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coolgreatwebsite · 3 years

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Cool Games I Finished In 2020 (In No Real Order)

Oh, hey! Right! I have a website! I’m like a week late on writing this, but what’s a week on top of an entire year of not writing, right? 2020 was... well, we all know what 2020 was. For me personally, it was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. The worst in both ways you can probably assume and ways you definitely can’t (neither of which I’ll be getting into), and the best in ways I absolutely never would have guessed. That uncertain job I mentioned last year got very suddenly much more certain, at a much bigger company, for a much larger amount of money. That allowed me to get my own place, making my weird living situation much less weird. Still haven’t gotten the majority of my belongings off of the east coast, but if the entire world wasn’t currently fucked up by a global pandemic I’d have sorted all that out too. What I’m saying is that, for the third year in a row, my life has been a complete whirlwind that has left me very little time to get comfortable with any aspect of it. But I did manage to play more video games than I did last year! Which is perfect, because it’s once again time for another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2020.

Astro’s Playroom (PlayStation 5, 2020)

My one word description of Astro's Playroom is "delightful". It's just an absolute goddamn delight. A total surprise too! Included with every PlayStation 5, Astro's Playroom is, in my opinion, one of the best pack-in games of all time.

First off, it's an incredible tech demo for the PS5's new DualSense controller. It was easy to brush off Sony's talk about the controller's haptic feedback and triggers as some Nintendo-style HD Rumble bullshit, but it really is incredibly cool once you get your hands on it. The game is obviously more than a tech demo though, or else it wouldn't be on here. It also just so happens to be an extremely solid and fun platformer on top of that. Astro controls exceptionally well and the levels are all well-designed and fun, even the gimmick vehicle ones designed to show off different features of the controller. It also has an oddly compelling speedrun mode, made all the more compelling by the PS5 notifying you when your friends beat your times and the ability to load into it within two seconds from anywhere on the console. But the biggest thing for me and, call me a mark, because I am, is that the game is an honestly incredible love letter to PlayStation history.

For the first time ever, Sony has pulled off a nostalgia piece without it ending up as embarrassing garbage in the vein of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. There's a Nintendo-like joyful reverence for all things PlayStation oozing out of every single corner of this game. There are so many nods and references and gags for literally every PlayStation thing of note throughout the the last 25 years, and then on top of that there's a whole heap more for the things that AREN'T of note that only hyperdorks like me would get! A sly reference to the ill-fated boomerang controller? Yep. A goof on the fat PS3's Spider-Man font? You betcha. A trophy you can earn by repeatedly punching a Sony Interactive Entertainment sign until it breaks and reveals the Sony Computer Entertainment sign it was slapped on top of? Yeah buddy. It's deep cuts all the way down, even up until the final boss which had me grinning like a total dipshit the entire time. The game is endlessly, effortlessly charming.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch, 2020)

Animal Crossing: New Horizons was the perfect game at the perfect time. That doesn't mean it's a perfect game, I actually have some issues with it, but it could not have released at a better time than when it did. It came out at the very very beginning of everyone going into lockdown due to the pandemic, and it was the biggest game in the world for a couple of months as a result. I played like 300 hours and that pales in comparison to the amount of time many others put into it.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the most different Animal Crossing game there's ever been, and I'm of two minds on it. Like, I loved the game, I played a ton of it, but it's lacking so much of the stuff that made me love Animal Crossing in the first place. The series has been slowly trending in this direction for a bit now, but it's not really a game that happens around you anymore. It's all about total player control. You select where everything goes, you customize every detail of everything to your liking, hell, you can even terraform the landmass to be exactly what you want. Your neighbors take a backseat in focus and end up as little more than decorations with limited dialogue and next to no quests associated with them. Series staples like Gyroids are missing in action. Facilities and services that have been around since Wild World aren't implemented. It's similar to past Animal Crossing games in a lot of ways, but on the whole it feels like a different thing.

But like I said, two minds. New Horizons strays from what I truly want from an Animal Crossing game, but I can't deny that the game as it is is a hell of a lot of fun. There's SO much you can do and SO many options, it's super addictive. Plus it implemented my long-requested feature of letting you effortlessly send mail to friends online! Too bad the actual online play is as cumbersome as ever.

In conclusion, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a land of contrasts. I'm kidding. It's good, but definitely missing something in a way where I can understand some people being disappointed in it. I had a ton of fun though, and I'm probably going to get back into it later in 2021.

Trials of Mana (Nintendo Switch, 2019)

Late in 2019, with the physical release of Collection of Mana for the Switch, I decided I was going to play through each game on it for the first time and finally find out what this whole Mana thing was about. I went into Final Fantasy Adventure (the first game in the Mana series, because every RPG had to be Final Fantasy back then) with zero expectations and found a totally serviceable little Zelda-like with light RPG elements. I enjoyed my time with it. I went into Secret of Mana with the expectation of it being a beloved classic and found the worst game I beat that year, hands down. That game fucking sucks. I get why it made an impression on people at the time, but it's just so so SO awful to play. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed. Honestly, I would have been disappointed even if I hadn't heard it was one of "the best games" for so long. It would have been a disappointing follow-up to Final Fantasy Adventure, a game that in and of itself isn't anything incredible. Secret of Mana is just that rotten.

