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trafalgar-law-wife · 3 years

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Squiddy and the Obey Me Brothers Relationships!

This is an Obey Me x Squiddy head-cannons. Squiddy is my Obey Me persona and this is her relationships with the brothers.

Lucifer

When Squiddy and Lucifer first met she was beyond terrified. I mean come on, bro is in his demon form pressing her out and threatening her life. If he asked her to jump, she'd ask how high.

When Lucifer first seemed to be warming up to her, she swore to Mammon that Lucifer was plotting her demise, and how him being nice to her was a ploy to make her drop her guard so she could slip up and he'd can punish her.

Honestly, it took a while for Squiddy to get close to Lucifer and let her guard down and truly trust him. Occasionally whenever the two hangout together for a drink, Squiddy will flirt with the oldest because she loves to see him flustered.

Mammon

Now with Mammon, Squiddy could relate to how his brothers were treating him, so she always made sure to be nice to him. After she helped him obtained his one true love, Goldie, Mammon asked why a weak human like Squiddy was being so nice to him, to which she responded, "Everyone deserves to be treated nicely, besides I bet you're a cool guy." And with that, Squiddy gained her first pact and oh so very clingy friend. she does not mind at all <3

Now just like Mammon, Squiddy has a bit of a money spending problem. She will happily go gambling with Mammon if that means she can spend more time AND buy her in game purchases, it's a win-win situation....until the both of them are running away from the casino after losing an all or nothing bet.

It goes without saying that these two got close real quick, often having sleepover's in her room, plotting how to make money by gaining pictures of Lucifer, going out together. Unlike Mammon though, Squiddy will not steal from the other brothers and is often stopping Mammon from doing so. But whenever it is just the two of them hanging out they just vibe, Squiddy casually flirts with Mammon, and the both of them telling each other things they'd never tell anyone else.

Leviathan

The moment Squiddy mentioned she liked anime and gaming, Leviathan thought he was living in one of his favorite anime's "This normie isn't totally a normie! She likes anime and gaming too! is she my soulmate?!?!?!" After explaining to him how this is not an anime, the two of them seem to hit it off. They both had even forgot about how he almost killed her a few days ago in a trivia quiz!

These two will spend hours in Leviathan's cosplaying, gaming, cosplaying WHILE gaming, binge anime, and binge anime while cosplaying. Half of the time while cosplaying they forget to lock the door, all of the brothers at some point has either seen the two of them half naked, in some questionable costumes, odd poses, the whole shebang.

Now Leviathan is in no way calm with Squiddy whenever she decides to just get dressed in cosplay in his room, he's a babbling mess. Looking away, sneaking small glances at her, gets flustered and goes on a rant about how much easier this would be if she just got dressed in her room, yet insists for her to get dressed in his room when doing the more...revealing cosplay's because he didn't want his brothers seeing Squiddy like that.

When it's just the two of them, Leviathan is a panicked mess whenever she sit near him, lay with him in his bed, or even share the same blanket. The both of them are competitive during games....doesn't mean Squiddy is good at competitive games, but a simple flirtatious comment is enough to keep Squiddy's win streak high against Leviathan.

Satan

Like Lucifer, Satan scared Squiddy, especially after finding out about his torture books. After being reassured for months that he'd never her, Squiddy began to slightly relax, until he got upset about her denying to make a pact with her. Now she was definitely avoiding him, always hiding behind Beelzebub or Leviathan whenever Satan entered the room. This amused Satan for awhile until he felt the urge to get closer to her.

Satan approaches Squiddy with a simple question "Do you like to read?" And Squiddy responded with "If manga and fan-fiction counts then definitely!" Satan has never heard of fan-fiction and demanded Squiddy explain to him what is was. She immediately pulls out her D.D.D and goes to an human world app called 'Wattpad' and proceeded to show Satan the safer options of what she reads. She explains to him what it is and he is utterly disappointed in what she had said. He laughs at her and proceeds to grab her wrist and take her to him room. All day Squiddy was held captive in Satan's room being forced to listen to him read fantasy and other fiction books. Simply because he though she might like them. he was not wrong

These two can be caught in the library reading whatever Satan picks out, because he plans to show Squiddy the wonders of "true literature"

Asmodeus

Squiddy feared of Asmodeus, not because he appeared intimidating, but because she didn't want him to figure out what type of things she's into. She's aware that his seduction doesn't work on her yet she still refuses to look him in the eye. Squiddy enjoys hanging out with him but hated how she became a flustered and stuttering mess around Asmodeus. The way he would caress her body, whisper compliments in her ears, it drove her crazy.

Squiddy didn't mind doing skin care routines with Asmodeus, she always told herself in the human world that she'd get into one and never stuck with it, so its nice to have a demon to constantly remind her about it. During these skin care routines Asmodeus is constantly flirting with Squiddy and it throws her in for a loop. Squiddy was never the one being hit on, she was the one hitting on her friends; her SHY friends. Asmodeus loves to see Squiddy hot and bothered but obviously wont do anything without her consent.

It took Asmodeus about a month to figure out what Squiddy was into, and when he confronted her about them she absolutely panicked. He noticed the way she'd intensely stare at the brothers hands, or the way she'd crossed her legs in her seat whenever she got called certain names, or the way whenever she sat on his lap and he'd do what he normally does flirting, touching, or teasing, how he'd feel her core throb on his leg, and so much more. It was all too cute for Asmodeus not to bring it up. Squiddy tries to fight for her dignity, but alas, nothing gets past the Avatar of Lust.

Beelzebub

Beelzebub's height intimidated her, I mean bro literally towered her, but she did loved it at the same time. Beel was always kind to Squiddy because she never touched his food. When Squiddy mentioned how she wanted to help get his brother back, and fix him and his brothers relationship he was elated. He'd join Squiddy and Mammon in her room to have movie nights and even teach Squiddy how to make him and his brothers favorite meals.

Beel will willingly share his food with Squiddy if she asks, he doesn't mind at all. When he found out about Squiddy's sweet tooth he used her favorite desserts to bribe her into working out with him, he knows Squiddy is not in shape athletically, and he wants her to be healthy. So for every 3 weeks she works out without any complaints, he'll take her out to Devildom's best bakery for a dessert binge.

