt trust me........like shes always...suspicous of me ...i dont like that....like im paranoid...but she is AN INVESTIGATOR

Pedro A

IM going homeeee FUCKKK

Pedro A

Theory confirmed...CHILLEE...kalle told me....and Grae, Maddison, or Olivia, are planning to vote my ass out...like gurl....and apparently the other tribe was also considering voting my ass out also...wtffff...IM AT ROCK BOTTOM...and im not even playing both sides...i just want grae maddison and olivia out LOL

Pedro A

Grae´s ass better leave...i worked so mf hard on that challenge...and got a disadvantge from them ...and now they are trynna vote me out...LIKE chillleee wtf

Maddison

I! Still! Want! Pedro! Gone! Also hi Zack you’re the clear ringleader but you’ll be knocked out soon enough my guy

Olivia A

Hiii so it’s looking like we’re going for Pedro. I think we have a solid 6 and hopefully 7 if we can get Aimee to get Sarah in with us. This vote feels really important bc it’s gonna establish who has the majority. Although, anyone could flip at any time. WHO KNOWS!!

Kalle N

So last night I was stressing and now I've actually decided to just pass away. This is getting insane. I told Pedro about the Grae vote and he's in, I just have to babysit him and make sure that he doesn't say a word about it to anyone. We also NEED Cody to use his extra vote. I need to throw away my vote on someone that Amy could vote for bc I'm gonna have to throw blame on her after this if this actually works out. The lying is really getting on top of me bc I have to say different things to different people but here we are. Very big tribal tonight

Maddison

I wish some people would realize that if you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played.

Amy A

The votes are a MESS lemme tell you! The names are Pedro and Grae. We’re tryna use Cody as our decoy vote. The actual mess is in who we’re gonna involve and everyone tryna downplay their closeness to people on the other side. OG Maola tea-time seems to be working well together and have all agreed on Pedro. Maddison has taken a step back from the aggressive role cos I think she has seen that it’d make her a target. I honestly wouldn’t mind voting her out someday because she’s GOOD. I just want us all to get through this tribal and see where the lines fall.

Amy A

Najwah is an actual rockstar 😂😂😂. She and I are basically a tag team at this point. Our private messages are actually lit. Nothing is off topic and literally everything I hear, I tell her. The best part is always blaming the things I know from her from our Palena swap tribe on James. I always say ‘James told me ...’ and it’s HILARIOUS. People may have doubted at the beginning but I think that now, no one even thinks we work together. We nicknames Zack and Pedro ‘Dynamic Dúo’ and I basically love her. She’s my spirit animal.

Olivia A

The vote is still Pedro but our fake-out vote is Cody. I completely trust the people I’m working with but I’m getting a gut feeling that this isn’t going to work out in our favor. Just bc the numbers aren’t quite secure yet. But I’ll just stick w the plan and stay hopeful :/

Kalle N.

kinda bummed we didn't get to pull off the Grae blindside tonight and give Pedro the idol that no one knows about :( But I'm more bummed that Zack was treating anyone the way he did so good riddance I guess. The PB & K alliance is hopefully going to be the undercover move making force that we need to keep our momentum going forward. Unfortunately I do have to work with Ben for right now since I'm definitely on the bottom of my other alliances. It'll be interesting to see what happens next

Pedro A

SOOO this was a mess....i was going homeee tonight.........this wholee situation saved my damn lifeeee.....lets hope this was only a situational thing....and next round is someone different....i doubt it...but still......im so shocked about zack...also can i say that my nº1s change every elimination ..like now its kalle and ben ...i trust them..they had my best interest in mind....im sorry to whoever is reading this...i dont like making long texts in english..and im not good with essays.. SORRY