I braced myself for more disappointment when (after a much needed vacation from the series) I started up Trials of Mana. This game had a reputation too, as a long-lost classic that never made it stateside. One of the best games on the Super Nintendo, criminally never released for western audiences! Like Secret of Mana before it, I'd heard nothing but effusive praise. Unlike Secret of Mana, however, I was very pleased to find out that Trials of Mana mostly lives up to the hype. From a gameplay standpoint, Trials is an improvement on Secret in almost every single way. It's not perfect. The menus are still kinda clunky, animations for things like magic and items are still frequently disruptive. But the main thing is it actually plays like a sensible video game designed by humans with brains. Attacking is responsive! Hitboxes aren't complete nonsense! You don't constantly get stunlocked to death! There are more answers to combat than casting the same spell for five straight minutes to kill your enemies before they get a chance to move! It's great!

On top of being an enjoyable video game to actually play, the presentation is top notch. Secret of Mana could be a pretty game with decent music in some spots, but Trials is consistently gorgeous and the soundtrack is across the board great instead of randomly having songs that sound like clown vomit. And while Trials of Mana doesn't have the deepest story in the world, it manages to avoid being completely paper-thin like Secret. The story actually kind of has a reason for being a bit straightforward, and the reason is that it has a really cool system where you pick your three playable characters from a pool of six. Each character has their own goals and storyline, some of which line up with other potential party members, some of which don't, and you'll even run into the characters you didn't choose as NPCs along the way. This and the relatively brisk pace of the game make it highly replayable.

I'm really glad that Trials of Mana made it over here in an official capacity, even if it was like 25 years late. It's as good as I expected Secret of Mana to be and singlehandedly saved my interest in seeing any more of the series. I'm aware the quality of what came after is very spotty, but I'll get to the rest eventually!

Final Fantasy VII Remake (PlayStation 4, 2020)

They (almost) did it. They (basically) pulled it off. They remade (a chunk of) Final Fantasy VII and (for the most part) didn't fuck it up. Ok, funny parentheticals aside, Final Fantasy VII Remake is astoundingly good coming off of over two decades of just absolutely dreadful post-FF7 sequels, side games, and movies.

Final Fantasy VII has been historically misremembered as this kind of miserable, angsty, brooding thing, both by fans and by the company that made it. FF7-branded media after FF7 itself is a minefield of changed personalities, embarrassing original characters, and monumentally lame stories. Final Fantasy VII Remake is the first post-FF7 anything that actually remembers the characters, setting, and plot of Final Fantasy VII and what made them memorable and special to people in the first place. Which isn't to say it's a slavish recreation! There's a ton of changes and additions, and I actually like almost all of them! Except for some really big stuff I'll touch on in a bit!

The combat in Final Fantasy VII Remake is great. I was super skeptical about it when the game was first announced, but they actually managed to make the blend of real-time action and turn-based RPG menuing fun and engaging. The characters all play super differently from each other too, which is a huge and welcome difference from the original game. The Materia system fits like a glove in this revamped combat system as well. The remixed music is good as hell, and the visuals are beautiful (outside of a couple of very specific spots that I'm kinda of surprised they haven't fixed in a patch yet). It's a well-executed package all around.

But alas, as always, there are negatives. For starters, this is only part one of the overall Final Fantasy VII Remake project. It goes up to the party leaving Midgar which, as you may or may not recall, is the first six hours of the original game. They compensated for this by fleshing the hell out of the Midgar section the game, ballooning the overall playtime to total of about 30-ish hours. The game feeling padded is a common complaint but for what it's worth, I didn't really feel it until the unnecessarily long final dungeon, There's also the previously mentioned and funny parenthetical'd changes and additions I don't like.

This is big time spoilers for this game so if you don't want that jump ahead to the next game on the list. The Whispers suck ass. Final Fantasy VII Remake should have been brave enough to be different without having to constantly derail everything in the most ham-fisted and intrusive way possible. You can have Jessie twist her ankle without making a spooky plot ghost trip her. I don't want to fight the physical manifestation of the game everyone thought they were getting as an end boss. If you're not doing a straight remake, that's fine, but have the fucking guts to stand by your artistic decisions without feeling the need to invent the lamest deus ex machina I've ever fucking seen. The last couple of hours of this game are 100% about the Whispers and are awful for it. It's a true testament to the strength of the rest of Final Fantasy VII Remake that this aspect didn't completely sour me on it. I can only hope that they stay dead and gone for good in the games yet to come and the remake can be different while standing on its own two feet.

I truly cannot wait for the next entry in the Final Fantasy VII Remake project. I'm excited for Final Fantasy VII in a way I haven't been since the late 90s. I have a bit of trepidation that they could royally screw it up. I mean, they already got kinda close, as I said in my last paragraph. But they got so much right in this entry that, for the first time in decades, I'm willing to believe in Square Enix when it comes to Final Fantasy VII.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim (PlayStation 4, 2020)

My one word description of 13 Sentinels is "fucking crazy". I realize that's two words, but shut up. A bizarre hybrid of visual novel, adventure game, and strategy RPG, 13 Sentinels not only makes that work, but makes it work incredibly well.

