#patton was the first person who accepted him so i can only imagine how hurt virgil feels

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Invisible Assistance

Prompts: If ur taking requests do you think maybe you could write about the sanders sides as kids where Virgil subtly looks out for the others when they’re afraid of things (cuz he can tell as anxiety)? Like for example he plugs in nightlights in the hallway bc Logan is afraid of the dark. He leaves sticky notes with compliments out for Roman bc Roman’s afraid of rejection/falling short. He stitched together little stuffies for patton bc he’s hates being lonely. Those kinda things. Virgil would have to do it discreetly bc the other sides wouldn’t accept the help if it was from anxiety (even if they really really wanted the things that would help). And maybe the other sides find out after they accept Virgil bc he says something offhandedly about it? However you wanna write it tho!!! <3 - renjunstolemykidneys

Can I request a Sanders sides fic where one of the sides is touch averse? - anon

Oh is it kid fic time? it's kid fic time!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none! fluff land down below bois

Pairings: it is found family to the MAX

Word Count: 3836

When one of the others is afraid, a patch on the back of Virgil’s neck tingles.

It doesn’t hurt, which is good, because that would be really annoying, but it tingles.

Or, five times Virgil helps one of the other Sides when they're afraid, and one time they show him how much they appreciate it.

When one of the others is afraid, a patch on the back of Virgil’s neck tingles.

It doesn’t hurt, which is good, because that would be really annoying, but it tingles. He used to be scared of it. He ran to Janus the first time it happened because he didn’t know what he did wrong, he didn’t know why this thing was happening to him. Janus had calmed him down, walked him through his breathing exercises, and said that it was one of his powers.

“Powers? What powers?”

“I can grow extra arms and I can tell when people are lying,” Janus had said, “those are my powers. You can tell when people are afraid.”

And Virgil could. There was a small patch on the back of his neck that acted like a fear detector, where he could tell what was wrong. Over time, he had figured out how to tell who it was that was afraid.

Logan’s fear felt really fuzzy.

Not like the soft blankets that Patton likes from the hall closet, but the kinda weird static that the TV has sometimes when the video games won’t load properly. It’s fuzzy. It’s kind of hard to think. Sometimes, if it’s really bad, it gets kind of hard to see.

Logan doesn’t like being afraid and Virgil doesn’t blame him. Being afraid isn’t fun, that’s why he doesn’t like it.

Logan’s fear is fuzzy because Logan is Logic. Logan makes things clearer, easier to understand, because that’s his power. He’s really good at it. When Virgil gets afraid for himself, Logan is really good at explaining why it’s not so scary after all. Sometimes it doesn’t always work, but it works most of the time. But Virgil can’t do what Logan does for him because that’s not his power. He just knows when Logan is scared and fuzzy.

At first, Virgil thought it was something wrong with his glasses. After all, Logan needs them to see, doesn’t he? So if his glasses are fuzzy, he’ll be fuzzy. But Logan uses the glasses to see outside, not inside. So it isn’t the glasses. So he starts trying to figure out what Logan is scared of.

Then he notices that Logan’s light stays on all night while everybody else turns their light off.

He mumbles something about it to Logan the next day and Logan tells him that’s because he likes to read at night and so he needs the light. But Janus said his mouth felt weird after Logan said that so Logan’s lying.

Oh. Maybe Logan’s scared of the dark.

Virgil goes back to his room and opens his closet. He scrambles up on the step stool—putting his arms out for balance like Patton and Janus said—and reaches for the box of night lights. He pulls the cardboard down and rifles through it, looking for ones that Logan would like. He comes across a collection of night lights that Thomas saw at the space museum—what was it called? He pulls one closer and reads off the label.

“Planetarium,” he mumbles, “got it.”

It’s a set of nine night lights, one for each planet, and a big one to be the Sun. He scurries out into the hall and checks to make sure no one is around. There’s no one there. He tucks the box under his bed and scampers off. He needs to count how many outlets there are to see how many lights he’ll need.

There is one by the bathroom, two in the middle of the hall, one by Patton’s door, one by Roman’s door, one by Remus’s door, one by Janus’s room, one by Logan’s room, one by his room, and one at the top of the stairs.

One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten.

Perfect.

Virgil hurries back to the cardboard box and makes sure there are ten night lights. There are. Now all he needs to do is figure out where each one has to go.

The Sun is Logan’s room. Obviously. Mercury can go with Roman because those two love to play together. That would make Venus Remus because the twins are very close too.

Patton is the Earth because he takes care of all of them. Janus can be Jupiter because he likes being the tallest.

The bathroom can be Uranus.

The stairs can be Neptune because Logan likes that Neptune spins on its side, which is really cool. And the stairs are kind of sideways so it matched.

Virgil holds the last night light in his hands. Pluto. It’s small, a kind of purple-gray. It matches the sleeves of his pajamas. As he walks back to his room, he plugs the Pluto into the outlet next to his door.

Perfect.

He doesn’t feel Logan getting scared by the dark anymore and the Sun nightlight is really bright.

2.

Roman’s fear makes his neck feel hot. Almost like he’s embarrassed by something or he’s ashamed of something. He doesn’t like it, and he can imagine that Roman doesn’t like it very much either.

Roman is really loud. He really likes singing at the top of his lungs, even when there are like four other people in the room that are trying to do something. He really likes talking loudly too, even when they’re trying to do something. Sometimes Virgil thinks that Roman is too loud, but he’d never say that to him. That would be mean.

Roman gets hurt a lot. He says it’s because of his quests in the Imagination but Janus doesn’t believe him. Not about all of them. And that would be a weird place to get bruises. Virgil goes in there too sometimes, to play with Remus and Roman or to train with Roman. One of his other powers is fighting the things that come to hurt Thomas so he has to be ready. And he only gets bruises on his arms and legs from that.

Roman gets them everywhere. And Roman’s a good fighter! So it doesn’t make sense that he’s really hurt all the time.

Virgil does figure out that Roman gets hurt when Thomas feels bad about something. When Roman and Thomas have been working really hard on something and it doesn’t go well, Roman goes off into the Imagination and he looks hurt when he comes back. That’s when Virgil feels that he’s scared.

When they get a bit older and Virgil can start confidently naming it ‘rejection,’ he starts to notice that Roman slumps more when he’s hurt. Like it physically hurts to stand up straight. Which is really bad, because Roman loves to sing but you can’t sing properly if you don’t stand up straight. And if Roman can’t sing, he can’t make himself feel better.

Virgil also notices that Roman really doesn’t like it when he’s not sure what to do.

Virgil isn’t the best person to go to for this, because he’s always upset that things are going to happen and they’re going to happen and they don’t know how. But he notices that Logan, who always knows what’s good to pay attention to, doesn’t help either. Patton is the only one who seems to be able to help. And he helps by telling Roman that he’s doing a good job, that they will help, that it’s okay. Roman likes being told that it’s okay.

Virgil can get behind that.

But Roman isn’t always around when Virgil remembers to tell him that, so he decides to write it down.

On his desk, there is a pack of red post-it notes. Virgil stashes one in his pocket all the time with a pen. When he thinks of something that Roman should hear, he writes it down and sticks it on Roman’s door. He doesn’t go into Roman’s room, that’s mean. And rude. He knows better.

Things like ‘I like your singing.’ Or ‘The pancakes you made were really good.’ Or ‘You did a good job today.’ That kind of thing. Sometimes it’s just ‘I like you.’ Because Roman is good and Virgil likes him. A lot.

When he feels Roman start to get afraid, he goes and writes it down and sticks it on the door. Then he retreats to his room and waits, holding his breath, until he hears the creak of a door down the hall and the fear goes away. If he waits a few more minutes, normally he’ll hear Roman start to sing.

Then he lets himself smile.

3.

Patton’s fear feels really heavy. Like…really heavy. It kind of hurts to breathe sometimes if it catches Virgil off-guard. So he really doesn’t like Patton’s fear.

What makes it harder is that Patton is really good at hiding when he’s actually afraid. He screams really loudly when there’s a spider or when something surprises him—thank you, Remus—but when he’s afraid, it’s harder to tell.

But Virgil sometimes catches him sitting in the living room by himself, watching TV, and he’ll be afraid. Not of what’s on the TV, but of something else. So he’ll come downstairs and ask if Patton’s okay and Patton will say he’s fine, but then Virgil will curl up in a chair and that won’t be true. The fear will still be there. It’s only when someone else comes down that it goes away.

Virgil remembers very clearly the day that he spent an hour sitting downstairs with Patton and left to go to the bathroom. He had come back downstairs to see Janus next to Patton and Patton wasn’t afraid anymore. He’d gone back to his room and thought about it.

Virgil couldn’t help with this as he was, but the others could. Patton was afraid of…of being left alone?

Okay. Okay, Virgil could make things that would make Patton feel less alone.

He was never really good at making things, not like the twins were, but he was good at fixing things when they got ripped. When he wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares he knows how to fix his blankets and pillows and pajamas. So he takes the scraps of fabric he has from all the ones he still had to fix and frowns.

Patton likes frogs. So he draws a frog on the blue sheet and cuts it out carefully. He folds the fabric over and cuts out another one. He stitches them wrong sides together, leaving a little bit at the bottom. He turns it inside out and fills it with stuffing from the pillow. Then he sews the bottom back up. It’s a little frog plushie, and it’s for Patton.

He leaves it outside Patton’s door to a squeal of delight.

When he feels Patton get lonely again, he makes another one. This time it’s from the galaxy pillow and he makes a cat. The cat’s eyes don’t come out right when he draws them but they kind of look like glasses. Logan’s glasses.

The next time, he makes a lion. The lion is fuzzy because the slipper that was falling apart worked really well for a mane. He gives it Roman’s favorite red sash because he accidentally cut the fabric in the wrong place and needed to keep the stuffing inside.

After the lion, he makes a snake. He gives it a little paper hat like the one Janus wears. He giggles when he sees the final thing, it kind of looks like it belongs in Phineas and Ferb. Agent J.

When Patton gets really afraid, he looks at the last bit of the green fabric he has and chews his lip. Can he…maybe he can make an octopus. Like Remus. It takes a long time and he accidentally pricks his fingers a couple of times, but he gets a sloppy-looking octopus. After a moment, he grabs the pen and draws a smile with lots of sharp teeth. Like Remus.

Patton doesn’t feel so lonely after that.

4.

Remus’s fear feels muffled. Not like it’s there but it’s not really, but it gets hard for Virgil to hear things. Not like Logan’s fear where everything is fuzzy, but like someone has their hands over his ears. He doesn’t like it. It makes his own head louder.

He notices that Roman is loud but Remus is louder. Remus is constantly making noise, not like Roman’s outbursts, but always. He’s tapping a table or stomping his foot or humming to himself. He’s never quiet and when he’s quiet it’s bad.

He remembers watching Roman and Remus come out of the Imagination once and Remus hadn’t made a noise. The twins had scurried off to Remus’s room and they hadn’t come out until breakfast the next morning. Virgil’s head had been really loud all night because everything else had been muffled.

Remus isn’t quiet. Remus doesn’t like the quiet. Remus hates the quiet. Remus is scared of the quiet.

Virgil doesn’t like the quiet either, but he can’t exactly make noise without worrying that he’s disturbing everyone else. But Remus doesn’t have that problem. Remus is loud and he likes that he’s disturbing everyone else.

But maybe Virgil can help.

There is another box on his desk full of fidget toys. Virgil doesn’t use them most of the time because they’re stuck in the back of the desk but he does like the fidget cube. Maybe Remus would like it too?

He figures out how to get another one and makes it green and black. He puts it outside Remus’s door.

Well, it’s not quiet anymore.

But Remus isn’t afraid, so that’s fine.

It’s all fine.

Virgil remembers too late that the reason he doesn’t use the fidget cube that often is because he can’t stand the sound of the clicking and the squeaking of the cube. But Remus isn’t afraid anymore and he has his headphones.

So it’s fine.

5.

Janus’s fear is cold.

It’s probably why Virgil took so long to work out that Janus was scared of anything. Janus didn’t like to admit that he was scared of things. Janus didn’t like to admit much of anything if he’s being real, but he really doesn’t like admitting when he’s scared. And Virgil is used to being cold so he probably didn’t notice it for a long time.

But Janus does get scared and when he does, the back of Virgil’s neck feels cold.

Janus is like a snake the same way Remus is like an octopus and Patton is like a frog. If Logan is right and he normally is, it’s like how Virgil is like a spider and Roman is like a lion and Logan is like a cat. Which means that there are certain things that Janus does that are like a snake.

Even if he has too many arms to be a snake. Like…way too many.

Janus has a forked tongue. Remus is jealous and Patton thinks it’s kind of weird. Janus has scales. Roman thinks they’re strange and Logan thinks they’re interesting. Janus hisses sometimes when he’s tired or upset. They all think it’s cute. Janus doesn’t like that either.

They’re watching a documentary for a science class and snakes come up. Logan leans forward with his notebook, Patton grabs his juice box, and Remus starts thinking of ideas to do with Roman later. Janus watches the documentary. Virgil watches Janus.

“Snakes, unlike humans and most other mammals, are cold-blooded. This means they have an inability to regulate their own body temperature. They must bathe in the sun to stay warm.”

What?

“But basking out here in the open is risky. Predators, like this hawk, can see snakes in the grass, thanks to their incredible eyesight. The snake has to choose. Being safe and cold, or risk getting warm and being lunch.”

What?

The others are focused on the footage on screen or by their own conversations, so Virgil can stare at Janus. Is that…is that why Janus doesn’t like coming to spend time with them? Is that why he doesn’t like coming out of his room? They’re not going to eat him, he’s part of Thomas! They need him like they need each other.

But if Janus is part snake…then it would make sense why he’s nervous about being in the open.

Only later, when Virgil is startled awake by how cold he feels, does he realize that he might’ve been wrong.

Janus isn’t afraid of being around the others, he is afraid of what happens when he isn’t around the others. Because Virgil never feels Janus afraid when he’s with them. He only ever feels it when Janus is alone.

When Janus isn’t in the warmth with them. When he’s safer, maybe, but when he’s cold.

Janus is afraid of the cold.

Well. That’s the easiest one to fix.

Virgil gathers up all the blankets he has and goes to Janus’s door. He dumps the pile on the floor and scampers back to his room, knowing that Janus would’ve heard something hit the ground. He waits, waits, waits, and then—

It’s gone.

The cold on the back of his neck is gone.

Virgil smiles and burrows down under the one sheet on his bed. He pulls his arms tight around his pillow and buries himself under the thin sheet. He curls up as tight as he can and feels that the back of his neck is no longer cold from Janus’s fear.

Janus is warm. That’s all that matters.

Janus doesn’t feel cold again. Janus feels warm. Janus feels warm. Janus feels warm.

Logan has light.

Roman has love.

Patton has friends.

Remus has noise.

Janus has warmth.

They’re okay.

They’re okay.

They’re…okay.

Virgil falls asleep in the cold room.

+1

Virgil doesn’t like touch.

It…it’s not that he’s afraid of it, but it…

Okay. Here’s the thing. Virgil doesn’t like that the others can touch him.

Thomas can’t touch him. Thomas is safe, Virgil keeps him safe, but he doesn’t touch him. Thomas is safe and that is Virgil’s job because he is afraid and Thomas isn’t and it’s fine. There’s a line there. Thomas and Virgil hold the line between each other and it works.

Patton tries to pull him in for hugs and Patton doesn’t like being alone but his hugs make Virgil feel like he’s trapped.

Logan tries to touch him on the shoulder to get his attention and Logan likes being listened to but that hand feels like a live wire.

Roman tries to pull him close when they fight and Roman doesn’t like being rejected but sometimes Virgil doesn’t know whether he wants to fight the monster or Roman’s grip on him.

Remus tries to scare him by grabbing him and Remus likes noise but Virgil can’t stand being grabbed.

Janus tries to poke him because getting people out of their comfort zones is part of his job but Virgil worked hard for his comfort zone and he doesn’t want to get out of it.

Virgil doesn’t like being touched.

But that’s okay. He can…it’s not like the others normally want to touch him.

Virgil likes to sit by himself. There’s less to worry about when he sits by himself. He can sit and he can make his own noise and do his own thing and he can be fine. He can hold a pillow if he needs to and he won’t get overwhelmed. He can just…be.

He likes the idea of just being.

He doesn’t get to do it often.

So he’s surprised when he opens his door one morning and there’s a box sitting in front of his door.

He takes it back inside and opens it up. His mouth falls open.

There, on top, is the last post-it he stuck on Roman’s door. The one that just said ‘you’re important.’ He picks it up with shaky fingers and turns it over.

Virgil, these are for you. We know what you’ve been doing to help and we want to help you too. We know that you do not like being touched so we got you something that can help. You are important too.

Under the message that makes Virgil blink back tears for a second, he sees the names of the others scrawled in their colors. He puts the post-it note in the most important part of his desk and peers back into the box.

He lifts out a spaceship nightlight. It’s the one from the movie he and Logan had spotted on the way back from school. It’s very shiny and smooth to the touch.

There’s a notebook in the box that has the quote from Winnie the Pooh: ‘Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.’ A purple pen is tucked into the binding.

A spider plushie! It’s soft, it’s fuzzy, it fits right into the palm of his hand. It looks like it’s been made out of the Halloween sweater they got given for Christmas. It was a weird year.

There’s a small tin of putty. It’s purple and black, sparkly, and it makes really cool sounds as Virgil stretches and squeezes it. If he traps an air bubble in it, it makes a satisfying pop sound.

Virgil’s eyes widen as he pulls out a weighted blanket. Oh, it’s warm. It’s so warm. It feels perfect. He can understand why Janus hisses when he’s tired now, he wants to do it himself and he’s not even a snake.

There’s one more thing in the box. It’s dark, soft, and for a moment he thinks it could be another blanket. But as he pulls it out, his mouth drops open.

It’s a hoodie. A simple, plain, black hoodie, that’s soft and looks warm and looks big enough to cover all of his upper body.

They…they know he doesn’t like being touched so…so they gave him a shield.

Oh.

Oh.

Virgil doesn’t take the hoodie off until he switches it for a purple one many years later.

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#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #janus sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus

[sidespromptblog]

What to Do?: Chapter 3

One, Two, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

Summary: Logan realizing that his first mistake was seeing the other sides as anything other than coworkers. They weren't a family. They didn't even like each other. How had he not realized sooner?

Warmings: General Angst and Food Mention.

Word Count: 1,820

The smells of cooking food permeated the kitchen as Virgil nervously slunk into the kitchen, his eyes darted around, catching a glimpse of Roman’s foot tapping up and down as he bounced his leg. He could feel the anxiety pouring out of the creative side like a faucet about to overflow a sink, and ordinarily he would have snapped at Roman to reign it in with the last thing he wanted to deal with was yet another person’s anxieties… but not this time. This time he could understand Roman’s fears, as they aligned with much of his own. 

Moving over to the dining table, he perched himself on top, giving Roman more occasional glances. 

“Are you okay?” He mumbled, detesting the way that he felt himself softening at the heartbroken expression on Roman’s face. He had cared for sure… but he also hated the fact that he cared so much for this, if he had cared less then all of this would have hurt much less than it currently was. “How’s Pat?” 

Virgil felt his heart sink into his stomach at the sight of Roman’s expression breaking apart even further. 

He hated this so much. 

Roughly Roman ran his hand over his face, as if he was attempting to wipe away tears before they could even be seen. “I’m… not okay.” He honestly said, and looking towards the kitchen he couldn’t help but to add on. “And I don’t think Patton’s much better, I think he was crying all night...” A part of him couldn’t help but to be resentful towards Logan for all of this, but another part of him… the part of him that he was desperately trying to squish down before it could rise back up… actually felt oddly proud of Logan for doing this. 

It felt… right, almost. 

But it didn’t make it hurt any less, the distance that Logan was obviously trying to put between all of them. He had thought that they were closer than that, but then again… He wasn’t all that certain that he had even been acting like a friend lately, sure he had been focused on getting Thomas with the man of his dreams, and sure he had been neglecting the others a little. But he was certain that Logan would’ve been fine on his own for a little while, it was the entire reason that he had given Logan access to the imagination to begin with. So that if he needed to blow off some steam, or just relax he could easily do so without him needing to be there to make him relax. 

But… 

He’d been wrong. 

Again. 

Virgil huffed, dragging Roman’s attention away from himself and back to the anxious side sitting beside him. He looked… well honestly he looked okay-ish. There were tiny tell-tale signs that Virgil hadn’t slept as well as he was trying to portray, the caked on eyeshadow covering up dark circles and the even more caked on foundation was something that Roman could almost too easily see through. But he didn’t look like he’d be swept away, not like Patton did. And he didn’t look like he was about to break apart into a million pieces, at least not like Roman did. Virgil looked… weary but strong, like an old piece of rebar poking out of concrete that refused to be weathered down by anything. 

Roman felt more than a little jealous of Virgil's strength, or maybe it was just his denial that he wished he could fall back into...  

Either way, he could only sit silently as Patton came into the dining room sniffling as he carried the plates of food for them to eat. It was almost painful to watch him consider and then reconsider putting a plate out for Logan, just to immediately go back into the kitchen and grab a plate for the logical side even though he had yet to show up. 

“Just in case…” Patton softly mumbled, putting the plate down so carefully that one might have thought that it would break at the softest breeze. “You never know…” 

They didn’t know, there was no telling if Logan would even want to eat with them. They hadn’t heard anything from him since he’d sunk out, and they’d heard even less from him that night. When Virgil usually heard Logan going crazy on his various projects during the night, now he heard absolutely nothing. He had no idea if Logan had merely just gone to bed early, or if he just… wasn’t in his room at all. 

For a long moment, they all sat there. Their plates filled with the food that Patton had prepared for them, with one empty seat at the end of the table. And for that moment they sat there not touching a single thing on their plates, unsure if they should actually eat or not. 

Roman had picked up his fork, but just half-heartedly poked at his food. While Patton just morosely looked back at his food, a self-pitying look on his face as his hands laid limpy on the table not making a single movement to begin eating. Virgil taking one look around at the two sides he stuck with, only sighed wanting to do something to break the uneasy tension in everyone but not having nearly enough gusto to do so. That was something that would require energy from him, and that alone was something that he really didn’t have enough of right now. So he resigned himself to sit in silence, and to eat a meal that he wasn’t even sure that he wanted anymore. 

When he heard the footsteps. 

Patton’s head snapped up so fast Virgil was sure that he heard something crack, and a hopeful look blossomed across the moral side’s face. Like a flower seeing the light of the sun for the first time, a light flourished in his eyes that almost instinctively made Virgil want to look away or to playfully curl his lip at how damn happy Patton looked in that moment as Logan came down the stairs his eyes fixed onto a book he was reading. Maybe everything would be okay, if Logan was still willing to eat with them, then perhaps they could slowly fix things over with him. Perhaps all wasn’t lost, and-

And just like that the look of happiness was gone from Patton’s face. 

Logan had… Brought his own food.

With no more than a second of hope being dashed from them, the uneasy silence was back. Only this time, with Logan finally sitting amongst them, they all finally began to eat. 

The moment seemed to stretch on, even though they all knew that it really hadn’t been that long to begin with. 

 Logan hasn’t looked at them once, as he took quick bites from his sandwich while his eyes remained glued to the pages of his book. Every now and then, his phone buzzes and then and only then does Logan look away from his book, shifting his attention to his phone for short bursts of time. It was a timer, that much Virgil could glean from the screen of his phone reflected in Logan’s glasses, much more than that… it was a reminder set to go off every ten minutes for thirty minutes. Like.. like he was nothing more than some person at work who had a thirty minute break in between doing his work. 

Virgil had felt awfully betrayed when that realization had finally smacked him across the face, to the point where he was honestly unsure if he wanted to even tell the Roman or Patton. The both of them were taking Logan’s new… whatever this was, pretty hard. While he may have been annoyed with both Patton and Roman in the past, it truthfully hurt him an awful lot to see Patton crying as much as he was, and to see Roman blaming himself the way that he was. A part of him wanted to tell them that it wasn’t their fault, but he knew that they wouldn’t accept it. Not with Logan the way he was now, and especially with no end in sight. 

It certainly seemed like this was going to carry on for some time, and how long… Virgil didn’t know. 

He didn’t want to consider that this could possibly go on forever. 

Tearing his eyes away from Logan, he tried to drown himself in the food that he had on his plate. But even then, with the empty space that seemed to be Logan, the food felt like tasteless mush in his mouth. He could only stand a few more bites, before the texture of it forced him to put his fork down, calling it quits for this meal at least. 

Looking up he could see Patton and Roman glancing at one another, desperately trying to convey who exactly should try to talk to Logan while he was still here. But their useless glances, and suggested shoulder shrugs did less than nothing. 

It was almost painful to watch. 

It only became that much more painful as Logan stood up, clapping his book closed before dusting himself free from invisible crumbs. Not a single glance was given to them as Patton and Roman each tried to convey with their eyes who should be the one to talk to Logan, and as he took a quick glance to his watch Roman had opened his mouth. 

Looking at Logan’s face, and the professional detachment on it, Roman found himself faltering. There were no words to be had from him, or at least none that he could think that would help this problem in any kind of way. 

Logan sank down, without a word back to them and Roman’s mouth snapped shut. 

There wasn’t any anger to be thrown at him though, Patton himself felt largely the same way. What could he say? What could he do that would make Logan reconsider, let alone begin to trust them again? He could hardly even ask for such a thing, he’d hurt all of them more times than he cared to admit in the past couple of weeks. And whether he liked it or not, he had done something to obliterate Logan’s trust and his love for him. To the point where he couldn’t call Logan his own name to his face, he could only do so personally in his own head as if that would get the relationship they once had back.  

Perhaps he didn’t deserve it…

But it didn’t make him, or any of them any less concerned for Logan. 

Patton’s mouth felt as dry as the sand on a beach, “I…” He paused, as his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. “I don’t know what I can do to fix this…” He sorrowfully whispered, “I’m sorry…” 

Neither Virgil nor Roman could say anything in return.

They didn’t know how to fix it either. 

#logan sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #patton sanders #ts logan #ts sides #virgil sanders #ts sanders sides #ts logan sanders #sanders side fic #ts sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction

[im-an-anxious-wreck]

If I Was Smart, Would You Love Me?

AO3 link

Summary: Virgil is stupid, even he knows that. He also knows that someone as smart and talented as Logan would never love someone as stupid and worthless as Virgil.

But when a mysterious glowing orb says it can change that, that it can make him smart, should Virgil accept the offer? Surely it can't actually do that... Surely Virgil is unfixable... Right?

Warnings: crying, cursing, character repeatedly says and thinks he's stupid, placing ones worth on how smart one is, hurt/comfort (well, actually it’s fluff angst fluff)

Characters: Patton, Logan, Virgil, Roman, Janus

Perspective/main character: switches between Virgil and Logan (but it is more about Virgil)

Appear: Janus, Patton, Roman

Relationships: analogical, everything else is platonic

Word Count: 10,323

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

Hope you enjoy :D

-

He should be asleep. He really should.

Virgil should be in his bed, asleep, or at least trying to sleep, but despite all that… he wasn't. He was very much awake, unable to fall back asleep after a nightmare woke him up.

And instead of trying his usual methods; tea, extra blankets, even more white noise; he had snuck into Roman's room, slipped through the door of the Imagination, and was wandering around the forest.

He'd hoped that it would tire him out and put his thoughts to rest, and it had, the first part more so though.

He was just about to turn back, his eyes starting to finally droop, when a strange noise prickled at Virgil's ears. 

It was rather faint, but it got louder the farther into the dark, twisting forest he walked. It was like a… a hum, of sorts. However, it didn't sound like it was made by a human, but rather sounded almost otherworldly.

And even though it sounded odd, it almost felt… homely, inviting. Despite Virgil having never heard it before, it sounded familiar even. Safe. Yes, it felt safe, and Virgil couldn't help but pick up speed a bit.

It was getting louder and louder, but it always seemed to be just out of reach, and the prolonged anticipation building up was starting to really annoy Virgil.

He was starting to believe he'd never find the source of that mysterious pulsating hum when he stumbled across a small clearing, the humming now so close, Virgil could feel it in his chest, in his bones.

The clearing was empty save for a grey, cracked, and crumbled pillar in the dead center. Virgil hadn't taken two steps past the treeline when a dim glass ball he hadn't noticed started to glow a bright orange and float rather ominously over the pillar. 

Virgil couldn't help but move closer as if it drew him in.

The humming grew painfully loud before fading into a soft voice.

"A human? It's been… so long. What's your name, dear mortal?"

"...Virgil."

"Oh, well hello, Virgil. Do you know what I am?" 

"A weird glass ball?"

The orb let out what could have been considered a laugh. "Well, I suppose you're not wrong. But my purpose is actually to grant a wish to anyone who stumbles upon this little gap in the trees."

"...Why?"

"Hah, that's a long story, and you'd have to ask the person who cursed me to get that answer."

"Wait, cursed? Were you—"

"A human? Yes. I was. But that was a long time ago, for now, let's just focus on helping you." 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring up anything you didn't wanna me to."

"It's alright." 

"But seriously, a wish? You just expect me to believe that? You're not gonna even put a limit on it like 'rule number one, I can't kill anybody. Rule number two, I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else. Rule number three, I can't bring people back from the dead.' I call BS."

"Hah, Aladdin, nice."

"You know Aladdin?"

"Of course I do. I know a lot of things."

"...Huh."

"Anyway, I do actually have limits but they're more like, I can only grant a certain type of wish. It's actually pretty specific. And you only get the one."

"Wow, so you're like, useless."

"No, I'm not!"

"Dude, if you weren't some weird orb, you'd be pouting, wouldn't you?"

"...No."

Virgil snickered. "Right. I definitely believe you."

"Shut up! I mean… anyway. Let's move on. The specifics are that I can fix one flaw for you."

Virgil couldn't help but squint his eyes in suspicion. "Really?"

"Yes, you get one wish to fix one flaw. So, what'll it be?" The glowing mysterious orb asked. "If you could change one thing about yourself… what would you pick? What horrible flaw that makes you completely unlovable would you fix?”

Despite every bone in his body screaming in him to say no, that this was dangerous, and he should get the fuck out of there, he found himself walking a little closer to the orb and saying, "Any… any flaw?"

"Yes, any flaw you could think of, I can fix. What's keeping you back from the people you care about? What part of you makes you worthless in their eyes?"

"N— no. They… they care about me." Virgil dropped his voice down to a whisper. "I know they do."

"Oh, really? Then why are you here? In the dark forest, wishing to be good enough, wishing that they cared? If you really think that they love just soooo much, then why aren't you there, with them? Oh, there's someone in particular, isn't there?"

"What!? No, I— how'd yo—"

"Please, you're practically pushing your lonely thoughts at me. Let's see… I believe his name is Logan?"

"I… m— maybe."

"Ah, I thought as much… Do you know what flaw you'd pick?"

"Ugh, no. Hell, I'm not even sure if I'm gonna let you fix it or not. I mean, a weird magic glowing orb in the middle of the woods is telling me it can fix one of my flaws, what am I supposed to think? It's just…"

"A dream come true?"

"Weird. I— I was gonna say it's just weird."

"That's alright, I'm in no hurry. You can think this over as much as you'd like. But of course, how are you supposed to think over what decision to make when you don't even know what I'll be fixing? So since you seem to think you just have too many flaws that need fixing, I can actually help with that too."

"...How?"

"If you'll let me, I can take just a peek, just a really small one, I promise, and then I can tell you what your biggest flaw is."

"You… you can?"

"Yes, believe it or not, I just want to help you."

Virgil chewed on his lower lip before sighing. "Okay, just… don't go too far."

"Of course."

Before Virgil could get worried about what the orb would see or do, he was surrounded by a bright blue-white light. It grew in intensity before it pulsed a few times.

The orb spoke again, "Ah, you, of course, have the flaw of pushing others away… but your biggest flaw…"

"Yes?" Virgil asked, rather desperately, eyes still closed due to the unbearably bright light.

"Your biggest flaw is…" The light vanished as quick as it had come. "Is that you're stupid."

