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the-head-ancho-chilli · 1 year

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Smoke Signals (Sanegiyu Oneshot)

I’ve hyperfixated on this idea for like three weeks, and I’m so proud of this oneshot! I genuinely believe that this is one of the best things I’ve ever written ;)

Requests and asks are still open!

Warnings: swearing, drug usage (marijuana and alcohol), mention of depression, and poor self care maintenance

Synopsis: Sanemi and Giyu work together late at Kimetsu Academy and everyone's noticing Sanemi's gradual decline. After a particular comment made in the staff room after hours, Giyu formulates a plan to get his hotheaded coworker to finally open up

Word count: 8k~

Sanemi Shinazugawa was never one to open up about anything. He seemed to be on a personal mission to bite back at anyone who tried to approach him with some lovey dovey shit, so no one really know much about him. The entire staff of Kimetsu Academy had tried their own methods to get him to crack a little with no luck. Poor Kyojuro couldn't seem to make any progress with him after months of trying, and not even Obanai would share anything about the white haired man.

Giyu couldn't recall where his curiosity originated from, but it grew with every night he willingly stayed late at the Academy. He often took advantage of the quiet atmosphere of the nearly empty staff room on the second floor, using the time spent to grade assignments and plan his upcoming classes. Giyu doesn't sleep much anyways so he wasn't too worried about exhaustion catching up to him. However, lately when he finds himself evaluating coursework at his desk in the staff room, there would be none other than Sanemi Shinazugawa furiously grading math quizzes at the desk right next to them.

Both of them started teaching at Kimetsu Academy around the same time so they weren't necessarily unfamiliar with each other. At first the two never talked, both men opting to focus on their career than to go out of their way to be chummy with one another. But after getting roped into the weekend excursions that Tengen plans for their little group, Sanemi and Giyu started allowing the company of others in their lives. And now here they are, tackling their own responsibilities side by side in near silence.

Carrying two cups of coffee, Giyu slides back into his swivel chair at his desk and hands Sanemi the lighter coloured liquid. Sanemi sighs in relief and accepts the styrofoam cup and taking an eager sip of the steaming beverage.

"Thanks." Sanemi huffs. Giyu nods, wondering how anyone can drink coffee with three creams and five sugars. Neither of them found the stillness of the room uncomfortable, both men just simply enjoying the other's presence and the very warm coffee. It was maybe seven in the evening, the last remnants of the sun gracing the room. Sanemi seemed to allow himself a five minute break to re-energize, and Giyu couldn't stop himself from peeking over at him. He looked bone-tired, back pushing against the cushion of the chair he was sitting on and the back of Sanemi's wrist rested on his forehead. Dark circles surrounded his eyes and his scarred face looked flushed. Giyu pursed his lips at the sight.

"Something bothering you?" Giyu asked. A pause passed between them despite the small thump of Giyu setting his black coffee on his desk. Sanemi didn't even register the question at first. When he did, Sanemi whipped his head back at Giyu in visible confusion.

"Huh?"

"You look tired." Giyu commented while holding eye contact. "Are you alright?"

Sanemi's eyebrows furrowed, the corners of his lips now turned upwards in anxiousness. The coffee rippled as Sanemi set it on his desk and reached for a pen.

"It's nothing, it'll sort itself out eventually." Not even looking over at Giyu to see his reaction, Sanemi focused his eyes to a spot on his desk. The pen found itself on a typical sticky note, scribbling on the yellow square a mess of knots and tangles. Ripping off the sticky note, he threw it in the recycling bin net to his leg and started scribbling on the next one too. "All things do."

Giyu was prepared for this kind of reaction. With all the anecdotes of other trying to get closer to Sanemi, this was expected. However, it threw Giyu off guard with how severe Sanemi's discomfort was at the question. From someone else's perspective, the frantic scribbling and ripping of sticky notes makes Sanemi look enraged. But Giyu didn't see it like that. Sanemi's eyes were frantic, as if he was trying to blur Giyu from his peripheral vision. There was just something in the way his brows furrowed and his lips pursed that just screamed panic.

Giyu decided to press forward. "Are you sleeping well?"

"I'm sleeping just fine."

"I don't think you are."

Sanemi scoffed and turned to Giyu, a look of disbelief apparent on his face. "Really?"

"You look awful."

A pause broke between the two men. Sanemi was giving Giyu the hardest stare he could muster with his fist clenched. Realizing what he just said, Giyu gulped nervously as he awkwardly held his gaze, solely fixated on Sanemi's wild eyes.

"I mean that nicely?" Sanemi raised a brow at Giyu. "It didn't- that didn't come out how I intended."

Sanemi lowered his gaze at Giyu, almost glaring at him, as he simultaneously placed another quiz in front of him to mark. Finally breaking eye contact, Sanemi downed the last of his coffee and got back to work. Shame bubbled and swirled in Giyu's stomach.