The story is fucking bonkers. It's told entirely non-linearly and is purposefully dense and confusing, but it does an amazing job of hooking you with a cast of likable characters and some impressively well-paced twists, made all the more impressive by the fact that you can tackle the story in basically whatever order you want. I'll say it again for those in the back, the story is Fucking Bonkers. Wherever you think it's going, it's not going. Where it is going is PLACES. Seriously, if you want a wild goddamn ride, this is the game for you. The presentation is also stunning. It's a drop dead gorgeous game with a really nice soundtrack. Easily Vanillaware's best looking game, which is saying something seeing as looking good is Vanillaware's whole deal.

If I had to levy one criticism against the game, it's that the strategy RPG portion is just kind of ok. It's enjoyable enough, it doesn't get in the way and there's not too much of it, but once it starts introducing armored versions of previous enemy types it's kind of done doing anything different. It is really good at getting people to out themselves as having no idea what tower defense is as a genre though!

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

I haven't really historically been a "Musou Guy". Not to say I've actively disliked them, they're just not something I've seeked out very often or played very much of. Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition kinda turned me into a "Musou Guy" a little bit? It's good, surprisingly-less-mindless-than-you'd-think fun.

I actually super don't care about the Zelda branding. I think all the fanservice stuff is meh at best. What I do care about is that there's a ton of character variety and a metric shitload of content. There's so many different characters and weapons for those characters that all play differently from one another and SOOOOOO many levels to play. Like the story mode is, again, kinda meh, the real meat of the game is the Adventure mode and there's a ton of it. It's 8 different world maps, each based off a different Zelda game, with each square of the map containing a little mini-scenario with unique objectives and rewards. There has to be at least 1000 scenarios between all the maps. There's so much. And that's not even getting into some of the other side stuff like the challenge modes and the fairy raising. It's a crazy amount of game in this game.

And again, it's not as mindless as it'd seem. It's not really a game ABOUT destroying 5000 guys, it's an area control and resource management game where the 5000 guys are one of those resources. Knowing who to send where and when to fight who is way more important than pressing the XXX YYY XXX YYY on the more than one million troops.

I'd say that if you're even cursorily potentially maybe interested in a musou game, this is the one to try. And if you like it, it could literally be your forever game. A sequel came out recently too, and I'm looking forward to trying that out soon.

Phantasy Star Online 2 (Xbox One, 2020)

Phantasy Star Online 2 finally came stateside in the year 2020, eight years after its initial Japanese release and initial American cancellation. It's no Phantasy Star Online 1, but it is a really fun game in its own right provided you can find the willpower to break through its clunkiness and eight years of confusing poorly tutorialized free-to-play MMO cruft.

The main thing going for PSO2, and this is a major improvement from PSO1, is that the act of engaging in its combat is fun. The combat is just feels really really good. There's a bunch of different weapon types and classes, and once you find the ones that really click with you you're in for a good time, whether you're izuna dropping dudes with wire claws or literally doing air juggles and rainstorm from Devil May Cry with the dual machine guns.

The other stuff around that combat is weird. I generally like it, but it's weird. The story mode is one of the most bizarrely presented things I've ever seen. It apparently used to be something you'd seek out in the levels themselves, but presently it's just a list of scenes you pick from a menu and watch with next to no context until it makes you fight a boss sometimes. There's some weird moments in there that MIGHT have been cool if it were presented in literally any other way?

The systems and presentation are also way more... I dunno, pinball? Pachislot? In very stark contrast to how chill original Phantasy Star Online was, everything in PSO2 is designed in a way to maximize that flashy light bing bing wahoo you got ~*~RARE DROP CHANCE UP~*~ feeling. Which isn't to say I don't like flashy light bing bing wahoo, but it's a weird different thing.

Was it worth the wait? Yeah, sure! For me! This is another one that I played like 300 hours of! I haven't even seen half of it, I fell off right before Episode 4 released because it coincided with my move! I'm gonna go back and see all that shit! PSO2's fun! A different flavor of fun than the original, sure, but fun all the same. Another one that I'm glad finally made it over here.

Riichi Mahjong (A Table, 1924)

Holy shit I fucking did it I finally learned how to play Mahjong and it rules.

It started when I picked up Clubhouse Games for the Switch. I saw that it had Riichi Mahjong and something in my brain snapped. For whatever reason, I decided that this was the time I was going to rip the band-aid off and figure this shit out. It wasn't too dissimilar to the first time I decided to try eggs, but that's a different and much stupider story for a different time. I did the tutorial in Clubhouse Games, looked up some more basics and advice because the tutorial wasn't super amazing, and I kept playing while being aided by the game's nice helper features like the button that pulls up recommended hands. I kept playing and... sorta got it. I learned the basic rules, but none of the strategy. And then I stopped playing for a few months.

In that few months, for whatever reason, a decent amount of people I know had their brains snap the same way? Like a more-than-two amount of people I'm either friends with or following online also decided to learn Mahjong. I decided to get back on the horse and downloaded Mahjong Soul and I don't know whether it was perseverance or the power of anime babes, but this time I got it. I still refer to a sheet with all the hands and whether they work open or closed, and I'm by no means a master player, but I actually honest to god understand what I'm doing and it's an incredible feeling.