"Wh— what?" Virgil blinked his eyes, trying to adjust to the dark woods once again, the orb's light now dim in comparison to the pulsating glow of before. "Are… are you sure?"

"Absolutely positive. Why do you think that Logan, the smartest person you know, doesn't love you? You're just too stupid. If you were smart, he'd actually love you."

"No, I mean… he's not that shallow. I mean yeah, he doesn't love me, and probably never will but that's just because… um, because… oh, fuck."

"Yes, he's not interested in you. Because why would he? You're boring. You have nothing to offer him. Why would he want to be with someone who can't keep up with him?"

"But if… if you did make me smart, not that I'm necessarily gonna say yes, but… but if you did, wouldn't it be weird if I was suddenly smart?"

"Hmm, I don't think so. Everyone might be a bit surprised, especially if they thought you were stupid, which you are right now, of course, but can you imagine how pleasantly surprised Logan would be when you answered his nerdy question with a nerdy answer?"

Virgil could, Virgil all too easily could.

The orb continued, "Why he'd be so pleased that he'd want to spend more time with you, and after spending more time with you and seeing how smart you are… he'd fall in love with you."

"I… I don't think that's how it works. And you're… I mean, that's a big promise to make."

"You really think he could resist? Have you ever said anything even remotely smart to him?"

"I… well, maybe like, a few times."

"And did you see his reaction after you said it?"

"Well… yeah, bu—"

"And how did he look?"

"Uh… pleasantly surprised."

"And did he seem more open to you after that?"

"…Yeah, he… later he invited me to discuss it more but my throat closed up and I was too an— anxious to say anything 'cuz I was gonna make an absolute fool of myself and he'd think I was silly and stupid an— um, yeah. God, he looked so disappointed though. He always thinks I'm better than I am, he expects better. And he's right, I— I should be better."

"You could be better."

"Yeah, he'd… he'd finally see… and I'd finally live up to his expectations, to what he seems to think I'd be, if I just tried. Of course, he doesn't know I'm just like this, I'm just stupid, but… but I could fix tha— er, you could fix that, I mean."

"I could. Easily."

"And… and of course I'd understand if he still didn't want me, I do have a lot of flaws… but if… if there's a chance… and if you fix this big one then maybe I could work on a few of the smaller ones… yeah. Yeah!"

"Have you made your decision?"

"I… I think I have."

"And?"

"Weird magic glowing orb thingy, I wish for you to fix my biggest flaw and make me smart."

The surface of the orb began crackling and fizzing louder and louder until Virgil could barely hear himself think. Then, as quickly as it'd started, it'd stopped again. 

And the last thing Virgil remembered before he blacked out, was a voice that was somehow everywhere and nowhere at once, whispering, "Gladly."

-

Virgil was awoken by three uniform raps on the door.

Logan.

Wait, last night… Virgil opened his eyes and quickly sat up. Did last night really happen? 

"Virgil? Are you awake yet?" Logan's soft voice called. 

Virgil didn't feel any different than usual, but perhaps it was a more subtle, a more unseen thing.

"This is around your natural waking up time…" Logan continued, "Oh, unless you accidentally stayed up later than usual and are sleeping in."

Although now that Virgil thought about it, he did feel a bit more like he knew what he was doing, a kind of gentle determination settling in his chest.

"Hmm, perhaps I should come back later then."

"No, wait!" Virgil all but cried out, jumping out of bed and to the door. "Wait, I'm awake."

Virgil yanked the door open to where Logan was standing there, a slightly surprised look on his face.

"Virgil! Um, greetings. I am… what I mean to say was that… um, apologies, I seem to um…"

Virgil leaned against the doorframe, his arms casually crossed, and an eyebrow raised in amusement. "Uhhhh, you good, Lo?"

"Yes! Yes, of course. I apologize for my… strange behaviour. I suppose my thoughts weren't in order. That is one disadvantage to saying things without thinking first. Although spontaneous dialogue and conversation can be quite interesting and usefu— ah, apologies, I've gotten off-topic."

Virgil snorted loudly. "Nah, it's okay, Logan. I actually really enjoy your tangents, and find your vocabulary and the way you construct your sentences to be fascinating. Plus, they're often quite educational as well… Wow, I sounded kinda like a nerd." Virgil grinned. "Cool."

"What?"

Oops. No way was Virgil going to let Logan know that he'd trusted a random orb from the Imagination to make him smart. Damn, that sounded like a bad idea, not only from an anxious standpoint but from his new logical one.

"Uhhh, nothing. Anyway, what were you saying? Like when your thoughts weren't in order."

"Ah, yes, thank you for reminding me. I was just um, saying that it's good to see you. I— well, I rather missed your company, I suppose."

"Oh, really? You… you missed me?"

Logan twisted his fingers together. "...Yes, I… I did."

"O— oh. I missed you too."

Logan squinted at Virgil. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Oh. Well, good, er, um…"

"Oh my God, you're adorable."

"What?"

"Oh, uhhhh… huh."

"I…" Logan blinked a few times. "I um…"

"It's okay, Lo. You don't haveta response… oh! If you feel up to it, wanna hang out this afternoon? It's okay if you're busy, just thought I'd ask."

"Oh, um, no, I'm not busy. Shall we go to my room? Or try to get Roman to let us in the Imagination?"

"Unless you're feeling more like a homebody, I vote for bullying —don't worry, I don't think we're going to actually bully him— bullying Roman into letting us use the Imagination. Maybe we'll get him to make us a nice field— oh! We could have a picnic. If you want, I mean."

"I'd… really like that."

"Well, if you wanna ask Roman to set up the Imagination in a bit, I'll get the food? And we can make our way to the imagination and set up around 3ish?"

"Oh, excellent. That works for me. And yes, I'll ask him. And uh, what type of food were you thinking? Sandwiches and chips?"

"Of course. A picnic classic."

"And shall we stare at the fresh cookies Patton made until he sends some with us? Which is like 4 seconds from when he first spots us."

"Absolutely, but of course, he only takes that long to offer because he's smiling so much."

"Well, naturally."

-

Logan had been feeling weird lately, and he even figured out why. While feelings weren't his strong suit by any stretch of the imagination, he was quite observant, and was able to confirm his hypothesis into a theory with only a bit of research.

But that didn't mean he had everything figured out. He didn't know what he wanted, or even should do. And seeing as this was an emotional matter, Patton would hopefully be able to give him some advice on the matter.

Logan almost stopped by Patton's room to see if he was there, but it was mid-morning and Patton was probably in the kitchen making some baked goods before he started on lunch.

Logan walked to the dining part of the common room, stopping in front of the open divider/bar that was in between the common room and the kitchen. 

Ah, he was indeed correct. Patton was there, already getting things out.

Logan softly cleared his throat, hoping to not startle Patton. "Good morning, Patton."

Patton looked up from where he was looking at a recipe and getting out ingredients, startling slightly. "Oh, Logan! You made me jump, kiddo. What's up?"

"I… I could use your assistance."

"Oh, of course! What type of help do ya need, and would cookies help?"

"Well, it's… it's an… emotional matter, so you can imagine how it's out of my expertise… and cookies always help."

"Oh... okay! Yeah, can do! Sit at the bar if ya wanna, I'm just starting some chocolate chip cookies. I'm listening though, 'kay?" Patton looked back at his… recipe card?

Logan briefly furrowed his eyebrows. Patton didn't usually need a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Actually, now that Logan thought about it, he'd only ever seen Patton with a recipe if it was something he'd never made before. He memorized them impressively fast. But perhaps he merely wanted to try someone else's way of making them. 

"Yes, that sounds pleasant. Thank you." Logan internally winced at how long he took to reply, and gingerly sat down on the barstool, watching Patton go about the kitchen.

"Of course! I'm always here for y'all."

Was it Logan's imagination or was Patton having a harder time finding things than normal?

"The measuring cups are in the third drawer down, not the second."

"Oh, yes! Silly me. So what's up?"

"Well…" Logan drummed his fingers on the counter. "I realised something and I don't know how to… I don't know what to do."

Patton turned away from where he'd been gathering ingredients and looked at Logan, eyebrows lightly furrowed. "This is something pretty serious, huh?"

"No, it's… it's silly. I probably shouldn't be bothering you with it. Nevermind. Thank you for being willing to listen anyway." Logan made to get up but Patton gently held onto his hands.

"Hey, it's alright. I don't mind at all, Logan. I'm glad you felt like you could come to me for help. Can I ask what you realised?"

Logan sighed and forced himself to relax as Patton let go of his hands. "I believe that I am… romantically interested in Virgil."

There was a split second where Patton didn't say anything, making Logan briefly and rather illogically panic, before the brightest smile crossed Patton's face.

"Aww! That's so pure, kiddo!" Patton put his elbows on the cabinet in between them and rested his head in his hands.

Logan felt his face warm slightly. "Yes, well, um, I've been having weird symptoms around Virgil and when I think about him for more than a few seconds. So, I cross-referenced them with different sicknesses, and what I found was that it… it fit how people describe the way they feel when they are in… um, in..."

"In love?" Patton asked, a knowing twinkle in his eye.

"I, um— yes, that. So, what do I do? Should I ignore it? It'll go away if I just ignore it, right?"

"Well, not usually. Feelings, especially romantic ones, are pretty tricky. But even if you don't wanna try for a romantic relationship with him, I don't think ignoring it is the best way to go about it. But of course, we should make sure that you don't actually want a romantic relationship with him."

"What? Why wouldn't I want to be in a relationship with Virgil?"

Patton frowned. "Then why were you gonna just ignore it?"

"Virgil has anxiety—"

Patton's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse you—" Patton all but growled. 

Wait, did… Logan blinked and it was gone again. "No! Not like that. You didn't let me finish."

"Sorry, sorry." Patton took a deep breath. "What did you mean then?"

"He has anxiety and I'm… I know this sounds rather silly but… I'm worried he'd feel obligated in some way. And the last thing I want is to make him feel forced, or hurt him in any way. He's… very important to me, and if he's happier with us being friends then so be it."

"Okay, well, first of all, you're assuming that Virgil doesn't like you romantically, or wouldn't want to try for a relationship at all. And you don't actually know if he'd be happier if you two are friends. Maybe he'd be happier if you two got together, of course maybe he wouldn't, but the point is you don't actually know. And you can assume and even make educated guesses, but you can't know for definite sure—"

"Unless I ask him."

"Yep, exactly. And I… I will say that he obviously cares about you a lot. Even if he doesn't feel romantic feelings towards you, or doesn't want to try for a romantic relationship, I know you two will still be very good friends. Ah, that might not be as comforting… sorry."

"No, it's alright. I… you've given me a lot to think about. And I… I think I will ask him. We're having a picnic this afternoon and that seems like an opportune time.

"Alright, kiddo. Just don't rush into anything, 'kay?"

"Hmm? Oh, of course. I will think about this a bit more until then, but I'd already wanted to ask him. I just felt like I didn't have a concrete idea of the whole thing. I was letting my fears and worries cloud my thinking. I can't know or change the outcome, but I can ask. I'd gotten wrapped up in 'what if's and forgot that the easiest way to know how someone will react… is to just ask them. You helped me remember that."

"Well, you know I'm always happy to help, kiddo!" Patton smiled at Logan before he looked back down at his recipe card.

"Yes, and I really appreciate it. Thank you, De—"

'Patton' looked up in surprise.

"Er, I mean, Patton."

He sighed. "...Godamnit. And here I thought I was rather convincing." 'Patton's form twisted for a second before it settled back into Deceit's usual appearance. "It was how angry and protective I got over Virgil, wasn't it?"

"That was when I first realised, yes. Although I did think it was weird that you had a recipe for something that you would've supposedly made dozens of times. But anyway, Patton can be quite protective, but that wasn't quite how I think he'd react to me. Perhaps to you or Remus, and I'd no doubt get an earful if I was going where you thought I was. But after your left eye glowed a bit after you practically growled at me, it wasn't hard to put it together."

"Ah, well, damn."

"May I ask why you were in our kitchen?"

"Well, it couldn't be that I was trying to make cookies. I didn't think that was rather obvious."

"Ah, I should've been more specific. Why were you baking in our kitchen instead of in your side of the Mindscape?"

"Oh, Remus exploded our sink again, and I absolutely refuse to bake under such circumstances. Plus, who knows when Remus will get around to fixing it."

"Hm, well you're more than welcome to use ours in the meantime. Although I would ask that you come as yourself."

"Thank you. And I suppose I should apologize. After you said it was an emotional matter, I shouldn't've let you continue."

"It's alright. It wasn't anything I mind you knowing. And while you weren't who I was looking for, you still provided some valuable information. I would, however, like to know it was you before I speak about an emotional matter next time."

"Oh, well, that's not reasonable. I really do apologize for that. I should've told you to come back later, instead of asking more questions and prying my nose into things."

"Apology accepted. And I suppose it does make this next part easier anyway."

Deceit raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Seeing as you assisted with the majority of Virgil's upbringing, Deceit, I'd like to formally ask you for your permission to pursue a romantic relationship with Virgil."

"Me? Virgil and I are barely on speaking terms as it is. I mean, he hisses at me practically every other word!"

"Yes, your and Virgil's relationship is rather strained right now, but that doesn't discount how close you were before. And I believe under all the surface conflict and hurt, you two still care about each other a great deal more than either of you would care to admit.

"And you could've quite easily steered me away from pursuing a romantic relationship with Virgil, but you actually recommended I talk to him instead. Which makes me believe that you actually want us to get together. So, with all that in mind, the least I can do is formally ask for your blessing."

"I… alright. You have my blessing, just— don't go around telling people that. I do have a reputation to uphold after all."

"Ah, yes, of course. Wouldn't want anyone to think you could be soft, after all."

"My my, is that sarcasm I hear?" Deceit put a hand to his chest in mock shock. "Logan the stoic and concise, using sarcasm? Didn't think you'd have it in you. Why I am surprised at you!"

"Ah, yes. I usually don't use sarcasm as it can make conversation confusing, but I felt it was appropriate in this case. Especially since you often use sarcasm or opposite speak."

"Oh, I am just so proud, Logan. Good job."

Despite Deceit's sarcasm and words, Logan didn't feel mocked. Quite the opposite actually, a strange sort of warmth filling his chest.

"Alright, alright. Well… I'll let you get back to your baking. I should go anyhow. I need to get some work done before lunch."

"Oh, Logan, I almost forgot." Deceit clicked his tongue. "Before you go. I presume I don't need to give you the 'hurt him and they'll never find your body' talk."

"You are quite correct in that presumption, and I'd expect nothing less. I don't want to hurt him any more than you do, Deceit."

Deceit paused, taking in Logan's words before he nodded. "Good… oh, and I… I suppose if you happen to use my name, I wouldn't like, be mad or whatever."

"Oh, I see. I shall endeavour to use the correct one then… Janus."

The corner of De— Janus' mouth quirked up. "Alright. I— good."

Logan gave a small smile of his own and hoped it wasn't too awkward. He hadn't had much practice smiling lately.

They stood there for a moment before Janus cleared his throat. "Well, have an absolutely <i>dreadful</i> time this afternoon."

"Oh, thank you. I hope you have a pleasant afternoon as well."

-

Virgil knocked on Logan's door. "Hey, Lo? You ready to go? I have the food."

Logan opened his door. "Oh, excellent. Um, and did you grab the—"

"Pickles? Yeah, I got you your nasty vinegar cucumbers."

"Oh, so it's my 'nasty vinegar cucumbers' is it now?" Logan stepped out of his room, pulling the door shut behind him. "So it must've been Janus who I saw eating an entire jar of pickles a few days ago, not you."

"Exactly… definitely Jan. That foul snake… how dare he. Pretend to be me. And eat pickles, therefore besmirching my good name. So rude."

Logan laughed, making Virgil smile, his chest filling with warmth.

"Yes, how dare he. I shall have to have a conversation with him about such unlawful actions."

Virgil giggled, although it was half snorts. He, however, couldn't find it in himself to be too embarrassed. They were having fun, and that's what mattered.

After Virgil finally settled down, happily noting that Logan still had a pleased look on his face, Virgil said, "So, you ready for that picnic?"

…

Virgil normally, light-heartedly, of course, complained about Roman being extra, but this was one time that he certainly wasn't.

The green grass rolled across the gentle hills, while a light breeze blew soft, white clouds through the endless blue. A little farther off the start of the forest could be seen, and to the left of that, the lake sparkled. Flowers of all colours dotted the entire area.

"Wow," Virgil said, almost breathless. "Roman really went all out, didn't he?"

"Well," Logan adjusted his glasses, a small smile on his face, "I did ask for a good picnic spot, and he certainly didn't disappoint."

"Yeah, geez. This is… anyway, um, shall we set up over here?"

"Yes, this does look like a pleasant spot."

Virgil set down the picnic basket and, with Logan's help, laid out the blanket and food.

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask," Logan said, partway through their meal, "How've you been liking the book I recommended?"

Virgil perked up, quite sure his eyes were all but sparkling. "Oh! I haven't finished it yet but I've absolutely loved it so far. Josephine is such a compelling main character and her 'friend' Beth Ann is so sweet. And the obvious pinning between them, I just— how can they be so oblivious!"

"I know, right!"

"Ugh, and the baker, oh, whatever his name is—"

"Todd."

"Yeah! That bastard. He just pisses me off so much. But when Beth Ann threw the rock at his window, I about woke up the whole Mindscape because of how hard I was laughing. I just—" Virgil snorted. "Anyway, yeah. It's been good."

"Ah, I'm glad. I thought you'd enjoy it."

"Yeah, thanks for letting me borrow it."

Logan smiled. "Of course."

They ate more, chatting all the while, until they were comfortably full.

Logan cleared his throat. "I would just like to preface this by saying that I, in no way, want you to think I'm saying this because it's a bad thing."

"Uhh, okay? What's, um, what's up?"

"You seem to be in a good mood. You're very, uh, open and confident. I'm very glad you're—" Logan pulled out a flashcard, "—'Feeling your oats' as the phrase goes."

Virgil snorted. "Yeah, man. I feel good. I've just been able to relax, ya know?"

"Mm, I'm glad. I know how stressed you can be, and it's… it's nice to see you take some well-deserved downtime to just 'chill out'." Logan dragged two fingers down as if to put quotation marks around the last two words.

Virgil raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Wh— why is 'chill out' in quotes?"

"I… do not know. That's a very good question."

"Ah, well, really, why do any of us do anything?"

"Well, actually, we, as a human race, do the many things we do for a wide variety of reasons. Of course, not everything has an easily identifiable reason but— ah, apologies, that was a rhetorical question and I just took it and, metaphorically, ran with it."

"No, you're good! I was just— I was, mm. I… sorry but, oh my goodness, how— how are you this…"

Logan's face fell, causing a pang to shoot through Virgil's chest. "Annoying?"

"What? No! I was going to say cute and nerdy. I— shit, Lo, I don't think you're annoying. You're really interesting, and really passionate when talking about the things you enjoy. I love listening to you. Really. And I'm sorry if I ever made you think that I thought you were annoying. Because you're not. You're the opposite. You're enrapturing! And… and life would be quite dull without your fascinating, and oftentimes educational, rants."

"...'I shit Lo'. "

"Oh, come on. That's what you take from this."

Logan let out a small laugh. "I'm only teasing, Virgil."

"You certainly are teasing Virgil," Virgil muttered.

"But in all seriousness—"

"Necktie… sorry. Continue."

"I really do appreciate your… kind words. And I'm very glad to know I'm not bothering you, and that you seem to enjoy my rants and rambles about as much as I do."

"I— yeah, of course, man. It— yeah."

Logan gave Virgil a lopsided smile. "Right… oh, um, I had a question…"

"Yeah?"

"Is… is this a date?"

"Oh! It, um, what?"

"It's alright if it is a platonic outing… but if it was a date… um, I'd like to know, considering that would be, um, vital information."

"It… um, do you want it to be a date?"

"I… I would rather like it to be, but only if you want it to be a date as well. Um, do… do you want it to be a date?"

"I— yes. Holy shit, yes, I do. I'd love for this to be a date."

"I… ah, good. Then it's a date."

"It's a date. Yeah." Virgil couldn't help the wide smile that crossed his face, all too aware he probably looked ridiculous, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"Would that… and apologies if this is too fast, I don't exactly have the best idea of how quickly this should go, especially because everyone has different speeds and boundaries… but, would that… make you my boyfriend? Or does one have to go on multiple dates first?"

"Uhh, I think it depends and maybe like, usually multiple… but like if— um, I mean, do you want to be boyfriends?"

"Yes! I mean I would very much like that, if you do, but if this is too fast, I completely understand."

"No, it… yes, I very much would like to be your boyfriend."

"Oh! I um, good. Then we're boyfriends."

"Yeah," Virgil's face warmed. "Boyfriends."

-

Virgil came back to his room, having just finished his ninth date with Logan, and it took everything in him to not squeal with happiness the instant the door shut.

Logan had even walked him back to his room like the gentleman Logan was. Virgil paused for a moment more and, after hearing Logan's door down the hall click shut, allowed himself a small squeal, which quickly turned into giggles, albeit very quiet giggles. But still, Virgil giggled. Virgil!

They'd only been together for 6 days. And while Virgil knew they were still in the 'honeymoon phase', he couldn't help but look at it optimistically.

Hell, he couldn't remember a time he'd been this happy, and especially for this long.

Sure, soon things would mellow out, and they were bound to have disagreements at some point, but it didn't seem so daunting. Not when he knew he'd have Logan by his side, and smarts in his brain. 

Virgil knew they were being the overly sweet, PDA couple, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. They were enjoying themselves, and everyone was nothing but supportive, teasing included.

Everything was going well. Things were… amazing. Virgil would even, albeit hesitantly, go as far as to say things were beyond amazing. They were practically perfect in every way. 

So really he should've known it wouldn't last. Things never went well for him.

-

~One week after the orb encounter~

-

When Virgil woke up he almost felt like something was off. He blearily blinked his eyes. But what was off? He felt… normal. Wait, normal? He wasn't supposed to be feeling normal! He was supposed to be feeling smart. Just like he did every morning this past week or so. (Well, except the first day as it'd taken a moment to sink in.) So if he wasn't feeling smart the second he woke up...

What… what happened? What had happened to make him stupid again!? 

Virgil jumped when a knock sounded on the door.

"Virgil? Are you awake yet?"

Shit, Logan. Oh fuck. God fucking damnit! Virgil couldn't be stupid again! Logan would… he would… oh god.

"Virgil? Are you hyperventilating? Remember your breathing exercise. In for 4, hold for 7, and out for 8… it's alright, you're alright. Just try again."

How the hell was Virgil supposed to get control of his breathing when he was stupid again? God, Logan will be so disappointed. He'd want to— Virgil choked back another sob. 

"Virgil, please. I'm worried about you. Just breathe, okay?"

Logan would want to break up with him. There was no way Logan would ever want to be with anyone this stupid.

"C— can't."

"Mm, you may not feel like it, but I promise that you can, Virgil. And it's alright if it takes you awhile to do so, but you can. You're allowed to breathe. Whatever is distressing you, can be solved. You don't have to go though this alone. I'll do everything in my power to help, and I know the others will want to as well. We're here for you, Virgil."

Virgil only barely muffled his sob. "N— no! Don't w— want you h— here." 

Oh god. Why was Virgil like this? Sabotaging everything before it could have half a chance to get bad.

Virgil could practically see Logan's eyebrow raise. "You don't? If you would prefer, I can get someone els—"

"No! D— don't. Please."

"...Alright. I won't. Will you please at least tell me what's wrong, my love?"

Virgil didn't quite stifle this sob in time, the sound all but echoing through his room.

"Oh, starlight. You can tell me. And, unless you absolutely insist for me to go, I'm not leaving you. I'm right here."

Of course he wouldn't just leave unless Virgil was an absolute dick. Of course Logan was so patient and kind. He was amazing.

"Of course I w— want you to l— leave. G— god you're s— so…" And wow, Virgil was the worst person ever, "so a— annoying."

"O— oh. I see."

The smallness and just pure heartbreak in Logan's voice almost broke Virgil completely. He almost, almost opened the door, apologized, and confessed everything to Logan.

But… he couldn't. It was like there was a physical barrier keeping him from doing so, and molasses in his entire body, weighing him down.

"Well… I apologize for annoying you. It wasn't my i— intention, yet I made that mistake anyway. I shall attempt to do better in the future… thank you for c— correcting me." 

Yep, Virgil actually hated himself. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?

"J— just… just go away."

Logan didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve this mess he'd accidentally invited into his life. 

He was too polite and kind to tell Virgil that he needed to get his shit together directly. But when Virgil inevitably couldn't, he would break up with Virgil. 

But Logan… he wouldn't get it, not really. He'd still, even if it hurt him, be so kind and gentle to Virgil. And that… it'd be better if Virgil broke up with Logan before Logan had the chance to.

That way, Logan would feel betrayed, sure, but he could heal from that, and have no problem being cold towards Virgil. He'd finally recognize Virgil for the poison that he truly was.

It'd hurt Logan short term —something which Virgil would never forgive himself for—, but then he wouldn't have to be hurt by Virgil long term.

"Please, g— go."

"I… yes. Of course. And f— for what it's worth, I'm… I'm sorry I couldn't be of more assistance."

Virgil choked back a sob. He hadn't been planning on doing it right now, but he certainly couldn't break up with Logan in this state. It would drag it out farther but it'd be better to wait a bit anyway. He needed a game plan.

God, Virgil was not going to make it through that conversation without crying.

-

Virgil had been ignoring Logan, and Logan couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what he'd done wrong.

He'd only gone to tell Virgil 'good morning', the day before, but, for seemingly no reason, Virgil had been absolutely distraught. And to make matters worse, when he attempted to help soothe Virgil, his presence had only distressed Virgil further. 

Of course, perhaps Virgil being upset had nothing to do with Logan and he just need a lot of space. Then again, maybe Logan had greatly offended him somehow.

And the more Logan thought about it, the more he confirmed his conclusion that he wouldn't be able to solve this on his own. He really needed someone with more emotional experience to talk to about this. Hopefully Patton wouldn't be too busy right now.

After receiving no answer to his knock on Patton's door, he went to check the common room.

"Oh hey, Logan!" Patton looked up from his crochet, his smile quickly turning into a frown at Logan's downcast demeanour. "What's up?"

"I was… wondering if you were busy, Patton. And if you aren't, then I was wondering if you could assist me with an… emotional matter."

Patton tilted his head to the side and set his crochet stuff on the coffee table. "Nope, not busy at all! What's on your mind?"

"Well— er, apologies but I must ask you, are you Janus?"

"Nope! Oh shoot, that's what he'd say though. Darn. Hmm… what's something he wouldn't know?"

"It's alright, Patton. I believe you. I— uh, I actually have an agreement with Janus that he'll reveal himself before I say anything… rather private. So I was just checking before I began."

"Oh! Okay, well, that's good. I'm glad you two are getting along."

"I am as well."

"You, uh, wanna sit down?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Apologies." Logan sat down on the couch, making sure to leave plenty of room between himself and Patton.

"It's alright! You got nothing to apologize for, Lo… So, what did you wanna talk to me about?"

"Well, it's just… so you know how Virgil and I have been together for approximately 7 days and 23 hours?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, Virgil won't talk to me now. I… I went to go see him yesterday morning but he was very upset and said to go away. I, of course, understand that sometimes he needs alone time, especially being the same way myself, and had absolutely no problem giving him the space he needed."

"...But?" Patton prompted.

"But… he ignored my asking if he was okay yesterday afternoon, and my asking if he was up to eating supper with us in the evening, and was completely silent when I asked him if he wanted any breakfast and was he alright this morning. Usually, if he wants alone time he will state as such. Not turn off his music when I knock and then say nothing."

"Oh, hmmm. That is pretty unusual for him. Maybe he just really didn't feel like talking? Or said something but it was just really soft?"

"I… that seems rather doubtful, but thank you. Perhaps… or perhaps I did something to upset him? He called me… annoying and I thought it was just because he was just upset in general but… I mean, I can't recall saying anything that might've been rude or insensitive… but then again I suppose I'm not really good at telling when I've hurt people's emotions."

"Hmm, this is pretty odd. Maybe try giving him a bit more time? And then tonight maybe you should try asking him if he's upset, and if he's upset with you. Oh, and maybe try telling him that you can't know what's wrong if he doesn't tell you, and if you can't help if he doesn't let you. And if he still won't talk to you, I can see what's up with him tomorrow."

"Yes, I— thank you, Patton. This has been really, figuratively, weighing on my mind. I just hope whatever I've done wrong, I can fix."

Patton sighed. "It might've been something you said, but it might not be. Just remember that, Logan. Okay?"

"Yes, you're… you're right, of course. I… yes. It might be something unrelated to me, or at least nothing that I've said or done. But of course, then again maybe it is something I didn't and he doesn't… hold me in a… very fond regard anymore. Perhaps I did something so bad that he won't forgive me and I just completely ruined our relationship and he hates me foreve—"

"Hey, hey, Logan. It's alright." Patton sat his hand on Logan's shoulder. "You're catastrophizing, okay?"

"Yes, I am. I need to calm down. I'm just… just so worried. I mean, what could've happened for him to… to push me away like this. Wh—" Logan choked back a sob. "What did I do wrong, Patton? I just can't figure out what I did wrong."

"I can't say for sure, of course, but it really sounds like you didn't do anything. Maybe something happened but if you said something, you didn't know and I really don't think you could've done something that bad and that easily. Like, I don't know, based on his reaction, I just think you'd at least have a general idea of what you did."

"Yes. Yes, of course. You're right, Patton. I— thank you." 

"Of course, Logan. I'm always here for you. And I really hope your conversation goes well tonight."

"I… I hope so too."

-

"Oh, Bed, Goth, And Beyond?" Virgil heard Roman call from the other side of Virgil's door. "Why are you moping? Did something happen between you and Logan?"

Virgil pulled his blanket even closer and sniffed into his pillow. 

Roman continued, "He's been looking really sad and you won't come out of your damn room."

Had Virgil really upset Logan that bad? Of course, he had said some really mean things. It was all a blur, he couldn't really remember what he said… except, he'd called Logan 'annoying'. And that was… God, he was so insecure about that and Virgil had just been an absolute prick and said it anyway. Of course he had. He really was stupid. He just kept fucking things up. 

That's all he knew how to do. Be stupid and fuck things up.

"Virgil? Please? Will you please talk to someone about it? It's alright if it's not me. You could work it out with Logan, or talk to Patton. He's always so helpful with stuff like this. Or perhaps I could help in some way?"

Virgil had to bite his lip from wanting to call out to Roman to yes, come help him. He'd fucked up and didn't know how to fix it.

"Oh gods, it'd be so awkward if you're asleep and I've just been rambling at your door. Are you awake?"

Tears sprang to Virgil's eyes. He shouldn't be bothering Roman. He had to stop fucking everything up.

"Oh…" Roman's voice came from farther away, "Well, alright then."

"No!" Virgil exclaimed before he could stop himself.

"Virgil?" Roman asked, voice louder again. 

"Y— yeah?" 

"Are you okay?"

"Hah, what's an 'okay'?"

"Oh, Virgil. May I come in? I want to help."

Virgil furiously scrubbed underneath his eyes. "Sure, why not."

Roman knew Virgil was awake and probably heard the upset in his voice, likely causing Roman to worry. Better to get this over with and let Roman think he'd helped so Virgil could go back to wallowing in his self-pity and loathing.

The door opened with a small creak to reveal Roman there in his pajamas. "Hey, there," Roman said, his voice surprisingly soft. "Having a bad time?"

"...Yeah, but it's my fault so whatever."

Roman closed the door and sat on the bed next to Virgil, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you wanna talk about it, or be distracted from it?"

"Is okay. You don't need to do anything." Virgil pulled his blanket over his head.

"Like I said, I wanna help. Whatever's bothering you is clearly something important, even if you don't think it's big or something to make a big fuss over. If it's gotten to this point then it's something that needs to be taken care of."

"...If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone?" Virgil asked, voice rather muffled from where he'd buried himself.

"I won't tell anyone without your explicit permission. I promise, prince's honour."

