#says the person who has spent something like 15 collective hours over the last couple days watching such things

[onestowatch]

The Top 21 Artists to Watch in 2021

In a world where the only universal certainty seems to be opening every email with “hope you’re doing well,” the only other surefire guarantee is that there will continue to be new music worth discovering. And, we figured with the start of a new year, what better way to say to spend the waking hours of 2021 than introduce you to a few of the artists we currently have a close eye on. Often genreless and belonging to Gen Z, these are the 21 artists we are watching in 2021. 

spill tab

Where to Start: “Calvaire” 

In her breakout single “Calvaire,” spill tab sings in French over an intoxicating backbeat. The effect is akin to a spell, ushering into existence something inherently danceable and transfixing, like an Angèle B-side finding new life as a Billie Eilish cut. It is a standout moment that would be followed by similar standout moments in the form of a series of varied singles, culminating in spill tab’s debut EP, Oatmilk. Short and sweet, the four-song collection holds all the promise of a 2021 artist to watch.

Joesef

Where to Start: “The Sun Is Up Forever”

Emerging from the fog of Glasgow, Scotland, Joesef’s marriage of heartbreak, desire, regret, hope, and sublime joy is nothing short of intoxicating. Immediately making an impression with his tender, heartfelt croon, the Glasgow artist’s songs soon give way to emotionally rife personal recollections–some beautiful in their understated minimalism, some breathtaking in their expansive scope. Whatever the setting, the result is always the same–a passionate, shared moment you will not be forgetting anytime soon.

brakence

Where to Start: “dropout”

Self-described as “self-care punk,” brakence effortlessly pairs the unmatched energy of punk with an impressive showing of vulnerability. While the past few years saw the Ohio native experiment over a range of singles and on his debut album, 2020 was without a doubt the year he found his sound in the noteworthy punk2. Blending Midwest emo, trap production, hip-hop, and alternative, brakence’s sophomore effort is a masterclass in infectious emotional catharsis.

Mustafa

Where to Start: “Stay Alive”

Few artists embody the sentiment of music as poetry as emphatically as Mustafa. First leaving a mark with 2020’s “Stay Alive,” Mustafa introduced himself to the world with a breathtaking, earth-shattering ballad rife with impassioned emotional imagery. Soft-spoken but never lacking for impact, the poet, activist, filmmaker, and songwriter brings to life the lived realities of Toronto’s Regent Park, a public housing project that shaped Mustafa into the once in a lifetime artist he is today.

Holly Humberstone

Where to Start: “Falling Asleep At The Wheel”

In her 2020 debut EP, Falling Asleep at the Wheel, Holly Humberstone proves herself a master at crafting a palpable atmosphere. Rife with emotional highs and cathartic lows, all backed by Humberstone’s magnetic and graceful songwriting, the British artist lays her heart on her sleeve and in turn lays the groundwork for a debut offering poised to stand the test of time. It is no mere hyperbole to say that Humberstone is an artist to watch out for not only in 2021 but in the years to come.

AG Club

Where to Start: “Memphis”

The initial comparison of AG Club to collectives like BROCKHAMPTON and A$AP may be an easy one to draw, but a single listen tells another story. While the genreless Bay Area collective may radiate the same rapturous energy of the aforementioned groups, AG Club is clearly riding high on their own wavelength. Aiming to make hip-hop but not as you know it, the idiosyncratic collective made their vision clear with the release of 2020’s Halfway Off the Porch, an electrifying amalgamation of disparate genres, sights, sounds, and moods.

347aidan

Where to Start: “Dancing in My Room”

Euphoric, difficult to perfectly define, and haphazardly brilliant, aidan347 embodies the adventurousness and inventiveness of Gen Z. The project of 17-year-old Aidan Fuller, the Cambridge, Ontario native has spent the past five years making music. Yet at the beginning of 2020, the Cambridge artist had less than three thousand monthly listeners; now, that number sits well above five million. A testament to 347aidan’s tenacity, his devoted fanbase, and the power of a TikTok-fueled viral hit–arriving in the form of “Dancing in My Room”–it really feels we are only witnessing the prologue of what’s to come.

Frances Forever

Where to Start: “Space Girl”

When thinking of music’s future stars, what better place to look than to the galactic, lovelorn musings of Frances Forever. Making less of a splash and more of a tidal wave with the release of “Space Girl” late last year, the Boston bedroom artist’s ode to intergalactic love has been rapidly climbing the TikTok and indie charts. Now signed to Mom+Pop records, Frances Forever is more than ready to shoot for the stars and beyond in 2021.

Hope Tala

Where to Start: “Lovestained”

Hope Tala is impossible to ignore. A West Londoner to her core, the UK singer-songwriter finds inspiration in everything from ‘90s movies, classic literature, to the constantly changing world around her. Transforming what feels like a lifetime, and some, of inspiration into an undeniably spellbinding fusion of R&B and bossa nova, Hope Tala’s musings of daydreams, heartache, and fear are the sort ready to define a generation’s ails, joys, and mundane triumphs and anxieties. Universal in scope yet deeply personal, Hope Tala is without doubt an artist to keep your eye on in 2021. 

Q

Where to Start: “Take Me Your Heart Is”

Q, much like his name, is an anomaly. Releasing one album a year since 2018, the ineffable soul and R&B artist has somehow coasted under the radar in spite of releasing some of the most breathtaking music out there. And with the release of 2020’s The Shave Experiment, Q feels like he’s finally stepping into the much-deserved limelight. Leading with the striking “Take Me Your Heart Is,” Q brought to life a nostalgic, hyper-emotive track sure to stop you in your tracks. Hopefully, it’s one of many to come. 

Claire Rosinkranz

Where to Start: “Backyard Boy”

16-year-old Claire Rosinkranz has been making music for the better part of her life, and 2020 was the year that scribbling down lyrics and helping her father compose music for TV shows and ad jingles paid off in a major way. The California native’s single, “Backyard Boy,” taken from her debut EP, BeVerly Hills BoYfRiEnd, soon became a TikTok hit, racking up over 80 million streams to date, on Spotify alone. If there are two things to look out for in 2021, make sure it’s your mental wellbeing and Claire’s euphoric self-dubbed “alternative-blues-pop.”

KennyHoopla

Where to Start: “how will i rest in peace if i'm buried by a highway?//”

KennyHoopla is nothing if not electrifying. The alternative, punk, and ‘80s new wave-evoking artist moves through each track with a sense of world-ending hunger, jumping from one ensuing mosh pit to the next. It is a balancing act of new wave nostalgia and genuine inventive alternative that results in a maelstrom of palpable excitement. To best experience this cathartic form of self-expression firsthand, look no further than his debut EP, last year’s how will i rest in peace if i'm buried by a highway?//. No one is quite making music like KennyHoopla, in 2021 or beyond.

MICHELLE

Where to Start: “THE BOTTOM”

New York collective MICHELLE deftly imbues the sincerity of soul and R&B into a uniquely tender pop outlook, and the result is nothing short of infectious. The project of six predominantly queer POC individuals, the group originally earned widespread critical acclaim for their 2018 album HEATWAVE, but it was arguably their subsequent signing with Atlantic Records last year that has them set to be one of 2021’s most promising acts. Quickly making the most of their newfound major label status, MICHELLE released “Sunrise,” the sonic equivalent of the first rays of light breaking through the clouds, signaling the end of a rainy day. It’s safe to say the future is looking bright for MICHELLE.

glaive

Where to Start: “eyesore”

Few artists define and defy the label of hyperpop as readily as glaive. Falling somewhere between 100 gecs and the second coming of mid-2000s pop punk, the newly-signed Interscope artist released his major debut label EP, cypress grove, earlier this year. Yet before finding a home at Interscope, glaive’s official discography only stretched back as far as 2020. Making the most of a year we all would rather soon forget, the 15-year-old wunderkind showcased to the world a continual musical evolution that is looking to only further pick up steam in the coming year.

Claud

Where to Start: “Wish You Were Gay”

From opening for Clairo to releasing a steady stream of resonant singles, Claud has spent the last couple of years making a name for themselves in the indie music world, but 2020 saw arguably their biggest breakthrough moment yet. With the release of “Gold,” Claud became the first artist signed to Phoebe Bridgers’ Saddest Factory Records. Arriving as the first taste of their upcoming debut album, Super Monster, 2021 is looking absolutely golden for Claud. And not to mention the fact they recently started a band with Clairo and friends.

María Isabel

Where to Start: “The 1”

Where has María Isabel been all our lives? First making herself known with the release of “The 1,” an ode to long-distance relationships, which soon became more prophetic than we ever could have imagined, the debut single served as lovely an introduction as they come. Thankfully, we would not have to wait too long to hear more dreamlike R&B from María, who graced us with her debut EP, Stuck in the Sky shortly thereafter. Uniquely heartfelt and velvety smooth, María’s voice is just the thing to carry you through 2021.

Remi Wolf

Where to Start: “Photo ID”

The past couple of years have seen avant-garde pop wunderkind Remi Wolf test the waters with one out of this world single after another, and 2020 felt like the year everything finally fell into place. Arriving on the Bay Area native’s sophomore album, I’m Allergic To Dogs!, “Photo ID,” and its unafraid, in your face anti pop mentality cemented itself as a surefire hit, and TikTok soon took notice. Serving as a testament to Remi Wolf’s mainstream appeal in spite of her outsider approach, “Photo ID” merely set the stage for what is to come.  

PawPaw Rod

Where to Start: “HIT EM WHERE IT HURTS”

PawPaw Rod may be the only artist on this list with only one single to their name, but in no way does that disqualify him from being an artist to watch in 2021. Releasing his debut single, “HIT EM WHERE IT HURTS,” out into the ether, the Los Angeles artist immediately landed on something special. Blending elements of hip-hop, funk, and alternative under a mellow, syrupy flow, PawPaw Rod wasted no time in setting himself apart from the pack. And with godmode–the same development company that brought us Yaeji, Channel Tres, LoveLeo, and more–it is safe to say that this is only the beginning.

Evann Mcintosh

Where to Start: “WIYULD”

In her dreamlike take on alternative R&B, Evann Mcintosh attempts to capture the turbulent act of coming-of-age. At times delicate to the touch and at times emanating a self-assured confidence well beyond her 16 years of age, Evann Mcintosh’s 2019 debut album, MOJO, laid the groundwork for an act whose promise knows no bounds. It was a promise she made good on during the tail end of 2020, with the release of singles “WIYULD” and “BULL$HIT.” Showing off two different sides of her continued musical growth, 2021 has us all the more excited for what Evann has in store.

Serena Isioma

Where to Start: “Sensitive”

In her breakout single, “Sensitive,” Serena Isioma fuses modern-day R&B and woozy indie pop with reckless abandon. The outcome is a song that not only sounds quite unlike anything else out there, but one whose own vibe seems to shift and evolve from one moment to the next. It is an electrifying opening moment that begins to define the Isioma’s artistry and her debut EP, Sensitive. The first of two EPs the Chicago-based artist would release in 2020, it is hard not to feel like Isioma is already in the process of creating a one-of-a-kind discography.

Blu DeTiger

Where to Start: “Figure It Out”

Whether you know her as the touring bassist for acts like FLETCHER and Caroline Polachek or as the TikTok famous bassist, the fact of the matter is that Blu DeTiger is an artist you need to know. A bassist since age seven and crowned the “coolest DJ around” by Vogue, the New York native’s music skirts the realms of funk, indie, and dance. Unmistakable, nonchalantly cool, and unsurprisingly bass-heavy, you deserve doing yourself the favor of diving headfirst into Blu DeTiger’s music. Just be sure to come up for air, when you’re ready.

#spill tab #joesef #brakence #mustaf #holly humberstone #ag club #347aidan #frances forever #q #Claire Rosinkranz #kennyhoopla #michelle #glaive #claud #maria isabel #remi wolf #pawpaw rod #evann mcintosh #Serena Isioma #blu detiger #2021

[rainythefox]

Nightfall (CH.15)

Synopsis: Pre-Resident Evil 1, slight-AU/Canon Divergence. Claire Redfield comes home to visit her  brother Chris for the holidays but gets caught up in a dangerous game of  cat and mouse with Albert Wesker, the Captain of STARS, after stumbling  upon dark secrets. She can’t call the law; Wesker is the law, and she  can’t tell Chris. She is trapped…Claire/Wesker & Slight Chris/Jill (There’s Wesker & William Bromance too lol). Rated M for smut, language, violence, adult content.

AO3 Link

Chapter 15:Infatuation

Claire was awake when she heard Chris getting ready for work, but she stayed in bed. She didn’t join him for breakfast or a cup of coffee. She didn’t see him off. She just turned over on her side, away from her door where the hallway light creeped through underneath. She had endured a near sleepless night of tosses and turns, the aches in her muscles a stinging reminder of what she had done.

She must’ve fallen asleep for a couple of hours because she awoke to sunshine peeking through the curtains. The sun was out, reflecting off the snow that blanketed the city. Claire got out of bed and did her usual morning ritual: dressing, brushing her teeth, hopelessly trying to come up with a way to escape her grim situation. Funny how that last one had snuck into her daily routine. Her new normal apparently.

Claire made herself toast and orange juice for breakfast but barely touched it. She tried distracting herself with the newspaper, but there wasn’t anything interesting to read in Raccoon Times.

Umbrella Corporation opens new distribution center, creates 600 new jobs

Mayor Warren promises more funding for local orphanage

Kite Bros. expands Downtown travel with new subway tunnel

Clock Tower Plaza puts up traditional Raccoon City Christmas Tree

Even though Chris left her his truck again, she didn’t want to go anywhere. Where would she go? See a friend and potentially drag them into her situation? Try and get help from someone else that was under Wesker’s boot or on his payroll? Raccoon City seemed like an illusion now, a cesspool of collusion and extortion. As though the rose-colored glasses she had once viewed the city in were ripped from her eyes to expose all of the red flags and blood she couldn’t see before.

Besides, she felt bad for the fight she had with her brother last night. Despite Chris overstepping boundaries with his overprotective nature, he was just concerned for her. He knew she was hiding something and was worried. The Redfield siblings only had each other, for nearly nine years now. Chris had sacrificed time and time again for her, to make sure they could stay together, to make sure she could go to college, always making sure she had what she needed over himself. Even when Chris’s behavior got him discharged more than once, he always put her first.

He knew she could take care of herself. He made sure he taught her all he could. Most brothers were protective of their sisters, but Claire wondered if Chris’s...excessiveness was perhaps a form of PTSD from what happened to their parents. Stepping into that guardian role, he went right into the Air Force, just like their parents. He abandoned a normal future to ensure hers, to keep them together, and to somehow get closer to the parents they had lost.

That was why it was hard to stay mad at him. Even if this time he unmindfully didn’t know the danger he was putting them in with his good, albeit intemperate, intentions.

Claire decided she would apologize when Chris got home that evening. And so, she spent the day trying to be productive, to keep her mind from wandering. She studied for a while, and then cleaned the house for a bit, blasting Queen at high volume. However, no matter what she did, she couldn’t keep herself from thinking about not only her situation, but the man that now had her literally pinned under him. She worried what his next scheme for her would be. But she’d be lying to herself if she denied the excitement that also thrummed through her veins. The strange mix made her queasy.

By the time it started getting dark, Claire realized she had wasted most of her day deep in thought, trying to make sense of it all, plotting for a way out, and maybe spending more time than she’d care to admit thinking about what happened between her and Wesker.

Chris would be home soon, so she started dinner. While cooking, she turned on the television to keep her mind focused, but after a few channel changes, a local news station caught her attention with a caption that filled her lungs with ice.

“Raccoon University professor missing, linked to drugging and sexual assault of multiple students.”

Claire turned up the volume, perturbed, because she just knew which professor they were talking about…

“-ow long has this been going on, Alyssa?” asked the anchor.

The news reporter, a pretty, bob-cut blonde, was quick to answer while standing out in the cold in front of Raccoon University, wearing a white coat and a red suit. “I’m being told this may have been happening for over a year now. The RPD are keeping the victims’ identities under wraps at this time, but I do know there are at least four. Dr. Simon Lowery has been missing for a little over 24 hours, having fled after trying to drug a female student at the open house last night. We have yet to get a statement from his wife, but police are saying she had no idea of his behavior. We’ve heard the same testimonies from colleagues. This is one of those -”

Claire clicked the remote. The TV went black, silent. She stared at the screen, a shocked reflection looking back at her. The news story rubbed her wrong. Lowery was a bad man, she knew that much. He would’ve killed her over those documents, would’ve strangled her in the snow when they fought to keep her quiet over stealing whatever it was she had stolen. But not once did she get the feeling he was like that.

She’d bet money that the news story over Lowery was made up to cover up what really happened. She wasn’t sure if Wesker came up with the story or if it was any of his numerous pawns. Didn’t matter. It proved what she already knew, just like the other day when the news covered that Finley guy’s supposed “suicide” in his car. Just as Wesker had told her before, their fates were whatever he decided. Not just their deaths but their legacies, tainting and twisting them, dismantling and disgracing them, like a true god of death.

The city would never know what really happened to Finley and Lowery, whether they deserved their fates or not.

Claire shook out of her thoughts, a chill running over her as she recalled Finley’s head exploding, blood spraying all over the snow. Why had fate led her down that very same path that day?

A smoky, tangy smell pervaded her nostrils. Dinner was burning! Cursing, she raced into the kitchen to save it. The pork chops were burned on one side but other than that, the rest of dinner turned out okay.

Chris came in not long after she had finished cooking, silently walking over to her spot on the couch as she read a book. The couch shifted when he sat down, and so she looked up from the pages. Still in STARS uniform, her older brother scratched the back of his head, uncomfortable but presenting her an apologetic smile. It was hard to stay mad at him with a puppy-dog face like that.

“Hey…”

“Hey,” she mimicked.

“I’m sorry, Sis. About last night. I clearly went overboard. It’s been eating at me all day.”

“Chris, it’s -”

“Let me finish,” he pleaded. “I know you’re an adult. I know you can kick anyone’s ass. I’m overprotective because of what happened to Mom and Dad.”

She sighed. “I know.”

“But that’s no excuse to act the way I did. I trust you, Claire. And I believe in you. But I get so...obsessed with making sure you’re safe and-and fine that my stupid brain can’t see anything else! I let it get the better of me too much. So, from now on, I’ll work hard to keep myself from going overboard and to trust you more. N-Not that I haven’t trusted you! You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you. It’s stupid of me to act like you have. We’ve always had that unspoken pact that we can tell each other anything and it will always stand.”

Claire shifted uncomfortably in her spot. “A-Always.”

“I love you, Sis. I’m really sorry.”

The Redfield siblings were both stubborn and proud, and so sometimes it was Chris who apologized first and sometimes it was Claire. Although Chris usually gave in before she did. Despite that, this was still pretty soon for Chris to give in, as big as a fight they had. Claire wondered if something happened at work that made Chris come to his senses faster. Maybe Jill talked to him? Wouldn’t be the first time. She was her brother’s best friend, after all.

She decided it wasn’t important for now. She had been ready to apologize to her brother when he got home, and here he was apologizing as well. She was ready to put the whole fight behind them and move on...as best as she could in her predicament anyway. At least Chris had seemingly given up pushing her for answers. What a lucky break! Jill must’ve really lined him out.

Claire hugged Chris. “I’m sorry too, Bro. Love you!”

His strong arms wrapped around her and squeezed hard. For years growing up, it had been the safest feeling in the world. She always cherished it. Soon they pulled away, and got up to eat dinner.

William paced, flipping through pages, catching important details and logging them away at a rate far faster than the average person. Wesker leaned against the wall, dressed in his STARS attire, watching him pace a trench in front of him. Always calm, always collected. How did he do it?!

The cable car shuddered, flicking the light overhead as it rose to the surface. He hated taking this hunk of junk! Normally, he didn’t have to, but they were meeting Irons in the sewers. Perfect place to find the slimy rat.

“No! Goddamn it, no! Why? They said Sheena Island was strictly testing and experimentation! That old bastard is moving my Hunter research there without my consent, and now the Tyrants? Mass production on a prototype? Even if they perfect the Epsilon strain, it’s nowhere near ready for cloning!”

“Are you truly all that surprised?” Wesker asked.

“No, I just…” William sighed. “It’s shit like this that tells me Spencer has no plans to put me on the executive board! If I don’t get in there, we’ll never be able to fulfill our plans! And there’s no way in hell I’m bartering the G-Virus for that spot. It’s my legacy, mine to completely control. He’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers!”

“Best not tempt fate, old friend.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“At any rate, your tantrum is premature. With those numbers, the Sheena Island facility won’t be operable for any kind of mass production until August at the earliest. The research team on the Epsilon strain knows that the T-002 will be obsolete by the time it is finished. More than likely a new model is being developed and that will be the one they intend to manufacture. We have time to take this knowledge and use it to our advantage later.”

Birkin snorted. Lately Al’s “optimism” gave him anxiety. "Don’t you think we have our fingers in too many pies already? And toes at this rate. We’re wearing ourselves thin, Al. With too many enemies waiting for us to screw up.”

It was a reasonable concern. Sheena Island’s true motives were still mostly top-secret for now, going by this information sent by Alex. Roth must’ve bought this information from this other cohort of his, and was probably trying to haggle deals with Mueller, Lowery, and Bard. As well as Crawford and Finley. William made a mental note to thank Alex for this later. Wesker may have been a member of the Umbrella Intelligence Division as well, but he meticulously watched his dealings, aware of Spencer’s tabs on him. Alex didn’t have this problem, and so was their go-to source of anything they weren’t privy to.

His partner scowled. “That is such an absurd idiom. Regardless, we are committed at this point. Roth still has our stolen data and the plans for Sheena Island directly affects our goals. You admitted it yourself.”

The cable car shook and screeched, sliding to a halt. The light above the door turned green, and the robotic female voice told them to watch their step and have a good day. No, he would certainly not have a good day! He was having to deal with this and was about to meet a big rat in a stinky sewer. Didn’t the stupid voice know that? How insensitive!

“Yeah, I know. Guess we better be careful how we handle this.”

Wesker and William exited the cable car and walked side by side through the sewer facility. There weren’t many workers, but they all gave them a wide berth, keeping their heads down.

Wesker chuckled to himself, but William heard it over the water pumps and machinery.

“What’s so funny?”

“Just acknowledging that your prolonged bout of paranoia has made us change places. I’m usually the one telling you we need to be careful.”

They were both ruthless and ambitious, but Wesker had more patience and control. And although his back-and-forth stints of paranoia did make him more cautious, Will still hadn’t developed the patience or control that his partner had always had.

If only you knew why...what he’s making me do…

William frowned, rubbing his shoulder and quickly cleared his throat. “Well, no wonder you're so optimistic lately, taking after me. Like a little ball of sunshine!"

His partner didn’t respond to that, and William hoped it wasn’t because he had caught his nervous tic. In case he did, he quickly changed the subject. “So, did you get the kind of reaction out of Ada you were expecting?”

“More or less. I’m still annoyed by how you handled it though.”

“Look, you asked me to bring Claire up in a way to get a reaction from Ada to see if your suspicions were right and I did just that! You’re welcome, by the way!”

They reached the monitor room where they were meeting with Chief Irons. William entered first, and the Chief immediately noticed him, an Umbrella mercenary on each side of him. His pudgy eyes squinted testily and he opened his mouth to start his usual complaining. That is, until Wesker entered right behind him. His mouth quickly snapped shut. Ah, the benefits of having Al around!

Irons glanced around the room, his usual air of arrogance belittled and squashed like a bug. But there was nowhere to run in this room, nothing to protect him. He was at their mercy, but the tough-as-nails Irons wouldn’t be one to break so easily.

He half-laughed, half-snorted, attempting to cover his discomfort. “Now this must be a special occasion if you're both here. Rumor has it when you two are together, someone's going to die...or wish they would."

"Well, funny thing about rumors, Brian," William smirked. "There’s always some truth to them."

It was fun seeing the color drain from his face only to completely flush red like a cherry. He glared their way, fists forming tightly at his sides. "Oh yeah? And how exactly am I on you two assholes' shit list today? Considering all I do is cover your goddamn tracks and provide you with security all hours of every fucking day. Wait, don't tell me, you two have a rehearsed good cop, bad cop routine just for me?" He laughed. "No thanks."

Will nudged Albert. "Damn it, he guessed it! Wait, am I bad cop this time? I forget?"

"I'm always bad cop."

"No fair! We should take turns!"

Irons rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "Just get to the point of why I'm here. If we're negotiating new deals, it's a bad time. I'm a busy man, after all."

"Funny you should mention that, Chief," Wesker sneered. "We're done negotiating with you."

The Umbrella mercs pulled their guns on the Chief. Irons froze on the spot, eyes bulging and going to the trained weapons, and this time he turned a bit green.

“Listen, Albert...let’s not get too hasty. Let’s talk like gentlemen. I-I’m sure we can come to an agreement.”

His resolve was cracking slowly, but William wouldn’t count the bastard out just yet. Irons had grown complacent in his position, taking advantage of anything he could get his grubby hands on. William and Wesker had allowed much of this behavior to slide in the knowledge that Irons would eventually get himself into a bind. And that’s where he was now.

“Of course, Brian. I am a sophisticated man, after all. Take a seat.”

The Chief of Police looked relieved at that and pulled out a chair and sat down. The Umbrella mercenaries stood at his back, guns still aimed to the back of his head. William and Albert sat down across from him.

William slid a sealed yellow envelope across the table to Irons. “Open it and take a good, hard look, Brian.”

Irons wiped his mustache, a little sweat forming on his brow. He slowly opened the envelope and sifted through the contents. Each page he flipped through he grew a shade whiter, until he was pasty like a ghost.

“What the fuck is this?”

William leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. “Oh, I don’t know. You tell us.”

Irons trembled in his chair, both from anger and fear. He flushed again, one fat fist crinkling a page and he quickly stood. “You fucking bastards!”

One merc’s gun barrel pressed into Irons’ skull and he quickly remembered his place. He slowly sat down. He sure was sweating a lot now!

“You put yourself in this situation, Brian,” Wesker stated. “You know I keep tabs on you and yet you got sloppy. Arrogant, too, thinking you’d be able to set me up.”

