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aerodaltonimperial · 11 days

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I left all my writers discords and cancelled my QueryTracker subscription in the last week or two. There might still be a few rejections that come in super delayed on queries I've CNRed (closed, no response), but they are already rejections to me anyway. This is the first week or so where I've been completely out of trying to achieve that big, big life dream, and I feel... lighter. I feel free. I think I knew the writing was on the wall with the publishing industry years ago and I was too embarrassed to quit, because it meant acknowledging that I had failed. And now that I've deliberately taken myself out of it, I don't feel like I have to keep producing things I don't love anymore. I haven't loved original writing since probably 2018. I just want to write shit that I'm excited about. I just want to be ridiculous in fandom and write fics that make me happy to create and happy to share. And this fic is pouring out of me, and I'm no longer feeling guilty about using my limited free time to write fic when I know I should be working on a novel, and I look at it and I'm like yeah, this is so fucking good. This is fucking great. I love what I am making. I am having such a nice time.

Sure, I have nothing to brag about on social media: no book deals, no end caps with my name on them, no shiny hardbacks to autograph. But that doesn't change that I'm a good writer. It doesn't change my writing. I even told my therapist a month or so back that my novels and my fic, I know it's the same words. It's the same sentences. My writing is the same across the genres. And I admitted that I wonder if agents and editors and everyone in the publishing industry, they could tell that I didn't love it. They could tell from what I was producing that my heart wasn't in it. And maybe they could. But that doesn't mean I'm not good. I tried to make my hobby a stream of income, partially because of course, who doesn't want to see their words in a Barnes & Noble? But also because it legitimized it. I just want it to be my hobby. It stopped being enjoyable when all the pressure came along with it, all the need to succeed and be validated, especially when I failed.

All I ever wanted was for people to read my words and feel something as a result. And I can do that here. It's a smaller scale, sure, but honestly, I think in fandom it means more. People show up to fandom out of love. And that means something to me, that people have chosen to use their free time reading my fics. They could be doing anything! And they read my fics. That means something. I'm still struggling with flipping back over to that being enough. But I suppose, at the end of the day, I am a failed author, but I'm not a failed writer. I tried, you know? At least I can say that I really tried.

I just wanna do this. Be in fandom. It makes me happy. It's a spot of joy for me when I sometimes don't get much in a day. 💚

#katy's writing tag #or something like that lol

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gothicwill · 7 months

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Hannigram is going against sasunaru in the poll …it’s like my middle school self and adult self are going to war I can’t take this

#there are two wolves inside me #or something like that lol #hannibal #hannigram #sasunaru #naruto

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double-t-mattboldy12 · 1 year

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Why does Jack look like he just got caught in the kitchen at 3am? Or just heard some terrible but lowkey hilarious news?

#new jersey devils #jack hughes #or something like that lol #someone caption this

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wheucto · 8 months

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end of the day, beginning of the night

#wheucto #art #bfdi #tpot #bfdi black hole #tpot black hole #do you think black hole has trauma out of being borne of a dying star_ coming into the world as another died? your first act being -#- another's death?#death comes so easy to him yet he wishes to protect others from it...#or something like that lol #krita hit 1.2 GiB while i was drawing this and i went O_O

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sonofthemoon2 · 1 year

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based on this post from @titforatat, I imagined something like this:

"Mike had his eyes fixed on the paper in Will's hands. His painting.

His ears were ringing, barely registering the muffled sound of his own voice. Will had his painting, the precious gift he had made for Mike.

It didn't matter if the idea to give him a drawing hadn't come from him, if it had just been a commission, if he was only painting for Mike because his sister had asked him to.

That wasn't important to Mike's record, it only mattered that it was something Will had done, something he had worked diligently on. His art.

He had given his art to Mike.

"Will... Will, please give it back to me. " he pleaded, his voice sounding high and brittle, very different. Strange. Even to him. "It's my painting, Will... please."

Mike didn't understand what was going on. He didn't understand how they'd gone from talking about Mike and El's expected breakup to this. To him being a distraught mess and Will being angry.

Disappointed.

What had Mike done? How had he managed to disappoint Will again? Hurt him again? What was wrong with him?

He didn't know. He didn't understand.

He just wanted his painting back.

"Your painting? Yours?!" he bristled, waving the paper in the air. Will looked more than furious. Hurt, tired and disappointed. For Mike. "Do you know how long it took me to do this, for you? Only for you to throw it all away... everything I said, everything I did to get you together, in the trash Mike. My efforts...in the rubbish."

