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lyrakanefanatic · 5 months

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Songs that I think would fit phone girl and graysons relationship pt. 2!!

dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift: I remember a mutual saying this in the comments of my last “songs i think would fit PG and graysons relationship” post but I can’t remember who, I think it was @reminiscentreader but I’m rlly not sure sorry 😭😭

“I, I loved you in secret” I imagine that they would keep their “situation” (i have a good feeling they will like kiss or something like that but then the next day will pretend like nothing happened or something pushes them apart?? Idk it’s a trilogy so jlb can’t give them a relationship right away) a secret from the hawthornes and the other contestants for a while when they do become official, but nash catches on first

“first sight, yeah, we love without reason” it was technically love at first sight bc gray kind of had feelings for PG when she first called him, when usually it wasn’t love at first sight for his past relationships (which is how u know they’re gonna be endgame 😍)

“My, my love had been frozen, deep blue, but you painted me golden.” basically how his past relationships had left him heartbroken and “blue” but when he met phone girl he really started to fall for her which “painted him golden”

“I, I loved you in spite of, deep fears that the world would divide us” grayson afraid of something tearing him and PG apart and almost expecting something to happen, or just expecting himself to drive her out like he did with his past relationships (😭😭)

“I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted” grayson literally says (when he’s describing his “girlfriend” to Gigi in the brothers hawthorne) that his supposed girlfriend, “wasn’t perfect, and when im with her, I don’t have to be either.” so this is very fitting LOL

fallen star by the neighborhood: yes, im only putting this one here bc I saw an edit that @herondalesbooklover posted and I liked the audio, so whatever sue me 😔

“I’ll keep you far away from me, like a star” Graysons habit of driving the people he loves out, and I can see him distancing himself away from PG bc he’s scared of falling in love again 💔

“Hard not to fall for you, I gave you all my heart” again, its Grayson trying (and failing) to not fall for phone girl, even though he knows she has his heart and always will 💗💗😜

“Further apart, the closer, the closer, the closer that we are” he’ll try not to get close to her, but he can’t keep himself away for too long and I have a feeling he’ll find himself getting attached and unable to block her out like he usually does with the people he loves

“You’re in my dna, I can’t keep away no matter how hard I try” like I said with ⬆️ one, he’ll try to keep her away but no matter how hard he tries, he will always find himself coming back to her (😭😭💗💗)

“I’m on a one way train and it’s far away, but you’re still on my mind” grayson will always run back to her every. single. time. just because of how much he loves her 💕😭

i can see you by taylor swift: this song is kinda averyjameson too but whatever i feel like it’d be fitting for PG and grayson too

“You brush past me in the hallway, and you don’t think, I, I, I can see you, do you?” I don’t rlly have a reason behind this line but “you brush past me in the hallway” would fit the kind of “professional” setting they have going on 😍

“I’ve been watching you for ages, and I spend my time trying not to feel it.” Okay PG hasnt really been “watching” him for ages but she has been kind of calling him and checking up on him, (for the riddle lmao) plus I feel like she’d try to deny the fact that she likes gray bc of her fathers death being somewhat related to the hawthornes

“But what would you do if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a sound?” Again, i feel like they’d keep their “relationship” a secret from everybody else until they become official

“And we kept everything professional, but somethings changed, something I, I like” Graysons probably gonna be a “helper” in the games so I feel like he’d try to keep a professional air with PG at first until he starts to develop feelings (not like he already didnt have feelings for her when she just called him LOL)

“They keep watchful eyes on us, so it’s best that we move fast and keep quiet” Okay but just think about how many people are on that island (there’s probably some maids, bodyguards, the hawthornes, and ofc the contestants) and then having to keep ur relationship a secret with all those people around 😭😭 but anyways once people start to kind of catch on, they’ll definitely pay closer attention to PG and gray just to see if the rumours are true

“I could see you in your suit and your necktie” suit. necktie. literally couldn’t have been anymore obvious 💀💀

“Passed me a note saying, ‘meet me tonight’” to discuss clues for the game or to do other things.. 😜

“Then we kiss, and you know I won’t ever tell, yeah” again, it’s just them keeping their relationship a secret from the other contestants + hawthornes

gorgeous by taylor swift: I haven’t listened to this song in a while but I did a few days ago and just realized how much it sounds like PG and gray omg 🫢

“You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk” probably just her mocking how “self obsessed” he sounds and also how he just expects to get what he wants and just the phrase “the world bent to the will of grayson hawthorne” 💀

“You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” this man does have a strong magnetic field, bc tell me why every girl he’s ever talked to likes him? 💀😭 (including phone girl 🤭)

“You’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much” this is so phone girl towards grayson omg.

“Whiskey on ice, sunset and vine, you’ve ruined my life, by not being mine” his family did kind of ruin her life, but add a romantic twist 😍

“You’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face” grayson definitely is gorgeous, and I know phone girl found him attractive too 🫢 (who wouldn’t)

“And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way” ofc she’d be mad she has a crush on him, his grandfather was probably the reason her dad died 😭

“But what can I say? You’re gorgeous” 🤭.

“You should take it as a compliment that I’m talking to everyone here but you” probably PG trying to avoid grayson for a bit after she realizes she likes him

“And you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room” maybe at an event, or that masquerade ball, graysons hand brushes against PG or he holds it while dancing and she gets butterfliesss 🤭🤭💗

“If you’ve got a girlfriend I’m jealous of her, but if you’re single that’s honestly worse” I feel like she would be jealous of his “girlfriend”, eve, but would also be like “what. 😧” when he says he’s single bc HOW??!