“Your sick fantasies with the mayor’s daughter will be released to the public. Your replacement has already been chosen. You will die,” William continued.

“No! No, please! We can come to an agreement!”

“There are no more agreements to come to, Brian,” Wesker growled. “Just two choices. You can die like William so eloquently stated or you can sell the remainder of your pathetic soul to our cause.”

And unsurprisingly, the Chief went with the option that kept his sorry ass alive. “Deal! You got it!”

“And just so we’re clear. That -” William motioned to the envelope. “- never goes away. This is your last chance. Next time...well...there won’t be a next time. Just you dead and your dirty secrets exposed for all to see. Never forget how replaceable you are, Brian.”

Irons slowly nodded, guarded. “And exactly what are you two going to want me to do for your “cause”?”

“You will still perform your normal duties for Umbrella, and only report to me,” Wesker explained. “But if William and I tell you to do something, you do it. Even if it goes against your orders from Umbrella.”

“Fine.”

“William will be taking over as your handler. You should thank him. It was my intention to kill you tonight and he convinced me otherwise. If he asks you to perform in the circus, I expect you to clap your flippers and balance that ball without any disinclination. Do I make myself clear?”

Irons ground his jaw and stiffly nodded. “You always do, Albert.”

William sat up a little straighter, a haughty grin spreading. Albert’s protectiveness of him always gave him a feeling of empowerment, feeding his ego, and made a darker part of himself more bold, more ambitious.

“Don’t worry, Brian,” Will said with a fake, friendly smile. “You do a good job and stay on my good side, I always pay really well, way more than Al does.” He added a postscript after seeing the Chief’s interested grin. “Get on my bad side, however, and you’ll be my newest experiment...just ask Lowery.”

The Police Chief’s relief was short-lived. The mention of Lowery’s name struck something in him. He scowled, stiffening once more, looking between the two partners in crime.

“So you two were behind what happened at the university?”

“Oh yes,” William bragged. “Which is partly how we found out about your little attempt to set up Albert.”

“Which brings us to our next order of business, Brian,” Albert added. “Who was with you when you met up with Aaron Roth?”

Irons shook his head, hands on the table, still aware of the guns at his back. “Look, Lowery and Bard paid me to keep their business dealings hush-hush. I think they were trying to coerce Mueller into selling key information on his project in exchange for getting some crucial research going down on some island.”

Will sighed. “Don’t make Al repeat himself, ya idiot.” He snapped his fingers. “His name? Who is he?”

“S-Some bigshot from Europe who works on this island. He’s partners with Roth, buying and selling research within Umbrella and other companies. Goes by Stefan Bennett, but I couldn’t tell you if that’s his real name or not.”

When Will glanced at Al, a subtle flex in his shoulder was all he needed to read him. Bennett wasn't anyone known to them.

"Where are they hiding out?"

Irons shrugged. "Don't know. I'm only being paid for their meetings. Bennett will be at Bard’s annual Christmas party. I don't know if Roth will be there. He acted like he had other plans."

Like selling my research, the bastard...

"Then I suppose a meeting with Nathaniel Bard is in order," Wesker announced, sunglasses glinting under the fluorescents as he looked to William with a dark grin.

William returned his partner's smirk. "Yeah...It's party time."

(photo by IsmaelUchihaSan)

It was the perfect day for Jill to be off, or not have her shift until the evening anyway. Late morning, while Chris was stuck at the RPD, the girls enjoyed a light brunch and lattes at a quaint coffee shop before doing some last minute Christmas shopping.

Claire always enjoyed hanging out with the older woman. They had a lot in common and Claire was always learning something new with her company. She often found herself wondering if her oaf of a brother would ever romantically ask Jill out. It seemed like everyone could see it but them. Then again, perhaps they didn’t pursue their feelings because of their careers. Claire didn’t know the policies of STARS, but there might be restrictions there.

The two of them picked up Claire’s gift she had bought for Chris and took it over to Jill’s house. The box was tall and rectangular, about the size of a small adult. Though bulky, it wasn’t as heavy as it looked, and with each of them on one end, was able to carry it easily into the home.

They were greeted by Jill’s overly affectionate golden retriever, Bella. Claire flopped onto the floor to properly greet the fluffy, blond dog. Jill giggled at the sight.

“Hell of a guard dog, ain’t she?” Jill joked. “She’ll lick you to death.”

Better than getting my throat ripped out by Wesker’s dog…

Claire pushed aside that unpleasant memory and stood back up. Hard to believe that was only a few days ago. Her hand was already a lot better, but her ankle still hurt like a bitch.

They carried the box into Jill’s other bedroom that doubled as an office and home gym. The STARS Alpha member’s house was a three bedroom, two bath. She assumed the third bedroom was a guest room, but Claire wasn’t sure. Chris’s house was a bit bigger, with three bathrooms. They had their own in their bedrooms and then the guest bathroom in the hallway.

“Thanks for keeping this here for a bit, Jill.”

“No problem. I guess my home is the popular choice to hide gifts. Chris has yours here as well. I’m just waiting for Barry to ask to keep the girls’ gifts here, as if they don’t have enough space in that big house of theirs.”

“Well, you know how Moira is. She gets into everything. They can’t hide any gifts from her! She’s gonna be a handful as a teenager!”

They laughed and returned to the living room, Bella trailing behind them. Jill fetched them some water and the girls took a load off on the sofas.

“The punching bag was a good thought,” Jill declared. “I know Chris has been wanting one.”

Claire nodded, smiling as she watched Bella carry around her favorite plush duck toy. “Yeah. He’s been really wanting to start bulking up more. Although when we were playing on his guitar last night, I realized he needs a new toolkit for it. So I might have to go pick up one of those as well.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you play too. Why haven’t I got to see you play yet? I’ve watched Chris lots of times.”

Claire shrugged. “I guess we just never think about it when I'm visiting.” The Redfield siblings didn’t mind playing guitar in front of others, but they cherished playing together, reciting notes and melodies their father had played for them when they were young. “Chris told me you played piano? I need to see that!”

Claire didn’t get the piano at all. That was entirely different from the guitar.

Jill softly laughed. “Yeah. It’s ingrained from childhood. Had the meanest instructor ever. Chris jokes that playing the piano won’t ever do me any good, and suggests I learn something else.”

“He’s just jealous,” Claire joked.

Jill laughed at that. “He totally is. You know, I’m happy you two reconciled so quickly. Chris can be so stubborn sometimes.”

“He can be, but I’m not one to talk. Whatever you said to him, it must’ve worked. So thank you for that. I know he’s just trying to look out for me, but it gets old. I’m an adult and can take care of myself.”

The older woman furrowed her brows and shook her head. “It wasn’t me.”

“Huh? It wasn’t?”

“No, it was the Captain.”

Her heart flipped, twisting her lungs to where she choked on air before she could take a drink of her water. It took all in Claire’s power to keep a straight face and feign something catching in her throat. “I’m sorry?”

“The fight you two had upset Chris a lot, affected his performance when we were doing some training. I guess Wesker picked up on it. Apparently, they took a long lunch together, and the Captain helped Chris get his head straight. At least, that’s what Chris told me later.”

Claire was completely freaked out by that information but hid it, wiping her suddenly clammy hands on her pants. She drank half of her water in one gulp and squeezed the bottle so hard it crumpled in the middle.

“O-Oh, I figured it was you.”

“Not this time,” Jill answered. “But it wasn’t without a lack of trying. He just didn’t listen. Not until he had gone too far anyway, the ass. At least Wesker got through to him.”

“Yeah…” she cleared her throat and stood up. “Well, I should get going. I don’t want to take up all of your free time and I have some studying to do. Thanks for helping me pick that up and letting me hide it here.”

It was partially true. Claire didn’t want to take up all of Jill’s day off before she had to go in for night shift. But mostly the recent news had unsettled her and she needed to gather her thoughts on the matter.

Jill smiled, nodding as she patted Bella on the head as the retriever’s big brown eyes stared up at Claire with that duck still in her mouth, tail thumping hard on the hardwood floor.

“No problem, Claire.”

“Stay safe tonight, Jill.”

“You’re not on the schedule...again.”

Ada sighed, crossing her arms and looking at the guard like he was stupid. He was. “I know that. But that won’t matter. William will still see me.”

The guard shifted uncomfortably, studying her suspiciously and then glancing at his list again. “Dr. Birkin is an extremely busy man. He’s been doing important tests all day and asked me to not allow anyone but Mrs. Dr. Birkin and Dr. Wesker entry. I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“I’m here on behalf of Albert. He’s busy at the police department currently. Just give him a ring and you’ll see.”

The guard hesitated, thinking and unsure. Clearly, he was scared to disturb his boss in the middle of his important work.

Ada smiled flirtatiously at him. “C’mon, Johnny. Help a girl out? It’s important.” She winked.

Johnny sighed. “Oh, alright.” He put a hand to his headset. “Dr. Birkin? I’m sorry to bother you, but Ms. Wong insists on seeing you. She says she’s here on behalf of Dr. Wesker.”

The spy didn’t miss how the camera up in the corner of the hallway turned down their way, aiming the attached machine gun right on their faces, blinking red light a far deadlier version of Candid Camera.

“Yes, sir. I understand. Will do,” Johnny said into his headpiece. He nodded at Ada and stepped aside. “You may enter. But please, keep it short. He has much to do.”

Ada waved him off. “Thanks, Johnny.”

She went through the automatic door, was sprayed down again, and strolled through the large, multi-room laboratory. She turned a corner, saw bright yellow and outstretched arms, and, on reflex, kicked the thing away from her.

“Ow!” came a muffled voice.

“Will, you idiot. Don’t sneak up on me like that,” Ada snapped.

The mad scientist pulled the hazmat suit’s helmet off, waddling over to the nearby safety station to strip it off and hang it up.

“I think that’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to scaring you!” William laughed.

Ada crossed her arms, glaring at him. “You didn’t scare me. You didn’t even startle me. You mildly annoyed me.”

“Ugh, you sound like Al. One day I will scare him. It’s on my bucket list. It might get me killed, but imma do it!”

The spy shook her head. “I don’t know about you sometimes.”

Birkin seemed extra...quirky today. He had an extra bounce in his step, grinning, humming as he left the safety station to his main desk. That’s when Ada noticed numerous empty energy drink cans and half a cup of cold, forgotten black coffee.

“How many of these have you had?” He did kind of look like one of those zombies Ada had seen being dissected in the Arklay lab, pale skin and dark circles under his eyes.

“Uhh…” he pondered, counting on his fingers as he twitched and quivered restlessly. “Five? I think?” He flopped down in his chair, shifting it side to side.

Ada leaned against his desk, glancing at the disorganized paperwork strewn about. Her sharp eyes caught many interesting and familiar things: G-Virus, Plant 43, Hunter Beta, Cerberus, NE-Alpha parasite, Lisa Trevor, T-Virus Epsilon. Then her eyes caught the interesting things that she had only seen once and was curious to find out more, now with associated words that intrigued her further: Prototype Virus, Project W, eugenics research, Progenitor, Ndipaya.

She had only a few seconds of absorbing these words before William snatched up the two papers that had anything on it. She watched him open his safe and put them inside, only accessible with a scan of his hand.

Ada acted like none of it interested her. “Five, huh? And how long have you been up, exactly? You look like shit. You smell like shit.”

William lifted his shirt and smelled. “I don’t know, when did Al and I go talk with Irons?"

“That was yesterday morning.”

“Oh...shit. Well, it’s been over 24 hours then.”

“I can tell.”

“So, how’d it go with Mueller?”

“As well as you’d expect. I’ve already relayed the info to Albert. Mueller won’t be a problem. In fact, he’s willing to help if it gets rid of Roth. I guess he feels scammed by the trade.”

William smirked, still swiveling slightly side to side in his chair. “I bet he does. Well, with Lowery no longer having a tongue and Irons and Bard put in their places, looks like we might be able to wrap this up by Christmas!”

Ada rapped her nails on the desk, frowning. “Albert told me the plan. Look, between you and me, I gotta ask...what’s the deal with him and Claire?”

Will chuckled. “What’s wrong? You jealous?”

“In your dreams. It’s just that...I mean, I don’t know the girl,” she lied. “But I thought he was just using her to get to Roth. Why have a fling with her? He doesn’t do that...at least not with just anyone.”

“You sure are a curious little kitty,” William half-joked, half-warned, leaning back in his chair. “What are you hoping to use this knowledge for?”

Ugh, she hated when he was an asshole. Then again, he was protecting Albert and so she should’ve known better. The spy sighed. “Fine. I’m just a little worried about Claire, alright? Can you blame me?”

She knew how Wesker worked. Claire was in way over her head. Didn’t matter how smart and strong she was. Despite being his type, she was still different than most and he did seem to have some kind of soft spot for her. And that is what both bothered and intrigued Ada.

“It’s not like you to worry about others like that. And I can blame you, actually. You got yourself tangled with Al. That’s on you.”

Ada bit her tongue. This wasn’t about her. “And poor Claire got tangled out of her control. C’mon, Will. I’ve helped you two a lot recently. Throw me a bone here. I deserve something in return.”

Will kept a straight face, thinking it over. Ada glared at him. Finally, the Golgotha creator grinned widely and leaned forward. Ada recognized the child-like delight, and knew he was about to spill the beans.

“Alright, alright! I think he has feelings for her.”

Ada laughed skeptically. “Whatever, Will! Tell me for real.”

She had to admit, she had thought something similar a few days ago when she spied Wesker nearly pinning Claire against his car. But she soon dismissed it. He definitely liked her and was attracted to her…but had feelings for her?! That was a little hard to believe.

“I do! He is obsessed, I’m telling you. The girl would’ve been dead a long time now had it been anyone else. He’s given her more chances than I’ve ever seen. He had the chance to pop her brother in the back without anyone knowing and didn’t do it! I don’t think he knows it himself, or he purposely keeps himself in denial, but...there’s something about her.”

Ada frowned, thinking it over. William had a point. All of Claire’s stunts to try and fight Albert should have ended with her dead a long time ago. And how her brother had been getting suspicious and snooping around, well, it should have ended the same with him by now.

“You think she reminds him of Anezka?” Ada asked.

Was that her name? Ada couldn’t really remember. She wasn’t around back then and had only heard all the different stories when she came here a couple of years ago.

“Nah...I mean they’re both redheads and feisty, but I don’t think that’s it. Anna jilted him, and besides being a little touchy over it, he’s moved on.”

“Is that really what happened?”

William shrugged. “I guess? No one really knows...not even Al.”

Ada wished she had been a fly on that wall when Anezka was still around. So many rumors and gossip about what happened. She practically disappeared, as though she was only a dream. But Albert remembered...resentfully. Ada knew him well enough that it wasn’t just his ego that got hurt. He actually had cared for her, and he hated that he did.

“Well, Albert’s given Claire all these chances to let her live. You think he will let her go when Roth is dealt with, as he has promised her?”

William scowled, leaning back in his chair. “What do you think?”

The double agent had no idea why, but her heart sank a little. As if she was hoping for something she knew better of. And here she thought her line of work had snuffed out all remaining optimism in her life.

“He won’t kill her. I guarantee it,” William boasted. “As obsessed and possessive he already is of her, she’s stuck. There will be conditions he gives her. I’m sure you know what those would be.”

“You sound happy about that,” Ada pointed out.

He shrugged, but the slight upcurve of his lips gave him away. “I like the girl. Sherry adores her. She’s proven to be quite resourceful and clever. She’ll be handy to have around. Besides, if Al actually has feelings for her, I gotta see where it goes! The geneticist in me really hopes he knocks her up.”

It may have sounded like a dark joke, but Ada knew the lunatic genius was dead serious. “I’m really disturbed by how obsessed you are with your best friend’s love and sex life.”

“I’m just looking out for him!”

Ada would never understand Wesker and William’s relationship. One of life’s greatest mysteries. But what was also another mystery still was why Wesker had feelings for Claire.

Was she the next Anezka?

She parked right down the road. It was already nearly dark, but at least the temperature hadn’t dropped too much. Claire stuck to the recently salted sidewalks, hands stuffed in her parka. Her heart pounded in her throat, and her mind raced with what he could want this time.

Wesker called her while she was waiting for Chris to get off work, summoning her to his house for an “important discussion”. She was anxious for two reasons. One, the last time she saw Wesker just a couple nights ago, they had sex. And two, after learning from Jill that Wesker was the one who dealt with Chris, she wasn’t sure what that meant for her or her brother.

She was queasy, butterflies in her stomach, but she wasn’t about to lose her cool. More than anything, she feared her body would betray her once more, a dark excitement coursing through her blood.

Upon reaching Wesker’s house, Claire spotted a vehicle she didn’t recognize in his driveway. She didn’t get too close to it, but it looked like a ruby-colored Porsche Boxster. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or not about not being alone with the STARS Captain, but she took a deep breath and rang the doorbell anyway.

After a minute of silence, anticipation eating at her, the door opened. Her heart skipped when those familiar grey-blue eyes and dark smirk greeted her. Her stomach twisted, but Claire couldn’t tell whether it was from disgust or excitement.

“Good evening, Claire,” he purred. He stepped aside to allow her entry. “Please do come in. I don’t want you catching a cold.”

She rolled her eyes and stepped inside. “Thanks.”

He shut the door while she looked around. Odin padded over and sniffed her, docked tail wagging slightly. But she didn’t see anyone who could’ve owned the car outside.

Wesker’s hands brushed up her back. The bad thing was Claire realized she didn’t blench this time. No, this time she shivered in pleasure. She inwardly scolded herself as he took her coat off to hang by the door.

“We have much to discuss, dear heart,” he said, one muscular arm locking around her waist and pulling her deeper inside the house.

That’s when the younger Redfield saw a familiar face come into the living room from the kitchen, carrying a full glass of red wine. She nearly blurted Ada’s name, surprised, but quickly bit her tongue, hiding any reaction. Wesker didn’t know that she and Ada had already met personally. And it needed to stay that way.

“I sure hope you weren’t saving that malbec wine for a special occasion, Albert. I helped myself,” Ada said. When her eyes landed on Claire, she was the perfect actress. There was no recognition, no subtle signs given to Claire. “Is this her?”

“The one and only,” Wesker affirmed.

Ada took a long sip of her wine and sat it down on a coaster on the center table before walking over to them. Wesker stepped away while the double agent looked Claire over, one arm crossed and one hand on her chin as she thought. She walked around Claire and even grabbed her arms and lifted them and spun her around.

“Hmm...Yes, I can definitely work with this.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Claire grumbled. Ada spun her around again and grabbed at her hair. “Hey! What’s the big idea?!”

“Hold still, hun.”

Ada withdrew a tailor tape measurer. She measured Claire’s waist, chest, and height, even her arms and legs. Afterwards, she yanked Claire’s ponytail out and felt through her tresses.

“What are you doing?” Claire snapped.

“Taking measurements,” Ada replied. “Trying to figure out what to do with your hair.”

“Why?”

“I’ll explain later,” Wesker stated. His Doberman sat at his side, head cocked curiously as Ada got handsy with her measurements.

“Okay, finished,” Ada announced, rolling up her tape and putting it in her pocket. She retrieved her wine and took another drink. “I’ll have something ready by tomorrow.”

“What ready?” Claire demanded. “What’s going on?”

Wesker’s lips barely curled upward. “Oh, where are my manners? Claire, this is an associate of mine, Ada Wong. She originally was to pick you up at the university. Ada, you know Claire, I’ve told you all about her.”

The Eurasian beauty dipped her head. “Charmed.” Still completely in character, although Claire now saw something subtle in her eyes as she stared at Claire. Perhaps a warning? Or just acknowledgement?

“You too...I guess,” Claire said.

Wesker chuckled, catching their attention. “You do not have to pretend to be strangers on my account, ladies. I know you’re well acquainted.”

Claire ground her jaw, glaring at him. Ada didn’t even flinch, expressionless. Taking another sip of her wine, she shrugged.

“Can’t pull the wool over your eyes, can I Albert?”

“Oh come now, Ada, don’t be that way,” Wesker teased. He obviously sensed something from her that Claire didn’t. He stepped around the agent’s back and, besides her tensing barely, she didn’t look disconcerted. “You knew the risks when you decided to meet Claire behind my back.”

Ada didn’t say anything to that. Wesker’s dark grin grew a bit more.

“I’m quite curious of your intentions. You’re not the jealous type. And you’re not one to have concern for others. So why so curious about Claire? I know this has nothing to do with what Sergei asked of you.”

Jealous type? Claire glanced between them, not sure what kind of undertones she was reading here. She was missing something, that’s for sure. She could only infer that Wesker was gauging Ada for something.

“I was just curious what you saw in her, I guess,” Ada dismissed calmly.

Cool under pressure. Just like the man testing her.

“And did you figure it out?”

Ada’s eyes locked with Claire’s. “I think so.”

Wesker’s soft chuckle told them he didn’t believe her one bit. “You and William should give up trying to find something that isn’t there.”

Ada didn’t have to say anything. Her smile told it all. She was pleased somehow, as though she read deeper into Wesker’s words somehow. Claire wished she would tell her the secret. And also shake this weird feeling in her chest.

“Am I going to get filled in here on why she needed to take my measurements?” Claire grumbled.

“Yes, my apologies,” Wesker admitted, his full attention on her now, and the younger woman regretted saying anything. “Ada, you may go now. I’ll fill Claire in…” He smirked.

Oh god. Did he just…? Her stomach pitched and rolled. She knew what would happen once Ada left them alone. In his house. It was an instant body verses mind battle.

Ada shrugged and walked away. Claire never wanted someone to stay and leave all at once before. But the Eurasian woman plopped down on one of the leather sofas instead, resuming drinking her wine. Odin left his master’s side to plant himself in front of her, as if expecting Ada to give him attention now that she was sitting down. Claire released a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

Wesker scowled. “Or…make yourself at home.”

“I will,” Ada answered nonchalantly. “I’m not about to let this delicious wine go to waste.” She made a show of swishing the red liquid around in her glass. The wine complimented her burgundy fingernails.

Claire caught the agent’s honey brown eyes as she looked right at her while sipping from her lipstick-stained glass, a coded message for her. You’re welcome…

Claire swallowed mixed feelings and glared at the STARS Captain. “So what exactly are you making me do this time?”

“Relax dear heart, it’s nothing you’re a stranger to. We’re going to attend a party.”

His stereotypical college girl jab aside, it sounded easy enough. But Claire knew better. Whatever kind of party it was, with Wesker involved, there would be danger, deception, and death at every angle…

Claire stared at the mirror, stunned. She wasn’t one to get dressed up, not this fancy anyway. Her red-brown hair was pulled up into messy curls with a few tresses hanging around her face. She had more make-up on than what she was used to. The jade-colored halter dress complimented her hair, eyes, and heels. She was only in the shoes for less than half an hour and her feet were already cramping. How did women wear these things all day?

The two assistants Ada had helping her with Claire were finally finished and departed from the big, spotless, and up-to-date bathroom. They were in Wesker’s living quarters in NEST. The younger Redfield tried not to think about what happened the last time she was here. Wesker and William awaited them in the very same room where she and Wesker fornicated, only having arrived a bit ago while Claire was still being made over.

Ada looked her over one last time, one final judgment for approval. Claire didn’t say anything. She really wanted out of this bathroom, but at the same time, she wasn’t ready for the next step.

Apparently, the crooked STARS Captain had meticulously planned tonight. Chris and Jill were working graveyard shifts while he was off and Claire had to tell her brother that she might would have to stay the night at William’s house babysitting Sherry if her parents had to work all night. All the chess pieces were in place so far. Bard’s Christmas party would last well into the night, and depending on how it played out, they might be there awhile. She could only hope nothing went wrong and would get to return home tonight.

“You’re a beautiful woman, Claire. There’s no doubt about that,” Ada said finally.

“T-Thanks.” She wasn’t expecting a compliment from the older woman.

She looked in the mirror again, distracted. This was a little too much for her, but she had to blend in with the other guests at the party.

“I won’t be surprised if Albert takes you home with him tonight after the party.”

Claire blushed, taken off guard, a near panic in her chest only broken by blood rushing like electricity through her veins. She turned to the double agent, holding her breath. Ada sounded so sure as she looked Claire over. As if she knew something the younger Redfield didn’t. Surely, Ada didn’t know…

“I know what happened between you two,” Ada admitted, reading her mind.

“He,” Claire started to blame her captor, but stopped. Could she honestly say it knowing she had decided to do it? Wesker may have manipulated her into wanting to, but she still chose it all her own, no matter how much she wanted to deny it.

“He what?”

She shook her head. “…Nothing.”

“I told you he always gets what he wants, didn’t I? He’ll make you want it, too. That tongue of his is far more deadly than any weapon he has on him. You have no idea how way in over your head you are, Claire.”

The college student glared at the Eurasian beauty. Was she serious right now?! “You’ve got it all wrong! It was just a one time fling. And as far as the rest of my situation goes, I think I’ve been doing pretty damn good considering!”

Ada sighed. “You’re clever, strong, and resourceful. You’ve handled yourself impressively this past week, but that’s partly why Albert’s so infatuated with you.”

Claire frowned, not sure what to say to that.

“Albert’s hardwired to manipulate and take advantage of anyone and anything he can. You give him an inch and he’ll hook his claws so deep in you, there’s no escape. You gave him way more than that.”

“So what? I’m trapped forever now? Is that what you’re saying?” Dread seized in her chest.

Ada looked to the door, as if suddenly paranoid Wesker and William could be listening in and slightly lowered her voice. “I don’t know. Look…yes, he’s using you to take care of Roth in exchange for your freedom, but William and I suspect that Albert may have developed…”

“What?” Claire urged when the agent trailed off.

Ada quickly shook her head, frowning. “Never mind. Just…keep your head. Do what you must to get Roth where Albert wants him for you and your brother’s freedom. Albert’s got a soft spot for you, he’ll likely keep his word if you’re good. As far as this affair is concerned, I cannot help you. That’s your business. My only advice is that you be careful.”

Soft spot? Where the hell was she getting that? There was nothing soft about that man. Then again, she and William, two people who knew Wesker best, kept saying that, so it had to be true to some degree.

