#like i think about what ocd is for me and it's like

[thedarkerobsessions]

random astro observations pt.3

I'm not an astrologist, I'm only an observer. These are my personal observations.

Sun/5h- these people make great directors, producers, actors, and writers too. Could be a talent here in sport activities and sometimes they attain fame and a huge amount of wealth if they turn professionals. Sun in 5h makes the native strong. Can manipulate things in order to remain in the focus of the public. Tendency to have financial difficulties because of their excessive calculative nature and over-confidence.

Jupiter in 9th and 12th house will destroy any of their enemies

I feel like cancer moons naturally have the more developed characteristics of a cancer than a cancer sun. Every cancer sun I've met had more negative characteristics of the cancer such as being secretive, sneaky, cold. moody, and manipulative. The cancer moons I've came across had more of the positive traits of the cancer such as being nurturing, gentle, soft, and kind. Empaths. Cancer suns are most definitely empaths as well. Personally i just think that cancer is uncomfortable placed in the Sun, leading them to feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable. Similar to Scorpio, they can be skeptical, quiet, closed off, and have the "get them before they get me" kind of mindset. I believe they choose to have sympathy for others, only when they want to or actually feel for them. They are more closed off than cancer moons in my opinion.

Virgo Risings are very meticulous about everything, but one random thing their usually very OCD about is their bed. Their the types to make their bed, you lightly sit on the edge right after, and they start freaking out on you. Very detailed orientated, they pay close attention to people and are also very focused on themselves. Huge critics of themselves and sometimes others.

Mercury in Virgo are excellent writers and poets. They are phenomenal even at a young age in ELA/writing classes. They know how to express themselves perfectly, and they're highly analytical people. They know just what to say, and exactly how to say it. Excellent problem solvers as well.

#astro observations #astro placements #astrology aspects #astrology #birth chart #virgo placements #cancer placements

[beelzzzebub]

sometimes i look at all the little things that ocd makes me do, that honestly i forget about so much of the time, and i realize wow this is.. not normal? like i'll be halfway through a fanfic that's taken me twice as long to read because i keep having to adjust my mouse on the screen and stare at the clock to some beat in my head, and it hits me that the annoyance and distraction of it almost feels mundane to me at this point. and i realize that that's not normal, that not everyone does this, and that just feels.. strange, i guess

#like it's so frustrating! to take extra long to do things because of compulsions #but sometimes i honestly forget how far reaching some of this stuff is in my life day to day #like i think about what ocd is for me and it's like #oh ok #tics and sort of contamination and even-ness #alright #but then i forget that sooo much of what i do regularly is because of ocd #things that most people i know wouldn't understand- that they sometimes see me doing and stop to cast a strange look at #boink #ocd #tics

[six-of-cringe]

tumblr is to moral ocd what tiktok is to adhd and post

#i gotta be careful what i see. the all or nothing thinking is rampant #its so exacerbated here i only follow like a couple ppl #even if i like someone's content i might not follow them bc if i see something that makes me Think too hard #i'll get stuck in a spiral and i Have to Keep Reading. so i check their shit manually when i can handle it. #even other soc blogs lol sorry guys love yall #anyway sorry i can't think about every issue always forever. no one can but especially not me #when you try to enjoy the internet but the tumblr environment makes your brain beat you with a stick yelling BAD EVIL BAD PERSON #epic crippling empathy moment #ocd mention #moral ocd #ocd scrupulosity #not soc #ocd

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

#this is a massive pet peeve of mine #im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too #like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's #as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears #and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely #not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful #not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade #ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful #and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm #so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively #its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner #its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere “worry” #bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

#cats #I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol #I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh #I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day #so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the #writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird #to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in #it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something #''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way #you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj #Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future'' #things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up #with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just #stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house #in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty #that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn #There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not #even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy #birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public #ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take #anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some #things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like #2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were #playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol.. #Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my #evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me) #i keep on doing it for no apparent reason #someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that. #even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women. #i hate it here! #for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man! #at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage #and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk #but at the same time i. want to be loved. #i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself #i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it #and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately #this isn't entirely related but it kind of is #like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it? #i don't know. i don't know! #for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know #i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that. #but i don't know how to stop it. #i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all. #this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are #queer stuff tag #i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as #the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing #ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded #also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him #i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know #i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all. #i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever #care for me #now im rambling. sorry

[astriiformes]

Had a really good conversation with my therapist yesterday that has left me feeling better about life & the future than I have in... months, honestly (which also has me feeling really good about her ability to help me continue sorting through things).

I was talking about my distress about the future and in particular what I'm going to do when I graduate, since grad school isn't the most stable option, and she pointed out that since I was spiraling over hypotheticals, maybe it made sense to simply make up my mind about the first step, since applying to grad school is hardly the same as committing to grad school. And she was so right. I am so good at feeling like I need to make the right, perfect decision -- especially after making mistakes with school in the past -- that I have been worrying myself into depressive spirals over what the "right" decision is here. But making up my mind to at least apply and find out what my options are is a decision, that will give me a lot more information in the long run than paralysis over if it's "okay" to apply at all.

