#ok night night i be tired as shit

[employee052]

"Well, you could consider this a Kingsman AU, however that would be a sort of cheating given that my face is directly inspired by Harry Hart himself."

"So, in a way. This is almost a return to form rather than an alternate universe."

(aka, me watching the kingsman church fight scene again and having thoughts, also simping over harry hart/mr darcy again and remembering that my narrators design is inspired by harry hart specificaly)

(aka aka, its midnight rn and i got volunteering in the morning but i stay up to dooble my boy before going to bed night night)

#artswin #tsp narrator #tspud narrator #the narrator #tsp #tspud #harry hart #kingsman #harry hart kingsman #kingsman harry hart #kingsman the secret service #ok night night i be tired as shit

[louderfade]

what we need mental health services to offer is an anger room. where you can go to just scream and break things. like stock it with 20 bucks worth of cheap plates and let patients smash the shit out of them. howl and pound on the walls until they're relieved/satisfied. maybe THEN when my mind is cleared of negative electricity we can discuss the sources of the suffering. like when i did equine therapy (which is the only therapy that ever helped me) they leave you all alone with the horses for an hour and then at the end you verbally process for five minutes. when you're at peace and thinking clearly. smashing objects is a great way to achieve clarity of thought. i speak from years of experience. just ask the holes in my walls.

#i'm not going back to therapy until they offer a rage room treatment option #the last time i drank liquor i scared some children by sobbing in public and went to the ER only #to walk out before the mental health team arrived i am tired of mental health teams #then there's shit like betterhelp shoving ads in your face and betterhelp might be the most evil thing to come out #of the last decade preying on desperate vulnerable people is so gross it's like when the cops cut holes in the tents of #the homeless like what is actually wrong with you people are you even human or did the modern world kill the #soul-like lifeforce deep inside you what happens in your head when you fall asleep at night i swear too many people #have been gutted of their humanity and are just zombies following orders they are so dangerous they keep us all sick #on campus someone wrote 'it's ok to be angry' on a public wall with a sharpie and i love this stranger bc #it's more than ok. it makes sense. rage is the proper response to the current reality. #rage and substance abuse

[moregraceful]

Photos: 1. Blossoms on I think the plum tree, taken on film; 2. Jake Oettinger grappling with Miro Heiskanen while Jason Robertson and Roope Hintz look on; 3. Flowers and shadows at midnight.

#having like eight different mental breakdowns rolled into one atm and like don't even know how to talk about them #like where do i start. it started eight months ago. it started two years ago. it started 35 years #ago. #i said i would have * done by tonight bc it would open up some job opportunities but every time i look at google docs i scream #i may need to handwrite it #and people at * being like oh you look tired. well i am tired. you people make me very tired. but you do not care #and it's like how much of this was preventable vs how much is just someone pulling out that last loadbearing block in the jenga tower of my #sanity and now it's all falling down #i made a list last night to compare things that would make me sad about doing * vs things that fill me with hope and curiosity and quiet joy #the hope/curiosity/quiet joys list was a lot longer #i swear every third text message i send beryl is like hi. i'm spiralling. again. but then i'll say to someone else and theyre like wow have #you tried not spiraling? #well i love to do that personally but every time i try something massively destabilizing happens #it's so interesting (it's not interesting) #angela sent a wonderful prompt about sleep deprived demon summoning #and being as i am on that shit i thought ok what if cale summons a demon due to sleep deprivation #but the demon is simply his younger self. happier #less ground down. more bright-eyed. easier to smile. doesn't feel the weight of expectation #voice like you hear in a recording of yourself five years ago and it's you but it's not you #it's him but it's not him because it's also a little evil. what if you hadn't looked the other way #what if you said something. what if you found your voice. what if you let your heart grow open rather than grow cold. #the demon of a cale who is less serious and more open less selfish and more giving #and he calls devon in the night and devon ends up at his house with two cales the one he loves and the one he always wishes he'd known #before the nhl ground it out of him #and then devon has to decide who does he keep the now cale he loves or the old happier gentler cale #and as i was contemplating thaf i thought hm. it's possible i'm sublimating some things there #like i am to be clear a way happier and more well-adjusted person overall than i was five years ago #but rn i'm also an animal with its leg in a trap growing increasingly desperate and frantic #fresno oilers.txt

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao) #so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still) #plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say! #i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶 #bella talks

[soldier-poet-king]

well. i finally did it. i finally watched the cr2 denouements/finale that i'd been putting off for more than a year, more than two years, technically. i have problems with endings. with uncertainty. with grief and letting things go, and experiencing things 'at the right time'. i'm not sure if this was the right time, but it feels right, it doesn't feel devastating. to end this story that i started watching during one of the worst points in my life. i'm. i'm. of course i miss it. part of me always will! and still. it was a good story. nothing will ever fill the same niche. that's ok.

