#ive had so many problems working on him over the years but

[starlitcrows]

to obtain, something of equal value must be lost.

happy birthday to my kiran!

#kiran #yasna #kiran salomonis ijana #yasna asmodeus ijana #fire emblem #oc #summoner oc #fire emblem heroes #feh #neosketches #ougghgghhghfhghh i am so unnormal #i finally got smt good down for his birthday #i really wanna work on his backstory fic. send thoughts n prayers #my boy!! my dear boy #ive had so many problems working on him over the years but #i hope ill be able to work past them w him

[mrfoox]

Wtf is my fascination with this little freak.... Hes just a dude but I'm so intrigued, I'm tired

#miranda talking shit #Its been two years but i still dont understand him so im guessing thats why #Tbf we didnt become closer until a year ago or something so yeah. But since day one i just felt like it was something with him and now im #Frustrated. Hes literally just a dude. Yet my brain find him so fascinating. I know i in general am very interested in people i like #But this guy man... I think it might be because i can understand him and thus cant predict him? My brain does love a mystery. #I mean i had an fairly intense period of 3-6 months where i was super fascinated by fabian. I still kinda am but now i think #I understand how he works over all so i do not feel the intense need to ask him all kinds of things and analyze? Bc now i have an decent #Idea of how he works. Meanwhile this little freak is almost the opposite of me in everything and i just want to study him. I think in a way #He reminds me of myself at least in the way of 'dealing' with mental problems etc. Or rather my past self. So i want to challenge him to do #It differently. I dont think i have an savior conplex or something when it comes to him bc i do basically not... Tell him to change? #I dont think i could change him. So thats not what my fascination comes from... But holy shit i just want to talk with him about everything #Also probably why i like him that he will answer any questions i ask. No topic has been bad or too weird and i appriciate that in others #But nah. Never been this intrested in someone whos this diffrent than me ever. I always need to have something major in common for a strong #Intrest. But here its like... We are both introverts ... And both social actors/pretenders... Otherwise our similarities are pretty small #I really wish i knew exactly why my brain is so intrested in him . I think its my hyperfixation being activated unfortunately. #Technically he have a lot of things/traits i dont like? But still i dont find him annoying or something? #Many things i dont agree or have the same opinion as him on. But i just find it refreshing ? Maybe its bc i basically havent known anyone #Like him. Hes not the type of person i attract or even put my time into i think. That's why ive told him we'd not be friends if we didn't #Meet this way. I would probably not have wanted to talk to him and i cant see him wanting to talk to me. Especially if we met when younger #No way teen Miranda would not go near him iajdjfjskskd id like to discuss this with him but im scared to scare him and scared to learn #Something bad or him not caring for me or something. I know he doesnt care about many things so id not be suprised but #Fuck this guy. I wamt to obsess over a video game instead where there are wikis to read /:

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

[teyammybeloved]

heyyy I saw your fanfic about the mental health and depression things and I would loveeee if you would write one about the reader self harming and Miguel finds out and comforts them🧡 I’ve struggled with self harm and depression and your fics help so much!

JUST HOLD ON

miguel o’hara

summary; miguel’s heart breaks when he finds out what you do to yourself

warnings; mentions of self harm, comfort, swearing, could be very poorly written and im so so so sorry if it is xx

an; thank you for requesting, i want to remind everyone that i am in NO WAY romanticising self harm or mental health problems, i wanted to make this series to help people who dont have somewhere to go or someone to talk to, these are purely just comfort fics

i also want to say, youre not alone, and i know self harm is a coping mechanism for many, myself included, but there is so many other healthy ways to cope and i want everyone to know that if you ever ever ever need anybody to talk to, im always here and i want to do my best to make sure youre all okay.

long sleeves, jumpers, scafs, bandaids, bracelets. you were always wearing one or the other. miguel never asked why, he thought maybe you just found it more comfortable.

the entire time you and miguel had been dating, and in a relationship, it had been the cold seasons of the year, and now with summer coming in quick, you were stressing.

miguel isn’t stupid, he would wonder why you’re wearing a jumper or a long sleeve in ridiculous heat, he would question it, and that set you off in a panic.

it was fine, during the day when miguel was at the HQ doing his spider business, but when he got home, your mind went crazy.

although, to you, you did a good job hiding it.

“im home!” miguel says, your eyes widen as you get off the couch quickly, “one sec!” you reply, running up to your bedroom to get a jumper, quickly throwing on the first one you can find, you go back to meet miguel.

you wrap your arms around him, he does the same, squeezing you tightly. “how was your day?” you ask, as you let go of him, walking to the kitchen to start with dinner.

“not bad.. newbies are always rough” miguel says softly, leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “baby” he says softly.

you hum in response, occupied by cutting vegetables. “why do you have the AC on, while wearing a jumper?” he wasn’t mad, he was genuinely just wondering.

regardless you freak, trying to come up with an explanation, “my top half was cold” you say, shrugging.

miguel laughs, “do you need some help?” he says, leaning off of the wall to come up next to you,

“yes, boil some water”

miguel wasn’t stupid. he knew you better then he knew himself, and he knew your top half was always hotter then your bottom half, you were always wearing pants and rubbing your sleeves over your legs.

so he was confused.

it had been like this for a while now, little things would concern miguel but he didn’t want to bring them up, incase they were nothing.

today was weird though, while you were still asleep, in bed, miguel had to get ready for the day, looking in the laundry for a pair of socks, he finds one of your tshirts.

he ignored it at first, before he saw the red stains along the sleeves, his mind first went to, ‘that time of the month’ but you don’t get that in your arm.

he frowns, confused. deciding to figure it out later.

“lyla, do you know whats up with y/n” he asks softly, trying to stay focused on his work, but concern filled his body.

“what do you mean” she asks back, miguel sighs. “tell a soul, and i will literally end your existence” he says, “okok! just say it”

“i don’t think ive ever seen y/n’s arms”

“you think she doesn’t have arms?”

“no- shut up. like shes always wearing long sleeves, or jumpers, or her wrists are covered in bracelets.”

“oh miguel” lyla frowns. “what- what does that mean”

“obviously i cant be 100% sure, i don’t know personally, but it very much could be her trying to hide something..” she says.

“what?” miguel asks, shaking his head “hide what?”

“this isn’t my place to tell, just talk to her”

when miguel came home that evening, he was even more confused and concerned then he was when he left in the morning. he called out, but didn’t get a response, he hums.

he finds you in the living room, asleep on the couch, he smiles softly before he notices your arm.

no long sleeve, no jumper, no bracelets.

his eyes widen as he looks at the blood stains on your arm, the tissue in your other hand, covered in blood. if it was just one miguel would just assume it was an accident.

but he sees it, all of it, the numerous scas, fresh and old cuts, he can feel his stomach drop. next to the paper he finds a small razor, he picks it up quickly, throwing it out before he comes back, taking a deep breath.

“y/n” he says softly, you were a light sleeper, “mm?” you reply, until something must of clicked in your brain.

you sit up quickly, pulling you arm to your chest, youre pale like you have seen a ghost, miguel is heartbroken.

