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#shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
beetlerings · 4 months
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You’ll never guess who I’ve been drawing .
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ludibriadormonoteista · 10 months
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Edgy Teen Phase
*Ruby and Jaune are seen chilling in RWBY’s room*
Jaune: *On his Scroll* “Whoa! Haven’t seen this one in a while.”
Ruby: “Hm? Haven’t seen what?”
Jaune: “Oh, it’s a silly music clip that just popped up on my recommendations. I used to listen to it all the time during my edgy teen phase.”
Ruby: *Snort* “You had an edgy teen phase?”
Jaune: “Sure did. Everyone has it, Ruby. Afterall, you can only be fourteen once.”
Ruby: “Well, I’m fifteen and I never had an ‘edgy teen phase’.”
Jaune: “Huh… Are you sure you’re not in your edgy teen phase still?”
Ruby: “WHAT?!” *Punches his arm* “D-Don’t even joke about that! Where did ya get that idea?!”
Jaune: “Ow!” *Rubs his arm* “It makes sense though! For example, you dress mostly in black and red.”
Ruby: “So what if I do?”
Jaune: “That’s like, the edgiest color palett known to man!”
Ruby: “I just happen to like these colors, okay?!”
Jaune: “You also wear a hood on top of it. Hoods are pretty edgy.”
Ruby: “Oh, so you’re saying the original Little Red Riding Hood is also edgy?”
Jaune: “Maybe? I mean, have you seen those Old-War German stories that inspired nowadays fairy-tales? That stuff is hardcore.”
Ruby: “Listen here, mister… SHUT UP! So, you’re gonna watch the video or not?”
Jaune: “I wasn’t planning to, but… Eh, why the hell not? Tell you what, why don’t we watch it together? We can poke fun at it and have some laughs.”
Ruby: “That’s the smartest thing you said all day.” *Sits on his lap* “First one to cringe pays for the cookies!”
Jaune: “You’re on!” *Hits play*
-Later-
*_WBY & _NPR arrive*
Yang: “And then she said: Now that’s a kata-”
Blake: “You already told that story twenty times on the way here.”
Yang: “It’s hard to come up with filler conversation, okay?” *Slightly opens door* “Whoa, why is it so dark in there?”
Nora: “Someone hasn’t been paying the electric bill.”
Weiss: “…Oh, har har. You can all stop looking at me now.”
Blake: “As intriguing as this is, there’s a bookmarker with my name on it, so…”
Ren: “Hang on. Something’s happening inside.”
*They all peek in*
Jaune with his hood on and a flashlight under his chin:
How many fools can I kill today? Too many to count, don't get in my~ way
Ruby with her hood on and a flashlight under her chin:
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
In unison:
Tomahawk chop is my death blow
Weiss: *Whispering* “…What am I watching?”
Yang: *Starts filming* “I’ll tell you what you’re watching: Dad’s next Nondescript Winter Holiday present.”
Pyrrha: *Sigh* “It’s my edgy teen phase all over again.”
BNR: “Same.”
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mashpotatoe · 2 years
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how many fools can i kill today too many to count dont get in my way i shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow tomahawk chop is my death blow
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worldwake · 1 year
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I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow.. tomahawk chop is my death blow.. if you even care
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evildilf2 · 3 years
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My phone briefly autocorrected Smosh to Amish. Imagine, if you will, a world where Anthony and Ian Smosh were Amish instead of youtubers and we never got the assassins creed III song
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yoimiboi · 3 years
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How many fools can I kill today too many to count don't get in my way I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow tomahawk chop is my death blow
🎶TOMAHAWK TOMAHAWK🎶
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My FBI agent: im begging you to stop listening to the Smosh Assassin’s Creed 3 parody
Me: HOW MANY FOOLS CAN I KILL TODAY TOO MANY TO COUNT DONT GET IN MY WAY I SHOOT A MOFO IN THE THROAT WITH MY BOW TOMAHAWK CHOP IS MY DEATH BLOW
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lotrmynewobsession · 4 years
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Marry me
This takes place post LOTR, This is an  ANGSTY mofo
 Thanks to @Holy-Tolkien   ‘s  lovely article about Tolkien elves, I know that elves in fact do not have arranged marriages, but consider this a kind of AU.
Warnings: arranged marriage, dead Tauriel, slowburn?
summery: you and Legolas agree to be in an arranged marriage 
                                           [READ MORE]
 Legolas stared blankly ahead of him, wind fluttering strands of his hair around his face.
He did not know if he could love anyone like Tauriel, she still possessed him, body and soul. Even after all these years after she’d been gone. When they’d found her body in the edge of Mirkwood’s forest, deathly still in a patch of daisies beneath a great oak, he’d fallen to his knees, all color draining from his face. His father feared he would not make it.
He never fully realized how deeply her love for the dwarf ran, that when he fell so would she, crawling to the edge of their homeland, dying alone. He shook the memories away, swallowing against the tightness of his throat. He would meet his bride today.
