#now go forth and do better

[obsob]

one small step for. kitties

#mine #cats #i was gna share th process vid of this but its just 90% drawing little dots not thrilling #anyway i had a Day today but we live we go forth !! #i am going to try a new journal thing bc th hobonichi hasnt been slaying ngl . i might b a filofax girlie #ive bought a 2nd hand one off ebay for 12£ which will Do For Now to see if actually like it #i need to figure out th sizing of my pages im gna make my own....brain is so so small #i was gna do mini pages for daily journaling but i think ive excepted i am not. gna journal everyday like thats not happening #n then what happens when im then using dated journals is i fall behind n then i hve such an atrocious memory i cant remember what i did #like 3 days prior to back fill so its lots of empty pages and AAAA #ironic that i am journaling to help my symptoms but my symptoms r stopping me from journaling. can i win once #anyway i think this system will be better yes yes

[luck-of-the-drawings]

THIS THING IS SCUUUFFED AS HELL & ITS ALSO THE BEST THING I HAVE ANIMATED THUS FAR. IM SO IN LOVE WITH EMIZEL. JUST WISH I GAVE HIM MORE STUPID TATTOOS. NEXT TIME THO. NEXT TIME. I ALSO LOVE VEX&VIV SOOOO MUCH. charlies flavor of Deranged is my FAVORITE!!

#cw gore #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #ACTULY FINISHED THIS A WHILE AGO. kept going back n forth between trying to work on it more or call it done #in the end i chose DONE!! i worked on this for a full day n a half. NO idea what possesed me but it is NOT happenin again anytime soon #i shall do better NEXT TIME!! in the meantime tho OH MY GOOOOOD WHO WANTS TO SCREAM ABT THE SUCKENING WITH ME #THE FUCKINNN THE FUCKIN THING WITH VEX N VIV BEING THE SHADOW LEADERS OF THE FANGS/DEMONS #OH MMYY GOOOODDD THATS THEIR LIL MEAT GENERATOR... THTS SO FUCKED UP AND COOL UUUGHHH I LOVE THEM... #THEIR FLAVORE IS SO WONDERFUL. I LOOOVE HOW SILLY THEY ARE. MAKING PUNS WHILE PULLIN A SCREAMING VICTIM APART #vex n his lil fashiony art workshop and viv n her sterile n clean doctors office #i bet she doesnt even HAVE a medical liscense. it would be funny if vex did tho. could u imagine #they main MEDIC in tf2 together. viv is the battlemedic while vex only pocket medics for her. COULD U IMAGINE #guh i could go on abt these two forever n ever n ever i LOVE THEMM i gotta draw em more.... #OH ALSO before i run outa room. i should say. i took inspiration from a tf2 animation called POOTIS ENGAGED #the animator. Ceno0. uses black bars in the action sequences in SUCH A COOL WAYYY everytime i watch that video i feel inspired #oneday ill make more complex fight scenes... one day.... #in the meantime UGHHH I LOVE THE SUCKENING SO MUUUCH CAN I JUST FUCKIN SAAAYY THAT I THINK EMIZEL IS A SMART COOKIE!! #THESE PPL FUCKING FEAR HIM NOW!!! 'SHAMIA SHAMI' IS NOW THEIR MORTAL ENEMY!! POWERFUL ILLUSIONIST. CANT DIE. #THAT PART AT THE END THERE WHERE HE FUCKIN. KILLS HIMSELF INFRONTA THEM. THATS SO AWESOME. THATS SO METAL. AND THEN HE COMES BACK!! #I WATCHED EP 7 ASWELL BUT I WONT SPOIL IT HERE. BUT OMYGOD. EMIZEL IS SO COOL AND CAPABLE N SMART N FUNNY N UGHHHHHH I LOVE HIMMMMM #OKAY THATS MY RAMBLE FOR THE DAY THANKYOU FOR READING. I READ ALL TAGS SO YOU SHOULD RAMBLE TOO. IF YOU WANT. IF YOU CAN.