Squiddy has insomnia, and she will often go to Beel's room and snuggle into him because he's a great cuddler in Squiddy's opinion. Unlike Levi's tub she doesn't wake up with neck cramps, unlike Mammon, Beel isn't sprawled across her uncomfortably. Unlike Asmo, Beel isn't constantly trying to get a rise outta her, Unlike Satan...Beel's bed is actually useable, Belphie is a instant no from Squiddy, she doesn't want to bother Lucifer with her insomnia knowing he has a bunch of work to do. So that leaves Beel, a gentle giant who keeps his warm embrace until the morning. or until he gets hungry in the night.

Belphegor

Squiddy actually liked Belphie when she was helping the demon brother to escape his imprisonment. She was overjoyed when she saw the barrier keeping him locked in his prison be broken. That was before he killed her. That was before Squiddy traveled back in time and watched her past self bloody body being held in Mammon's arms as he sobbed. This made her heart shatter. When she made eye contact with Belphie and he went to kill her again, she decided that she would never forgive Belphie.

Literally the next day when Belphie was being all lovey dovey towards Squiddy she was disgusted. She couldn't believe homeboy, didn't even give her time to recover from what she saw. Squiddy is still respectable towards Belphie, especially around the other brothers but she is extremely passively-aggressive towards him. She refuses to do group work with him, and refuses to have a conversation longer than 5 minutes with him.

He knows that he cannot change the past so he returns the passive-aggressive attitude but will do anything she say in hopes that she’ll forgive him one day.

#obey me beelzebub #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me fanfic #obey me headcanon #obey me x oc #obey me x mc #obey me x original character #obey me headcanons #headcanon #house of lamentation

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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Discredit Pt. 2: More Recommended Reviews For A.Z. Fell’s

Alright, folks. Some notes first:

1. You all rock. I’m sending out 20k+ virtual hugs for all the notes I NEVER expected to get on this nonsense.

2. This is probably the final section, just because I’m not sure I can adequately follow up part one and it might be foolish to attempt it here. Let alone twice. But for now, here we go.

3. Kudos to the anon who reminded me of Aziraphale’s cash-only policy <3

4. Nicole Y’s review is based off an actual comment I read years ago, but heaven only knows where online it was. I’ve got the memory of a goldfish.

5. Trigger warning for the use of a queer slur in this. It’s the same review as above, number 5 if you want to avoid it.

6. There’s a text-only version of just the reviews at the end, after all the images. I’ll upload that to my Sparse Clutter collection on AO3 in a bit.

Bonus 7. People thinking this is a real shop deserve all the good things in this world.

That’s all I’ve got. Hope you enjoy! 👍

****************************************************************************

I’m a simple guy who likes simple jokes. If there’s a whoopee cushion I plant it. I will call you up to ask if your refrigerator is running and then tell you to go catch it. (Actually that one died out so thoroughly it’s actually capable of a comeback now!). Yes, I’m a dad and yes, I have a t-shirt that says Dad Jokes? I Think You Mean Rad Jokes! which I wear un-ironically every Saturday. All of which is just to say that my wife was well prepared for my stupidity when I walked into Fell’s.

I? I was not.

You see the bibles when you walk in? The ones to the left? Let them be. Don’t even look at them. Definitely don’t pick out the fanciest one you can find and absolutely don’t walk up to the owner with it held in your pudgy little fingers, grinning like a loon, cheerfully asking whether this should be in the fiction section. Just don’t. Mark my words you’ll regret it. Though your wife won’t. She’ll get a great old laugh out of it all.

In conclusion: it’s quite possible that mama did raise a fool and he just got his ass verbally whooped by a guy in a bowtie.

***

Shout-out to Mr. Fell for being the only decent bloke in this city. I’ve popped in and out of his store for years—including before I started transitioning. So he knew my dead name, dead look, whole shebang and I was definitely nervous to play the ‘You know me, but this is what’s changed and are you gonna throw a fit about it?’ game.

You know what he said? “Oh, Rose! What a lovely choice. Crowley dear, why aren’t you growing any roses? Some white ones would look splendid next to my Henredon chair.”

That’s it. He just went straight into dragging his partner for not giving him roses. So hey, Mom? Next time you’re snooping through my social media why don’t you explain to all these nice people why the 50+yo book seller accepts me in ways you won’t. Don’t go telling me age is an excuse or that you’re ‘Stuck in your ways.’ I’ve watched Fell dress in the same damn clothes since I was ten!!

Yeah. Sorry. Rant over. Fell’s a gem. That’s my take. Rose out.

***

Anyone else in the shop when that guy started yelling about buying pornography? And then got escorted into the back room for some ‘private conversation’? Well done, Mr. Fell! Didn’t know you had it in you.

***

Alright alright alright alright I am TOTALLY calm about this.

Went into A.Z. Fell’s last Thursday. Not because I knew anything about the place. Just because I’ve been hitting up every bookshop within a twenty-mile radius, asking if they’re hosting any book signings. Long story short I self-published my novel Blight last month—which you can get for a mere £5 here but I swear this isn’t a promotional thing I’m just BROKE—and have been looking for networking opportunities, tips, stuff like that. So the owner listened politely as I explained all this. Then said he didn’t do anything of that sort, which didn’t surprise me given the shop’s vibe.

But then? Then??? He offered to let me do a signing there??????

As said. Totally calm about this. This man either plans to kidnap me or is actually giving me my first shot at an audience outside my blog. AKA totally worth the risk.

Tuesday the 9th. 7:00pm. Just in case anyone’s interested ;)

***

holy sweet baby jesus i was tripping balls last week you tryin’ to tell me that kING KONG SIZED FANGED FUCK SNAKE IS REAL

***

Witnessed the most perfect exchange the other day:

Grumpy Dude With No Manners: “You. Boy. Where’s the man I spoke with over the phone?”

Mr. Fell’s Partner Who Knows Damn Well Only Two of Them Work There But Clearly Doesn’t Like This Guy’s Tone: “Did this man give you his name?”

Grumpy Dude: “Might have. Don’t remember. Sounded like a fairy though.”

Me: “....”

My girlfriend: “....”

This Poor Sweet Startled Kid On Our Left: “?!?!?!?”

Fell’s Partner In The Drollest Voice I’ve Ever Heard: “None of us have wings. Out!”

***

This shop gets full stars simply because every time I walk in they’re playing Queen.

I mean, I’ve walked in once, but once is enough when you’ve got Crazy Little Thing Called Love blasting full volume.