"We still on for Friday?" Sanemi asked, not looking up from his material.

"Uhm- yeah sure." Giyu stuttered. "I'll bring beer, as usual." It was hardly noticeable, but Sanemi nodded in acknowledgement at Giyu's offer.

Silence passed over the two again, occasionally interrupted by Sanemi turning a page or moving onto the next quiz. Giyu sat awkwardly next to him, sipping on his black coffee that has almost gone to room temperature by now. His mind was swirling, trying to come up with something, anything, to say to Sanemi. But he just didn't have the words.

"I'm really sorry-"

"It's fine," Sanemi interrupted. "Don't lose your head, Tomioka."

Giyu was taken aback at Sanemi's abruptness. He wasn't really sure what to make of it. Despite Sanemi's reassurance, Giyu just knew that there's more to this conversation. And more than anything, he was worried. His hands started to shake and jerk as Giyu tried to think of something to say again. But this was a sensitive matter, at least to Giyu, and that he had to be careful about what he said next or else Sanemi's resentment may worsen.

"I just want you to know," Giyu began, fiddling with his twitching fingers. "That if you ever need someone to talk to, you got me."

Sanemi froze, emptily gazing at the quiz he was in the middle of marking with a pen in his right hand. His grasp on the pen fluttered from clenching and letting go, clearly trying to process Giyu's words carefully. By the time he faced Giyu, Sanemi seemed to be conflicted. The inner turmoil was very apparent in his expression, and if Giyu didn't know any better, he would even say that Sanemi looked like he was pleading with him.

"Look, I don't know what you want to get out of me but I'm not budging. Do I look intoxicated to you? Just get back to work."

Sanemi immediately turned back to his stack of math quizzes and marking ledger with a huff. Before Giyu could protest anything, Sanemi had already started furiously scribbling scores and passing paper after paper onto another pile of marked quizzes on the opposite side of his desktop. Giyu frowned and considered Sanemi's last remark, after all, he did already have plans to have dinner at his place on the upcoming Friday. If these were the terms that Sanemi set, then who was he to try and match them?

Giyu Tomioka was fair game.

The rest of the week pretty quickly, much to Giyu's growing anticipation. His plan was already set in motion, with the help of a flamboyant art teacher in the Academy's faculty of course. After consulting the best way to approach this with Kyojuro and Shinobu for the past few days, Giyu felt more confident about his visit with Sanemi on Friday.

However what most worried him was Sanemi's declining state over the week. With ever passing, Sanemi seemed more and more drained. Students started voicing their concerns with other teachers, mainly reporting to Kyojuro and Kanae to see if there's any way they can ask him to take a few days off. Sanemi apparently have gotten more stern on the curriculum, now assigning more pop quizzes and instead of teaching the material at the beginning of class and allowing the remaining time for students to work independently, instead Sanemi will demonstrate more methods and quadratic equations. Student were starting to get overwhelmed with the amount of times Sanemi would stress that what he was teaching was going to be on the test the upcoming Monday.

Unable to find a way to approach this issue professionally, Giyu just put his faith in his coworkers to hopefully alleviate the tension between Sanemi and his students. He saw Kyojuro and Gyomei approach Genya about the issue with no luck. as he also seemed resentful at the situation before him. His worry only seemed to grow with every passing day.

When Friday approached, Giyu buzzed the call button in the lobby of the apartment complex a few after classes had ended for the day. In his other hand was a plastic bag that had some supplied for how he was hoping to spend the night with Sanemi. The call button clicked an a voice spoke through the crunchy sounding speaker.

"Name and business." It ordered.

"...Uh, it's Giyu? I brought some stuff up for tonight." The speaker clicked again.

"Come on up."

The lobby door opened automatically, allowing Giyu to pass the receptionist and reach the elevator. He was already used to this route, so Giyu already knew to ignore the elevator's worrying clunk when it passed the fifth floor, that the eighth floor that the Shinazugawa's resided in usually smelled of lavender scented detergent. as well as to be weary of the tuxedo cat that had a habit of wandering into the elevator during it's escapades. Giyu crouched to pet the little guy, Joji from 912. Continuing down the hall, Giyu could feel his mouth salivating at the smell of several families cooking dinner. Sanemi usually made simple yet well balanced meals, and for a moment Giyu started to wonder what he made.

Arriving at Sanemi's flat, Giyu knocked on the door just below the steel plated numbers that read 923. The sound of shuffling and faint music could be heard from inside the apartment, but the door didn't open. Giyu's eyebrows furrowed slightly as he knocked again, but then a high pitched beep rang from the other side of the door.

"Ah shit- Just open the door! Kinda busy here-" Sanemi shouted.

