#need to get one this summer though

[lucky-fy]

For the Laicion nation (aka, me and three other people)

I had this illustration commissioned (a big thank you to @lunehowls) for my werewolf AU Laicion fic (still a WIP).

The general pitch is as follows :

AU in which Laios never got to meet his sister again, putting his life on a whole other path, a more desperate one. A military deserter with barely a coin to his name, Laios hitches a ride on a boat to one of the elven continents, where he learns about magical tattoos that binds one’s soul to a wolf’s, effectively making them artificial werewolves. Illegal magic be damned, this feels like the answer to… everything.

In the process, he learns about the existence of an illegal fighting ring in one of the elven cities, where beastmen gladiators gather. Freshly tattooed and without anywhere else to go to, Laios decides to head there, where he meets Lycion, an elf and artificial werewolf gladiator. If they first bond over a simple shared meal, by spending time together (sharing the same room in the barracks, maybe the same bed? gasp) they find that they have a lot in common, notably a shared distaste for the body they were born in, a dysphoria partially remedied by becoming a werewolf.

They bond :)

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #lycion #laicion #I'm heads deep in research regarding Ancient Rome gladiators... and loving it. Really fascinating stuff. #I bemoan the fact that most papers are locked behind a paywall (though I found one that gives a free pdf access) #(and no. Sci-hub is not an option. It's blocked in my country) #I'm also re-reading DunMeshi and taking notes to get a better grasp of Laios and Lycion as characters. Character studies if you will #and I still need to fully outline the fic #I know where I'm starting (struggling to choose a POV for that first chapter LOL) and where I'm ending so there's that #and a bunch of disconnected scenes (as we all do ahaha) #anyway. Doing all of this while studying for veterinary school. It's hard. I feel guilty whenever I'm not studying... #let's just say I don't expect the prep work for the fic to be ready before this summer (+ I need to finish the Kuro cosplay for Japan Expo) #hopefully; once it's done; I'll be able to set a schedule and write smoothly #werewolf #werewolf laios #rarepair #Fy posts

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking about puppet tattoo parlors. A wall covered in so many different thread colors to choose from - swatches of different types of stitch for different textures / effects. modified handheld sewing machines for tattooing with multiple settings for the different stitches. individual needles + embroidery thread as stick n pokes...

#THINKING SO HARD ABOUT THIS #wouldnt this be cool though??? #cause i was thinking fondly of tattoos and went 'hm. how would a puppet do this?' #cause ink can bleed in fabric. it can scrub out. the lines wouldnt be as clean and i just dont think it would really Stick? #but EMBROIDERY! STITCHES! COOL SEWING GUNS INSTEAD OF TATTOO MACHINES!!! #and now im wondering Could They Remove Their Tattoos? #it would probably be pretty invasive! #hold on im doing research real quick #yeah looks like they'd need to lift their felt/fleece/skin to get at the back of the stitches #then sew the skin back together afterwards... #so to them tattoos would be just as permanent as they are to Us! because who wants to go through That! #im having a grand ol time imagining the Range their tattoos would have #textures! endless colors! glitter thread! metallic thread! wool! cotton! polyester! glow in the dark! scratch n sniff! #that last one was a joke. #imagining someone with an entire detailed forest scene carpeting their back... it has Depth... #absolutely unprompted #puppets #sundown summer is getting a motherfuckin tattoo if its the last thing i do #resisting the urge to just litter every puppet that i know of with this idea #YOU get a tattoo and YOU get a tattoo and YOU-

[blujaymi]

so...it seems like ruby wants to ascend to be like summer.

but given that it's been said that the tree and ascension are about "acceptance", i don't think ruby is really going to ascend in the traditional sense.

ruby's goal for herself and her identity has always been to "be like the heroes in the books".

and now we've seen how jaune has handled that mindset (hint: it wasn't a great way of thinking. ouch).

part of that identity has been centered around summer. she inherited her emblem. she inherited her silver eyes. she's always being compared to her, and she's been living in her mother's shadow—"super mom", the perfect hero.

Qrow: You're special the same way your mom was.

rather, that's the version of summer that ruby has held onto. she's trying to live up to an expectation that was never really set in the first place, because summer wasn't perfect.

Yang: Mom took a risk the day she left. And I don't think it went the way she wanted it to, but she's still my hero.

which—side tangent—i feel like is part of the reason yang didn't seem to notice just how far ruby was falling, so to speak.

yang doesn't see summer as such complete perfection, but she's still her hero.