***

Okay, I’m still kind of shaken up but I needed to write this out somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

I spilled my latte on a book. Just tripped on thin air, popped the lid, and chucked a venti’s worth of coffee all over a very expensive looking text. I didn’t mean to, obviously, but it happened and I just started bawling on the spot. Full on sobs because this semester has been absolute hell, I ruined this guy’s antique, there’s no way I can pay for it, I can’t even sneak away because I’m drawing the whole store’s attention...just all the things all at once. I really was straight up panicking and was seconds away from pulling out my inhaler. I couldn’t breathe.

And then Mr. Fell showed up.

Jesus it’s embarrassing to admit but I think I hit him once or twice. On the arms I mean, because he was trying to touch me and I figured, I don’t know, it was a restraint or something. He was going to call the police and hold me until they got there. But then he managed to start rubbing my back and I lost it like I hadn’t already been bawling my eyes out in this shop. Ever cry into a perfect stranger’s chest? I have! But if Mr. Fell seemed to mind he definitely didn’t show it. Just kept holding me while I probably ruined his shirt and then took me into the back and made me a new coffee in this cute little angel mug. He let me stay there while I called my sister and waited for her to arrive.

She’s a good twenty minutes outside of Soho, so we talked for a while. It’s not like Mr. Fell could fix my shit roommate or bio classes, but I guess just talking about it all really helped. I was a lot calmer by the time my sis arrived and Mr. Fell insisted I come back any time I wanted—for browsing or more coffee.

Of course, sis offered to pay for the book herself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so surprised in my life. “Certainly not!” he said. “Contrary to popular belief, no one should pay for their mistakes. It’s what makes you all so wonderfully human.”

So yeah. Thanks, Mr. Fell.

***

This little shop must have started a book club for kids! Lately I’ve seen the same group of children hanging out at Fell’s. Three boys and a girl. They’re a bit rambunctious at times, but who isn’t at that age? So wonderful seeing literature passed down to the next generation. Even if some of it is rather questionable looking...

***

It’s an honest crime that more of you aren’t talking about what a wonderful bookstore this is.

I’m a book lover at heart and Fell’s always makes me feel like I’m coming home. I just arrived somewhere safe and familiar after a particularly harrowing day. I’ve slipped under the covers of my bed after dinner and a bubble bath. It’s something like that, but with an element of surprise too. One of the reasons why I adore private and used shops over chain stores is that little touch of chaos. You walk in and sure, there are general sections to browse, but everything is just a little bit disorganized from people leafing through books and then putting them back somewhere else. There’s no real record keeping, you’ve just gotta head to one particular corner and hope for the best. It’s not the sort of place you go to if you want something specific because the chances of them having it are slim—that’s just how the universe works—and even if they did no employee knows where it is anymore.

But if you wander the shelves for a while, crouch down low to get a look at everything on the bottom shelf, pay attention to the books that don’t have easy to read titles or any summaries to speak of... you just might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. That’s Fell’s: the comfort of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown.

*** A lot of people might assume that these stories are embellished or outright made up, but as a bookseller myself going on twenty years I believe every single one of them.

That being said, I accidentally moved a rug and found chalk sigils that look like they belong in a cult. Make of that what you will.

***

There’s a special place in hell for 21st century shop owners that only take cash. Who carries cash anymore? Not me! I haven’t bothered with that nonsense in years! You can get a card reader for 15 pounds on Amazon. Or you know what? Be stingy and pay 7 for the little attachment on your phone. This place is nuts if it thinks it’s going to survive much longer on a cash-only policy, especially with some books that look like they’re worth hundreds or thousands of pounds! Yeah, yeah, just let me pull out this giant wad of bills for you. I’ll carry them around a crime-laden city because there’s no ATM near you either.

I mean jesus, you’d think this guy didn’t want to sell anything.

***

I walked in. There was a man screaming at a fern while another threatened him with an umbrella. I walked out.

5 stars do recommend.

***

I once walked in on the same (?) guy yelling at a book for daring to fall on the owner’s head. I think that’s just a Thing over there.

***

Like a lot of people here I didn’t actually go to Fell’s for any books (flat tire, Angel Recovery taking forever) and ended up staying three hours (not because of Angel). No, I wandered towards the back and found this ancient CRT set propped on a table of books, the kind that my Dad used to watch Twilight Zone on. This lanky guy had a marathon of Gilmore Girls going... though how he was managing that with a broken antenna and no DVR, I really don’t know. But yeah. He told me to pull up a chair and I did. Guy gave me popcorn.

I wish I’d paid a little more attention to his name. Charlie? Curley? I really can’t remember, but thanks for the enjoyable afternoon, man.

***

I BOUGHT A BOOK HERE

Not sure how though. Just kinda happened. First edition of Just William. Frankly I didn’t even want the thing, but the owner basically shoved me out the door with it when I took two seconds to look at the spine. Odd that he was so willing to part with this one.

Update: ... hold up. I didn’t buy a book because I never actually paid the guy. ‘Basically shoved me out the door’ was literal. Do I go back??

***

This page has really gone feral the last couple of months so I’m just gonna bite the bullet and say it:

Anyone notice that Fell’s snake and Fell’s partner are never in the same room together?

***

I really don’t like the implications of this…

***

This is precisely why the Internet has turned into a cesspool. You all should be ashamed of some of the stuff you’re writing here. Can’t two men just be friends anymore? Two real life men? These guys aren’t some characters for you to ‘ship’ or whatever. Quit making outrageous assumptions about their sexualities and use this website for what it’s actually for: reviewing the bookshop. Honestly I’m so sick of this sort of this shit.

***

Dude. They run a queer-focused shop together with a flat on the second floor. Fell calls the guy ‘Dear’ and he’s always calling him ‘Angel.’ People have literally seen them kissing. If you want I can give you the number of my physician. He might be able to help you pull your head out of your ass.

***

What the hell is your problem? I’m literally just reminding people to stop making assumptions. It’s gross and insulting. These guys check their Yelp page. You really think they’re gonna be okay with this stuff?

Also: I’m not the five-year-old relying on insults, so.

***

Making an account purely to set the record straight: I’m the hot twink in question and I married that angel. Peace

#good omens #ineffable husbands #air conditioning #good omens fic #guess who spent 48 hours doing nothing but writing and formatting #can I get a wahoo

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shittyfandomimagines · 5 years

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Always Fix It

This is sloppy. I’m tired. I don’t wanna work tomorrow.

GIF creds to owner

“Ahh, my favorite person!” Manny opened the door after I knocked. “What’s up!” I hug him and he kissed my head. “We’re just waiting on you and Shawn, who isn’t with you?” He seemed just as confused as I was.

“Yeah, I think he’s at the studio still, I just decided to come over here without him.” I put my jacket on the rack, Manny leading me to the dinner table.

