#oh god why am i even talking about this are things really getting to that point

[ninyard]

Nicky: yeah he slept with a chair in his room and a knife nearby so we think he’s just insane

Neil: ……

No but rlly, no matter how you feel about Nicky, on one hand I am an outside observer so reading this exchange I’m like “oh ffs obviously that’s not why! That makes no sense!” But then I think about it more and it’s actually probably really realistic? Nicky doesn’t know what andrew went through, he probably didn’t think his life in foster care was that bad, that kind of abuse just isn’t on his radar bc he’s had different experiences and exposures, so the possibility of anything else just doesn’t cross his mind, plus he’s already biased to think andrew is just naturally “like that” bc that’s the assumption he’s already been operating under, plus the natural inclination of ppl to not want to see awful things. It makes sense for him and Aaron that that’s the conclusion they come to, and that makes me so mad at the world for reasons I can’t quite articulate

Sorry for hitting you with this out of nowhere I actually meant to say something else but idr what bc I clicked the ask button and this is what came out instead xD

Oh 100%. I GET it. I understand why everyone has this perception of Andrew that he’s, in their own words, a monster. That he’s a loveless, emotionless sociopath. Imagine Aaron, excited to meet the twin he didn’t even know he had, and the first thing he says to you is fuck off, fuck you, leave me the fuck alone?

Imagine you meet the cousin you didn’t even know you had, and for some reason you don’t know about, he’s been in your house for how long? He’s been there for how long before he’s made an enemy out of your father, out of your aunt, he won’t talk to the cousin you did know about, he’s angry and depressed and he keeps knives under these arm bands he refuses to take off? He’s like Aaron in a different shade, like the dark version of a person already dark and destroyed. But he won’t talk to you. Why won’t you talk to us, Andrew? And all you get in response is a knife, or a blank stare, or a fuck off, fuck you, leave me the fuck alone?

Then your aunt is dead, and he’s alive, and the cousin you did know about is grieving and angry, and you, Nicky, who has fought so hard to keep the peace in your household, are now surrounded by negativity, and anger, and past problems that nobody fucking wants to deal with?

I get it.

Then they’re at Eden’s, and he hears it over his shoulder, the shouted slur. And then Andrew, who barely even talks to him anyway when they’re out drinking is on top of this stranger in a flash. And there’s blood, and the stranger stops fighting back. But Andrew’s fists keep coming back, and keep coming back, and keep coming back.

He nearly kills him. He nearly kills him. He nearly kills him. For you. Because you don’t know that he’s gay. You don’t know the weight of the word shouted your way. He’s protecting you. He’s protecting you.

You’re scared of him. He gets locked up. Whatever the timeline is pre-tfc. You’re scared of the cousin you didn’t know you had.

I get it.

But imagine being Andrew. They don’t ask what happened. They take the courts word for it when they say you’re a danger to society. They take the courts word for it when they say your depressive episodes are a danger to yourself. You tried. You tried to tell someone, but it’s a misunderstanding, and god’s intention, and your fault. So why bother trying again?

You spend all this time on this medication that makes you feel worse than anything you’ve ever been on - you spend years of your life in this haze, a mixture derealisation and constant and unending mania. You’re sick without it. You’re sick on it. You don’t remember who you are without it. You don’t want to know who you will be without it.

And imagine being Andrew, and it takes being violated in your cousins childhood bedroom, or just a room in his childhood home, for them to finally get it? Your autonomy stolen from you. Your secrets exposed without permission, again. Your consent is never your own choice. It never has been.

Oh and then let’s think about Nicky. And all that’s in his head is ANDREW IS WORSE WITHOUT HIS MEDS.

Maybe he hears the laugh from the bottom of the stairs. Maybe he only hears Neil talking about it. ANDREW WAS LAUGHING. HE WAS LAUGHING. HE WAS VIOLATED AND DESTROYED AND COVERED IN BLOOD AND HE WAS LAUGHING.

And this has happened before?

And Drake was not the only one?

Does it make sense now?

Is he a sociopath or was he made to be that way? Is he crazy or was this someone else’s fault? Does he protect his family because nobody protected him?

Why didn’t he tell me? Why did this happen under the roof of my family home?

In theory I hate how they don’t know what Andrew is really like. How they’re afraid of him off his meds. But it makes sense why. I get it. Why the fuck would they not think that?