Claire wanted to tell Ada that there wasn’t an “affair”. It was a one time slip up, a mistake, it wouldn’t happen ever again. But she couldn’t even believe herself, so there was no way she would convince the double agent.

“Ok…thank you, Ada. For everything.”

Ada exhaled through a small frown. “Don’t thank me just yet…” She turned, walking for the door and motioning for the younger Redfield to follow her. “C’mon, we have a party to get to.”

Claire inhaled deeply, gathering herself, and followed her out of the bathroom. They came into the den, where Wesker and William sat across from each other on the leather sofas talking. They were dressed in posh black suits. Claire berated herself for goggling Wesker. The bastard was so damn attractive anyway, but that suit was hot! She couldn’t believe how much it actually affected her seeing him in that outfit.

The men noticed them and stood up, but their eyes immediately went to Claire. She suddently felt exposed. William’s jaw dropped and he ogled too. The smirk that slowly grew on Wesker’s face as he took off his sunglasses to look Claire over was wicked. More so, it was hungry. He popped William’s mouth shut without taking his eyes off of Claire and closed in like a predator about to sink its teeth into its coveted prey. His eyes entrapped her, an instant, breath-taking spell, and then she was hungry too, felt it spreading through every inch of her body like wildfire.

Ada was right…Wesker would be taking her home with him tonight. And nothing was going to stop him.

#resident evil #resident evil fanfic #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil 2 #Albert Wesker #Claire Redfield #clairexwesker #claire x wesker #William Birkin #Chris Redfield #chris x jill #Jill Valentine #Ada Wong #fanfiction #fanfic #My writing #archive of our own

[nickcifonie]

In 2021, Anyone Can Make $ Playing Video Games!

I grew up playing games like Risk, Monopoly, a little Chess... and still remember buying my first computer somewhere around 1986 solely to play a computer game on. It was an Apple IIc, and that first game was some type of Pirate Adventure. I wish I remembered the name. It wasn’t all that good, but still, I was hooked!

Since that first adventure, I’ve spent thousands of hours as well as dollars playing just about every type of digital game that has followed! PC games, Atari, Wii, mobile games... you name it, I play it! I’d always generalize the cost (to myself at least) thinking “some guys play golf 3 days a week at $100 a round... I play computer games”.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! However, the story has changed...

“Pay to Play” has become “Play to Earn”!

If you would be to search terms like “crypto games”, “blockchain games”, “make money playing video games”, and others, you’d find some really incredible statements. Today, quotes like the ones below are becoming more and more common!

“I made $400 last week playing a computer game” “I just sold my RPG character for $200 profit”

“I was offered $1k for a skin for my laser rifle of doom” (I made up the “laser rifle of doom” part)

“I bred my pet thingamajig yesterday and sold the baby!” (it’s digital, for those of you wincing)

In 2021, thanks to the blockchain, there’s a growing community of gamers who are making real dollars daily, mining, fighting, shooting, jumping... all while playing the same type of mobile and PC games that you had to PAY to play just a short while ago...

...but let’s start at the beginning.

You paid $172,000 for a what!?

Yes... all the way back in 2018 a CryptoKitty named “Dragon” was sold for an incredible $172,000. (300 ETH) Don’t be too surprised, it’s justified! It’s an adorable digital image, or “NFT” of a cat, after all.

It’s a lot of money, but for NFTs and blockchain gaming, flipping a Kitty today may as well be considered the stone ages. It’s still a record, but while you can still get started collecting these digital felines for as low as a couple of dollars, big-dollar trades still happen daily.

On the flip side of mortgaging your home to buy a digital picture of a CryptoKitty, Bored Ape, or CryptoPunk, you may feel better if you begin your adventure into making crypto (it’s real money, dear!) by playing a video game where you can “make money” instead of spending it.

I’m not saying owning a CryptoKitty or any of a plethora of “Avatar NFTs” we see popping up on various exchanges isn’t one way to do it... I’m saying to me at least, as a life-long gamer I’d much prefer playing a mobile, console, or PC game to collecting pictures in a digital wallet.

So what the heck is an NFT?

I could go into a long explanation... but since this article is about gaming and not cryptocurrency, I’ll tell you an NFT is a “non-fungible token”, and leave you google it if you really want to dig in deep. I do want to share more, so I’ll ‘splain it as simple as I can for you Lucy!

A CryptoKitty, as stated above, is a type of image called an NFT. (the collection is called “CryptoKitties) It’s a digital picture of a cartoon cat. There are thousands of different ones that have different shapes, colors, expressions and traits. (kind of like a real cat, but eats less)

The difference, is only one of each design is actually a legitimate “CryptoKitty”. (or a legitimate whatever type of image it happens to be) To be clearer... each NFT is a “one of a kind”, so if you’re thinking “but can’t I just make a copy?”, nope you can’t.

I mean... you “can” make a copy of it if you really dig the design and want it on your desktop, but it would only be a copy of that particular NFT, not the real McCoy! Ok... so what makes one real, and the rest fakes? The blockchain.

Now, I’m going to be true to my word and keep my promise of not making this an article about crypto or the blockchain, so just know this: the difference between an image that is an actual NFT, and a copy of one, is there is an underlying digital code that designates the real thing.

So real in fact, that artists are creating or importing their paintings and creations to the web as NFTs, numbering them as they would a lithograph, and selling their entire collections. So if you are an art fan, check with your favorite creators... you may be surprised to find all of their “works of art” on an online marketplace!

NFTs are viewed on certain marketplace websites and digital wallets where the copies cannot be displayed, so that is how we know one is real, and the others are not! Having said that, sure, there’s more to it, but just know that there’s a 100% secure way of knowing an image is a real NFT.

In addition, there can be more than one NFT with the same identical image. However, each has a unique underlying code, so even if they look exactly the same, they are not! Look at it like the playing cards or comic books of old... there may be 1,000 created (or “minted” as it’s called in NFT land) but they will each be numbered 1 to 1,000.

And guess which is more valuable.....? I knew you’d get it!

And these NFT’s make money how?

You’re getting warmer! There are a lot of different types of games coming out these days where you can make money playing. There are RPG’s, MOBA’s, Shooters, games in first person and in third, dungeon crawls... you name it!

If you’re thinking “how did I not know this!”, I was the same until recently! I have been gaming almost daily since I stepped into Ultima Online back in 1997, and I can’t even begin to tally how many hours and/or dollars I’ve invested into gaming.

Now, our hobby pays!

After 30-something years, my wife still thinks I’m bonkers... but I got a totally different look from her a few days ago when I told her I sold my game character for well over $200. Legit. I sold two more yesterday, and another this afternoon.

Some of these only cost me $10 or $15, some much more. Some are free. I sold another NFT character last week for $1,950, and it was sold on the game’s website, not on the black market.

So not only can an NFT be a picture of an Ape, Vegetable, Duck, or Stripper on a pole (we’ll leave it at that) but it can be a character in a game, a weapon, a mount, armor, or more.

One game is giving away free pet turtles with each character. For the uneducated on “pets” in computer games, it’s not the kind you keep in a bowl in your bedroom. It’s a companion that fights with you in an online game and may shoot fire from its eyes, heal you, or similar.

Soon after being handed out for free, they’re now selling for around $60 each.

So an NFT can be an image, a video, music, a meme... or even a shirt or shoes! But we’ll leave the NFT clothing explanation to another article. ;)

Remember that rare skin you paid out the nose for a year ago in Apex? Or the L33T character you built up in Fortnite or Warcraft? If you’re no longer playing that game, it’s money under the bridge. And you don’t own the bridge!

In this new breed of blockchain games, you could have LEGALLY sold that character, skin, weapon, land, house, mount, or whatever it was when you tired of the game. For a profit. Maybe for a LARGE profit.

Yes, in the past we were able to find ways to get around the system and dump our pixels from time to time. We’d sell the account on the black market, or cut a deal with someone like a drug dealer on a Chicago Street corner. Then we’d over who went first...

“You give me the account and weapon first!” “No you give me the money first”.  Sometimes the deals even went through. Others well... let’s just say half of the parties walked away happy.

I made good money when after 4 years of daily playing I sold my Ultima Online account for somewhere around $2,000, but I needed to find a trustworthy “go-between” to broker the deal. Even then, I was sweating it!

With today’s crypto games, not only do the games provide the platform to buy, sell, or trade your character and items, but it’s encouraged, and done with good old U.S dollars! I’ve made $ playing 4 or 5 different games already this week, as well as flipping (buying low and selling higher) NFT characters!

How else can I make money playing games?

The way you earn varies from game to game, but each week seems to reveal another new strategy, platform, or idea. Many are new strategies, and while some have “triple A” 3D animation and graphics, others are simpler and use basic one-dimensional graphics for the gameplay.

Some of these games are actually tied to a token on the blockchain. The game developer creates their own token, not too unlike Bitcoin or Ethereum, and it can be bought or sold on the open market as well as used in the game as currency.

Could you imagine if back in League of Legends, Guild Wars or Final Fantasy, when you were ready to move to a new game, you could sell or easily convert your gold to cash? Some of today’s blockchain games encourage it!

Not only can you now buy and sell characters and weapons, the gold in the game can be traded, bought, sold, or saved like real currency, stocks, crypto, or collectables. Never have I been as excited about PC and mobile gaming as I am today!

As an example, I am doing some work for a new game that will launch soon called Pepper Attack. Pepper Attack has its own token or coin... called MYTE. It can be used in the game as currency, but also be traded like Bitcoin. A lot of today’s blockchain games offer this same benefit.

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to mine I go!

Just by owning an NFT from the game, you can login on a daily basis and click “mine” earning real-value tokens passively. Your Pepper goes to work like one of the 7 Dwarves mining MYTE, and later on you can convert it to other tokens or cold, hard cash.

There's more to do in this particular game as well. Like any good RPG or MMORPG, each pepper has a unique combination or skills like attack, defense, evade, hit points, and more. As an example of the possibilities, if you have a high attack score, other characters will be able to pay you in MYTE to “train” them, raising their score as well.

In addition, these NFTs have unique physical traits, some are common and some are very rare. This game in particular have toons that look more like anime-ish elves with weapons and a stem... I have to admit the artwork is really spicey! (see what I did there?) Other games are of course totally different.

Some people will simply collect these NFTs/characters as an investment, like playing cards or comics. Others will use them in the game, and still others will do both. Either way, they can be held, or sold for a profit!

Unlike the games of the past, when you’re ready to move on you don’t walk away and lose all the $ you have spent for characters, skins, weapons, potions, and other items. When you’re done, you’ll be able to sell your character and items... possibly for a profit... maybe a lot of profit... and move on.

These are not your father’s computer games!

As we move ahead in the genre, we are seeing AAA studios coming out with big-dollar productions, like Blankos, Mist, Illuvium, Ember Sword and others. Some of these games actually let you buy the land you build on!

Did you have your own house in Ultima Online, Star Wars Galaxies, or Archeage? What if you could have used It as a shop and been paid in dollars for your wares, rented it to another player, or sold it for cold hard cash at a huge profit down the road?

In many of today’s games, not only is it common, but extremely hard to come by, and quite expensive. Not only are people paying thousands of dollars for a plot in some of the games that have land, but they’re paying it many months before the game is even released.

They do it, because in many cases they know that they can easily 2X, 10X, or even 50X their investment a short piece down the road. Seriously? Seriously... and the early bird catches the worm!

Other games with lesser budgets are more graphic-based, but have super earnings potential as well, and are just as fun to play. These include Splinterlands, (a card game like Magic!) Crypto Blades, Axie Infinity and more.

Regardless of if the new blockchain game of your choice is a RPG, MOBA, a card game or racing game... the fact that you can put some coin into your pocket playing adds a whole new element. It’s heckafun making money playing a game!

The early nerd catches the worm!

In many cases, if you can catch a game before it releases, the land, characters, weapons, and other items... in most cases all NFTs... can be grabbed at a tiny fraction of the future value.

Of course, always check out the game details and team first, and be confident it’s a good place to put your money. Not all games are made the same.

If you’re lucky enough to find out about and partake in an early sale, for example, like grabbing a character NFT or two in   “Pepper Attack”  before the late September launch date, you may be in for a real treat!

There are plenty of new titles coming down the pipe that look to be fun, have great communities, and offer earning opportunities. A web search will find services and websites that will keep you on your toes and alert you of upcoming blockchain game releases, marketplace opening, and more.

As we look forward, the future of gaming on the blockchain is really, really exciting! Not only are the games getting better and more fun, but they’re getting better at making the economics work more smoothly as well.

The games are not without challenges, as they need to be made to sustain themselves economically over the long haul. In addition, they need to have higher levels of security (thanks blockchain!) and of course, work without becoming “pay to win”. Thankfully, the new breed of developers have risen to the challenge!

The next time you look for a new game to add to your phone or desktop, or just want a change of pace, look to a game that pays to play! Your wallet might thank you.

Another perk, is your husband or wife will appreciate it as well! Instead of hearing “are you going to play that stupid game all night again?”, you may start to hear things like “I’ll put the kids to bed tonight sweetheart, so you can get online and play”.

One can only hope...

Author - Nick Cifonie

Nick is a lifelong gamer, who cut his teeth at the local Chicago arcade playing Tetris as a teen. Better known as Znick or Deacon Z, Nick became a Game Master in Ultima Online in 1997, ran a large multi-game guild for 15 years, and now spends his time in the “play to earn” arena. Professionally, Nick is a writer and 4-decade marketer working with the  Pepper Attack team, as well as others. Nick is also a Catholic Deacon.

#nftart #nft marketplace #nftdrop #nftgallery #nftnews #nftcrypto #cryptoart #nftcommunity #nftartist #crypto #blockchain #nonfungibletokens #nft games #nft

[ejzah]

A/N: This chapter is based off of season two episode “Bounty”. Again I have changed or edited things to suit my purposes. They’ll be part two for next week.

As always, thanks to everyone who has supported this story, I really appreciate it! Even if I sometimes forget to respond to your comments.

***

The Agent and the Lawyer, Part 15

“Try to aim for the inner part of area 9,” Kensi instructed as Deeks aimed his borrowed gun across the shooting range.

“Which one?” he asked.

“I don’t care as long as you get out of the 8’s.” His aim had improved marginally, but not enough to truly satisfy Kensi. If he was being completely honest, Deeks wasn’t exactly putting in his full effort.

He aimed again, falling into the stance Kensi had demonstrated during his first session. This time Kensi didn’t move to assist him, leaning against the wall with her arms tightly crossed.

It was probably a good thing. The tension between them was at an all time high. While Deeks was fairly certain he wouldn’t toss Kensi across his desk in his desperation to finish what they’d started the other night, he didn’t need the distraction.

Just sitting next to her was distraction enough. He kept remembering what it felt like to have her body pressed against his. Her hands running over his chest.

“Deeks!” Kensi prompted and he jerked.

He sighed under his breath. They really needed a night off without any interruption. Deeks pulled the trigger, hitting the line between sections 8 and 9 on the right.

Kensi made a noise, but didn’t comment as he sighted the target again. He felt a little bad for not making this easier on Kensi. Hetty would no doubt hold her partially responsible when he didn’t progress as expected.

“Your want to come over tonight?” he asked, partially to distract himself from more inappropriate thoughts.

“I would, but I promised Nell I’d go out for drinks if we finish early enough,” Kensi told him apologetically. “I think she’s kind of lonely.”

Deeks hadn’t spent much time around Nell Jones, the newest Intelligence Analyst in apparently long line. She seemed eager to prove herself, maybe a little too much at times, but she got along well enough with everyone. Deeks had even gotten a smile or two out of her.

It was fun to watch her and Eric descend into mutual bouts of geekiness, when they weren’t competing against each other.

“Maybe I can tag along.” He squinted and shot. The shoulder again.

“I’m not sure that’s a great idea.” There was an odd note in her tone and he frowned.

“Why not?” he asked. Kensi didn’t answer immediately so he turned to face her, dropping the gun to his thigh. She looked distinctly uncomfortable. “Are you embarrassed to be seen with me.” He said it jokingly and it seemed ridiculous, but it there didn’t seem like another likely explanation for her reaction.

“Of course I’m not!” she said, giving him an annoyed look. “Why would you even think that.” She sighed and pushed herself of the wall. “I just think that it might be a little strange if I invited you to come with and no one else. Everyone thinks we’re just...colleagues and I’d like to keep it that way a little longer.”

“Ok,” he agreed quietly. “But you know someone is going to figure it out sooner or later.” He didn’t say anything, a little more subdued as he considered the paper targets with two holes in its right side.

Kensi sighed again, finally walking over to him. She took the gun from him, set it to the side, and leaned against his side.

“You know I wish it was different, but it’ll make it so much easier if we don’t have to worry about everyone watching, waiting for us to screw this up too.”

“I know. But just to be clear, we’re not going to mess anything up, including this “thing”.” Kensi made a face, but didn’t move away and said,

“Please stop calling it our “thing”,” she requested. He grinned, enjoying teasing her.

“Yeah, I’m probably not going to,” he said. Kensi rolled her eyes, briefly tugging him closer to kiss his cheek. “You know, that’s not really helping with the whole “keep us a secret at work” thing, right?”

She pulled back, her expression mischievous, as she started emptying the gun for him.

“It’s called self-control.” Her grin was massive. God, she could be so annoying sometimes and he absolutely loved it. “C’mon let’s see what’s going on in the bullpen.

It turned out that Sam and Callen were in the midst of their own little discussion. Callen was goading Sam, who was naturally taking the bate. He seemed in an exceptionally irritated mood.

Deeks almost made a joke about them sounding like an old married couple, but figured that would be going just a little too far. Especially since he and Sam had been on better terms since the Maragos case.

“Where have you two been?” Callen asked. Kensi froze, looking ridiculously suspicious at the innocent question. Neither Callen or Sam seemed to notice since they were focused on their own conversation.

“Uh, Kensi was just telling me about an old boyfriend she had,” Deeks answered after a second, grinning as Kensi glared at him. “She said he was super hot, right Kens?”

“Mm, he wasn’t that great,” Kensi said darkly, her eyes promising payback when they were alone.

“Ooh, looks like there’s trouble in paradise,” Callen commented. Deeks saw Kensi’s eyes dart his way before she shrugged with false nonchalance.

“We’re fine,” she insisted.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re fine. It sounds like you two can barely stand each other half the time,” Sam said, standing up. “If you’re going to be working together, you need to start building a healthy relationship.”

Deeks had to force himself not to laugh. He wondered if making out against a wall counted as a healthy relationship in Sam’s mind.

Narrowly holding back a smirk, Deeks said,

“We’ll work on it.”

Eric whistled for them at the top of the stairs, saving them from further conversation about relationships.

Eric and Nell quickly filled them in on Thomas Booth’s kidnapping and they were off to check out a stolen Audi. Kensi maintained a larger distance between them than normal, but he thought it was mostly for show.

***

By the time they made it to the scene, Kensi seemed to have forgiven him or was putting aside her annoyance for the sake of professionalism.

While Kensi briefly spoke with an on-scene cop, Deeks scanned the area and noticed three males, maybe on their late teens watching from the opposite side of the street.

“Hey Kens,” he said, touching her arm and nodding to them. They didn’t move as he and Kensi approached.

“Gentleman,” Kensi greeted them with a smile. “Is there anything you can tell us about what happened here?”

The one in front grinned at Kensi and shrugged. None of them seemed to even notice Deeks standing next to her.

“Last night we saw some guys around the corner, in the empty lot, with flashlights,” he told her.

“Any idea what they looked like?” The kid shook his head.

“It was too dark. Five went out there and four came back. That’s all we saw.” Kensi nodded, giving him another smile and handed him a card.

“Well, if you think of anything else, let me know,” she said.

“Unbelievable,” Deeks muttered as they walked towards the lot. At Kensi’s questioning look, he explained, “You didn’t even have to try with that kid. He would have told you anything.”

“There are perks to being pretty,” Kensi said a little smugly. “And it certainly saves me snitch money.”

She turned more serious as they approached two broken down, graffiti covered cars that looked like they’d been there since Hill Street Blues was filmed.

“You smell that?” Kensi asked and he nodded, wrinkling his nose against the stench. It was impossible to miss, which didn’t bode well for Thomas Booth.

“Geez,” Deeks hissed when they found his mutilated body carelessly slung across the backseats in one of the vehicles. Booth was stripped down to his boxers, drying blood coating several parts of his body and a grid of black marker across his chest. Deeks took an involuntary step back, pressing his hand against his mouth for a second.

“You ok?” Kensi touched his arm and he nodded again, even if it wasn’t entirely true.

“Yeah, just took me by surprise.”

“I’ll go tell LAPD we found him,” she said with a sigh, leaving Deeks with the body.

He forced himself to move past his revulsion, crouching down by the car. Someone had clearly tortured Thomas Booth; he’d been stabbed multiple time. He must have been in horrific pain the entire time. Deeks shuddered at the thought.

Kensi returned, with two officer, directing them to collect evidence from the rest of the lot. She crouched beside Deeks, sighing as she pulled on black latex gloves. She pointed to the grin of black lines.

“The Magic Marker lines all over his skin correspond to non-lethal wound points,” she explained. “The lines are a target for the stab wounds.”

“I know,” Deeks said, almost to himself. Kensi twisted to look at him, raising an eyebrow and he added, “I came across something similar from a study case during law school. He must have been terrified when they started drawing those lines on, knowing what was coming.”

“Gunshot to the head. Mercy kill. He was interrogated. Booth had information. Once he gave it up, kidnappers capped him and dumped the body,” Kensi continued, her voice clinical as she mapped out Booth’s death. It was a little chilling how calmly she could talk about these things sometimes.

“Lucky guy.” His voice was dark. Pressing her lips together, Kensi just barely brushed his arm before she continued assessing.

“Despite what it looks like, there isn’t any excessive mutilation that would indicate a personal grudge. Judging by the wounds, he was tortured for hours before he was killed.”

“He knew something,” Deeks summed up. “I guess the question now is what and how bad is it that the bad guys now have that information?”

“Yeah. I’ll call Sam and Callen to give them an update,” she said.

***

“Sam and Callen are trying to find Booth’s son, Brandon,” Kensi informed Deeks several minutes later. “Apparently he hated his dad and has a record, but they don’t really think he’s involved in any of this.”

“Mm, daddy issues,” Deeks muttered to himself. “Those are always fun.” Kensi tilted her head, considering him with narrowed eyes.

“Speaking from experience?” she asked. Deeks chuckled at her complete lack of subtlety. “You mentioned that you didn’t have a great relationship with your dad.”

“Yes, I did.” Kensi made a face at his non-response.

“You know, you’ll have to tell me sometime.”

“Just as soon as you tell me what you write about in that journal in your bag,” he countered. “Wait, it’s me, isn’t it? Just page after page of prose written about my golden locks and my-“

Kensi smacked his arm, pressing her lips together as she tried not to smile.

“You are such an idiot,” she said, looking beyond him. Suddenly her expression changed and she dropped her gaze back to him. “You see that guy in the suit? Tailored one that costs more than I make in a year?”

Deeks discretely turned sideways, giving a slow sweep of the area before her looked where Kensi has indicated. “Yep.” Kensi was right, his suit was of excellent quality. At least from what he could tell from a distance.

Kensi snapped a picture with her phone, again trying to be casual, but the man noticed anyway and took off at a run.

“He's going!” Kensi shouted, taking off after him. Deeks started to follow, but she tossed him her keys and ordered,

“Take the car, cut him off! There’s an extra sig locked in the glove compartment just in case.”

“What, so now I’m your sidekick,” Deeks yelled, even as he followed her instructions. As he drove one-handed, he unlocked the glove compartment. “Right, cause a gun in the hands of someone who regularly misses the entire target is a great idea,” he muttered to himself.

Kensi had disappeared down a side street and it took him a minute to find her. When he did, she was in the middle of fighting the suspect. He had Kensi pressed again a chain link fence and Deeks didn’t even think as he grabbed the gun, pulling alongside them. He pointed the gun out the window and shouted,

“Hold it!” Kensi used the man’s distraction to punch him, the force knocking him to the ground. While Kensi slammed the man into the fence and started searching his pockets, Deeks got out of the car, still aiming the gun at him.

The man kept insisting that they were making a mistake and after a moment Kensi took a step back.

“Put down the gun,” Kensi told Deeks.

“What? Why?” He didn’t know what could have changed Kensi’s attitude so quickly.

“Diplomatic immunity.” She held up his wallet which had an ID identifying him as Jafar Khan. Well, that wasn’t good.

***

A/N: I want to sort of follow the show, rather than completely recreating events, but if there are particular things you’d like to see or have suggestions for how to make it less cumbersome, I’m all ears. Should I continue adapting the episodes, or just include key scenes and write mostly about Kensi and Deeks’ relationship? I do have a couple things planned for a few chapters from now that I do think you all will enjoy.

Once again, thanks for reading!

#ncis la fanfiction #marty deeks #kensi blye #densi #sam hanna #g callen #bounty #the agent and the lawyer #part 16 #au #ejzah fanfiction

[emsartwork]

Magic Masterpost

ok this is gonna be super long so under the cut

OK so these are the main four types of magic, magic can mostly be categorized into these four types but there are some exceptions that don’t fit the mold but there are still sciencey things we cant explain so (ball lighting, the 9th planet etc) so whatever. 

Core Magic is like another organ that belongs to individual beinigs that have a certain level of consciousness (humans, merfolk, elves, pixies and sprites, leprechauns, dragons) some beings that don’t have core magic, but do have the same level of consciousness as humans are discriminated against (trogs, vampires, ogres, trolls etc). Animals and plants do not posses core magic or the consciousness level characteristic of core magic users. They do sometimes have magical abilities but this is thought to be a side affect of either wild or natural magic sources.