“My girl!” Karen yells and I hug her tightly. “Where’s Ali?” I ask and they both give me a look. “Wanted to go out with friends, family time is annoying at this age.” Karen rolls her eyes and it makes me chuckle.

I absolutely love Shawn’s family, they let me come to their house when Shawn’s on tour, they constantly invite me out for supper, they check in on me at least once a week, I couldn’t ask for a better relationship with my fiancé’s family.

“Well, let’s sit down. Want anything to drink?” She asks and I hesitate before I sit down. “I’ll get a glass of water.” I turn and Manny stops me. “I got it!”

I smile warmly and sit down with Karen, Manny comes back soon with a glass of wine and water. I give my thanks before sipping on it slowly. The food on the table looked absolutely wonderful, roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, beans, rolls. I mean the whole shebang.

“It looks amazing Karen, sorry Shawn isn’t here yet.” I pout a little, I wasn’t surprised honestly. It’s been like that for weeks now and I don’t know how he wanted me to feel about it. Maybe it’s been months, I don’t know, I’ve just learned to cope with it.

“He’d show up late to his own funeral if he could.” Manny joked and I felt like it was Shawn here, I missed his sense of humor and dad jokes.

“How’s the planning going?”

“Oh you know, slowly but surely. Shawn’s been so busy, it’s kind of hard to come to an agreement.”

“He is helping, right? Don’t let him make you do it on your own.”

His mom's scolding was cute, but I still felt the need to lie for him. He didn’t help a bit on the wedding plans, even when I asked and I never realized how much I’ve done alone until now.

“He helps when he can!” I lie straight through my teeth and I see her give me a weary smile.

I look at my phone shortly, hoping Shawn had sent a message to my previous one asking if he’d show up. There was absolutely no response and it was not even seen.

“Y/n, tell us about your promotion! Your mom had mentioned it at work the other day.” I smiled at the friendship between both of our moms, it was amazing. It also helped that they worked together at a real estate company.

“I get to go to the firms and work with the lawyers now, instead of just sitting on the sidelines. I’ll most likely do paperwork or assistant type things, but it’s still the idea of sitting with the council. I finish law school soon so this is just perfect training.” I explain and Manny’s eyes widen.

“No way! That’s amazing hun! Is that why Shawn posted that picture at the club the other night? A good celebration?” He asks and my smile faltered. “Um, well no. He, he went out with his friends to celebrate the song they finished. I worked at the restaurant that night.” I explained and their faces fell too. Truth was that I didn’t even get the chance to tell him, he was so excited about that song that I didn’t want to try to outdo him on it. He had been in a lyrical bend for a week prior to that day.

“Well, you two got to celebrate right?”

“Not exactly, but it’s okay! I celebrated with my mom and dad, though. It’s nothing that big! I mean once I graduate law school, it’ll be a big deal.”

“That’s not right, you worked so hard to get moved up. We’ll throw a party for Shawn’s side. You deserve all the praise.”

—

“Well, it’s been 20 minutes, let’s dig in. No sense in the food getting cold.” Manny said and I made a small plate of food. The nerves of tonight made my appetite decline.

We all ate in almost silence, I had sent Shawn a few voicemails and texts. The knots in my stomach were mostly from overthinking a lot of things in my life.

I felt like everything had been downhill since the proposal, which sounded completely awful. I feel like he did it to just keep me at bay for a while, make sure I was content so he could stay in the studio. I had nothing against his music and I love it fully; but if there ever came a day to wed me or wed his music, I’d be afraid of the outcome.

He’s such a hard worker and I would never want to make him choose, but I feel like I’m a little baby and giving me a ring was like giving me a pacifier; it kept everything at bay with planning and I didn’t have time to realize his total absence.

I felt like I could vomit just at the thought, so I slowly halted my eating. “Everything okay?” Karen’s eyes danced with worry and I nodded quickly. “Ate too fast.” I lied. They tried to ignore it and I just continued to look down at my plate sadly.

My mind went back to what Manny said about the clubbing, my heart hurt that I didn’t even get the chance to tell him. I knew I couldn’t be mad at anyone but myself because I could tell him at any point, but my good heart just tells me to let him have his moment.

“I made your absolute favorite dessert, Peanut Butter Pie, with cookie crust because you hate pie shells!” Karen was thrilled and I smiled warmly. “You’re too good to me.” That wasn’t was a lie for sure; they were both gracious and wonderful.

I took a small bite of the pie, my heart was so happy to have them but my fear of losing them made my heart soar. All of the doubts I was having right now made me panic internally.

The thoughts of Shawn maybe not wanting me as a wife and only doing this to satisfy me made me worry.

The front door opened and my heart hoped it was Shawn for sanity sake, but it was his beautiful sister. “Y/n!” She came to my side to give me a hug.

“Where’s Shawn, he bailed again?” She groans and I felt tears spring to my eyes. I kept my head low as I nod. “Yeah, I guess he’s just so busy.”

I felt all of them staring at me, I didn’t want to let them see me bawl my eyes out, so I shot up quickly to hide in the bathroom.

—

After a good 5-8 minutes of crying softly, a knock was placed on the door of the downstairs bathroom. “Hey doll, it’s Karen. Can I come in?” She asks so sweetly, I turned the lock carefully.

“Sorry about that.” I wiped the tears off and sniffled loudly. “Hey, there’s no need to apologize to me. I raised two kids and I’ve seen plenty of tears.” She got on the floor with me, I felt awful about that.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong? Was it us?” She asks and I look at her scared eyes. “No way! Your family is beyond amazing to me and my family. I just feel a little bad today, no biggie.” I brush it off to make her feel better and she pouts.

“My son is the problem, talk to me so I won’t have to punish my grown man-child.”

“I’m just not enough for him, you know? I’m average, I work a crappy internship and at a small restaurant to feel validated to him. I’m overly clingy and my heart is too sweet to let someone I love know they’ve absolutely crushed me. I’m average looking, I could lose some weight and I’m actually trash. I don’t like all the fancy things like Shawn, I don’t really fit into his lifestyle. Honestly, he probably doesn’t even want to marry me! I mean it’s like there's a ring, please stay hopeful that I love you and try to plan a wedding for a superstar and his mid-average fiancé.” I was ranting and blabbering, my tears had resurfaced before I had the first sentence finished.