But I think they understand how wrong they were eventually. I think they see how he might not smile anymore - but he is much happier now.

#incoherent ramble once again #long post

[unknownperson246]

Hello^^ I would like to request a fic about 80s slash x reader? Where he is a bit older and he meets a girl who is inexperienced and new to the dating life but finds her sweet, kind and a bit talkative than he is - A nice contrast to his introvert personality

They like meet at a restaurant no body really goes to and it’s perfect because slash just started his career as a guitarist for Guns N’ Roses and so they were starting to get popular. With some smut and fluff involved^^ 🤭

The rest is up to you^^

Hiiii sorry for this being late but I just finished it!! enjoy 💋💋💋

(just edited the grammar)

Young Love

words: 1,340

Warnings: *smut* *fluff* *dirty talk* *cum eating* *finger sucking*

It was 1987 and you were wandering the streets at 11 pm, searching for a place to sit and unwind after a disagreement with a friend. Only 18 at the time and in a small town, you stumbled upon an unfamiliar restaurant that was open and seemed perfect for relaxation. Upon entering, you accidentally collided with a mysterious man. His curly hair was concealed beneath a hat, his eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, and he was garbed in a leather jacket over a crisp white shirt and matching leather pants.

“What would he want from me?” you ask yourself.

He sits in front of you, and you tense up at first. He asks for your name.“Hi, what is your name?” he asks in a soft and tender tone.

After hearing his voice, he doesn't seem as scary. His sweet and soft voice is nothing like what you expected – not deep at all.

“Hi, I am Y/N. "What is your name?” you ask 

“My name is Slash. Y/N that's such a gorgeous name” he replies to your question.

“Well hi, Slash”. You say as you blush after he compliments your name.

“Slash, can I ask why you came over to me?” You ask.

“I came over because you caught my eye Y/N,” he says.

You start to blush when he says that because you have never been approached by anyone like that before. You have a feeling in your heart and it starts to beat. You feel like you're falling in love. 

“My god he is handsome and sweet. I know I just met him but this won't hurt, right? You think to yourself.

“Hey, I don't mean this question to be rude. I just want to know how old you were?” He asks you out of curiosity.

“I am 18. How old are you Slash? You ask. 

“I am 24” he responds to your question.

Slash finds you fascinating ever since he laid eyes on you after bumping into him by accident. You start to find yourself comfortable around him even though you just met him. You start to ask him questions about himself. He is so sweet, kind, and respectful of you.

"What state are you from?" you ask as your eyes meet his. You Are more open and more talkative. He likes that most about you.

“I am from England but I was raised in California” Slash reciprocates that question to you.

“I am from Florida, born and raised.” 

“I Never would have guessed. You were from Florida. I have never met anyone from there. What is it like down there?” 

“Well, it's interesting. It's quite an experience." You let out a little chuckle.

“What is your favorite place?" he asks you.

“I like Disney World,” you say in a joking manner

"No, I love Daytona Beach. It's great down there. There are a lot of good waves down there and a lot of good food and a lot of things to do.”

“I've been there once,” Slash says.

“Oh yeah, how was the experience?" you ask him as you are very interested in what Slash has to say.

“It was great!” He replied to your question 

You feel yourself melting for him even though you just met him.

He feels himself falling in love with you. Your aura, the way you talk, the amount you talk. He likes that you like to talk and you are not shy about it. He likes you because your personality is a contrast to the way his personality is introverted, shy, reserved, and introspective. He also finds you very sweet and very kind. He loves everything about you.

“Hey Y/N are you going to order anything?” Slash asks you.

“No, I am not going to,” you say.

“You wanna come over to my place? We could have a nice quiet night if you wanted?" 

“Sure,” you say

Slash offers you his hand and you comfortingly take it as he walks you to his car.No one recognizes Slash not even you. You sit down in his car and he drives you to a small building that looks like an apartment building. Slash pulls his apartment keys out and he takes your hands as you guys walk down the stairs. He unlocks the apartment door and you notice his guitar on the side of the small vanity he has by the door. He removes his jacket, his hat, and his sunglasses and puts them on the vanity table. You excitedly enter his apartment hoping something will happen tonight. Slash pulls out two VCR’s and he hands them to you.

