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onceonafullmoon · 1 year

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If the devil saw you, he’d kiss your eyes and repent

(Shoutout to @kandyrezi for helping me recover these fics and making this title, you’re actually the best)

Ivlis x Reader

Tw!! Victim blaming, past non con mentions, abuse and the fact that Satanick exists

Word Count: 1,600-ish

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Ivlis has trouble sleeping.

He always has had trouble sleeping, after he was cast out of the world of the sun he often complained about the cold. Just passing comments, they meant nothing to the others, but you and Reita knew.

You never said anything to him, but you both made sure to pile extra blankets on his bed, and if he looked at you with his molten eyes just a bit softer, well, that was none of your business.

Even if you couldn’t help the skip of your heart beat in your chest.

But neither you nor Reita, if she were here, know how to fix this.

When you watch Ivlis, as broken as he is, cry over the man who tortured him, you realize you don’t understand.

You wish you could understand, it if we’re to ease his burden just a bit.

But you can’t do a thing, except watch him beat himself up over and over again, try to ignore the sounds of his sniffles at night and try to pretend as if nothing has gone wrong.

You feel just as powerless as when he were here and hurting your master.

Gods did you hate him, with his stupid smarmy grin, waltzing into Lord Ivlis’s life and ruining it.

The perverted, trash excuse for a devil had hurt your master like none had before, it made your stomach churn.

And you tried your best to stop him, you really did.

You’d try your best to get in the way while Reita was gone, try to get him away from Lord Ivlis when you could. You would risk your own harm if it meant sparing him this cruel fate.

But Ivlis would always tell you to stand down, you’d protest, of course, but he always tried his best to protect you from harm.

And the smug purple eyed devil would simply laugh at your attempts, calling you “cute” and teasingly asking Ivlis if you couldn’t join them.

Disgusting.

But if it helped your master, you would do almost anything for him.

But Ivlis would never let you help him, he would never let you put yourself in harms way for him, no matter how you insisted on it.

“Please, Lord Ivlis,” You’d beg desperately almost kneeling before him. “let me help you! Just once, please!”

And he’d refuse, over and over and over again.

(Nothings changed as you look back at it, now or even then. You still don’t know how to help him. Perhaps you never will.)

You can’t even imagine how he stands it.

It tears you apart sometimes, why did he stay? But why didn’t he stay? Would it be worse or better?

Should you let your master stay addicted, or pull him away knowing relapse could kill him?

Why couldn’t things just be black and white instead of the distressing gray you felt trapped in?

“(Name)?” A familiar voice echos, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Lord Ivlis?”

You turn to look at him, noting the prominent dark circles under his eyes and his messy strewn hair.

Struggling to sleep again, you hypothesize.

Wordlessly, he walks over to you, his height while towering spreads no fear in you.

“Lord Ivlis?” You ask, tentatively.

Immediately he envelops you in a hug, an uncharacteristic action of him that leaves you stunned.

“I- Lord Ivlis?” You ask again, frozen in surprise and confusion before gingerly wrapping your hands around him as well.

“(Name)… please stay with me.”

His voice is feeble, it hurts to see him at his worst, going so far as to seek comfort in a servant like you.

“Of course.” You say resolutely, and lead him back to his bedroom.

You sit yourself on your bed as you’ve done multiple times before and wait patiently for him to sit next to you.

Before, you would be horrified at the thought of daring to sit on your devil’s bed, but things change, you suppose.

You shift out of your thoughts as Ivlis’ said weight dips into the bed, resting his back against the head board and you do the same.

“Sorry.” He utters softly.

Then you do something you never would have done before.

“Lord Ivlis, with all due respect, shut up.”

Turning to him, he glances at you shell shocked, but when he sees the slight quirk of your lips relaxes, snorting before leaning his head back.

“Careful, if you keep up that attitude I might have to smite you. It would be a shame to lose such a useful subject.”

You grin slightly, knowing that his words hold no weight, he had always been more fond of you than he liked to let on.

“You wouldn’t do that Lord Ivlis, I’m the only useful one left.” You say, playfully knocking your knees against his.

He grunts in annoyance but slightly knocks you back, making a giggle pour out of your lips.

It’s quiet then, but that’s ok somehow, the silence isn’t suffocating, just welcoming and warm.