"Okay. Well, I…" Virgil finally sat up, removing the blanket from his face, and cocooned himself in it. "So I… kinda did something stupid. Like really stupid. Like, if I were in a horror movie, the people watching would be shouting 'no, don't do it!' at the TV… Although, in my defence, it was a really smooth talker."

Roman tilted his head to the side. "What was a smooth talker?"

"Well… I went into the Imagination… kinda like, without your permission… oh, this was like over a week ago, by the way."

"Uh-huh."

"And I found this like, glowing orb."

Roman raised his eyebrows. "A glowing orb? I've never seen it, but I'm not saying I don't believe you! I do, and my lands are quite vast."

Virgil deflated slightly. "Oh, so you don't know anything about it?"

"No, but I could ask around in the Imagination. Tell me more. What happened?"

"Well, it… this sounds a bit weird but, it spoke to me."

"Doesn't sound weird to me. There's quite a lot of interesting and unrealistic stuff in the Imagination. What did it say?"

"It…" Virgil picked at a loose thread on his blanket. "It said… that it could fix my greatest flaw. Big bunch of fuckin' baloney."

"And… and what did you say?"

"That's the stupid thing I did. I said yes."

"Hmm, what did it hypothetically fix? And did it?"

"It… it made me smart. And yeah, it worked… for a while… but then it stopped. It only worked for what… a week? Yeah, it was a week. But anyway, yesterday morning I woke up and I was stupid again."

"I see. There's one thing I don't understand though. I mean, but… you're already smart?"

"No, I wasn— er, no, I'm not. I'm so fuckin' stupid. Like it's not even funny how stupid I am…"

"Oh, Virgil, you're not stupid! You never were… 

"And yes, I did notice a bit of a difference this past week, but you just seemed more… hmm, how do I put this into words… like happy and…  confident! Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. Like you seemed unafraid to share and show your contributions. And being with Logan really seemed to help your overall mood. It was quite refreshing to see you so… invigorated, ya know?"

"O— oh. Um, t— thanks, Roman."

"Shit, got off-topic. As I was saying, you're not stupid. You know lots of stuff! You're the only one who can give Logan a run for his money when we play trivia. And! You've got a lot of emotional intelligence, ya know?"

"I…" Virgil sniffed. "Yeah. I guess."

"Well, you do. You always know what we need when we're upset, and how to calm us down, or help us let it out."

"Well, I mean... I do kinda know how to handle anxiety attacks."

"You do!" Roman agreed. "And you know what?"

"...What?"

"Even if you weren't regular smart or emotional smart… we'd still love you."

"Y— you would?"

"Yes, absolutely. We would."

"I— o— oh." Virgil's face was not wet with tears. Thank you very much. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Virgil nodded. "Okay. I— fuck, I believe you."

"Good, that's… that's good. I— oh, Virgil, are you crying? Um… oh! Would you like a hug?"

"I… if you, um… yes, please."

Roman wrapped his warm arms around Virgil and he couldn't help but bury his face into the space in between Roman's neck and shoulder.

"It's alright, I've got you. And don't worry about the orb, okay? I'll look into it and see what I can find."

"I…" Virgil pulled back his tear-stricken face from Roman's shoulder to look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah, you just get some rest, even if you can't sleep. Just, I don't know, read a book, and I'll take of it." Roman tucked a loose piece of hair behind Virgil's ear. "Oh, if I find anything tonight, do you want me to tell you what I find when I do, or should I wait till tomorrow?"

"I— tonight, if you don't mind. I highly doubt I'll be able to stop thinking about it long enough to fall asleep."

"Alrighty! Should… um, do you think you feel well enough for me to start my search now?"

"Oh, yeah, of course!" Virgil pulled back, already missing the warmth. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel obligated to stay."

"It's alright, Virgil. You didn't. I stayed because I wanted to. And I'm only leaving now to get to the bottom of this for you."

"Oh, that… sounds like a lot of work. I'm sorry."

"Nonsense! You have absolutely no reason to apologize."

"Well, then… Thank you. I really… I really appreciate this."

"You're welcome, Dark And Daring." Roman smiled heroically. "Farewell!"

"Bye, Princey. Stay… um, stay safe."

Roman's smile softened. "I will."

...

Virgil knew that reasonably, Roman hadn't been gone that long, but it still felt like it was dragging on forever.

He'd tried reading, listening to music, and just about anything and everything to try and get his mind off of what Roman was doing, and if he was okay. God, Virgil really hoped he was okay.

Virgil was just about to start pacing while reading… again, when someone knocked on his door.

"...Yes?"

"Hey, guess what, my Emo Screamo?"

"What?"

"I did a bit of digging and! I found the thing you were talking about!"

Virgil opened the door. "The… thing?"

"Yeah! It's called a Wisher Orb." Roman wiggled his fingers, doing jazz hands. "The Dragon-Witch spotted it in a clearing when she was flyin'."

"Oh, wow, that was fast. It's only been like, an hour or two."

"Yep! It wasn't too difficult… Wanna go check it out? Seemed kinda like you have some unfinished business with it."

"Yeah, I guess so… uh, meet you at the door of the Imagination in ten? I gotta change into something more… suitable for traveling in the woods."

"Sure, Short-Pale-And… uh…"

"No, no. Please finish that, Princey." Virgil said, voice light. "Go right ahead. Say it… I dare you."

"Heh, sorry… and uh, I'll see you in ten then."

-

It had taken a frankly ridiculous amount of time for Virgil to find the place again, but somehow, after only getting turned around about six times, they finally got to the familiar clearing. 

For a brief second Virgil was afraid the orb (what had Roman called it? The Wish-it Orb?) was gone as the clearing, but just like before, he'd barely gotten three steps beyond the trees when it sparked to life. 

Virgil wearily approached the glowing, orange orb, noticing that Roman hung back, close enough to be able to jump in and assist if necessary, seeing as he was still in earshot, but far enough back to give Virgil and the Wish-it Orb some semblance of privacy.

"Ah, hello, Mortal. I presume you're back because it wore off, considering it's been a bit over a week. I am a little surprised it took you this long to come back though."

"Shut up," Virgil hissed. "You could've at least told me that it would only last for a week!"

"Oh, but where's the fun, the lesson in that?" The orb laughed, sounding rather like a bell tinkling. "Actually, this whole thing has been a lesson. Both in self-confidence and in realising that you're much smarter than you think… although I must confess something…"

"Oh god, what now?"

"I didn't make you smart."

"What the fuck are you talking about? But you did. I know you did." 

"Mmm, not really. You were already smart. I just gave you the confidence you needed."

"Wait, really? That can't... but I… but what about all the facts I knew?"

"You already knew them. You were just never confident enough to share them."

"...What? No, that can't… I mean… o— oh."

"Yes. 'Oh'."

"Oh. Oh, shit... Oh, fuck."

Roman stepped closer. "Uh, Virgil? You alright?"

"I… y— yeah. Just my own worst enemy… a— apparently."

"Remember what you've learned."

"What?"

The Wisher Orb suddenly crackled and fizzled, the light spluttering until the sound stopped and the light faded, giving one last flicker before it shattered, the tiny shards and pieces scattering everywhere. 

"No," Virgil croaked out before he all but screamed, "No! It c— can't just— no!"

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's alright, Virgil." Roman rushed forward, hesitantly setting his hand on Virgil's shoulder, and wrapping his arms around Virgil when Virgil all but clung onto him.

"Stupid fucking— it… pathetic." Virgil all but howled, and didn't think he was just talking about the Wisher Orb anymore.

"Hey. Hey, Virgil. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. You're alright. It's okay… it's okay."

-

Virgil didn't leave his room for a couple of days. He knew it seemed like he was throwing a fit, but he needed the time. Both to think and to just, take a breath.

Patton had come by the morning after Roman took Virgil to the woods, and told Virgil that Logan had gone to talk to him the night before but he hadn't answered, so Patton came to see what was wrong. Virgil could see how concerned Patton was and told him everything that'd happened. Everything. He couldn't have opened his room door if he was in the Imagination, now could he?

Virgil promised to talk to Logan the next day and explain, and asked Patton to tell Logan that Virgil was okay and not mad at him.

He knew he needed to tell Logan what happened, that he wasn't avoiding him because of anything he'd done, but his throat threatened to close up every time he thought about it.

He was still going to do it, of course. He may not be getting any of that fake confidence from the orb anymore, but he had his own little piece of bravery. Just because he was scared, didn't mean he wasn't going to run away.

He was going to tell Logan, even though it absolutely terrified him. He needed to. Logan should know what had happened, and if Virgil got any say in the matter at all, he would.

Virgil took a few long deep breaths, before knocking on Logan's door.

Logan opened it in record time, staring at Virgil with wide eyes. "I— Virgil. You… hello. Can, um, how can I assist you today?"

"Hey, Lo. I… I came to explain the past few days."

"I— ah, I see. That's… alright. Um, would you like to come in?"

"Sure."

Logan shut the door behind Virgil and they sat on Logan's couch, the large gap between them feeling like a chasm.

"So…" Logan began. "What… what did happen? Did… have I done something?"

"What? No! You haven't done anything, Lo. I promise."

"Then… what? I just… I don't understand."

"Well…" Virgil explained, he explained it all. Everything. From making the wish to its end, from all his fears and insecurities to how Roman had helped, to how much Virgil loved Logan. He told him everything. He laid himself bare for Logan.

Logan just sat there for a few moments —minutes? Virgil's sense of time wasn't the best— and processed. 

Logan took a deep breath. "I… I see. That… certainly sounds like an ordeal."

"I— um…"

"Yes?"

"Do… do you h— hate me now?"

"Wh— hate you? I don't think I could ever hate you. Why would I hate you?"

A few tears slipped down Virgil's cheeks. Dammit, and he'd been doing good so far! "Be— because I… I made a bad decision, and t— tricked you into loving me, but really I'm just… I'm j— just stupid. And I— I lied 'n said y— you were a— annoying, even though t— that's so not t— true, 'n you're really i— insecure about it, 'n it's n— not right! You're n— never 'nnoying. A— and s— so I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Logan. I n— never wanted to h— hurt you!"

"First of all, we all make bad decisions, but I… I'm not so sure that could be considered a bad decision. Perhaps not the best one, but you're alright, and you've learned from it. That's the important thing, yes? That you're okay, and you learn something from it."

"I… yeah, I g— guess."

"Second of all, you have certainly not tricked me into loving you. I have not been tricked, and to my full knowledge, you have not attempted to either."

"B— but I said yes because I thought you'd love me if I was smart… and t— then you did. It w— worked."

"Oh. Oh, Virgil. I loved you long before that. I was glad you seemed to be feeling a bit more confident, but my love for you in no way relies upon how confident you are, or your intelligence. I love you for you, Virgil. Not for what you can give me, for you."

"Shit, Lo. I'm a— already crying. Oh my God, y— you're so sweet."

"And you're very kind."

"Mm, Lo!" Virgil briefly buried his face in his hands.

"Ah, yes. I don't want to overwhelm you."

"O— oh. Thanks."

"Of course. Your physical and emotional well-being is very important to me." 

"But… I s— still said those r— really awful t— things to you."

"Mm, that brings me to my third point. You said some hurtful things, and it did upset me. I acknowledge that. But that doesn't change the fact that I care about you. I realised that you'd only said that out of a deep hurt. A hurt that I couldn't help with at the time. 

"You have apologized, and I take it you will attempt to avoid saying a similar thing in the future?"

"Yes! You're never 'nnoying and I h— hope I never s— say that again."

"That's good. I… did not enjoy hearing it, but anyway. I do not wish to dwell on it, and would rather discuss other important things. So, that being said, is there anything else you'd like to say or talk about?"

"Um, j— just to clarify… you like, actually w— want me, even though I'm an a— absolute mess?"

"Yes, exactly. I very much want you, mess included. For as long as you want me, I want you."

"Oh, I— yeah. I w— want you too."

Logan smiled softly. "Good. That's… I'm glad."

Virgil felt his face warm. "Yeah, 'm glad too… so we— um."

"Yes?"

"We're like, good then, yeah?"

"Yes, very much so. I love you, and am very glad that you're my boyfriend."

"I— good, and I… I love you, and 'm really glad you're my boyfriend too. You're— you're really awesome, Logan. And I—" Virgil wiped underneath his eyes. "I c— can't tell you how much it means to m— me that you d— don't hate me, and in f— fact really truly c— care about m— me."

"Oh, dearest. Hmm… ah, if you feel up to it, would you like some physical contact?"

It took all of Virgil's strength and willpower to not throw himself into Logan's arms. "I— would y— you?"

"Yes, I would not be offering it if I didn't wish to partake."

"Then… yeah, I'd— I'd r— really like t— that."

Logan gently grabbed Virgil by the shoulders and guided them both to where they were lying down on the couch.

"It's alright now, starlight. You're okay. I'm okay. We're okay. You can rest now."

"Love you, Lo."

"I love you too, my love."

And as Virgil lay there with his head on Logan's chest and Logan's warm arms around him, he knew that Logan would always be there for him. Just like he would for Logan... 

Now and forever.

~The End~ 

No reposting, likes are nice and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

#sanders sides #sanders sides fics #virgil sanders #ts virgil #tss virgil #logan sanders #ts logan #tss logan #analogical #my fics

[averykedavra]

A Conversation I Overheard (1/5)

It’s been a while since one of these, hasn’t it? A little one-shot turned out not-so-little and I figured it was about time to give multi-chapter fics another shot. This self-indulgent little beast is courtesy of a prompt by the lovely @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors, which you can find here! The title and plot are entirely their creation. @sleepless-in-starbucks encouraged me to write this awhile back (read: months and months ago, because I’m slow at writing) and here I am! Finally! Better late than never. So...commence fic!

Update schedule is to be determined. This fic is on Ao3 here!

Pairings: romantic LAMP

Warnings: insecurity and self-hatred, anxiety, depressive symptoms, spiraling, a crap-ton of miscommunication, and mentions of kissing

Summary: When Roman eavesdrops on a family meeting post-wedding, he hears the last thing he expected--the sides confessing their feelings for each other. Which is lovely for them, but it means Roman is stuck as the fourth wheel. Helpful, quiet, and doing his best to keep them from remembering that they're still mad at Roman.

And doing his best to keep himself from dwelling on the heartbreak. Because of course they don’t love him. Why would they?

(or: the four times the sides tried to tell Roman they loved him, and the one time he finally believed them.)

Chapter One: Denial

First. Next. Masterlist.

Roman knew it was petty. He knew it was a petty, selfish, unchivalrous thing to do. He should treat his fellow Sides with more respect. He should own up to his mistakes. He should make like the fabulous prince he was and lead the discussion, fix everything, listen to the people who knew him best.

Roman knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t force himself to answer the door.

“Kiddo?” Patton asked for the third time. “Did you hear me? I said we’re all going to have a--family meeting. To talk about what happened. I think it would be a good idea for us all to...get things off our chest.”

Roman clutched at his sash and stared at the ceiling. If he called out, Patton wouldn’t hear him. He’d have to walk over to the door and open it. That was one excuse to stay still. That was one excuse to keep quiet.

“I know you’re upset,” Patton said. “It’s okay. We want to hear you out. Maybe we can help you work through some things.”

Roman would cry if he tried to work through things. He would start blubbering in front of everyone he knew. That was one excuse to keep the door locked.

“You don’t have to.” Patton sounded upset. He always sounded upset these days--maybe it was the door muffling his voice, or just because he was talking to Roman. “You really don’t have to, kiddo, it’s okay. I get it. You’re--perfectly within rights not to come. I don’t want to pressure you.”

They didn’t want him there. Roman would ruin the whole thing, say something cruel and hurtful as he always did, and leave the situation worse than it started. That was one excuse to stay away.

“I get it,” Patton said, his voice barely making it through the door. “Janus won’t be there, and it will be calm, and we’ll talk things out. I get your hesitation, kiddo. It’s okay. I’d just--love if you gave us a chance.”

Would they give Roman a chance? How many chances were left until Roman ran out? What were the conditions of this chance--did he need to look better, act better, be better? He’d barely managed to put on makeup this morning. That was one excuse to stay inside.

“I guess that’s all I have to say.” Patton laughed a bit. “Maybe you’re asleep, and I’m just talking to myself. That’d be pretty silly of me, wouldn’t it?”

Roman was tired. He’d been tired for weeks. He was always tired. That was one excuse to avoid the meeting.

He had so, so many excuses.

They were probably the only things he was creative at.

“Well...goodbye, I guess?” Patton hesitated. Roman could see his shadow under the door. “Talk to you later, kiddo. My invitation stands.”

The shadow flickered and vanished. Roman didn’t move from his bed, splayed on the red-and-white quilt, staring at the ceiling.

They’d be arranged on the couch when the meeting started. He could picture it well enough. Logan in the armchair, Patton on the couch, Virgil on the arm of the couch--or, if he was stressed, the top of it. He probably would be stressed. They all would be. Patton would be worrying the sleeves of his hoodie, and Virgil would be chewing on his nails, and Logan would be shifting his thermos between his hands or drumming his fingers on his knee. Maybe they’d invite Thomas. Maybe Patton would double back and invite Janus after all.

It didn’t matter, though, because Roman wasn’t going.

Patton would start the family meeting. He always read the minutes, as it was, and thanked everyone for coming. Virgil usually bristled at the gratitude. Logan always returned it. Roman always bowed with a little twirl of his hand--ridiculously dramatic--and if Thomas was there, he’d smile with his nervous smile. It was a combination of Patton’s optimism and Virgil’s anxiety. Roman could always see them in Thomas, because he knew them so well, he knew where every jagged edge fit together.

Roman remembered how the family meetings always went. A problem, a discussion, a solution. It wasn’t like it was in videos. Videos were for Thomas issues. Family meetings were for family issues. There was often overlap, which made it common to pregame a video with a quick discussion, or to pile onto the couches when a video was concluded. In Roman’s memory, which was often wrong, this meeting was almost two weeks after the disastrous wedding. Two weeks was the longest time between a video and a meeting that Roman could remember. Two weeks was far too long, and yet, not long enough.

He’d known this was coming. He’d prepared himself. He’d even rehearsed apologies, perfectly crafted to gain sympathy--and what kind of manipulative person did that? Who tried that hard for affection? He couldn’t be truly accepted, truly loved, unless they knew the truth about Roman.

Except Roman couldn’t bear to let his walls down. He couldn’t bear to see the looks on their faces, if they knew everything--how much he failed, how much he wasn’t who they needed, how much he felt for them.

He couldn’t even imagine apologizing without his stomach flipping.

He wondered what they would talk about. He knew how the meetings usually went, but he wondered what would fit into the format, what would make Patton wince or Virgil shift on the couch. He wondered what solution they would find. They always found a solution. Sometimes it took several hours, but they did. Roman was usually the largest obstacle.

Maybe they would solve things easier, if he wasn’t there.

Or would they? If Roman was the problem, could they really find a solution without talking to him? Would they pass judgment on him while he sat in his room, alone, or would they dance around the issue? Pretend they weren’t missing anyone? Pretend everything was fine?

Roman glanced at his closed door. Patton would be downstairs. The meeting would be starting. He could picture the way they’d tug each other into a group hug at the end, or the way Virgil curled into himself when anxious, or the cute way Logan always bit his lip when thinking--he knew them so well, but he could see a million ways for the conversation to go. There were too many blank spaces between lines. Too many ways for the story to end.

Would they knock on his door later? Tell him what happened? Tell him--tell him they’d decided, that Roman needed to leave, that he was better off on the other side of the Mindscape? That they’d made a mistake in trying to be his friend?

Roman ran his hands down his arms and pressed his fingers into his skin. Chin up. Act like a prince. He wasn’t in the mood to cry again, although if everyone was busy downstairs, he had the least odds of being heard.

He felt greasy. Maybe it was because of the clothes he’d slept in for three days, or his unshowered and unbrushed hair, or the distinct lack of vegetables in his recent diet. He’d avoided eating with the others. He’d avoided the others in general.

He had no idea what they were talking about downstairs. What was so unimportant--so important--that Roman didn’t need to attend? Perhaps they were simply nice enough to leave him be, but he could hardly believe there wouldn’t be another shoe to fall.

Something would happen. Roman just couldn’t decide on what.

Curiosity gnawed at his empty stomach.

He didn’t want to be unprepared. He should get ready, should prepare an apology, should pack his things--his room was teetering with cushions and lace, and he winced at the prospect of cleaning it out. If he knew what they were planning, if he knew who he would face, he’d be ready.

Patton would be painfully nice. Roman could talk him out of banishment if he tried--a horrible thought. An evil thought. Roman could never manipulate Patton like that, could never take advantage of his trusting nature or the guilt he was sure to feel. So he’d stay silent. He’d let Patton stumble through platitudes before saying “sorry, Roman, but you have to go.”

Roman would smile and nod. He’d let Patton hug him, if Patton wanted, if that made Patton feel better. Or maybe Patton wouldn’t touch him. He certainly hadn’t in weeks.

Roman rubbed his arms.

Logan would be painfully clinical. If Logan decided something, it was almost impossible to change his mind--see every argument Roman had with him ever. He’d share his evidence, if Roman asked, if Roman was brave enough to ask. Maybe he’d even let Roman argue a point or two. But it wouldn’t change anything. It never did.

Roman would bite back his retorts. He’d avoid saying goodbye. If he did, he’d get choked up. Crying in front of anyone would be humiliating, and Logan would be more so.

Roman swallowed.

Virgil would--he could barely imagine a scenario where Virgil would have the courage to kick him out alone. But maybe Virgil wanted to do it himself. Maybe Virgil would shuffle his feet on the carpet, hands deep in his pockets. Maybe he’d chew his lip. Roman would reassure him, calm him down, coax a relieved smile out of him--and then he’d tell Roman to leave.

It was more likely that Virgil would have backup. Maybe Logan and Virgil, since Logan always calmed Virgil down--or Patton and Logan? Patton might want that logical reassurance. Or Patton and Virgil, if they wanted to be as emotional as possible. Or all three.

Roman didn’t know. It could be any of them, and Roman wasn’t ready.

If only he knew what to expect.

Roman glanced at the door.

The hallway was quiet. Roman slid on his socks past the doors, and paused at the stairs to gather information and courage. He could hear murmured conversation below--stops and starts, sounding hesitant. How long had it been since they started? He’d forgotten to check the time. All he could make out were singular vowels. Nothing concrete.

Roman inched closer to the top of the stairs, trying to stay out of sight. If he could get to the kitchen, he’d be hidden, but how could he get past--

Oh. Roman almost laughed at his stupidity. The next second, he appeared in the kitchen.

To avoid being spotted, he’d decided to sit on the floor, leaning against the counter. The kitchen tiles were cold under his feet. He wrapped his arms around his chest. With bated breath, he waited, but nobody entered the kitchen. Nobody said his name. The living room was silent.

Roman let out a long breath. He was already regretting this. What prince eavesdropped on his companions? If he was caught, he’d get an earful. Or worse--a disappointed look from Patton. Roman shuddered at the thought. Patton was exceedingly good at the disappointed look.

He didn’t want to move, or he might alert them. That was enough of an excuse to stay still and listen.

“...can’t keep putting this off,” Patton was saying when Roman tuned in. ��I’ve given you all time, and I get that you need it, but we can’t just glare at each other forever! We have to actually talk about this.”

“Not now,” Virgil argued. “Roman’s not even here.”

“Roman--needs space.”

“So Roman gets space, but I don’t?” Virgil didn’t sound angry, at least to Roman. He just sounded upset. “How’s that fair?”

“You agreed to be here,” Patton said, with patience. “If you want to leave at any time, you can--”

“Cool--”

“But I think it would be a good idea for you to stay. If you want.”

“This is highly confusing,” Logan said. Roman tried not to overanalyze the entire situation, but Logan’s voice was clipped, strained in the wrong ways.

“Look,” Patton said with a sigh, “I’m trying to find a compromise. This isn’t easy and I’m pretty sure I’m messing some part of it up, but even an imperfect conversation is still a conversation. And we need one of those, guys. We really do.”

Roman heard the sound of a zipper. Virgil was probably pulling at the zippers on his sleeves.

“You’re doing fine,” Logan said. Reassuring and reluctant and quiet.

“Thanks,” Patton said. Reluctant and quiet.

“What now?” Virgil asked. Quiet.

It was just quiet for a long time, long enough for Roman’s knees to start aching. He didn’t move. He didn’t want to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” Patton said.

Both Logan and Virgil started to say something, but their words jumbled together and they both went quiet.

“I’ve messed up a lot,” Patton continued, chuckling a bit. “Gosh, it’s been a lot. And that’s hurt you guys, and I’m sorry. So--maybe I’m going about this all wrong. I know you don’t really want to be here, but...I want to listen to you more. All of you. I’d like to hear what you have to say.”

Virgil mumbled something that Roman didn’t catch. It must have been something self-deprecating, because Patton clucked at him, and Logan murmured something back.

“So I’m giving you the floor. Even though it’s Thomas’.” Patton chuckled more at his own joke. Roman caught a snicker from Virgil as well. “Just...say what’s on your mind, okay?”

Another long moment of silence.

“Uh, who goes first?” Virgil asked. “Do we like, pick straws, or--”

“You can go first,” Logan said quickly.

“Dude! Don’t feed me to the wolves!”

“No wolves,” Patton reassured them. “You can go in any order you want.”

Virgil huffed. “Shouldn’t Princey be here?”

“If Roman doesn’t want to be here, we can’t make him,” Logan said with a touch of irritation. “I’d rather have a calm conversation with three people than an argument with four.”

Roman curled a bit further into a ball on the kitchen floor.

“Jury’s still out on calm,” Virgil muttered. “Yeah. So--me?”

“You don’t have to,” Logan said.

“But go for it,” Patton added.

“Yeah. Okay.” Virgil took a deep breath. If Roman listened closely, he could hear the faint rasp of an echo in his voice. “So--the wedding, huh? That was something. That happened.”

“Yes,” Logan said, when Virgil didn’t continue. “It did happen.”

“Yeah, I--ugh.” Virgil groaned. “I don’t know where to start. What to talk about, or whatever. Don’t you guys have any specific questions?”

“Uh--” Patton made a noncommittal noise. “I don’t wanna limit you, Virge.”

“I could use some limitations right about now.”

“Alright.” Roman could picture what Patton was doing--gesturing at Virgil like he was handing over his words on a platter. “How did the wedding make you feel?”

“Bad,” Virgil said.

“Good start,” Patton encouraged. “And?”

“It was like--” Virgil sucked in a breath and let it out. “Like I didn’t want to get involved, right after, ‘cause you guys seemed pretty busy and all. I was just trying not to freak out. Logan let me in his room, which was nice--”

Logan made a small noise. Maybe of surprise.

“--and that helped, but he was also talking to you guys so I couldn’t really avoid the whole thing, and then--” Virgil paused. Roman could just make out a muttered four-seven-eight, maybe from Patton, maybe from Logan. “And it was. Not fun. I wanted to help out, Pat, you seemed so upset and I really did want to--and--and Roman was upset, and Logan was telling me he could handle it--”

“That was…” Logan paused, but Virgil didn’t say anything else. “A bit of an error on my part.”

“Not your fault you got impersonated, L.”

Patton made a small noise. “I am really sorry about that, Logan.”

“Not your fault he got impersonated, either.”

“I could have noticed,” Patton said unconvincingly. “And I did press the skip button.”

“You did,” Logan said.

Silence fell.

“Uh--is it still my turn?” Virgil asked. “Did I--am I done?”

“I don’t--” Patton sighed. “This isn’t working either, is it.”

Nobody argued with him.

“Have we ever found a conversation tactic that does work?” Logan pointed out, sounding uncharacteristically glum. “Have we ever managed to fix every problem at hand, without simultaneously exacerbating several others?”

“I don’t think so,” Virgil said.

“It was rhetorical.” Logan sighed. “My point is that we’re stuck in a loop. We do this every time, and we’ve never managed to successfully communicate the root issues.”

“We’ve gotten better,” Patton said.

“Have we?”

Quiet again. Roman was beginning to stiffen in his position, and one of his feet was falling asleep. Roman shifted it as quietly as possible. It tingled.

“And I thought I was supposed to be the pessimist,” Virgil teased. It fell flat. “Look, L, I don’t think we should scrap the whole thing just because it doesn’t fix everything flat out--”

“But there has to be something we’re missing.” Patton’s voice was determined. “Logan’s right. There’s stuff at play deep down here, and we’ve never talked about it, because--because we don’t know how to get those real answers. Because we don’t know what questions to ask. So we need answers to the questions that we don’t know need answers.”

“You lost me,” Virgil said.

“He’s saying we should try to cut to the figurative heart of the issue.” Logan paused. “I agree, in theory.”

“Oh.” Virgil paused. “Stop--lying?”

Roman gripped his knees tightly.

“Lying has a place and time,” Patton said. “But--you know, there’s a reason why I didn’t invite Janus, right? He’s a good friend and an important part of Thomas. But he’s not--you guys. You guys are different. And--and I don’t think we can have true love if our relationship isn’t based on truth.”

“True love,” Virgil repeated with a snicker. “We’re not each other’s Disney princes, Pat.”

Logan snickered too. “I’m sure Roman would disagree.”

“We love each other!” Patton protested. “I--I love you guys, at least. I love you.”

“I know,” Virgil said after a moment, his voice bittersweet. “I know, Pat. You’re a good friend.”

A very long pause.

“We ought to do something about that,” Logan said, “shouldn’t we?”

“Do something--” Virgil laughed. “What are you--”

“Patton said we ought to be honest,” Logan said. Pointedly. “I also think it would be a good idea. For both of you.”

“What?” Patton sounded confused, but it was only the sound of confusion, not the real thing. “What’s up, Lo?”

“Yeah, L,” Virgil said, both an invitation and a warning. “What are you saying?”

A brief pause. Roman pictured Logan fiddling with his glasses and almost smiled.

“I have to admit this is not my area of expertise,” Logan said, his voice quiet. “However, I think observations have painted a clear picture of the situation. Our--issues with each other are myriad, and stem from a variety of sources, but it is as Patton said. We need to be honest. I believe there’s a very clear culprit for some of our communication issues, and I think you know what it is.”

Silence. Roman’s stomach was slowly dropping to the floor. He bit his lip and tried to stop himself from sinking out. He still needed to hear what they decided--although, the more the conversation continued, the more he felt like he was intruding. Things were getting personal. This wasn’t his place.

As if he heard Roman’s thoughts, Virgil blurted out “Should we really talk about this right now? While Roman’s--”

“We can think about that later,” Logan said. “I think the three of us need to admit a few things.”

“Dunno what you’re talking about.” Patton giggled weakly. “We can’t all keep up with you and your brain, Lo.”

Logan paused for too long to be natural. He was worried. Roman wondered what worried him--he should sink out now, before things got personal, but his feet were rooted to the kitchen floor--

“We aren’t friends,” Logan said.

“Uh, dude,” Virgil began, “you might wanna--”

“We aren’t just friends.” Logan let out a breath. “You know that.”

Roman needed to go. He wasn’t meant to hear this part. His breath was already catching in his throat. How dare he ruin this moment, how dare he toss himself into a private conversation, how dare his legs refuse to move--

“What are you talking about?” Virgil’s voice was harsh. Too harsh, not only for the conversation, but for Virgil. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do,” Logan said. “You know there are other things at play, it’s foolish to deny--”

“I’m not denying anything!”

“We’re not just friends!” Logan almost yelled. “The evidence is practically a mountain--we have sleepovers every weekend! We eat breakfast together!”

“Yeah, we’re friends!” Virgil fired back. “That’s normal friend stuff!”

“We’re family,” Patton amended, the first time he’d spoken. His voice was hollow. “Besides, it’s always just been us, of course we’re different.”

“We’re different,” Logan agreed. “Virgil falls asleep on your shoulder. You give us forehead kisses. We cuddle. That isn’t platonic.”

“And what’s your evidence, wise guy?” Virgil’s voice pitched upwards. “Platonic is weird! Romantic is weird! How are you supposed to instantly tell the difference?”

“I’m simply stating that there could be something else at play!”

“You’re my only friends!” Virgil burst out. “I don’t have anything else to compare it to--it’s normal. All of it. How I feel--it’s normal.”

