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empoart · 11 months

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Unfinished pages from an unfinished Eurovision 2023 comic

#yeah I was overly ambitious once again #for two months a year my Eurovision obsession reaches a pathological stage #I planned 30-40 pages of a Eurovision 2023 Fantasy AU where Philipp Kirkorov is the big villain and #each artist has weapons/powers based on their song/performance #but who am I kidding of course I couldn't finish such a thing #esc 2023 #eurovision 2023 #so much time gone to waste #and yeah the monster is based on the 'Ça m’ennuie pas' performance

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skunkes · 5 months

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#i went and got Examined and Cleaned at dentist and of course paid with my own money #which i save for these exact reasons! health stuff #and i feel much better after going... like in general #i needed a cleaning its been a while since my last one #anyway i get home and both my parents are acting like it was all a waste of time and money #which makes sense bc like. this is only my second time ever going to a dentist. ykwim #i never went to doctors growing up because Waste Of Money We Dont Have #so obvs they think that way #but it Affects Me. ykwim. like oh i really am going to have insane obsessive massive self doubt over every decision i make until i die...ok #like maybe i shouldtve gone maybe it wldve gone away by itself i dont knowwwww #joining the war on All The Men In My Family Dying Bc They Dont Seek Medical Care on the side of the Men #talkys

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lesbiansanemi · 12 days

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New low. Sobbing in the floor of a dark empty apartment

#well. he’s gone.#it’s definitely relieving in a lot of ways #but….#my apartment is empty #when I moved to this city I had two of my best friends here with me #now I have no one #I will probably never talk to either one of them again #I lived with him for five years. we made our college plans together #and now my apartment is empty and I’m all alone and there’s no one to hear me cry #I feel so pathetic and miserable #and empty but overwhelmed all at once #I almost wish it was all my fault you know #cuz then at least I could pinpoint it I could figure it out #like oh… I’m a shitty person and I treated my friends badly and that’s why I lose them #but I’ve been the one who’s been used and tossed aside and discarded #and I’m alone in a dark empty apartment crying #and I know my old roommate and my old best friend don’t care #they’re both happy and having a good time and have not thought twice about me #and yeah. I feel pathetic #that even after everything I’m wasting grief on this #growing up my family always told me friends never amounted to anything #you had your family and your significant others and that was it you didn’t put everything you had into your friends #and I always thought that was stupid #and I loved my friends so much and I feel like I gave them so much I gave so many of them everything I had #and all I get is being alone and crying in an empty apartment #maybe my family was right I’m so tired of this I’m so so so tired #kaz rambles

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sysig · 2 months

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One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax!#Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!!#It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!!#Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u;#Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to -#Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/#It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :')#Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone?#''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔#That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :)#I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol)#I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers!#Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

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mattodore · 10 months

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"show off your music" tag 🎧 using this spotify app

this looks so sexy... anyway thank you for the little tag @machinegrl

tagging @wldestluv-rs @fizzytoo @rottengurlz @lucidicer @woohooincoffin @omgkayplays @void-imp @helltrait @raiiny-bay if any of you want to do it as well <3 no pressure tho obv!! also if you've already done this pretend i didn't tag you dkjnhk haven't scrolled very far back on my dash yet

#river dipping #playlist #gold guns girls is a song olly sent me bc it reminded him of matthias <3 so i spent hours listening to it #if it weren't for the repeated lines mentioning women i'd put it in his playlist but alas............... he is a gay man fdkjndjf #on my knees asking ppl to send me more music that reminds them of my ocs btw. i'm so normal abt it... :)#also........... god.........................................#listening to futile devices and thinking abt theo is enough to kill a person where they stand #i would know. typing this from the grave if you were wondering #famous last words / i'm a liar / silver / lemon eyes are all songs that if i'm listening to them i have to sing along. like i have to.#like it bursts out of me and then i'm banging my fist on the floor. like. literally. like actually.#ESPECIALLY i'm a liar. it makes me want to die and it's in the echthroi story playlist. god.#PLEASE TAKE ME HOME . BAM . WRAP ME IN A TOWEL . BAM . THE MARKS ARE ALL GONE AND I'M FEELING MYSELF AGAIN . BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM #CRAZY . IT'S JUST SO FUCKING CRAZY #lemon eyes turns my brain to mush too because it's SOOOOOOOO matthias coded.#like especially early on in mattodore's little situationship when theo was just. so jealous. like caustically so.#hush now baby there's no need to cry let me wipe away those lemon eyes......#all your worries such a waste of time... you can't even see how much you're Mine. . ....#I BET YOU WANNA WALK AWAY RUN AWAY LOOK AWAY TURN AWAY HONEY YOU CAN'T HIIIIIIIIDE #LEMON EYES YOU'RE MINE. YELLOW EYES ALL MINE.#YELLOW I WILL HAVE TO BITE YOUR TONGUE. . . SONGS THAT MAKE ME CLAW AT MY OWN SKIN

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meowmeowmessi · 1 year

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messistas can try to give this a positive spin as much as they want but this is the fumble of the century the kind of disastrous decision making skills at club level that i was talking abt there's no coming back from this