“come with me” he says softly, you pause for a minute as he starts walking, but when he turns around to you, you stand up and follow him.

into your bedroom, he tells you to sit on the bed, before he goes into the bathroom for a moment. “miguel- im sorry” you finally say.

he doesn’t reply, coming out with a first aid kit, kneeling on the ground in front of you. wiping your arm, so damn gently.

he continues to clean and bandage your arm, without saying anything before he sits next to you on the bed.

you have tears in your ears, and a yuck feeling in your stomach, “come here” miguel says, lifting you onto his lap, facing him, he wraps his arms around you.

“im sorry, miggy”

“don’t apologise baby, you don’t have to feel bad about this okay? you have done nothing wrong”

“i-“

“i want you to know, im here, im going to be here regardless of what happens, okay? this isn’t healthy, baby. but i know its a coping mechanism for you, we just gotta find a healthier one, together yeah?”

“yeah” you say softly, buried in his neck.

“i hate knowing you’ve been hurting yourself baby, someone is hurting my special girl, and i had no idea” he says, looking at you as he moves your hair behind your ear.

you frown, as you look up at him. “no more” you say.

“no more” he agrees.

“i want you to promise me, that if you need me or ever think about doing it again, you will get me straight away, i don’t care whats happening or what im doing, youre my priority, always”

“i love you miggy, i promise”

“i love you too, cmon, lets get you changed then watch allll the rom coms you want” he says, kissing your face.

#miguel x you #spiderverse miguel #miguel x y/n #miguel ohara #miguel spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel 2099 #atsv miguel #miguel o’hara fluff #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara fanfiction #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara #miguel smut #mental health awareness

[helenaaa2]

Your best friend is pregnant!!!

Im Helena your best friend, we’re always together and I share all my secrets with you, you’re like my big brother. I’m 1.49mts, bob haircut, dark-brown eyes, dark hair, weight 50kgs, B cup and wide hips .

41 weeks ago I told you I had an adventure with a man in a bar when I was on vacations with my family, a few weeks later I bought a pregnancy test and I called you to do it together. We both saw the positive result with fear, I asked you to please don’t tell anyone and then we’ll see what to do.

I didnt want to abort, so I started using very oversized clothes. It was in the week 26 when things started to get difficult because my bump was huge, I tried using even your shirts but anything worked, that huge belly button was visible through every single outfit. After a few hours planning something we decided that the best option we had was moving together as roommates with the excuse of “searching for new work opportunities”, have the baby and give it in adoption, then come back. My parents knew you for a long time so they didn’t have any problem with the idea.

We moved to a little house in the suburbs so anyone knew us and we didn’t have to hide it, I felt completely free using sport bras again and my favourite dresses. We were so peaceful until week 35, by this point I was huge, my milky boobs had doubled their original size, we couldn’t remember any other pregnant women we ever seen that was bigger than me. But there was not that much time left, I was so excited to give birth and finally get back to my life, but at the same time scared because now having a completely natural unassisted birth at home doesn’t seem to be a good idea.

We started thinking about everything we needed for the birth and that we didn’t visit any doctor, so on the week 37 we decided we had to see a doctor just to see if everything was ok and to set everything for the adoption. We drove 2 hours to the closest hospital to the gyno appointment, we told him the truth because he seemed to be very empathic and he actually was.

The appointment started with questions and answers

-“How old are you?”

H.-“26”

-“In 20 years as a gyno Ive just seen two tummies that big, do you know how many weeks you have?”

H.-“Yeah, it never stops growing. I have 37 weeks but I’ve read that maybe it’s just a lot of amniotic fluid.”

-Maybe, but that big it’s not just because of fluids. Do you know who’s the father?

H.-“No, I can’t remember and I don’t want to know”

-Ok, let’s have a look. Please take out all your clothes, use this coat and get comfy in those stirrups right there.

It was time for a ultrasound, we I was very nervous. I asked you to stay with me all the time so you did, I loved how you were supporting me all the time and I hold your hand and put it over my exposed big belly.

Doctor arrived a few minutes later and started preparing everything, we were about to know everything about my baby. He used some gel that was really cold and got my nipples so hard, I was so nervous and gripped your hand firmly. He started scanning my belly with the ultrasound, I couldn’t distinguish anything but when he moved the devise a little bit to the center he laughed so bad “WHATT?!!” I shouted to the doctor trying to see the image in the monitor “Lady, you actually have a lot of fluid but what really makes you huge is that you’re expecting twins”

I couldn’t react, I was totally shocked really thinking in anything, I was just analyzing the new and finally looked at you. You weren’t scared or shocked, YOU WERE SO HAPPY and your happiness went through your hand to me. I felt better after that, but the bad news were coming. After that, the appointment continued with the doctor checking my whole body, my tits, my belly, my cervix and I don’t know what else. When he finished I went for my clothes and dressed up, I come back and heard you talking about the birth, I sit down and the doctor explains everything now to me.

-“What I just saw is something really rare, most women like you…you know…petite with twins don’t usually reach even the week 35, but you’re now on the 37 and the babies doesn’t seem to be very excited to come out. To make it simple…your situation is like this, you’re going to have those babies for at least 3 weeks more inside of you, and right now I can calculate each baby weights around 8lbs”

When doctor said 8lbs I just let another “WHAT?!!!” Come out from me

-“Yes, what you heard sweetie, 8lbs and they’re getting heavier. I calculate a final weight of around 10lbs each if you give birth in the week 40. So, what I recommend you is to let those babies grow those 3 weeks more and then come here to have a c-section or induce the labour if your babies are in the correct position.”

H.-“I was thinking about an all natural birth at home doc…that’s what we want right?” I turn to you waiting for your answer.

Y.-“Yeah, for sure…We were very excited about having the babies at home without any medical procedure. I even took a few curses and now I’m a certified midwife” you said proudly.

-“I wouldn’t recommend that, a birth of babies that big is not something easy, but I admire your courage. What we can do is this, you actually have really wide hips that are perfect to give birth so I won’t be worried about baby getting stuck, but I’m actually worried about your vagina. Most of the times the real problem is that the vagina is not that wide or they just don’t let it stretch correctly. So what we’re gonna do is this: I’ll send you some clases I give online so you can know exactly what to do in all the possible cases that could happen during the birth. But this is just for the week 40 as time limit, if you reach the week 41 there’ll be no other option than practice a c-section, understand?”

My mind was receiving a lot of information at the same time, just the words “10lbs, birth, vagina, stretch, 40, c-section” were mixed rounding my head. Little bit worried and confused I looked at you, you didn’t seem to be worried about anything, you looked so excited and sure about what we were about to do. Again your confidence and happiness infected me and gave me the strength to turn to the doctor and say “That’s great, thank you for everything. We’ll contact you if something happens” Get slowly and hardly up the chair to shake the doctors hand.

We were in the car coming back home and we couldn’t stop talking about what we needed to do, what we needed to prepare, what we needed to buy and bet when the babies were coming. Was a very long road trip so we had enough time to talk and plan every single detail.

