#makes it impossible for her to do so

[lunaetis]

@avaere asked :

he's tired of it. tired of having to report to whenever the whispers of a traveler sporting dark attire has wandered into his domain, tired of having to escort her back out again after --- time and time again --- stating that there is nothing of interest at the fortress. tired of her, and the way she puts him in these situations that have the duties of the duke in a chokehold, causing conflict in every gesture and action rising between them in the oddest of ways; the way her hair slid so neatly between his fingers remains in the back of wriothesley's mind, frequenting wandering thoughts on nights where he may admit to find loneliness far too boring of a company. eden is trouble, for he doesn't know her, not the wriothesley has had it in him to make any advancements in that direction. who and why are questions unanswered, left in nothing but assumptions from the warden's end, all thoughts skeptical in most ways. she's a stranger to fontaine, a stranger to other nations. there's no file on her. " i don't trust you," wriothesley mused, chains rustling as he rid himself of the heavy coat weighing down his shoulders, its heavy fabric meeting with the surface of the desk in his office. " i don't know anything about you; who are you, why are you here, why do you keep insisting on coming back ---" when he clearly attempts to deny her ( rather , himself ) the pleasure of --- what exactly ? their banter, seeing each other break boundaries and haul out parts of themselves that don't seem to do well in light? wriothesley finds it hard to answer, hard enough that boots echo through his office as steps carry him close to his guest ( clearly, it's a title she has begun to live up with how often he finds her around ). silvery gaze fall down onto hers , examining every feature as if trying to figure her out by here glances. he doesn't trust her. every bone in his body says so. ( there is something dangerous about her / what is it ? ) when did dangerous stop him ? so how come there's something in him that wishes to break past that skepticism, to reach out and --- eyes close for a second, chest heaving in a heavy, long sigh. oh , archons. why. " i don't understand you," and here there's a hand reaching out, sliding up against eden's cheek, that silvery gaze finding its way back onto her golden eyes ( they settle so quickly, sink into hers so willingly, starving for the gaze offered by her ), savoring in the gaze shared between them ( his touch is so soft , yet wary , ready to pull itself away if she proves to be hostile or raise threats to his name ). for only a moment, it might seem as if the duke... ... yearns. " ... but maybe i'd like to."

unprompted. || always accepting

─「エデン」─  why do you keep coming back ? a question that he had posed to her many times prior to yet another meeting of theirs, much to his displeasure. it was a question that the TRAILBLAZER had neglected to answer every single time he had uttered it. a shrug was what she usually gave him, followed quickly by her being distracted by something else and in turn, diverted even her own attention away from the query. sometimes, she'd humor him by claiming that she simply wanted to challenge herself whether or not she would be able to find another loophole in his security system he took pride in. the FORMIDABLE FORTRESS. or, maybe she simply took it as a personal goal to prove his effort in keeping her out futile.

                one would never know with her. no matter what the real reason was, she had found her way into meropide once more, and in his OFFICE this time.

                i don't trust you.

                it wouldn't be the first time anyone felt that way about her. the words themselves didn't offend nor hurt her. it was simply THE TRUTH, and the trailblazer had long understood that about him. she would be blind to not know that from the way he treated her and the way those icy blue hues landed on her. DOUBT, skepticism, conflict. and to be fair, he had all the reasons not to. that was why she didn't blame him. it was only NATURAL to be wary of things you don't understand.

                eden was leaning against the edge, the railing supported her weight as her frame faced his desk, facing him whether he was looking at her or not. it was as though he was trying to make sense of his own emotions, of his own actions up until this point. she could still remember his SCENT and taste when her fangs sank themselves into his skin — that, and the taste of his lips upon hers for that impulsive moment that she wondered if he regretted doing at all.

                her eyes didn't take themselves off of him, not even for a second, not even when he had shortened the distance between them, and the moment his hand slid to her cheek, she TILTED HER HEAD UP, meeting his gaze. there was a quiet moment on her part as he spoke. each syllable lingered in the air — the warmth of his hand seeping into her skin and instinctively, she nuzzled towards his hand. it was different from the way she had acted around him. different from how she was so eager to bite him. her eyes closed, and she leaned into his hand.