Logan’s voice suddenly quieted. “And how do you feel?”

“Normal,” Virgil said.

Patton still hadn’t said anything else. Roman would have peeked around to see if he was okay, if he could remember how to move, how to think.

“Normal,” Virgil repeated. “It’s--we’re friends. We love each other. It’s normal.”

Logan hummed. “You were friends with Deceit, correct?”

“Janus,” Patton said faintly. Nobody acknowledged him.

“No,” Virgil said. “Yes. Kind of. It’s complicated.”

“Would you ever be comfortable with cuddling him?”

“I hate him.”

“We’re working under the assumption that you do not.”

“Look, I--it’s complicated.” Virgil huffed. “I wouldn’t be, but that’s because I hate him, and I’ve always been way more comfortable with you guys anyway, ‘cause I don’t have to act--mean, or whatever. You guys are different than him. Always have been.”

“Different,” Logan said.

“Yeah, because I literally hate him--” Virgil groaned. “Look, L, don’t make patterns where there aren’t any. It’s fine. We’re--we’re friends.”

“Logan has a point.” Patton’s words came out in a rush, like he’d been bottling them up. “He has a point.”

Logan made a surprised noise. “I do?”

“Et tu, Brute?” Virgil’s voice softened. “You think so?”

“Janus is really nice,” Patton said. “We’ve been talking for a while now, ever since--well, everything. I’ve appreciated his support. He makes me laugh. And--and he’s not like you guys. Not just because he’s a newer friend. You’re all different.” His voice dipped. “You’ve always been different to me.”

A long, long silence. Roman couldn’t feel his legs, or his lungs, or his heart.

“This isn’t my area of expertise,” Logan said. Quietly, quietly. “I suppose there really isn’t any way to tell, objectively, what we--are to each other. All I can say is, to me, you are a lot. Not everything--I don’t believe anyone could be everything--but...more than on average. More than I’ve admitted to myself.”

“You’re kidding,” Virgil blurted out, an edge of hysterical laughter in his voice. “You’re--that’s not it, that can’t be it, you can’t--”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” Patton pleaded, his words all in a rush again. “It--it doesn’t have to, gosh, I know it doesn’t have to, but if you could give it a chance--”

“A chance?” Virgil repeated incredulously. “We’re not--we’re not--”

“I’m sorry,” Patton said. Quietly. Roman was so tired of quiet. “I’m really sorry, Virgil.”

“You’re--you’re serious.” Virgil sounded inches from a panic attack. “You’re--”

“We can all take a moment to think,” Logan suggested, sounding inches from his own. “We can--we can take time to process, it’s fine, we don’t have to work this out right now--we can forget this ever happened--”

“It’ll be okay,” Patton said. Maybe to Virgil. Maybe to Logan. Maybe to himself. “We’ll handle this. We always do.”

“You’re--” Virgil’s voice broke. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Virge,” Patton said. Quietly, quietly, too quietly for Roman to sneak away. “You’re the coolest emo around.”

“No.” Virgil’s voice pitched frantic again. “No, no--I love you guys, don’t I? I--you’ve always been there for me, and you always looked after me, and Logan always calms me down and Pat, you always make me smile, and--”

“You don’t have to do this,” Logan murmured. “I understand that I miscalculated, you don’t need to--”

“No!” Virgil might have laughed. Or sobbed, it was hard to tell. “No, L, you genius, you got it exactly right.”

Roman swallowed and realized his mouth was dry.

“I love you!” Virgil said, triumphantly, like he’d solved everything. Like everything made sense. Maybe it did. “I love you, I love you so much--what am I even saying, this is so stupid--I love you, I was an idiot, I didn’t--”

“I--” Patton laughed breathlessly. “Virgil--”

“Do you--” Virgil’s voice dipped. “Do you--”

“I love you too,” Patton said, as if it was the first time he’d ever said it. Maybe it was.

“I--” Logan coughed awkwardly. “Not to seem obtuse, but can we clarify if--”

“If you’re included in the ‘you’?” Virgil laughed. “L, obviously, it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Ah.” Was Logan blushing? He sounded like it. Roman would be ecstatic to witness a flustered Logan, if he was not currently frozen and terrified. “That--ah. I...likewise, I hold an amount of affection towards you that is commonly considered romantic. So to speak.”

“Aww!” Patton cooed. “Really?”

“Yes, really!” Logan said. “I think we’ve established that we all love each other! I think that’s clear!”

“Always has been, I’m just an idiot.” Was Virgil smiling? He sounded like it. Oh, if only Roman was able to appreciate it. “Y’know, it’s been...an understood thing.”

“Yeah,” Patton said. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

Silence.

“This doesn’t solve anything,” Logan said, as if he was obligated to point out the flaws. As if he couldn’t let himself enjoy the moment yet. “We still have much to discuss, not least--”

“I know, I know.” Patton was smiling, Roman could hear it, and it made Roman’s chest hurt. “But it’ll help, that we were honest--and aren’t you guys happy? That we can--”

“Do what?” Virgil asked, when Patton petered out.

“Be...together,” Patton finished. “If you want.”

Roman’s stomach twisted in Celtic knots. He shook his foot, almost hoping that they’d hear him and stop talking--and then he could distract them, remind them of him and why they’d started this meeting in the first place, ruin their moment like always--

“I’d like that,” Logan said.

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “Me too.”

And then it was entirely the wrong kind of quiet. A movement or two, then quiet--and Roman could come to all sorts of conclusions, imagine them clearly in his head, but he settled on the obvious one. He cursed his mind for supplying him with a clear mental picture. Oh, so he couldn’t think of a video idea in a week, but now his imagination worked?

The quiet stretched on longer. Too long. Too long and Roman was itching at the seams, thumbing at his sash, regretting ever stepping foot out of his room.

But it was fine. It was fine. He’d just leave now.

If they were doing what he thought they were, they probably wouldn’t notice.

Roman steeled himself, pushed himself onto his knees, and stood up. As quickly as possible. Raise his hand. Teleport. It was easy--like reaching out and plucking a string, tensing a muscle, lighting a fire. A flourish of the hand, and the kitchen slipped out of reach, and he didn’t want to see the others, but he did--Patton beaming, and Virgil covering his smile with his hand, and Logan tilting his head forward and then Roman closed his eyes because he didn’t want to see, he didn’t--

But, well, he could imagine.

His room was empty. When he flopped into the same position he’d started the day in, and covered his head with his blanket, he could almost pretend he hadn’t left. That he’d dreamed the whole thing. That they weren’t downstairs, right now, holding hands, cupping cheeks and--

Roman yelled something inaudible into his pillow.

He should be happy for them. He should be happy--and he was! He was happy for them. They deserved each other. They were his best friends--his friends--his--

They were...something, that was for sure.

They deserved each other.

Roman should be happy.

It would be good for the family, now that they were no longer on bad terms. Roman couldn’t count the number of awkward glances they’d had over the years. Maybe this had finally helped to clear the air. That was one excuse to be happy for them.

Roman thrived off romance. He could hardly turn down the opportunity to support such a cute couple, especially when they were so adorably awkward in their confessions. That was another excuse to be happy for them.

It would take the pressure off him. They seemed to have entirely forgotten their meeting’s goal, which included deciding whether Roman deserved to stay. Maybe they’d keep forgetting. Maybe the beauty of love would soften their hearts towards him, and Roman could scrape by on table scraps and glancing smiles, surviving on the edges once again. They’d tolerate him. They’d forget he existed, because they’d be enamored with each other, exactly as they deserved.

That was another excuse to be happy.

And they wanted this. They’d clearly pined for so long, and now they had what they wanted, they had each other--Roman was thrilled for them, ecstatic, over the moon. It felt right, somehow, to see them all together. The perfect fairytale ending. If this was their happy ending, who was Roman to stand in their way?

Did he want to be more of a villain?

No. He couldn’t ruin yet another perfect thing. He just had to suck it up and be chivalrous. He wasn’t their hero, wasn’t their friend, wasn’t their--wasn’t theirs. He was nothing but a fourth wheel.

We love you.

Right.

Roman pressed his hands to his eyes to stop the tears. There was no reason to cry. This was fine. He should be happy. He’d faked happy for years and years, why was this what he couldn’t handle? What had he expected? He didn’t get a consolation prize after what he’d done. He didn’t rescue the dashing princes. He hadn’t earned his happy ending, and now he was alone in his room, while the three most important people in his life found solace in each other.

And it was fine.

They were happy.

So Roman would be happy, too. Roman would be everything they needed him to be. Roman would make the most of this, and he would be a good friend and a good person, even if it killed him. No bitterness. No jealousy. No longing for something he knew he didn’t deserve.

No excuses.

They were in love. They were happy. And that was enough.

If Roman truly loved them, he would let that be enough.

But, well, Roman didn’t truly do much of anything. And he spent most of the day in a pile on his pillows, ignoring the knocks on his door, and getting absolutely nothing done. He was out of ideas and out of passion. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could imagine was being shoved out his door, and the soft look in his best friends’ eyes as they kissed each other on the living room couch.

But it was fine, Roman was fine, and everything was fine.

Princes didn’t complain. Princes moved on. Princes were gracious and helpful in the face of true love.

Princes got true love.

Roman wasn’t much of a prince, though. And it was fine. He was fine.

Everything was so incredibly fine.

When Roman finally fell asleep, his last thought was worry--that he’d summoned Janus with all his lying. But Janus didn’t appear. It was just Roman, slipping into dreams on his rumpled quilt, glad of an excuse to stop thinking.

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#roman sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders angst #lamp #romantic lamp #averywrites #a conversation i overheard #if i don't update all the links/masterlists/everything before i go to bed #shhhh u didnt see that #i'll organize it all in the morning i promise djbhgsfshsj

[imlovethomassanders]

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul(mates) - Chapter 4

You can also read on ao3

Thank you to @strongindependentcheesecake for beta reading

This work is complete, and new chapters will be added everyday until completion:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 5 (FINAL)

Summary: The lucky few who have a soulmate are born with heterochromia, with their left eye being the color of their soulmate’s eyes and their right eye being their own color. Not only was Virgil one of the lucky few to have a soulmate, but he was given four. His left eye changed colors every time he blinked, rotating between his four soulmates’ eye colors. His rotating eye colors caused him to be a bit of an outcast growing up, but when he finally leaves for college, things start to fall into place. This is the journey of five strangers finding each other.

Pairings: DLAMP with background Remile

Warnings: None I believe

Words: 3924

Taglist:  @touchstarvedvirgil @lamp-calm-sanders @ninjago2020 @confinesofpersonalknowledge @secret-novelisthost18 @phander-sides @sherlock-lives-on-bakerstreet @bookbingingproblem @viana-dascolli @sharktryingtofly @crofters-n-falsehoods @turnedthefreakingfrogsgay @little-kat07 @romano-hottopic​

Logan had been too worried about Roman and his eyes to talk to Patton and Virgil. It had been two weeks since they last video called, and Patton and Virgil were getting worried. For the first few days, Logan said he was sick. Then he had a lot of homework, then he had a migraine, then he had to study, then he had to help Emile with studying, or whatever excuse he could think of. He knew Patton and Virgil didn't buy it, but he was grateful they didn't push him.

Patton: How are you feeling today sweetie? Virgil: think you can talk to us today? Logan: I'm in the apartment elevator. As soon as I get home I will turn on my laptop and call you. Patton: !!!! :D <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Emile wasn't home yet, so Logan assumed he was still out with Remy. He went to his bedroom and opened his laptop, and a video call request popped up as soon as Logan came online.

"Hello-"

"LOGAN YOUR EYES!!" Patton exclaimed, Virgil wincing next to him. "Who?? When?? Where??"

Um, a couple weeks ago," Logan admitted. "We... had a bit of a rough start."

"You okay, Logan?" Virgil asked.

"Yes, things are getting better. We actually have a date tomorrow."

Patton squealed. "Oh, when can we meet them?? I can't wait to meet them!!"

Logan texted Roman that they were excited to meet him. Even though Virgil waited to meet Logan in person, that wait was only a couple days. Since Patton and Virgil probably wouldn't be able to meet Roman in person until the end of the semester, they decided to video call tomorrow.

Logan got to Roman's apartment a little before noon, and Remy was already gone. Roman said he wasn't too upset about being kicked out, since he got to use this as an excuse to go see Emile. Logan remembered Emile being particularly giddy as he left.

Logan was surprised when Roman pulled him into a hug as soon as the door opened.

"Hello," he said, muffled against Roman's chest. He prayed his cheeks weren't as red as they felt.

"It's wonderful to see you," Roman said as he let go of Logan. "I made tea. Do you like tea?"

He started talking again before Logan got a chance to respond.

"Oh, I'm so excited. You're going to love these. Which ones do you want to watch first?" Roman asked as he shoved a mug into Logan's hands.

"Show me your favorites."

Roman beamed.

A relaxing afternoon passed into evening. Roman and Logan had spent much of the time poking fun at inconsistencies in the movies, or Logan holding back laughter as Roman dramatically sang along to the songs.

Logan's phone buzzed in his pocket.

"Patton and Virgil are almost back to their dorm. They will be ready to call us when they arrive."

"Oh, wonderful!" Roman said.

Their moods had been so playful, it was easy to notice Roman's mood shift as his leg started shaking.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked.

"I'm fine," Roman said, but winced when his voice cracked.

"There is no need to worry," Logan said as he pulled his laptop out of his bag and Roman paused the movie. "I know they are very excited to meet you."

Roman gave him a grateful smile as Logan clicked the "Accept Call" button.

The few moments it took for the video to load dragged on for what felt like forever before the image of two men appeared on screen, one with pale skin and dark hair and the other covered in freckles with golden curls.

Roman's breath hitched at how absolutely gorgeous they were.

"Ohmygosh! Hello!!" the curly one exclaimed with a giant grin. "I'm Patton! It's so so wonderful to finally meet you!"

"Hey," the other one said, not nearly as energetic. "I'm Virgil."

"I'm Roman Kingsley. I'm so glad to finally meet my soulmates," Roman said as he flashed a grin. "And may I just say, that you two are two of the most beautiful beings I have ever been blessed enough to see."

Patton squealed in delight as he grabbed Virgil's hand while Virgil's cheeks grew a dark shade of red.

Conversation followed easily for them, and all of Roman's worries melted away. Roman glanced over to see Logan looking at him with eyes softer than he'd ever seen before. Roman smiled back and took Logan's hand and the two turned their attention back towards Patton and Virgil.

They were all so incredible. Roman swore he was in love.

*

"Logan?" Roman asked. He was laying on the couch with his head resting on Logan's lap. It was late Saturday night, and the two were exhausted after spending most of the day unpacking boxes. Roman and Emile were switching places so they could each live with their soulmates (Emile made sure he and Logan kept in touch - plus, double dates with them were now a common occurrence).

"Hm?" Logan hummed as he ran his fingers through Roman's hair.

"How long until winter break?"

"Thirty more days, dear."

It had been almost two months since Roman and Logan first met. And since Roman had met Patton and Virgil, too, he had been counting the days until he would finally get to see them in person.

"That's too long."

"I know."

Roman reached for Logan's hand that wasn't in his hair, but he didn't take it. Instead he just held his hand out for Logan to grab. Roman had been prepared to move at a fairly fast pace once he met his soulmates, but Logan clearly wanted to take it slow. So Roman was patient and let Logan set the pace. It took a couple weeks for Logan to hold his hand in public, a couple weeks more for Logan to cuddle with him. Some days, Logan didn't feel like being touched at all, so they'd sit in the same room on different chairs, just enjoying each other's company.

"Not that I'm not content with you," Roman quickly added. Logan opened his mouth to speak but Roman didn't notice. "I'm so unbelievably happy when I'm with you. Though I'm excited to meet Pat and Virge, you make me so much happier than I ever imagined I could be-"

"I know, Roman. I'm excited to see them, too."

Roman smiled up at him as he squeezed Logan's hand.

"...You're gorgeous," Roman said softly as he gazed up at Logan. Logan's face tinted pink as he glanced away.

"I-... you-... Thank you," Logan managed to stammer as he looked back at Roman, letting go of his hand just to run his hand down the side of Roman's face. "...May I kiss you?"

Roman's eyes widened as he sat up. "Are you sure? Because if so, then yes. Absolutely yes. But I don't want you to feel rushed or-"

"I want to, Roman," Logan assured, a tad embarrassed. Roman gave him a gentle smile as he placed a hand on Logan's cheek. He leaned in slightly but let Logan close the gap. Roman sighed happily as his eyes fluttered closed. He went to raise his other hand to Logan's cheek but Logan' separated, eyes wide and cheeks red.

"Are you okay?"

Logan nodded. "That was... really nice."

Roman smiled.

"Can I... Can I kiss you again?"

Roman nodded as he placed his hands back on Logan's cheeks. This time Logan placed his hand on the back of Roman's neck to pull him just a bit closer, not that Roman minded. Logan was the one to pull back first again, but only for a couple seconds before he pulled Roman back to him.

Roman kept the kiss slow and soft as Logan's hands held tightly on him, firm grip trying to pull them as close together as he could. Roman moved his arms around Logan's waist, aiding in pushing together. Soft gasps were escaping them both as their chests were pressed together.

The next time Logan pulled away, he just wrapped his arms around Roman and buried his head into the crook of Roman's neck. Roman smiled as he placed a kiss onto the side of Logan's head while rubbing soothing circles on his back.\

"Roman, I... I think that I... I0" Logan huffed out a frustrated sigh as he struggled to finish his sentence, his grasp around Roman tightening.

"I know, Logan," Roman assured him with a smile. "I know. Me, too."

*

Roman groaned and shut his laptop. He had done enough school work for tonight. Probably.

He ran his hands over his face. His eyes stung slightly from staring at a bright screen for so long in the dark room. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see it was already nine o'clock. Logan had gone out to attend some seminar for extra credit, not that he needed it. With Roman no longer tapping away at the keyboard, he noticed the light pattering of rain.

He pushed his chair away from his desk and fell onto his bed, reaching for his phone. He didn't know when Logan would be back, but he hoped it would be soon. The apartment got lonely when he wasn't around.

Roman was about to text the group chat to see how Patton and Virgil were doing when he got a phone call from the emo nightmare himself.

Surprised, but in no way complaining, he happily tapped the answer button.

"Hello, my darling. How are-"

"Roman," Virgil gasped out, and Roman was immediately worried. He sat up in the bed, mind racing with what could be wrong. Was he hurt? "I'm sorry. This is so stupid, but Patton's not at the dorm and- Oh, it's getting late I shouldn't have called I'm sorry-"

"Virgil," Roman interrupted. Virgil was already breathing heavy - Roman didn't want him to work himself up even more. "What's wrong, dove?"

"It's stupid," Virgil muttered.

"Virgil."

"...It's storming. And thunderstorms make my anxiety spike."

As if on cue, Roman heard a loud clap of thunder in the background followed by a sharp intake of breath from Virgil.

"That's not stupid," Roman said, affection dripping in his voice. "Just focus on my voice, dove. Follow my breathing."

Roman took a few deep breaths, listening as Virgil followed, and his breathing eventually grew steadier.

"Perfect. You're doing wonderful."

Roman led Virgil through breathing a bit longer until Virgil's breathing was back to normal.

"Thanks, Roman," Virgil said quietly.

"Of course, darling. I'll always be here for you, to protect or comfort. Whatever ails you, I'll work to destroy it."

"Sap."

Roman couldn't help but smile. The sound of rustling blankets came through the phone.

"...Hey, Ro?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you, um, sing for me?" Virgil asked quietly. A large grin grew on Roman's face, his heart burning with so much love for the man on the other end of the phone that it almost hurt.

"Of course I can."

Roman started to sing softly all the love songs he knew, anything he thought could even begin to portray how much he was already in love with him.

"I wish you were here," Virgil said, his soft voice making it evident he was getting sleepy. "So your voice wasn't muddled by the phone."

"I wish I was there, too. To hold you and let you know that as long as I'm around, nothing is going to harm you. Not even thunder."

Virgil chuckled softly.

"I wish you could hold me."

"And I will, love," Roman said earnestly. "As soon as I can."

Virgil yawned.

"Sing me to sleep?"

"Anything you need, Virgil."

*

Fluffball <3: Everyone get on video call!!

Roman shook Logan's shoulder, who was sitting by him, to get his attention. He showed Logan the text and Logan grabbed his laptop.

"Hey sweeties!" Patton said the same time Virgil said "'Sup."

"Hello, dearests," Roman said the same time Logan said "Salutations."

"So we all agreed to get together the first couple weeks before Christmas so we could still go see our families on the holidays, right?" Patton started, smile wide in excitement.

"Yes, Patton." Logan said.

"Well, I found a place in my home town we could rent for those weeks. So we can spend the time by ourselves instead of making our schedule around my parents," Patton said sheepishly. "If we all pitch in, I know we could afford it."

"That sounds incredible, Pat," Roman answered with a large smile. Patton's grin grew wider.

"I'll email y'all the details."

*

Roman was shaking his leg as Logan drove. He was finally, finally, after far too many months, on his way to see Patton and Virgil.

"There's nothing to worry about," Logan assured him. "They are both very fond of you. Just... be prepared for a really big Patton hug when you walk through the door."

Roman was looking forward to it.

Roman knew Patton and Virgil almost as well as he knew Logan due to the constant texts and video calls, though that could never compare to finally being able to see his darling soulmates in person.

Logan held Roman's hand as they walked up the path to the front door. He didn't have time to knock before the door flew open and Logan was pulled inside, yanking Roman in with him.

"Roman!!" Roman heard someone shout before they threw themself into his arms. "Oh my gosh it's so wonderful to finally meet you in person!"

Roman pulled back to see Patton looking up at him, absolutely beaming. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Virgil and Logan hugging while exchanging "I missed you"s, but right now all he wanted was to focus on the little puffball in his arms.

"Hello, dear," Roman said with a large smile as he pulled Patton back to him. Patton let out a loud squeal of laughter as Roman picked him up and spun him around.

"I can not express how ecstatic I am to finally hold you," Roman said as he put Patton down, taking the opportunity to cover his face in kisses. "My dear, my darling, my love, I've been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember, and oh, how gorgeous you are in person."

Patton's face was very red as Roman finished talking, Logan and Virgil watching in amusement. Roman panicked for a moment, thinking he had gone too far, but Patton just threw his arms back around Roman and pressed kisses to his cheek.

"You're so sweet! I'm so happy you're here," Patton said as he pulled back.

Virgil gently placed a hand on Patton's arm, and he let out a little "oh" before stepping aside, turning his attention to Logan.

"Logan! I've missed you!" Patton exclaimed as he threw his arms around Logan, but quickly pulled away once he remembered Logan's occasional aversion to being touched. But Logan wrapped his arms around Patton, and Patton smiled before hugging him again.

"I've missed you, too."

"Uh, hey, Roman," Virgil said a bit sheepishly as Patton turned to Logan.

"Hello, Virgil,"  Roman said with a grin as he stepped closer. There were a couple of moments of silence, then Virgil threw his arms around Roman and Roman quickly reciprocated, placing a hand on Virgil's back and pressing him against his chest.

"It's lovely to finally see you, darling," Roman whispered as Virgil took a shaky breath and hid his face in the crook of Roman's neck. "I'm here now. It's okay."

"We're all together!" Patton squealed happily as he wrapped his arms around the two of them, and Roman felt Virgil smile against his skin.

Roman gave Logan an expectant smile, holding out his hand for Logan to take. And when he did, Roman pulled him into the group hug.

"It's really nice to finally be with all of you," Virgil muttered against Roman, voice cracking just slightly. Roman tightened his arm around him.

"It is," Patton beamed. "I'm so happy."

*

Roman groaned as he stood up off the couch and stretched his arms up, hearing his bones pop in the process. The four of them had gone out to eat that night, and it had been pure magic. It wasn't a particularly grand place, just a small diner around the corner, but the four of them being in the same place for the first time was just wonderful. Roman could put his arm around Patton, or reach over to take Logan or Virgil's hands. The way the four of them clicked together so naturally made Roman feel like he was walking on air.

Oh, how lucky he was to be blessed with soulmates.

When they got home, they had put a movie on the TV. But after a long day of travelling, Logan and Roman didn't last half the movie. When Roman woke up, Virgil had also fallen asleep and Patton was gone, but Roman could hear humming in the kitchen.

"Oh, hello, sweetie," Patton said as Roman walked in. "I'm making tea, would you like some?"

Roman nodded as he reached out towards Patton but hesitated. Patton then gently grabbed his arm and pulled Roman towards him.

"You don't have to worry about me. I always want cuddles," Patton sighed happily as he rested his head on Roman's chest. "You don't have to ask."

"But what if one day you don't-"

"Then I'll make sure to tell you. Though there's never been a day in my life I didn't want hugs."

Roman rested his cheek on Patton's fluffy hair and sighed. "I... I'm honestly sort of relieved. Obviously I'm not upset about Logan's boundaries, but..."

"You can tell me, honey," Patton urged as he tightened his grip around Roman. "It's alright."

"It's just... I've been fighting my insecurities for as long as I can remember. And physical affection just makes me feel better, I guess. It makes me feel secure and wanted," Roman said, voice getting softer from embarrassment. "And when I feel like I need it but Logan doesn't want to be touched, I just keep my mouth shut on how I'm feeling to not make him feel guilty."

"I get it," Patton said as he stepped back to cup Roman's face. "Virgil's the same way. Less often than Logan, but the same.

But I don't think you should hide how you're feeling from Logan. He'd feel bad you felt the need to hide from him. I just know he would want to know so he could find a way to help you. He loves you, Roman."

Roman huffed a bit as he pulled away from Patton to sit on the counter.

"But I don't want him to think I'm trying to pressure him."

"I know, I know. Roman... I get sad often. For no real reason in particular, sometimes. And physical affection helps me feel better, too. And just like Logan with you, Virgil is usually more than happy to help me. But for a while I, too, felt like I needed to keep it to myself because I didn't want to bother him."

"And?"

"He figured out, and he told me to tell him whenever I'm feeling sad. And we've found other ways. I'll sit next to him and we'll watch cat videos, or he'll show me his favorite music. Sometimes he'll say he can handle a little bit of touching and he lets me hold his hand or rest my head on his shoulder. But nothing is going to get better if you keep it to yourself."

Roman ducked his head as Patton gingerly pushed hair away from his face.

"Yeah, you're right," Roman said quietly. Patton pressed a kiss to his cheek. A smile grew on Roman's face. "And one day, we'll all live together, and we'll all balance each other out and love each other in our different ways. We'll never be more than a name call away from all the affection we need. Plus, while I'm here with you, I'll always be more than happy to give you lots and lots of attention."

Patton returned his soft smile as he cupped Roman's cheek. The two gazed at each other for a moment before connecting their lips, pulling the other towards them as close as they could.

The kiss was so incredibly soft. The two had to break apart for a moment just because their smiles grew so big, but they immediately reconnected their lips. It was gentle, just like Patton. Roman couldn't help but melt against him, promising himself that he was going to get as many Patton kisses as he could in his lifetime.

"I don't think I'll be able to handle another semester away from you," Patton said with a melancholy smile as they parted. Roman kissed him.

"Only a couple more years, darling. Then I'll be all yours."

*

Over the following days, Roman had the three of his loves in arms reach at all times. He could finally cuddle Patton against him or wrap Virgil tightly in his arms (and he'd never get tired of holding Logan). But the bliss couldn't last forever, and the day for them to leave for the holidays arrived.

Logan and Patton didn't have a far drive at all considering they were already in their hometown. Virgil had a good few hours, but Roman had to drive to the airport to get home, meaning he had to get up early in the morning and leave significantly sooner than the others.

"I'll see you soon, Specs," Roman said with a sad smile.

Logan met Roman halfway for a kiss. "See you soon."

Patton had been holding back tears all morning. But when Roman pulled him into a tight hug, he couldn't help that a few tears fell down his cheeks.

"Hey now, it's okay, darling. We'll see each other again soon. I lo- I'll miss you."

Patton's eyes widened and Roman tried not to wince at his slip up. But Patton gently placed a hand on Roman's cheek and pulled him down into a kiss.

"I love you," Patton whispered. Roman kissed him again.

"I love you, too."

They shared one more brief kiss before Patton let him go.

"I'll bring your bag out for you," Virgil said and walked out the door before Roman could say anything.

Roman gave one last goodbye to Patton and Logan and followed his other love.

"Call me when you land," Virgil said. "Want to make sure your plane didn't crash."

Virgil put Roman's suitcase in his trunk and slammed it shut. He wasn't looking at Roman.

"And drive safe. I know you like to play your music loud but be careful."

"I will."

"Well, um. I guess this is goodbye," Virgil said, staring at the ground.

"...Please look at me, darling."

Virgil huffed but slowly lifted his head, showing his red cheeks and puffy eyes.

"Oh, my dear," Roman said as Virgil let him pull him into a hug. "It'll be okay. We'll see each other again soon."

"I know," Virgil muttered into Roman's shirt. Virgil pulled away slowly, then placed his hands on Roman's cheeks to pull Roman down into a kiss. Roman pulled Virgil as tightly against him as he could, wishing this didn't have to end.

"I love you," Virgil whispered, surprising Roman. But he smiled.

"I love you, too. So much."

"Call me," Virgil said as he let Roman go.

"I will."

Virgil pressed one more quick kiss to Roman's lips before walking inside. And Roman smiled.

This is going to work out perfectly, he thought.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #dlamp #remile #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #ts remy #ts sleep #dr emile picani #emile picani #moxiety #analogical #prinxiety #anxceit #logicality #royality #moceit #patceit #logince #loceit #roceit #virgil #patton #logan #roman #my fics

[jaskiersbeloved]

Because it is Roman's birthday and I hate myself, I have found myself wondering about what would the sides actually do and say when/if Roman decides to duck out and when they confront him about it.

Logan, I imagine would provide some statistics and studies about how being creative affects your life.

But Roman still wouldn't be convinced, because honestly, I don't believe you talk with Roman about cold facts per se. He is the creativity. You need to talk with him using abstracts. Besides he still argues that he actually has a replacement, so he is literally not that important.

Patton would feel extremely guilty and put all of the blame on himself. Either he would just not say anything or... Or.

And Virgil? Virgil would have flashbacks to "Accepting Anxiety".

He has actually been there. He knows what it was like, how it felt to think of himself as unwanted and disregarded. And that's why he would decide to put it on himself to talk Roman out of this.

I imagine he would cut through Roman putting himself down, because this is a Roman that he has never seen before, but also a Roman that he knows is not the real him.

I think he would abruptly butt it with something like "That is the biggest pile of bullshit that I have ever heard."

And Roman would stop. Stop and look at him, maybe offended, maybe sad, maybe even feeling more misunderstood. And he would want to convince them all, to make them see how they are better off without him, but Virgil wouldn't even let him start to do it.

"Roman. You are the creativity. The one that keeps Thomas' dreams safe. The one that helps to create all of the things that make him happy, so be default your existence is dependent on his happiness. The always optimistic one who tries to find the one happy thing in the sea of depressing things. One that is the embodiment of hope, bravery and, as it turns out, incredible selflessness. The Duke cannot do that. The thoughts that he's providing are effectively damaging Thomas' mental health, while yours suggestions make him a better person everyday." Roman then would wince at the words "better person", but that is when Patton decides to finally speak up.

"The realization, that I can be wrong has been hurtful to the both of us, kiddo" he would start with a very soft tone, trying to keep an eye contact with Roman. "But it does not mean, that every single one of the decisions that I have made were bad. In the end Thomas is a good person. Just like you are."

And both Virgil and Patton know what excuse Roman would try to use, so Virgil beats him to it:

"And yes, you are a good person, Ro. The fact that you've made some mistakes along the way? Who the heck doesn't? I have made some. Would you say that I am the bad guy?"

"No! No, of course not!" Roman would jump to reassure, earning a quick, affectionate smirk from Virgil before he continues with:

"Then why aren't you allowed to make mistakes and still be the good guy? What makes me worthy of that, but doesn't make you, hm?"

And he sees that Roman is struggling to find a valid reason to that. Deciding to make hay while the sun shines, he would glance at Patton, who nods.