“Ocean blue eyes looking in mine, I feel like I might sink and drown and die” ik shes crushing hard on those ocean orbs of his 🤭

“There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have” she “can’t have” him bc Tobias was apparently behind her fathers death, which is why she tries to deny she likes him

“You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad” her being mad she likes him 💀

OKAY THATS ALL, IDK WHY GORGEOUS IS SO DAMN LONG BUT WTV 😜

#phone girl and grayson #phone girl #grayson hawthorne #the brothers hawthorne #the grandest game #taylor swift #dancing with our hands tied #fallen star #i can see you #gorgeous #the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #nash hawthorne #avery kylie grambs #xander hawthorne #libby grambs #maxine liu

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syxoki · 4 months

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blade angst bc its the only thing who is on my mind rn

Warnings : harsh blade,suicide (sayori reader lolilol), reader is clumsy and very sensitive, reader is kinda depressed, bad english, blade is called ren by reader

"Get the fuck out of here."

Blade said coldly, his red eyes piercing your shaky form.

Blade was working on some paperworks for days now, but when you bringed him some snack to eat, you accidentally slipped on nothing, Spilling everything on his hard work.

"r-ren please listen im so-"

"Are you fucking dumb? You and your clumsy ass always fuck up Everything. So get the fuck out."

"pl-please i can try to make it up im sorry-"

He suddenly grip your wrist tighly, glaring at you so harshly.

You dont Recognize him.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. sometimes i swear i wish i never met you."

And there is it.

You break completely, going to the door with trembling hands and weak sniffles.

It inst the frist time that someone tell you that.

So many times, people leaved you, because you were so attached to them, or overly sensitive. And they all said the same sentences.

"Youre annoying."

"why are you so clingy? Its piss me off."

"Shut up."

And maybe its better for everyone if you disappear, right?

Even for blade.

He doesnt need you, he deserve so much better. He wont even remember you. Right?

Right?

and here he is, starring at your lifeless body, eyes blank and bloody fingers, a rope as a necklace. (yes this is a ddlc reference 😔)

Why.

Why did he act like this?

Why did he have to be so harsh?

Why did he have to ruin your life like that?

He loved you. So why? Why is he like that?

he just want to go back. He just want to hug you and kiss you and make you feel better..

But he cant.

Its too late.

*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟ

please, if you have this kind of toughs, talk about it, It doesn't matter if it's a trusted person or a professional, talk about it. It's never too late, and suicide is not the right solution. You are not alone 🫶🏼

#Spotify #hsr blade #hsr #hsr angst #blade angst #honkai star rail #Blade #yingxing #hoyoverse #angst

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depressedraisin · 11 months

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ok ok quick summary of my thoughts and feelings so far:

it's 5:30 am and ive been up since 2:30 so probably gonna regret this but here we go

FIRSTLY, im incredibly INCREDIBLY proud of them for putting up the show. last week was tense and rather scary, we were all shitting ourselves with worry over alex's voice and health so i felt like i could cry in relief seeing look so much better and sound so much better and obviously being great at his job. the others, particularly nick on 4/5 and matt on body paint- fuck they were showstopping!!!!! overall very very enjoyable experience, im glad we have this.

YET.

yet. i AM disappointed and i got no qualms admitting it. the car is my favourite album, tbhc id die for, i literally spend so much time with their discography i probably AM a little too emotionally attached and not-objective about them. so yeah it's saddening. to not see the car and tbhc getting the limelight and the appreciation. i for one do believe there are songs in them which would work in a gigantic stadium or a festival, but we would never know if they do bcs they never gotta the chance to be taken out for a spin. also the rest of the albums- for a discography as diverse and as deep as the band's, so much of it sits in an attic catching dust. but yeah i get it i get it- logistics and commercial considerations and audience and all that. i get it....... sometimes. most times.

glasto did piss me off a tiny bit however. (just a little im sure it'll wear away soon). i was really fucking excited for it, jumped through so much to get access to the livestream and all, barely slept today just to watch it. i was holding out a lot of hope for this gig- ofc bcs it's glasto!!!!! it's such a consequential milestone in their career, it's been so long in the waiting. and being really fucking honest here- i took the "they'd surely do something different for glasto!!!" to heart. BUT I UNDERSTAND. i understand, why they might not have done anything, why things planned might not have worked out. I GET IT.

but also. there's a miniscule corner of my brain which is like. how different would a glastonbury show have been in an alternate timeline anyway? yeah they do surprise us, but signs haven't been pointing towards those directions at all in this tour. so all in all, yeah im disappointed. not so much for this one gig but the tour as a whole and the general attitude in this era. things alex has been talking about in the album.....at times their way of going about things seems so contrary to that. and yeah they're a band of 2 decades of experience and fucking professionals so no, i don't believe it's external uncontrollable reasons every time.

the monkeys are such an important band, yk? they might be the last of their kind- which other band will have their level of critical and cultural impact again. i hate LOATHE DESPISE to see all the potential getting wasted. they're saying such important things and not many are paying- but the band isn't trying particularly hard to get anyone to listen either. and yes, it's been the case long before alex got sick and long before they got up on the pyramid stage.

anyway enough whining and ranting for today.

i just love the car ok i'll defend it to my grave.

i just love the band so much i wanna give them a giant hug.

also yes i AM a lowly fangirl and miles kane not being there makes me sad.

#the car tour #arctic monkeys #glastonbury 2023 #my thoughts #don't @ me pls i do love them a lot

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spikeinthepunch · 1 year

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i have talked about it to some capacity with the post a made a bit ago about branding etc and hpw i feel about it and how i kinda got swayed into playing things safe with presentation bc of how people on the internet/esp professionals, read you.

which was something i got caught up in especially around my internship because even though i wanted to explore mature topics emotionally, i was still going to play it safe. i had that 'i could make a thing thats emotionally strong like steven universe, but nothing more'. the stuff i wanted to make i treated like that. the idea that anything i was going to make that i wanted to put into the industry i wanted to be in had to be safe enough for studio/execs. which is definitely a problem with current animation- everything needs to be in a certain range of safety.