#im literally #eating glass. but it's ok #cr lb #anyway back to cr3!!!! #which while not hitting the same heartspace #is still very fun #im not very far into it #less than halfway #im at the part where erika is a guest #so like most of the major ruidus plot stuff hasnt happened yet #they JUST met fearne's mom #that being said. i am v attached to orym. and ashton. and laudna. so i KNOW some good shit is coming down the line #liam/marisha/taliesin pcs always just. get me. my beloveds #i really miss the m9 tho #i sleep with the m9 quilt rae made me every night #it's the topmost blanket on my bed. always. i have very many blankets on my bed. i am always cold. but this is the best one #i miss caduceus and caleb most of all. shadowgast too ofc. #the grief and the guilt and the letting go. and the faith and the vocation and the purpose. the life's work. the peace. the regrowth and ho #*hope. the family. the love. the adventure #i am trying to transform that into smthn real. it is hard. i am tired and useless. but i am trying. and trying to convince myself that i am #i am young. that i have so much ahead of me still. hopefully #that potential. that ability. the /capability/ for that goodness and change. tho i feel like caleb carrying grief and guilt #and cad alone in the grove. desperately pleading for a sign an instruction from his goddess. reckless in that desperation #i still have the two m9 specials but i am saving them. for later

[omarfor-orchestra]

I'm obsessed with that poll what do you mean your grandma's mother went to collage.

It wasn't even allowed in Italy

#ok my grandma was born in? shit I don't remember hold on #1926 i think #so let's say her mother was born in 1885 more or less #so potentially she could but???? there was war????? #like???? #my own mother couldn't go past elementay school she had to take night classes for a middle school diploma when she came here #I'm sorry I'm astonished this is so weird to me #(there was not war in 1885 but it's not like the situation in 'italy' was a good one) #i made a mistake I'm tired #her mother could have been born in 1900 #I'm positive she did not have my grandmother at 40yo #even tho my grandmother did have my mom at 40yo #it's a long story

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[bawnjourno]

i don’t have sewing pics from today to dump thoughts in the tags of so here r my boyz instead (charlie left joel right)

#this has been a text post #had a shit day at work bc my idiot manager didn’t schedule us heavily enough #couldn’t nap bc of fuckass daylight savings #had to pull an espresso shot to have the energy to walk charlie before sunset and do french zoom #took a bath but had no energy for homework today #movie night (30 rock) w lindsay was nice. that was great. #i’m just so so soooooo tired #the good news is that my lawyer is a magician fr and got my speeding ticket worked down to $48 & not on my record if i behave for 180 days #tomorrow i have other french zoom. but a shorter shift #work and school EXHAUSTING #i will also finish 30 rock either tomorrow or wednesday and i’m devastated #i don’t want it to be over!!!! #i watched this show all the way through almost exactly a decade ago #and watching it again has been like a spine adjustment but for my soul #like damn i was fucked up! i needed that! #ok gn

[be-good-to-bugs]

you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

#the bin #uugghhhh i woke up at 1pm today bc my stupid idiot body refused to go to sleep at a reasonable time even tho i was alreday so sleep #deprived. i have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning :/ so i guess i wont be sleeping till then bc i still have to clean stuff and shower #maybe maybe maybe ill get a nap in but idk. bleh. i hope after i get home my stupid body will sleep. its gonna have to bc i work 7 hours the #next day so i cant do that too sleep deprived. i really really hope i dont have to :( hhhh #i wanted so bad to get high last night mosty bc my body has been refusing to sleep this past week but my sister n her boyfriend didnt come #over so i wasnt able to get more edibles :( or boxes for packing. hhh. i need to move so soon! i have no idea what day its even gonna be yet #i badeky have an idea of how much its gonna cost either. they finally gave me a gas cost estimate afeyr ive been asking for 3 weeks #hhh. well. whatever. i only have 4 more shifts. im kinda sad tbh. i really like working here. my coworkers are so nice #tomorrow is probs the last time ill ever see my fav coworker. shes so nice. shes so nice she used he/him for me and calls me orb #i just mentioned the name in passing once after i changed my pronouns on my nametag and she noticed and she remember! #and before she used it for me she stopped and asked if i was comfortable with it or if i wanted to keep it private. i have never EVER met #another cis person who would even think to ask that. most cis people dont understand why you would care. shes like. the nicest person ive #ever ever met. why did i have to find such a great place to work in minnesota? well. even if i am super tired tomorrow morning itll probably #be ok. butbi really would prefer not to be. #i dont know why i havent been able to sleep properly. bleh. i do liek what edibles do to me its a fun time but its kinda annoying that i #cant use them very casually for sleep or pain. they incapacitate me for 14 hours minimum. #well. at least no matter how stressed i am abt everything. i will definitely be elsewhere in 18 days max. should be less than that. #i will miss this job and these coworkers but i am relived that i wont have to go to work for awhile. esp with this tooth pain. #and im so excited to be able to draw again! im glad im moving a month before artfight bc itll give me time to get shit prepped #i wanted so bad to participate last year but i wasnt able to come evn close to finishing any attacks bc i was too tired from working