-

It’s the first time I write a story, please tell me what do you think. It’s too large but I think it’s not boring

If you like it ask for the part 2 ❤️

#birth fettish #birth kink #best friends #story #pregnancy #pregnant kink

[theosconfessions]

if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here

@ohsosims

jami: im sorry WHAT?

dustin: your dads been having some memory problems over the years..its ..getting worse...he just had another doctors appointment and theyre kind of on the fence about alzheimers or just....

jami: you think its related to what he got from that punk he slept with ?

dustin: no idea but hes had a few appointments since then..he seems optimistic BUT

jami: youre not

dustin: its not that i dont want to be.. its that ive been shown NOT TO BE.feels like itll break my heart less if im expecting it.

jami; well sounds healthy. just like the majority of your relationship with him

dustin: [smirks] which leads me right back around to why i asked you to meet me here

jami: i was wondering but its not like i mind looking at your pretty face

dustin:ive warned you about making those comments

jami: at work.y ou did. we're not at work. im just kidding.jesus. ease up

dustin: maybe this was a bad idea

jami: oh come on,dusty. i was kidding. seriously ..i was just tyring to make you laugh . thought you needed it. i see it backfired.

dustin: a little. i..listen jami..your dads pretty set on him running the strip club still

jami; okay and as he should be? he owns it. and seems to me hes pretty much still together... at least for now

dustin:right but i need to ask you a favour. i need you to help him run it. i dont want him to stop completely but he has way too many things going on and

jami: think it would be good for him to STILL do things as normal,dustin. you baby him that shits going to get worse. whatever it is.

dustin: no i know. i just... help him with it . probably more than he realizes and i cant do it , jami. we still have the bar and the twins are running me into the ground. i need help . a lot of it.

jami: like at home too? because i know chloes 7 but she could always help babysit. she loves those kids.

dustin: yeah taht owuld be..that would be so great. the kids could but they deal with so much just living there. theyre my responsibility so id hate to...

jami:dude ..all you had to do was ask.. yeah ill help dad run the club. yeah ill get chloe to come over after school and give your ass a break. just gotta run it by marlee. which i mean shell do whatever i say

dustin: so fucked up

jami: no i know. nearly cost me my girlfriend . so um.. hey dustin..you know you couldve asked me sooner right? ill do whatever i can for you guys. i dont want you fucking yourself up. i feel like you need to hear this , because maybe you dont hear it so often knowing my dad but i love you and he loves you. you take such good care of him,man. but i got this.

#jami bb #i think dustin needs a break #the stephens continued #dustin stephens #jami kline #ts4 #the sims 4 #the sims #reblog #ts4 gameplay #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #the sims community

[fanficfanatic000]

Eddie Munson x fem reader (Munsons book )

Eddie x fem reader best friends 18+ content don't read if a minor TW

Part 1 of 2

Plot: You find a questionable book under eddie munson your best friends bed

You and eddie are on your last year of high-school finally he kept getting held back but this year was the last because he had you tutor him You always had eyes for your best friend eddie but recently he had been hanging out with a girl. chrissy which definitely bothered you. But you were happy he was happy. "So are you coming over to help me study for this test?" You looked up from your lunch to see him. His messy metal head hair framing his adorable face and his dark chocolate eyes with his cocky boyish smile "Yeah sounds. good" you smile as you said yes. "Great then i could just drive you to my place after school?" "Yep perfect" The lunch bell rang You sat throughout all your boring ass classes. Then school was over. You walked outside and there he was leaned up against his van smoking a cigarette. The wind slightly blowing his curls out of his face Then he sees you and smiles. You walk towards him and you felt blush creeping in on your face "you ready darling?" Darling was just one of your many nicknames that made everyone think you were more than just friends "if you're ready?" He stomped out his cigarette and opened the passenger door with a wink That made your heart jump. Minutes pass and you're at his trailer in his room trying to explain the math problem to eddie "Eddie just think about it " "but it isnt logical to have letters in math!" "Okay okay lets just take a break then go back to it okay?" "Okay Princess but i have a question." "What is it?" You tilted your head. "Can i show you something ive kinda been working on?" "Sure why not" you smiled. He gets up fastly and grabs his guitar and his guitar pick and sits back down infront of you. And he starts to play a Metallica song on his guitar. You focused on his ringed fingers long. Fast moving .veiny And pretty for a guys hand until his pick flew from his hand to somewhere on the floor "shit! That was the 3rd one ive lost…." He says in a deep tone "here i can find it for ya edds" You get off the bed onto the floor and your looking for his white guitar pick then you spot it underneath his bed on top of a book? Curiosity got the best of you when you grabbed the book and the guitar pick stood up "so i found it but w-whats this?" You Raise an eyebrow at him.. he looks up at you and his eyes widen he gulps "um just N-nOthing!" He reaches out for it so you dashed into the the hall and you locked yourself in the bathroom. Usually you wouldn't run through eddies trailer because wayne hates the way it vibrates the trailer but he's out of town and won't be back until Monday night and it's Friday "Princess PLEASE DONT OPEN THE BOOK I BEG OF YOU!!" He jiggles the door knob "Keeping secrets from your best friend huh munson?" "Princess please dont ive told you everything like how i fell down the stairs at school and got a bloody nose or how i had a shaved head once… please dont read it.." "but you dont tell me everything do you?" "What?? Do you mean??" "I mean i saw you with chrissy yesterday You didnt tell your best friend about your girlfriend did you?" "Girlfriend?? No Princess i was selling her weed." He chuckles. "Well sorry eds but i-i have to see what this is if its porn or something dont worry im not a judgmental person" "NO Princess dont!!" He jiggled the door knob more then you opened the book with a blank cover and flipped to the first page to see writing (my girl one day you will be mine and only mine)

#fandom #eddie munson #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x you #eddie munson lives #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie #fanfic #Eddie Munson #Munson book #Part 1

[silverstonesainz-archive]

ive been in need of a good cry, so its your problem now 🫶🏽

❝ it's best for us to be strangers again. ❞ + carlos sainz jr

i got carried away and hurt myself in the process. also, i listened to strange by celeste while writing this so... do with that what you will.

the dining room (cs55) ─── strange, isn't it?

you met carlos in the dining room of your childhood home. 

he was a stranger that sat across you, eating quietly while your fathers talked about what fathers talk about. you couldn’t count on two hands how many times you caught each other staring at the other, couldn’t count how many times you both pretend you weren’t just staring. he helped you clear the table, tried to make you laugh all the while. he washed the dishes while you dried and put them away. 

he called often. sometimes for a minute, to tell you to have a good day. most times for longer, to tell you about his day and to hear about yours. he admitted it to you years later, that he liked hearing your voice. 

he cooked you soup when you were sick, sat with you even if you insisted he go home. i don’t want to get you sick! but he didn’t seem to care. he played with your hair til you fell asleep, your head on his lap. he didn’t move until you woke up. 

he held you when a boy broke your heart. he brought over ice cream and a new fleece blanket. it smelled like him. and while you sobbed into his chest, he told you that boys are stupid and weren’t worth your tears. he told you you deserved better, all while wondering if he was better. 