Yang: It's not like we were asking her to be perfect.

and of course, she (and everyone but ruby herself, really) doesn't expect perfection from ruby either.

and don't get me wrong, yang still definitely idolizes summer—just in a different way from ruby. ruby's idolization of summer is much more...unhealthy. she feels like ruby rose is not enough, but that summer rose is.

Ruby: And it never, ever goes away. The feeling of not being...enough. The Blacksmith: And how would you measure...enough?

that being said, i'm getting the feeling that we may be getting some insight into summer, whether that be through some flashbacks of her failures, or maybe even how she died (i can only dream).

through that, i think ruby might be able to finally accept herself, because summer wasn't perfect either. ruby is not her, she's her own person.

and she's enough.

#yeah im so emo about this episode how could you tell? #also i feel like the idea of ruby ascending causing her to change into someone else in any way is kind of...backwards #especially with the suicidal implications of the tea drinking #i don't think it would sit well to me if her way of moving on from that was to 'become enough' as a different person through ascension #rather she needs to accept that she is already enough #maybe she'll get a cool new outfit though #possibly get a unique emblem reflecting her growth #or just get the old one back with a healthier mindset #im down for that #rwby #rwby9 #rwby spoilers #ruby rose #yang xiao long #summer rose

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[theflyingfeeling]

yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭 #''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs #job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating #first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview #and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there #and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me #(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.) #it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol'' #like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam. #it's something you can actually directly affect yourself #but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do #(at least that's how it usually works on my field) #in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway #and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!! #and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure #and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether #so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️ #that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field #but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo #i can't afford to be picky #I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT! #i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭 #when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair #to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation #(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships #but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)

[hella1975]

basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it

#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried #im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that #im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal #just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭 #and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails #like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow #and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things #like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice #and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off #she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭 #why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin #AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed #im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim #like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now #and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT #but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work #like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough #the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY #hella goes home

[loumands]

There are literally 3 euros left on my bank account

#i should get tax refund and pay for my summer job this week i guess i'll survive #still stressful as hell though #i don't want to complain too much cause i know i'm privileged living in a country with a broad social security system #but it's also chaotic and bloated as fuck with a million different benefits and no one understanding how it works #my previous social security benefit ended in may so i had to apply for a new different one #but i needed a medical certificate for it and only had doctor's appointment last week #and getting the decision on that application takes time so meanwhile i applied for the last resort income support #but my application for that was rejected for unknown reasons and i complained about the decision but it's still in progress #so now i'm just waiting here with no money from anywhere whatsoever 🤷 #bro what they expect me to do #go begging from the church? go shoplifting? #if this post is incoherent to you i feel the same #keanu.txt

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I made a post about some Bangel and Cangel parallels I've noticed (not all of them that exist, just some ones--for instance--that I've picked up on while reading the tie-in books), that I'll link at the bottom of this post... but with picture limit, I couldn't mention my last point in it, so I decided to just make a separate post about it here. So here it is.

Though, unfortunately, this one deals with the sensitive topic of Angel saving both Buffy and Cordelia from sexual assault -le sigh-

Anyway, starting out, here's the moment with Cordelia (as I think that in the chronology of the S3 books, that one happens first?).

Edit: I also respectfully ask that the shippers of both ships be kind to each other here, please. Thank you.

Cordelia:

Buffy:

#buffy the vampire slayer #bangel #cangel #angel #buffy summers #cordelia chase #btvs #buffy #trigger warning #tw #trigger warning: attempted assault #tw: attempted assault #trigger warning: attempted rape #tw: attempted rape #i think people might be mad at angel leaving willow... but it truly wasn't him choosing buffy over her or anything like that #there really wasn't time to save them both in that moment and he knew that everyone else needed the slayer free to help save them most of #all (and even buffy ended up agreeing). and he thought that willow should be okay with her magic and all. and willow was okay in the end #. oc. since this is canon to s3. still such a hard and rotten decision to have to make though #buffy book #buffy books #buffy tie-in book #buffy tie-in books #sins of the father #obsidian fate #parallels #there is one buffy pov section i didn't get pics of for when i thought all of this might fit into one post (and that would be pushing it) #but now that it didn't i almost wish i had snapped that section. but oh well

[alagaisia]

I’m reminded of that post about how goths and people who wear only lots of pink are actually the same because “wearing only one color” is a specific choice in opposition to just looking Normal

I’m flying to a friend’s wedding today, and I recently acquired from my neighborhood free page a very pretty vintage suitcase in like a brocade upholstery texture in all of my good colors, so of course I needed a coordinated airport outfit à la Midge Maisel. You guys don’t know me, but I usually dress very put together, in what my sister calls Outfits, with a capital O to distinguish it from just wearing clothes. And since getting a full time job I’ve been slowly adding to my collection of vintage and 50’s-vibes clothes, because I just really like that aesthetic (my bridesmaid dress for the wedding is a vintage tea dress I got from Etsy. The fabric is in great condition but I had to reinforce pretty much every seam with my sewing machine, because the structural integrity of the original thread was breaking down, so that was an interesting learning experience).