Aimee

I’m not sure where I left off in my last confessional lol so I’ll start here It was a lot of fun working with Kalle on the coloring and poem projects. I really liked her haiku and her originality of it. I hope she becomes more confident in her creative writing. I’m happy that we got 3rd overall. This morning I heard Grae’s name get thrown around. Haha I literally almost cried when I heard that. I’m not normally an emotional person but I feel like Grae and I have such a special connection and I don’t want to lose it so soon. They are a joy to talk with everyday and I might honestly have a little crush forming. ☺️😅 Their energy matches no other that I talk to in this game. 🤩 It was so nice getting reached out to by Grae and Maddison on how they wanted to vote Pedro out. It was such a relief to finally get included in a vote. I am working closely with Ben in this game. Our main thing is that no one can know we are working together so that we can hear information from all sides of the game. He is someone that I can spill my guts to about ANYTHING game related and I know that he is in it with me for the long haul. There’s so much we know about each other that it’s almost impossible to betray each other without burning each other to the ground! Not that I would want to! He is such a sweetheart and I love him to bits! Haha it’s hard to keep track of the days at this point. We video chat a lot and I really enjoy his company! I’m happy we both made it to merge and together we can turn this game upside down. Sarah and I call ourselves Team Casanova! The flash game queens! 👑 I love talking with her about outside of the game stuff. It’s was so great having her on Maola with me and now merge. We have built such a strong relationship and I really think she is someone I can trust through the end!!!! I really enjoy Maddison too. She seems so down to earth and easy to talk to. I’m glad she sees me as an ally and am excited to see how far she is willing to work with me. Shout out to my girl Najwah! I had no idea what all she was going through and I’m so happy that the emotional threat to her well being is out of this game. She is such a gem and I hope we get to work together more in the future. I’m honestly happy Zack is out of the game. I don’t enjoy hearing what all he was saying about contestants and the host. This game is meant for fun. I hope with him being out the game will be less stressful for us all. I’m just so sorry to hear about what people on my old Hanuha chat had to go through, it sounds even worse than how I felt about things. It breaks my heart and I’m relieved for this reset in the game where we can all air things out and come together. I love everyone here and I’m so happy Jay has decided to recruit me. These friendships I have made and continue to make have been such a joy this summer. Your lady is strong and I will keep fighting for that immunity. ✌️

Najwah

these past 24 hours have been the craziest ever and I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions, all while forgetting to eat, barely sleeping ans having not got out of bed today. Let me start from the beginning, hopefully I remember it all. Let me grab some snacks too. So it started with our first reward challenge. The auction. zack immediately asked me what I got and everyone else were sharing their bid items in the old hanuha group chat so in a panic, I told him. In retrospect, I should have lied. Anyway, zack made me doubt my trust in Cody so i decided not to tell Cody the truth about the necklace, i would learn that zack had told cody about my necklace almost immediately. But more on that later. Anyway, in a panic, i told ben too. lmao. Why? who knows? But i suppose it was an opening and Ben and i Could talk for the first time. Why am i writing this at 12 am on like2 hours sleep? who knows? Okay so then the reward challenge comes up and I am paired with Sarah. I end up having the best day ever. I had so much fun creating and chatting to sarah. We just spoke about life, absolutely nothing game related. For the first time in this entire game, I felt as though we could actually WIN and for the first time, I was having THE BEST DAY. I gave each of my 8bit survivor characters little haikus. It was funny, if i say so myself. Me? I love my silly humour. Okay this page is cutting me off I will write these in parts.

Najwah

Before the challenge due date yesterday, Cody messages me and of course I am pleasantly surprised as I have felt like things were a bit off between Cody and I since merge happened. He said he wants to call and it ends up being one of the most emotional calls i have had in a while, even in real life. Through our call, we realised that we have basically had the same gut feelings about zack and his behaviour for a while now and we spoke about how zack has been trying to pit us against each other, how controlling and jealous and manipulative he is. We basically realised that the reason we have been so mentally exhausted was BECAUSE of Zack's paranoia. zack spoke so much game. we were constantly being bombarded and had our trust and loyalty questioned and he thought nothing about throwing My or Cody's names out. All of this just validated and reaffirmed our feelings towards Zack and we decided there and then that we would vote Zack out ASAP. As we were talking, the reultsof the challenge were released and lmao what are the chances that FRIGGEN ZACK WINS IMMUNITY URGGGHHHH. We were reeling and i so much wanted to decompress with Cody but then I had my meeting with the VL draft people so I had to reframe my mindset. Bare in mind that this is all happening at 4am and im under the blankets, with a warm bean bag because it is freezing out. NajwahI actually loved my conference call with Ellie, Raffy and Tim. What awesome people. I wish i wasn't as distracted or could articulate better because I feel as though my mind was all over the place but i also took the opportunity to ask for their advice and guidance post my call of revelations with Cody. It was still fresh in my mind and they gave me some GOOD pointers. They also told me how I should approach the game moving forward. I loved how they all had such different approaches. Raffy made me laugh so much. They told me how to deal with Zack too. So some other ish went down after this call.