"Kiddo, you are a good person. All of the things you did wrong? Well, you've managed to learn from them and rise above them. You did that because you are a good person. Someone who cares about others and their feelings."

"B- but I laughed at..." Roman still would try, dropping his gaze on the floor. This might be the time when Logan finally decides to speak up.

"The mishap that you are referring is, of course, similar to the one with Virgil. Notice that I have used the word similar." And when Roman, effectively shocked that Logan decided to reassure him, looks at him in suprise, visibly lost, Logan would adjust his glasses and continue. "The first one occurred when you freshly accepted Virgil, the person that you believed was a bad guy. Not a great excuse, but still one. You then proceeded to recognise the mistake and make it up to Virgil. The second one happened when you were in an extremely fragile state of mind, having your whole beliefs shattered, turned upside down. Thus you handled it in the only way you knew. You lashed out at the person that you have believed caused all of this. That is understandable, and though you will still need to apologise to Janus, you had every reason to react like that."

"And we all know you will apologize, Romano, because you're compassionate like that" Virgil would say. A spark of hope would glint in Roman's eye, so Virgil would decide to go for the last thing. I imagine him taking a deep breath and saying: "You once told me that I make us better. Same thing goes to you. You, Prince Roman, make us better." And then he smiles. Honestly smiles.

"We love you, kiddo. All of us." Patton would whisper.

"You are an essential part of us" Logan mutters.

"And you are still my hero. And you always will be" Thomas would add quietly.

And finally, finally Roman believes them. He would brush the tears that have involuntary fall. And then... And then he would smile.

Happy birthday, Roman, I've made myself cry

#sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #sanders sides meta #sanders sides fic #idk honestly #happy birthday roman #sonia talks #cut me some slack i have written two essays today #but i have checked this post more times than my actual esseyxd #prinxiety #royality #lamp #ts roman #ts virgil #ts logan #ts patton

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey do you know any johnlock fanfictions, that are very slow burn and at first it's just sherlock being sad that him and john are never going to get together (maybe after the wedding or something) but have a happy ending? (possibly with 100k+ words)

Hey Nonny!

Ahhhh I like to argue that ALL my slow burn recs are especially painful, LOL LOL!! I didn’t have a lot of over 100 K ouchie-burn fics, so I’ve decided to quickly go through all my fics tagged “slow burn” and give you all the fics I KNEW gave me too many feels when I read them because of the burn!! So I hope that’s okay!!

And as always, Lovelies, I’ve certainly missed a lot of fics because of improper tagging or just too many sleepy nights skimming my bookmarks, so feel free to add your faves!

BURN SO SLOW IT HURTS

See also:

Love Confessions / Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. (Fluff Version)

Falling In Love / Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. || [MOBILE POST] (April 2019)

Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. / Falling in Love Pt. 3 (Nov. 2019)

Slow Burn / Dev Rel. Pt. 4 (Apr 2020)

Mutual Pining

Pining Sherlock || [MOBILE FRIENDLY VERSION]

Pining John

A Lifetime Together by LondonGypsy (M, 8,886 w., 1 Ch. || Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Falling in Love, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Pining Idiots, Alternating POVs, Domestics, Retirement) – John and Sherlock falling in love.

You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., 1 Ch. || It’s An Experiment, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Questionable Science) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock's study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn't entirely mind.

Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) (M, 10,862 w., 10 Ch. || For a Case, Gay Bar, Pining, Coming Out, Slow Burn) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he's NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won't change anything between them. And then it does.

The Slow Burn by CaitlinFairchild (E, 12,097 w., 4 Ch. || Romance, Emotional Infidelity, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Fix-It) – John smiles, something small and private and for him alone, and Sherlock just...he knows. With a heart-stopping certainty, Sherlock suddenly knows. It feels like falling off the edge of a cliff. It feels like falling off the edge of the world. It feels like flying.

Merlot by Itsallfine (E, 14,844 w., 17 Ch. || Christmas, Pining Sherlock, Wine, Slow Burn, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, Wine, Holmes Family) – Sherlock and John work toward becoming something more as they prepare to host the Holmes parents at 221B for the holidays. Part of 25 Days of Fic-Mas 2015.

Pleasure to Burn by scullyseviltwin (E, 17,863 w., 1 Ch. || Firefighter AU, Firefighter John / Arson Investigator Sherlock, Slow Burn, Pining, Case Fic-ish) – “If you’d kindly stop knocking about in there and destroying all of my evidence, it would be most appreciated!” John groaned and for a moment rested his head against the side of the truck. Of course he was the only captain left on the scene, which meant he would have to be the one to deal with the arson investigator.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

whiskies neat by Ellipsical (E, 20,660 w., 15 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, POV Second Person Sherlock, Slow Burn, One Night Stand, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Anal, Soldier John, Crying, Emotional Lovemaking, Switchlock) – Home and hearth and whiskies neat, or, alternatively, Sherlock Holmes falls in love.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M, 24,579 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, H/C, First Kiss/Time) – Sherlock owes Mycroft a favour. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock's consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock's mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It's a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within.

Tomorrow's Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining, Jealous Sherlock) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w., 4 Ch. || S3 Fix It, Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance, Humour, Masturbation, Love Declarations, Bottomlock, Brief Suicidal Ideations) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn, Mummy Holmes) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death (E, 30,856 w., 15 Ch. || Sickfic, Angst with Happy Ending, Case Fic, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Jealous Sherlock, Body Image Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional H/C, POV Sherlock, Oral / Anal, Thong, Frottage) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a "harmless" virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w., 11 Ch. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M, 32,406 w., 6 Ch. || 5+1, Slow Burn, Fluff / Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers) – A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w., 7 Ch. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157 w., 4 Ch. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w., 4 Ch. ||  H/C, Injury, Slow Burn) – When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w., 9 Ch. || Magical Realism, BAMF!John, Slow Burn) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T, 47,798 w., 9 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Post TRF Angst) – Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock's faked death and return.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete. (This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

Triage by scullyseviltwin (E, 51,612 w., 14 Ch. || Character Injury, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Sherlock POV, Toplock) – Sherlock’s mind goes exceedingly, devastatingly quiet and gray-blank. When he speaks it’s through a thick haze, it’s through molasses, he’s so disconnected from the words that it may as well be the unconscious shooter speaking.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing...and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes... and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they're both so very, very rubbish at talking.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w., 14 Ch. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings, Bossy Bottomlock) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family's private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it's time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Wars We Fought, Things We're Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w., 10 Ch. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) –  Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w., 25 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w., 17 Ch. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) –  John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It's 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn't need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w., 71 Ch. || Future AU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w., 43 Ch. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who's been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w., 215 Ch. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors 'Verse

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

How to Build a Heart out of Ashes by Teumessian (E, 144,931 w., 31 Ch. || Changeling AU || Slow Burn, Drug Use, Mentions of Child Abuse / Bullying, Mentions of Student/Teacher Relations, Uni-Age) – In an AU where a small number of the population become Changelings at a young age, at 17 John Watson believes he's destined for Normal life but then the Change takes him and he is sent to the Baker Institute. There he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn't have much choice. There's only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w., 83 Ch. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #slow burn #pining sherlock #Anonymous #long post #my fic recs #fic rec sunday

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Spider Virgil! (Introduction)

So, I guess this is a bullet fic? I always liked to write like these but never knew they had a name lol. Anyways, lets go!

If you’d like to talk more about this AU, you can send me an ask at @foxfire-and-midnight-wings​ or on here. (Preferably only using this one for asks that could bring potential to expand on the story or universe, with the other one for smaller asks and non-canon talk)

[Next]

[Fanfic Masterlist]

Warnings: super long post, talk about spiders and spider traits (fangs/venom, extra eyes, extra legs, etc.) and the usage of them, talks of spider and snake bites/venom (aka non-sexual biting), general anxiety thoughts and cognitive distortions

[This is basically an AU where Virgil has some spider-like traits, similarly to Remus and Janus with their respective animals. No one is unsympathetic!]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

First off, he has a little set of extra eyes underneath his 'real' eyes (only four eyes in total)

He got nervous before introducing himself to the other sides (aka the ‘light sides’) so he had Janus and Remus help him use makeup to hide them.

Janus & Remus understand bc while they like their animal traits they know he's always nervous about them.

While Remus only hides his octopus tentacles, Janus tends to hide his fangs, most his scales that aren’t on his face (ex: neck and shoulder), and his extra arms around many of the others.

Virgil has setules so he can climb walls and stuff, which is how he gets up and sits on places that shouldn't be sat on.

Also, he has 4 spider legs that are connected to the muscles on his back

One pair is positioned just underneath his shoulder blades, the other pair is around his mid-lower back

When he’s not hiding his legs, they usually are positioned as if they were giving him a weird hug (top are resting on his shoulders, bottom are wrapped a little bit around his torso)

Also fangs!

He has extended canine teeth that (surprise!) connect to a pair of venom glands on his neck

This means that his teeth are really sensitive too, though, which can suck at times

He had a bad habit of instinctually injecting venom into meat and stuff he eats, but luckily it doesn’t hurt him. Now that they’re all older though, all the ‘dark’ sides were able to adjust to their animal traits or habits.

In this case, that meant he trained himself not to automatically inject his venom into stuff

Remus was the first to find out about venom milking, because it’s Remus

Because both Janus and Virgil have fangs + venom, he knew that they were constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone and not having an antidote. So he brought up the idea to them

Luckily, they were all young when they discovered this so there weren’t any inappropriate jokes about it, but Remus makes them a lot in the present (along with the vore jokes, which everyone hates)

Basically, for those who don’t really know, the way people make antidotes and medicine to help with venom from animals like spiders and snakes is through extracting the venom by a process called “milking”

So they ended up experimenting a lot and they eventually made their own antidotes to both Janus and Virgil’s venom

And once they both also learned how to bite things (and as a result each other) without using their venom

(Snakes and spiders can do what’s called a “dry bite”, basically they bite without injecting venom into what they bit)

This revelation ends up with Janus and Virgil often threatening to bite the other person, sometimes if they fight they actually do

The antidotes have been helpful on the few occasions one of them injects a tiny bit of venom by accident (which was extremely rare, and only ever happened when they were younger)

Virgil and Janus still regularly milk and make their antidotes, and they usually keep some of both in all three of their rooms for emergencies

(sometimes they do it just because they can, and end up giving it to Remus so he can do weird experiments with it in the Imagination)

Also, the hissing? Janus is a snake, so that makes sense. But Virgil?

Well, after a little research, they ended up finding out that spiders make a low hissing noise called “stridulation”. So technically, spiders hiss too.

Virgil uses that against Remus when he tries comparing him to a kitten, and he threatens to bite him

[The Present Situation w/ the Other Sides]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

He was planning a big reveal for the ‘light’ sides at one point (before he was accepted) but he never went through with it

Because Accepting Anxiety happened, he was worried he'd lose the friendship/acceptance of the others due to his traits. (Anxiety and cognitive distortions, y'know? Plus, he saw how freaked out Patton and the others were by the spider decorations in his room, how could he expect them to react any different to him?)

And so he continues to hide them and his other abilities

which is an absolute pain because while he can easily cover up his extra pair of eyes, he has to be very careful about not showing anyone his fangs

And don’t get me started on how hard it’d be for him to get into his jacket and positioning it just right so his legs aren’t being squished but they aren’t very visible

Fun fact! That’s why he always appears on the stairs. he can easily hide them by leaning against the wall or positioning his back to where no one can see them

But he still gets little urges to do things spider-like because of his anxiety.

For example: crawl up the wall and go in corner = no people = safe

So to fill that little spider instinct to crawl up places to get away from people he takes to sitting in places he shouldn't.

Top of the fridge, the counter, anywhere he can get while being able to reason his way out of being questioned on how he got up there

To his surprise, no one stops him. If anything, Patton calls it cute and Roman basically encourages it

And so things go on like normal, and he always takes off his makeup once he's in his room.

Sometimes he indulges a bit and climbs the walls

He has a small resting area that looks similar to a hammock (but it’s practically a nest of blankets) that’s connected to his walls. Sometimes he’ll sleep up there because it’s off the ground and away from everything

he tends to lay on his stomach and to spread out as much as he can when up there

(Janus and Remus find it hilarious, but Virgil points out that Janus can’t say anything because he does that too)

No one has seemed to catch on that he has spider traits, and he is extremely relieved about that

Then Janus comes along and introduces himself to Thomas and the others.

And then Remus joins in too.

And while none of them are on bad terms, Virgil gets more and more worried someone is going to point out their animal traits and ask him if he has any.

And he worries because he doesn't know how to respond

He can't just say

"Oh yeah, all the 'dark' sides have animal traits and I've just been hiding mine from you in fear of rejection and that you'll all hate me. By the way, my anxiety is making me not say anything about this because I'll have a panic attack just thinking about telling you, and so I haven't said anything about it, and the more time that passes makes the anxiety about telling you guys worse which causes me to put it off even more. And it causes a spiral from there that often makes me whole myself up in my room for days on end."

So he tries to prevent anyone from asking about the 'dark' sides by making it seem like he left them on extremely bad terms.

It takes a minute for Janus to realize it’s not the normal banter they throw around, it’s something more desperate and anxiety-ridden

Janus catches onto his plan very quickly, and when he can he gets Virgil alone with him and Remus to talk it out.

Virgil tells them about his fears of rejection and how none of them know about his spider traits (especially because they went to his room once and Patton was freaked out just by the spider curtains, making his fears worse)

So they all make an agreement to help Virgil hide his traits and to make a plan to help the others not ask them about each other

And then Remus just goes "so you're saying I can fuck with my brother? That's the plan, right?"

Cause he is so on board as long as he can cause chaos.

And what better way to cause chaos than by pretending to be in an arguement or on extremely bad terms with a close friend, forcing the others to watch it happen and be uncomfortable as they argue back and forth

Janus just agrees because he likes being dramatic and it's not like they didn't banter a lot before now, they just get to make it public and more "serious" than before

(They all know it’s just because he wants to be part of the Drama™)

They make a list of things they can and cannot make jabs/remarks about

And then they prepare for the chaos

(Note: This is not them being “unsympathetic”, they all agreed on the plan and all know what they are signing up for. The entire purpose is to make the others think that they have bad relations with each other, which some may interpret the arguing/jabs as the characters being “unsympathetic”)

[The Chaos Time Begins]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

So this all happens before Selfishness v. Selflessness, right?

Which is what makes the entire courtroom scene funny to the ‘dark’ sides, bc they all were planning to have that be when the drama really started to take off

When in the courtroom and Janus makes the comment about Virgil’s name, he really wasn’t expecting that, but after the initial panic passed he was like ‘I mean, alright I guess’

He didn’t really want them to know anything about his full name (Virgilius), but it wasn’t going to really hurt him

(He just wanted to avoid any of the references or jokes Roman and Logan would definitely make because he already got enough of it from Janus and Remus)

and the plan worked! almost a little too well, though...

After the courtroom scene ends, there’s a couple days of silence where everyone just. Doesn’t talk about it. At all. The ‘dark’ sides were prepared for this, so it’s not too bad for them, but it makes Virgil feel very awkward when around the others.

Then, after the third day of awkward avoidance, Patton and Roman gather all of them in the living room to try and make sure everything is okay.

Unfortunately for them, Patton had also invited Janus up there because he saw the tension between him and Virgil

And Janus physically restrains himself from showing how excited he is because this is the perfect way to make the Drama™ officially known

Virgil is just chilling on the couch waiting for everything to spiral, because while he appreciates the effort, the fighting is completely intentional. So there’s no stopping it now

It goes about as well as you can expect

While everyone else except Janus starts talking, Janus just patiently waits until someone brings him into the conversation to start making jabs. (mainly because he knows that the others actually have stuff they need to talk through first, before he derails the conversation)

They all are able to get to a good conclusion about the situation, misunderstandings are talked through, and now all that’s left is dealing with Janus

And as soon as Patton starts talking to Janus, he gets excited because the show can finally begin

Roman: Now, I know not all of us really like him, but- Virgil: like him?! That’s funny, princey, because I really fucking hate him! Janus: Oh, come on, Virgil! Just lighten up a little. You’re seeming a little... dark. Virgil: Don’t. Patton, trying to prevent them from arguing: Hey, now, kiddos! Let’s take a moment and just step back to breathe, yeah? We don’t want this to- Janus: become a truth-telling session between us and Virgil? Patton: become an arguement.

The others try to help Patton defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work. If anything, it makes the situation worse because Janus uses them as fuel for some of his arguments.

Virgil: Yeah, keep talkin’ pal! I’m sure they really want to hear it from someone who makes it his job to harass everyone Janus: Well, sorry about that Sir Emo, but I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you leaving us. Oh, wait! Sorry, you don’t want to remember being a ‘dark side’, now, do you? My apologies! Roman, frantically glancing between the two: Wait, wha-? Virgil, standing up: Oh shut it, you treacherous snake! Like you ever even wanted me there. You’re probably glad I’m gone, huh? The cold from your room is starting to affect your heart! Not like you had one, though. Janus: Why, you-!

They start arguing and slowly they start getting louder and louder

Eventually, they’re yelling insults at each other, and everyone else is at a loss for what to do

Then, in what seems to be the ending of the argument, Virgil yells “I never wanted to be there with you in the first place, you bastard!”

Janus takes a moment to pause, and then he just says “Right, of course. My bad, Virgilius”

The living room is quiet as Janus sinks out, and Virgil just stands there shaking

He knew it was going to happen, and he knew it was just his name, but the acting and drama was becoming a little too much. It started to feel too real to him, and he knows that’s just his anxiety speaking, but he still feels the tears gathering in his eyes

Patton tries reaching out to him, but Virgil says “I’m going to my room” in a broken voice

The others watch helplessly as he leaves, and eventually they all break off to their own rooms to think about what just happened.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #spider virgil #animal traits series #ts sides #ts sanders sides #ts virgil #ts janus #ts remus #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton

[jazzishuman]

Sander Sides as Evermore songs

Sooooooooo, I did this for K-12 by Melanie Martinez a while ago, so:

1st - I wanted to try it again

2nd - This is a very different album, with different energy and different things to say and the sides have grown a bit, so perhaps this will be more like how they are now? I don't really know

3rd - I'd like to try and give some explanation this time, they'll be under the person's name, so if this is annoying, I apologize

Willow

Logan (About either Roman or Janus) or Janus

It feels like, to me, a very pragmatic person who lets themselves be allowed to be more whimsical, not shipping, but if you do, it's fine

Campagne Problems

Roman or Virgil

Roman is a romantic, and the song feels like a romantic who realized that this wasn't for them. Virgil feels like he, at least in my opinion, would center the problem around himself and be almost apologetic for saying no, which is what the song makes me think of

Gold Rush

Roman or Remus

(As A Romantic) or (As a brother looking in on Roman, not as a ship, but as a kind of fantastical jealousy and loss, but that may be a bit fanspeculation-esque)

'Tis the Damn Season

Janus

IDK why, just gives me those vibes. Like he, as a character, would just let someone have him there for a while, knowing he is going to leave it all behind, but I have no clue why it feels like it fits Janus most

Tolerate It

Patton

I feel like Patton is the only one who could love so fiercely as this song portrays, in my opinion. Maybe Janus as well, but only because he is the mirror to Patton

No Body, No Crime (ft. HAIM)

Logan

This song is very calculated and the story is so straightforward and I feel like if it was Logan who experienced this, this would be his song. (Bonus: Full Cast: Logan is Taylor, Patton is Este, Janus is Este's sister, Remus is the Huband (I know) and since I don't want to make Roman the mistress of his brother, Virgil is the Mistress, although I don't think it fits him at all)

Happiness

Patton

I guess this is a bit of a copout, but I think Patton would do the best at reflecting on his feelings and that he would be the best at accepting the situation and look forward to the new him, but still understand that this will forever be a chapter in his life; A happy chapter, but one that must now end

Dorothea

Virgil (Perhaps about Roman)

I feel like Virgil would prefer to stay in a small town more than any of the others and he would probably say that "It's never too late, To come back to my side" because, at least in my mind, if you haven't hurt him, Virgil would always take you back. Also, you know Roman has always seemed to want to be a star, so that's why it feels fitting that the song would "be about" Roman

Coney Island (ft. The National)

Virgil or Patton and Roman or Logan

Virgil or Patton is the emotional and wondering Taylor whereas Roman or Logan are the questioning The National perspective. There was clearly a split and I think all four of them could be about each other. Virgil and Logan, Patton and Roman, Virgil and Roman, Patton and Logan

Ivy

Remus or Janus (Or Roman)

This song is about a cheating person, who is singing about their affair and I feel like Remus or Janus are really the only ones that I can imagine cheating. I can also kind of imagine Roman having an affair of the heart, but not as much as Janus and Remus

Cowboy Like Me

Janus

This song is essentially a song about 2 liars and it's a bit cute in my mind that Janus, the liar with good intent has a little love story with another of his kind

Long Story Short

Roman or Patton

I feel like the story of finding the right one and wanting to defend that, especially after multiple bad relationships, fits both of these boys. I really like the fairytale sprinkles and also feel like these fits them both, Roman more so

Marjorie

Patton

This song is very emotional and I feel like the small "Never be so kind, you forget to be clever - Never be so clever, you forget to be kind" and "Never be so polite, you forget your power - Never wield such power, you forget to be polite" feels like something Patton would pass on.

I lost my grandfather not that long ago and he was nothing like Taylor's grandmother from the little I know of her, but this song still breaks my heart a bit and I think that affects my way of seeing this song as a sort of legacy song - For all, you have lost and who you now are because you had them, for however long you did

Closure

Patton (About Logan) or Virgil (About Janus) or Janus (About Virgil)

Patton is because Logan doesn't understand (Or at least didn't understand) Patton's need to process.

Virgil and Janus are two sides of the same story; When Virgil because a light side, it must have changed everything behind the scene.

Virgil may have felt like Janus was trying to "smooth him over" to make him either on their side or not, this could have created hostility.

Janus may have felt like Virgil was trying to "smooth him over" by never talking about, hinting at, or acknowledge his roots as a dark side

Evermore (ft. Bon Iver)

Logan

I specifically feel like the line(s) "I had a feeling so peculiar - That this pain would(n't) be for - Evermore" sounds like Logan

Right Where You Left Me

Virgil

I just feel like Virgil fits the vibes of the song, especially since he represents, before everything else, Thomas' social anxiety

It's Time To Go

Virgil (With the Roman and Logan as verses)

What I think when hearing this song is that the first vers feels like Roman (the dinner), the second feels like Logan (The work), the verses feel like Virgil with the message of something the "cowardly" thing to do is the right thing to do and the last verse (About the thrown of bones) also feels like it resonates with Virgil - Again, in my own opinion

Please do remember that I am basically practicing. I am not very good at relation emotions and this is one of my ways of practicing and I wanted to share it because it's fun :)

#patton sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #deciet sanders #anxiety sanders #virgil sanders #platonic #taylor swift #evermore #amateur analysis #I did this once #I'm doing it again #I hope you like this

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Nobody Left Behind

Prompt: So I don't know if you're taking requests? But I just watched Lilo and Stitch for the first time since I got into TSS and I've adopted the headcanon that it is Remus's *favorite* movie (and he's memorized the script) and I love your writing and I'd love to see something angsty involving Remus feeling lonely/unloved by his brother, and maybe Lilo and Stitch is involved somehow. IDK, go wild. (and feel free to ignore this if you aren't taking requests) <3 - anon

it is Le Fluff™ hours my good bitches

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Remus has some abandonment issues, but it’s not too much

Pairings: it is platonic all the way down, babes

Word Count:  2935

Ohana means family.

 Family.

 FamILY.

 What a weird word.

Sometimes it’s the people you’re born with. Well, not ‘with,’ not necessarily, but the people you are born to. A mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Sometimes two mothers, sometimes two fathers, sometimes a different parent. Sometimes two sisters, sometimes two brothers, sometimes a different sibling. Sometimes a mess of assorted people that all share the same blood. A family.

 Remus wasn’t born.

 He was made though, crafted and shaped and born out of the swirling chaos of a child’s mind that didn’t understand the world well enough without other people to help. He remembers getting cobbled together from scraps of thoughts and feelings and morphing them into limbs, into features, into something that vaguely resembled the body of the child he was made to fit. Not the ‘fitting’ was ever his job.

 Just his brother’s.

 Is his brother his family?

 By all accounts he should be, right? A brother is one of those people that are traditionally part of the ‘family’ group, right, someone to laugh with, cry with, fight with, live with. But is Roman really his…brother?

 That’s what they decided to call themselves because nothing else worked. They weren’t really brothers, they were halves. But they weren’t really halves because there was never a whole to begin with.

 The King wasn’t a ‘whole,’ he was…well, he was the King. Half of a king is not a prince. Half of a king is not a duke.

 Half of a king is a mess of blood and bones and viscera dripping off of the end of a Morningstar in the middle of the night when only a destroyed facsimile makes the insanity bleed away just enough to breathe again.

 The closest thing to twins, is what they decided on eventually. They’re twins. One light, one dark. One that marches boldly into danger to confront the wickedness of the world, one that dwells in the shadows and cackles with the demons nipping at his heels. One that loves, one that isn’t loved.

 Sure, they had some things in common. They both loved to fight, hence the scars and the bruises and the wounds that would never, ever heal, the distrust that would never be fixed ever, because the urge to sink their teeth into each other’s necks and rip never went away. They both loved to make, Roman the peaceful lies he tells himself to make up for the gaping wounds Remus leaves as he carves his perfectly tailored destruction. They both love Disney.

 Roman’s made it part of his whole deal as the Prince, he loves Disney. He bursts into song every chance he gets, drags the others in until the Mindscape rings with joyful song and there’s nowhere left for any sadness or darkness. He takes his lessons from it, models himself using the traits of the characters he admires most. Cultivates his art of storytelling, perfect to a tee.

 Remus loves Disney too. Loves how easy it is to twist the lens to distort the image just enough to let the darker parts of the Imagination run wild. What is the real implication of never growing old, never understanding what it means to die? What kind of person curses a ten-year-old boy for being cautious about who he answers the door to? What could the story have been if the prince never comes to save the day?

 When they were smaller it was fine. When they were still getting used to the fact that they weren’t King anymore, they used to sit and watch so many Disney movies. Roman’s favorite was always changing, one week it was Beauty and the Beast, then it was Mulan, then it was Cinderella, it never stayed the same.

 Remus’s was always Lilo and Stitch.

 Roman never understood it, said it was boring, there wasn’t a prince, there wasn’t anything exciting. Remus said that aliens were plenty exciting, thank you very much.

 But they would always watch it. The King wasn’t there anymore, but the prince and the Duke were.

 …when they were smaller, there was one time where the prince wasn’t there at all.

 Remus remembers waking up one day and feeling like he was being Split all over again. The maggots in his bones reached their awful little mouths into his heart and pulled, yanking him all the way across the bed and to the door, howling and screaming for his twin.

 Only to be met with a blank wall.

 He remembers howling at the top of his lungs until Janus had rushed to his side, kneeling down next to him and telling him shh, be quiet, hush now, you’re alright, you’re not hurt. And when he couldn’t explain that he was hurt, half of him was missing, Remus needed to go find him, Janus’s mouth had hardened into a thin line and told him that there wasn’t anything to worry about.

 He remembers thinking that was a lie.

 But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a lie.

 Roman was fine.

 Roman was more than fine, because Roman had a family.

 Roman had Patton, who is the actual manifestation of sunshine and rainbows and loved so much it almost burns. The darkness that wrapped around Remus’s corner of the Imagination screeched and hissed at the very idea of being loved that much, even as part of him strained with all its might to get to it. But Patton would never set foot near this side of the Mindscape.

 Roman had Logan, who represents everything true about the Mindscape, about Thomas, about the world. The reality of things that would never let anything Remus created make it anywhere close to anything important because it was dangerous, it was hurtful, and it was wrong. Logan wouldn’t want anything to do with something so useless.

 And that was okay. Because Roman may have been gone but Remus wasn’t alone. Remus had Virgil, who lived with fear soaking every fiber of his being. Remus had Janus, who wrapped himself in darkness and obscurity and laughed.

 But then Virgil left. And now Roman had Virgil, who used Thomas’s anxieties to keep him safe, to help Roman and the others figure out what to do, how to take care of everybody, and how to make the darkness go away. And Virgil would never willingly sink himself back into the darkness when he’d spent so long clawing himself out of it.

 But that was okay, because Remus had Janus. Janus, who plotted and schemed and smirked at how easily the others were pulled along by his strings, luring them deeper and deeper as Remus readied his Morningstar for the trap to be sprung.

 But then they sprung the trap and everything went wrong.

 Roman didn’t want to fight. He just…he let Remus knock him out and didn’t show up again except to scoff and say he didn’t like him.

 And that was…wrong.

 Because Roman wasn’t supposed to like him but he was never only supposed to not like him. Roman was supposed to declare that he wasn’t welcome and try and slash him with his sword. Roman was supposed to try and banish him from the Mindscape and spit insults at him until he left, cackling all the while. Roman was supposed to hate him.

 But Roman didn’t hate him, he just…he just said he didn’t like him.

 But that was okay, because Janus could just come up with a better plan with him this time. They could do it properly, and Roman would hate him again and it would be back to normal.

 But then Janus left. And now Roman has Janus, who keeps his eyes where the prince’s aren’t, when he can’t see what’s happening or he can’t bear to look, to help Roman figure out what to do when what seems to be happening isn’t anything that the prince is used to dealing with. And Janus would never willingly step away from a place that finally accepted him.

 Roman has them now. Roman has people that chose him. Roman’s family chose him. He chose them. They chose each other.

 Remus’s grip on his Morningstar slackens and the thing falls to the ground with a heavy clunk. He moves numbly through his room until he can fall to his knees on his bed.

 He just came from the living room. They were all there. Roman was talking with Logan, ranting about some new show they were both watching. Janus was in the kitchen with Patton, making something for dinner that everyone—well, almost everyone—could eat. Virgil was on the back of the couch, reaching out for Roman’s shoulder every once in a while.

Remus had waited behind the couch. For someone to sit down, for someone to see him and shriek, or even maybe—just maybe—for someone to ask where he was.

 But no.

 Patton had come over and gently ruffled Virgil’s hair, saying that dinner was ready. Logan and Roman had moved into the kitchen, demanding Janus’s attention and pulling him into their conversation. Virgil had murmured a quiet thank you and Roman had asked him for what?

 “Y’know,” Virgil had said, “for…this.”

 “Of course,” Roman had laughed, the soft rustle of fabric as he probably pulled the emo in for a hug—what did those feel like?— “I should be thanking you?”

 “What for, kiddo?”

 “I dunno, it just…feels like it’s been forever since we’ve all sat down for dinner together.”

 Remus’s chest had started to hurt.

 “The whole family.”

 The whole family.

 Remus’s eyes well up with stubborn tears and he angrily swipes them away, baring his teeth at the memory and focusing intently on the things on the bed. Each hand-stitched, each carefully kept clean.

 His family.

 He reaches out with a shaking hand and tucks the blue frog plushie into the crook of his arm, crawling into the middle of the bed and balancing the purple spider on his shoulder. His hands keep shaking as he wraps the long yellow snake securely around his neck, clutching the head under his chin and nuzzling it protectively. The dark blue cat he holds in his other hand, careful not to tear its tie as he scrunches in on himself.

 Wait.

 Wait.

 Where is it?

 No, no, no, no—

 Remus growls, placing all of his family gently on the floor before all but tearing at his sheets. Where is it, where is it, where is it—his heartbeat starts to rise as his search grows more frantic, where is it, where is it—

 The slightest little puff of red hair and he howls, lunging for it and sweeping it into his lap. He pauses to make sure the lion’s crown didn’t fall off and sighs when he sees it still in place. He sets the lion between his legs and leans over, adjusting everyone back into place and scrunching himself into a ball again. He rubs his nose against the lion’s fur and nuzzles into the soft fabric.

 He’d never be able to forgive himself if he lost them.

 Because Ohana means family.

 Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

——————————————————

There’s a knock on his door.

 Why is someone knocking on his door?

 They knock again.

 Remus looks up, carefully butting the spider out of the way with his head and sitting up. The snake hangs off his shoulder and he lets it, only missing its warmth once the knock sounds again.