Mike flinched.

He didn't like being yelled at. He especially didn't like being yelled at by Will.

He felt so devastated. They weren't like this before, what had happened to them?

How did they get to this point?

Will started pacing back and forth, ranting on and on about how insensitive and ungrateful he had been.

How had he managed to break his friendship with Will like this? Had he damaged their bond so badly?

When had their bond gone from a safety line to a noose around both their necks?

This was wrong, it shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't feel like this.

But that was something Mike was familiar with. There were a lot of feelings he shouldn't have.

They were wrong. They were out of place.

They made him act bad. Really bad.

"W-Will, please? " he pleaded, reaching out to him. His tears burned in his tear ducts and the lump in his throat pressed harder and harder. He couldn't breathe, couldn't even speak properly. "Please, I-"

"Shut up, Mike. And forget it. " he cut him off, pulling away even further. For a brief second, he looked at Mike's face, but then he looked back at the painting. And he smashed it. He broke it into as many pieces as he could.

Mike felt his own heart break. As if Will had pulled the vital organ out of his own chest and crushed it.

"You don't deserve to have this. You don't deserve my art, my effort, or me."

Mike knew that. He knew it all too well.

He'd never deserved to have a friend like Will, so understanding and kind. Sweet enough to put up with Mike.

But he knew that someday his time would be up, and Will would realize he could do so much better.

Mike was replaceable, and any day he could say that. Any day.

Will stormed out of Mike's room, leaving the pieces of paper scattered on the floor. What had once been a beautiful painting was now just pieces.

What had been his friendship with Will, that irreplaceable relationship was now shattered, cracked and broken because of Mike. Because Mike didn't know how to feel properly, how to explain himself clearly.

Mike had ruined everything.

And now he had lost Will, again. Again.

He dropped to the floor, tears spilling down his cheeks without restraint. It didn't matter if he cried.

He pressed his trembling fingers against his mouth, drowning out as much of the disturbing noises as possible. He didn't want to get his mother's attention, how could he? He didn't want to force her to try to untangle his brain, didn't want her eyes hooded with disappointment.

He had to manage on his own. To fend for himself, after all, what would be different? All his life he had been taught that the way was to be self-sufficient. That he had to take care of himself.

That was the only way.

And he couldn't be a burden. Not now. He didn't want his mother to be angry with him for not feeling bad properly, or for showing more than he should.

It was wrong. It was so wrong.

Mike was so wrong about everything."

and bam, in the end it's a pseudo illusion, like Will's disappearance in the first season, and Vecna takes Mike away for two whole years. ta-da.

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birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo · 1 year

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im just. thinking abt feng xin being an archer like do u think he hunts?? i bet he hunts. maybe he goes for a hunt in the woods with his bow and his horse and he just. stays out there for several days hunting deer and fowl like in a folk song, he's a bold rider and a good shot and finds good hiding spots to ambush his prey and all that. his cheeks are ruddy as he climbs the mountainside and doesn't he look well in his boots and trousers!!!! (<- actual lines from actual folk songs that actually exist actually 😔👌)

bonus. what if one day mu qing goes with him. he complains the whole time but actually he just wants to be together. fx whittles a hairpin out of bone or antler for him. mq sitting on a fallen log to criticise fx's technique, and also to admire feng xin's strength when he's chopping wood or carrying a carcass on his big shoulders sidsoihdfsdjfsdjsafsdfasgg

#im so gay #i dont like hunting irl myself but #but i do like the romanticised version of it from old love songs about how awesome ur bf is bc he can fell a stag at two hundred paces #or something like that lol #and i love archery!!! it's so COOL!!!!#just wanna see....more of that #feng xin being all archer-y #not in a war way just in a. regular way #maybe he's super proud of himself for his hunting prowess???#mMAYBE HE WANTS TO SHOW OFF TO IMPRESS MU QING #IM #TOTALLY NORMAL I SWEAR #fengqing #birb still says #it is fengqing thirst hours i see #I JUST #know a lot of songs which praise a guy for his hunting skill #'suas is sìos tro ghleann seile 's tric a leag mi damh cròic-cheannach'#'sealgair a' gheòidh 's an lach air an lòn'#'sealgair geòidh ròin is eala; bhric a nì leum 'n fhèidh ri langan'#AND OTHERS AS WELL i CNAT WRITE ALL OF THEM #thirsty feng xin thoughts #tgcf thoughts #songs referenced include 'mo ghile mear' 'òganaich an òir-fhuilt bhuidhe' 'thàinig an gille dubh raoir don bhaile seo'#'tha mi sgìth 'n fhògair seo' 'coisich a rùin' and. idk. 'mo rùn geal òg' i guess??? lol #birb's incredibly specific thirst post #I JUST REALLY LOVE FENG XIN #I'M NOT PROJECTING OK #(i am totally projecting lmfao 🤣🤣🤣)#fengqing thoughts

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nomorescore · 2 years

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He’s deader inside than Those Who Live in Death.

