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#like i was Struggling in bg3 when i started out
fandom-go-round · 4 months
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bg3 companions + their reactions to finding out they knocked up fem tav? 👀 (for the ladies we can say they're trans or it's magic)
I wrote my boy first because he’s the best, can you guess who it is? Hint: He’s my first romance. No guess for you lovely requestor because you know too much LOL
Also I’m ignoring cannon endings here because we want to end up happy with babies. No angst here, begone!
Warnings: Implied Sex, Implied Sexual Situations, Pregnant Tav, Babies, Pregnancy Thing (Morning Sickness)
Astarion:
At first, he thinks that you’re joking. Vampires can’t have children after all, that’s a pretty basic fact. When you’re insistent, part of him wants to accuse you of cheating, as much as it pains him. That’s a part of him still tainted by Cazador and he muffles it as best he can. Astarion is going to insist you go to a healer together; if you’re not pregnant, something must be going on you need help with. When Shadowheart confirms you’re with child, he’s at a loss. Astarion doesn’t know what to say, truly.
After the initial shock, he goes on the hunt for anything and everything about human-vampire babies. The records are hard to find and some are locked far, far away but he finds them all. He can be very persuasive after all. It’s in one of these books that he figures out how you two made a baby; he’s going to be very careful taking your blood from now on. Speaking of, Astarion will refuse to drink from you while you pregnant, no ifs ands or buts. This is a firm boundary for him, even if you smell more and more delicious the farther along you get.
The pregnancy is hard and Astarion is afraid he’s going to lose you. The birth is especially gruesome and it’s only because of Shadowheart and Halsin that you’re alive. He wants to resent the baby for how you suffered but he can’t, they’re just too perfect. He’s afraid of getting too close, of tainting this little thing but you refuse to let him be apart. The first time he holds your child he weeps and it’s over. Astarion is always going to struggle with his emotions and feelings about being a father but never about how much he loves them. Also, he’s completely in charge of their wardrobe; you’re going to have the best-looking baby in the entire city hands down.
Gale:
Gale was always on the fence about kids. Sure they’re cute but they’re also loud and he struggles to take care of himself, let alone a little squishy creature. That doesn’t mean he’s upset when you tell him you’re pregnant, not at all. He’s just doing furious calculations in his mind and it looks like he’s crashed. Give his brain a moment to reset and he’ll give you a large grin and lean down to kiss you. Tara is the first person the two of you tell and she’s excited, vowing to be the baby’s protector. Gale loves her even more which is quite the feat. His mother is next and she immediately starts offering help. He just can’t get over how perfect his family is, it feels like a dream sometimes. 
He takes a very technical approach to your pregnancy, like everything. Gale is reading all of the baby books and using all of the tracking charts he can get his hands on. He even goes to talk to midwives, wanting an expert opinion. It’s very sweet of him but you have to remind him that all babies grow at their own pace. He just wants to be the best dad he can and for him, that means more information. It is funny to watch him change a diaper for the first time but he never backs down from a challenge! Maybe he can use magic…?
He’s a mess when you actually go into labor. Gale swore he would be with you the entire time and then passed out in the final moments. He wakes up to a healthy baby and immediately starts crying. He enjoys being a dad, especially teaching your child new things. Your kid is going to have a huge curious streak that Gale will feed with vigor. He doesn’t consciously want your kid to be a wizard but would be overjoyed to have more in common with them.
Wyll:
Wyll is over the moon, as surprised as he is. Kids are something that he’s always wanted to have eventually and with you, his favorite person? What could go wrong? Of course, he’ll hear out your concerns if you have any and can have difficult conversations around pregnancy and child birth. One benefit of being a noble is that he has resources to help; whatever you want will be yours. He’s nervous to tell his dad but once the older man starts to tear up, he knows that he’s made a good choice. Wyll wants his family to be whole and happy.
He’s a chronic hoverer, as cute and frustrating as that is. Even in the early stages of pregnancy Wyll will try to do everything for you; moving a trunk? He’s got that, don’t strain yourself. Trying to cook dinner? Let him help you love. Be firm that you can do things yourself and he’ll back off. Just know that when you turn to ask him for help he’ll be waiting in the wings to be your hero. He’s also a pro at helping you figure out cravings. Wyll won’t complain if you wake him up in the middle of the night to go get something from the kitchen. He loves wrapping his arms around you from behind and rocking together; you being in his arms is his favorite thing.
He’s a trooper during the birth, being there the entire time. It takes a long time and he does worry but he encourages you and is your personal cheerleader. He can’t stop smiling after the baby is born, tracing their cheeks and forehead. As much as it would be funny to say Wyll struggles with being a dad, he really doesn’t. He loves your child so much, you’re surprised he never brought up kids in the first place. He is very much the definition of doting father but don’t let that fool you, he takes no disrespect, especially towards you. You’re the ruler of the house and Wyll is your backup. He’s the perfect mix of fun and strict dad. Now if he can convince you to have others…
Karlach:
Karlach is over the moon when you find our you’re pregnant. She had noticed you felt off and encouraged you to go to the doctor. Neither of you were expecting the baby news, as silly as it sounds. That doesn’t stop her form immediately lifting you up with a loud ‘whoop!’ and spinning your around the room. She loves babies! She loves you! This is going to be great.
She insists on redoing a room just for the baby. Even if their crib is going to be in your room for the first few months, Karlach wants your kid to have their own space. She paints the walls, builds all the furniture, everything. She asks for you opinion on decorations and doesn’t do anything without checking with you first but it’s her labor of love. It’s also her project for when she gets anxious thinking about the future. What is something goes wrong with her heart? What if something is wrong with the baby? What is the birth is too much for you? All of these thoughts get washed away in making the baby’s room perfect and then she goes to talk to you.
Karlach helps as much as she can during the birth aka you kick her (lovingly) into the hall to go grab towels so she stops hovering. When she gets back the baby is almost here and there’s no time to panic, just watch with wide eyes. She thinks you’re even more of a badass for going through all that and asks to hold the baby fist. Karlach cries holding them; they’re so cute and small and they’re the perfect mix of the two of you. She’s defiantly going to be the fun mom and there will be moments where it feels like you have two kids to scold. She takes safety very seriously, however, and is the first to lecture about stranger danger. Your kid will never feel unloved or unsafe, Karlach swears it on her life. This is her family now and no one else can have them.
Lae’zel:
Lae’zel struggles with the news that you’re having a baby. Partly because she never thought that she could have kids and the other part because she’s terrified about being a mom. She wasn’t raised in a traditional Faerunian way; no where on the continent can be compared to being raised Gith. She needs time to process on her own and it’ll be a few days before she comes back ready to talk. Take her concerns seriously and, if you truly want to keep the baby, she’ll raise them with you. She loves you after all.
It takes her a bit to understand all the changes your body is going through. It’s horrifying and amazing to watch your stomach swell and she loves gently cradling your bump as it grows. She doesn’t know what to do about the crying, except when someone else makes you cry. Then it’s easy: she wants to kill them. That usually makes you laugh and you’re able to talk her out of bodily harm. You do have some nice shop discounts now. Lae’el is very much your guard dog and she fulfills her position with pride.
The entire birthing process just shows Lae’zel that you’re the strongest person she knows. She’s completely impressed by how you handle everything and has a new respect for moms everywhere. She still thinks it’s gross and inefficient but badass all the same. Lae’zel is a strict mom but soft in her own way. She’s still learning to be kind to herself and the world around her. Your child will never feel the brunt of her frustration or confusion; they will, however, be able to swing a sword much too young. She beams with pride the first time your child beheads a training dummy and you know, deep deep down, that the two of them going to be trouble.
Shadowheart:
She starts to notice the signs before you do, honestly. At first it’s little things; you’re tired quicker, you’re more sensitive to certain smells. The big one is that you start to get morning sickness, frequently. Shadowheart finally sits you down after the fifth morning in a row over a bucket and checks you over. You’re pregnant all right, not doubt there. She’s going to be as surprised as you; you were both good about protection. Surprise baby!
She’s fairly neutral about kids. She never thought that she would have any, serving Shar, but now there’s a little more appeal to them. The pooping and crying she could live without but the idea of there being someone made up of the two of you? Shadowheart likes the idea more than she would admit out loud. She starts researching pregnancy healing the midwifery right away; she doesn’t have a lot of expertise with babies but she is a healer.
Shadowheart insists on delivering your baby herself. She wants to be a part of this and while you’re going to be doing the hard part, she wants to support you. If you have an issue, she will relent but has to be in the room. Your delivery is flawless and as she holds the bloody baby in her hands, she feels full. Of love and hope and excitement, all those emotions she once would have sworn off. For the first time since you’ve found out you’re pregnant, she’s excited to be a mom. She’s a strict but loving mom, teasing her kid and embarrassing them in public (just a little, like a cheek pinch). Shadowheart loves singing to your kids, something neither of you knew until now. Your house is full of love and laughter and singing, just perfect.
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theactofknowing · 4 months
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Can I request headcanons for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Dammon, Rolan, and Zevlor react to shy gn crush confessing to him?
confessions
⋆·˚ ༘ * the BG3 boys/reserved!reader * ༘˚·⋆
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MILD game spoilers/references to mid-game story progression. you’ve been warned!!
someone who’s reserved isn’t typically what astarion looks for. he’s reserved in a sense—keeping his secrets: conditions and history, close to his chest; but he holds himself up with self-confidence and independence. your quiet and reserved nature is off putting—until he began, reluctantly, talking to you in the hopes of gaining your protection. as time went on, he found out that you weren’t that horrible—maybe he didn’t mind you too much. when you confess to him, he doesn’t find it surprising—it is him, after all. he’ll lightly make fun of you, but he won’t turn you down.
sweet, sweet gale. if you manage to confess before he does, he’s pleasantly surprised—considering how quickly he gets attached to someone. when you confess to gale and you’re unable to meet his eye, he’s not the type to affectionately tease you—he’s preoccupied by the fact that you are actually interested in him. gale is a confident lover when time passes between you, but he spent ages under mystra’s hand and a year locked in his tower—he’s a little rusty. gale and a reserved partner go hand in hand; gale likes to lead in a conversation and in a relationship, and you’re more than happy to put your trust in him.
wyll is graceful and chivalrous. when you come to him in camp one day, obviously nervous, he softly holds one of your hands and soothingly runs his fingers over your knuckles. if you’re hesitant about love and PDA—don’t worry, wyll is the man for you. wyll likes traditionalism, he likes to take it slow. you’ll have time to ease into the relationship because he’s courteous—chaste kisses, fleeting touches.
halsin is someone easy to chat with. his nature is kind and open, relatable—from one leader to another, and it’s easy to fall into a conversation with him time and time again by the fire. halsin says he can sense the good in you, and it’s only natural to fall by your side. when you do manage to confess to him, it’s no surprise. he was simply waiting for you, and it’s only right to slip into this dynamic with him.
you never quite had the opportunity to confess to dammon when he still occupied the grove, so it’s a welcoming surprise when you find him in the grim scenery of the last light inn. dammon always appreciated that you were kind to him as the tieflings were never looked upon favorably, so he’s just as happy to see you. dammon is sweet and soft spoken, willing to take the initiative when you can’t. when you come to him at the inn, visibly nervous and preoccupied with yourself, he indulges you in small talk about his trade until you’re able to speak whatever it is you’re thinking of. it’s easy for him to reciprocate, and he promises you a private date in the city.
it’s obvious rolan saw you in a less than favorable light at first. to enabling his siblings’ wishes to stay at the grove and failing to save them in the shadowlands, rolan wasn’t pleased with you—no matter how pretty he thought you were at first. to his surprise, you save his siblings, and he maybe starts to feel a bit guilty. rolan reeks of self confidence, but finds himself struggling to apologize to you and admit that maybe you’re not that bad. he later laughs when he realizes that he was just as timid as you were during the whole ordeal, entirely standoffish—it completely eases the worries of your confession.
zevlor isn’t someone who looks for romance. he isn’t a terrible bachelor—not unattractive or generally unlikable—he’s just preoccupied with handling himself and the people he looks after. when you came to the grove, zevlor found that he admired you—one leader to another. you advocated for his people, you made sure they were well, and he liked that you were dependable and trustworthy. when you confess to him that you find him just a bit more than admirable a day before the tieflings are set to leave the grove, he’s shocked. the feelings are easily reciprocated, and he wishes to see you again sometime—maybe in the city.
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thank u for the prompt. astarion was the most difficult to write for. feel free to send me requests on my page!
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Am I the only one who actually prefers the Araj confession from Astarion? I see so many people wax poetic about the “nice, simple plan” scene and how much better it is that I want to wax poetic a little about my favourite.
The first time I played BG3, I didn’t know anything about Astarion’s background and I thought he was a jerk. When I first ran into Araj at Moonrise, I was surprised that he wasn’t interested in biting her, but he gave his reasons and I was like, damn, okay, that sucks but I’m not gonna force him to do anything. He said no, so it’s a no. Then I moved on, and genuinely thought nothing of it.
When he hit me with the Araj confession at camp, when he explained how he felt in front of her and how easy it would have been to just grin and bear it and do as he was told, I started crying. Sometimes I struggle to even put into words the emotions it brought up — not the smallest of which was the realisation that I had had more respect for this video game character that I didn’t even like at the time than a lot of people had ever had for me, a real fucking human being.
So I love absolutely everything about that scene, from the writing to the performance to all the different ways it can play out. I know the other confession is more cute and sweet and romantic, but the Araj one held up a mirror to me and genuinely made me confront myself and change how I approach intimacy. Which is kind of an embarrassing thing to say about a video game romance scene but here I am saying it.
Because if this fucking rude ass pixel boy (affectionate) can learn to be honest about his needs and limits and have them respected, then so can I, goddamnit. And that will always be so much more profound to me than a nice, simple plan that fell apart.
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hijackalx · 4 months
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BG3 NON-COMPANIONS/NON-ORIGIN COMPANIONS TURN ONS/KINKS +18
FEMALE BG3 COMPANIONS
MALE BG3 COMPANIONS
characters included: halsin, minthara, jaheira, gortash
*dark content warning for gortash*
HALSIN
SIZE DIFFERENCE
OBVIOUSLYYYY lmao. he loves how small u are in comparison to him. i mean everything about him is large— hands, arms, chest, thighs. also, i feel like he likes that he has to help u when u take control because ur smaller or weaker than him. like, when he has to subtly help u pin his wrists by moving them in the direction u want lol
THIGH RIDING
this also plays into the size difference thing. like his thigh is just so big/muscular, and he loves watching u grind on it (or he can bounce his knee to help u get off too). the type to grab u by ur hips and assist u when ur rhythm starts to stutter. he also loves the wet spot that forms in ur underwear if u keep them on 💗
DEEP THROATING/FACESITTING
OK HE LOVES BOTH like i said everything about him is large (😈) so he loves to see u try to swallow him whole. the way u gag and struggle to take him in is soooo hot to him. also all the drool that spills out of ur mouth 🤤🤤 as for facesitting u better sit ur ass tf DOWN !! HE CAN TAKE IT !! lovessss when u grind on his face/mouth, also loves to squeeze ur ass during it
THREESOME
THIS MAN IS GENEROUS !!! LOVES to share !! always wanting to invite people to have sex with y'all. he feels like it's so much more fun and also loves to watch u get fucked/have u watch him get fucked. will want to do spit roasting too.