The beeping stopped and was replaced with rustling metal. Giyu felt awkward about opening the door to someone else's place on his own, but then again, Sanemi seemed to be too preoccupied to open the door. Hesitating, Giyu slowly rotated the doorknob and peeked his head in. The scent of whatever Sanemi was cooking immediately wafted towards the draft from the door, making the rumbling of Giyu's stomach embarrassingly audible. His mouth filled with saliva again as shoes were hastily torn off and left on the genkan. Giyu slid on some slippers that he found near the front door, and stepped up onto the hardwood of the apartment.

In the kitchen, Sanemi was swiftly chopping some kind of vegetable with efficiency and ease, immediately dumping it in the small pot that sat on the gas stove. Moving onto the next burner, a shallow pan had two pieces of salmon softly sizzling in a sauce. Sanemi took a spoon and gently basted them in the glaze. Setting the plastic bag he held onto the kitchen island, Giyu pulled out one of the barstools that hid underneath it and sat down.

Amongst the various sounds of dinner being prepared, a record player was playing 80's rock softly through the apartment. The tune was catchy and the electric guitar solo seemed to escalate and drive the song without it baring out the drums or the base. Sanemi's place was decorated with a mature yet angsty feel that might not have worked for most people, but seemed to suit Sanemi quite well. What caught Giyu's attention the most was an electric guitar with a black angular body hung up on the wall near the living area. What was strange about it is that there was no amp to be seen, and the fretboard of the guitar had a noticeable layer of dust atop the black acrylic. Seems like it hadn't been used in a while.

A door slammed open, rocking some of the other objects hung on the wall a little. Giyu jumped in his seat in surprise, as he turned his head to find the source of the noise. Genya was bent over to pick over a rugged backpack that was unceremoniously shoven next to a side table in the living room, and stomped back to his room to fill it with some folded clothes that sat on the edge of his bed.

"Good evening, Genya."

Genya only grunted in response, too busy packing his backpack to properly greet Giyu. The air was thick with tension, causing Giyu to squirm in the barstool as Sanemi watched Genya sternly. This kind of atmosphere was unusual for the Shinazugawa brothers, serving the impression that something was clearly amiss. Genya was normally apprehensively friendly with Giyu, usually because of how awkward he was around new people. And sure they were both hotheaded, but Sanemi normally found a way to work around that for the both of them for Genya's sake.

"I'm going out." Genya slung his bag over his shoulder and walked to the front door swiftly to but on some shoes. Sanemi gawked at him.

"I told you that you're not going anywhere until you take your studies seriously." Sanemi argued.

"It's a study group." Genya hopped on one foot as he struggled to put his combat boots on. "Tanjiro arranged it."

"Until I see your quiz on Monday, you're staying here until you get your shit sorted."

"Seriously? If anyone needs to get a hold of themselves, it's you." Genya groaned, grabbing a coat and opening the door. "I'll be back in the morning."

The front door slammed shut and shook the walls once again. Giyu's jaw was dropped at the interaction he just witnessed before him, chest still tightened in discomfort. Sanemi's back was still turned from Giyu but it was obvious he was pissed. He had stopped stirring for a few moments, his hand making claws as he shook them in anger. When he stopped, Sanemi turned towards Giyu and gestured at the door as if that explained anything.

"Do you see what I have to deal with? He's just so-" Sanemi waved his hand in the air. "You know? Ughhhh!"

Giyu nodded frantically, trying to show his best that he understood. He didn't have the heart to tell him that he, in fact, had no idea what just happened between Sanemi and Genya. Utterly lost at this point, Giyu felt a bit helpless. He wanted to reach out to Sanemi, but it was too soon to execute the plan right now. Standing up wordlessly from the barstool, Giyu started to set the table neatly for the two of them.

When the table was set, Giyu checked in on Sanemi. He was still hovering over the stovetop, but now he was fiercely muttering under his breath. Giyu stood next to him, leaning over the granite countertop and watching Sanemi cook dinner. Sanemi didn't even change out of his work clothes, still wearing a white collared shirt and black slacks. His blazer was nowhere to be seen, but his shirt was unbuttoned to his stomach like when he joins in on Tengen's plans on the weekends.

"Rough week?" Giyu asked.

Sanemi snorted. "You have no idea."

Giyu patted Sanemi's shoulder lightly in reassurance. He could almost see the struggle on Sanemi's own worries and stresses were his own. The cotton felt rough and stiff under his hand that lingered a little longer on Sanemi than he originally intended. Silence overtook them again, standing side by side by the stove.

Dinner went a bit more smoothly once both men started digging in. Sanemi had cooked a glazed salmon, rice, a light salad and a small pot of stew on the side. The cold beers that Giyu had brought from the convenience store paired well with the meal, following the recommendation from the green haired teen who worked there. The two chatted between bites, mainly about work related topics and their students. Giyu was tempted to ask about Genya or Sanemi's sleep schedule, but he he held off knowing that he still had a plan to approach this, sitting at his feet in the plastic bag.

"What about you?" Sanemi inquired, taking another sip of his beer. "Are you still eating well?"

Giyu cringed internally, trying not to show it.