#remember that wasted potential comment. yeah that. he's exhibiting those tendencies again bc time is a flat circle #he fumbled the b'dor too i'm going to have to watch pep present messi's 8th to haalarse the sport is gone im going to die #he should've just retired after the wc bc what the hell is this. like there's no way he's staying fit in the mls #literally a bottom tier league that makes players like riqui puig look like maradona. it's less football and more business #like yeah sure he doesn't owe us fans anything etc etc but HE'S STILL THE BEST ITW LITERALLY GOING TOE TO TOE WITH THE BABY GOATS RN???#most dribbles in the top 5 leagues after vinicius most assists right after kdb i think and so much more #and he's taking all that to eagle land so some fat floridian can watch messi caviar ball????? WHAT #messi look me in the eye this isn't you #pep said without pressure messi gets bored oh it's so so joever he's actually finished he's packed it up #i'm going to need 50 business days to process this

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thethingything · 2 months

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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever #but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave #I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up #I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault #and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to #I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in #and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen #like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept #than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it #and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do #and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening #and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that #but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse #also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this #I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly #I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection #I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline #hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma #I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything #which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place

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sparksssflytv · 10 months

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#life is so weird right now literally nothing is exciting i wanna do all my favourite things but i dont have the energy and i just #don't see the point in anything #everything is stupid boring meaningless and it really really hurts bec im constantly feeling like im running out of time and wasting my 20s #like not even as a joke #like i know if I don't do things now I'll regret later in ny life but i just can't find the energy to do it even if i want to do it soo bad #and the fact??? that almost the entire year is ??? fucking gone?????? just like that?#its really depressing #i had so much planned for this year and so far i have just wasted it completely #im gonna throw up #im so sorry if anyone saw this #i just needed to vent

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pearl-kite · 2 years

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laurus nobilus - laurel

Fadeless affections; fame; glory; praise; prosperity; strength

delphinium - little larkspur - 💀

Airy; big-hearted; fickleness; levity; lightness

gladiolus - sword lily

Generosity; integrity; remembrance; strength; vibrancy

The yearly redraw of something I drew of Akos in 2019. I didn't think I'd be able to improve on Akos much so I put too much effort into the background. I like gold :B

2019 vs 2021

2020 exists on this blog but I don't like it, so if you want to check it out you have to go an extra step o3o;;;;;;

#digital art #art #artists on tumblr #draw it again #I still marvel at how much my baby's grown ;3;#I... may have gone a bit overboard with the background this time #I started this back in may and hated where it was going #but fiddled with it a bit recently and finally figured it was going well enough to finish and post #mainly because I didn't want the background to go to waste o3o #last year I didn't think I'd improve on akos and tbh I still prefer him from last year #like I think there are absolutely improvements this year #I just really like how he turned out last year o3o #flowers 🤝 wings #both overly detailed things I equally love and hate drawing #this really has just become an excuse to draw flowers #pk:ocs #pk:akos #16th birthday for him this fall o3o side character in my 2006 nanonovel to this so much growth ;3;#kirehn draws

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guinevereslancelot · 4 months

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snowdrop emoji when

#i cant keep saying 🌱🤍 it's literally not the same #i would pay real money to upgrade to more flower emoji options #sliding scale of colors first of all #also i would like a hydrangea 😤#also a crocus #anyway...#snowdrops my BELOVED #my fancy fancy ine is currently buried under snow but when it melts it should bloom soon :0 #bc its the FANCIEST i spent $35 dollars on it bc it has such a crazy bloom time #and imported it from the uk bc there's not many sellers here and the prices are crazy expensive lol #however the etsy seller is gone now its like 3x as expensive to import from the one uk seller who ships here #anyway i Will be wasting money on more fancy kinds to try to get one that will bloom for me at christmas but not until next year lol #no more wasting money on frivolous things until i have money #however i loveeee snowdrops so much 🤍#and would like an emoji #bc love is stored in the emoji #anyway!! someone with a huge snowdrop collection is going to gift me some special ones soon 🥺#im excited to see what she picks!!!#this has been a shitpost

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running-in-the-dark · 7 months

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I have like... two days (max) to come up with a new research question for my bachelor thesis. I HAVE TO officially register/sign up or whatever next week. that's the only way I'll be able to finish it + the oral examination part before my course stops existing at the end of February (my advisor basically assured me that the examination office wouldn't let me register after the end of October).

fuck, I was so motivated last month! I felt ready, I felt good about it, I was sure I'd be able to do it! and then that stupid fucking meeting with my advisor happened and now I feel more defeated and hopeless than ever before. I feel stupid. I feel like I can't possibly do this.

there's just nothing in my brain. it's empty. all knowledge from my entire time at uni (and school) has vanished. the last, oh I don't know, eight fucking years have just been too much. I really don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm able to. I don't know how to start over again.