                ... for once, wriothesley saw the usually rebellious intruder turning into ... a lost soul. in that moment, it was as though there was no WALLS nor masks between them. it was a raw, unfiltered emotion and vulnerability. she stayed still, allowing his touch to remain before her gaze slowly reopened.

                " i don't know who i am ... " the words were uttered barely above a whisper. it sounded like a SECRET even when it wasn't one. her tone wavered for a moment as each syllable hung in the air. other than those upon THE ASTRAL EXPRESS and selected few upon herta space station ( barring the stellaron hunters who were responsible for her awakening, ) no one else knew that fact. if one listened carefully, there was a hint of REGRET lacing the words themselves.

                regret ... ?

                regret ... that no matter how much she wanted to tell him what he wanted to know, no matter how DESPERATELY she wanted someone to know her, to understand her, it was impossible. how could anyone hoped to know something even she didn't know ? gloved hand slowly came to his, placing over it to press it closer to her cheek.

                and her fingers shook unconsciously.

                it was the FIRST TIME she had ever looked so unguarded around him. so ... openly vulnerable. to allow someone to see through her, to see a part of her that was resonating with the core deep within. he had witnessed once of her faltering, of her control SLIPPING from the seed of disaster, but it was nothing like this. for once, she was ... genuinely scared. of what, exactly ? of the truth, of consequences, of WHAT she was, what she is, what she could be. when your path was decided for you, what did that make you ? when some strangers you don't remember, the destiny's slaves, probably know more about you than you do yourself. then how are you supposed to feel ?

                i wish i could tell you. but i have nothing i could give. nothing i could offer. no past. no memory. nothing. and that's the truth.

                i don't know who i was. i don't know who i am. i don't know who i'm supposed to be.

                the WHIRRING of the stellaron inside of her made her thin her lips. what could she say ? what else could she tell him ? that she wasn't even HUMAN ? that she was made to become a vessel of something capable of destroying worlds and civilization ? that the burning warmth in her chest was CANCER OF ALL WORLDS ? that he was right to be wary ? she was dangerous. he was right to want to keep her away from here.

                hold me. hold me. hold me.                 i don't want to hurt anyone.

                why do you keep insisting on coming back ---

                because ... because —

                i want to be seen. not as a hero. not as a perfect vessel. not as the pawn to the script. because you don't know anything about me, maybe ... maybe you could see who i am without all those titles, without all those expectations, without the PAST i don't remember.

                her fingers that rested upon his trembled. aureate orbs peered up towards him, gold meeting silver. the look she was giving him, it was one of HEARTBREAK.

                " am i a threat to you ? "

                i was hoping you'd see me as eden.                 even though i don't know who eden is myself.

#avaere #.answered #.[ eden | trailblazer ] #.wriothesley.eden tag #[ i have been staring at this ask for THREE WHOLE WEEKS #and my response changes EVERY TIME i tried to think of what eden might do #but all of it revolves around that question of who she is --- bc ... i realize that eden WANTED to tell him who she is #she wanted to #but the fact that she doesn't know #makes it impossible for her to do so #and she regrets that A LOT #coupled with that lingering fear that he'd find out about the stellaron #and that he'd view her as a threat #I DON'T KNOW IF THAT LAST QUESTION IS DELIVERED PROPERLY BUT IT WAS A VERY DEFINING MOMENT FOR HER TO ASK HIM THAT #this is all over the places i HOPE IT MAKES SENSE THO HJKLHLK ]

[sergle]

When ppl will create a "curvy" girl character and get pretty much the whole body's proportions right, obviously they're putting emphasis on bust/hips but it seems like it's being executed well--- except that they completely, fully, and deliberately, skip the stomach entirely. Just nothin there. Not even a whisper. I'm like. Just sack up, make it make sense and be honest with yourself by making it official and say it's canon that they got a tummy tuck. You cowardly ass, yellow bellied, wet brained, upside-down dog mouthed dirty bitch.