“You can pick whatever movie you want to watch and we will watch it together."

Slash has you pick between The Lost Boys and Jaws: The Revenge. The movie you decide to watch is Jaws: The Revenge. Mid the movie Slash gently puts his hand on the thigh that your dress is covering and he tenderly squeezes it. You bite your lower lip because it's turning you on.

Slash quickly pauses the movie and he pulls you to sit on his lap. As your hand rubs his covered cock, you kiss his soft pink lips. You know he enjoys it because he does not remove your hand. He quickly takes your dress off when you are not wearing a bra. He takes his sweet time. He squeezes your big melons and gives each of them a tender kiss. He sees your white panties and how soaked they are.

“Your pussy is so wet for my cock, darling. I like that, I like that a lot."

He admires your delicate body. He starts to touch your clit with his two cold fingers which makes you more wet.

“Slash” you quietly moan. You place your gentle and soft hands on his shoulders 

He briskly lays you down on the couch. He starts to nip at your collarbone. You start to moan lightly.

“Slash” you softly moan.

He takes off his black leather pants and his clean white shirt. He gets on top of you while he is naked. You could feel his erection in your belly. He places his swollen-up cock at your entrance and he slowly starts to thrust inside your wet pussy.

“Oh Slash” you let out a soft moan.

He thrusts into your wet pussy faster and faster each time he hits your soft spot over and over again. You wrap your legs around him tighter, trying to pull him even further into you as you cry out in pleasure. His thrusts become more intense and your body quivers in ecstasy. You both climax together, your body shaking in pleasure as you both fall into a heap on the floor.

“Oh Slash fuck me baby” you moan

“You feel so good my girl” he grunts. 

He holds on to your hips and forces his cock inside your needy pussy. You feel that you need to pee.

“Slash I need to pee” you moan 

“You sure Y/N? I think that is the feeling of you needing to cum” Slash grunts.

“Cum on my dick Y/N”

You start to get teary-eyed and your legs start to shake.

“Oh fuck” you moan 

“I think it's happening” you moan

“I know, I know my sweet thing, cum for me, and I'll cum for you baby” Slash grunts.

Your pussy tightens around Slash's hard dick.

“Your walls are so tight Y/N” Slash grunts.

You finally release the sweet juice that Slash was waiting for. Slash releases his wet load into your womb and none of it goes to waste. Both of your guys' cum is leaking down your thighs 

"That's going to get cleaned up!" Slash says in a neutral tone.

He licks both of your guys' cum clean from your thighs.

“It's so sweet, Y/N. You taste so good,” he says seductively as he puts some on his fingers.

“Suck it clean Y/N,” he says in a commanding tone. 

"Can you taste both me and you?" Slash asks.

#rock n roll #80s rock #rock #guns n roses #gnr #slash guns n roses #slash fanfiction #slash gnr #slash #gnr fanfiction #slash smut #slash x reader #guns n' roses #guns and roses #guns n'roses #guns n roses x reader #guns n roses smut #guns n roses x fluff #slash fluff

[fictionfixations]

all the sad tales

penacony + aventurine spoilers

the wiki probably contains this but for my own sake i need to keep this somewhere.

(it'll be in bold. what im not sure on will not be in bold)

(The murmurs near your ears grow louder, more booming. You can even see another ████ ████████. Let's hope you can hold on until the moment you step onto the stage of the amusement park.)

(whited out parts are parts i cant decipher yay)

im going to try my hardest not to miss anything because i really like aventurine and i want to take my time with this. but i also sometimes have a really short attention span or get too immersed in something that i forget everything else so like...

(You ████████ ██ ██ █ ██████ discovered a strange child -- He seems to hail from the Avgin origins(?)... Weren't they already wiped out?)

(need to stop sprinting. i keep noticing breakable objects or chest so then i sprint towards them and im going to end up missing something instead of just heading straight into activating more of the story)

bby kakavasha runs so fast oh my god (its kind of sad to imagine that he can run so fast probably to run away from well yknow...)

(You are completely entranced by the Avgin boy. Just who is(?) he? There's still time. Maybe you can catch up to him and ask him exactly what █████████.) (happened?) (the extra whited out part on just who --- is probably a space. otherwise it could be was but hm.)

