#like the one time they remembered they even wrote Ian as bipolar and it was for a shitty line where Mickey throws it in his face | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loftec · 2 years

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From @chocolateteapot "Alt shameless after season 5 🙏"

Oh absolutely! This isn't really a fic wip, I just wrote down a "pitch" for how I'd write seasons 6 and 7 (and a bit of 8) in a fit of spite. I think I've posted the whole thing before, but here it is again:

Alt Shameless after season 5

Ian is on his meds and since he broke up with Mickey because he thought he’d be better off alone, he doesn’t go looking for new boyfriends.

He sleeps around a lot though.

He doesn’t have a lot of storyline, because he’s mostly clammed up and moping around, and his family keep assuming that it’s because of his meds.

Maybe four episodes in, something happens at work that makes Ian seek out an LGBT+ group, where he meets Trevor at a charity event. They work together all day and really hit it off, they have some similar interests, and they end up talking about a lot of things. At the end of the day, Trevor asks him out, and Ian says yes before he’s remembered that he doesn’t do that stuff.

He’s nervous about the date and drinks a couple of beers before Trevor even shows up, he gets piss drunk and wakes up the next day in a strange room.

It’s Trevor’s bedroom, and Trevor comes in with coffee, telling him that Ian was pretty much drunk when he showed up and barely able to stand on his own two legs by the time the check arrived.

Ian tells him about being on meds, and that’s why he got so drunk so fast.

Trevor thinks he could have just told him, and Ian says his mental illness pretty much was the reason his old relationship didn’t work out.

Trevor asks if it was Mickey. Ian wonders what Trevor knows about it.

“You may have mentioned him last night. Like a lot.”

Ian says yeah, and is quick to correct him when Trevor assumes that it was Mickey who left.

I broke up with him, thought it was the best for the both of us at the time… also don’t think I expected it to last. We usually find our way back.

But not this time?

He’s in prison. Fifteen years.

It’s the first time he says it out loud.

Trevor says he’s not interested in starting a relationship with someone who’s clearly still in love with their ex (and Ian kinda smiles, because it’s true and it’s so nice that someone else can see it and accept it and take it seriously). But, he says, you do look like you could use a friend, and not to brag, but I make an excellent friend. He does the cheesy handshake, re-introduction (where we find out his last name!) and they agree to be friends.

Turns out Trevor’s estranged from his family, and after maybe a shaky start, he finds a natural spot in the Gallagher clan and becomes part of some of the other plot points throughout the season.

Ian’s storylines can be about his work, and about stuff happening at the LGBT+ youth center, and they get into highjinx, but nothing super serious (or illegal!!).

Ian at some point has a big moment with Yevgeny, where he comes to terms with no longer being a parent, and maybe even thinking that it’s for the best. Maybe Ian talks to Svetlana about Mickey.

Throughout the second half of the season. Whenever the Gallaghers gather and Ian isn’t there, they wonder where he is and try to reach him, letting it go when they can’t.

But after it happens too many times to be a coincidence, they start wondering. Maybe Lip and Fiona talk about it, worrying about Ian having a low, or a high, but not knowing if they should intervene.

Lip talks to Trevor, and tells him more about Ian’s bipolar. Trevor denies having noticed anything, and maybe even questions if Lip has any right telling him Ian’s personal stuff.

(Also, I think it would be really nice for Trevor to have a romantic/sexy storyline... so I wouldn’t mind Trevor and Ian starting a friends with benefits relationship, deciding on the terms of it before they start it. Or, Trevor starts a relationship with someone else. Depends on how much drama one wants. They could maybe even start developing feelings so there's actually something there when Mickey returns. If one wants. But personally I think it would be more fun if he started a relationship with someone else so it can take up more space and end happily for him. Give the man a name, a personality, and maybe even something he might want out of life based on that personality.)

Last episode of the season, they’ve had some big plot point resolved by the Gallaghers getting together and working it out as a goddamned team, and they’re all sitting on the porch steps when a police car stops outside their house.

The officer tells them that Ian is on record as having visited Mickey in prison, and Lip is like, yeah, once maybe a year ago, what’s that got to do with anything? And the officer says, no, he’s visited once a week for the past six months. And Mickey has escaped. And they have a warrant to search their house.

The Gallaghers sit packed together on the couch watching the news as the officers search through the house, and on the TV we get the whole scoop. There has been a massive prison break and like 40 highly dangerous inmates have escaped, Mickey amongst them.

BOOM. Credits.

Season seven.

Throughout the season, we get like comedic side story lines about the police and the escaped inmates basically roaming the streets. Potentially outrageous and lots of opportunity to oscillate between slapstick comedy and high-stakes drama

Ian waits for Mickey to contact him, but it doesn’t happen until maybe a couple of episodes in. TENSION.

Ian has other storylines through the season, but mainly it ends up being his secret rendezvous (plural, frequent, in-depth, and sexy) with Mickey where they get to spend time together, talk. Bonus if they try to “be friends” for a while, because they don’t talk about the important stuff and they don’t know where they have each other, and they don’t know what��s going to happen. It doesn’t last long, culminating in an explosively passionate love scene.

At some point, Ian is approached by an FBI agent, telling him they have a deal for Mickey if he turns himself in and give them info on the other escapees. Ian says he’s not in contact with Mickey, and even if he were, Mickey would never snitch.

Later on, he talks to Mickey about their future. Mickey explains that the gang he joined in prison are escaping across the border to Mexico, and he has to go with them. Ian says he’ll come with Mickey, but Mickey is firmly against it.

He wants Ian to come with him, of course, but he doesn’t want that life for Ian. No security, a life of crime, on the lam. He kind of gets why Ian broke up with him, now, if this is anything like what he felt at the time, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ian pleads with him, telling him that breaking up is something he’s spent over a year regretting.

Yeah, but what other choice have we got?

Ian tells him about the deal, and takes out two gold bands he’s bought from a pawnshop. If they get married, they can be put in the witness protections program together, and start over.

Mickey agrees, to Ian’s great surprise, and they end the season being shipped off to an unknown location as the busload of prisoners get apprehended on the way to Mexico (cartoonish, but with a little bit of work and research, maybe could be an acceptably goofy and almost realistic plotpoint).

(For Drama, Mickey could be with the prisoners when they’re apprehended, and he’s shot dead by the police. Cut to Ian being in the ambulance that picks him up, and Mickey is still sitting in his body bag, all bloodied, as they suck face and the FBI drive them to their new location.)

Then, depending on the actors I suppose, they could have their Endgame, or season eight could be Ian and Mickey trying to start a new life and it being completely ridiculous (like, imagine a mix between IASIP where Mac and Dennis are in the house with the Mac & Cheese mixed with like, Suburgatory, or Weeds, or whatever. Two gay southside kids suddenly trying to make a life for themselves in some middle class suburb somewhere, and they hate it. But they love each other.)

The hardship they face in their safehouse isn’t from themselves, (it’s from situations and circumstance, and other people being impossible) and every time something happens it only leads them to break down another barrier by talking about their feelings and hopes for the future, and thoughts about the past. And I want them specifically to talk about Yevgeny, how hard it was for Mickey to feel anything good about him at first, but now he misses him like he’s missing a limb. Them trying to be a wholesome couple in a suburb somewhere is an unmitigated disaster, but it does help them get a lot closer to each other and work through their problems, and their past.

And then through some Shameless™ retcon, something suddenly makes it possible for them to return back home. Or maybe they’re just like, fuck this, is there anyone stopping us from just grabbing our shit and going home?? No. So they do.

Yevgeny is part of the reason why they return. They move in to the apartment above the Alibi at first, and Mickey can work in the bar.

Everybody they know are on their side, denying everything in true South Side style if anyone asks about them, once again solidifying the core concept of the show; we take care of family.

The whole thing where they’re possibly in danger from the mexican cartel looking to exact revenge could be played for laughs and brushed off, until it might come back and create more Drama in a later season, if needed, before being permanently resolved.

Characters thinking they’re invincible and being stupid about stuff like this is fine, I think, if they do it for a good reason.

Wip ask

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mishervellous · 3 years

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Hey there! Since you are the queen of angst (at least in my eyes) can you write something introspective/angsty about Ian and Monica? The details are up to you! 😘

anon sweet anon! ‘queen of angst’? that’s like the best compliment imo!! you’re so sweet!

now…onto this. this was kinda tough to write. it also got a little out of hand (but that’s the usual with me). it’s sweet, but very, very angsty. some baby!Ian going on (and a cameo from Mick too!). hope you enjoy, thank you for this wonderful prompt. 💙

Title: Sleeping Beauty

Wordcount: 1122

(CW: bipolar depression, implied child neglect; lots of angst in general)

“The next day the prince took his bride to his father’s palace, and there they lived happily ever after.”

Ian makes sure not to close the book too loudly when he’s positive Maddie is fast asleep. He smiles down at his daughter’s sleeping face, placing a kiss on her temple, and turning off her bedside light.

There’s this weird feeling every time he reads to Maddie. It’s a feeling that seems too big to be his, and yet he carries it with him every time he picks up a fairytale to read to her. That’s why Mickey’s usually the one doing the reading—that, and because, despite his protests about it, he’s surprisingly talented at doing silly voices.

It happens the most with Sleeping Beauty, he noticed. At first he thought it was the story being sad in a lot of ways—but the happy ending would beg to differ. It never makes Maddie sad either. After a while, he’d just stopped trying to come up with a good enough excuse for his unexplained moodiness when it comes to fairytales. Must be something in the name perhaps.

He doesn’t realize he’s brought Sleeping Beauty downstairs with him until Lip is looking at him weird from the porch steps. Ian frowns, looking down, and finally notices the book still firmly clutched in his hand.

“You wanna read me to sleep too, dada?”

Ian rolls his eyes, taking a seat right next to him. “You need me to?”

Lip chuckles, taking the book from Ian’s hand just as Ian is snatching Lip’s cigarette from his. His brother caresses its worn out cover, seemingly lost in thought.

“Reading that book always does a number on me, man.” Lip looks at him with a curious face. “I dunno why, it just makes me sad. Not even sad—more like…nostalgic.” Ian adds before shrugging.

Lip shrugs too. “I get why it would.”

Well, that’s news to Ian. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t remember?” Lip gives him back the book, taking his smoke from Ian’s hand next. “You used to read it to Monica all the time. Must be a fucked up childhood thing that’s happening now.”

What the hell is Lip talking about? “What? I don’t remember that at all.” Then…then something starts unraveling inside of him. Somehow what Lip is saying makes sense, but he doesn’t know why. “Did I really?”

Lip hums, taking one last drag from the cigarette before throwing it away into the back yard. “Yup.” He turns around, pointing at the space underneath the stairs. “You used to read to her all the time, man. When she was—you know.” He makes a weird gesture. Ian nods.

“How old was I?”

“Eight or nine.” Lips smirks. “Started out as a game, really.”

~~~

“Read to me again, baby. You have such a good reading voice.” Monica smiles, and she’s so beautiful while caressing his hair. They’re laying down under the stairs, where Fiona put up some fluorescent stickers so that they can pretend to see the stars when they’re down there. There are no stars in Chicago—well, there is one. “You should read to everyone. You have a beautiful voice, honey.”

And it’s Monica.

Ian giggles, turning the pages all the way back to the beginning. “Once upon a time there lived a king and queen who were very unhappy because they had no children. But at last a little daughter was born, and their sorrow was turned to joy. All the bells in the land were rung to tell the glad tidings.”

•••

Ian thinks he did a pretty good job at picking up a story for his mom. It fits so well he thinks the guy who wrote it must’ve had her in mind when making it: Sleeping Beauty.

Because his mom is beautiful, and she’s always sleeping.

Ian is nine, and old enough to know that fairytales are all a bunch of ‘bullcrap’—like that weird loud kid with the black hair, and blue eyes always says to Lip at recess—but he tried to make it work nonetheless when he had asked Frank to go kiss Monica awake, just like Princess Aurora. That’s how it worked in the book anyway.

But it didn’t work. Granted, the prince wasn’t drunk when he had kissed her princess, so maybe that was the thing they were getting wrong.

Regardless, he’d kept reading to his Sleeping Beauty all throughout her long, long rest. Sometimes she’d be crying but Ian thinks it’s just because they haven’t gotten to the Happily Ever After part yet. She usually stops crying when Princess Aurora is finally happy, so he thinks maybe that’s it—this is gonna be Monica’s happily ever after too.

But she continues on with her sleep. And Ian continues on with his reading.

“Once upon a time there lived a king and queen who were very unhappy because they had no children. But at last a little daughter was born, and their sorrow was turned to joy. All the bells in the land were rung to tell the glad tidings.”

~~~

Ian had been struggling for a while with what to bring to Monica’s grave on his monthly visits—at least up until Lip had opened up the floodgates to the memories of him reading to her when she had depression, that is.

He sits down in front of her headstone, a small lopsided smile on his face. “Hey, mom.”

“So, I used to read to you, huh?” Ian is caressing the cover of Sleeping Beauty, tracing the lettering with a finger. “I was so pissed I didn’t remember any of it. But then I thought that you probably don’t even remember it either. So we’re even.” He looks up at the sky. “I get it. Depression makes you forget things, and stuff. Happens to me too.”

Ian takes a big breath, opening the book. He looks at the antique-looking font of the first page. He smiles. “I remembered though. I remember learning from Ashley Brown that you were the one that was supposed to read me to sleep. I thought,” Ian sniffles. “I thought everyone read to their moms. Thought it was the norm.”

He looks up at her featureless grave. Ian is still smiling, his vision a tad foggy. “You were a Sleeping Beauty, weren’t you mom?”

He nods. Sniffles again. “Yeah.”

“Mickey’s doing fine. Maddie too.” The smile he gives Monica’s direction is bright; just thinking about his family fills him with joy. “He’s such a good dad, but honestly? I never had any doubts he would be. Knew he was gonna be great. It’s like he was born to be a father.”

The silence, and the wind are too loud in his ears. It’s like he’s nine again: his Sleeping Beauty is silent still, resting still; ready for her fairytale. And Ian is there to read it to her, under the fluorescent stars.

#shameless #gallavich #ian gallagher #monica gallagher #ian and monica 🥺#tiny Ian #angst angst angst #baby!ficlet #fanfic #my writing #thanks for the prompt 🌺#ask #dadavich

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apolloloki97 · 3 years

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“Gay Judas” Mickey Milkovich x Ian Gallagher

Summary: When Mickey hears about Ian’s Gay Jesus bullshit, he decides it’s time to intervene.

Word Count: 2235

Warning: Swearing, Bipolar Disorder

Song I Wrote To: “Heat Waves Stripped-Version” by Glass Animals

Note: I really needed Mick to show up and shut this shit down and so I wrote this.

--------

Mickey Milkovich had uprooted his life for Ian Gallagher and he was happy to do it.

That is until it involved Ian being a complete moron.

Mickey had been at a random bar somewhere outside the main city he was staying in while in Mexico when he had caught a shot of his ex-boyfriend’s face on someone’s phone nearby. All it said was Chicago’s Gay Jesus and Mickey knew something was very wrong. It didn’t take him long to find the articles about Ian’s new crusade and that was when he had risked a call to Svetlana.

Hearing that Ian had become some kind of gay symbol was one thing, but the way he was doing it told Mickey another: Ian was in a manic stage and nobody was helping him. That was how he found himself back on the streets of the Southside with an angry Russian hooker by his side. “This one,” Svetlana said as she pointed to a church on the corner.