"Tanjiro told me that he only sees you buy bread at his bakery. Dude, you're a fitness teacher. You know you need to get some nutrition to wrangle all those damn kids."

Giyu glanced down at his feet, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. "It's not all bad, I'm supporting a local business."

"Bullshit!" Sanemi interjected with an appalled smirk on his face. "If you don't start taking better care of yourself, I'm going to start making lunches for you if it means you eat properly."

"You don't have to, Sanemi you have enough on your plate already."

"People are worried Giyu- hell, I am too! If you just let me-"

"I'm worried about you too."

Giyu stared at Sanemi in concern, his fidgeting coming to a halt as he focused on the hotheaded man in front of him. Sanemi once again put on the spot, seemed to be at a loss for excuses. Defeated, he just slumped in his chair and stared at the empty plate as Giyu downed the rest of his beer. He sat up and placed his folded hands in front of him on the table, trying to find Sanemi's gaze. Sanemi refused to look at him.

"I thought about what you said a few days ago, Sanemi."

Giyu leaned over to the side and reached into the plastic bag next to him on the floor. Sanemi's eyes followed his movements and watched him pull a small tin container out of the bag and placed it on the table, right in the middle. Giyu carefully glanced at Sanemi, confusion apparent on his face as he stared at the box. Sanemi looked up at Giyu again.

"I have a proposition for you." Giyu leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. Sanemi sat up straight and finished the rest of his beer, gesturing for him to continue.

"Everyone knows that you're not really one to talk about your feelings, which is fair! You don't have to open up to us if you don't feel comfortable. But you're clearly struggling, Sanemi. And I want to help."

Sanemi's eyes furrowed at Giyu's confession, jaw clenched as he nodded slightly. "Actually, I got this idea when you asked me if you look intoxicated when I started to question your sleep." Giyu finished.

Sanemi was taken aback, at first not really understanding what Giyu was implying by that statement. Giyu leaned back to the side, the plastic bag rustling again. But then it hit Sanemi.

There was no fucking way.

Sanemi reached for the tin box on his dining table and grabbed it swiftly. The metal was cool to the touch and the container was decorated with two large stickers that covered the top and bottom of it. Flipping open the creaky lid, inside the metal box were four joints. Looking back at Giyu, there were now two stacks of index cards atop the dining table in front of him.

"If you don't want to do this, that's fine." Giyu reassured. "I won't be mad or anything. but since it was something you mentioned, I thought that if we-"

"Sure." Sanemi agreed.

Giyu tilted his head. "What?"

"I'm down." Sanemi reiterated, closing the lid of the box with a smile on his face. "Whatever you have planned here, I say we do it."

Giyu couldn't believe it. He had a whole speech prepared on how everyone knew Sanemi was having problems, and how they all cared about him. He wanted to tell Sanemi how many people were willing to do anything to pitch in to cheer him up, to reignite and rejuvenate the hardass attitude and his motivation that he lost in the last week. Giyu was genuinely shocked that he didn't need to say any of that, Sanemi had just accepted that he was worried. And that he was willing to take a chance on him, because that was enough. Barely able to hold it back at this realization, Giyu beamed at Sanemi.

It didn't take long for the two men to clean up the leftover clutter from dinner, Sanemi quickly washed dishes and left them on the drying rack as Giyu wiped down the table, dried the dishes on the rack and put them away. This had become so routine to them both that Giyu already knew where everything was meant to be placed. The two worked together silently, still processing the previous discussion. Giyu felt hopeful. Once they were done, Sanemi led Giyu to the balcony through the sliding door by the dining table. The lock clicked as Sanemi opened it smoothly and stepped through and toward the evening sky. The balcony was made of concrete with a clothesline connecting from Sanemi's building to the one across the street from them. Some plants in terracotta pots decorated the corners of the balcony. All of them held fresh herbs except for one large pot, with scorch marks along the inner walls and a pile of ash sitting at the bottom. The small balcony also held a small loveseat sofa with a tiny table sat in front of it. The balcony was crowded, but lived in and welcoming.

Giyu took a seat on the sofa, which was made of a firm plastic except for the cushions. Sanemi took a seat beside him and crossed his ankle over his knee. They were shoulder to shoulder with barely an inch of space between them. Giyu handled Sanemi the blue stack of index card while he held onto the yellow stack. Sanemi took the tin out of his pocket and examined the stickers carefully.

"Why did you bring four? I don't even think we can get to two, dumbass." Sanemi chuckled.

"I got them from Tengen, actually."

"Of course." Sanemi took out a joint and gave it to Giyu to hold for the time being. "Guessing from the club named on the box, I'm assuming that's his too."

Giyu nodded, agreeding that he wouldn't be one to hold onto stickers that featured the logos of the local clubs and bars around the area, especially with how high end the names were.

"He insisted I hold onto some extra, so I thought I might as well for next time."

Sanemi placed the tin box on the table in front of them. "Next time?"