SWINGING
sooo into exchanging partners with other couples. or just fucking other people in general. of course he won't do this if u don't want to though. but he gets really excited if u do 😹😹 probably gets off while sharing ur experiences with each other
MINTHARA
KNIFE PLAY
likes the way u shake and whimper as she brings her knife close to ur skin. will leave small cuts and want to carve her initials into ur skin. also slightly into bloodplay too ?? i feel like she'd be into smearing ur blood on her hands and making u clean them off with ur tongue OOF
BONDAGE
she would absolutely cast web and use it as bondage restraints LMAO. will have u in some crazyyy positions too. kind of in a shibari way but with webs. the webs are actually pretty gentle though and have some give so she's not like, totally sadistic with it 😌💗
DACRYPHILIA
SHE DOES LIKE TO SEE U CRY THOUGH LMAO like something about how weak/pathetic u look turns her on so bad— as long as SHE'S the one that made u cry. if it's because of somebody or something else it's lowkey a boner killer for her 😹😹😹 will say really horrible, mean things to try to bring u to tears and then get wet af. will not comfort u after either
GAGGING
likes to use a ball gag but will honestly use whatever she has at the moment. a rag or her fingers even. she likes that u can't speak and can only moan/whimper. also into the way u drool. will purposely ask u questions and then punish/degrade u for not being able to answer
BOOT WORSHIP
LOVESSS making u kiss her boots. will want to hold u down with her boot and make u praise her endlessly. or step on ur face. might even be into giving u a little kick in the diaphragm if u want 😹😹😹
JAHEIRA
MIRROR SEX
WILL WANT TO BE FUCKED IN FRONT OF A MIRROR!!!! with her face pressed against it while she's getting backshots or even with one propped up beside the bed so she can watch how good she looks while she rides u. lowkey will put on a show for herself and get off to it 😹😹
LINGERIE
loves lingerie of all kinds. the garter straps on her thighs are her favorite part tbh. probably prefers to wear black or red— like classically sexy colors. also probably likes it if u wear some too, and will want to keep it on for the full duration of the sex. LOVES lace
STRIPPING
^^ ALTHOUGH.... she also really likes to strip for u. like going nice and slow while u try to restrain urself lol. will probably give u a lap dance too and is pretty playful with it sometimes. particularly loves to see how u get progressively more horny the longer she takes, also into seeing u touch urself a little bit during it too
NIPPLE PLAY
sucking on/playing with her nipples is a MUST. HUGEEEE erogenous zone for her. can probably cum from nipple stimulation alone. likes when u make it hurt a little too, like pinching or twisting them
DEGRADATION
kind of into u calling her names.... like whore or slut. tell her she's a dirty whore while u pull her hair and fuck her from behind. will also talk down to u if ur not really doing the best job LMAO like u better fuck her right or ur gonna get it 😹😹 she'll straight up be like "is that the best u can do?" or "this is pathetic."
BONUS:
GORTASH
BREEDING
HE NEEDS HEIRRRSSSS !!! ALWAYS wants to cum inside. an actual babymaking MONSTER like he cums so much its crazy. loves to see u stuffed full of his cum, it really makes him feels accomplished after all of his hard work 💪🏻💯😹
DADDY DOM
he is so into being called daddy. depending on the context he’ll get rock hard but also likes if u call him that outside of sex too. u can basically get anything u want from him if u add a ‘please daddy’ at the end of it— like he just can’t bring himself to say no. he’ll do anything for u to keep calling him that lol
*** DUBCON ***
DEFINITELY into coercing u/figuring out ways to get what he wants. likes when u get overstimulated and start telling him it’s too much or trying to push him away (u do have a safeword). also the fact that he can overpower u if he wants gets him sooo hard
POWER PLAY
LOVESSS having u at his beck and call. the more pliant and submissive u are the better. won’t do this outside of the bedroom unless u want to or if u initiate it since he prefers the idea of only him being able to see u like that. he’s the only one you’ll roll over for, so to speak lol
COLLARING
makes a special collar for u with expensive imported materials and shit lmao. thinks u look absolutely gorgeous in it and will tell u that all the time. loves the way u gasp when he sharply tugs on its leash. will also tug on it while giving u backshots. likes how it chokes u a little bit too, and the bruises it leaves behind when he’s too rough with it
MALE BG3 COMPANIONS
FEMALE BG3 COMPANIONS
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catsharky · 3 months
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I am in awe of how consistently your draw characters faces?????? i struggle a lot with that, may i inquire if you have any tips to share on that front???
Sure! This took a little bit because I wanted to put some visuals together.
Unfortunately, as it always is with art, the main tip is just... practice. Not in the sense that you have to sit down and do drills, but in that the more times you draw a character, the more consistent they'll naturally start to look because you won't be figuring out how you want to draw them on the fly. Even I struggle to keep a character consistent when I first start drawing them, and it usually takes me a little bit to settle on how I want them to look. If you look back at my earlier Mass Effect comics, my Shepard looked quite a bit different then to how I draw her now. And I know it can be hard to get a sense of time from something like tumblr posts, but those changes happened across a span of six months. So be patient with yourself!
As for specifics though, I'd say the main thing that can help with consistency is to think of it less as one big whole and break it down into smaller pieces. What features need to be there for a character to read as that character? If you take something away, does it still look like them? How do their features differ from another character's?
For example, I compared Ember with my Shepard and tried to point out what goes through my mind and what I think about when I'm drawing them (besides obvious things like hairstyle/horns):
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Additionally, reference!! Reference makes such a big difference. Any time I'm drawing a character, I'll pull up previous drawings I've done of them so I can check how I drew them before. I also have a small standing mirror that sits on my desk. If I'm not sure how something should look? I can just look at my own face to get an idea of what should be going on.
On top of all that (though this is something that won't apply to most original characters), because Ember is based on my in-game BG3 Tav I just have a big folder of screenshots that I've taken of her that I look at whenever I'm drawing her. I've never posted what she looks like in-game, but here she is:
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(I love her so much)
I do something similar for most existing characters I draw. I have folders for each of them that are just a bunch of reference images of them at different angles, so I never have to wonder how something should look.
I hope this helps at least a little, and if anyone wants more specifics about anything, feel free to ask!
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xthescarletbitch · 1 month
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Hey there... I'm terribly angry about something big and outside of my control at the moment. Could you let me know what you'd think the BG3 companions do if Tav started self destructing? Like Tav passing harsher judgments, snapping at neutral NPCs, or fighting more dangerously and recklessly with bad guys?
hiii! i am sorry for the delay, but here is how i think it will go for the bg3 ladies and a tav who is self-destructing. i hope it can bring you a little comfort during this rough time. sending you all the love!
bg3 ladies helping a self-destructing tav (x reader)
sfw, but i still prefer no minors
cw: self-destructing behavior, some tough love, fluff!!
word count: 2000+ (each is roughly 450-550)
tav, who is usually calm and collected, is showing signs of self-destruction. they are speaking differently than usual, taking a riskier approach to confrontations, snapping at innocent bystanders, and fighting more recklessly when in danger. the following baldur’s gate 3 ladies take note of this and decide on how to proceed.
lae'zel
at first, lae’zel doesn’t notice anything wrong. she does notice the change in behavior and attitude but doesn’t necessarily see it as a bad thing. the action that ticks it off for her, however, is witnessing you fighting a bit more recklessly than usual. she admires your tenacity and can sense your anger, but she also senses something more. for her, her anger is not a weakness, but a strength, which is why it takes her a moment. she is not used to seeing that side of you, so she grows a bit concerned.  her first intervention is trying to get between you and your target. it’s not that she doesn’t think you can handle it; she just cannot risk seeing you hurt yourself any more than you already are. she doesn’t even care if you get angry with her, either. she’ll snap back and remind you to stop being so careless. it’s just her way of protecting you. she notices something is really wrong when she sees more out-of-character occurrences from you. she watches you closely with her hand on her blade, just in case you find yourself in trouble. she wonders if staying back and silent is the best course of action when you are going through this, but she ultimately decides to approach you about it. she lets the rest of the party get a bit ahead of you while staying back and walking by your side.  “zhak vo'n'ash duj,” she says softly. “what is the matter?” she’s not versed in any sort of means of comfort, but she does try what she has seen from you and the others. if it were any other githyanki, you may be told to suck it up and carry on… but lae’zel can see you’re hurting, and she wants so badly to protect you from yourself.  as she waits for an answer, she will look around to ensure that the others don’t see before she runs her hand up your back slowly. she understands if you choose not to tell her at that moment, but she still tries to be soft with you about it, especially after trying the tough love approach earlier. she doesn't leave your side until after she sees your expression soften, to which she looks around again and plants a kiss on your forehead. she shares a small smile with you as you continue on your journey.  later, when you’re able to get a moment alone, lae’zel offers to let you fight her to get all your feelings out. battle helps her express how she’s feeling, so she swears that it’ll help you. she’ll go a bit easy on you, letting you get all the hits you need in. she won’t stop until after you’ve called it quits. and afterward, when you’re ready, she’ll take you to a nearby water source to wash up and just talk under the moonlight.  lae’zel won’t be able to rest that night until you’re feeling better. in bed, she’ll offer you some wise githyanki words as she runs her hands up your arms, fully embracing the cuddling session you find yourselves in. she’s come to enjoy it quite a lot, and she hopes that this instance will bring you the comfort she struggles with bringing herself. 
minthara
minthara, with all of her astuteness, notices rather quickly that something is the matter with you. if it’s not by your body language while communicating, it’s by your tone and vocabulary. she takes great pride in knowing you so well that she can pick apart the tiny details about your mannerisms. even with this, she’ll let your actions go on for a little bit because she doesn’t quite see anything wrong in how you’re acting. in fact, she kind of likes it, but also reminds herself it’s temporary and that you will be okay. after all, when she’s feeling overwhelmed, she doesn’t want to be approached about it. so she leaves you alone. however, there comes a point when she knows that you’re getting yourself into a deeper hole, and she just cannot let that happen to you. she’s been there before–at a low point where she’s felt trapped inside her head. minthara can confidently say that it’s a torturous experience, and it’s the last thing she wants for the one she loves. she wants you to feel safe and loved, not miserable and careless. that’s when she’ll start to consider ways to approach you about it and figure out an effective way to care for you. after much consideration, she decides that the best time to question you about your behavior is later that night after everybody has retired to their tents.  you go back to your shared tent, a frustrated look plastered across your face as you enter. the first thing you notice is a few candles placed around your bedroll and minthara sitting on top with some bottles beside her. she opens her legs and pats the floor between them, motioning for you to sit in front of her. you’re puzzled for a moment but comply. if you’re being honest, you’re exhausted from how you’ve been feeling. whatever minthara has planned should be nice, right?  as you sit in front of her, minthara wraps her arms around your front and squeezes your waist. she places kisses behind your neck as she slowly lifts your shirt off of you. once the top is thrown to the side, her hands come off you and you notice she slathers them in some oil. the next thing you feel is her hands squeezing your tense shoulders, rubbing her fingers into your sore muscles at a slow pace. she also places more kisses upon the spots where she feels the most tension. no words are said, just minthara giving you a sensual massage to try and make you feel better. she’s never been good with comforting words, but she will do all she can to help you otherwise. she spends the rest of the night making sure that all the anguish has left your body. this is her way of telling you that she is there for you in mind, body, and spirit. you are hers, and she will take care of you if you let her. 
shadowheart
shadowheart has a lot of experience with self-destruction, but she doesn’t notice your behavior as quickly as she’d have liked. she only notices when you lead the party down a riskier path during a mission rather than taking the safe-and-sure route. she’ll question you about your decision, to which you may or may not snap back at her. no matter what, though, shadowheart will just step back and be quiet based on your response. she doesn’t exactly appreciate your attitude, but she’s been there before, so she tries her best to be understanding of your feelings. it’s not worth making either of you upset over making it a big deal. the thing is, shadowheart won’t just stand back for long. she starts to really dislike where you’re going and decides that enough is enough. she knows the signs and knows the inevitable, and if she can prevent all of the bad, she will. she’ll try to mend what’s hurting. she spares some extra heals for you during fights, ensuring that your condition is okay–that you’re not cursed or afflicted by something she can actually cure. she’ll try to make things easier for you, such as using a cantrip to light up an area that you may not be able to see as well. she’ll even try to ground you at the moment, pointing out beautiful sights during your journey that she hopes may distract you for long enough to get your mind off things.  and she will ask you about what’s going on. when she gets a moment alone with you, she takes you to the side and brings it up. she holds your face in her hands and makes you look her in the eyes. “my love, what is afflicting you?” she very much wants you to spill all the details, but she knows she can’t force them out of you. she understands how much one’s secrets are sacred to them. she only hopes you trust her enough to tell her what’s wrong so that she can help. whether or not you choose to tell, shadowheart will continue her tactics. for the rest of the journey, she keeps her eyes right on you the entire time, eager to keep you out of trouble. whenever you look her way, she’ll flash you a smile and a small wave to remind you that she’s not stopping. and hopefully, later that night, when you’re both ready to slumber, you’ll allow her to hold you close and help chase those inner demons away. having your company has certainly helped her with her own struggles, and she wants to do the same for you.
karlach
the precious karlach knows you all too well and notices almost immediately when something is wrong. witnessing you snap at a neutral npc leaves her puzzled because it is just so unlike you. it is at this point that she vows to try and make things better for you before they get worse (she couldn’t stand to see it get worse, anyway). so she’ll place a hand on your shoulder when witnessing the odd behavior, waiting for you to turn around and face her.  “you alright, soldier?” she asks, with those puppy dog eyes.  you can see that she’s worried about you, but you just feel too far gone. you nod and smile, hiding your pain–you don’t feel like dragging her down with you, let alone risking going off on her, too. it’s better that you keep your distance, and that’s something she senses. she takes her hand off of you and backs up, paying close attention to you as you continue your journey. karlach continues to think of ways to help you, and especially ways that you’ll let her help you.  every time you meet her gaze, karlach sends you loving glances despite your snapping. she just wants to show you that you are still loved despite these low points and that she is here to help you. if you stare at her long enough, she’ll even blow you a kiss. you’d be lying if you said her persistence wasn’t helping you, but you were still hurting. at some point, everybody in the party is talking about taking a short rest. you don’t want to, but you can’t stand to hear them ask about it anymore, or you’ll be snapping at them, too. thankfully, you’re not too far from a decent spot to allow some relaxation.  once you get there, you notice karlach is a bit giddier than usual. your other companions take their belongings and sit themselves around a fire while karlach grabs hold of your hand and lifts it to her lips to kiss it. you’re surprised that your behavior hasn’t scared her off yet but also touched that she’s so dedicated. “let’s go for a walk,” she suggests, leading you toward a trail surrounded by trees. you have no choice but to oblige. karlach continues to hold your hand as you walk through the wooded area, being sure not to speed too far ahead of you. she turns to you every so often and smiles at you when she makes eye contact. she’s really trying to make it better.  you finally stop at a spot where the trees line up in a way that allows light to pass through a single spot, highlighting the path in front of you. karlach goes ahead a bit to set up a little picnic, ushering you over. she shows you some berries that she’s managed to pick when you weren’t looking, offering to feed them to you herself. she spends the rest of the time showering you in love, not quite wanting to initiate a conversation about what’s been going on, but makes it known that she’s there regardless, whenever you’re ready to talk about it. 