Natural Magic is magic that is found in plants, minerals, water, and other non-conscious things. Usually is centrally localized and flows outward like a stream. has a large area of influence and natural sources can interact with each other with minimal conflict. good examples are the Tree of Magic(birthplace of the pixies and sprites and is linked to the core magic users in the universe), the Second Sun of Solaria(a source of warmth, solar light, and growth on Solaria), the pillars in the Infinite Ocean, Tir Nan Og and the sources I talked about with the earth fairies. Planets have a lot of natural sources and locations with out natural magic are rare(the wildlands in season 2 are unique to Magix and have a special magic suppressing aura)

Wild Magic is connected to natural magic but has its own unique section because its effects are so extreme. Natural sources can become wild sources in a defense mechanism, and some natural sources have a dependable cycle between wild and natural(ex. zenith’s core). Otherwise Wild sources are centrally localized around the same objects natural sources are, but can transfer to spirits and animals as well. Wild magic has a much smaller area of influence, and most animals will clear out of a place with a lot of wild magic because their instincts are like “danger????”, there are rarely multiple wild magic sources in the same area, and if there are they don’t interact well. Wild magic sources are a necessary part of nature, functioning like volcanic eruptions or geysers and relieving magical pressure on the planet. If a wild source isn’t treated with respect and is messed with (ex kalshara) it becomes severely unstable and instead of a potentially dangerous source in small doses it become a downright hazard with far reaching bolts of magic. This is the only reason Fractix exist lol. 

Ethereal Magic is something you do not want to mess with. It’s basically the most powerful type of magic, and is theorized to be the actual creative force behind the universe. The great dragon and the shadow phoenix used up most of their ethereal magic creating the universe, other ethereal magic holders didn’t participate much lol

This chart says human but really its the development of any creature with a core magic. Babies have zero magic but needs ambient magic (a mix of all the magics just kind of around) in order to develop further(0-10). Children will start to develop their magic in short, unpredictable bursts, its normal for their signature color to shift a lot in this stage, they can begin to learn magic theory but their magic isn’t firm enough or powerful enough to produce any results when spell casting (10-15). Young adults are fully developed magic wise (generally they are still younger age wise and not as practiced but their Core is the same as any adults) their core and signature color are set and don’t really change(exceptions to that below) this is usually when a person begins to practice their magic.(16-25)   

Ok so here are the basic differences between female and male magic. female magic stays within the core and body, only reaching outward when directed by the person. Male magic absorbs ambient magic, processing it through the core and letting it flow outward. Female magic users need to learn how to direct their magic outward in order to use it. Male magic users need to learn how to contain their magic in order to use it. its really easy to overwhelm female magic users and fights between two female magic users are either over v quickly, or have a TON of dodging. A fight between two male magic uses is dependant on how much magic the two already have stored (stamina kind of) and how much they can force themselves to absorb from their surroundings(ex, Nabu was naturally more resilient to absorbing and channeling magic than the rest of the group which is why he volunteers to close the black circle, unfortuntely the wizards had packed SO MUCH magic into their circle that when he did manage to close it, his core was overwhelmed and he died :( if say, aisha had volunteered to close it, her core would have been overwhelmed more quickly and she would have died with out closing it. 

Intersex peeps!!! ok so, just as a disclaimer, I’m not intersex, if you wanna talk to me about anything I say here feel free to send and ask for direct message!! it would be really easy to align Core magic with sex organs, but because one is more “spiritual” an the other is physical its a little different. Intersex people are Intersex from birth, but Intersex Magics only manifest at magic puberty(the child stage in the previous chart) and varies a lot from person to person. An intersex person could have either classically female magic or classically male magic or any of the four examples in the image, but any number of manifestations are possible. So I know Intersex people are subjected to unnecessary “corrections”, but i want to make it clear that Intersex Magic is ONLY changed if it is actually causing harm to the person. The painful and dangerous examples are life threatening in the long term, and usually begin as one of the healthy examples. Being able to produce and absorb, but looping the two into each other is unsafe because the core is literally eating itself(eventually resulting in death). Being to absorb but not expel is dangerous because the magic buildup can cause pain and eventually crack the outer membrane of the core resulting in death.

Trans peeps!! again as a disclaimer, I’m cis, if ur trans and ya wanna drop me a line about any of this please do! So Trans dudes and trans ladies have to wait for their core magic to grow in naturally before transitioning(some trans peeps are cool with not transitioning their magic obvi)  but they would see a magic medical person, receive “hormones for magic basically” and begin transitioning. The whole process can take about a year but only about 4 months of that leave the person with low magic and physical weakness, and even then it depends on the person.  

So these are the traditionally masculine magical practices. Unlike witches and fairies they don’t decide their practice until they’ve gone through basic training (the white, grey and black stages) and it most depends on what magic the person likes to absorb and where/how they store collected magic. Male magic users can use fairy transformations, but they have to be much more prepared and keep a lot of stored magic on them. 

The fairy and witch paths are traditionally feminine, but the labels can be used by any gender obvi(same with the masc magic user labels). The witch path has two stages before deciding their profession, and the outfits are just uniforms or items associated with the profession. The fairy transformations are outfits specific to the transformations and are linked together in a way that makes it necessary to earn certain transformations before others, where as witches can jump professions as much as they want lol. The purple transformations here are the ones the trix used, and while they aren’t fairy(because no wings) they aren’t witch either because the transformation actually generates the outfits, they’re kind of shunned among both communities even though they have tremendous potential and should be explored. Reaching Enchantix can only take 3 years at the shortest, but a lot of fairies prefer to spend 2 year reaching charmix, and then 3 years working up to enchantix(so a total of 5 years is an alfea norm). Witchcraft takes a lot longer to learn and doesn’t have the instant power boost fairycraft has, so each of the first three stages take 2-3 years(6 to 9 years is a cloudtower norm) this time frame also applies to the masculine magics, but usually the last half of it is the specialization(ex, nabu spent three years in white/grey/black and then was in his second year of specialization as a magician when he was introduced into the series.)

So because magic is being pushed out of the core for female magic users, it shows up physically on the body in a way that doesn’t seem to happen with male magic users. For female magic users who DON’T use fairy transformations this generally shows up in color around the eyes or hands. which is generally where most of the magic flows from. for fairies, wings marks are present on the back and are more individualized pattern wise but more natural color wise than witchmarks.

Fairy wings are solid/rubbery, and are the physical manifestation of a fairy’s core looping in on its self(think of a car battery). Once initiated, the fairy can stay in transformation for a fairly long time, but does eventually tire out, and the loop dissolves. However if the loop is broken too abruptly or by an outside force there can be negative results for the fairy(namely pain and magic blockage preventing transformation for a couple months to several years depending on how bad the break was). The wing retains its shape for about 24 hours, and then dissolves into ambient magic. If a fairy breaks her wings by a freak accident she can combat some of the magic blockage by eating her own wings(kind of gross sry lol). If however some one else eats the fairy’s wings they gain a magic boost and can unnaturally extend their life/keep their youth full looks(ex. the wizards of the black circle did this)

one of the manifestations of mer core magic is Morphix (yes aisha has this too) while it is considered a magic property, its technically a physical substance that conducts magic EXTREMELY well. Merfolk are usually not allowed to go to the surface until their morphix has grown in, and people with high levels of merblood in them often have to be in a very humid environment or literally spent most of their time in saltwater until their morphix grown in(ex. aisha had to have salt water baths every couple hours as a kid.)  

Elves are another notable difference in core magic in that they are all linked to eachother. While this doesn’t transfer individual thoughts or damage or anything, it does allow individual elves to pull magic from elves who aren’t currently using their magic for more powerful spells. Elves can also sense large scale events that happen to the elf community as they happen but rarely are they clear on specifics(ex. when the ancestrals pulled all of domino into oblivion, the elves on other planets could feel the sudden disappearance) as a result Dominian elves are basically a seperate group now. Earth elves still have a loose connection to the elf community at large, and as earth enters into the magix dimension again they should strengthen it as elves marry and have offspring.   

Pixies, Hobkies, and Sprites! So because i detailed intersex magix, I also wanted a companion species that represented intersex peeps. Pixies are born from the blossoms of the tree of life, Hobkies are from the trunk and somtimes branches, and Sprites from the roots. Hobkies used to just be called Sprixies, but people are pushing to have that changed as its just a combo of sprite and pixie and not unique to the species. Their wing and tail sizes are varied, but they usually have both, sometimes the wings are fleshy insect style wings, and sometimes the tail is made of the same stuff as magic.  

Each species goes through a similar cycle, when a person is born a corresponding spot appears on the tree of magic, as the person grows their magic levels the spot gets bigger, once a certain level of magic is reached the companion is officially born. This happens for fairies at their first transformation, but depend on routine practice for everybody else. 

One of the unique things about Natural magic is that people can actually bind their magic to it. Female magic users reach out with their magic and “tie” it to the magic thats stemming from the source. Male magic users form a loop with the source pouring magic in and absorbing magic out. forgot to draw it but Intersex peoples would use about the same techniques, it would just depend on what they leaned more toward/what they were more comfortable with.

Animals, having no core magic, are able to metabolize and evolve with exposure to wild magic unlike humans who’s core magic either flushes the wild magic out like a toxin or breaks(killing the human in the process). Kalshara is actually quite a revolutionary because she figure out a way to inject the human body/core with wild magic, with out her dying or the wild magic dissolving. but she’s a dick and didn’t respect people so her project never got financed or peer reviewed lol 

ethereal fairies technically have a core, but because its made of ethereal magic they’re put into their own separate category. They seem to exist outside of time and space, and it’s unknown if its because of their nature or because they can wield ethereal magic. Ethereal fairies usually appear with a humanoid body and spears of light off their backs, which is why human fairies are even called fairies, but ethereal fairies come in a lot of different forms(they’re basically a cross between gods and high high fae). The three gifts can be used every 300 years, and are little bursts of ethereal magic that layers over whatever magic the recipient normally uses. It is unknown if the gifts grow somewhere, or if they are crafted by the ethereal fairies. Really powerful magic users sometimes get chosen to join the golden kingdom (whether they want to or not) usually these are “good” aligned people but some villains are theorized to be there too. The general consensus is that the golden kingdom is like a pet palace for the ethereal fairies who think the people people the put there are interesting little creatures. The ethereal fairies use to interact with people more frequently but have backed off in the last couple 1000. Fairies who have completed the Elementix can ask the ethereal fairies to give them Nymphix, but honestly there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme of reason to whether or not the ethereal fairies grant it or strip the person of their magic completely . Ethereal fairies also grant their power to non-fairies but it doesn’t manifest into a transformation. and usually the term “Ethereal” is put before their title (so like Griffin would be an Ethereal Sorceress.)

not much to say about these things. A long long time ago a massive dark spell was cast and created both Obsidian and Realite(i got tired of the “ix” so its “ite” now) Two pocket dimensions. Realite was originally the greater threat because it was just spewing magic everywhere so it was locked with the codex. Obsidian was originally thought to have only sucked magic in, but there have been some long term consequences that weren’t expected, one was the mutation of a dominion noble into Lord Darkar, the other was the slow death of planet Omega and the radiation effect on the three ancestral witches who were born there. (realite was locked so fast it didn’t have time to get any long term damage out in the world but its just as powerful)  

so the dragon and the phoenix are *kind* of still ethereal which is why they’ve persisted as a power source and taken to specific bloodlines, but they aren’t anywhere near the full ethereal ones anymore.  Dragon fire and Phoenix fire are two sides of the same coin, they kind of function as the equal opposite rule but not really. Their equal opposites are the water stars and the earth hearts respectively. The dragon flame bearer usually has light and creation powers, Bloom generally channels the fire aspect of her dragon flame, like hardcore. Daphne, when she held the dragon flame was less heavy on the flame and more on the creation side, she was especially good at summoning items and had a decent healing talent. The shadow flame bearer has been lord Darkar for..... a very long time lets just say that. But the Phoenix deals with shadow and destructive magic. Stealth, spell breaking, and straight up carnage are all possible magic focuses for a phoenix bearer (the shadow phoenix isn’t necessarily bad, just like the dragon flame isn’t necessarily good, they are attributes that change with the people they are tied to). The water stars were collected and stored in the golden kingdom a long time ago and as such don’t have a ton of lore. Bloom CANNOT touch them with out feeling at least mild pain and weakness. The water stars have incredible containment powers, being able to hold things within individual stars, and restrain a full powered dragon flame if used all together in a binding circle. The Earth Hearts are still in nature somewhere, buried deep in the ground. There are some theorized locations but they’re harder to get at than the water stars and as such no one has collected them all yet. Earth hearts are good for dispersing magic and breaking it down to bite sized pieces. Both Earth Hearts and Water Stars are technically destructible, but they will always “grow back” and regenerate in new locations and cannot be eradicated completely.

#winx #winxems #magic master post #earth hearts #water stars #dragon flame #shadow phoenix #obsidian #realix #sophix #lovix #aterix #pixies #sprites #hobkies #The name of hobkies comes from the Hob and the Silkies two household/companion fairies from folklore #i chose two types because the hob is usually masculine but also has the connotation of being ugly while the silkie is feminine and pretty #i didn't want like too many negative associations but also didnt want a solely feminine name #idk i hope its ok #elves #mermaids #merfolk #witches #fairies #this is a rly long post and i don't blame any of you if you don't read it

[sweetbitterpdf]

63 & 15 💖💖 (also your writing is so good wow)

( angst/fluff prompt list !!! )

ahhh thank you so much anon!! i love writing, so it really means a lot that other people enjoy what i write too. 💖

i imagined this as taking place after their almost-kiss in episode three, but before their actual first kiss in episode four.

63. “I need a place to stay.” &  15. “You have no idea how much I want you right now.”

Eliott wasn’t the first person he thought of, admittedly.

However, Yann is away with family for the week, Arthur’s family is… invasively nice, and he really isn’t in the mood to deal with Basile right now— Daphné this, Daphné that— and so his best friends are eliminated as options. He briefly contemplates asking Chloé, but the thought of her trying anything with him while they’re alone makes him feel physically sick.

He could probably spend a night or two with one of the girls, he figures. On the other hand, though, he knows that telling one of them something means telling all of them something. He knows that if he complained about Manon to Imane or Emma or Alexia or especially Daphné, Manon would find out within hours— if not minutes. He’s not trying to start anything— with anyone— he’s looking for someone to vent to, and maybe a bed to sleep in, if he’s lucky. That’s all.

And only then does he think of Eliott.

Eliott, who added his number into Lucas’ contacts only a couple of days ago. Who gave him beer just because he could, who danced around to dubstep the first time they hung out like a maniac. 

Who— when Lucas played piano for him— looked at him like he was something special.

He takes a deep breath. Presses down on Eliott’s name.

And it rings.

And rings.

And then—

“Hello?”

“Hi, Eliott? It’s Lucas.”

“Lucas, I know. You put your number in my phone the other day, too, remember?” Eliott’s voice is muffled through the phone, but he can hear the teasing lilt to it. It makes him nervous, hearing Eliott’s voice without seeing his face.

“Oh, right, yeah.” His voice wavers as he speaks, threatening to crack with his nerves. “Listen, um… This might be a weird question— please don’t feel like you have to say yes!— but can I ask you for a favour?” And oh fuck, there isn’t any going back now, is there?

“What do you need?” Eliott asks, and he wants to curl up under the concern in Eliott’s tone, pull it up over him like a blanket.

“Well… You know that girl who, ah… interrupted us, the other night?” He’s run the moment he saw Manon a few nights ago through his head more than he’d like to admit. What had happened, and— more importantly— what hadn’t.

“I remember that, yeah.” Eliott chuckles, soft and light on the other end of the line.

“Well, she lived at my place before I did. She left— moved to London with her boyfriend— and I moved in, but now she’s back, and I don’t know for how long.” He tries his hardest to only tell Eliott the essentials, to resist dumping all of his emotional baggage about the situation onto him.

“Okay.” Lucas can hear the ‘… And?’ that is left unsaid.

“And my bedroom used to be hers, and she’s taken it back. I’ve been on the couch for the past couple of days. Basically, the apartment is too crowded now, and I’m just… Frustrated. With her, with my roommates.” I don’t have a place here, he almost says, but doesn’t.

“Mhm.”

“And I know we barely know each other. But I had a good time when we hung out last time, and I…” Lucas swallows, lets himself take a breath. “I trust you. Please don’t feel pressured, but I need a place to stay, and I was wondering if I could stay with you, for a night or two.” The line is silent, for a moment.

“Yeah, sure.” Eliott’s voice is clear on the other end of the line. Lucas can’t quite believe it.

“Yeah?”

“Of course. Come tonight if you want. Stay as long as you need to.” He pinches himself, to make sure that this isn’t a dream. Not only has he managed to build up the courage to ask Eliott— the new boy at school, the boy that makes his chest flutter like no one else has before— if he can stay with him.

Eliott said yes.

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to—”

“Lucas,” Eliott cuts him off before he can continue, “I wouldn’t have said yes if I wasn’t genuinely willing. You can stay with me.” If this were a face-to-face conversation, Lucas would have to turn away from the sincerity of Eliott’s tone. “Plus, We can have a do-over of the other night— remember? ‘Joints, beers, you choose the music’?” Lucas is grinning like an idiot now, grateful that Eliott can’t see him, that he can react however he wants as long as he does so silently.

“Okay.” He tries to hide his grin in his tone. Play it cool, Lallemant, “Is it okay if I come over around eight?”

“Sure, I’ll clean up a bit. We can order some food in once you get here, if you want?”

“That sounds nice.” He thinks of sitting and watching a movie with Eliott, stuffing their faces with pizza or Chinese food or whatever, and he realizes he’s never wanted anything more.

“I’ll see you at eight, then.” He can’t be sure, but it sounds like Eliott may be smiling, too.

“Hey Eliott?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“See you soon, Lucas.”

—

After far too long, Lucas manages to build up the courage to press the buzzer on the front door of Eliott’s building. The sound of Eliott’s voice, even through the intercom system, both tenses and relaxes him.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Lucas.”

“Oh, hey! Come on up!” The door buzzes and Lucas is knocking on the door a moment later. If hearing Eliott’s voice brought upon a wave of conflicting emotions, it didn’t even hold a candle to seeing him, smiling at him from the doorway— just as he had only a few nights ago.

“Hi.” Lucas says. Eliott’s entire demeanour is just so relaxed, so casual. Lucas tries to replicate it. You’re a friend meeting a friend, he tells himself, trying to sound convincing. Nothing more, and that’s okay, he lies.

“Hi.” Elliot’s tone is light and airy, perfectly matching his expression. Lucas tries not to react to the small smile on his face. “Come in.”

He can’t help but compare Eliott’s apartment to the evening that they spent together before. The light is low, just as it was before— dreamy, almost. He’s never been as aware of scents as he is now, stood in Eliott’s living room.

“So…” Eliott says, breaking the silence. “Pizza? There’s this place near me that’s really good.”

—

And so Lucas’ life shifts, if only for a few days. Eliott waits for him at the end of each school day, they bus to his place together, and they chill together. Eliott helps him with literature, and he helps Eliott with science. It’s quite the mutually beneficial development.

Which brings a host of new discoveries with it.

Like the fact that Eliott’s music taste overlaps with his quite a bit. His record collection is quite eclectic, and they settle on some laid back background music once they get home quickly.

Or the fact that he barely ever cooks. I’m not good at it, trust me, he said once, pulling a frozen pizza out of the freezer for the second day in a row.

Or the fact that his whole body relaxes when he’s in his own space. Everything loosens once he closes the door behind them. Lucas never noticed how stressed being at school makes Eliott until now.

Or— and he hasn’t realized this until just now— Eliott steals glances at him almost as frequently as he does with Eliott.

Lucas has been staying with Eliott for nearly a week. They’re watching a movie again— as has almost become routine for them, now— and every time Eliott looks over, Lucas swears he can feel it. He can see the subtle tilt of Eliott’s head away from the screen in his periphery.

“Eliott?” He says, looking over. Warmth rushes over his when their eyes meet. “I’ve been having a really nice time here.”

“Me too.” Why does everything seem so easy for you, he wants to ask. “I like spending time with you.” The thought that Eliott genuinely enjoys his company is one that he wants to hold on to forever— that he’s more than just someone to be tolerated.

“Thank you for letting me stay.” It’s the sort of thing that he would say on his way out, but he’s not planning on leaving tonight, not in the slightest. His mind wanders, then zeroes in.

“Do you remember when my roommate interrupted us, the other night?”

“Yeah.”

“If she hadn’t, what would have happened?” Lucas turns, then, to face Eliott fully. If not for the fact that they’re currently sat on Eliott’s couch, it’s a near-perfect mirror of that night. It’s not incomparable to when he asked Eliott how he would draw him, hypothetically speaking. He’s not sure where these fleeting bouts of courage come from, but he’s thankful for them nonetheless.

Eliott looks at him for a long time, his eyes steady. It makes Lucas feel naked, to be looked at like that; it makes his courage waver.

“Would it have gone differently?” Eliott’s quiet for several seconds. The silence stretches out, long and thick between them. Lucas almost regrets asking, but then—

“Yeah,” Eliott responds, “I think it would have.”

“Oh yeah? How?” He asks, and they’re so close now. He wonders when they started leaning in but he doesn’t care enough to ask. Part of him would be content to stay this close forever, but another part of him is chanting closer, closer. He doesn’t need Eliott to answer, not really, he knows the answer. He knows what he wanted to happen, and the way Eliott is looking over at him is hinting at the notion that he wanted the same thing.

“You have no idea how much I want you right now.” Eliott whispers. His voice sounds restrained, and Lucas wants to ask him how he wants him, why he wants him. But instead he just takes Eliott’s hand in his and says—

“Then have me.”

“But I don’t you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.” Eliott’s gaze falls down to his lap. He’s fit to explode from the softness in his voice, from the fact that it’s directed at him. “You’re taking refuge from your roommates. You’re in a vulnerable state and—”

“And I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first time I saw you.” Lucas’ mouth is moving faster than his mouth now, but he’s far too desperate to care. Please, he wants to say, wants to pull him in without a word. “I appreciate your concern, I do. And I understand if you don’t want to kiss me— that’s fine, that’s good— but I want to kiss you so badly right now and—”

Eliott throws himself at him, closing the distance between them. His arms are around Lucas’ neck immediately, and after the initial shock wears off, he winds his arms around Eliott’s waist, his hands roaming his back, pulling him as close as he possibly can. They kiss and distant stars explode, they kiss and everything else falls away.

“Eliott,” Lucas breathes out when they part. The smile on Eliott’s face is completely and utterly new, unlike anything he’s ever seen before. He wonders how many smiles Eliott hasn’t shown him. He wonders how many he’ll get to see.

“Lucas.” Eliott responds, teasing and affectionate. Lucas can’t help but smile, too, his heart pounding away inside his chest, more lively than it’s ever been— and when Eliott pulls him down, he goes easily and willingly.

#skam #skam france #elu #lucas x eliott #elu fic #asks; #amis anonymes; #mywriting; #this took aaaaaaages but here have an acquaintances to lovers fic?? #also this ended up being almost 2k lmao

[ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade]

~ISEB in Japan: A Photo Journal~

If you’ve been following me on Twitter lately, you’ll know that I’ve been traveling through parts of Japan the last couple of weeks with my Ignis Play Arts Kai figure in tow. I posted a few pictures over there during the duration of my trip, but those barely scratched the surface of everything I got to do while in Japan. So I thought I’d put together a blog post of my journey while it was still fresh in my mind, featuring everyone’s favorite strategist in what I’ve been dubbing my Great Final Fantasy XV Adventure of 2019!

[Image-heavy content + commentary under the cut]

A brief backstory: I’ve wanted to go to Japan my entire adult life. For years, I’ve watched friends make the trek while I’ve been stuck at home with a severe case of FOMO. The only thing that ever stopped me from going was money (or a lack thereof), so I made the decision last summer to buckle down and sock away every dime I made to make it happen. My only concern before hopping on the plane was that I had missed the wave of FFXV popularity by about a year, but I would quickly learn that—other than not getting to eat any of Ignis’ recipes at the Square Enix Cafe—I had little to worry about.

Literally the only reason I brought my Play Arts Kai figure was so I could take this picture of Ignis at the Citadel (a.k.a. the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building), which was the very first place I stopped at on my first full day in Tokyo. The building + the surrounding plaza, while not 100% accurate, is a fairly impressive facsimile of the one in the game. It’s located in Shinjuku, which also boasts a lot of similarities to Insomnia. Having finished Episode Ardyn mere hours before jetting off on my trip, it felt like I had stepped off the plane and right into the game!

There just so happened to be an Animate right near the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, so I popped in to get a feel for what kind of FFXV merch I’d be able to find two years after the game’s release and a year after its height of popularity. Turns out, there was quite a lot of swag to be found! Truth be told, I’ve never been one to chase down official merchandise (unfortunately my job doesn’t really afford that luxury), but I gave myself special permission while on vacation to buy anything I wanted. So I did! Including everything you see above. ^^;;

The next thing I did was take the train to Ginza to meet Lyle/@landscape-gonna  (@landscape_gonna on Twitter), and I simply cannot say enough nice things about her. If you don’t know who she is, there’s a 99.9% chance you’ve seen at least one of her Ignis costumes, and they are A. M. A. Z. I. N. G. We had chatted a bit previously on Twitter before I went full-on stan mode, asking her if she'd be willing to meet up with me (a total stranger) to have lunch and talk Ignis and Final Fantasy. Not only did she say yes, but she gifted me with copies of her incredible cosplay zines and was not the least embarrassed when I busted out my Play Kai Arts figure in the middle of a busy Japanese dessert restaurant haha.

See? Zero embarrassment here.

We even did Noct’s ultimate pose! In public!

I can’t begin to articulate how special meeting Lyle was for me—being brought together from opposite sides of the world to share in our love for Ignis/FFXV is a memory I will cherish my entire life. So Lyle, if you are reading this: どうもありがとうございます ! ٩( ᐛ )( ᐖ )۶

Lyle wasn't the only friend I had in Japan. Another friend of mine, Asuka (who happens to be well-versed in anime/video game culture), volunteered to be my guide through Ikebukuro/Otome Road the next day. Quick otaku lesson: Kbooks is a chain of stores that specializes in the resale of licensed merchandise. For example, if you missed out on some of the limited availability items from the Movic and the Square Enix Cafe collaborations, you might be able to find them at a Kbooks. Otome Road in particular has something like seven different Kbook shops in a 3-block radius, each one specializing in different products (sports anime, idols, cosplay, etc). I, of course, beelined for the video game shop...

...which is where I found this fucking thing:

I’m not gonna lie, I almost bought it. I just didn’t know what I would do with it besides scare the living daylights out of people when they least expected it lol.