“You don’t mean that. There’s no way you could possibly not be enough for him. I remember the day he came home from your first date, the whole hour prior to leaving he hated that I set him up with a coworkers daughter. Then, he came home with those sparkly eyes and was talking to Manny about how unrealistic you were. How crazy that something that good could possibly show up in his hectic life. He told his dad that he couldn’t wait for the next second he got to spend with you.” She explains and I smile at the memory.

“Yeah, that was then though. I’m still below average and I really don’t fit in anymore. That boy is constantly changing and I don’t know if I can keep up with me being my boring self.”

“I thought the same with Manny, he was a business owner and I sold houses, I wasn’t that special. I was afraid I couldn’t keep up but it turns out a good team knows how someone has to carry the torch a little bit further ahead. Some days you’ll be at the same pace or there are other days where someone is the turtle. It isn’t about who is ahead or behind, it’s about how you cross the finish line together.”

“I understand what you mean, I just don’t know how to ever approach him. I lied earlier, Shawn doesn’t even know I got promoted. I was going to tell him but he was so happy to finally get a song done, I knew he was in a rut. I can’t even make him happy and I know music does, I knew I could’ve told him anytime after that but I thought it was dumb too because it’s insignificant to his happiness. I wouldn’t want to bore him.”

“He loves you, he would be happy to hear that you’re happy. He brags about you constantly, he even bragged when you made it through your first tattoo session. He loves you.”

“I guess, I can’t remember the last time he said it nor can I remember the last time he slept in bed with me. I mean I know he’s asleep in the house because he’s thinking of a song but I miss him. I can’t ask him to give up music, I’m not that important compared to that.”

I tried so hard not to sob my eyes out in front of my soon-to-be-mother in law. I really didn’t want to even talk to her about it because I shouldn’t load my drama onto her about her son. I should’ve just cried myself to sleep like any other Thursday night.

“The night before he proposed, he came over to show us the ring. He bought it somewhere in Italy months prior because he knew that was the ring he wanted on your finger. I know he’s an idiot sometimes, he’s my spawn so I can say it, but he does love you. Manny talked about me that way when we were dating, engaged, and still now. I know he’s a mess but he does love you.”

I give her a hug and pull back to grab some tissues off the counter. I wipe the rest of my tears off for the sake of Karen and I’s relationship. I was still hurting so bad because his mom was telling me this but not him. It’s held minimum value even though I loved her.

We both stood up and I had a weak smile. “I shouldn’t have even done that, I’m so sorry. I’ll see ya Karen, love you bye!” I zipped out of the bathroom and bolted to the door.

“Wait!” Ali’s voice stopped me and I turned to her worried face. “Are you and Shawn do? Is everything okay?” She asked quickly and my heart broke. I didn’t even think that far. “It’s all good sweet girl, I just need to go home. I love you okay?” I kiss her forehead, bid Manny goodbye, and made it back to my car before the 4th round of tears.

—-

I found my way to the old walkway behind our old apartment. It wasn’t as awkward as it sounded because behind our old apartment meant 2 miles down the road yet it was accessible somewhere close to the house. Not important. I walked up to the trail, the stars were shiny and the slightly red moon was beautiful.

My phone was buzzing off the hook; between my mom, Shawn’s mom, Ali, and then Shawn. I could only imagine that his mom went off on him.

Deciding to turn off my phone seemed to be the best bet for now. I know it’s hard to love in our generation, even more so when my love is displayed online. And between such a caring family. Therefore, it’s so much for satisfying to just breathe.

I hadn’t even noticed that an hour had passed, I just felt so at ease with the cool air and pretty sky. The tears were off and on but they weren’t as bad. I had to at least face Shawn, even if it was cliche, we never left things hostile or rough between us.

When I pulled up to the house, Shawn’s car was parked there and I could see all the lights on. I took a deep breath before unlocking the door.

“Y/n?” Shawn’s voice was traveling down the stairs as ran down them. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Where’ve you been? My mom told me something wasn’t right and she was concerned for us. Ali said she’s afraid you’re gonna leave, dad wants to murder me. Baby, please tell me what’s goin’ on.” He tried to take my hand and I pull it away, sticking them into my pockets.

“W-we need to talk.” I stutter out and I could see every ounce of fear soak through his body

He leads us to the dining room table and I see the flowers there, I try not to smile. “I picked them up before my mom yelled at me over the phone.”

“I’m not good enough for you.” I rip the bandaid right off and his eyes widen. “Are you insane? You’re more than enough.”

“I could probably never make you as happy as music or touring can. I don’t really have anything interesting about me anymore. I got promoted at work and the more I think about it, the more I realize that it isn’t that special.”

“Babe-“

“Wedding planning is very stressful. I don’t think you want to really marry me, I mean it’s not like you are right? I mean it was probably just a way to settle me down so you could work on music. Don’t get me wrong, I support you like I support eating chicken nuggets, but you don’t even help. I can’t remember the last time you said you loved me and I tell myself that you're busy with work so you don’t want to sleep with me, but maybe I’m just not something you want to wake up or fall asleep to anymore.”

“Can I plea-“

“I used to always be afraid that you would wake up one day and realize that I’m not enough. I-i think we both see that now. So I get it if you want to leave me, I’m not meant for your constantly changing lifestyle. I don’t like the same fancy things as you and maybe you’re meant to be with someone fully committed to the same things you love. I’m sorry.”

I had tears rushing down my face as I cried loudly, I didn’t even like to cry in front of him, but it didn’t help that he also had tears in his eyes.

“Baby, I love you more than I think anyone has ever loved something. I’m so sorry I neglected you and you are perfectly validated in my eyes. You never ever have to question if you’re enough because I’m the one questioning if I am. I literally don’t know how you love someone constantly on the move. You give so much of yourself to me and I could never thank you enough. I love you so much and I guess I never realized how absent I’ve been in our love.” He stopped his speech for a second to let out a very pained choke of air, I wanted to reach for his hand but it felt like mine weighed a thousand pounds.

“I wanted to marry you after our 3rd date. That sounds so silly but I wanted a ring on your finger for years now, but I knew I needed to wait when the time was right. I- I can’t believe I have made you think I didn’t love you or want to be with you solely for the reason that I get to be a family with you. It was never ever the reasoning you think, I did it solely because the love I feel for you couldn’t be contained to just a boyfriend. I’ll help you restart planning or help you find someone to plan it, whatever you want, I’ll do. You’re my fucking soulmate. I’m so sorry.”

He cried and never looked me in the eyes, I honestly have never seen him cry this hard. It didn’t matter how sad I was over our relationship, I couldn’t stand to see his pain this intensely.