[seekingthestars]

she's beauty she's grace she's Miss Eevee Cosplay 3.0

#personal #pls don't ask me why i'm up at 2am i don't wanna talk about it #anyway i think she's mostly done maybe #i did some more work on the bangs on the wig after i took these pictures so they look better #and i might try to find some flowery earrings when i go to the store for some other stuff tomorrow #but all the major things are done. i think. #honestly i'm all over the place rn so i could be forgetting something #i keep bouncing back and forth between the one million things i have to do (con and not con-related) #anyway i usually try to do a different cosplay every day of con but idk i think i'll just wear flower eevee both saturday and sunday #bc i've put so much work into it and tbh i don't think i can handle trying to get another cosplay ready rn #the only exception would be maybe doing eevee 1.0 or 2.0 bc have everything except the wigs for those ready bc of eevee 3.0 #totoro is friday bc my friends and i are doing a ghibli group!! #i wish i had a different ghibli cosplay just bc i've done totoro so much but i do love totoro and she's easy and comfy so that'll be nice #sorry shutting up now i need to go to bed i have WORK TOMORROW #cries #i should start taking off the whole week of convention lol #(no i shouldn't i should just get back in the habit of getting my cosplays done early and not con crunching -.-)

[gxlden-angels]

do you have any thoughts on the story of abraham and isaac? my parents talk about it and praise abraham for being willing to kill his son which..... scares me to say the least, and i'd love to hear your perspective as someone who seems more well-adjusted

Where I am now, it disgusts me more than anything. The interpretation of "I'm willing to sacrifice your life if I was told to" feels like the step before "I put you into this world and I can take you out of it." It's entitlement to a child, who is an independent individual, just because they are dependent on you for survival. I prefer the interpretation of understanding the actions you're taking and the reasons why (like how there's multiple religions that don't eat pork because it was so unsafe to eat at the time), especially if it's at someone else's expense.

Where I was in the thick of it all, it gave me morbid comfort that scares me now. I had fantasies of being a martyr for the church and the idea of being the next Isaac was just so appealing. Being a hand-selected sacrifice chosen by the Good Lord Himself? Sign me the fuck up, babey!

I think if I admitted that to my family, they'd be horrified.

It's another one of those stories or beliefs where I think the majority of christians just regurgitate what they've heard. It's a point of pride and devotion, but there's no personal reflection or cross-cultural awareness of it. Lean not unto your own understanding and whatnot. It's the potential that scares me the most, like the Quiverfull movement with the Duggars or Turpins. I'm sure there's stories now, but I can't remember them off the top of my head

(Also I will be telling my therapist someone on Tumblr called me "more well-adjusted" thank you anon)

#My therapist has called me 'surprisingly well-adjusted' before #He has since retracted that title and given it back multiple times #I don't know if you relate more to the 'Scared of my parents for praising that' or the 'Scared that I was okay with that' part #maybe both #either way the cycle ends here with you #No more bible quips and quotes that harm you and others. You find your own understanding and eventually it feels nice #It doesn't at first I will admit that. At first it feels like you're gonna go to Hell Right Here Right Now #But eventually you learn to trust yourself. It's a slow process. I've been in therapy for a good 6-7 years now #But one day you wake up and notice life feels more authentic. You feel like your values matter (and they actually do!) #And again it's slow. It's in bits and piece and back and forth. My worst habit is switching something from religious to moral #I highly recommend this type of therapy called ACT it's a CBT subtype #I'm usually not a fan of cbt so u know it helps if I recommend a subtype of it #CBT shit is so cheap I got a workbook from the library #this isnt relevant to the post but #my cat is trying to steal my burger king rn #it gets better (I have a cat) but progress isn't linear (eating burger king) #ex christian #religious trauma #anon tag

[crescentfool]

ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺

#lizzy speaks #THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH.. #so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke #my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought- #a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me.. #so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why- #i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else #like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them #also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally #analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful! #related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two #yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika... #IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!! #mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity #i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL #so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things' #there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Me, opening up a packet of the stuff the vet gave me: “I hope this probiotic powder doesn’t put my cat off his food. Can’t really help with his digestion issues if he doesn’t eat it”

I spill some because my hands can have problems with stability

My cat: *licks the stuff up like a kid who just discovered what powdered sugar was*

Me: “is this flavored?”