Yoooo Adam I found ya boi in Ikebukuro

We popped into the cosplay Kbooks shop since it was right across the street and I found an Ignis costume for sale! Please enjoy this picture of me pretending to come up with a new recipeh (since this is likely the closest I’ll ever come to cosplaying as Ignis).

One of the things Asuka introduced me to was Hanami (picnic under the cherry blossoms, basically). I had timed my trip to coincide with the blooming of the sakura, and the experience of being in Japan during that time was indescribable. I took a bajillion pictures of the sakura while I was there and unfortunately none of my photos ever quite captured the beauty and magic of them in person, but here’s a lil’ pic of a tree in bloom at Yoyogi Park (with the Movic Ignis charm I bought at Kbooks earlier that day).

Another item on my Japan checklist was to stay at a ryokan (traditional Japanese inn) in Hakone, a town famous for its onsen/hot springs. Nothing in Hakone is cheap (at least, not during peak sakura season), and I had spent an absurd amount of money on a night at one particular ryokan with a private bath (shy husband haha). The private bath could only be reserved in 30-minute increments, and by the time we finally rolled into Hakone the bath we wanted only had one slot available for the rest of the night. So what did I do?

If you said, “Waste the first 15 minutes of your 30-minute, super-expensive onsen experience taking the perfect Ignis-in-a-hot-springs photo” then you would be absolutely correct lol.

I actually wasn’t planning on taking a bunch of photos of my Ignis figure on this trip, but after my husband tucked Ignis into my futon while I was in the bathroom, documenting my trip vicariously through Ignis ended up taking on a life of its own. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I popped back over to Tokyo after my stay in Hakone, which is when I finally got to make the Great Nerd Pilgrimage™ to the Square Enix Cafe! Had the FFXV collab been going on while I was there, I might’ve forked over the cash to eat at the cafe, but I opted to skip out on lunch so I could spend more money in their shop. They still had a small collection of FFXV merch...

...including this acrylic Ignis stand that I wanted but thought I would never own after failing to find it at Kbooks earlier in the week. Huzzah!

Also, I just feel the need to let everyone know that this is what the outside of the Square Enix Cafe in Tokyo looks like lmao.

Our next stop was Kyoto, which we arrived in on Gladio’s birthday (April 2nd). Unfortunately I didn’t have time to draw anything for his b-day, but we did stop for a Nissin Cup Noodle in honor of Gladio!

One of the most memorable moments of my trip was when this boating incident happened, and it requires a little bit of backstory. On my first full day in Kyoto, I attempted to field two of the most popular tourist destinations in Kyoto: the bamboo forest in Arashiyama, and the Fushimi Inari Shrine. Both places have their beauty and historical significance, and I suspect during the off-season are inspiring sites to behold. In my case, both places were absolutely swarming with tourists, which really put a damper on my enjoyment of them. Defeated, I followed a local canal back toward my hotel, which is where I spotted a miniature boat enthusiast controlling a boat that looked eerily similar to the Royal Vessel. I pulled my Ignis figure out with the intention of simply taking a photo of the boat in the background; when the man saw me holding my figure and fumbling with my phone, he flagged me over and gestured for me to put Ignis in the boat. I wish I had documented how it all went down a little better, but as I was literally wheezing with laughter, the above was the best I could capture.

One of the more off-the-cuff decision I made was to dress in kimono for a day while in Gion (Kyoto). As the cherry blossoms were at their height during my stay there, you couldn’t sneeze without hitting someone who was dressed traditionally for the numerous festivals that were taking place throughout the city. As a white foreigner, I initially had reservations about wearing a kimono (for fear of cultural appropriation), but I did everything I could to be as respectful and reverent whilst wearing the garb (and the rental shop was certainly happy for the patronage). It was an amazing experience and I would definitely do it again!

Speaking of being respectful, I made it a point not to take pictures of Ignis while visiting any shrines (because nothing screams ‘douchey American’ quite like whipping out an action figure on sacred grounds), hence why I don’t have pictures of any of the major shrines we visited in this post. I did, however, spot this miniature shrine arch in an alleyway, and thought it would be okay for my equally miniature strategist to pay his respects.

Literally, a tiny shrine in an alleyway. I suppose even alleys have their deities!

Osaka is about 20 minutes away from Kyoto by train, and since I had already traveled all the way out to Kyoto, I went the extra few miles to stop by the Square Enix Cafe in Osaka. They actually had a smaller selection of FFXV merch than the one in Tokyo and I didn’t end up buying anything, but I would’ve never stopped wondering if I had missed out on something if I hadn’t gone and seen it for myself!

My last day in Kyoto was a week into my trip, and I still had five days left to go. After walking ~10 miles every day (no joke, I have the GPS screenshots to prove it!), I was really starting to feel the grind. I’m sure Ignis was also desperate for an Ebony after being lugged around in the bottom of my purse for a week lol.

Back on the Shinkansen (bullet train) to Tokyo!

Weeeeeee (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Said hi to Fuji-san!

Stopped for a delicious matcha parfait! (Shout-out to my husband who never once got annoyed with me whenever I busted out my figure in public spaces lol)

This was without a doubt the craziest and most unexpected find of any of my merch runs. I had gone to the video game Kbooks in Ikebukuro earlier in the week and had sifted through all their Ignis merch with a fine-toothed comb. This particular Movic charm was one I had been on the lookout for, but it was a rare pull even when they were readily available a year ago, and the only Ignis charm I came across in my first trip to Kbooks was the normal Ignis one (see my Hanami pic). I had no real reason to return to Ikebukuro after I got back from Kyoto, but on a whim I went one last time and BAM—this guy was hanging out there in his lil’ baggie, just waiting for me to get my grubby little hands on him. Jackpot!

All in all, I spent way too much money and I couldn’t be happier for it. The only thing I couldn’t find for the life of me was the Ignis cologne by Movic, but after searching through several Animates and Kbooks, I began to suspect it might be an online-exclusive item that wasn’t available in stores. (Which was probably a good thing for me cause I was already stretching my budget to the limit by this point haha.)

On my last night in Japan, I went back to the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building—only this time I went at night when it was all lit up! I also went up to the observation deck on the 45th floor (something I didn’t know you could do the first time I was there) and enjoyed a fantastic view of nighttime Insomnia Tokyo. It was the perfect bookend to a perfect trip, and my heart is absolutely overflowing right now with love for both Japan and Final Fantasy XV!

#final fantasy xv #ignis scientia #ffxv

[vgilantee]

Personal Ghosts || Dick Grayson x Reader (part 7)

Prev. || Next

Masterlist

Description: After solving the murder of her little sister at the age of 15, Y/N moved to Bludhaven to leave her Gotham life, and memories of the murder behind. Now a detective of the Bludhaven Police Department, with Dick Grayson as her partner, Y/N thinks that she has escaped her past. But when a toddler gets murdered, Y/N finds out that the murderer has returned and is after revenge on the young cop.

Words: 2.4k

A/N: yikes okay so it has been nearly a year since the last chapter, and I don’t really have any excuses outside of procrastination. Anyway thank you to those who have bared with me. I’ve also change from present tense to past tense, and the “reader” is now a detective. I also nearly replaced the name “James” with the real name of the person I’m based James’ personality off

“I forgot how pretty some of the places in this city are.” You pulled your jacket closer to you trying to fight against some of the wind blowing through Gotham Central Park, cup of cheap coffee held close.

“I’m sure Bludhaven is better.” James nudged you with his elbow and you let out a breathy laugh.

“I mean it’s cleaner but you know what they say,” you paused and throwing your arms out in a sarcastic dramatic fashion, “there’s no place like home.” James turned around, noticing you no longer by his side, and just laughed at you. And seeing him just laughing, carefree and happy, you joined in trying to capture some of his happy bliss. You let yourself laugh and for a brief moment, you forgot why you were home and everything else that was going bad in your life, and just laughed. You were so lost in the pure joy that you don’t notice James had moved closer until he pulled you into his arms and was laughing with you into your ear. 

“I’m glad you’re home. Even if it’s just for a little bit.”

“Alright, alright,” you shoved him off with your shoulder, “enough with the sappy shit, I wanna get one of Donny’s food truck burritos before he runs out of actual burritos.”

--

A day spent laughing, talking about new and old memories, and wandering around what is considered to be the beautiful parts of Gotham, all with the backdrop of cars and the occasional gunshot. As much as you fought against it in the beginning, you were glad that James had forced you out of the house. Working as a detective was stressful enough as it was, but with your father out, stress was at an overwhelming level that you didn’t know it had reached until you were sitting on the roof of James’ apartment building, eating fries and watching the sun set. It was in that moment when you realised that as the city was settling that the weight you had pretended not to carry finally hit you.

And that weight, and realisation, was what left you crying, sobbing really, into the evening air. 

“Hey.” Just as you finished the last couple of fries, James’ voice sounded from behind you. Hastily, you tried wiping the tear tracks off your face, hoping your eyes weren’t too red. Apparently, though, you weren’t quick enough and he saw the frantic wiping as he sat beside you. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” The scratch left in your throat from the crying was clear in your voice, and you realised that even without the red eyes, he would have known. “Okay, no. But hey, a good cry never hurt anyone.” As you spoke, you leaned into him, head on his shoulder. “‘M tired now though.” The sentence ended with a breathy laugh, exhausted and broken. 

“You wanna go inside then.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, head on top of your own. You shook your head in response, wanting to stay out in the cool air, the brief moments that Gotham had before nightlife crawled back out to play. 

“I like the brief moments of peace that Gotham has.” He hummed in response. “Before the gunshots begin again of course.” As if on queue, a distant echo of a gunshot, many blocks away, reached you. 

“It’s gonna get cold soon.” His voice was soft as he reminded you that Gotham temperature drops quickly.

“I wanna wait for the Bat-signal to light up, haven’t seen it in a while.” He hummed again, squeezing your shoulder. 

Once the cloudy sky had been lit up with the bat-signal for the night, James had offered his hand to help you up before you both made it back inside his apartment, splitting ways for the night, where he promised to leave you to tracking down old files on your father for the rest of the week. 

--

Another early morning and another pile of files. Phone pressed to your ear as you called Arkham after waiting hours for the line to open, seeing if you could pick up your father’s files from the time he was there. You were getting to the point where your anger was about to bubble over. 

“The files are classified.” Was the first thing the bored woman on the other side of the phone said. “You can’t just be given files on an escaped prisoner. It’s a GCPD issue now. Ask them.” You argued with her back and forth but she wasn’t having it. On top of the anger growing, the idea of breaking in and stealing the files was becoming rather appealing.

“Fuck it.” Was the last thing you muttered before hanging up on her. “Fucking useless.”

A mug of coffee was silently passed to you by James before he said goodbye, rushing out the apartment door. 

You sipped the coffee as you dialled the number for the GCPD, hoping that they could help and you wouldn’t have to resort to B&E.

“GCDP, how can I help?” A less-bored sounding male spoke.

“Hi, I’m Detective L/N with the Bludhaven PD, I’m working the Dale L/N case. He recently broke out of Arkham and murdered multiple toddlers and their families in Bludhaven?” You tried keeping your voice authoritative, but the previous call had tired you out and gotten on your nerves. “I was wondering if I could visit the station later today and pick up some files that could help with my investigation.”

“Of course. I’ll let the Captain know and put the files aside for you.” You very nearly fist-pumped into the air, glad that it went so smoothly and that maybe, just maybe, you would start actually getting somewhere in the investigation.

“Thank you so much. I’ll be there at around 10.”

“See you then, Detective.”

Throwing back the end of your coffee, you raced to have a shower and get ready. 

--

“Excuse me? I’m Detective L/N. I spoke to someone over the phone earlier today about possibly collecting some files on an open investigation.” You held your badge out to show the young-looking officer sat behind the tall counter.

“Oh yes,” he looked at your badge then up at your face quickly, “that was me. The captain has the files on her desk. Just one minute.” He turned away from you, pressing a number as he picked up the phone. “The Detective from Bludhaven PD is here to see you.” He glanced back at you. “Okay, I’ll send her in.” Placing the phone down, he handed you a visitor pass and pen before turning back to his computer. 

Walking through GCPD again was a strange feeling. The first time you had been there, you were with your mother and were filing the official police report about your sister’s death. The last time was when you were getting reprimanded and thanked for hunting down the evidence to get your father arrested. Between then had been countless visits with your mother, sometimes crying, sometimes not.

It had been years, and despite the fact that you were now in the police force yourself, you felt like a child again. And that was the strange feeling. It was the feeling that even though you had grown up, matured, gotten a career, in the GCPD you still felt like a child.

You only had to knock on the captain’s door twice before she called out for you to enter.

The woman sitting at the desk filled the room with an air of authority that you were used to from your own captain. Her dark hair was pulled tightly back with only a couple of grey strands visible. She gestured with a single finger to sit in one of the dark leather chairs sitting on the opposite side of the desk to herself, not looking up from her computer. You did as she instructed and waited, listening to the rapid clicking of her keyboard. You glanced around her office, out the window, at your phone. Anything to pass the time and keep your eyes off the stack of files and paperwork on her desk.

“So, Detective L/N,” her voice startled you and your eyes darted back from out the window to her stern face. “You are one of the leads on the L/N case in Bludhaven?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Silently, you hoped that she wouldn’t notice ask about you sharing the same surname. “My partner is still in Bludhaven, but I’m here to see if I can collect any information you have still on file about the case.”

“Of course.” A small smile crosser her face and you couldn’t tell if it was simply polite or if it was something else. “I just have a couple of questions.” That simple sentence told you that, no, the smile wasn’t just to be polite, it was to draw you into a sense of security.

“Anything, Ma’am.” You gave a tight smile back, knowing that she was about to ask, just as your captain did, if you were too personally involved in this case.

“Are you the same Y/N L/N that initially collected the evidence against Dale L/N for murdering his young daughter?” Despite the cold expression she kept, her tone sounded as if she was impressed.

“Yes, I am, Ma’am.” You were only given a nod in response. “Is that a problem?” Shuffling uncomfortably, you watched her sit back in her tall chair as she eyed you.

“No problem, Detective.” Although you tried not to, you eyed her slightly. “I spoke to your captain before you arrived. He doesn’t think you should be working this case, thinks it’s too personal.”

“I know, Ma’am. He told me that himself.” You knew it was bad to interrupt her, but you were still apparently ready to fight after this morning.

“I am aware, Detective. He told me.” Her eyes narrowed at you slightly, warning you. “However, I told him that you are an adult and capable of separating work from personal life. And that you had done this before when you were a child.” While making her mini-speech, she had lent back to rest her elbows on the desk.

“Thank you, Ma’am.” You were thankful that the GCPD captain had vouched for you with your own captain. 

“I was one of the detectives working that case, if you were wondering why I agreed to you taking these files and disagreeing with your captain’s want for you to be off the case.” You felt your eyes widen and your jaw drop slowly. All the captain did in response was let out a small chuckle. “Your evidence helped us close the case. And I would like you to be able to do it again. This time as a cop, not a child.”

“I- uh. Thank you, Captain.” Lifting a hand, she placed it on a 3-inch high pile of paper.

“This is all the files we could pull from the archive that we have here, and this,” she picked up a single piece of paper off the top of the pile, handing it to you “is the form you will need to take into Arkham to go through their archives and to take any files you need.” She then turned her chair slightly and picked up a plastic briefcase from behind her desk. You watched as she placed all the paperwork into the case. 

“Thank you, again, Captain.” You stood, shaking her hand as she passed over the case.

“Not a problem, Detective.” You walked towards the door, case in hand. “Good luck catching your father.” You stuttered to a halt, empty hand halfway to the door handle. You nodded before turning the handle, exiting the office. 

--

Before looking through the files or heading back to James’, you drove to Arkham. The drive led you through to the outskirts of Gotham, where the trees were dying and the buildings empty. All of Gotham was dangerous, but living within two blocks of the asylum was suicidal, signing your own death certificate.

But when you finally arrived, after five or six security checks, you made it to the front desk of Arkham.

“Excuse me?” The woman who had previously been facing away slowly turned in her chair to face you through the glass screen.

“Yes.” Even though her voice was no longer through a phone, the drawl was the same. Your fists flexed open and closed as you tried keeping the anger at this woman held down.

“I’m Detective L/N with the Bludhaven PD.” 

“Yeah, I remember you.” Her eyes rolled, which caused you to pull the folded page from your pocket and slam it onto the counter.

“Captain Carter from the GCPD gave me this form. She said that it gives me the legal permission to look through all your archives to find and take copies of  the files I need for an on-going investigation.” She didn’t bother to look at you as she took the paper off the counter, reading through it. 

“Please wait here.” Then she got up and left you standing. You stood, waiting for a few minutes, listening to the occasional crazed laughter or hazy screams that made it through the thick walls and long hallways of the asylum. This was one of the places in Gotham you had never visited. You never had reason to, and Arkham asylum was not a place visited for fun.

When she finally returned, a guard walked through the metal door to the right of the admin desk. 

“This way, please, Detective.” Not once were you asked for your badge, or to hand over your gun or your phone. The only real security was the many doors that needed unlocking from the guard. 

The hallways were laid out like a grid, and you were only taken through ones that skirted around the edges of the main building. When you finally stopped at a proper door and not a gate, you had been walking for over half an hour. The guard unlocked the door and opened it for you, handing you a walkie.

“Use this to let me know when you have found what you need. I will come to collect you and walk you out. There is a copier on the wall on the left, feel free to make copies of whatever you need. There is some new and blank USB’s in the top drawer below the computer beside the copier.” He then nodded and pulled the door shut, locking it. You turned and sighed, preparing you for the long search ahead.

--

Taglist: @writing-yj​ @theskytraveler​ @jaybeartodd​

Want to be added to the taglist?

#Dick Grayson #Dick Grayson x Reader #Dick Grayson Imagine #Dick Grayson x Reader Imagine #Nightwing #Nightwing x Reader #Nightwing Imagine #Nightwing x Reader Imagine #Trash Can Writes #Trash Can Fanfics #officer grayson #officer grayson x reader #officer grayson imagine #officer grayson x reader imagine #personal series

[midnightiscoming-kasabian]

'NEW INSPIRATION' Kasabian’s Serge Pizzorno on new hair and new start with his S.L.P. solo album

By Jacqui Swift | Photos: Neil Bedford

SERGE PIZZORNO didn’t want to make another Kasabian record without first searching for new inspiration.

After 15 years of hits, the creative leader of the Leicester band that formed in 1997 decided to do something different.

And so arrives The S.L.P., Pizzorno’s debut solo album under the guise of his initials S.L.P. (Sergio Lorenzo Pizzorno).

He says: “I just need to go and find some new treasures, go down the rabbit hole and see what I came back up with.

“The S.L.P. and Kasabian are two very different things. Two different sports that you would never combine.”

Pizzorno previously had no urge to make a record on his own and says its creation came as a surprise to him after “playing around in the studio”.

He says: “It was made for the right reasons and not to be commercial, just to see what could happen. There was definitely a childish reconnection of messing about and not having to consider playing it to 80,000 people.

“I’m not even using my name on the record and so probably in six months, people will go, ‘Did you make this record?’”

Kasabian fans needn’t worry that this solo project might mark the end of the band.

Pizzorno says: “I am in my band and I love my band. The best way to describe it is, it’s like another planet I can now visit whenever I want. It’s this planet that orbits and I can go there for a bit.”

‘NEW HAIR’

When Kasabian decided to take a break after touring 2017’s For Crying Out Loud, Pizzorno found himself in his studio with tracks and thought it was “very much now or never”.

He says: “When you get to six albums, you’ve got to keep it clever and make it interesting.

“Kasabian have had six albums — five No1 albums in a row. We’ve headlined Glastonbury, Leicester Stadium, The O2 and got really big in Europe, Eastern Europe and South America.

“Things rocketed after that last album and we needed time off. There is nothing better than being in a band but there are times, like when we are sat in airports, when it feels like hard work.”

I meet the 38-year-old at his publicist’s office in North London. He has just got the train down from Leicester. Tall and skinny, with new short hair and leopard spots dyed into the back, he says: “It’s new hair as I felt it was symbolic of a new start.”

Pizzorno has always enjoyed pushing the boundaries with Kasabian and no two albums have been the same.

He says: “This was a really quick record to make. I’ve always embraced just going with the beat or melody and seeing where it takes me.

“There’s an energy you create as a writer. With The S.L.P., I’ve been able to go even further. Some things aren’t right for Kasabian but work for this as it’s so different.” It was recorded and produced at his home studio, The Sergery, in Leicestershire. The S.L.P. shows off his love of film soundtracks, dance music and hip-hop.

Pizzorno says: “I’ve always liked film scores, the Balearic thing and really evil, dirty basslines and I’ve tried to channel those.

“I’d put a lot of my old synths and instruments into storage and worked on my little Casio keyboard, a couple of little drum machines and would just nick sounds from film and TV.

“There’s a lot of samples on the record but nothing specific, more like digital noises and sounds that I’ve collected over the years.

“If I didn’t have my hard drive, I don’t think I’d necessarily have an album — it was a good chance to dip into them. I like making collages and putting all the sounds together with the melodies I had in my head.”

Pizzorno reveals he had a comic-strip idea for the album, with a beginning, middle and an end starting with the tracks Meanwhile . . .  In Genova”; “Meanwhile . . .  At The Welcome Break”; and “Meanwhile . . .  In The Silent Nowhere.

‘BLEW MY MIND’

He says: “The whole album was very visual. I find imagery and write from it.

“Once I had these three pieces of music I could fill in the gaps. And it was good to start at my roots with the track Meanwhile . . .  In Genova.”

The story begins in Italy in Genova, where Serge’s grandad is from. The singer is a huge Ennio Morricone fan, this cinematic track is his homage to him.

Standouts on the album are joyous dance tracks Trance and recent single Nobody Else.

He says: “It’s dance music but there is also tenderness and little moments of simple messages.

“Trance is a lovely moment because it’s an anthem but way more French and sophisticated.

“Rave music was huge for me. Me and my pal used to spend hours dancing to it in his bedroom. And when we are playing festivals, I try to visit the dance tent to have a little dance as I miss that feeling. It’s mad.

“The Wu is a special track on the record too. I love that tune.

“It’s about going down hotel corridors listening for where the party is.

“I’ve spent a lot of times in hotels with the band listening to The Wu-Tang.”

The first single from The S.L.P. was Favourites, for which he teamed up with Little Simz, while Slowthai guests on Meanwhile . . .  At The Welcome Break.

He says: “I went to see Slowthai in Birmingham and he just blew my mind. He was phenomenal and the same with Simz. I had been in contact in the past with her and always loved her flow.

“I wanted the track to have a British voice on there. The album is very much where I see Britain and what I’ve observed here as myself over the years.

“Favourites came from listening in to a conversation with two young girls about online dating.

“I started thinking about the real you versus your online persona and how you are never going to live up to it.

“It’s thinking about where that is going to lead us and how we forget to live in the moment.

“The track Soldiers 00018 is about a cab driver talking about his hatred of things and how I had the feeling I need to fight back but with compassion, love and positivity.

“Meanwhile . . .  In The Silent Nowhere is about the need for communication and to start listening again. Whatever side you are on, you have to engage and try and figure it out and find some sort of middle ground.”

Pizzorno believes that in these troubled times, people feel disconnected — and the further away we are from each other, things will get worse.

He says: “I think it’s an artist’s job to bring people together to engage with each other.”

‘FRESH AND ENGAGED’

It is no surprise that Pizzorno’s project as The S.L.P. has been compared to Damon Albarn and Gorillaz, something the musician and producer sees as a huge compliment.

He says: “It’s a massive honour because I am a huge fan of his and especially Gorillaz. In the future I’d like to work with more artists, and not necessarily people you would expect.

“To have that opportunity and be in the studio with these different people inspiring new sounds is amazing.

“That is going to keep me fresh and engaged with new s**t.”

One person who continually inspires Pizzorno is The Mighty Boosh comic and Bake Off presenter Noel Fielding, who helped launch the S.L.P. at a special Q&A event in London.

Pizzorno says: “Noel is a real brother, and godfather to my kids.

“We met years back and kept in touch and spent a load of time together. I worked on two of his shows with him with the music and we’ve released music together that are loose tapestries.

“He is so talented and clever. I can’t keep up with his ideas.

“When I’m with him, it’s constant, mad laughter. My two boys watch him on Bake Off and he taught them how to paint.

“I’ve got this amazing photo of him with them when they were little, sat on his knee on a lawnmower wearing a pair of shorts and mad David Bowie boots.”

THE S.L.P. track list

Meanwhile... In Genova

Lockdown

((trance))

The Wu

Soldiers 00018

Meanwhile... At The Welcome Break (ft               Slowthai)

Nobody Else

Favourites (ft Little Simz)

Kvng Fv

The Youngest Gary

Meanwhile... In The  Silent Nowhere

Next month, Pizzorno goes out on the road to tour The S.L.P. with a number of select gigs across the UK and Europe.

He says: “I can’t wait. It’s going to be the album in its entirety with extended mixes and the aim is euphoria. I went to see David Byrne play and his show really inspired me.”

And how have Pizzorno’s Kasabian bandmates reacted to this solo work?

He says: “I have to say they’ve been incredible. Tom says he loves it. There’s not been any weirdness at all.

“I love being in my band and making my own record has inspired me for more Kasabian and I’ve been working on music for the band already.

“They know I wasn’t sure The S.L.P. was even going to happen and they realise it makes sense for me to do something.

“As a band, we’ve had everything thrown at us. Like any relationship, we’ve had massive highs and lows but we are happy together. Stepping away from Kasabian makes me appreciate the enormity of it and the power of our live show.

“The S.L.P. is a new start for me, which means a new chapter for Kasabian too.

“Kasabian is all about connection and when we return we will connect with as many people as possible.

“I will just have another outlet for extra music I fancy making.”

The S.L.P. is out on August 30.

www.thesun.co.uk

#kasabian #sergio pizzorno #the s.l.p. #interviews #interviews 2019

[camillemontespan]

the abc of love [drake and camille]

For those who wish to know more about Dramille (yes that’s their couple name which I’ve just made up on the spot, come at me!)