interestingly i felt like i did escape this a few years ago- i was no longer caught up in getting a job in 2020 and all the complicated feelings about "i dont want to cater myself to kids because i dont want to make stuff for kids" hit hard by then after turning 21. i was drawing lots of nsfw (...which you guys here didnt see lol), i was letting myself make stories without any regard to a specific audience esp bc the wcrp i was doing gave me time to think about that in my free time. and the way i presented myself, in terms of my posts, did not hesitate on topics either.

which the recent (1 or 2~ years) change in branding that led up to the mikike 'mascot' i realize now that attaching to a mascot like this kinda entirely redirected my presentation. not exactly in terms of topics on my normal blogging (however i did stop posting a lot in general) but you know. the livestreaming nd video making, and in turn the way i would interact with the places people use for online marketing/audience building. interestingly, before mikike but when i had my website, i started my website with the intent of it being a place outside of social media where i could "do what i wanted without anxiety of whether or not i could post it". and uh, somehow i managed to do the opposite.

because eventually i felt like online presence wise, using mikike as a mascot to front me and my website, would be good! seemed simple enough. but then i ended up feeding into the cutesy design or more, felt like i had to present with this neutral design, one that would appeal to "everyone" which... sent me back to that mindset again. its a horrible conflicting mess when part of me was trying to be like "yes i want to post whatever on my own site!" and then "oh no im becoming a general audience streamer and play minecraft, i dont want people to see that stuff if they go to my website" (with the added, if i start to get involved with other people too, i would be nervous about them being aware of my website and ruining my rep). should be said, its not like i *am* posting anything egregious either- but theres inherent anxiety based off how people respond online in general, like im wanting on ice all the time regardless.

so suddenly i was back where i started. i really really wanted to hang on to this drive to get out there, make the videos i have in mind, etc. but in my head i get very caught up in whether or not my stuff will gain traction and then be criticized for things i cant control (the age of people, or just whether or not someone take some mature content i made as 'problematic'). reality is i need to not care-- but i have said it time and time again. it is SO hard as someone who grew up during 2014-2016 tumblr. because if you were there youd know how hellish this era was with its callout culture. it was insane, truly. and i like many other teens, felt like i needed to be loud and out there to judge problematic behavior in order to not be problematic, and be self aware all the time and to always judge my interests, and in turn be paranoid i may like something bad.

the urge to rebrand is built off of detaching from the image/mascot that is making me "play it safe". part of me is annoyed that i want to drop this overall look- i do like mikike, i do like the colors! theyre nice. buuut i do feel like i want something fresh. i have admittedly change my look quite a few times so, maybe this is just how i am too. idk.

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ushiwakaout · 3 years

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parings: Kenma x reader, Oikawa x reader

warning: Fluff, bad grammar. nsfw under black line. fem reader. TIME SKIP HAIKYUU

a/n: request are open! please don’t be afraid to do so!

Kozume Kenma

Match made in heaven

Both of you are at home workers, other than the fact that kenma is a CEO of his own company

You work for him, you’re his editor and you work pretty fast since you obviously do nothing in your day but edit and binge watch anime

you guys could probably go days without talking and just communicate physically and understand everything.

If you go to the store, and he’s gaming that’s when you’ll talk

Always knock before you go into his little studio room

You never come behind him anymore because one time he was filming a scary gameplay with a heart monitor and everyone thought you gave him a heart attack

but no, kenma is just baby and you wanted a good laugh- you felt really bad about it tho bc it was live and you where crying your ass off and he was yelling at you

fake breakup video like the next day for trolling

Okaya anywho

if you want his attention and he’s live, you remove one side of his headset and kiss his cheek (theres a several compilation videos of you doing that all over youtube) “I’m going to the store, you want anything?”

you always wait like 30 seconds and caress him a little to let him know you’re physically there and not just standing there.

“Uh- yeah... yeah. Hold on.” (there is also a compilation of kenma just ignoring you and you just standing there until he answers)

you always end up naming his favorite snacks, drinks and food and he either agrees or denies.

everyone thinks its weird how your relationship works

SOME MANY VIDEOS OF “kenma and y/n communicating without any words”

you go many places by yourself since kenma does very long streams or just long videos

you both stay up really late together

if hes not making videos hes looking at paperwork and if hes not doing that he’s helping you edit

somehow kenma is the more productive one

you have channel yourself that slowly grows thanks to kenma

you only do lives and leave up the whole streams bc you dread editing but you’ll do anything for kenma

just to make extra cash you have and OF

most of the videos consist of watching you play video game while kenma eats you out under the desk

a lot of audios because kenma doesn’t like being his face filmed while having sex

theres a video in your own OF when you do a tik tok trend where you surprise him while he’s filming

“Kenma can you help me for a second.”

“Hmm, what is it kitten?”

He paused his game and while his chair turned you undid your robe

Luckly he’s not live and kept the camera on

He just smiles and spreads his legs for you

(gdiewgsfiuchsiufviusdghvypofgsivhrwshb my brain is malfunctioning ugh im so in love with kenma its not even funny)

He makes you sit on his lap, as he suckles your nipple in his mouth.

His hand firmed tightly around your rips as he kisses every inch of your chest

“You’re so pretty... So fucking pretty.” He mumbles. He’s kissing down your chest all the way to your tummy before picking you up and making you stand

He makes you stand in front of the camera while stands behind you and kisses the crook of your neck.

“I want you to look in the camera for me kitten, can you do that?” He kisses her jaw “Can you be a good girl for me?”

(wow if i write any more smut for kenma i think i might go crazy jskwbvbdei)

sex is very much a frequent thing, most of the time it starts as cock warming while watching a movie and two second later your begging to milk kenmas cock again

he loves when you beg for his cock, makes him feel wanted

he loves feeling your tight pussy clench around him when hes about to cum and you’re cumming for the third time, panting, begging, crying to having him fill you up with his hot cum.