My cat: begs me for more powder and momentarily forgets his food

Me: “this has to be flavored”

#emma posts #sometimes him getting excited about new flavors for kitties is good #but other times his love of flavor exploration will lead him to eating a food he’s allergic to #and I can’t figure out what he’s reacting to right away because he just keeps eating the thing that makes his tummy hurt #at least I stop using things I realize cause allergic reactions #you’d think a little guy who doesn’t even know what allergies are would be even more off put by them #he’s so finicky about so many random things! but he loves new foods. especially more expensive ones. and that food was more expensive #this time he is getting a food for upset hairball tummies and has been enjoying it more than his old stuff too #I just hope that him traveling back and forth between his old food at my parents house and new food here causes problems #his old man tummy is getting more sensitive than it used to be and he’s getting a different food now… hopefully. and vitamins while he gets #these probiotics to hopefully make the change easier. I don’t want to jinx it but so far it seems to be really helpful #he hasn’t even gotten one hairball since starting the hairball food! and he loves his new vitamin treats #hopefully he’ll keep doing well with the old kitty vitamin treats #I want him to get his old man vitamins #even if he’s super healthy for his age. it’s good not to get worse! #i would know. as someone who dealt with not eating enough from medication side effects #I’m better now though! I switched meds and take more vitamins just in case #anyway. eating food is important for humans and kitties if you can get it it’s important! #and if your cat doesn’t get or absorb enough food they could get permanent damage to their bodies. never let your cat go more than three #days without food! try to make sure that they eat at least every 12 hours #they might not need as much food as you. but they can get a lot sicker a lot faster than humans usually do #I can ramble on and on about cat health though 😅 I just love my little guy so much #combo of better food formulated for hairballs and not giving him an allergic reaction with the probiotics too seems to be helping a lot #i knew cheap food wasn’t usually quite as good as the slightly more expensive stuff but holy shit. since moving out and now switching food #it’s been going so well for him! maybe I should ask my family to change the other cats food. I just hope that an extra 9$ a bag isn’t #off putting for them. i feel like fewer hairballs should be a great selling point

[floral-hex]

Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.

lol it’s underwater 🐠

#ugggghhhhh so sad #like genuinely I think my therapist rocks #he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me #I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy #I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks #between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday #I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot #and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say #I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden #and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting #I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕 #I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately #I don’t know what I’m going to do #I have to believe it’ll get better #because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point? #also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs. #I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing #and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top… #now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm…. #I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh #but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is. #sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning #I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad #but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this #okay be safe #goodbye forever #text

[hellofears]

having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.

i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.