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sammyboyimagines · 4 months
Text
Cold Embrace
Astarion x Fem!Reader
//ahh! first time writing for BG3 since I started playing in September. So excited to write for all the characters! This takes place somewhere in ACT 2.
Summary: Astarion had a nasty habit of taking every moment to scrutinize your actions. But in a moment of forced closeness, you have no choice but to talk it out.
Warnings: swearing, mentions of Astarion's past, mean!Astarion.
Word Count: 3.7k
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The darkness of the Shadowlands brought on a new wave of anxiety through you the deeper you got into the thick bristle surrounding its past. It reminded you of your home, the war-torn town ravaged by bombing, raiders of all races, and rapidly spreading fires that enveloped any hope of survival. Shortly after fleeing your home and heading to Baldur’s Gate, you had a nasty run-in with some mind flayers, and the adventure started there. The hidden shadows loomed over the party as you made your way to Last Light Inn, a shiver running down your spine.
The land itself was terrifying, but the fact that this dark realm reminded you of home was all the scarier. A runway from a young age, you found solace at Baldur’s Gate under the narrow alleyways and the occasional generous storefront owner who was nice enough to provide some currency or even some food to spare.
Every time the party left for another day of traversing through the harsh darkness, a pit of nausea sat at the bottom of your stomach like a pile of boulders, weighing you down. The faint smell of sulfur and ash filled the air, the flames of your torch providing the only medium of safety. And a flimsy medium of safety at that…
“Hey, soldier…Everything alright?” Karlach was, of course, the first to notice the change in your demeanor as she followed closely beside you. Her fiery hot temperature warmed your body as she stood beside you, notes of concern on her features. “You’re awfully quiet for someone so cheerful..” Karlach trailed off, a slight hesitation on her part.
It was true, you were generally the sunshine figure at camp, even when spirits were abysmally low. “I’m alright, it just brings back some bad memories, being here.” As much as Karlach’s comforting warmth beckoned you to dump all the information about your past right on her doorstep and walk away, you felt Karlach did not deserve to be burdened by your dark past coming back to haunt you.
“Well, either way, I’ll be sitting by the campfire later if you want to find me and talk about it, love.” Karlach pulled ahead, her hands swinging freely by her side. At times it seemed like nothing in all the planes could shake her, it was admirable. The journey through the Shadowlands was fraught with challenges, yet Karlach’s unwavering spirit and warmth brought light to the darkest of days.
You wished to feel the same way, dreaming that the overwhelming fear of losing it all would dissipate. The sunny days as you travel with your group to the Mountain Pass aided with your struggles. Long journeys ended with warm nights that felt like a comforting hug against your body on the bedroll. You watched the sky go dark and the warmth of the sun faded to a deep chill.
“Let’s change up the subject, shall we? What are you going to do about a certain someone at camp?” Karlach attempted a whisper, her voice only slightly lowered as she asked you.
The certain someone was a nuisance, a nagging pain that refused to scare off no matter how many times you threatened him midst frustrating battles after he made a snarky comment.
Astarion.
Each passing moment with the group only fueled hatred for the man—his penchant for feeding on your insecurities whenever they’d rear their head. One particular source of embarrassment in the recesses of your mind was the moment you came upon some cultists of the Absolute on the path from the Emerald Grove.
They had a sword to you, the sharp edge pressed tight against the small of your back. “Don’t you try anything, sweets. Tell me what I need to know and you’ll go free. Where is the godsdamned grove?” A low rumble of laughter shook the evil creature behind you. In that harrowing moment, you had two choices; give up the information or die.
Without a pause, you surrendered and gave half-truths. Anything that would send them down the wrong path with the confidence of ten men. Perhaps it was a survival instinct or a depressing act of cowardice. Emerging from the encounter, you felt the crushing weight of shame lingering over you. How could a leader surrender so easily?
The sad looks of pity from your party members weren’t the worst of it, no. It was Astarion’s biting taunts that sunk the deepest, an assault on your confidence.
“Are you going to be like this whenever we face anything other than a mere goblin?” His voice was laced with venom while he spoke. He shifted his weight onto one hip, eyebrows raised as he blatantly belittled you with no remorse.
You had decided to come out of the situation with grace rather than retaliation that day, especially considering the words that left his blood-hungry mouth as you turned your back to him to continue your journey; “Wonder when she’ll decide to sabotage us again.”
You pressed on, ignoring the sting as tears welled up in your eyes. Those words echoed in your mind, a painful reminder of why you were here in the first place. The party followed closely behind, just out of view.
It’s safe to say that the vampire had been less than kind to you ever since you picked him up from the trail outside of the nautiloid. But even his harsh remarks did not warrant any reciprocity from you, instead an aching in your chest that could not be explained. An odd twist among the animosity.
You fingered your blade between your hands, absentmindedly admiring the smudges and tiny chips in its shiny silver exterior. The blade was a tangible reminder of the battles and hardships you had endured, the weapon’s previously shiny exterior now marked by scars just like you.
“What’s got you down, darling? Break a nail?” Astarion’s mockery dripping in amusement, the remark was yet another dagger stabbed into your back by your supposed “friend”.
“I can’t deal with this tonight, Astarion. Please, just leave me alone.” You sounded more sad than you intended, cringing at the sound of your own shaky voice. He didn’t get the message though.
After a quick silence, Astarion retorted with some venom of his own, like always. “Whatever, sulk all you want. We’re going to Moonrise tomorrow, and if you can’t handle it, then perhaps you should hang back at camp while the rest of us do the hard work.” A fake pout spread across his lips, his hands laid on his hips.
Astarion had no idea where his hostility came from. When you’re in his vicinity, he feels so vulnerable, like you know exactly what’s in his head. Your presence annoyed him simply because he didn’t know what to make of you. Why were you being so reserved despite his remarks?
“You know what?”
Your frustration finally boiled over as you threw your silver chalice onto the ground, the shitty wine spilling out as it clattered to the dirt floor. “I’m sick of listening to you spew all this bullshit, Astarion. You don’t know shit about me, not that I’d trust you not to use it as a weapon against me!” You approached him, a finger waived in his face as you followed his retreating footsteps.
“Now now, darling. You know I’m just teasing you-”
“Just teasing? You’re an insufferable asshole. Next time you want to approach me, it’d better be with an apology or you’ll leave with a wooden stake in your torso.” Your words caused an ear-splitting silence that only made you feel leagues worse. That threat caught the attention of the other camp members, Halsin and Karlach quickly jogging over to break it up.
Karlach dragged you away to her tent, allowing you to sit while she got set up for the night. “That was explosive! Had we waited any longer, you’d both be leaving with bruises and broken limbs. What in the hells happened?” Her outrage was understandable, but the red-hot fury rushing through your veins blurred any rational thought.
Meanwhile, Halsin stood in front of Astarion with his arms crossed. They were just out of earshot but you could tell Halsin was not pleased with the situation.
“You didn’t hear what he said, Karlach.” Before you could continue with your angry ranting, Karlach put a hand up to stop you.
“Uh-uh, you and Astarion must talk this out like proper adults. Can’t believe I’m the one telling you to cool off, but it’s true.” She let out a small laugh at your pout. “And don’t give me the puppy pout, soldier…”
“Tomorrow, find an appropriate time to talk it out- without violence, please!” She grasped your shoulders firmly as she directed you towards your tent. Settling down for the night, you nestled yourself into bed with a myriad of thoughts swirling in your tadpole-filled head. As usual, sleep did not come easy.
The next morning, you awoke to the grating sound of Astarion banging two pots together. “Wake up, fearless leader! We’ve got a lot of people to murder today!” He shouted from outside your tent, snickering at his own actions. You heard Karlach shout at him as she yanked the pots from his hands.
“Get away before I break you in half…” The threat was fake, but it scared him off either way. He scoffed to himself, frustrated that the whole group danced around your feelings as if you were made of glass.
Your journey through the Shadowlands continued as you approached Last Light Inn. The aching in your feet was unbearable, each new step sent a new wave of aching through your body. The inn was so close, a faint light cutting through the dense darkness. It had to have been at least a couple of miles away at this point. Through the dark, monster-infested forest, the walk had been anything but relaxing.
The ground gave out underneath you, the dry unsaturated dirt falling and giving way to a deep hole in the ground. Perhaps it was a trap, you thought. Glancing around in the small space, you managed to find no evidence of foul play. Maybe it had just been the ground weakening after so many years in darkness?
Either way, the groaning just feet away from you made you glance below you to see Astarion slowly getting back on his feet. “Oh, this is just perfect. We were almost there, but no, we had to step into this trap-or whatever it is…” he whined to himself, glancing up at the rest of your party that stood above you.
“Shit! Hold on you two, we’ll look for something to help you out. We don’t have any rope on us, so we’ll have to see if we can find some!” Karlach shouted down at you both, digging through her pack for anything useful but not success. She whispered quietly to Gale, who gave a quick nod in response.
“Um, guys? What’s the plan here?” You voiced your concerns, and worry spread over your features.
The pair left quickly, making their way to Last Light Inn as fast as possible in an attempt to get assistance. “Where the hells did they go?” Astarion spat out, an angry expression on his face.
“To get help, what else?” You shrug. “Karlach wouldn’t leave us behind.” You leaned against the dirt wall of the hole, rubbing your temples as you felt a headache coming on.
“Unlike someone in our little band.” Astarion chuckled at his own joke, meanwhile, you were anything but amused. Direct attacks like these weren’t uncommon, but they still hurt nonetheless.
Words felt short as you searched your mind for some witty response. “What did I do to you?” You asked, a softer tone taking over. Astarion paused, looking you up and down.
“Excuse me?” He wasn’t sure he heard you right. Were you playing the victim?
“Did I do something wrong that made you decide to criticize me for everything? Or is it just your favorite pastime to make me feel like shit?” A shaky voice that came out as you spoke surprised you. You’ve faced more fearsome men than Astarion, yet you can’t keep your composure enough to scold him for his bad behavior.
Astarion paused for a moment, his breath quickening in realization of his actions. He traced his surging thoughts for a cause- any motive for treating you this way. But there was none.
Trapped in the darkness of the sinkhole, the urge to escape drew heavier and heavier as silence fell upon the two of you. Rescue could be hours- days away, who knows what danger could occur if they don’t return?
You had managed to stay far enough away from the vampire so that your backs were almost touching, a warmth from your body sending heat waves his way.
“There’s got to be a solution. Do you have any ideas? A shovel?” You cringed at your own unpreparedness, you’d forgone taking the shovel on your journey and left it in the chest of your belongings.
Your thoughts were cut off by an unwavering silence. Astarion had no retort, no sarcastic teasing, nothing. You huffed out a quick breath, the dirt wall shedding particles of dirt in consequence. “Look, I know we haven’t been pleasant with each other ever since we met, but I do not plan on dying in a hole.” You started clawing at the walls of the sinkhole, dirt clinging underneath your nails.
“I know you hate me but we have to assume the worst and-”
“I don’t hate you.” A soft voice broke the seemingly never-ending silence from Astarion’s side.
“What?” You stopped digging for a second, not being able to hear your own thoughts from the rock and rubble hitting the floor.
“I don’t hate you…” His expression softened, and his sharp features dulled into a tender gaze.
“If this is some kind of cruel joke, I’m not playing a role in it. From the way that you speak to me, would it be unfair to assume you’re not a fan of my presence?” You did not want to chew him out, but this day could not get worse, so you neglected your inhibitions for now.
“I know, I know. I don’t know why, but I just can’t…” he took a pause to think about his wording because you’d surely dig your way out and bury him if he found himself offending you.
“I can’t uh- function when you’re around. I feel like you’re- ugh I don’t know, pitying me?” He asked as if it were a question you could answer.
“Pitying you-what?” You could hardly see his face, but you could slightly visualize his white curls as he stood almost a foot away from you. You could smell his cologne, a faint woody yet citrus smell that made you dizzy.
He may be beyond aggravating but godsdamn did he smell good.
The confined space seemed to magnify the tense emotions between you. It was almost intimate, the way you could practically cut the thick tension with a knife. “You’re just so, nice…” He started speaking again, a different tone in his voice.
Honesty.
Astarion could sense your anger before you erupted and shoved him against the dirt wall. A wave of heat rose to his cheeks- was he blushing?
“Are you fucking kidding me, Astarion? You treated me like shit because I was nice to you? You better have an explanation-” He cut you off by pressing you back and right into the dirt wall behind you. Any frustrated words fell on your tongue before you could say them.
“You pick me up off a random trail, offer me to stay with you, and treat me better than I have ever felt. After years of bullshit from my master, all of a sudden you come around as a result of these fucking tadpoles, and I just trust you.” He paused when he noticed the heavy silence from you.
The unexpected confession was fucked up, especially considering that he could have had this conversation in the time he’d been in your party. “Why-”
“As much as I love to hear your voice, let me finish.” With that, your stomach fluttered in response to him. Not just his words, but his large hands that pressed your shoulders gently into the wall. It wasn’t a hard grasp, you could absolutely pull away if needed.
“I have never trusted anyone in my entire lifetime. But from the moment I pulled that knife on you, I knew you were nothing but genuine. And that’s just it. Why are you so nice despite everything I’ve done to you? Just tell me you hate me, be rude.” He begged you.
“I don’t hate you.” You were copying him now, a sympathetic smile on your face.
“See! Pity. Just tell me you have some kind of ulterior motive and you’re not the first person who has shown me any kindness in over 200 years.” He was almost moved to tears at this moment. His hands shook, just mere centimeters from yours as he pleaded for any sign of hatred on your part.
Of course, he didn’t hate you. How could he?
The way you blindly trusted him had him suspicious at first, but the more he grew to know you, the more he appreciated it. It wasn’t so much the physical aspects that he enjoyed, though you were the most stunning woman he’d seen in his many centuries on Faerûn.
Your eyes were almost magnetic, the adoring glint in them when you gawked at a cat or anything else that caught your attention made him wish you’d glance at him that way. Hells, if you’d give him a single smile, he’d be reminiscing about it for the rest of the day. Feeling the sun on his skin for the first time in several years, and seeing the forest in its full color, neither compared.
His breaths were heavy with insecurity, a pit in his stomach as he gathered the courage to raise his gaze to you.
You spoke softly. “You know you’re not a bad person, right? You’re not a monster.” You shrug it off as if it were a fact that simply rolled off your tongue without a single residual thought. “I don’t think you’re a monster.” Your voice shrunk slightly, realizing how heavy this confession might weigh on a vampire spawn.
Astarion was speechless for a brief moment, an incomprehensible look on his face. “If only everyone else thought the same, dear.” He didn’t quite know what to respond with. After all he’d put you through, the feeding, the enemies he’d made along the way; he’d understand if you had run away in fear, but you didn’t.
“It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks of you.” You frown at his words, the feeling of his body against yours is intoxicating, but you manage to push away your lust for the time being. “Hells, it doesn’t even matter what I think of you-”
“It does! Look…” He sighed to himself, removing his grasp on your shoulders. His hands found their way to your waist, resting on the slightly rusted metal armor you had acquired somewhere in the recesses of the Githyanki Creche. “I care what you think…” His red eyes glared down at you, his gaze flicking down to your lips occasionally.
“I’ve been unfair to you, dear. I held you to higher standards and scrutinized everything you did as if I could do it any better than you. You’re just uh- not like anyone I’ve ever met, and the fact that you can understand me better than myself it seems-” He paused, another sigh leaving his lips.