your best friend carlos sat across you at dinner. it was your mother’s birthday. he kicked your feet under the table, and picked at brussell sprouts on your plate. in your own little bubble, and no one seemed to notice. you cleared the table again. you washed the dishes this time, he knew where everything belongs.

he brought you flowers on valentines day, with a cheesy card— a corgi on the front and it said you are paw-sitively perfect. but he bought his mom and sisters flowers and a cheesy card, so what does it matter?

he brought you flowers on your birthday too, and a gift wrapped in red. and then again when you had received a promotion at work. and on a wednesday— just because, he said. 

carlos sat across you at christmas dinner. he passed you the gravy before you even have to ask, and filled up your glass with more wine before it emptied out. you didn’t see the teasing looks his sisters gave him, the knowing smile on your mother’s lips. he cleared out the table with you. he washed the dishes and you put them away. and before you leave to join your family in the next room, he is pulling you back and asking you on a date. 

he took you to a small italian restaurant outside of the city. he wore a green shirt and jeans. it looked pretty against his skin, and you decided you liked green on him. stories shared over pasta, dreams over wine. and then he walked you to your door and left you with a kiss.

he flew you out to silverstone. i have a good feeling about this hermosa, he said on the phone. you watched anxiously in the garage, biting down on your index finger. and when he crossed the line ahead of everyone else, you cried. you’re the first face he looked for when he hopped out of the car. and when he spotted you, he ran over. he kissed you, hard and filled with so much passion. estoy muy orgulloso de ti, you blubbered. he was swooned over you.

he said asked you to be his girlfriend that night. skin to skin, gentle kisses and tender touches. 

“serás tú mío?” “siempre he sido tuyo.” “be mine?” “i’ve always been yours”

your boyfriend carlos sat across you at dinner, while your families teased the two of you. we all saw this coming, your mother gushed. i’m glad he finally did it, ana smirked. your faces were red the whole time. ana and blanca offered to clear the table, but you and carlos insisted that you would do it. carlos cleared the table while you washed the dishes. he put the glasses away while you put the plates in their place. we’re a great team, he said before kissing you.

he liked sleeping with you. he liked the way you feel in his arms. but he especially liked to wake up to you in the morning. he didn’t mind the hair in his face, the way you’ve managed to push him to the very edge of the bed. he liked it, and he spent the night often.

he could listen to you talk forever. your voice was music, a sweet melody he could never get tired of. he liked that you spoke with your hands, big gestures to match your big stories. he listened to you tell a story you’ve told him before, a smile on his lips like it was the first time. he loved the way your voice sped up when your excited, loved the way your eyes light up. god, did he love you. 

“te amo.” it shut you up. 

“you do?” “so much.”

he helped your parents pack up your childhood home. you knew that it was time, that it had served it’s purpose, and that your parents craved something new. he followed you while you said goodbye to every room in the house, wiped your tears when you said goodbye to the dining room. this is the room we fell in love in, you cried. 

carlos sat across you for one final dinner, before your parents moved by the coast. his heart leapt out of his chest every time he looked over at you, like it was the first time all over again. wine glasses were raised in the air— to new beginnings, your father said. you and carlos cleared the table one more time. he washed dishes and you put them away. and when you turn around, he’s down on one knee with a velvet box in his hand. he professed all the ways he loved you, he begged for forever. and you gave it to him. 

he bought your parents house for you, and you got married in the backyard. the ceremony was small, intimate, perfect. he cried when he saw you walk down the aisle, whispered how beautiful you looked when he took your hand. he told the world and god how much he loved you that day. nothing has ever felt more right than that moment.

he built memories with you in that home for years to follow. every room held the pieces that made your relationship work. like the kitchen where you cooked together. the living room reserved for movie nights. the bedroom where he held you, made love to you. and the dining room, where it all began. everything was perfect

until it wasn’t.

he slammed the door one night. he disappeared, left you in a puddle of your own tears. it was a bad fight, the worst one yet. it hadn’t been sunshines and rainbows as of late, more heart ache and tears than either of would care to admit. there were no more calls while he was away, no more flowers just because, no more clearing the table and washing dishes. you spent time apart in the home that you built your relationship in. he ate dinner in the kitchen and you in the living room. while you slept in the bed, he found peace on the couch. and the dining room collected dust, neither of you daring to sit in the place it all started. 

your husband carlos sits across from you at the dinner table a year later, stack of papers between the two of you.

“sign it.” your voice is dull, void of any emotion. 

it hurt the way he didn’t even flinch, didn’t hesitate to sign his name on the divorce papers. but you didn’t have it in you to shed another tear. you already grieved the loss of a great love, grieved your own broken heart. 

you watch as he pulls the wedding band off his ring finger, setting on top of the stack of papers that marked the end of you. he doesn't say anything else, he just gets up and walks away. 

“carlos,” your voice breaks. he stops in his tracks, but neither of you turn to look at the other. “i think it's best for us to be strangers again.”

a beat of silence. and another. and another. 

then you hear his footsteps again, growing softer until they disappear behind the door slamming shut. you look around the dining room, the room where two people went from strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again. 

you stand up, taking the wedding band and the stack of papers, clearing the table one more time.

#tea & toast w dani #carlos sainz #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz jr x reader #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz jr imagine #cs55 drabble

[csuitebitches]

Hi! You're amazing and your page is amazing. I'm a girl who's really interested in growing and building my life. My mental illness has taken so much from me, so I feel I am starting life over this year like a little baby while everyone else is an adult. I often feel VERY insecure around friends who are normal and have achieved so much and have not made the many mistakes that I have.

I now have been isolating myself because I usually feel so ashamed of myself when I'm with them. I barely have any cooking skills as a female, I've never held a real job, I never network or connect with anyone, I have felt so miserable with a scowl on my face everyday, and I barely know what I'm doing with my life now in college.

As I am now working on my character flaws, how do I still feel I am loveable to my friends, stop pushing everyone away, and stop feeling like hiding when I'm with them?

everyone was once in your shoes. Were your friends born with their job? Were they born accomplished? Was Gordon Ramsey born with a knife in his hands? Have you seen the video of him crying because of his mentor Marco Pierre White?

Ive lightly burned my fingers, my food, set off the university dorm fire alarm because of my initial cooking skills. I’ve melted a spatula. I’ve burned countless toasts, broken glass bottles, had a whole bug infestation because I forgot to close the fridge tightly when I left uni for summer. Then I learned. I watched more YouTube videos. I practiced cooking. I can objectively say I cook better than my mom today because I made the effort to learn.

A master was also an amateur once.