#and he's dramatic af!!!!#elden ring #elden ring fanart #shitpost #my art #or something like that lol #d hunter of the dead #sorcerer rogier #d/rogier #elden ring shitpost

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terrible-miraculous-ladybug-aus · 1 year

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So how are you lonely cats in the night?

#or something like that lol

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welcometoteyvat · 6 months

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navia leaks just dropped today? holy shit maybe i'll skip furina actually

#genshin leaks #MAN! SHE LOOKS INCREDIBLE #i barely use geo besides zl and idk if i'll pull her and just like not use her but. WHWIEOFJIEKWJF HER ATTACKS #also claymores are my least favorite weapon HOWEVER. FJWEOIGHJKELWJFKLE HER AXE LMAOOOOOOOOO #i understand that you'd have to also pull on weapon banner for that but. usually that 50/50 isn't the issue for me LOL #ALSO THE FUCKING FLOWER BORDER ON HER BURST JUST REMINDS ME OF THOSE GRANDMA 'GOOD MORNING' MEMES ITS SO FUNNY #her guns also. her guns #she looks so fun. very unique i might save for 4.3 then. just get her and hopefully al.bedo and have enough for cloud re.tainer in 4.4 #or something like that lol #ramblings!#liveblog insanity

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skylitcreations · 1 year

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I was the cover artist for a nsfw mlm Persona 4 zine over on twitter. It's a free zine, so feel free to pick up a copy! There are some spicy variants of this piece as well as a whole boatload of awesome works within. I definitely recommend it! I just uploaded the timelapse video and concept sketches of this piece over on my Patreon if you guys wanna take a look. I feel honored to have been chosen to work as a cover artist on this zine and I really enjoyed playing around with this concept. Thank you for having me!

#persona 4 art #my art #persona #yu narukami #souji seta #persona 4 fanart #several implied ships #mob x yu #or something like that lol

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maideninorange · 7 months

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Thinking about "Genki ni Natta Toki no Uta" again...

#touhou #touhou project #diao ye zong #marisa kirisame #''And this is why we don't do shrooms kids''#or something like that lol #I think I just really like the ''Everything's fine everything's fine everything's NOT fine!!!'' vibe lol #easily one of my favorite diao ye zong songs lol #(god only knows what the actual story is in the RDverse though...)

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leejeann · 2 years

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I think my favorite meme thing to come out of Dream’s face reveal is just all the people putting a photo of him paired with either an audio clip of him just saying weird shit or making weird noises in a video, or like with one of the more serious/intense Dream SMP quotes for the sole purpose of showing how jarring that is to imagine from him

#it's just really funny #this smiley cheerful dude and then it's just WHITE FLAGS OR YOURE DEAD!!!#or something like that lol #like yeah that really is the face behind that voice what the hell #lee speaks #dreamwastaken

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ponds-of-ink · 1 year

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One-Shot Sequel?: “First Night on the Job”

Click here for Part 1 for context.

@angeygirl, consider it done. :D Got a little bit of past William and Mrs. Afton in here too.

—

The seconds ticked by. Patty leaned in front of the monitor. Through the static, her eyes could make out only a hallway and some derelict props. No rabbit in sight.

She switched cameras. Once again, no rabbit. Just a small room with arcade machines.

A change to the vent camera feed. No, there was no one crawling through there either.

She leaned back in her seat. “Come on, Springtrap,” she muttered quietly as she covered her hands with her eyes and lifts her head. “I was promised a good time with many thrills and nothing has happened for the past thirty minutes.”

A crackle of static alerted her. She quickly readjusted her seating position. Her eyes lit up with joy. Ah-ha! There he was! “Gotcha,” she thought to herself as she pressed the ‘vent seal’ button. She watched with a smug grin as the vent door noisily clattered into place. It took all her strength to not audibly laugh at the poor bunny scowling and crawling back through the system of metal tunnels.