“It scares me.”
Astarion’s gaze faltered from his confession, a taste in his mouth that could only be described as embarrassment. Dragged from his thoughts yet again, your warm hands met with his face as you held his cheek. “I understand, Astarion. But you also have to understand that I couldn’t have possibly known your true intentions. I mean- that was some heavy scrutiny…” You snickered to yourself, watching the embarrassment on his face melt away into a softer expression.
The rest of the campaign had not arrived just yet, and the blistering cold air was near impossible to beat. Though Astarion’s body was not very helpful for warmth, it felt better than simply standing on your lonesome in the small dirt hole.
Between the close proximity and your hand on the side of his face, his mind was clouding with desire. “Gods, how could you stand all of it? If it were me I’d have bloody killed you by now.” He said with a pout on his face.
You thought of how to respond to that. Was it not sheer luck that you hadn’t murdered him near the nautiloid after he threatened you? Have you been harboring these feelings this whole time?
“Perhaps it’s your charm, or perhaps it’s the fact that there is little other option than to be friendly with you.” You held your tongue as often as possible during Astarion’s teasing, but it seemed like he finally understood.
“No no, I think it was the first one.” He stuttered out with a gentle smile, his fangs briefly appearing, shining in the faint moonlight. “You know…the rest of the group is going to be gone for a while. I know a way we can make time go faster…” The topic of your interest in him had always kept him awake at night, but now that he was positive you felt charmed by his words despite his endless mockery, he felt warm inside.
Astarion was not blissfully unaware of his past. Men and women would see him for one thing; his body. If he were to withhold, the opportunity for praise from his master, Cazador, would be gone. You were not simply a victim for Cazador, so why did he feel like he needed to use himself to keep you?
You put a hand on his shoulder, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. “Baby steps, darling. First, I think we should focus on getting out of this hole.” The sigh of relief that came from Astarion’s mouth confirmed your silent theory about him. The man had been extra flirtatious to practically everyone he met, and as the time you spent with the rest of your part grew larger, you could see his disdain with every passing word.
A frown on his face afterward, brows knit tight together in thought. Regret.
“Oh, well-” He paused, swallowing the urge to shell himself out. “That’s very refreshing to hear.”
“I’m glad.”
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istoleyoursk1n · 4 months
Note
Hello and Happy Holidays (whatever you might celebrate)! If you have time, could you please write something about the BG3 Companions (or specifically Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Astarion and Karlach if there's too many) with a disabled reader who feels insecure about it? I personally am autistic and have a few physical disabilities so I need help with some things, am very clumsy and can struggle in social situations. Bonus points if you include things like them being protective over the reader because I personally have weak bones and chronic pain because of my disabilities so I'd like to think they'd be extra protective 🥰
Thank you so so much, I hope you have a wonderful 2024 ahead of you!
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How they would react to a Tav who is insecure about their disabilities
(Happy holidays to you too! I hope you enjoy your new year!)
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: ̗̀➛ ASTARION
The bully
He wasn't aware of it at first so he came off as plain mean. He’d tease you for the little things you struggle with during the early moments of you two together but don't worry, he gets better.
The more he starts to care for you, the more he realizes that perhaps teasing you for things you clearly struggle with isn't something he should be doing. Especially if he's starting to value you and how you feel.
It's subtle at first, he quits most if not all his mockery towards you and usually speaks up in situations where you cannot. He eventually comes to do all the talking for you both.
Comes around to ask what you’re particularly struggling with to better understand you. And help you with such struggles in the near future.
While he used to laugh at you every time you fell/tipped something over, he finally started helping you up, disregarding said mistake as a “happy little accident”.
He’s surprisingly far more forgiving and patient with you, of course, there's the usual snarky remark but it's never directed toward whatever disability you possess.
Further into your relationship, he straight up starts defending you if anyone but he decides to laugh at your struggles. He’d verbally assault them with words that even make you shake.
It's difficult to stop the man once he starts telling off someone, at least it's entertaining, and hey! He’s doing it for you.
Further along the line, he’d finally come around to apologizing for his former attitude towards you, understanding that approaching you in such a way was wrong of him given your circumstance. He shouldn't have taken advantage of that.
Regardless, now you have a sassy lover who's quick to snap at anyone who tries to make fun of you.
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: ̗̀➛ WYLL
Incredibly understanding that it's almost startling for you.
It doesn't take long for him to notice what you're struggling with and is quick to help out without having to make mention of whatever disability you possess.
He doesn’t judge you at all despite your struggles, already noting your worth to him and that you are not inconveniencing him in any way.
He was actually the first to accommodate your disabilities, defending you if the others become too ignorant of them.
He’s dealt with people of all shapes and sizes, it isn't his first time handling people who need extra special care nor is he burdened by it.
He’ll make it very clear to you that you don't have to feel any shame in asking for help or if you simply can't do a certain task, he’ll gladly be there for you!
And hey! There's no need to feel about being clumsy every now and then. He's certainly knocked a few books off shelves due to his new horns. You both can laugh at each other’s clumsy little accidents together.
If anything, he hardly sees your disability as something abnormal. Barely even reminds you about it to make you feel more comfortable with yourself.
He’s always linking his arm with yours whenever you struggle with walking long distances, walking slower than usual just to make sure that you can keep up and feel included.
Overall, he’s very sweet and sympathetic when it comes to your condition, he doesn't even have to be your lover to make sure you're always being tended to.
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: ̗̀➛ GALE
Didn't even realize it at first.
He just thought you were clumsy/weaker than most but it wasn't something he felt bothered by. You provide your own form of help for the group every now and then and that's already valuable enough.
It would take him a while to realize or you’d have to tell him yourself but eventually he’d come to ask you directly if you have *insert condition*.
After which, he's surprisingly understanding. That would honestly explain a lot for him.
He wouldn't pay much attention to you until you both start growing closer, that's when he starts offering his own assistance in regards to your condition.
He's not the best when it comes to medical treatment but hey! Guess what he does have? Magic!
And with your permission, he’d gladly use said magic to make your situation more comfortable/easier for you to handle.
He's quick to offer his help in tasks that he sees you struggling with whether that be with the use of his magic or figuring out ways for you to do said task on your own without struggling as much.
He goes out of his way to better understand your condition and does his own in-depth research about it.
You've never seen someone so stressed whenever you experience mild chronic pain. In moments, he's all over you like a worried mother hen. It's almost funny to watch if you weren’t in pain and struggling right now.
He's the one who worries the most if he sees you doing a mundane task you tend to struggle with. He has to be certain that he's at least there to help you if ever you end up hurting yourself.
Similar to Astarion, he ends up taking control of most conversations in social gatherings if you're having a hard time doing it yourself.
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: ̗̀➛ KARLACH
Didn't notice it at first, she simply thought you needed the occasional hand but that was all.
You’d probably have to directly tell her about whatever condition you may have if you ever wish for her to actually figure it out.
Even if you don't tell her, she’s still assisting you here and there whenever possible. She doesn't even need to know about your disabilities to be accommodating.
If she does find out about it, she’s shocked at first if not slightly worried that she may have come across as overwhelming to you.
Regardless, she’s still awfully kind to you, never once dismissing your struggles.
A bit concerned about touching you/being a bit too rough for her own good but she handles you as gently as she possibly can.
Would probably (or already has) beaten the shit out of anyone who's dared undermine you for your struggles.
She will carry you around whenever whatever internal pain you’re feeling gets too much, she has no problem with doing so for hours! Won't even ask for much in return.
Having you in her arms is a reward enough! Besides, you both seem to be having a blast.
No worries if you have a hard time processing social situations, she's there to cut in for you! Unprompted as well, she might as well be rambling to the unfortunate soul who decided to confront you two.
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: ̗̀➛ SHADOWHEART
She’s a cleric, she’d take notice of it quicker than most.
You did save her from that nautiloid pod so she sees no reason why she shouldn't be helping you with your condition.
She does try to relieve whatever pain you feel, especially if your chronic pains are getting too much for you to bear.
Her treatments don't last permanently but they are enough to make you feel far more comfortable in the state your are in.
She doesn't mind helping you with tasks she sees you struggling with, you can tell she's being as careful as possible when it comes to you.
She checks up on you whenever she has the time, especially if she grows to trust you. She constantly makes sure that you’re well enough to continue on with the journey or if you need to stay in camp for a while.
Gives you surprisingly good advice on how to treat/cope with the things you struggle with, especially if it comes to medical struggles. Other than that, she's there when you need her.
She's stern in dismissing anyone who tries to mock or make fun of you for your struggles, her words are enough to make anyone feel bad for even trying.
She likes keeping you close whenever possible, not just because she likes you but to also make sure she can give you immediate care whenever you're suddenly in pain.
Always asks whether or not you are capable of doing certain tasks so you have the freedom to do certain things by yourself.
But, she also ensures that you don't feel bad for depending too much on her.
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: ̗̀➛ HALSIN
Quickly comes to your aid when he sees you struggling, with or without the knowledge of your condition.
He’s always willing to help you, you needing extra assistance wouldn't burden the man at all.
As big and tough as he may be, he's surprisingly gentle, making sure that when he holds you, he does with the utmost care.
If you are having difficulty with speaking and/or being around social gatherings? No worries! You don't have to ask at all, he’d kindly do the talking for you.
Of course, he’d make sure he’d hear what you’d like to say first before relaying the words to whoever both of you were speaking to.
If said social situations get too much, he’s more than willing to get you both out of it in favor of some peaceful quiet time in nature.
He probably knows a few remedies to help lessen the pain that comes with your condition, ensuring that you always have time to rest and relax as to not push your body too much.
Likely the most protective of you among the others mentioned, comes with the merged animal-like nature he obtained.
He’s never far from you at all, always lending a hand to make sure you have something to hold onto at all times. Besides, no one dares to mess with you when you have someone as towering as Halsin by you.
•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•
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Note
Can I request headcanons for Dammon, Rolan, and Zevlor react to his gn s/o admitting that they have suicidal thoughts?
A/N: Oh, nonnie! *Hugs* This ask was perfect timing because I was struggling with suicidal ideation last week- big time. Me and the kitchen floor were very well acquainted last week. So trust me, I know it’s not easy, but please try and hang in there. These feelings and thoughts, as awful and all-consuming as they are, are still temporary. They will pass. Everything passes eventually. It can’t stay the same forever. So if it’s bad now, just know it won’t always be this way. And in the meantime, I hope these headcanons bring you some comfort. 
TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal Ideation 
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The BG3 Tiefling Boys Reacting to Their S/O Admiting They Have Suicidal Thoughts 
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Dammon: 
Dammon’s taken aback when you tell him. The two of you being a couple has made him so happy, and he’s told you as much. In his enthusiasm, Dammon simply assumed you always felt the same level of elation he did. The fact that you have these sorts of thoughts is all news to him. 
He’s immediately concerned for your safety, worried that any second the thoughts may become too much to bear, and you’ll feel no other choice than to act on them. He contemplates speaking to someone older, someone wiser for advice on what he should do to be a supportive partner. He just wants to get this right. He doesn’t want to add any stress or difficulty to what you’re already going through with any of his reactions or fears. 
Dammon starts checking up on you more often, at random times throughout the day. He’ll take a break from his forging and pop his head inside to find you, wherever you are. Some days he sits with you and talks about the current projects he’s making. Other days the two of you sit in silence, sipping cool glasses of water. Dammon wants to ensure you don’t ever feel as if you’re going through this alone. He wants to show you that he’ll always be nearby, should you need him. 
Dammon will also make you random presents whenever he has a little extra time. It’s not much- a pendant here, or a broach there, a bunch of little things to remind you of him when he can’t be there. 
Dammon suggests you try writing your feelings out in a diary of sorts. And he promises not to peek- it's for your benefit only. His sketchbook helps him so much in trying to overcome a design flaw or difficulty. He thinks, perhaps, if you had more space to expand your feelings and thoughts onto paper, they wouldn't feel as oppressive in your mind.
You find his tail always wrapping around your ankle, or even your waist, when you're at his side. It’s like his tail is telling you what echoes in the subconscious of his mind: Dammon can’t lose you. He’s been through so much already. You have brought so much light and joy into his life. He couldn’t bear to let you go. 
He begs you, to please come to him if you should ever get to a point where you don’t know what else to do. He doesn’t want to lose you. You mean so much to him. Please, let him in. The two of you can weather this together. 
Essentially, Dammon becomes all the more attentive and upfront/vocal about his affection for you. He hopes to shower you in so much love, that the little voice in your head has no chance to bring you down. 
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Rolan: 
Rolan is sickened, and just a teensy bit angry. Not at you, but at himself. Hearing you confess to having such thoughts makes him all the more concerned about you. But of course, being the stubborn tiefling he is, Rolan doesn’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick. 
Rolan first considers looking into a spell or enchantment that can do away with such feelings, before you explain to him that, even if that were possible, in the long run, that’s not how these things work. These kinds of things can’t be fixed by magic. And even if there was a spell that might work, it’s not the kind of thing magic should be used to interfere with. This makes Rolan more irritable about the whole thing because he’s spent so long studying, building up his skills to be a wizard. But he hasn’t spent the time working on his emotional intelligence or intimacy prowess. And now, he fears that lack of proficiency may cost him you. 
But he tries! Oh boy, does he try! He’s constantly sending either Lia or Cal to check up on you when he’s too busy to come see you himself. It becomes a bit of an inside joke between the three of you, how large that one vein in Rolan’s forehead becomes whenever Cal or Lia report back to him about you. 
Once Rolan comes to understand you didn’t tell him so he’d be responsible for keeping you under watch, but because you just wanted him to ‘get it’, he becomes much less overbearing in his instructions. Instead of ordering you to go outside for some sun, he’ll offer to take a stroll with you around Sorcerous Sundries. Rather than forcing you to eat every couple of hours, Rolan will show up in your room some night with a select baked goods he picked up from a street vendor for you to share over tea before falling asleep. 
He has difficulty talking about it most days, but he does hold your hands and tell you once, very passionately, that he cares for you, deeply, and he hates to think you were hurting all this time in silence. He asks you to please, please keep sharing your feelings with him. He knows his reactions aren’t always the most encouraging, but he swears that no matter his initial reaction, he will always be on your side. 
Deep down he does want to take care of you, he feels responsible for your well-being. It’s rather similar to how he feels responsible for providing for Lia and Cal. But with you, it’s all the more profound. There’s no point in him studying to become the greatest wizard in Baldur’s Gate if you’re not at his side. Without you, very little would seem worth it.  
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Zevlor:
Zevlor is alarmed, and immediately all the more worried about your well-being. Zevlor was already anxious before about the two of you being together, thinking of himself as undeserving. He felt he was too old, too damaged, and too changed to be a man worthy of your affections. Becoming an official couple quieted most of those doubts but hearing you confess that you harbor such thoughts brings all his insecurities back to the forefront. 
Is it something he’s done? Is it something he didn’t do? Is it his fault? He’s already apologizing profusely before you can even get a word in edgewise. You are so incredible, he thinks you’re so brilliant. The fault must lie with him. 
Once you explain how it’s not anybody’s fault, neither his nor yours, Zevlor seems to settle a little. He still worries a great deal about you, probably the most out of all the tieflings, because he knows the exact desperation you’re feeling. He’s felt it before. He’s felt it a few times throughout his life actually. 