"Well, yeah." Giyu mumbled. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to finish all these cards tonight, in case you wanted a break or feel the need to stop." His hands twitched again, prompting Giyu to look down and fiddle with them. "I want this to be a good experience, not one where you feel pressured."

Sanemi nodded again, his lips slightly upturned at Giyu's thoughtfulness. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a zippo lighter with a wind spinner engraved on the side.

"Do you smoke?" Sanemi asked, flipping the cap of the lighter easily.

Giyu shrugged, pulling his knees to his chest. "Once or twice."

Sanemi lit the joint and Giyu watched the end of it flutter with heat before glowing in the dark lightly. Bringing it to his lips, Sanemi took a long drag of the joint before handing it to Giyu. A bit out of his territory, Giyu took a small take of the joint so he wouldn't be forced to cough a little. Sanemi finally let out a sigh after holding in the smoke, immediately laughing under his breath.

"Fuckkkk, I haven't done this in years." Sanemi looked pleased, taking back the joint and flipping through the blue index cards sat on his thigh. "How do you want to go about this?"

"You ask a question from a yellow card, I answer first and then you answer. Then I ask a question from the blue cards, you answer and then I do too."

"What if we don't want to answer that question?"

"You don't have to." Giyu shrugged. I won't insist it."

Sanemi took another drag of the joint, pulled out a card, and exhaled deeply. "How would you introduce yourself if you two were strangers?"

"Hi, I'm Giyu Tomioka." He began. "I'm the Phys-Ed teacher of Kimetsu Academy."

Sanemi grimaced, finding it awkward to play along with him. "Sanemi Shinazugawa. Math teacher of Kimetsu Academy."

"I guess we're not stranger anymore." Giyu joked.

Sanemi handed back the joint, bouncing one of his legs as he waited for Giyu's turn. As he took a hit of the marijuana, Sanemi started to feel anxious about the questions they had in their hands. Sure Giyu was more quiet and careful with his words, but Sanemi found it intimidating how natural it seems to Giyu. Sanemi started to second guess agreeing to this game of his.

"What's your favourite colour, Sanemi?"

"Who came up with these questions?" Sanemi snorted. "Uh, green. A light green."

Giyu returned the joint. "Blue."

Sanemi held the roll between his lips as he pulled out another card. He took another drag and red out the question. "What are you currently feeling?"

"Scared. Excited, but scared." He started drawing circles on his knees as he relaxed.

"You're scared?" Sanemi repeated in disbelief. "This seems so easy for you."

Giyu shook his head. "It's not really, I don't really talk to anyone like this. But I'm glad that we are, talking like this." Giyu tucked his hair behind his ears. "I'm just focused on hearing you out."

Sanemi leaned back a bit. "I'm fucking terrified, you have no idea. It's one thing being afraid to hear what someone might tell you, but it's another thing willing yourself to say it."

The environment seemed eerily tense, both men watching the dark sky roll with clouds as the weed fogged the air a little. The pungent smell seemed to thicken with the anticipation for the next question. Giyu took another drag of the joint, but inhaled a little bit too much than he could handle. Sputtering into a couch, Sanemi grinned wildly and patted Giyu excitedly on the back.

"There we go!" Sanemi cheered. "Atta boy, you alright?"

Giyu blushed in embarrassment. "Yeah. Next question, ummm..." He flipped to the next card. "When was the last time you cried by yourself? In front of someone else?"

Sanemi's hesitance didn't go unnoticed by Giyu. "You don't have to if you don't want-"

"No no, I got this." Sanemi reassured, probably more to himself rather than Giyu. "The last time I cried by myself was when I got shanked last May after a rough day." He pulled down the pit of his sleeve to show the small scar on his shoulder along the myriad of the other several scars. "It wasn't that painful, it just was my last straw that day."

"And in front of someone?" Giyu asked as he leaned closer to Sanemi's shoulder to take a closer look.

"About a year ago. Bad breakup, and Obanai happened to find me." Sanemi pulled the shirt back up, but kept it unbuttoned as usual. He stuck his hand out and Giyu passed the joint back to him.

"Last time I cried in front of someone was when someone close to me had died." The whisper was barely audible, but Sanemi heard it clear enough for a pang of guilt to strike him in the chest. Just how much did they not know about each other?

"And by myself, last night."

Sanemi turned to Giyu in concern. "Why were you crying?"

"I don't know." Giyu gestured vaguely around, a bit more sluggish than usual. "I just do sometimes."

Sanemi placed the joint down on an ashtray on the table, but Giyu immediately reached for it and took another drag. He looked more comfortable in his hits now.

"Next question." Sanemi pulled out a card. "What's your favourite quality about yourself?"

Giyu stared at the balcony above them, trying to find an answer. "Ugh I don't know- my eyes? I don't really like much about myself."