 The frog and the cat watch him warily as he climbs out of bed, the lion clutched in his hand.

 The door squeaks slightly as he opens it.

 “So, I’ve got popcorn, I found the weird gummy snakes, and they had this chocolate-covered bacon which we have to try—Remus?”

 Roman?

 Roman stands there, his arms full of snacks and blankets, his head tilted. He glances behind Remus—probably to check something or other—and then back at him.

 “Remus? Are you okay?”

 “Why are you here?” Roman doesn’t like him.

 “It’s movie night, Re, of course, I’m here.” Roman chuckles nervously before taking in his tear-stained face. “Hey, Re, what’s going on? Are you okay? Can I come in?”

 Why is Roman here? Roman has his family, what is he doing here? With Remus?

 “Remus—“ oh, right, Roman’s talking to him—why is Roman talking to him?—in a soft voice now— “Remus, hey, look at me.”

 Remus blinks. Oh. Roman looks concerned now, he’s reaching for him.

 “Hey,” he murmurs as he ruffles Remus’s hair, “what’s going on? Have you been crying?”

 Remus nods dumbly.

 “I’m sorry, Re, can I help?”

 Help? Why does Roman want to help?

 Oh, he’s waiting for an answer.

 “…sure.”

 “Thank you,” Roman says softly, “can I come in?”

 Remus steps aside wordlessly and Roman walks in, pausing when he sees the rest of Remus’s family on the bed.

 “Did you make them?”

 Something dark twists in Remus’s chest as he sees Roman reach for the spider.

 “Don’t.”

Roman backs off, stepping back as Remus snatches up his family and cradles them in his lap, glaring at Roman and curling up on the bed.

 “I won’t, Re, I’m sorry,” Roman says, still speaking softly, “can I sit?”

 “…floor.”

 Roman sits on the floor, setting aside the blankets and snacks, looking up at him. He still looks concerned. Why? Roman doesn’t like him.

 “Why weren’t you at dinner,” he asks gently, “I was worried.”

 Worried? About him? Remus snorts.

 “You had your whole family there,” he spits, “why would you worry?”

 “But you weren’t there,” Roman says like that makes any difference, “so I was worried.”

 Remus shakes his head. Roman doesn’t get it. Roman doesn’t worry about him, he worries about other things. But if Roman wants to know why he wasn’t at dinner, he’ll tell him.

 “I was with my family.”

 Roman’s brow furrows as he glances around again. “…your family?”

 Remus huddles protectively around his family. “Yes. My family.”

 Roman’s eyes widen as he takes in Remus’s posture and how he reacted when Roman asked about them earlier.

 “…are they your family, Remus?”

 “Yes.” He holds them tighter. “I chose them. They won’t leave me. They won’t forget me. That’s what family means.”

 Something crosses Roman’s face and he lets out a wounded noise. Wait. Are they fighting?

 “Wait, Remus,” he murmurs, rising up to his knees, “did you—did you think we forgot you?”

 “You did forget me.”

 “I’m sorry, Remus, I would’ve come to look for you, but I thought—“ Roman shakes his head— “no, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I should’ve come got you, Re, I’m sorry, I—I didn’t mean to leave you behind.”

 Oh.

 “…you didn’t?”

 Roman shakes his head furiously. “No, Remus, I promise. I never meant to leave you.”

 “But everybody leaves me.”

 If possible, Roman’s eyes are now wider and he scrambles for the edge of the bed. “What do you mean, Remus, what do you mean everybody leaves you?”

 “You left. Virgil left. Janus left. Everybody left.” The lion’s mane brushes against his lips as he bows his head. “But not them. They won’t leave me.”

 “Oh, Remus—“

 Something big lunges at him and Remus whimpers, he doesn’t have his Morningstar, he doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t—he doesn’t—

 What’s happening? He feels warm and he’s being squished and Roman is pressing himself against him and what—what—

 “What’re you doing?”

 “It’s a hug, Remus,” comes Roman’s voice, slightly muffled, from over his shoulder, “I’m hugging you.”

 Oh.

 Oh.

 “R-Ro?”

 “Yeah, Re, I’m here, I’m right here, I won’t forget you, I won’t leave you behind, you’re my brother, you’re my family, I choose you.” Roman’s grip tightens on him and Remus just about gasps. “I choose you and I want you and I like you.”

 Roman…Roman likes him?

 Roman chooses him?

 Roman won’t…leave?

 “No, Remus,” Roman promises as he cautiously asks, “I won’t leave. Not unless you want me to.”

 “No.”

 “Then I’m not going anywhere.”

 That’s it.

 Remus throws his arms around his twin and sobs, cries an entire ocean of tears into his brother’s shoulder because he’s here and he cares and he chose Remus. The darkness shudders as that small part of him surges forward, into Roman’s chest, finding a home in the prince’s heart and languishing in the warmth there.

 “I’m right here, Re,” Roman murmurs, stroking up and down his back, “right here, I’ve got you.”

 The snake drapes itself cautiously over Roman’s shoulder, the spider taking up watch on his knee. The cat and the frog stare at him, making sure he isn’t lying, that he won’t change his mind. The lion, sandwiched between them, feels the reassuring rumble from Roman’s chest and purrs.

 After a long, long time, Remus pulls back a little and scuffs a hand over his nose.

 “…did you say something about chocolate-covered bacon?”

 Roman’s smile lights up.

 “Let’s put on Lilo and Stitch and we’ll try it.”

 Ohana means family.

 Family means no one gets left behind.

 Or forgotten.

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#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #remus sanders #roman sanders #they're the main focus #creativitwins

[themysteryofwriting]

Masterpost

Sanders Sides OneShots

What Happened Before Accepting Anxiety - what I think happened that caused Virgil to sink out

The Creativity Split -my interpretation of the Split.  Warning for slight U!Pat and gaslighting

Analogical Clothes Prompt - some fluffy Analogical with Logan stealing Virgil’s clothes

Moceit No Mom prompt - fluffy Moceit prompt with a bit of demiboy Patton or Patton in a skirt where Patton is oblivious til the end

Royality short Pat prompt - no further explanation needed

Can’t You See It - Analogical One Shot. Virgil wants the others to know about how loving Logan is...and that he’s a giant memelord.  Is that so bad?  Hints of background Roceit And Remus being himself

Who say you have to leave your past behind you - my first one shot with Rachel. Some stuff has changed about her since this but it has a special place in my heart.  Hinted at Past U!Pat and Remus being himself. Dee speaks in lies ofc.

This is the Worst Ending - oh boy.  okay this is what I call my angst :tm: If you are senstive to any of the following: don’t read Unsympathetic Patton, multiple major character deaths, blood, Sayori like scene, string imagery, gore, depression, brainwashing, emotional manipulation,murder, strangulation, eating disorder(kinda), stabbing, gaslighting There was a part 2 but......it didn’t last long, i wasn’t proud of it

Puppet!Ray Origins - the first part of my fnaf au! (i literally only have this part and the end so far).  Warnings for U!Pat (he’s Afton), along with child death. However some cute Logan and Ray interactions

Puppet!Ray: End of Everything: continuation of FNAF AU.  This time the Henry scene at the end of FNAF 6.  The fic I got to use the tag ‘is it still fluff if everyone dies’ on.  TW: Hinted Unsympathetic Patton because of who he replaces

And They Were Roommates - a hurt/comfort fic writen for the sanders gift exchange last year.  LAMP fic, nonbinary Dee, college AU, supportive boyfs all around

Prinxiety Prompt - takes place post DWIT, Virgil and Roman talking/flirting

Moxiety, Mobster Patton - again, nuff said.  no death, actually pretty fluffy for the prompt.  maybe a little kidnapping?

Movie Night: cute fluffy LAMP

Logan Prevents A Murder: QPP Analogical, Virgil debating murdering Roman

The Bane of Protectiveness: Ray was there when Roman....and she couldn’t stop him   TW: Suicide, Self-deprecation, self-hatred

MM3: The Murder: based of a Murder Mystery from a discord server, how Talyn’s death played out  TW: death, murder, vomiting, planned murder, drugging a drink, Unsympathetic Logan

How Ray Became Anxiety: Little clip from an au of mine where Ray becomes anxiety, along with keeping protectiveness. TW: character death, Virgil ducks out, Patton and Roman are jerks

Fighting the Dragon Witch isn’t Therapy: after POF, Roman will do anything to prove himself  TW: Temporary Major Character Death

Random Fandom One Shots

Peter Meets Angel - short one shot about my oc meeting Peter (Marvel)

Mitsue Goes Off:  Mitsue was already having a bad day, so when the LOV kidnaps her, she’s going to give them a piece of her mind (MHA)

We Have Mic - Mic gets kidnapped, Aizawa has something to say bout that (MHA)

Scar to Remember - Overhaul left a mark on Mitsue (MHA)

Demise Of A Gamer (DR) - Chp5 of SDR2 from Chiaki’s Pov

Friends Protect Each Other- Tubbo goes to visit Tommy during his exile...and finds Dream with him  TW: manipulative Dream

Original Writing

Saving The Moon - a short story I wrote for a contest a few years back

Never Trust A Newbie- short story written for a writing camp

The Hug Wizard- if you know, you know

Spiritfarer Hug Wizard: o w o

Soulmates Don’t Have to Be Romantic (finished :D )

my platonic soulmates series, starring my oc Ray

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Soulmate GC

Based off my soulmate story, a gc with the members messing w/ each other. Crack fic.

Chp 1

Chp 2

Bad Things Happen Bingo

The Collector - Logan collects people. TW: U!Logan, Kidnapping, Taxidermy on a person, blunt force trauma, character death, implied use of a date rape drug, major character death

Pressure Doesn’t Always Make A Diamond: Reminding a side for their mistakes was never a good idea.  Especially when they feel guilty about it like Patton did.  TW: Unsympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Logan, constant guilt-tripping, self-hatred, self-deprecation, blaming someone for something that isn’t their fault 

 He’s Not Yours: Patton’s parents....aren’t the best  TW: emotional abuse, yelling, numbness

Keeping Them Pure: Patton just wanted to make sure his kiddos wouldn’t get corrupted by those nasty dark sides  TW: Unsympathetic Patton, Kidnapping, Forced holding, chains

The Past Can Haunt You: Remus keeps getting left by those he cares about  TW: Abandonment, Self deprecation, Childhood Trauma,  the split, implied unsympathetic light sides

Snakes Don’t Like the Cold: Dee is part snake...so what happens when he gets trapped in a freezer  TW: Unsympathetic Roman, locked in a freezer, hypothermia

All It Takes Is One Mistake: It’s very easy for the Ego to crack  TW: Roman angst ,cracks, roman needing to talk to people

A Game of Paranoia: Something seems off to Rantaro as he goes through this game

You Just Need a Push to be Good: Patton couldn’t let those dark sides keep corrupting Thomas  TW: Unsympathethic Patton, using shock collars as punishment

‘I’m Fine’ And Other Lies: Introduction of Mitsue, my bnha oc.  Mitsue gets hurt in a fight and doesn’t realize how bad it is until it’s too late  TW: mention of blood, hospitals

They Never Saw It Coming: a small one shot with my own sides.  Warning, the title is a really bad pun.  TW: graphic eye injury

The Collector: What Happened Before: a sort of prequel to The Collector, Patton thinking over what happened TW: hypnotism, mind control, U!Logan

Replaceable?: takes place post POF, Logan’s reaction to what Janus did 

Those Left Behind: Ray was there when Virgil left them

You’ll See: From my given to Overhaul AU: Why Mitsue works with Overhaul  TW: Forced Starvation, Kidnapping, Parents not caring

Why Roman’s Sword Isn’t Allowed In the Common Room: All I’m gonna say is this is not as much as a crack fic as it sounds. TW: stabbing, coughing up blood, fighting

Scar To Remember: Mitsue wasn’t left okay after Overhaul got a hold of her

We Have Mic: Someone kidnaps Mic to get to Aizawa.  TW: Kidnapping

Don’t Hurt Ray Or Else: Even while with the lights, Virgil is going to protect his sister  TW: Morally Grey/Unsympathetic Patton, Outing Someone, not Accepting someone,  Transphobia?, mentions of fighting someone

Even In The Face Of Death, Logan Ignores His Feelings - a day to relax goes wrong when Remus decides to mess with Logan  TW: blood, stabbing

Trapped- Virgil gets kidnapped while out in the imagination.  It doesn’t go well. TW: kidnapping, panic attack, flashbacks, claustrophobia, implied pranking, implied fighting

Who Knew Sleep Paralysis Could Be Deadly?- Talent Swap AU with Makoto and Kyoko  TW: stabby stab, K-nife, sickness, sleep paralysis

Kokichi’s Sacrifice - Kokichi’s POV of Chp 4  TW: major character death, strangulation

A Well Needed Lesson - Byakuya has had enough of the Ultimate Lucky Student, Kyoko responds in return

Oh Look, A Yandere - Mic gets kidnapped by a yandere and has to try to escape TW: Yandere, kidnapping

Bad Things Happen Bingo Part 2: New Card, New Category

To Manipulate A Protector -Orange goes after Virgil? Or is that just a trick? TW: Kidnapping, implied fighting, manipulation, being controlled

Some Apologies Go Nowhere - after chp 4, Kokichi tries to apologize to Shuichi. Key word there is try

No One Noticed...- What if Shiro hadn’t been the only one Replaced? TW: Abandonment, heavy doubt, replaced and not noticed

Of All People Why’d it have to be Deku? - Bakugou and Midoryia switch bodies. Chaos ensues. TW:… cussing I guess?

A Broken Disc- Spoilers for the March 1st Tommyinnit Stream  TW: Major Character Death, Attempted Manipulation, Flashbacks

not again...: Nagito gets kidnapped...again  TW: kidnapping, locked in small place

Goodbye Green- Who ever said the Creativity twins were supposed to be separated?  TW: Morally Grey Patton, having to leave someone you care about

One Step Behind: Phil’s POV of what happened that fateful day  TW: Major Character Death, Stabbing, Bleeding Out, Explosions

Adrien’s Realization

Lila Bashing fic where Adrien finally realizes that ‘Hey what Lila is doing to me isn’t good’

Chp 1-  TW: Unrequited flirting, unrequited crush, Lila hate(?)

Chp 2- TW:Self doubt, bad advice

Another Path

After All Might tells Izuku he can’t be hero, Izuku decides it might be better to take another path to help people. Planned mix of actual story and chat fic

TW: slight All Might bashing

Prologue

Chp 1

Chp 2

#masterpost #my writing #ace's writing

[thecatprince]

Newspaper Clippings

Read on AO3

This is a one-shot inspired by @manyfandomsonelog‘s fantastic fic What You Can Stand (go check it out). All of the characters, the universe, and events prior to this one-shot are all by her.

I just wanted Roman and Virgil to be happy and soft and married, so here they are (with a smidge of angst). I hope you like it Log!!

Relationships: Prinxiety

Summary:  10 years after the events of What You Can Stand, Virgil and Roman are happily married and reflect on their pasts.

Reblogs > Likes

-----

Virgil sat on the floor, looking through a box he hadn’t opened in a while. The contents of the box weren’t really that special, just old newspaper clippings, some whole pages with bolded headlines and photos, others just a couple of lines, some cut carefully from the paper, others ripped hastily. Each of these clipping detailed another heroic save from the amazing Mr Spectacular, or the next attack from the villainous Nightmare. Some of the pictures showed a dashing Roman, muscular and strong, his face incredibly boyish. In all of his pictures he was posing victoriously, hands on hips, staring into the distance, the classic hero pose (and a pose that did an excellent job of highlighting his jawline in Virgil’s opinion). Other photos were of a sullen Nightmare, pale and brooding, blending into the shadows. His face was mostly hidden by a mask and Nightmare was not known for being a good subject to photograph, but occasionally there was a photo that managed to capture his eyes, and Virgil almost cringed at the fear and anger he could see in them.

“Virgil?” a voice behind him said, soft and gentle and calming. Virgil looked up and met the eyes of his husband, who smiled and sat next to Virgil on the floor.

“Oh wow, it has been a while since I have seen these!” Roman exclaimed. Virgil gave a huff of laughter and moved to snuggle up to him, curling his legs against Roman’s and resting his head on his shoulder. Roman smiled fondly at Virgil’s affection and put his arm around his husband, pulling him in closer.

“Gosh, I remember this,” Roman said, picking up a clipping with the headline ‘Spectacular boy once again saves the day’ and a photo of Roman next to a little girl who looked no older than 4. “She was stuck in a burning building, the only one there and I got her out. She was really sweet, called me “Mr Speccy-lar”. I hope she is doing alright.”

Virgil picked up a clipping off the top of the pile. The headline read ‘Local Villain causes destruction to Spectacular home’. “I only toilet papered the house, that headline is a bit dramatic.” Roman gave a hum of agreement, his focus taken up by another clipping, this one reading ‘Spectacular Hero once again defeats vile Villain’. The photo on the clipping showed Roman flying over Virgil, who was on the ground. Roman in the photo looked triumphant, while Virgil looked angry and defeated.

“One of our first real fights,” Roman murmured. “We were so young.” Roman’s voice sounded rather gentle and forlorn. Virgil sighed, and shifted away from Roman slightly, picking up another clipping. This one had no headline or article, just a photo of Virgil, one of the only good ones. His eyes were visible in this one, and Virgil could almost feel the fear, anger and even apathy that emanated from them. Roman noticed how he reacted and turned his focus onto him, watching Virgil carefully as he stared at the clipping, an almost indecipherable expression on his face.

“I was a bad person. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I hurt so many people.” Virgil whispered, almost to himself. Roman placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, drawing his attention back to him.

“Virgil, you were lost and scared and alone. Your actions and motivations, while inexcusable, were understandable. I hurt you so much beforehand, and you had no support system. People only improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?”

Virgil opened his mouth to counter back, but Roman cut him off before he could say anything. “And you have improved so much, because you got the support of Logan and Patton, and eventually me. I know you aren’t proud of your past, I’m not proud of mine either, but Nightmare was a scared, lost, lonely little boy who had had a bad life and no support, and the Virgil I know today is a strong, loved, kind, considerate, amazing, supported man with a family who loves him and a very handsome husband.” Virgil gave a small smile at the last statement. “My point is, you made some serious mistakes, but you have grown and learnt so much, and that is what you should focus on. You are a different person now, and while that doesn’t erase your past, you shouldn’t focus on it.”

Virgil smiled gently at Roman and moved over to hug him. Roman gladly accepted the hug, pulling Virgil into his lap and holding him close. “Thank you,” Virgil murmured into Roman’s neck. Roman didn’t respond, just squeezed his husband tighter. They stayed like that for a little while, just holding onto each other, surrounded by clippings headlining some of their biggest achievements and greatest mistakes. Eventually Virgil lifted his head from Roman’s neck and rested their foreheads together.

“I love you,” Virgil said, staring lovingly into Roman’s eyes. Roman moved his hand to cup Virgil’s face, his thumb rubbing gently across his cheek.

“I love you too,” he responded. The two of them lent in for a kiss, gentle and sweet, as were many of their kisses. Roman threaded his fingers through Virgil’s hair, and Virgil rested one of his hands on the base of Roman’s and the other on his waist. Their lips worked together like they were made for each other, gently pressing against each other. Virgil couldn’t get over how amazing it felt to kiss Roman, even though he had done it a million times before. The two of them broke apart after a couple of minutes, slightly out of breath.

“I would love to kiss you for the rest of the night, but we do have a family dinner to get to in about half an hour and you know how Logan hates it when we are late.”

Roman gave Virgil a quick peck on the lips before the two of them cleaned up the newspaper clippings and put them back into the box. ‘Family dinner’ was a thing Roman never thought he would ever hear without freezing up and freaking out, but now it was a weekly thing that Roman actively looked forward to. It was always enjoyable sitting next to his wonderful husband, hands linked together underneath the table, opposite Logan and Patton, talking and laughing over a delicious meal. It was a safe and secure and loving environment, and Roman never thought he would ever get over the fact that he was happy while being with people he considered family. He loved Logan and Patton and everything they had ever done for him, and he knew that nothing he ever did would properly repay them for how much they had helped him and Virgil. Roman had made some mistakes in the past too, and the fact that he was happy and safe and comfortable with his new family was something Roman never would forget or take for granted.

He watched as his husband put the box back into the bottom of the wardrobe wear it was kept. How he had managed to be with a man as incredible as Virgil was something he would never understand, but he was incredibly fortunate to have him, and Logan and Patton, in his life. Things were terrible in the past, but they were good now and that was all that mattered.

----

I hoped you liked the fic Log and that I didn’t butcher any details! I have no idea what you have planned for the ending of the fic, but this is what I imagine!! (I also just really wanted them to be happy and married after all they have been through so far).

#cat writes #is this because log was sad? maybe #but also because I love her fic! #prinxiety #what you can stand #virgil sanders #roman my beloved #anyway I hope you like this Log!

[doomstypewriter]

would u do forbidden love, secret relationship moceit? i was thinking a pseudo-historical au, ideally with homophobia as the motivator for the forbidden/secret part but if u absolutely dont wanna do that janus being an outlaw would also work i suppose. just some whacky bois sneaking through windows to hang out, nearly being caught smooching, funny hijinks, then! sudden melancholy about how in love they are & never being able to show it

Finally, anon, I am done!!!!  I gladly present to you the final chapter, just in time for Valentine's Day (call that timing (once you read the thing you'll get this reference)). 

 Hope you enjoy it, and thank you for giving me the chance to write something this cool! 

<< Chapter 1                                       AO3

We call it an affair because it's a forbidden romance 

Word count: 9376 

 Summary: Janus is dumb. He may be intelligent, but intelligence isn't at odds with poor foresight. So he makes a mistake that can get him killed. Romina is very gay and very angry. Patton is confused but does his best. Virginia is the only one with a functioning brain cell. Or, how a chain of misunderstandings almost ruins everything. 

 TW: Seemingly Unsymphathetic fem!Roman (not really, she is just feeling very hurt and angry and it is all resolved eventually), mild transphobia, mentions of blood, mentions of violence (there is a sword fight), mild misogyny, internalised misogyny, internalised homophobia, homophobia, mild threats of violence (again, the sword fight), swearing... I think that's all, but if you spot anything else tell me. 

Chapter 2: The rest of their lives 

The light raised above the darkness and it was morning again. In two days time, Patton would be meeting the countess, just so he could start properly courting her, not because his father wanted to get a title and land for his son. To suggest such a thing would be ridiculous. Scandalous even!

Reputation ruining…

Janus got up from his cot, unfit for the heavy silks that covered it, some stolen, some gifted by Patton. He looked at the things surrounding him. His house wasn’t so bad. It was in fact bigger than the places inhabited by most peasants, and a palace compared to the things in which people like him had to sleep… the things where he had had to lay in. The house consisted of one room, like most, but the size made up for the lack of divisions. 

This was a cave reimagined as a home. The walls had been lined with timber and thoroughly coated with stucco, the curving grooves of its application were not that noticeable, Janus was not a professional but he had certainly done his best. Aside from the absence of windows, it didn’t resemble a cave. There was a section of rock he had left uncovered at the very back, where water seeped out of the wall and provided him with a steady source of the thing. He would prefer not drinking watered-down stucco. 

He began to get dressed. All of his clothing was stored within a small but beautifully carved cupboard he had stolen from a manor in Bohemia. He had plenty of garments from here and there, five outfits in total! Stolen as well. 

In the house, what he hadn’t crafted himself he had stolen. Perfume bottles from France, boots and gold from the Kingdom of Aragon, a stiletto and a medium-sized silver mirror from the Republic of Venice… he even had two tapestries. 

But, even then, it was nothing compared to Villa Morandi. He surrounded himself with opulence to quench his thirst for wealth, the easy life of those above. His home was an illusion, a taste of richness, in which a poor man could pretend. This was not a place where Patton could live, let alone want to. 

If he was to spread rumours, then what? A plan of keeping Patton to himself would not succeed and his lover’s life would be as good as done. 

After packing his fanciest clothes and putting on the ones he used for travelling, he set to leave. He carried his stiletto, a grappling hook and a sword, all three perfectly hidden under his cape. 

Using a hidden pulley system, Janus moved the boulder that hid the entrance to the cave, returning it to its place afterwards. No one would find his home no matter how long he left.

The path down the slope of the mountain twisted and turned. Janus was in no disposition to waste time, so he went across the forest. Half-lost in the trees lay the cabin of a woodsman’s family. A while ago, Janus had left them a steed along with one florin. The family cared for the horse, not knowing exactly what to do. As the horse appeared and disappeared, bringing them thirty soldi each time, they began to get the gist.  Upon reaching the cabin, he headed for a well-built timber shed where his horse waited, fed and rested. 

He left thirty soldi on a small stool at the corner of the shed, mounted his horse, and galloped away. 

The Regio county manor was two days away by horse. 

Patton left yesterday, as his carriage would take longer to get there, stops and all, than one man on horseback. 

Janus paused at the base of the mountain. With one whistle his hawk surfaced from the sea of trees to land on his forearm-length glove. 

“You are to find Signor Morandi’s and Patton’s carriage. Follow them without drawing attention to yourself, find me and report to me at dusk. If anything urgent were to happen, come to my side immediately”.

-------------------------

His room at the inn felt quiet despite the muffled sounds from down below, where people chanted and told stories. 

The cool breeze wouldn’t be half-unpleasant if he wasn’t leaning on the ledge of a wide-open window. I also didn’t help that he was in his underwear. Father would certainly scold him for letting himself be seen in his linen undershirt. Some may think he was waiting for some disreputable company. 

It was more hoping than waiting. Also, Janus couldn’t possibly be disreputable. Out of costume, he had no reputation whatsoever. He liked to keep it that way. His real identity had no friend nor foe, in that he found safety. It had been hard to trust each other. Believe a criminal could be good. Let the son of a merchant become a friend, form an opinion of Janus, the original one. A part of him felt so proud, to see him grow, believe him, love him… another part found it sad for people to miss on such a wonderful person. 

Nights like this made him nostalgic. The first floors had tallow candles cast their diffuse glow onto the streets. Cobblestones seemed softened by the warm tint. Darkness rendered malleable to the light. It all made him miss Janus even more. 

The touch of his palm, holding the weight of his lazy head, a poor substitute to Janus’ hand. 

On such a night they had met. How scared he had been! A bit angry too… captivated as well, even if he couldn’t admit it to himself at the time. 

Patton smiled in contemplation. 

He had spotted him right there, sitting out of the adjacent window, ready to jump and make a run for it. 

“Stop! You will get hurt, good sir!” at first he did not realise the true nature of what was happening. 

To think Janus could be harmed by jumping off a window! He knew better now. Balconies were his true weakness. Thankfully, the only balconies he climbed now were his. 

“Oh, I’ll stop at once. Care to join?” Janus said as he pulled a stiletto out of his cape. 

“You are stealing!” 

“I would never!” he feigned indignation.

“Then what is it that you are doing, good sir?”

Oh, Patton could still hear the laugh that had followed, velvety and insincere. It brought a chill up his spine. 

“Stealing, of course”. 

“That is vile!” 

“Is it? You’re all allowed to provide for yourselves by buying fabrics and goods created by others. Am I not doing as you do? Are merchants not thieves? How can you tell a vile man from another? What do you know of this world, dear?” 

“Well… I... I know for certain that the woman in that room, the one you are stealing from, sir, is not wealthy. She may look the part, but that is thanks to heirlooms. Her family has been impoverished for two generations”. 

“Does it make you virtuous to spread the secrets of others? Isn’t gossip frowned upon by those of…” he lifted his gold rosary from under his shirtfront with the tip of his blade “your inclination”. 

“I am merely explaining so you may be persuaded to accept my gold in exchange for returning her possessions”. 

“Why shouldn’t I just take your gold and keep her stuff too?”

“We may be allowed to provide for ourselves in ways others may view as vile, but should we condemn those who cannot on the account of not wanting to express vileness or having no means to? I do not mean to intrude, sir, but the thoughts behind your words betray your stance in this dilemma. You shall find more satisfaction in stealing what you believe was already stolen. A poor woman is not worth your pride, nor ridding you of the chance to make me lose mine”.

Janus frowned as if he didn't expect him to say something like that. Later he would confess to him that what shocked him was hearing him say something smart. It keeps on surprising him whenever he does.

"Quick, hand me your gold and I might consider it". 

"No, sir, I expect you to leave what you have taken first". 

He did try to hide his eagerness. But, how his cape rustled, once inside, betrayed him. What kind of thief was so noisy? He thought to himself. Once they had built trust, Janus explained that he had been quite shaken up by his offering. He neglected to mention the reason why. Patton imagined it was because he found his disposition to put himself in harm’s way for others ridiculous. 

The thief’s half-concealed face emerged from the window. 

"Will three florin do?" Patton asked, pulling his coin bag. 

Janus looked at the rich embroidered fabric almost in awe. If only, for a second. 

“I suppose…” 

“Well, then, there you go, sir”. 

His hands pried the bag open, ready to pull the golden coins. 

“Hmm…” 

“What is the matter?” 

“I could always just go back and get all the stuff”. 

“Is it not enough for you?” he showed him the three pieces of gold in his open palm. 

It was as if he could almost feel him licking his lips. The part of him, dark, often chastised, made him shake and quiver. His knees felt weak, somehow. This hunger in the thief’s eyes, almost akin to wonder, at the sight of gold, as if he had never seen so much before, it made him want to… dear Lord, no!

“To put such a price on mending the error of my ways” he laughed, staring right through him with those green eyes. Patton’s knees threatened to buckle for real.  “It isn’t very much, now, is it?” he leaned forward, and if Patton leaned as well maybe he could… what? Fall from this height for a pretty thief?

“What do you want, then?” 

That had been a first for Janus, Patton was certain. He didn’t quite get his reaction, but, picturing it again some days later he figured the thief was taken aback. 

“Uh… tha-that fancy coin bag of yours will do. Consider me a gentleman, I wouldn’t want to fleece you completely, the first time”. 

“Oh, I’m sure”. 

“Ha”, Janus stared at him in disbelief. 

Patton felt mortified. 

“I-I mean…” 

“Are you always this eloquent or is it just poor skill when it comes to existing?” the sentence did not sound as condescending as it should have, more like borderline flirtatious. 

Words would not come to him. 

“The coin bag, please”. 

His arm moved on his own, careful to avoid touch. It would be a bad idea to give this man a chance to tip him over the ledge. For a moment, he hesitated. This bag had been gifted to him by his father, he had two made for the two of them. It was two of a kind. But… the woman next door’s wellbeing was far more valuable than any piece of fabric. No matter how treasured. 

Janus dangled the bag from his pointer finger, right next to his face. Side-eying his price, he spoke again: 

“Looks like the virtuous are also the most stupid”. 

The thief readied himself to jump. Patton knew he had to say something, because, this moment, it told him he would regret it if he didn’t. 

“It is not about virtue, but goodness”. 

For a moment he thought he had heard him stop breathing. Then, he jumped. Patton jumped in his place as well. He couldn’t help but bring his entire torso out of the window. 

There he was! Running. He had made no noise in his landing. 

Just when he was about to disappear into the shadows, this weird new acquaintance looked at him one last time. 

Back then, Janus vanished for a while. Patton had come to learn that he would always return one way or another. 

Like now. 

A shadow moved, carefully, on the roof tiles at the other side of the street. Patton whistled, trying not to be too loud, not that anyone below would hear him. Knowing it had been spotted, the shadow flew to his side. 

“Hello, big guy”. 

After a rustle of feathers, the hawk landed at his left. 

“Why the grumpy face?” Patton laughed. “I know it’s just your brow feathers.  You’re so handsome” he caressed the top of the bird’s head with one finger. 

“He sent you all the way here. You must be tired. I don’t have any food for you here, but I’m sure I can get you something to drink”. 

Patton poured some water into a basin and carried it to the window, he placed it on the floor. 

“There, it’s supposed to be used to wash your face… I guess you can do that too if you want”.  

The hawk flew inside and drank it all dry. 

“You ought to tell Janus”, he began saying as he bent his knees, “to stop worrying so much. I am okay. I know he is concerned, but it will all be fine. Also, when you get home, ask him when is he going to let me visit, I’d love to go”.