Both Svetlana and Mickey paused as they stared up at the banners that hung on the outside of the church. “Fucking hell, Ian,” Mickey swore as he saw the ridiculous illustrations of the ginger on banners and even t-shirts.

“What’s the plan? Punch moron till he stop?” Svetlana asked.

“Depends on if his little cultists swing first,” Mickey said as he scratched at his nose with his thumb before taking a deep breath. “Alright, Svet, take me to church.”

Ian was in the middle of a sermon, sort of, when Mickey burst into the room, Svetlana following right behind him. “Alright rainbow warriors, take a fucking seat!” Mickey yelled, announcing himself. Ian stared at the man in front of him, unable to think clearly. Trevor, who had begrudgingly gone to this specific meeting was looking between the two in confusion.

“What the shit!” Ian exclaimed, unsure of what else to say.

“Svet, grab him,” Mickey ordered and then all five-foot-seven of pure Russian confidence was charging down the aisle towards a surprised Ian. Mickey watched as Svetlana grabbed Ian and nearly tackled him to overpower him. Ian was strong, always had been, but Svet was just as pissed at him as Mickey was.

“You idiot,” Svetlana said as she grabbed Ian by the back of his neck and took his arm, dragging him off the dais. Ian stumbled after her, still trying to get the right words out.

“Hey! Let him go!” one of Ian’s disciples said as they moved to follow them. Svetlana pulled her knife and leveled it at the girl. Trevor stood then, ready to intervene.

“Fucking hell, Svet! Put the damn knife away, we’re in a fucking church,” Mickey said as she lowered the blade and continued to push Ian towards the door, but Gallagher was starting to resist.

“Come, Orange Boy, we need to talk,” Svetlana said, hooking her arms around Ian’s biceps.

“No! Ian! You can’t just take him!” Another girl said as she cried out for her "savior".

“Ah, don’t worry your little gay heads about it, I’ll bring your pariah back in one peace,” Mickey said, flipping her off before going to follow Ian and Svetlana.

“Who the hell are you?” a younger man said, trying to step into Mickey’s path. Mickey just grinned at him before punching him in the face. The guy fell amongst the pews and Mickey turned to the rest of the room, splaying his arms wide.

“Just call me Gay Judas,” Mickey said with a wink.

“Mickey!” Ian screamed, causing Mickey to roll his eyes. Trevor began to move toward as Mickey’s name fell from Ian’s lips. He knew immediately that this was the Mickey and Trevor was not about to let the convict take Ian away from him.

“Svet, get the bag!” Mickey said as he ran off after them. Trevor followed, bursting through the front doors just to see Svetlana throwing Ian into the back of an SUV with a black bag over his head. Mickey slid into the front seat and started up the engine. He gave a salute to Trevor as he hit the gas and sped off.

Ian swore from the backseat as Svetlana kept him contained, holding down his arms. “You fuckers!” Ian yelled. “Let me go! What the fuck ever happened to Mexico!” Mickey ignored him, not wanting to answer any questions just yet. Not until they were alone. Mickey didn’t have a lot of time and he needed to make the best of it before his deadline.

They arrived at the Alibi soon after and Svetlana helped Mickey drag Ian into the basement that Kev usually used to store weed for his and Lip’s “ice cream truck”. Now it was mainly used for interrogations or in Ian and Mickey’s case, interventions.

Svetlana and Mickey threw Ian down onto a chair and then tore the bag from his face. “Again with the fucking bag!” Ian shouted, nearly growling at Mickey.

“Shut up, Red,” Mickey said with a warning look. Ian looked around and began to settle down as he realized where he was. Still, it didn’t comfort him to know that his ex had essentially kidnapped him.

Again.

“Thanks, Svet, I owe you,” Mickey said. Svetlana leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before sending another glare at Ian as she turned to leave. As soon as the door closed and locked behind them, Mickey walked forward and landed a punch to Ian’s jaw.

“Fuck!” Ian yelled.

“You’re lucky that’s all I did, you fucking idiot,” Mickey said.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Ian asked.

“I’m here, you moron, to shut this shit down,” Mickey said, grabbing at Ian’s Gay Jesus t-shirt. “Do you know how many fucking busses and trains I had to take to get back here? Fuck, Gallagher… what the fuck are you doing, man?” Mickey said, lowering his voice a bit more as Ian also began to settle.

“I’m helping,” Ian said, still trying to grasp the fact that Mickey was in front of him, that Mickey was home.

“Helping who, Ian? The fucking loons who want to lick your boots? What about being an EMT?” Mickey asked.

“It wasn’t enough,” Ian argued.

“Says who?” Mickey countered, but Ian just remained quiet. Mickey swore again, rubbing at his temples as he began to pace in front of Ian. He had planned out this whole speech he was going to say, but now he could barely get the words out. He couldn’t look at Ian without thinking about how the man had left him at the border, alone and heartbroken. However, he knew that Ian was always going to be dealing with bullshit like this. “You’re off your meds, aren’t you?” Mickey asked though he didn’t really need an answer. He knew what it looked like when Ian was manic.

“Fuck you,” Ian said.

“Uh, no,” Mickey said, crossing his arms. “I didn’t get back across the border for this shit or for you to be all dismissive when I ask about your fucking well-being. Nobody has fucking noticed have they?” Mickey asked, knowing damn well the Gallaghers forgot Ian existed half the time. Ian didn’t respond, but that was an answer in itself. “Fucking Gallaghers,” Mickey swore causing Ian to look at him with recognition, seeing his Mickey again was making his heart ache. “Get it together, Ian,” Mickey said.

“Right,” Ian scoffed and Mickey began to lose it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? And don’t give me all this 'woe is me bullshit', you’re smarter than this.”

“These kids need my help!”

“There are other ways to help them, Ian! Social workers, cops, hell a fucking walk-a-thon, but not this! This is unrecognizable.”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” Ian challenged.

“That’s a bunch of bullshit and we both know it,” Mickey said. “I know you inside and out. I know your soul like the back of my fucking hand. Don’t you tell me that I don’t know you, Ian Gallagher. Don’t you say that shit to me.” Ian was quiet then, trying to keep it together. “You want to mean something? Start by setting a decent example for these kids that are following you like a bunch of gay ugly ducklings.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Ian said.

“Stop,” Mickey said, approaching Ian. He leaned over and braced his hands on either side of the man below him, his hands digging into the armrests. “You mean something to this world, Ian, but you don’t need to go off the rails to prove it,” Mickey said with a desperate tone to his voice.

“Why do you care?” Ian asked, staring up into Mickey’s eyes.

“Why do I care?” Mickey echoed. “Did you forget everything that fucking happened at the border?” he asked as he pushed back from Ian. “I fucking love you, you idiot and I’m worried about you.” Ian was quiet for a moment before he finally sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“It got out of hand,” Ian admitted.

“Yeah, no shit,” said Mickey. “Fuck, where the hell is your family?”

“Busy,” Ian said with a shrug. That also didn’t surprise Mickey. The time Ian left to join the military, Fiona had barely looked for him. In fact, Mickey couldn’t remember anyone actively looking for Ian until the Army came looking for Lip. That had pissed off Mickey to no end, even if he never told the Gallaghers that.

“And what about that boyfriend of yours?” Mickey asked, remembering Ian talking about his relationship when Mickey had escaped.

“He saw me losing it,” Ian divulged with another shrug.

“And he didn't do anything like drag your ass to the clinic?”

“No,” Ian said.

“Fucking hell, Gallagher, you need better friends,” Mickey said, running his hands over his face. His stubble was growing out again and he desperately needed a shave. “This shit stops now, okay?” Mickey urged and Ian nodded, trying to keep it together. Mickey kneeled in front of him and from his jacket, produced the familiar orange bottles that held Ian’s meds. “I picked these up on my way.”

Ian stared at the pills with disdain but didn’t shove them out of Mickey’s hands to the latter’s relief. “You broke into my house…” Ian said.

“I still have a key, moron,” Mickey said and then softer, “Come on, baby.” Ian stopped at the use of the pet name. Mickey never tended to use anything but the more insulting nicknames, but there were times when they just slipped out and the gentler side of Mickey was revealed. A side that Ian loved the most.

Ian opened his hand and Mickey doled out his dosage before grabbing a bottle of water from the storage crate and handing it to Ian. With a deep sigh, Ian took all his stabilizers and antidepressants in one go, following up with a few swigs of water. Mickey relaxed as soon as the meds were in Ian’s system, feeling exhaustion weighing on him from all the days he had spent worrying about the love of his life. “Stop trying to fuck up this life you have, Ian,” Mickey said, reaching out to hold Ian’s face in his hand. “You’re so much better than this.” Ian leaned into his palm, savoring the small moment.

“I missed you,” Ian said, closing his eyes.

“Missed you, too,” Mickey whispered. Leaning in, Mickey rested his forehead against Ian’s and tried not to let the tears that threatened to spill cascade down his cheek. He didn’t need to get emotional now, he didn’t have much time left.

“You better get back to Mexico,” Ian whispered.

“I ain’t going back,” Mickey admitted. Ian pulled back just enough to see Mickey’s face.

“Why?” he asked.

“I made a deal,” Mickey said with a sad smile. “I rolled on a cartel back in Mexico. Told the Feds I’d finish my sentence here as long as they gave me the afternoon to finish something up. I took down some pretty fucked up dudes so they agreed. I gotta turn myself in in about twenty minutes.” Ian seemed to deflate then as realization set in.

Mickey was going back to jail because he came to save him. Again.

“I’m sorry, Mick,” Ian said. Mickey was shaking his head already as he ran his hands over Ian’s shoulders and up to his neck, relishing in the feel.

“Don’t apologize,” Mickey said, “but fucking visit me this time, will you?”

“Every week,” Ian promised without hesitation.

“Soft,” Mickey teased, and that caused Ian to laugh finally. He then turned serious.

“Thanks, Mick,” Ian said. "Thanks for coming to get me.”

“I always will,” Mickey promised. “Especially when you’re going all psycho-ginger on me.” Ian laughed again and then surged forward to kiss Mickey, crushing their lips together. Mickey savored every taste and feel of Ian’s lips on him, knowing it was going to be a while before they had another moment like this. He didn’t think Beckman would offer conjugal visits anytime soon. When they separated, Ian smiled again.

“Stop kidnapping me, Milkovich,” Ian said as he kissed Mickey quickly again.

“What can I say?” Mickey said. “I’m a whore for the dramatics, Gay Jesus.”

“Oh, shut up, you fucking convict,” Ian said as he grabbed him again.

Regardless of what the future held, they still have twenty minutes.

#Ian x Mickey #Ian Gallagher #Mickey Milkovich #shameless fanfiction #shameless #shameless fic #Gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #Gay jesus

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unbridgeabledistances · 3 years

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so ik we aren’t sure if the camo kiss was cut or not, but i wrote it just in case:) this takes place directly after 11x04!

(also i am still working on prompts after a little break, those will b up soon!<3)

Ian stumbled up the front steps of the Gallagher house, trying not to pay too much attention to the heavy metal music and the roar of the bonfire coming from the lot beside the house. He fumbled in the cheap fabric pockets of his military outfit to try and find his housekeys (Frank had started being vigilant about locking the front door since what he was calling the “Great Milkovich Invasion”). Mickey was a couple of steps behind him, stopping to lean over the chain link fence and flipping off one of his more scraggly-looking cousins who had just taken it upon himself to yell “military pussies” as Ian and Mickey walked by- honestly, not the worst insult they could have shouted, considering they’d had all day to brew up new combinations of slurs after seeing Mickey and Ian walk by in their uniforms on their way to Kev and V’s that morning.

Ian slid the key in the lock, and turned around to call to Mickey, who was still hurling insults at his bearded cousin as the moonlight bounced off his face.

“Better watch your fucking back, Gary, ‘cause my window’s right up there above you, and I’d hate to accidentally do some target practice during your little sleepover under the stars out here.”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Hey, sharpshooter, you wanna come inside?”

Mickey cast one more glare at the tattered group of Milkoviches, then reached over the fence to take the can of beer one of them was holding.

“Better sleep with one eye open, assholes.”

Mickey turned and finally ambled up the creaking front steps, ducking under Ian’s arm that was holding the door open into the warm glow of the living room. Mickey kicked off his boots and threw them onto the living room floor, then took a sip of his stolen lukewarm beer and grinned, his defensive facade completely melting away now that they were safely indoors.

“Nice first day, Gallagher. Might have to give you a promotion soon.”

Ian rolled his eyes even more aggressively as he crouched down and untied the shoelaces of his bulky pleather military boots.

“Oh yeah? I don’t remember saying I was interested in being employed on a regular basis.”

Mickey took a final sip of the stolen beer and winced, then crushed the can on the back of the couch. “Well I guess today’s your lucky day then, lover. I ended your job hunt right before it even started.”

Mickey took off the flimsy camo pageboy hat and tossed it on the ground next to his shoes. “You want a beer? That shit was disgusting.”

Ian smirked, pulling off his boots and putting them by the door. “Yeah, sure.”

Mickey strode into the kitchen, while Ian scooped up Mickey’s discarded boots and hung up his hat by the door.

“I still can’t believe they had all that fucking weed just lying around, man!” Mickey called from the kitchen, opening the fridge and making the bottles clang as he fumbled for two beers.

Ian smirked and ambled into the kitchen, settling against the edge of the countertop. Mickey handed him a beer, which Ian opened on the side of the counter and slowly took a sip.

“Yeah. It’s fuckin’ crazy.”

Mickey was standing inches in front of him, twisting off the cap of his own beer and smiling with bright eyes, like he was glowing from this absurdly weird day going exactly as he had planned. Ian had the sudden thought that maybe it had- while Mickey seemed to act like he didn’t want to wear the camo gear that Ian discovered in the back corner of the dingy army supply store, Ian was starting to realize that Mickey getting him to play dress-up all day while they did the security job might have been exactly what Mickey had in mind when he was giving Ian shit at the store. As if confirming Ian’s thoughts, Mickey smiled a half-smile and poked him in the chest, giddy.

“Gallavich security, bitch. No more faking pay stubs for my P.O., the two of us are gonna make a killing just fucking hauling weed around all day.”

Ian barked out a laugh as he set his bottle down on the counter and pulled himself up to sit on the edge. “Gallavich security?”

“Fuck yeah, bitch. We’re going official. The name sounds totally badass anyways, gotta let everyone know what we mean business.”

Ian smirked. “Hm, okay. And since both of our names are in the business title, does that mean I still work for you? Or does it mean that we’re partners now?”

Mickey stepped closer, eyebrows raised and his tone playful. “Well, I don’t know. That depends on how hard you work, how you do in your employee review. You’re the one always talking about work ethic and all that shit.”

Ian rolled his eyes, but reached his arms up to comfortably rest over Mickey’s shoulders. “Oh yeah, boss? And how’d I do today?”

Mickey took a second to respond, leaning in closer now that he was ensnared in Ian’s grasp. His eyes flickered to Ian’s lips, then back up to meet Ian’s eyes with that intoxicated, heavy-lidded look he always had when Ian’s face was inches from his.

“Not sure yet. You gonna work with me again tomorrow?” Mickey retorted, a little more softly.

Ian sighed. “If I say yes, will you get off my fucking back about the fact that you have a job and I don’t?”