“I didn’t lay with you because I didn’t want to wake you up, I knew how hard you’ve been working to get promoted at the firm, I didn’t want you being sleep deprived because of my constantly moving figure. Which by the way, I am so happy you’re promoted. You literally deserve it all because you are the hardest working woman I know. I wish you would’ve told me sooner. Oh God, I love waking up to you and id do some questionable things just to get to hold you at night. I could never love my music as much as I love you, music makes me happy but you make me live. You know me like the back of my hand, I could never possibly unlove you. I am so sorry, please understand.”

“I do understand and I should’ve come to you sooner, I’m just afraid Shawn. Always.”

“I am too, but I know there is no one else I’d rather face every tomorrow with. Can we call it a truce and let me make you a bowl of ice cream? I can put on Mulan and hold you.” He raised his eyebrows.

Nothing made my heart soar like that mischievous smile that also held so much love. “Fine, I could care less about anything m we watched or ate, I just want you.”

“So you don’t care about anything we get to eat?” He smirked

“You’re on thin ice buddy, thin ice.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes masterlist #shawn mendes preferences #shawn mendes posts #shawnmendesblurb #shawnmendesimagines #shawnmendesmasterlist #shawnmendespreferences #shawnmendes #shawnie boy

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onthepageoftears · 5 years

Text

Grand Plea (Sean Wiley x Reader) // Sex Education

A/N: Not sure how I feel about this one (since Sean wasn’t my fave character from sex education...) but I hope whoever suggested it is okay with it!

Request: would you be willing to writing about sean wiley (maeve's brother) maybe something along the lines of meeting him when he makes that g r a n d plea at the store when they're shopping for maeve's dress? love yaaaa <3

Warnings: mentions of army/death, veterans, orphans, and smoking; language

Words: 993 (so short i knowwww)

Please Don’t Plagiarize My Work!

(lol this is the closest gif i could finddddd)

You had been helping your sister shop for a dress when the boy made his announcement. At first you just spaced out, thinking it was another warning about shoplifting. But then you realized the boy in the front, who was great at putting on a show, was telling a sob story of a painfully obvious fake past. Orphans, father died in the army, the whole shebang.

You rolled your eyes at the scene. You had done your share of dramatization in the past; having a single mother, it was hard for your family to get by. Still, when you made up lies to get some extra food on the table, or some Christmas presents for your younger siblings, you did it right. Simple and quick was best, and always was.

And after the boy finished talking, you almost felt bad for him. No way anybody would believe this crap; but then you looked around you. Everyone was either dabbing their eyes or holding a hand to their heart in understanding. Even your sister, who was mid sentence, stopped her rant about the sequins on the dress in front of her, just to listen to the bull spewing out of this kids’ mouth.

When he was finally done, you decided to approach him. What was the worst that could happen? One part of you thought he would deck you right in the face, with no hesitation; but the other part imagined him begging for forgiveness at your feet. Either way, it was bound to be interesting.

So, you headed over to him, where he was now leaning against the wall outside the dressing room, watching the other customers leave some money at the counter and point in his direction. He was smirking shamelessly at the way people nearly tripped over their feet to help his ‘sister’ in their ‘tragic situation’. You didn’t know what you were going over there for; you weren’t going to yell at him or scold him, you were just going over there. Just to do it.

“Next time, maybe cool it on the orphan shit.”

The boy turned suddenly, just noticing you as you stood next to him, looking straight ahead. He let his eyes drift down your figure as if didn’t care in the slightest that you could still see him. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

You scoffed, settling yourself onto the wall next to him. You crossed your arms over your chest and watched the hopeless customers. “It means you’re lucky it worked this time. The veteran father really made it work.”

He let out a laugh and relaxed a bit, moving himself a little closer to you. Leaning over, he spoke lowly. “Well what would you suggest next time?”

“Maybe a tear or two. Still say your dad was in the army, that’s good.” You blew a breath from your lips, ignoring the amused look he sent you. “Pile too much shit onto it and that’s all you’ve got.” You looked at him. “Shit.”

“I’ll be sure to hire you next time.” He put his hand in front of you with a smile. “Name’s Sean.”

“Y/N.” You said without taking his hand.

“Well, Y/N.” He leaned back in his spot and smirked. “Thanks for the input.”

Just then, a girl came out of the dressing room with a scowl. You recognized her as Sean’s sibling, or so he said; for all you knew, they could just be working together. Still, you sent her a wave with a sickly sweet smile. “Sorry for your loss.”

You winked at Sean and pushed yourself off the wall, not daring to look behind you. Instead, you made your way out of the store and to a small hallway to light a cigarette; your sister could find you later. You were wondering how long she would take when a shadow casted over you.

“Excuse me, I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in here.”

“Shit, sorry,” you fumbled with the cigarette, stomping it on the ground with a sheepish smile. But when you looked up, the smile turned into a frown. “Ass.”

“That’s only what my sister calls me,” Sean said with a laugh, leaning against the wall next to you. “But that’s on the good days.”

“Hmph.” You crossed your arms over your chest, still pouting over the lost cigarette. “Where is she, anyway? Going to get some more pity dresses?”

Sean sent a surprised look at you; your tone was harsh, but you couldn’t help it. You were still salty that his dumb story worked, when it had taken you years to perfect your scavenging.

“Actually,” he played with the flip phone in his hands. “She thought the orphan thing was a bit much too. Guess I need to rethink my tactic, huh?” You stared at him for a second, but then shook your head with a smile.

“More like throw it out entirely.”

He placed a hand on his chest, fake hurt crossing his face. “Ouch.”

You smiled again, deciding not to fight it this time.

“Here.” He said suddenly, passing the flip phone to you. “I don’t use it much, but I want your number just in case I need help. With my tactics.” He winked at you, and you couldn’t help but take the phone from his hands. You tapped the buttons familiarly - it had only been recently that you upgraded you phone - and added your number.

Handing it back to him, you pushed yourself off the wall. “Text me when you have a better story.”

You walked back into the crowds of the mall, heading to the dress store where you left your sister. You tried not to imagine the smirk on Sean’s face as you left, or the way he might’ve checked you out again. You also didn’t watch your phone the next few days in hope of a text from him, and you definitely didn’t grin wide when it came.

