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bealovesmarauders · 1 year

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paper rings // gilbert blythe

or,

the 4 times gilbert blythe fell in love with you, and the 1 time he knew he’d do it all over again

⋆ ࣪. ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ༺ ˖

gilbert blythe x fem!reader

wc: 5.7k

i like shiny things, but i’d marry you with paper rings

a/n: trying something new here! i’ve never used this format (five times // one time- i tweaked it to make it four and one since i’m exhausted) so i hope you all enjoy <3 also fair warning that this is not historically accurate. but i actually spend my summers in PEI (and have for my entire life) so i think my portrayal of the environment at least is good! also, this is rushed as per usual :)

⋆ ࣪. ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ༺ ˖

one. when he walked you home from school.

the late june air was sticky in the avonlea schoolhouse, clinging to skin, beads of sweat gathering by brows. sunlight spilled through the windows, and even billy andrews couldn’t muster enough enthusiasm to tease anyone in this heat. pinafores too heavy for this weather, the girls gathered in one corner, pretending to read the excerpt mr phillips had picked out for today, but in honesty, you were all just complaining about the summer heat.

“i can’t wait until i have my hair up,” ruby gillis sighed, casting a longing glance across the room towards the boys. “my ribbon does suit my complexion, of course- but it’s much too hot in summer to have my hair down.”

murmurs of agreement spread throughout your little group. “i tried it one time,” whispered anne dramatically, “when marilla was away. it was rather romantic, but the pins hurt a great deal.”

sitting in between jane andrews and tillie boulter, you tried not to zone out. gaze drifting across the classroom, you caught gilbert blythe’s eye from where he was sitting with the boys, and he shot you a quick smile. you gave him a shy one back, and looked away before you could blush. you’d known gilbert forever- his family was close to yours- but something had changed recently, and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

mr. phillips finally dismissed the class, and in a rush of rowdiness, the boys all excused themselves from the schoolhouse, whooping and hollering about a potential skinny dip in the wild waves. in a flurry of giggles and secrets, your friends gathered their books and rushed outside (in a rather unladylike manner- but it was summer and the world was their oyster, so who cared). you knew diana was hosting a tea party over the weekend- complete with ice cream, she’d said!- but as far as you knew, there were no plans for tonight, save the beach trip the boys had talked about. trying your best to avoid the heat for as long as possible, you lingered in the coatroom, taking the time to adjust your hat into place. but you weren’t alone, and you startled as a familiar face appeared over your shoulder.

“gilbert,” you said, his name sweet on your tongue. “you’re not going to the beach with billy?”

he shook his head. “i’m not quite in the mood for that today. but i was wondering. do you want- can i- would you like some company on your walk home?”

heart in your throat, you looked at the boy you’d known your whole life. was gilbert blythe asking to walk you home? you nodded wordlessly, and his eyes immediately softened. there was a nervousness you’d never seen in him before, a cautiousness, as if he were treading on eggshells and was terrified to break them. “i- i’d love that, gilbert, thank you.” a smile slowly spread across his face, and you seemed to see him in a new light. noticing the things you hadn’t before. the softness of his dark eyes and the way they sparkled. the gentle curve of his jaw. the way he smelled like rosemary and mint soap and the blythe farm’s apple orchard, mixed with a hint of cinnamon. the way gilbert blythe was the prettiest boy you’d ever seen.

“great,” he said, finally breaking you out of your reverie. “i wouldn’t want you to get heatstroke, after all. it’d be ungentlemanly of me to let you go home without making sure you’re alright in this heat.”

your stomach erupted with butterflies, and you walked in silence with him as you left the schoolhouse. treading along the path, your footsteps settled into the same rhythm, and eventually gilbert spoke, his voice clear among the songbirds and crickets.