As a Hellrider, Zevlor saw a great deal of conflict. And when Elturel fell into Avernus, he was forced to endure even more. There’s so much pain and suffering in the world that when you’re stuck in the middle of it, it often seems like there’s no way out. 
Because Zevlor has felt such lows before, he also knows there isn’t always much you can do to stop it right away. Yes, you can meditate or talk your feelings out or perhaps write them down in a journal or log, but there’s no quick fix. It’s a heavy burden you must carry, even as you look out into the coming horizon. 
The one thing Zevlor knows he can do is help you carry the load. Zelvor reminds you that you are not alone in this fight. Granted, he may no longer be the paladin he once was, but that will not stop him from aiding you the best he can. He’ll pay you extra attention, and spend more quality time with you. He’ll sit with you and rub your back as you cry. And on the days it's all just too much to take, Zevlor will stay in bed with you, his tail curled around your leg, his claws scratching gently through your hair as you lay there hiding away from the world. 
If your feelings ever get worse, Zevlor might consider recommending you speak to someone who perhaps can help, more than he can help you alone. A cleric or a monk, a druid… Anyone. Zevlor knows from his fellow veterans- there are more people out there living with the exact same feelings as you. Perhaps being able to attend a group setting to talk, as he does on occasion with his former Hellriders from Elturel, would help strengthen you on your continued journey.  
Zevlor approaches the situation with much more wisdom and understanding. He works to comfort you the best he can, but he also possesses enough humility to let you grieve as needed. 
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fourraccoonsinacoat · 2 months
Text
Faint of Heart | One Shot
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Pairing: Astarion x The Dark Urge
Chapter Count: One Shot | Read on AO3
Word Count: 7,816
Summary: Takes place during the events of Baldur's Gate 3 during Act 2. Explores the romance between Astarion and the Dark Urge as Astarion struggles with a confession. Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, Confession of Feelings, Mentions of Violence, Soft Astarion, Spoilers for the Dark Urge and BG3 in general, Dark Urge as Original Female Character Rating: Mature
Author's Note: Back on my bullshit with these two. This is a one-shot based on the same Durge MC, Eli, as my other fics. I took some liberties with Astarion's confession scene, taking into account the background of the Dark Urge. It's all somewhat self-indulgent, and I wanted an excuse to write sassy Jaheira and practice writing from Astarion's POV. It's angsty, it's fluffy, it's soft and Karlach is the greatest wingman of them all! Thank you for reading my nonsense.
She stood, looking to everyone else in the Inn like a conquering hero ready to head out once more and face the darkness. She smiled with Rolan, laughed with Cal, chatted with Lia, and no one was the wiser.
Except him.
In their time together, Astarion had picked up on some of Eli’s tells. Behaviors that slipped past her mask of composure and enthusiasm, exposing the truth beneath her carefully constructed veneer.
She was exhausted. He could see it in the slight sag of her shoulders, in the way she kept having to blink and refocus on whoever she was conversing with, in her tired yet reassuring smile…the one she always had at the ready for anyone who came to her with yet another ordeal to hang around her shoulders.
A sudden and fierce burn of irrational anger flared in his chest as he continued to watch people flit around her. It brought to his mind an image of bees sucking the nectar dry from a gorgeous wildflower. They would use her until there was nothing left because that was their nature. They were desperate, all of them. The tieflings, Jaheira, Barcus, Counsellor Florrick…they were all starving for a savior, and Eli was that succor. They’d use her up until nothing was left. They’d watch her kill herself in the name of their ambitions, then hail her as a hero rather than the kind fool she was, always taking on other people’s burdens in some mad, desperate attempt to redeem whatever darkness lay coiled in her past.
Nevermind the fact that Eli’s kindness was exactly what he’d set out to manipulate from the start.
He was just as bad as the rest of them, looking to use Eli for her protection and capabilities. He was just as guilty. He’d seen her compassion as weakness and immediately dug his claws in, hooking into her like a parasite. Seducing her into his bed, stoking affection and twisting feelings – both hers and his – until he couldn’t tell truth from fiction.
And that was the problem.
Somewhere along the way, more and more truth began to slip into the words he used to charm her. He wasn’t sure when it started, but sometime between their passionate nights and hard fought days, genuine feelings began to stir every time he thought of her.
And, gods, he’d hated it.
On that first day after the nautiloid, when he’d discovered he could walk in sunlight and was out of reach of Cazador, he’d swore to never allow anyone control over him again. He’d rather drive a stake through his own heart than be a puppet tethered to someone else’s strings. And yet…here he was, allowing the very first person he’d met after making that oath to have sway over him. And he was utterly terrified he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
And so he sat at a far table in the bustling lounge of Last Light Inn, watching Eli and growing more and more perturbed as people buzzed around her.
Couldn’t they see how tired she was? She’d done enough for them today, breaking Wulbren and his compatriots out of Moonrise alongside the tieflings…well, those tieflings who’d survived the assault in the Shadowlands. Eli had been battered, bloodied and in desperate need of a healer, and yet the moment they’d come upon the prison, nothing else had mattered except freeing those being held captive.
She hadn’t said as much, but Astarion knew her well enough by now to recognize the shadow of devastation that drifted across her expression when Dammon described the attack that had scattered the refugees while on the road. She’d grown close to many of them, back at the Grove, often allowing conversations to drag on far past their welcome as some poor sod carried on about their insignificant struggles. It had frustrated Astarion to no end. They didn’t need to hear all about Bex’s absurd dream of owning a little orange cat with a bell on its neck! That knowledge did nothing to aid the process of driving steel through goblin guts.
It had all come to a head when she’d given Mol gold in exchange for absolutely nothing, spouting off some bullshit about wanting to back the next great thieves guild of Baldur’s Gate. Astarion had pulled Eli aside then, hissing about futile charity and asking her if she intended to bankroll every guttersnipe with a sob story.
She hadn’t missed a beat with her retort.
“Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite of all the guttersnipes I’ve come across. Thank the gods you only ask for blood and not gold. Otherwise, we’d be deadass broke.”
She’d leveled a stare at him that spoke volumes. He’d rolled his eyes and tried to hide the smirk threatening at the corners of his lips. Of course he was her favorite.
Still, it was mind-numbingly infuriating, how far Eli would go to help someone she cared for. What was worse was that Astarion knew, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that she’d do the same for him. That she’d throw herself thoughtlessly into pain, torment and suffering for his sake. At one point, he could not have cared less whether she destroyed herself for his gain.
But those days were gone, and he was now forced to reckon with the fact that he’d grown attached…that he cared. That he’d slit the throat of anyone in this room who tried to take advantage of her. That he’d once been the person trying to take advantage...
The thought now stirred something uneasy and almost nauseous within his stomach. He hated thinking about how he’d treated her, and yet it seemed to be something he was incapable of forgetting. Whatever was between them now, it was founded on something rotten. It had grown out of a lie, and regardless of how he felt now, a part of him knew that in order for anything to continue he would need to confess the vile intentions that had started all of this.
He owed her that, and she deserved it. She’d likely hate him, and all of this would come crashing to a disastrous end…but she deserved the truth, Astarion’s feelings be damned. She deserved to be with someone who would treat her with the same honesty and respect that she showed to everyone else. She deserved to be with someone who would protect her, not lie and manipulate her. She had so many burdens of her own, and yet she kept piling the burdens of others atop them. She deserved someone who would help steady her, not someone who would only get in her way and cause her to stumble.
She was going to hate him. He knew it as surely as he knew the sun would not cut through the gloom over the Shadowlands tomorrow morning. But he couldn’t keep living this farce. He couldn’t keep bedding her and enduring all those feelings of guilt and self-hatred as they mixed with the longing and ecstasy of bringing her to the brink and watching her come undone. It was too overwhelming. He wanted to be with her honestly and openly and not have their time together tainted by his wretched memories.
He wanted something real with her, built on the foundation of what he felt now rather than the putrid intentions that had started all of this.
It wouldn’t happen, he knew. Astarion wouldn’t want himself, either, all things considered. And that was okay. She deserved the opportunity to hate him for how he’d treated her. Gods knew he hated himself for it, it was only fair she hate him, too.
The fact that she didn’t already was astounding. He was a wretched thing, ugly in all ways except for appearance and so useless that he had to manipulate others into fighting his battles. He had ruined so many lives over the past two centuries. He’d been used up until there was nothing left of him to offer. And yet she was always near, never shying away and never overbearing…just always there, always at his back. She didn’t flinch away from him, didn’t pity him, and she made him feel things he’d forgotten how to feel.
The first night they’d spent together had been unexpectedly enthralling and pleasurable, something he had not experienced in he didn’t know how long. And he’d wanted more, despite his confusion and the messiness of his feelings, he wanted more of that connection. And so they’d spent more nights finding comfort and pleasure in each other. Those nights were little moments of solace in a world gone mad.
Those nights had been about more than sex; they were nights where she told him beautiful words that weren’t made for people like him.
“Seldom do I find so little fault with someone. I hope it lasts.” A cool voice caught Astarion by surprise as he sat lost in his darkening thoughts.
His head snapped around, hand instinctively twitching towards a hidden blade at his hip.
Jaheira stood beside him, arms crossed and face unreadable and she pinned him in her stare. Her eyes flitted momentarily to the hand at his waist, and Astarion brought it back to rest on the table he sat at, dagger still fastened to his belt.
The ghost of a self-satisfied smirk flashed across her face as Jaheira glanced away from him and back towards the subject of her comment. He followed her gaze towards Eli and hummed thoughtfully, settling into a more relaxed posture that he hoped did not betray the swirling mess that currently haunted his mind.
“You should tell her as much,” he mused, watching Eli as she pushed a strand of her silver-white hair behind an ear.
The sight caused his mind to pull a memory forth, unbidden. It was tactile and soft, the feel of his fingers tangling in that hair…of his lips caressing the shell of her ear as he whispered ravishing praise for only her to hear.
He took a grounding breath and dashed those thoughts from his mind.
“She thrives on pretty words and compliments,” he quipped.
Astarion wouldn’t elaborate that the reason for it was because Eli had a desperate desire to escape whatever monster dogged her broken memories. She thought of herself as something tainted and corrupt. Something unworthy. He’d got a glimpse of that darkness on the night she’d woken him, panicked and breathlessly ranting about how she feared she would harm him.
At first, he’d thought she was still in the throes of one of her many night terrors, perhaps sleepwalking. The truth had been far more grim, and Astarion was still haunted by images from that night. Images of Eli struggling against the bindings Astarion had put her in, for the protection of them both. Eyes feral as her nails dug into the flesh of her palms, mouth snarling as she spat all manner of vile insults at him. She had lost herself to whatever thing she was keeping at bay inside herself, and Astarion had come to realize that the fear which hounded Eli on both sleepless nights and in nightmares was well founded.
That fear had spread to him, too. Fear of losing her, of watching her be overtaken by this madness. He understood the depravity he saw in her eyes, the mania that was a loss of self when hunger took hold and choked all other sensibility from your mind. He hadn’t felt empathy for another soul in nearly two hundred years, and suddenly there it was, raw and wounding and utterly terrifying. His thoughts screamed back to that year of starvation and darkness, locked in a tomb as he slowly went mad with hunger. Those recollections were an undertow, threatening to pull him down and drown him.
But she’d needed him, and so he’d wrenched himself free of his clawing subconscious and watched over her until morning when she returned to herself. A lot of things changed that night. They’d been changing already, but the lies he’d been telling himself about how he felt simply could not survive the blistering reality of the situation at hand.
There was still some life left in his cold dead heart, and he had no idea how to reconcile with that knowledge.
The sound of Jaheira clearing her throat brought him out of his brooding and he turned his head to find the druid eyeing him curiously, a hand outstretched towards him. A key was held between her fingers and Astarion glanced at it before meeting her gaze, perplexed. Jaheira sighed and took a seat opposite to Astarion at the table, setting the key down on the worn wooden surface of the hightop and pushing it over to him.
“Seems Karlach was speaking truth when she said the two of you were a pair of emotionally-stunted lovesick fools,” Jaheira said, leaning back in her chair and pointing from Eli to Astarion. “You completely tuned me out, staring at her like a wolfhound salivating over a piece of raw steak.”
Astarion tensed at the remark, frowning before he slipped back into his casual and roguish demeanor.
“Yes, yes, make your jokes about the monstrous vampire. How dare he pursue the charming and morally upstanding hero.” Astarion snorted, eyeing Eli ruefully. “I’ve heard it before. Wyll likes to especially harp on the subject.”
He made a mental note to tell Karlach not to be such a gossip.
Jaheira huffed, a noise that could possibly be construed as a laugh, except Astarion wasn’t sure he could picture the stern woman laughing.
“Please,” she said, almost dismissively. “I am not familiar enough with your little band of hedonists to form an opinion on your social dramas. And even if I were, I doubt I’d care.”
The druid turned her head to gaze back towards the bar.
Bex and Danis had joined the group situated around Eli, and Astarion noted that another bottle of wine had recently been opened. Eli was turning down offers to refill her glass and Astarion felt a sudden urge to grab her and whisk her away to the quiet sanctuary of his tent back at camp. And not even to do anything sexual, though if that’s where the night took them, he’d happily oblige.
He just wanted to give her a space of reprieve, somewhere she could rest and escape all this chaos.
“What I do care about,” Jaheira continued, drawing Astarion’s attention back to her. “Is that one’s wellbeing.” She tilted her chin towards Eli. “She is our way into the cult. Our way to get close to Ketheric. She is our key to putting an end to this blight of the Absolute.”
Astarion didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself to open his mouth in that moment. Jaheira was loading more burdens onto Eli’s shoulders, and his desire to hide her away – to protect her – was only growing.
He knew the druid spoke truth. Eli had a connection to all of this that none of them, including her, understood. What they did know was that Ketheric Thorm recognized her when they showed up at Moonrise. He’d addressed her as a comrade, and it deeply unsettled her. What secrets were lying locked away behind Eli’s fractured psyche? A part of him honestly didn’t care…he just wanted her safe…
“So,” Jaheira said after the silence between them lingered for a moment. She tapped the key still lying on the tabletop in front of Astarion. “That is a key to a room upstairs. As well-meaning as the rabble down here is, what Eli needs is rest. The days and weeks ahead will not be easy, and opportunities for respite will be few. Make her take this one.”
Astarion opened his mouth, intending to ask why the hell Jaheira didn’t just go over there and say these things to Eli. But she was well ahead of him and held her hand up in a motion to silence him.
“I have no sway over her. I will only come off as overbearing and fussy, even if I do speak truth.” Her tone took on a hint of amusement, that of an elder and learned lioness affectionately chiding a cub. “I have been informed by Karlach that the two of you are together, yes?”
Astarion stiffened, his mind swirling around all the complications involved with his and Eli’s relationship. Guilt rose up in his throat and he swallowed it down uneasily as Jaheira eyed him curiously. She bullied past the question, not waiting for his affirmation.
“Take Eli upstairs and away from all of this,” Jaheira said, rising from her chair in a motion to leave, her piece said.
She then paused, considering something, before turning back to Astarion.
“It is not my place to say this, but I will, anyway. You seem conflicted about something concerning her. And I don’t want details,” she added hastily, noting Astarion’s discomfort at being called out. “However, I know all too painfully the grief of leaving things unsaid. This life you currently lead, it is one lived day-to-day, and those days will run out. Sometimes, much sooner than expected. Don’t wait until you have nothing left but regret.”