“I never network with anyone” it’s good that you can admit the things you need to work on. The way you address problems like this is:

a) are there networking opportunities near you?

b) can you look up conferences and opportunities near you?

you assume that your friends have not made as many mistakes as you have. Do you go on a radio show and tell the whole world about every mistake you’ve made in your life? Even with close friends, one does not always reveal every single thing or sometimes, doesn’t feel the need to.

your journey is your own. The exam paper of your life does not have the same answers that your friends have written.

you’re not going to magically wake up accomplished, you’re going have to work towards it. And the best part is, you’re in college! That’s such a great stepping stone because you’re in an environment that’s programmed to help you grow if you can use your cards right.

can you join any extra curricular clubs or activities? Or ask your professors or the counsellor for internship opportunities? Can you organise an event like a bake sale or something for the local charity? Can you take up volunteering opportunities?

your insecurities are holding you back. You’re not any less lovable than the friends and family in your life. You have control over your own life. When you choose to actively put yourself out there, start socialising, engaging with people - which can be difficult for some people but always rewarding - you’ll start seeing change.

unfortunately the world doesn’t revolve around us. If you’re unhappy with how things are, the remote control of your life is in your hands.

you’re already working on yourself which is great. That means you have the intrinsic motivation to do something. It’s time to stop moaning and whining and start creating a plan of action.

tackle things one thing at a time. Don’t start with 10 things.

From your message it seems like:

You need help with adulting - cooking.

job - ask your college counsellor/ professor of your favourite subject for internship opportunity, on campus or off campus.

purpose -find a hobby, sport, volunteering cause, something that you like that you actually enjoy.

look at these three problems in the best positive light. It means you get to learn all these things you didn’t know! It means you’ll be able to meet new people who could become really good connections!

make your life simple. Progress doesn’t mean going from burning the kitchen down to cooking a three course meal. It means taking one week to learn how to fry an egg. It makes taking a week to learn how to make a decent pancake or some rice. It means screwing up 10 times and then finally getting it right on the 11th.

allow yourself to make mistakes. Acknowledge to yourself about them and move on.

Do not let your shame hold you back from living your life. We torture ourselves in imagination more than we actually suffer in real life.

I’ve felt embarrassed countless times in my life. I’ve slipped up, messed up, forgotten things, done what I wasn’t supposed to, held my tears back, been scolded, full blown cried, scribbled aggressively in my diary, ranted to my mom, had dramatic fights with my imaginary boss in the shower, woken up late, screwed up royally in important meetings. These are not original experiences. These are universal experiences. Anyone who is telling you that they have never felt this is a dirty liar.

I wouldn’t exchange those mistakes for the world.

How do you think I’m able to give you advice on this if I didn’t go through those similar experiences?

If you want to make changes in your life that badly, start today. Set three simple goals that are achievable. Set deadlines. Be your own parent. Get your life together.

#Q/a #you’ve got this

[crown-of-roses-thsc]

I got an overwhelming amount of positivity towards sharing the familial lineage of our AU’s cast….so allow me to share these two!

Meet Valentine Galeforce and Gold Copperbottom

Gold Copperbottom was born and raised a Toppat. Though not interested in crime, he greatly valued the feeling of having a loyal community of fellow Toppats that would have his back. He was rather high ranking due to his hard work and problem solving skills, and though the leader at the time- Sir Wilford IV- knew he was too hesitant and fearful to ever lead the Toppat Clan, he had a soft spot for him. Randy Radman was the Right Hand Man at the time, though Wilford also made it painfully clear that he would never be leader either- as he was too airheaded and reckless. The only reason he had his position was because Wilford acknowledged that his strict, uptight attitude needed a young spunky soul to balance it out.

Terrence Suave was friends with both Randy and Gold, and began to suggest to Randy that they kill Wilford and have Randy take his place. Randy wasn’t sure at first, but was quickly sold on the idea and was greatly encouraged by it- as Wilford’s comments did sometimes ruin Randy’s self esteem. Gold, who respected Wilford greatly, discouraged this plan- but always hesitant and endlessly afraid, he kept his mouth shut. Wilford loved to drink, and so Suave and Randy devised a plan to sneak poison into Wilford’s drink. They succeeded, and Randy took over with Suave as his right hand.

Gold, in the meanwhile, met a government agent named Valentine Galeforce, daughter of General Hubert Galeforce, when she imprisoned him for interrogation. He was eventually freed, but continued to meet up with her in private. When Suave discovered his best friend’s actions, he accused him of being a traitor and reported him to Randy- but Randy was always an airhead and was, of course, also Gold’s best friend- so he did nothing.

Randy Radman would eventually die by what was alleged to be suicide….but whatever happened scared Gold so greatly that he finally fled the Toppat Clan. He went on to marry Valentine, and the two eventually had a child- Reginald. A couple of years later, Valentine’s sister would pass away- leaving behind her young son Charles, who Gold and Valentine quickly took into their home. The two kids grew older together, with Reginald- neat, serious, quiet- growing to resent the boisterous talkative Charles, who could do no wrong. Their parents did not favor either child, nor give one more attention that the other- but due to Charles’s circumstances, they could often be a little too soft on him.

Gold and Valentine loved Reginald deeply, but perhaps he needed it expressed in a different way- or he felt as though no one took him seriously due to his parents’ sweet and happy attitudes, something Charles ironically seemed to inherit more than their biological child. Gold had seen many, many things- and he wanted to make sure his kids never had to. …and Reginald couldn’t stand being around a family that never seemed to be sad when he himself did not have that endless positivity.

Reginald was not evil, nor necessarily resentful- just frustrated.

Suave eventually met a 16-17 year-old Reginald….seeming to know a lot about him and his father. He was promised respect, a community, people who understood him….and he eventually accepted. Gold and Valentine didn’t know where their son went, and were absolutely devastated.

A few months passed, and Suave decided that Reginald needed one final test before he could officially become a Toppat…..there was a masquerade ball taking place in a large venue in the city, and he wanted Reginald to blow it up. Reginald was hesitant- scared- ….so much like his father. But he eventually agreed to it.

Valentine and Gold, among many others, passed away that day.

Suave knew they were there- Reginald didn’t. Charles would spend the rest of his life under Galeforce’s care, the two of them growing more and more resentful towards the Toppat Clan….

…..and the Toppat who killed Gold and Valentine.

#henry stickmin crown of roses #thsc cor #thsc #au #henry stickmin #thsc au #thsc ellie rose #copperrose #thsc reginald copperbottom #thsc right hand man #thsc Terrence suave #thsc general #thsc Galeforce #thsc general Galeforce #thsc charles calvin #thsc oc

[thai-with-booty]

So I didn't know but the Danes celebrate Christmas on the 24th, or at least that's what they were doing, we had a meal, it had duck instead of turkey and many of the vegetables boiled instead of roasted, but it was nice and we were sat around the table for a long time, there was dancing and giving presents. It was quite fun, after Oliver gave jib some expensive jewellery they disappear. I found out the next day they had finally had sex for the first time with each other in 2 months, she seemed relieved and as if it will have fixed everything, whereas I know he was probably doing it more out of duty and no excuse not to. So I went to bed with Emil, reminding him of his first Christmas gift from me many years ago, so he reenacting it cumming all over my boobs.