Blow jobs under his desk or while hes on an important call are a must.

you love watching his cock slowly twitch with pre cum when you lick his shaft

mmm i need to stop- i love him so much ugh

Oikawa Tooru

Being lazy in argentina was a dream but a little lonely

Tooru was always away at practive but lcukly the apartment he had been renting had a pool, and you spend most of your days at the pool, reading or playing some game he just bought you

you hate how early he freaking wakes up

hes making breakfast and blending shakes at like 5 in the morning

there’s days he doesn’t really mean to wake you, you know the difference bc if he wants to wake you he’ll leave the blender run for a while and if h doesn’t he does it in seperate pulses so it’s not so damn loud

if he does it on purpose, he has breakfast ready for you before his own

doesn’t expect you to stick around after you eat

when he wakes you on accident he’s like “Oh my baby i’m so sorry honey.”

cue kiss attacks, warm hugs and him making you a cup of coffee/tea, whatever you prefer that morning

he’s so sweet

he knows you work hard too (even tho it doesn’t seem like it bc people think youtubers and streamers have an easy job when it clearly is mentally very stressful)

He knows that when he wakes you up, you had legit just gone to bed like two hours ago.

sometimes you sleep though the noise and before he leaves he wakes you up just a little so he can kiss you goodbye.

its always something like *shake* *shake* “Baby.... honey” *caressing of the head/cheek/hair* “I gotta go to practice now, give me a kiss princess.” you always wake up to the sound of that and give his a really sweet and tender kiss. Oikawa really just wants to fall back asleep with you and hold you, especially today since it was a cold morning

after you give him the kiss, you caress his cheek and then shove him away- a little jumpy that he need to go. “Love you.” you mutter before covering yourself with the blankets

he always slaps your ass over the blankets, it never huts but it’s just a sign of his actually leaving to practice

You wear his stuff when he leaves

low key have attachment issues since you moved with him to Argentina

other than pool side reading, or doing a few laps before breakfast- you really don’t do anything but work.

Work for you consisted you of just playing video games or streaming

You’re popular on the female side of gamers

sometimes you have streams where you ask your fans to play and write down their handles and you’d add them to a game or sum

Everyone knows your dating a professional volleyball player an they think it’s an interesting duo

You cry when Tooru brought Hinata over, he smelt like home

you def. helped him adjust to the life in argentina bc it’s nothing like home.

hinata comes over for dinner ever weekend

if you’re not working or at the pool, you’re in a white hoddie and some shorts, just watching Hinata play some beach volleyball while playing some game

You very much remind him of kenma- it helped a lot when he got some sick- you didn’t really ‘help’ you just cried with him about how much you miss home

although your schedule isnt the best, youre always awake when tooru gets home, always there to greet him with kisses

hes lucky you like cooking, bc he always comes home to an empty stomach

you’re probably the slowest cooker he knows but you take your sweet time bc you know that it always comes out w the best result and he doesnt complain anymore

baths w oikawa are frequent

muscles sores are a usual so seconds before he gets home theres a hot bath being pampered with your love for him

you work so slow on everything hes surprised you actually get stuff done

a little offended that he doesn’t believe in your slow work ethic bc it worked since highschool.

there had been times where he just ask if you’re not ever sick of being at home locked in all day and it stated a very month long fight.

sleeping in different rooms

(LIL ANGST AHEAD)

Tooru can hear you cry from the other room

he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, he really didn’t. he just doesn’t want you to regret anything- especially moving here with him

you hate it when he questions your life ethics. it makes you feel like a failure and unworthy.

your life is simple and you like it that way but the second he questions it you think that you aren’t doing enough

will 100% sleep outside your door because he can’t sleep alone anymore. he’s gotten used to you being right next to him

you realize that it seems he’s given up so now it’s time to go to the kitchen and get water

but to your surprise tooru is very asleep on the doorframe when you open the door. it’s makes your heart ache just a little bit. he looks tired, his eyes are puffy but he looks so at peace.

you wake him up to go to bed but he has other plans.

he’s kissing you so sweetly, every piece of skin he can find he will kiss

will carry you to bed and kiss your tummy as your shirt ran a little too high

will start to kiss your inner thigh and pull down your underwear and slowly make his way up to your pussy

you’re clearly trying to shove him off (not hard enough) because you keep closing your legs and trying to push him with your foot

will spread your legs and keep his hands there to he can start eating you out

this is his apology. this his how oikawa tooru says im sorry without saying it. soft pleasuring, orgasmic sex.

his fingers are so deep in your pussy while he’s sucking on your clit. he doesn’t look at you when you cum because he feels like he doesn’t deserve to see it.

you’re begging him to look at you after he’s done fingering you so you can kiss him with your taste this lingering oh his tongue

fucks you in a matting press because when it’s slow and he’s thrusting it all in.... i don’t think he’s seen you twitch and drool so much

tooru is there to pleasure you and when he sees you cry out of the pleasure you know he’ll be forgiven when it’s over

aftercare is even better

he doesn’t make you do anything

he presses you, gives you kisses and over all will apologize verbally when you’re slowly falling asleep in his arms

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asking-jude · 4 years

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I'm just a bit of a mess,. i think i have adhd. I've done lots of research n stuff n everything, and I mean EVERYTHING fits, the rsd, the executive dysfunction, hyperfixations, etc. but i can't really go anywhere or get checked, bc in my place it's really really hard to get a psychiatrist or a therapist, and when I told my parents they said I'm just too scared or that I'm faking it. and it just feels so frustrating bc i constantly hate me "faking" but it's the best explanation imo 1/? -💛🌿

(ask continued) ...i feel so fake bc no one thinks I actually have problems, bc I'm "too smart" or just too "hypochondriac" but i know that this all makes sense, it's all me, and it explains why I feel so differently from my peers, but i also dont want to disrespect the adhd community bc I'm self diagnosing/not official. i used to be hyper focused on school before, and get amazing grades, but now I'm honestly burnt out, and i have no motivation, I'm constantly demotivated

and i always feel burnt out and im forgetful and I'm careless and im stupid, but it must be that I'm "just not trying hard enough bc we know you're smart, you're just too distracted with social media and you're faking being r*tarded for attention or to get extensions and stuff" and i feel like such utter trash but it's true, isnt it? i don't even know anymore.