Mickey leaned his face in closer, then reached up and pulled Ian’s cheap camo hat off of his head.

“Deal.”

And then they were kissing, and Ian’s arms were pulling Mickey closer and cradling the back of his head in his hands—they were kissing, and for the first time in weeks they weren’t kissing because they had been fighting, or because they wanted a quick fuck and needed to blow off some steam, but because they wanted to be closer to each other, kissing because they were finally on the same team. He and Mickey were wearing matching fucking costumes, and they probably looked fucking ridiculous—but they were actually working together for once, were actually standing hand in hand in front of whoever crossed their path. While the day had begun with Ian reeling in panic that Mickey would do something illegal or stupid or both and end up in prison and away from him again, now Ian couldn’t shake the warmth that overtook him, sitting on the kitchen counter with his legs wrapped around a warm and thrumming Mickey, who had softened the second that Ian decided to get off the couch and be with him all day.

Perching on the kitchen counter, feeling his husband’s hungry lips press against his again and again, Ian couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t the way he’d envisioned wearing camo someday back when he was 16 and in ROTC; hell, he never would have imagined that he would have gone to jail someday when he was 16, or that he would preach in a church to crowds of hundreds of people, or that he would be bipolar— but the most surprising thing of all in his life was the fact that he would actually get to love Mickey Milkovich, that he was married to the dirt-smudged shit-talking teenage boy he’d spent his whole life wanting to be close to. The Gallagher kitchen had undoubtedly seen its fair share of make-out sessions, between him and Trevor or Caleb or whoever—but Ian couldn’t help but think that this moment with Mickey felt like the only kiss that mattered, the only time that Ian wasn’t putting on an act. Mickey was the only person that Ian didn’t have to pretend for, the only one who was his exact brand of crazy— Mickey was the only one Ian could think of who wouldn’t scoff at Ian’s idea of wearing matching outfits to do a security job, and instead got dressed and walked down the street beside him, got giddy at the fact they could spend the day together. Ian had never known where his life would take him, but building a business with the love of his life seemed like a pretty good start.

Ian’s hand slid from the back of Mickey’s head and down his neck, and he let his fingers rest over the camo-printed lapels of Mickey’s shirt, right in the spot he knew Mickey’s tattoo was. Mickey trailed kisses down the side of Ian’s neck, pulling him in closer.

“Love you, love you so fucking much,” Mickey mumbled as he crashed their lips together again.

And as Ian grasped the back of Mickey’s hair once more, breathing him in, he knew that this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

#lol i hope this is ok i just rly wanted to write it!!!!#i've also been watching seasons 6-8 this week and thinking about how much better mickey is for ian!!#than trevor and caleb!!#gallavich #shameless #gallavich fic #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ian x mickey

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highly-flammable · 3 years

Text

Reacting to Legacies 3x03 (SPOILERS):

1. So ARE we FINALLY getting to some proper firstborn Mikaelson witch breakdowns?

2. Oh well, apparently no. They'll just try to wave it off as some one time thing probably.

3. So Hope and Landon are on a break. Okay. TBH watching them sass each other is interesting.

4. The guidance counselor is pretty much a compulsion monster, is that it? Well, I do like his wardrobe.

5. Alyssa's concern for MG is so fake I can't.

6. Nobody other than Jed read for Stefan? THE DISRESPECT.

7. Lizzie playing Caroline makes total sense but them asking Josie to play the lead without even an audition looks a bit bad TBH. Like, give the other interested people a chance, at least.

8. I find it a bit repetitive how there are mind-controlling monsters popping out again and again.

9. So MG is basically going through a phase similar to what Cami was going through when Klaus used to compel her at the beginning of TO. Considering Quincy's fondness for Cami, he must have liked playing that.

10. I understand that Landon is supposed to be a capable songwriter in-universe but it takes more than that to write and direct a musical and it's very weird that they didn't even find a guest star to pose as a Drama or English teacher who is guiding him or something. WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?

11. I kinda feel like some of the lead characters in this show are colour-coded. I see Hope and Landon in red and blue a lot (the two gowns we have seen Hope wearing also fall into this pattern) and Josie wears yellow in like, every other episode. If I recall correctly, Lizzie wears a lot of white, too. I wonder what the reasoning behind these choices are.

12. Well, I liked Hope and Landon's relationship in S1, I have no idea what was going on with it in S2, and I still don't know what to think about it.

13. Lizzie casts herself in Caroline's role and then chokes at rehearsal. Not totally unrealistic but still feels a bit forced to me. Would have been better if Landon cast her because she's Caroline's daughter and Lizzie was a bit apprehensive in the first place because she didn't want to mess up the role.

14. I appreciate the show taking a moment to talk about Lizzie's bipolar disorder though. It's been a while.

15. "Bonnie just disappears for long periods of time"? Dude, she's still super important and you're putting her in the play. Right? RIGHT?!

16. Landon, THANK YOU for pointing out how weird Caroline and Alaric's relationship was. The guy deadass got engaged to her and had a pissing contest over her with Stefan, that will never not gross me out.

17. So the monster is mind controlling Landon to put Klaus into the play. Saw this coming IG.

18. Hope is painting again, like her dad used to do when he felt things were going out of control. I've been rewatching TO and this is making me so emotional. I MISS KLAUS AND HIS SHENANIGANS. And not a single character on Legacies comes close to Klaus, Elijah and Hayley for me. (Sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings but Legacies really is a downgrade from TVD and TO)

19. Ugh, why would he use the contents of the letter as lyrics? Dude, is it because you're mind-controlled? No, I don't like this. Klaus loved Hope to the ends of the earth and wanted everyone to know but Hope wants to keep things private, and her wishes should have been respected.

20. So apparently Landon tries not to put Klaus' villainous antics into the show. Well, okay, it's definitely a copout but since he is Hope's boyfriend, makes sense. But I don't understand why the musical HAS TO BE about the Salvatore school. The accreditation excuse is lazy, writers! Also, Landon, my dude, Klaus was a major donor of the school. Put that in instead of the other things, stop pissing off your girlfriend FFS. Even if you're mind-controlled 🤦🏻‍♀️

21. I do find it funny how Landon is all gaga over Klaus' use of language though. The guy really did have the best lines, didn't he? (Tied with Elijah, I suppose, for me)

22. The other singers of the first song are really good so Kaylee sounds a bit rusty in comparison. Also, she reminds me too much of Dark!Josie with the hair and makeup. From a distance, she can be mistaken for Nina though.

23. I love that the backstage activities are being shown.

24. I'm digging Jed as Stefan and I really like his singing voice. And the Hero Hair wig cracked me up. Kaleb is obviously good at singing at it's nice to hear more from him. I also like how Chris Lee didn't try to exactly emulate Ian and played Damon how someone who has only heard about him might play him.

25. Is Hope painting herself before the pit or something? Or is this supposed to symbolize her despair at her parents' loss? ALSO, I WANT SOMEONE TO MENTION HAYLEY :( Why is Hayley so ignored?!

26. The same person probably wrote MG's notes and Caroline's letter IRL and therefore, in-universe, MG has Caroline's handwriting and it's funny to me.

27. Jenny sings well, I like it. I don't understand the song though, was Caroline actually ever feeling this insecure? I feel like the song became a lot more about Lizzie than her mother. (It's been forever since I watched TVD, if anyone has yet to guess, I prefer watching TO)

28. The doppelganger thing cracked me up.

29. Wait why did the monster attack Josie?! Ohhhh he's forcing Landon to improvise and put Klaus' song at the end. Well, I guess it makes it seem a bit less like Landon's fault. But would Hope know that?

30. It's hilarious how they lowkey make a call back to Nina leaving TVD and them having to put Elena in a sleep spell though.

31. Landon having a hissy fit is funny to me. Aria needs more comedic scenes.

32. Wait, where did Jade come from? Has she been in the school all these weeks?

33. While the scene seems a bit shabby to me, Klaus talking to Hope reminds me of their scene from TO 4X03. I needed more of Summer Fontana and Joseph Morgan together. Also, the donation did get mentioned, YASSSS. Man did some horrific things but he did fund the school so maybe a little less badmouthing in the presence of his daughter now that you know the story, eh, students?

34. The fact that the guidance counselor actually wore a leather jacket and a henley is cracking me up. It's really bizarre.

35. "Terrible painter" XD Klaus would have eaten you for saying that if he were alive.

36. Um, Hope, wouldn't you ask your family if you are doing enough to make your father proud, instead of this random bloke who supposedly met him once?! Maybe call Freya or Rebekah.

37. Why is this monster being nice to Hope? Doesn't it try to break people up or something? You'd think he'd try to piss her off even more and ruin her relationship with Landon.

38. Stefan was trying to be more like Damon by sacrificing himself? Um, what?

39. Well, this musical at least gave Stefan and Caroline a goodbye scene. I wonder how much the twins remember Stefan, must have been a bit emotional for Lizzie to play that. Jenny's singing was gooood, really liked it.

40. JED WAS GONNA KISS LIZZIE AND I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN. But a forehead kiss does work.

41. Hope's playing Elena now? What?

42. Ngl I want Hope and Jed to be friends. She needs more of a connection to her wolf side. Both of her parents wanted her to be surrounded by wolves and she's barely interacting with the wolves in this show, which always makes me sad.

43. So this monster can also do little spells and move physical objects eh? Whatever, this is random.

44. And this monster brings people back together? Why?

45. So when Hope is singing, is she doing it as Elena or Hope? She came on stage as Elena, but I thought the song is about Hope. So WHAT IS IT?

46. Oh Damon's on stage, so Hope is singing as Elena and it's a call back to the graveyard scene from the TVD finale.

47. Danielle sings pretty well. It's good she decided to perform this time.

48. Okay, that lifting up scene was adorable. I feel like Hope and Landon are at their cutest when they're a bit spontaneous. But she's Elena on stage and it lowkey looks like Landon crashed her romantic scene with Damon to kiss her so I'm cackling.

49. How much older is Jade supposed to be than Josie?

50. So is Josie going to leave the school for a while and that's why Ethan will be back in the picture?

51. Jade used to babysit Josie? Okay, it is hella awkward.

52. Josie why, don't do this, yikes. Kissing her once doesn't make it non-creepy.

53. The Sheriff feels kinda shoehorned to me. Also, I don't care for Matt Davis or his character.

54. So Candice did the voiceover for Caroline's letter. That's nice for the show. I still don't understand why the letter showed up in Hope's fireplace though LOL.

55. This episode should have spent more time exploring the aftermath of the loss of Rafael. The abrupt shift from the last episode wasn't nice.

56. Yeah, kids, talk out your problems, thanks.

57. I feel like Klaus is too much of a controversial figure that Hope's conflict about her father's reputation would be resolved in one day. This is feeling undercooked. Speaking of, when is one of Klaus' or Hayley's enemies coming after Hope, because she did inherit all of them. Would make for better storytelling than this monster of the week nonsense. And yeah, still no mention of Hayley, I hate this.

58. The monster's characterization was really odd to me and I am so tired of this format SMH.

59. So they toyed with MG for weeks to get a vampire for the spell? That sounds like too much effort. There are tons of vampires from Klaus and Rebekah's bloodline, they couldn't find another? Also, I wonder who is the wolf that they will use.

Well, I felt like this episode was mostly okay, but not that well-cooked or epic or whatever. What is horrific is that they didn't show Bonnie, though. They could have at least gotten a female black guest character who is one of the witch students or something. This is very offensive.

Also, I don't think it makes sense for the show to do any more musicals in the future. This ain't Riverdale.

#legacies #legacies cw #hope mikaelson #landon kirby #lizzie saltzman #josie saltzman #kaleb #jed #milton greasley #alyssa chang #jade #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall #elena gilbert #damon salvatore #stefan salvatore #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes #cami o'connell

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not-close-to-straight · 4 years

Text

Free As I’ll Ever Be (Three)

This chapter is a little more intense than the first two, Ian finally opens up about what he’s going through and feeling, Lip talks some sense into his brother and Mickey draws slightly pornographic things to make his boyfriend ex pen pal smile.

TW for show typical discussions and depictions of depression/bipolar disorder/ alcoholism

MASTERLIST HERE

Enjoy!

************

-- What the hell makes people good pen pals? Just super long letters? Well here, here’s a super long letter for you. Give me a goddamn pen pal badge or something.

Mickey couldn’t believe Ian hadn’t bitched about being called Firecrotch, and wondered idly if the lack of comment meant Ian had gone back to shaving or--or man-scaping or whatever the fuck the dancers at the Fairy Tale called it. He didn’t like that shit, didn’t like to pull Ian’s pants down and just see skin, what the hell was wrong with some pubes? Who willingly laid down and got their balls waxed?

-- Debbie and Fiona only ever scream at each other now. Debbie is pregnant and Fiona was pregnant and got an abortion and both of them hate each other. We almost lost our house, did I tell you that? Carl bought it back with very sketchy money and now Debbie is trying to live somewhere else and sleep with some cancer lady I think.

--Frank is all over the place. He was in Puerto Rico or something and fell in love and she died now he can’t handle losing her? He’s really into Debbie and the baby, I think it’s some weird ‘the world needs more Gallaghers’ crusade which is fucked up, since he doesn’t give two shits about the kids he already has.

-- Lip’s been fucking one of his professors and an ex girlfriend found out and turned them in and now--

“Fuckin--” Mickey tossed the letter aside and scrubbed at his eyes. “I don’t care about this shit. Jesus.”

Yeah, he’d told Ian to be a better fucking pen pal, and yeah Mickey would kill someone before admitting he’d been excited to get another letter that was more than one sheet but fuck he didn’t give a damn about run of the mill Gallagher bullshit, nobody cared about that mess so why the hell was Ian writing a whole bunch’a nothing and wasting his time?

And it didn’t even sound like Ian, it didn’t sound like Ian, not how he usually talked all expressive and noisy and wide eyes and earnest expressions. It felt like Ian after the break, after the medications when his eyes were flat and his voice was empty and every word felt like he was reading from the worlds most boring script.

The letter didn’t sound like Ian, it was just an info dump, random facts and little effort and line after line of absolutely nothing.

...but it was better than staring at four walls, and it was physical proof that Ian had thought about him for at least long enough to write the letter and address it, and Mickey felt real fuckin’ pathetic for thinking those were valid reasons to turn the page and read on.

But he turned the page anyway, and read right the fuck on.

Three pages front and back of nonsensical Gallagher shenanigans and Mickey read it all, even jotted down notes on his own sheet of paper like a goddamn nerd so he’d be able to write a good reply back. And he tried, he did. He tried extra hard to engage with the information and ask the sort of questions that would make Ian react cos after the psych ward Ian had whispered-- ‘You gotta help me remember how to feel human, keep me looped in to conversations. Otherwise I don’t even feel real ’ and damn it Mickey was gonna try.

He was gonna try.

But halfway through the line-- ‘the worst fuckin’ people can be real weird about grandkids, you saw how Terry was with Yev’-- Mickey gave up trying and crossed it all out.

-- Fuck me, I don’t care all about all that shit. I don’t care about those people. Debbie’s just another South Side teenage mom and you know damn well Frank is running a long con. Fiona thinks she’s better than everyone else in that fuckin’ neighborhood but she’s the exact same. Lip actin’ like the world is ending cos a married woman wasn’t gonna give up her life for him is bullshit and whatever the hell Carl is doin’ will blow over. Things never stay changed at your house for long, it always settles into the same shit over and over.