Christmas day was always odd in Thailand cos schools are open, people go to work and carry out their normal day, it's also 30 degree Celsius plus and sun shining. Oliver and jib were out most of the day, and I spent time with Emil, I also went out to meet another friend nut for the afternoon and evening. That was uneventful. I got back and me and Emil had sex before bed. After he fell asleep and I was on my phone when Oliver messaged me, meet me in the celler. I went down here and he said now was time for his Chrismas gift, he bent me over and fucked me until he was done, letting his big cock slide out of me, he said just what he needed and then left, telling me to wait a few minutes before he did. I went and showered and crawled back into bed with Emil. With Emil we are having sex 3-4 times a day like a couple, but every other day Oliver is fucking me, no concern for my pleasure, just taking sex from me. This morning Oliver walked in on me and Emil having sex, he knew we were for sure as he was unphased seeing us, he proceeded to say he was getting something from the bottom of the cupboard, and said we should continue as 'ive seen it all before ' he definitely looked at me as he said that. I was on top of Emil at the time, and was sat straddling him, Emil gave a little trust up as if I should continue, and so I've started to move up and down on his cock with Oliver a couple of meters away. After a minute of this Oliver grabs something and heads to the door, turning to look at me facing him riding Emil reverse cowgirl and says 'enjoy Emil, she's got a great body'. We finished a while after and he said in bed with me 'i think my dad likes you, he was looking at you a lot' I just joked would that be a problem, and he said no, my dad's always been competitive with me, and with that got up to take a shower. And that's where I am now morning of the 26th December

#oliver #emil

[spoopydooblr]

The Ken and Stella pregnancy blurb was so good could you write one where they find out that she’s pregnant?

ive been thinking about this scenario a lot and i cant really decide how i want this to go . . .

i think a year or so after they get married (stella is like 30ish) they start to really do their research and find the best fertility clinic in the city. its been almost 20 years since kendall and rava struggled to get pregnant, but still, he's not feeling optimistic.

stella gets a clean bill of health from the doctor, but ken isn't so lucky. just as he suspected, he was the problem. again.

was it the drugs? he was clean now, but he used so much...could he have ruined his chances forever?

stella assures him that it'll be okay, but she never went through what he had to 20 years ago.

they decide on a couple of treatments. they're both taking shots every day and pills at night and its exhausting. most of the meds go to kendall, but stella has to take some too, just in case.

they begin with intrauterine insemination, which is pretty simple and painless, but stella gets her period two weeks later. its hard on both of them, but especially kendall because he knows it's him, not her.

next they try ivf, which is a lot more complicated and expensive (not that money is an issue). now they both have to do injections and stella goes in for her egg retrieval.

the egg retrieval goes better than expected and they're left with 10. ken's sample has some relatively viable sperm so they pull the trigger and try to make some embryos.

the waiting is by-far the worst part, because deep down kendall knows there's no way those embryos are going to get made with his shitty sperm. he's right, unfortunately, and they're back to square one with zero embryos and ten now-frozen eggs.

kendall suggests a donor, like they did with iverson. stella's heartbroken, but they start to look into other options.

because they have the best doctors, however, they get into a trial for a new drug that increases sperm count and viability. stella is thrilled and insists kendall try it, but it's another injection and he's not super happy about it. nothing has ever worked for him, why now?

it's nice to have a break from more intense treatments, so they agree and kendall marks his torso up with injection pricks again.

three months later, ken and stella are enjoying some time off from surgery and tiny, microscopic cells that control their lives. kendall's in new york for the week, working on some financials for their production company (i imagine them making something rival to waystar and completely taking over the media scene), and stella is holding it down in los angeles, or at least trying to.

it's flu season and she's been to so many fancy parties in the last few weeks, stella is sick as a dog. she's a little worried, but the nausea, vomiting and headaches are typical for the flu, right?

she also chalks her late period up to stress. but it's been at least a few weeks...

the day before kendall is supposed to come home, stella drives herself to the hospital after she can't stop throwing up.

"when did the symptoms start?" the doctor asks.

"a week ago, i think, but ive been feeling kind of off for a while."

"and there's no chance you're pregnant? when was your last period?"

stella's heart skips a beat.

"um, i'm not sure. we're trying, uh, but it's been unsuccessful. my period is really irregular and i've been stressed so--" she trails off. "we've been trying for a couple of years."

"and are you taking medication?"

"i did, but it's not really..." she thinks for a bit. "it's not a uterus issue, it's my husband."

"and what is he taking?"

she tells the doctor about the new medication kendall is taking. "it's only been three months, so we're still hopeful. or at least i am."

"i've heard some great things about that new drug. it's really changing people's lives." the doctor smiles, turning away from stella and writing something down. "i'm going to order some tests, but i think you're fine."

------------------

kendall, obviously, sprints to his jet when stella tells him she's sick. she insists she's fine, but wants him to come home as soon as he can, which stresses him out to no avail.

he bursts through the door four hours later, finding stella reading a magazine on the couch.

"stell!" he says, running towards her.

"hey baby." she hugs him, bringing him down to the couch with her. stella presses her lips to his, but kendall is confused.

"aren't you sick?" he pulls away.

her face breaks into a huge smile. "about that..." stella gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

kendall looks at her quizzically, as she comes back with a piece of paper in her hands.

"i have something to show you." she says, holding the paper close to her.

"okay..." kendall smiles at her, utterly confused.

stella carefully sits next to him on the couch. "here."

kendall recognizes the picture immediately. he used to frame them when rava was pregnant with iverson.

"what is this?" he holds up the ultrasound. it's too good to be true, right? tears prick his eyes.

stella is crying already, and takes his hand. "that's inside of me."

he looks down at the black and white photo again. a fuzzy, bean-looking object sits, next to another, smaller object. he's speechless for the first time in his life.

"what is that?" he whispers, pointing to the smaller object on the page.

stella looks at him, and he really can't read her for once.

"this surprise comes with another surprise." she laughs.

kendall's crying, but he takes another look. "is that..."

"yeah."

"two?" he smiles wide.

"i'm pregnant." she finally says, putting her hands on his cheeks. "baby, we're having twins."

they both burst out into crying giggles, hugging. kendall kisses her all over, stopping at her stomach. it's still pretty flat, but he knows her body so well he swears he can see a tiny bump growing.

THIS WAS SO FUN AND LOVELY TO WRITE I LOVE THEM AND I HOPE U DO TOO

#kendall roy x oc #kendall roy x reader #kendall roy

[s0apmactav1sh]

Alex keller headcanons cuz hes still my husband and ive not focused enough on him because of my dedication to my other fics

I should be sleeping. I need a better sleep schedule

Cw: smut, male directed but can be read as nb no use of yn. These are just my headcanons for alex, i apologise if they arent in line with the actual game/game play i havent played it in a while

SFW <3

I full heartedly believe he grew up with siblings and was the oldest. I feel he was the "im player 1 bcuz im the oldest" type sibling but he still loved playing with his younger brothers/sisters. I feel he most likely had two younger sisters and was constantly hovering whenever they brought home guys or girls.

He was a sporty child, football? Yup, baseball? Yup, basketball? Sure why not. Anything that required him to be fully hands on he did. I think he was constantly on the move with training nearly every day of the week which he always attended no matter what.