@cora-nova thanks for creating these amazing questions, I enjoyed filling them out!

TAG LIST IN CASE YOU WANT TO READ AND MAYBE DO YOURSELVES FOR YOUR OTPS:

@sirbeepsalot @pug-bitch @jovialyouthmusic @katedrakeohd @drakesensworld @notoriouscs @moonlightgem7 @ifyouseekheart

1. A - ANNIVERSARIES

They always celebrate their relationship anniversary. They do the same thing each year - sit in front of the fire out on the terrace and make smores. It’s simple but it’s cute and it suits them perfectly.

2. B - BELIEFS

Camille likes to think there is something after death. Drake is the opposite- he doesn’t believe in God and he thinks that once you’re dead, you’re dead. 

Camille says she doesn’t believe in star signs but she will still sneak a peak in the horoscope section of magazines, you know, just in case. 

3. C - COLLECTABLES

Drake has kept the receipt of their first dinner date together. He also has an album on his phone which are just photos he has taken of Camille. He looks at it whenever he misses her or just wants to feel warm and fuzzy.

Camille got into scrapbooking, thanks to Maxwell. She keeps photos, receipts, restaurant napkins, theatre tickets... everything they have done, she will keep a memento of. 

4. D - DRINKS & FOOD

Drake does most of the cooking, which is surprising to some people - they only see him when he is mocking the tiny finger food at court. When he cooks, he prepares hearty meals that are meant to be feasted on. 

Camille likes white wine. She also loves Espresso Martinis, which are perfect for a night out because it gets you drunk and keeps you awake at the same time. Drake thinks cocktails are unnecessary but if Camille asks him to join in, he will. He will always choose a Manhattan (unless he is at brunch and has a mimosa. More on that later).

They both love going to this seafood restaurant that is right by the harbour in Cordonia’s Old Town. The fish is caught that day and they will both sit outside, looking out at the harbour, eating grilled fish and drinking white wine (Drake will actually drink white wine if he is having fish, and red wine if he is having steak). 

Camille’s comfort food is mac n cheese as it reminds her of home.

5. E - EXERCISE

Camille enjoys barre class, Pilates and spinning. Drake prefers just sweating it out in the gym, but if it’s a sunny day, he will hike up the mountains. He feels free when he is high up, away from civilisation. 

They both watch NFL. Camille supports the Giants, Drake obviously supports the Texans. They host Superbowl at their house every year, which is always fun as they get really into it, with bets and hotdogs and whiskey. Hana and Maxwell don’t understand the rules, Liam is too busy checking his work emails and Olivia gets bored but they enjoy the entertainment. 

6. F - FIRST

Their first dance was at a ball in court and both wanted the other but couldn’t do anything about it. For Drake, that first dance was torture as he held her close, wishing he could kiss her.

Their first kiss was over a bottle of whiskey. Drake remembers Camille tasting of whiskey and watermelon lip balm. 

Their first time together was, again, after drinking whiskey. Drake had taken her back to her room to sleep off the whiskey but before she could go, he couldn’t help himself and kissed her. One thing led to another..

7. G - GOLD

They both don’t care for wealth or material possessions. Camille was working class and got her first job aged 14 to help her grandmother with the rent, food shopping, bills. She views money as a way to survive; not to flash the cash and spend on designer items or cars. 

Drake’s most prized possession is his grandmother’s engagement ring, which he proposed to Camille with. To him, it is priceless.

8. H - HOME

Camille’s parents died when she was five from a drug overdose. Camille was adopted by her grandmother, Gisele. They lived in a small house in the outskirts of New York. Camille is part French on her grandmother’s side - they are descendants of Madame de Montespan, mistress of Louis XIV. Gisele always talked about it - Camille doesn’t as she thinks nobody would believe her, plus she doesn’t like to brag.

Drake visited the ranch in Texas every summer and it’s a place where he feels happiest. 

9. I - ISSUES

Camille isn’t keen on Kiara (Kinky Kiara). They sometimes argue when Drake starts thinking that he doesn’t deserve this life, which Camille always takes  great pains to tell him he does.

10. J - JOLLY JOKER

Drake loves humour when comedians say the very thing they shouldn’t. Anything that’s controversial, Drake likes. 

Camille is incredibly ticklish and Drake knows it. Drake takes advantage of this all the time. 

11. K - KIDS

Camille loves babies and gets broody easily. Since she lost her parents so young, she has always wanted babies and a home to create. 

When they had Lily, Drake was over protective from the start. He would watch over her while she slept, scared she would stop breathing. 

Camille is very hands on and loves Lily with every fibre of her being. This child will never feel lonely or lost.

12. L - LOOK

Camille will wear Prada, Gucci and Chanel when she is on Duchess duty. When she is off duty, she likes to wear Anthropologie and The Kooples. She takes skincare seriously, and has the wrinkle free skin to prove it, and her favourite perfume is Gabrielle by Chanel - her mother was called Gabrielle, so the perfume holds a special meaning to her. 

Drake relies on the old faithful - denim shirt and jeans. But, when he suits up for court events, he really suits up. Armani suits. His favourite perfume is Bleu de Chanel, which smells woody and masculine.

13. M - MEDIA

Drake doesn’t like social media as he doesn’t see the point in it. Who cares what you ate for dinner? Why are people taking photos of their dinners? 

They both have Netflix. Drake likes Stranger Things (he fancies Nancy). Camille loves Queer Eye (can you believe?!)

14. N - NETWORK

Their core group consists of Liam, Maxwell, Hana and Olivia. They don’t like Madeleine but will tolerate her if she is around. Camille is the people person of the relationship; she sparkles and knows all the right anecdotes. Bertrand taught her well. 

15. O - OBLIGATIONS

Camille focuses more on Duchess duties. She hosts an open house every Thursday from 1-4, a tradition that was abandoned more than 200 years ago but which she has brought back. It means the citizens of Valtoria can visit the estate and speak to her in person regarding any issues they have.  Drake deals with things around the estate such as land conservation. 

16. P - PAMPERING

Camille goes to the spa with Hana and Olivia once a month. Drake likes the plunge pool.

Drake makes Camille breakfast in bed every Sunday. It is their couple time. They will sip coffee, eat waffles with nutella and bananas and read their papers. Sometimes, if he is feeling fun, he will make them mimosas (Hana introduced him to mimosas and he was ashamed to really like it).

17. Q - QUESTIONS

They are both private about their personal life as they don’t court attention. They share everything - Camille had to teach Drake to trust her with his secrets. It was another wall which she broke down.

18. R - ROUTINE

They both get up at 8am to have breakfast on their balcony. Camille attends meetings and Drake talks to landowners. They both have a meeting together for one hour in which they discuss their duties, progress etc but after that, they talk about normal things. They have dinner together every evening and they don’t talk about work.

19. S - SENSUALITY

They both love sex. They are both passionate and like to focus on the other. Drake is very generous and gives all of himself to her. They aren’t crazy in the bedroom but they have handcuffs and have used hot wax before. The balcony is one of their favourite places to have sex. Camille likes to be dominated over; any time he picks her up against a wall, she loves it. 

20. T - TOGETHER

They are such a cosy couple. They are always touching; whether its kissing or holding hands, they find a way to touch. Olivia says they are sickening.

21. U - UPS & DOWNS

For Drake, he only needs Camille and their daughter to be happy. 

He likes the simple things. He loves whiskey, the outdoors, the smell of wood burning in a fire. Texas. Endless summers in Texas. He loves the scent of Camille’s hair - coconut- and her watermelon lipbalm when she kisses him. 

Camille loves Drake and Lily. She adores their dog, Maxwell, named after their friend of course, and she loves New York. 

Camille is the eternal optimist while Drake can be very pessimistic. 

22. V - VACATION

They enjoy hiking up the mountains and city breaks. Rome was a particular favourite of theirs as they wandered round the city unnoticed, getting drunk on wine and overeating on pizza and pasta.

23. W - WEDDING

They married at the Walker ranch at sunset. Camille had planned most of it and had kept the location secret from Drake until she was forced to tell him (basically when the invitations were ready to be posted).  He got quite emotional and had to have a moment alone. So much joy.

They spent their wedding night by the lake at the ranch. It was really warm outside and they hadn’t wanted to be cooped up indoors. Drake found pillows and blankets and they consummated their marriage by the lake. 

24. X - EXs

Drake has slept around but has no ex-girlfriends. He didn’t think any girl deserved to be ‘saddled’ with him so he made sure he was distant and aloof. It didn’t work; the ladies loved it, wanting the chance to ‘help him’. He didn’t like many of the girls at court anyway as they were too spoiled or giggly or annoying. 

Camille had a boyfriend when she was 7 years old called Patrick which lasted one day. When she was 16, she had a boyfriend called James who she was with for two years. 

25. Y - YELLING

Camille gets emotional. Drake is rational. This swaps around when Drake is drunk; if they fight when they’ve been drinking, he shouts. Camille will treat him like a child, which only annoys him more. 

They fight when Drake relies too much on whiskey to cloud his negative thoughts. 

Camille is fantastic at the silent treatment. 

26. Z - ZOOM

They were made for each other. Drake can now die a happy man having been with her and Camille finally feels safe and loved and wanted. They are best friends wrapped up as lovers.

#coranovawrites #the abc of love #drake walker x mc #cora-nova

[hypeathon]

A Belated, Nuanced Response to the Rooster Teeth Animation Glassdoor Controversy

2019 has been an especially problematic year to be a fan of animated content from Rooster Teeth.

By now, any of you reading this might already know what happened. But for those that don’t know the gist of it, since late March of 2019, Rooster Teeth consecutively received rather scathing reviews from anonymous employees via the job recruitment website, Glassdoor.

As of the time of this post, there have been 15 negative reviews listed that can mostly be seen with a Glassdoor account. Although they did gain a bit of attention from certain people that attempted to exploit this to any Rooster Teeth Animation fans at one point or another, it was not until RWBY Conversations on Tumblr made a blog post on June 15th with a compilation of screenshots of each review and addressed the matter quite aggressively. That same day, the post made its way to all the major social media platforms and emotions spiked incredibly high.

There have been numerous opinion pieces in the form of tweets, blogs, reddit posts and videos, the last of which has been made by people who otherwise don’t know anything about Rooster Teeth. Lots of other people have been outspoken about the matter, but what do I think of it? First off, as a clarification, I was... somewhat aware of this reputation Rooster Teeth had recently been receiving a couple of weeks prior to when things blew up. I say “somewhat” because I stumbled into this from someone (who shall remain nameless) who has been quite known for being committed to paiting anything related to RT Animation in a negative light. I took the matter with a grain of salt not because I thought the reviews I saw were false (more on that later) but rather because not having an actual Glassdoor account, I only saw a small fraction of the reviews made available so I admittedly underestimated the magnitude of the situation.

With that out of the way, to sum up my thoughts on the controversy, it’s definitely concerning. Coming from someone that has spent a good year highlighting and analyzing the skills of individual animators from RWBY and the show’s production into volume 6, the scale of the backlash from former and current RT Animation employees has been a bitter pill to swallow. It’s alarming knowing that things have gotten bad enough to warrant the responses seen on Rooster Teeth’s Glassdoor page as both a stern advisory to higher management and a warning to anyone who has considered working there. However, as alarming as this all has been, what I’m not going to do at this point and what I’ve been mostly careful about avoiding is emitting a knee-jerk, heightened emotional reaction.

As stated in the beginning of this post, 2019 has been pretty rough for fans of RT Animation. This is far from the first controversy of the year to come by and invoke extreme and conflicting feelings regarding this one company name and what tends to follow are very loud, irrational and even some bad faith discussions. It doesn’t matter if it’s about the company’s animation department or about blacklisting a voice actor or what an employee advises about watching something you don’t like, the responses have been consistently reactive with extreme opinions and with little thought for nuanced or educated conversations. This matter with RT Animation has been no exception in that regard, though to be fair, it’s not without good reason. I may have my interests towards RT Animation and content both in front of and behind the scenes, but I do also value seeking information and learning. And going forward, the latter is very relevant in order to get as much of a full picture of this controversy.

Now, having said that, this is something to be genuinely concerned about and is thus a rather difficult and touchy subject to talk about. I want to make it clear that everything I’m about to say from here-on is not meant to discredit what former and current employees have said nor is it to sugarcoat Rooster Teeth’s tendencies. I may ultimately be giving Rooster Teeth some benefit of the doubt, but I’m not going to obscure the things they have done that have led to things being the way they are. At the same time, I’m not going to viciously crucify them over this either. I won’t judge or blame anyone that has or will continue to resort to harsh measures to call out Rooster Teeth on their practices regarding crunch and production management. I’m just choosing personally to throw my two cents in a less harsh manner since what I plan to cover in this blog post will require avoiding that. The goal is to share and dissect some things using whatever information I can collect and contextualize which would hopefully provide a better understanding about how things got to the way they have and what Rooster Teeth is supposedly attempting to do about it.

Getting to the Bottom of The Situation

There’s a lot to unpack so let’s first start by breaking down the reviews themselves. As mentioned earlier, between the months of March and June of 2019, there have been at least 15 critical reviews from a combination of current and former employees regarding their experiences at Rooster Teeth animation. They each may vary a bit in tone and wording, but just about all of them share the same set of complaints that can be summed up as follows:

More often than not unpaid overtime work hours

Poor planning of scheduling and budgeting from managers in higher-up positions

General pay that’s too low to compensate for the unpaid overtime

Unfulfilled promises to contract employees of being given full-time employment after their time was up

Inexperienced directors/producers/managers

  This is the bulk of the criticisms and to breakdown the pattern of reviews further:

5 of them were from former employees while 10 of them were from current ones.

4 of them were from animators (2 specified 3-D animators), 2 were from compositors and the rest did not specify.

2 claimed to have worked at RT Animation for less than a year, 7 claimed to have worked for over 1 year, 2 claimed to have worked for over 3 years, 1 claimed to have worked for over 5 years and the rest did not specify.

Now some fans who have spoken about the reviews questioned the legitimacy of them. This is an understandable reaction but given the broken down information between the set of reviews, there’s evidence to suggest that they are very true. Most of who claim that they are true would immediately point to a handful of tweets from the creator of the 2-D animated series, Nomad of Nowhere, Georden Whitman who left RT Animation in 2018. His claims have much validity to them, but he’s not the only former employee who has brought up the matter directly or indirectly. Without getting too specific or naming names, one person who had been credited on RWBY & Red vs Blue from 2016-2018 indicated that the management and scheduling of productions was the reason said-person left. Another instance was one whose position was in the post-production stage of a few projects who had left RT Animation in early March of this year after having been credited in a few projects since latter 2017. This actually matches the description of one of the former employees who left a review in late March, who had been working at RT Animation for over a year. Even the description of one of the current employees who claimed to have been working for over 5 years is especially specific, as that would’ve been at least since at least 2014. Back then, the staff count on productions like RWBY volume 2 and Red vs Blue season 12 was much smaller and Rooster Teeth’s animation department was not officially founded until later that same year. 

So it’s not really a matter of whether the reviews themselves have any truth to them or not. Instead, a better question to ask and focus on is why did this happen? How did things get so problematic that it led to harsh responses one after another on just one job recruitment site alone? One thing I’ve seen fans and critics of RWBY suggest after this controversy broke out was to have volume 7 be delayed, with some going as far as launching a signature campaign to plead Rooster Teeth to delay the volume as if volume 6′s production was the main culprit behind the backlash. Putting aside the very questionable success rate of online signatures, while delaying the next installment of one of their shows is not ultimately a bad idea, it’s overlooking a couple of important details. The big one is the timing of these reviews which again, have been consecutively posted on Rooster Teeth’s Glassdoor page since late March of 2019. On the 9th of that same month, the season finale of Gen:Lock premiered which actually was the same date as when the former employee who worked in post-production left the company. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that Gen:Lock’s production was what ultimately led to the backlash when you take into account director and writer of the show, Gray Haddock, posted a journal entry on June 2018 where he elaborated on the arrangement of staff between that show and RWBY volume 6′s production.

“Some of you have had questions about how production of gL impacts RWBY or vice-versa, and the answer is that these are largely parallel productions with separate crews.”

Earlier in January of 2018 on the season 1 finale episode of RWBY Rewind, Gray confirmed that Gen:Lock was “in the throws of pre-production”, where Gray was finishing a couple of the scripts left characters and mechs were being designed. A month prior, Gray posted a journal entry, stating that storyboards started on the first week of December. Though when he said the characters and mechs were being “designed”, it’s unclear whether that meant they were already designed and were in the midst of being modeled or not. But given how Gray also said animation would start “pretty soon” at the time, it might’ve been the latter, maybe?

It was never made clear when the animation phase started for Gen:Lock between the months of January and June of 2018. Regardless, the fact that both productions were for several months happening at the same time was what bit Gray in the butt. Now on the one hand, he’s not entirely wrong about the crews between productions being separate. As far as higher positions like directors, supervisors, leads, and assistant leads were concerned, certain teams like animation, lighting, and modeling between Gen:Lock and RWBY volume 6 did have separate names leading the helms. However, as the old saying goes, the devil is in the details and upon closer inspection, not all teams for both shows’ respective productions had separate leads such as camera layout, crowds & tech. Not only that, but the lower positions of each team had a lot of names overlap. And these credits were just from the first episodes of RWBY volume 6 and Gen:Lock. This is not counting how certain names like Paula Decanini who was co-lead animator throughout RWBY volume 6 wound up being co-lead animator for Gen:Lock by episode 7. Also, something to keep in mind is that a one or two reviews mentioned how some employees were under contract for roughly 90 days, equating to 3 months. It’s possible that Gen:Lock needed the extra hands by earlier January as maybe a sign that maybe deadlines during the production were not being met accordingly.

Now none of this is to say that RWBY had no potential issues of it’s own. One review from a 3-D animator mentioned about doing a “10-14 minute episode in 2 weeks” (whether that’s through the entire production or during later episodes is unclear) as an example of higher management having insanely high expectations, which likely referred to RWBY. It doesn’t help that for volume 6, the Lost Fable episode marked both the longest and one of the most difficult episodes to make, so it is not exempt from this. However, Gen:Lock’s episodes were longer, spanning between 20-30 minutes on average which meant that on the day of an episode’s premiere, every stage and aspect of that half-hour long episode had to be finished with each episode premiering back-to-back without a break. While RWBY’s episodes can vary more wildly in length, they are on average under 20 minutes. Also, not every episode of RWBY has a fight sequence whereas every episode of Gen:Lock had at least one either in the form of actual battles or sparring matches between mechs, humans or aircraft. That’s noteworthy due to how, at least in RWBY, a fight sequence can span between 4-6 weeks while a dialogue sequence can take roughly 2 weeks to do. Assuming a similar time frame applies to the same kinds of sequences in Gen:Lock, that, combined with each episode’s run time and the amount of animators, compositors, lighting artists, modelers, layout artists and crowd artists having to go back and forth between RWBY volume 6 & Gen:Lock, especially when the latter premiered right when the former finished, that would have likely led to the absurd crunch periods we’ve been hearing about.

Speaking of crowd artists, that’s another matter to consider. RWBY and Gen:Lock may both be 3-D animated projects, but the latter is arguably more demanding of its presentation due to its story’s hard sci-fi setting. This can apply to the show having a set of assigned User Interface or “UI” compositors for the many holographic images and text displayed throughout the show, which is unique to Gen:Lock, as well as models of background characters and their animations. In an interview from the website Inverse on October 9th, 2018, Miles Luna, the voice of Migas in Gen:Lock and co-writer of RWBY said the following:

“It’s one thing to make a fantasy world because you can’t compare it to real life,” says Miles Luna. “But a cartoon version of something that exists? All eyes are going to be on what’s correct. One of those things is crowds.” Without getting deep into the specifics, Luna says Rooster Teeth has made leaps in efficiently creating crowd scenes, not to mention making them look alive. “We did a whole bunch of R&D on crowd research for gen:LOCK that we’re now able to use retroactively for RWBY Volume 6,” he explains.

It was never specified ever since what supposed leaps were made in creating crowd scenes, but there is a clue. Back in RTX Austin of 2018 in August, it was confirmed from both the compositing and tech panels that RWBY volume 6 would be utilizing a new software for Crowd simulations called Houdini from Side FX. This is different from how for volume 5, the Autodesk Maya plug-in, Golaem was used and before that, crowds were done more manually. This is backed by lead crowds artist, Jacob Hilton on episode 1 of CRWBY: Behind the Episode season 2. It’s a likelihood that Houdini was similarly used for Gen:Lock and this is not the first time a software was used for one production before being used for another one. Though given the scale of background characters for crowds that have to sit, talk, walk, run and whatever other kinds of gestures in various shots, it may have possibly served as a challenge to handle, even with a more efficient software. It doesn’t help either that a majority of the main cast are seen wearing 2-3 different outfits which require extra models to be built and rigged.

I want to stress that all of backlash is not due to Gen:Lock exclusively, as much of this applies to other animated shows like RWBY. But it does seem to be the straw that broke the camel’s back for some and it’s production and scheduling might’ve been part of a broader problem. In 2018, there was a certain strategy to scheduling various Rooster Teeth animated shows, be it 2-D or 3-D ones. Let’s look at the following:

RWBY Vol 5 - October 14, 2017 - January 20, 2018

RWBY Chibi 3 - January 27, 2018 - March 17, 2018

Nomad of Nowhere - March 16, 2018 - April 20, 2018

Red vs Blue S16 - April 15, 2018 - July 23, 2018

Camp Camp S3 - May 25, 2018 - August 10, 2018

RWBY Chibi S3 (Cont’d) - June 30, 2018 - August 17, 2018

Nomad of Nowhere (Cont’d) - August 17, 2018 - September 20, 2018

RWBY Vol 6 - October 27, 2018 - January 29, 2019

Gen:Lock - January 29, 2019 - March 9, 2019

Red vs Blue S17 - March 9, 2019 - May 25, 2019

Camp Camp S4 - June 1, 2019 - September 28, 2019 (Presumably)

Although there are a few small gaps and a one or two overlaps, a season/volume of each show have come and gone right after one another. And that was just from 2018 to 2019 as of the time of this post. Scheduling content like this was not always case for Rooster Teeth, even back when the Animation department was founded. I imagine that this schedule is parallel to the gradual changes in how their first membership has been arranged which is due to the success of their animated content. Once upon a time, before Rooster Teeth Animation existed, it use to be that RWBY and Red vs Blue would be available for paid subscribers a mere hour before it was made available for everyone else on the website.

It’s clear that Rooster Teeth does consider their animated content very valuable, but the scale of the projects and the rate they end up being made are at the expense of the middle-men going through unpaid overtime. There are cases where with say, RWBY, measures are taken to increase the quantity of staff so that almost everyone is not required to wear more than one hat, have the pipeline for different software and plug-ins set-up at the start of a production and making sure every team has their own coordinator and manager. But it’s clear that despite these measures taken, they have not been large enough to fully compensate for the increased scale of the productions and the rate these productions need to get made. These circumstances are unfortunately not exclusive to Rooster Teeth either, as this has been a prevalent problem in the Japanese animation industry. On rare, more extreme occasions, you hear of staff members of animation studios either committing suicide or dying from overwork (otherwise known as “Karoshii”), whereas reports of how animation studios are suffering tight schedules to get shows like Black Clover, Dragon Ball Super, Märchen Mädchen, Dynamic Chord, God Eater the Animation and Attack on Titan out week-to-week with either poor, mixed or efficient-looking results through the presentation are more commonly made. Though similar to this Glassdoor situation, there are people in the anime industry, such as production assistants, who have anonymously spoken out about the harsh, troubling working conditions. Part of these situations may be due to Japan’s culture being taken to an extreme, but the systemic woes plaguing the anime industry can always be seen as cautionary tales of what a company like Rooster Teeth should avoid doing.

Looking Ahead towards Rooster Teeth’s Future

A lot has been touched on regarding the Rooster Teeth’s poor management within their animation department and there’s more I could touch on. There might even be certain woes behind-the-scenes that I’m unaware of. However my goal is not to perpetually dwell on the downsides. The question to ask from here-on is what can be done about this or rather what is being done about it? To stress, it’s not just about what should be done. Yes, Rooster Teeth should improve their management and recruit people who know how to handle deadlines better. Yes, Rooster Teeth should avoid overtime crunch periods from happening in their animated productions as much as possible. Yes, staff of various positions should be payed better. There’s a lot of discussions about what they should do and I do not disagree with any of those advisories. But there’s not a whole lot of what they can do or even what they are supposedly doing about the situation right now.

There have been certain suggestions on what Rooster Teeth can do. Delaying RWBY volume 7 is one thing, but balancing out the scheduling between all of their live-action and their animated content more would help, assuming they haven’t already done so. Unionizing would also be a significant improvement and is something I’ve seen a former employee desire. Another animation studio in Austin, Texas, Powerhouse who is most known for making the Netflix Castlevania series, is one of many studios signed to collective bargaining agreements with The Animation Guild. These are some valid steps they could take, though for now, let’s examine what is actually being about all of this, starting with looking at Rooster Teeth CEO, Matt Hullum’s Journal Entry post who responded about the matter on June 17th. More specifically, certain segments of his entry are worth examining:

  “Over the last several months we conducted a review and have taken several steps to improve communication and workflow to ensure we have a studio where people are happy to come to work every day. We are announcing today new measures on the road to improvement.

Effective today, we are moving forward with a previously planned change in our producing and creative structure. Gray G. Haddock is stepping down as head of studio for animation to dedicate himself to a strictly creative role. With Gray’s help, we have been in the process of hiring a new production head of the department, who will be responsible for the overall producer hierarchy and staff management. We want to thank Gray for his hard work and dedication to growing the animation studio over these years, and are excited to continue working with him in this new capacity.

Further, we are consulting with experienced leaders in the animation industry on our workflow, pipeline, production structure and other areas to enhance the workplace experience for our staff. Margaret M. Dean, the head of Ellation animation studios and president of Women In Animation, will consult with us and aid the search for a new studio lead.”