He tapped the pen at his thigh a couple times, then blew out a deep breath and wrote a few more lines.

--I don’t care about them. Tell me about you.

-- Tell me why you didn’t look at me.

************

--Mickey,

--Sorry that was boring, I don’t know what to say to you anymore. Don’t know if I ever knew what to say to you. What do you want to know about me? That I’m taking my meds? That I’m not psycho anymore? That I’m never gonna take your kid from you and your wife and run away again?

Ian blinked when he saw he’d tore through the paper on the word wife. He was angrier than he realized about Svetlana, angrier than he realized at Mickey. That didn’t make any sense of course, the medication might make shit fuzzy but they gave him enough clarity to know Mickey had only been trying to help him when he was manic, so why-- why was he so angry?

--I don’t know what to say to you, Mick. Talking was never our strong point. All we ever did was fight and fuck, when did that stop working?

-- Why didn’t I look at you?

Ian thought back to that first day at the prison, how Mickey had stared right at him and smiled, shown off that god awful tattoo and said he’d been thinking about Ian, how Mickey had sorta laughed like it wasn’t a big deal, like it wasn’t the end of their story, like life wasn’t fully and royally fucked from here on out.

Mickey had stared right at him and smiled and it had burned through to Ian’s soul. He’d spent half his life waiting for Mickey Milkovich to look at him like that, and then it had happened through a glass wall in the prison and--

--Damn it. Ian was writing before his mind even caught up, the words landing on the paper angry and hurried and raw.

-- Couldn’t handle seeing you through the glass. Fuck this is so much worse than when you were in juvie. Fifteen years you’re supposed to have, not just a few months. You won’t be out in a few months and tracking me down to fuck beneath the bleachers, you won’t be getting out for over crowding, this is real fuckin’ serious and you kept smiling like everything was fine and every thing is not fine because this is my fault this is my fault this is my fault.

The letter derailed from there, jumbled and rambling and disjointed and Ian wrote for pages, pouring out all the things he’d kept bottled up forever, everything he couldn’t tell his family because they’d worry, everything he wouldn’t even admit to himself cos maybe it all meant that he wasn’t anything near okay.

He wrote about the way he only remembered half of what happened in his manic state, how sometimes he’d been so sure everything was fine and then he’d wake up in a panic because for about three seconds of sanity he knew something was wrong. He barely remembered taking Yev, didn’t really remember being found, he didn’t remember how or why he decided to surrender himself to the psych ward but oh he remembered Mickey holding him and how good it had felt, how grounding it had been to be held so tight for just a minute.

--Can’t trust my own memories. Was it real? Was it just what I thought was happening? Am I hallucinating still? Sure seems like it must be because who the fuck would think Mickey Milkovich would want to be goddamn pen pals? What the fuck is happening? No way this is real. Keep reaching for my pills and counting them out to make sure I took them cos this is goddamn surreal.

-- So tired of being numb, Mick, sometimes it seemed the only thing I could feel was you but these days I’m tempted to burn my hand again just to make sure I’m still alive, I’m so damn tired of being tired and so damn tired of being empty and I can’t even trust my emotions, my feelings, can’t talk about them cos what if they aren’t actually true? What if my pills aren’t actually working and I’m batshit crazy and everybody knows it but me?

-- Some days I have to convince myself I even left for the army, some mornings I wake up in my bed and think none of it happened and that it's the day of your wedding and I’m only hours away from asking you to leave with you and you telling me no.

--What does real even mean, for love or romance or boyfriends or whatever? Can’t be love if it was pity, can’t be love if I was crazy, can’t be love if we were only fighting and fucking that’s not love and if it was how’m I supposed to know when I don’t know myself one day from the next--

The pen snapped in Ian’s hand and spilled ink over the bottom half of the fifth or maybe it was the sixth page and Ian stared down at the liquid in surprise, yanked from spiraling thoughts and run away emotions by the noise and the mess and the jerk back to reality.

And then slowly slowly, carefully carefully Ian reached for his medicine box and counted out the pills to be sure again he’d taken them today. Slowly slowly, carefully carefully, Ian picked up another pen and forced his hand to steady so he could write just one more thing.

-- I couldn’t look at you that day, Mick. Couldn’t look at you and couldn’t look away from you and you kept wanting something I couldn’t give. I couldn't promise to wait for you cos I couldn’t even promise I’d be alive that night.

-- I don’t know who I am anymore. You don’t know who I am anymore. And I don’t know where to go from here.

***********

It took Mickey a full week to get through Ian’s letter

He kept trying to read it and then putting it away, kept picking it up and getting scared overwhelmed by the pain and panic so obvious in the words, kept trying to get through another page and giving up because it hurt to know Ian was so lost.

It took a full week but he finally made it through and when he got to the very last line, Mickey laughed a little, laughed and sniffed and briefly thought about breaking someone’s nose because none of this was fucking fair.

Ian didn’t know who he was, but it wasn’t like Mickey had any idea who he was anymore either. Writing letter to his boyfriend? Saying ‘I love you’ all the time and looking forward to mail call like a little bitch? He had actually stayed out of a fight yesterday cos he kept thinking about time off for good behavior and how Ian would only wait eight years, even though he knew good and well Ian wasn’t going to wait at all.

Who was Mickey Milkovich to be grasping at literal crumbs of attention from someone who clearly didn’t want much of anything to do with him?

Mickey didn’t feel like he knew himself at all these days, but he sure as hell knew Ian. He knew even when those gorgeous eyes were blank, even when Ian’s voice was flat and shoulders hunched and skin too pale-- Mickey knew his Ian was still there somewhere.

So instead of trying to write back anything sensible, instead of trying-- and most likely failing-- to put everything into words like Ian had done, Mickey jotted down a couple sentences and spent the next fifteen minutes working on a picture for Ian. It was just a sketch and it wasn’t gonna win any art contests but he knew it would make the redhead smile and for a whole bunch of reasons, Ian smiling was all that mattered.

And just before putting the letter in the ‘outgoing’ box, Mickey tore the envelope open and added one more line so Ian would know he was goddamn serious about this whole thing.

The block went into lockdown over another bullshit fight and Mickey went to his cell without argument, without even looking twice at the guards he passed.

Eight years so long as he behaved himself, and damn it, he was gonna behave himself.

****************

-- The fuck you mean you don’t know who you are anymore, THIS is who you are, I know exactly who you are. Sometimes you get lost beneath the shit, but you’re still you alright? Cut it out with that dramatic girly bullshit.

The picture was hilarious and crude-- the Gallagher house, run down and crappy looking with a dozen stick figures in the background. At what was supposed to be a mailbox was Ian, drawn over tall and with a ridiculous amount of red hair sticking up from his head. Stick figure Ian had a big smile and was holding a letter, and down between his legs was a fairly detailed, hilariously pornographic dick hanging halfway to his knees, complete with bright red pubes.

There was a big arrow pointing to stick figure Ian with a note, “This is your dumb ass excited over a letter” and for the first time in a long time-- maybe the first time since that last night with Mickey at the dug outs-- Ian laughed until his sides hurt, laughed and laughed as he taped the picture up above his bed.

-- Sometimes I dunno how to talk to you either, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop trying.

-- And if you burn your hand again, I’m gonna break outta here just to beat your ass for being fuckin’ stupid, see if you feel THAT motherfucker.

-- I’m not gonna let you be hurt again

-- Stay alive, bitch.

Ian hung the letter up next to the picture, grabbed a permanent marker and circled the last line with thick black ink.

--Stay alive bitch.

*************

“You’re writing Mickey again?” Carl was counting out money on the kitchen table, and Ian pushed a pile aside with his pen so it didn’t fall over onto his note. “So what, you guys love each other again?”

“Um.” Ian’s eyebrows rose when the kid wrapped a rubber band around a thousand dollars and tucked it away in his shoe. “No? I mean yeah I’m writing him again but um-- I dunno if we love each other again. Dunno if we ever really did. Why?”

Whatever Carl said in response was lost behind a clatter of pans, and Ian closed his eyes in brief annoyance when Lip gave one of those too loud sighs that usually meant he was squaring up for another argument.

All they seemed to do lately was fucking fight and Ian didn’t have the energy for it this morning.

“Something on your mind, Lip?” he asked tersely. “Aren’t you supposed to be at college wiping floors for sorority girls or something?”

“Fuck you.” Lip winged a dish towel at him and Ian slapped it away with a scowl. “And you’re wrong about Mickey, alright? Don’t say that shit about him.”

“You don’t know fuck all about what me and Mickey are doing.” Ian retorted as Carl wisely cleared his money from the table and made himself scarce. “Don't you have better things to do than stick your nose in my business?”

“Okay look.” For once, Lip didn’t look like he was spoiling for a fight. Instead he looked tired and maybe even a little sad and that was so unexpected Ian didn’t really know how to take it. “You gonna listen?”

“...I’m listening.” Ian sat back in his chair and made an effort not to look so pissed off. “What’s up?”

“I’m the last person in the world who wants to say anything nice about a fucking Milkovich.” Lip muttered. “But I’m telling you, you��re wrong about Mickey, about him not loving you. That guy is nuts about you, why else would he be writing you letters?”

“We got some shit to figure out.” Ian waved a dismissive hand towards the letter. “It’s-- you know, guilt maybe? Doesn’t mean anything real.”

“Anything real.” Lip pursed his lips and nodded a few times. “Yeah alright. So when you left for the army, it didn’t mean anything real when Mickey spent weeks tryna drink himself to death? When you came back and started slipping, it didn’t mean anything real when he screamed at us that he’d take care of you, that he’d hide the knives so you wouldn’t get hurt and that you were family, that he was gonna look out for you?”

“That’s--” Ian frowned. “Well we were sorta dating so--”

“This is a kid who once tried to kill Frank when he caught you guys together, right?” Lip pressed. “Well when we went to the police station to get you and Yev, he told the cop that he was your partner, your lover, your family. Mickey said all that shit out loud in front of a whole bunch of people, and you think he doesn’t love you? You think that’s not real?”

“But it--”

“For fucks sake.” Lip laughed but it wasn’t a good sound. “He was willing to kill fucking Sammi for calling the MP’s on you. He’s in jail for what, fifteen years?”

“...eight with good behavior.”

“So fifteen years. And you can’t sack up enough to go see him?”

Anger, flaring hot and familiar because it was the only thing Ian could always feel these days. “I went and saw him when he went in, and then went and saw him just a few weeks ago. He didn’t want to see me.”

“Yeah well, go again.” Lip said flatly. “Go again. Try again.”

“I’m not--” damn it he hated admitting anything to his family. “I think my meds need adjusted again, I’m not doin’ real well right now, Lip.”

“And you think Mickey is?” he challenged and Ian grimaced away from it. “He loves you in some hard core south side Milkovich way and if you can’t see that? If having Mickey fucking Milkovich announce to the entire world that he is your partner and your family and then go to prison for you, write letters to you and draw whatever the fuck that picture is in your room? If you can’t see that all of this is him saying he loves you?”

Lip shook his head. “You don’t deserve him. Thought hell would freeze over before I sided with that family, but I’m telling you, you’re doing him wrong.”

Ian stared down at the letter he’d started, at the random information he’d put into it, all the bullshit he knew Mickey wouldn’t care about and all the lines he’d crossed out because he was still exhausted from writing the last letter and didn’t want to turn this one into another admission of everything awful he felt every single day.

You’re doing him wrong.

“That lady professor really fucked you up, huh?” Ian said instead of everything else he wanted to say. “She broke your heart and now you think you’re a love doctor? Going to give everyone advice on how to fix their happily ever after?”

“No.” Lip denied, and then, “Well yeah. Yeah, she fucked me up. But no, fuck you with that love doctor shit. Mickey came out in front of his dad after all that shit about the Russian and how Terry made you watch while they-- ” he cleared his throat. “--when all that happened. You know he loves you. You owe it to him to at least acknowledge it. I mean, did you ever even apologize to him for leaving with Monica? You think that didn’t fuck him up?”

“If we’re talking about who owes how many apologies, pretty sure there’s more tally marks in Mickey’s column.” Ian said bitterly. “He put me through hell for a real long time before he decided to be a half decent boyfriend. He got married and had a kid instead of just admitting he was gay, I had to leave for the army then come back and threaten to leave all over again just for him to come out. That doesn’t seem like love.”

“So what, that means you get to fuck with him now?” Lip grabbed a beer from the fridge, then grabbed one of those stupid fake beers for Ian and tore the cap off, slid it across the counter to him. “You guys were basically kids back then. You came out to us and what, I asked a couple obnoxious questions and then let it go? Fiona didn’t even blink when you told her. It was literally life or death for Mickey to come out, and you kept pushing him anyway. He could’a died, Ian. If not Terry it could’ve been one of Terry’s friends that beat him to death for being gay. Life or death and you told him to choose so the minute he could, he chose you.”

Ian was quiet, and Lip pressed, “He chose you, Ian. Over and over and over even after you were dancing at that club and cheating on him, even after you took his kid. He chose you and you won’t see it. That doesn’t look like love?”

Ian was quiet, and Lip shrugged, “Then fuck you, man. If I was Mickey I wouldn’t write your ass at all. Leave him alone to rot in there, don’t string him along and sit here telling people he never loved you. That’s bullshit.”

Anger again, but Ian didn’t know if he was mad at Lip for the lecture or mad at Mickey for-- for something or mad at himself, so he gripped at the table until his knuckles turned white and asked through clenched teeth, “Why the hell do you care?”

“Cos I’ve been drinking a lot and saying whatever I want lately and it feels really really good.” Lip drained the rest of his beer pointedly. “And since every time we talk lately we end up throwing punches, I figure I might as well say it all now when I’m drunk enough not to hurt when you try to break my nose.”

“You’re wrong about me and Mickey.”

“Maybe.” Entirely unperturbed. “But since you look like you’re ready to kill me, maybe I’m right after all. Think you’d be half as pissed off if I was wrong?”

“... you act an awful lot like Frank lately.” Ian muttered. “Get drunk and start talking shit and think you sound good and wise when really you’re just talking out of your ass.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not right.” Ian wasn’t looking so he didn’t see the hurt in Lip’s eyes, the resignation in the slump of his shoulders as he opened another beer. “Even fucking Frank makes a good point every once in a while.”

“Sure.” Ian gathered up all his papers and shoved them into his back pocket, grabbed his jacket off the hangar and hurried into it. “I’ll see you later.”

“Where the hell are you going?”

“To see Mickey.” Ian paused halfway out the door and asked, “Really? He called me his partner?”

“Partner, lover, family.” Lip repeated. “In front of all those people right before he sat in the backseat with you and pretended none of us knew he was crying.”

“Shit.” Ian swallowed hard. “I’ll be back later. Put the fuckin’ beer down, Lip.”

Lip only lifted the bottle in salute, and kept right on drinking.

**************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER!

**************

@the-southern-sweetiepie @lele-hemmo @elliotkaingrey @castiel-beyond-and-forever @pootie-and-the-snoots @stutteringandmumbling @girlnic @miss-macca @a-procrastinating-blogger @supmorg @eversomniator @korrababy @idontwanna-wakeuplonely @megahuffledor @pixiebomber @kit-02 @quertsod @layweebookfreak

#ncts fics #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ian x mickey #lip gallagher #shameless us

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eddiemoonson · 4 years

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I agree that a mother might tell Ian that none of that was his fault (but that scene is from S2, when Mickey was in there for punching a cop to avoid killing Frank, which is even LESS to do with Ian)... but I also think "I'm sorry you're hurting, baby" is something that Ian NEEDED to hear at that point. In fact, that entire interaction, starting with Monica talking about being proud, and going through the club scene - I REALLY wish we got more of Monica being Ian's queer confidante.