#it'll look so uncanny bc it'll be like oh this more or less looks like it could be a body type I've seen on a real pers--- oh wait #you TOTALLY flattened the stomach for like no goddamn reason and you still want points for making her curvy. pass. #if ppl clown on this post I will not hesitate to turn off rbs and call a bomb threat to your house #sergle.txt #do you know what I mean though. like actually #you want EVERY aspect of a body type that does in fact. exist. very commonly actually. in the proportions you want #you want it all but you are so allergic to ANY substance on the stomach. so what now. #anything but the stomach. literally impossible to draw apparently #I'll be like ah maybe it's obscured with the clothing or pose but I see other art and I'm like oh no nvm it's on purpy. #''why does it have to be a plausible body type'' why put in any effort at all. why draw. why depict women ever. why wake up in the morning #nut up or shut up.

[priceofreedom]

#Elmyra approving of Zack makes me so happy 😭 FF7 Rebirth 20 / ?

#final fantasy vii #ffgraphics #elmyra gainsborough #zack fair #gamingedit #ff7 remake #ff7 rebirth #ff7 #elmyra #ff7 rebirth spoilers #rebirth spoilers #creaciones #i always thought she'd come to love him if only they had the chance to meet #glad to see it's exactly what happened :') #if zerith reunited she'd be so happy for them 🥺 #knowing aerith would have the best boyfriend ever by her side #someone who would always take care of her no matter what #someone who would do the impossible just to make her happy #and he's good with kids too. like 🥰 #zack already calls aerith's home HIS home i'm gonna go crazy #sorry for the fangirling but akhssjd if part 3 doesn't have them reunite and live together i'm gonna riot #the three of them deserve happiness!!! #and also i want zack to contact his parents so bad :( they deserve to see their son again #i'm making myself sad. i'm gonna stop now lol

[starflungwaddledee]

offering three cookies 🍪🍪🍪

(<< part 1)

#kirby just whipping out the big guns right away. let's go on the ~warp star~! he knew this would get her instantly #i think also it's impossible to be sad when you are being cuddled by kirby tbh. bandee too!! what a cute prompt! #i thought i'd combine several of these sorts of asks and comments into one! sorry for not drawing adeleine; another time! #i just thought this worked well as a happy ending here. everything is fine!! they're all good now!! happy tappies and all!! hooray! #and nothing weird or bad happened here at all!! just a little breakdown but it's in the past!! phew. yay! <3 #tried something fun with the layouts for this to be half interactive/asks and half comic panels? i think it worked! #not sure this REALLY answers many questions but... i did this for fun when i was supposed to be doing other things!! i hope you'll enjoy! #also i LOVED ALL THESE ASKS i hope this doesn't make anyone feel bad for sending them in. this is just for dramatic effect!!!! #also ALSO this took longer than expect so i'll do those other ask responses tomorrow. thank you for all the well wishes everybody! <3 #starstruck dee #bandana waddle dee #kirby #my art #my comics

[dedicatedfollower467]

I know everyone likes to headcanon that Hollow and Hornet immediately hit it off, but personally I find it much funnier to imagine that the Pure Vessel reacted to the Gendered Child in much the same way a well-trained but highly-strung border collie might react to an angry feral kitten.

#DAD WHAT DO I DO!?!?!? #hollow knight #hk fanart #my fanart #my hk fanart #hk hollow #hk hornet #hk pure vessel #hollow: i have two solutions to a problem; stab it or ignore it #i'm not allowed to stab her and she's making herself impossible to ignore so idk what to do

[no-light-left-on]

I often wonder about the quote-unquote logistics of Corvo the Black/Emily the Butcher endings. Emily makes more sense to me, in a way, carving her way through the empire only to come back with blood caked under her fingernails and realising that she did everything her father refused to do 15 years ago. but why did Corvo have a similar choice?

what happens to the statues later? does Emily keep her father trapped in stone? does Corvo look at his daughter, frozen in the moment and considers freeing her? is he at his deathbed when he finally reaches out and cups Emily's cheek, freeing her into a carcass of an empire that he gutted for her, in her name, in the name of her mother?