It'll still take a lot of work, obviously, and l don't know if I'll even get in anywhere, much less actually commit to doing a PhD if I do. But it has taken such an incredible weight off my shoulders just to say "Okay, I am going to apply, what next?" Because it means I can put all that nervous energy to actual use! Instead of spiraling the next time I start thinking about my options in the future, I can go do research on different PhD programs (without feeling guilty the whole time, like I have been until now)! I can ask my favorite professors for advice! I can reach out to current grad students to ask what they think of their advisors! All of which is actually productive and will help me make the most informed choice I can if and when the time comes, instead of ruminating endlessly on what the "best" one is!

TL;DR -- my therapist is very smart and understands me and the things my brain gets stuck on in a big way, and her advice has dislodged literal months of extremely disordered thinking just like that. Because now I feel like I've made a choice and have something to work towards. And also like I can breathe.

#it is probably not a coincidence that i finally feel like i've 'clicked' with a therapist again who also is knowledgeable about OCD #because i think this is a very OCD problem and very OCD solution #stuck worrying about a totally hypothetical choice? make a non-hypothetical one so it becomes real and actionable instead! #i am literally going to file this away for all major life decisions; i get so stuck on this kind of thing and it's so smart #genuinely cannot overstate how much i've been struggling with this for months and how much it's just. gone now #like i'm having a good week mentally ('maybe it's the start of the semester / maybe it's vyvanse' joke - but actually) #so i am not going to pretend this fixes everything forever #but also it was constantly hanging over me and now it's. not #anyways! i have no idea if academia is the right choice for me! but i'd kind of like it to be! so we'll see what happens! #and in the meantime i will do productive things instead of self-flagellating about being interested in an unstable field! #i love. therapy. love when it works

[grimweathers]

hey anyone else sick of crying about the News and World Events

#also idk i think my ocd is getting to me in this regard #i have been spending money fairly regularly on esims and gofundmes and bail support etc #but since my bank account is not literally at zero dollars after paying rent/bills my brain is like. #you still technically have money and you're NOT donating more?? you're keeping it for yourself to what. get takeout? #and then it's just 'you're a bad person' on repeat until i donate #then there's a break and it starts all over #okay typing this out makes me see that it is in fact my ocd lol there's no 'idk i think' about it #river talks

[gxlden-angels]

Do not stop talking about Palestine. Do not forget about Palestine. This is not a battle of religion and I do not think it should be treated as such. From the river to the sea, they will be free 🇵🇸

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I am just some guy in the US. I am not a direct source of information. Please listen to Palestinians. Please help them directly. Please help with protests if your country is supplying Israel with weapons like the US.

#but wait there's more #it may take a while for me to gather my thoughts so not immediately #I have so many thoughts specially about holy land experience type shit #my personal belief is that Palestinians should be given back their land #Israel will become a part of Palestine and would receive full citizenship #and all of them will be treated as equals #Aid will go to Palestinians as the country and rebuilt as much as it can be after so much tragedy #Since the idea of Israel was to have a protective Jewish state #I think the better option would be for the world to agree collectively to be a place for refugees #if there's another situation like the holocaust #all refugees should be given that opportunity to escape #there's so many conspiracies against Jewish people which is why I think it needs to be declared by countries to protect any Jewish person #that is fleeing antisemitism in their current country #it doesn't need to be a Jewish state especially with so many Jewish people being pro-Palestine #and living outside of Israel #I know people currently living in Israel and I want them to be safe #And they will be if their government just lets Palestinians live #but yea later on I'll talk about the holy land experience thing I'm pissed about rn #I feel like I haven't said enough on the blog. I have terrible OCD where I'll ruminate about this until I panic #I do not want to be a source of that for others so I encourage you to educate yourself without ruminating #It does not help Palestine to shame yourself and others for not being able to do a specific thing #So instead I ask you to look it up when you are able to and do what you can #I usually do the daily clicker and I wanted to join my university's protests but couldn't #since I was the only one working my job which is monitoring the queer safe space on campus #and I didn't want to close that area just in case it was need by protesters or queer students #just found out today ppl at my school will be expelled if caught so that's why it's at the front of my mind rn

[beelzzzebub]

i left a bowl of soup on my desk two weeks ago and forgot about it for one day. and it has been growing slowly moldy. it is terrifying. i am so scared of it. i am so scared and i need to get rid of it because it is getting so bad and there's like at least four different types of mold on it and at least one i don't even recognize but i'm just so fucking terrified to touch it or even get close to it guys i need help what do i do i am honestly so terrified and i am starting to get scared to be in my room and i feel like i kind of can't breathe in here which is not really good and also i am such a shitty roommate but i am just so scared i cannot emphasize how fucking terrified i am