Hello, I am so, so sorry that people are invalidating your feelings and experiences. It must be incredibly difficult to have to deal with negative opinions and lack of support on top of everything else you are going through. I want to tell you that, despite what others are saying, your struggles are very real and valid. You are not a mess; you are just misunderstood and hurting. Rather than seeing it as something being wrong with you, you should try to see it as your brain being wired differently. I am not qualified to confirm your self-diagnosis, but I can suggest some ways to go about lessening your ADHD symptoms. First and foremost, it is so important that you get proper sleep, eat a nutritious diet, and exercise sufficiently. These things can greatly impact mental health. Moreover, individuals with ADHD often find it helpful to stay manage their symptoms by keeping a planner with to-do lists and schedules. Break your day down into small chunks of time. This can help declutter your mind by getting any tasks or ideas you have onto paper. In addition to decluttering your mind, it is also important to declutter your physical space. This will help calm the mind and increase productivity/wellbeing. Practicing self-care is also of utmost importance. Attend to your physical/mental needs and be sure to incorporate activities that make you happy into your daily routine. Here are some more extensive tips on how to cope with ADHD: https://www.additudemag.com/dealing-with-adhd-80-coping-strategies/ https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/13-adhd-coping-skills-for-organization-time-management/ https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-best-tips-for-coping-with-adhd/ https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/ADHD/Support You mentioned that it is difficult to find professional help in your area, so I highly suggest you try out online therapy. Some popular virtual counseling services are TalkSpace and BetterHelp. These provide regular, individualized support for people who do not readily have access to in-person services. I also recommend you read the following article to figure out which type of therapy is right for you and how to access it: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/how-do-i-find-a-therapist-near-me/ I've also attached some links on finding ADHD/mental health support groups, both online or near you: https://chadd.org/affiliate-locator/ https://www.meetup.com/topics/adhd/ https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-online-community https://add.org/adhd-support-groups/ https://addcoach4u.com/us-adhd-support-groups-list/ It sounds like this is really taking a toll on you. If these feelings become especially overwhelming, you should reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255 or the Crisis Text by texting HOME to 741741 (in the U.S.). These are 24/7 services for individuals who need someone to listen and support them through whatever they need, whether that be difficult times or suicidal thoughts. Once again, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are so strong for persevering in spite of these unfortunate circumstances. Believe in yourself and keep fighting. Things will get better, I promise. Stay strong, and I wish you all the best. Much love, Siriveena

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sharedheadspace · 5 years

Text

a copy/paste of [this] twitter thread on the fawning response to abuse, found through [this] tumblr post encouraging clicking through to read the whole thing

because when i come back to this i know im not going to be in the brainspace to bother clicking through, and nobody wants to fucking read eight thousand twitter screenshots. ever

[bolding added by me, in pieces i know im going to want to look at]

I want to share what has been, in the last year or so, one of the most important things I've realized about my own trauma history — something that has been massively important for my own healing.

Let's talk about the link between people-pleasers and emotional abuse.

Confession: I am a people-pleaser. It took me a long time to realize this, though. Because I'm opinionated! And I speak my mind! I'm an "open book" about a lot of what I've been through. Clearly I don't care what people think... right?

But people-pleasing is a lot more complex than that. It's actually part of a trauma response. Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze — but another response, "fawn," is at the core of what people-pleasing is actually about.

To avoid conflict, negative emotions, and retraumatization, people who "fawn" when triggered will go out of their way to mirror someone's opinions and appease them in order to deescalate situations (or potential issues).

For me, this meant that the more invested I was in an emotional connection, the less likely I was to criticize that person, vocalize when my boundaries were crossed, express unhappiness with their behavior, or share anything that I felt might damage that relationship.

This could come across as being excessively nice and complimentary, overly-concerned with another person's happiness, and waiting for cues in conversation to determine if something was "safe" to share or disclose. People-pleasers are often considered "emotional chameleons."

People-pleasers are often really warm, encouraging, and generous people. They tend to overextend themselves and say "yes" to everything and everyone, eager to make those they care about happy and comfortable.

They often grow up in very controlling and chaotic environments, and internalized the idea that if they were perfectly good or well-behaved, they could minimize conflict and secure love and attachment.

And. When you have this tendency to defer, make yourself subordinate, try to become smaller, ignore your boundaries and intuition, and minimize your own needs... you are profoundly vulnerable to emotional abuse.

When you are excessively concerned with pleasing others, you learn that in order to be effective at this, you have to shut down your gut instincts, your values, your emotions — bc being an individual, rather than a mirror, doesn't serve you in securing the love that you want.

People-pleasers can become drawn to abusive relationships, and repelled from relationships that are abundantly loving — because love has to feel "earned" in order to feel secure. In other words? If love is given too freely or easily, it doesn't feel safe.

This means people-pleasers can be drawn to relationships that are controlling (they feel safest when they defer to others), emotionally-withholding (they are driven by the need to "secure" affection/elated when they do), and even abusive (their lack of boundaries is exploited).

Another part of being vulnerable to abuse is that people-pleasers are so easily gaslit, because when they are inclined to suppress their own instincts, values, and beliefs, they're infinitely more likely to defer to an abuser's version of events or narrative.

This also means that "fawn" types often go through cycles of restricting emotionally (I can't be "too much" for others) & then purging emotionally ("unloading" onto a trusted person bc the expectation to be perfect gets to be too much).

(I think this is why so many of us have eating disorders — just an anecdotal observation, but I digress...)

People-pleasers (the "fawn" trauma response) isn't intended to manipulate others and it's not meant to be dishonest. Every single person presents a version of themselves to others. This merely describes how trauma informs that presentation on an often unconscious level.

The "fawn" response is driven by fear, not a hidden agenda. The "fawn" type is less about manipulation, because it's not being used to *overpower* someone. Instead, it's an excessive *relinquishing* of personal power, driven by fear and a desire for validation.