"You do have really pretty eyes." Sanemi agreed. "I would say my muscles." Sanemi tilted his head towards Giyu with a stupidly sly smirk on his face. "I show them off for a reason, you know?"

"I don't blame you." Giyu turned in his seat so his shoulder pressed into the back of the sofa more so his body was turned to Sanemi, now able to see him more clearly. His knees touched Sanemi's shoulder from the way that they were pressed into his chest. "Any specific area that you're particularly proud of?"

Sanemi's grin widened. "My six pack. Do you have any idea how badly core workouts burn after-"

"It's an eight pack." Giyu corrected.

The two men froze in place, staring at each other in disbelief. Sanemi's jaw was dropped at what Giyu just said, he leaned in closer to reach his reaction a bit better. Giyu was no better himself, the apples of his cheeks were glowing bright red in the dim lighting. Sanemi's shock turned into a smile and a small chuckle which turned to a fit a giggles until he was finally roaring with laughter. Giyu had part of his face covered with his hand to show that he too was laughing under his breath. The two laughed until their sides hurt and calmed down from the sudden outburst. Once they were able to speak without giggling, Giyu pulled out another card.

"If a crystal ball could tell you any truth about yourself, your life, or the world, what would you want to know?"

"If I'm raising Genya right." Sanemi heaved. "He's a hot headed troublemaker like me, but he has good friends. He's a good kid at heart." Sanemi sighed worryingly and shifted on the couch until him and Giyu were finally shoulder to shoulder. "I'm just scared that the world is too harsh to give that kid a chance."

Giyu took another hit of the joint. "I think you're doing a great job, you two are just too similar. It's why you don't see eye to eye."

"No it's more than that, I fucked up this week. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on him and now he probably hates me." Sanemi took a deep breath of the evening air around him. "What about you?"

"I would want to know... what waits for us on the other side?" Giyu took another drag of the roll in his fingertips. "Life is hard, Sanemi, especially when you can't trust anyone to be there for you when things get ugly. Living like that, it brings loneliness..."

Sanemi wrapped his arms around Giyu, bringing him closer in an effort to comfort him. "It gets better, Giyu. You just need to stick around long enough to see it."

Giyu didn't want to say it, not right now, but he really appreciated Sanemi's affirmations. He was overwhelmed with many emotions, as it had been more than a decade since he was able to talk to another person so openly. He just hoped that Sanemi didn't see how he brought the edge of his sleeve to his eyes, wiping away a few tears of gratitude.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Giyu sniffed. "Next question?"

Sanemi pulled out a card. "What's something you and your partner appear to have in common?" He stated quizzically at the index card. "Are either of us even in a relationship?"

"No it's-" Giyu had to pause in order to gather his thoughts, starting to feel them swirl around in the air with the smoke. I think it means us, we're partners in this game."

Nodding in agreement, Sanemi looked at Giyu and patiently awaited his answer.

"I think we both expect more from the future than we're ever gonna get. Given our track record so far I mean."

There was a light pause between the two men, letting Giyu stew in his emotions until he felt the need to lighten up a bit. "No offense, Sanemi."

"None taken." He shrugged. "Can I pass this one? My answer is some fucking sappy shit, you probably don't want to hear that."

"I want to hear it." Giyu pressed. "If you want to pass you can, but I want to hear it."

Sanemi rolled his eyes in anxiety, he grabbed Giyu's wrist lightly and brought his hand to his face, taking a hit of the joint deeply. He felt the marijuana immediately calm his nerves as he exhaled. He met Giyu's ocean blue eyes again, now a bit more bloodshot than he expected. Gently, het let go of Giyu's wrist and sat up straight. For a moment Sanemi considered finishing off the joint for the both of them.

"I think..." Sanemi started, rubbing his knees a little to ease his nerves. "I think we're both more content solving someone else's problem than to deal with our issues ourselves."

Giyu watched Sanemi's face intently as he said this. The white haired man really tried to hide it, but Giyu managed to catch a view of a tear sliding down his cheek slowly. Giyu moved his feet down from the sofa, and reached forward. He pulled Sanemi in for a hug by his shoulder, though he wasn't sure how welcome it was because Giyu was really stiff. Sanemi accepted the gesture, instinctively holding onto him tightly with shaky arms.

"Thank you." Giyu whispered lightly, almost inaudible over the traffic below them. Sanemi only hummed in response. The embrace was incredibly awkward for Giyu, unsure if he was doing this properly. He can't remember the last time he had someone in his arms that wasn't a fling. Giyu felt out of practice.

Sanemi pulled away after a few still minutes, much to Giyu's disappointment. Pulling out another card exasperatedly, Sanemi read the neatly printed text aloud. "What's something that you've been meaning to do for a while, and why haven't you done it?"

Pausing thoughtfully, Giyu took a few minutes to think of an appropriate answer. He had one, but he wasn't sure if it

was something he would want to breathe out into the world. Sanemi's reason for being afraid to play this game started to make sense now that he found himself in the same position. Sanemi gave Giyu a reassuring smile, and placed his hand on his shoulder. Giyu took his hand into his own and held them gently in his lap.