its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid

#*txt🗣️ #real world issues #i instantly think of counter points before i say anything especially online and i hate it because its like im accustomed to ppl being accus #atory. at being contrary. shitting on vulnerability. shitting on emotions. shitting on hhumanity. shitting on the ability to care. #women can be pieces of shit men can queer folk can i can be you can be to me theres an ability just as people and the world of choice that #-e have. im not saying everyones on the brink of doing the worst and makes a choice not to either if ur going through that u need to seek #help or some sort of sincere dialogue well and truly. but the world around me has made me who i am just as much as my reaction. not all etc #is a no brainer. ppl dont have a neon sign on their forehead. its understandable why the caution has been fckn drilled into so many afab so #many women in the hearts of many and thats hurt fear and absolute rage simmering anger for bs. i understand proventitive cautions to ppl #especially those who tend to be the direct target demographic but to drill in fear to woman to afab not even just on a personal level imsur #everyones experience is different on that front and their thoughts but on a society level and then take no action to then be like atleast t #my knowledge or its just not fckn working bitch its crickets. men should be able to feel safe enough to share their fears and worries to be #vulnerable but that isn't coddling bs and pointing the fingers at women at afab. theres weight in the way both sexes have been socialized #its cause and effect i refuse that it can't be helped. i refuse it. i reject it. thats not me discrediting or trying to come at gender(s) #at ppls gender identity etc. i mean everything makes us who we are. its all part of a journey. ones sex doesn't invalidate such a thing. #humans are so complex to say someones just pulling shit out their ass for the giggles is wild. no matter what it rings true for people #its not for us to choose for eachother we don't choose what others want to share we can't decide how someone else feels we can't read them- #back a book they feel like they've never heard or is bs and give them the finger. u can't tell someone they're the authour and they didn't #write the book or they didn't hire you or agree and want u to write it for them? ur not a ghostwriter bitch ur writing perception #i mean the way we're brought up the way society has become accustomed it effects results its a world in of itself made #to no fruitful benefit atleast to me for any party. when desire grips you at the throat when you allow your will you allow your every whim #the desire isnt even desire anymore. now you're creating a loop you're creating a possibility for a life with no balance #if men are so upstanding they aren't like one another they aren't the bad ones why is the refusal to move forward and write past men up #write them wrong feel so heavy or resound so heavily atleast to me. write for better because you're better. know you're better. #excitement as it once was turns into not enough then again and again. and the core issue even thbere i care for other parties responsibilit #relationships are a back and forth dont choose for others what they want dont decide for others. ask them. #u shouldn't have to constantly prove ur different but heres the thing if in ur life those who know you atleast if u have walked the road #u speak of the valiant road you've trecked supposedly there'd be nothing to prove. you've walked it. if a new person comes along you dont #need effort to show you have basic respect for another. and if u dont have that respect dont get mad at those who dont want u in their live #u took yourself out their market. life is a in moment custom experience. buckle up. not me talking about love like a business worker or smt

[voltfruits]

nonbinary lesbian enrichment activities (listening to get disowned by hop along again)

#frances quinlan TRULY one of the greatest to ever do it #i always go back and forth on whether this one or painted shut is better #but right now my heart is saying they best album is the one with diamond mine on it #volt.txt #tunes tag #hop along

[sludgeguzzler]

man. i changed so much these past years

#im different from last years me who was different from 2021 me who was different from 2020 me and so on and so forth #it feels kinda weird thinking about it bc i went through *so much stuff* #all of it in just the past 4 years... insane #i found out i was trans. i went on lockdown. i started posting my art online. i made online friends. #i went through three different relationships. every single one of them changed me forever. #i started writing. i finished middle school. i read homestuck. i used discord everyday for 2 years. #i found my personal sense of style. i started going tk school again. i made friends irl. i lost all the online friends i had. #(thay wasnt bc of any scandal i just left the friendgroup and then started to slowly interact more with ppl irl #whi sorta made my online interactions dwindle especially one-on-one interactions #i think i feel better like this go be honest with you. the connections feel stronger and i feel closer to the friends ive made #not saying i dont like the people i know and befriended here just saying that not being chronically online anymore really changed how i #go through with internet interactions) #damn. really feeling the passage of time now. #also this is not a sad reminiscent post im *really* glad im in the place i am in life right now #i have a qpp i have an irl friendgrouo that i feel 100% comfortable with for the first time in my life im doing ok at school #i have a vision for my future my relationship with my parents is sooo much better #idk man. compare that with 14 year old me eating alone at school bc i was too scared to talk with the other people on my class and like. #yeah man. im doing a lot better #i DO have to update my art blog though. its been too long sincd i posted anything #talk

[brittlebutch]

they should make office chairs that are better suited for rocking/swaying stimming