(im going to cry if i miss checking it because an enemy is chasing after me and i run headfirst into story. yes i am a coward who doesnt like starting battles if i can help it. makes me wish i had acheron but id honestly never use her in battle unless i had someone to regenerate skill points considering i have 5 star dan heng, so other attack ppl on team dont get much attention, and i dont really know how to use her beside tehcnique insta kill?? does that mean i can whip out a lvl 1 acheron and it works??)

dont plan on talking about the dialogue too much (i saw multiple people go through the story before i started ngl) but (also aventurine boss creeping up on me... i literally only have one person on team who attacks multiple at a time, and no one else outside of the team is as built)

LISTEN. have you SEEn hyenas playfighting its fucking adorable. call someone a hyena, i call it a compliment.

i missed the first piece of text... i forgot...

(*Ride the Pinball Machine)

still the same

i dont know why but the puzzles in penacony make me lag so bad. the puzzles, the pinball machine, or that dreamweaver thing. bruh.

(*Win the Hide and Seek game and find the Avgin boy)

anyway from what im understanding you can tell how many letters are missing because its as many characters as a character is missing. whenever ive blacked out text i never do that cause its so much bigger than the original text (i do one block for every two letters ngl. but i also dont do it with the intention of people deciphering what it says)

(*Play the roll of █████ film) (wound?)

i dont know film terms enough to even decipher what it could be. it could be color. black. white.

wound? wound as in rolling? like uh uh. past tense of wind. like winding up a roll. a wound roll. cause the description of wounds.. it could be related to his family. or..

I MISSED IT AGAIN 'there is only water, not rock' or something like that

(*Leave the maze)

(*Check the things you(?) lost)

i cant decipher this one 😭. you??? (Leave the maze you(?) █o) but i dont know what would make sense of it then. idk.

oh fuck i forgot to check the objective. its. probably the same as the other one for when finding a 'lost' object but like...

AGHHH wiki came in clutch

(*Check the lost things and memories)

(*Escape escape(?) the maze escape(?) the past/last(?) escort(?)) (this is a lot of 'idk')

(Failure discarded selfish useless pointless coward murderer gambler blessed discarded loser chosen-one Mother Goddess's beloved crazy murderer blessed failure discarded loser pointless coward murderer chosen-one selfish fool(?) blessed discarded loser chosen-one you(?) loser discarded pointless coward(?) murderer gambler blessed █isc█████ useless loser chosen-one Mother Goddess's blessed/beloved(?) loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser ████ ████ ███████████ ███ ██████ █████ █ ██ ████ █)

there might be way more losers then there should be because my eyes were getting confused. and also more of the blacked out character

this line right here makes me wonder why he's still in the IPC after like the end of 2.2 (..im pretty sure 2.3 is the next update)

my brain power is failing on me idk what this one is

im going to turn my settings to max for the picture because its so fucking pixel-y. im going to try to save it before my pc crashes.

my one complaint: the taking a picture function that continues the story disappears when you get close to kakavasha. so i cant take a photo with him and continue the story.,

whatever.where the fuck is the screenshot folder im crying

oh my god the LAUNCHER? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNow after i go through the star rail folder > games folder > starrail_data folder > screenshots

thats way too many folders for me to even notice 😭

second image cuz yes

I RAN PAST THE TEXT AGAIN

'there'll be one beside you' or something im sorry my memory is shit short term i already forgot

I MISSED MORE OF THE FLOATING TEXT 😭😭

'over plains, endless'

'into cracked earth, stumbling'

im stressed so im getting distracted

ARE YOU READY KIDS? I CANT HEAR YOUUU. WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA

"So run, Kakavasha, do not be afraid, and do not look back."

now go back and reread the previous quest thing.

okay thats it i think

#penacony #aventurine #hsr #star rail #honkai star rail #aventurine hsr #kakavasha #hsr aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail

[ganondoodle]

me: finally im able to cope with how much i hate totk and can fuel that energy into other things :)

nintendy: the shiekah tech just dissappeared and no one knows why or cares enough to investigate it lol. lmao. its gone bc the calamity is gone or something even tho it literally isnt bc ganondorf is right there haha lol, stop asking, why do you care. just forget it existed and look at that sexy goatman and glue instead!! glue! isnt that wild?? also its totally a direct, 100% same universe and exact same characters, despite them act totally out of character, sequel to botw-