Once again not waiting for a response, Jaheira turned and made her way towards a group of Harpers who were chatting near the Inn’s central firepit. Astarion was left alone with the echo of her words and the key she had provided.
Something squirmed uncomfortably in Astarion’s chest as he rolled what she said over and over in his mind.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
She was right, of course. He needed to talk to Eli about them. About whatever this was. About how he’d manipulated her.
Used her.
Astarion groaned softly and ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly - a nervous habit.
Enough! Enough thinking, you wretched pathetic cowardly moron!
Rising from his chair, Astarion grabbed the key and made his way towards the bar, stepping up behind Eli who was currently providing Rolan with a play-by-play of their Moonrise prison break. Gently, he wrapped an arm around her waist and brought his other hand up to rest on her shoulder, pressing a light kiss to the side of her neck as he did so.
Astarion felt Eli’s pulse quicken beneath his lips and smiled as she leaned back into him. He felt a smug sense of satisfaction as he caught Rolan frowning at him, indignant as Eli’s attention shifted away from him and to the vampire.
“Hello, my dear,” he whispered softly into her ear, ignoring the tiefling wizard who looked as if he wanted to set Astarion on fire. “I’m sorry to interrupt you and your adoring fans, but I have some adoring of my own that I need you for.”
It was so easy for Astarion to slip back into his charmingly seductive mannerisms, so much so that he felt a pang of guilt twist in his stomach.
Truth be told, Astarion wasn’t exactly sure how to approach the type of conversation he wanted to have. He’d never done this before, asking to talk about a relationship, so he was winging it and using what tactics he knew to get her away from the crowd and to a more private location.
Eli turned her head to meet his gaze and grinned, placing a hand on the one Astarion had at her waist and intertwining her fingers with his.
“Really, now?” she said playfully. “And what does this adoring entail? Because if a hot bath and a massage are not included, I’m not going.”
Eli’s eyes shined with mischief as her expression settled into a teasing smirk. She kissed him lightly near the underside of his jaw – a reassuring gesture. Eli would go with him, regardless, but she always did enjoy a bit of banter.
“Arrangements can be made,” Astarion quipped as he turned her in his arms and began leading her towards the staircase to the upper floor.
Apprehension was beginning to roil in his gut, but he forced the alluring façade to stay in place.
Eli allowed him to direct her towards the stairs, tossing a wave to Rolan and calling over her shoulder.
“Sorry, Rolan! We’ll chat more later, as I’m currently being commandeered.”
Astarion couldn’t help the smug expression that crossed his face when he heard the tiefling’s miffed response.
“Mmhm, you seem like a very unwilling captive,” Rolan grunted.
Eli laughed.
“What can I say? I’ve got a weakness for pretty words, great sex and a man I don’t have to share snacks with,” she said.
Astarion tried to hold back the surprised bark of a laugh that bubbled up from his throat and failed miserably. He felt eyes on them, some scandalized and others amused - and heard Rolan’s agitated groan - as he led Eli up the stairs.
They reached the second-floor landing and he pressed a hand to the small of Eli’s back, guiding her towards the room.
“Where are we going, anyway?” she asked, trying to stifle a yawn as she spoke.
Safe from the greedy, peering eyes of the mob below, the shift in Eli’s demeanor was almost instinctual. She sagged a bit, weary and leaning into his touch. Hey eyelids fluttered closed for a moment and she drew in a deep, steadying breath.
She truly was exhausted and Astarion began to second guess himself. Maybe this wasn’t a good time to broach such a sensitive topic. She needed rest, not more burdens. Was he being selfish? Trying to offload his guilt just so he could feel better?
But the way she pressed into him, slightly leaning on him in her fatigue and suddenly so disarmed and at ease the moment they were away from the crowd…it caused a gnawing self-hatred to burn deep in his bones.
She trusted him. She felt safe with him. She shouldn’t…he didn’t deserve her affection.
“Jaheira, like the meddlesome elder she is, secured us a room away from all the nagging unwashed masses so you can finally get some peace and quiet,” Astarion said, stopping in front of a door which had the same designation as the key he had been given.
“Astarion, we are the unwashed masses,” Eli chuckled, glancing down at the battered scale mail she wore which was currently spattered with grime, blood and who knows what other less-than-savory substances.
Astarion expression pinched into one of mild disgust as he considered his own leathers which were equally smeared and foul.
“Yes, well, perhaps whatever contemptuous god is overseeing our day-to-day lives has seen fit to grace us with a private washroom? You know, as a way to apologize for all the horror and trauma that surrounds us every second of every day,” he bemoaned in that haughty, vain manner that only Astarion could pull off.
Unlocking the door, Astarion held it open and motioned with a gentlemanly flourish for Eli to enter. She did so, and the pale elf had to suppress a snort of laughter when she called out to him not five seconds later.
“Holy shit! I’ve never had such an emotional reaction to seeing a bar soap before!”
“I would hope we have not become such heathens that soap merits this much enthusiasm.”
“It smells like eucalyptus, Astarion! Eucalyptus!”
-------------------------------------------
There was, indeed, a private washroom.
Eli and Astarion took turns getting cleaned up. Soaking in a tub of warm, soapy water was a scarce luxury. Most days, their motley group was resigned to bathing in cold river water with minnows nipping at their toes as they tried to cleanse themselves with whatever natural herbs and ointments Halsin was able to scrounge up into a paste.
In truth, Astarion couldn’t recall the last time he’d been afforded the opportunity to simply enjoy a bath. Cazador certainly didn’t allow his spawn such niceties, and while he’d visited his fair share of taverns and hotels with rentable rooms while prowling for victims to bring back to his master, he was never able to just…be. To relish in the comfort of it all.
The warm water was soothing, banishing the endless chill of death sunk deep in his bones that was his constant state of being since the night he turned. Eli had washed before him and was now situated on the large plush bed across the room from the tub. A privacy screen blocked their view of one another, but they’d been chatting idly throughout the evening about nothing in particular.
Now, in a lull of silence between them, Astarion’s mind was wandering as he rested with his arms and head propped against the sides of the tub, eyes closed in a moment of calm that was all too fleeting these days. He lazily imagined having Eli in the water with him, her warm body pressed up against his which, for once, wouldn’t be cold and pallid to her touch…wouldn’t be greedily stealing the heat of her skin to warm his corpse.
But, he’d still be stealing her trust to warm his dead heart…
He sighed, feeling the ease of the moment slip away like the tendrils of steam coming off his bath water. He needed to own up to his manipulative intentions. Now. He couldn’t stomach the thought of holding Eli in his arms that night while she slept, peaceful and trusting. Holding onto him like he were something to be cared for, to be cherished. Unsuspecting of the truth…that he was deceitful and lowly.
That they never would have been here, in this room, had he not set out to use her for his selfish gain.
If he didn’t approach the subject now, he may not get another chance for some time. Their days were so overwrought with hardships and schemes that finding a moment of quiet was nearly as difficult as figuring out how to subdue the shadow curse.
Resigned to what he needed to do, and with an icy weight of dread sinking into his gut, Astarion rose from the tub and towled dry. He dressed in his typical casual outfit, a black ruffled shirt and dark trousers, and rounded the privacy screen to see Eli sitting on the bed, legs crisscrossed as she drew in a small leatherbound journal. She’d picked it up in the Emerald Grove, exchanging a dagger with Mattis for it that she’d picked up off some decrepit corpse or another.
Eli had taken to writing rather extensive notes in it about anything and everything; from information about the cult to descriptions of acquaintances and even hand drawn maps of the various areas they trekked through. She’d confided in Astarion that she feared what memories she’d made since the nataloid could one day be lost to her, just as her past was lost. And so she wanted to ensure, should that happen, she had a record she could refer to in order to hopefully reclaim some of what was gone.
Eli had even showed him several pages full of details about him. She’d written down all manner of notes, from little preferences he had – such as the style of embroidery needle he liked to use – to reminders such as: “You’ll figure out he’s a vampire pretty damn quick, Astarion is absurdly terrible at keeping secrets. Don’t be weird about it, he’s cool. He can get a bit whiny and obnoxious when he’s hungry, so make sure to keep him fed, especially if there isn’t much wildlife around. The wrist is for everyday use and the neck is for sexy times. Don’t believe him when he tells you that the inner thigh provides the best tasting blood. This is a kink and he is a liar! RATION ACCESS!”
That had made him smirk.
She’d also shown him two pages of detailed notes describing his appearance, from hair to foot. Eli wasn’t much for artistic talent, but she had a flair for the written word despite the copious amounts of vulgarity that shot from her mouth like dragon fire. The attention with which she’d described him and the complimentary nature of it all had caused his breath to catch at the back of his throat. He’d read the words over and over, actually able to picture his face in his mind’s eye as described. A strange sort of familiarity settled over him as he pictured the details on the page, and when he finally found his voice he’d stuttered a bewildered thank you, unused to the kindness she’d shown.
Now, as he sat on the edge of the bed, he felt a desperate fear burn to life inside himself. What if he never got to experience something like that again? What if their time together over the past weeks was all he ever got? Just a few brief flashes of respite among centuries of misery…
“Feeling better?” Eli asked, jolting Astarion out of his thoughts.
He blinked at her for a moment before clearing his throat and running a hand habitually through his hair.
“Yes…yes, I always feel better when I’m not covered in other people’s bodily fluids,” he said with a halfhearted chuckle that caused Eli to frown curiously and set down her journal.
She could sense something was off. And so with one last internal curse to himself, Astarion launched into one of the most anxiety-inducing things he’d ever done.
“I’ve…been meaning to talk to you. About us,” he said, tone soft and hesitant.
Eli shifted her weight on the bed, turning her body to face him. Her brows had furrowed only slightly, unsure whether she should be concerned about Astarion’s sudden shift in demeanor, yet fully open to listening attentively. Trusting. It made his gut twist.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, of course!” Astarion responded reflexively, instinctively jumping to make light of any tension. He bit back anymore reassurances before he could spit them out and cleared his throat, voice taking on a more serious tone.
“Except…not really,” he backpedaled.
Eli’s expression grew more worried and Astarion could see her already beginning to play through scenarios in her mind, trying to sort through what she may have done. What wrongs her broken mind may have committed. He sped forward, wanting to absolve her of any notion that she was at cause for anything.
“Look, I had a plan,” he began, turning towards her on the bed. “A nice simple plan. Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me,” he chuckled nervously, swallowing down the bile threatening to rise in his throat.
“It was easy…instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it…” His eyes dropped, unable to hold Eli’s stare as her own eyes searched his face, taken aback and confused by the sudden confession.
“And all I had to do was not fall for you,” he continued, glancing back up to her. Desperate for her to hear this next part. “Which is where my nice, simple plan…fell apart.”
Astarion paused, gazing at Eli with a mixture of trepidation and guilt as she watched him silently, stunned and not without a little hurt bleeding into her eyes as his words caught up with her brain.
“You’re…” he started, unsure how to put a voice to the storm wheeling inside of him. He wasn’t as eloquent as Eli, and never had he felt so incapable and inadequate at translating what he felt into words than he did right now. So he said what had been tearing him up from the inside out for days, and braced for the inevitable fallout.
“You’re incredible.” He couldn’t help the touch of a sad smile that came to his lips, or the nearly awed tone of his voice as he said the word like it could encase inside of it everything Eli had come to mean to him.
It wasn’t enough, he knew. No word would be enough. Nor would a thousand words. Because he didn’t understand how to express the way his heart seemed to flutter when she looked at him, despite it being cold and useless in his chest. He didn’t know how to explain the way her smile made him feel like someone worthwhile. Or how when he held her in his arms he thought that maybe…maybe some god somewhere had finally heard his desperate pleas.
“You deserve something real,” he admitted, with no small amount of shame, before adding, “I want us to be something real.”
Confessing to something he wanted, out loud and to someone else, was an experience he was woefully unfamiliar with. It was an experience he fully expected he’d come to regret, but he said it anyway and waited for the pain that was sure to follow.
Eli was quiet for a long moment, peering at Astarion with an expression he couldn’t quite read. He saw confusion and sadness, but there was something else, too. A flicker of something not unlike…understanding?
No, he was surely mistaken…
“So…” Eli said softly, working through her words before she spoke them out loud. Trying to parse through the influx of information coming at her.
“So, this hasn’t been real? Us? Everything we’ve been through. Our nights together…they didn’t mean anything to you…” she trailed off, almost as if she were talking to herself rather than asking it of him.
“Of course they did!” Astarion was quick to correct the assumption.
Gods, he didn’t want her to think that. Of course they had meant something to him, more than he’d thought they could. He’d chosen to be with her, even if it had initially been out of less than innocent desires, he’d chosen it. He hadn’t been forced to seek her out and lure her somewhere. She wasn’t a mark or some wretched experience he wanted to forget. He’d acted of his own free will, and even if the reasons hadn’t been as genuine as he’d made them out to be at the start, it was still the first decision he had made in nearly two centuries that wasn’t directed or forced.
That meant something to him. Those nights meant something to him. And, gods, so did she. That was part of the problem…
And so he explained as much, describing how he was used to twisting intimacy into something to be used rather than felt. How his past experiences with sex were bleeding over into the nights spent with her and that he didn’t have the faintest idea how to fix it. How he had trained himself to be numb, to wall himself off. And how, when Eli had finally, gently dismantled those walls he didn’t know what to do next…
“I don’t know how else to be with someone. No matter how much I’d like to…” Astarion concluded, feeling about as small and insignificant as he’d ever felt.
The silence that followed his confession made his skin crawl with ill ease. He stared at the bedding, terrified to look up and see the fury Eli surely felt. This was it; this was when she’d tell him to leave. And he would, quietly and without fuss. It was the last kindness he was capable of giving her.
“Astarion.” The calm softness of Eli’s voice nearly made the elf flinch. “Please look at me.”
Not a demand, but a request, spoken with care.
Confused, Astarion looked to her and instead of anger or hate or rage, he only found…her. Just Eli, looking back at him with thoughtful consideration. She should have been furious, but instead she simply took a steadying breath, scooting a bit closer on the bed so she could place a hand lightly on his knee.
He didn’t move, didn’t breathe as Eli looked at him and carefully began to speak.
“I care about you, Astarion.” She said it as if she were trying to convince him of the truth of her words, and he was stunned.
“Really?” he asked, breathless and unsure. But hopeful, too. Hopeful that maybe, just once, something in his miserable life might not end in disaster and pain.
“Yes, you beautiful fool!” she nearly laughed, squeezing at his knee.
Eli smiled at him and…gods above, it was the most dazzling and gorgeous thing he’d ever seen.
“Neither of us was looking for anything more than a night of comfort, and maybe some fun, when all of this started. We both had our own self-serving reasons,” she explained, before chuckling lightly. “Hells, I barely had more than a few weeks' worth of memories in my head at that point. Trying to rope anyone into a meaningful relationship was so low on my list of priorities I would have burst into flames on the spot had anyone mentioned the idea to me.”
Astarion couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face as Eli looked at him with an adoration that made him dizzy.
“But, things change. We changed. And, I’m glad that we did. I came to care about you in a way I don’t remember caring about anyone ever. And while that may not be saying much, considering…” Eli laughed and Astarion’s dead heart soared. “You’re special to me, right now. Regardless of how this started.”
