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pearlywritings · 2 years

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A child of our own

synopsis: Your husband absolutely adores his little niece and it gives you hope he is willing to start a family as well. However the lack of communication on the matter is pretty apparent.

IMPORTANT author’s note: this can be read as its own work but actually it is written as a ‘continuation’ to @lunargrapejuice ‘s work An unexpected surprise and I highly recommend to go and read it first to have an understaning of some things happening in my fic.

pairing: Diluc x fem!reader (with Kaeya and his wife in the background)

tw: established relationship, fluff, hurt/comfort, topic of pregnancy and children, wholesome brotherly bond between Diluc and Kaeya

word count: 6.2k words

Family AU masterlist

Becoming Diluc Ragnvindr's wife meant you not only married one of the most amazing men in Mondstadt, if not all Teyvat, but also added his brother's family to your own.

It was never an issue though. Bonding with Mrs Alberich was extremely easy and quick, so now you have a brilliant friend, who is always ready to have your back and team up with you against your husbands should the necessity occur. Kaeya, your husband's brother, welcomed you warmly too, quickly labeling you as his favorite sister-in-law (doesn't matter you are the only one) and jokingly expressing his gratitude for agreeing to bear with the epitome of grumpiness the redhead is (and getting a glare from the redhead in question).

However the most precious member of the family you are always delighted to see is their now five-year old daughter, Callie. The girl with tan skin and silky blue jay hair looks at the world through the eyes resembling her mother's with a smile inherited from her as well.

She is such a sweet dear with a heart bigger than her little body. How else would she be capable of loving her dad, her mom, her favorite toys and that horse Kaeya takes her on rides with, and then come to your residence and happily throw her arms wide to hug Diluc and you, giving you kisses and trying to tell everything you could've missed. Barbatos, she is even incredibly kind to your staff, Adelinde easily becoming her favorite person with her tea party organizing skills.

You are glad you stepped into the family not so long after this girl was born. You've been there to witness Callie doing her first efforts in repeating words. You've been there to hear how Diluc Ragnvindr, the wine tycoon and most respected person in Mondstadt, turned into Wuc-Wuc due to the toddler's inability to pronounce some letters. You've also been there almost every single time your husband shared a smile with her, brought her a gift, carried her around and just was a good uncle to her.

There is only one thing that worries you - Diluc's lack of communication on the topic of starting a family of your own.

It always surprised you that your boyfriend and then husband never brought it up. At first it was understandable - the very start of the relationship, both adjusting to the fact there is now a person to share the most mundane things with and the mutual want to do so, among just the two of you, and kids simply weren't an option. Yet complete nonexistence of the discussion is a bit disturbing.

It all started when Callie asked the stoic man if she had any cousins, to which he obviously answered no. The curiosity of a child wasn't satisfied with that so the next question was about the reason. 'Yeah, brother dear, why?' asked Kaeya when the Dawn Winery owner fell silent. Back then he just threatened to kick him out if he didn't stop, and you thought that maybe he wanted to talk it through with you first before speaking anything out loud.

However, he never approached you with the topic, and soon it made you restless.

It didn't help your anxious state of mind that the little wonder didn't stop at that. She continued asking Diluc about cousins whenever the two met and her father couldn't help but tease.

"Do you hear it? Do you actually hear it? Archons, our girl is on a mission to extend my brother's family it seems…"

That became a joke among you. The 'usually kids ask their parents for siblings, but here she is, pestering her uncle for cousins' one. Once she even ran up to you and tugged on your skirt, looking at you up with big pleading eyes.

"Auntie, Auntie, can you convince Uncle to have a cousin for me? Pleeeeeeease!"

And you'd be happy to do that, you swear. Your husband, though, does not cooperate.

You always tried to choose the best timing: showing your excitement whenever Callie asked for a cousin, attempted to propose the idea only when your workaholic wasn't swarmed in piles of papers, nonchalantly, as if out of the blue asked him about a name he'd love for a child… and all in vain.

With Callie he doesn't seem to notice the hint, attention fully fixed on his niece whom he doesn't see a lot, all your propositions are abandoned the moment you try to speak and name wonderings fall to deaf ears.

One time you nearly embarrassed yourself in front of Adelinde who walked in to bring you two some tea, just when the redhead once again shushed your attempts with a gentle tucking of your lock behind your ear to leave a kiss on your cheek.

You feel confused. He loves you, you feel it with every soft touch he places on your body, even if sometimes it's hard for him to express it with words. This inability to communicate is disarming though. You want to nurse a small baby with soft tufts of red hair and pretty ruby eyes, you want to be called "mommy" and hear your husband being called "daddy" and see an even brighter smile on his face as he welcomes his child in his warm embrace. But you can't even get a specific answer whether he wants a child or not. You are open to discussion, to any option, ready to compromise because you still have enough time for everything. Yet the uncertainty eats you alive.

It's been months since the first time Callie had asked that fateful question, and your confidence in yourself and your future is slowly dissipating.

Even less it becomes whenever you go to the city alone. When you are with Diluc, no one dares to even glance at you the wrong way, but when you are all by yourself hateful comments are whispered or openly thrown your way by jealous young women or the noble elders, who dreamed for their kids to share the happiness of wedlock (and his wallet) with the most desired ex-bachelor of Mondstadt.

The lack of children? Quickly becomes another proving point of you failing this marriage, because if 'everything was really fine, you would've given an heir to Master Diluc years ago'. You try not to dwell on it too much, having a full understanding of where this all is coming from, but the more you hear, the more you start questioning yourself.

This morning was yet another failure and a fruitless attempt to strike a conversation with your husband about the prospect of kids. Your trip to the city the day before and a new portion of belittling comments kept you in a gloomy mood, even the sight of your lover's bed hair and a kiss pressed to the corner of your mouth couldn't help. So now you are sitting here, in the backyard of the winery with a table and chairs nicely set under a canopy. Your eyes are staring at the cup of tea, liquid has surely gone cold a long time ago.

But with movement in your peripheral vision it is hard to ignore the way Diluc is playing with Callie, letting her squeeze and tug at his fingers and occasionally twirl a lock of his soft red hair while she bounces in his lap. Kaeya and his wife simply watch the two with a serene expression on their faces, sharing occasional smiles and chuckling.

You love your little niece, you truly do, but watching the love of your love be so… doting with her (as much as his character allows) is hard. You tried not to let your emotions take over in the morning, but with each passing minute and thought your composure is getting closer and closer to breaking.

"Uncle Diluc, when I'm gonna meet my cousins?" Here she goes again. What started as cute and hilarious now is akin to a hurtful reminder. You know the approximate answer he is going to give her, yet the hope is still flickering in your heart.

You glance at the two, awaiting his answer. You watch the man's lips tug into a small smile, making your very being flutter in delight, and a hand reaches up to softly ruffle her hair.

"Oh, little lily, are you still asking about this?" Little lily. The nickname he picked from Kaeya's 'my lily' and reformed into his own version. It stung your heart to know he was so willing to show an uncharacteristic side of himself to someone else's child yet never consider having one of his own.

"Of course! And you never answer!"

"I do not, do I?" He muses, fingers ruffling dark blue strands. "Well, I think what we have is already enough. Our family, the five of us, is pretty enough."

You hear it rather than feel. Your heart shatters when your husband has his verdict. Current state of things satisfies him, but why can't he just say it to you in an adequate way? It makes tears well in your eyes but your try to calm yourself, smoothing your skirt to keep your hands busy, but lord Barbatos they are shaking.

You fail to notice a star-shaped iris glancing at you frequently from the moment you've settled down to enjoy lunch. It is observing you with worry etched in its gaze when you eventually excuse yourself clumsily and rush to what the Cavalry Captain can only assume a secure place to cry.

He doesn't wait long to excuse himself too, quickly pressing a kiss to his wife's cheek and squeezing her hand, a habit he picked during her pregnancy and never abandoned, and then rushed to look for you. To his relief you didn't make it far, he wouldn't want you wandering into the woods and stumbling upon hilichurls or something worse.

He looks at your trembling back, a bit hunched as you lowered your head into your hands and tried to shrink. He can't have that, not when it's one of the people he let in his heart and allowed to stay.

"Y/n?" Your body moves on your own, turning to the source of the voice faster than you can stop yourself. Through the blurr you notice the signature low ponytail, an eye patch and a soft glow of Cryo vision on the hip.

Kaeya…

You hastily try to wipe your tears, but a gentle hand wraps around your wrist, carefully drawing it away. Archons, you didn't even hear him getting close to you, he is really impressive. But his presence is grounding, you manage to get a hold of your senses and shakily take deep breaths and exhale.

"Hey, hey, my lovely sister-in-law… What could've possibly brought tears to your eyes?" he carefully tugs on your arm and you get the hint. Brought to the big flat rock you lower yourself with Kaeya following you. He still has a loose grip around your wrist and you are thankful for that, it makes you feel better.

In your current state you want nothing more but to open up to someone. It is a miracle that this someone is one of the closest people both to you and Diluc. You feel safe to trust him with the information and try to collect your thoughts. The man doesn't rush you. Thumb lightly presses on your pulse point with every beat of your heart to help to steady its race. The sun warms your skin, crawling under it and melting some of your worries away. What you are about to tell your brother-in-law is a private matter, but maybe an insight from the third party will finally create a stir in this dead end of a situation.

"Well…" you shakily start, fiddling with the fabric of your skirt. "You know me and Diluc have been married for some years now... And I never rushed him with anything, I know how important his job and other duties are to him, I know…" you stop to take a deep breath, the nerves are getting the better of you, especially with realization of what you are going to say next. Kaeya is silent, but presses his shoulder to yours and you gratefully lean into it, letting him wrap an arm around your shoulders and support some of your weight. "But when I watched for awhile how he interacted with your daughter I thought he'd be excited to start our own family. However..." New tears almost make you choke. "However whenever I tried to strike a conversation on the topic, he always turned me down. I... I really don't know what to think, Kaeya… Is it too soon? Have I been too pushy? Have I read the atmosphere wrong and he doesn't want kids? Does he…" you gulp a lump in your throat, tears streaming down your red cheeks again. "Does he not see me as the mother for his children..?"

"What?" Kaeya's eye goes almost comically wide and his hand squeezes on your shoulder. "Nonsense! If Diluc ever wants someone to be the mother of his kids it'll be you. I know my brother, gentlemanliness and a bit of his old-fashioned ways aside he is an extremely blunt man. If he chooses to say something, he does, if he sets his mind onto something, then he is going to stubbornly do it, and if he decides to keep a person in his life, all risks considered, he will. And he decided to not only keep you in his life, but commit himself to you completely. From now on whatever it is, he will always choose you. Always, I promise."

You are trying to wipe your tears the best you can. Kaeya is completely right, you understand what person Diluc Ragnvindr - your husband - is, of course you do. If only you could understand some more.

"I just wish he was more open to discussing it with me when I attempt to. He must know that I'll never hold anything against him, even if he chose to tell me he doesn't want a child, yet, hopefully, but he doesn't even let me start… and the citizens…" you suddenly fall silent. Kaeya tenses, bad feeling stirring in his chest. He just hopes his suddenly manifested suspicions won't prove correct.

"Yes, dear? The citizens..?"

You glance at him, rubbing at your tear-stained cheek and reaching into your pocket to grab a handkerchief.

"Citizens say, that there should be someone b-better, someone who would've already given the Ragnvindr household an heir…" tears start to choke you almost to the point of hiccuping, head hung low and face hidden behind the embroidered tissue. "I feel so pressured and all I want is to just create a family of our own, to see my husband chasing our kid, to see him carrying them around and kissing them goodnight, giving them a cute nickname to go with and so many other things more… But I don't have any answer from Diluc, so I can't even say anything to the nobles, only swallow their critique down."

At this moment, as Kaeya Alberich wraps his arms around your shaking frame and brings your body closer to his chest, he knows that it is the time he holds the conversation with his brother. It is his turn to talk some sense into him and offer him an ear to vent and support to lean on.

The Cavalry captain knows you are an amazing woman and you deserve the best in your life. So, he makes it his mission to try and make you happy, to see a joyful smile on your face and help you fulfill your dream. Sure he is not going to push Diluc into jumping right into the bed and start making a baby. He simply needs to encourage him to have a conversation with you, the one, where you both will finally bare your hearts and minds and hopefully reach some sort of agreement.

As your crying fit finally comes to an end, Kaeya lovingly pats the top of your head and ushers you to get inside the winery and properly wash your face - your eyes could use some cool water especially. He leads you to the entrance and watches you disappear inside and only then does he make his way back to where he left his wife, his daughter and his brother.

The latter has already passed Callie back to her mother, the two girls now standing a couple of steps away and petting one of the cats that frequent the winery grounds. Kaeya notices how the redhead is turning his head from side to side, a hint of worry on his face. Sorry, dear brother, he thinks, first you'll have to bear with me and only then you'll see your beloved.

"Hey, Master Diluc~ why don't we take a stroll?" He casually and leisurely walks to him. Flaming gaze clashes with an icy one, yet it's barely the same fierce way all those years ago. No, they both gradually softened up and had their moment of reconciliation. Kaeya only hoped, it was enough for Diluc to heed his words.

"A stroll? Maybe later, Kaeya, I am looking for Y/N. Have you seen her?"

"Your wife had to leave to tend to something and she needs some time for that. Why not use this time for brotherly bonding time? Come on, nothing will happen to your precious birdie if you let her out of your sight. You have a manor full of staff."

"I know, I know, she just left so suddenly… I wanted to make sure she is alright," as he speaks, Diluc stands up, putting the chair to its place under the table. "In that case, I guess we can go for a walk. A short one."

"A short one, I promise. Just give me a moment," Kaeya slipped past him, making a way to his little family. Diluc can't hear their conversation, but he can guess its contents. After that stunt of leaving his wife alone right after she confessed to him of her pregnancy, the man couldn't stop beating himself up. He made it his mission to give her a kiss and tell her about any of his departures to not make her worry. The Dawn Winery owner has to admit it is cute and shows how much Kaeya has grown up. Besides, he can relate to it, as he too always walks to you to give you any kind of physical contact be it a kiss or him wrapping his arms around your body in a secure embrace whenever he needs to leave for quite some time.

He is working on his capability of voicing the things that make him fall in love with you all over again, that worry him, that could comfort you… but lately, as children-related thoughts have been plaguing his mind he's gotten a feeling he is failing to do so. Your sullen expression this morning when he kissed the corner of your soft lips to stop you from speaking out loud of the one thing that kept him on edge for the past couple of months is quite an indicator.

He definitely doesn't expect Kaeya to raise the very same topic.

"Hey brother…" he hasn't noticed how they've already left the winery and walked to the lake behind it. Kaeya hums, evaluating the water surface. "I just wanted to ask, you know, about the kids," he bends down and grabs a stone. Contemplating how to throw it better and not getting from Diluc anything but silence, he continues. "No, no, I am not here to force you into it just to satisfy my daughter's wish, I swear. I simply wanna know, do you want to have one someday?" The stone hits the water three times before disappearing under. "And if you do, maybe you need some support and comfort? I will always be glad to provide it. After all, If it wasn't you who talked sense into me that day I... I am not sure where I'd be now."

Diluc is a man of few words, but right now he is out right speechless. Time does fly fast, huh? The least he would've ever expected for Kaeya to sound so dead serious and mature. Yet, here he is, staring at him with sympathy and determination hidden behind his eyes.

"No, I'm... I'm fine, Kaeya," Diluc murmurs, bending down and grabbing a stone as well.

"You are not telling me something, aren't you?" even if he doesn't look at him, the Pyro user can feel the gaze fixed on the back of his head. Kaeya has always been annoyingly perceptive, with nothing slipping from under his radar. "Perhaps it's your wife who doesn't want kids?"

This is not what Diluc anticipated to hear. Whipping his head around and searching his brother's face for a hint of mockery, he finds none. Kaeya knows perfectly well now that you are not the case, but he has to get a reaction out of him and fish the worries out of his mind. And when Diluc shakes his head, he already considers it one step closer to success.

"No, she wants and she even brought up the topic a couple of times, but I…" he falls silent again, but only briefly. There is a hand on his shoulder now, giving it a firm squeeze to send the message through all of that muscle mass and to his heart. Kaeya is here and he is ready to listen. It is another step closer to success when Diluc doesn't shrug the hand off and lets it stay, choosing to continue instead. "I always cut it off and I think I made her sad with that," the admission makes a dull ache in his chest appear. It's as if the flame in a fireplace is dying and suddenly he feels the need to express his worries, something he doesn't do often, especially if it isn't to his wife. "She is absolutely amazing and I know she'd be a wonderful mother to our children, but I don't know if I would be a good father."

An insecurity. A hesitance felt about the future. Self-abasement. And many other things the Cryo user hears in this one message and reads in Diluc allegedly unreadable and closed-off body language. Kaeya is all too familiar with the very things his brother is anxious about right now, he had not just experienced them years ago, but became acquaintanced with the shits on an almost intimately close level. He knows how to deal with it now, and he wants to teach his brother too.

"I think you are going to do an amazing job, Diluc. Look at my daughter, she absolutely adores you."

"I know, but it's not the same. Knowing that she has parents who love her and will always show her all the love they have and thus she'll never feel not loved I can be tranquil, showing her just what I can. But it'd be my own child, Kaeya. It would be me who would have to show them all the love I have for them and I don't know how. I am aware it is hard for me to express my feelings and I pray to Celestia every day for giving me a woman as loving and understanding as my wife is, but the child needs to feel love directly," Diluc Ragnvindr sighs deeply and turns to look Kaeya straight into his eye. "And to receive their love..? Of their love I am not worthy. I am not…"

The redhead expects his brother to agree with that statement - the owner of the Dawn Winery has done way too many unredeemable things to get his revenge after Crepus’s death, even now some of his actions in the name of secret protection of the City of Freedom if known can be considered horrible. To his surprise Kaeya only smiles and smacks his shoulder.

"Oh, shut up, you deserve everything and much more after all the shit that happened in your life. Think of it as Celestia finally having enough of ruining your existence and giving you compensation. Listen, being a parent is hard, I am not going to sugarcoat it. Snowflake and I spent many sleepless nights tending to our girl, we worried ourselves to the point of expecting gray hair to appear, and, personally I am not around as much as I'd really love to with all the work keeping me from my family at times. But! It doesn't mean Callie doesn't feel loved and cherished. Words are good, yes, but the actions speak louder. You are the man of action, you learnt how to express yourself better after getting together with Y/N. Am I not right?"