Mahjong has such a huge amount of what I like to call "Get That Ass" energy. It is the energy you feel when you get someone's ass. In Mahjong you are either constantly getting someone's ass or getting your ass gotten. Someone puts down the wrong tile and you fucking GET THEIR ASS DUDE! They're got!! They're a fucking idiot that put down the wrong thing and now you have their points!!! Or you draw what you need yourself and you're a brain genius all according to plan and everyone gives you points because you're so wise!!!! It's great!!!!!

Mahjong has long been one of those games where I'd say "I'll learn this someday" and never reeeeally actually try to learn, and I'm so glad I finally took the effort to because it's good as hell. And, truth be told, it wasn't THAT hard to learn? Like you can get to the point where I was where I didn't know the strategy fairly easily in my opinion, and once you do that It's just a matter of continuing to play to understand the rest. I highly recommended that you also go out and learn it if you similarly revel in getting that ass, it's so satisfying once you do.

Yakuza: Like a Dragon (PlayStation 4, 2020)

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio took a big gamble with Yakuza: Like a Dragon. After seven games (more if you take spinoffs and remakes into consideration) they decided to focus on a new main character and, even more unexpectedly, they decided to change things up by turning the series into a turn-based JRPG. Their gamble paid off in spades. This is easily in my top 3 favorite Yakuza games.

The JRPG gameplay is surprisingly solid. There's definite room for improvement, but they nailed a bunch of it right out of the gate. Some mechanics are a little janky and I wish the job system was more fleshed out or just worked more like Final Fantasy V's, but they nailed one of the most important things and made the battles brisk and fun. It's a great foundation, especially for a team that's never attempted anything like this, and it's way more fun than the combat's been in any of the previous Dragon Engine games. I can't wait to see them iterate on it.

Everything else is top fuckin' notch. The music is great, the side content is fully fleshed out in a way it hasn't been since before they switched to the Dragon Engine, and I love the characters and story so much. Yakuza has a new main character in Ichiban Kasuga, and he's my son and I love him. Kiryu was great, and I love him too, but he was a bit of a passive protagonist. Stuff happened around him and he mostly just stoically reacted to it. Ichi is a much more active lead and it's great. He's a big lovable dope, and his tendency to keep an upbeat attitude and eagerness to leap into action is such a breath of fresh air. And it's not only Ichiban, since this is an RPG you have a whole party of characters and they're all great! Having them with you at all times bantering with each other and reacting to things is another great change of narrative pace, too.

Yakuza: Like a Dragon just straight up rules. As someone who has historically not been too much of a fan of the Dragon Engine games, it's simultaneously a refreshing new take on the series and a fantastic return to form. I can't wait for what comes next. Wherever Ichiban goes, I go.

Moon: Remix RPG Adventure (Nintendo Switch, 2020)

After 23 years of Japanese PS1 exclusivity, Moon: Remix RPG Adventure finally got an English release this year for Nintendo Switch. I'm glad it did, because Moon isn't just the very definition of A Sebmal Game. It's the Sebmal Game missing link. In addition to being just a great video game, it helped me make a mental throughline for a bunch of games I love and a large part of my taste in video games.

To keep a long story short (seriously, I have a much much longer version of this saved in my drafts that I'll maybe finish someday), Moon turned out to be not the JRPG I assumed it was, given the title and basic story pitch, but a secret prequel to a game I love named Chulip. Moon's developer, Love-de-Lic, was formed by a handful of ex-Squaresoft employees, many of which worked on an extremely formative game I love named Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. Love-de-Lic broke up in the year 2000 and its staff went on to form a bunch of different studios that ended up making a BUNCH of different games I love like Chibi-Robo, Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland, Dandy Dungeon, and the aforementioned Chulip. These games, when you make the connection and line them up, all have a very distinct weirdness in common that makes perfect sense once you've realized many of the same people worked on them. Figuring this all out felt like snapping a piece of my brain back in place, and it was really crazy to come to understand exactly how much this studio that formed and disbanded decades before I'd even heard of them had impacted my tastes and, hell, my life.

So what is Moon, for those who don't innately understand what I mean by "a secret prequel to Chulip"? Moon is an adventure game where you explore a world with a day/night cycle, learn about that world's inhabitants, and eventually solve their problems. Think of it kind of like The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, but if the sidequests were the entirety of the focus with no Groundhog Day time reset mechanic and none of the Zelda stuff like combat and dungeons. You play as a young boy who, after a late night JRPG binge session, is sucked into the world of the game he was just playing. Everything is off from the way it was portrayed while the boy was playing the game, though. The hero he had previously controlled is actually a silent menace, raiding peoples' houses for treasure and slaughtering every innocent animal that crosses his path in an endless quest for EXP. The townspeople seem more concerned with problems in their day-to-day lives than the supposed world threatening crisis outlined in the game's intro. It's up to you as the boy to investigate this world's mysteries, help the townsfolk, mend the damage the hero has done, and eventually restore love to a loveless world.