-------------------------

The carriage clattered over the stone pathway. Inside, the curtains were drawn, but a pang of curiosity made it so Patton moved them, ever-so-slightly, aside to take a discrete look. 

Big was an understatement when one tried to describe the Regio manor. It was a three-storey building comprised of a first floor with a rusticated facade that had four small windows on each side, the centre being interrupted by a wide mason staircase presided by a classic structure of pilasters, then followed by an entablature and a pediment with the most ornate of tympanums. He imagined the staircase lead to the primo piano nobile. To both sides of the main entrance were two sets of four architrave windows built in perfect symmetry. Above it all, was the third floor, which mostly mirrored the second, but had a total of ten slightly smaller windows, as there wasn’t another central element to interrupt their flow. 

If this marriage agreement moved forward, one day, this would be technically his. It will be his wife’s, but, as spouses, they are supposed to share it all. Villa Morandi will be hers as well, it was only fair. 

A part of him felt bad for not having had the chance to keep contact with Lady Romina Regio previous to now. How was one supposed to feel when they get no say in who they marry? Father, at least, had asked him. Yes, he risked disappointing him, but, ultimately, the choice was his.  Will this woman, on the account of her status, be allowed such a choice? He feared her parents were the only people who would decide. Father too. Does she even want the father of her fiancé to take this from her? Is it right to deceive themselves like this, to have God bind them when no love is to arise from this union? Is a potential friendship worthy of the sacrament of matrimony? 

Patton knew two things with certainty: he wanted to be a good friend to Lady Romina Regio and he could not sacrifice his feelings for Janus to achieve it. 

They were guided inside by Virginia Fusco, Lady Romina Regio’s personal servant.

The entrance consisted of a corridor, divided into three naves, by two rows of ionic columns made of rose gold marble. Above that, there was a straight ceiling with five rows of twelve coffers, all richly painted with floral and geometric motifs. His boots looked cheap in comparison to the flooring they walked on. Big and polished terracotta tiles in a diamond pattern covered the ground, the corners were clipped to accommodate small white marble accents. 

Once they passed the entrance, this father was led upstairs by another servant, while Virginia instructed him to accompany her elsewhere. 

“I am glad you arrived here safely after leaving Villa Morandi. Has everything been well?”

She stilled for a moment. 

“Uuh… thank you for the kind concern, sir. Things in the house have been… busy due to the news of your engagement to her ladyship” she began walking again. 

“I was asking about you”. 

“Pardon?”

“When I asked, before, I wanted to know if you have been doing well. It must be stressful to be sent back and forth between the palazzo and Villa Morandi during the last weeks, especially being a personal maid to her ladyship, it is uncommon for someone like you to be used as a messenger”. 

“I shall do anything her ladyship requires. Any task”. 

“Oh! Sorry! I did not intend to say you would not”, Patton stopped dead in his tracks. 

Virginia turned around and stared at him in confusion. 

“I… when you first arrived I did not expect her ladyship’s personal servant to be at my home. Her ladyship’s maid is supposed to stay with her, so I thought something bad might have happened… The trip in between is not too long but done enough times it can prove to be energy-consuming”. 

Patton was met with even more confusion from Virginia, so he kept babbling in hopes of fixing his mistake. “Not that you would not be willing to put up with it for her ladyship, I am sure. I did also not mean to assume anything, that is why I asked in the first place, I only meant it kindly…” 

“Sir, it is alright”, she began saying. 

If Patton had not been as worked up with the conversation as he was he may have detected the slightest hint of amusement coming from Virginia. 

“Her ladyship is--”

“Oh! Oh, that too! I did not mean to not inquire about her ladyship’s wellbeing, part of me dared to hope I could meet her today and ask her in person…” 

“Sir, please, follow me. I am afraid we cannot keep the person I am taking you to waiting, you see, her ladyship finds it upsetting”. 

Patton laughed. 

It caught Virginia off guard. People were not supposed to behave so… openly within these walls. At least she wasn’t used to it. 

“You must excuse this man’s oblivious nature, I should have realised where you were taking me earlier”. 

“Sir, I am undeserving of your apologies. But, if we keep stalling, her ladyship will require one”. 

“Of course, lead the way”.

-------------------------

His horse reached the palazzo just in time to see the Morandi’s carriage passing by. 

Unlike his dear Patton, he did not have an invitation. Sneaking past the guards, an easy task if you asked him, had to suffice. 

The place was huge, it was to be expected from such a family. Janus couldn’t care less for the grandeur, not when he couldn’t get his hands on it, and that wasn’t the reason why he had come there. 

It would seem the Regio had it going on. The palazzo was relatively new, built, at most, fifty years ago. If you checked the list, all of the items relating to appearance did justice to the status of the family. Looking closely though… 

There were only two boys and an old man tending to the gardens. Gardens as big as everything else, mind you. So, clearly, they were understaffed. Which was precisely why Janus had been able to hide between a set of unkempt bushes to change into today’s costume. As long as he managed to avoid getting any leaves of brunches stuck, it would all be fine. 

Back to the Regio, though. If one was as much of an expert at judging other people’s wealth as Janus was, save that one time with a woman at an inn, it became obvious that the counts were missing on the money. Firstly, the manor had been built recently, but most certainly not after the war. Secondly, the guards were as many as one would expect, but not as… on guard -curse Patton’s sense of humour- as they should. This just told him they weren’t being paid that much. Then was the matter of understaffing. 

And, of course, Patton’s presence here. 

Janus had not forgotten Signor Morandi’s words. Patton could only afford to marry a countess because the Regio could not afford anyone less wealthy. 

The clothes were on and he was inside the house. 

Why did these people never put any sort of vigilance at the servant’s entrances? It never occurred to them that even if people wouldn’t steal their laundry, perhaps they would get in with the laundry. Pathetic. 

It made his life easier, though. 

He was in. 

He was in and he was going to… what? 

For starters try to find any dirt on Patton’s dear future wife. Maybe any belongings that could give him some leverage. Just to be safe. 

Janus knew Patton would keep his word, even if it destroyed him, and it would. Nobles always wanted offspring. Janus just wasn’t sure if Patton would be up for the task when someone did not have his pretty eyes and his masculine figure. 

Causing troubles for his beloved was the last thing he wanted. But, if it came to it, Janus would do anything. Whether that meant creating accidents, blackmailing or appointing a convenient kidnapping during a wedding night. 

He went up the servant’s stairs and reached a second-floor gallery, open to the courtyard below. 

Just when he was about to leave, his ears caught some hushed shouting coming from above.

-------------------------

“How could she do this to me!?” 

Romina stormed the third-floor corridor, without any bearing nor destination. 

“Your ladyship, please, we must go back!” Virginia ran behind her, speaking between her teeth. 

“Did you see him, Virg?”

“Yes, I did, your ladyship”. 

“I-- this is outrageous!” 

“I beg you, can we not have this conversation here, your ladyship?” 

Despite Virginia kindly pointing out that the third-floor gallery was hardly an appropriate location for such or any kind of discussion, Romina did not heed her request. 

“I was going to become a princess! And because of this, I am deprived of royalty! Because my sister fancies herself a man!” 

“For the love of…, you know what, no. I am tired of this. She dresses like a man, she talks like a man, she looks like a man and she feels like one. In which way is she, no, he, not a man?” 

Romina grimaced at her own words. Still, she was far too angry to let go of her resentment. 

“In the fact that he has no honour. He lied to me, several times. First by promising we’ll stay together. Then he did not care to tell me I had a brother, didn’t even trust me for that, and now he has abandoned me. And what for? He saw that pretty ‘scientist’ or whatever he calls himself and decided to follow him to the end of the world. How come he gets to be a pirate when I have to become a wife?!”

“Romina, please, shut your big mouth before anyone overhears us” Virginia warned. 

“So now I must be quiet!”

“Yes! For your sake, you dumbass”. 

“Well, I will not be quiet, you… you sonnetist of elegies!” 

“That’s not even a--” Virginia placed her hand on the bridge of her nose. 

As if to make her point clearer, Romina kept walking into the gallery. 

“I don’t care! You know why? Because now I have to replace him in a destiny none of us wanted, but at least he had been prepared for! What am I going to do?” 

“How about you begin by coming back--” 

“He leaves me like this, to be mocked and compared to him,--” 

“Oh Lord, why do I even bother--”

“--who ran away. How could he be so selfish!? Let me ask you this instead, how can a man surrender his word and his honour so readily?”

Then, Virginia stilled completely. 

She didn’t know whether she felt angry or deeply saddened.

“What wouldn’t any of us do to seize the freedom that we have forever been denied? And, who wouldn’t cast away honour to be free and loved? Can’t you identify with that, or are you a liar too?”

“I…”

“Is it Remus who you’re angry at?” 

“It doesn’t matter what I think. I am still going to have to get married to some random person--!”

“Oh, shut up! At least he’s nice! Do you know what he did when he met me? Because he came to personally receive me, you see. He asked for my name! Not only that, but he remembers it. Just when I was taking him to see you, he asked me how had I been! Have you any idea how many people do that? You are so privileged you cannot get your head out of your stuck-up ass, Princess. Nobody ever cares how people like me are doing!” 

“Oh, so that is what this is about! Well, sorry I can’t pepper you with attention every waking moment, love--” 

“Fuck off, I already know that, stop making this about you!” 

“But it is about me!”

“You’re so lucky you get to marry a kind man! Any other person would just use his status to be a self-righteous narcissistic asshole, yes, Princess, like you, but not young Signor Morandi so quit mopping!” 

“Well, if you like him so much, then why don’t you marry him instead?!” 

Her hands gripped her apron tightly. Virginia could not bear her gaze at the moment. She bit her lip as if that could help her to cope with the backlash at the sheer stupidity of Romina’s words. 

“I am sorry”. 

“You… at least you’re… hmm…” she took a deep breath. In part to give herself time to consider what to say carefully, but, also, to calm down. “Male-inclined. I… your ladyship, if I did not serve you I fear I would only be any good left in a nunnery. You must understand, if I could choose who to marry, well, kind and considerate is not much of my type, as you must be aware. Neither is Signor Morandi”. 

“If…” 

Romina returned to her side. 

Her hands, littered with all sorts of rings, made Virginia’s hands give up on holding the apron. The labour-stained pair were squeezed safely. 

“Please, please look at me”. 

The request made Virginia want to refuse. But, aside from her position, these were the kind of situations in which Virginia could not deny Romina. 

“If I could choose who to marry, it would be one who would make me a princess, not on the account of status, but with word… if you know what I mean”. 

Virginia rolled her eyes. 

“The only one that dense here is you”. 

“The mouth on you. I am going to have to keep you by my side”, she paused for a second and then whispered, “my love”. 

Her gaze was most intense upon hearing that. The pair of dark brown eyes opening in a way that could be described as feline. 

“No nunnery could be at your level when it comes to sarcasm and bossing other women around. I, at the very least, can hold my ground for longer until you get me to do your bid--”

Finally, Romina was quiet. 

Virginia gripped her shoulders, squeezing the puffs of her dress’ sleeves, with the tips of her fingers touching against the golden netting that covered Romina’s chest. It was as if she was trying to drink the life out of those lips. Her very being was buzzing with want and anger. 

The bejewelled woman became pliant, yet passionate, under the touch. Bravery, whenever it surfaced in Virginia, was something to behold. Even more of a thing to experience. 

“Fuck” Virginia covered her mouth with her hands as she abruptly parted. 

“Likewise. Oh, I feel dizzy” she smiled. 

“No, not that way. I… shit… I just did...that! And here!”

“Now, now”, Romina grasped her hands. 

She caressed the base of Virginia’s thumbs with a devoted look. 

“Ro…”

“No reason to panic, my nightly gale”. 

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about that” a voice came from the other side of the gallery.

-------------------------

The room was quiet. 

No. 

The room was completely silent and Patton had no idea what had gone wrong. He never intended to say something that could harm anyone’s sensitivities. It just never occurred to him that someone could be offended by a pun about the weather. 

This first attempt at friendship had not been… great. 

His father would certainly laugh at Lady Romina Regio’s decision to storm out of the room upon hearing a silly joke. He would make nothing of it. He’d say womanly outbursts were to be expected. Darn it, most people would say so.

Ignoring it would be simple. 

Patton could not ignore it. 

Firstly, it became clear to him that her ladyship had no say in her marrying him. Not only that, but she might feel strongly against it. Secondly, and most important, he intended to build a friendship with her. 

Considering the circumstances, the best he could do would be to find her and speak from the heart. If he explained to her that he meant no ill by making a joke, or to be insensitive by indulging in frivolities in the face of such a serious matter as their first meeting, she might feel better. And, if she still refused him, he could offer to call the entire thing off. 

Except that would be a terrible idea. Her family needed the money and going back on his choice would make her chances even more difficult. But, maybe, she wanted that. Her reaction pointed to it. Father would be very disappointed, the last thing Patton wanted was to be a bad son. But wasn’t it worse to force a woman into a marriage? Also, Janus. He’d be free to remain with him for longer. 

What was he going to do? He didn’t know what the right answer to this was.  

Talking to her. Patton could start by doing that, but first, he needed to find her.

-------------------------

This wasn’t the kind of dirt he had expected to find, but only a moron would look a gift horse in the mouth right now.

The servant girl’s passion came out of nowhere. He almost wanted to take notes. 

“No reason to panic, my nightly gale”, said the countess, still entranced at the sight of her maid’s hands. 

She had just given him his cue, so Janus could not help but oblige. 

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about that”, he said leaving his hiding spot. 

Instantly, they turned to look at him. The countess let go of the other’s hands in a jolt. Her demeanour changed in a second. So, not only was she a countess, but also a terrific actress. 

“Oh! Good day sir! Are you, by any chance, lost? My servant can…” she looked at the aforementioned. 

Her maid was having none of it. She eyed him suspiciously, ignoring how her mistress’ body language asked her to calm down. 

“Were you coming to see his lordship? I am afraid he is busy at the moment”. 

“Oh, well yes. I was sent by Marquess Sanders to inquire about a series of matters relating to war expenses” he said as he took off his cape. 

By revealing his outfit he hoped to gain some credibility. Looking rich always got people off your back. Especially when you carried a sword. 

The countess’ eyes lit up in recognition of his dusack. Dusacks were one of the main weapons sent by Marquess Sanders during the war, this one so happened to also have the family crest attached to the scabbard. 

Normally, he would have covered it to avoid getting Thomas into trouble. 

“Well, in that case--” Romina began to say. 

“Excuse me, sir, but I am sure her ladyship would first like to see the letters that his lordship always has his people carry”. 

“Is your maid often allowed to talk over you, your ladyship?” 

“I...uh…” Romina looked at her maid for help. 

“Well, that is to be expected, as she is allowed to do much more than that, is she not?” 

The maid squinted at him. 

“Oh, that thing? It was a… a token of friendship!” the countess proudly proclaimed. 

While she may be a fantastic actress, she surely was a terrible liar. The maid scoffed in the way Janus could not, whether it was due to hearing her lover say something that ridiculous or because of the awful lie he could not tell. 

“If that is how I treated all my friends I am certain my lovers would be confused”. 

Both women caught their breaths. 

“I would, of course, not be so indiscreet as to say anything, for a price, that is”. 

“What is it that you want?” 

“I’ve heard you are soon to be married--” 

The maid looked at him even more intensely, and then…

“Your ladyship, this man is deceiving you”. 

“Yeah, I can tell, we were just discussing--”

“You dense ass, not now, all the time! His money bag over there, it’s Signor Morandi’s!” 

Oh, fuck. 

Well, it couldn’t be helped. 

Janus unsheathed his sword and pointed it to the maid’s neck. 

“I suggest we keep this matter quiet, or else I’ll have to keep it quiet forever”.

-------------------------

Patton’s efforts to find Lady Romina Regio or her servant, Virginia, had not been successful so far. He had explored the main areas of the house, now finding himself at the first-floor courtyard. 

The smells coming from the kitchen, where the staff worked in their earnest to prepare tonight’s dinner, danced in the air. Patton sat at a stone bench, wondering what else he could do. His only chance would be waiting until both families dined together. He’d wish to apologise to her ladyship before that, so they could indulge in the dishes without any looming over. 

Then, the faint sound of a voice coming from above called his attention. 

It was barely hearable due to the clankings of nearby cooking. But there was no way he wouldn’t recognise it. 

“I would... be so indiscreet … price...” Patton could make out. 

Indeed, it was Janus’ voice. If that and the words ‘indiscreet’ and ‘price’ were anything to go by, he was blackmailing someone. 

Her ladyship was nowhere to be found and Janus was being Janus nearby. It didn’t take too much to put two and two together. 

Patton moved around the courtyard while staring upwards. 

There they were! He only had to find a way to…

Oh no. 

Janus was pointing his sword to Virginia’s neck. 

Before Patton could realise what he was doing, his feet were already running upstairs.

-------------------------

This would have been a great time for both of them to bail, hadn’t a sword been pointed at her. But, that's life. Some days you wake up next to your lover in her chambers with a deep feeling of dread over, well, everything; other days you are about to get basically beheaded, what can you do. 

For starters, Virginia was going to fight, because she didn’t feel particularly inspired to think at the moment. 

“Please, do not hurt her, I beg you”, Romina said. 

Wonderful. Virginia was either about to get hurt or be very lucky on her own accord. 

She quickly leaned back and ducked, taking advantage of the man’s attention being redirected at Romina’s plea. 

Definitely, she was getting hurt, not lucky, as the sword fell down on her with a swift swoop. 

That was it. 

Then, Romina pulled another sword from the pocket opening of her dress, crossing blades with the thief, but, most importantly, saving her life. She was going to be really cocky about it, if they made it out in one piece. 

“Well, this was a lovely surprise”, the thief said as Romina and he circled each other, edges sliding in a sharp sound, “but if you don’t give it up, you’ll end up maimed and, after that, let’s say… your maid may take a nudge downstairs”. 

Romina slid the sword away and twirled it back to strike. The thief had enough reflexes to put his dusack across his face before it got cut in half. 

A strong clank echoed all over the gallery and the courtyard below. 

“You foul fiend! You may be brave enough to threaten me, but your overconfidence in thinking you can get away--” she struck again, “with endangering her--” Romina turned them, making it so Virginia was behind her, as if to underline her words, “shall be your downfall”. 

“Thank you for enlightening me, your highness” the thief began to say. 

He overpowered Romina by twisting their swords. She collided against Virginia’s chest after the villain shoved her away. 

“This has, clearly, proved how friendly you are. By all means, tell me, are you also willing to die for all of your friends?” 

His next move was more successful now that he had gained more range of attack. The thief plunged forward in a piercing motion. Romina stopped it with a backhanded sweep, then turned on herself, making it so his blade pointed to the ground. 

“I would die for her, any day”. 

Virginia did not have the right to feel as flustered as she did, not when they were in mortal danger. Somehow, Romina’s best romantic lines happened whenever she did not speak them directly to her. Seeing her look that fierce when fighting may also factor into it. Why did Princess always have to be so intense?

“Is this a confession? Scandalous!” 

“It is a promise”. 

There was a delicate balance between each other for a moment. Their eyes locked in a stare. 

It was so strange, Virginia thought. This man keeps on threatening them, but he hesitates. What was holding him back? Also, why steal a coin bag when you plan on blackmailing someone? Yes, it had to be planned, otherwise, the marquess lie made no sense, too much preparation involved for that to be a coincidence. Could he actually be sent by the marquess? But, why? The Regio and the marquess had had a wonderful relationship over the years. 

Something didn’t fit. 

The thief moved ever so slightly. Romina, clearly, wasn’t taking any chances.

In a display of quick reflexes, she side-kicked him on the chest, making him stumble backwards. 

While the thief struggled to regain his footing, Romina sliced through the cord keeping Signor Morandi’s coin bag attached to his waist. She smiled playfully. 

“For someone so smug, you are surely a clumsy opponent”. 

“I’ll give you clumsy” he replied stepping forward and thrusting with the sword. 

Romina blocked his attack effortlessly, but, soon, Virginia realised that wasn’t the thief’s intention. His right foot was just in front of the bag, ready to move it towards him like a hook. 

“Ro, the bag!” Virginia warned. 

She looked down and smirked. 

“This the price of greed”, Romina mocked as her sword turned to strike the thief’s right leg. 

The dusack crossed blades, again, with Romina’s before it could do any damage. 

“Your willingness to lose a leg over some gold only proves the worth of your lot”.  

He leaned closer to Romina, looking at her in the eye as he twisted their swords to get the upper hand. 

“You know nothing about me or what I stand for”, he said in a deep and menacing voice. 

Romina laughed in between her teeth. 

“I may not, but I know one thing”. 

“Oh, and what is that?”

“You just got distracted”. 

Romina’s foot slipped past the thief’s, kicking the coin bag away from him. He ran to his left while blocking Romina’s attacks at his right. 

What was so special about a coin bag anyway?

-------------------------

Patton began to hear sword fighting noises just before he reached the entrance to the stairs. 

What was Janus thinking? Engaging in a face-off with Lady Romina Regio, who not only was a countess with an apparent disdain for weather puns but also a remarkable swordswoman, had to be one of his worst ideas to date. 

While he had faith in Janus’ skills, he also knew that her ladyship’s fencing instructor had been fired, as a lesson, after she stabbed a man on the shoulder during a ‘casual’ duel.

-------------------------

The coin bag was kicked and pushed from one place to another by the thief and Romina while they dodged attacks.

“Is it the gold you are fighting for or is it your pride, villain?” she said, smirk reflecting on her blade. 

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to project your desires onto others? So honourable protecting her frail maiden!”, he pushed forward. “Still… it would almost seem, not because of the self-indulging banter, that you only duel to flatter yourself”.

“The one who is so set in getting a stolen coin bag dares to lecture me on selfishness!” 

Romina used her weight to stop him from making her retrocede any further. Her grin widened, satisfied in this victory. 

“Takes one egoist to know one”.

Right then, the thief made a sudden move. 

“Romina!” Virginia exclaimed. 

“I’m fine!” she said, wiping the bleeding cut on her jaw. 

The thief looked at the prized coin bag that he now held in his hand. 

“Loved beating you, but I think I will take my lea--” 

He was interrupted by Romina’s scream. Her sword wooshed several times in front of his face, barely leaving him time to bend backwards to avoid it. The dusack clancked against the floor. 

“Shit” the thief cursed. 

Things looked dire for the thief. With his sword out of reach, there was little he could do. Romina’s sword flashed by one more time, slashing through his left upper arm. Despite the painful burn of the cut, his left hand did not let go of the coin bag. Nevertheless, he fell on his knee, clutching the wound with his free hand. 

“I will make you an offering, villain”, Romina pointed at him with the sword, gloating over his tilted gaze. “Return Signor Morandi’s coin bag to me, and I shall let you go”. 

“Your ladyship, kindly get stabbed in the chest”. 

She turned his back on him, twirling her sword while at it. 

“As you wish”. 

Time froze before Romina could even think about delivering the killing blow. 

Virginia saw the thief reach for his boot, pulling out a stiletto. He stood up and positioned his knife pointing upwards. Because of this, Virginia panicked, already imagining the tip breaking through Romina’s lower back and into her chest. 

Immediately, she ran in front of the thief, head empty of thoughts, only consuming fear. At the same time, the thief began a descending motion, making Virginia realise where he aimed for. 

‘He’s going for her leg!’, Virginia thought. 

This would not help. When they crossed, the thief’s knife was at the height of Virginia’s gut. 

Virginia looked at him in terror. 

The thief looked at Virginia in panic. 

The fabrics of Romina’s dress could be heard twisting in the air, as she turned around, only to see the back of Virginia’s head. 

“No!” Romina cried. 

In yet another display of quick reflexes, the thief let go of the stiletto, just before it could do any damage. 

Romina only heard the blade fall as she shoved Virginia aside. 

She punched him on the left cheek, leaving the outline of her rings imprinted on his skin, red and slowly swelling. 

The thief’s boots staggered backwards. 

He fell face up in the middle of the gallery corridor. 

Faster than ever, Romina’s sword moved and settled its tip at the base of the thief’s neck, sort of mirroring how he had threatened Virginia. 

Virginia brazed herself against the wall. Her breathing heaved like the bellows trying to get the fire back up. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw young Signor Morandi emerging from the path that connected to one of the third-floor staircases. 

“Please, do not hurt him, I beg you”, he said while catching his breath. 

Romina looked upwards to stare at him. 

“What is the meaning of this?! Do you know this man? Did you send him?!”

Sometimes, Romina could outmatch Virginia when it came to reaching conclusions. This just so happened to be the worst possible moment. 

“I--” 

Only Virginia saw how the eyes of the thief went wide at hearing young Signor Morandi’s voice, his frown when Romina accused him. 

“Look at me!” the thief shouted. 

“Trying to protect your master, villain?” 

“That is not quite… this is a complete misunderstanding, if we talked--” young Signor Morandi began to say. 

“Shut up!” both Romina and the thief replied in unison. 

“Stop talking nonsense, your highness”. 

“Oh, so it is nonsense! He seems to know you, how do you explain that?” 

Virginia squinted at them, getting the sense that she was missing something more than ever. 

“Janus, please, let me tell them the--” 

“We now have a name for our thief!” she announced triumphantly. “So you do know each other! Let me tell you, Jolliest Caesar, he has betrayed you. Whatever you paid him seemed to be less than enough, so he stole your father’s coin bag”. 

Young Signor Morandi’s eyes went straight to said item, lighting up in recognition and some other emotion much harder to identify. 

“Is this the outcome you desired? I thought you were silly, I was... persuaded to believe you were kind. But, this? Do you owe your father so much disrespect?” 

He grimaced in response, looking away. Meanwhile, Janus pursed his lips in a thin line. 

‘Why does it matter to him?’, Virginia wondered. 

“Signor Morandi is an upright man, someone who carries himself proud and virtuous. I will not insult him by denouncing you to my family, but I hope you learn to have--” 

“Oh, poor and noble Signor Morandi! Rid of a coin bag, whatever will he do?!” Janus shouted.  

The gazes of all people present turned to him.

“It’s not as if he could buy another. Are we to pity him?! He is so good! You defend what you think to be the property of a man who would gladly pull any pair of lovers apart. Gift his son to a stack of classist swine in exchange for a title! What an estimate of his worth!”

One could almost marvel at him having the nerve to spit his anger even under the point of a blade. Romina frowned, taken aback.  

“But he’s so upright! Admit it, you couldn’t care any less about this ridiculous coin bag, you just want to use it as an excuse to keep your affair with your servant hidden. Am I the one you wish to kill or does it make you feel less powerless to pretend you’re stabbing another man? None of us gets a choice”.

Young Signor Morandi held his breath. 

Virginia let hers out. That was it! Of course! How could she not have realized earlier?

“Spilling my blood won’t change that! I may not be good, but I can at least see through the lies, and you aren’t good either. You’re as selfish as I am and you won’t get to keep her, we never do”. 

“What?” Romina answered. 

She looked at Virginia, then at young Signor Morandi, then back at him. 

“Are you seriously doing this? I could make these your last words! What is wrong with you! This is madness. I am about to die” she began to mock him, “let me make this moment into a speech about society and another man’s stolen money. Who does that? I know I am dramatic, but, at the very least--!” 

“Princess, shut up!” Virginia shouted. 

“Excuse me, I was only trying to give some fair critic--”

“Not the time. Also, you are completely missing the point! 

“What do you mean?”

“Do you know how we always talk after dinner?” 

“That is not what we do after…”

“Yes”. 

“So what is your point? Oooooh!” 

“Now you get it…” she closed her eyes. 

“They also talk…” Romina smiled.

“Hmm”. 

“And he is actually…!” she pointed back and forth between the two with her sword. “They are…!”

“We are, and if you would” Janus flattened himself against the floor. 

“Your ladyship, please, my Janus has had enough of sharp objects for…” young Signor Morandi looked at him. 

“For forever, put the sword away”. 

Romina did as requested and promptly offered a hand to help Janus get on his feet. 

“You are one menace of a woman”. 

“Thank you”. 

“What is going on?!” 

A large set of rushed footsteps accompanied the question. The four turned around to see his lordship, Count Regio, his wife, Signor Morandi and a myriad of servants. 

“Oh, father, mother!” Romina exclaimed. “Signor Morandi”, she greeted more formally. 

“Romina, what is the meaning of this?” said Count Regio. 

“Your lordship, your ladyship”, Janus spoke after a bow. “I was sent by Marquess Sanders”. 

Romina turned to look at him. His attire was mostly back in place, a part of her couldn’t help but be impressed. After spotting the family crest on Janus’ dusack, the counts’ expression changed from confusion to shame. 

“Romina, did you duel this man? Apologise this instant!” Count Regio looked livid as he spoke. “We already had to be rid of her fencing teacher, do not worry, Signor Morandi, we will also dispose of her swords”, Countess Regio reassured. 

In the scandal, Virginia was the only one to notice the coin bag forgotten on the floor. She stepped to the side, knowing no one would pay attention to her, as per usual, especially with such chaos. The coin bag disappeared under Virginia’s skirts, dragged by her foot. Young Signor Morandi walked past her and nodded in a silent gesture of gratitude. Perhaps one person did notice. 

“Your ladyship, that will not be necessary, I come as a new fencing teacher, an early engagement present of Marquess Sanders”. 

“But how did he know…” Virginia muttered. 

Janus did hear her and went on: 

“He was very impressed by the letters sent by your daughter. Marquess Sanders believes that someone with such impeccable diplomacy, and a disposition to secure the future relationship of her family, should not be deprived of outstandingness. To preserve such remarkable, dare I say, rare, qualities on a lady, he sent me. Marquess Sanders hopes my instruction can further her skills and aid her to grow more accomplished than ever before”. 

“Oh, that is fantastic to hear!” Count Regio said, looking a lot more uncomfortable than her tone would suggest. “But, Lady Romina, as you already are aware of, is engaged now. We ought to hear young Signor Morandi’s opinion on the matter”.

-------------------------

All eyes turned to Patton. 

“Actually…” 

For a moment, he doubted himself. 

Lying, as he had always been told, was sinful. But so was ignoring the struggle of the weak, breaking your word and not honouring one’s spouse. 

Most importantly, Patton had to honour his heart. 

If lying was the price to pay… well, so be it. 

“I asked her for a demonstration. I have always harboured a burning admiration for her dexterity with the sword. Her ladyship is truly heroic and radiant when duelling”. 

Romina turned to look at him.

It would seem he had managed to become friends with her after all.  

-------------------------

The moonlight shone in its quiet dance with the nightly air. This was, once again, a clear summer evening, but it marked the end of an insane day. The sounds of dining and chatting had died out. Everyone, gradually, left for their rooms. Janus, crossing the gardens, intended to do the same. 

Climbing with a wounded arm made his ascend harder than usual. Luckily, the ostentatious facade of the palazzo gave him countless points to anchor himself to. Slowly but surely, he got to Patton’s open window. 

 As what felt like always, Patton held him by the lapels of his cape and pulled him inside. 

Rather than saying hello, Patton kissed him. It was gentle, devoid of the despair that had marked all their meetings during the last weeks. Patton pulled apart just as softly. 

“Here”. 

Janus stared at the coin bag in his hand and smirked. 

“Dear, if you keep on offering me your money you’ll turn into the worst noble ever, and I, the worst thief”, he said with no real smugness. 

Patton laughed. 

“Virginia retrieved it when nobody looked”. 

“I’ll remember to thank her”. 

“Please, be nice this time”. 

“You saw that?” 

“Yes. Janus, pointing at someone with… that thing… don’t do it again”. 

Janus shrugged and leaned in to kiss him again. A pair of hands pulled on his cape, that fell on the floor, forgotten. 

“I don’t think” Janus half-laughed, “I could get away with it again”. 

His bandages were fresh. The bleeding had stopped, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Patton stared at it and furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I could have lost you today”. 

“You saved me again”. 

“Well, that isn’t entirely true”. 

“Oh, why would that be?” 

“You managed to stand your ground until I could save you”. 

“Call it good timing”. 

Patton smiled. 

“What’s so funny?” Janus smiled as well. 