He is right. With you stepping into Diluc's life and deciding to stay every day is filled with love and comfort. He leaves the cocoon he put himself into all those years ago, and he feels relief from doing so. He feels free.

"What I am trying to say," Kaeya continues, bending down to grab two stones and give one to Diluc, "you two should sit down and have a talk on the matter, especially since it’s obviously worrying both you and her. Voice both of your concerns and work it out. Speaking from experience, a planned or prevented pregnancy is less stressful than an unplanned one. Just imagine how scared your wife would be if she got pregnant and, not knowing what you think about having kids, wouldn't know how to approach you. And would think, in case you agreed to keep the child, that you did it only because she kept asking you. Just please, talk to her, okay?"

The redhead stares at the stone in his gloved hand. Kaeya does speak from experience, knowing that his wife’s unplanned pregnancy was rough at first, hard on her while she kept it a secret not knowing what Kaeya might say or think. Even though it was only for a little while, Diluc can only imagine how badly she hurt when her lover didn't do anything besides run away, leaving her more confused and alone than ever. You shouldn't experience the same thing, and now Diluc is determined to never let it happen.

Two stones hit the water, merrily jumping forward, creating dancing ripples on its surface.

"Thank you," Kaeya glances at his brother again and notes the much calmer look on his face.

"You are welcome, brother dear. It's only natural for close people to help each other. Oh, one more thing before we return. I consider you worthy of having a family and capable of loving."

The Cavalry Captain doesn't fail to notice a small smile gracing the stoic face.

Diluc doesn’t approach you immediately. As much as Kaeya is right, the man needs a little bit of time to collect his thoughts and calm his crazy heart and rushing mind. He needs to be careful, he is aware his previous rejections to talk about kids might’ve made you discouraged and for the conversation to run smoothly it requires him being as emotionally stable as possible.

That night he notices you have been in some kind of distress, but doesn’t comment on it, since your body language obviously shows you are trying to cover it. Diluc just makes sure to hold you close to his body, sharing his natural heat with you and cuddling through the night. A couple of days passes when he finally makes up his mind, wraps his work up way earlier than he usually finishes and asks Adelinde to keep anyone from disturbing him and you until tomorrow.

"My flame, do you have a moment?"

Not long after the dinner was over today, you found yourself in the living room with a book near the fireplace. You were going to use it to pass the evening while your husband would be working on his paperwork before calling it a night and going to bed. What you didn't expect was to see the man appear in the living room a half of an hour later and slowly walk to you with the very question spoken in a soft voice.

You feel a little bit nervous now, sitting in the bedroom side by side with your husband, hips almost touching. Usually the proximity brings your comfort but the rollercoaster of emotions from a couple of days ago is still kind of fresh and the uncertainty of the upcoming conversation is making your insides twist and churn.

The clock on the wall is ticking so loudly in the silence of the big room. With each tick hundreds of thoughts run through your restless mind, but you know you are good - it definitely would’ve been worse if your husband had asked for some serious conversation the very day you burst into tears in front of Kaeya.

Finally Diluc chooses to break the silence and be the first to speak.

"My flame, I have an important thing to discuss. The one I've been putting aside for far too long," in this moment you gulp silently, tensing and not taking your eyes off of him. The man takes notice and tries to offer you a small smile.

“It is about starting our own family, my love. About having a child of our own.”

Maybe it is something about his soft tone or the way he is gazing at you with adoration swirling in his vermillion eyes but suddenly the worry leaves your body. It just jumps off the branch and flies away like a little bird, leaving behind the smallest disturbance in the air its wings created. This manifests in a nervous laugh of yours.

“O-oh, ‘Luc, you scared me here for a moment! Honestly I thought you came here to discuss the divorce, haha.”

When you look at your husband's face, you see the kind of Diluc Ragnvindr even you don't manage to witness much. He is bewildered by your assumption, not seeing it coming at all. To be completely honest he starts panicking. The prospect of ever ending your marriage and going separate ways never crossed his mind, and to hear that he made you simply think it could potentially happen… He is an idiot.

"No, no, no, my love, there is not going to be any divorce," Hot lips feverishly press kisses to your temple. You subconsciously lean in his caress, reaching your hands to his and contently sighing when his fingers eagerly wrap around yours. "Divorce is never an option when it comes to you, my heart. Why would you even think so?"

Even if he has an idea why, he won't let you shut yourself in, he needs you to talk.

"I thought…” you start a little bit hesitant but then realize that you actually feel pretty calm to speak out. “I thought you were annoyed with me for trying to talk about kids," you gently fidget with his fingers. Diluc's heart aches, when he hears you say that - and he is the cause of it.

"I am so sorry, love…" he tugs your restless hands to his and starts pressing a kiss to each knuckle. His lips are warm and with each peck this warmth is seeping through your skin and right to your fluttering heart. "I am a fool," he murmurs against your fingers, still tightly clasped in his. "It was never my intention to hurt you like this. I am," he is not sure how to form his next words correctly. Ruby eyes gaze into yours and see the hint of hope there. 'You two should sit down and have a talk on the matter' Kaeya's words echo in his mind and solidify the need to do so.

"To be honest, I was scared. I just don't know how to handle a child of my own, if I even can do so. I struggle to express my feelings to you, what would it be like if we were to have a baby? What if they hated me? What if they thought I didn't love them and I couldn't prove them overwise? What if I was not there enough? What if I can't protect them- both of you, actually? And I tried to bury it and enjoy what I have now, but it wasn't right of me to turn you down like this and make you feel like I do not care. I do and I am sorry, love. This conversation has been put aside for too long, so… if you are still willing to have it, I am open to it."

A palm cups his cheek and immediately he leans into it. His heart wants to burst out of his chest when he sees the soft look in your eyes. He thought you'd be angry with him, and you have any right to be, he thought you'd scream at him, punch him for being a douchebag, shut him up with this idea because the opportunity was wasted… Yet here you are, leaning forward to kiss him lovingly, thumb rubbing his cheekbone and the man melts. His shoulders slump and hands cupped both sides of your face, holding you so delicately as you share a moment of sweet intimacy.

"I can't say I am not mad at all at you," you start, once separated, but staying close, foreheads touching, "but I am glad you eventually came to talk. Yes, I do want to have this discussion with you, to know what our future holds for us and be prepared to face it with you. Together. So.. share a piece of mind with me?"

You two talk. You talk all evening and way into the night about everything you desire. You slowly and much calmer retell your husband absolutely everything you've told Kaeya and he does the same, holding you impossibly close, and whenever one of you feels nervous or hesitant, share a loving touch to ease up the tension.

You also tell him about the bullying by the noble group of the citizens and for the first time Diluc's jaw clenches in anger. Sensing your insecurity coming back, he hurries to reassure you once again.

"I want to have a child with you. And we will, I promise you, my flame. Stay assured from now on no one will dare to reprimand you for not," he grimaces, "'giving me an heir' sooner. Whoever even phrases it like this? We are having not an heir, but a child… boy, girl, I do not care, as long as this kid is with you."

Your face lights up, hearing these words and finally knowing the thoughts that have been plaguing his mind for so long. His words feel like a lit fireplace when there is a blizzard outside - warm and welcoming, seeping to your very soul to wrap it in a secure blanket. It is the promise of the future you desire to share with the man who's been deprived of familial happiness for so long, whom you love with your whole heart.

"Please, do not rush yourself though," you say in the end, just before you will finally change your clothes to sleep. "We have time. Knowing that you are eager to have a child is really enough for me.”

“But I’ve made you wait for so long… Are you sure you want to wait some more?”

“I am sure. I want to help you ease your worries and experience fatherhood without trouble. For that we’ll have to ease your working hours, which means we need more time for everything. Oh, I know! How about this - I'll help you out with work. I know it will take awhile to clear up your schedule at least for a couple of weeks or maybe even months, but I am sure we can do it! We can use this free time and go on vacation! Relax and maybe then…" a blush rises to your cheeks and the man chuckles, softly pinching one of them.

"I married the smartest, most considerate and loving woman in this whole world. I love your suggestion. And I'll make sure we go on vacation."

"Really!?"

He nods and catches your happily laughing body in his arms, smiling himself. With you by his side he is sure, he'll be able to become a better man to be a good father to your child and the thought now doesn't sound all that scary.

When five months later you announce your pregnancy to the Alberich family, Kaeya knows that his brother and his sister-in-law are going to be fine - by the soft gaze of crimson eyes traveling from your happy face to your stomach and back, by the way you two are holding hands and giving each other a squeeze occasionally and by the general excited atmosphere swirling between you two. He gives Diluc a proud smile and the redhead nods, answering with a small one of his own.

Kaeya's job here is done.

And seems like Callie's going to get herself a cousin in the end.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc x reader #diluc x fem!reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin impact fluff #pearly family au

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neteyamyawne · 1 year

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🪷 — Forever : Persistent

୭ ˚. Pairing : widow!JakeSully x fem!na'vi!reader

୭ ˚. summary : Request

୭ ˚. Parts : pt1 pt2 pt3

୭ ˚. Song : Becoming one of "the people"

୭ ˚. Warning : angst , fighting, cursing, mutual pinning, stubbornness , kinda rude y/n, fluffy ending, confession during argument, implied smutt, rude!Jake, kissing, war scene, insecurities, age gap, yelling, let me know if there are more 💚

୭ ˚. Word count : 4.3k , not proof read

୭ ˚. Note : oh my fucking god, this story has been a ride and I'm dead!

"word" - dialogue, word - thoughts

୭ ˚. Glossary : [syaksyuk] - monkey like creatures from Avatar, [kehe] - no, [ma'yawnetu] - my little loved/beloved one.

It's been 5 years seen we have been "mated", 5 years since i accepted my fate for the good, the day i stepped out of that healing tent i made a vow to never be the naïve girl that got me into this in the first place, to never depend on anyone for my protection, even if Jake gave me his word to protect and respect me but that is now in the past, the past where i locked out my old self in the darkest depth of my mind, creating walls over walls of hard exterior to prevent that once soft hearted y/n to never escape.

One day, that's all it took to change the entirety of my life, one word and everything crashed, my whole world flipped upside down I may have become cold and cruel to unsuspecting eyes but the moment i get home and see the faces of our children, their smiles makes every moment of my decision worth it, our children ,yes , even if not by blood, i made my promise to their mother that I'll treat them as my own and they were mine the moment they all were born, i had every single right to even call them mine as i was the only one parenting while Jake was too engrossed in his war plans, sometimes i don't even know if I'm wrong when i think he is forgetting his own kids, his behavior still hasn't changed a bit , his demeanor almost always a bit cold towards everyone, concealing emotions to an extent where his own kids became wary of him, even if we rarely talked i knew he was hiding everything he can until he can't, as he promised he gave me his respect and in return i acted like his perfect "mate", to the world we were a sweet overly in love joyous couple, always helping eachother out, wearing things that matched in the communal festivals all sunshine and sparkles, but the moment we entered our tent the act was over, only keeping it up when the kids are around so it doesn't cause any suspicion between them, as i said me and Jake talked occasionally this silence became a big part of our routine, some of the topics being gatherings, family dinners, raid strategies, kids health etc. Other than that there was nothing to talk about between us.

Even after years of neglect, years of protecting myself from him, that stupid and selfish side of mine fell for him, pathetic i know and i did my damn best to ignore whatever this attraction i felt towards him labeling it as a stupid crush and nothing else but look where i am now years later still pinning for the man who sees me nothing more than an acquaintance, a person who looks after his kids that's all i was to him, i closed my eyes, opening them to reread the war plan for the 10th time now, groaning i got up for a walk to silence the stream of thoughts that fixated on the man i lived with, walking out as clearly was in no state to work right now, reaching our tent i sat near the extinguished fire, staring at the blackened wood i was interrupted by tuk throwing herself on my back wrapping her arms around my neck as she exclaimed "Mommy, you're back!" I stopped , turning to her as i brought her in front of me as i spoke " tuk tuk, how many times have i told you not to call me that" as i caressed her cheek , she looked down sighing " but you are my mom now" shaking my head i knew there was no debating with her, she always got what she wanted but i still stopped her from calling me that whenever i can, even kiri called "mom" sometimes, even if that brings me joy to no extent i couldn't help but feel the guilt weigh down on my heart, i knew i could never take ney's place and i didn't even want to but i couldn't help but think that it was supposed to her who should be sitting here and the one who tuk should be calling "mom", i just gave her a smile and giving her another small indication to not call me that even if i knew she'd call mom again i let her go, turning to make today's dinner….

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I knew we had angered eywa by going behind her back, tricking the people into believing that we have mated but in reality we both just sat down near the tree of souls in complete silence not even daring to utter a single word, i cringed inwardly at the memory as i made my way towards the weavers tents where i kept the surprise necklaces i was making for tuk and kiri, as i made my way over , i knew eywa could get angry but i didn't know she was petty as well, couples and mates were littered throughout the whole route, it's been like this everywhere i went as if eywa herself was taunting me for the decisions i have taken, ignoring everyone i got inside the tent just nodding at the people who acknowledged me not saying anything i went to my spot sitting down and working on the unfinished necklaces, i knew there were whispers and gossips about me floating through the clan but hearing them first hand was different " she has changed so much now" - " 5 years together and still no child of their own tsk tsk" - "that's what I thought maybe the Olo'eyktan isn't satisfied enough by her-" - "how can he be? He was mated to neytiri, she is nothing compared to her" every word uttered from their mouths digged deep into my skin, temper shoots through my mind all those pent up emotion resurfacing but i dampened as i got up walking over to those women and gritted out "if you want to talk bad about me please do it right in front of my face not behind my back, I'll come to you as I'm all ears for your criticism when I'm done with my work because i have a life to live unlike yourselfs" their faces were palling rapidly as they weren't aware of my presence before i made it known to them, i stormed off to angry at myself for letting my temper take the best of me, i speed walked to my spot at the lake, as i sat down , the necklaces still in my fist while i stared at the water that ripped with the breeze, Eywa i shouldn't have done that, scolding myself mentally i let myself calm down, this is gonna end up rough ,i thought sighing…..

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I got back home just wanting to eat something and go to sleep, as i walked inn to give tuk and kiri their necklaces but to my surprise the whole tent was empty, worry gripped me as i turned around to go look was them, it's been 2 hours past eclipse by now everyone should be home, but i was stopped in my track as the last person i wanted to see on the entirety of Pandora stood in front of me , Jake walked towards me as i started "Jake where are th-" but me cut me " they are with mo'at for tonight, they wanted to spend the night there" i let out the breath i was holding

Turning around once again I went towards the fireplace but Jake's voice rang out stopping me " why did you do that?" I know what he's talking about but how did it spread so quickly? " I lost my temper and I don't want to talk about it," I said curtly, continuing my way to the fireplace as I sat down. " You yell at a clan member and you don't wanna talk about it? How's that gonna work?, Huh!" I just ignored him not having the energy to talk any longer but he didn't stop as he yelled " Talk to me!" And for the second time today I lost my battle to contain my anger down " You wanna talk? Then let's fucking talk Jake, tell me what the fuck do you want me to do? Huh! What in the name of eywa should i have done? I had to protect my honor because I don't have that person to do it for me! Okay? I lost my temper because I don't have anyone to just LISTEN TO mE!" He was taken aback a little by my outburst, i have never in my life yelled at someone, in raids yes but not like this, he recovered quickly a dark look replacing it " you knew what you're getting into all those years ago, i made myself cl-" , " i fucking know that Jake, i know why i took that decision because i made a promise to neytiri and it was her last wish to me to not break it, i won't let her down like that" my voice got smaller with each word " just stop okay? I don't have to energy to fight right now please just leave me alone Jake " with that i walked out , not wanting him to see the pathetic sight of me crying, i didn't know where i was going i just walked and walked till my legs got tired and i couldn't think straight as i sat down on a branch as i let everything out, once again all alone deep inside the forest so no one has to give me that unwanted sympathy…

It's been a few days after my fight with Jake and to be honest it's been a lot awkward sleeping in one hammock as the kids still didn't know about the fight, at first we slept differently but the kids got suspicious so we opted for one hammock with our backs turned to each other as tuk laid beside me because 'she can't sleep when I'm not with her', they have also picked up on the tension between us but no one said anything, today we had another raid, neteyam and lo'ak were meant to be spotters but lo'ak got on the war ground where i was covering for other warriors when i saw them, before i could even get to them the blast happen, neteyam was hit badly, lo'ak was dazed but i picked him up as i saw Jake picking up neteyam as we ran to our ikrans, ushering lo'ak on his, i got onto mine…..

I stood a little behind neteyam as Jake scolded both of them " I let you two geniuses fly and you disobey direct orders!? You two were supposed to be spotters not down there on the ground!" He yells and i knew i had to step in as blood dripped down neteyam's wound " enough Jake" he looked at me with a pointed glare but i didn't waver as i said " your son is bleeding" just as pointedly to get my message across, " ma, I'm fine, I'm okay" but i didn't hear any further, sparing one last glance at Jake i took neteyam to the healing tent, quietly giving him a piece of my mind as well while we walked, dropping him at the tent, i just watched from outside, i knew it wasn't his fault, lo'ak have always wanted his father's approval more than anything but his ways to approach it drove Jake even more insane, i sat down besides Jake while he cleaned his gun, as i said " you need to be more gentle on them, they are your kids not your soldiers'' he glared at me once again but this time it was a bit different, something softer in his eyes " you don't have to tell me how to raise my kids" i exhaled through me nose, hissing at him " you're hurting them Jake, can't you see? He looks up to you, he looks for your approval and all you do is shove him away!" This was the most civil conversation we had in a while, his eyes glassed over, a shadow coming over his face as he finally looked at me, my heart sunk at his next words " i thought i lost them y/n" i pressed my lips into a thin line as i dared to put a hand on his giving him a knowing nod, sighing i stood to, walking to our tent to clean up and make something for us to eat.