Speaking of love, I fucking loved Moon. I loved the story, I loved the characters, I loved the music, I loved the way it looks (even though the Switch port is a little crusty in that basic emulator-y kinda way), I loved how constantly bizarre and surprising and funny it was. Like I said earlier, it's the very definition of a game made for me. It was essentially the progenitor of a long line of games made for me, and of games potentially made for me but I don't know yet because I haven't played them due to not understanding Japanese (UFO: A Day in the Life translation next please? Anyone from Onion Games reading this??). For as similar as Moon and Chulip are in their systems and pacing, I think I might actually like Moon better despite it coming earlier? It's not as full force maximum impact absurd as Chulip is, but it is a lot more playable and less obtuse once you get a grip on the time limit mechanic. You don't need a full strategy guide included in the instruction manual for Moon, and you don't need to exchange business cards with every single character to get information vital to finishing the game either.

I truly cannot recommend Moon enough if your taste in games ventures anywhere off the beaten path. Maybe this is a little conceited of me, but I assume if you're reading this article, let alone this far down into it, you relate to my video game opinions at least a little bit? You should play Moon. Everyone reading this sentence should play Moon. Moon: Remix RPG Adventure is my game of the year for the year 2020.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Death Stranding (PlayStation 4, 2019): Death Stranding, much like Metal Gear Solid V, was a game I enjoyed for the gameplay and not much else. The story, characters, and writing were a huge disappointment for me, but man if I didn't enjoy lugging those boxes around and setting up my hellish cross-continental goon summer camp lookin' zipline network. Mr. Driller Drill Land (Nintendo Switch, 2020): I am a known Mr. Driller Enjoyer, and I enjoyed this Mr. Driller. Originally released for the Gamecube, Mr. Driller Drill Land is another long-time Japanese exclusive that finally came stateside this year and it's packed with new and novel twists on the Mr. Driller format. It looks super sharp, the music's great (also the credits music is the most impossibly out of place and extra as hell shit in the world and it's hilarious), and it's just a good ass time. The main campaign is pretty damn short, but if you're a post-game content kinda guy it has that and it's all super hard. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (PlayStation 4, 2020): They finally made another good new Tony Hawk game, and all it took was perfectly remaking two of the best old Tony Hawk games! Plays exactly like you remember it with the added benefit of the best mechanics from up to THUG1, looks great, packed full of content, even has most of the music alongside some mostly crappy new stuff. It's the full package as is, but I do hope they end up adding THPS3 to it eventually. Mad Rat Dead (Nintendo Switch, 2020): Mad Rat Dead was a pleasant surprise that I only picked up because I saw a couple of people on my Twitter timeline constantly talking about it. A fun and inventive platformer where all your actions need to be on beat with the music. The gameplay feels great (aside from some not so great performance issues on Switch), the soundtrack is fun, and it's got a real good style to it. Demon's Souls (PlayStation 5, 2020): I love Demon's Souls and this is Demon's Souls. It plays exactly the same with some minor quality of life changes. I don't agree with many of the artistic changes, but there's no denying it looks incredible on a technical level. If you want to play Demon's Souls again or for the first time, this is a perfectly valid and fun way to do so. Groove Coaster: Wai Wai Party!!!! (Nintendo Switch, 2019): Groove Coaster is one of my favorite rhythm games, and they finally made an acceptable at-home version with Wai Wai Party. It's not a perfect replication of the arcade game control-wise, I have some issues with the song choices, and the pricing is frankly fucking ridiculous if you're not a Groove Coaster maniac like I am, but the same ultra satisfying gameplay is all there. You can even play it vertically in handheld mode! Flip Griiiiiiiip!

And we're done! Phew! Honestly didn't realize I played that many good games until I typed all this out. Thanks as always for reading this far. I'm gonna try and get back to regularly posting Breviews this year at the very least. Honestly don't know if I'll get anything else up on here, but we'll see. Here's to hoping 2021 is a little bit less of a nightmare!

#article #Year Wrapup

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diyunho · 5 years

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The Joker x Reader - “You Can Call Me Daddy”

After mommy went to live with the angels, The Joker took you in for a while. The King of Gotham always tells you to be quiet, he often snaps and he doesn’t like it when you call him daddy. The Penthouse is a strange place that has a lot of extravagant decorations J doesn’t want you to touch; he doesn’t even smile and he seems mad all the time. Mommy used to say her ex-husband is like that because he doesn’t have a heart and the five year old is determined to find him one.

“Daddy… …Daddy… …” you shyly call out to him and jump when another strong thunder shakes the penthouse.

The Joker opens one eye, not pleased to see his 5 years old daughter by his bed.

“What do you want?” he snarls as you hold your pink teddy bear tighter.

“Daddy…I’m scared…” you sniffle and rub your eyes, on the verge of crying since the crazy storm ravaging Gotham in the middle of the night is only getting worse.

“I told you not to call me that!” J gets on his elbow, displeased. “Go back to your room and stop bothering me! It’s nothing to be scared of, ok? Come on, shoo!” he points his finger towards the exit and your bottom lip quivers.

“I’m scared…” you try to explain but The Joker already had enough: he rolls out of bed, grabbing your hand in the process and guides his daughter outside the master bedroom, irritated.

“Go to sleep!” and the door is slammed while you start sobbing, terrified when the powerful rumbling makes the floor vibrate.

“Let….let’s go, Stewart…” you hug the teddy bear and decide to return to your quarters because daddy chased you away; there’s no way he will let you in his bed. Not like mommy did when this happened… She used to cuddle with you and hummed songs that calmed you down until you weren’t afraid anymore. Now mommy’s gone and your father is nothing like her.