when I first heard of the endings I thought that if you reach very high chaos, you are locked into this choice - Corvo or Emily tries to free the other and the stone just doesn't budge. they are trapped. the quest is over but the world knows that the bloodshed was extreme and this is the punishment they have to face

#li.txt #dh #dishonored #kinda like the high chaos brigmore witches ending #there is no reason for corvo to kill daud if you finish BW in high chaos. but he still does. because the world Knows #but the very Active choice of the player and by extension the character to take the throne and keep their last family locked in stone.... #its certainly a choice. and it makes me wonder about many a thing #i really wish we got more info #karnaisbear mentioned that itd be cool if we got comics expanding on alternate endings and like arkane. arkane can we please get those #I just really wanna know What It Was Like to live under the rule of Emily or Corvo in the very high chaos endings #and the fact that it seems like they can still free the other person? that adds so much more angst and tension to it #is there a time limit? do years pass and does corvo grow old and weary and thinks that yes #he has done his job and he has done it well. and the empire is righted and he can hand it back to emily now #and he cups her cheek and it remains cold marble #and all he did was for nothing #and he cries #(can u tell ive been reading thru the corvo the black tag) #not to mention something similar to that but with emily!! #imagine she grows old! older than corvo was when he was frozen! #the century is coming to a close when she finally frees him and she is older so much older and corvo will have to live with losing her #in every single impossible way he has lost her #and then he gets to bury his daughter #these tags got so dark wtf

[girlyliondragon]

Now kiss (haha Jk... Unless??? (Toby PLEASE make it "Unless"))

Ello Deltarune fandom. Guess what ship has gotten my brainrot now 2 1/2 years later. :P Because ofc I go from one f/f ship to another and cling onto it. But fr tho I love these sapphics sm. I love them so muuuuuch I'm so glad they are semi-canon just 2 chapters in.

Been wanting to draw something with them since February, but because of art block back then I decided to just let my pen go on its own since I had art block and ended up with a rough of this and hallelujah lol ^^

Seriously Toby please. Take your time ofc no rush. But please I NEED to see them together again.

Also I love Noelle's glow-y nose hc so that's mine now too thanks fandom.

Art: Mine

Do not steal/crop/edit/etc. Do not tag as kin/me ty! Suselle haters DNI :U

#Deltarune #Deltarune Fanart #Noelle deltarune #Susie deltarune #utdr #Suselle #This is my first time drawing them ever #I'm very happy with how I draw Susie but Noelle is a different story. My perfectionism is getting me #Been wanting to draw something with them since February #decided to just let my pen go on its own since I had art block and ended up with a rough of this ^^ #It's all about the yearning <3 #her tail's wagging :3 #Em Doodles #I don't think(?) I'll be posting anything outside of art in the fandom tags #because I've had enough extremely bad experiences with fandoms so just art stuff now. Not taking anymore chances! #ya know. unless Tumblr's weird tag system screws me over :U #Btw The kin/me thing is more of a ''if it's not made for you don't tag it like it is plz ty'' to reiterate #More for personal art than anything. If I make stuff for people that do it? Then yeah go nuts xP #Me: Makes a freckle brush just for coloring Susie and can finally really use it. #Textures and lighting: Imma make it impossible to see #couldn't use my paper layer textures thanks to that rip I might do them manually next time #there's a reason I put the ''Suselle haters DNI'' thing from what I saw someone try to do a super wrong rant in the fcking tag but #IMMA KEEP THAT RAMBLING OUT OF THE TAGS TOO because like I said I'm not throwing that sort of aggression anywhere outside my own blog now

[bibiana112]

"girlie did very much fail at solving a sudoku puzzle to save her life though" NO! SHE ONLY HAD HALF THE NUMBERS YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT LIKE THAT MUCH LESS ON A TIMER