“how’s your family? i haven’t seen them in a fortnight.”

his tone was proper and gentlemanly, but curious and kind. you looked shyly up at him. gilbert was tall, taller than you, sturdy with broad shoulders and a grin that showed off a lopsided roguishness once in a while on his otherwise serious face. you gripped your books a little tighter, trying to focus your thoughts back to the conversation. “they’re good, thanks for asking. mother’s been wondering about you, though. she’s wanted to drop soup off for your father, but wasn’t sure if he’d appreciate it. it’s been a while since you were over, so she doesn’t know if he still likes biscuits or bone broth.”

gilbert scuffed the ground with his boot a little bit, looking down at you contemplatively. “that’s kind of her,” he said. “he’s barely been able to keep anything down, but he likes soup. i’m not sure about the biscuits, but i’d certainly like some. i wouldn’t mind some of your mother’s plum preserves either. i haven’t had much time to go into town for food lately.”

you’d noticed. there were shadows under his eyes, and he’d always been on the lanky side, but since gilbert had taken on more of the farm work you’d observed his cheeks grow more drawn. his muscles had grown, too- another result of all the wood chopping you knew he was doing- but he lacked energy, and your heart ached for the boy. cicadas chirped as you walked in unison through the path, minding the garden snakes slinking through the tall grass, and an idea sparked in your mind as you passed the field signaling close to home.

“gilbert,” you said thoughtfully, stopping in your tracks. “mother was going to make a layer cake today, with raspberry preserves and clotted cream. i’m sure it’s cooled by now. we can have a little picnic, you and i- we have lemonade at home too, that rachel lynde brought us, and father thinks it’s too tart, so he wants to get rid of it. you can bring some home for your father as well. mother wouldn’t mind, i promise- i can make us a picnic basket, and we can sit in that field.”

gilbert turned towards you, and you couldn’t quite decipher the expression on his face. “i don’t want you to pity me,” he said quietly. “much less drag your family into it.”

“no, no,” you said quickly, fearing he’d interpreted your invitation the wrong way. “just a picnic, to catch up, as friends. we haven’t talked in a while. i miss you.”

he bit his lip. you could almost see the gears turning in his head. “alright,” he said finally. “it’s almost summer, after all. i think- i think i’d like that.”

when you reached your house, your mother was more than happy to oblige, giving gilbert a big hug and fussing over how much taller he’d gotten since the last time she saw him. you cut two pieces of cake and put them on plates in the straw picnic basket along with the bottle of mrs. lynde’s infamous lemonade. your mother even let you bring the crystal glasses used for special occasions- she trusted the both of you well enough to know that you wouldn’t break them. covering up the basket with a red checkered tablecloth, you and gilbert set off again, waving goodbye to your mother and finding a spot in the field where there was a tree with enough shade to sit under. clover and goldenrod and cornstalk bloomed in the field, and the cool, sweet grass tickled the bottom of your dress. gilbert, beside you, leaned back against the tree, his broad shoulder touching yours, and spooned a large amount of cake into his mouth. it was the happiest you’d seen him in months. the thin layer of ruby jelly in between the vanilla layers coloured the cupid’s bow of your lips, and gilbert realized in that moment that he wanted very badly to take you into his arms and kiss you. but the moment was fleeting, and gilbert was left with the idea of love lingering on his mind.

that was the first time gilbert blythe realized he was falling for you.

two. when you showed up on his doorstep in the rain.

rain poured outside, streaking the windows and trickling down the roofs of avonlea’s houses. sorrow hung in the air, and black clothing had dominated the church the day prior. it was not often that avonlea had funerals, and when they were, they were a somber affair, impacting every one of its citizens. especially now. it seemed as though the whole world had watched mr. blythe’s casket descend into the soil, and now the rain was fertilizing it. perhaps flowers would bloom on top of his grave. the entirety of the little town hoped so- anything to bring comfort to the blythe’s only son.

you’d seen gilbert at the funeral, features etched with sorrow, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. but he’d looked resigned as well- putting on a strong face for those who could not. ruby had sobbed hysterically, as had rachel lynde, and even marilla cuthbert had shed a tear. normally, you would have talked to gilbert. you’d been over the day before mr. blythe had died, bringing with you a sweater you and your mother had knit together to help keep him warm. you’d known his health was declining, but it was even more heart wrenching seeing gilbert that way- expression unmoving, body stiff as he accepted the gift. you’d only had a moment with him before mr. blythe erupted into coughs again- a second in which gilbert’s mask slipped and you truly saw the fear plaguing his mind. you’d wished you could have said something to make it all better. but you hadn’t. you couldn’t.

