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sailor-aviator · 1 month

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Hey.

Go ahead and get settled because this will be...long, in true Liz fashion.

So, by now I'm sure most of you have heard what's happened. If not, you can search this blog for some answers or others for more.

I joined this fandom offiicially at the end of September after being a long time lurker. I had just lost my job and times were uncertain for me. I felt inspired to write, and as someone whose formative years were shaped by the fandom experience, I wanted to feel that sense of belonging again - to feel like a part of a community. I've talked about it on here before, but I started my fandom days in the original Hunger Games fandom when the first movie had just come out, and then I shifted gears towards the SuperWhoLock fandom. If you know anything about SuperWhoLock, then you know you had to have pretty tough fucking skin to be a part of any of it.

Of course, this was back in the day when fandom was an actual community and not authors having to beg for scraps of engagement and people thinking its a numbers game. I was a fairly large blog within the SuperWhoLock community (Waywardly-Carrying-On was the username), but I left fandom for a few years because life got hectic and I felt like I had outgrown the fandom itself as I was no longer watching any of the shows. As the years went on, I started to yearn for the fandom experience again, which is how I found myself dipping toes into several different ones.

I was so excited to publish my first fanfic. I had convinced myself that I wasn't a good writer (much to the chagrin of my irl friends), and I had put a pause on writing my original story. I wanted to write this idea about a cowboy and a girl using characters that I had grown to love like I did way back in my older days. So, I started posting, and I was so excited for the story, that I kept posting almost daily. MamaMay was one of the first people to embrace not only my story, but me as a person into the fandom. She made me feel welcomed and wanted.

Pretty much right off the bat I was already getting anons telling me that I was being too much and that I needed to calm down with all the posting. I was confused because...this is Tumblr. It's literally a blogging website? Why wouldn't I post? I decided to ignore the mean words (not before giving my opinion, of course) and kept on doing my thing. Well, the anons got continually worse and worse. I had a suspiscion as to who the anons could be, but I never had concrete proof. So, I experimented with blocking suspects until finally it worked. I'm not naming names because that's not my style, so don't even bother asking.

The fact of the matter is, some of you have entered fandom spaces for the first time, and you don't know how to act. You don't care to learn fandom etiquette as you've made abundantly clear by calling fandom olds every name under the sun while utilizing the anonymous feature. Newsflash, you're part of the problem. You're the reason why authors don't want to publish anymore. You are the reason that something that's supposed to be fun is starting to feel like a goddamn chore.

How many times can authors on here say that we aren't machines? We have lives outside of this website: family, friends, jobs, school, etc. Some of you really are just hellbent on making everyone around you miserable, and it's sad. You can't just leave well enough alone and let people enjoy something, no you feel like everyone has to enjoy it the same way as you.

Some of you go after authors on here because of some weird sense of jealousy too. I don't know why my shit blew up, babe, I really don't. But I started out with no followers and no support just like everyone else. I'll tell you what helped me though: following fandom etiquette and reaching out to other creators to build an actual community. None of this "I've reblogged three of your things and now I'm messaging you so that you return the favor." No, I reached out to make actual friendships which is what fandom is SUPPOSED to be. If someone was clearly not interested, it was fine!! I backed off and kept doing my own thing.

Some of you think being mean on the internet makes you big and bad. Guess what! It doesn't! It's loser mentality and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I'm sorry that people in your own life made you feel so small as to feel like you had to lash out at strangers on the internet who are just trying to have fun.

Anyway, this is my really long way of saying that I am taking a break for a little bit. I have no idea how long it will be - could be the weekend, could be a couple of weeks, could be forever. I need time to decide if this is something I want to keep persuing. If I come back, I don't know if I will remain a TGM blog or if I'll shift gears and hop into another fandom with a rebrand. Guess we'll just have to see.

To the people on here who have been a constant source of joy, laughter, and support: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your presence has meant everything to me, and I hope that my break sees me wanting to come back and giggle about the silly plane movie with you all again.

Nothing but love,

Liz 💛

#psa #public service announcement #this has been a psa #liz speaks #liz rambles #long post

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agentsofshieldfamily · 4 years

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Daisy was walking around the base, trying to find something to make her warm. The weather is extraordinarily cold, because why not? It's December 23 at around five o'clock in the morning and the winter holidays are not being subtle. She walked into the kitchen to make some warm chocolate drink, there she saw FitzSimmons seated around the table, having breakfast.

Jemma: Daisy, good morning. We have some coffee, sausage and egg toast. Grab a bite?