This was certainly not how Astarion had expected this conversation to go, and he had never been so overjoyed to have his expectations usurped. He was entirely out of his depth, and so far outside his comfort zone that he was reeling. Words kept building up in the back of his throat and yet when he opened his mouth, he was struck dumb. He was overwhelmed, in the best way possible, but he hadn’t the slightest notion of what he was supposed to say or do next. And so he defaulted to what he knew.
“Well, I mean, of course I am, darling,” Astarion’s voice slipped into a silky tone. Anxiety was roiling inside of him and he tried to claw his way out, using the tools he knew best.
“The unyielding praise I am able to coax from your lips during our nights of passion has made it more than apparent,” he leaned in towards Eli, the tone of his words easing back into sultry familiarity.
Eli just shook her head with a breathy chuckle, meeting his gaze with a genuine affection in her eyes that made Astarion feel known in a way that was comforting.
“That’s not what I meant,” Eli chided with a tenderness that caught Astarion off-guard. “I mean you, Astarion. The person that you are. The person who cares about me enough to watch over me all night while I go mad. The person who is forgiving enough to not hate me the next morning. The person who makes me laugh after a long and painful day.”
Carefully, Eli raises a hand and gently presses it against Astarion’s cheek. He leans into the touch, expression softening and relaxing as his red eyes stay locked in to her own.
“The person who is being honest with me, right now. Who I appreciate more than I can say.”
Astarion was quite certain his brain had seized. He sat frozen, frantically searching her face for any hint of a lie and finding none, to his utter astonishment.
“That’s…” he started, then faltered. He knew he should say something, but his chest currently felt as if it was being wrenched open and no words would suffice to express his amazement.
“I don’t know what to say,” Astarion admitted after his stunned silence wore off. “Which is quite the accomplishment on your part, my dear.”
Eli smiled, warm and without expectations. It was beautiful.
“Thank you,” he breathed, closing the small gap between them and resting his forehead against her own. “For trusting me, and listening. For everything.”
His words were woefully inadequate, and he feared they always would be. But, Eli didn’t seem to mind and that brought him immeasurable relief.
“I’ll always listen,” Eli reassured him as she stroked the side of his face with her thumb. “Considering who you are, it’s kind of hard not to,” she teased.
His expression took on a somewhat sheepish hint as he took her hand from his cheek and held it reverently between both of his. He sat up a bit straighter as Eli pulled away, silently watching him run his fingers across her palm with a light touch.
“What do we do now?” he asked, hesitant and unsure.
Astarion looked to Eli for some sort of direction. He hadn’t thought this far ahead and honestly figured the conversation would have ended in tears or bloodshed or both by now. He didn’t know what a way forward with Eli looked like, but he knew he wanted her with him. Maybe he could ignore the confused and unsavory feelings that intruded upon their nights together? He wanted to enjoy her, to satisfy her without the shadows of past hurts creeping in. Perhaps he could figure out how…
“What do you want to do?” Eli responded, turning the question back onto him and taking him by surprise.
Astarion looked back to Eli, brows raised at the unexpected question. He considered her for a moment, thinking through how to answer. What did he want?
“I’m not sure…” he said honestly. “No one’s ever asked me that before. About anything, really.”
Eli waited, smiling reassuringly, though with a hint of sadness at Astarion’s words. It was freeing, somewhat, to be given the space to think about what he wanted and a chance to put a voice to it. But, it was also a little overwhelming, and truth be told he wasn’t quite sure how to figure it out.
“I know I don’t want to lose you,” he affirmed, squeezing her hand in his.
He did want something real with Eli. The problem was, he didn’t know what real looked like. This was unfamiliar territory for him, and he didn’t even know how in the hells he was supposed to get his bearings.
“I don’t want that, either. You know, we could be together without sex. For however long we need,” Eli suggested, a small smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. “I don’t think I have the best associations with it, either, considering the…things that sometimes pop into my head. Maybe we both could use time to work through those things.”
Astarion considered the idea, a cool rush of relief overcoming him as it truly began to sink in that Eli wasn’t only interested in him for his body and the way it roused it her own. They were good together, really fucking good. But it was becoming more and more difficult to reconcile what he had done in his past, under the subjugation of Cazador, with what he did with Eli now. He didn’t want to treat her like a mark or just another one of his conquests. She deserved better than that from him – to be cherished and worshiped, even ravished, fully and completely and without the haunting presence of ghosts that lurked in the corners of his mind.
“Why that almost sounds like a challenge,” Astarion said, trying to slip back into his sultry mannerisms yet failing to hide the appreciation he felt.
His tone then shifted into something quieter and more tentative as Astarion asked, “Can we…still share a bed? I think I’d miss sleeping in your arms.”
He cleared his throat, eyes darting to the side. The vulnerability behind his question was uncomfortable for him, but he thought maybe he could manage if it kept them from spending their nights apart. He’d grown fond of drifting off to sleep with her near, lulled by the low beat of her heart and the soft sighs of her breathing. It was a comfort he had never imagined himself longing for, and yet with Eli he’d quickly come to miss her warmth on the nights they slept in their own tents. Her absence at his side becoming a chill he’d rather not endure.
“I’d like that,” Eli agreed, giving his own hand a soft and appreciative squeeze.
“Well,” Astarion sighed, tension easing out of him as he leaned forward suddenly and wrapped Eli in an embrace that quickly had them tumbling back onto the bed. “No time like the present!”
Eli laughed and Astarion pulled her close, reveling in the easy solace of having everything between them out in the open rather than eating away at his insides. He rolled onto his back, tugging her up onto him so that her head was resting on his chest, just below his chin. His fingers idly stroked through her hair, eyelids drooping as the stress of the day finally caught up to him.
“This is nice,” he mumbled a bit more sleepily than intended.
A contented hum was the only response he heard from Eli before sleep took him completely.
___________________________________
In the morning Karlach gave them a knowing smirk as they descended the stairs and Eli began rummaging through the Inn’s cabinets for something that could pass as breakfast.
“You two look happy,” she remarked as Astarion took a seat across from her at one of the low tables near the central firepit. “Seems a night on your own did the both of you some good.”
The tiefling eyed Astarion pointedly as she raised a mug of coffee and sipped, eyes twinkling with more than a bit of self-satisfied mischief.
Astarion clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair, feigning disinterest as he began to study his nails.
“You know, Karlach,” he began, flicking a speck of dirt from the tip of a finger. “For someone without a heart, you sure do seem to get invested in the romantic affairs of others.”
Karlach nearly spit coffee across the table as a boisterous laugh leapt up from her chest. She managed to contain herself, half choking and half coughing into her mug before she set it aside.
“That’s rich, fangs, coming from the likes of you,” Karlach giggled with good nature. “Honestly, I was just getting tired of the constant pining and lovesick angst between the both of you. For a pair of bloodthirsty murderhobos, you two are adorably dense when it comes to interactions that don’t involve stabbing something.”
“And for a professional killing machine from the hells, you are a hopeless gossip,” Astarion replied, shooting Karlach a sidelong glare before he glanced across the room to where Jaheira was consulting with a pair of Harpers as they studied a map.
He cleared his throat and pointedly did not look at the tiefling, speaking low for only the two of them to hear.
“Anyway…thank you. For meddling,” he said somewhat stiffly, though there was a timid genuineness to his words that made Karlach beam.
“Always happy to meddle, fangs.”
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galebrainrot2024 · 2 months
Text
I’m about to learn what the overlap is for Astrology and BG3 - I give to you my takes on the companions Big 3 (Sun, Moon, Rising)! Disclaimer: I did this on vibes alone
A quick break down for those unfamiliar: sun is ego, moon is emotional world both how we process and express emotion, rising is our house of self, how others perceive us., who we fundamentally come across as
Karlach: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sag rising. Starting off strong and easy, girlie is a Sag rising without question, she loves spontaneity, good humor, trying new things, wants to explore and see the world and take it all in. Taurus sun, I think she’s a fairly grounded character and it takes a lot to make her angry - what she is angry about though are long standing grudges where people have done her quite dirty. Provoke the Bull, get the horns. Leo moon: she wants to illuminate and shine her optimism and love onto others. Has great hair, strong sense of humor, bold, a flair for the dramatic.
Gale: Pisces sun, Libra moon, Taurus rising. I had a surprisingly hard time with him. I think he’s a March Pisces specifically. He is a little delulu and has a huge imagination as well as capacity for empathy, humanitarianism. Romantic. Plus, baby cow eyes. Big water sign energy there. Taurus Rising: our boy is quite stubborn and enjoys a bit of lavishness from time to time. Conjures a bed instead of sex on the grass. The five senses matter a great deal to him - Taurus is ruled by Venus after all and is a very sensual sign. Great cook. The moon I struggled with and ultimately think he’s a Libra moon. He craves intellectual stimulation, strong people pleasing tendencies and also values relationships and partnerships. Very romantic. Libra moons thrive and seek out partnerships and as it’s an air sign, is also very intellectually driven and aroused by intelligence/harmony/beauty in all forms (arts, food, people)
Astarion: Cancer sun, Scorpio moon, Capricorn rising. No further questions your honor. In all seriousness, nothing screams moody, sarcastic vampire like Scorpio and cancer. Capricorn because of the restriction imposed upon him. All of these placements are really sweet to their people, everyone else.. well.. just keep your distance, darling
Shadowheart: Gemini Sun, Capricorn Moon, Scorpio rising. Girl is secretive and emo as heck, and emotionally cold and distant (AT FIRST!) Capricorn moons hold their cards close to their chest as do all Scorpio placements. Gemini for her fluctuating nature, enjoys talking, is a chameleon in many respects. Needs intellectual stimulation and likes the back and forth, can be a playful person
Lae’zel: Aries sun, Aqua Moon, Aries rising. As far as I’m concerned, she is the pinnical of Aries: head-strong, straightforward (sometimes at the expense of others), courageous, short tempered and outwardly aggressive as opposed to Scorpio or cap aggression which is more subtle. Lae’zel says what she means and means what she says. Impulsive. Can rub people the wrong way and is ultimately a lovey, soft hearted character once you get passed the sandpaper attitude. Aqua moon because they are humanitarian and look at the bigger picture, less squishy about their emotions yet have strong feelings. Tendency to Intellectualize emotions.
Wyll: Libra rising, Pisces moon, Sag sun. Sag because Wyll has a strong sense of duty and purpose, yet it’s coupled with a strong sense of freedom and zest for life. Expansive. Libra rising because he’s a good conversationalist, enjoys the arts and finer things, wants harmony and Justice, tries his best to avoid strong conflicts when he can. Pisces moon because I think our boy is so sweet and soft internally, and thinks and feels deeply about everything. Can feel misunderstood.
Bonus: (descriptions to come later if desired!)
Halsin: Gemini sun, Taurus Moon, Cancer rising
Minthara: Aqua Sun, Virgo Moon, Capricorn rising
Minsc: Leo sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising
Jaheira: Capricorn sun, Cancer moon, Leo rising
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lumienyx · 4 months
Text
happy to surrender
Pairing: Astarion/m!Tav | Rating: T | Words: 1,208 | Tags: Established Relationship, Romance, Banter, Fluff, Humor, sorcery as a replacement for the tadpole mindlink, no beta we die like Dribbles
Summary: A snowflake lands on Tav’s lips, and Astarion melts it with a kiss.  “My love.” Astarion’s gaze is so tender, his voice so fragile Tav fears that it may break. “These last six months of happy memories are a counterweight to two hundred years of misery.”
A/N: inspired by a bunch of things: Astarion's epilogue confession ofc, @snowyarts' post contrasting it with his earlier much more grim dialogue, and when I finally started on the New Beginnings prompt for the BG3 Winter Holiday Challenge, I ended up with this🥺 Hope you enjoy💙
Read on AO3 or continue under the cut ↓
The canvas of the night stretches wide above them. Astarion watches it, entranced, ever in awe of each new starscape of Faerûn they uncover during their travels. 
Tav is mesmerized in turn by the subtle play of moonlight on Astarion’s skin, in his eyes. The light snowfall grazes his hair, the flakes lingering just a bit longer than usual before melting away. Tav leans closer into the one-armed embrace, pressing his lips against Astarion's neck.
“Any new constellations you can show me?” Tav follows his lover’s gaze to a messy cluster of stars.
Astarion chuckles. “Of course, my sweet. If you remember all the ones from before.”
“All of them?” Tav frowns, doubtful. “You have a lot of faith in my memory.”
“If you can quote that bawdy poor excuse of a romance novel we stole from Gale, then surely—”
“Anyway.” Tav ignores Astarion’s smirk, pointing to where he spots a familiar, blade-like pattern, tracing it with his finger. “That one. Jassa’s Dagger?”
“Wrong.”
“Oh, well, the Sword and the Dagg—”
Astarion cuts him off with an exasperated kiss, reaching out to run his hand through Tav's hair, a pleasant shiver tingling in its wake. “Try again. No daggers there, I’m afraid.”
“Ah.” Tav skips through a couple more guesses. “Well… Esetar?”
“That isn’t even visible right now, darling.” Astarion caresses his cheek then, gentle and almost placating. “Not that I don’t find this positively adorable, but do you even listen when I tell you about them?”
“I remember most of our stargazing lessons ending in me seeing stars for a very different reason.”
Astarion groans. “And I remember how I’ve told you repeatedly that your questionable attempts at wordplay leave much to be desired.”
“This one was good,” Tav insists, “one might even say stellar—”
“Stop—”
Astarion struggles out of the embrace only half-heartedly, and Tav doesn’t catch any trace of tension on his face, so he doesn’t break the hold. “Made you smile,” he says, with no small measure of satisfaction.
“I am not,” Astarion says, “smiling,” he tries and fails to suppress it.
“But there it is.” 
Tav presses his lips to Astarion’s, feeling the grin widen. He relishes the soft, languid movement of his lover’s lips as they fall deeper into a kiss that warms Tav even more than the sphere of heat he’s keeping up around them. There’s only a hair’s breadth between them as they pull away, and Tav finds himself lost in Astarion’s eyes all over again.
“There.” Tav points to another patch in the sky, not even looking. “Mystra’s Circle.”
“Why,” Astarion gasps in mock surprise, “truly a remarkable catch! The only circular constellation out there—how did you guess?”
Tav weaves a few spheres from the heaps of snow behind Astarion, all ready to strike. They all miss, of course; Astarion leaps out of his arms to dodge them just in time, and Tav barely manages to halt the spell before the projectiles end up hitting him instead.
“Ugh.” Tav lets the spell dissipate ina burst of snowflakes. Gone is his only chance to catch Astarion off guard. “I’ll get you one of these days.”
“Darling,” Astarion laughs, “do I have to remind you of the score of our snowball fights?” He rushes back into the radius of the heating spell and into Tav's begrudging embrace, though Tav probably doesn’t look as annoyed as he’s pretending to be.
“You may win the battles,” Tav grumbles, “but you won't win the war.”
“If you ask me really nicely, I doubt I would have any choice but to concede defeat.”
“Ha! Since when are you happy to surrender?”
“I am happy with you always,” Astarion says.
And it’s those simple words that give Tav pause. 
There is no hint of jest or deceit in Astarion’s eyes. Only warmth and tenderness that Tav is still getting used to seeing there, in place of the once constant fear and pain. The bright specks of light reflected in them form constellations of their own against the ruby red. So beautiful, impossible to look away from, even as Tav feels heat rushing to his cheeks and his heart rattling his chest at an alarming rate. A reaction he hasn’t quite grown out of, even after all these months by Astarion’s side.