He took in deep breaths to try and calm the waves of anxiety rolling through him. Lord Elrond had been gracious enough to host the meeting in Rivendell. Mirkwood Guards surrounded the courtyard, jst far enough to have range, so it could be as private a meeting as it could be. He could see a handful of travelers in the distance coming around the mountain, which was surely to be you. He sucked in air through his nose and straightened his shoulders. His father was oddly silent as he watched his son’s turmoil.  
“Legolas.” He murmured tenderly, tilting up his chin with a steady finger “Your mother and I were united this way. I would not have suggested it if I did not think you could be happy.” Legolas’ lips pursed, looking into his fathers ice blue eyes, usually empty filled with empathy. They had suffered the same loss, only Legolas had had lost twice. He nods, looking back to the road.  “I will try, Adar.” He promises. The corners of Thanduil’s lips quirk up. “she may be a blessing to us both.” He says stepping back as the sounds of clomping hooves reach them.
Legolas did not know what to expect, but it was not this.    
 He had envisioned an ornate carriage, some proper lady is a sweeping dress stepping out, sour look on her face.
Instead, a group of riders quickly reign in their horses, an elf with [h/c] hair jumping down and passing across to the girl on a horse parallel.
You smile down at your Adar as he carefully helps you down, your eyes shooting to the two pale figures waiting a few yards away. Your stomach tightens.
“Earendil.” Thanduil greets, stepping forward, two guards immediately flanking him on either side a step behind. Your father smiles, bowing his head slightly. “Your Majesty, thank you for meeting us in person.” “certainly, why don’t we negotiate the details while my son escorts Y/N inside.” Thanduil suggests, tilting his head towards the palace. Your father nods, eyes shooting to yours. You nod, silently trying to assure yourself. You internally brace yourself, eyes flashing to the young prince.
   He forced a smile you could feel wasn’t genuine.  Your own wavering smile showed your nerves. After a thick silence he clears his throat, coming closer, smiling a bit more genuinely this time. He introduces himself in a soft voice. “nin-est-na- Legolas.” His tounge wraps around the words beautifully, and you feel the tight ball in your stomach relase just slightly. “ nin-est-na- Y/N” you say, lightly looping your hand through his offered arm.
You both trail far behind your fathers, both not knowing what to say to each other.  Silently you watched your bags being taken by Mirkwood guards to what you presumed to be your room. Entering the threshold of the palace doors you see your fathers disappearing into a meeting room. you and Legolas craned your heads to look, seeing a table with scrolls rolled out, as well as a jug of wine, Thanduil pouring it into goblets. Legolas tugged you along before you both could get caught. You glanced at his face, jaw clenched and eyes wide as he stared ahead. It seemed you weren’t the only one that was terrified. He forced eyes down  to yours. “surely you are tired after your journey, might I take you to your room?” you nodded- a bit too quickly. “yes, that’d be lovely.” Your voice was strained, even to your ears. He snaps his head back to it’s earlier position, the air unbearably awkward between the two of you. He leads you up a wide staircase to a hall of rooms.
He stops in front of the first door, one he’d chosen so you’d have the best view of Rivendell. When you both stop, he staes intoyour eyes for a moment before picking up your hand to lay a kiss on your knuckles, bowing deeply before briskly walking away. You sigh, opening your door and shutting it, sliding down to curl up, hiding your face in the crook of your arm. “this is a disaster.” You mutter.
Tomorrow would be even worse, Your father had travelled with you most of the journey, but had his own affairs to attend to, so soon he leaves after the first day, and the prince and king take her back to Mirkwood to spend more time together for a period, see if they could work together, to see if you could love eachother. Your eyes filled with tears and spilled over as the orange sun fell through your window, soaking you with color. Your tears glittered on your cheeks.  
You thought of your father again and panicked. He wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye would he?
Tap tap. Your brows furrow as you stand, wiping your face with your sleeves before opening the door. You flung your arms around your father, who readily embraced you. “I don’t know.” You whisper, another tear escaping “I don’t know if I can do it.” You father shushed you gently, taking your face in his hands. “you are strong of will, with a loving heart, even if this doesn’t fall through, you have a home waiting for you. Send a message and I will arrive within a week.”
Your breathing calms and you smile, feeling calmer. “thank you Adar.” He hesitates. “I will be leaving shortly, are you sure you want this?” You think of Legolas’ face, and Mirkwood, a place you’d wanted to see sense you were small. “yes, I will try.” You decide. With another tearful goodbye you watch from your window as his party disappears onto the winding mountainside trail.
After a fitful sleep, a Rivendell sevant helps you dress, brushing out your hair. She quickly leaves once your ready, bidding you a safe journey.
Once you’d arrived in Mirkwood, you’d been whisked away to your room, Legolas trailing behind silently as a servant showed you around. She was far too chipper for your taste, but you found it amusing. “and here we are!” she sang, throwing open your guest suite. The left wall led to a large balcony, in the center of the room was a huge canopy bed, crème colored duvet contrasting well with the deep ochre floor.