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~ Jake POV ~

All i could think about was her outburst, the way she screamed at me, god i wanted to hug and never leave her side but things were way easier said than done, i knew i liked her and i also knew that she didn't reciprocate it, she couldn't! So i kept my act up of being a total asshole to her, but i knew i fucked up good when i forced her to talk, pushing the buttons a little to far and then being stupid enough to be shocked as she snapped, i regret yelling at her but i didn't know what got into me in that moment, now this fiasco with neteyam and lo'ak, her confronting me with how they really felt about me, it just hung in silence inside my mind, i knew i was being hard on them but i had too, there is a war going on out there if don't teach them now then it would be too late to teach later…

I really try to talk to her but i chicken out everytime, i know even after being a clan's leader , their toruk makto I'm still afraid to confess to the women who literally lives with me and has been living with me for 5 years, we sleep in same hammock for god's sake and i still back out at the last moment, it's always the same story, i build up my courage picking up the newest creation i made for her almost walking up to her then letting my thoughts take over , what if she doesn't like this? What if she doesn't feel the same way? She's younger than me, definitely wouldn't want someone as old as me at all, and i would back out, now i have dozens of necklaces, armbands , earing, beads, tops and what not piled in a corner of our tent were no one is allowed to go, i can lead hundreds of warriors in one command but this? This was definitely not my cup of tea, even winning neytiri was not this hard. I have to make a move soon because I can see my time is running out but I don't know how….

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~ Y/n POV ~

Flying besides Jake as neteyam was right behind us as we petroled our borders, it was nice to finally fly for a while without so much stress, it was still there but a lot less, syaksyuk clung around chirping and hooting now and then, all in all it was peaceful….until i heard lo'ak voice calling out through the coms, his voice was hushed and i knew right away something was wrong i glanced at Jake as he was already looking at me when lo'ak spoke "devil dog, this is eagle eye, we are near the abandoned shack and there are 6-7 Navi but they are not one of us, dreamwalkers maybe, they are armed with ARs'' before Jake could respond i said " who are "we"?" There was a moment of silence before he spoke "me, kiri, spider…and tuk" and my heart dropped to my stomach as Jake instantly ordered him to fall back and to move out without a sound, neteyam hearing all of it as he said "sir, here i have short cut" and we both turned to follow him.

It was getting dark as we got their, they were captured, my heart was beating a mile per second, my mind only coming up with different ways to get them all out, it had started to rain as well so we had to fast, taking a deep breath i let out a chirping sound to notify them of our arrival, i situated myself on top of a branch as knocking in my arrow as i trained it on the soldier holding kiri, i looked down seeing Jake as he nodded and i let of my arrow, that's when all hell broke loose, jumping down i took down the two demons in front of me, taking hold of kiri and tuk i pulled them ahead of me, pushing them towards our ikrans, i stood back to a tree when i heard his voice " ahh, mrs. Sully, long time no see, looks like you were very busy looking at that litter of yours, why don't you come down here huh? Have a little chat, it's been a while after you killed me" i let out a hiss, he thinks he's talking to neytiri but i couldn't help myself as i said " I'll kill you a hundred times if i have to , demon" right as i said it i heard a crunch behind me as i whipped my head to look but a spray of blood hit my face as i saw Jake with his axe in the shooter's neck him long dead, as i twisted knocking my arrows one last time as i shot the two soldiers beneath me and i ran with Jake towards our mounts, i pulled kiri into me, as she sobbed in my neck, Jake's checked on lo'ak as i pulled in tuk as well, kiri sobbed for spider as he was taken, i silently sent a prayer to eywa to keep the boy safe, as we all mounted the ikrans, lo'ak with neteyam, kiri with Jake and tuk with me, tuk was shocked by all this as she clung to me , wrapping her arms around my neck as i kept her close to me, no one said a word all throughout the journey home…..

" We have to leave, there is no other way" Jake said as I stared at him, I knew he was back but this? Leaving the only home I've ever had? Leaving EVERYTHING I ever had behind? He had to be joking, "kehe, no, do you even understand what you're saying?" He just lets out an exaggerated sigh " i know what I'm talking about y/n, he is BACK, but now not only for me but my family as well, he will come here and destroy everything we have made all over again" and i just stood there " you can't ask me for this Jake, this is going too far now, i can't-" "Don't you understand? He will not stop till he gets to me, listen to me , we have to get out of here as soon as possible" and what i said next left him flabbergasted "NO! i will not leave my home in fear of him , we'll fight like we did last time, i will not leave, if you want to go you can, we have no bond stopping you, we had nothing to even begin with…..this is my home and I'll stand with it." He stared at me shocked, like he never expected me to say no but here I was doing just that! A new kind of determination came over his looks, i thought he was gonna turn around and storm out but what he did next left me speechless as he propelled forward connect his lips with mine, my eyes widen but i didn't break it, he slowly pulled back and said " i need you y/n, I've always needed you, you grounded me , you are my support, if it weren't for you i would have gone insane years ago, i need you by my side, i should have said this way earlier but now i can't lose you, please , you're all I've got, i can't do this without you, I've- I've loved you for years y/n but i was too afraid to say anything, please just think about this, we have to get out of here before he has a chance to get to us" i didn't have any words as he still held me in his arms, my heart beating so fast that i think it'll burst out of my chest, my fingers were shaking at their spot on his forearms as i stared at him, he tilted his head , his tail wrapping around my thigh, everything felt unreal, like time froze, tears lined my eyes while i fell to my knees…

He engulfed me in a hug as tears and sobs wrecked my body, years of pent up emotions coming out, he held me rubbing my back, supporting me,as i stopped pulling out and started hitting his chest and arms with whatever strength i had left in me, he took it all in as he just smiled, hugging me again he spoke " I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry for letting you go through all this alone, i see you, i really do, i know i should have been there through every step but i let my thoughts get in between, it's okay if you don't lik-" i shut him up as i kissed this time but pulled back just as quickly, getting up and away as a confused Jake Sully still sat on the floor, he frowned his eyebrows joining together but i simply pick up my bow and i said " a simple apology won't fix everything sully, you have to earn it" my back was to him so i didn't see him come up behind me as he puts his big hands on my hips turning me around looking at me with love sick eyes, keeping my bow down i put my hands on his chest , he gave the smirk i haven't seen in years, and pushed him back , letting out a sigh i said " I see you too Jake, and just like you i kept silent for years but you can't expect me to do this, this my home, my life! everything I've ever known, we haven't even made tsaheylu yet, and i respect your choice but i can't do this" he silently put his forehead against mine and i closed my eyes as he began " i know i said i won't make tsaheylu with you but all these years together, i have changed, really, you changed me and that too for good, i wasn't in a good state of mind back then but now i know" i opened my eyes to the silence but gasped as i saw Jake his queue in front of me, pulling my forehead back from his as i looked at him in the eyes " Jake are you really sure about this? I don't want to do it if it's only for the sake of all this!" But he just shook his head " No, ma' yawnetu, i mean it, i see you and i want to prove it, that is if you give me a chance too" i knew the water works were coming as i brought my queue in front of me, i looked at him seriously and he just nodded connecting our queues, it was a feeling I've never felt before, closing my eyes as it washed over me in waves, it was everything but nothing at once, i felt him and his love for me, his heart beat, his breath, his thoughts everything, fluttering my eyes open i looked at him again as he smiled down at me, i felt complete, he hugged me once again and i melted in it, pulling him as close as i can , sighing i let go, " c'mon we don't have all day, we have to move fast, I don't want that demon anywhere near my children" i walked away giving him a smile over my shoulder as i picked up my bow and went outside to tell the kids about the plans but found them huddled up against the side of our tent, ears pressed attentively, my guess is they were secretly listening instead of being with mo'at and they haven't heard me come out and i was right as i heard tuk say " why aren't they talking? Is mom crying again?" I came up behind them and coughed , all of them tensed up as they slowly turned their heads as i glared at them head tilted and neteyam started " I'm sorry ma, it's my fault-" "enough, everybody inside right now as i assume you've heard everything, we need to discuss and pack up". I know this is gonna be hard for them as it's for me but we have to, it's for everyone's safety, sighing i lead them all inn…..

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I was lying besides Jake, as the kids were with mo'at spending their last night with their grandmother and giving an excuse for our privacy too, my head on his chest as we both stayed silent enjoying for once together, i chuckled as i thought about just yesterday when we slept with our backs against each other absolutely refusing to look and now i am lying almost on top of him, he looked at me confused as of why i was laughing, i just looked up and did the first that came to my mind, kissing him right on the lips as he reciprocated and deepening it, his hands moving to hips and waist, roaming up my chest as my own tangled in his hair, he licked my bottom lip and every wall i ever made tore down one by one, letting him inn as his tongue immediately dominated mine and i gladly caved in , breaking the kiss as he smirked at me, the question evident in his eyes and i nodded and that's all the confirmation he needed as he took over, as for tonight? I'll be busy but a different kind of busy……..

A/n : i fucking had so muchhh fun writing this fr 😭 some parts made me sad even tho i was the one writing it 😂 i hope i did good, i hope y'all like it ☺️🫶🏼 and 4.3k?!!! Wtf i didn't know when i even crossed 2k lmao

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli.

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star2fishmeg · 8 months

Note

Hello! I’m the Romeo fujio anon from earlier and I just saw the post you made about accepting other high & low characters. If that’s still true then how do you feel about a shoji sameoka request? It would be a reader who’s new to town and doesn’t really know any of the gangs so shoji takes it upon himself to keep an eye on her and gradually becomes so soft and simp like for her. Readers kinda dense so shoji has to become much more obvious with his flirting. Feel free to ignore if it’s too specific

ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇɴɪᴇɴᴄᴇ sᴛᴏʀᴇ sᴛᴀʟᴋᴇʀ

Pairing: Sameoka Shoji x afab!reader

Summary: out of all the people Shoji had met in his life, y/n was, in fact, the biggest threat to him. Specifically the biggest threat to his heart

Warnings: fluff, Shoji being painfully smitten, ooc shoji, swearing

Authors note: Hi anon, while I appreciate the request, I’ve seen that this one was quite similar to a request a mutual of mine received. If it was coincidental, that’s completely fine, no biggie. I should’ve stated before that I usually don’t do requests that have been requested to someone else as they make me feel inadequate and I worry about the other writer’s feelings too, but since this is my error and slightly different to the other request, I still went through with it. I hope you enjoy😊

Authors note II: ooc = out of character, this is my first time writing him

Request: above!

Fucking Ebara hooligans

All she wanted was to grab a few snacks and flavourings for her mum, but of course the local Ebara delinquents loitered outside the doors, firing a million unnecessary questions about who she was, where she came from, what school she went to, all that babble. And while she got through their herd, trying to find the right seasoning under the flickering light, two Ebara students’ hawk-like glares stabbed the back of her head like daggers. She kept her breathing steady, slow breaths, lax posture, eyes straight in front of her on the labels.

“Oi, d’you know where the fuck you think you are?” one hissed, hands stuffed into his pockets and approaching with a sick smirk. She watched him get closer from the corner of her eyes, pulling the ingredient she needed off the shelf and into her basket. Turning away from him, she was instantly met with the other boy’s figure scowling down at her.

“He asked you a question.”

Her head craned to the boy behind her, “The convenient store, where the fuck d’you think you are?” Neither of them responded to her, the three just stared each other in the eyes, as if waiting for someone to make the first strike. All that tension and all she wanted was food. Any anxiety that once rattled through her had morphed into bubbling anger, heart practically pounding in her ears. Her foot stepped to the side slightly, if to gesture that she was to leave, but the man glaring her down’s hand gripped her arm and she knew fleeing wasn’t going to come easy.

“Just let her go, not worth the hassle.” She turned her head towards the voice; another tall Ebara student with a thick chain and padlock around his neck, and two braids pulling his hair out his face. The two stepped away, letting her arm go and she scoffed, walking towards the braided man, eyes fixed on his as she turned the corner, mumbling a ‘thanks’ on her way to the checkout.

“The fuck was that for, Sameoka?” the guy growled.

Sameoka cocked an eyebrow, “She’s not a threat and besides,” his eyes glanced back to her paying, “I don’t think she’s been here long.”

Turning the corner of the street, she waved her goodbyes to the friends she made a week ago. With transferring schools so late in the year, she thought she’d spend most of it alone but apparently, she was more approachable than she thought. The skies were still pale, evening still another couple hours to fall. Yet, the strong presence that taunted her mind still lingered even as she walked further towards her house, the clicking of shoes becoming irritating, especially as they matched her rhythm.

She stopped. They stopped. “If you’re going to stalk me, at least be less obvious about it.” She put her weight onto her hip and turned around, face almost unimpressed to find Braids from the previous week standing with his hands in his pockets, looking directly back at her, also unimpressed.

“Wasn’t stalking you, I have my own stalker thanks.” He scoffed smirking, almost humorously.

“Oh really? A delinquent with a fangirl stalker? Funny.” She mused.

He casually walked closer, looming over her figure, “I’m serious, but she also follows the Kamasaka bastards too so m’not really worried about it.”

“Why are you following me anyway? If you’re gonna jump me like your boys were just do it.” She shrugged, standing up straight as if surrendering.

Sameoka ruffled her hair, “Actually just making sure you don’t get jumped. You’re new here and naïve to what goes on.” Y/n struggled his large hand off her head, fumbling with her hair to make it presentable again. Sameoka started strolling again, loosely taking her wrist as if to say, ‘walk with me’ and ultimately followed her lead.

“Okay, so then tell me why you feel the need to follow me?”

“In short, gang culture is high and the convenient store you were at the other day? Ebara’s hang out spot. We usually don’t like outsiders there but since you looked so stupid, there was no point in threatening you. You’ll know they’re from Ebara by their plaid trousers.” He pointed to his trousers, y/n nodding.

“Well, what if I am a threat, huh?” She jabbed his arm teasingly. On a normal day, Shoji would’ve punched back twice as hard, but since she was, in fact, naïve and in his eyes, kind of cute, he let it slide, not hating it as much as he thought.

“You’re right,” he began and held the arm she jabbed as if he were in extreme pain, “Ow, my arm is in soooo much pain! You’re just too strong.” His voice reeked of sarcasm, but she laughed either way.

“I’m here, but please don’t break in, uh-“ she stopped outside her house, an average family home but with an extraordinarily clean front garden.

“-Shoji. Sameoka Shoji. See ya around, y/n.”

She smiled, waddling to her front door, halting when the realisation struck her that he knew her name when she never told him. She swung around to protest, but he had vanished. Nothing she could do now.

Thank god it was Friday, y/n practically burst out the classroom door upon the final bell, no hesitation, waiting for no-one. Months passed and she still aimed to be the first to leave the room every time, just to show how much she really did not want to be there anymore.

But what she didn’t need was the sun blinding her as she left the front doors of the school, almost making her walk into three different people before her eyes adjusted to see Shoji leaning against the wall just outside the campus grounds. Students alike whispered amongst each other about Ebara having business with their regular school, or wondering if they were looking for someone. And he was.

“Shoji? What’re you doing here?” y/n called, walking closer to him. He stood straight, lips quirking into a small smile at her.

“Came to pick a pretty girl up.”

“Woah, she’s lucky.” Shoji’s brain short-circuited briefly, and he blinked a couple times before shaking his head.

“Start walking, I have a fight later.” He ushered her, taking her bag and carrying himself.

“Wait but what about the pretty girl-“

“-she’s walking, dumbarse.”

Y/n talked the entire way home, about school mainly, but branching off on tangents that Shoji hadn’t asked for but didn’t complain about as she seemed happy to tell him about it. Even standing outside her house, she continued to talk to him, like she was stalling. When she did stop to take a breath, she grinned up at him, fumbling with something in her hand. His chest tightened, heart beating faster when her eyes lit up under the sun and how even with his unapproachable appearance, she still held no hesitation in running up to him.

Her smaller hand took his palm, twisting it to face the sky before placing the item. He closed his palm and inspected it closer. A handmade bracelet, woven by hand and adjustable, in blue, grey and white. He slipped it onto his wrist and pulled his arm further away to check it out,

“It’s a good luck bracelet for later, you know, your fight. I don’t want you to lose.” His brain genuinely could not fathom why someone with a normal life, a future would be so okay with him. Or yet, condone his barbaric lifestyle. His heart swelled, no one had ever made him something before, let alone a girl who was pretty, and accepting, and that he was growing to like, maybe more than he wanted to.

“I won’t lose as long as I have you.” He smiled, a genuine one. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he abruptly pulled her into his chest, being careful that his padlock necklace didn’t smack her head. A foreign warmth spread through his veins and the pressure of her body against his was a comfort he’d want forever. Her arms snaking around his waist set off a chain reaction, his arms tightening around her and his face burying into her hair as he’d never been held like that before.

He'd never been in that situation before. Hell, he’d never been in a girl’s bedroom before. Months of walking her home, keeping an eye on her whenever he caught her outside, back and forth bantering and texting seemed to fly before his eyes like a roll of film.

Y/n sat at her desk, grinding through her homework while he lay on her bed in a comfortable silence. Her space reflected her personality, filled with the things she loved and the new additions of photobooth pictures she made them take one weekend. He remembered being so embarrassed at the time, but the more he looked at the photos, the more he found them endearing and if it meant he could be with her, he was shameless about it. Who cared what his boys thought anyway, his life was his business.

“You can leave, if you’re bored.” She stated, eyes still focused on the notebook in front of her, voice flat with disappointment. It was that moment when he realised that she hadn’t smiled once since they met up, but every time he wanted to ask, a lump formed in his throat.

“M’not bored, you’re just cute when concentrating. Don’t wanna disturb ya.” He rolled onto his side, propped up on his elbow. She glanced in his direction, hoping he couldn’t see how pink her cheeks were as he lay there in his tank top and chain, a sight she thought only existed in her dreams.

“Oh, okay.” She nodded, continuing. He smirked at the way she pulled her lip between her teeth, struggling to get comfortable in her chair. Oh, something was on her mind, and she was just not ready to confess it to him. Shoji stood up, taking a deep breath and made his way behind her chair. His flingers slid around her head, pulling the hairs that hung down her face and tucked them behind her ears before leaning over her, hands placing onto her desk while his breath on her neck made the hairs on her neck stand on end. Y/n’s breath hitched, he was directly behind her, so unbelievably close her mind short circuited, throat dry and stomach protruding to her throat.

“What’s on your mind, pretty girl. You haven’t smiled all day, beginning to think I did something.” He mumbled, his voice deep and gravelly as it rattled through her bones. The grip on her pen loosened and she slowly turned her head to face his, lips inches away.

“You could never upset me, Shoji,” her eyes glistened, piercing into his as they flickered between his eyes and lips, “Just some guys today said some things and I cried so much I missed my class. Got told that if I don’t catch up, I’ll be on cleaning duty for two weeks. But it’s not a big deal, it’s fine.”