All of which is to say that I Dressed Up for the airport in a vintage-y outfit that coordinates perfectly with some of the colors of my suitcase, and my hair is curled, and I have a vintage leather purse that my grandma gave me that matches her watch that I’m wearing and the shoes she bought me last summer at the same vintage store that my skirt came from, and a teenage-ish girl with whatever you call the 2023 teenage equivalent of emo/punk vibes, like the dark maroon mullet and not a lot of makeup and dark comfy clothes but like, very on purpose, told me I look cool when I walked past on the way to security

And like, she Gets It! We have different fashion goals but I think we put a similar degree of intention into the way we look compared to just wearing regular clothes. Which is cool! It’s validating. Not that I really need validation, but it’s always nice to get compliments, of course. And the way I dress is really not terribly distinctive most of the time, other than being Outfits and a little dressier than maybe the norm is, like I think most people who see me one time in passing would see that I look Nice but not necessarily see it as a cultivated Look. But punk mullet girl gets it.

#struggled with not sounding *too* pretentious here #I don’t feel pretentious but I have a hard time talking about like. specific choices and things in any detail #like to my friends I just said what happened with a picture of my outfit and was like ‘and she gets it!’ and they were like ‘yeah!’ #but to strangers I have to go into much more detail to get the point across #even though really it’s not like I’m putting all of that into it every day I just get up and go ‘i want to look nice today’ #in accordance with my personal fashion preferences #and then having to explain those preferences like ‘my name is alagaisia midge maisel darkness way and I’m wearing vintage whatever’ #i do look so cute though #i got these shoes last summer and then lost the heel cap off of one of them the very first time i wore them #finally took them in to have them fixed last week so I could wear them to the wedding #needed a deadline so that I would actually get around to it #i hate flying it’s really a testament of how much I love my friend that I’m flying #instead of driving ten hours to Nebraska #but it made more sense and to make sure i won’t be late or run into car trouble or anything #and I’ll stay looking nice right away instead of getting gross and sweaty in the car or having to change for bachelorette activities #i only know the bride so I’m definitely going to make a very specific impression on all of these strangers lol #i joked with my dad about adopting a trans Atlantic accent for the whole weekend just for shits and giggles #turns out you cannot do it over the top. have you ever listened to JFK’s ‘we choose to go to the moon’ speech #it’s very silly sounding #we had a good time saying things one might say at a bachelorette party in a goofy voice #‘we cho~ose to ohdah thihs maiule strippah… ahnd the othah things.. nawt becahse it is easyh.. #but becawhse he is hahd’ #highly recommend #mine #personal

[herbaklava]

My Fragrantica “Perfumes I Have” shelf. ✨

#I feel like this is the most CHAOTIC collection of fragrances lmao #but like I said before I wasn’t necessarily a try new fragrances person but I felt like trying new ones this year! #my go to all year is definitely nabeel though #I need to get more clementine california for this summer <3 #the tuscan leather is for extremely special occasions lmao #I feel like I should wear the glossier you more than I do #fragrance

[mymelodyisme]

👉🏽👈🏽

#I’m kinda nervous about our trip to universal now #I already knew it was going to be a lot of walking and that I’m going to be incredibly exhausting but hearing my best friend say it made me #a lot more nervous #the trip is for her cousin and I know she wants me there but I’m going to slow them down by a lot 🥹 #they could get sooooo much done and a lot faster 🥺 I feel like I’m going to get so tired so quick because I AM fat and unhealthy and #she’s going to prioritize me and her cousin’s not going to have a good time #🥹 and then i mentioned that this summer I plan on walking laps around our city’s biggest park and they laughed #they as in my best friend and another friend and no ​not in a mean way no she wouldn’t ever #more of haha yep gotta prepare #but it still hurt a little because yeah #I do have to prepare #I need to get my body used to walking for long periods of time and I wanna lose a little big of my stomach so I don’t have to do the walk of #shame from the rides. the friend already said one of them isn’t for big girls 😭😭 I’m still gonna try it but I’ll need to be prepared to be #rejected #anyways im 🥹 sometimes I really wish I wasn’t me that I could have been born with a more socially acceptable body #I can’t even feel that way comfortably though because I am the way I am by my own fault #melifails