#ganondoodles talks #ganondoodles rants #zelda #totk #im just fucking!!!! at my limit!!!! #what the fuck do you mean #the calamity is the equivalent of ganondorfs farts trying to wake himself up and you say lololo is gone so the techs gone #then why do some parts still exist huh??????? #fuyking clowns #all the threads leading organically into another game WOOOP NOPE CUT THEM ALL WE DIDNT MEAN TO GIVE IT MEANING LOL #what is ancient energy and whys there a big concetration under these regions including hyrule castle? oh my god is it bc gan is there an- #NOPE forget we ever said that haha lol lmao even #can you really blame me for feeling like im being laughed at #like totk is mocking me bc i care about botw and thought theyd take up the interesting things they set up in it to expand upon??? #and no instead they backpedal like oh no we accidentally made it seem interesting quick get the iron out we need to FLATTEN this bitch #and they keep making it WORSE by insisting that its totally 1000% a direct sequel #just fucking say its some alternative bullshit again #i am begging them to let soemone else direct the next game #bc when the guy makes accidentally good lore he needs to immedaitely flatten all the good stuff when it comes to a sequel apparently

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

#origins smp #i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅 #beeduo #otubbo #oranboo #beeduo fanart #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹ #had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭 #ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

[wizardnuke]

loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again

#THERAPEUTIC. incredible things happening. #this person. me and this guy both love this person. but Oh my God. #he called to tell me abt something that kind of pissed him off last night and i started talking about a month and a half ago #why are we handholding this grown ass person thru fomo and massive control issues. well. it's not a dealbreaker but i might blow up one day #oscillating between 'yes i love them' and 'i've been pissed for a month and a half' #the horrors of having a interconnected friend group? it's really just two people i would really really hate to lose. others wouldn't be as #affected but those two. i love them. and AGAIN it's not a dealbreaker it's just kind of a buildup of behaviors. anyone remember my bitchy #post about the fomo/anxiety essay #also smaller things like Why are you trying to micromanage two disc servers that you dont have to lift a fucking finger in #um. my beloved irl if you see this. you didn't. i do love her to death. you know i do #the issue is if i put out all my issues they would take it really badly like they would act like it's the end of the fucking world #when i'm just like hey i am not your mother or your therapist and also stop trying to tell me what to fucking do #they would. um. lose it. #and some people are gonna get hit in the crossfire and i don't want to cause that. even tho it. wouldnt really be me.

[featureenvyproductions]

"Why does everything need to be Gay now it's so shallow to make men attracted to each other when they could be Pure Platonic Friends -"

oops sorry I can't hear you over the sound of me Doing What I Want Forever because I have been watching movies, TV, and animation since the 80s and have watched enough shallow heterosexual romances that would have been stronger as mlm-wlw solidarity friendships to fill the space between stars in a galaxy

#also 1) friends can fuck each other so you're not safe especially since gay guys do this a lot #2) why can't there be a cast with MANY mlm characters where some are strictly friends and some are partners #(bc this is a real thing that happens in the real world shocker I know but sometimes friend groups have several mlm folks) #3) as an aromantic vaguely ace spec person I get the need for good platonic relationships #but uh queer people reading mlm romance into something (often based on their own experiences or representation needs) #that creators refuse to delve into #or god forbid writing it into their own work #IS NOT THE BIGGEST PROBLEM HERE #i can't believe it's the year of our lord 2024 and i am still seeing this thinly veiled homophobic take everywhere #2006 called and it wants its 'I don't wish evil on gays but i dont condone their gay stuff' attitude back #Also when I think about all the shows and movies that came from source material with wlw or mlm characters who were all but TOTALLY erased #Or I think about media about queer historical figures who were utterly straightwashed or had their queerness demonized #or reduced to a footnote or Non Controversial background noise #My rage about this increases like 10000 fold #Anyway TLDR ultimately I fall under the mlm umbrella and that's part of the reason I write the shit I do and I'm not the only one #And I write cheeky posts about it but I actually am genuinely disturbed sometimes at this sentiment #Because no one says it outright but there's this massive undercurrent of an assumption that we don't exist #And we don't create #And we don't create things FOR OURSELVES not even bc precisely because of all the times we were told #'Well that's not really marketable so if you want to see it maybe you should create it yourself' #I feel like I'm talking to a wall here DOES NO ONE ELSE GET ANGRY ABOUT THIS #LIKE HOMOPHOBIA ISN'T OVER YET #ESPECIALLY NOT FOR MLM PEOPLE WHO AREN'T CIS AND WHITE #Like stop calling sex and/or romance shallow when it's gay and SUSPICIOUSLY 0 OTHER TIMES oh my fucking god

[iridescentoracle]

i totally get why LfW isn’t covering the novels (aside from that early bit of Study in Scarlet) but it does kill me a little that we didn’t do Hound at some point because like. man.