“I’d be damned if I didn’t see you smile at least once today,” he reassured, his arms wrapping around her shoulders, “Would make sure you’re happy and beat the fuck outta those guys. Would be with you all the time if you’d let me?”

They stared at each other for what felt like ages, gulping and the eye contact igniting adrenaline in veins that surged through them. Shoji’s head span at the lack of response, watching her mouth open just to close again.

“Why wouldn’t I let you?”

“Oh my god,” he chuckled, shaking his head, pulling away and crouching in front of her to meet her eye level, “I’m trying to tell you that I wanna be your boyfriend.” Y/n’s brows knitted, scanning his face, and fully turning to face him where his hands took hers. She felt stupid, was there something she was missing? Why would he say something like that when they’ve been close for so long, he was in her room for christ’s sake!

Y/n shook her head lightly, “Wait- I thought you already were?”

Shoji’s world froze, nothing but a dreaded ringing in his ears as his smile dropped entirely, giving her nothing but a blank expression. His head dropped into her lap, hands still holding hers as she tilted her head. He groaned in frustration – all that time he spent flirting, showing her, he was so desperately trying to communicate he was interested, and she just assumed he could read her mind the entire time. He exhaled, looking back up at her and lips morphing into the biggest grin he’d ever given anyone. In return, she grinned back, giving his head a pat.

“You look super hot without your jacket, by the way.”

H&L harem (if you wanna be tagged/removed in future H&L content, comment or lemme know via ‘chat to me bbygorl’ :D);

@straysugzhpe @airbendertendou @strxwberrychocolate @rouzuchan @yuken-gf @rinwhore @simpforchuchu @thatpointdexterpixy @rainisawriter @cheshirecatuniverse @certainbananacollectionblr

[Masterlist]

[Requests CLOSED]

#sameoka shoji x reader #shoji sameoka x reader #sameoka shoji #high&low #high&low x reader #high and low #high & low #highandlow #high&low the worst cross x reader #high&low the worst x cross #high&low the worst cross

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saintunhinged · 1 year

Text

When All Is Forgotten

word count 2.1k content warning angst

w/ comfort

requested by @ppeachpits

summary julian breaks your heart, then disappears without any communication. during nadia’s ball, you come face to face with the man you’ve grown to hate for the first time in months. he’s eager to talk to you, but the feeling is far from mutual.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

When he took you to the docks, you never expected the events unfolding before you. Just hours ago things were fine between the two of you, but now it was all falling apart and you had Julian to blame.

You knew he was breaking up with you— at least it was considered one seeing as nothing was made official. But you didn’t need any labels on your relationship with him to know you were head over heels for a man you’d only just met.

“We never- we never had anything to start with. Just… a night or two stolen from time.” Julian hesitates, then his uncovered eye finds yours, lit with a gaze intense enough to burn right through you. The chance to ask the meaning of his claim never arrives. “I never loved you.” He blatantly confesses, leaving you in a state of shock.

You’re too stunned to speak. The words you once wished to share with him have disappeared. Your brows creased when you finally managed to speak. “What?” You timidly ask, hoping to have heard him wrong.

He’s quick to add, “I said I never loved you.” He repeats, his voice gradually coming to a whisper almost as if ashamed to say. Though he stands firm in his statement, it’s easy to see his facade struggling to hold up. Or perhaps it was the figment of your imagination that desperately hoped he didn’t mean it.

The gaze that once bore through you now struggles to stay on you. “That’s not true.” You sternly declare, your mask of confidence throwing him off guard.

“I– ah…hmm.” A pregnant silence stumbles over you as he thinks carefully about choosing his next words. “I suppose it’s foolish of you to think so, no?” His rhetorical question rings through the air. “I’m sorry. For everything. Truly.”

You reach out to touch him, but he takes a step back out of your reach. It only makes your heart hurt more. The stinging sensation in your eyes warns you of the oncoming tears threatening to spill over. “Julian..?”

A solemn smile played on his face. “Goodbye, dear.” It was the last you saw of him.

———-

The memory of that night rages through your mind like a fierce storm. It’s all you can think about as you watch the tall man stride proudly through the ballroom. From the small crowd around him and the exaggerated waving of his hands, you can tell he’s captured an audience with a story.

He’s too busy to even notice you.

You’re unable to stop yourself from glaring at him. The feelings that you thought had vanished with the months that had passed were beginning to resurface. Did you hate him, or was the thought of being in the same room with him that sickening?

While re-enacting a part of his story, he does a flamboyant spin while swinging an imaginary weapon, one you assume to be a sword, his gaze landing on you in the midst of it all. It takes only a second for him to fumble in place, his attention now fully on you. Even from across the room, you see the color drain from his already pale face.

You don’t stay long enough to see what he does next. Turning on your heels, you let your feet guide you away until you find yourself at the garden’s fountain. The still water vividly reflected the bright moon shining above. Twinkling in the night sky were the stars. You could easily clear your mind here.

Seeing Julian was certainly not a part of your plans, but you refused to let him ruin this for you. Because of how diligently Nadia worked to make the ball an enjoyable event for everyone, you couldn’t let her invitation go to waste. All you needed was a few minutes to collect yourself and you’d be fine.

A puff of air blows past your lips once you sit at the fountain’s edge. Your eyes slip close as you focus on your breathing, but the more you try to direct your mind elsewhere, the more you find yourself thinking of him.

The soft sound of footsteps approaching coaxes your eyes open. You’re not pleased to see a jittery Julian closing in on you.

Your name falls carefully from his mouth. “I didn’t know you’d be here.” He anxiously informed you. Like before, his right eye remained covered by a black eye patch, but the dark circles around his eye was more prominent than you remembered.

“You would’ve never shown your face if you did.” You snarkily retort.

“... I deserve that.” His demeanor was unsure and tense as he racked his brain for something— anything to say.

The laugh you let out was not amusing in any way. You scoff in disbelief. “Oh, you deserve a lot more than that. Months Julian, it’s been months since I’ve heard from you!” You’re practically shouting at him, disregarding the quizzical looks a few onlookers shoot you.

In another situation, Julian would summon the perfect response he thought would calm you down or at least one he thought would. Now his mind was blanking. “I know– and .. and I’m sorry. I feared what you might say. What you might think of me...” He trails off, a pensive look crossing his apprehensive features.

“I think you’re a coward.” You begrudgingly express.

You hear him swallow the lump forming in his throat. His gaze shies away from you and his face flushes a deep shade of red. “I know.” His mouth quirks, his lips falling apart to say more, but he decisively remains quiet.

One second passes, two, then three and four. “I didn’t come here for this.” You pointedly murmur through gritted teeth. He was wasting your time. He followed you out here for what? You brush past him, your shoulder roughly bumping his arm.

Julian reaches out to grab your wrist only for you to jerk away from him. “Do not touch me.” You snap.

Instantly, he lets his hand drop back to his side, regret flickering across his face. “I couldn’t drag you down that road of destruction with me. I wanted what was best for you. If something happened to you because of me there’s no telling what I’d do.”

You eyes subconsciously roll. “That’s selfish! You’re selfish! What about what I wanted? Did you ever ask what I wanted?” Your question rings through the air between you. His head falls and you hear him sigh. His low voice is thick with guilt when he speaks. “...No.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” You turn to walk away, this time gaining a short distance from Julian.

“Wait!” He pauses briefly. Despite your mind yelling at you to continue, your legs carry you nowhere. Though you don’t turn to see him, you know he’s struggling to annunciate his thoughts. Behind you, Julian’s brows furrow. He doesn’t think at all; soon words are flowing past his lips before he can stop them.

“I uh.. I regret that night more than you know. Every day I thought of you, and quite frankly— I need you. I er .. messed up, I know. I mess everything up. I’m not worthy of your forgiveness, nor your time, but… I do love you.”

Your shoulders slump. Your eyes screw shut as you slowly shake your head. You fight against the prickling burn in your eyes. “Newsflash, no one leaves someone they love.” With that, you return to the ball determined not to let your encounter with Julian deter your night. You run into Asra on your way in.

You’re not sure if it’s the tears that gave it away or whether he just knows you that well, his face immediately softens upon seeing you.

Worry is written on his face. “What’s the matter?”

One question manages to break the dam. You find it nearly impossible to stop the overflowing tears. When you fail to respond, Asra wraps a comforting arm around your shoulder and leads you somewhere secluded. There you begin to sob. “I thought I was over him.” You shakily cry.

For a second his eyebrows knit together in confusion, then relaxes when he realizes. “Oh.” he softly whispers, “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” His gaze is earnest. At this moment you know he will do anything to console you.

After Julian ghosted you, it was easy to lean on Asra. You insisted on going through the “breakup” alone, but he was adamant on getting you to open up. Never pressuring you, but always telling you it would certainly make it easier.

You tell him about your evening. His expression changes several times. By the time you’re finished venting, you notice Asra in deep thought. “What do you want?”

“A part of me never wants to see him again, but I can’t ignore these feelings I still have for him. I don’t know what to do.”

Asra sighs as if he can’t believe what he’s about to say. He hardly called himself a fan of your fondness for the doctor, but Julian made you happy. That was all he wanted for you.

“Talk to him.” He suggests, and before you can protest against it, he speaks again. “You don’t have to forgive him, but at least hear him out. I know Ilya. He’s rash and reckless in his decisions. If tonight is any indication, I know he cares for you.”

His statement lingers in your thoughts. In the wake of your silence, Asra offers you a small smile and leaves you to your thoughts. “Think about it.”

The second he’s gone, tears involuntarily run down your face. You wonder if he really does care for you. While you’re alone, you blearily observe the room you’re in. You assume it’s one of the storage rooms due to all the cleaning supplies stocked on the shelves. Unfortunately for you, there’s nowhere to sit.

Wiping your eyes, you inhale deeply. When you open the door to leave, you’re met with Julian once again. This time you don’t even react.

You trust Asra would have never told him your whereabouts, but it did leave you questioning how he was able to find you so fast.

“What do y—”

“Wait. I just … I owe you an explanation. After everything, that is.”

Standing there, you contemplate what he said. With nothing to say, you open the door further and allow him to come inside with you.

Inside, Julian self-consciously clears his throat. “You were bound to get hurt being with me. I figured leaving you was the only way to protect you from going down with me. Now, I know how wrong it was. I thought I was helping you... in the end, I ended up hurting you. It doesn’t justify what I did to you, but you deserve the truth. I’ve always cared for you ... more than you uh, you might know.”

Asra’s words replay in your head. He was right. Julian was reckless, and the cloud looming over your judgment was beginning to clear. Would you have done the same if you were in his position?

“I don’t know if I can forgive you,” you think your words over— making sure the next ones to come are ones you won’t later regret.

You see him deflate, then he musters up the courage to utter a response before you’re able to finish your sentence. “I suppose I’m not right to blame you for your choice. I brought this upon myself and—”

“But I want to try.” Julian is too busy rambling to process what you said. When he does, he stops abruptly, a glimmer of hope flashing in his widened eye. “Could you er.. what did you say?” His voice falters.

“Nothing is easy and this won’t be either,” You move your finger back and forth between you and him. “But it doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

Julian’s gaze softens and a gentle smile touches his lips. “That..” he trails off, then tentatively holds out his hand for you to take.

You decide to do him one better. You can’t deny how much you missed him, and it shows when your hands are suddenly cupping his cheeks and your lips tenderly touch his.

His shock is evident. Too stunned to move, Julian’s body tense, wide eyed and flustered. You feel his face on fire beneath under your palms. He’s lost fpr words when you part. “I er.. You didn’t mean to do... that.. right?”

A hardly visible smile paints your face and you nod. “I did.” Unlike before, the silence that comes is serene and welcoming. Neither of you knows what awaits you in the future, but you’re willing to see it through with him by your side.

#the arcana #the arcana x reader #the arcana x mc #the arcana x you #the arcana x apprentice #julian devorak #julian devorak the arcana #julian x you #julian x mc #julian devorak x reader #julian devorak x mc #julian the arcana #julian devorak x apprentice #julian x reader #julian x apprentice #the arcana julian #julian the doctor #ilya devorak

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reds-skull · 5 months

Text

Not Alive, Nor Dead

[PREV PART] [AO3]

Man, I'm about to be not alive with the amount of bullshit I had to deal with today. Anyways, enjoy!

Soap left their little gathering early, stating the “abhorrent” tea as his excuse (every Brit on the team would like to disagree). Price left soon after, as he doesn’t enjoy staying too far into the night.

That left Ghost, Gaz and Rudy quietly sipping on the last of their warm beverage. He was turning the rollercoaster that was this past day in his mind, when Garrick looked at him with a knowing smile. Knowing what, Ghost wasn’t sure he wanted to discover.

“So,” the Sergeant starts, “you and Soap… had a feeling you two were doing something behind our backs.”

Ghost gently places his empty mug on the table, stretching, “no idea what you’re referring to.”

Gaz scoffs, “c’mon, I saw how you two looked at each other earlier.”

Rudy hesitantly joins Garrick on his pointless rent, “you have to admit you’re awfully close, hermano…”

Oh, so this is what it’s about. Ghost partly understands, he’s not exactly the friendliest person out there. Still none of these blokes’ business, “I suppose I do enjoy working with him.”

Gaz wears a winning smile, “ah-ha! Knew you were warming up to him. Dare I say you like hi-”

“The Sergeant is an excellent team member, and a good soldier with exceptional skills.” Ghost drawls.

The faces of both his conversation partners instantly dropped. “And…?” Rudy asks.

Ghost squints. And? The fuck do they want from him? “He’s a good man.”

Garrick’s mouth opens in surprise, he turns to Rudy as if to say ‘are you seeing this shit?!’. This topic is starting to irritate Ghost.

“Ghost, please tell me you at least see him as your friend!” Gaz almost pleads, fucking hell what got him so dramatic?

He mulls over it for a moment, “you could call him that.”

The Sergeant smashes his forehead on the table, the sound so loud, Ghost wonders if the man got brain damage.

“Fantasma… from what we see, you two look far more closer than ‘friends’”, Rudy pats Gaz’s shoulder for comfort.

“Don’t know what you all are fuckin’ going on about,” Ghost groans as he gets up from his chair, “you better not bother me about this again tomorrow, Garrick.” He reaches for the door, ignoring Gaz’s noises of protest, “cheers for the tea, Rudy.”

“It’s no problem…”

Ghost makes his way to his and Soap’s room, his mind drifting to what Gaz and Rudy said. Truly utter bullshite. Sure, he could admit he and Johnny are friends, but what the fuck do they mean by ‘closer than friends?’. What would that look like?

What, do they think he seeks comfort from him? A sense of safety washing over him the moment their eyes meet? Do they think Johnny shares something special with him, a deeper connection compared to the others? Do they think he gazes upon blue eyes tinged with fire, and finds within himself a breath of fresh air, like he never breathed before-

Ghost stops in front of the door, frozen in mild horror. Where was his mind going with this? Why does he feel an ache in his chest, deep in his heart?

Why does it hurt knowing that odd fantasy is just that?

A pipe dream.

Objects knocking against each other beyond the thin door drag his attention away from the thing slashing at his heart. A thing he has no name for, and has no interest in seeking it a label.

A thing he shoves down, as he does to all other useless feelings, and yet its ugly claws still leave marks behind it.

Ghost opens the door, to the sight of Soap… packing up his bag?

The thing claws its way back up his chest, making a nest in his heart. Ghost’s mind goes a mile a minute, a million different explanations to the scene in front of him, each worse than the other.

“What are you doing?” he finally vocalizes, making his Sergeant startle.

Johnny turns around sharply to pout at him, “hell’s bells, LT! I need teh feckin’ put a bell on ye, feckin’ hell…” he clutches a shirt in his hand, over his heart like he’s having a heart attack.

Feeling’s mutual, Ghost bitterly thinks.

“Why are you packing?” he walks over to the bag, almost full at this point, and stares daggers at it.

Johnny runs a hand through is hair, messing up the already messed style, “uh, the Captain… took a look in ma heid. Saw what happened last night with yer ‘friends’, so he moved me to Gaz’s room.”

Ghost frowns. He’s a little glad Soap isn’t running away from him at least…

“I would’ve liked to stay, slept like the fuckin’ dead last night, but Price can be scary when he wants to.” His Sergeant laughs a little.

“No sleepovers ‘till we fix you, Sergeant.” Ghost sighs internally. He immediately mentally beats himself up for it, what is he, a teenage girl lusting over her crush?

Bloody hell, Garrick is infecting him with stupidity.

Johnny takes it with stride, however, patting Ghost’s shoulder on his way to the door, “aye sir, don’t miss me too much, I’ll warm yer bed another time.”

The door shuts behind him, and his brain buffers for a moment before he scoffs, dragging a hand under his mask.

He has a feeling tonight will be quite cold.

The next morning Ghost drags himself over to debrief, as word got out the Vaqueros have found 3 possible locations. He was wrong last night - it was freezing. He barely slept a wink.

He leans against a wall on one of the corners, surveying the entire room, watching the soldiers funnel in. A particularly loud pair informed him Garrick and Soap arrived, both looking chipper and bright. They sure do fit together just fine.

When everyone else joins, Alejandro and Rudy begin showing the different locations, possible safe houses and temporary HQ's for this anonymous PMC, that they have no intel on beside the fact they’re here in Mexico. That’s all they really need, Ghost supposes.

Well, that, and the fact the bastards have an annoying tendency to disappear without trace. The Vaqueros suspect it might be the work of a revenant.

They get separated to three teams - Ghost, Soap and Gaz will scour the biggest location, an abandoned mall in a ghost town (he sees the cheeky grin Johnny throws at him, surely formulating the dumbest joke he would’ve had the misfortune to hear).

Price and Graves will take the second, a tunnel system that would scramble radios, so Price’s telepathy is required. Ghost takes pity on his Captain for having to deal with the American alone, but the man is all professionalism at this point.

The last place, a safe house located deep in the Las Almas wilderness, will be cleared by Alejandro and Rudy, who are familiar with it, and so are able to maneuver through it safely.

They will deploy the next day, preferring to infiltrate in daylight to give the PMC no darkness to hide in.

Ghost figures he can let out some of the thrumming energy Limbo left for him last night and heads to the training grounds, but to his most deeply heartfelt displeasure, Graves out of all people approaches him.