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I think someone put the brain of a mouse or maybe a squirrel inside my head at some point because all winter I was like “I crave nuts and seeds” and now that it’s getting warmer and brighter out my brain keeps going “it’s fruit time”

Like, modern transportation has made it possible to move many fruits all over the world (in theory) all the time! But the primal early plesiadapiform part of my brain is like “you must eat what is available this season”

#I was going to go with euarchonta or plesiadapiform brain but I think the early members of both of those groups were from a tropical #ecosystem. if I’m wrong though and either are from more seasonal environments I could change what I used #actually. wait. plesiadapis is from the late Paleocene. yes. but tropical plants have reproductive cycles too #do they generally vary by season or are they just doing it all at their own pace by species #I am from a very cold seasonal climate that gets hot af in summer but is pretty cold for a good five-ish months #not all equally cold #it’s bad for our environment if it doesn’t get cold as balls for a bit every winter #and we didn’t really get that this winter. but that’s not my point! #I mean to say I can’t remember how it works in tropical environments #if the plants just time their reproduction whenever in the year or if there are seasons for most plants at the same time #does that make sense? I’m using the primate-like-mammal. if it’s wrong then whatever #fuck it we ball #maybe I should have gone with a group further back in time but I couldn’t find climate info easily about things that far back and fuzzier #i am not the most familiar with primate evolution. especially early evolution of the group. I’m open to learning more #i just tend to fixate on certain other things like early mammals and horse and cat evolution #paleontology #emma posts #I like juice all year though #one day I want to try many varieties of fruits that I cannot access easily where I live because they can’t be shipped here #or they just aren’t as popular a variety on an industrial scale #maybe one day i will have a big greenhouse and i will be able to grow the banana varieties I want to try #I can see why some plant varieties aren’t grown on a large scale. some of these bitches are SUPPOSED to be able to grow in zone four but #they refuse to work with me! blueberries make sense. the soil here is nowhere near acidic enough and they would need to be in a pot or #whatever. ya know? but some plants just won’t! or I get them and then the weather here which would NORMALLY work is different that season

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!' #(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

[thankonomics]

Okay, I’m hooked

#personal #cooking #tomato sandwiches are such a delicious summer treat #need to use the good good tomatoes #I imagine like the ones Miorine and Suletta grow #lol though really just get you some heirlooms or beefsteaks from your local farmers market or something

[hylianengineer]

I mostly like living with other people but if they don't stop stealing my food I will explode.

The worst part is that no one will admit to it, but there are only so many people who have access to our fridge. We've also had stuff mysteriously appear in there that no one will admit to putting there. I almost wonder if my roommate's friends she invites over sometimes are to blame, because surely she wouldn't lie to me about this? And she doesn't have much of a motive to lie about who the moldy tupperware belongs to, considering we've all made that mistake and no one gets mad about it.

I'd just really like my food to stop disappearing, okay? It's always the good, expensive food too. Regular food thievery is bad enough, but stealing food from someone with food restrictions who A) can't easily get more and B) has to pay three times as much for food as everyone else? Really fucking uncool.

Yes, I know the mature responsible thing to do about this is have an actual conversation with my roommate. But I'm not going to do that, I'm going to continue quietly seething.

#two years ago food was disappearing FROM MY ROOM and I was so fucking baffled #there was a time i wondered if i ate it in my sleep because what the fuck? #but i am rather convinced I did not. tis the food thief. #at least that stopped happening?! still mad though #food tw #i kind of have some food-defensive aggression. like a dog. because my food is hard to get! i can't eat normal things! #leave my allergy friendly food ALONE! #go eat your stupid gluten containing stuff instead. and i better not hear any nonsense about how my food is gross. #if it's gross why is someone fucking stealing it #however my roommate is moving to new york this summer so i guess i only have to tolerate it a couple more months #unless the new roommate (presuming the landlord finds one) is worse #vent post #hylian rambles #look don't be me okay have adult conversations about your problems #but also i cannot hold it against you if you don't cause that shit's hard #i'm a conflict avoidant person and i need to fix that but i don't have spoons for it at the moment #it's finals week! #grrrr

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

#purrs #i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life #situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to #drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a #stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well. #i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i #am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone #and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good. #delete later #that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd #this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be #neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority #and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol. #24 year old dependent moment <3 #well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will #never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰 #side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester #starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like #this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it #would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or #anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol #well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3