Najwah

Cody calls me and is like "lets get on a three way call with Sarah" After gushing about how much we love each other and how we have been on the same page for such a long time, Sarah throws an idea out that sticks. WHY NOT VOTE PEDRO OUT TO ISOLATE ZACK SINCE WE CANNOT VOTE ZACK. And we spent a lot of time freaking out and laughing about how we are going to do that. Cody was frustrated that everyone just assumed he and Zack were a duo and I said its because "Zack and Cody" to which Cody replied "Well this definitely aint the sweet life." Later I suggested that we call the group Mr Moseby and Cody said it was perfect as Zack was the bane of Mr Mosebys existance. Everytime i think about it I laugh. We spoke until my battery died, which was around 6am. I didnt sleep much because I was tasked to get a name out of pedro. I think i was messy there because Pedro accused me of being acting "like a supervisor and demanding a name from him like he is a ring leader" and honestly, it made me laugh so much. He is so dramatic I can't deal. Anyway, he knew what I was trying to do and he called me out and I apologised and honestly felt bad about the whole thing. In the end, I am happy we didn't vote him out. He has loose lips but he is very honest and I like that.

Najwah

So i feel as though there are so many things that happened simultaneously today. Amy L and I are working together on the side, she gives me all the ex maola tea. She told me Maddison has an idol. I haven't used this information yet and I won't now because it will raise questions. I told her that some of us are willing to vote Zack. The funny thing about our chats is that Amy keeps saying we need to share this tea with the VL. Any bit of information I have ever given her, she tells her tribemates she got from James lmao. And whenever I talk about her, I use James and Ryan too. Our alliance is so low key and its such a safe, unpretentious space. We have the best chats and we just spill tea for information's sake. Neither of us are going to use any of the tea. It's great having an in.

Najwah

So all day Zack has been bitching about jay and Raffy and the judges and honestly, I can't even remember what else. It was as though he got a kick out of being verbally abusive. I think he watches too much trashy reality TV, there is a difference between sassy and just plain rude. I also felt that many of his comments were borderline misogynistic. also, whatever information I have given him, he used against Jay. Today was a blur and also intense and also exhausting. I went with Cody to a mall, to visit his friend at a military base, drove around with him, chatted in his room while he was drinking a whole bottle of frozen coke. Like we spoke so much and it was just Zack's constant bitching and paranoia getting to us? Like? How does one person make so many people feel uncomfortable. Cody got on a call with Ben and told him that we had been trying to vote Pedro out and ben went ballistic and said that i am being manipulated by ex moala, he didn't know that we all wanted Pedro out. It made me mad so I called Ben too and asked him why he keeps thinking I want to flip? But he gave me his word and I guess that should mean something. Today was especially exhausting because I had to pretend and entertain Zack until we voted him out. I hated every minute because usually if i find out people talk shit about me, I either talk it out or just not talk to the person at all. I couldnt do that with him. I needed him tio feel safe with me in order for us to pull of the pedro blindside. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realised wtf had just happened. Am i sad that I didn't get that satisfaction? yep.

Najwah

Do I feel Zack should have been removed? Honestly no. I don't agree with it. I think we should have worked with everyone else and voted him out. I genuinely don't think he is a horrible person. In all honesty, I wish we could have met outside this game. I feel as though the game wasn't good for him. Not that i'm trying to justify his actions but I feel as though he got too invested and was too emotionally unstable. Most of us are here to have fun. Sure, it would be nice to win but at the end of the day it's not real life and I would much rather preserve the friendships and connections I've made in this game than win. Winning is nice but it isn't everything. Am i worried about Zack and wonder whether he will have a setback of some sort? Definitely. He has spoken about his crippling anxiety numerous times, which he has also projected time and time again.

Najwah

So Cody feels bad and blames himself for all of this. I don't blame him. I feel bad too. I thought I would feel some sort of relief with zack gone, but it is just guilt. I mean the messages were still sent in confidence and I feel bad for violating his privacy. I also feel bad for entertaining him because of the game. I don't want to be playing so hard that I go against my values. It just feels weird with zack removed. Like he wont be on the jury. I can't stop wondering whether he is okay, as a human to another human. My husband says that the Russel Hantz of Tierra del fuego got removed. It made me laugh a little. He is a survivor super fan too so he is very invested in all of this. Sigh. I may have left some stuff out because its so late and just A LOT has happened but I will keep confessing as I think of things or remember things. Oh lol Ben said he would voted Zack out in a heart beat, Basically we all felt the exact same from the beginning, no one wanted to speak out in fear of being targeted.