Ghost wonders if he’s gonna try to recruit him as well. He’s due for a rude awakening as it is.

“Lieutenant! Was trying to catch you all morning, you’re one slippery fella, aren’t ya?” Graves almost pats his shoulder before thinking better of it. He better.

Ghost snaps back, not interested in pleasantries, “What do you need?”

The American gives him a tight smile, that reminds Ghost more of a grimace, “your little Irish Sergeant just notified me that he’s not interested in my… offer anymore.” Ghost’s eye twitches, “Curious, how he did a 180 right after you two sparred.”

Why does he know that? Did a shadow pass by when they fought? “Get to the point.” Ghost looms over the Shadow Commander.

Graves smacks his lips, “I don’t appreciate people sticking their noses where it doesn’t belong, Ghost… especially when it’s my business.”

“Your business? Soap is my Sergeant.” Ghost seethes, “as far as I can tell, you are the one sticking hands in pots that don’t belong to you.”

Graves laughs, the noise teeth-grinding, “you really don’t know how to play nice, pal. I promise you,” something wild flashed behind the man’s pale eyes, “you’re going to regret this.”

Ghost glares at him walking away, and turns to continue on his path to the training grounds. Oh, he certainly needs to let out some steam right about now, before an American wanker finds his way into the deepest parts of Limbo.

It takes about 5 minutes to clear his frustrations away, which for him is an exceptionally long time to let Limbo out. He often needs only less than a minute.

Ghost will go to Graves next time he needs to clear an entire city’s worth of hostiles, he concludes.

Price is at the edge of the field when he returns to the familiar earth, his voice calling to him from his mind, “heard you and Graves had a little chat.”

Ghost huffs, “the tosser wants to fuckin’ recruit Johnny.” he walks towards the Captain, now close enough to see his moustache twitch in agitation.

“That’s why you’re there to screw the Sergeant’s head on right.”

“Wouldn’t need to if the fucker minded his own business. What does he even have to do with Soap?” Ghost grumbles.

They start walking towards base, “Philip has always been… power hungry.” Price brushes at his mutton chops, “have I told you how we met?”

Ghost raises an eyebrow, “negative.”

The Captain sighs, “you remember my Reaping.”

How could Ghost forget. It’s one of the most well known stories about the 141 - Of how the Captain, a Lieutenant back then, was sent along with several squads to a town deep in the Amazonian jungle. Price’s comms got damaged, and he couldn’t radio in the endless waves of backup the hostiles called in. He could only listen to his teammates getting shot down one by one, powerless to save any of them

The tale ends with Price, alone and surrounded, fueled by so much determination he attracts a Reaper, who gifts him with abilities to read and speak to minds, and he used that to plant the idea that no one was left alive.

“Than you know that there was someone who eventually arrived to back us up.” Price takes out a cigar from its case and lights it with an expensive-looking lighter, “three guesses as to who.”

“Graves…”

The Captain inhales, “the one and only. His unit was called in to check on us after everyone failed to sitrep.” he exhales, the aromatic smoke swirling behind him, “when he realized I was reaped, it was like a switch flipped. He asked for every little detail. It was almost… obsessive.”

Ghost grunts, “he saw potential in Soap, but the same could be told about me and Garrick…”

Price narrows his eyes, “you’re too powerful for him, hard to control. Kyle is strong, but he’s not flashy in the way Graves prefers. Soap is destructive, he’s fresh on the 141, and his powers are still developing.”

Something ugly rears in Ghost’s chest, “he said I would regret getting in his way.”

The Captain blows another puff of smoke, “well, Simon, I’m sure you know how to handle threats like him.”

Ghost smirks. He’d crush him like a fucking vermin.

He lays awake, once again staring at the blank ceiling tiles, wishing pulsating lights would distract him from the dark ocean in his mind.

Tomorrow, he wants to do good by Johnny. Ghost isn’t sure when, but after what Gaz told him the night before, he realized perhaps something is different for him, when he looks at Soap.

He wants to keep him safe. He wants to keep him smiling and happy, fire swirling around him lighting every room he steps into. He wants that for all of his teammates, but for Johnny, he wants it with him in the same room, his own dark brown eyes luminous with bursts of light and color.

Ghost closes his eyes, trying to imagine his Sergeant. Pretend he’s still here, fending off icy water threatening to drown him.

His nightmares aren’t convinced by his stupid little fantasies.

He dreams of the void.

So this chapter is dadicated to the anon that asked about Price's Reaping. I didn't have a concrete plan as to where should I add it, but I found a spot here so now you know everyone's! (ignore Soap he will get his moment to shine)

Give it up to Gaz and Rudy, having to deal with the most oblivious operator in the 141.

Also I'm very excited for the upcoming mission... lets say I made a few last minute changes to insert a couple fun scenes..... :)

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mauricedelafalaise · 8 months

Text

I met Rafa Saavedra in 1994 at a show through mutual friends, we immediately bonded over our love for Alaska (Pegamoides, Dinarama, Fangoria), 60's Kitsh and Pop Culture, he was one of the first person who taught me in my teens more about the Spanish underground music scene, he was a lover of la movida madrileña, new wave and post-punk, he had a direct connection in Spain that always sent him current music at the time and he always shared it with us, this was before the internet and social media were invented, he was always up to date in what was happening at the moment musically back then. Many knew him as Rafa Dro. as his dj name taking it from Spain's Aviador Dro and always describing himself as "Selector de Frecuencias" after the band's song which also was the name of his weekly radio show of the same name: http://selector.podomatic.com/ http://selector.blogspot.com/ where you can see his playlists and interviews with many artists through the years.

Rafa became a big influence on my life growing up in Tijuana, his knowledge of music was impeccable, always keeping me updated on new music and how I would like it, he knew my style well and he was always right. We djed several times together at different parties, when I showed him something new to me, something I'd discovered, he already knew about it, he knew when it came out, what label was it on and the year, he had a memory vault like no one.

Rafa was also very observant of his surroundings and had a great eye for things, moments, situations which many of them he captured and posted on his Tumblr http://rafadro.tumblr.com/ and always writing the right caption for it which made you understand and think.

I became a big fan of his blog Crossfader Network, a personal diary of his experiences through out the city of Tijuana often documenting the parties he went to, music reviews, and photos with one word of sentence that explained what he was trying to transmit. He lived the moment at its fullesthttp://crossfadernetwork.wordpress.com/

Living in L.A. for the past 12 years, he was my window of what was going on in my hometown. He was the first person I know to do Fanzines in in the city.

He wrote several books "Esto no es una salida" (This is not an escape). "Postcards de ocio y odio" (Postcards of leisure and hate) (La Espina Dorsal, 1996), Buten Smileys (Yoremito, 1997), Lejos del Noise (Away from the noise) (Moho, 2003). In 2010 he won the State Prize for Literature in Cultural Journalism awarded by the Institute of Culture of Baja California. His book, “Border Pop,” won Baja California’s prize for literature in 2012.

He never strived to be a famous, he wrote from his heart, his own experiences, his enthusiasm for music and his passion for culture, he was dedicated and 100% in love with Tijuana and delivered his message clearly. He was beloved by everyone in the city and beyond the city, Rafa always had a smile on his face, he always had something interesting to talk about, always something to contribute, to many local artists and musicians, he was the John Peel of Tijuana. In my eyes, he was the ambassador of the city to the world and that's what made him famous to me. He coined the phrase "Tijuana Makes Me Happy" which became Nortec's most known song.

In the last past years, we became even closer, and since we're both born a few days apart in August we would celebrate our birthdays together sometimes. This last summer, I celebrated my birthday in Tijuana and he came to see me and hang out before the party, at that moment while talking I gave him a long hug and a kiss on the cheek, (mind you I'm not the most affectionate person) and told him he's always been the coolest friend, I felt him at that moment. I would always call him "eternal teenager" and he would call me "oldteen" because we both feel the essence of youth within us. Both being Leos, we understood each other very well.

Due to his heart condition at an early age, a few years ago he discovered his heart rate was at it's lowest of 4.0, under those conditions his only exercise was walking which he documented in the heart warming short video "Caminatas" https://vimeo.com/46787385

Three weeks after we saw each other, he went into cardiac arrest and was in intensive care, spending the past couple of weeks at the hospital, always very optimistic and with that sense of humor that characterized him, he kept documenting his life as he always did.

I knew Rafa, and I know he "knew". A day before having heart surgery, he wrote on his Facebook status: "En route with the best mood and strength possible, to all those possible Tomorrows. Love you all, pals" along with a note that read: 16/Sep/13 "This has been good for many things: our own fragility, pain, absences, the spiral echo of our memories, the power of love, friendship that lasts, all those moments that we (re)lived being alone with ourselves. Thank you for everything with love and affection. Electric hugs, Rafa Saavedra.

On the afternoon of September 17th, 2013 he passed away at the young age of 46. A lovable local hero that understood all the nuances of a complex city such as Tijuana. In fact, he may have been the city's best unofficial anthropologist.

#rafa Saavedra #tijuana #maurice de la falaise

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whats-wild-to-you · 1 year

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may I request something too? a scenario of jay x reader in which their friends introduce them to eachother and they both fall in love right away but they’re still in the friends stage? 👉👈 thank you for writing 💚

OMG like they just met but they already know they’re soulmates but they can’t say ‘I love you’ on the first day they meet so they have to pace themselves? 😍 _____________________________________________

Other men stopped looking at you the minute they saw you with Jay. Stopped flirting with you when you became friends. Basically you were invisible to them.

Eric Nam, a mutual friend, introduced you to each other one day and from then on it felt like you were walking around with a huge sign on your back reading ‘Jay’s girl’.

You felt it too. The undeniable desire to be near him. You hadn’t felt this attracted to a man in a long time. But it wasn’t just a physical attraction. You were smitten by his pure heart and mind. Regardless if you both ended up together or not, you knew right away Jay was someone you wanted, and needed, close to you.

Mostly it was you who ditched the office and worked from Jay’s studio instead. You were practically inseparable and Jay’s label mates joked around about you still being ‘just’ friends.

“What’s the point? Isn’t it frustrating?” Loco had asked one day.

“What is?” You asked nonchalantly, briefly looking up from your work.

“I mean you obviously like each other!” Loco replied slightly frustrated.

“Like? More like lo-”

But Kiseok was interrupted by Jay, who instead of calming down his label mates, turned to you, repeating Loco’s initial question, a wicked smile dancing on his lips.

You started panicking and felt cornered. You knew exactly the reason why you were ‘just’ friends with Jay but were afraid to say it out loud. Looking at him, you didn’t think you were a good match but knew that Jay would disagree instantly.

“You don’t know this but my relationships in the past ended badly even though we were attracted to each other. So naturally I became more cautious. I’m not blind, I know that there are sparks flying. But honestly, the moment I met Jay I thought I really like this guy, even if we don’t end up dating, he’s someone I want to have around. I’d be happy with just that.” You concluded, smiling softly.

Looking at the boys’ faces, you saw genuine admiration in them, some even wiped off tears that had escaped their eyes.

And then there was Jay. He looked solemn, swallowed a couple times and cleared his throat, before he got up off his seat and walked over to you.

He walked behind you, giving you a tight back hug while softly kissing the top of your head.

“Look! He got emotional!” Kiseok pointed out and the rest cooed.

Hours later, everyone else had left, it was just Jay and you who were in the room.

Jay broke the silence first, asking sheepishly. “Did you really mean what you said earlier?”

“Yes.” You simply stated. Your gaze was on him, challenging him.

“I wanted to ask you out on a date when we first met but thought you might turn me down.” He said, fidgeting with his hands.

You shook your head amused. That’s when Jay mustered up all his courage and walked up to you.

He stood in front of you, looking down at your beaming face, his hands cupping your cheeks.

“Can I be your boyfriend then?”

He was almost whispering. When you nodded, the smile on his face became bigger and he dipped his head, capturing your lips with his.

#jay park #more soju please #park jaybum #park jaebum #park jaebeom #ask request #ask response #asks open #send me asks #ask me anything #anon ask #anon request

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burlveneer-music · 2 years

Audio

Jeb Loy Nichols - The United States Of The Broken Hearted - Americana as filtered through a long-time ex-pat and Adrian Sherwood (On-U Sound)

On-U Sound are proud to present a new album from longtime friend and associate of the label, Jeb Loy Nichols. Produced by Adrian Sherwood, with careful arrangements framing twelve beautiful, acoustic-based songs. The album features contributions from the likes of Martin Duffy (Primal Scream/Felt) and Ivan “Celloman” Hussey, fresh from his work on the massively acclaimed duo of Horace Andy albums, Midnight Rocker and Midnight Scorchers, both of which featured songwriting contributions from Jeb Loy. Jeb Loy comments: "The United States Of The Broken Hearted has been forty years in the making. I’ve known Adrian, and considered him one of my closest friends, for that long. During that time we’ve spent more hours listening, and talking about, music than anything else. Reggae, Country, Folk, Jazz, Soul; it’s been the backdrop to our friendship. Adrian introduced me to some of my favourite music; Count Ossie, Culture, Harry Beckett, Mulatu Astatke. Through the years we’ve listened to Sun Ra, Lee Perry, Ornette Coleman, Johnny Cash, Woody Guthrie. A couple years ago, on a visit to Adrian, I mentioned Gram Parsons’s concept of ‘American Cosmic Music’, the melting mix of musical genres that constitutes a uniquely American sound. We talked about recording a record that incorporated all the influences I’d gathered, from Bluegrass to Jazz to Reggae to Soul. The United States Of The Broken Hearted is that record. We wanted to include Folk (Deportees), Country (Satisfied Mind), protest songs (I Hate The Capitalist System), and songs of my own that bore the marks of those that had gone before. I sang the songs and played guitar; Adrian brought in friends and fellow travellers to finish them. It’s all there, Soul, Jazz, Country, Folk; and underlying everything, Adrian’s Reggae infused production.” Adrian Sherwood adds: “This is Jeb’s ‘Great American Songbook’, he’s become such a great singer and songwriter over the years. This is a beautiful piece of work reminiscent of our mutual love for the Miracle album I made with Bim Sherman. I’m really proud of this record and it’s a fitting follow-up to Long Time Traveller.” Jeb Loy Nichols - Guitar, Vocals Ivan "Celloman" Hussey - Cello, Bass Martin Duffy - Keyboards Dave Fulwood - Trumpet Paul Booth - Saxophone, Flute Horseman - Percussion Ghetto Priest - Backing Vocals Prisoner - Drums, Programming Produced by Adrian Sherwood All songs written by Jeb Loy Nichols, except ‘I Hate The Capitalist System’ written by Sarah Ogan Gunning, ‘Deportees’ written by Woody Guthrie & Martin Hoffman, and ‘Satisfied Mind’ written by Red Hayes & Jack Rhodes

#Jeb Loy Nichols #uk #americana #country #on-u sound #adrian sherwood #2022 #folk

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nwdsc · 2 years

Photo

(▶︎ United States Of The Broken Hearted | Jeb Loy Nicholsから)

United States Of The Broken Hearted by Jeb Loy Nichols

On-U Sound are proud to present a new album from longtime friend and associate of the label, Jeb Loy Nichols. Produced by Adrian Sherwood, with careful arrangements framing twelve beautiful, acoustic-based songs. The album features contributions from the likes of Martin Duffy (Primal Scream/Felt) and Ivan “Celloman” Hussey, fresh from his work on the massively acclaimed duo of Horace Andy albums, Midnight Rocker and Midnight Scorchers, both of which featured songwriting contributions from Jeb Loy. Jeb Loy comments: "The United States Of The Broken Hearted has been forty years in the making. I’ve known Adrian, and considered him one of my closest friends, for that long. During that time we’ve spent more hours listening, and talking about, music than anything else. Reggae, Country, Folk, Jazz, Soul; it’s been the backdrop to our friendship. Adrian introduced me to some of my favourite music; Count Ossie, Culture, Harry Beckett, Mulatu Astatke. Through the years we’ve listened to Sun Ra, Lee Perry, Ornette Coleman, Johnny Cash, Woody Guthrie. A couple years ago, on a visit to Adrian, I mentioned Gram Parsons’s concept of ‘American Cosmic Music’, the melting mix of musical genres that constitutes a uniquely American sound. We talked about recording a record that incorporated all the influences I’d gathered, from Bluegrass to Jazz to Reggae to Soul. The United States Of The Broken Hearted is that record. We wanted to include Folk (Deportees), Country (Satisfied Mind), protest songs (I Hate The Capitalist System), and songs of my own that bore the marks of those that had gone before. I sang the songs and played guitar; Adrian brought in friends and fellow travellers to finish them. It’s all there, Soul, Jazz, Country, Folk; and underlying everything, Adrian’s Reggae infused production.” Adrian Sherwood adds: “This is Jeb’s ‘Great American Songbook’, he’s become such a great singer and songwriter over the years. This is a beautiful piece of work reminiscent of our mutual love for the Miracle album I made with Bim Sherman. I’m really proud of this record and it’s a fitting follow-up to Long Time Traveller.” クレジット2022年11月11日リリース Jeb Loy Nichols - Guitar, Vocals Ivan "Celloman" Hussey - Cello, Bass Martin Duffy - Keyboards Dave Fulwood - Trumpet Paul Booth - Saxophone, Flute Horseman - Percussion Ghetto Priest - Backing Vocals Prisoner - Drums, Programming Produced by Adrian Sherwood An On-U Sound Production Recorded and mixed at On-U Soundcastle, Ramsgate Engineered by Matthew Smyth Layout by Jaffa at The Unknown Mastered by Frank Merritt at The Carvery All songs written by Jeb Loy Nichols, except ‘I Hate The Capitalist System’ written by Sarah Ogan Gunning, ‘Deportees’ written by Woody Guthrie & Martin Hoffman, and ‘Satisfied Mind’ written by Red Hayes & Jack Rhodes

#RC #2211 #***

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dfroza · 2 years

Text

the work of writing is a war

to illuminate the heart with True identity by the Spirit

we need to find ourselves (in Love) as a daughter or a son of Light

this is not sexual identity. sex is something sacred meant for the marital bond of husband & wife as a private thing shared mutually, physically & spiritually becoming as “One” body which can only happen with a man and a woman. outside of this sexual activity becomes wrong behavior, whether by fornication or adultery. do you know that virginity is a pure state? and so is sex in marriage. God made sex to share in a faithful lifelong relationship, yet not all remain faithful. even though we are made with a will that is free to choose the things we do with the body, yet there are still consequences to bear for our behavior. and surely, there is grace to cleanse for those who receive the beauty of it. grace that empowers to change, to renew the heart & mind.

and why do people think they can choose their own gender, or to be considered free of such labeling? such freedom of choice is not True identity. it is rebellion against our Creator’s design of male & female which is clearly chosen for us when we are conceived by our earthly mother & father through their combined “seeds”

the point of conception is the beginning of a physical life, yet the spirit is derived from above and existed even before this, which is a beautiful mystery. our heavenly Father cares for people who die by miscarriage or abortion. the truth about abortion is that it is the willing taking of a life from garden earth.

and for those who make it alive from the sacred protection of our mother’s womb… we are each born to our parents as a daughter or a son and cannot change this. to think so is to make yourself into God over your life, when it is God who creates the eternal heart (spirit) of who you are. the body you live in doesn’t even belong to you. God owns it all. you will see this on the opposite side in the eternal.

some people are rejecting spiritual truth. and sadly, even some churches are doing the same.