Didnt have a girlfriend till his senior year of high school cuz he was completely oblivious to the girls who swooned over him. A complete gentleman and had great manners cuz his mama didnt raise no slob.

Only started experimenting with men in college but even then he was reluctant to try with the same sex bcuz he wasnt sure if it was ok to feel that way. Questioned his sexuality a lot when going through his phase of having one night stands with men

Joined the army to be 'helpful' he had the mindset that he wasnt being helpful sitting in his apartment doing nothing after finishing college. Fully enjoyed the training and everything. Put him into a routine that reminded him of his years of sports

Looks up to farah completely. No matter what he respects her entirely and sees her as the commander over there team.

Prefers a partner that isnt in the military, he'd rather come home to them and drop work off at the door. Hes a work stays at work typa guy and never drags things back, even if something goes bad he doesnt make it an entire personality afterwards for his partner to deal with.

NSFW <3

A raging bisexual but leans more towards men. Defo prefers to be the bottom rather than top mostly because hes so use to having a constant lifestyle so he'd rather be able to lay on his stomach taking it and being treated like a pillow prince that he is.

Loves recieving. Whether it be head or being eaten out he loves it. He's still a giver like will 100% return the favour to his partner if they want but if his partner is more into given well then he has no problem allowing them to do whatever.

Likes toys. Like the ones where his partner can control it, turning it up or down while its inside him. If is partner is male he defo has a custome dildo in the shape of there dick. Just for when hes on base and they arent there.

PHONE SEX!!!! do it with this man and hes folding. Absolutely adores it when hes being told what to do and how to do it. Makes it even better when his partner is on facetime with him and they can see what hes trying to do and they correct it if hes doing it wrong/about to hurt himself.

Eye contact. And a lot of it. Love just lovingly looking at his partner while theyre fucking the life out of him <3 even if there eyes are squeezed shut he still finds his eyes trailing over there facial features. Just completely adores the look as they pleasure him and themselves.

A proud moaner. Man will moan no matter what he has so many sensitive spots and with an attentive partner theres not a chance he stands that he can be quiet but it makes things seem even sweeter bcuz he voices his pleasure so much during the act.

That is it. Ill make another one for king!price later and part 2 to my fic coming out when i wake up

#alex keller is my husband #alex keller headcanons #alex keller imagine #alex keller #fjords rambles #call of duty #it is once again 4 am.

[tunaababee]

gonna get really sappy and DEEPLY tmi/personal about twenty one pilots on main so im gonna put it under a cut. i am cringe but i am free and clancy tour coming up is giving me Feelings

i've been a top fan since 2016. i initially had some resistance to them bc it was when Stressed Out was at its peak and like, yall know how oversaturation goes. even if its good, its fucking annoying by proxy. all the 12/13 year olds at my high school were into it. i was turning 17. and it was a really fucking rough year.

i've been deep into homestuck since i was about 14/15, but by age 16 i had branched out into text-based rp and met a guy from italy who i kind of had a situationship with i guess?? at the time?? idk if that's what the kids call it. (whenever i describe how many relationships ive had, i count this one as a 0.5) anyways. it eventually got to a point where he was emotionally abusing me for a period of about four months. it was brief, but intense, especially since im a fucking lovesick lonely teen at this point who doesnt know any better. he lovebombs me, talks to me and acts like i am his girlfriend, gets jealous and shitty if i talk about other people, but then the moment he goes and does the same shit i get told i'm the reason he was depressed, im the reason for his problems, etc. until he calmed down and placated me and won me over again. over and over, regularly, for four months. it was a lot for my little developing brain to handle.

i know people have had it longer, have had it worse, but it really left a lasting impact. i was left with a litany of abandonment issues, and self-esteem and image that was already bad was buried dead in the fucking ground. i wanted to die every single fucking day for those four months. he even told me, as i began to question my sexuality properly, that i couldnt be bi 'because i liked him'.

but he LOVED twenty one pilots. would quote their shit regularly. wore the merch. all that stuff.

by 2016 i'd managed to see clearly enough and have enough support from friends that i felt comfortable cutting him and his circle off permanently. and it was fucking hard. i didn't have a lot of irl friends at the time and it felt like my only support network. after i finally left, i was desperate to feel some semblance of control, take something back, my own personal little 'fuck you' i could carry in my heart.

with all the hype around them, i gave top a try. slowly eased my way in. i knew i was hooked when i heard Holding On To You for the first time. it made me feel like i could take back that control and find a light at the end of the tunnel.

i consumed everything they had put out after that. i saw them live at emotional roadshow sydney 2017, i was turning 18. i made so many new friends. i felt such hope in my heart. i sobbed so fucking hard when they played HOTY. they weren't the only reason i made it through, itd be naive to contribute everything to them when i've done a lot of work and so have the people around me, but they were like a lifeline to hold on to when things were hard.

i went and saw them again in 2018 for the bandito tour. i made my own outfit and was surrounded by people who had done the same. i made more friends, had more adventures. i was dropping out of high school the year that Trench released due to having the worst mental health i'd had probably since my abuse and felt so lost but it helped me feel a little more stable and grounded. like that light was still there.

a lot has happened since. i'll be 25 when i go see them in November, once again at Qudos Bank Arena in sydney. i'm in a happy relationship with someone i love who respects me. i'm doing things that make me happy. i'm happy. i've felt and experienced and lived and loved and lost and done so so so much since i was a scared 16 year old hearing them for the first time. i've gotten piercings and tattoos, something i never thought i'd do, and put their work permanently on my body. i'm so proud every time i see my tattoo on my arm. i genuinely love and accept myself exactly as i am, which is something i NEVER thought i'd do.

having Clancy come out nine years to the day from blurryface, an album that has been so deeply important to me in a lot of ways, gets me real misty. this entire tour gets me so misty. i didn't think i'd live past 18 at BEST. but i'm here and i'm fucking happy.

genuinely cannot emphasise how much this album and this tour means to me. i plan on getting a Clancy tattoo once the album comes out and i've had some time to sit with it. it feels very full circle, i guess. hearing Next Semester has just had me thinking about this constantly and all weepy all the time haha. but a good weepy.

i cannot fucking wait to scream in a stadium full of people again in a way that heals my heart.

#twenty one pilots #tw suicide mention #tw abuse mention #i wasnt kidding when i said i get real fucking tmi in here #my household already has to deal with me rambling about them all the time lol so tumblr gets the deep and meaningful

[enaelyork]

[Headcanon] Orson Krennic Past life ~

I've always felt frustrated that we don't know much about Krennic's past. So, as always, I felt compelled to think about it.

This is my point on view only, i'm so sorry. [Thats inclued Galen Erso's friendship]

🌔He did not come from a dysfunctional family. He grew up in a loving home where the constant anxiety of surviving hovered over their heads. He no longer counts the number of times he caught his parents calculating on the credits how they were going to make it through the month by hugging each other.

🌔I think Lexrul is an extremely poor planet where survival is difficult. Therefore, I am convinced that Krennic experienced extreme poverty. Although his parents both worked, their salaries were probably not enough to support them. He knows what it means to be hungry, deprived, sleepy and cold. I'm even sure he ended up on the street.