Olivia A

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Ben Kessler

Today was eventful, so I will skip to the end. Situationally, I believe I am not in a good spot at all. There are 11 people left, Pedro will receive votes next tribal, but I would like him to stay. My former tribe it seems as though everyone is closer with others than they are with me, except possibly Aimee but that's a stretch. Today could potentially crash my game. So, what do I do? Hope is not strategy. Tomorrow, I talk to others. I ensure everybody knows how close people are. I play double agent. I make sure I am at least in important conversations to merely be there. I let people know I want to be with them in a group setting. I re-establish that I am here to have a good time. At the end of the day, this both is and isn't monopoly. Strategy is involved, but the rules aren't as specific. You don't know how much money or property people are holding. Situationally, though, it is the same. You work with the hand you are dealt and I intend to make the absolute best of this hand. People will do what they want for a variety of reasons, so I need to let things roll off my shoulders, read, and react. To end this long confessional, I am not hoping for anything. I will be doing things to affect change. If I see it doesn't work, I lay low. Read and react.

Maddison

the pink house has become my safe haven. i shall inhabit her until i can no longer. thank you, pink house, for the many blessings of coins that you have given myself and my allies.

Pedro A

Okay...so i think grae maddison and olivia are voting me....and everyone else is voting maddison (if maddison doesnt use her ring)...and im voting olivia and using kalles idol....idk at this point 2 hours till tribal..and anything can change

Sarah

Plans keep changing every minute but as of right now going into this first Merge tribal, the plan is to vote out Maddison because it seems like Maddison, Grae, and Olivia want to vote Pedro so if they vote Pedro and the rest of us vote Maddison we may could blindside her and we could get an idol out of the game. If she plays an idol, then Pedro still goes home and original Hanuha is saved... but if Pedro wins immunity, of course we will have to rework everything. We may be able to do 4 for Olivia and 4 for Maddison .

Aimee

https://elysiankardia.tumblr.com/post/625017490490179584

Is this really happening? Am I going to vote for who I ACTUALLY want to vote for for once, as a treat? And I getting what I want...and controlling the vote?! Am I in the twilight zone? The name of the game now is to get all of my potential final allies to get along with each other and play nice. My hand is in so many cookie jars I have to be careful, all my relationships trust each other. I already have an army ready to strike if anyone tries to turn on me, and I was forming those relationships genuinely and BEFORE I needed them to come through for me, not last minute where trust would be harder to earn. I literally am running this vote off of Grae and Maddison and onto a different target. Hanuha is so deadest in getting one of the “core three” out and this is the best I can do to protect those two but also not flip on people who I trust from my original tribe. For DAYS they have been so afraid of Grae and Maddison and I’m put in massive work to divert that away from them. My plan is something right down the middle, where I get to have my cake and eat it too. I love the best of both worlds; I’m Hannah Montana!

Maddison

Tonight is going to be a big one. I’ve heard my name and I really don’t want to go home with an idol in my pocket. Better safe than sorry? Olivia AI really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Sarah

Amy A

Tribal again and with it, ALLLLLL the drama. So I have made a ‘vote four’ alliance w Kalle, Ben and Pedro which is supposed to be secret. Which makes it two secret alliances I’m a part of 😂😂😂😂😂😂. The alliance w Najwah is definitely the one I’m most loyal to but Pedro and co seem like a really solid group I can work with. I didn’t think I’d win immunity so there’s that. About tonight’s vote, the new ‘core four’ is aiming for Grae but in order to keep the alliance a secret, only Pedro will vote for her. It’s all exciting stuff and I KNOW tonight’s tribal is going to be THE ONE. Cannot wait.

Olivia A

I really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Aimee

Nooooo I didn’t need Olivia to win immunity. That way she is one of the “core 3 Maola” out. Oh man I don’t think I can save my game and Maddison at the same time. I got the target off Grae after merge happened. I worked so hard for that so this all wasn’t for nothing. There’s like fifteen minutes before tribal and I’m still not entirely sure what is going to happen.

#episodes

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