“I—well.” Tav blinks. A nervous chuckle follows a bashful smile. “Really?”
A snowflake lands on Tav’s lips, and Astarion steals it with a kiss before it melts. 
“My love.” Astarion’s gaze is so tender, his voice so fragile Tav fears that it may break. “These last six months of happy memories are a counterweight to two hundred years of misery.”
Tav’s heart skips a beat, perhaps a couple. He doesn’t know what to answer, doesn’t know how. He can’t quite believe it, still. The pain yet rings sharp from the words Astarion had said a longer while back—that not even Cazador’s death would make up for the all-consuming darkness, that never-ending pain.
But Astarion slides into his mind now, magic weaving itself in the familiar spell Tav spent months developing so they could both have this—mind-to-mind emotions and wordless connection—once their tadpoles were gone. Astarion’s feelings are clear as day there, somewhere in the in-between of Tav’s own tangled thoughts and emotions—
—it's as if there's a bright, simmering hearth in his chest, and it feels like home, you are home—
—Tav’s own face obscures his vision, one memory that mirrors thousands more like it, and when he sees that face smile, he feels—Astarion feels like it lights up everything around him, bringing to life something deep inside him that he thought long forgotten, and he feels his lips follow suit to mirror mine—
—touch is less like small bursts of electricity, like it used to be when they barely knew each other but knew enough to want one another and every touch sparked desire—
—now, the touch of my hand is grounding, your embrace feels like a warding spell, a Sanctuary that keeps at bay whatever danger and harm the world yet harbors, kissing you completes me like two split pieces of a whole finally joining—
There’s waves upon waves of joy radiating from Astarion’s thoughts, there's the shadow of his embrace that Tav can feel even as he’s lost in the connection—and all of a sudden, it’s too much to bear being parted, and so he closes the distance between them. They kiss deeply, softly, it’s all kinds of perfection Tav doesn’t ever want to let go. 
Tav is quite happy to surrender to Astarion, too.
Astarion’s lips are cool and yet the kiss spreads warmth all over Tav’s body. Like the familiar surge of sorcery running through his veins, only better, because Astarion’s touch is more magical than any spell Tav could ever hope to invoke. It’s all the elation of a life bound closely to his, of their life began anew. A life they get to live, against all odds, together. Their minds are still entwined, and Astarion’s coalesces into the single thought,
I love you.
And the emotion of it is strong enough, overwhelming enough to make Tav weak in the knees with how good it makes him feel, how completely it overtakes him. And Tav—
~~~
thank you for the read! I’d appreciate any comments and feedback💙
Tag list (lmk if you'd like to be added):
@spacebarbarianweird @satanicspinosaurus @tallymonster @tragedybunny @ellekhen
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alpaca-clouds · 3 months
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Let me use Astarion as an excuse to talk about CPTSD
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You know what? I think this might be a good moment to talk about CPTSD and how Astarion really is a textbook example of someone with CPTSD (though it is very likely that basically our entire main cast of characters in BG3 is suffering from it to some degree, they just are less textbook in their presentation).
Let me start with a simple question: What is CPTSD?
CPTSD is the shortened version of Complex PTSD, or rather Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, to dumb it down: It is like CPTSD, but it sucks a lot more.
While normally PTSD is caused by one traumatic event (like having a car accident, seeing a loved one die, being subjected to random violence at some point), while CPTSD is caused by a traumatic situation that goes on for a while or repeats several times. In the western world, we see a lot of CPTSD in survivors of parental abuse or intimate partner abuse. Aka, traumatic situations that went on for a longer while. You will also find CPTSD in some people from marginalized groups, as the traumatic situation of discrimination is constantly repeating. And of course you will find it in survivors of war or similar ongoing events.
PTSD will often lead to having triggers related to the trauma, showing avoidance behavior towards possibly triggering situations. It might also lead to flashbacks, nightmares, and a raised awareness/carefulness, often especially regarding relations with other people (though this might depend on the traumatic event it stems from).
CPTSD will have all of that, but often in more complex ways (as a longer experience will allow for complex triggers to develop - and a lot more situa´tions to become triggers as well), but it will also lead to a difficulty to regulate emotions, a general mistrust towards other people, inability to have healthy relationships, prolonged moments of dissociations, a generally negative perception of the world and events, feelings of worthlessness and internalized shame.
It should also be noted that in many cases the symptoms of CPTSD only start showing, once the traumatized person is removed from the traumatizing situation.
Neurally the reason for CPTSD is basically, that the nervous system is put into a prolonged survival mode. Which is also why the symptoms often trigger after the survivor is removed trauma inducing situation.
And, oh look, it is Astarion lol
Looking at the character from this perspetive, you really see pretty much all the symptoms in him.
Does he struggle with regulating his emotions? Fuck yeah, he does. He tries to regulate them, but he very often fails at it.
Does he get triggered by some situations? Yeah, it does. (You get that especially when you play his origin.)
He is super mistrustful towards other people - which is also why he does not intermingle with other people that much.
His view of most things as negative is also fairly clear - I also would argue that his "let's kill some puppies and kittens" behavior is also very closely connected to this.
And that he struggles with feelings of worthlessness and shame is again something that is found in the text.
He really is a very textbook example of CPTSD, which also brings me back to what I already talked about this week: Both CPTSD and PTSD will permanently change the nervous system. Which as far as we know will never quite go away. (Like, not to be a nerd, but there has been some recent research, that has shown that certain medication might permanently eleviate some symptoms - but not heal it totally.) It is basically scars from a nervous injury, if you wanna think of it like that.
You can however learn to live with the symptoms and learn techniques to regulate them. If you have read any of my Tavstarion stories (like this one), I bring some of those techniques into that. Stuff like breathing techniques or techniques to get your brain out of a flashback spiral (like consciously perceiving your surroundings). But to learn to deal with it, you also need to confront the trauma, which is probably the hardest thing to get Astarion to do, because he seems to be very avoidant. Like, his entire "I need to ascend" thingie is all avoidant behavior. Basically, he wants all that power that comes with ascending to prevent him from ever ending up in a situation that would be in any way similar to his trauma again.
But even if he does not ascend, there is a good chance he will still show a lot of avoidant behavior in the future.
When I write him, there is a reason that I do not have him leave home for a good seven months outside of what he has to do (like feeding). Which is very typical avoidant behavior.
The thing is that often trauma and especially CPTSD is not always the very big reactions - though those might be there too - but a lot of those more muted things. Avoiding going outside. Avoiding new situations. Being just a bit anxious. Feeling that nice things are done with bad intentions. Things like that.
Just, you know... A heads up.
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galedekarios · 5 months
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I really appreciate you defending our boy so valiantly and with such well thought out, concise arguments! As someone who has ADHD, and has struggled with depression my whole life, I immediately latched onto Gale bc I see so much of myself in him!! There is SO much to love about him and he's one of those characters that helps me be more compassionate to myself (self recognition through the other for the win!) so seeing fans constantly shit on him is disheartening and really annoying, but to see the actual DEVELOPERS talk about "yeah that guy sucks he's SO annoying everyone would be better off if he had just killed himself" is.....ooof.
BUT thankfully when I start feeling really upset we've got blogs like you to ride to our favorite wizard's defense and help celebrate all the things we love about this beautiful, complex character! I hope one day we won't have to work so hard to push back against this negativity towards Gale (and any character that isn't that one who fans and devs have deemed perfect and flawless and the only one that matters...) but as long as we do I appreciate all the work and passion you put in to raising up Gale of Waterdeep!
(and sorry this went on forever I just get really discouraged in this fandom sometimes but seeing your posts always build me right back up and I wanted to let you know what a bright spot you are in my bg3 experience! ^^)
thank you for sending me this message! 🖤
i normally try to ignore these things because at the end of the day, they are meaningless.
but... not only does this come from the devs, but this hit a bit too close to home for me as well.
i've been struggling a lot with depression myself for the better part of a decade now.
i'll try to put my feelings into words bc how they have chosen to respond here and the message they are sending actually upsets me. i know i'm repeating myself at this point so sorry for sounding like a broken record myself, but:
gale is clearly coming out of a depression & self-isolation & struggles with suicidal ideation.
there is absolutely no sugarcoating that.
despite that, once he has no choice but to travel again after he's been abducted by the nautiloid, or perhaps because of it, he can't help himself. he can't isolate himself again. he's happy to talk and connect with not only the protag, but also the companions. he talks a lot, he cooks for them, and yes, sometimes he can be overbearing. he tends to overexplain. he corrects himself for talking too much, being too much. he's very aware of that perception of him and it's still an insecurity of his by the time the epilogue rolls around. it's in the devnotes. it's in the way he thanks the protag for encouraging him to attend the get-together at all.
i thought (foolishly, apparently) that at least the people who created the game and who are colleagues with gale's writer, had the emotional maturity and intelligence to recognise that and also see how that could be something a part of their player base emphasises and connects with.
gale being described as the one who annoys everyone and him dying as the "right" ending, as making up for being perceived as "annoying" by those around him, "inconveniencing" them by being ill and asking for a treatment, and his death being contextualised as "giving" back "to the world" is just...
it's so fucking disgusting to me.
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yanderes-galore · 1 month
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I love how you write your yandere alphabets. Can I request one for Minthara from BG3 (romantic please)?
I can try, sure! I haven't been able to play myself... but I did research on overall story and Minthara's personality! I know I'm technically on break, but I wanted to get the BG3 requests done... and I might change my blog status to slow instead as no writing outright has proven to be boring for me -_-"
Yandere Alphabet - Minthara
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Violence, Manipulation, Murder, Blood, Kidnapping, Cult mentions, Intimidation mentioned, Slight sadism, Punishments, Restraints, Punishment, Forced relationship.
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Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
Minthara is cruel, but she feels morally gray... perhaps even mislead due to the Mindflayer Cult. She has killed before as she felt it was what needed to be done. Minthara has a superiority complex as a Drow noble and dislikes the weak.
She uses violence, deception, and cruelty to get what she wants. She's observant of those around her. Despite her nature as a Drow... she'd care for her darling in her own way.
In terms of affection, it's a bit sparse. She can be intimidating but doesn't like the idea of outright harming you for no reason. She comes off as intense... yet knows when to give her beloved physical/verbal affection.
She likes to control her darling but doesn't intend to show them mindless sadism essentially.
Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
Minthara has killed many, violence is also expected of Drow. Safe to say if she feels it will control you or protect you... she'll spill the blood of others. For her, cruelty must have a reason for being done. You're a good enough reason for her.
Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?
I have a feeling if Minthara abducted you she'd be mocking at times. Yet she doesn't believe in harming you without purpose. The reason she abducted you was most likely because you caught her eye... and if she's part of the cult still then she needs to find some poor souls to convert.
Despite her intimidating and cruel nature... you can tell she's taken a liking to you. She has a hard time with compassion but promises not to harm you unless she has to. But soon she casts aside her feelings against compassion when the urge to show you affection starts to develop due to her obsession.
Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?
Most likely, yes. She's a yandere who likes power towards her darling. Making you comply with her wishes seems like her.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
Minthara isn't a very vulnerable character at times. Although, when she begins to give into her obsession more... she does show some desperation towards you.
So she does have some care... but struggles to show softer feelings, especially if you are not a Drow and are used to a softer kind of love.
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
Amused if not a little irritated. She likes that you won't submit easily and respects that... but overall she prefers to keep control over you.
Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
Not really and she'd show irritation as your attempts at escape. But part of her still adores the fight you have.
Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
Kidnapping and cult conversion if she is still part of it. That or punishments since she can be ruthless if you disobey.
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
When it comes to her, maybe to make you a spouse she can control. She'll have you return home with her and give you the affections she knows you want. But she knows that will take time.
Yes, if I'm correct Minthara is known to be jealous at times. She may lash out about it or carefully try to manipulate you to get what she wants.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?
Controlling, Manipulative, Intimidating, Cold, Ruthless, yet still Caring and Affectionate once she gives into her obsession and makes you hers.
Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
I assume she originally kidnapped you for various reasons. Yet over time she began to feel something towards you. At first she's in denial... but the thought is so tempting.
Perhaps she should court you...
She needs to court you and make you hers.
Not really, but she's more affectionate and open with you.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
I imagine punishments would be the time Minthara gets a bit more cruel with you. Perhaps she makes your skin bleed with a blade, restrains you so you have to rely on her... any punishment that makes her feel she has control over you essentially.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
Probably as many as she wants.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
Surprisingly Minthara is very patient with you.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
She'd have a hard time moving on, especially if she opened herself up to you. She's had many lovers before... but you were the one she was most attached to. She'd hate to see you leave her one way or another... she's desperate to prevent that.
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
No and probably not.
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
Upbringing, curiosity, something similar to that.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
She's perplexed on what to do for a moment before offering some sort of advice. She's hesitant to comfort you... but eventually gives in and tries.
You may not like it though.
SKIPPED
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
Not any I can think of, maybe trying to play into her emotions or manipulate her back?
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?
Not if she doesn't have to.
Not a worship yandere but would definitely kill anyone who takes you from her.
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
Doesn't pine for very long, since she probably met you either in battle or abduction.
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?
She may, yeah. But she prefers you to have some fight.
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onlyancunin · 29 days
Text
Baldur's Gate 3 for dummies
I just read the reaction to my post about ascended/non-ascended Astarion, which goes as follows:
this makes me 1. want the game even more 2. want to write about this… manipulative vile man canonically being manipulative and vile and slowly transforming into this monster (i don’t know any lore of his, his back story, nor anything about the game. only what this tag shows me. but one thing for sure is that people are arguing about his ‘ascended form’) (i lost my train of thought el oh el) — @tiyoin
And I thought of maybe compiling something of a BG3 for dummies sort of post. Because believe me, it is not an easy game to just jump in and hope for the best.
Starting from my own perspective, as a person who currently has 600+ h of gameplay - this is my story:
I bought the game for Astarion after spoiling to myself most of his storyline. I was pretty hesitant as I don't really consider myself to be smart enough to play these kinds of game, but decided to give it a shot nonetheless. By "these games" I mean turn-based strategic combat set in DnD rules - it's just not my forte, as people with 8 out of 20 Intelligence points tend to say.
So it was a struggle in the beginning. My friend advised me to look into general DnD combat rules and this is what I learned:
High ground is always good, unless you're a melee (barbarian/fighter/melee-focused paladin), then just throw whatever you can or get down to their level and hit them repeatedly with your best weapon
Good classes for starting are fighter, barbarian, rogue (I came to BG from Dragon Age, where I usually played as rogue). Monk is the most karate-ish bananas one.
My personal fav class to play as as a Certified Dumbassᵀᴹ is warlock (Eldritch Blast can get you through the game all the way, don't ask me how I know ).
Race matters only sometimes, so pick the one you like (as a nocturnal creature myself, I usually go for drow). Tiefling and drows get the more racist treatment, with drow getting some perks here and there.
You can always respec later, so don't panic.
You can play the way you want, bu the game is built to give you unique and/or funny experience even when your dice rolls are low. Do what you're comfortable with, but don't strive for "winning". I'd argue that while there are some morally good or bad choices, there's no winning or losing the game.
And all in all remember who you're doing this for:
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If anyone has any insight, tips, tricks, advice, feel free to add!
P.S. The game has no right to be this funny in the most unexpected of ways, just FYI.
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