You merely know him though; mommy brought you here every two to three months so he can see you: he didn’t really look at you nor talked to his little girl. They would always end up fighting and mommy would cry in the elevator all the way to the garage, saying that she loves him but he doesn’t have a heart and that’s why she left in the first place.

How could someone not have a heart?... Yet you believed mommy; she never lied so it must have been true. It made you sad thinking daddy didn’t have a heart and asked mommy if someone could give him one. She smiled and replied it was very, very expensive: it was impossible for one person to gather the money to buy her ex what he was missing.

You pouted and mommy lifted you up in her arms, covering you in kisses.

“I want to buy daddy a heart,” the sulking Emma whispered and the young woman felt such a sharp ache in her chest.

“You’re such a sweet angel,” she sighed and continued. “Don’t change, alright?Promise?”

You didn’t understand what mommy meant but you nodded a yes and she tried to hide the tears clouding her vision.

“Don’t be upset, mommy. I’ll save money to buy daddy a heart!” you cupped her face and she kissed the tip of your nose, suddenly energetic.

“You do that, kiddo!” mommy choked on the words and aided you in the car after another meeting with her former husband ended up in flames.

That’s the last memory you have of mommy; shortly after driving out of the garage, a truck hit the SUV you were both in and she died on impact. You had a few scratches and when you woke up at the hospital, a nice lady told you mommy went to live with the angels and you won’t see her anymore.

The nurse soothed the 5 years old child the best way she could, not being able to contact any immediate family besides a certain Jonny Frost listed as the dead woman’s emergency contact on her insurance.

After eight days he came to collect Emma and brought her to The King of Gotham’s penthouse and she was giving a bedroom on the second floor by her father’s.

You’ve been here for three months and J always tells you to be quiet, he often snaps and he doesn’t like it when you call him daddy. You wish you could go home yet you were told this is your home now. You sure miss the apartment you shared with mommy: there were flowers everywhere, toys and laughter.

This strange place has a lot of extravagant decorations The Joker doesn’t want you to touch, no flowers and no laughter; daddy doesn’t even smile and he seems mad all the time.

Maybe because he doesn’t have a heart?...

You crawl under the covers shivering with anxiety, caressing your pink teddy bear:

“Don’t be afraid, Stewart; I’ll take care of you,” and in the next moment you let out a scream, panicked at the powerful thunder and more lighting splitting the sky in half. “Mooommyyyyyy!!!!” you shout. “Mooommyyy!!!” but nobody comes to reassure you it’s going to be ok. You cover your head with the pillow, whimpering. “Do…don’t cry, Stewart,” you stutter and peak at the huge windows with no blinds intensifying the frightening experience. “I’ll protect you,” you wipe your tears and the most awful noise coming from outside makes you hysterical: “Mooommyyy!!! Mooommyyy!!! Mooommyyy!!!”

“Quit yelling, would you??!!!” you hear The Joker’s voice and you emerge from under the blankets, alarmed. “I’m trying to sleep!!” he stomps towards the bed and you shrivel up, petrified. “Why can’t you shut up, huh?” the angry parent reprimands and the disarming answer follows:

“I… I want my moooommmyyyy,” the little girl starts bawling her eyes out. “Where’s moooommmyy?”

“She’s gone!” The Clown Prince of Crime shrieks. “Unfortunately I’m stuck with you but we can easily change that IF YOU KEEP BOTHERING ME!!!” he has a loud outburst and walks away, almost by the door when the thumping behind urges him turn around. Before he can react in any way you hug his legs, nervously shaking:

“Daaaaddy, I’m scared!”

The Joker huffs, frustrated at his offspring’s behavior:

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that??!!”

You bury your cheeks in the soft fabric of his sweatpants, actually more terrified of the storm than you are of him.

“Ugghh,” J bends over and picks you up, grunting when the tiny arms go around his neck. This is not something he likes to deal with, that’s for sure; having a kid around is definitely not enjoyable. The Joker only allowed Emma to stay here until he can find somebody else to raise her since he is unwilling to at least give it a shot with his young daughter.

“I’ll let you sleep in my bed tonight; let’s not make a habit out of it,” he grumbles and the mouse voice squeaks:

“Can my friend come?”

“Who?!”

Daddy is clueless so you show him Stewart lying on the bed and there’s some exasperate comments regarding your request, yet the teddy bear is coming also.

As soon as you are back to the master bedroom, The Joker places you in the huge bed and slides under the warm comforter with you, keeping a huge gap between the bodies. You are scared and scoot over, clinging to a mumbling King of Gotham:

“For God’s sake…” he complains, especially when the teddy bear is squished against his cushion; such an ordeal because of a stupid rainstorm.

You still tremble but at least daddy’s close and it’s better since you’re snuggled to his chest, you can hear it:

Oh, what’s that?... Sounds like a heartbeat. How come? Daddy doesn’t have a heart… Maybe he bought one and it’s broken?!... Or maybe it’s another thing ticking inside?

A five year old wouldn’t know since her mother told her father doesn’t have a heart.

And mommy never lied…

*************

Daddy got hurt. It happened this morning when he came home with a huge red stained bandage on his left arm. A lot of people kept on coming in and out of the Penthouse and you were sent to your room after sneaking on the hallway to check how The Joker is doing.