#like I've gone from crisis to crisis #everything since my second semester in 2015 has been hell #like literally #I didn't learn much because I only had enough capacity to study for exams and not to actually remember any of it #and what little I did know I can't recall anymore #my brain is so useless now. I can't fucking think! I can't think about my thesis without wanting to die! I don't want to do this!#but if I don't. I won't get my degree. I'll have wasted so much money (not us levels of money but still a lot) and time and I'll have #nothing #I'll be fucked. I won't have a future. I'll be stuck staying at home and never having my own money. forever.#because there's no way I can do another degree. I can't do it. I can't.#I don't have work experience. I don't have any skills. I'm 31 and my body is a piece of shit and my brain is even worse #I couldn't even work as a cashier (I tried. it was bad.) or anything #I need this degree to have *any* chance of getting a job and I just.#yeah idk maybe that's why this is so goddamn overwhelming #personal

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yukikorogashi · 1 year

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Remember my friends, there are always going to be a bunch of haters and naysayers out there. And even if you also receive love and support from the other side, the former just LOVES having the stronger grip over you. Love knowing that what they say and think of you, ends up affecting you way more than the love and belief that you get from others. Making you think that you have nothing... that you, are nothing.

I need to start by saying that I know I’m not one of the greatest and most talented artists/designers out there, and know that I have a long, long way to go (And yeah, I welcome that journey, and of course look forward to learning more, and to continue improving!). But more importantly... getting here has NEVER EVER BEEN EASY in the first place. I am indeed progressing and am indeed reaching those dream goals of mine, but not without tripping over more than one obstacle everyday.

I have had lots of people laughed and looked down on me over the years, all from different age groups, areas of expertise, etc. People from other occupations laughing that I wanted to work in this area, instead of studying for a “real job”. One of my own art teachers even flinging my final year project down to the ground, and nearly even stomping her foot down on it, before storming right out (She was having a bad day, but it still wasn’t right for her to personally take it out on my art at the time). People that just... never took me and my skills seriously, but still think it was perfectly okay to take advantage of me and treat me like shit (Like my first supposedly real job out of college, that I was abused at for nearly a year, and only got paid $1000, that I was told I was even lucky to receive, in the first place).

And don’t get me started on how after drawing for decades now (Ever since I was born), I’m still hardly noticed on any of my Social accounts for my art to this very day. But, you know what? That sort of thing doesn’t matter that much to me these days... especially when all the clients I have worked with up to this point, are people that I personally reach out to through emails and stuff. Granted, it took a lot of time, but I am happy to say that I have mostly (MOSTLY) grown out of my self-hating phase. Because constantly tearing myself down, especially when it comes to anything I achieve, is just not the way to go, my guys. 💦

... And also, I will say that I am really lucky that I can share anything I create with a few very, very close pals, my dear friends who are always nothing but excited and supportive of me... Besides learning to hate myself less (And love myself more), I have learned that these are the people matter so much more, the people I should be tuning my hearing aid to.

So yeah, this goes back to one of my past posts, about being KINDER TO YOURSELF. About actually seeing and accepting that you truly are PROGRESSING, no matter how slow it may seem at times. Be prouder of yourself, GDI! Why are you spitting down on yourself, for actually putting in those attempts??? For actually TRYING? You are actually working so much harder than you realise!

But yeah... I am still drawing, despite all of that. I am still doing what I do, because...

I fucking love what I do, so, so much. Despite how hard it is (AND GOD IT IS HARD, DRAWING IS HARD, LOL!), despite how much I have to deal with, up to this very day. Despite how many times I have to survive on a few pennies, during some extra though periods... And this effort and perseverance has gotten me to FINALLY work with clients in time. And I hope to work with more in due time, as I continue down this path...

Anyway, don’t stop. DON’T YOU. EVER. STOP. When it comes to doing what you love. Get back up, ALWAYS GET BACK UP, whenever those folks try to trip you over.

And make sure you start listening to the folks that are actually CHEERING YOU ON, including yourself. Swing all that LOVE in your heart for that thing like a pillow and smack those haters in the face with it, before continuing your way towards your goals!

#(I don't know if I should put this in my posi//tivity tag because I am mentioning a lot of depressing things I have gone through)#(But the main message is)#(If you love something very very much-- don't you ever give up)#(What you create adds more beauty to the world itself)#(So DON'T YOU EVER STOP)#(Where are people who just want to hate and laugh are honestly wasting their time-- especially if they arent even giving constructive fb)#// long post #❄️BECKOWSKY SPEAKING! ❄️#❄️ QUEUE ❄️

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blueberry-beanie · 7 months

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it seems my obsession about a certain satirist is a double-edged sword

#i may waste a lot of time on very dumb things because of him #but in the next moment i start researching obscure topics #to the point that n searches for some transcripts at her university #today i was at the new library nearby (i should have gone earlier but i am always scared of new places and procrastinate)#disappointed by the history science and economy sections which are outdated or too simplistic (but i found a cool fact-checking book still!#currently dug up some book from 1986 written by dieter hildebrandt who was a famous satirist and honestly after some pages? seems good #not sure i've ever had an obsession that led to so much reading and researching so i guess it's a good thing and excuses the waste of time

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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years

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Anyone else having an absolutely unhinged week or is that just me