and now you were on his porch, clutching a package of baking soda biscuits and a small posy of forget-me-nots in your hands. you were shivering from the cold rain, and you’d gotten soaked on the way over, but it was worth it. there seemed to be barely any movement in the gray house- you couldn’t spot any candles lit inside from the windows- and you were wondering if gilbert was even here when all of a sudden the door swung open and he appeared.

his expression was unreadable, brown eyes deep with emotion and seeded in sadness. “hi,” he said. “gil,” you breathed back.

after a moment of silence, the words came back to you. “these are for you,” you said, reaching out. your hands were shaking, and whether they were from nerves or the cold, gilbert couldn’t tell. he took the flowers and the parcel from your outstretched hands, almost unsure what to do with them. “they’re biscuits,” you said, mouth dry, trying to fill the quiet. “mother’s baking soda ones. you mentioned you liked them one time, and we were out of plum preserves, but i-”

“thank you,” gilbert said, and although it sounded slightly robotic, his words felt genuine. you looked at your shoes, unsure of what to say next. your parents had always taught you to say “i’m sorry for your loss” to someone grieving, but the phrase felt too unfamiliar. “i- i’ll leave you to it, then,” you stuttered, backing away from the door and turning to go. you didn’t want to intrude- even if he was your friend. because that’s what you were, right? friends. friends visited during difficult times. friends didn’t want to hug all the sadness out of him. but gilbert’s voice cracked when he spoke next, and you turned around.

“no,” he said clumsily. the words are rushed and jumbled from his mouth, and he stumbles over the next ones too. “please. you’re freezing, and soaking wet. come in.”

up until then, you’d hoped you didn’t look that bad. your straw hat had managed to protect the top of your head, but the rest of your hair was stringy and dripping over your shoulders. your cheeks were also flushed, and even in what should have been a moment focused on his own grief, gilbert found himself worrying that you’d catch pneumonia in this weather. he hadn’t expected anyone to visit today, especially not in a rainstorm.

seeing the concern in his eyes, you realized that walking all the way home in a thunderstorm was probably not such a good idea, so you stepped in cautiously per gilbert’s invitation. the house was warm, but everything seemed dim and gray. the door you knew led to mr. blythe’s bedroom was closed, and you could see gilbert’s eyes darting towards it as well, as if he were praying you wouldn’t say anything. gilbert set down the parcel of biscuits on the kitchen table and looked around for something.

“do you have a vase?” you asked quietly. “i can fill it up with water for you. i thought the forget-me-nots would bring a little light.”

gilbert nodded, but sucked in a breath. you turned to him with a questioning look. “the vase,” he said, voice dry. “it’s in his room. mrs. lynde brought some peonies over while he was still sick, and i didn’t take them out. he’s always hated peonies- he thinks they’re too big and bold. but he would’ve loved these.”

you lightly touched the small forget me not bouquet, felt the soft petals under your fingertips. “you don’t have to use a vase,” you replied softly. “a mug will do.” gilbert stood motionless in the middle of the kitchen, and you maneuvered around him, carefully filling up the pottery with water and placing the flowers in it.

he seemed rooted to the floor, even when he focused his gaze on the posy. your glance met his, and the sorrow was evident. gilbert hadn’t cried at the funeral- you’d never seen him cry. but now tears were brimming at the corners of his soft chocolate eyes, threatening to spill over, and in a moment your body overtook your mind and you had wrapped your arms around gilbert in a hug.

for a moment you regretted it. but then he was hugging you back, clutching your arms, holding onto you as if you were his lifeline. and in a way, you were. you could feel his hot breath on the back of your neck, hear his muffled cries. due to his height, your face was nestled in the crook of gilbert’s neck, and the two of you stayed like that, intertwined, for several long moments.

when gilbert finally pulled away, he knew that for better or for worse, you would be there for him until the day he died.

three. when you exchanged christmas presents in the snow.