Daisy: Mornin' twins. Sure, sure. After I find some hot drink that could stabilize my chilling body.

Fitz: Ahh! We made coffee. Still hot.

Daisy: That would do. I just need it. Thanks.

Daisy went straight to the coffee maker and poured it on her mug.

Fitz: I might be back on the 2nd of January.

Jemma: Oh perfect, I might be back on the 3rd. Mack'll be back on the 3rd also.

Daisy sat beside the two.

Daisy: Where's Mack now?

Fitz: He left this morning and went home for the holidays.

Daisy: Oh.

Daisy kept silent. She grabbed some toast and ate some.

Fitz: Let's just meet on the 28th.

Jemma: We could do that. Dinner, London. Awesome.

Daisy: Almost forgot, I have to tell Piper something. See you, guys, later.

Fitz: Sure.

Jemma: See you, Daisy.

Daisy stood up with her coffee on one hand and a saucer containing two toasts on the other, one she already took a bite, then she went out of the kitchen. She is feeling uncomfortable with what FitzSimmons are taking about. Sure, they have families to go home to, but she doesn't. She walked and went to the gym. There she saw Piper and Davis, they are having an early exercise.

Piper: Daisy!

Daisy: Oh, hi guys!

Davis: Since when did the gym become a good place to eat?

Daisy, Piper and Davis laughed.

Daisy: Has any one of you seen Coulson?

Piper: He left at around 1am, he has some business transaction he needed to attend to.

Daisy: When he'll be back?

Davis: I heard, he'll be staying there until next year.

Daisy: That's awesome. See you guys.

Daisy felt sad, she walked out again and went to the Armory. Nobody was there. She sat on the mat and started consuming the remaining toast.

Daisy felt alone. She is the only one who doesn't have a family here, yes she has a dad, but he does not even have an idea who she is, so that doesn't count. She is the only one who does not have anybody. Well, she and Coulson. But he left, Coulson left her. Of course, he will. She is nothing but an employee to him. Why would he think she'll need him?

Daisy is holding back her tears, and trying to calm the pain she's feeling in her heart.

Jemma: Daisy!!! I've been looking all over for you.

Daisy: Jemma, what's up?

Jemma: I just want to say good bye and happy holidays.

Fitz entered the room too.

Fitz: See you on the 2nd of January, Daisy. Happy holidays!

Daisy stood up, and gave Fitz a hug.

Daisy: See you, Fitz. I would never forgive you if you'll be back without good presents for me.

Fitz: Copy.

Daisy then hugged Simmons.

Daisy: Merry Christmas, Jemma.

Jemma: To you too, Daisy.

Daisy: See you next year.

FitzSimmons left. Daisy felt empty.

She went back to the kitchen to wash the dishes she used. There she saw May, taking some wine.

Daisy: Very early for some wine.

May: This is grape juice.

Daisy: I see.

May grinned.

Daisy: Did FitzSimmons bid goodbye to you, they just left.

May: Yes, they did.

Daisy started washing.

May: My mother called.

Daisy: Oh.

May: I will be leaving at 10 this morning, spending the holidays with them.

Daisy wants to cry, but she kept washing the dishes. May noticed that Daisy's shoulder stiffened when she announced her trip. She knew what Daisy must've been feeling right now. Christmas holidays, all of the people in the Light House leaving for the vacation, and she isn't, they are the only family she's got. And Coulson, well, he'll be back by next year because of some mission he needed to do.

Daisy: When will you be back?

May: On the 6th.

Daisy: Happy holidays!

Daisy immediately finished and walked out. She went to the gym, wanted to punch something, hoping nobody's in there.

She hit the punching bag again and again. She's feeling lonely and hurt. She's alone, nobody wanted to be with her. She poured her anger and kept on punching.

May: You will hurt yourself if you don't stand properly.

Daisy was taken aback, surprised, she didn't notice May come in.

Daisy: I’m good.

May: It's 7 am. I have to pack my bags.

Daisy: You came here just to tell me that?

Daisy is annoyed, she felt like May is rubbing it on her face.

May: Yes.

Daisy: Fine. Then pack your bags, and leave then.

May: Alright, but after your anger management, make sure you pack yours too, because we'll leave at 10. Sharp.

May walked out. Daisy was speechless, she chased May.

Daisy: What?

Daisy: May, wait!

May stopped walking and turned to face Daisy.

Daisy: What do you mean?

May: Pack your bags, I don’t want you to be late.

Daisy: Me?

May: Why? Do you think I'll just leave you here? Alone?