#N posts stuff #like most of them have that Slightly wobbly base #presumably due to the mechanism that allows the chair to be adjustable #but when you’re trying to Rock in them that little wobble is enough to throw off the whole sensory vibe #like it’s always Slightly out of sync with your body and it’s the Worst #flat set base chairs like high school desks or kitchen table chairs are Objectively better for rocking/swaying in. but. back pain :( #anyway off topic but i’m Just Now realizing that the reason why i feel so much more clear headed / ready to work JUST as i’m going to bed #probably has a Lot to do with the fact that i turn all the lights off and it becomes 100% darker in the room #and that it’s Very likely i have a general intolerance of Light as sensory input - MUCH 2 think about #(like i Knew this about fluorescent lights but it hasn’t occurred to me before that even my dimmer lights may be causing me problems) #anyway make chairs that won’t Eviscerate my spine that still let me rock back and forth for hours Now #autism tag

[celestial-toys]

been laying here listening to Lucky by Dermot Kennedy on loop for half an hour while thinking about Everything Stays and crying

#it’s good crying dw i am just. i have so many feelings about this story #Seven’s Celestial Commentary #Everything Stays #writing stuff #i may be stuck in bed struggling to type due to personal reasons but that will Not stop me from cooking up ideas for this fic #there is gonna be so much fucking angst and it’s gonna hurt soooooo good #the more i listen to it the more the possibilities expand #i can easily see Moon and Reader going back and forth between verses vulnerably arguing over Sun #but i can also see it being Sun and Moon getting real and discussingcougharguingover Reader #can’t decide which i like more #god i wish y’all could see this story the way it plays out in my head #next best thing would be to keep writing and sharing the story instead of vagueposting abt future plot points tho wouldn’t it lmao #and GOD don’t even get me fucking STARTED on Two Hearts… #Dermot Kennedy’s music is responsible for yet Another plot point for this story and i can’t even be mad about it. his fucking lyricsss dude #‘and so we jump to the THEATER??? in that SAME OLD TOWN???’ DO WE? FUCK I GUESS WE DO NOW!!! #picture me listening to that song and inspiration hitting me like a truck. diligently taking notes like the lyrics r instructions from God #‘she sees his face?? and HE sees HER as the LIGHTS GO DOWN???’ write that down write that down #‘the life that they should’ve had sat between them that night??’ FUCK Man yeah it sure did!!! #anyways it’s chill i’m chill. i’m very normal about my little stories and their musical inspirations! #and i’ve listened to these songs a very normal amount (translation: they will likely be in my top ten for the 2024 wrapped) #(cut to the scenes playing vividly in my head) ‘Well‚ at least I can always say that I /told/ her!’ #‘I can’t relate to having a heart like that‚ Sun! With all of your wonder and your trust intact…’ #like no i wouldn’t lift the lyrics directly for the song to use as dialogue but FUCk does it work well.. Lucky is such a good script for- #like- a heated conversation between my Relentlessly Positive Sun and my Apathetic Jaded Moon #‘How could our farewell mean as much as our time? Honey‚ I’ll be gone. It’s better if I’m something that you leave behind.’ #‘I used to paint these trees‚ now I just scream at the sky. Honey I was wrong. Guess there’s certain things you never leave behind.’ #*sobbing shaking throwing up clawing at the walls* I Am Normal About These Characters #anyways uh. on an unrelated note how many song lyrics do ya think i can cram into ES before it’s Too Many #gonna have to start getting creative with how i can incorporate more songs in a way that feels natural and not forced #even tho i am forcing it. i am forcing it very much bc i have songs with applicable lyrics and y’all Will read them one way or another

[homosexual-fanfiction]

this might take a while

#i don't like the story anymore i need to let it sit longer #not an update #sorry i hyped it up so long and now its not going to happen until later lol #i just think it'd be better if i gave it a break before coming back 2 revamp it #that and my spark has run away </3 i must wait for its return #just watch me contradict myself by posting this and then getting a crazy spike in energy lol #i keep going back and forth on posting something like this but i don't want to leave anyone who's been waiting just hanging there #yknow in the case that it does end up dropped for a long while #i was planning on fixing the problems i had with it as i wrote the thing out but i can't get myself to let them go #soooo like i said i'm going to wait and tap away at it with hammers until i'm more satisfied #i have absolutely no clue whatsoever if i'll do other things in the meantime #this is not the end..........this is.......the...........i don't know #this is the 'hang on a second i need my fucking hammer' #'where is my fucking hammer'