#boink #ocd #i keep saying ill deal with it #and then every time i look at it im like shit #its mold #fucking #its fucking mold #and then i leave it #and then obviously leaving it makes it get worse #to the point where like this thing is actually probably becoming a biohazard #what the fuck do i do with it #i am the disgusting person you hear about #but im starting to literally avoid my room because im so scared of the mold radiation or whatever the fuck #i feel like its touched everything #im scared to sleep in my room tognith #genuinely if anyone has any ideas for how to deal with this rn #like ig just suck it up and fucking deal with it #but guys i do not think the cbt worked well enough for me to manage that rn #like if anyone with ocd has ideas for how to minimize the obsession and the fear so i can just get it over with #like anything i can do in the moment idk #i feel not well and even though i literally know that its not related i just keep connecting everything to this fucking contaminant #and at this point who knows honsetly that actually could be the case #because i have fucking problems and i let it get out of hand #im kind of losing it

[wormsdyke]

hang on do other people often feel the compulsion to go into career fields that feel like The Right and Morally Correct Thing To Do despite not personally wanting to work in that industry as a way of performing penance for the havoc mankind has wrought on the earth or is that an ocd thing

#does this make sense #the big one for me is i should go into the meat industry to help shift it to sustainable and ethical meat production #i Don’t want to do that i want to support it but not work in it #but i’m sitting here like ugh. i’m not looking forward to doing that for the rest of my life #i realize i used the word compulsion in describing this. and that’s what the c is for #also startling to see the word penance in there. catholic much #alright whatever i have therapy tomorrow i’ll think about it later #ocd #actually ocd #orating! #ocd tag

[s0ckh3adstudios]

Hey random but if there's anything I'm ever somehow being disrespectful about or saying incorrectly or doing wrong things, PLEASE let me know because chances are I have absolutely no idea. Because the last thing I want to do is something disrespectful or offensive

#i guess I'm thinking about this because like #there's the whole thing where people are misusing the term of autism i guess and even just equating it to normal weird quirks #and making these jokes and such #and there was all this stuff i knew but I don't know how much is legit #i thought i was on the autism spectrum for a long time #I still wonder but #i did do some dumb little quizzes for a dr (who didn't even normally do stuff like this i think) and the results were that I'm not hut who #knows of the accuracy #and it left me feeling bad because a lot of traits of myself i thought were similar to being on the autism spectrum #and even then i think I'm weird and have weird traits in general and was discouraged i didn't have like. a reason for why I'm weird the way #i am. and if I'm not i really don't want to be saying anything i shouldn't. before I was just mostly following what everyone around me was #saying #am i allowed to say hyperfixations?? can i have those if I'm not? because i definitely have those #i don't want to make any ignorant jokes or statements #who knows if i sit anywhere on that spectrum (even my mom thinks i do) but if i don't. i just want to be careful #i do have very high anxiety AND ocd if that means anything #those are confirmed #sock talk

[transgender-catboy]

Literally on my hands and KNEES!!!

Why can't people make plushies for Peter B too? There's tons of Miguel plushies, I just wanna get one of my guy...

#but if i were to get one I'd need a matching Miguel because my brain has decided i cannot get Peter anything unless i get his boyfriend too #and i mean that. it's almost like an ocd thing i think? like. i feel ill if i can't pair them up #that's why i had to get the legos that way #and the Miguel charm for my lanyard also had to have a match so i made up for it with the peter pin #the only reason why im not ick belgh urgh about my miguel plushie that i got ages ago is because i knew i was gonna find a matching spider #in this case he's gonna have a hugemongus orb but it's fine #idk. i think it's an autism thing? my brain just needs pairs matches and sets otherwise i feel like clawing myself out of my skin #like I'm itchy ??? i really do not know how to describe it #there's also a guilt with it because I've humanized them too much #(the plushies pins and figures) #i feel bad if they don't have their friends #i genuinely do not know whats wrong with me

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️ #personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

[box-of-infinite-books]

Curious, what are some of your favorite old/nostalgic minecraft texture packs? Bonus points if you can tell me what version you consider ‘old’ because I realize that might differ from person to person

#not 20w14infinite #context i suppose. i was thinking about bugging around with some old minecraft versions #and thought using some old texture packs would be fun #but also im just legit curious what people used to use #i liked using some really minimalist pack that i dont remember the name of #one of those ones that removed more details instead of adding them #because idk i was just Like That #i started playing in the beta. i wanna say around 1.2? #but the beta in general kinda feels like 'old' minecraft to me #minecraft #mineblr #edit: after looking around i think what i used was oCd by disco_ #wild

[warden-melli]

I am excited but so anxious about the new game. Now that the excitement of the reveal has had some time to settle the anxiety is really creeping in, and I can’t stop thinking about all the ways this game could go wrong, or make decisions that I absolutely despise ˙◠˙

#like what if charactersbreturn that I prefer wouldn’t? #what if they make a ship canon or ruin established lore? #what if it’s just bad? #My anxiety is so bad that I haven’t been able to bring myself to play part 2 of the sv dlc yet #like there’s so so many ways this could go wrong #my ocd is making me so sick about it #like I don’t think anything could ever ruin Melli for me #but what if there is? absolutely petrifying #Melli speaks