For example, someone who runs personal errands for their boss — despite it not being part of their job description — is not manipulating their boss into liking them. (It won't work anyway.) Their boss, testing those thin boundaries, is exploiting their need for approval.

In more intimate relationships, this can show up as "fawn" types gravitating towards hot/cold dynamics, where affection and love are offered unpredictably.

This is where the emotional abuse piece comes into play. You have someone who is controlling, who feels safest in relationships where they call the shots, and most loved when someone is actively seeking out their approval. Enter: The "fawn" type.

An abuser will offer validation only to keep the fawn type tethered. But they'll withdraw that it before things feel secure, to ensure that the pleaser will continue going out of their way to "fawn" — continually giving over their power and autonomy so the abuse can continue.

I'm sharing this because, holy shit, my friends, the number of traumatic relationships I've thrown myself into — professionally, personally, romantically — to get stuck in this cycle, with my self-esteem pulverized, has made my heart so heavy.

It took stepping away from a friendship that had so thoroughly gaslit and demolished me — while plummeting into the deep depths of anorexia — before I realized that chasing controlling, emotionally unavailable, even abusive people was crushing my spirit.

I'm not going to leave you hanging, though. If you're reading this and say, "Holy shit... it me. Oh god. What do I do?" I'm here. I've got some advice, some books, some resources. Hang tight. For starters, I'm going to ask you something: Which of your friends do you cancel on?

Personal experience: I had this tendency to bail on friends, partners, acquaintances, whoever, that were the most generous, warm, and emotionally-available. I avoided those relationships where love was free and easy. Because it didn't feel "earned," so I didn't feel "worthy."

Which isn't to say that everyone with this trauma response does this, BUT, we seek out the familiar. Which means many of us tend to avoid what feels unsafe. For people-pleasers, we're so used to working endlessly hard in relationships — it's disorienting when we aren't asked to.

I made a google doc (no, I seriously did) where I listed out people who were "way too nice to me." And then I asked myself, do I like this person? Do I enjoy their company? If I did, I sent them a text message and told them I wanted to commit to spending more time with them.

I was completely honest about my process with those folks, too. I said, "Listen, I get really scared when people are nice to me. You've always been SO nice to me, and I get afraid of disappointing you. But I want to change that, because I just enjoy your company so very much."

In my phone contacts, I put emojis by their names. I put strawberries next to people who were super loving. I put seedling emojis by folks who taught me things that made me think/grow. So when I saw a text from them, it reminded me that I should prioritize that message. [seedling emoji] [strawberry emoji]

And? My life completely changed... in every imaginable way.

My "strawberry emoji people" went from being acquaintances/friendly to becoming chosen family that I literally could not imagine my life without. With the help of some amazing therapy, I grew to love myself so much — because that love was being modeled for me in a healthy way.

I'm going into a partial hospitalization program for my anorexia in the next couple weeks (because I've taken it out on my body as much as I have my mind), and my strawberry people (who are now all in a group text together) have been there every step of the way.

Resources! I genuinely believe that every single person should be reading Pete Walker's book about complex trauma. "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma." It's really damn good. It talks about fawn types in more detail!

Most of all though, I just want to validate the hell out of you. [heart emoji] I understand the very hellish cycle that we find ourselves in when we're consumed by this idea that we need to be "exactly enough," and that, if we measure it out correctly, we'll never hurt or be hurt again.

But relationships involve putting ourselves in harm's way sometimes. What they shouldn't involve, though, is self-harm — and ultimately, that's what "fawning" does. We're harming ourselves. We're making ourselves smaller, we're self-silencing, and we're punishing ourselves.

You are allowed to have ALL the feelings. You are allowed to take up ALL the space. You're allowed to be everything that you are & then some. The right people — your people — will love you even more when they see how expansive your life becomes when you give yourself that space.

It doesn't happen overnight. It's a process! But I want you to know that it's a process you can begin at any time. It's never too late to give yourself permission to be, to show up more authentically, and to find those who will celebrate you for it. I promise you that.

#long post #abuse cw #kite talks #its something i still find myself doing. especially when im already anxious or spiraling through flashbacks #because ''unearned'' kindness or affection isnt just unfamiliar- its painful #and as easily as i can hurt myself there is Always the push to avoid being hurt by others #a lot of the time i end up just giving up trying to stop it #when i stop fighting affection its not that ive started accepting it instead. more likely that im detaching and zoning out until it ends #that whole ''if i just let it happen maybe itll be over sooner'' thing #right now i dont know what to do about that #how to make it stop hurting

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seigyokus · 7 years

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7.4 - The Beginning of a Dream

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 7.4 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Orikasa Yukito: ……Why would you go that far? Sunohara Momose: Why…? Because I didn’t want it to happen……. Orikasa Yukito: You’re rather selfish, aren’t you? Sunohara Momose: It was just too sad……. That I'd never hear it again……. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it……. Sunohara Momose: My lifelong dream came to an abrupt end…. I didn’t want Re:vale to end like that too. Sunohara Momose: I don't want your dreams to come to an end too, Yuki-san. Especially when you can still sing....... Orikasa Yukito: I do feel bad saying this to you, since you're a fan, but sickeningly sweet words like 'dreams' just aren't for me. I went along with it, and look at what happened....... Sunohara Momose: There's no way you could've held your ground in such a harsh place if you were just going along with it! (1) Orikasa Yukito: ....... Sunohara Momose: You're bad at fanservice so the audience always trash talks the heck outta you, and even my older sister hated you at first, Yuki-san.... Orikasa Yukito: I see. Sunohara Momose: But you kept on writing new songs. You never ran from it all and kept on singing. Isn't that right? Sunohara Momose: I know you can still run, and I know you can still sing. Quitting despite all of that is just too weird! Ban-san told you to keep on going, didn't he? Sunohara Momose: It's would be bizarre if you didn't listen to his wish when you treasured him that much as a friend! Orikasa Yukito: Shut up! Sunohara Momose: ......I understand....... Sunohara Momose: I'll grovel!! Orikasa Yukito: Hey, we're in the middle of a restaurant! Momo-kun......! Stop it......!