[ultimateaclrecovery]

This about sums my feelings right now

Audio description:” when I was a kid I wanted to ride horses really badly and now after years and years of hard work and dedication I can finally ride horses really badly” 😂😂😂

Had our first show together with my pony Luna and it did not go particularly well. Had a refusal and a rail round 1, two rails round 2, and two refusals at this same jump in round 3 for an elimination. But I stayed on, both me and my pony did our best and honestly I got to go a horse show with a horse of my very own decked out in head to toe purple and if that isn’t living out my wildest childhood dreams nothing is.

And some of the jumps were okay!

Best of all tomorrow we get to try again, at a lower height to give me and the pony more margin of error and build our confidence and hopefully have a better time.

#I should’ve done the lower height yesterday #I went back and forth so much #so I have regrets about the class desicion #but still loving my decsicion to buy a horse and to buy this horse #even if her size makes the jumps relatively bigger #we’ll build up to it #got a little ahead of ourselves cuz we can do it in lessons #but better to start small and slow and build #then to go to big too fast which is def what happened here #so dropping down in height #and it’ll be fine #the audio is from tic tok #“ever since I was little I wanted to ride horses really badly and now that I’m older I can finally ride horses really badly

[oranberrie]

Ah the autistic experience of randomly remembering a situation from your childhood and realizing things

#i asked a teacher once if I could go Over the needed word count and she said something mean in return in front of the class #i used to write essays for fun and I remember that I liked the topic and I definitely wanted to infodump in the essay #i attempted to stay calm and realized I was going to really start crying and excused myself to the bathroom #where a really kind upperclassman immediately noticed my distress and hugged me and helped me calm down #or how about. the first time someone gave me a hug I actually enjoyed. and it was because he hugged me with really tight pressure #whereas all hugs I’d had previous were light and always left me uncomfortable from touching and having to lean over awkwardly #i always felt like i was about to fall over in hugs because I would try to return the favor of light touches and overbalanced myself usually #or how about. or how about. or how about. #so on and so forth. the autism was there at every moment of my life and no one noticed. even now unless I point out specifics #or spoon feed people tidbits of research I’ve done that upends their biases #people tend to immediately refuse to acknowledge or believe me. i don’t have the money for a diagnosis nor do I desire any of the #discrimination that comes from having a formal diagnosis. and the lack of one is almost always a point of contention when I explain things #hell I used to refuse to consider the idea myself because it felt like I was taking away from other peoples experiences #which was stupid because as the great High School Musical once said. We’re all in this together. #did Not help that I had an ex years ago who I did voice my theories to and got shut down rather harshly #idk just feeling nostalgic for the childhood I could have had in a perfect world. #a world where people were kind. a world with better healthcare. a world with better research studies to broaden understanding of diagnoses. #i want to go back in time on multiple trips and give my younger self tight squeezing hugs so often through my childhood that I would never #have had to think that hugs were supposed to be something you just tolerate

[tomsmusictaste]

Reflecting

#music musings #tomsmusictalks #meme #shitpost #lyric edits #I remember going back & forth on whether I wanted that HM edit in bold or normal #and I must’ve just missed it #can’t unsee it now lol #and I deleted the file too so I can’t go in and do a sneaky edit like I did with the typo in the other one #it’s just stuck like that forever #yeah if anyone thought that was a deliberate stylistic choice - nah. that was just me not paying attention #but tbh even with the non-matching text it still looks better than that old NFG one 😂 #pop punk #lyrics #pop punk lyrics #new found glory #hot milk #music blog #pop-punk blog