to be honest, you hadn’t expected gilbert to come back from the steamer, or trinidad. you’d kept in close correspondence with him, saving the letters he sent you in a special drawer in your writing desk. you memorized his handwriting- the candid tone recalling his tales- the stamps on the envelope. but it still came as a surprise when he’d arrived back.

everything had been awkward at the start, but as soon as gilbert told you all the tales of his travels, you’d slowly slipped back into your old dynamic. there was still a line the both of you were toeing, trying to test out the boundaries between platonic and whatever the two of you were. when you’d met bash, he’d given you a quick wink and told you he’d heard all about you, but other than that, you were positive gilbert just wanted to stay friends. “he can’t love me,” you’d told the avonlea girls a few days prior. “the letters didn’t mean anything, he was just lonely.” but all of them agreed, even ruby- who had been zoning in on moody spurgeon ever since gilbert had left- that there was something more in his words, that it wasn’t all in your head.

and now it was christmas. gilbert, bash, and the shirley-cuthberts had all come for dinner (you’d grown close to anne the past year, and it had taken some convincing but since your father knew matthew so well, marilla had deemed it acceptable). the dinner had been lovely- your mother had brought out all the stops for gilbert and bash- roast goose, scalloped potatoes (island ones, of course), cranberry jelly, chicken pie, spiced gingerbread. flames crackled in the fireplace, biting gusts of wind rattled the windows, and blurred glittery ornaments adorned the pine tree in the center of your living room. dinner was over now, and the adults were gathered around the table and swapping stories of old. anne was there too, heavily engaged in a discussion with bash, but the social aspect was getting to be somewhat exhausting, so you quietly slipped out the back door to have a few moments alone.

in a rather unladylike fashion, you got up and sat on the fence by your house, snowflakes tickling your nose, watching the sun slowly begin to set. hues of pink and orange tinged the sky, and you were surprised you could even see it right now- the weather suggested a cloudy sky. the sound of snow crunching came from behind you, and to your surprise, gilbert was coming towards you. he had his brown cap and his red flannel on, and he looked so cozy that you somehow wished you were cuddled up in his arms. pushing the thought away, you greeted him as he came to sit on the fence beside you.

“enjoying the night so far?”

“quite,” gilbert replied. there was a sparkle in his eyes that danced, one that had been noticeably absent since his father died. you suspected it had something to do with bash’s uncle-like presence, and maybe anne’s too- it was well rumored that he’d fancied her for a while when they’d first met. gilbert looked off into the sunset, puffs of his breath materializing in the cold air, and you shivered involuntarily. he offered you his wool mittens wordlessly, and you gratefully put them on, although they were too big for you.

“oh,” you said, remembering something. he turned towards you, watching you intently as you pulled out a small package from your coat pocket. it was wrapped in festive paper, and you’d written his name on it in swooping calligraphy.

“for me?” gilbert asked. he carefully unfurled the wrapping paper to reveal a small leather bound book embossed with “the complete illustrated medical dictionary (pocket edition)” on the front. “i’ve had it since you left,” you said, breath catching in your throat. “i kept it for you. all this time.”

genuine joy shone in gilbert’s eyes. he flipped through the pages delightedly, marveling at the drawings inside. “thank you,” he grinned. “i actually have something for you too.”

breathlessly, you awaited your gift, snowflakes fluttering down and landing on you. they decorated your hair and its festive ribbon for one fleeting moment before melting, and you swore there was nothing as beautiful as this moment, exchanging gifts with gilbert in the snow, watching the sunset sweep across the dove-gray sky. finally, gilbert found what he was looking for in his pocket, and produced a tiny box.

“it doesn’t look like much,” he warned, “but i found it on my travels. i was waiting to give it to you. i wanted it to be the perfect moment.”

carefully opening the small box, you gasped as the lid revealed a necklace with a pendant. a small silver locket shaped like a heart, the kind one could put a photograph in. “gilbert,” you breathed. “this is- this is beautiful.”

and it was. the locket lay on a delicate chain, and it was engraved intricately, with elaborate designs. your mittened hands fumbled to take it out of the box and inspect it more, but gilbert took it from you with a small smile. “let me help you,” he murmured, and made to fasten it on you. you stood still, hyper aware of how close gilbert’s hands were to your face. his fingers brushed against the back of your neck, securing the necklace, and you caught yourself from flinching. you didn’t know what to say, except for thank you, so you repeated yourself again.