#sex education #sex education netflix #self insert imagine #sex education imagine #sean wiley #sean wiley x reader #sean wiley x reader imagine #maeve wiley #maeve wiley imagine #maeve wiley x reader #otis milburn #edward bluemel #edward bluemel imagine #writing #drabble

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thornewoodhospitalblog · 5 years

Photo

Name: Morgan West ║ Age: 37 ║ Patient Code: Red ║ Diagnosis: Antisocial Personality Disorder, Substance Abuse (Cocaine) ║ FC: Jake Gyllenhaal║TAKEN

If you fancy listening to Morgan’s side of his story, you’d find it quite dramatic. Left on the doorstep of a church only to be raised in holiness, until cast aside one more to travel this earth as a poor orphan boy just trying to get by. It’s one of the many sob stories he spouts to whoever has the gall to ask, yet no one surely knows how he really came to be. Lies and deceit have become the man himself, but somewhere beneath the soil of Rosendale Cemetery lies his birth parents.

The true story is this: Born into poverty, Morgan always had a rough time with his upbringing. It’s an usual story, a boy raised without love and affection, in the midst of an economic crisis. The money they made was quickly spent, only trading hands with the local drug dealer so his parents could get a quick fix to stave off the withdrawals that threatened them every day. While two adult people lay on the couch oblivious to the world, a young boy learned to survive for himself. Some would say it’s a miracle he survived his infancy, but Morgan assures everyone it was because of his fighting spirit and superior survival instinct.

While not wealthy enough to attend private school, Morgan had the opportunity to go public. It suited him well, as even at a young age he developed a distaste for those who were well off, his father’s rants burned into his brain after hours and hours of listening to him go on and on and on about how they were wronged in life. And like father, like son, Morgan had never any trouble speaking up about his opinions and more often than not, resorted to physical violence to get his point across. It was a tactic to make similar-minded friends, and boy did the kid got those.

As volatile as he was, Morgan never really got in trouble with the law. Quick with his wit and his feet, and being just a child meant that he got away with more than he should have. This instilled a sinful pride in the boy, and it grew into recklessness when he reached his teens. Committing his first drug-related crime came when he was thirteen, when he started stealing from his parents’ stash and selling it forward to the rich kids he badmouthed and attacked in the schoolyard. It came with its consequences, and to this day Morgan can recall the feeling of his father’s fist in his hair, and the long drop to the asphalt below their apartment balcony, his legs dangling in the air while his father yells at him.

It didn’t stop, however, and Morgan made a small fortune off of the deals, the physical pain at home nothing compared to the pride he felt when he held his stack of money. The criminal mindset rooted itself deeper the older he got, and at the ripe age of seventeen, Morgan committed his first murder. It wasn’t anything glorious, a drunken bum in downtown LA sneering at him, calling him names and threatening him. The first blood will always be in Morgan’s memory, and he recites the story to every shrink he meets; The first, the one he was never caught for, now forgotten.

After graduation, Morgan moved out of the crack den he used to call home and settled in with three other roommates in LA. His dealing escapade continued, but the stuff he dealt got stronger and more expensive. It wasn’t until he was halfway through his twenties when he first got in trouble, a raid on their apartment going horribly right and all four of the men got taken away. Unsurprisingly, Morgan ended up in prison, his sentence spanning over eight years, without the possibility of parole.

Another unsurprising thing is that Morgan made quick friends in the slammer. He met future associates, and established himself as a sort of kingpin within the ranks, his honeyed words and backstabbing enough to keep the warden unsuspecting, but the other prisoners in their place. After the sentence, Morgan packed his meager belongings and headed up north, his travels taking him from Nevada to Idaho, to Oregon, and finally: Washington. The joy of a new city didn’t last long; soon the drugs were one again a part of Morgan’s life, and on this cocaine-filled booze bender he robbed liquor stores, broke into homes, stole cars – And it all culminated when him and two of his friends were working their way into a jewelry store, and one stray pedestrian crossed their path. The witness had managed to dial up 911 before Morgan was on them, giving the emergency response great material to work with when his laughter and hollering was heard over the pleads and pained screams of the witness.

The trial was nothing if not newsworthy. A man who didn’t run from the police, but waited for them with his arms spread wide. A grin on his face as he’s found guilty, yet too insane to be sentenced to prison. The cameras captured his last moments as a free man, and in those moments, you could swear there was nothing but an empty void behind those eyes.

Personality

If one word had to the stamped all over Morgan’s file, it would be UNSTABLE. All bold letters, red ink, the whole shebang. He’s a man of many words, his charm honed to the peak during his years of dealing and conning unsuspecting men and women. He knows how to falsify strong emotions, knows when to smile and give a tilt of his head, bedroom eyes to boot. A second later he could be exploding with rage, violence coloring his every move. It’s a fine line to walk, and he’s walked it his whole life.

Whenever Morgan isn’t pretending to forget therapy, he’s quite a normal man. He can be a good man to have conversations with, but he tends to press buttons he shouldn’t push, mock things he shouldn’t mock, and generally rile people up because he has exactly 0% filter on him. He’s impulsive, sure, but the risks he takes are in hopes of a good time. Breaking into locked rooms, climbing onto the roofs, redecorating to alleviate his boredom. If one threads carefully, there’s a good time to be had both ways, whether it’s sincere or not from Morgan’s side. He lies and takes what he needs to fulfill his plans, and people could swear even by breathing he was telling them a lie. You can take a man away from the con, but you can’t take the con out of a man.

#Accepted #thornewood.accepted #jake gylenhall #Morgan West #Taken Character

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thexduchess-blog1 · 5 years

Text

Reflections.

Unattached

The whole unattached thing. As a general rule, with play-partners, FwB and fuckbuddys, I don’t get attached. It gets messy, boundaries are crossed and people catch feelings and it’s just, ugh. No.

There’s a thing I’ve been meaning to do, and that’s reflect on last years, and last weeks explosive, Krakatoa level eruptions that essentially convinced me that everyone is a lying cunt, and I can never properly trust anyone ever again because holy fuck, this is a belter.

Without going into ridiculously specific detail that would identify the piece of shit scumbag wanker, as much as I want to, I won’t.

Around 10/11 years ago I became friends with a guy, and at first we just fooled around but it eventually developed into a pretty serious and committed D/s relationship. Life got in the way occasionally but we always came back together and fell right back into place with each other. We saw each other 3 times a week, went away together, attended events together, and holy fuck the sex was amazing, but so were the lazy mornings, sending pictures to each other at work, goodnight phone calls and late nights getting high under the stars. We explored a lot together, found our limits and what we liked, and things we REALLY liked xD we found our roles and I still identify with those roles. He was my first Daddy, first ‘real’ Dom, I was his first baby, his sub. We helped each other through a hell of a lot. No, we weren’t exclusive, but there were periods where we were. For 10 years.