"To get to know you." Giyu confessed. "I couldn't find a good way to approach it."

"Really?" Sanemi sighed, a joking grin stretched across his lips. "I think you did a great job with this though."

"You think so?"

"Do you really think I would've done this with anyone, dumbass?"

Giyu beamed again, satisfaction present in his eyes. Sanemi squeezed his hand, and Giyu shifted again so that his legs draped Sanemi's arm of the couch. The joint was long forgotten, the butt of it tossed onto an ashtray. Sanemi didn't object to either.

"I've been meaning to go through my records." He sighed, mentally adding that to his endless list of things to do. He wasn't sure if that list ever dwindled in the first place. "I feel like some of them don't fit me anymore."

Giyu tilted his head in confusion. "I thought you would've said have Genya teach you the guitar. I saw it on the wall."

"Hah! No, that old thing is mine." Sanemi laughed hearily at the assumption Giyu made. "I used to be in a band back in teacher's collage, but it didn't work out. Now it just collects dust."

"I would like to hear you play sometime."

"I doubt it, I'm rusty as hell." Sanemi shook his head, memories flooding back of how much he loved the sleek black guitar when he was younger. "Honestly, I'm not even sure if I remember how."

Giyu shrugged. "You'd figure it out, you always do."

Leaning forward, Giyu rested his head on Sanemi's shoulder as gently as he could. The added support allowed him to regain himself as a wave of dizziness came over him. Sanemi rested his cheek atop hi head, relaxing into his touch. Sanemi continued to watch the night sky as an airplane soared above them, while Giyu still stared at his lap. Sanemi's hands were the same size as his, but scarred and rough. He traced over the white lines.

"Sanemi?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

Giyu interlocked his hands into Sanemi's. a silent plead of encouragement that he was listening. Sanemi rubbed his thumbs on the back of Giyu's palms.

"No." He breathed, the scent of Giyu's conditioner filling his lungs. "I haven't been sleeping, you were right on that."

"Do you get nightmares?" Giyu mumbled groggily.

"No it's not that." Sanemi shook his head gently, still holding onto Giyu's hands tightly. "I've just been thinking a lot lately. I've been trying to drown it out by working more, but I don't think that's fair to my students." His palms started to sweat, but Giyu didn't pull away. "And then Genya failed one of my quizzes, so we've been fighting all week."

The glare of the city lights blinded Sanemi from watching the peaceful liveliness of the evening that surrounded him and his balcony. He thought about how everyone lived their own little lives apart from his, and he wondered how much of it he impacted. How much stress he might've caused to everyone around him.

"I just thought," Sanemi whimpered defeatedly. "That if I buried myself in work, that I wouldn't have time to think. or feel, and I would just claw my way through each day. I would just get through it anyways." Tears clouded his vision, the glares of light growing brighter. "Look where it fucking got me."

Giyu was nearly crying alongside him, sniffling quietly and figuring with both of their hands. Sanemi's head brought a good weight to his, comfortable with how much he was relying on him in the moment.

"The anger is just a front, you know. There's no denial in the anger and the fighting, but I try to hold it onto it at work. For my own sake." Sanemi chuckled dryly at himself. "You know, I really fucking hated you."

Giyu's bottom lip quivered. "Seriously?"

"Hated your fucking guts." Sanemi affirmed, taking his hands from Giyu and resting his arms down Giyu's back. "You're actually content with yourself. Or at least you're content enough to actually allow yourself to think about your life." Giyu's back was warm, but he still felt him shiver. "I'm still jealous that you don't feel the need to drown everything out every damn second of your day. You can think, and you can say what you're thinking."

"You're wrong." Giyu argued. "I don't talk about it. I constantly feel like I'm drowning, but I don't want to say anything because I don't want more people drowning with me. Have you seen me at work? I don't even talk much, not even when we're at the club."

Sanemi recoiled back, lifting his cheek off his head and looking Giyu in the eyes. "Since when have you- why?"

"Huh?" Giyu was trying to concentrate with how fuzzy he was feeling, trying to focus on Sanemi's wild eyes.

"Why don't you talk more? You're talking plenty with me right now."

"Because it's you." Giyu cursed under his breath, his gaze exploring every swirl of Sanemi's plum coloured irises. "Because I want to talk to you more."

Sanemi could barely grasp Giyu's expression, his mind hazed with weed and the serenity of the moment. His spine tingled in the cold evening air as he tried his best to stay present and not drift off into another swarm of thoughts.

"You said that you couldn't do this with anyone." Giyu huffed as if he'd been holding in his breath for the past minute. His gaze still fixed on Sanemi. "Why me?"