There are a few important things to dissect about Matt’s response. First of all, the fact that this is something higher-ups at the company have spent several months doing can be interpreted in two ways. On the one hand, it can be seen as wondering why is it that only in that span of time have more drastic steps been taken to do something about this as oppose to a year or so before that, which is a very fair counterargument. On the other hand, taking several months to do this which could’ve been around the time the series of Glassdoor reviews since March were posted, if not before that is at least a sign that they have been conscious about these issues to want to do something about it and spend the time tending to the matter.

If the journal entry ended there, then it would naturally be seen as vague, damage control, press release speak that would satisfy no one. But there is of course more to examine, such as Gray Haddock stepping down from his position as Head of the animation department. When Gray became the head of RT Animation as the department was founded in September of 2014, that was at a time when the staff count was a lot smaller than what it is now. Whatever the reasons why, Gray stepped up for the position when the department was just starting. The problem is that as far as his career up until that point, his prior credentials were generally in voice work and theater, specifically anime dubbing. He had a creative background, but not so much a management one. That’s not to say his time spent on voice acting did not lend itself to management at all, though. In an interview with Inverse on August 7th, 2018, Gray mentioned as a means of being flexible, until the rest of the cast for Gen:Lock got around to recording lines for their respective characters, Gray “voiced the entire first batch of episodes by himself”: 

“We had to hit milestones. We had to begin animating,” he said. “I read all the parts with the cadence and intonations I was hoping to direct the performances into, and roll with the changes as needed. The poor crew had to put up with three or four months show of me performing every part on the show.”

This is elaborated more in his interview with Anime News Network on October 26th, 2018 where he mentioned that despite getting A-List actors on board, getting the cast to do recordings in the midst of their busy schedules forced the production staff to be flexible. Whether or not this included the character Kazu Iida, who was voiced by Koichi Yamadera at Warner Bros anime in Japan and thus constantly speaks Japanese (Gray supposedly knows some Japanese), that was a hell of a task to do either way. This is not the first time he did this either. During production of volume 3 of RWBY, when Meg Turney, the voice of Neon Katt, was not available to record lines for the character, Gray had voiced all of her lines for chapter 5 so that the animators could get around to handling the character. So he has at least been pretty conscious about making sure the ball in a given production like Gen:Lock kept rolling through whatever he could do. But it’s clear that as Rooster Teeth Animation is growing up, not just through the tone of their content but through the need for a more efficient and healthy working environment, Gray Haddock was only capable of so much.

This leads us to the final point of the journal entry, the matter of consulting with experienced leaders in the animation industry. As far as animation studios go, RT Animation is still a fledgling that since its founded has arguably grown too big, too quickly. and at least some of the management staff do not have many years of experience under their belt. So to consult names like Margaret M. Dean, the head of Ellation Animation and President of Women in Animation is an especially big deal.

Though before talking further about her, a quick clarification should be made as to what Ellation and Women in Animation are. Ellation is a division of Otter Media which is under Warner Media Entertainment. Ellation studios is Ellation’s animation department with two sites located in Burbank, California and Tokyo, Japan. Women in Animation is a non-profit organization that Margaret has remained co-president of since 2013. With that out of the way, what is Margaret Dean’s relevance in all of this? This is sadly the part of the journal entry that’s most neglected even though it’s the most important. To make matters worse, the few people who have referred to Margaret when talking about the journal entry associate her name exclusively with the Crunchyroll original animated project, High Guardian Spice announced last August. This is one of those times where it could not be any more essential for one to separate his/her opinion of a work (or in this case, a teaser trailer for an upcoming work) from the names involved with the project and their credentials. With Margaret M. Dean, what people should look into is her IMDB profile page which gives an extensive list of her career in the American animation industry.

This is someone with over 27 years worth of experience in Animation and almost all of her credentials have to do with production management, coordination and supervision on a variety of shows. That’s nearly 5 times the amount of time Gray has been credited as supervising producer in a majority of the animated shows he has been involved in so far. To further put this in perspective, here’s a list of some of the animated productions she worked on:

Production manager/assistant for episodes of The Ren & Stimpy Show (1992-1993)

Production supervisor for every episode of Teen Titans and the Trouble in Tokyo movie (2003-2006)

Production manager for season 1 of Men in Black TV Series (1997-1998)

Production supervisor for many episodes of Ozzy & Drix (2002-2004)

Production supervisor for seasons 1 & 2 of Xiaolin Showdownn (2003-2004)

Line producer of most episodes of What’s New Scooby Doo (2002-2006)

Supervising producer of Supermansion (2016-2019)

Supervising Producer for 30 episodes of Robot Chicken (2015-2018)

Supervising Producer of Hot Streets (2016-2018)

That is not a resume to sniff at and the fact she’s one of the experienced leaders in the animation industry Matt and Gray have been consulting is a testament to how seriously they are about resolving this problem going forward. Or maybe this is all a way for them to save face. Who knows? I’m a just fan making educated guesses, not a psychic.

What Can Fans Do About This?

This situation has of course led to varied emotions suddenly erupting when the Glassdoor reviews went viral. Some have been weary about this while others have capitalized on the matter to stir up further controversy for the sake of views. But some (including me) have wondered if there is anything the fans can do. Some have declared that they would cancel their First member subscriptions to teach Rooster Teeth a lesson. I’m not going to tell people how to go about spending their money (and no, what I spoke of in my Monty Oum Vision, part 1 video was not meant to say otherwise) but I’m not sure how much good rioting by not paying anything will do beyond getting the company’s direct attention. At best, it may put the higher-ups on even higher alert but the whole point of the reviews is to address the need for current and would-be employees to have better working conditions and better pay.

We’re talking about certain animators that due to various circumstances, one of which being financial, that at least some employees are stuck with working at Rooster Teeth. Make of that what you will, but that is the reality and I’m not so sure how much canceling a paid subscription will help the animators as oppose to hurting them. Again, this is not about me telling you to keep your subscriptions out of obligation. That’s not the point. Rather, this is about finding other possible ways on our end to help the ones suffering the most.

So what can we do? Well, that’s another reality about the situation. There’s really a whole lot we, the general public since this is something that at the end of the day has to be resolved internally. Sure, we got the CEO’s attention over the course of the weekend. But beyond that, I’m not so sure we can cause more to happen than that. That said, we can provide support to those who either currently are or have worked on the Rooster Teeth shows we are fans of. Familiarizing yourself with the names of anyone in the staff of a show’s production through the ending credits and following them on Twitter or wherever else they frequent via social media is a good starting point. This is especially helpful in case certain folks may announce needing financial help of some sort. RWBY and RWBY Chibi animators Asha Bishi and Andrea Caprotti specifically spring to mind. Asha, who some may know of for her expertise character acting, including with Faunus characters like Blake, Kali, and Sun and how their animal traits are animated, put up a Go Fund Me campaign since April of 2019 where she needs outside help in order to pay off her Hospital Bills after going through some heart problems and being rushed to an ambulance a few times. Andrea who has animated scenes in Gen:Lock, RWBY, RWBY:Chibi & Red vs Blue, including Pyrrha kissing Jaune goodbye, part of Cinder, Emerald & Mercury vs Amber, and the “Evil Genius” skit, opened art commissions as of late June to raise money to get a ticket to see a very close friend of hers going through Chemotherapy.

These are right now a couple of the only examples I could find, but they are nonetheless more helpful ways fans can immediately help any skilled talent. And even if you can’t pitch in by providing money yourself, spreading the word also helps. Beyond that, the best thing we can do is wait-and-see. I know that’s not the most game-changing answer, but again, this whole situation is mostly internal affairs and while much greater measures are being taken to make things better for the animation departments employees, whether this will ultimately amount to great improvements is something only time will tell. That’s not to say I’m advising people to stop speaking out about the matter (though perhaps contacting them via email may be a more direct and expressing what you want for the employees may be a more direct and precise way than broadly shouting via social media). That might be necessary at this point in order to make sure the company does not get too lax on resolving the problem. At any rate, we can expect to start seeing the results of said-changes either as soon as RTX or whenever we see the new name for the next head of RT Animation in ending credits, whoever that might be or if there is a change in the scheduling of their content. Whatever happens, change is definitely on the horizon, one way or another.

#Rooster Teeth #rwby #genlock #fndm #glassdoor

[thepurebredking]

CHANCE ENCOUNTER w/@DarksDestiny

#ChanceEncounter

Destiny:

Scrolling through the job ads for the Caldwell are, I made a note of a couple but being that I am limited to evenings only, there weren’t a lot of options besides bars.  I have done the bar/club scene more than I care to mention and really didn’t want to go down that route again.  There were several waitress positions around the area and the one for Sal’s sounded promising.  A waitress/hostess position which listed the hours needed were for later evenings.  It was a place to start anyway.  I decided to change into something nice and head down to apply in person tonight.  No time like the present, right?  As I stared at my reflection, a memory from the past popped into my mind as they often do any time I wear anything white.  I was in the sanctuary all dressed white waiting to be called to service that one special male again.  I shook the thoughts from my mind and went to my bag digging for shoes.  Being back in Caldwell was sure playing havoc with my mind.   I picked up my phone and made a quick call for a taxi and then made my way to the lobby to wait.   There were several people rummaging around and I felt like all eyes were on me.   The taxi arrived and the trip to Sal’s was actually shorter than I thought.   Just ten minutes out.   That will be good for the time being.   I walked into Sal’s and asked for the manager and when a very attractive male walked over and I introduced myself and brought up the job.   The position had not been filled and he asked me to follow him to the office towards the back. The place was extremely busy and very few tables were empty.  After a short interview, he asked when I could start and I told him anytime as I had just moved back to Caldwell and have no other commitments at this time.    He said he would let me know in a few days and walked me out of the office.   He offered me a seat at the bar towards the back of the restaurant which I happily accepted.   I hadn’t had a good meal in a few days and my stomach was growling through the whole meeting just from the smell.  I ordered a drink and the special for the night then pivoted on my stool to look around the restaurant.  I noticed the private section of the restaurant and heard male voices coming from that direction, even laughter.  I couldn’t help but be curious about who would be sitting back there.   One voice came through the rest and it gave me chills. It was a familiar voice but I wasn’t sure why.   Must just be my imagination.  

Wrath:

Vishous, Syn, and Peyton had decided that things had been way too strenuous on me lately and I needed a night out. My only stipulation in agreeing was that we didn’t head out to one of the many nightclubs in town. That, they determined, was a fair request. It was one thing to get out of the manse to blow off some steam, it was totally another to bring the King of the race straight to any one of the nightclubs that the new lessening society knew we, as Brothers, spent time. Not that I was a slouch by any means, but I was blind, and in a place where the music was so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think, I was at a severe disadvantage, especially seeing as this new breed of lessers didn’t have quite the stench that the others did. You barely knew these ones were coming.

So, in the end, the males elected for Sal’s. A smaller scale restaurant, with a bar, subtle sounds of traditional Italian music rolling off the speakers, and incredible eats. Yeah, I could deal with a night of that.

We weren’t there 5 minutes before iAm came out to greet us and make sure we were happy with the service. He ensured us that we were being taken care of by only his best wait staff. But, to not hesitate to ask for him, should we feel his employees were not meeting our needs. We assured him that the staff was taking excellent care of us and he need not worry. Once reassured, he took a load off and joined us at the table for a couple, okay a few drinks on the house. It wasn’t long before we were all enjoying the time, outside of the manse, away from the stressors of my job and the fight we had been dealing with on the daily for what seemed like eons. It was as if we had carved out this one night and set it aside from everything. It felt easy to just relax for the brief moments of time we had here.

Destiny:

As I sat waiting for my dinner, the old saying curiosity killed the cat kept running through my mind.  I was definitely curious about who was back in that section. But I didn’t feel like I could actually take a peek though.   My dinner was delivered and I tried my best to put the thoughts of the males’ bantering out of my mind.  The man who interviewed me came back over to where I was seated. He brought with him another male and introduced me to him letting the male know I had applied for the open position. He was iAm and apparently the male in charge.   He had a few questions of his own as to experience and my availability during the day.  I explained quickly that I would only be open to an evening position. Before he could say anything else, a male from the private section walked out and I immediately knew who he was. Well, not who but what he was. He was one of the Brothers I had seen during my visits to the mansion.  His intense crystal gaze went from me to iAm and he motioned to the room behind him.  I sunk in my seat sure he would have no idea who or what I was.   That was the last thing I wanted to happen.  iAm followed the male and I took a deep breath staring down at my meal wondering if I should just leave.   But again, curiosity was coursing through my veins and I wanted to know who else could possibly be there.  

Wrath:

As soon as the meals came out from the kitchen, iAm got called back to work. He promised to come back out and check in with us, one more time, before we finished up and disappeared.

Conversation stayed light for about 15 more minutes before business got brought up by Peyton. The kid never learned. Always wanting to know, what was next? How were we going to hit the fuckers, now? You know the old saying, “He’s got ants in his pants?” Yeah, well, this was the type of kid they had in mind when they came up with it. He never stopped. Every chance he got to bend my ear, he did. I’m not saying the kid was brimming over with ideas. It’s just that he had that ram kind of mindset. The one where you go into every situation, guns out and blazing. He never understood the whole process of planning out a strategic attack. V, in his usual frustration with him, got up and walked off for a time. He can only take so much of Peyton, once the kid starts going.

I let him ramble on for a bit, before Syn finally cut him off. “Jesus, fuck, kid! We’re here, at a restaurant, trying to enjoy a nice meal. Don’t ya think he hears enough of that shit back at the manse? Chill your ass out.”

I could hear Peyton shift in his seat. “Whatever, man.” All these years later and the kid still felt out of sorts around Syn. I guess it was good for him to have a healthy respect for us, more experienced warriors.

A few minutes of awkward silence and V came back to join us. “Good, you’re done. I’ve got dessert headed our way.”

Destiny:

The grumbling in my stomach answered my question about leaving.  Not until I ate the pasta that had been placed in front of me.  I pulled out my phone and pulled up additional job opportunities while I ate.  This place would be perfect for me but I’m not sure I would get the job.   If they want someone who is available during the day too, I’m not an option.  This has to be the best pasta I had ever eaten and I actually ate every single bite.  I ordered dessert and a glass of wine and kept scrolling. My attention only partially focusing on my phone.  I kept wishing the male from the manse would come back out and bring along whoever is back there with him. I did not expect anyone to recognize me for who or what I was, which was a good thing.   I wanted to stay independent but I thought maybe, just maybe, I would recognize the others.  I shook my head not even sure why that would matter. I didn’t want that part of my life back.  Maybe it would just have given me a feeling of security.  Something I have not had in a long time.  My dessert was delivered along with the wine and I sat back, watching the waiters and staff.  This place ran smooth and classy.  Glancing down at my dessert and then my phone I realized I had been here for over two hours.  I asked for my check and if my dessert could be packed to go.  It would be another lonely night and I guessed my dessert would be my bedtime snack.  The waiter asked me to stay a bit longer as iAm wanted to speak with me again and he was just checking in on some guests who would be heading out for the night and would be over in a few. Obviously I said I would.

Wrath:

The dessert in this place had always been my favorite, everything from the cannoli to the Italian ice, to the tiramisu. The tiramisu being my all-time favorite. There were nights that Fred would drive all the way into the city, just to pick up some of Sal’s tiramisu. He’d been trying to bribe iAm for the recipe, for years, but iAm wouldn’t budge. So instead, Fred would trek all the way here just to get me one slice. Tonight I savored every bite.

V had been right. I really needed this night away. Even if it were just for a few hours and out to Sal’s, it had done exactly what he said it would. It had given me a small break in what had seemed to be a never ending shit storm that we had been experiencing, as of late.

iAm boxed up a few more desserts for us to take with and we collected our jackets and began to head out. As we filed through the dining room, I caught a whiff of a scent that literally stopped me in my tracks. It was rose-scented jasmine, wrapped up in the sensation of silk on my bare skin... and it stank of memories of Beth’s death. I had never sensed such a conflicted disturbance in my life. On the one hand, my cock was straining against the strength of my leathers, and on the other, I wanted to vomit up the whole of my meal and start a mass destruction of everything in the place. I could feel the aggression taking control as a massive growl grew from the depths of my gut.

“Woah, man.” I felt a shove from behind. “What say, we get you out of this place and head home? True?”

It was enough to shake me from my thoughts long enough to get my feet moving again.

Destiny:

(I was just taking a last sip of wine as my eyes caught the males in the reflection in the mirror behind the bar. A couple of males I did not recognize lead the way heading directly behind me and then I saw him and I almost dropped the empty glass.  He was as I remembered him.  Massive in stature and the aura of his power and royalty were obvious. My pulse increased and I felt the urge to fall to my knees before him but I did not move.  My eyes watched his reflection as he walked closer heading towards the door, the crystal-eyed male on his heals.  He walked right behind me and just as he passed me, his steps faltered for just a moment and I swear I heard a growl but then the male behind him spoke and they moved to the door and were gone.  

My heart was racing and imagines of the feedings, his sorry and pain flooded my body.   All of the emotions hitting me as it has then.  iAm suddenly appeared beside me starling me.  He said the job was mine and I could start as soon as I wanted if I was truly interested.  I’m not sure if the look of shock on my face was from the job offer or because the past had just slapped me in the face.  I needed this opportunity and I accepting hoping I hadn’t just made a grave mistake.  Could I keep my identity a secret? He asked me to come back the following night for training and I agreed then picked up my purse and to-go bag and headed to the door.  As I stepped out, I scanned the street wishing for another glance of those males.  Shaking my head to stop those thoughts, I stepped into the shadows and dematerialized back to my hotel room for the night. 

#ChanceEncounter #ISBDB

[ithacamoma]

20 QUESTIONS FOR: TAMMY SALZL

image courtesy of the artist and DC3 Art Projects

1.Name:

Tammy Salzl

2.Occupation(s):

Artist, Sessional Teacher in Senior Level Painting at the University of Alberta.

3.Where are you from and what is your education?

I was born in Edmonton, AB, into a gigantic dysfunctional family with 18 aunts and uncles, 42 first cousins and barely one parent. I spent my summers being tortured as an English speaking city slicker in French speaking prairie farm communities. Retreating into art and stories and animals was the salvation I didn’t find in the fundamentalist religion I was periodically thrown into. For my undergrad I did 2 years at ACAD (Now called AUArts), and finished my BFA at the University of Alberta.  I received my Masters in Studio Arts (Painting) at Concordia University in Montreal 2014 and have been expanding my practice to include video and multimedia installation since graduation.

4.Where do you live/work (neighbourhood/city/country)?

For the past 3 yrs I’ve been splitting my year between the Southside of Edmonton, AB. and Parc Ex in Montreal QC. I have family in both places, which makes this both possible and necessary.

5.Does your location affect your practice?  

Definitely! Emotionally, psychologically and logistically. I’m lucky to be able to spend time in both eastern and western Canada. Sometimes they seem like entirely different worlds and it’s a privilege to be able to step into both. It broadens my field of vision.

6.What is your favourite tool in the studio?

I have two favourite things. My glue gun, because I love glueing stuff, it makes me feel like a little kid again! I also love it when I have a fresh, unused brush in hand.

7.Where do you look for your source material?

Everywhere! Movies, books, (I love sci-fi books, and I just finished 2 books by Yuval Noah Harari - Sapiens and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century - so gooood!) mythology, ecology, weird/wondrous animals (like the barrel eye fish or the Aye-aye), bus stops, Edmonton’s River valley, back alleys in Montreal, weird stop motion animations, the fresh sights, sounds and smells that come with travel, looking at art and, occasionally, the bottom of my wine glass.

8.What is you daily art world read?

I email subscribe to a bunch of art blogs (like Hyperallergic and artdaily.org etc), and I also try to read Border Crossings and Canadian Art magazines, but honestly a lot of my art world reads come from instagram. Cuz you know… pictures.

9.What is your daily non-art-world read?

I love science and nature blogs. I really enjoy nature.com, naturecanada.ca,  futurism.com/, and for quick global news stuff I like Quartz Daily Brief. It’s hard…you don’t want to be ill informed yet it’s so bleak out there…I think overexposure to media can be harmful. I try to find a balance.

10.What role does writing play in your practice?

Sadly, not much. It’s an inescapable task for every artist, and one I dearly wish I could escape. That said, aside from the necessary evil of artist statement/proposal/grant type of writing, I sometimes play at creative writing. I make little one page tales that turn into paintings, or I write a short narratives based on something I’ve made. I’ll often have automatic writing embedded in my underpaintings, and if you look hard enough you can sometimes find traces of a word here and there.

11.What role does research play in your practice?

Because I peddle in tales, I research the history, culture, psychology, pop culture, philosophy of whatever traditional tale or mythology I’m referencing, and how others have interpreted those tales over time - even if I’m referencing something like Dr. Seuss. I often tie that into the research I do out of my interest in ecology and nature. For me, working representationally means there is intension in everything. I try to have layers of meaning and make work that engenders multiple interpretations. I research the symbolism and history of objects, places, animals, colours , etc. With my installations there is a lot of material research involved as well.

12.What role does collaboration play in your practice?

Since expanding my painting practice into intermedia work, I’ve done quite a bit of collaborating in the form of “I don’t know how to do this technical thing so I need to find someone who does”. It’s taught me a lot in terms of learning to communicate and work with others. As a solitary person, it’s a challenge for me, but I also find it incredibly rewarding and enriching. Also, a couple of years ago 4 female artist friends and I began an art collective called IFPP (incubator for phantom pregnancies) We’ve staged a couple exhibitions and have some upcoming shows, and it’s been really great. You learn a lot about yourself in a collaborative process, and it’s exhilarating ending up with this thing you helped create, but in a mind hive kind of way.

13.How does success affect your practice?

Ideas of success are pretty subjective, no? Speaking in terms of non-commercial success, I would say it helps drives my practice forward. It gives you the incentive and confidence to keep going, to make more, to take risks and think bigger. Sometimes commercial/monetary success can do the opposite because you’re expected to make more of the same, sellable stuff - to keep the formula and not colour outside those lines.

14.How does failure affect your practice?

Failure is an opportunity to learn, and can lead to amazing things. I suck at it. I can be super stubborn and fight with a painting that’s not working for days and days. I’m often my own worst enemy. I’m learning to walk away, to turn the bloody thing facing the wall and only come back to it when I can be more objective - when I’m in a better place to paint over the 100 hours invested and start over.

15.What do you identify as the biggest challenge in your artistic process?

My own stubbornness! My own rules and obsessiveness and need for control. I can get restrained by fear of making something ‘bad,' and I struggle to let myself play more, to let myself ‘fail’. I can get too caught up in my own head. I struggle with a lot of self doubt. A dear friend of mine recently sent me a beautiful quote by Robert Hughes in an attempt to assuage my doubt:

 “The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.” 

I’m not so sure this is the case, but it’s nice to hear!

Also, like so many of us, I struggle socially and will hide in my studio rather than go to an art opening when I know I should be trying to make “connections”. Wine helps tremendously in all my struggles.

16.Who are some historical artists you are thinking about?

This fluctuates a great deal. I often find myself interested in artists I thought I didn’t like years ago, and will lose interest in artists I thought I loved. Art crushes come and go. I just bought a Frida Kahlo book and am rediscovering my fascination with her.

17.Who are some contemporary artists you are thinking about?

Everyone and no one in particular. I was in LA last January and saw an amazing Outsider Art show at LACMA. There was a piece by Greer Lankton titled, “Candy Darling” depicting a transgender actress who was featured in several of Andy Warhol’s films and was one of Lankton’s icons she looked up to as a trans woman. It’s exquisite with an edgy sexuality - totally blew my mind. I also saw some Mark Bradford works at The Broad that really surprised me. You have to be in front of them to understand how profound, beautiful, raw and sophisticated they are.

18.How do you describe what you are making now?

Right now I’m bouncing all over the place with various mediums. I’m working on a new series of oils, sort of taking the piss out of patriarchal old fables and the misogynistic way they portrayed women by retelling them through a contemporary lens. I’m also making a series of small, intricate “naughty fairies” made out of Sculpey (imagine tinker bell-like creatures going down on each other), some larger installation pieces that incorporate a variety of materials - video, sound, found and crafted objects, and I just completed my first short narrative video with footage shot on an artist residency I did in Norway last year. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m spreading myself too thin and there’s an invisible pressure to focus on one thing, but I’m a storyteller and I use whatever mediums best suites the tale. I think everything I do remains distinctly me, it all has connective threads. Generally I paint in the morning and move onto video and sculpture in the afternoon/evening. Painting is mentally challenging in a very singular way; it’s super humbling and I need a fresh, rested brain to do it.

19.Who is an artist that you think deserves more attention?

Oh man. Too many to count. Seems to me art world trends often translate into amazing artists not getting their due. I think Canadian artists in general deserve more of the international spot light. There’s so much talent here.

20.How can we find out more about you (relevant links etc)?

I keep my website pretty up to date, including upcoming shows and press links etc.

www.tammysalzl.com

#20 questions #art #Artist Interview #tammysalzl #canada #ithaca moma

[fidelcastrato]

Saturday Night Dead

A dull roar floods a small, derelict house and about a block of surrounding land all of a sudden, followed shortly by a piercing screech which acts as the conditioned stimulus to roughly 30-40 people between the ages of probably around 15 at the youngest, up to pushing-40, causing a mass salivation in response to the promise of real, proletariat, bullshit-free Punk Fucking Rawk™. Brando Murely himself sits on a cinder block outside the door, just enough out of the way of the crowd distractedly making its way inside, everyone in the middle of a conversation, turning around every few seconds to give their latest opinion on the eternal IHOP v. Waffle House crisis, shouting-match phone calls, drunken wobbling, stoned hobbling, and oh-that-sweet-cocaine's-a-calling. From Brando's arm dangles eazily-breezily a small bucket, perhaps formerly housing some domesticated plant, with the word "DONATIONS" written in sharpie on the side. He is only a few brainwaves away from REM sleep, that sultry temptress.

Avey and Fyo take their sweet time. The openers are about to play, now sound-checking, if you can really call it that (not to be rude, but the opening acts of these kinda shows were more often than not either local upstarts or local failures, and lacked some level of expertise in regards to acoustics, dynamics, levels and such), but they have both just lit a new cigarette. No worries, though; they've been around enough that they know the path straight to the front, if it should turn out that The Ushi Onis were worth front row listening.