However, Springtrap was also trying not to laugh. Not because of the vent system crash he was about to pull (though that was oddly satisfying), but because it would physically hurt to laugh. Oh, well. At least he could smile a little after messing with a few wires..

A few seconds later, two red words flashed on a corner of Patty’s screen: “Ventilation Error”. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her body as she alternated from one monitor to the other. Her heart only thumped harder as she listened to Springtrap crawling through the vents. Her vision darkened as red lights blared all around her. Either he knew the vents were open, or he was just trying to mess with her while this other nonsense was happening. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t know for sure unless he—

Her breathing stabilized. The alarms shut off in an instant. She opened her eyes and turned her attention to the door. No, he wasn’t there. She returned to the camera monitor. There was Springtrap, sulkily tapping his finger on the metal “floor”. Then, spotting the camera, he gestured to the unseen door.

Patty chuckled as she triggered the audio cue. “Silly rabbit,” she said to herself. “Guess you forgot what the vent error actually does.”

And she was right to assume that. Springtrap’s mind spun with so many thoughts that it was hard to keep track of what was crucial and what wasn’t. Even as he stumbled back into one of the arcade rooms, his mind bounced between his plan and his newfound doubts. He settled into one of his usual positions, then shut his eyes and breathed deep. No. Now was not the time to wonder if it was worth scaring the living daylights about who could very well be his wife. She asked for a horror-filled night, and she was going to get one. It was his job now. His duty, even, dumb as that sounded.

So, thinking he had at least quelled his concerns, he opened his eyes to survey the room. The camera light wasn’t on, which meant she wasn’t watching him. Perfect time to change rooms. Going from Room 7 to Room 8 would do the trick, given her camera pattern.

He strolled out into the long, dimly lit hallway right outside. His eyes scanned the area. This camera wasn’t on either. So far, so good. Now, to get to Room 9 and maybe book it to Room 10..

With much greater speed, he hurried into Room 9. Unfortunately, the tiny red light shining in one corner made him instinctively stop. He scowled directly at the camera. She was watching him now, wasn’t she?

Meanwhile, Patty waved to the monitor. “Hello again, handsome,” she smiled mockingly. “How are things out there?”

Springtrap’s ear lifted a little. He could sort of make out a question through the vents, but it was very faint. He glanced over his shoulder, then pointed at his ear with a shake of his head.

“Oh, right,” Patty said as she readied the audio lure. Then, once the button was ready, she let the unseen boy lead the rabbit to Room 10. “Can you hear me now?” she asked once she spotted him on the screen.

Springtrap craned his neck. His ear raised again. After a few seconds, he tilted one hand from side to side.

Patty bobbed her head in a similar matter, mouthing some sort of mental note to herself. “I was just wondering if everything was all right out there,” she explained, raising her voice a little. “You know, no break-ins or anything.”

The bunny tilted his head to one side. Then, he surveyed the area. After a few seconds, he shrugged at the camera. No break-ins here.

“Well, thanks for checking for me,” Patty replied as she switched her attention to the maintenance panel. “I wasn’t sure, since I’ve been seeing so many strange things already. Freddy limping down the hall outside my window, some masked thing peeking over my desk like a curious lil’ kid... Almost thought I heard my husband calling for me for a second, but that was just part of an old recording I found in storage.”

Faint, metallic thumping stopped in its tracks. Regretting her decision to ramble, she checked the vent feed. Thankfully, it looked like ol’ Springy was just hanging out in the vent near Room 10. Patty shut the vent, then returned to watching her rival. To her surprise, however, he was still there— And not looking annoyed either. Just... rather shocked and sad. “Everything all right?” she asked him.

Springtrap jolted out of his trance. His eyes darted around, then stopped on the camera. He gave a thumbs up and a “smile”, but his good ear was still pinned down. Of course it would still be down, how else was he supposed to feel about—? He shook his head, refocused his thoughts, and crawled back into Room 10. As soon as Camera 10’s light shut off, he snuck back to Room 9. All right. No more dilly-dallying. It was time to put on a brave face and go back to his old tricks. And he knew just how to start.

Meanwhile, Patty’s screen jumped from room to room. Nothing to report near her office. Also nothing to report in the farthest spot her office. Not even a ghost plagued the cameras.

The screen turned dark. Two words popped up in the corner. “Camera Error”.