Oogami Banri: I was surprised that Momo-kun became Yuki's partner, but at the same time, it fit perfectly. Oogami Banri: Yuki is selfish and doesn't have any common sense, but he also gets lonely very easily. Momo-kun is humble, but his love energizes him so much that he can even become a mad dog. Oogami Banri: See, both of them are.... How should I put it.... They're both a little off their rockers, don't you think? Izumi Iori: I can't believe he said it with a smile like that....... Osaka Sougo: It's little difficult to comment on our senpai....... Oogami Banri: Ahaha. Oogami Banri: That, and with me, Yuki was a little more dependent and didn't always try his hardest. But with Momo-kun, he's actually been trying very hard. Oogami Banri: Momo-kun's younger and used to be a fan of Re:vale, so I'm sure Yuki wanted to show off a little in his own way. But that's pretty important too, wouldn't you say? Oogami Banri: Right when you're about to relax and let your mind wander, that feeling will help you hold out. I myself try to show off in front of the President, and I'm sure everyone here has felt something similar before too. Izumi Mitsuki: I think I get it..... I always try to stand firm in front of my lil' bro since I don't want him to see me looking pathetic. Yotsuba Tamaki: I've never felt that before....... But I think I kinda get it nowadays. Oogami Banri: They say that when two people are compatible workers, they help each other go at full power. I think Re:vale has that pat down. Oogami Banri: Momo-kun has always been a hard worker and tries his best. He even became a top idol in five years! He's always been a talented kid. Oogami Banri: Even now, that kid's really humble and still praises me a lot. But you guys are pros, so I'm sure you can understand. Oogami Banri: He can get good results, even without doing any vocal training for a week. Sure, I go to karaoke sometimes, but there's no way I could compare to him when he's been singing at the front lines for the past five years. (2) Oogami Banri: That's what it means to be a professional, and that's the true strength of a top star. What do you think? Re:vale, the top idols in Japan-- Aren't they amazing? Rokuya Nagi: OH! Banri's bragging about our rival group! I feel such jealousy. Nanase Riku: R-Re:vale are really great senpai to us, but please cheer us on from here on out, Banri-san! Oogami Banri: Haha.... I'm glad. I'm really happy to hear that. This is where I belong, or so I'd like to think. Oogami Banri: I'm happy to get praised on all of the stuff I did in the past, but on the other hand, it kind of feels like I'm not really needed at the agency right now.... And that makes me a little sad. Nanase Riku: That's not the case at all! I'm sorry for being so insensitive....... I was just so happy to learn that you were such an amazing person back then, Banri-san! Oogami Banri: It's okay. Thank you. Just hearing that you guys wouldn't know what to do without me made me really happy. Oogami Banri: After all, my dream is for IDOLiSH7 to succeed. Just as the fans' smiles give all of you energy, your smiles give me energy. Oogami Banri: I look forward to working with everyone, as inexperienced as I may be. Nanase Riku: Us too...! Nikaidou Yamato: Gladly! Oogami Banri: Ahaha. Man, I was so happy when you guys got jealous! Say it again! Rokuya Nagi: If you praise other groups, I'll feel jealous, Banri. Oogami Banri: That's real nice. I feel like I'm everyone's older brother! Oogami Banri: ......Time stopped for those two, but I hope their clocks start ticking again. Oogami Banri: And I hope that song continues on from where it stopped that day.

Momo: To this day, Yuki still hasn't sang that song, and I don't listen to it in front of Yuki. Momo: Right before we covered "Dis one." he did say that he felt bad for the songs that nobody sings anymore, so....... If that's the case, then maybe.... Someday....... Momo: I do pray that someday it'll happen, but....... Tsukumo Ryou: 'Someday?' Do you want to hear them sing it again someday, or do you want to sing it together with Yuki someday? Momo: ....... Tsukumo Ryou: I know you said he was missing, but did you find him? Momo: Yeah....... Tsukumo Ryou: Then it's easy. Why don't you give up your seat? Why are you still working with Yuki? Tsukumo Ryou: If you give it up, then you'll be able to hear it again and your dearest will shall come true, Momo. Isn't that correct? Momo: ....... Tsukumo Ryou: Hahah! You don't want to give up your seat. Just like when you sit in the courtesy seats for the elderly or pregnant but pretend to be asleep. 'Please, don't say it!' Tsukumo Ryou: 'Don't tell me to get up!' Momo: ......Ryou-san, you have an awful personality. Like, seriously. Tsukumo Ryou: That man is your greatest obstacle right now, Momo. So, how about this? Tsukumo Ryou: In exchange for hiding him away somewhere far, help me out with my work. Momo: ....... Tsukumo Ryou: Oh? Are you interested? Momo: ......You really don't get it, do you. Tsukumo Ryou: ....... Momo: Part of me is still scared of Ban-san. That part of me feels guilty about everything and wants to yield to him-- I can't look him in the eye. Momo: But at the same time, part of me still wants to see Yuki-san and Ban-san singing together side by side! Momo: Just like how things were five years ago. Tsukumo Ryou: Now, you can't have both at once. Momo: I know! But even so.... I wanna hear them perform it with all of my heart, but I wanna sing it with all of my heart too! Momo: It's not just me. Everyone's like that. Yuki, Yamato, TRIGGER, and IDOLiSH7 too. Momo: We all have a storm inside our hearts. 'Why can't I act the way I want to? Why can't I control myself?' (3) Momo: We're led astray by things like temptation, pretense, sympathy, loneliness, and attachment-- we can't march forward, straight on. But even so, we all have a wish we hope to grasp someday. Momo: So don't stick your hands in and mess it all up, just because you feel like it! After all, we're nothing like stars....... Momo: We do our damned best to cover ourselves in tinfoil and pretend to be stars, because there's people looking up at us. Momo: We wanna smile in front of those people, at the very least. And even though we can't fly, we're all desperately pretending to float in the cosmos. Tsukumo Ryou: .....Then I'll cut those invisible wires and make all of you fall. Tsukumo Ryou: Soon, the earth will be covered in piles and piles of corpses-- all of them idols. Farewell, those who I admired. Farewell, Momo of Re:vale. Momo: .......I went on a fool's errand. I even fought with Yuki over this.... Tsukumo Ryou: Why don't you stay over? You're drunk, aren't you? Momo: I'm gonna puke at the entrance and leave. Thanks for having me over. Tsukumo Ryou: Come over and visit again sometime! Momo: Like hell I will. Tsukumo Ryou: ....... *slam* Tsukumo Ryou: ......See, that's why I don't like idols.