Daisy was surprised and speechless.

May: We leave exactly at 10.

Then May walked away and never looked back. Daisy didn't know what to say or what to think.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Daisy went back to her room and started packing. She has to pack a lot because they will be staying at the “Mays” until the 6th of next year. In just a matter of minutes, she finished packing, considering she doesn't have a lot of stuff.

She lay down on her bed, closed her eyes just to rest.

When she opened her eyes, she jerked when she peeked at the clock, it's 11:57 am. She fell asleep for nearly 4 hours. May told her they’ll be leaving at 10 o'clock, sharp. Daisy knows May, she is, has been, and will always be particular when it comes to time.

Daisy: dammit!!!

Daisy went out of her room and ran. She chanced upon Piper.

Daisy: hey, Piper! Have you seen May?

Piper: I talked to her this morning, she already left for vacation Daisy.

Daisy felt like something stabbed her in the chest. But she didn't show it.

Piper: she told us that she'll be going home for the holidays, and will be leaving at around 10. She didn't tell you?

Daisy: she did. I just forgot. Anyway, thanks.

Daisy went back to her room and sat on the bed. She wants to punch something again. She's so pissed at herself. She shouldn't have slept. She hates herself.

She punched her pillow, the base then shook a little. Daisy's anger is quaking the base.

There was a knock on the door. But Daisy is not in the mood to talk to someone, so she ignored it. But the door opened.

May: Finally, you're awake.

Daisy's eyes widened. The sound of May's voice never felt this good.

May: I thought you were awake ‘cause you’re causing the earthquakes.

Daisy: Piper said you left.

May: I told them I'll be leaving at 10.

Daisy: You didn't.

May: ‘cause you're asleep.

Daisy: I thought you left me.

May: I went here around 10, but you were sleeping soundly, peacefully. I decided to let you rest. I couldn't wake you up.

Daisy: I really thought you left me.

May: I wouldn't. I.. (pause) couldn't.

There was silence between them. It wasn't awkward. It was just silence.

May: so, you ready, now?

Daisy: yup.

May: let's go.

Xxxxxxxxx

Daisy: Do your parents know that I’m with you?

May: Yes.

Daisy: Really?

May: I told you.

Daisy kept quiet, looked at the surroundings and smiled.

May: It'll take us 6 more hours. You can stay at the back so you can sleep, if you're tired.

Daisy: No, I'm good.

May: Okay.

Daisy is excited. Nobody, except Coulson, has ever met May's folks. It's like meeting the 'grandparents' for the first time, she thought.

May: By the way, my parents thought you're my daughter. Just ride with it.

May said it very casually. Daisy jolted.

Daisy: I'm sorry, what?

May: You heard me. Just-- ride with it.

Daisy: W-well-- w-why-- h-how--

May: Daisy.

Daisy: How did they think that?

May: I told them.

Daisy started having butterflies in her stomach. She felt good, and embarrassed by the thought.

Daisy: You did?

May: I told them I'm bringing you home with me. They just assumed you're my daughter. I didn't want to talk a lot, so I just agreed.

Daisy: But— Why— But--

May: Coulson is, supposedly, your dad.

Daisy: I’m still processing everything you just told me and--

May: Don't worry about it. Just be yourself.

Daisy: I don't think we can pull this off.

May: You don't need to sell it. Just be you. And if they ask you, tell them the truth. At least I don't have to do the talking.

Daisy rolled her eyes.

May: And never roll your eyes on me!

Daisy's jaw dropped. She smiled. The last sentence that May told her is funny. She just saw what kind of a mom she will be, or she is.

Daisy felt her heart aching. She never thought she wanted May, as a mother, this much.

May: You're staring.

Daisy came back to reality. She didn't realize she was staring at May. Daisy looked down then outside.

Daisy: Sorry.

May looked at Daisy for a second.

May: Anything wrong?

Daisy: Nah.. Just a little tired.

May: I told you to take a rest. I brought a blanket, you can use it.

Daisy: It's okay. I can rest from here

May: You sure? You want to have a stop over?

Daisy: No need.

May: Alright.

Daisy leaned on the window. She closed her eyes. Blushing because she was embarrassed. She never wanted anybody to know she longs for May as a mother. Hell, she, herself is still in denial with the fact that she sees May, and Coulson, as her parents. It is embarrassing, for May, or anybody for that matter, to find out she feels this way.

But she does, she wants them. She wishes they're hers. She hopes for it. Questioning fate why it brought them into her life and not making them hers, or making her theirs. Why?!