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michwritesstuff · 2 years

Text

Dating Fred Weasley (Harry Potter: Fred Weasley)

summary: female reader (she/her) x fred weasley Just some good old fred weasley fluff. headcanon about what I think it would be like to be dating fred weasley. Also, does this song not just scream running around the corridors past curfew with Fred holding your hand and dragging you along! ugh i’m obsessed. tw: 18+ only explicit content (in its own section at the end so feel free to skip) word count: 1.0k+

You and Fred had been friends since your first year at Hogwarts. Despite being sorted into a different house, you had become close friends with Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet so you were always around.

The two of you weren't necessarily that close at the beginning. You thought he was a meathead who didn't care about school and he thought you were too stuck up about school to have any real fun.

You did however find common ground with your mutual love for quidditch.

As time went on you and Fred has only grown closer. You weren't just Angelina and Alicia's friend, you were his friend too.

If anything, you were closer to him then either Alicia or Angelina.

During your third year a fight had broken out on the quidditch pitch between your team and the Slytherin players.

Fred was down on the field in an instant, pulling you away from the fight. Snatching your wand from your hand before you could do anything.

"Let me go Fred Weasley or I will hex you into next century."

That was the first time Fred thought he liked you. Him dragging you from the pitch as you threatened to hex him.

Fuming you aggressively paced back and forth in the locker room.

"C'mon Y/N, just sit down."

"No, Fred. You don't understand. You—you don't know what he said."

"Who who said? Love, just sit down," Fred stated as he pulled your arm so you now sat on the bench.

"Flint...called me a scumsucker. Said I was a perfect match for the bloodtraitior Weaselbees," you mumbled out.

Fred didn't say anything, he just pulled you in and held you as you sniffled.

Seeing you get riled up about a comment like that made his heart flutter. Sure, Flint was out of line…but knowing you were ready to fight him in defense of your friends…

“Quite feisty, sure the sorting hat was right?” he joked with you. You pulled away from him slightly, pushing him back with your hand in a joking manner.

Partying in the Gryffindor common after their particularly grueling match against your house, you stood in the corner gossiping with Angelina, Alicia, and Katie Bell.

“Excuse me ladies, mind if I steal miss Y/N here?” Fred asked, extending his hand out to you. Giggling you took his hand and followed him to a quieter area of the common room.

“I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend?” Looking at him curiously, you responded…

“There isn’t a Hogsmeade trip this weekend,” you stated matter of factly. Wiggling his eye brows he pulled a map out of his back pocket. You had see. it before, but only small glimpses before him and George charmed it so you girls couldn’t see what they were doing.

“I’d love to”

That secret Hogsmeade trip was just the first of many for you and Fred.

Spending most free time with each other and being significantly closer, you and Fred were basically dating without the label. The line of snogging, cuddling, and handholding was passed a long time ago.

He’d join you in the common room as you studied by the fire, dragging his science experiments with George downstairs to work on.

Occasionally asking you for advice or ideas.

When you suggested something particularly exciting he would kiss your cheek and exclaim…

“You’re bloody brilliant love!”

When the Yule Ball was announced, Fred layed in your dorm, absentmindedly talking about how you would all meet up in the common room once everyone was ready and walk down together.

“Well, I’ll let you know. I’m not sure who I’m going with,” you spoke, nonchalantly flipping the pages of your textbook. This caused Fred to immediately sit up, giving you an incredulous look.

“What?” you asked innocently.

“You have a date…ME! You’re INCREDIBLE boyfriend,” he stated obviously.

“You’re my boyfriend?” you teased jokingly.

“Sure bloody hope so. Unless I’m not the only one you go around snogging.”

Once establishing your relationship, not much changed. Fred continued to be as kind, considerate, and annoying as always.

You were sad when George and him decided to leave Hogwarts, you knew it was for the best. You just had to wait until you could be with him again.

When you finally left Hogwarts you moved in with Fred and George in their apartment above the shop.

It was definitely odd at first, but you guys made it work. How could you not, you loved each other.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘18+ ONLY ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Your sex life with Fred was unbelievable. Bastard was horny and cheeky as hell.

You always wanted to try new things and he loved to satisfy your needs.

Whether it was new positions or a public place with the potential of being seen/caught...name the place and time, he was down for whatever.

Although he loved taking care of you, he wouldn't deny that he craved the times when you were a slut for him.

He'd snatch you into empty classrooms or broom closets and fuck you right there, wasting no time by hiking up your skirt and yanking your panties until they pooled around your ankles.

Of course, you loved when he acted like this and often anticipated the moment. Choosing to wear no panties and hike your skirt up a little higher than normal when you know Fred would catch a glimpse of you.

"Look at you, you fucking slut. Needed my cock so badly, I should make you beg."

He'd take his time teasing you with his fingers as he swiped them through your folds, refusing to rub over your bundle of nerves.

"Pleaseeee Freddie," you would whine.

"Use your words. Good girls know how to ask politely."

"I want you Freddie."

"Want what?"

"Fuck, I don't know. Your—your fingers, your mouth. Bloody fucking hell just fuck me Fred."

And without anything else he touched you exactly where you needed him for a few moments before he replaced his hand with his cock, immediately sliding into you and finding a hard and steady rhythm.

One thing you loved, which you hated to admit, was when he'd fuck you after losing a quidditch game.

Dragging you through the Gryffindor common room, he'd grab whatever drink someone left unattended and led you up to his dorm room.

He'd take all his frustration and anger out on you, often leaving you sore for the next few days.

You hated seeing him so upset, but you couldn't deny how hot he looked as he fucked you senseless, one hand with a fairly firm grip on your throat as the other hand rested on the wall above the bed.

Afterwards though, you would care for him. Taking a position as a little spoon, you'd wrap your arms around him, rubbing his back and doing your best to soothe him.

"I'm so proud of you Freddie. I love you."

Turning in your embrace he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Thank you love. I love you too."

When you had moved into the apartment above the shop with them, Fred hadn’t seen you in person for quite some time…so sex was 24/7.

The two of you were respectful enough that you tried to not be too loud, but sometimes you just couldn’t help it.

“You fucking slut, moaning out loud for my brother to hear? Naughty girls don’t get what they want,” Fred would say as he pounded into you from behind at an unruly place.

The best you could do was shove your face into the sheets, but with one particular hard stroke you were coming undone. A mumbling mess as you moaned out loud…

“Freddieeee.”

With a quick knock to the door you could barely hear George’s muffled voice cursing about how he had two bloody idiot roomates.

Your facing turning a deep red as you shouted out…

“Sorry Georgie!”

Turning onto your back, you looked up at Fred who sat on his knees watching you laid out in front of him. His favorite sight.

Reaching forward to grab his sore red cock, you teased the tip with your fingers.

“Your turn.”

a/n: If you like my work please support by liking/reblogging. Also, feel free to message me about ideas. I haven’t written in a while because I don’t have a lot of time, but when inspiration hits i’ll sit down for hours

Masterlist

#teentvimagines #fred weasley #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley headcanons #fred weasley headcanon #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley imagines #harry potter #howarts #harry potter imagines #fred weasley smut #Spotify

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iamthenightcolormeblack · 3 years

Text

My Experience with Jane Austen Part 2: Reading the Books

In part one I laid out which books I read, which ones were my favorites and least favorites, and the adaptations I've seen. Now I'd like to talk about my reading experience.

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, just a casual reader sharing some observations, feel free to correct me if I get some details wrong. Out of the books I’ve read I’m most familiar with Pride and Prejudice.

Let's face it. Reading Austen can be challenging and I understand why some people dislike Austen.

It's easy to perceive her novels as "boring" because on a surface level, not much happens. The characters are well-off people (in the upper half of society) who spend their time at home or traveling between social calls and it's easy to dismiss their conflicts as "first world issues." Settings are often indoors, reflecting how "confined and unvarying" the lives of the rich (especially women) were. The plots often move forward through dialogue or conversations rather than big dramatic events. The focus on marriage can also make the stories feel like antiquated relics of the past and can be hard to relate to.

The writing style is also different. There isn't much dialogue at times because Austen slips in lots of very subtle commentary or prefers to describe a character's external appearance or characteristics. Often big events like proposals are described briefly after they happen rather than during, which can make the story feel rather "dry." The books are narrated in third person and sometimes there is unreliable narration (Pride and Prejudice) where we get characters' multiple points of view, but all narrated in the third person as to give each one credibility and prove that it's hard to trust others. Austen's writing style means that readers have to fill in the blanks with their imagination. For example, she doesn't give exact physical descriptions of her characters, often relying on general characteristics like "tall," "handsome," or "amiable." In my previous reviews of Pride and Prejudice adaptations, I explored that intentional ambiguity as a big reason why the character of Mr. Darcy is alluring--because the reader forms a personal connection with the character by sketching his portrait alongside Elizabeth. The characters (their physical appearance and some of their motivations) are purposely mysterious and while it gives the reader lots of opportunities for engaging with the text, without historical/literary context for "filling in the blanks" it's easy to see the characters as stiff mannequins in strange clothing rather than human beings.

Austen as a romance writer: Her romances don't always match up with our perception of what a romance should be. Some people start Austen expecting intense emotions and outbursts of passion but become disappointed when presented with formal courting and stately dances instead. Emotions are often veiled behind dialogue and for a first-time reader it can be challenging to see a romance developing. Most of the time readers have to rely on the clues given by Austen (descriptions of characters "blushing," looking "pale," or losing their composure) to detect the stirrings of love, but on a first reading it's difficult to do so when one's trying to figure out the plot and the characters. Finally, the dialogue can't always be taken literally; lots of people, including me, were disturbed when Mr. Knightley said he loved Emma since she was 13, but it was actually a joke made in response to something she said.

Her books are products of their time, and I sure am not an expert in Regency era economics or social norms. Sometimes the implications of certain actions can be lost on a reader if they don't know about the social norms of the time (I had no idea that Darcy following Elizabeth around, alone, on her favorite walk at Rosings was a sign of his love for her). Differences in social class are also very subtle and while one can generalize the characters as all "well-off" people, they are separated by many levels of hierarchy and their ideas about social position and status affect how they interact with others outside of their station. Darcy looks down upon those whom he perceives to be below him, and while Emma wants to make an advantageous match for Harriet, Harriet's lower social position means that Emma's schemes are not likely to work.

Because of the unique quirks within the novels, the reader is required to go beyond the surface level of plot and appearance and read between the lines to understand character motivations and actions. Without historical context (Regency era society having little social mobility, women having few legal rights and needing to make good marriages to secure material comfort) or literary context (the Enlightenment, 18th century Gothic novels referred to in Northanger Abbey, the birth of the novel, early Romantic writers just to name a bit) reading between the lines is nearly impossible.

So why do we read Austen? Below are my personal reasons.

The novels feature female heroines that have dignity and self-respect. It's significant that the stories focus on women who are trying to live according to their own values and speaking their own minds rather than acquiescing to societal dictates. Elizabeth Bennet is revolutionary in part because she wants a marriage based on mutual admiration and respect between two partners who know each other well, rather than an economic arrangement for a home. One could go on forever about how Austen is a feminist, but, the characters don't act like modern day feminists--they are still people of their time. However, it's easy to assume "feminist" heroines have to have "aggressive" characteristics (rebelling, fighting, defiance) in order to be labeled as "feminist." Importantly, Austen's women are allowed to be vulnerable (they cry or struggle with their emotions) without that being a shameful thing. We also see different types of personalities celebrated: Jane Bennet, who is kind to everyone, is seen in a positive light rather than shamed for seeing good in everyone. Anne Elliot, who is regarded as "old," becomes more beautiful as she gets older and has a second chance of love. Emma Woodhouse is spoiled yet confident and assertive and "not likely to be well-loved" (paraphrase of Austen's commentary on Emma). Fanny Price is a shy person but still achieves her happy ending. Her heroines are real people who have flaws and get opportunities to learn and grow so that they can make their aspirations reality.

A unique take on the universal conflict of humans versus society: Austen's characters are bound by social norms of etiquette as well as a value system that idolizes wealth and connections above all else. Persuasion is a great story in part because it focuses on how Anne Elliot learns to follow her heart and avoid being "persuaded" by others (and by society) to follow a path that will not make her happy. She's had to live with the regret of following the well-intentioned but harmful advice of others (Austen notes that Lady Russell values social connections too highly) over her own feelings and judgment, nearly losing her chance to be with Wentworth. The romances are significant in that they reinforce the dignity and self-respect of the female heroines. To a certain extent, Austen's stories are realistic in that marriage is necessary for material well-being in a patriarchal society that provides few ways for women to provide for themselves. But most importantly, she also sees marriage as a means of affirming self-respect and dignity of the women. It's one of the few parts of their lives over which they have any control because they get to choose whom they marry (for the most part, unless the marriage is arranged). Their wish to marry for love is revolutionary because they dare to aspire for something more than wealth. They want their future partners to be their equals, someone who they can love and respect (or be totally honest with them) and who will provide the same in return. This line from Emma (the 2020 movie adaptation) sums it up: "I have none of the usual inducements of women to marry. Fame I do not want. Fortune I do not want. Consequence I do not want."

The difference between outward appearances and inner character is a fascinating theme that appears in several Austen novels, most notably Pride and Prejudice, where Wickham and Darcy are foils of each other ("one has got all the goodness, the other all the appearance of it"). A lot of the villains in Austen's novels are those who deceive others about their motivations or lie for their own advantage. A common trait these villains all have is that they have a charming outward appearance that masks their true natures; they don't look ugly nor are they unpleasant (ex. Wickham having great social skills, Willoughby following the trope of the knight rescuing Marianne as the damsel in distress but leaving behind many broken hearts, Mr. Elliott being charming and knowing exactly what to say and how to act but actually a swindler). In contrast, the "good" characters are honest, even at the cost of social displeasure, use manners/etiquette to show respect rather than deceive people, and act selflessly to prove their worth (actions speak louder than words). It can be summed up this way: "don't judge a book by its cover."

Psychology: Austen very effectively described hindsight bias when sarcastically commenting on how the village of Meryton turned on Wickham after the elopement with Lydia, when previously they regarded him as an "angel of light." She also understands how easy it is to manipulate peoples' minds through confirmation bias (Wickham telling Elizabeth all the dirt about Darcy, which she eagerly takes because she hates Darcy so much). She also knows that emotions can override people's judgment: "angry people are not always wise." It's fun seeing how her people are social animals who make flawed judgments based on first impressions/emotions.

The secondary characters: Mr. Collins the clergyman is the most famous and he's so funny because of his arrogance in spite of his low social position (he keeps worshiping Lady Catherine instead of respecting God). Another great one is Sir Walter Elliott, a nobleman who is vain and constantly checks himself in the mirror (the most obvious social criticism). Also Austen understood how women insult each other: through passive aggression (ex. Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst talking negatively about Elizabeth behind her back). Austen's female bullies use their talent and "good breeding" to intimidate or shame others.

The romance (no explanation needed): "You pierce my soul. I am half-agony, half-hope. I have loved none but you." I love how the couples learn about each other through many spirited conversations and become slowly fascinated with each other until they realize they are in love and then have a conflict between formality and their growing passion...or they fall back in love with each other...or they are friends who slowly realize that they are more than friends...okay I'll stop talking nonsense I've been trying so hard to be semi-scholarly

Tags: @talkaustentome @austengivesmeserotonin @austengeek @princesssarisa @appleinducedsleep @colonelfitzwilliams

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arvandus · 3 years

Text

Icarus (Overhaul x F!Reader)

Ah yes, once again so late on this. This one gave me grief because the characters kept deviating from what I had originally planned. >.< But I worked through it, and here we are.

This is for the BNHarem's “On The Job” Collab for May, which you can find here.

Also, don’t judge my super simple title headings for my fics 😂 I always do these late at night when I should be asleep, so generic background with fancy text is the best I got to offer.

Trigger Warnings: 18+ ONLY! 1 instance of aggression/abuse (hair grabbing/pulling - nonsexual), unprotected sex (fun in fiction, dumb IRL), mutual masturbation, overstimulation, bondage via quirk abuse, degradation...

I think that about covers it. Once again, I’m terrible at TWs so let me know if I missed anything or if anything is inaccurate. 😬 I just kinda write what I want and don’t really think about the labels when I’m doing it.

Pairing: Overhaul x F!Reader

Word Count: 8281

You hadn’t meant to get caught. Really, you weren’t even sure what had possessed you to do it in the first place. Desperation? Horniness? Stupidity?

All of the above?

All you knew was that it was a poor decision brought forth by the gradual culmination of a single annoying, unavoidable fact: you were disgustingly, shamefully, sinfully attracted to Kai Chisaki.

You weren’t exactly sure how or when it started. There was no “aha” moment, no “big bang” of desire. Instead, it was subtle, gradually coating your unsuspecting mind like layers of sediment. A shiver down your spine when he spoke your name. The quickening of your pulse at the briefest of eye contact. And the ever-growing presence of intrusive, curious thoughts.

Like his hands. You always noticed them, the white of his gloves drawing your attention like a beacon whenever he was within eyesight. They were dangerous hands, deadly weapons that you’d seen in action firsthand. They were a thing to be feared and avoided. But some strange part of you couldn’t help but wonder... what did they feel like? You imagined they’d be soft and perfectly manicured, oddly delicate for such a violent man; gentle hands packed with destructive power.