[cont] because those few scenes in that one part of S2 really make the next five seasons' Ian/Monica interactions make even more sense. Ian and Monica are both bipolar, yes, but they're also both queer, and we got this ONE moment of Monica taking Ian to a gay bar in S2, just after a conversation about pride... and that's basically the last we get of them interacting in that space... And I don't trust the writers to have done more, but my GOD, it is important to their dynamic that it happened.

Yes, when I typed that she was "just" empathetic, I meant to correct it but my thoughts were running and I tried to keep up with them. And idk, it completely slipped my mind that this scene is from the end of the season, not the beginning. 😅

But, yeah, it's another connection between them. It can be argued that Debbie is also gay but to me, it doesn't have the same impact. I think Debbie and Ian had one conversation about it and Ian asked her if she had returned the favor on the girl who went down on her and she said no and Ian called her a Pillow Princess. Debbie is currently involved with a woman but I don't feel like her relationships and her sexuality have the same weight within the story. The writers never made Debbie intensely in love with a woman the way they wrote Ian (not that I remember), so that's why I don't think he connect with her the way he did with Monica all those years back.

And Monica is such a complex character. She evokes so many emotions in me, mainly because of her connection with Ian. I wish so much she could really be there for her kids, to support them. To love them properly and care for them. And care for herself, obviously. All the Gallaghers support Ian's sexuality, none of them treat him bad because of it (even Frank in s2 acts like it's no big deal and obviously he's busy with his mother at that time but I don't believe Frank is homophobic, he's too self-absorbed to care for anyone else's life; Lip did the forced bj with Karen in s1 but he understood it was a shitty thing to do and moved on; I like to think it was general society levels of internalized homophobia and he got over it) but Monica was the only one to think about taking him to a gay club to cheer him up, to cater to his specific need. It was irresponsible as fuck to take a minor to a club but it's the Shameless brand. I feel worse about this scene when I remember that that's where Ned met Ian and Ian couldn't be older than 16 at the time and he looked even younger.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this other than I feel bad for Ian for having this glimpse of maternal love and support in this specific space that, at the moment, he didn't share with anyone else from his family, and losing it over and over. It's something that could have been explored more and I would have loved to see.

#belleandkurtsbastian #ian gallagher #monica gallagher #shameless meta #long post #my thoughts are still a jumbled mess but i managed to answer #sorry if I didnt make much sense

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raindropsonroses16 · 7 years

Text

Rant

Before I start this, please excuse the scatterdness of this. I write it at work a couple of days ago.

1) So I’ve been seeing a lot of things that Ryan was tagged in by fans and some of you disgust me. The “Milk Fic” or anything pertaining to it does not need to be all over his tags on Instagram. IT DID NOT HAPPEN (as far as I know, but honestly, I don’t need to know if it did. I haven’t read it nor will I ever read it). Give it a rest. In addition to this, stop with the cheez-whiz comments (or even that cheez-whiz has milk in it). That was just a comment in the Live In Chicago video. Let it go and get a new joke. I’m pretty sure Ryan (and even Brendon) are tired of these jokes. They aren’t funny anymore as the joke is nearly 9 years old now. It has outlived its time. Let it die a happy death and let’s never speak of it again. Same goes for the milk fic and every other fic reference made to Ryan. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t read the fics, nor does he want to. (This is not me saying there aren’t some good ones out there. There are and I’ve read them, but don’t reference them to the people they are actually about.)

2) Please, please, please stop commenting on his posts asking when his album is coming out, if he’s going back to Panic!, or anything related to Ryden. I’m a Ryden fan as much as anyone else, but I’m not going to post it all over his Instagram posts. It most likely annoys him considering it’s been 8 years since the split. Let him live his life and enjoy spending time with his dogs. His album will come out eventually. Ryan is currently acting in Starmaker (for those of you who did not know), Daniel’s movie. Things get int eh way of putting new music out. Honestly, I’m happy if he’s happy and in his most recent pictures, guys, he looks extremely happy. If he doesn’t put out his music, fine, but please don’t be too upset. It’s his life and he’s (hopefully) not just making music to please his fans. As for the Ryden comments, leave them to Tumblr or AO3, or some site like that. Those are fandom sites anyway.

3) I’ve seen a ton of posts about Daniel only being friends with Ryan for the fame. If this was true, all those years Ryan wasn’t active on social media, Daniel wouldn’t have been his friend. This is like saying Sarah only married Brendon for the fame or even Linda only married Spencer for his fame. Again, let him live his life. I honestly think his friendships are really genuine. Don’t get me wrong, Daniel has gotten more famous in the fandom for hanging out with Ryan, but it definitely isn’t the reason he does it. As I’ve seen it mentioned before, Daniel seems like the father figure Ryan never seemed to have, even though Daniel could very well be the same age as Ryan.

- As a side note: I just want to say that I’ve been listening to Panic! for about 10 years now (I was 11, for anyone wondering, which was about 2 years after AFYCSO came out). I remember sitting in my family room replaying Sins over and over again because it was catchy and the only time I could say damn at home was when I was listening to it. I knew at that time that Brendon was the frontman, but once my sister told me who wrote the lyrics, Ryan was instantly my favorite band member. When I was younger, I was very into writing, but as I’ve grown older, my writing time has been replaced by college classes, horseback riding lessons, and work. I remember listening to Pretty.Odd. when it came out, but I really didn’t become interested in P.O. until recently. This band (pre- and post-split) has really helped me through some hard times recently. I’ve battled depression since I was 13, insomnia since I was 16, anxiety for as long as I can remember, and I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I may not always relate to the lyrics on a personal level, but music has always been an outlet for me. Panic is honestly the reason I’ve wanted to learn how to play my guitar and learn how to play the piano as I feel learning will tremendously help my own personal mental health.

- All that being said, I’d be forever grateful if everyone could respect Ryan, Brendon, Jon, Spencer, Dallon, Dan, Zack, Kenny, Ian, and anyone else who has ever helped the band or been around it. Yes, even Brent. As much as we all seem to hate him. Also, sorry for the long rant but Panic! means so much more to me than just a band.

#patd #brendon urie #pre split panic #pretty odd #afycso #ryan ross #spencer smith #jon walker #post split panic #fandom #bandom #panic! at the disco #ryro #bden #ryden

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everybodys-therapist · 7 years

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Bipolar Q&A

All credit to @loloren69 but I never get asks so I’m just gonna do it even though no one asked. YAY!! Read under the cut for the rest.

General:

1. Type 1 or type 2?

Type 1

2. Self-dx or professional dx?

Professional Dx

3. Are you currently hypo/manic, depressed, mixed, stable, or not sure?

Bruh I don’t even know at this point. Pretty sure I’m stable though.

4. Do you have any other mental illnesses/disorders?

I have some pretty intense GAD (generalized anxiety disorder)

5. When did you first start having symptoms?

It really hit hard when I hit puberty so at like 14.

6. When did you realize/learn that you have bipolar?

I was professionally diagnosed when I was 18, before that I didn’t really think much of it.

7. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis?

LMAO yes and it was arguably the worst experience of my life. They diagnosed me with Major Depression when I was 16 and put me on meds. Anyone who knows how depression meds affect bipolar....I hit mania HARD and never came down.

8. How self-aware are you on a scale of 1-10?

I mean right now probably an 8 but I’m pretty stable night now.

9. How many people know about your bipolar disorder?

I’m not sure. I don’t actively try to hide it from people but it’s not something I’m like HELLO I AM BIPOLAR.

10. Are any of your family members bipolar?

My aunt suffers from bipolar 1 too and she went untreated for 40 years. She has been hospitalized, arrested, and had her kids taken away before. I’m hoping I never get to that level.

11. Name three fictional characters you relate to and/or headcanon as bipolar.

Even Bech Næsheim

Ian Gallager (seasons 1-4)

Hypo/mania:

12. When hypo/manic, do you get euphoric, dysphoric, angry, creative, social, or several of the above?

pretty much all of the above. never dealt with dysphoria though.

13. What has been your longest hypo/manic episode?

From what I remember I was in an INTENSE manic episode because of those meds in high school for at least a month and a half or so. I’m talking full on psychosis and everything. Full 9 yards.

14. Have you ever had a psychotic episode? What symptoms did it include?

Yup. Many times. Usually it involves vividly remembering things that flat out didn’t happen. Hearing voices. Paranoia. I once mourned the death of these kids I read about in the newspaper because I was 100% sure we had gone to school together and we were friends and stuff. In actuality they didn’t even live in the same county as me and they were like 5 yers older.

15. What kind of impulsive decisions have you made?

Spent tons of money on hockey season tickets for me and my friend. Bought a shit ton of arts and crafts painting shit because I was determined I was going to become an artist. Went for a walk through downtown alone at 3am because I wanted some cookies and the only store open was a couple miles away.

16. What’s the most money you’ve spent in a single day while hypo/manic?

If I remember correctly about $1,500. In one day. When I was like 16. It was seriously all of the money I had saved up for YEARS and I dropped it all in one day.

17. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep?

Consecutive days without sleep I’d say 4, but I’ve gone weeks with only a couple of hours of sleep a night. 4 days without sleep and you’re fucking tasting colors.

18. Are you a creative type? Have you ever made a poem/song/other artwork about being bipolar?

I wrote a spoken word poem about it once. I was pretty proud of it too. It’s on here somewhere.

Depression:

19. When depressed, do you get suicidal, bored, anxious, guilty, or several of the above?

ALL OF THE ABOVE and also apathetic.

20. What has been your longest depressive episode?

I would say my longest episode of being at my lowest of lows went on for about 3 or 4 months.

21. How do you cope with depression?

Not well. I cry and sleep mostly. If we’re talking about bad coping mechanisms I’ve done that too. I often binge watch tv or something mindless.

22. Are you a sleep-all-day depressive or an insomniac depressive? Do you overeat or lose your appetite?

I’m a sleep-all-day depressive and an overeater. I lose my appetite when I’m manic.

23. When is the last time you cried or had a breakdown?

Bruh last time was like 3 days ago haha

24. Have you ever self-harmed?

Yup. 100%

25. Have you had problems with substance abuse?

Nope

26. Have you ever attended AA/NA/etc?

Never had a reason to

27. Have you ever attempted suicide?

Yes

28. Have you ever written a suicide note?

Yes

Other symptoms and treatment:

29. Do you ever dissociate?

Yes

30. Do you ever have hallucinations? If so, what are they?

Yes, it depends. A lot of time it’s auditory hallucinations.

31. Do you see a therapist? Do you feel like it’s helping?

I did for a while but often I left more anxious and on edge than when I started so I quit.

32. Are you on any medications? Do you feel like they’re helping?

Yes I’m on 4 different medications right now and I can’t begin to tell you how much they’re helping me.

33. Have you ever been hospitalized?

I was taken to the ER a couple of times, but never made to stay over. They often gave my parents a choice if they wanted me admitted or not and they always said no.

34. Have you ever attended group therapy?

35. Have any of your symptoms gotten worse over the years?

I would say they haven’t gotten worse as much as they’ve stayed the same and my situations have changed. For example I now have access to far more money and power than I did as a teenager so mania can get a little dicey.

36. Have any of your symptoms gotten better over the years?

Not by themselves, but the medication has helped.

37. Do you have a favorite coping method?

Music is always a good way to try and keep yourself grounded. Especially if you’re dissociating or something like that. Having something to focus on is always helpful.

38. If you could choose to be neurotypical, would you?

To be honest I don’t know. I would love to get rid of the terrible parts, but all in all they’ve made me who I am and they’ve gotten me to where I am now. I’m sure my bipolar disorder will fuck up some more things for me before I die, but I’m actually not sure if I would want to be neurotypical.

#actuallybipolar #bipolar disorder #neurodivergent #bipolar 1 #ask game

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apolloloki97 · 3 years

Text

“Back On Solid Ground” Ian Gallagher x Mickey Milkovich

Summary: After Mickey is released early from prison, he is in no rush to go back into the arms of Ian Gallagher. After unsuccessfully trying to win Mickey back, the rest of the Gallagher siblings and a couple of friends try to help out their favourite Southside couple.

Or when Ian's friends and siblings try to get Mickey to talk to Ian after Mickey gets out.

Word Count: 7302

Warning: Swearing, Mentions of Mental Illness

Song I Wrote To: “I Found" by Amber Run

Note: Now, I am not a lawyer and I usually do research for fics, but just go with me on the legal proceedings for this. I love this story a lot and I always wanted more of Mickey's emotions after he was released. I needed this after the show finale as well.

----------

The last thing Mickey wanted to do was drink alone and so he called his favourite cousin.

Sandy was finally back in town after leaving once she got out of juvie for the last time. Iggy had told Mickey that Sandy was trying to go straight, but the younger Milkovich brother knew that the only straight thing about his cousin was her hair.

Regardless, once he was out of prison, she was his first call. Turns out that when the woman who presses charges on you for attempted murder goes insane and is deemed a pathological liar, the justice system becomes much more lenient. Mickey still remembered the moment the warden told him that he was getting out. He thought it had been some kind of sick joke from Terry or one of the other delinquent Milkoviches. Yet, everything was soon in order and Mickey was released with a few strokes of a pen.

That was a week ago and after crashing on Sandy’s couch and wallowing in his own sorrow over losing the man he loved, he finally ventured out into the world to interact with people. Well, only if you consider the lowlifes at the Alibi Room, people.

Mickey sat across from Sandy as she drank her second beer, very happy to be out with him rather than cooped up watching reruns of some horrible sitcom. Sandy was his favourite Milkovich next to Mandy, but Mickey hadn’t seen his sister in some time and he wasn’t even sure where she was. He got a text or a voicemail every couple of months just to let him know she was still alive, but that was it. He missed Mandy, but he knew she needed to get out of the Southside and he was happy for her.

Mickey glanced around the room, the afternoon sun filtering through the windows as it illuminated the day-drinkers. Mickey was itching to do something other than sitting at a dive bar and trying to dodge questions that he knew Kev and V both had. However, he was happy to be with Sandy who grinned at him from across the table.

“What?” Mickey asked, taking a sip from his beer. “You keep staring.”

“I’m just happy you called,” Sandy said with a shrug. Mickey watched her for a second before snorting.

“Who else would I call?”

“I don’t know. Colin?” Sandy paused for a second before looking at him over the rim of her glass. “Ian?”

“Don’t,” Mickey warned, not willing to talk about Ian, especially not to someone who didn’t even know him. Mickey had been hurt when Ian broke up with him on the stoop of the Gallagher house. Mickey had done everything for Ian. He had come out for him, tried to take care of him when he was at his lowest with his bipolar, and even protected him when the handsy old men would try things when Ian was drugged out of his mind on whatever anyone was willing to give him.

“Have you seen him yet?” Sandy asked.

“Nope,” Mickey said with a dismissive look as he sipped on his beer again.

“Mickey…” Sandy tried again.