To be continued....

TL Notes/comments:

Thank u @kuriiii for proofreading!!!!!!!!!

(1) vague subject but I'm guessing momo's referring to (continuing to) standing on stage. (2) take a shot for every time im like ??? VAGUE SUBJECT/???? bc that's what the first part is!!! also I've never seen 結果に出る before bc i've seen the phrase w/ the が particle so pls correct me if i'm wrong! (3) 'even though it's myself, why can't i be the way i want to be' is the literal so i went with a more interp tl

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!

#idolish7 #アイドリッシュセブン #story3:text #story3:tl #translation

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mental-health-advice · 7 years

Text

Submission from Bluewall

hi, pls tag as bluewall. I noticed that my temperament/mood varies between being really pumped up and restless, down, and lacking concentration, and somewhat neutral. I daydream way too much - basically all the time, no matter what i’m doing. I also love things involved with fiction like video games, reading etc, so this contributes. I get so attached to this stuff, and it develops my inner world as well. I feel like I live in my head. I get restless and pumped up and can’t sit still. (p1)

bluewall 2. I can’t concentrate on anything and lost the care and motivation for school work. Sometimes I fluctuate into being a bit moody and frustrated, I think this comes from feeling like I’ll never look like or be like the person I really want, or do/succeed in what I really want to. I feel hopeless to try anything new, bcs I’m afraid of failure and can’t stand embarassment. I also can’t focus on a single hobby for long, I get impatient and want to move on. An example is painting.

bluewall 3. I’ve always wanted to be good at it. I suck, but anyway, when I try painting I lose interest after a while or can’t finish the painting because I’ve lost focus. I thought the restless fazes and mood things were linked with hormones and possibly my period influences it, but i realised i’ve always had this regardless. I dont care about anything and struggle to. I just escape in my head. Im not ambitious or competitive and not excited about going to study in london next year.

bluewall 4. I know other people my age are really excited and interested in university but i seem not to be? like its ‘not for me’, like I want my life to go another path but i’m not sure which one and I think i’m being unrealistic. I don’t get why I’m not at the same level as others, everyone seems to be far ahead in terms of confidence etc. Excited for the future, carefree. I’m not. I should be, and i feel guilty, but i’m not. I feel like I’m just ticking a box. THanks for listening.

Hey Bluewall,

My partner struggles with this to some extent, so hopefully I've got some advice that can help you out! At least for him, his difficulty focusing comes from struggling with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This is by no means to say that you have ADD, or that what you're struggling with is because of that. We aren't mental health professionals here at MHA, so we can't give any diagnoses.

However, I can explain what ADD is. The biggest aspect of it is an inability to focus, which can lead to difficulty finishing tasks and sometimes being slow to respond.

Some common symptoms include:

Getting distracted easily

Being forgetful, even with things you do often

Trouble paying attention to details

Trouble staying focused on tasks

Difficulty staying organized

Dislikes things that require long periods of mental focus

If you want to see if you struggle with it, or want help with trying to figure out why you are experiencing this inability to focus, I would strongly recommend you see a mental health professional. You could also consider seeing a career or school counselor to see if your detachment is normal and you just haven't found what you want to do, or if there is something else going on.

The way that my partner works on this is that he has a couple of hobbies that he likes to switch between. When he gets bored with one, he'll switch to another one. Sometimes, he can switch back to something he was working on previously if he gives it enough time.

Another thing he does is that he forces himself to keep working on things he knows he needs to do. He knows he has to go to work at certain times of day every week, and sometimes he really doesn't want to or he can't focus on doing so. But he makes himself go in anyway, and the task gets done.

I know this is a novel concept for a lot of people, but having gone through college myself I can say with a surety that it isn't for everyone. There are several fields that don't require a degree, and some that actually won't at all be helped by having one. On the flip side, there are several career paths that greatly benefit from a college degree, such as going on to become a doctor, professor, or lawyer. But if you aren't sure what you want to do, it might be better for you to plan on not going to college, at least not right away. I don't know what country you are in, but outside the U.S., it's actually fairly common for people to take a year off (or a gap year) to try to figure out what they want to do with their life. They've also been in school for the past 12 years, and their brains need a break to recover.

As far as being who you want to be, I can tell you that becoming your ideal image is very difficult. However, becoming a certain kind of person doesn't just happen overnight. You have to work hard and consistently to improve the parts of you that need work. I know that's hard to do, especially when you have trouble keeping focus on other things. But if you can figure out a way to work on your focus issues, I know you can start to work on improving yourself and get closer to the person you want to be.

Something my therapist told me was that I often tend to self reject. I don't give other people the change to reject me, because I assure myself that they are going to do it, so I don't even try. He told me that even though it doesn't seem like it, this is its own kind of failure. Sure, you might fail if you try to do something. But if you talk yourself out of it before you even try, then your failure rate will be 100%. Would you rather have a chance of succeeding, or are you willing to take a guaranteed failure? Sometimes thinking about it in a different way can help.

Good luck, and I know you can do this!

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”

~Mel

#mhamel #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #bluewall #add #difficulty focusing #career stress #submission

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