It’s easy to forget who you both are then, rather than a devil and his subordinate you feel like clouds drifting lazily in the sky, if only for this moment free from the gravity of your situations.

But you’ll bring yourself back to the ground eventually because good things never last long.

“Lord Ivlis, what happened?” You ask softly, brushing your knee against his.

He looks away, answering curtly and resolutely. “I couldn’t sleep.”

You know he knows that wasn’t what you were asking, but you don’t pry. He would speak in his own time.

“(Name).” He speaks out again after another lapse of silence, this time thick with emotion. “I hate him.”

“I know.” You say.

“I love him.”

“…I know.”

“You do know… so why don’t you think that I’m pathetic? Changing my mind like this, wanting him out of my life from the start and then at the very end when he leaves, begging him not to… I’m like a petulant child.”

“I shouldn’t care, I should be happier if anything, but it’s all the same as before, if not worse. I see his face in my nightmares like I did then, but instead of being afraid of him I wake up wishing he were still here. Do you know why that is (Name)?” Ivlis finishes as he looks at you imploringly.

“I- well, Lord Ivlis-” You start before getting interrupted.

“Ivlis. Just Ivlis.”

You want to argue that it isn’t proper for you to do that, but you decide you’ll allow it just this once.

“Ivlis, I could never find you pathetic, not in a situation like this. I can’t say that I understand but… you can’t choose your feelings, no one has that power. Yes, he did do terrible, horrible things, and I can’t lie to you and say that l would welcome him with open arms if he came back, but regardless, what you feel for him, what you felt for him, that was genuine and true.”

“I wish it weren’t. I wish I could just blame it all on him.”

“I know.” You say repeating yourself again. “But you can’t hold yourself guilty for feelings that you can’t control. It’s easier said than done, but the only thing I wish for you Lord Ivlis, is for you to have lived a life without regrets.”

If he notices the slip up of the use of his title at the end he doesn’t mention it. Instead he shifts closer, pulling his hands up to meet yours. You say nothing but firmly grasp his rough scaled hands with yours.

“(Name), can you take away this pain?” He asks, wrenching at your heart.

“If I could I’d do anything I would, but I can’t, I’m sorry.” You whisper, feeling tears well up in your eyes.

“Don’t apologize or I’ll smite you.” He says sternly.

A smile breaks out on your face, and you can’t help the chuckle that leaves your mouth. Which turns into full out laughter until you find yourself sobbing and whilst holding his hand to your chest.

With a swift movement you find yourself in his lap, his free hand stroking your back, Normally you would feel flustered by the proximity, but you find yourself giggling again, despite it all.

“I’m sure this is supposed to be the other way around.” You manage to speak after wiping your tears away.

“It should be, you’re losing your spot as the most useful subordinate.”

“Who’s replacing me?”

“Emalf.”

You can’t help letting out a tiny gasp in indignation. “What? Come on, I’m not that bad. I’d take being worse than Poemi, but Emalf?!”

The sight of the slight smirk on his face fills you with elation, although you do feel slightly bad for Emalf.

“You’re right, I sincerely apologize for my mistake.”

“What’s this? The great Ivlis apologizing? This is unheard of, a true feat!”

“I believe that’s ‘Lord Ivlis’ to you.”

You can’t help but beam up at him as you hear him joke back to you with a smirk on his face.

As if he realizes what he’s doing, his smirk drops and he looks away, you frown slightly, wishing he could just allow himself to be happy.

“(Name), can I ask one last question?”

You bite your tongue before you can tell him that he just asked one and nod silently.

“Do I deserve to have you?”

The question surprises you, and you can feel your cheeks beat up slightly at the phrasing but you respond as honestly as you can.

“You deserve me.”

It’s not an “I love you” not yet, not so soon, but the emotion behind it is still there, and you feel that he’s smart enough to figure it out himself.

As you pull yourself off his lap to let him rest, you feel his rough hands grasp your arm softly.

“Stay with me.” He says, it’s not a question, a statement rather, but you’re still left with a choice.

“Of course, Lord Ivlis.”

You often wonder why he’d think you’d choose any other option.

#the grey garden #the gray garden #tgg #deep sea prisoner #dsp #funamusea #okegom #ivlis #Ivlis x reader #angst #victim blaming #satanick x ivlis #kinda??

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