“Why should I, huh? Bitch never visited me, did he?” Mickey said. It still hurt that as soon as Svetlana stopped asking him to do jobs for the Russian mob, Ian had essentially blocked him out of his life. Ian hadn't even taken calls from Mickey while he was locked up. He knew that Ian had left him, but he never expected the redhead to completely lock him out of his life, not when Mickey needed him the most.

“I thought you loved him,” Sandy said, folding her arms in front of her on the table.

“Didn’t mean much to him, did it?” Mickey said bitterly.

“He was sick, Mickey,” Sandy said, trying to rationalize.

“You don’t think I don’t know that?” he asked. “I was the one that was there for him. I took care of him and he just threw me away while his bitch of a sister…” Mickey trailed off, not wanting to lose his temper. He had been trying to work on that for a while and now was not the time to come undone. Mickey needed to keep calm for his own sake and Sandy's.

“Have you told anyone you’re back?” Sandy asked. “You know, besides Kev and V?”

“No,” Mickey said as he finished off the glass of beer before him.

“So, we’re here because…” Sandy said, gesturing around the bar that was a Southside staple.

“It’s early,” Mickey said. “Gallaghers don’t get day drunk. Well, Frank does, but fuck Frank.”

“Maybe you should tell someone,” Sandy said, trying to be comforting and supportive. This was one of the many reasons why Sandy and Mandy got along so well. They were always getting into other people’s business and especially Mickey’s. If he was being honest with himself, and he always was, he figured that they were the same person at times.

It was terrifying.

Still, she had a point. Some of the time.

“Who would I tell, hmm?” Mickey asked, leaning forward on the table in front of him. Sandy’s eyes flickered from him to the door over Mickey’s shoulder, trying to predict the reaction that she knew was about to happen. However, she didn’t back down. Mickey had been avoiding it all for too long.

“Start with him,” Sandy said, gesturing over Mickey’s shoulder. Confused, Mickey turned around in the booth to see Ian. The third eldest Gallagher sibling had entered the bar with his older brother Lip and Lip’s boss, Brad. Lip and Brad were more focused on the game on the TV above the bar than Ian was. Ian was staring right at Mickey with a surprised expression.

Their eyes were locked together and Mickey felt as if he couldn’t breathe. As soon as Ian took a step forward, Mickey turned back around and shut his eyes tightly. “No, no, no,” Mickey said under his breath, trying to calm his heart rate.

“Mickey, stay calm,” Sandy tried, reaching for her cousin’s hand. Mickey pulled away as if he had been burned. Shaking out his hand, he got to his feet.

“Please don’t,” Mickey breathed out as Sandy watched him clamor out of the booth. From his pocket, Mickey slammed some bills onto the table.

“Mickey…” Sandy said, her tone almost desperate. Mickey ignored her pleas, pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and then headed through the back of the bar, ignoring the ginger-haired Gallagher that waited behind him. Just as he shrugged into the back room, he ran into Veronica. V stared after him in confusion, watching as her friend disappeared up the stairs that led to the old apartment above the bar.

V then turned to Sandy with a question on her lips. Sandy simply nodded towards Ian who was in the same spot as he had been when Mickey had noticed him. V sighed, understanding immediately. She didn’t know every detail about how the relationship had ended, but she knew enough. Most importantly, she knew how much Mickey loved Ian and how much Ian had hurt the man who had done everything to make sure he was okay.

Veronica turned her attention back to the bar, going to restock the Jameson and whatnot. Sandy added her own bills to the pile that Mickey had left before grabbing her bag and hoisting it over her shoulder. Sliding out of the booth, she approached the front door, trying to avoid the Gallagher brothers when Kevin appeared, stepping into the bar with a large black duffle in his arms. Sandy stopped as he went up to her, stopping just shy of Ian.

“This is all I could get before I heard Terry’s asshole cronies coming back up the street,” Kev said, gesturing to the bag. “Iggy had to hurry me out before anything got too ugly.”

“Thanks, man,” Sandy said, relaxing a bit more knowing that Mickey would have some things of his own for a while before he found something more stable.

“I’ll bring this upstairs for him,” Kev said as he moved past Sandy and headed for the back staircase that led to the apartment. Sandy watched after him for a moment before heading back to the front door. However, Ian moved first. He stepped in front of Sandy, set on intercepting her escape.

“Sandy, right?” Ian asked, recognizing her from the many photos Mandy had shown him years before.

“Yeah,” Sandy said simply.

“I’m–”

“I know,” she said, cutting him off. It wasn’t hostile or anything, but Sandy didn’t think she should be talking to him right now. Mickey should have been the one to build back the bridge between the Milkovich and Gallagher family, not her.

“I didn’t know he was out,” Ian said, his eyes on the door that Mickey had escaped through.

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when the charges are dropped,” Sandy said. However, she elaborated after a flash of confusion overtook Ian’s face. “Your half-sister had some sort of meltdown in lock up,” Sandy said. “I’m not exactly sure what happened, but it was enough for her to be deemed mentally unstable. The judge figured if she was lying about most things, then she was lying about Mickey trying to kill her,” Sandy said with a shrug. “I picked him up about a week ago.”

“Shit,” Ian said, not surprised that Sammi was unstable, but that the judge had actually approved Mickey’s release.

“Yeah,” she said, just as amused and surprised.

“So, he’s staying here?” Ian asked.

“He can’t go home,” Sandy said with a sigh. “Terry has been on a warpath since Mickey came out. He never got over it and I guess he figured Mickey being in prison was punishment enough. He didn’t like when I came out either so I’m not surprised. Kev and V are letting him stay upstairs until he finds a better place.” Sandy hiked her bag higher up on her shoulder as she shifted on her feet. “Look, I gotta go, but try to talk to him, will ya?”

“It didn’t look like he wanted to talk to me,” Ian said with a frown.

“He’s hurt, Ian,” she said, “but he’s still in love with you. Mickey thought he’d be in there for almost a decade and regardless of who his family is, that isn’t easy. He doesn’t know what to do right now. Please, just give him something to hold onto.”

Ian frowned at that, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Mickey was feeling lost. It wasn’t something he was used to witnessing. Mickey was a rock, his rock and he never thought that something like a quick stint in prison would get to him. Then again, as Sandy said, he had thought he would be locked up for a good chunk of his life and Ian knew how Mickey felt about being isolated.

Mickey needed to be free in every sense of the word and Ian would always try to make that happen for the man who had always loved him unconditionally. However, that meant working through their differences and of course, Ian making up for everything he had said when he was off his medication.

“I’ll try,” he promised Sandy. Satisfied with the answer, Sandy moved past him and shoved out into the warm Southside air, leaving the Alibi behind her.

Lip, who was sipping on a Coke at Ian’s side, moved closer to his younger brother. “Are you going to talk to him?” Lip asked.

Ian sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m going to try,” Ian decided, letting his eyes drift up towards where Mickey was staying, needing to see him.

--------

IAN

Ian waited until the next day before going to speak to Mickey.

He had been up all night trying to figure out what he was going to say. There was a part of him that was angry that Mickey hadn’t called him the second he got out, but he also knew that he had broken up with him and that he didn’t have the right to ask about him anymore. Yet, Ian still loved Mickey with everything he had. He just hoped that Mickey’s feelings hadn’t changed in the short time that he had been locked up.

Even after the few relationships he had been in since Mickey got arrested, none of them would ever compare to Mickey. It didn’t matter who Ian was with or where he was, Mickey was always going to be it. Which is why Ian found himself outside the small apartment above the Alibi just as morning turned to noon. The sound of the old pipes in the cracked walls was only making the rising anxiety in Ian’s chest worse. His hands clenched and flexed at his sides as he forced himself to raise his fist and knock twice on the wooden door.

It was quiet on the other side and Ian was worried that he may have missed him after all. Ian knocked again and then finally heard the sound of footsteps inside the apartment. “Dammit, Kev!” Mickey yelled as he approached the door. “I told you I wasn’t going to bartend for your shitty customers. For fuck’s sa–” Mickey’s sentence cut off as he tore open the door and realized it wasn’t Kev standing in the hallway at all. “Ian,” he said as he stared at the taller man in front of him.

Ian was looking back and he had to take a minute to take Mickey in. He was just as beautiful as the last time Ian had seen him, but he looked stronger. Clearly, Mickey had been taking advantage of the gym in the prison yard. His arms were more defined underneath the long sleeve t-shirt he wore and Ian could even tell that his back and shoulders had more muscle on them than before. Ian couldn’t help but look at Mickey’s chest, knowing the mangled tattoo of his name was just below the thin fabric.

“Hey, Mick,” Ian said, finally finding his voice. He offered Mickey a small smile, but the latter just stared back, breaking out his shock and slipping into a mood that told Ian that something was very wrong.

“The fuck do you want?” Mickey asked. Ian stammered for a second. He knew that Mickey was upset, but they usually always started off as pissed at each other before the reunion turned into a flurry of removing clothes and hands gripping at hair. However, he was realizing that wasn’t how this one was going to go at all.

“You’re out,” Ian observed and Mickey just raised one of his eyebrows at him.

“No shit,” Mickey bit back.

“I just, uh, I wanted to say…” Ian tried, still not sure where he was going with any of it. He had been prepared to speak to Mickey, but he had figured Milkovich was going to be a bit more willing to hear him out. The Mickey before him looked as if he’d rather be throwing his head against a wall than standing in that doorway.

“What?” Mickey asked.

“I don’t know how to put this…” Ian said, the anxious feeling returning to his hands.

“Spit it out, Gallagher,” Mickey said, “I got shit to do. Prison took up a lot of my time.”

“Right,” Ian said. “Well, uh, maybe…”

“Yes?” Mickey urged, shifting on his feet. Ian was looking at him and then he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say any of the things he had wanted to because Mickey had never looked at him like this. Ian was used to the glares, the smiles, the annoyed little glances whenever Ian would make some dumb joke that Mickey pretended to not find funny. However, now, it was as if Mickey was looking at him, but he had no idea who he was. Ian switched gears quickly.

“Fiona’s gone,” Ian blurted out causing Mickey to narrow his eyes.

“What?”

“Yeah, guess she finally got out of the Southside,” Ian went on. “Looks like she’s one of the lucky few,” Ian said with an attempt at a laugh, but Mickey was not amused. In fact, he seemed even angrier.

“Seriously?” Mickey said with a roll of his eyes. “Damn Gallagher, well I am so glad your life is so fucking interesting,” he said before he slammed the door in Ian’s face. Ian stood there for a second, stunned before he took a few steps back and pushed his hands into his hair.

“Fuck.”

-------

LIP

The next time a Gallagher brother knocked on Mickey’s door, it was not the one that Mickey had been expecting.

“Oh, what the fuck do you want?” Mickey said as he beheld Lip Gallagher at his threshold. Lip was standing there, an unlit cigarette behind his ear which only made Mickey want to punch him even more. He never liked Lip and he had liked him even less after Lip had constantly expressed his dislike of Ian and Mickey’s relationship.

“Ian’s been trying to call you,” Lip said with a pointed look. Mickey knew that and he had been purposely ignoring every call and text for a reason.

“And?” Mickey asked.

“You’re really going to be a dick about this?” Lip challenged.

“About what, Philip?” Mickey asked, using his full name just to annoy him further. “About how I got locked up after trying to stop your crazy bitch of sister with the help of your other crazy bitch of a sister? Who, by the way, never got picked up for helping me shove Sammi in that box. You’re welcome for that considering I could have rolled on her at any moment but I fucking didn’t.”

“You want me to thank you for not ratting out Debbie?” Lip asked, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets.

“Nah, I don’t want shit from you,” Mickey said. “Your brother dumped me before I got my ass shackled so he and I are nothing and you and I don’t owe each other shit.”

“I never liked you,” Lip said, already hating that he had agreed to go and speak to Mickey after Ian had begged him for two days. The only reason he was even standing in that hallway was because of Ian, but even Lip had his limits when it came to Mickey Milkovich.

“Wow, thanks,” Mickey deadpanned.

“But my brother loves you,” Lip went on. “And you make him happy so I need you to call him because whether or not you see it, you’re probably the only person for him and I think I've known that for a while."

“Right,” Mickey scoffed, “so you never said that Ian could always find someone better?” Mickey challenged.

“He told you about that?” Lip asked, surprised, remembering back to that conversation he had with his brother.

“He did,” said Mickey.

“I didn’t get it back then,” Lip said.

“You clearly don’t get it now.”

“He cares about you for some fucking reason, Mickey,” Lip said, trying again for the man in front of him to see some reason.

“Then maybe he should fucking figure it out,” Mickey shot back. “Now, don’t you have some think tank to go smoke some fancy weed in or some shit? Get the fuck out of here.” Mickey slammed the door in Lip’s face just as he had with Ian.

“Dammit,” Lip muttered as he pulled the cigarette from behind his ear and lit it. Placing it between his teeth, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Ian letting him know he had hit and missed with Mickey. He didn’t wait for a reply as he headed back downstairs and out into the cool air of Chicago in search of a meeting for the afternoon.

-----------

DEBBIE

Debbie found Mickey a day later playing pool in the Alibi.

He was just finishing up hustling some drunk hipster when Debbie approached him with Franny at her side. Mickey looked up as the two walked up to him. “Jesus,” he said with a look at Franny, “what are you feedin’ that kid?” he asked.

“Kids grow, Mickey. That’s how it works,” Debbie said with a roll of her eyes.

“Whatever,” Mickey said, turning back to the game. Debbie remained where she was, giving him a pointed look as she kept hold of her daughter. “Can I help you?” Mickey asked, turning back towards her, already tired of the Gallagher bullshit. He already had to stop Frank from breaking into the apartment in the early hours of the morning. He didn’t need Fiona Jr. bothering him right now.

“Why won’t you take Ian’s calls?” she asked.

“Jesus Christ,” Mickey swore, running a hand over his face.

“He needs to talk to you,” Debbie said.

“I’m sure he’ll live,” Mickey said, grabbing his beer from the bar behind him and taking a deep drink.

“I don’t know about that,” she said. “He’s pretty upset.” That made Mickey pause. He set his beer down.

“He taking his meds?” he asked her.

“Do you care?” Debbie challenged which was the wrong thing to do. Mickey glared at her.

“Don’t pull that shit with me,” he warned her. “Answer the fucking question.”

“Yes, he’s on his meds, but he’s still upset you’re ignoring him,” she said.

“Well, he ignored me so now he knows what it feels like to go AWOL,” Mickey said.

“Call him,” Debbie urged.

“No.”

“Mickey.”

“Debbie.” Mickey crossed his arms, staring her down. Franny was silent as she stood next to her mother, confused as to why they were talking to the man in front of her. Debbie glared at him for another moment before scoffing.

“I don’t know what he sees in you,” she shot at him before tugging her daughter away. Mickey watched them leave and Debbie’s words remained in the air around him.

“I don’t know either…” Mickey said quietly to himself before returning his attention to the game and his own thoughts.

---------

CARL

Mickey was out in the alley behind the Alibi when Carl Gallagher showed up dressed in a police cadet uniform.

“You’re a fucking cop now?” Mickey asked as he looked up, taking the cigarette he was smoking from his mouth.

“Almost,” Carl said, stopping in front of Mickey. The last time Mickey had even thought about Carl, the kid was going to some fancy military school or something. If he really thought about it, Mickey never really knew what Carl was up to half the time. There was a time that Mickey thought the kid was going to end up in the joint with him rather than trying to get a badge and service glock.