“a thing of beauty is a joy forever,” gilbert quoted, somewhat uncharacteristically. “keats,” he added after a moment, referencing the poet he’d read the phrase from. “i wanted you to have something to remember me by.”

“to remember you by?” you laughed. “what, are you going on the steamer again?”

he could tell the thought sobered you, so he shook his head, shrugging. “no. i just think…you’re a wonderful girl. the loveliest in avonlea.”

“i think you’re wonderful too,” you said shyly, which was about as many words as you could manage right now. the loveliest girl in avonlea? goodness.

the sun had almost set by now, and the sky was turning dark- a good cover for hiding the red tint spreading across your face. “we should go back inside,” you said hurriedly, and the two of you made your way over to the door. you stopped before opening it, basking in the glow of the oil lamp on the porch.

“gilbert, i-”

overcome by sudden anxiety, you handed back his warm mittens. “thank you,” you said, the words lingering on your tongue. “for everything.”

quickly, so fast you almost missed it, gilbert leaned down, brushed a stray wisp of hair away, and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “merry christmas,” he said simply. and then, the two of you went back inside, as if nothing had happened at all.

as soon as you entered, bash noticed the locket and smirked. gilbert shot him a warning look, lest he say anything. the two of you immersed yourself in separate conversations- you with anne, him with marilla and your mother, while matthew silently observed your father and bash discuss politics. but you kept stealing glances at each other as if you were speaking a secret language that only the two of you knew, and each time it filled you with comfort.

it was a cold christmas, but you felt the warmest you had been in a while– and, as luck would have it, so did gilbert.

four. when you climbed a tree.

and so summer rolled around again, fading into august. university loomed on the horizon. childhood was over- gone were the days of butterflies, bumblebees, and scraped knees. yet you could pretend, and so you did.

the soft salt breeze tickled your face, sending a pleasant feeling down your spine. you were with gilbert- on his farm, in the orchard. it was just the two of you- most of avonlea were in charlottetown for the island county fair, granting you the opportunity to do whatever you wanted, since no one was around to see.

so you took advantage of that. no more were the stolen glances, the sneaking around, your only physical touch with gilbert being brushed hands- and even then you’d both deemed it risky. neither of you wanted word to get around yet. sure, there had been rumors and some of your best friends knew (only the ones you were sure wouldn’t spread anything around). but here, now, the world was your oyster. and the two of you soaked it up blissfully.

you were lying on the grass with your head in gilbert’s lap, weaving a flower crown as he read a book- an old poetry collection ms stacy had lent him. the clouds were glorious fluffy shapes in the blue sky, and you pointed them out to gilbert every once in a while. your fingers deftly twined the daisies and their stems, finally tying them all together in a knot, creating a perfect circlet, and setting it teasingly on gilbert’s dark hair.

he smirked, leaving it on. “made it for me?”

“a pretty crown for a pretty boy,” you replied, smiling from your position in his lap. he was solid, sturdy, his hand resting securely on your waist. you felt safe with your body close to his, arms and legs intertwined. and he was pretty- “the prettiest boy in avonlea,” you said, mimicking his words to you from last christmas. he laughed and set the book down, taking the flower crown off and resting it gently on your hair. “it suits you,” gilbert said softly, and he was right.

the two of you stayed like that for a while, absorbing each other’s presence. you charted the rare freckles scattered across the bridge of his nose as if they were constellations, tracing them with the tip of your finger. it tickled him, and he smiled down at you. he finally returned to his book- “i want to read you something”- and blissfully, you obliged, settling down to listen.

“i almost wish we were butterflies and lived but three summer days- three such days with you i could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain,” gilbert read from the poetry collection in his lap, a break from the constant medical anatomy books he was usually seen carrying around. you recognized the fragment of poetry- “keats,” you said, “just like what you said to me last winter. when you gave me the necklace.”

a smile tugged at gilbert’s lips, and you pulled out the locket from under the neckline of your dress to show him. “i’ll never take it off,” you promised him, right then and there. “it’s like a little piece of you with me, all the time.”