Patty rolled her eyes as she moved to the maintenance panel. Then, as she waited for that system to load, the vents failed again. Alarms blared. The red light flickered in and out. Her vision faded again as she held in her breath. Her annoyance turned into a mix of panic and thrill. Who knew that her biggest threat of the night was the faulty wiring in this place?

With what little eyesight could guide her, she pressed the “ventilation” tab. Her head dropped into the table. Her breathing resumed, but it was much more stilted and shallow. Well, this was it. Either she was going to die an hour into this shift or some phantoms would plague her living body for the rest of the night. Her eyes shut. Her breathing slowed. The alarms fell silent. “See you soon,” she mouthed before she blacked out completely.

Springtrap clambered out of a nearby vent and into Room 1. He smiled to himself underneath his rabbit mask. Ha! Looked like the old “vent and camera” trick did its wonders! Now he could scare her just like he planned.

He eagerly crept up to the wall near the office door. His jaw moved up and down as he counted to three. Then, after the last number, he peeked his head in. His smile dropped along with the mask’s jaw. From what he could see, Patty was out cold. Or worse.

Though pain surged through his body, he sped over to her side and hoisted her into an upright sitting position. Then, without a second thought, he checked her pulse... Or tried to, since his padded fingers didn’t give any accurate sensations.

Gently shoving Patty and her chair away from the desk, he took her place and skimmed the maintenance panel. His ear dropped even lower as he shook his head. H-How did she even pass out of all the systems just come back on? Did Mike tell her to hold her breath for some bizarre reason? Sure, that could prevent phantoms and bad air from reaching your eyes and lungs– But only for as long as your body would allow it. Frustrated by his own speculation, he closed the maintenance panel and paced the floor. There was no way she was dead dead... Right? At least, not that he could see. There wasn’t any indications of a new ghost—

Bah. He needed something to distract himself before his emotions overrode his thoughts.

He glanced at the rest of the items on her desk. A now-useless camera system. A basic yellow notepad with some notes on it. A cassette tape lodged in some ancient tape-player. He stopped pacing. His ear raised a little. Cautiously, he pressed the worn-down “play” button. He stepped back as the tape whirred to life. A familiar gasp pierced his ear, almost jolting him out of his dismal state. “You actually startled me!” a young woman’s voice cried out as a man’s laugh rung out in the background. “I didn’t think you had it in you!”

“Neither did I,” the owner of the laugh admitted as it grew closer. “A nice surprise to start off this Halloween, I suppose.”

Springtrap chuckled weakly. Ah, yes. It was all coming back to him now. The first ever instance of that peek-a-boo trick. A shame he couldn’t do it with “Patty” now..

“Speaking of Halloween,” the unseen woman spoke up, “what are our plans for the evening? A movie? A costume party with Henry’s family?”

“I’m not sure,” the man confessed softly. “It looks like a nasty thunderstorm is rolling in tonight, so any outdoor activities might be off the table. Same goes for any traveling, if it’s as bad as the forecast says it is.”

The woman clicked her tongue as Springtrap leaned on the desk. “That’s a shame,” she added disappointedly. “I was looking forward to seeing you in that new costume you picked out.”

Springtrap sniggered at the remark. If he recalled correctly, that “costume” was an ill-fitting ensemble he turned into a Mister Hyde outfit. Or.. was it just a regular Victorian ghost look? Either way, that thunderstorm spared her from the sight of him in a suit and cape combination ripe for ridicule.

Meanwhile, his past self only laughed sheepishly. “Some things are best left to the imagination,” he murmured warmly. “Besides, I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to last in it for long. All that candy might do more than give me a stomachache.”

“Pish-posh!” both the woman and Patty cried out, causing Springtrap to stop the tape with an accidental button press. His head whirled around to face a mutually shocked Patty. “Sorry for the scare,” she said as her face flushed. “I have no idea what came over me just then. Guess it was just me reliving my own memories.”

Springtrap nodded slowly. It most likely was, so he shouldn’t really fault her for it. Realizing that he probably should move, however, he ducked behind her and wheeled the chair back to its original spot. He patted the chair on the back as if to say “all good”, then quietly crept into Room 1.

“Guess we’re back at it,” Patty thought, shaking her head. “Time to lure him to Room 2 and hope the vents don’t go bust a second time.”

#one shot #the sequel #fnaf 3 #fnaf au #springtrap #mrs afton #patty thomas #william afton #fnaf fanfic #might call this #dancing ‘round the frights #or something like that lol #anyways #semi long post #ship fuel

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