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asoftvoice · 2 years

Text

in the end

summary: finishing a book you recommended ignites a realization in chris.

warnings: age gap, fluff, spoilers for They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera, and Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. mentions of death.

pairing: chris evans x costar!reader

your toes dug into the sand, the sun beating down on your skin. you rested your chin on your knee, looking out at the waves crashing against the shore. you looked longingly at your costars who were splashing around in the water.

it had been a dreadful long month long full of shooting your new movie, Ghosted. you thought that filming a romantic comedy would be a breeze, but it was proving to be anything but.

you were forced to put your happy face on when you barely had the energy to crawl out of bed, and act like you were head over heels in love with Chris's character.

acting in love with Chris wasn't the hard part for you.

it was pretending that you weren't in love with him when the camera's weren't rolling.

playing his love interest, you had very few scenes that didn't include him, and even when the cameras weren't rolling, he was constantly in your space. constantly joking, poking, tickling. treating you like a little sister, as if he wasn't kissing the life out of you an hour ago.

it hurt, that you couldn't deny. it hurt knowing that the two of you would never work out. even if, for whatever reason, he did fall for you and he did confess, the two of you would only end up heartbroken. the judgement and criticism that the two of you would no doubt receive even if the relationship was just rumoured, made you feel sick to your stomach. as much as you wanted to be his, and for him to be yours, you knew that it would just end up hurting the two of you if you tried.

it was exhausting. a bone deep exhaustion that had yet to be soothed, but you had a feeling that this break from filming would do the trick.

for once, Chris was nowhere to be seen. he had been unsure if he was going to be able to make it to the beach house that had been rented for the weekend, and you were happy to be separated from the man who had been suffocating you for the past 8 weeks.

but you discovered that now that he wasn't here, you wanted nothing more than for him to be sitting next to you. to be talking to you, and you wanted nothing more than for the two of you to be able to be together, despite the universe telling you no, or so it felt.

Chris clicked the key fob to lock his car, hearing it beep behind him. he slung his duffel over his shoulder, and entered the house. the door to the back patio was open, and he could see his castmates fooling around in the ocean.

then, his eyes found you, sitting on the sand, watching them.

the corners of his lips pointed up towards his eyes in a warm smile, watching your shoulders rise and fall as you took a deep breath. the duffel fell from Chris's shoulder and hit the floor with a thud, his shoes joining the duffel a moment later, before he was hissing when his bare feet touched the burning orange sand.

he made his way over to you slowly, waving and smiling at his cast mates as he did so. Chris smiled wider as he approached you. he was never able to control his smile around you. no matter his emotion at the moment, all you had to do was enter a room, and he was instantly happy, almost giddy, even.

you had brought such a light into his life since meeting you. before signing on to the movie, he'd felt hopeless. he was 40, almost 41, and he'd only had a handful of committed relationships, but none of them going past dating.

him and Minka had talked about marriage and kids, but ultimately they were both a different points in their lives, and were better off friends. he hadn't really spoken about marriage or kids with anyone else, and after realizing this, he had lost all hope of ever having the family that he wanted.

that flame, that desire for the domestic life, reignited when the cast met for the first time. the smile on your face and the light in your eyes relit that flame inside of him, and the hope came back, albeit slowly.

he wasn't oblivious to the way you looked at him either. he could see the fondness that you tried to hide, and he could hear the way your breathing sped up and skin warmed whenever he made physical contact with you, both on set and off.

the only thing holding him back was the age difference. you were years younger than him, but that didn't stop him from wanting you. it didn't stop him from imagining what it would be like to hold you in his arms all night, to kiss you, to love you. it didn't stop him from imagining the two of you sharing your first dance at your wedding reception, and how great of a mother you would make.

was he getting a head of himself? absolutely, but it didn't make his thoughts retreat. in fact, if it wasn't for knowing what the internet would say about the two of you, he would have acted on his feelings weeks ago. but the thought of the comments saying that you were using him for his money. the comments about how the relationship wouldn't last. but most importantly, the comments about how he was grooming you.

he wanted you to be his, but he knew that the internet would push the two of you apart, and he wouldn't be able to bring himself to recognize that, or to end the relationship because of that, meaning the two of you would be locked in a relationship that isn't healthy for either of you.

he wanted to protect you, not hurt you, and if loving you from afar would ensure you protection, he would do just that. he squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the thoughts from his head as he took his seat next to you, returning your smile with one of his own.

"hey." he greeted, and his eyes gazed into yours as you giggled quietly.

"hi." you said so quietly, that Chris could've missed it if he wasn't paying attention. "h-how was your drive up here?" you stuttered slightly, and it made Chris chuckle.

"it was alright. little boring, but nothing a little music couldn't fix." he stated, and you smiled again, before looking out at the ocean again. "what have you guys been up to while i was gone?" he asked, following your eyeline.

you shrugged. "not much, honestly. i managed to find a quiet spot in one of the unused sitting rooms, and managed to read about half of my book." you said.

Chris nodded, breathing out of his nose. you were an avid reader, and he'd watched in amazement as you'd made your way through They Both Die At The End in two days, before offering the book to Chris to borrow, because you thought he would like it, and you were right. Chris was only half way through the book, and had never been more invested in a book that involved death, a concept that scared him. granted, the last thing he'd read before packing it in his bag was Rufus watching Mateo have a nightmare.