Or his lips. They were always covered by his mask. You never, ever saw him without it. You imagined what your name would look like on them as he spoke, how they’d feel on your skin. Would his lips also be soft? How about his kisses? Would they be cautious and controlled, or rough and hungry?

It didn’t help that he was, in his own way, very attractive. Just like how his dangerous hands were hidden within innocent white gloves, he was the devil hidden behind a pretty face. A sharp, beautiful jawline. Smooth porcelain skin. A crown of auburn red hair, closely cropped, but still long enough to run fingers through.

You bet that part of him was soft too.

The one part of him that wasn’t soft were his eyes. They were beautiful, certainly… as gold as Heaven’s gates and framed in long, perfect lashes. But they lacked the warmth of Heaven. Instead, they spoke of cold arrogance. And if you stared into them long enough, you could see a barely contained disgust lurking beneath their haughty exterior.

The disgust didn’t bother you, not anymore. Everyone disgusted Chisaki, and everyone in the Shie Hassaikai knew it. He even made his closest confidants, some he’d known since childhood, wear masks so he wouldn’t share the same air with them.

He had you wear a mask too, of course. Simple and white, it covered only your lower face, much like his own. That much you were grateful for, considering some of the masks you’d seen others wearing. Your only explanation for the slightly less coverage was that your secretarial position made you a frequent point of contact for those outside of the organization. You handled incoming calls, visitors, and scheduled meetings between Chisaki and his affiliates. No doubt he wanted to ensure you were making a good impression while still operating within his mysophobic requirements.

First impressions were everything to Kai. Even more so since he took the Boss’s place under dubious circumstances. Still, his long-held reputation for extremist thinking and violence preceded him, and not everyone was in support of his unexpected promotion. As a result, many people within the organization parted ways following Chisaki’s rise to power... and soon after they mysteriously went missing, never to be heard from or located again. You had no doubt that it was Chisaki tying up loose ends by sealing loose lips. After all, they say the mouth is the source of disaster. And Chisaki valued confidentiality above all else.

The message he sent was clear: adapt or die. When given such colorful options, the choice on whether to go or stay became a simple one.

So, you adapted. As long as you followed orders, kept your eyes down and your mouth shut, you were safe. After all, it was better to be the right hand of the devil than to be in his path. The only person you really had to fear was Chisaki himself, and you knew him well enough by now to know how to stay on his good side.

And all in all, it really wasn’t all that bad. Sure, you had to orchestrate the occasional clean-up when he disposed of someone who displeased him. But that wasn’t much different than what you’d dealt with when you worked for the Boss, either. Sure, the aftermath was messier and it happened far more often. But violence was violence, and when you worked with the Yakuza long enough, you got used to it. And despite the odd working conditions and ever-present undertone of danger, you remained good at your job. As such, Chisaki brooked no complaint. He tolerated you, and you tolerated him. Interactions were brief, words exchanged were polite and respectful even though they lacked warmth. But it was just a job, right? You didn’t need warmth.

So why did you feel so dissatisfied? Why did you constantly feel that something was missing, a longing you couldn’t entirely describe?

The need only ever waned when Chisaki was in your presence, whether it was to discuss upcoming meetings or simply passing by your desk to get to his office. The dissatisfaction would melt away into a warmth that extended deep into your fingertips whenever the cold-hearted man bothered to look you in the eyes. And when he wasn’t looking at you? It was like being thrown into a winter blizzard, the aching cold returning to pull the corners of your mouth down into a silent frown.

You craved his attention. It was shameful and pathetic and you could only imagine the scorn he’d give you if he knew, but you didn’t care. To be graced with the attention of a man who cared for no one brought a different kind of satisfaction. The rare treats of attention Chisaki did grant you, whether intended or not, scratched an itch that only he could scratch.

As time passed, the intrusive thoughts became more frequent, evolving from odd curiosities to shameless lust. They began to occupy your dreams, forcing you awake with a hot ache between your legs. That was when you really began to realize how in deep you were. It wasn’t just a simple “attraction.” You wanted him. At first you tried to deny and ignore, suppress and excuse. After all, this was Overhaul. Wanting him was like wanting the sun in your hand, and just as dangerous. Apparently though, it made little difference to your hormone-addled brain. It didn’t help that the secretive, forbidden thoughts brought their own special addictive flavor of the taboo.

You began to act different in front of him. Nothing too obvious, of course. After all, you knew Chisaki wasn’t the type to indulge in desperate women. To be honest, you weren’t even sure Chisaki indulged in women at all. All you did know was that whenever women tried to gain his favor through flirtation, Chisaki quickly and harshly shut it down.

So, it was little things... the extra second to release a paper from your grip after he’d grabbed it, the lingering of a glance. You didn’t so much change the style of your attire – skirts and blouses were already the norm for your position – but you changed the colors. A blouse that matched the purple feathery softness of his jacket, golden jewelry that matched his eyes. Little messages waiting in secret to be picked up, yet subtle enough that they could be excused as nothing more than coincidence. It was risky, but the thrill of the game gave you an outlet for your roiling feelings. In the end though, it made no difference. There was nothing about you that seemed important enough to turn Chisaki’s head more than was professionally necessary.

Which is where the state of things were when you found yourself alone in his office one evening. You had thought he was still working at the time. You’d stepped away to shred some incriminating documents and burn the scraps in the kiln outside. It was your last task for the day, so you’d entered Chisaki’s office to announce your departure for the evening. Except when you entered, the space was empty, with all traces of him gone. No papers remained on his desk. His gloves and plague mask were gone. With an annoyed huff you had stood there, bothered that you’d missed him.

Quietly, you walked to his desk, and gently caressed the mahogany wood. It was immaculate of course, free of dirt and fingerprints. You knew it would be because he cleaned his space every evening before he left, and you cleaned it every morning before he arrived.

You sighed as you retrieved the paper towels and cleaning solution. No harm in giving it a second scrub to save yourself some time tomorrow morning. It wasn’t like anyone would be foolish enough to enter this space without Chisaki present anyway.

You should have just left it at that. But as you walked around his desk to wipe the surface with the damp towel, your bare legs just below your skirt bumped his chair. Soft leather, still warm from where he had sat, greeted your exposed skin.

That should have been your first clue.

But your mental alarms never sounded. Instead, you figured you had just missed him.

You should have just left, but you didn’t. The warmth on the chair was enticing you. He was gone, right? Left for the evening. What harm could it do to indulge just a little bit? With your heart pounding with excitement, you carefully sat down in the warm leather. Immediately the scent of Chisaki’s body wash and clean clothes cradled you.

That should have been your second clue.

But you were already too wrapped up in your enjoyment. You relished in the sensations, leaning back as you closed your eyes. It was the closest you’d ever felt to him, as if his very presence was there with you. Your desire purred deep in your gut at receiving its first nibble of satisfaction. If you closed your eyes, you could pretend he was there, holding you.

Your kept your eyes closed as your imagination began to take root like weeds in your mind, making your skin feel hot. Your fingers grazed the inside of your thigh, dipping beneath your skirt while your heart pounded. What if those were his fingers? The vision combined with the sensations of touch and smell were delicious, and you wanted more. You dragged the pads of your fingertips up even higher, your arm starting to push your skirt up with it. Your legs parted easily, as you let out a shaky breath.

You shouldn’t be doing this. Not here of all places. But there was something so sinfully satisfying about it, the danger only heightening the sensations. After all, the reward was only as great as the risk it took to earn it. And this was the highest risk you could take, short of literally throwing yourself at him. Besides, it wasn’t like your fantasies were ever going to come true. Maybe satisfying yourself - right here, right now – would be enough to finally give you the peace of mind you needed.

And dear God, did you need it. You could already feel the heat growing in your loins, the moisture dampening your panties. Your fingers finally brushed against the warm cotton fabric covering your sex and you let out a soft gasp.

What Chisaki didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. He was gone, right? And you were going to clean up any traces of your little visit before you left. He’d be none the wiser.

Your fingers slipped beneath your underwear to meet the hot, slick flesh of your folds, your clit already plump and ready with arousal. You knew it wouldn’t take you long to cum, but you wanted to enjoy this, to savor it as the only opportunity you’d get. You certainly weren’t going to do this again.

So, you teased yourself, fingertips softly dragging slow circles around your entrance before dipping in. A shaky moan left your lips, the quickening of your breaths matching the racing of your heart. In and out you dragged your fingers, relishing in your sleek, sensitive walls, occasionally breaking your rhythm to spread your juices over your swollen labia. You revisited your clit and stifled your moan with a bite of your lip as you began to slowly massage it with practiced skill. It felt so fucking good. The scent of yourself mingled with the scent of Chisaki, and you spread your legs wider, leaning back farther into the seat. You could feel the surge beginning to swell, and you knew it would be soon. Vivid fantasies danced on the inside of your eyelids, and you were fully enthralled, fingers skimming fast circles over your swollen bud as your other hand began to massage your breast through your blouse.

“Fuuuuuckk....Kai....” You moaned.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

The familiar voice made you jump so hard, you nearly fell out of the chair as your eyes flew wide open.

There was Kai Chisaki, staring down at you from across the desk – his desk. And there were you, sitting in his chair, spread eagle.

Your breath was knocked out of you and you felt light-headed with panic. You caught sight of the shoji screen behind him, wide open to the evening air.

FUCK. Of course. You forgot to check outside. He must have stepped out for some fresh air before returning to his office.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. You hadn’t heard him enter. How long had he been standing there??

“I asked you a question.” The man seethed through his plague mask. His gloved hands were clenched into angry fists, and his eyes... eyes that you’d always craved to see you... well, they saw you now, and you were terrified.

Immediately, you closed your legs and stood up from his chair. Your mouth babbled soundlessly before your voice finally came, tight and small.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

“I didn’t ask for an apology.” He hissed.

“I know, I’m sorry.” You blubbered.

“Come. Here.” Chisaki demanded.

You obeyed, struggling to adjust your skirt as you approached him from around his desk.

“I didn’t tell you to touch your clothes.” His tone was quiet and constrained yet sharp as a razor’s edge, each word uttered with meticulous precision.

You stared at him in shock as you slowly removed your hands from your rumpled clothing. His eyes raked over you, top to bottom, and left you feeling... exposed.

“Look at you...” he grumbled. “Disgusting.”

His mask was unnerving, blocking the lower half of his face and keeping you from being able to fully read his facial expression. His gold eyes were threatening – predatory like a wolf.

He was going to kill you. You knew it was coming. He’d killed others for far less. But you weren’t ready for it. You didn’t want to die.

You dropped to your knees and bowed low in front of him, shrinking yourself to fit beneath his harsh glare. “Please, Mr. Chisaki-“

“Overhaul.”

“Overhaul!” you corrected, as you bowed your head lower to the ground. “Please forgive me. I meant no disrespect.”

“No disrespect?” he sneered. “You debase yourself in my seat, my place of business, and claim no disrespect??”

His left hand reached forward at lightning speed and grabbed you by your hair, forcing your head back until you were looking him straight up at him. You winced against his harsh hold on you, yet clenched your teeth in an effort to keep your silence. He glared down at you as his next words came out through what you could clearly hear as clenched teeth.

“Clean it up.”

With that, he shoved you away from him. On shaking, clumsy legs you pushed yourself to your feet and made your way back to his desk, your skin hot with shame and your ears ringing.

You did as he commanded, grabbing the cleaning solution and spraying his seat before carefully, meticulously, wiping every inch of the rich leather. Minutes passed in silence as you made sure that no spot went unnoticed, even ensuring that the table was once again cleaned as well. By the time you had finished, Kai’s temper seemed to have dwindled to a simmering flame. His hands were no longer clenched in fists at his sides. Instead, they were tucked deep into his pockets as he supervised you. It did little to comfort you though... you knew that Chisaki’s reflexes were faster than you could dodge. He’d catch you before you even reached the door.

Not that you’d try to. You knew better.

When the chair was finally pristine, you disposed of the last of the soiled paper towels in the wastebin and returned the cleaning solution to its home. The task was done, but you didn’t stop. You picked up the trash can with the intent of disposing of its contents; you knew Chisaki wouldn’t want it sitting in his office.

It was all to buy you time. Time to figure out what to say or what do to convince Chisaki to spare your life. But you didn’t even make it to the door before Chisaki’s voice halted your retreat.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I... I was just...” you stammered.

“I didn’t give you permission to leave.”

You swallowed and set down the trashcan. He approached you slowly, until he was a mere few inches from you. He was so close that you could smell his cleanliness and see the pupils of his eyes dilate as he stared at you. Slowly, he grabbed the mask that was covering your mouth and nose and removed it from your head. You stopped breathing.

There was something... electric in the air. You could feel it on your skin, making your hairs stand on end and your flesh tighten with goosebumps. His eyes peered at you intently, taking in every subtlety of your face. Your lips, your eyes, your skin... and beneath the weight of his stare, you could feel the fear start to transform, replaced by something else entirely. Something familiar that’d been plaguing you for months, lighting your veins with fire and threatening to incinerate you if it wasn’t released. After all, part of his allure was the danger. And he hadn’t killed you yet, which meant... something.

Chisaki’s gaze began to wander beyond just your face, taking in your still rumpled clothes. The top couple buttons of your blouse were undone, exposing the skin of your neck and the edges of your bra. Your skirt was still askew, and although he couldn’t see it, you became acutely aware of your still-damp underwear trapped between your folds from when you had hastily closed your legs earlier. You stared back at him, waiting for him to do something, say something.

And that’s when you noticed it... a faint flush across his pale cheeks, peaking out from beneath his mask. His chest was rising and falling with each breath, and it was as if he were contemplating something, silently weighing a decision in his closed-off mind.

A strange bubbling sensation began to build within your chest, foreign and oddly out of place.

Hope.

Finally, Chisaki spoke, his voice unusually calm considering the trouble you were in. “Follow me.”

Not one to disobey him, you did as he requested as he made his way over to his desk and sat down in his chair. Then, with an open hand, he gestured at his desk.

“Sit.”

Confusion.

“W-What??” you stuttered.

“I said sit.” He replied.

You did as Chisaki commanded, fitting yourself between his legs and his desk before hopping up slightly onto the surface you’d just cleaned. You were right in front of him now, your hands in your lap and your ankles crossed as you realized just how perfect this arrangement was for him to see directly up your skirt. You worried your lip between your teeth as you watched him assess you. His elbow was resting on the armrest of his chair, his fingers supporting his face along the jawline as he stared at you with his head cocked at an angle. If it were any other situation, you’d say he looked almost bored... but the glint in his eyes spoke of something else entirely.

“Continue.” He stated.

“What? What do you mean?” you asked.

His eyes stared at you knowingly. “You didn’t get to cum, did you?” You shook your head, stunned at his words. “Continue.” He repeated.

“Right here?”

“Where else? It was good enough for you earlier.” His tone dropped slightly as his eyes narrowed. “Continue.”

Your heart pounded in your ears as you uncrossed your ankles, and with shaky hands began to trace your fingers up your thighs just as you had done before. Except this time, the experience was entirely different. Instead of closing your eyes like before, you kept them open to stare at your observer, watching for his reaction. So many times you’d fantasized about this... about his eyes being on you and only you... and you weren’t going to miss a moment of it.

With your eyes locked on each other, you inched your way up to the space between your thighs, your legs parting to grant you access. Chisaki didn’t look down. Not right away, at least. Instead, he continued to watch your face, his body still and silent. With the heat of his gaze on you, you finally reached your center where your warmth greeted you. It was still slick from earlier, your fingers sliding easily along your labia as you began to tease yourself for the second time that evening. You let out slow, shaky breaths as your fingers rubbed slow, lazy circles over your glossy lips.

Chisaki still didn’t break his gaze from your eyes, and a part of you wanted him to. You wanted him to acknowledge what you were offering him and know that he liked it. A small, devious smirk found itself on your lips as you pulled your fingers away from your pussy to show him the evidence of your arousal stretched across your fingers. It caught his attention just briefly, eyes flicking to your display, before he watched you lick the glistening strands from your fingertips, the soft sounds of your sucking filling the empty, quiet room.

Chisaki’s eyes narrowed, and the smirk on your face widened. Soon your fingers were back between your legs, massaging your clit again as your skin began to feel flush with heat. Round and round the pads of your fingers went, with painstaking slowness that you drew out just for him. You wanted to show him how good his presence made you feel. You wanted him to see how badly you wanted him. Your lips became more swollen, your clit more sensitive. Already you could start to feel the tension build. It was almost too easy, your body ready to surrender at the drop of a hat. But you weren’t going to let it happen, not yet at least. You wanted to draw this out, to savor it in case it never happened again.

With half-lidded eyes you stared at him as you parted you folds for him, fully exposing yourself. For the first time, his eyes drifted from your face to stare directly at your desire for him – your tight hole open and waiting, every inch of your swollen cunt drenched in glistening arousal. Chisaki was captivated and you felt your blood surge. You needed more. With your fingers still spreading yourself open, you dipped your middle digit into your tight heat. Pleasure bloomed within you and a soft groan vibrated from the back of your throat. With each draw of your fingers, your breaths quickened, your back arching as the tension began to build.

You struggled to keep your eyes open, to watch Chisaki as you brought yourself closer to orgasm, but it became increasingly difficult. You were single-focused now, chasing your much-needed release with each plunge of your finger into your soft depths. Your body accommodated it welcomingly, and so you added a second, once again relishing in the renewed stretch that caressed your inner walls. The faster you pumped your fingers, the better it felt until your nerves were singing that familiar hum. You flowed seamlessly into the final phase, your wet fingers leaving your entrance in favor of rubbing hard, fast circles over your clit. The finish line was in sight now as your body sprinted with tense, aching muscles and breathy moans.

You came with a gasp, back arching and thighs twitching as you rode out your orgasm. As you neared the end of it, you dipped your fingers in one last time as your walls gave one last final spasm of pleasure. Gradually the wave of your euphoria calmed, returning to the gentle, lapping waters of desire that still moved within you to the rhythm of your heartbeat.

You opened your eyes to see Chisaki still staring at you silently, his eyes once again locked onto yours. The flush across his cheeks was very much apparent now, yet his posture remained unmoved. Still, out of curiosity, you dared a quick glance down to his lap to see his hand strategically placed over the bulge in his pants. Was he trying to hide it? Because he was failing. Or was he stroking himself through his clothes when you weren’t looking?

“Again.” He ordered.

Your eyes bulged. “Again?”