#I know it's next level character brainrot when fandom jokes at their expense start getting annoying but like 😭 #there's a lot more fair things to make fun of her for! #like she didn't get good at puzzles to compensate for that if anything it would be even more frustrating how simple of a task it would be #if she just hadn't been at the wrong place at the wrong time out of the sheer incompetence of her captors #she needed junpei to solve it for her because he actually had the entire sudoku grid to start from #zero escape #angy *crosses arms and sits down* (aka don't take it as serious complaint but like. understand do you understand where I'm coming from here) #also like I suppose the port Does kind of lose this context in translation so. fair #a grid without all the necessary minimum numbers as a starting point is not *impossible* but given the circumstances it might as well be

[samarecharm]

I should add poledancing to the list of odd talents that Akira has but has no business having due to growing up in a small suburban town. I only had access to it bc i had a YMCA that had a MASSIVE gym (in a criminally underfunded part of the city); there were poles put up alongside some other structures to allow counselors to make up some shit for us to do lmao

Hes got a flair about him; speaking from experience, it is FUN to do gymnastic shit like that, and its really really REALLY good for ur core. Other things on the list are basic gymnastics (he hates that shit tho, the classes he took sucked ass), Parkour (loves this; less about running and more about utilizing ur core and bracing for falls), and Knife Flipping/Spinning. Theyre all odd things that coincidentally ended up being VERY good experience for the metaverse :) YEAH the metaverse makes it easier to pull off tricks, but he already knew how to do all those things; you cant get Ryuji or Yusuke to spin kick off a pole wo having them fall and bust their ass- Its ALL skill babey

#chattin #akira #i also hc him as someone who Can do yoga but hates doing it alone bc its boring #but he LIVES off of attention #and being good at doing extreme yoga poses will give u ppls undivided attention LMAO #hes like. before i learn this thing. is it Cool? and will it make people say ‘what the fuck?’ out loud? #i feel like he wouldnt tell anyone about anything voluntarily #ann makes a comment about pole dancing bc shes seen some of the older models do it #and it just seems so impossibly out of reach for her. and hes like. do u have a trainer? i could help #‘what do u mean help???’ ‘what else would that mean? help you Do the Thing bc i know how to Do it’ #ann is the only person whos seen it outside of the metaverse. hes a bit clumsy w more extreme poses but hes good at spinning :)! #she manages to get herself upside down and they both scream in shock and joy #the whole time ive been writing im like. i wonder if theres some people i can find in my area #im working out again and pole dancing would be fun #or rock climbing tbh #i just like climbin on shit like a little monkey lol

[starryluminary]

Do I have enough concrete evidence to claim Lindsay has prosopagnosia. All I’ve got right now is it’s the only reason that makes sense to me why Lindsay can’t remember Tyler’s Tyler in world tour. What if she literally can’t remember his face

#prosopagnosia is a disorder that makes it near impossible for someone to remember faces #I don’t remember island or action well enough to say she has it for sure #(obviously the real reason she doesn’t remember Tyler is because she’s a ditzy blonde joke and the show writers thought it would be funny) #but listen to me for a second!! #what if she knows heathers Heather cause her bossy voice is stuck in her head #what if she knows Beth’s Beth because she never takes off her side pony #what if she only remembers Tyler’s Tyler because she recognized the little T patch on his tracksuit #and I KNOW in island she likes him cause he’s cute or whatever but I don’t think that’s enough to disuade me from the concept #what if she found his hair cute?? his headband?? the way he walks and runs?? the hit on her when Duncan killed the roach in the first- #-episode?? #and if she did find his face cute I don’t think that’s enough to just cure your prosopagnosia for a person #she thinks he’s cute looks away looks back and remembers all over again #I’m no expert on prosopagnosia I’ve just read a couple articles so I don’t know if that’s accurate but. do you get me do you see what I see #food for thought #total drama #total drama lindsay #td lindsay #Starry speaks

[bloomfish]

so I like the concept of the cookie dough speech. I think, independently, it's a good conclusion for buffy to come to by the end of the series. However, the context... look, it's been pretty thoroughly established throughout the series that buffy and angel will never work. can never work. is it a great romance, does it make me feel for the characters, do i love the angst of it? yes absolutely. but why am I being told, despite being shown the opposite, that there's a chance in hell that buffy will end up with angel? why am I being told continually by the writing across both shows that a codependent teen romance between two people who like... barely know each other is what buffy should aspire to? for the rest of her life?