Then, she felt a blanket covering her body. The car went slower, then into a full stop. She didn't open her eyes. May is fixing the blanket, making sure she's covered. Then she felt May's hand brushing the hair away from her face.

Daisy wants to cry. This woman, who taught her so much, practically raised her from nothing. She has been, with Coulson, raising her. Why aren't they her parents, she asks.

The car started moving again.

Xxxxxxxxxx

May: Daisy. Daisy.

Daisy woke up. Hearing May's voice.

May: We're here.

Daisy looked around and saw a very huge house with a very big lawn. It's like a mansion.

A man, in a black suit, opened the car's door on Daisy's side. May just alighted their car.

Two more men, both in a suit, approached them, one of them took out their luggage out of the car, the other one, talked to May.

Daisy looked around. The house is too huge, she couldn't believe it. It was even bigger than Ian Quinn's mansion.

Man1: You must be--

May: Come on Daisy.

Xxxx

Daisy: Where's May?

Lian and William May looked at her.

Daisy: --Mom!!! Where's "MaY" Mom.

William: Your mom must've taken a nap. Sit down with us.

Daisy sat down beside the couple on a chair of a round table where Lian and William were also seated.

Lian: Do you want any drink, hun? Tea? Coffee? Anything?

Daisy: Soda?

William raised his hand and a butler approached him.

William: Soda for my granddaughter.

Daisy cringed for being called as "granddaughter", then the butler nodded then left.

Daisy: *whispers* cool.

Lian: Food? Bread, hun? Take anything you want from the table.

Daisy: Yup. Thanks.

Daisy took a bread and some spread and started eating.

William: Have you liked your room Daisy?

Daisy: Yes, gramps. It’s awesome. How many rooms do you have here?

William: 15 rooms, for sleeping. Excluding the master's bedroom, and your mom's room. But all in all, 21.

Daisy: Whoa! You can make this a mini hotel.

William and Lian laugh.

Lian: I used to bring some trainees here, but since I retired, it became just guest rooms.

Daisy: Still..

Lian: The room that you chose, that's yours. I won't let anybody take it, from now on, it's yours and yours only.

Daisy felt sad and glad at the same time.

xxx

May was about to go outside to go to the garden where the others were eating, but decided to spy and listened to them first and hid herself behind the wall.

William: What's wrong sweetie? Why do you look so sad?

Lian: We're so sorry you got to spend your holidays with old people like us, than with your friends back in the city.

Daisy: No! It's not that.

Lian: Then what is it?

Daisy: It's--- this. Everything. You.

Lian and William looked confused.

William: Us?

Daisy: The way you look at me. The way you smile at me. When you hugged me earlier. The way you make me feel special.

Lian and William were still confused.

Daisy: I have spent just a couple of hours with you two, but I can already feel that you care for me, REALLY care for me, and that you.. (long pause) love me.

Daisy holding back her tears.

Lian: Then what is wrong with that, hunny?

Daisy: Bacause I don't deserve it.

Lian and William's eyes widened. They both want to rebut what Daisy had said but Daisy continued speaking.

Daisy: I don't. I'm sorry. I just--

William: You deserve it. You are our granddaughter, of course we love you.

Lian: And I have always wanted a grandchild.

Daisy: But that's it. I am-- Because I'm not--

Lian and William have no expressions.

Daisy: --your granddaughter. I am not even remotely related to any of you. I am not your daughter's daughter.

Daisy felt like someone's crushing her chest. The words that came out of her mouth were killing her, she did not know why it hurt that much.

William put his hand on top of Daisy's head and gently caressed her hair.

William: We know sweetie.

Daisy was surprised.

Daisy: You do?

Lian: Of course, we do. I was a spy, for crying out loud, how can you think I wouldn't find out?! (Laughs)

Daisy: It's just.. Because of the way you treat me. It's as if I was--really, your granddaughter.

William: Because you are sweetie.

Daisy: I'm no--

Lian: DAISY.. You are.

Daisy was speechless.

William: You knew Milly as a very quiet person, who doesn't want to open herself to others.

Daisy: and deadly.

Lian: Sure, that too.

William: She got it from your grandmother. Anyway, when your mom left for SHIELD, we obliged her to call us every now and then, just to update us.

Lian: She used to do that, but stopped after Bahrain. But we let her move on.

William: She never did. Until..

Lian: She met you.

Daisy: Me?

William: You, and FitzSimmons.

Lian: You became everything she ever wanted to have before Bahrain. You made her that one thing she wanted to become before that tragedy.

Daisy: What was it?

Lian: A mother.