He didn’t bother to answer, instead waiting silently. You were a bird trapped in the golden cage of his eyes as your mind struggled to recover enough from the hazy aftereffects of your orgasm to think straight. He wanted you to do it again?

At first you were hesitant. You knew your body was still sensitive from what had just transpired. But then again… your eyes stared at Chisaki’s crotch again as he waited for you. No doubt he saw you staring, yet he did nothing, said nothing. It almost felt like an invitation… or a dare. Do it again and see what happens.

Fuck. You’d already gotten under his skin... might as well see how deep you could go.

Between your orgasm only moments before and the juices still coating your pussy, the sensations of your touch at first felt almost... numb. Except for your clit. That part was still sensitive, making your muscles twitch and your breath hitch in your throat as you moved your fingers over it experimentally. You kept your touch gentle at first, careful to give your body time to respond as you reawakened the lust that still lurked in your core. With dark eyes you began to stroke yourself for him again, pulling soft pleasurable moans from your gently parted lips. It was definitely more intense this time, and you could already tell that this next orgasm would surpass the one before it. Still, you drew it out as you watched Chisaki. Or, more specifically, watched his free hand.

It didn’t take long... you watched his fingers grip around his hard-on through his pants, his hand slowly moving up and down his restricted length. You bit your lip at the sight and immediately felt a generous wave of hot arousal bloom between your legs, your nipples hardening achingly. It wasn’t enough to capsize you into ecstasy, but it certainly pulled a needy whimper from your lips.

You dipped your fingers into yourself, feeling your walls flutter as you imagined what it would feel like to have Chisaki inside of you. With each curl of your fingers the heat grew, like the sun reaching its zenith. You wanted it. You wanted to cum so badly. But you wanted to see him even more. So, you neglected your puffy clit in favor of unbuttoning your blouse just enough to grant you access to your sensitive breasts. You pushed aside the cup of your bra to free the plump flesh, the bud at its center tightly puckered. With deft fingers you massaged the soft skin before rolling the nipple slowly between your fingers, pulling more soft gasps and gentle hums from your lips. The more you groaned and teased yourself, the more Chisaki stroked himself as he watched you, his eyes glowing with hunger.

It wasn’t until you began to lose yourself, your eyes beginning to drift closed as you moaned and whined to the ebb and flow of your pleasure, that your patience was finally rewarded.

You could hear it over the sounds of your lewdity – the ‘click click click’ of a zipper being pulled down. You opened your eyes, not even attempting to hide your eagerness, as Chisaki freed his cock from his pants.

It was beautiful just like the rest of him; long with a slight curve, its tip red and shining with precum. Veins stood out in relief, trailing his length like vines, thick and beautiful. You swallowed at the sight of it, desperately wanting to know what it would feel like to have that in you.

You hadn’t realized your own movements had frozen until Chisaki’s smooth voice cut through your thoughts.

“I didn’t tell you to stop.” He said, as cool and professional as ever as if he didn’t currently sit before you with his dick in his hand.

He was gloating, you knew it... your stunned silence at the sight of his cock stroked his ego just as much as you touching yourself for him did. And you knew that, above all else, Chisaki loved to have his ego stroked.

“Y-yes Mr. Chisaki...” you whispered, before your fingers began moving again.

You continued to stroke and play, penetrate and rub as you watched him take his long cock in his hand and begin long, steady strokes. Even now, he still kept his gloves on, and somehow that made his every move even hotter. He was no longer propping his face up with his other hand. Now, he was sitting up straight, eyes on your needy cunt as you put on your show for him. You could see it, the tension in his temple that came and went, hear the ragged, quick draws of his breaths through his mask. Your own arousal grew in response, egged on by him searching for his own sweet relief at the lewd sight of you. It blossomed like a watered seed as you drank in the man in front of you – his hand pumping, precum dripping.

It was the push your sensitive body needed. You came surprisingly fast, your orgasm crashing over your body with greater intensity than the first. Moans and gasps ripped from your throat as your body spasmed, and you made no effort to quell your cries, too consumed by your own pleasure. With eyes squeezed shut, your hips rocked as you grinded yourself against your hand, your entire body singing in unbridled bliss.

You were given no respite. As soon as the pleasure eased just enough for your hips to still, Chisaki spoke.

“Again.”

Your eyes, still closed, flew open to look at him with incredulity. You weren’t even recovered yet, your cunt still twitching with the aftershocks of pleasure. You knew that touching yourself without some sort of break was going to lead you down a jagged, torturous road of overstimulation. It made your legs start to close up instinctually in denial.

Your mouth moved silently before you pushed the words out. “B-But... I can’t....”

Chisaki’s eyes narrowed, his brows lowering... and along the edge of his mask, you could see his cheeks lift slightly. He was smirking at you. Cruelly.

“You can, and you will.” He said. A wave of his fingers told you to reopen your legs for him, and you did, slowly, as if you were a puppet on strings. “Again.” He repeated.

Chisaki took a moment to remove the glove from his stroking hand before giving his cock a couple more languid strokes. You stared at the exposed skin in awe. It was everything you imagined it’d be... pale, smooth, nails clean and perfectly trimmed. Between his hard cock and his ungloved hand, you stared in shameless longing as an excited chill coursed down your spine. Maybe… maybe if you were good…

You swallowed the dryness in your throat and returned your fingers to your core, flinching as you brushed against your sore, overstimulated clit. Chisaki returned to pleasuring himself as you performed for him, his hand pumping steadily. Watching him masturbate to you was delicious. He didn’t rush, instead opting to taking his time, his hand moving smoothly from base to tip, occasionally pausing to run his precum over the head, the shine glinting in the light. You subconsciously licked your lips, wondering what it would taste like. Would you lick it from his tip? Or his finger? Maybe both?

You matched your pace with his, letting his own strokes guide your hand. The synchrony made your pussy ache more than ever, even as your body screamed for freedom – a break from the constant wave of stimulation that you were subjecting yourself to. It made you feel closer to him, more connected - as if he were a part of your pleasure without actually touching you.

But dear God, you desperately you wanted him to touch you.

He continued his strokes, slow and easy. Whether it was for him or for you, you weren’t sure... you weren’t even sure if he was aware that you were pacing yourself with him. His speed gradually quickened, the muscles of his forearms tensed and twitching as he pumped his hard cock with growing fervor. It was the hottest thing you’d ever seen, his eyes starting to roll back in his head as he began to lose himself to the pleasure, legs twitching slightly as he came close... Your heart pounded with excited anticipation as you dipped your fingers into your core, feeling your walls flutter with need. It was happening... he was going to cum...

But he never did. Instead, his pace began to slow as his eyes refocused on you. That was when you realized….

Chisaki wasn’t trying to cum yet… he was edging himself.

Maybe he was waiting for you. Or maybe he had his own agenda. But either way, it was clear to you that he was delaying his orgasm.

The hypocrite.

Still, you wanted to please him. You wanted to give him want he wanted, because then maybe he could give you what you really wanted. But no matter how hard you tried, no matter how fucking hot the entire situation was, your own orgasm evaded you.

It was more than just the repeated orgasms and overstimulation. The real issue was that your fingers no longer satisfied. Not after seeing what he had to offer, and certainly not after seeing how horny you made him. You wanted him to touch you, to put his hands on you, to feel his cock in you... A frustrated whine escaped your lips as you felt your resolve break.

“Please, Mr. Chisaki...” you begged. Chisaki’s eyes left your open pussy to lock with yours. Their golden depths burned holes into you, and you licked your lips under the heat of his stare. “Please touch me...”

Chisaki froze mid-stroke. “Touch you?” He said it as if the idea repulsed him, yet his eyes betrayed him as he looked back down between your open legs.

“Please,” You begged. “Don’t you want to?”

His brow was deeply furrowed, and you knew he was having his internal debate, just as he’d had before. After all, what you were asking was no small order. You knew how he felt about touch. No doubt he would have already been balls deep in you had it not been an issue for him.

But that was why you begged. And pleaded. And groveled. Anything to make him set aside his golden rule, even if just for one night.

“Please...” you whined one last time. “I’ll do anything. I need you, Kai...”

Something about you using his given name did something. His eyes widened slightly, his flush reaching down to his exposed neck. Then his eyes narrowed, as he stood from his seat. You watched with a mix of excitement and trepidation as he carefully removed his jacket and loosened his white tie. He towered over you, his stare pinning you somewhere between his contempt and his hunger as he undid the cuffs of his black shirt and rolled up his sleeves to the elbows. It made your pussy throb and your heart pound as you stared back at him, completely vulnerable. He stepped forward slightly, filling the space between your legs with his presence. Even just the graze of his pants against the inside of your knee was enough to set off fireworks on your skin, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. His cock was still out and hard, mere inches from your tight, needy cunt, and it took every ounce of willpower not to scoot down and close the gap between you.

You waited.

“Touch you...” he muttered through his mask, his voice low.

Chisaki’s eyes raked over you, taking in every inch of you. Your trembling, parted lips and large pupils; your exposed breast with its perky, hard nipple; your swollen and glossy cunt framed in ruined underwear that was carelessly shoved aside; the sweat from your thighs coating his desk.

“So fucking filthy.” He breathed. The profanity sounded strange on his lips, almost more like a prayer than an insult.

He stared at one of your thighs as he slowly placed a warm, gloved hand on it. You reacted immediately, gasping at his touch, and his eyes darted to yours.

“...And needy.” He added.

From your peripheral you could see his other hand grip his cock and begin to pump it. You tried to watch... you wanted to watch. But the heat of his hand on your thigh made nearly everything else fade away until it was all you cared about. Your breaths began to come in hot pants as your body trembled beneath him.

“I didn’t realize that you were so desperate for me.” He said calmly as he continued to stroke himself. His gloved hand squeezed your soft flesh until you were moaning from the mixture of pleasure and pain. “Pathetic.”

You were pathetic. But you didn’t care. You’d say anything, do anything, just to have him keep touching you. And if he wanted you to beg? To cry? To humiliate yourself to earn his cock? You’d do that too.

His hand slowly eased its grip as it began to move up, up, up until his thumb nestled in the crook of your thigh, just shy of your sensitive, swollen folds. Your hand immediately made way for his as you laid down completely onto his desk, your world spinning. A warmth fell over you like a blanket, every fiber of your being pulsing at a low hum; you were a glass vibrating at a frequency just shy of shattering.

Chisaki’s voice floated through your haze like a faraway song carried on the wind. “You were so eager at first. So willing to shame yourself – shame me – to get what you wanted.” He scoffed. “Now you can’t even do as I say.”

You could feel his thigh twitch against yours as he began to pump himself faster. His cock was so close to your pussy that it was torturous. It made you want to cry. You could feel the warmth of fresh juices begin to flow from you, coating your entrance in invitation, as you prayed to all the gods above and below for him to enter you without mercy.

But it never came. And his hand never ventured further. Slowly, your thoughts trickled back ever so slightly, and you realized he was waiting for you to speak. Slowly, around a heavy tongue, you made clumsy words. “I... I’m sorry...I’m trying... is hard...”

Chisaki tsked. “You’re afraid. Afraid of pushing past your limits. So now I’m going to help you.”

His gloved thumb crossed the threshold to your swollen bud, and your world exploded into color as a sharp zing of pleasure erupted from between your legs. You cried out, your body spasming, hips writhing to escape his touch. It was too much...

“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.

Then he did something you didn’t expect – his bare hand released his cock and slammed down onto the desk. The surface rippled beneath you, transforming until smooth arches of dark mahogany wrapped themselves over your arms, effectively pinning you down.

Your heart pounded wildly in your chest, your breaths coming out in quick, panicked gasps.

“Kai!” you protested.

He bent over you and grabbed your jaw in his gloved hand, his plague doctor mask inches from your face. “You wanted me to touch you,” he whispered. “Now you’re going to get what you asked for.”

The look in his eyes wasn’t as controlled as before. Sure, the disgust and hunger were still there. But there were more emotions now, peaking through the cracks of his practiced façade. Anger, contempt, fear, desire, longing... and something else; something wild and unhinged.

Something within him was on the verge of breaking, of being set free, and you were the one responsible.

He straightened himself up and returned his gloved hand to your sopping core, his cock once again in his bare hand. His thumb found its home again, nestled firmly against your engorged clit.

He wasn’t gentle, he wasn’t slow. Instead, his thumb ran swift, relentless circles, the digit igniting every frayed nerve. Each swipe had you crying out as wave after wave of sharp, jagged pleasure assaulted you, without so much as a second of recovery in between. And as Chisaki raced you towards that inevitable cliff, his own hand pumped himself hard and fast. His strokes began to become erratic, his composure slowly slipping as you began to unravel before him, your whines and cries luring him to follow you to the point of no return. You could feel his own legs began to spasm against your inner thighs, his hips beginning to jut forward with each drag of his palm along his hard shaft. The gap between your two bodies began to close, until you could feel the tip of him brush against your core. In that instant, you came undone beneath him with his name spilling from your drooling lips.

The temptation was too much. He entered you as you came, his cock burying itself within your clenching walls with a single thrust. Your legs wrapped around him instantly as your body exploded into a mess of tears, shrieks, and trembles. With one hand on your hip and one working your clit, he fucked you through your orgasm as you cried and panted, his own grunts joining your one-person symphony as you felt every fiber of your being shatter with white hot pleasure. It was all-consuming, disorienting. You weren’t even sure you were a person anymore. You could feel nothing else, see nothing else except the man inside of you, hovering over you, filling your existence.

It didn’t stop. Even after you were a blubbering mess, tears streaming down your cheeks, your thighs and cunt sore, Chisaki kept going, his cock reaching new depths as it dragged against your spasming, sensitive walls. His breaths were heavy, each pant labored until he ripped his mask off his face. It was like a switch had been flipped, changing Chisaki from a man in control to nearly animalistic. Teeth bared, sweat beading across his forehead, golden eyes absolutely feral. His thrusts took you past your orgasm, unrelenting, and you cried and babbled for him to stop, it was too much, your body couldn’t take anymore. But even as your string of incoherent words begged for the end, your body spoke of a different kind of freedom, your legs tightening around Chisaki’s waist in an effort to pull him impossibly deeper into you.

Chisaki snarled, releasing his hand from your cunt as he continued to fuck you, and removed his remaining glove with his teeth. Suddenly, the white fabric was being shoved into your mouth, gagging your broken words behind its white cotton that smelled and tasted of you.

“Shut up.” He growled.

You could see the hives breaking out across his damp, flushed skin now at the contact, but it no longer seemed to matter to him. And it didn’t matter to you either. You were wrapped up delirium, your eyes glossing over and rolling into your head with each drive of Chisaki’s hips. Your hips couldn’t even keep up with his thrusts anymore; his movements were too rough, too fast. All you could do was lay there and receive him as he pounded you without restraint. That familiar knot was forming again, a dark beast built from the broken pieces of the last. It was a terrifying thing, a formidable presence that you felt building within yourself that would surely decimate you.

“This is what you really wanted, isn’t it?” Chisaki grunted through clenched teeth. “You wanted me to fuck you senseless, to ruin this tight pussy of yours like the greedy, selfish bitch you are.”

His words washed over you and you gave the faintest of nods, your mouth still gagged.

“So, you’re going to take what I give you. You’re going to cum when I say, as often as I say.” His cock hit deep as his thumb gave a final press against your clit. “Now.”

You screamed around the cotton in your mouth, back arching and arms straining against the wood trapping you as the tension finally erupted. It tore through your veins, making your fluids gush and your pussy clench like a vice around Chisaki’s pumping cock. Not a moment later, you heard him groan followed by the hot sensation of his cum coating your walls. It only enhanced the waves of pleasure still wrecking you and your pussy milked him greedily as he emptied himself in you.

The comedown felt like it would never arrive. Your nerves still sang too loudly, the aches echoed too deep. But finally, Chisaki’s hips stuttered to a stop and your own body lay limp beneath him. It felt like you were submerged under water, every sense dulled or muted, as you stared hazily at the ceiling. Chisaki was still in you, his dick twitching sensitively each time your body gave a weak aftershock. You had thought he would pull out, leave you there like the ruined mess you were to go clean himself up. Now doubt he’d return to his senses any moment and be repulsed by what transpired.

But he never did. Instead, he braced himself over you, his heavy, hot breaths coating your exposed skin as he settled through his own comedown while you warmed his cock. You felt the desk ripple beneath you and suddenly your arms were freed from their restraints, the wooden surface back to its original state. A moment later, he filled your view as he leaned over you, and you had a brief moment of panic, wondering if you were next. Was he going to overhaul you now? After all, he got what he wanted...

But he never did that either. Instead, he removed the glove from your mouth as his eyes traced over your face, marking every feature, every nuance. Your parted, chapped lips... your glossy, sweat-stained skin... the exhaustion in your eyes... His thumb came up to wipe away at the tears drying along your cheekbones before running the smooth pad over your lower lip.

Then he did something you didn’t anticipate, something that surprised you above all else. He bent down and captured your mouth with his, his wet tongue gliding into your stunned, open mouth. It was strangely slow, uncharacteristically tender, and entirely unexpected. The fog you’d been swimming in a moment before lifted slightly, and you began to kiss him back, your arm wrapping up around his shoulders before tangling your fingers into his damp, auburn locks at the base of his neck.

Whatever it was, it was short-lived. He brought a hand up to grasp the hand you had around his neck, his fingers twining with yours as he placed your hand back down on the desk, pinning you within his hold. He pulled away from the kiss and stared down at you with a dark smirk tugging the corners of his wet lips. And his eyes... his eyes burned gold like the sun. Not a beautiful, gentle gold that kissed open delicate flowers and melted winter snow. No, this was a force of unrelenting destruction, the kind that burned deserts, scorched forests... and melted wax wings.

You were Icarus, fueled by foolishness and arrogance. You’d flown too close, fueled by a false sense of confidence that you could handle whatever it was that lurked within him, that your lust was enough to match his. But you were quickly learning you couldn’t. His fire burned too hot, his hunger too deep. He was going to devour you until there was nothing left. And really, what did you expect from a man who denied himself every human urge in his quest for perfection?

The sun could never be controlled.

And Pandora’s box can never be closed.

Slowly, he lowered his face next to yours until you could feel his lips brush against the shell of your ear.

“Again.”

#overhaul x reader #Kai Chisaki x reader #overhaul smut #mha smut #bnha smut #tw:bondage #tw:masturbation #tw:degradation #tw:overstimulation #tw:aggression #bnharem collab

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