“Weren’t you supposed to grow up to be a serial killer or some shit?” Mickey asked.

“Things change,” Carl said with a shrug. Mickey nodded at that, returning his attention to his smoke. “You talk to Ian?”

“Nope,” Mickey said.

“Are you going to?” Carl asked.

“Nope,” Mickey repeated. Carl nodded, weighing his options before settling on a new tactic.

“If I handcuffed you and dragged you to the house, would you do it then?” Carl asked nonchalantly.

“You try to put those fucking bracelets on me and I’ll break every bone in your hand,” Mickey said without missing a beat. Carl didn’t retort, he just smiled. Mickey never liked when the Gallaghers smiled, it always meant they were up to something or drunk or both. “What?”

“Nothing,” Carl said with a shrug. “I just missed that Milkovich snark.”

“Whatever,” Mickey said dismissively. Suddenly, Carl’s phone chimed, drawing his attention. Seeing who it was, Carl pocketed it again before turning back to Mickey.

“I gotta go,” he said and Mickey just nodded. “Hey, stop being an asshole and call my brother before he runs out of love ballads to annoy us with.” Carl then left Mickey standing there, more confused than ever.

“Love ballads,” Mickey repeated. “What the fuck?”

-------

KEV AND V

The next ambush came when Mickey was sitting at the bar in the Alibi looking over the books for the Southside establishment.

V set a drink in front of him as she wiped off the bar. “Thanks again, Mickey,” V said. “Since Lana left, we’ve needed someone who’s good with numbers.”

“Not a problem,” Mickey said. “Least I can do considering I’m staying here rent-free, right?” Mickey continued to tap away at the calculator, but soon realized he was being stared at. Glancing up, he saw that Kev and V were both looking at him with innocent expressions on their faces. “What?” Mickey asked, already regretting doing so.

“Ian called us,” V said with a grimace as she set down the rag in her hands.

“Of course he did,” Mickey sighed. “Alright, lay it on me. At this point, I’m waiting for fucking Frank or Kermit to show up at my door at the ginger’s request.”

“What about me?” Kermit said, turning away from Tommy.

“Fuck you, Kermit,” Mickey said as he flipped him off. Kermit just frowned and turned back to his friend. Mickey looked back at the Balls and waited.

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” Veronica began.

“Good,” said Mickey, picking up his pen again.

“But,” she went on, “he has been going through a lot.”

“Right, like the two boyfriends and the fancy EMT job?” Mickey scoffed. “Yeah real tough.” V frowned.

“You know that he puts on a façade. Always has,” V reminded him.

“Yeah man,” Kev interjected. “Ian may be smiling with those pearly whites of his, but his heart is actually blue beneath that ugly uniform he wears.”

“That was beautiful,” Tommy added as he eavesdropped. Kev nodded to him in thanks.

“Thank you,” he said with gratitude.

“Kevin,” V said, her tone full of warning. Kev then ducked away, leaving his wife alone with his former business partner. V leaned in then, resting her forearms on the bar. “Maybe just hear him out,” she tried.

“I tried that,” Mickey admitted, grateful to have someone to talk to that wasn’t a Gallagher. “He doesn’t seem to know what the fuck he wants.”

“Do you?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Mickey said softly. Veronica gave him a soft smile as she laid her hand on his arm, giving it a firm squeeze.

“Maybe you should figure that out first.”

---------

LIAM

Mickey was tired and all he wanted was a hot shower and then maybe some free beer from downstairs.

However, like always, he never got what he wanted. Opening the door to the apartment, he nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of the youngest Gallagher sibling sitting on the couch in the small living room.

“Jesus,” Mickey swore, trying to catch his breath. “How the fuck you get in here?” Mickey asked as he shut the door behind him and took off his coat.

“Veronica let me in,” Liam said patiently.

“Why?” Mickey asked though he could guess why Liam was there. After the rest of his siblings had shown up, it wasn’t a long shot to figure out he would be next.

“I think we should talk,” Liam said, gesturing for Mickey to sit in the chair across from the couch. Mickey, amused, decided to humor the kid and took the seat Liam was offering even though it was Mickey’s house the kid was invading.

“I can’t remember us ever doing that but go on,” Mickey said as he settled in the frayed cushions. Liam was quiet for a moment before he finally nodded and folded his hands in front of him like a grown man in a kid’s body. Mickey still had no idea how he was related to Frank.

“I remember when Ian was going through the worst of his bipolar,” Liam began. “You looked out for me.” Mickey was surprised to know that Liam actually remembered all the things Mickey had done for him when Fiona was too stressed over Ian to look after her baby brother. Mickey would take Liam to the clinic for checkups, always carried him into the house when the boy was too tired to walk, and even made sure he always had something to eat whenever Lip or Fiona forgot to go grocery shopping. He had a soft spot for the smallest Gallagher sibling and he was never too proud to admit it.

“So?” Mickey asked.

“So,” Liam continued, “I’m going to do the same for you.” Liam seemed proud of himself for being the one to actually want to talk to Mickey rather than at him and the latter appreciated that. Mickey paused, eyeing Liam for a second before furrowing his brow.

“Are you sure you’re Frank’s son?” he asked

“Seem to be,” Liam said with a shrug.

“That’s unfortunate,” Mickey said, leaning his forearms on his knees as he leaned forward a bit.

“It’s not so bad,” Liam said. “I got great brothers and sisters out of it.”

“Right,” said Mickey.

“Ian told me about the time you were shot by his old boss,” Liam said suddenly.

“Kash and Grab?” Mickey asked and Liam nodded. Mickey hadn’t thought about that man in years because if he did, all he felt was rage. Lip and Mickey both knew what Kash had been doing to Ian, essentially grooming him, and they both hated it. If anything, it was the one thing that they agreed on.

“Yeah,” Liam nodded. “He was really worried about you.”

“I think he was just worried about getting fired by his viagroid boyfriend’s pissed-off wife,” Mickey rationalized, but Liam disagreed.

“I don’t think so. Other people he’s dated have been hurt or upset and Ian’s never reacted like that with them,” said Liam.

“How are you so observant?” Mickey asked, trying to gauge where Liam’s head was at.

“It’s a big house,” Liam said with another shrug. “People tend to forget that I’m around most of the time.”

“That’s rough,” Mickey said.

“Rough like being ignored by the person you love?” Liam asked and Mickey’s brows ascended towards his hair.

“I needed time,” he said, unsure of why he was having this conversation with a ten-year-old.

“Did you tell him that?” Liam asked.

“I was pretty clear, kid,” Mickey said, leaning back into the chair and propping his leg up on top of the other.

“That might work for other people, but Ian needs a bit more,” Liam explained. “He’s smart, but he doesn’t always pick up on things like the rest of us.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Mickey said, knowing very well how unobservant Ian could be at times.

“I always knew Ian was gay, you know?” Liam continued on.

“Yeah?” Mickey asked.

“Yeah, I mean by the time I was old enough to realize what was going on, he was already out and telling people. Then when you were together, I just figured it was normal for you to be around, and then… then you weren’t,” Liam said with a small frown.

“I was in prison,” Mickey reminded him.

“No, before that,” Liam said. “You would come and go and then just show back up and Ian would be happy again and I liked that for however long it lasted. I know he feels bad for what happened with Sammi. I know he blames himself.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Mickey said and he meant it. Ian hadn’t asked Mickey to drug Sammi or lock her up in the crate, he had purely done it to protect Ian.

“To him, it was,” Liam divulged. “You brought back his happiness and then you got taken away because Sammi called the police on Ian for something he did. He got better when he got the new job but there was still something missing.”

“Which was what?” Mickey asked as he tugged on his fingers, trying to ignore the hammering in his chest.

“You, Mickey,” Liam said. “You were missing.” Mickey was silent then, letting Liam’s words crash over him like rolling waves. He had always figured that whenever he was in Ian’s life, it was doing more harm than good. Ian made Mickey’s life better, brighter, but Mickey had never realized what his presence had done for Ian’s. Liam, however, had a pretty good idea of what it looked like.

“How are you so damn wise?” Mickey asked him after another moment of silence.

“Must be a Gallagher thing,” Liam said with yet another shrug. Mickey was starting to think that was his go-to thing when he spoke his mind.

“Gallaghers are wise?” Mickey asked, not buying it.

“When we want to be,” Liam said as he got to his feet. He looked down at Mickey and gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I missed you when you went away,” he admitted. “You were one of the only people who took the time to talk to me and I know that Ian missed you too.” Mickey couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride at that.

“So, you’re saying that I should call him?” Mickey asked.

“No,” Liam said with a shake of his head. “You should go see him. After living with my siblings my whole life and seeing all their failed relationships, I’ve realized that these things are better-said face to face.” Liam then approached Mickey and patted him on the shoulder. “Ian has a late shift tonight so he’ll be home all day tomorrow. I’ll try to make sure nobody else needs to be home so you guys can talk.”

Mickey just stared after Liam as he made his way to the door. Just before he turned the handle, Mickey stopped him. “Liam,” he said, gaining the kid’s attention.

“Yeah?” Liam asked with another patient look on his face.

“I never forget you’re there,” Mickey admitted, letting out a breath. Liam simply smiled at him before leaving the apartment and leaving Mickey to his thoughts.

Sitting back in the chair, Mickey ran his hands over his face. “Ian Gallagher, you sneaky son of a bitch.”

---------

The next day, Ian was finally up after sleeping for most of the morning.

The quiet of the house was a nice change of pace, but that meant he was alone with his thoughts and that was not a comforting thought. Just as he was about to find coffee, there was a knock at the door. Hoping it wasn’t Frank, Ian sauntered over and pulled it open.

“That was low, calling in the little brother,” Mickey said in greeting as he beheld a surprised Ian. “That kid is convincing as fuck.” Ian took a step to the side as Mickey pushed past him and into the Gallagher house. He looked around and was thankful that Liam had come through and nobody else was home.

“I had to try something,” Ian said as he shut the door and followed Mickey into the living room. Mickey turned to look at him, trying to figure out how to start. Ian beat him to it though. “I’m so sorry, Mick,” Ian began. “I just left you alone and I never thought about what that would mean besides just breaking up with you.”

“You can’t…” Mickey paused, trying to keep his emotions in check. “You can’t just play with my feelings like that. You can’t just choose when you want to be in love with me or whether I’m worth it or not,” he said, finally getting the words out that he had been mulling over since he saw Ian walk into the Alibi with Lip and Brad.

“I know,” Ian said.

“Do you?” Mickey asked. “Cause I get it. I was an asshole to you when we were just starting out and fuck, I know I fucked up and did some horrible shit.”

“Which I forgave you for,” Ian reminded him. Mickey knew what he was referring to. All the comments about him not caring about Ian, the “warm mouth” moment in the store, and especially when Mickey had beaten Ian up after Terry’s attempt at forced conversion therapy.

“And we worked through it,” Mickey went on. “I came out, I told you that I loved you, and then…”

“And then I got sick,” Ian finished, but Mickey was shaking his head.

“It wasn’t just that," Mickey said. “I felt like because I was trying, you didn’t want me anymore. It was like you preferred it when I was an asshole to you and only using you for sex.”

“I didn’t,” Ian said, taking a step forward. Mickey took one back.

“I don’t believe you,” Mickey said, his voice cracking slightly as his emotions began to win.

“I remember the exact moment I found out about you marrying Svetlana,” Ian began, shifting gears. “Mandy had casually mentioned it at school one day. She didn’t know about us and I had tried not to react, but it broke me to hear that you were marrying the woman who did...that to you. It made me sick. All I wanted to do was run away and take you with me.”

“That’s not how life works,” Mickey said.

“I know, but I still wanted to try,” said Ian. “I tried everything I could to keep you out of my head the second you had me pinned in your room that day but I couldn’t do it. I tried to be with other men, brush you off when it was too hard to keep my hands off you, but you always roped me back in. The day at Ned’s when you kissed me for the first time… Man, I felt like I was on fire. Then after what happened with your dad, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay away, but I also knew you were going to shut me out.”

“I had my reasons,” Mickey said, trying to get Ian to understand why he had shut him out.

“I know,” said Ian. “You were doing it to protect me from Terry.” Mickey nodded. “Still, it didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. You never gave up on me even when you wanted nothing to do with me. The night you found me passed outside the Fairytale, on the way home you told me that you’d always be there to pick my ass off the street and you always kept that promise.”

“You remember that?” Mickey asked, surprised Ian could remember anything about his club days. Mickey had said a lot of things in the Uber on the way home, but he didn’t think Ian was even conscious half the time.

“I remember everything you’ve said to me,” Ian said, taking another step and was glad to see that Mickey didn’t retreat this time. “I should have been there when you were locked up.” Mickey nodded, running a hand through his hair.

“I didn’t expect you to fucking live behind that glass wall, but I needed… I needed you and I needed to know if you were okay, Ian,” Mickey admitted, looking at the man in front of him with a near pleading expression. “I had nightmares that you were in a ditch somewhere, out of your mind, while full bottles of pills were still in your room.” Ian grimaced, hating how Mickey had worried about him.

“I didn’t want you to worry, Mick,” he said.

“Tough shit,” Mickey shot back. “That’s what you do when you’re in love.” Ian was startled by that.

“You still love me?” he asked.

“What the fuck do you think?” Mickey asked, incredulously.

“You seemed so angry,” Ian said, reminding him of their last conversation.

“I was,” Mickey said, “and I needed a minute to breathe. Contrary to popular belief, I do care about being in prison and I don’t want to get familiar with those fucking concrete walls. I’d rather not be another frequent flyer Milkovich,” Mickey admitted. “You always say that you need to get your shit together, well it was my turn, Ian.”

“I get that,” Ian said.

“My life ain’t gonna be a carbon copy of Terry’s. I’m gonna be better, I have to be the better man,” Mickey said, unable to stop himself now that he was letting it all out.

“You already are,” Ian said, walking right up to him.

“I can’t go back,” Mickey said, looking up into Ian’s bright and attentive green eyes. “I have to think straight and when I’m with you or not with you… I ain’t gonna survive if you suddenly decide I’m not worth it again.” Ian reached up and took Mickey's face in his hands. Mickey had never outwardly expressed his desire to break the Milkovich mold like this. Ian could hear the fear behind every word and it hurt him to see Mickey like that. He was the strongest man Ian had ever known, but he always admired the strength it took to tell Ian all of this.

“I won’t,” Ian told him. “You are always worth it. Always. I love you, Mickey, and I don’t want to lose you.” Mickey was shaking his head as he placed his hands over Ian’s.

“You never lost me,” Mickey said softly, relaxing under Ian’s touch. “You may have wanted to end things, but I never got rid of us.” He then took Ian’s hand and lowered it to his chest, right on top of the tattoo that remained on Mickey’s heart.

“I’m so sorry,” Ian said again and he was willing to say it as many times as it took for Mickey to hear him. Ian looked into Mickey’s eyes then and saw something that reminded him of something Mandy had once said to him. That look in Mickey’s eyes finally made him relax.

“I’m sorry, too,” Mickey said, reaching up to run his thumb along Ian’s cheekbone.

“For what?” Ian asked, his brow furrowed. Mickey smoothed out the crease between his brows, not letting Ian stress about anything else.

“For not letting you in sooner,” Mickey said. “We could have more, so much more. Fuck, I missed you,” Mickey breathed out as he tugged Ian into him. Their lips met with a warm and firm kiss. Ian threw his arms around Mickey’s pulling him even closer. Mickey savored the feel of Ian Gallagher’s lips on his own as he sighed into the kiss.