[kiwidotcom]

ヽ（≧□≦）ノ

#ok cant sleep #keep crying #eyes hurt #why didnt meletonin work like it does every night #alarm going off in 6 hours #not enough sleep #dont feel tired at all #just anxious #so so so anxious #why is this feeling happening #i canceled plans with the guy earlier because anxiety was just not letting me leave my apartment #i got fully ready to go out and just couldnt do it #ngl i think a part of it is not having glasses #like there are much bigger fish to fry but i kind of feel like having my glasses is a little tiny piece of armor #((not to mention its super disorienting when everything is blurry)) #((do you know how many times i poked myself in the face today because i kept trying to adjust my glasses that werent there)) #i hate having my face exposed #its too real #tbh i would wear sunglasses 24/7 if it was normal #then people wouldnt give me shit all the damn time about eye contact #ppl call eyes the window to the soul then call ME weird for not wanting to look into them #sorry the WINDOWS to your SOUL are a little much for me #FUCK I NEED TO SLEEP #alarm in 5 hours and 55 mins

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[orcelito]

about ready to jump off the walls for this purchase

i have bought. the full trimax set.

#speculation nation #LSKDJFLSDKFJSLDKFJ i bought a print from them already (currently my only trigun merch that has arrived yet) #and so i got a 10% off coupon for orders from their shop #which OBVIOUSLY means me buying a full trimax charms set AND a sketch zine #i love this person's art style and i LOVE these charms #last time i looked at them i wasnt done with trimax yet so i was a bit more ambivalent about it #hadnt officially met livio yet. now i love him. he is everything to me. #ANDDDDDDDDDDDD my dear trimax wolfwood and vash. much more in my heart than tristamp ones. Yeah. #theyre both preorders so im not getting these until august (AGHHH) but it's ok. it's worth it. im willing to wait. #still better than waiting until DECEMBERRRRRR for the trigun manga reprint lol. #yes i only got into this shit not even 2 months ago no it doesnt MATTERR #i can TELL it's gonna b a long haul interest bc a: it's all ive been able to think about for the past few months #and b: it got me to change my icon from orcelito for the first time in 7 years. that's a Big Deal. #anhways yea. excited. #i loooooove having some free money again. i love making objectively kind of stupid purchases. #just with the stipulation that im not supposed to buy anything else frivolous until my next paycheck lol #... i also did buy two stuffed turtles and also a tshirt from the zoo i went to yesterday. lol. #i need to post pics of them soon. ive just kinda kept them in my bag lol bc i was tired last night. #ooo i should post pics of the animals too. i got a sunburn. nice time outside !!

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[very-uncorrect]

It's so weird seeing posts online of people being like "why does my cat sleep on me and rub its face against mine and vibrate when I snuggle it and go 'mrrp!" when it notices my presence in the room and sit on the window waiting for me when I leave the house and kneed my legs and follow me around the house and-"

You see people giving basically a checklist of "things cats do when they love you" and acting confused as to why the cat does it like-

#tw cats #cats #cat life #it is 2 am right now #idk why I've stayed up this late i have no reason to #I'm glad it's the weekend so i don't have to go somewhere important while tired #so is this a good time for me to rant about how much a 4 day work week would change everyone's lives for the better? #no? #ok ill sleep now #buy lol #holy shit i just slept bye wrong #yeah i definitely need to sleep #BYE* #oh and #*SPELT #jesus #yeah I'm a night owl but this ain't right #lol #goodnight everyone #especially people in different time zones that are in the afternoon rn #have a good sleep #god I'm gonna die when i read these tags in the morning lol #ok I'm starting to hear things in my head #I'm sleeping now #bye

[ozlices]

this image is so important 2 me udgi and u never will and tbh? that is so tragic. huge & major & irreparable L.

#mine #top 10 moments that make me cry actual real tears over the lack of a reboot barring me from seeing this animated #dont. think abt what happens right after this ok shut up this aint abt that shit it's abt my number one wittle guy being absolute baby #being the scrungliest scrungly scrumptious to ever scrungle. #oz vessalius #pandora hearts #he's perfect i love him so much ive had a v taxing & emotional day & im v tired & it's almost 3 am & im gonna cry abt my love for him. #normal night 4 me rly but. h e.....................................

[intertexts-moving]

good fucking night!

#in a SHIT mood too tired to do anything fun that would make me feel better which in turn makes me even angier.. killing biting glaring at #u overstimulated in the corner of the club. etc. ok good night love u guys etc. sorry for being bad at responding to things lately its not #intentional i simply am still going through the meat grinder.!!! #txt