Towards the back of the house stood in solidarity the introverts so in love with music, but so out of touch with people, the old farts who didn't really care anymore but still attended out of habit, the few (if extant) devout fans of another band on the line-up who just wanted to get it over with already, and the stray college kid; not any art or philosophy major, no, just some regular Joe (and hilariously enough, one independent study in "Crime and Punkishment", a locally famous zine, reported that 73.7% of these people were actually named Joe) who happened upon this utterly obscene proceeding via a stack of coincidence and misfortune--maybe they were there with some punk ladyfriend from class.

In the middle, by far the largest section, you could find pretty much anybody from anywhere. Regulars who still hear the heartbeat of the scene, newcomers enthusiastic but not enthusiastic enough to put themselves out for judgement if they happened to accidentally nod their heads a bit with the music (mortified.....), and that strange demographic that seemed to place itself starkly in the middle of all the aforementioned alignments; middle-of-the-roaders through and through, to the point where they have risen above the road, and the ideal of the road, and smugly glance at one another and then down to you as if to imply a transcendence which those of us who have ever experienced anything in extreme can never know of.

Front and center, ears blasted to bits and facial muscles entering anaerobic respiration due to excessive smiling, the All-Stars of the scene danced alongside strangers, either naïve or drunk. The frontmen of the most famous local bands, the influencers, both silent and megaphonic, the photographers, the beauties, the hype-builders, the next band, the people who arranged this show in the first place, all of them stood in almost equal amounts of admiration as the performing act themselves. The rich and famous of the DIY; the proletariat bourgeoisie; the broke stock brokers; the soothsayers and the fortune tellers; basically, the people you want to know.

"Hey, let's make a film tomorrow" says Fyo.

"About what?" from Avey.

"Who cares? Let's climb that billboard at the top of the hill. Let's hop on a train and record the city from like, some weird dutch angle, or something. Let's see how many cats can fit in one box."

"We could never find enough cats for that. All of our friends have like two cats at least, including me, and that still wouldn't be close to enough."

"Let's give the camera some 4-aco-dmt and see what happens."

"Easy on the Adderall, bub."

Fyo had a pretty publicly-known problem with stimulants, which he was recently combatting with a burgeoning benzodiazepine habit. Avey's personal dog hair was Kratom. Both of them partook in casual use of just about every recreational substance at this point, always especially eager to try something new. They still more or less had a handle on their sanity, but not without their eccentricities. Both had a deep love for consumption and creation of art, primarily music; between them they owned a veritable arsenal of digital and analog synthesizers, samplers, ancient MIDI keyboards, melodicas, and various novelty instruments collected over the years. Each had their own individual recording endeavors, as well as a joint operation making full use of their combined setup. They had played shows, Fyo more than Avey on account of having played in front of various kinds of audiences since the age of 15, from dull high school jazz band performances to the exact kind of venue they found themselves at tonight--in fact he'd played at this house several times already in the past year. “Holy House”, one of the few legit punk houses remaining in the city after a long string of misfortunes over the past two years lead to some places being shut down, others burning down, some simply forgotten about, living on only in the ink of flyers taped to the walls of just about every DIY art kid in the area--it was kind of like collecting baseball cards. Avey had played a couple of the more fleeting art spots once or twice, but was generally overcome with anxiety at the last minute.

Now three cigarettes in a row have been smoked, throughout yet more overly-anxious stim-fueled artistic brainstorming, both Avey and Fyo silently assuming that tomorrow would in reality consist of the same events as every other Saturday; recovering from the debauchery of the previous night, maybe with a half-hour or so of absent-minded musical improvisation.

The Ushi Onis had completed their set, and from what they heard from outside, it was agreed that their nonsense conversations were about on equal footing with the music, as far as time-wasting went. Not that they were bad, it's just.....it seemed as though they'd heard this same band hundreds of times, despite the fact this was their debut show. It seemed to Fyo, who had been in attendance for, shit, a decade now, that every show more-or-less went the same these days. You could even predict non-music related events. There was the guy who got way too drunk and was basically floating around the crowd, eyes only half-open, flailing around off-rhythm in a disconcertingly unhuman way during particularly intense performances--Fyo himself had been this guy on more occasions than he'd like to admit, as well as more occasions than he could literally remember. There was the creep getting kicked out for being creepy; that was a very strict rule for this scene, "NO CREEPS". You'd see it on basically any given flyer. House shows did tend to attract these creeps, what with the combination of pretty, young, and drug-addicted attributes of many of the female frequenters. Thankfully, Fyo had never been that guy. There was the kind of slapstick situation that occurred immediately after every band played, where the members of the other bands playing that night would come up and say "Hey, great set, what pedals do you use?" and then annoy the shit out of the poor guys just trying to fucking get their drums in the van, only for the same thing to happen to the original complimentary artists. Nobody ever learned their lesson. Nobody ever learned their lesson, forever and ever. This pretty much sums up the stagnation that Fyo has recently come to observe within the scene.

"Hey, I'm done here, if you are. Head back to my place?"

"Right you are."

The four-minute drive back to Fyo's apartment left just enough time to blair at obnoxious volume Avey's favorite song by The Mountain Goats (at least, his favorite song that day--the song changed frequently, but The Goats always remained Mountainous). On the way upstairs, Avey got a text from Tomie: "Beck pulled through. Pool party?"

So Avey said to Fyo; "Beck pulled through. Pool party?"

"Fuckin duh."

Tomie was a close friend as well as ex-girlfriend to both Avey and Fyo. Beck was their communal coke dealer. Fyo was the only person in The Crew whose apartment had a pool, and it was the deep depths of summer, so late night swimming was a common occurrence. Tonight, Tomie had brought Beck along (who surely had more coke, and anyone can see that hanging out with a coke dealer, who definitely had plenty of coke to spare, would certainly turn out to be a fun time--Fyo knew this from experience, as an old friend, Jericho, also happened to be a coke dealer before moving off to.....fuck-knows-where; Fyo wasn't sure WHY they hung out so much exactly, or why Jericho had given him so much free coke in those days; Jericho was gay, but Fyo didn't really feel like he could possibly be desirable enough to warrant such favor, especially with his [back then, at least] very socially awkward mannerisms, even after several lines of really honestly pretty great coke--although, Fyo [himself being hetero, this only now in the narrative needing to be made clear] usually thought the same thing about ladies he spent time with, and surprisingly often was proven wrong) as well as invited Fitch, who invited Les, who invited Beck, who invited Lil, who invited Vick, who invited.....

.....

Noujeff.  

"Wait you say WHO the fuck is coming to my apartment???" Fyo demands answers.

"Shit, I'm sorry Fyo. I didn't know Vick was friends with him, don't know why he still is. We'll tell him to fuck off once he gets here, waste some gas at least. But hey.....The Crew here ain't gettin' any younger, so let's fuckin' get to it. Pick a record already."

The Crew was, in no particular order:

Avey, reserved but strong-willed and resilient, and disarmingly cunning; he once got Fyo, his on-and-off-again girlfriend Elise, and himself a free pass to this really exclusive music festival in what can only be described as an "experimental city"--FORM Arcosanti was the name of the festival (the town being just "Arcosanti"), located smack dab in the middle of the deserts of Arizona, where Fyo first glimpsed that now-out-of-reach image, occasionally dreamt or half-remembered, of a lone mountain, in the middle of one of the least forgiving deserts in an entire superpower-nation's worth of land, one of the hottest and driest places around, soaring so high into The Places We Cannot Reach, the great heights, the domain of myth and fiction more than anything, of a mountain seen from the road of a lonely desert which had a peak covered, even here in the frenzied peaks of July, the radioactive horror show burning of July, a peak covered in SNOW. Beautiful, nostalgic (and always nostalgic, for there was no "winter" in Arizona), almost, no yes certainly CLEANSING snow. The rest of the trip only got better. That is all we'll say of it, for now;

Fyo, the one whose thoughts we gain direct access to (to hell with a fourth wall; give me 50, 500, 5,000,000 more walls, and I will break them all), generally responsible, has a dependable job as a pharmacy technician, "almost" a real job, and two major flaws; here we move into

 1.) Intense Manic Episodes On a Yearly, Predictable Basis

-----

Every year, in the period of time spanning between around March and June-Mid-July, Fyo would suffer an intense clinical episode of mania; he would become obsessive over ideas so obscure and opaque that he only sounded like a lunatic when describing them, and indulged in drug abuse as if suicidal, and more than once now had indeed proven to be so. Fyo would and did argue, however, that during these periods of admittedly (even by him) questionable ties to reality, his artistic output became noticeably higher in both quantity and quality than what was usually found in his "seasonal depression" (so-called) episodes during the months of October-February. No psychiatrist has yet explained this adequately.

 2.) An Unhealthy Obsession With All Forms of Art, As Well As the Definition of Art Itself

-----

From a very young age, Fyo had shown great interest in art, and strangely enough but of course conspicuously naturally, surrealist art in particular. At 12, on a family vacation to Florida for the purposes of the (back then affordable even by the lower-middle-class family, with some planning) relaxation of the beach and the primal thrill of the Great Twin Amusement Parks, he devoted a day to visiting the Salvador Dali museum in St. Petersburg, Florida; a couple years later, the very first band he was in (at 15 years old) was named after Dali's "The Burning Giraffe". Then he gradually caught on to the growing web of obscurities, myths, exaggerations, half-truths, genuine enigmas, and philosophical contradictions that were accepted by some as truth, and saw the art embedded in life; and in the mirror, he saw the reflection of such, and in that he saw things that moved him in ways he was naïve to previously. That's how he got older. That's how he saw that the waking life was just as absurd as the dream. All that mattered was which space he occupied at a given time;

Tomie, as mentioned previously was both a close friend and ex-girlfriend to both Avey and Fyo. Each relationship was separated by such distance (spatially and temporally) that it really didn't matter, everyone had moved on cross-country and it was just nice to have people just fuckin' caring about each other, you know? Tomie was not afraid to bite into you in a very personal way, as long as she knew it would help you. She was a great ally to have in the world, if sometimes blunt; but this bluntness was out of a genuine kindness and invariably proved effective somehow. If you trusted anyone's advice, it was Tomie's;

Fitch, constantly in-and-out of jail for something or other, after so many years the circumstances blurred out a bit. Being eternally and self-admittedly impermanent, he always seemed almost as if acting in repentance to the best of his abilities; but around people like this, hope for repentance was laughable;

Lil, probably the most adult of the group, an ex-girlfriend of Fyo from back in the day, had worked her way to a very well-paying analytics gig. She still found herself hanging around with these wannabe artists and revolutionaries, for whatever reason; she was certainly always welcome, and that gave her a warm, content feeling.....

"Pick a goddamn record" says Lil.

Every time The Crew got together for some midnight coke-fueled swimming, someone got to ceremoniously choose a record from Fyo's collection, off of which the cover of the cocaine would be inhaled. It was Fyo's night. He was having trouble deciding. The record that was chosen would also be played on the record player while the lines were being drawn and erased; the lines themselves were on the sleeve, the small but not ignorable visual component of the LP. He looked through his stack; Joyce Manor (played a show with them before they became big--frontman was kind of an asshole. No.), The Antlers (far too sad for shamelessly inhaled thrills), Talking Heads (no, we'll just end up putting "Once In a Lifetime" on repeat), no, no, no, no.....LCD Soundsystem? Hm. Yeah, this one. Sound of Silver, talk to me.

"Fuckin' finally. Okay let's get this train wreck a-rollin'."

Greed filled the eyes of everyone in the room. Along with record-choosing duties came the first line of the night. Fyo lays down one FAT fucking line, finely crushed almost down to the individual molecule it seemed, grabs the closest straw, leans over and looks down at the snowy mountain range here in the middle of the silver desert, and unflatteringly snorts with all his might, and feels each crystal immediately begin its own personal attack on his neurotransmitters, leans back to make sure everything falls into the mucous membrane, nothing wasted, except for Fyo himself, and steps back to fall comically onto the couch, a smile of contentment and even relief overtaking his facial expression as Nancy Whang chants "You can normalize. Don't it make you feel alive?"

This. This is the life.

#fiction #short story #drugs #punk #punk rock #diy #metamodern #metaphysical #arkansas #little rock #lcd soundsystem #surrealism #salvador dali #addiction

[master-sass-blast]

Henlo, it's me, your local trash monster here to say I love Hannah and I can't wait to hear more about her?? That being said, GIMME ALL THE SAD GOODS ABOUT HER. But also add in something happy about her in the end! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ ((Also sending hugs! I know things have been stressful the last few days so just know I'm rooting for you !!))

Holy fuck I think this is the first time someone’s ever told me to cut loose and just SAY ALL THE THINGS AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

(Answers under the cut because I just went with the entire list. I have no self control.

And thank you for the hugs and encouragement!)

1. What is one word to shut them up: Okay, for some context, Hannah is a lawyer. She has a thick skin (unlike me, heyoooo). It takes a lot to shut her up; she’s an HBIC and she owns it.

But if someone starts talking about her scars (she’s struggled/struggles with self-harm), she shuts down. It’s a part of her she’s still self-conscious about, and if someone mentions it she’ll literally stop mid-sentence and mentally exit the conversation.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about: Again, she’s got a pretty thick skin, so she doesn’t hold onto too much. Life happens, you make mistakes, and it’s better to learn from them rather than beat yourself over the head for something you can’t change anyway.

If there’s something she’s going to feel guilty about, though, it’s fights or incidents she’s had with family members/close friends where she’s hurt them with something she’s said or done. She holds herself in high accountability to ensure that she doesn’t step all over people, and when she does she fails not only them but her expectations for herself, so yeah. Guilt.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced: Physical pain? Probably different injuries from her career in martial arts. She’s a tough cookie, but some of that stuff just hurts.

Emotional pain? Anytime she fails her expectations for herself. She has very high standards for herself, and when she can’t reach them she becomes very depressed (more so than usual).

4. Describe their worst nightmare: Actual dream? Anything where she’s drowning or running out of air. She almost drowned a couple times as a child/preteen, and the trauma still emerges in her adult life from time to time.

Real life “this is a nightmare” scenario? Any point where her depression gets so bad that she stops being functional. Things just start piling up and get overwhelming very quickly.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear: 1.) Drowning, which runs pretty deep but it’s an obvious one that she’s done a lot of therapy work for, and she doesn’t mind talking about it with other people. 2.) Wasps. She accidentally got locked into a shed with an active wasp nest in it as a child. She made it out alright, but the sheer terror of the situation made her repress the memory. She’s heard the story from friends and family, and “gets” why she’s scared of the fuckers, but can’t actually recall the incident itself. 3.) The dark. A side effect of depression is paranoia, and when she’s alone, in the dark, she can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of creature watching/following her. When her depression gets really bad, she has to sleep with a light on to keep from flipping out.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick: She’s not naturally squeamish, but the sounds of belching (ala college frat boys, y’all know what I mean) make her stomach churn.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves: Her scars. She’s very ashamed of them, and goes out of her way to wear long sleeved shirts so she can hide them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them: Feeling like she’s failed her own expectations/expectations others have of her, accidentally inhaling water, the ‘buzzing’ sound bees/wasps make.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness: Her height. She might be a kickass lawyer and an even kick-assier martial artist, but she barely clears five feet.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness: Her struggles with self-hatred. She’s her own worst enemy a lot of the time.

11. Do they have any vices: Not really. Not as far as serious vices go. She’s pretty grounded.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it: Nope. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from day one and made sure her record was spotless.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them: Pride? I think that one comes closest? Again, since she really doesn’t have a vice or a thorn in her side, it’s hard to pick something for her.

I think Pride comes closest because she spirals when she fails to live up to her own expectations, which I think often comes with a bit of ego (at least in my experience with that sort of thing). She’s also got a lot to be proud of (lawyer, martial artist, financially independent), but she’s not a walking ego either?

Idk. This is a weird question, lol.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… ): Not really. Don’t get me wrong, she can get there, but it takes a lot. She’s very collected (and usually swings the opposite way; she’s more likely to cold shoulder you if she’s mad).

She does threaten to shove her Prada stiletto sideways up Hank Pym’s ass, though. So there’s that.

15. Who do they hate the most: Guys who use her height against her by cornering her into spots while they try to ask her out/talk to her about something. It’s the fastest way to wind up on her shit list.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior: Herself. She’s her own worst enemy.

17. What sound always gives them a headache: Her coworker Tracey’s text/notification sound. Which is always going off because Tracey’s always talking to someone.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them: Not really. She’s half Japanese, half ethnic Jew, and a practicing Jew to boot, so she grew up on a pretty broad flavor palette.

She’s tried a bacon cheeseburger once on a dare, though, and she hated it.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly: Not really (outside of her scars). She’s pretty confident in her appearance.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable: Again, not really. She’s spent a lot of time in therapy, which helps, but she’s always had her feet pretty well on the ground.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety: The prospect of losing. She’s very competitive.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses: Depression.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped: She’s run into the usual guys that like to try and use her size against her, but they usually wind up worse for wear than she does.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped: Yes. She’s five feet tall and doesn’t clear 110 lbs. She’s very aware that she’s got “TARGET” written across her back.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust: Fortunately, no. Most of her close relationships come from communities she knows well (school, work, the temple she attends in LA), so she hasn’t had to deal with too much betrayal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured: Yes. Even outside of her struggles with self-harm, she’s a martial artist. She’s broken a few bones over the years from that.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital: Five. Three for some pretty drastic self harm incidents, and two from sparring injuries.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them: Obviously, she has frustrations with asshole guys, racists/anti-Semites, but she cannot stand people who work in organizations that prey on the disenfranchised (ala military recruiters going to schools in impoverished areas to fill their quota because they know how to trick the kids into trying out and all that). It gets her blood boiling fast.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them: Yes. Again, this shows perfectly with her fear of the dark.

30. Have they ever been bullied: Yupp. For her heritage, her beliefs, her mental health struggles, her size... High school sucks.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues: Yes and no. Again, she’s pretty confident about most things in life, but she does have certain weak points (her scars, living up to her own expectations, her height).

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents: Actually, no! She has a good relationship with both her parents and her extended family!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well: Not in the drastic sense of things. She’s been through a few break ups, sure, but nothing that was abusive or crazy.

34. Have they ever self harmed: Yes. It’s something she still struggles with as an adult.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Her scars. She’d make them disappear.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them: She’s pretty well in control of her emotions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away: Not really, no.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned: Nope.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do: Not in any serious sense. Her reputation for toeing the line was too well known for her to be accused of something she didn’t do.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems: She did as a teenager, but dutiful therapy and self-care has helped her outgrow that habit.

41. Do they get sick often: Nope! She’s pretty healthy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life: She’s content, but not complacent.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts: Yes. Again, she doesn’t like her history with self-harm. If she could erase that, she would.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t: Travel. Her job’s pretty demanding as far as hours go.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience: Melancholy. No matter what she’s doing, it’s sort of always hanging around her, like a tiny cloud.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide: Yes. Unfortunately, it’s a side effect of the depression.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide: A couple of times, when she was teenager.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill: Outside of self-defense/the defense of others? No.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through: Being forced to reject her identities as a Jew/person of Japanese heritage. Her families have made it through so much (internment camps, persecution, the Holocaust), and she’d rather die than erase her own identity.

50. Create your own: Alright, I’m gonna put the happy one here so we end on a high note!

She’s a firm believer in the need for “mah” (the Japanese word for “emptiness), or a moment to pause and do nothing. It’s easy to see that reflected in how she practices meditation, follows Shabbat, or takes time each day to simply be.

However, she also believes that the principle of “mah” is what makes her and Luis work so well as a couple. She is the silence to his constant chatter and helps him keep his feet on the ground. Likewise, he keeps her from living inside her head and helps her connect to the world.

They’re just such opposites attract. Ugh, I love them so much!

[digigal-transbian]

Better to?

Is it better to be alive and constantly miserable? Or dead and know peace?

If I fail a class this semester, there is an extremely high likelihood that i will be pulled out of college for financial reasons. If that happens I've been told I will have no choices, my life will be ultimately destroyed. The only job I'd be able to get is a minimum wage, soul crushing mindless existence. I'd never be able to afford a second chance at college. I'd never be able to survive on minimum wage, I'd have to get two jobs and even then I'd barely make ends meet.

And that's if I was able to get a second job. I'd never know love because I'd be too busy trying just to survive and after that too tired to function. 2 full time jobs is not exactly free to have feelings like love. And with who I am, finding someone would be a damn miracle and god has already proven he shall have no mercy on me.

And the gods know I'd never have a lucky break with writing or art, if I even had the time or energy to put into either of them.

Every check just going to not being dead for another week, stuck in a job or if I'm lucky, 2, that I hate, barely making ends meet, all because when I was 19 I got cocky and ended up failing Precal or was forgetful and failed English because if it.

To be able to say, "I was young, dumb, sure of myself, and because of it I've amounted to nothing, never known love, was never able to have a family, and lived a fate comparable to hell on earth."

I've been religiously told this for the last 6 months by my parents. And 6 months is lowballing it.

My biggest fear is dying alone. My second biggest fear to be forgotten. If I fail both are going to happen. I'm going to die alone in a house that is barely holding together without a soul to remember me.

I'll be forgotten within a week of my death, if not, a month at most. Nothing I've ever done will have mattered, ultimately I was just a waste of the universes time, even if I did make a couple peoples days just a little bit brighter.

Is it better to live and be miserable with no hope, or to die and be done with it?

At this point it's basically pass or die. A 70 on my math final to pass and have to retake because of how it is with my major, an 85 on it to never take that class again, and with English I've done what I can and at this point all I can do is hope.

And don't any of you dare call me selfish for this. To call suicidal people selfish is selfish itself. You're only concerned about the impact that persons death would have on you or their family, worry about the person who wants to kill themselves because they are in pain or see no other option.

And never call me selfish. I've made every choice for somebody else. Choice in college was because if years of "if you go to clemson you'll make your grandfather proud." And he's the actual kindest person I've ever met of course I dont want to let him down, I couldn't get there on my highschool GPA or ACTs so I found some backass method to get there. CSU has an applied math program that does 4 years there, 2 years at Clemson and you get two degrees for the 6 year period.

My father was all for that for the reason of being able to rub it in my aunts and uncles faces.

This is the same man that punched a brick wall hard enough to let out a blood curdling scream, make the house shake from the punch, and instill the fear of death in a child because a 12 year old didnt do his English homework. Why that 12 year old didnt do their homework? Just didnt want to, so over time did less and less of it.

Which is a legitimately normal thing by the way, 6th graders dont always want to do their homework and of course they are going to lie about it, dont act like his responce was in any way justifiable.

The man to this day still threatens to pin me to a wall and beat the shit out of me if I lie to him again, which wouldnt be as much of an issue if he didn't terrify me to the point of never telling him anything ever again out of fear for my life.

My choice of major was because of him. I wanted to be a doctor for a while but then my mom spent a collective 5 years dying in the hospital, so that dream died. No fault to her she couldn't control it. I then wanted to be a psychiatrist, therapist, that deal. Made the mistake of mentioning it around dad and got told promptly "it's not a real job." 10 year old me gave up on that real quick.

Then it went lawyer for a while because I figured a good paying job will be acceptable, hes always on about money anyways. After months upon like a year or something of "oh it's a lot of school and it's really hard and are you sure about it?" That dream too, was killed.

So the next thing I said was computers. Nothing more, nothing less, and it was finally acceptable. It was the most predicatable answer out of me and the first one to really be approved of. So for years i was content not having my dreams put down, then came college and I put my dreams down for computer engineering, on the track to clemson.

I then changed my major to computer science and over time put some thought into my actual interests.

Astronomy, the language of the stars. Physics, the language of the universe. Linguistics, the study of language. Writing, where you can be a god of your own little world. Geology, because rocks are just cool yo. Intetior Design, every time dad drags me to work with him I sit around and mentally start designing each room. And at the bottom of the list, Computer Science.

And the final mistake made in this whole college thing, I applied to only 1 college and to 0 scholarships. The scholarships I got are state ones, and I was told to keep a 3.0 GPA, which if you've ever seen one of my report cards you know how bad of an idea relying on that is. You have to have no idea what any of my report cards have ever looked like to think for a minute that trusting I will keep a B average for 6 years with no problems at all is even slightly a good idea.

So when my grades came in first semester, the night of December 13 I was legitimately shaking in fear for my life. December 23 when my parents found my grades out they gave me a 2~3 hour scream and then since then all my tech, aside from my phone and laptop, has been sitting in a tote box in my closet.

April they see my grades again and since then I havent been allowed to even have my door closed, and was strongly told that if I'm caught reading anything that isnt for school they'd burn it.

I could have probably avoided half of this if I was just a little more selfish, but I made every choice for someone else. If I was just a little more selfish I would be in a college half the price of CSU in a major that wouldnt be my last choice. Were I just a little more self centered, I wouldn't fear my father killing me over my grades.

Maybe I'm so destructively selfless because every moment that was supposed to have been about me quickly became about someone else. High school graduation after the fact during the pictures I got pushed to the side so my cousins could have a picture of just them, when there literally were three other walls and outside that they could have done that. Have you ever taken a picture outside at night? It's got a beautiful magic about it, and the lights were on dont even try to say "oh it's too dark", also cameras tend to have a flash so that's no excuse to push ME out of the way on MY graduation day. Kinda a big deal to me because when you look at my extended family I am among the few that have graduated high school, like half of them haven't even done that.

My graduation party the next day, I was given my gifts and then ignored most of the rest of the time. I was there for about 6~7 hours, and relevant for about 15 minutes. My college acceptance letter was opened and read by my parents before I even woke up. In fact, they woke me up by yelling at me from the kitchen to get in there. I walk in there, they're at the table smiling like idiots that just won the Nobel prize, and they hand me an open letter and tell me to read.

And my birthdays result in me being relevant for ten minutes of the hour at the pizza hut, and most of that is being asked about school and grades. The rest of the time is my parents and grandparents bitching about my drug addict unfit parent cousins. Like, my birthday is supposed to be about me, not them. And I am more than just school and grades, you would not believe how long it took me to realize that.

I have one bit of advice for anyone that might need it. Live your life for yourself for your reasons and never let somebody else live through you.

#personal #delete later #xni