'Well, I am glad from my heart that you are here, for indeed the responsibility and the mystery were both becoming too much for my nerves. But how in the name of wonder did you come here, and what have you been doing? I thought that you were in Baker Street working out that case of blackmailing.'

'That was what I wished you to think.'

'Then you use me, and yet do not trust me!' I cried, with some bitterness. 'I think that I have deserved better at your hands, Holmes.'

'My dear fellow, you have been invaluable to me in this as in many other cases, and I beg that you will forgive me if I have seemed to play a trick upon you. In truth, it was partly for your own sake that I did it, and it was my appreciation of the danger which you ran which led me to come down and examine the matter for myself. […] As it is, I have been able to get about as I could not possibly have done had I been living at the Hall, and I remain an unknown factor in the business, ready to throw in all my weight at a critical moment.'

'But why keep me in the dark?'

'For you to know could not have helped us, and might possibly have led to my discovery. You would have wished to tell me something, or in your kindness you would have brought me out some comfort or other, and so an unnecessary risk would be run. […]

I was still rather raw over the deception which had been practised upon me, but the warmth of Holmes's praise drove my anger from my mind. I felt also in my heart that he was right in what he said, and that it was really best for our purpose that I should not have known that he was upon the moor.

'That's better,' said he, seeing the shadow rise from my face.

like. man. passages to have been published within a year or two of “Empty House,” huh

#sherlock holmes #HOUN #EMPT #it didn't really strike me the first god-knows-how-many times i read EMPT (or HOUN for that matter) #but at some point i was rereading the whole canon but misplaced Hound and so skipped right to the Return #and the reveal seemed so weirdly understated and quickly glossed over to the point it felt like half the conversation was missing? #and then my copy of Hound turned up again and i got to the reveal *there* and just had a moment of oh. #oh‚ *there* it is #that's why we don't get more about the deception or anything about watson feeling hurt or angry let alone holmes' explanation #or the two of them talking things out and all of it being okay again #because we don't need it in the Empty House because we already got that conversation #more or less #in Hound #also [slams fist on table] HOLMES SPENDS THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION PRAISING AND THANKING WATSON #AND CALLING HIM INVALUABLE AND SAYING HE COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT WATSON'S HELP DAMMIT #he refuses to stop emphasizing how important watson has been to the case until watson smiles!!! #and even then he brings it up again later in the conversation more than once!!! #YES i am still holding a grudge against The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939) dir. Sidney Lanfield NO i will not let this go

[cinnamon-notes]

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact #with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes #but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost #become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad. #i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their #hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed #and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month??? #after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they #lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never #had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant #really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you #just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs #capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem. #and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them. #sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont #care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem #and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did #try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry” #and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found #yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!! #and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i #crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :) #cinnamon diary

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[clownpassing]

yyyuuppppp things are getting weirddddd i had to tell nick not to mention to johnny the price of the stuff i bought him or about the hundreds of dollars i've spent on him idk why like. i just don't want jonathan to know. i think that's what's been killing me bc every time i am having a really bad day in jon and i's relationship(nearly every day now tbf) i try to swallow it because i just need to make it to the 18th without having another breakdown since that's my first therapy appointment. but then like he'll say he's been feeling great and i just for some reason can't bring myself to tell him anything. and i know this will hurt him more in the longterm but i don't know like. i feel like i'm the only person making solid efforts. and him spending all this money on nice things has been making me anxious because yes gift receiving is one of my biggest love languages but it all feels so empty

#txt #op #sorry again i'm waiting on therapy and i hate journaling so in the meantime i post here to a small group of strangers and friends #lawl. lmao. lol. #um. it's getting so bad #but i can't imagine a life without him because i have nobody to move in with. maybe my mom #i would prefer to live w my dad but he turned my old room into an office space so #oh god why am i even talking about this are things really getting to that point #i feel so trapped #i am not happy but i live in a nice home with a dog and a man who really loves me #but i am so deeply unhappy #i kind of want to keel myself these days i'm not gonna lie

[zemnarihah]

hm. my dad is now aware that i have slept over at eriks when i visit him.