Sanemi pressed his forehead to Giyu's, grounding himself to create a response. But he had none, his mind was blanking out on him. The effects of the marijuana bubbled in his throat and he couldn't stop himself from spouting some shit he'd probably regret when he's sober. And yet he found himself with the same answer as Giyu.

"Because it's you." Sanemi whispered as if he had just reached that conclusion just now. "I wouldn't want anyone else. Just you."

Finally looking into Giyu's eyes, Sanemi saw a world of life that he hadn't seen in Giyu for ages, maybe ever. The blue of his irises rose and crashed like the waved of an ocean, but it wasn't chaotic. It was alive, and raw, and so full of emotion that he swore that he could feel seasick just looking at it. Giyu's pupils were dilated so much that Sanemi could see the reflection of an airplane he'd spotted earlier in the night, making him wonder why he hadn't felt the need to escape where he was. For all he cared the rest of the world around him didn't faze him. All that mattered right now was himself, Giyu, and his little balcony.

"Damn, your eyes are pretty."

"What-"

Sanemi interrupted him by pressing his lips to Giyu's, hasty but gentle. He was bracing himself for Giyu to take him by the shoulders an push him away in disgust. But it never came. Instead, Giyu lightly took a hold of Sanemi's waist and tilted his head. Sanemi's ribs tingled at Giyu's touch as the seasickness returned to the pit of his stomach. Fingers threading through his long hair, Sanemi took a hold of Giyu's roots and pulled him impossibly closer. Giyu tried to regain control by slowing down, kissing him back so lazily that it forced Sanemi to follow his lead. Warmth flooded through their veins, a tender but fleeting moment that they both enjoyed with no remorse or regret. Giyu pulled away for air and pressed his forehead to Sanemi. Both tried to catch their breath as the world around them continued to move and sway with the beat of their hearts loud in their ears.

"I'm tired." Sanemi's stated, still holding onto the back of Giyu's shirt.

A pleased grin stretched across Giyu's face. "Let's get you to bed."

Letting the index cards fall and scatter across the concrete floor of the balcony, Giyu helped Sanemi stand up, leading him by one arm on his shoulder and his other hand on the sliding door and leading him inside. The walk to Sanemi's bedroom was short, but Giyu had to take a second to remember the way you need to jostle the door in order to open it. Inside was Sanemi's bed, a flatscreen TV, a nightstand that stored several books on quantum physics and a small closet in the corner of the room. Giyu laid Sanemi down on the left side of the bed and returned from the kitchen to bring him a glass of water. Sanemi appeared to be very mellow, and had changed into sweatpants and left his chest bare in the warm apartment. Obviously fighting off sleep.

This wasn't the first time that Giyu stayed overnight at the Shinazugawa's, and this wouldn't be the last either. But it's happened often enough that Giyu knew that Sanemi kept the extra blankets in a spare cabinet in the living room. Giyu made sure that Sanemi was comfortable before turning to retreat to the couch to also catch up on some sleep. A rough hand on his wrist prevented him from leaving.

"Stay." Sanemi exhaustedly begged Giyu, a pleading look in his tired eyes. "Please stay."

Giyu contemplated for a moment if he wanted to respect Sanemi's personal space, as he's never been this close to him before. His heart pounding even harder in his eardrums was drowning out the voice of reason that still persisted despite his intoxicated state. And on any other occasion, he would've listened to it. But after Sanemi lifted the duvet for the right side of his bed, inviting him without a word uttered, Giyu gave in. He wandered to the opposite side of the room and crawled in the shockingly cold bed. Sanemi was laid on his back, watching Giyu settle onto his stomach and draped an arm over Sanemi's waist. His head was resting on Sanemi's shoulder and their legs intertwined together at the foot of the bed.

Giyu pressed a kiss to Sanemi's cheekbone and bid him a restful sleep. Settling back into Sanemi's neck, Giyu rested his head on Sanemi's shoulder and closed his eyes.

Sanemi's eyes were fixated on the flat ceiling above them as he relished in the company of the man laying beside him. He could blame all this on the weed in the morning. He could chalk up the sappy conversations, the tears shed between the two of them, and the gentle kiss on the marijuana they shared on the balcony. The smell of which might get him in trouble later. But he didn't want to deny it after tonight. Not when it was Giyu. Sanemi's eyes drooped in the quiet apartment, the night still bustling outside but he paid no mind to it. And though he would never say it out loud, Sanemi thanked Giyu. For the first time in over a week, Sanemi had drifted off to a dreamless sleep in the dead of the night.

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚

I know this one was super long but if you made it this far, THANK YOU! Writing this oneshot has been an absolute pleasure and I’m so happy I’ve got it done after MONTHS of thinking about it T_T

In other announcements, I have two requests being filled out! One of them is about a quarter done while the other is just over halfway and I’m hoping to post one of them before my finals ;)

Also thank you for 150 followers! I really appreciate anyone who visits this blog and reads my work ^^

Requests and asks are still open, please read the rules before submitting anything ^^

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