#ppth starbucks run

[greghatecrimes]

You said you used to be a barista? Any headcanons on how our darlings at PPTH take their hot cocoa?<3

I did used to be a barista indeed!! <3 Oh this is such a good question, I'm much more of a hot cocoa than a coffee person myself so I absolutely love it.

These are based more on vibes than anything else:

House: With a near obscene amount of mini marshmallows sprinkled in, and a very healthy spiral of whipped cream on top of that. Like, tall enough that it looks like it might tip over. Half the time he probably makes it that big just to be obnoxious/see the ducklings' reactions lol

Wilson: Either normal hot chocolate (homemade though, not the powder/instant mix kind. Only ever homemade! Probably chides House whenever he sees him going for the hot cocoa powder and then stops him, takes over, and makes a big batch of luxurious homemade hot chocolate. (little does he know that was house's master plan all along.)), or he goes like... super indulgent and enjoys something like salted caramel hot cocoa every once in a while. If such a recipe exists.

Cuddy: Let's be real, it most likely wouldn't be a hot chocolate, it would be a mocha. That caffeine fuels her through her day. Unless she's at home with Rachel for a snow day or something. Then it's the good ol' swiss miss they keep a box of in the pantry. Rachel likes to put rainbow sprinkles on top with her mini marshmallows, and somehow there's always a little handful of them that end up in Cuddy's mug, too.

Cameron: Peppermint hot chocolate, one thousand percent! I wrote a post about coffee orders a while ago and I mentioned that Cameron totally seems like a peppermint mocha girl to me. The same carries over for hot chocolate, too. She'd be happy drinking peppermint hot chocolate any time of year, no matter the weather! (And I love her for it). I think it would be a total comfort drink for her. Very grounding. <3

Chase: Similar to the coffee orders, I think Cameron introduces him to peppermint hot chocolate, and he ends up really enjoying it. I think he'd also enjoy just plain hot chocolate with a small layer of whipped cream on top. (I'm picturing that it's the kind where the whip is about even with the rim of the glass, so that when you drink the first couple sips, you usually end up getting a whipped cream mustache). ALSO? Bailey's hot chocolate (hot cocoa recipe spiked w/Bailey's Irish Cream liqueur). Great nightcap on a cold winter night.

Foreman: Like I said, a lot of these are based on vibes alone. My man is really giving me "Hot cocoa with Nutella stirred in" vibes rn. Or something else that'll give it a nice, rich hazelnut flavor alongside the chocolate. Anything that adds more depth to the flavor instead of stacking on the sweetness. I can see him liking a dark chocolate hot cocoa with some dark cherry extract added in, too!

Kutner: Hot chocolate infused with orange extract, from a recipe specially made so that it tastes like you're drinking the equivalent of one of those chocolate oranges. Everyone thinks he's nuts until he convinces them to try it, and then they're all absolutely hooked.

Thirteen: I have two thoughts in my mind. One: I think she'd like both white hot chocolate and milk chocolate hot cocoa. Two: She strikes me as the type of person who would get a craving for hot chocolate in the summer, but absolutely NOT want the sensory feel of a hot drink when it's hot out. So she takes hot chocolate powder and mini marshmallows and mixes them into a glass of cold milk. House calls her out on it and is like "you're just drinking glorified chocolate milk at this point." Kutner immediately jumps to her defense and says "it's not chocolate milk, it's cold chocolate." (Then he makes himself a glass of "cold chocolate" and is like "This is actually pretty good!" and then orders an iced mocha with no espresso in it every day for the next week)

Taub: Dark chocolate hot cocoa. Something that's not too, too sweet, but still has a good cocoa flavor. Maybe this part is because I'm POTS-y/probable EDS and need way more salt than average (and thus fucking LOVE salt), but I feel like he'd enjoy sprinkling little sea salt crystals on top. Then it tastes like one of those fancy dark chocolate candy bars you can get at trader joe's.

Bonus Amber, just like in the coffee questions: Homemade chocolate infused with pure raspberry extract. And just a little bit of whipped cream on top (probably also homemade). (I adore her)

This was so much fun to think about! Thank you for the ask, anon! <3

#PPTH starbucks run #ask #anon #greg house #james wilson #lisa cuddy #eric foreman #robert chase #allison cameron #lawrence kutner #remy thirteen hadley #chris taub #amber volakis

[greghatecrimes]

PPTH Gang + What I Think They’d Order At Starbucks, brought to you in incredible and unnecessarily extra detail by a very tired barista!

House: Black eye (black coffee with two shots of espresso), adds his own cream and sugar very sparingly. Occasionally when he’s alone he orders a Caramel Ribbon Crunch frap (guilty pleasure).

Wilson: Grande hot latte with soy milk. He used to order the “skinny vanilla” (latte with skim milk and sugar free vanilla) but stopped because House made fun of him for ordering the white mom drink.