William: Sure, blood and relationship is important in a family. But remember, you do not have to be biologically related to become a family. As long as you care about each other and that you love them, that is all that matters.

Lian: My Milly loves you, all of you. FitzSimmons, you, Philip.

William: You are, now, her immediate family.

Lian: Dysfunctional! But a family. That's why, we do not care if she has given birth to you or not, for as long as in her heart, you are her daughter, that makes you, the three of you, our grandchildren.

Daisy: How can you say that? She is just my mentor, my SO, my boss.

William: Hun, don't act stupid. I know you know, and I know you feel it.

Lian: You long for it, you just don't want to admit it because you are afraid she doesn't feel the same way about you. But I am telling you hunny, she does.

William: She'll give her life to anyone of you kids, not just because it is her job, but because that's what parents do, they'd do everything for their kids, willing, to even sacrifice their lives for them. To protect them.

Lian: And Melinda, YOUR mom, she would do that.

Daisy was left speechless. Lian reached out for Daisy and hugged her, William stood up and hugged them both.

May went outside and walked towards them.

May: You’re gonna suffocate her.

The three were surprised. William immediately went back to his seat. Lian did not immediately let go of Daisy. May sat on the vacant seat beside Daisy, thereafter, Lian completely let go of Daisy.

May: What's happening here?

Daisy: Nothin'. Gramps and Grams just missed me.

Lian and William both laughed.

May: Funny. You haven't even met before today. How come they'd missed you? (smiling)

Daisy: Because I'm VERY adorable.

May: *chuckles* oh, are you now?

Daisy: Yes. And clearly, I got it from Dad.

Lian: Obviously, hun.

May: Oh you just wait Mom, ‘cause she's stubborn.

William: Well, that, she must've gotten from you, Milly.

Daisy and Lian laughed. May rolled her eyes.

When the night arrived, Daisy, who stayed in the garden with her computer, decided to go to her room to rest. After taking the stairs, she was about to enter her room when she heard voices from another room, the master's bedroom. She went there and noticed that the door is slightly open. She was about to touch the knob but retreated and walked away.

The door suddenly opened, she was a little surprised and walked hastily. She saw May walking out of the door and she saw Daisy.

May: You alright?

Daisy: Yeah, yup, yes.

May narrowed her eyes.

May: What's wrong?

Daisy: Nothing. I was just surprised with you coming out of there. Good night.

Daisy went straight to her room and closed the door behind her.

She put down her laptop on the table near the TV, then she sat on her bed. She can't believe how happy Lian and William make her. She felt loved, genuinely loved, by them, and she already do love them.

She thought of May, of how awkward it must have been for her. Deep inside, she knew May is hoping this would end, soon.

Daisy heard a knock on the door, then it opened. It was May, she went inside her room.

Daisy: Hey! What up?

May closed the door behind her and walked inside.

May: I just want to know, how you doing? Are you good? Bored? Tired?

Daisy: I'm fine, great, actually.

May: Good. I'm glad you are.

Daisy: How about you?

May: Me?

Daisy: Yeah, you.

May didn't answer immediately. She was confused and intrigued by Daisy's question.

May: Good?

Daisy: Okay.

May: Wait, why? What do you mean?

Daisy: Nothing, it's just-- I'm.. kind of.. invading your space. I’m bothering you, so, I was just thinking--

May: You aren't.

Daisy: Stop it, I know I’m overstepping, especially with, you know, your private life, and I am--

May was a little annoyed.

May: You are here because you should be here. And for the record, you are not, and have never been a bother to me, you got that?

Daisy was overwhelmed, she is so happy. She never thought May's words would feel this good, but it did.

May approached Daisy, hunched, and then held her arms.

May: Got it?

Daisy: Yes--

May stood up, about to leave.

Daisy: (whispers) --mom.

May felt like a heavy brick is dragging her heart. The last word Daisy said felt so good it's hurting her.

May reached for the door knob and turned it, and without even looking back.

May: Have some rest. Granma will expect you tomorrow for breakfast cause then she'll probably bring you with her to the market.

Daisy: Okay.

May went out of the room and closed the door behind her. She leaned on it, closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened her eyes, a tear fell from it. She didn't even realize that the word "mom" that daisy jokingly uttered would make her this heavy.

She walked to her room and immediately sat on the bed. She repeatedly hears the word "Mom" in her head, and it's in Daisy's voice.

The heavy feeling in her chest keeps on dragging her. It makes her feel happy, but sad at the same time. It's overwhelming.

(To be Continued)