“I’m happy. We… we are going to be together after this. I even gained two friends”. 

“You keep meeting the strangest people, dear”. 

“I’ll have to make sure that you kids don’t get hurt”. 

“We’ll try to be in our best behaviour”. 

Patton got closer and whispered:

“Liar”. 

Janus swallowed and stared at him, suddenly feeling defeated, yet happy about it. He loosened his belt, letting it fall to the floor with his dusack. 

It made an awful lot of noise. Patton looked down, almost in disbelief at Janus’ newfound capacity to make a sound. 

“Hmm. Where did you really get that sword? Romina could get in serious trouble if…”

“Don’t worry, Thomas won’t mind covering for me”. 

“Thomas? You know the marquess?” 

“Let us sit on the bed, I think that you deserve to know this secret”. 

Both of them got comfortable on the ridiculous wall of pillows placed against the headboard of the canopy bed. 

“I used to work for the Sanders family. Ever since I was a boy, I tended to the horses, which is how Thomas and I became friends in the first place. As we grew, he decided to make me his personal servant, and, aside from learning to lie as easy as speaking, I also learned I hate rich people. Thomas is okay though. I think you and Thomas are the only rich people I tolerate”. 

“Well, that’s rich”. 

“Patton! I’m telling you my tragic story!” he said, not at all bothered. “Anyhow, I decided that wasn’t for me, so I told Thomas. He was sad, but he respected it. Before I left, he gave me his own sword, I guess as a safe-conduct of sorts, maybe to remind me I could always come back”. 

“That is… a lot”. 

“I know. He’s a good friend. Believe it or not, I’ve never used it until today. I… couldn’t let you get caught in any of my… shall we say, activities, so I figured…” 

Patton grabbed him, mindful of his wounds, and pulled him close. 

“You need to let other people in, Janus. I know I’m kind of silly, but I can still help. I wish you could see that when you let people know you they want to be on your side. You are someone worth knowing”. 

“And you are more of a bastard than people give you credit for”. 

His laughter made them shake a little. Janus stared at Patton’s joyful expression feeling satisfied. 

“I guess I am”. 

“Pity you don’t want to do anything wicked with it”. 

“I’ll leave that to you, just, tell me beforehand”. 

“How else would I be saved last minute, dear?” 

They stared at each other for a while. It hadn’t fully hit Janus until now that this, this thing right now, would be his life from now on. Thinking that, perhaps the world wasn’t as cruel as he had always made it to be. 

“You are so good”. 

Patton kissed him again. 

“Only when nobody’s looking”. 

“Jan, name’s Patton, not nobody”. 

“You think you’re so funny”. 

“Am I not, when I make you smile like this?”

-------------------------

Taglist: @joylessnightsky , (the following interacted with my tagging request post, so I assumed you wanted to be tagged, if not, please tell me) @jerasings , @daemoade , @grandhairdofarmgoop . 

#moceit #prinxiety #ts janus #ts patton #ts virgil #ts roman #fem!roman #fem!virgil #moceit au #renaissance au #renaissance!Patton #renaissance!Janus #sanders sides fanfiction #moceit fanfiction #doomstypewriter #doomywrites #dooms requests

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written)

Requests for this card are closed, thank you to anyone who sent in requests! Completed stories are planned to be posted all through December and most likely into January, so if you don’t want to see them you can block the tag #false bthb. As always shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future stories!

I received this request from @atlasistryingherbest​, I hope you like it!

All Dolled Up

Summary: Fearing Roman’s newfound obsessions after the events of SvS Redux, Patton decides to break things off with him before they can get worse. If only he realized just how bad it could be. Written as a request from tumblr.

Warnings: bruises, forced confinement, threatening with a weapon, unsympathetic -if there are more let me know

Ships: Royality, Roman x Patton

Prompt: Defeated and Trophified

“You can’t-!”

“Roman!” Patton reached out to him with a desperate plea, trying to scramble to find the right words that would make all of this okay. “Everything’s gonna be okay, kiddo.’

Mentally berating himself as hurt flashed in Roman’s eyes he nevertheless held his gaze in earnest. “We love you.”

“Right.” Thoroughly dejected Patton watched as Roman sunk out, shame tinting his cheeks as he tried to make it seem like he had everything together, despite the lesson he had just learned not ten minutes before. He was grateful as Janus and Thomas reassured him but  he couldn’t keep his thoughts from drifting to the image of Roman alone in his room, having to ride out his conflicting emotions on his own and the miserable expression never leaving his face as he did so. That wasn’t the way to leave things with the prince, that wasn’t the way to leave things with anyone but especially someone he cared so deeply for and shared so much with.

Mind made up after he was sure Thomas would be alright with Janus he quickly sunk out to the regular common room, seeing no sign of anyone let alone Roman he made his way up the stairs and towards the door he had walked to so many times it was muscle memory at this point. All the sides had different kinds of relationships with each other, whether it  was familial, platonic or romantic and Patton and Roman were certainly no exception. With their shared enthusiasm fo the things they were interested, their strong urge to take care of the members of their family and Thomas and their passion to make other happy no matter what it was never really a stretch to imagine the two of them together; so it came as a surprise to know one when just that ended up happening. 

The mindscape had certainly been a brighter, happier place since they had made their relationship official, even if Virgil did cringe and scoff teasingly while Logan simply rolled his eyes and requested if they they were going to engage in public displays of affection then to please do it elsewhere or at least warn him so he could leave the room. Hand holding, hugs from behind, cheesy musical numbers, forehead touches, cuddles at movie night- nothing was below them when it came to showing their love for one another. But everything started to change when Janus began to come around, especially since Patton was the first one he had impersonated.It had hit Roman hard that he hadn’t recognized the deceitful side until later on ,and no amount of Patton telling him that that’s what he did and was supposed to do and he wouldn't be Deceit if he wasn’t good at well...deceiving could convince Roman of anything other than Janus was a horrible person from that day forward. A villain meant to be shunned and punished like any other Disney villain should be. At first Patton had somewhat agreed with him but as time passed he began to doubt that notion more and more...until today he realized he needed to take a step back and really evaluate what it was that Janus contributed to their family as a whole.

He lamented his mistakes of how he handled Janus’ situation- all of the “dark sides” situations really. All they were doing was their jobs how they knew how to do them, and maybe their methods were a bit misguided but so were his own to an extent. He needed to learn how to adapt and let go of past misconceptions- and that came with getting Roman to understand that as well.

He stopped short of knocking on the Prince’s door to listen for any sound coming through, from his or any of the other doors. He figured Logan wouldn’t be particularly happy to have been dismissed and replaced yet again but that was something to unpack and fix on another day. So Logan and Virgil would most likely be boiled up in their respective rooms waiting for the figurative fire to die down before venturing out again. Remus was most likely preoccupied with something Janus had left him to keep him busy and away from making Thomas’ mental state even more scattered than it already was and Janus himself was going to be occupied with their manifestor for at least a couple more hours after everything that had happened. He and Roman would have plenty of time to themselves then to work out what needed worked out for them to hopefully be okay again. 

Taking a deep breath he tentatively knocked on the door and, hearing no answer, knocked a bit more firmly before easing it open and glancing quickly around the room before his gaze landed on Roman. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, still in his rumpled prince costume with his hands folded between his knees and his eyes shining with unshed tears as he made stubborn, steady eye contact with the floor. Patton sighed quietly as he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him and carefully stepping over to sit beside the other. 

“Roman-”

“Am I-”

They both stopped as they started at the same time, Roman ducking his head down further and angrily swiping tears off his cheeks. Patton was thankful when the hand he placed on the others knee was left there, looking back up at Roman’s face and smiling kindly. “Go on Roman, I wanted to hear your thoughts.”

“You’re about the only one.” Roman muttered, looking away and towards the door as if debating how quickly he could run and hide somewhere else before his shoulders dropped as he resigned himself to his fate. “Patton, am I..am I still needed?”

Patton gasped quietly, squeezing his knee tightly. “Of course, why would you think-”

“Because if Deciet is coming around, being accepted...if he’s going to be a part of things now...I don’t know what that means for us. For Thomas.” Roman finally turned to face him, his eyes shining earnestly. “I always thought him the villain, someone to vanquish when his deceitful means seeped into the mindspace too much, someone to wave my sword at to defend my and everyone else's honor. But if he isn’t the villain...and I was in the wrong...doesn’t that then make me-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” Patton gently took Roma’s face in his hands and leaned closer, making sure to capture his eyes. “You are not the villain Roamn, you never could be. Sometimes...well sometimes there doesn’t even have to be one and that’s okay. Things are changing and that’s okay.”

Roman scoffed quietly. “Patton, you’re the one who likes change the least out of all of us.”

“Which is why I’m the one that needs it the most.” Roman was quiet at that, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Patton’s softly, making him small and moving his hands from Roman’s cheeks to loop around the back of his neck gently. It was comforting and quiet, neither of them wanting to move and speak again in fear of ruining the temporary standstill they had come to. Eventually Patton shifted, pressing his lips softly to the prince’s nose and smiling when he was rewarded with a soft laugh. 

“It’ll be okay, Roman you’ll see. Everything always works itself out.”

“But what if something happens? We can’t just leave him with Thomas.”

Patton grinned at him sheepishly. “Well...he’s already with Thoams and has been since I left. Nothing bad has happened yet has it?”

Roman’s lips thinned as he looked down at his lap, twisting his fingers in an uncharacteristically nervous way. “What does that mean for me? I- I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” He looked up imploringly. “You- Patton you need to be there when I mess up. I still trust you to know right from wrong and if you’re there to keep me in check I’ll be their hero again!”

“That’s not quite how-”

“No it’s perfect; I’ll just tell you everything I’ll do before I do it and you can say yes or no and then I won’t mess up again!”

“Sweetheart I can’t do that.”

“Patton no you have to! Everyone already hates me, I have to do better, I can’t just- not be better.”

Patton grasped his hands and squeezed, hoping to distract Roman from his spiraling thoughts. “Nobody hates you honey, I swear on my honor as a side of Thomas. But I can’t be there all the time. We’re going to make mistakes going forward, and the ones we’ve already made are still going to hurt, but all we can do is try our best and let that be enough. I wasn’t lying when I said we still love you.”

He brought Roman’s hands up to his lips and planted a chaste kiss on the knuckles. “And I will never lie when I say I still love you, Roman. We aren’t our mistakes, we are the growth that comes from them. It’s going to be okay.”

Patton wasn’t sure if Roman truly understood but accepted the other nodding his head anyway, even if Roman did look incredibly deep in thought. It had been a long day for all of them, they both just needed some rest and hope that the next day would be a better one. Nodding to himself, Patton stood and gently ran his fingers through Roman's hair. “It’s getting late. Wanna watch a movie and cuddle before bed?”

Roman leaned into the gesture and moved to reach for his laptop; Patton, taking that as an agreement, snapped them both into their pajamas and summoned a fluffier blanket for them to snuggle under. Any more conversation could wait for tomorrow, now was the time to wind down with his favorite person in the mindscape.

-----

The next few days...weeks...worries Patton to say the least.

Roman could never be found less than a few feet from his side, and although he’d usually find it sweet and endearing the way his every movement was tracked like he was small prey being hunted had begun to make him twitchy. If the others noticed they didn’t say anything, which made Patton feel as if he was simply overreacting and just more jumpy than usual from the frog incident. He giggled at the thought- that would certainly make sense.

But it wasn't just that. Despite their heart to heart Roman was consulting him before nearly every decision he made, down to whether he put creamer in his coffee since that might be taking away from the others. Patton had hoped this phase would only last a couple of days and then they could move on but it honestly didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. He was loath to speak to the others about it since everyone was still a bit touchy and Roman couldn’t be shaken long enough to talk to anyone else in private anyway. Which left talking to Roam about it himself.

Which Patton...also didn’t want to do. He loved Roman with his entire being, and their relationship had always been a steady, even give and take. They had pretty good communication considering their individual track records and always made sure to set and respect boundaries, but with Roman being a bit testier...to say the least. More demandant for answers that Patton simply didn’t want or feel the need to give. Picking what T.V. show to watch, especially if it was just the two of them was not an entire dilemma that needed solving before they could move on!

And yet...when he didn’t answer, Roman had started to get more and more demandant. Throughout their relationship Roman had never once raised his voice at him, but it was becoming more and more a constant occurrence. He needed constant reassurance that he was doing fine and no one hated him and Patton still loved him which he would normally be happy to give, but it was so much. It was too much for any side alone to undertake upholding an entire sides’ mental health. To the point where he could feel his own slipping, and still he said nothing. For the first time in his existence Patton was almost...afraid of Roman. He had so many outbursts now and his movements towards Patton were always so jerky and it made him twitch away which only meant Roamn needed more reassurance and so the cycle continued. But enough was enough.

Breaking things off with Roman was surprisingly easy for how much his stomach was twisting with the nerves. Roman remained passive through it, expression so neutral you could pretend they were discussing the weather or what tp have for breakfast the next day. He was so afraid, so ready to have to call on another side for help, but he shouldn't have and he immediately felt incredibly silly for even having the thoughts. This was Roman, and Roman would never hurt him no matter how much he was spiraling right now. He’d wait a little longer for everything to cool off and then they’d have a meeting and discuss how to move forward. Simple. Then maybe when both he and Roman gained more solid ground to stand on they could try again and everything would fall perfectly back into place.

-----

That night Patton crawled into bed alone for the first time in years, missing the warmth of strong arms wrapped around his middle and holding him close until morning. He consoled himself with the thought that things weren’t completely over between them; it was just a small break. Everybody needed those from time to time and Roman had understood completely. He had just settled in to sleep for the night when his eyes snapped open suddenly. What was that?

He sat up in bed and listened carefully, sure he hadn’t been imagining the sound. Just as he was about to shrug it off and lay back down he heard it again faintly.

“Patton.”

The voice was so faint but now that he had heard it there was no mistaking it. Ripping off the bed sheets he hurried to his door and swung it open, listening carefully to hear the voice again.

“Patton.”

Moving to the stairs and rushing down them he turned into the living room and gasped at what he saw before him.

“Patton.” Janus’ voice was relieved but pained, tugging at the restraints that held him fast to the back of the rather small cage he was being held in. Dark bruises littered his face and his eyes blinked slowly as he struggled to focus on Patton. Rushing to the door of the cage Patton fiddled with lock as he looked desperately around for a key, his mind whirling too fast to form a coherent thought.

“Janus who did this? How can I get you out?”

“Patton you need to leave me.”

“I- what?” But you called me down, he wanted to say, shaking the thought away. Janus was clearly in no position to voice coherent thoughts. “No. We need to get you out. Do you know where the key is? We can start there.”

“You need to leave, I deserve this. I’m the villain- I deserve to be punished.”

Patton’s eyes widened, shaking his head vehemently. “No. No, you don’t, don’t talk like that. You deserve just as much as any other side and right now that means not being locked in a cage.”

Janus coughed out a laugh weakly. “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course, honey. Let me just-” Frustrated Patton shook the bars of the cage, pausing when Janus locked eyes with him, a steady glare boring into his very being.

“Wrong choice, love.”

-----

Patton cowered in the far corner of the cage, eyes tracking Roman’s pacing fearfully as his wrists rubbed raw above his head. He still couldn’t dispel the image of Janus’ face melting into Roman’s, the cage falling apart only to wrap around and trap him instead as Roamn had straightened in front of him, eyes filled with nothing but passive disdain as Patton had pleaded desperately, mind confusingly fuzzy and still trying to comprehend what had happened. The had sunk out into Roman’s room, where he had been pulled to the far side of the cage and tied to the bars so that there was no chance of jiggling the lock on the far side to escape, leaving him trapped and scared and at the mercy of whatever it was Roman had become in the face of his perceived rejection.

Suddenly a knock was heard at the door, Patton tensing as the tip of Roman’s sword was thrust in front of his face.

“Roman? Patton? It’s after 9, Lo made breakfast.” Virgil’s voice came through the door. Roman nodded his head, an unspoken warning in his eyes as he gestured for Patton to go ahead. 

Swallowing hard, Patton called out. “We’re both in here kiddo! Just- finishing up a project; might take a bit though.” He struggled to contain himself, to contain the anxiety rolling off him in waves so Virgil wouldn’t sense it and god forbid become suspicious. He needed to keep everyone safe, even at his own cost. 

There was a pause, and then: “Are you guys sure? I can bring something up.”

“No need hun, thank you though. We’ll get something in a bit.”

“Okay.” They both listened as the footsteps faded away before Roman turned to face Patton, grinning wickedly.

“So, my heart; what is it that we’re doing today?”

Patton swallowed against, tears pricking at his eyes. “Getting rid of Jan- Deceit.”

“Good.” Roman moved the sword to gently caress his cheek. “And you’re going to do exactly as I say. I’d hate for this beautiful face to become just as deformed as that snake’s.”

He snapped his fingers and Patton’s pajamas were changed out for his regular attire, albeit a nicer variation of it. He could feel makeup cake his face thinly and he knew from the weight in his hair that his favorite barrettes had been pinned in neatly. Roman smiled and reached in to cup his cheek gently and Patton felt himself leaning into the touch despite the spike of fear he felt. 

“There,” The prince crooned. “A sweet little doll to puppet as I please. Deceit never could resist coming too close to what was out of his league now could he?”

Stifling a sob by biting his lip Patton could only watch as Roman moved away to begin concocting another illusion that would draw in Janus later that day. Hanging his head in shame, he sagged against his confines, feeling the ropes dig into his wrists and the cage run painfully against his spine. A useless doll thrown to a corner, forgotten in its disuse after its purpose was met.

This work is also available on AO3!

#false writes #false bthb #bthb #bad things happen bingo #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #unsympathetic roman #tw violence #captivity tw #defeated and trophified #roman sanders #deciet sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides angst #cage tw #bruising tw

[waokevale]

Virgil's reaction Theory to Janus being now in process of becoming a Light Side.

As we all should know after the latest episode Deceit, now called Janus might've been accepted by Thomas and Patton, technically Logan too, since he's the most morally neutral and does not believe in such things as pure good or evil.

Roman is still very confused, so I think he'll still be against Janus in the next Sanders Sides episode.

Besides he's the only one now who believes in Black and White Morality of the world, since Patton has had changed his opinion about this topic in SVS 2.

Thomas from now on is apparently going to be more acceptant of Janus's opinion and might stop calling him Deceit from now on, knowing his real name.

And of course, we don't know yet about Remus's reaction to this 'Deceit changing sides' and this 'comparing Roman to him in frustration anger.'

He might as well not care about it much or be really upset about it.

But the real question is, how would Virgil react to all of that?

[The so called "juicy plot" as Thomas and Joan said on their livestream]

In my opinion it would be either one if these three optional reactions received from him with different probable outcomes.

1. He'd either hate on the idea, saying things like:

-"WAIT WHAT?! WHY DID YOU TRUST HIM THOMAS! HE'S A LIAR! HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU!"

Or as such.

And then maybe he'd go on supporting Roman's side in his believies.

If this one was actually about to occur, which I much highly doupt that he'd react the similar way to that, do to different reasons I'll explain right now and later on.

Imagine, If Virgil and Roman could actually be able to trigger Deceit to the point when he'd do the same thing that Virgil did 3 years ago....

Quit.

They'd then realize the giant consequences of their mistake do to Thomas's mental health getting worse,

which would result in serious problems as it would not be an intelligent way to act.

[As Thomas indeed confirmed the theory about Janus being caretaker of his mental health, besides Deceit, being his self-preservation and denial.]

That is why I doupt that Virgil would try to make Janus quit or something similar to that, because he's not stupid. If he hasn't known about it yet, he'd figure out eventually that Janus's intentions are good as well as it's means that are as important as Virgil's himself.

Even though he didn't know how to exactly show it well at first,

(The same we could say about Virgil)

his intentions are indeed good for Thomas. As he cares very much about his host's mental state.

Besides I don't think Thomas would do the quitting plot over and over again.

Repeating something is not his way of doing things. So I don't think something like that could occur.

2. Virgil may feel Janus's situation and understand it.

Even if not fully trusting him yet.

After all, he was in the same exact place once.

He was one of them and probably knows what his old friend is going through.

Besides that, I don't think he actually hates hates them, he doesn't really seem to.

Sure. He may despise them now but I doupt he really feels strong hatred of any kind towards them.

His playlist did in some way said that he might miss them and tries to ignore this fact, putting a hate mask over to hide it.

Because he's a light side now and it feels wrong to still like someone who you'd [Kind of, because we still not know the reason why] betrayed.

The light sides just felt...Better in a way.

He may not trust Janus fully. But I believe he'll be already slightly convinced, especially that he already knows how it feels to reveal something so important, how stressing and scary it is...

(And then getting laughed at by Roman)

Though to this theory I included another one which might be less possible but still not completely impossible yet.

It was talked about a few times already, so you might as well know about it.

It's just a quick reminder.

Since Roman believes that everything is black and white, he still somehow doesn't have the sense of grey morals/neutrality.

Even though Virgil was one of the dark sides that turned good, which he participated in the process of the other's change.

Yet now, he is frustrated, he doesn't know If he can trust Patton as much anymore, even his own host, Thomas.

He said it himself that "they weren't supposed to be on the evil side, because Deceit was evil."

When Thomas wanted to comfort him, assuring that he was still his hero, he looked at Janus, probably looking for lies, who then nodded.

Not every one of us had similar opinion, although Thomas let us thought about this ourselves.

Janus migh've been hurt, but that doesn't mean he was trying to say that Thomas was lying about Roman still being his hero.

But let's get to the point.

If Virgil actually took Janus's side, Roman would have no one else, or almost no one else to side with him.

As we still don't know Remus's reaction, as I said before, we can't be exactly sure yet, if Remus would be with it or against it.

Though if even Remus would get his chance, to turn "good" maybe then Roman would have an angsty moment, like:

-"Even Remus got the chance! I'm not needed anymore, there's no need to have two light creativities..."

[Since he kinda seems like the type who DOESN'T understand what sharing a role is]

At this point he could even snap, making himself the bad guy.

But yet again, that's just a theory and its possible that nothing like this might ever occur.

There's also the third theory.

Virgil being completely confused and not understanding why or how did Janus became a lighter side.

I can't exactly describe it like the other two, but I think this one wouldn't be as angsty.

In my own, personal opinion I think that "Virgil slowly starting to trust Janus again" is the most possible reaction or is on the same level as the third option.

But let me know what you think.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #deceit sanders #ts deceit #virgil sanders #remus sanders #ts remus #ts roman #ts virgil #ts anxiety #ts janus #janus sanders #sanders sides theory #svs 2 spoilers #ts spoilers #ts patton #patton sanders #logan sanders #ts logan #roman sanders #ts theories #you vs yourself #ts thomas #ts thoughts

[snowdice]

A Twist of Fate {Part 2} (Everything’s Fine Universe) [Dice Roll 13]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Remus & Janus & Patton, Remy & Patton

Characters: Janus, Patton, Remus, Remy

Summary: It wasn’t unheard of for people to gain soulmarks later in life, but it was quite rare. Usually fate was set in stone. Yet, when one’s fated death was prevented, fate had to make some adjustments.

As he fell, Patton may have felt a strange prickling feeling across his skin. He however, was not paying attention to that, far too distracted and confused. All he knew was that by the time he hit the ground, both of his hands were covered with marks. Later when he went home he’d notice even more in other places, but the ones he noticed when he hit the ground were the obvious ones on his hands.

Then, there was Janus. Janus had only one soulmark on his body. At least. He had only one soulmark that hadn’t been burnt off years ago. When he landed on top of Patton, he did not notice the marks that suddenly appeared on his arms and face. Patton did, however, notice two little designs appear on him: one along the side of his nose and the other right below the scaring on the left side of his face. The second was already colored in by the time they hit the ground.

Universe: Soulmate AU and Superhero AU

Genre: The Dice Roll said fluff and it is… but… it’s more fluff and angst, hurt/comfort-ish

Notes: Child abuse, homelessness, malnutrition, acid burns, platonic soulmates

My Master Post Part 1

Patton could not keep the small wistful smile off his face when Jimmy and his… brother? uncle? guardian? (He almost certainly wasn’t the kid’s father because there were no soulmarks on Jimmy’s face. He’d seen the mark on Jimmy’s forearm though that matched the colored in one on the man’s wrist. Perhaps he was a much older brother.)… left. Patton liked the little boy who frequently came into the bakery even though Jimmy sometimes said weird or scary things. Patton did not know the boy’s story but considering the absence of any parental soulmarks that would typically mark a person’s face, he imagined there was a reason for the way his mind seemed to stray to darker thoughts. At least he seemed happy with his guardian now. The man barely ever spoke, a quiet contrast to the little boy who seemed unable to stop talking for five seconds without exploding, but he clearly loved Jimmy. They were sweet together.

“You are so soft for kids,” a voice said from next to him, making him startle a bit. He had not noticed Remy leave the table he’d been camped out at all day.

Patton smiled at him once he’d calmed down from the small fright. “More coffee, Remy?” he asked.

Remy made the twirling motion with his pointer finger that translated to him rolling his eyes since he couldn’t remove his sunglasses. “How long have we known each other, babe?” he asked.

Patton rolled his own eyes for real and took his offered coffee cup. “Want anything to eat?”

“Nah, just the caffeine.”

Patton nodded and absentmindedly went about filling the coffee cop, but then he paused when he caught sight of the clock and spun around. He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve been studying since breakfast time. I don’t remember you ordering any lunch.”

“I’ll get lunch in a bit,” Remy said, waving him off.

“Remy, it’s an hour ‘til closing.”

“…Shit.”

Patton sighed and shook his head, finishing up getting him his refill before turning to grab him a bacon and cheese croissant out of the display case. “Eat,” Patton said, shoving the food and drink at him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say dad.”

Patton smiled slightly even as he felt his heart twinge at that word. Remy seemed to notice his discontent and reached across the counter to give him a soft punch on the shoulder. “Bad day?” he asked.

Patton shrugged. It was always a bit of a sore spot, but usually not so much that Remy joking with him in that way would sting.

“Sorry Pat,” Remy said. “Didn’t meant to make it worse.”

“It’s fine Remy,” Patton promised. “I’m fine.”

Remy studied him for a moment with a frown, and Patton squirmed under the intensity of his gaze even if it was hidden behind the dark shades. “No, you’re not,” he said bluntly and maybe that’s why he and Remy were soulmates. He was willing to say it unlike everyone else who either politely avoided the subject when they were being nice and when they weren’t… well, let’s just say, Patton had heard the term “unloved” far too many times in his life.

Remy had always done his best, but ever since Patton’s parents had died two years ago dwindling his number of soulmates from a measly three down to one, the insult had started stinging more and more.

It did not help that Patton could see the writing on the wall (or perhaps on the skin would be more accurate) when it came to Remy. Remy was his platonic soulmate, and Patton loved him so, so much, but, well, Patton was aware that… Remy had a lot of life to live outside of Patton.

Remy wasn’t quite what one would call a “well-loved,” but his number of soulmates was in the higher range of normal. There were three on his face: two from his parents and a “blessing mark” from his grandmother. One dotted his wrist for his baby sister who was still in middle school who he’d practically helped raise. There were five that littered his back in different places, only two filled in so far including the one from Patton. (Patton’s had filled in long ago when they were in 3rd grade, and at least Patton had that. Patton could claim the spot of Remy’s first non-familiar soulmate. It made him a little bit special even if… even if Patton could tell it wouldn’t last.) The one soulmark on his chest waited to be filled in by his romantic soulmate, and Patton had to imagine the two on his hands for future children would follow after that.

Patton was happy for him. He was! He’d have a lot of love in his life and Patton loved him so much he couldn’t resent that. The thing was, usually, people had some overlapping soulmates. Maybe Patton wouldn’t have all of Remy’s friends as soulmates, but he should at least have one indicating he would get to know the romantic one, right? One would think he’d have something for Remy’s future kids, because he already knew he would love them if he ever met them. Even just… even just one overlapping friendship soulmate would make Patton feel better. Patton should have some sign of being a part of Remy’s future social circle engraved onto his skin.

Unless.

Unless, well, unless Patton ended up not mattering much in the end.

It hurt to think about. It hurt to know that Patton was likely just an important childhood friend whom he would eventually drift away from as his life moved on without him. Yet, Patton had no one else. Patton would never have anyone else. He had three soulmates. All of them met. Two of them gone.

It didn’t sound much like a happy ending.

“I’ll be fine,” Patton replied. “It’s just a bad day. I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.”

Remy’s fingertips tapped on the rim of his coffee cup a few times. “You should adopt.”

Patton blinked at the suddenness and ludicrousness of that suggestion. He almost laughed. “Who is going to let me adopt anyone?” Patton asked, waving both of his hands around sadly.

“Adopt a soulless kid.”

“Don’t call them that,” he hissed, immediately.

Remy jerked at the sudden venom in his tone. “It’s just what they’re called Pat,” he said. “I wasn’t being mean. It’s their government designation…”

“I know…” Patton said. “It just seems so… mean.” Like ‘unloved,’ but at least ‘unloved’ didn’t make it onto his driver’s license. At least he had the option to pull on a cardigan and go around under the radar with most people not even knowing how many soulmarks he had.

“See,” Remy said. “You’d be perfect to take one in. You’d be thoughtful and patient even with their status. It’s probably what a lot of them need.”

“I don’t even know if people can adopt them,” Patton said.

“Well, someone has to take care of them:” Remy pointed out, “adoption or fostering or some other thing special to them. Maybe you could do that.”

“I still don’t know if they’d allow me to. You can adopt people who aren’t your soulmates, but they don’t usually allow people like me to…” He’d looked up adopting once when he was a teenager on one of the nights when his heart ached too much to sleep, just to see if he’d ever be able to. He’d found one couldn’t even apply for adoption without a hand or lower arm soulmark, a biological relationship to the child, or a soulmate who had a biological relationship to the child. Yet… people with no soulmarks were treated differently by the government, usually for the worse, but… maybe they’d let someone they thought was incapable of giving parental love foster someone who they thought was incapable of receiving any love at all. “Maybe I’ll look into it.”

“You should,” Remy said. “I know you’d make a great dad.”

Patton chuckled humorlessly, looking down at his blank hands. “Clearly.”

“Don’t be like that, Pat. Even if it wouldn’t be exactly what everyone else has, that wouldn’t make it necessarily bad. You don’t have to be someone’s soulmate to love them.” Patton knew that. He knew that very well. He’d loved or wanted to love so many people in his life. They’d just never seemed to want to accept that love let alone love him back.

He smiled at Remy sadly. “Like I said, I’ll think about it.” He shook the thought away. “Not eat your croissant and then go home and get some rest, Rem. I know you’re worried about your exam tomorrow, but passing out from exhaustion and/or low blood sugar in the middle of it won’t help you finish med school.”

“That’s what coffee’s for.”

“Remy.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” he grumbled, sticking half of the croissant into his mouth. Having a full mouth did not stop him from talking however, “but afterwards I’m coming straight to your house and we’re going to eat pizza and watch horrible romantic comedies until the sun comes up the next morning.”

Patton chuckled. “It’s a good thing I don’t work until Sunday.” Remy nodded, already finishing the rest of the croissant. He grabbed his coffee cup and went to take a big gulp. “Remy that’s hot!”

He set the cup down on the table once he was finished downing about 1/3 of it. “I fear no god. Put it in a to-go cup for me?”

He turned to wander back to his table as Patton grabbed a to-go cup from under the counter. Patton watched as he opened his backpack and slid all of his study materials into it in a disorganized mess before slinging it over his shoulder. “Don’t give me that look,” he said when he saw Patton watching. “I have to keep up my image of a hot mess.” Patton handed him his coffee cup when he came back over. “See you later Pat.” He leaned forward to give Patton a smooch on the nose, and Patton batted him away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Remy.” Remy turned around and shot him finger guns, almost walking straight into someone as he exited the bakery door. “And watch where you’re going! You’ll get hit by a car if you’re not careful.”

He turned the finger guns into birds knowing he was too far away for Patton to chide him. He was gone in the next moment. Patton shook his head. There wasn’t anyone left sitting in the bakery. He decided to go ahead and start prepping to close. Maybe he’d be able to go home early.

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Part 3

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