Cuddy: This woman will drink any kind of coffee she can get her hands on in the morning. Even really, really shitty coffee. She just needs something to get through the day. But if she’s got time for Starbucks, I know she’s absolutely getting a tall Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso with two extra shots of espresso (four total). (That is a lot of espresso for a small drink and she needs all of it). She looks so stressed out that the barista draws a smiley face or a star next to her name on the cup, or writes “have a great day!”

Cameron: The Taylor Swift latte. Grande skim latte with caramel. She’s a basic bitch but she knows what she likes, good for her! In the fall she’s 100% a pumpkin spice latte girl and she probably also has the date written on her calendar for when Peppermint Mochas come back in the winter. When asked her name: “It’s Allie, A-L-L-I-E. Thanks!” automatically spells it out to make the barista’s life 3x easier.

Chase: Cameron orders for him because Chase has no idea what the names for anything are. Also likes a good Peppermint Mocha around Christmas (Cameron got him hooked; he stops drinking them after the divorce). Rest of the year he goes for an Americano, iced or hot, with almond milk. His Starbucks name is Bob, which never fails to make Cameron laugh. (Now I’m imagining putting that order out and yelling “ICED AMERICANO FOR BOB!” into a busy cafe and Chase standing there cluelessly like “who? me?” until Cameron nudges him, and I’m laughing my ass off)

Foreman: Regular, plain ol’ black coffee, any kind of dark roast. He adds his own cream very liberally but isn’t a fan of sugar in his coffee.

Thirteen: I spent way too much time thinking of the perfect thing for her. If she just gets coffee at work, just regular decaf coffee is fine. The bitter taste wakes her up since there’s no caffeine. If she wants a nice coffee, I think she’d like a decaf Doppio (two shots of espresso) with a bit of almond milk, one pump of vanilla, and one pump of hazelnut. Hot or iced, but always decaf. Gently but firmly tells the barista to please make sure it’s decaf because she’s “caffeine intolerant” (not wholly a lie. Helps her avoid the caffeine jitters.) Never uses her real name, either gives a random one or just says “Thirteen, like the number” when asked for a name by the barista. Always leaves a tip when she has cash. Orders her drink iced at any time of year if she’s in the mood for it and gets harassed by House for it.

Kutner: Rotates between different superhero names for his Starbucks name (Tony Stark, Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Clint Barton, etc.). Taub wants to melt through the floor every time he gets coffee with Kutner and his order is called out. Kutner thinks it’s hilarious. I really feel like he would be happy with anything you give him, but I think his go to if he’s specifically at Starbucks would be a java chip frap despite the fact that Taub lectures him about it (if he’s gonna treat himself to expensive coffee it may as well taste good!!). Also RIP Kutner you would have loved the Dragon Drink so much (both for the badass name AND the fact that it’s purple)

Taub: Doesn’t go to Starbucks often, probably really only goes with Kutner. Just orders a regular latte or cappuccino. He says he doesn’t see the point of adding in all the flavors and stuff because it’ll just drown out the coffee. Might put some cinnamon on top if there’s a shaker of it on the condiment bar. Would add cinnamon or nutmeg at home if he has the luxury of having a late morning and making his own coffee.

Bonus! Amber: Drinks iced coffee in the middle of a blizzard. Could also down shots of espresso like they’re tequila. The most intense bitch. Would be very visibly tense or stressed when ordering but as soon as her order’s done she’d thank the barista pretty genuinely. Go-to order is a cinnamon dolce latte, no whip but keep the cinnamon dolce powder.

#ppth starbucks run #i did not need to go this hard but i did this to procrastinate doing stressful things so it was fun and worth it #there’s so much in here that makes ME laugh as a barista but that no one else will probably find funny. rip lmaooo #headcanons #greg house #james wilson #lisa cuddy #allison cameron #robert chase #eric foreman #remy thirteen hadley #lawrence kutner #chris taub #amber volakis #house md

[greghatecrimes]

Cameron is the customer who would see how busy and stressed I am during a rush while ordering, and stop what she was saying to tell me “Actually you know what? I’ll just have an iced chai, please.” and I would nearly sob with relief

House is the customer who would hear me mutter almost incomprehensibly quietly to my coworker, “If I have to make one more CRCF I’m going to throw myself through a window”, get up to the register, and say “one caramel ribbon crunch, please” just to see my reaction. And then he’d laugh at my face and say “actually just one black coffee. that’s it.”

#iced chai is the easiest drink to make on the entire menu #posting this while hiding in the fridge to get a break from the overstimulation of being as busy as we are during the holidays 🫡 #ppth starbucks run #barista woes #house md #greg house #allison cameron

[greghatecrimes]

A while ago, I made a post about what I think the PPTH gang would order at Starbucks. This post by @housethemd had me thinking Coffee Thoughts again about House & co., so here are some thoughts about what I think it would be like to have them as customers in my cafe.