this insistence is such a detriment to the characters of both buffy and angel. each grew so much on their respective shows. i love both buffy and angel as characters. I love what their relationship means for their past and how it informs their characters moving forward. but god, just leave it there. framing buffy/angel as the truest love that will ever be, automatically eclipsing any other relationship either of them try to have, is honestly not great messaging. personally i will always be affected in some way by my first love, I think that's a normal, relatable experience. But there's no way that love is a viable part of my future, and it wouldn't be healthy for me to think so...

it also takes away from the meaning that people like spike and cordelia might have in their lives because whatever they do, however they grow to love each other, they'll always be 'consolation prize' to... what? buffy's high school relationship with an older guy? no thx

#like honestly why would she give angel the hope. what can they possibly expect to have in the future #thats what makes it such a good and angsty relationship! #it was established in iwry that it would not work if angel was human. cool. so their only option is sexless codependent angst #at constant risk of angel losing his soul at any time. bc it wasnt sex it was HAPPINESS. angel lost his soul post sex because he was happy #content in her arms. so by definition they can never be happy together. sux for angel but i dont want that for buffy #anyway #spuffy #anti bangel #again just in case. wild to love a ship so much but also b against it happening. im complex like that #btvs #btvs thoughts #like the only way for it to happen would be for angel to lose his soul and then fight for his soul the way spike did. #which soulless angel would never do. its impossible by design

[friendrat]

The problem with the church today is that so many "Christians" do not actually believe in redemption.

#unironically christian #i say this because of all the people who make comments about people's testimony #like saying they don't believe that only fans girl who was saved and baptized was really saved #like... reading through the comments it becomes clear that the “Christians” don't actually accept her #like... my brother in Christ... your good deeds are as worthy as my used pad #that is straight up in the bible #you are not better than her and you do not deserve redemption more than her #her salvation is between her and God #and yes... you say that time will reveal her fruit and you are correct #but guess what #ananias was called to extend a hand to paul *before* his fruit showed #and he was a frigging serial killer who was out for ananias's blood the week before #you do not get to pick and choose which converts you get to except #you are not God and thank heavens for it because if you were we would all be doomed #*deep breath* #i am just so sick of this... farse... that Christianity has become #Christians need a wake up call #oh! and and when you act like its impossible to accept that she could be saved you belittle God's power #you call into question Jesus's blood and it's ability to cleanse and if that is false your salvation is worthless! #also also you go against the things clearly written in the Bible while wearing the title of Christian #which means you are misrepresenting God's nature and intentions which means you are breaking the command to not take the lord's name in vain #wow... i thought i was done at the deep breath... guess not😅 #rat rants

[trainingdummyrabbit]

maybe we'll try again next time.

#pikart #projmoon #(LONG TAGS..) i talk a lot about that latter part of poems of a machine but the first chorus never fails to break my heart too #i can never remember what ive talked about and what i havent so ill do it again anyway. #specifically the line 'so here i lie; reading you my poetic stupid rhymes.' especially in conjunction with the very first lyric. #all this built up... mess and madness; concepts of impossible scope and importance for just a few words. #its the desire to express a truth outside of your reach. to tentatively try to identify; to speak; and only managing so much. #clumsy; basic; small; but it still holds a piece of your heart anyway. its not enough; but its real; its tangible; and thus important. #am i making sense? its the first steps into writing poetry / into self expression / into self acceptance / into healing and growing. #and the implication these words are being shared; despite all of this; despite all of Her. augh. #i really do think a lot about th stark difference btwn her Knowledge and her Experience. how she feels she Should function vs how she Does. #knowing how something should be vs how it Is. yknow. #anyway Oops ! Lyric Rambling In The Tags Again ! <33