“thank you.” You say, turning to look at Legolas. Your caught off guard when you gaze deeply into his eyes, like his icy blue eyes Drawing you in, your breath is sucked from your lungs. Your lips part and he seems to snap out of his daze. He clears his throat, folding his hands behind his back. “I was wondering…” “yes?” you prompt. “if you would accompany me in the forest, for target practice.” “oh, well yes.” You say “just let me change.” You say. He nods. “I’ll be back.” He promises
-------  
“So who’s idea was this? Yours or your fathers?” you say you release an arrow, it sailing past the target. Legolas stifles a laugh at your cocked head and annoyed expression. “My fathers, but..” he comes closer “like this.” His warm breath raises the hair on your neck. He corrects your form and you blink to bring the target back into focas. You pull the arrow back, and relase. It embeds itself into the outer ring and you grin. Legolas smiles staring at you. “so it was your fathers idea?”
“I agreed, eventually.” “why?” you ask. “why did you?” he counters. “your young, why the sudden need for a husband?”  you both stare at eachother. You lower your eyes “I wanted to fall in love.” Your eyes go back to his, immersed in his knit brows and questioning eyes. “I thought this was worth a shot.” You look away and his face softens. A humbleness settles in his chest as he locks eyes on his tarket, and hit’s on mark.
  Mereth Nuin Giliath; The Feast of Starlight
A week later was the annual feast of starlight, You and Legolas had spent every day together, and every day you both fell deeper into each other. The feast was a gala of dancing and feasting. Your cheeks heated up as you recalled how Legolas had held you close, asking in a whisper in your ear if you would accompany him. 
You were no fool, you knew what it meant, going to a public, sacred event side by side. It would bring gossip and whispers; it would silently solidify your claims on each other. You envisioned both of you dancing, in the face of stares, bodies close together. You smoothed your hands down the red silk of your dress, the skirt just slightly jutting out from your hips, before smoothly running to the floor. There were golden swirls decorating the bodice and back of the dress. The last detail was a dainty crown of golden leaves in the back of your pinned-up hair. There was a sharp knock at the door and the maiden that had helped you dress peeked open the door before opening it fully, bowing. “Greetings, cin highness.” 
She says quickly darting down the hallway. You meet his eyes in the mirror and Legolas seemed to lose his breath for a moment, eyes trailing your form. After a moment he steps behind you, fingertips grazing your arms, trilling goosebumps before gently placing a kiss on your shoulder, glittering blue eyes meeting yours “cin beautiful, nin mel.” (your beautiful, my love) your jaw drops. He had never called you that before now. Your fingers trail his jaw, and he unconsciously leans forward before he catches   himself, squeezing his eyes shut. “they will be waiting for us.” He reminds himself, cracking his catches himself, squeezing his eyes shut. “they will be waiting for us.” He reminds himself, cracking his eyes open. You laugh breathless and let him lead you downstairs.
The sight was something you’d never forget.
There were millions of candles hanging from the ceilings, mimicking stars as far as you could see, tabels stood overflowing with fruit and vegtables, jugs and trays of goblets ready to be distributed.  “I see some of your men are already enjoyng themselves.” You say, motioning to the tabel of Mirkwood guards, a few of them passed out, but most of them shouting and howling with laughter. You gasp and stunt a giggle when one of the men go flailing out of their chair, crashing onto the floor. Legolas good- naturdly rolls his eyes, fighting a smile. More and more guests filled in through the hour, and soon the palace was packed body to body. You both nudged past people in search of the king, the official celebration couldn’t begin until he and the king commenced it. Thanduil lounged on his thrown, empty goblet clutched in his hand. Seeing Legolas approaching he swiftly set the cup down and stood, a hush falling over all of the guests.
 “May the festivities begin.” He said shortly, sitting back down and slumping. Legolas’ eyes meet yours as he descends. “he always did these things with my mother.” He says “this was her favorite time of year.” You frown, placing a hand on his shoulder.  He looks at his father from the corner of his eye.
 “Let’s give him a reason to smile.” He said picking up your other hand, heading you to the floor. He stopped, twirling you and catching your waist, squeesing your hip with a grin. Your eyebrows shoot up as you both dance, and whispers start like fire lapping up gassoline all around you. A few couples join in, thankfully, but all of the stares are on the prince and his unknown elleth. Bodies twirled around you as Legolas stopped, taking your face in is hand. “Marry me.” A smile spread across your face.
“yes.”
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totallygamerlife · 3 years
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I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow
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beetlerings · 4 months
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Magnus ……. Love this guy so much, I can feel the autism coursing through my veins .
Based off of @/cretseliaa ‘s design on Twitter bee tee dubs
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Me driving carriages in Syndicate at first:
Okay. Careful, now, don’t want to hit any innocents, ‘cause Assassin’s don’t do that. Being veeery careful. Why are there so many people walking out in front of me? Ouch. Think I only bumped that guy, he’ll be okay. Very carefully going around this lady... Careful. Careful. Cool. OH NOOO. I just ran over a little boy! Noooo!!!
Me driving carriages in Syndicate now:
HOW MANY FOOLS CAN I KILL TODAYYYY?
TOO MANY TO COUNT! DON’T GET IN MY WAY!!!
(inspired by Smosh’s Ultimate Assassin’s Creed 3 Song)
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