🌔It was in these extremely urgent situations that Krennic understood that he should not expect anything from others. That the problem with being on the wrong side of the line is that everyone around them is too and has a good excuse not to reach out to help them out. He comes to the conclusion that to succeed in life, he must first think about himself, his interests and no longer rely on anyone.

🌔He was always very smart and his parents quickly realized it. Living in such conditions pushes us to adapt quickly and well. They placed all their hopes in him when they sent him to take the entrance exams for Republic Futur Program. It was with this immense pressure on his shoulders and the deep conviction of being better than everyone that he grew up. Perhaps it was when he no longer believed in anything, when he and his family found themselves on the streets again, that he learned that he was accepted. It must have been a consecration that he perceived as a sign of destiny.

🌔Although he keeps in mind all the sacrifices his family made to get to this point. Krennic realizes that his life is light years away from that of adolescents his age and falls into all excesses. Money? Not a problem ! He is intelligent and cunning enough to blend in and manage to make enough friends to not worry about what he consumes. Its natural charm does the rest.

🌔The unlikely friendship he forms with the young Galen Erso is what is most authentic in his life. He won't admit it, but the way others taunted the math genius made him come to his defense. Galen will never know that if no one bothers him since he met Krennic it is because the latter obtained peace by beating a leader of the program in a clandestine betting game in a bar in Brentaal IV. (And maybe also by giving a few well-placed blows.)

🌔Everyone tries to see the best in the other. The complementarity of their relationship makes them a formidable duo. Galen often lectures Krennic on the way he acts and tries to restrain him when he is too impulsive. He teaches him to use his intelligence and his ability to bind people together while Orson teaches him how he must understand the world in which he lives and to sort out his parasitic thoughts.

🌔Galen's naivety and sensitivity touch him in a certain way. Sometimes he wants to preserve them, telling himself that he never had the chance to be able to do so in his life. Like a window open to a world that he will never know but that he can contemplate discreetly.

🌔Many people on the show wonder how a guy as quiet and shy as Galen Erso could be around the rambunctious and insufferable Orson Krennic. Galen, above all, thinks that no one sees what lies behind the ice cap that Krennic has erected around him and feels honored to be the only one to have a glimpse of it.

🌔Besides, he has already caught Krennic doing a good deed. Several times. It’s like a carefully kept secret that seals their deep friendship.

🌔Galen understands that Krennic is bluffing about his life and tries to help him discreetly. Not out of pity. But he believes that Krennic has proven enough to him that he has a good heart to strive to make his life better.

🌔From the moment he left the program to move up the ranks, he made sure his family didn't want for anything. He never mentions it, but his parents have had a solid roof over their heads since the day money stopped being an issue for Orson.

🌔He, more than any officer/employee of the Republic, is aware of how lucky he is to be where he is. He will not give up his place to anyone and will do everything possible to be worthy of this destiny that awaits him.

🌔Krennic wants to be first everywhere. All the time. He doesn't just want to be a part of things, he wants to be the best at everything he does. He probably only lives through the eyes of those who can bring him this prestige. He constantly needs reassurance about his performance because he is such a perfectionist that nothing ever satisfies him. I think that when you have fallen too far down the social ladder (and this is his case), the need to climb back up is no longer enough. You have to constantly be on top of the world and observe the universe from afar to feel safe.

🌔As a boss, Krennic is as much feared as he is appreciated. I am convinced (from my reading of Betrayal and the way Ronan describes it) that Krennic can be kind, fair and correct with his employees. He probably does it to put himself forward and obtain praise or for his performance. But whatever, the result is there.

#orson krennic #director krennic #star wars #galen erso #galennic #orson krennic headcanon #headcanon #star wars headcanon #rogue one #star wars rogue one #krennic headcanon #galactic empire #imperial stuff #krennic #krennic edit

[thecareandkeepingofwhumpees]

My entry for @febuwhump day 16: came back wrong. I strayed a bit from the original prompt, but that’s where this idea originated.

Hi, @whumpy-wyrms! You asked to be tagged if I ever wrote anything about Maddox.

Content warnings: medicinal drugs, surgery, description of a corpse, dry heaving, needles, possible body dysmorphia/dysphoria triggers, and myriad scientific inaccuracies.

Maddox viewed himself, his body, as expendable.

So was it really any surprise that he, like the favorite toy of a toddler, dragged around with them everywhere without care or caution, had grown ragged; stained and fraying at the edges? No, of course not. But the fact of the matter was that his scarred and needy body had caused him more problems than it was worth.

As a scientist, it was his job to discover innovative solutions to any problems that may present themselves, and as a mad scientist, those solutions were not limited by a code of ethics or lack of government funding, meaning he could, should, and would find an alternative to his current situation.

As was so often the case, the solution came in the form of a robot. Two robots, actually. One that would become his new body, and one to hold the scalpel, because he couldn’t very well operate on his own spinal cord, now could he? No; no, that wouldn’t work. He would need to be under anesthesia, at the very least, throughout the entire procedure. Thankfully, being self-employed, he could grant himself as much time as he saw fit to build, code, and perfect two robots. It’d taken a few years and many sleepless nights, but the time had finally arrived.

Maddox laid himself down on his operating table, the robot that was soon to be him poised nearby, and slid a needle into the vein in his wrist, connecting it to the IV that would pump the anesthesia into his bloodstream. Arranging himself into the planned position, he allowed the drowsiness seeping into his mind from the drug to carry him into nothingness.

When Maddox regained consciousness, everything was wrong.

No, that- no, nothing was wrong. The procedure had gone perfectly. He should be ecstatic.

Years ago, Maddox had given himself top surgery. It had been, at that point, the most invasive procedure he’d performed on himself. It was messily done, and the scars it had left were long and jagged, but what he had felt when it was finished was relief, like an itch just out of his reach had finally been scratched.

Now, the only thing he felt was something close to horror.

His brain was spamming him with the urge to double over vomiting, an instinct that, as he was no longer in possession of a stomach, was rendered useless. Of course, he must allow for an adjustment period as his brain adapts to its new situation, he reasoned as he sank to the floor, retching. He stayed on his knees until his mechanical breathing fell back into a normal rhythm.

Then he pulled himself back up onto his feet, and glanced at the operating table, which was a bad idea because he was on the operating table. Well, no. Not him-him, but his corpse. An incision, cleaner than Maddox’s human hands could ever have achieved, slit his corpse open from the top of his head to the middle of his back, flaps of skin hanging loose as if he were a frog abandoned in the middle of dissection.

Maddox was surprised that the sight didn’t send him into another round of dry heaving, but perhaps his brain had finally realized the futility of the motion. Instead, he pulled himself back onto the table, and curled up against his corpse. As he now had no reason to worry about going hungry or contracting a disease, there was nothing to prevent him from mourning himself for as long as he needed.

#febuwhumpday16 #febuwhump #maddox #came back wrong #whump #whump writing #febuwhump2024 #self-whump #self-inflicted whump #supers universe #caretaker talks