[bokatan]

musings on courier six: mercy

benzemas.zeblog / unknown / unknown / Clive Barker / darmë / unknown / Helen Oyeyemi White Is for Witching / Claire Harris Marta Lights / 3:10 to Yuma / Venetta Octavia The Burning / NataliaDrepina Hurt / Richard Siken Snow and Dirty Rain / unknown / thefalloutvaultwiki/ unknown / Zorin Denu A Few Benchmade Knives / jose-rossetti / S. T. Gibson A Dowry of Blood / nevver / Jen Gotch 7ofclubs / Hamilton who lives, who dies, who tells your story / Malia Makana Like Differently Love / unknown / motherearthfathersky / unknown /

inspired by @druidgroves

#yeehaw😎🤙 #mercy tag #mercycore #this was fun im doing these for the other ocs too #fallout oc #i may or may not have brainrot over her right now lmao #Bo make ocs that aren’t literal war criminals impossible challenge #don’t @ me on the half assed carrd link ok im tired and going to bed so y’all get whatever the fuck that bio is #mercy info #web weaving

[novelconcepts]

the truly problematic thing about having insanely vivid dreams just about every night--and i mean the kind of vivid where you remember details days or even weeks later, like it's just another normal-ass memory--is that you wind up losing track on an emotional level of what's real. like. i know that was a dream. obviously it was a dream. but some part of my brain misses it like it really happened. i am painfully, achingly nostalgic for people i've never met, places i've never been, shit that literally could not ever happen--but i feel as though i remember. which is just the most unhinged thing, right? like, i remember going on a run that took me over a fence into Disneyland, and i remember having to take a shortcut through a Chinese restaurant, but it was fine, because Erika Ishii was there, and they'd done this before, so no worries. right? no! obviously not! why do i remember this with such visceral clarity three weeks later?

oh, what's your favorite episode of this TV show? the one i dreamt. yeah, don't worry about it, it didn't make coherent sense, but it was in the feelings, right? my ship had the best fucking scene. no, of course i can't explain it to you, that's madness. it involved a rocking chair. don't worry about it. it's fine. it's super important i don't accidentally reference this in a fic someday, though.

this shit is deranged, dude. missing people who are quite literally my own brain's invention with an actor's face. missing places that are a meld of a movie i saw once, my childhood bedroom, the second floor of my high school, and inter-dimensional space. like. no! no, this shouldn't be a thing! is, though. the clarity of it. just fucking bananas. this has been happening to me my whole goddamn life.

#dreams #the worst thing about being a writer who has had these wildly vivid dreams forever #is the CLEAR awareness that they do not follow story-logic. dream-logic is special and near-impossible to properly bottle #so like. i can't even use these not-memories #i can't write my 'new favorite episode' and share it with the class #i can't even tell my wife about the shit i fully remember seeing and doing while i sleep. because i didn't. #the other night i had such an insane flying dream that i woke up and told her 'for the record: i do dream in color.' #and she went 'of course you do.' #and i was like 'yeah of course i do but also this one was actively switching between color and black and white so. guess it's for suresies. #anyway i haven't had a dreamless night in...a really fuckin long time and it's nuts. false memories. everywhere. #it's astonishing i don't forget more real shit to make room #tell you what though. it does make warring against parasocial instincts WORSE. i am a mature adult who knows better. #but good goddamn my subconscious isn't helping

[rithmeres]

quick & messy biblically accurate johanna and finnick sketch just to nail down exactly how i imagined them

#referenced from the iconic screenshot from catching fire of course #the hunger games #catching fire #johanna mason #finnick odair #your honor they are besties. #do not look at the anatomy it is wack this was mostly an attempt at their faces. my wife (finnick) 🥰 and my husband (johanna) 🫶 #i loooove the red fringe that johanna has in the movies so i kept it #me remember which side of his face i’m supposed to put finnick’s beauty marks and piercings challenge (impossible) #this one i think is consistent with my original sketch of him but i think it’s flipped on the victory tour poster OOPS #the reason i gave him 2 piercings on one ear is because #historically the um. ‘professions’. that were associated with pierced ears were sailors (obviously) and slaves 🙃 #thg reread #wherefore art thou #the other day i spent hours trying to draw katniss and i hated every sketch #which is BIZARRE because i can picture her so clearly in my mind #i think i’m having a hard time making her look young and weathered at the same time #one of these days i will figure it out and then i will finally be able to post my girl