The man that took you from the hospital brought you food and snacks, then left you alone with the few toys you have.

Is daddy better now?…

You stash a few biscuits in your dress’s pocket and tiptoe out of your bedroom, happy to realize there is nobody around. The door to J’s bedroom is cracked opened and you creep inside, careful not to wake him since daddy is sleeping.

You struggle to get in bed and it takes a few tries before you manage to settle by him.

“Daddy?... … Daddy?...” you whisper in his ear.

The Joker moans in pain, still quite sedated after they took a bullet out of his flesh three hours ago.

You kiss his forehead and wait but there’s no reaction; that’s what mommy used to do when you were sick or had a fever. She said it’s the best medicine and you hope it works for daddy also.

“Are you cold?” you inquire and cover him more just in case since he’s not answering. Another kiss on his temple and The Joker barely blinks, groggy after the side effects of the strong pain medications he ingested earlier.

He sees his daughter’s bright smile and the same blue eyes he has gazing back at him.

“Daddy, it worked!” you squirm, excited mommy’s medicine helped The Joker.

“Stop calling me that,” he mutters. “What worked?”

You lean over and peck his forehead, frowning when he rejects you.

“Leave me alone and go to your room,” The Joker yawns, completely drained. His daughter takes a biscuit out of her pocket, breaks a small piece and takes it to his lips.

“Are you hungry?”

“Would you just go?!” he softly slaps your hand and closes his eyes again, fed up with the annoying little girl.

“Mmmm,” you whimper and return the snack to your pocket. “Daddy...” you kiss his bandage to make it better since mommy used to do this when you got a cut, “…do you have a heart? Mommy said you don’t…”

The Joker is tired as hell yet he reopens his eyes again at the weird question.

“That’s why you don’t love me? Because you don’t have a heart?” and the tears streaming down your rosy cheeks prompt J to switch his position, hoping you’ll get the hint and get lost.

“Don’t worry, ok?” you reassure him. “I’ll buy you one.”

More sniffling and Emma finally glides off the bed, leaving a puzzled Joker napping with only thought in his troubled mind:

What did you mean when you said he doesn’t have a heart?...

Kids are strange…

And The Clown Prince of Crime has no use for one.

**************

After one week

This woman you never saw before came over to visit daddy and she put you to bed, telling you to behave and stay there until morning time. She pinched your skin and told you she will pluck your eyes out if you get out of the room.

However, you didn’t see daddy all day and you really want to ask him if the seven quarters, two candy wrappers and a paperclip you have in your Hello Kitty piggy bank is enough to buy a new heart.

The door to his bedroom is closed and you discern some awkward groaning and panting from the other side. Is he not feeling well?

You gently knock and the irritated tone coming from the other side urges you to disappear:

“Go away!” the lady barks and you knock again.

“Daddy, are you in there?”

“I told you not to call me that!” The Joker immediately scolds, pissed his fun is disrupted.

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll take care of it,” the woman offers and daddy admonishes:

“Goddammit, watch my hand! It’s still sore!”

“Sorry; I’m so sorry,” the apology follows and after some fumbling she opens the door, stepping out of the room while J instructs:

“Take her teddy bear away! She can’t have it until tomorrow morning since she keeps on calling me daddy when I repeated she’s not allowed to!”

“Yes, babe!” the woman obliges and yanks at your hand so hard it hurts, dragging you after her. “You pain in the ass!” the lady shrieks through her clenched teeth. “He rarely calls me as it is, I don’t need you interrupting our party!” she slams you on the floor, kicking your side. “Stay in here!” and she snatches Stewart, hiding him under her fluffy robe.

“Give me my friend!” you stand up and beg for the furry toy.

“Not a chance!” she smirks. “Nobody cares because you’re not wanted, understand? Nobody wants you! I’m surprised he’s keeping you for a while instead of abandoning you on the streets, you useless brat! Stay out of my way or you’ll regret it!” she threatens and bangs the door, leaving a weeping Emma behind.

How are you going to sleep without Stewart? Mommy gave him to you on when you turned five and told you the two of you will be best friends forever. Why did the mean lady take him?

Maybe if you return to the apartment you shared with mommy she will be there and you can stay with her again. She will get back your teddy bear for sure and you can all be together once more.

Twenty minutes afterwards, The Joker’s cell keeps ringing.

“Shit, I can’t even have sex anymore!” he protests, reaching for the phone and slides the screen. “This better be good!” he warns and Frost replies:

“Apologies sir, but we found the little girl on the 15th floor. She’s saying she wants to go home to her…e-hem…mother,” the henchman informs, not certain on his boss’s reaction.

“Great!” J slaps the woman’s thigh and she gets off him.

“I can bring her up to the Penthouse,” Jonny suggests and your father growls:

“No, that’s fine; I’m coming!”

Daddy was mad when he came downstairs to get you; he said a bunch of stuff you couldn’t comprehend and you cried all the way to your room. He rushed inside and lectured a miserable child whose only fault was to be an unwanted five year old that wished to find her mommy.

He tucked you in and left, turning the lights off when you pleaded for him to leave them on: you were scared and he neglected your wish simply because he didn’t care. The last thing daddy said before shutting the door to your bedroom was that life will be so much better once he gets rid of you.