Last year, I got an email from a girl asking if I knew him. I messaged him and asked him who she was, and he confessed that that was his girlfriend. They’d been together the whole time, she was pregnant with his kid and he’d been lying the whole time, to me and her.

I had no idea she existed. Turns out he was a fucking brilliant liar.

She had caught him flirting with a girl at work, and went through his phone. Boom, all the emails, texts, pictures and phone calls between us. Photos of us together, intimate photos, explicit texts with times and dates. There was no escaping the fact he was lying. Obviously, I stopped it right then and there, explained everything to her, that I had no idea she existed, sent her screenshots of messages where he says he isn’t with anyone else, the whole shebang. I deleted and blocked every avenue of communication, apologised to her a million times.

And I shut down. Not only did I shut down, I vowed never to open up or trust anyone, I decided the best way to deal with it was to take copious amounts of cocaine & speed, various benzos and drink way, way too much over the course of about 6 weeks, self harming and starving myself out of fear, guilt and heartbreak. I was fighting, causing trouble and generally ruining my life, as I slept with all the wrong people and made all the wrong decisions. If I wasn’t in the pub, I was probably sleeping with someone, but no doubt I’d be back in the pub later.

Thing is I was still going to work through the day, owning the business allows you certain privileges, like being left the fuck alone. It wasn’t immediately obvious that I was destroying myself until my foreman came back from annual leave. He’s the same age as me, a really good friend, he’s picked me up, literally more than once. I probably don’t deserve his loyalty and kindness. He came into the office once the other boys had left, shut the door behind him and emptied my handbag across the desk in between us. Strips of pills, bags of powder and over an ounce of green came tumbling out, with grinder, mirror and old store card too.

I fought like fuck to get them back but I didn’t have a Catholic’s chance in Fountain against him. He burned everything except the green. Not before he locked me in my own office going fucking mental.

However, like the legend he is, he picked me up. I was at his sweating everything out and howling at the fucking moon because everything i’d blocked out with pills and powder came flooding in at once and I genuinely thought I was going to die if I cried anymore. I cried until I was sick and breathless, my body ached and my mind felt like it was being electrocuted. But Jai never left me. He put up with the anger, the hurt, the tears and the brief periods of laughter. He stayed with me while I ate, he held me as I shook in my sleep, he listened to every rant and sobbing monologue. I don’t think I’d have lasted much longer if he hadn’t pulled me out that hole. Either my mind or my body was going to snap under the pressure. He encouraged me to talk about what happened, and be explicit in how I felt.

I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have entertained him if I knew. This wasn’t my fault. But I still felt guilty that he’d cheated on her, ashamed that I was partly responsible for the apparent breakdown of a relationship, I was embarrassed when I thought about how intimate we were, empty that suddenly a huge part of my life had disappeared over night, broken and desperately sad that I didn’t have that connection anymore. And that was okay.

It fucking hurt. But it wasn’t my fault.

Eventually I got a grip, gave myself a shake and with Jai holding my hand I got up off the floor and opened the curtains again. Life continued on and slowly returned to normal. I quit playing within the kink community for a while, unable to trust anyone enough to submit or obey or whatever, I focused on work and keeping myself relatively sober.

Recently, my confidence is coming back. I’ve lost a bit of weight, my tits look amazing, my nails are finally growing, I look good in jersey dresses again, lol.

I came back to fet, I went to a social last month and met a couple old friends, M & I are seeing each other regularly again and life is generally ok.

But then I got an email last week. From Him. The Ex.

“...we’ve finished, can we talk?”

He told a convincing story about being separated since she found out, they’d moved into different houses, shared custody of the kid, he’d moved workplaces etc

I went out to meet him and we went to dinner. I didn’t drink. I asked him why he lied. He gave me an excuse that didn’t even nearly explain it, but was along the lines of wanting the best of both worlds. He apparently convinced me enough that he wasn’t with her anymore, even though I prodded and poked and asked a thousand questions to make sure I wasn’t being fucking lied to again. We went back to his place, sat outside and smoked, he told me how he felt, I told him how I felt. We ended up laughing and ended up in bed. Everything fell back into place, but I made it clear there was no attachment anymore, this was a one off and it wasn’t me forgiving him. To be honest, he’s a good ride. Sue me.

Except in the early hours, I noticed the faux fur of a hooded jacket poking out the cupboard under the stairs. I flipped out. I rang Leigh to pick me up and, while checking my emails in the morning, got hit with even more shit, so I went straight to my old dealers and bought far too much coke, alcohol and green.

I locked myself in my room, sent his girlfriend an email telling her everything, including screenshots of his email, put my phone on silent, and got smashed.

I embarrassed myself and other people, I nearly fucked up something I don’t want to fuck up, I pushed my body to the limit in a matter of hours because I knew I was going to feel everything again.

Jai to the rescue. Obviously I wasn’t at work, he knew I’d gone out for dinner the night before and put 2+2 together. Whisked away to safety again, and I sobered up pretty quickly.

As before, he forced me to face the things I was feeling and be honest about them. Then told me to clear things up with people and apologise, which I did.

Last time, I said I’d never trust or open myself to anyone, but sometimes things happen that make you realise it’s not that you can’t trust anyone, you just can’t trust them. I know that might be pretty obvious to a normal person but I’m not neurotypical.

I know I need to take the steps to be more social again, to be confident and know my worth, but in all honesty my confidence has been shattered.

I’m still me. I guess I’ve still got the same humour, I’m still cynical and pretty much a cunt, i’m still sugar sweet & sour as fuck, but I just don’t have that confidence anymore. Sure, I have moments, as you can tell. I still edit out imperfections though.

It’s funny how when the person who gave you that body confidence leaves, they take it with them.

I’m a little more shy, a little less likely to start a conversation, a hell of a lot more anxious, but I’m working on it. I’ve a little self esteem growing.

I can trust people, and if I’ve told you I trust you, know wholeheartedly that I do because you make me feel comfortable.

I just don’t get attached, simply because I don’t want hurt.

I’m sure someone will ease that fear eventually, and I’m looking forward to finding someone I can see a future D/s dynamic. Maybe they’re already lurking in my peripheral. I’m gonna stay positive. Life was shit for a while there, but it seems to be picking up a bit.

I am not defined by his actions.

I know my worth, and I’m worth more than being a dirty little secret.

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