At work, there's regulars (people that come in often enough that I recognize their face), and there's THE regulars (customers that come in so regularly that I know their name, order, a couple details about their life/them as a person, and usually have a pleasant conversation with while they're ordering). For this, I'm operating under the assumption that all of the House characters would fall into the latter group (because they're all doctors at a busy hospital. Any hospital job usually goes for so. much. caffeine).

Cameron probably comes in the most frequently out of anyone, but the baristas would all know her solely as Allie. She'd be one of the regulars that makes having the early-morning opening shift worth it, because she's genuinely always happy to talk with you (and almost always carries cash so she can give you a tip directly). She'd ask how you're doing and remember little details from your conversations (like music you said you liked, or your major/degree if you ever mentioned college). She has a favorite drink for every season (Pumpkin Spice Lattes for fall, Peppermint Mochas for winter, etc.) and is so consistent with her orders that at every open, whoever's working marks a cup for her drink and sets it aside for when she comes in. At least once during "buy one get one half off" sales, she'd buy two of whatever's on sale just to give the second one (or both) to whoever's working at the time.

Chase would probably come in at least a couple of times per week. For some reason, he'd make his appointed Starbucks/café name "Bob" instead of Robert/Rob/Robbie, and every single barista he's met would agree that "there's no way his name is actually Bob. He's way too attractive for that." My coworkers (somewhat surprisingly, not a group of college-aged girls. We are a group of incredibly gay and/or trans 20-somethings LMAO) would absolutely talk about how hot he is when he's not around and swoon over the accent (if there's a list of Hottest Regulars, he's absolutely #1). He'd mention having a girlfriend and order coffee for her occasionally, but everyone would refuse to believe she existed until they saw her for themselves. One day he'd come in with Cameron, and it would make the barista group text explode. (Bob and Allie know each other? And not only that, but Bob and Allie are actually... Bob-And-Allie?! Allie is the mysterious girlfriend?!) There would be full on MOURNING. At least one person would joke about calling in sick from the grief of Aussie Golden Retriever Boyfriend's girlfriend being real. Inexplicably, he'd enjoy Taylor Swift's music and the baristas would love him even more for that.

More characters to come in another post :) I'm thinking probably House, Wilson, and Cuddy next? (Also: thank you to @samathekittycat for your tags on the reblog of the House frappuccino post; it was a small thing but the eyes emoji gave me the motivation to get a bunch of stuff done so I could come back and write this, lol)

#house md #hate crimes md #allison cameron #robert chase #ppth starbucks run #an anya original #headcanons #at some point i want to make a whole outsider pov fic of this. some poor barista seeing all the ppth drama and disasters LMAO

[greghatecrimes]

hi hello i very much enjoy your house + starbucks posts and with a few recent mentions of them i feel okay asking: what would you say about masters, park, and adams regarding hypothetical starbucks

ooh thank you!! i’m always excited when people enjoy my starbucks posts, I really enjoyed being a barista even though it paid horribly 🤣 And I love thinking of coffee orders for characters so thank you for requesting these three!! <33

Adams: caramel macchiatos for sure, almost always hot, but occasionally an iced one in the summer when it’s just too hot for hot coffee! in the fall I think she’d really enjoy the new seasonal apple crisp macchiato (she gets tired of PSLs). In the winter she’d love any of the gingerbread drinks for sure!

Park: Park gives me the vibes of a person who can and would drink almost anything at Starbucks and enjoy it. She just wants the caffeine and likes all the flavors, she’s not super picky and likes to mix it up and try new ones a lot! She strikes me as someone who likes to ask the barista what their favorite is and then order one of those. I think if she told me to make whatever fits I’d go with a dirty chai (a chai latte with espresso, two shots for her since she needs the caffeine) made with either oat milk or almond milk, and some cinnamon powder on top.

Masters: This one was the hardest to nail down, and then it came to me like a vision of the holy grail. Masters is a medicine ball girl. The real name for it is “honey citrus mint tea” and that’s what she’d call it because she’s lovely and polite and she’d always double check that we had honey in the back to use before ordering one. The recipe for it that I always use is one bag of citron green tea, one bag of peppermint herbal tea, two packets of raw honey, half hot water, and half steamed lemonade. Usually it’s a hassle to make these but Masters is so lovely and would always be so nice to chat with that I’d make one for her anytime, no problem <3

#ask #anon #headcanons #ppth starbucks run #jessica adams #chi park #martha m masters

[greghatecrimes]

— Anya, 24, they/she (en), она (ру) —

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#in the dirt - in-progress, post-canon fic; after the death of Wilson, House tracks down Thirteen to make good on his promise.

#two little ducklings - upcoming crack fic; Chase and Thirteen get magicked into their teenage selves (memories intact, just back in younger bodies). House gets stuck with them staying in his apartment until they can figure out how to turn them back. Grumpy dad moments and hilarious sibling shenanigans abound.

#baby thirteen au - Circa 1990, House becomes a single dad by somehow gaining custody of an eighteen month old Thirteen. Shenanigans ensue.

#baby ducks au - Branch of the "Baby Thirteen" AU. House raises both Thirteen and Chase.

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