#dont love that. #he brought it up bc i have an aunt and uncle in his city and i think he was going to offer to like see if i could stay with them at some #point to visit him #he was like have you thought of visiting erik in (city)? and i was like. yeah #and he was like. have you? and i was like. yeah. and he was like how many times? and i said twice and he was like oh. where did you stay? #and i said. eriks place. and he was like. oh. well you know you have an aunt and uncle there that would let you stay right? and i was like. #yeah i know. and it was in front of my mom and sister and brother in law and HIS sister and everyone was so quiet because they know how my #dad is #and i was like in the process of leaving so i just like said bye to everybody real quick and left so im still like. agh. scawed! #idk why even its not like theres anything he can do to me its just like. god i really want to have peace with him i do not want to ever hav #another lecture from him or get yelled at by him again idk im still scared of that. and he hasnt even met erik yet and probably has a #terrible impression of him now just based off of that even though i am always telling them great stuff about him i dont want HIM to deal #with that especially because i do not think that he would take as much bullshit which he shouldnt have to but god i just have this vision o #my dad like. pulling erik aside for a talk or something if they ever meet and trying to scare him and them getting into an argument bc erik #would stand up for himself #idk who knows if that will happen im literally making up scenarios in my head to scare myself but christ. \ #the thing is also at this point in my life i just like. i have to keep moving forward in like. the whole living my life without constantly #thinking about the church's and my dad and the rest of my family's expectations. I have to. I almost lied to him but i didnt and thats #really big progress but im still so scared. but whatever. do it scared. agh!

[princeofthemoonstone]

Thinking about gender and roleplay together:

At some point in college, I, in my infinite wisdom of First Time Away From My Parents, decided I was going to start only roleplaying as men. All of my characters would be men. A girl I dated let me change my guy oc with red hair into a transman OC and went with it. I just did that. I went to college and wrote transmen and men before I knew transmen were a thing you could be. I just. Went with it. Loved that character. Got art of them by a really cool artist. He wore hoodies in plain clothes and I literally never thought about it until this moment. Never put a reason on why I decided male OCs in hoodies were cool and yet I distinctly got art of feminine guy OCs in hoodies. Jesus Christ I'm having some revelations about myself and my transness in real time. Y'all are in for some shit right now.

And I just. I figured these were Normal Things. There wasn't anything to it. These were just Normal Decisions. It didn't even make me pause, because it made so much sense and was just so right. I'm screaming into my hands here. I really am.

And then my wife called my favorite OC "you projecting yourself as a boy to your friends and finding validation and acceptance."

I'm fine I'm just going to go throw up I have coped with roleplay since I went to community college goodbye everyone I've always been an egg

#potentially too deep trans shit #but also processing transness in a very autistic way LMAO #realizing you're trans through roleplaying! #yes my character is a man No Other Reasons It's Normal (tm) #but the man didn't know #he didn't know he was a he/him #he just wrote things about Men Being Men Loving Women #I high key wish i wasn't realizing this now #I liked a girl because she validates my maleness even though i didnt really get on with her we just hung out and i talked about my OCs #oh my god why am i LIKE THIS #if you know me in real life and read this i am so sorry and also no you didn't

[sickgraymeat]

.