"what are you reading?" he asked, seeing the smile grow wider, about to happily ramble about your book.

"Little Women." you said.

"a classic," Chris stated, and you simply nodded in response.

"it is. i loved the movie, and saw it at my local book shop and picked it up. i'm loving it so far. Jo just cut off her hair, and I love how she thoroughly explains her reasoning behind it. because in the movie, its just stated that Jo 'couldn't bear it', seeing Aunt March, that it. in the book, she just states-" you began to ramble, before you realized your actions, and you stopped immediately. "sorry, i'm rambling again."

Chris shook his head, his eyebrows knitting together. "no, don't say sorry. you're passionate about books, and I'd love to hear more about it. please, go on." he said, and you smiled big, before continuing to explain.

"so, in the book, Jo says 'Meg gave all her quarterly salary toward the rent, and I only got some clothes with mine, so i felt wicked, and was bound to have some money, if i sold the nose off my face to get it.' it made me realize that even though Jo works hard for her family, she feels like she will never be good enough. and that feeling didn't stem from Marmie, it stemmed fully from Aunt March, which is really interesting because..." you rambled, and Chris continued to smile, watching you intently, fully aware his eyes held nothing but love for you.

Chris breathed through his nose, blinking back tears as he turned the page.

as much as he was in love with you, he was regretting agreeing to reading this book. you'd waited patiently for him to finish his breakfast, before grasping his wrist, and dragging him to your corner of paradise that you'd found the day before, insisting that the two of you could read.

Chris immediately agreed, not only because he was now invested in the book in his hands, but also because he could see the pure, untouched excitement in your eyes, and he wanted to keep that light there. the two of you had take up refuge on a small bench full of pillows, squished between two book cases, and in between quiet laughs, gasps, and turning pages, the two of you had drifted closer, your legs now over his lap, his hand not holding the book rubbing your shins, only leaving briefly to flip the page.

he swallowed the lump in his throat as he digested the words in front of him.

'I wonder if Mateo found his mother yet. I wonder if he told her about me. If I find my family first, we'll have our hug-it-out moment, and then I'll recruit them in my Mateo manhunt. Then who knows what comes next.

'I throw on my headphones and watch the video of Mateo singing to me.

'I see Althea Park in the distance, my place of great change. I return my attention to the video, his voice blasting in my ears.'

"no," Chris whispered as his eyes moved from the second last to the last line, seeing you look up from your book in the corner of his eye.

'I cross the street without an arm to hold me back.'

the book fell from Chris's hands, letting them come up to cover his face as tears spilled over his waterline. a sob bubbled up his throat, before your arms wrapped tightly around him, soothing him, even if just slightly.

"it's called 'They Both Die At The End' for a reason," you teased, but stopped teasing when you realized that your attempt at a light hearted joke to make him smile wasn't working, and decided to take a different route.

"do you want to know what's so magical about that book?" you whispered, sliding your legs underneath you as his hands dragged down his face, wiping away his tears. "the most magical thing about that book is that despite the fact that Mateo and Rufus are so different, despite the fact that they come from very different backgrounds, they are so similar. Rufus's parents have died, and Mateo's mom has as well. not only that, but Mateo's father was in a coma. neither of them had parents to turn to when the got their call from Death Cast. and despite all of that, despite their very different backgrounds, they found each other, and managed to learn all there was to learn about one another, and fell in love.

"despite everything, they found each other, and no matter what others said, no matter what was happening in the world, two people fell in love with zero regrets, and i think that's beautiful." you finished, and finally made eye contact with Chris, who was, once again, fully aware he was staring at you as if you were everything, as if he'd just witnessed you create the heavens and the earth, as if he was utterly amazed by you.

and you were. the way you dissected the characters, their story line, and their love story in such a simple way. it amazed him how he could apply the assessment to the two of you, and by the light flickering behind your eyes, you had as well.

Chris tried to speak, but stuttered. he clamped his mouth shut, and swallowed harshly, forcing the lump of emotion down his throat, before trying again.

"can i tell you the most beautiful thing about you," he said quietly, his one hand falling to your lower back, the other resting on one of your arms. "and me?" he continued, not waiting for your response. "the most beautiful thing about us is how we both relate to Rufus and Mateo. obviously only one of us is a man, but," you giggled loudly, and Chris felt the tension in his shoulders relieve immediately. "we're the same. i know how you feel about me, i can see it in your face, i can see how much it pains you to love me the way you do and be so scared of us hurting each other. i can see the want for me to have you, and for you to have me. how you're trying to come to terms with it, and let me tell you something, i am too. i feel as if i've loved you my entire life, despite knowing you for only a few months. we both know what the internet is going to say when we announce our relationship, but just as Rufus and Mateo were together until the very end, i promise you, i will be with you until the very end. no matter what.

"no matter what happens, no matter what is said about us, i will love you to no end." he whispered, his thumb rubbing your arm gently, seeing your head tip forward, and your chin wobble. Chris rested his forehead against yours, sniffing as his own tears fell down his face, his emotions shifting from sadness for Mateo and Rufus to pure and utter love, and need, to protect you, and love you. "all you have to do is say yes." he said, and as soon as he felt your head nod, his hands wrapped up and around your upper back, his lips chasing yours.

they met in the middle, and it felt as if a fog had been lifted as soon as they pushed against one another. you had the realization that Chris was right. that no matter what happens, no matter what anyone says, you have each other, until the very end.

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