You couldn’t stop sobbing thinking he will give you away. And you didn’t even have Stewart to hold for the night… You finally feel asleep after one hour, praying that mommy will come to get you before it was too late.

If she was living with the angels now, how come you couldn’t live there also?...

*************

The clattering and muffled noises are slowly waking you up; not sure what’s happening because it sounds like daddy is moving around furniture.

“Won’t you just die?” the echoed words make the curious Emma pay attention.

Is daddy having a visitor in the middle of the night?

Oh, what if mommy sent someone to get you and you can be with her soon?

You giggle at the thought and spring out of bed, running out of your room and gasp when you see the mean lady’s corpse on the hallway: she’s facing down in a pool of blood, her silky nightgown soaked in the red liquid.

You’re too young to fully understand what you are looking at, but you know it’s something bad. Once you get to daddy’s bedroom and look inside, you’re not sure what to do.

The Joker is on the ground, fighting to escape the man that keeps on relentlessly punching him. Suddenly, the assassin’s hands go around J’s neck and the grip is so tight the green haired pest feels the bones will crack soon.

He struggles to escape and the odds are unexpectedly changing when the little girl attacks the hitman sent to exterminate her father:

“Leave my daddy alone!!!!!” you tiny fists punch the man’s arm and he releases the captive for a second, momentarily switching his attention to you. You bite him when his fingers almost touch you and daddy almost breaks free but the man pins him under his weight again.

The Joker wheezes louder and louder, having a difficult time evading the huge brute that’s trying to strangle him to death.

“Leave my daddy alone!!” you shout and get the broken glass ornament at your feet, tossing it towards the enemy’s head. The already wrecked decoration shatters to tiny pieces against his skull and the assassin is fed up with the kid: he attempts to reach you and The Joker takes advantage of the opportunity and finally pushes the man off him. His hand quickly goes under the pillow, takes out his gun, aims and the loud bang makes you scream.

You close your eyes really tight, not wanting to see the bad man collapsed only a few inches away.

“Hey,” J coughs his lungs out, stumbling upon the mess scattered on the carpet. “Hey, are you ok?”

He kneels by his daughter, for the first time actually kind of concerned about her.

“Emma? Look at me!” The Joker firmly demands and you obey: daddy has a busted lip, a lot of scratches, plus a multitude of bruises on his torso; makes you wonder if he’s going to live with the angels too.

“Are you going to leave and stay with mommy and the angels?” you burst out in tears as the King of Gotham reassures:

“No... I won’t.”

The child is picked up by her father and he keeps on holding her even if she’s suffocating him with her embrace. He finds the cell phone and dials Frost’s number, instantly yelling a bunch of unpleasant things as soon as his call is answered.

***********

Daddy was furious when the people that work for him arrived at the Penthouse, telling them that his five year old daughter did a better job than they did.

“What am I fucking paying you for??!!” he kept on cussing and they all knew they were in big trouble. “How did he get in here, hm? HOW?!”

There was so much turmoil, yet you were so exhausted you dozed off in daddy’s arms. He didn’t put you down for a moment, marching around The Penthouse and screaming at his crew until they managed to cool him off; still, they knew a lot of heads would roll by morning time. What happened was unacceptable and he wasn’t a forgiving person, especially when he almost died due to his team’s negligence.

When you woke up, The Joker took you downstairs and watched you eat breakfast. It was nice to have daddy there and not eat alone in your room like you usually did.

***********

Same morning, 10 am

The Clown Prince of Crime is texting, deeply concentrating on his project when the palm of your hand goes in front of the screen with a few quarters, two candy wrappers and a paperclip.

“Is this enough to buy a heart?” you timidly inquire.

The Joker stops his task, intrigued: he vaguely remembers something about this topic.

“What do you mean?”

“Mommy said you don’t love us because you don’t have a heart and I want to buy you one. Is this enough?” those clear blue eyes stare into his soul. He sighs and the raspy tone shortly responds:

“Nope. Hearts are very expensive.”

His daughter pouts, upset at the news.

“That’s what mommy said too…”

You go back to your drawing table in the living room, disappointed you don’t have the money to purchase the item your father needs.

“Stewart,” you whisper to your teddy bear, “we don’t have enough yet…”

The Joker is completely immersed in his activity and doesn’t notice how absorbed you got into your own world.

Ten minutes later, your hand goes in front of his cell’s screen again, this time with a sheet of paper clumsily drawn with a heart.

“Will this work?”

J furrows his nonexistent eyebrows, baffled.

“Daddy, will this work until I can buy you a heart?”

You cover your mouth, frightened: you called him daddy and he frowned. You forgot he doesn’t like when you call him that and now he will probably punish you and take Stewart away again.

The Joker takes the paper and gazes at the sketch, realizing you froze.

“It’s ok…” he grumbles. “You can call me daddy…”

The small body relaxes and the little girl smiles watching her parent folding the paper and placing it in his jacket. He cracks a smile also and it makes her so ecstatic she runs back to the drawing table to tell her friend:

“Stewart, did you see?? Daddy smiled for the first time! It worked!”

The Joker chuckles at her innocence, touching the paper in his pocket: it’s not the expensive heart that he might need, but a far more precious one that no amount of money can buy.