#negative self talk / #why do I feel so much guilt over how I feel abt & interact with media #and also why does guilt make me feel like I’m gonna explode #guilt and fear!!! fear!!!! god I am so ??? #and anger obviously but that feels like somewhat normal? not to the extent that i have it but #like is it the not having much else in my life that makes me so attached to whatever abt media #bc idk im just so stupidly intense about it to the point where I can’t talk abt it all #bc if I try to talk I will just scream and cry #like I always thought fandom was like oh! people who get really into things like me! #but I am way way way too much #even for that #and I don’t wanna ruin my favorite things for myself by taking them too personally anymore #and it’s obviously 100% my fault but idk what to do abt it #:////////// anyway #jus talkin #I wanna be like everyone doesn’t hate me and think I’m horrible it’s just me but #what if everyone actually does hate me and think I’m horrible lol then I’d look like I’m not self aware #anyway GOD me you fucking dumb fucking piece of shit if you’re gonna be this whiny then like fucking create something about it for gods sake #you have enough fucking dumb stupid terrible drafts just make another dumb stupid terrible little stupid whatever #or else stop fucking complaining abt it! #—if you like this I will assume it’s a nice ‘I see you’ gesture don’t worry #like obvs no one has to but I know I’m sometimes not sure #kinda hope for y’all’s sake no one reads this but if you do and you leave a like #I will take it as a kind acknowledgment and I will appreciate it and not assume you’re necessarily agreeing to any of this haha #*agreeing with

[fingertipsmp3]

Literally NEED my job to send my contract through so I can find out how much I’ll actually be earning and budget for rent and stuff because my god if I don’t move out I’m going to [redacted]

#like tell me why my mom is constantly like ‘oh you don’t need to move out! it’s not urgent’ and talks as if i’ll be living here forever #like yes i do. yes i do need to move out if you want both of us to continue living #on maslow’s hierarchy of needs you can scrub out literally every other need and replace it with MOVE OUT #i am. so tired. of this place #literally the only good thing here is mabel and i can’t even bring her with #but it’s still worth it i’m sorry girl. i’ll visit #like this place is so toxic to my mental health and i really need to light a fire under my ass and get moving otherwise i will still #be rotting here for god knows how long. and one of the things that was holding me back was that i was like ‘but what if i save enough for a #deposit on a house’ girl NO ONE DOES THAT ANYMORE!!! #aspire to long term rent like a normal young millennial!! GET OUT #i need to light a fire under my ass. i’ve got the job and that’s a start. i need to narrow down a range of areas i could move into #so basically 1) the town where my job is or 2) one of about 3 major towns that have train stations #if i am within say 1 mile of the train station i am okay #i’m not budgeting for a car. i’m just. i’m not. that will schew all my figures #do estate agents ever help you find houses? or do you just have to use their search engines and put in an application yourself #like could i call them and be like ‘hey i need approximately this; i am this; and my budget is this. help?’ #i don’t think i’ll have That many problems finding somewhere. like i’m a landlord’s dream. i’m single; no kids; no pets (as stated; leaving #mabel with my mom); don’t drink and don’t smoke. i’m boring and clean and i’m neurotic so i will pay rent on time #it’s just finding something that fits my criteria and my budget and doesn’t have black mold or faulty wiring or mice or a creepy man #tl;dr anyone need a roommate. because uh. help #personal #rant

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Man it’s so annoying that I like my job bc the job itself is like fine or whatever but I really do love the people

#not to get on tumblr everyday to post about my job and type out this tag like every day but here we r again #like my friend and I went out for ice cream after work and I drive her home every night and it’s so fun #like I’ll keep in touch with her I’m not worried about falling out of contact with her #but like. she is the only person who I talk to outside of work #and like a lot of my coworkers who I really like r like. definitely in their 60s. I’m not gonna be like omg bestie what’s ur snap? #first of all I don’t use Snapchat second of all I am not that friendly third of all like. what would I even have to say #i am a terrible texter. i have nothing to say ever. I don’t know why but I am just so very boring to text I’ve got nothing to say #but yeah I’m sad that I’m gonna miss these people #my last day is the 19th :( #i am a little curious if they’ll do anything bc they usually host little goodbye parties for people who leave #and I am well liked. I’m gonna be so sad when I leave #I’ll be back every few weeks like hi you missed me a ton right? I’m here for the weekend. yes I do live across the country. don’t even worry #i have 2 favorite people there. ones my friend who I talk to a lot and the other is one of the waitresses but I won’t probably talk to her #which means like I’m gonna definitely miss her a ton and she’s already made a few comments like oh I’m gonna miss you so much when you leave #like man. catch me crying on my last day #god this is why I can’t deal with people being so nice to me bc then I’m gonna miss them!! like come on say one hurtful thing please #well actually no I think I’m sad enough as is but like. some people r just so nice. and it’s like bestie please I’m getting attached #soup talks