Shoving his hands into Ian’s hair, he tugged on it, eliciting a moan from the taller man much to Mickey’s satisfaction. Ian kissed him a few more times before he pulled back, letting his forehead rest against Mickey’s so they could catch their breath. “Tell your family to back off now,” Mickey said with a smile.

“Tell them yourself,” Ian said. “You're moving in with me.”

“Is that so?” Mickey asked as he pushed back a bit so he could see Ian’s face.

“Don’t argue with me, Mr. Milkovich,” Ian said, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Mickey’s neck.

“You know I don’t like taking orders. I had enough of that shit in the joint,” Mickey said.

“You never complained before,” Ian said seductively as he ran his hand down Mickey’s stomach and towards his hips. Mickey raised his brows then, leaning into Ian’s hands.

“You are something else, Gallagher,” Mickey said, grateful to be with him once again, “but fuck I love you.”

“Then come here,” Ian urged as he reached for Mickey’s belt. Looking at Ian’s face, his expression filled with not just lust but love as well, Mickey melted beneath Ian’s gaze and finally felt as if he was free for the first time since getting out.

“Fuck it,” he swore as he tugged Ian in close. “Yes, Sir.” Ian grinned as he wrapped himself around Mickey again, letting everything between them solidify as they had found their way back to each other once again.

#Gallavich #Shameless #Ian x Mickey #shameless #Ian Gallagher #Ian Gallagher x Mickey Milkovich #Mickey Milkovich #Gallavich Fics

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apolloloki97 · 3 years

Text

“Still Family” Mickey Milkovich x Ian Gallagher

IMAGE CREDIT: Cliff Lipson/SHOWTIME

Summary: After Mickey is released from prison, Ian is still with Trevor. However, when Ian has a full meltdown and refuses to take his meds, Lip makes a call and gets Mickey to help sort out his younger brother. How will Trevor react to meeting the man that Ian once devoted his life to? ---- Or when Ian won't take his meds and Mickey shows up to get his ass in line.

Word Count: 2558

Warning: Bipolar, Swearing, Violence

Song I Wrote To: “I Don’t Like You” by Grace Vanderwaal

Note: I had this idea and couldn't get it out of my mind. I am a massive sucker for outside POV Gallavich so I hope you enjoy it! I have a lot of Gallavich ideas and I'm just going to keep posting them whenever I have time!

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Ian had been going through a lot since his diagnosis.

Well, a lot was an understanding when it came to the Gallagher house. His older and younger siblings tried to do everything they could to help Ian with his bipolar episodes, but it wasn’t always so simple.

Fiona wanted to get Ian back into the hospital, but Lip was against it, afraid it would only make things worse. Debbie was blaming herself for not keeping a better eye on her big brother while Carl and Liam were a bit clueless when it came to their brother’s illness.

Then, there was Ian’s boyfriend, Trevor. Trevor was used to dealing with a lot of chaotic things with his job as a social worker, but Ian Gallagher was as chaotic as it came and not just because of his illness. Ian’s life was an entire circus in itself. However, he had come to really care about the ringmaster and the many acts that floated in and out of 2119 South Wallace. Still, there were still things that Trevor was finding out about his boyfriend and especially his boyfriend’s past.

Mickey Milkovich was the largest part of Ian that Trevor had yet to understand.

He knew a few things about the Southsider, but nobody seemed to want to talk about the man, especially around Ian. Trevor knew that Mickey had been someone incredibly important to Ian, especially during the beginning phase of his illness. Trevor had been surprised to hear that it was Mickey who had convinced Ian to seek treatment after the latter had run off with the former’s baby.

Around the Gallagher house, Milkovich seemed to be some sort of Saint in ways. When Ian wasn’t around, Trevor heard Fiona and Debbie talking about the ex-boyfriend as if he was still a constant fixture in their lives. Carl would make comments about how much he missed the gun-toting asshole and even Liam would mention Mickey and Mickey’s sister, Mandy, and how much he missed them when the bullies were getting more relentless at school.

Lip was one of the only ones that tried to not speak about Ian’s former flame around Trevor, but even the eldest Gallagher brother slipped up at times. It was actually from Lip that Trevor learned the most about the tatted thug. One evening, Lip had let it slip how Milkovich had come out after his son’s christening. Trevor was shocked to hear how public he had made it but was not surprised to hear how his homophobic father had reacted. Even if you weren’t from the Southside, everyone knew Terry Milkovich and how much of an asshole he was.

Still, it remained a surprise every time Trevor learned something new about Mickey. The latest was that he was recently released from prison and was out on parole. Trevor and Ian had found out a few days before when Mickey’s parole officer had shown up at the house to speak to Ian about Mickey’s former work ethic at the Kash and Grab. Trevor had never seen Ian’s eyes light up the way they did when he spoke about Milkovich. Even when he was just describing how Mickey would help stop the neighborhood kids from stealing Snickers bars, it looked as if Ian was talking about a work of art rather than a street thug.

Trevor was worried that Ian would break down again after the return of Mickey, but he seemed to be taking it rather well. Well, that is until a panic attack had taken over earlier in the evening and Ian had collapsed onto the floor, shaking and gasping for breath.

As soon as it happened, Trevor had yelled for Fiona. Ian was laying in the middle of the hallway, his eyes wide and his hands clawing at the scuffed-up floor. When Trevor had tried to help him up, Ian had shoved away from him, not wanting to be touched.

"Did he take his meds?” Fiona asked. Trevor just shook his head because he didn’t know. Ian had been doing well with his EMT job and he thought that he had been taking the necessary stabilizers for his illness, but Trevor couldn’t be sure.

“He hasn’t taken them for three days,” Debbie announced as she came out of the bathroom holding the orange bottles. “I counted them.”

“Dammit, Ian,” Fiona sighed as she tried to reach for her brother. Ian, however, wanted nothing to do with his siblings.

“No! No!” Ian said, backing up from them, pressing himself into the wall behind him.

“Ian, come on,” Fiona said softly.

“Don’t touch me!” Ian yelled back, raising his hands in front of his face in a warning.

“Fi,” Lip said from the other end of the hall. The eldest Gallagher sister looked at him and Lip gestured for everyone to go downstairs. Exiting into the living room, Carl remained at the top of the stairs just so he could see Ian and make sure the ginger didn’t throw himself off the second-story railing. “This is just like that time at the lake,” Lip said.

“What time?” Trevor asked as he glanced up at the second floor.

“It was last year,” Lip said. “Something set him off and Ian went into full shutdown mode. He wasn’t taking his meds and then he just...snapped. He wouldn’t let any of us touch him.”

“What did you do?” Trevor asked and then everyone in the room went silent as the sibling looked at each other. “Guys?”

“We didn’t do anything,” Liam said. “Mickey did.”

“Mickey Milkovich?” Trevor asked and Liam nodded.

“He was the only one who would calm him down,” Debbie explained. “Dammit, I should have noticed that he was starting to spiral.”

“It’s not your fault, Debs,” Lip said, offering his sister a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Well, what did Mickey do that was different?” Trevor asked. “Can’t we just do that?”

“It wasn’t what he did,” Fiona said. “It was because…” she trailed off.

“It was because he’s fucking Mickey,” Carl piped up from above them.

“Maybe we should call him,” Liam offered. “Maybe he could talk to Ian?”

“I already texted him,” Lip said with a sigh.

“You what?” Trevor asked, struck.

“I texted him SOS as soon as I heard Ian yell the first time. He’s on his way,” Lip said. Trevor sighed, collapsing into the armchair in the corner.

“Just like that?” Trevor asked as his hand played with the charm around his neck. Liam just shrugged.

“It’s Ian,” Liam said as if it was obvious.

The yelling upstairs continued and Carl cringed every time he saw his brother throw himself to the ground or grapple for some invisible thread to hold onto. Fiona was pacing as she waited for Mickey to show up. Debbie was holding the pill bottles, staring at them as if they had personally offended her. Trevor hadn’t seen the Gallaghers this rattled before. He also had never seen them so determined to let one of Ian’s ex-boyfriends become the savior of the day.

It was only another ten minutes or so before the front door opened and Fiona stopped pacing. Trevor looked up just as a dark-haired, tattooed, and clearly annoyed man walked in. “Alright, I’m here. What he do now? Steal another fucking baby? Rob a bank?” Mickey asked as he faced the Gallaghers. His eyes landed on Trevor for a second before looking at Fiona.

“He didn’t take his meds,” Debbie said, approaching Mickey with the bottles. Mickey frowned at her as he scratched at his temple with his thumbnail.

“He’s in full-blown shutdown, Mick,” Fiona said. “We can’t touch him and he’s not responding.”

“Ah, so like that fucking time at the lake,” Mickey remembered. Lip nodded and Mickey sighed before glancing up at the second floor as he heard Ian cry out for the first time. Trevor didn’t miss the way Mickey flinched as he heard Ian struggling. There was almost a desperate look at him as he stared upstairs. However, it was gone after a second as Mickey turned back to the Gallaghers. “Did you hold him down and shove the pulls down his throat like you do with a fuckin’ dog?” Mickey asked, slipping back into his usual demeanor.

“No,” Debbie said. “He won’t let us touch him, remember?” Mickey groaned as he snatched the bottles out of Debbie’s hands.

“Fucking Gallaghers,” Mickey said as he trudged up the stairs, passing Carl with a quick ruffle of his hair. Carl didn’t seem to mind as Milkovich moved past him and into the hallway. “Ian Gallagher!” Mickey sang as he disappeared up the stairs.

Trevor and the Gallaghers didn’t move as they listened to what was going on upstairs. Carl had snuck back down the steps to give the men upstairs some privacy, but it didn’t do much considering how loud they were being. Suddenly, there was a loud crash as if someone had been slammed into the wall. The sound of pill bottles crashing to the ground littered the air. “Fuck! Ian, come here!” Mickey yelled.

“What the fuck, Mick!” Ian answered and Trevor was glad to hear him speak rather than just yelling or crying. There were more sounds of fighting before Mickey grunted in pain.

“You son of a bitch!” Mickey shouted. “You’re just fucking lucky I didn’t bring Svet as back up, you fucking carrot top. Stay still!”

“Who’s Svet?” Trevor asked as another banged reverberated from upstairs.

“Mickey’s Russian hooker, ex-wife. Baby momma to his kid,” Lip explained. Trevor didn’t have the opportunity to respond to that when suddenly Mickey shouted again.

“You bite me and I will not hesitate to do it back!” Mickey yelled. “Don’t fucking test me, Gallagher. I know where Carl keeps his handcuffs, fucker!” Another loud crash and Ian grunted in pain.

“Where did you learn to do that!” Ian shouted.

“Cell Block D, bitch! Stay still!” Mickey yelled and then Trevor could hear the sound of pills being scattered on the floor. Debbie was sitting across from him on the floor, rubbing at her temples. “Ian!”

“This is not going well,” Liam said.

“Just give him a second,” Lip said, wringing his hands. Fiona was in the same position as she stared up the stairs, trying to see what was happening. Trevor jumped then as Ian shouted something that clearly wasn't English.

“Where the fuck did you learn Ukrainian?” Mickey said which only made Fiona look at Lip in complete confusion.

“Don’t look at me,” Lip said. “That motherfucker reads too much.”

After a few more minutes of banging and crashing, it was silent. Ian was still grunting, but it sounded more muffled as if someone was covering his mouth. “Ow! Shit!” Mickey suddenly exclaimed. “I fucking warned you, dick!” Ian then cried out in pain after that and then the house shook as if someone had been thrown to the ground again. “Open up now before I break your fucking jaw,” Mickey was said. “Then your EMT ass is gonna have to go all 911 on your own fucking face.”

“Fuck you!” Ian shouted and Fiona slid to the floor, trying not to let the yelling get to her, but it was too late.

“Fuck, Ian, I don’t care if you fucking snort them, just take the goddamn pills so I can go meet my fucking dick of a PO,” Mickey said. “Do you want Debbie to feel like shit for the rest of the day, huh? What about Liam? He’s fucking worried about you, you psycho. Lip had to call me, me, because you wouldn’t let anyone put their goddamn hands on you!”

“Don’t touch me!” Ian said, but it sounded a little less hostile than before and Trevor could tell Ian was getting tired.

“I think we are well past that, asshole,” Mickey said. “You may be mister Army, but I can still fucking take you especially when you’re acting like this. Now, do I gotta go get Iggy and Colin to hold you down so I can shove these down your throat, or are you going to cooperate?”

Trevor looked at Debbie for answers. “Mickey’s brothers,” she explained and Trevor nodded. It was quiet for a moment then, no scuffling, no swearing, just silence. Nobody moved and nobody spoke as they waited for the fighting to start up again.

Eventually, Mickey spoke again. “See, was that so fucking hard?” Mickey said and then it was quiet and everyone strained their ears to listen, but all they could hear was a faint whisper coming from Ian. Mickey then laughed and groaned as he got to his feet, his work boots knocking into the baseboards. “Nah, fuck you, bitch,” Mickey said with a lighthearted chuckle. It was another moment before Mickey jogged back down the stairs, fresh blood blooming from his hand and his face. “Mission accomplished, motherfuckers,” he announced, shaking off some pain in his arm.

“What happened?” Carl asked, gesturing to the blood on Mickey’s hand.

“Oh, bastard bit me,” Mickey said, showing Carl the half-moon wound on his hand. Mickey shrugged, not surprised by the act as Trevor clearly was.

“Did you bite him back?” Debbie asked.

“I fuckin’ warned him,” Mickey said with a nod. Mickey then looked at Trevor. “Who’s this? Another new half-sibling I’ll have to lock in a fuckin’ shipping crate?”

“This is Trevor,” Liam said. “Ian’s boyfriend.” Trevor gave him a quick wave. Mickey just chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second before nodding.

“Right, well good luck,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “He took his meds, but I hit him pretty hard. Gonna need something for the headache,” he said to Fiona as he passed her. Fiona reached out and stopped him before he could leave.

“Thank you, Mickey,” she said.

“Yeah, whatever,” he said, but his tone was soft.

“I mean it,” she said as she looked at him and he could see the worry in her eyes. Fiona always put too much pressure on herself and Mickey had always seen it because he understood. He, too, had spent his childhood looking after his siblings. Always having to make sure Colin and Iggy didn’t get arrested and of course, protecting Mandy from Terry. With a sigh, he pulled her in for a hug. Fiona didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him and tuck her chin against his shoulder.

Mickey wasn’t a hugger except when it came to the damn Gallaghers, and he sometimes needed it more than they did. Mickey then pressed a kiss to her cheek before stepping out of her embrace. “Hey,” he said, getting her attention, “you’re still family to me. No matter what.”

Fiona smiled then. “Family,” she agreed.

“Alright, enough of this soft shit,” Mickey said. “Later Gallaghers!” Mickey moved past Fiona and rubbed Liam’s head before grabbing Lip’s hand as the latter thanked Milkovich. Mickey played it off, but he knew Lip was being sincere.

As soon as the door slammed behind him, Fiona ran upstairs to go help Ian. Trevor, who had been watching the entire thing with a whole lot of questions could only think of one thing to say. “So, that was Mickey,” he said. All the Gallaghers nodded.

“That was Mickey,” they chorused as the circus finally closed its curtains.

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