“you better not,” he teased. “cost me a fortune, that one. even more than all of those romance books i’m always secretly buying you in town.”

you sat up and shoved him jokingly, tousling his dark curls to purposely peeve him. gilbert’s hair wasn’t tidy all that often, but he’d let it slip once that he always tried to make it look nice for you. struck by a sudden flash of inspiration, you jumped up. “let’s go pick some apples.”

the blythe orchard was infamous for their strawberry apples, the only place in avonlea where they were available. contrary to popular belief, this was simply a variant of apple, and not a strawberry hybrid. all too happy to appease you, gilbert took your hand and led you to the best tree on the land. most of the other boughs were still blooming with apple blossoms, but this tree was different.

he pointed to a low-hanging branch, one blessed with red fruit. “my father always picked the first apple on this tree in august,” he told you, tone contemplative and wistful. “he said this was the tree he kissed my mother under for the first time. he thought if the first apple of the season was picked here, at this tree, it brought the harvest luck.”

nostalgia flickered in gilbert’s eyes, and you knew he was missing his father more than usual. “let’s do it, then,” you said, finding your voice, fingers delicately intertwined with his- giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “we’ll each pick one. in honor of him. a new tradition.”

the words you’d spoken may have been simplistic, but to gilbert they meant the world. without his father, it had been so incredibly difficult at first to do anything- carry on old traditions, much less creating new ones. but here you were, by his side, looking up at him with adoring eyes, and giving him the opportunity to heal and grow. gilbert knew he could never put into words how much it truly meant to him.

you let him go first, watching him scamper up the tree like a squirrel. he seemed a boy again, plucking an apple from the highest bough and descending nimbly. when you started climbing, you found your footing easily, but doubt wracked your mind- imagine the horrors if mrs. lynde and her posse heard about this, climbing trees like a chimpanzee! - and so you opted for a lower branch, reaching it deftly. you reached for an apple and held it high victoriously. some hint of pride shone in gilbert’s eyes.

“to making new traditions,” he said- a toast with the notable absence of glasses brimming with champagne. “to making new traditions,” you repeated, and in that moment, you in the tree and him on the ground, you swore you could see hints of a future- one with new traditions and old traditions, little feet running around and everything in between. today was flawless.

and it would’ve been perfect, except for the sound of the branch cracking under your weight. you weren’t too high up in the tree, but inevitably, you landed on the ground, a crumpled heap of petticoats and ribbons, crying out softly upon impact.

you’d never seen gilbert this way, in ‘doctor mode’, simply put. he was immediately beside you, voice laced with concern, checking you over for scrapes and bruises. you were fine, mostly- just a little shaken up and scared, save for the red-hot throbbing in your wrist. the pain didn’t exactly warrant crying, but you weren’t used to the funny feeling, and tears welled in your waterline anyways. gilbert, telling you to take deep breaths, helped you sit up.

he’d noticed straightaway the way you held you wrist, cradling it slightly away from your body, and murmuring words of comfort, he started prodding your knuckles, gently examining the swollen area. you winced, but it wasn’t too bad. “i don’t think it’s broken,” gilbert said finally, deeming it a sprain after careful inspection. “but let’s get you back home. i have some bandages- i’ll wrap it just in case.”

tears threatened to spill over again as the two of you walked from the orchard to his home. gilbert noticed, and stopped. “hey,” he said softly. “it’s okay. i’ll make you some herbal tea. that should help with the pain a bit.”

“it’s not that,” you made out, a small pout forming on your lips. “we were having such a wonderful day, gil, and i ruined it all. i’m sorry.”

“whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said, his brow furrowing. “you didn’t ruin anything. you got hurt, it happens. and we have the rest of the afternoon to be together- i’ll tell you what, how about once we get back to the farmhouse, we’ll make the most of it, okay? we can still have some fun.”

a wobbly smile formed on your lips, and you nodded. gilbert cupped your face gently, and looked into your eyes. “i love you,” he said, voice nervous but firm. “just let me take care of you.”

your heart caught in your throat. he’d never said that before. contrary to the rumors, he hadn’t even kissed you properly yet. “i love you too,” you whispered, voice hoarse. and before you could think about it too much, you went up on your tiptoes and pressed a small kiss to gilbert’s lips.

they were soft and sweet and filled with promise and hope, and he leaned into it, your bodies closer than they’d ever been. his hands ghosted the small of your back, your hips, your shoulders, and it felt like home. when you finally pulled apart, there was a twinkle in his eye you’d never seen before. a twinkle of something called joy.

when you got back to the farmhouse, he finally settled you on the couch, comfortably sipping a cup of tea and trying wholeheartedly to braid your hair. he’d always wanted to learn, and since you were currently unable to do it yourself, he deemed it the perfect opportunity. it made you laugh- his fingers, usually nimble and clever, were clumsy in your locks, and the braid you ended up with was slightly sloppy, but filled with adoration. a realization fluttered through your mind, and set its claws into your future. you loved gilbert- gilbert loved you- and though you wouldn’t say it out loud, at least not for several years, he would make a wonderful husband.

five. when you said “i do”.

the spring skies were blue today- flowers were blooming- grass was green. “a lovely day for a wedding,” mrs. lynde had told marilla that morning, and all of avonlea agreed.

you were walking down the aisle in a few minutes, getting ready in reverence. a delicate white veil lay on your hair, the one passed down through your family for almost a century. the lace dress fit you perfectly, intricate embroidery accentuating your waist. your mother’s simple pearl earrings adorned your ears, glowing in the morning light. in your hands were a bouquet- a single spray of forget-me-nots, periwinkle blue, an ode to gilbert’s father, who had loved them so. and at the same time, a tribute to your past together, that awful rainy day after the funeral filled with grief and tears and emotion, yet what had brought you closer together. something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. all was well. you were ready.

the springtime realm of gilbert’s yard was immersed in devotion. petals decorated the grass down the aisle. your dearest friends and family observed, and the wedding itself passed in the blink of an eye. there was not a dry eye during the vows, and gilbert’s words were even more poetic than you had ever hoped. he promised to love you- to care for you- in sickness and in health, to be your rock. it was not the fanciest wedding- there were no messes of tulle and satin and roses- but it was yours, and you couldn’t be happier.

you were husband and wife. the dawn had come anew. and that night, when gilbert fell asleep watching you breathe, finding solace in the rise and fall of your chest, he knew without a doubt that he would do it all over again.

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tobeywobey · 5 months

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riptide ponies :3

separates (+ my ramblings) under the cut

gillion seapony/hippogriff, they usually have wings but fuck that, boy gets a special coral horn because i said so, and he’s the chosen one . Their little ear tuffs are instead fins :3 gave them cutie arms bc i said so. its a moon, star, and clouds to parody that moonlight storm and sea businsss.

jayjay fluffy Pegasus ! no cutiemark because I didn’t know what it would be , but also maybe could tie into her direct refusal of what she’s “meant” to do (go into the navy)

Chip earth pony! he hates it <3 not many notes, x marks the spot cutiemark bc of his pirate background and he’s always looking for Something ^_^ (Arlin, in this case) fluffy but not as fluffy as jayjay .

chip and Jay both have white patterns bc I think it’s so cute. and then gilly and Jay have those leg fur highlights :3

#jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #jay ferin #jrwi #jrwi gillion #jrwi jay ferin #jrwi chip #jrwi chip fanart #jrwi gillion tidestrider #jrwi jay ferin fanart #jrwi fanart #riptide fanart #just roll with it riptide #jrwi gillion fanart

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cositapreciosa · 3 months

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Serve, love & protect

Bodyguard!Gilbert 'Gilly' Lopez x reader, the usual for the show, 1584 words

a/n : bodyguard au cause we love them tropes

Tagging my Gilly people @narcolini @drabbles-mc <3

‘’ You lied to me. ‘’

‘’ I did. ‘’

‘’ Are you even dating me or is this all a big joke too? ‘’

He sighs, and suddenly the big SUV feels too small for the both of them. The cracked glass across the windshield makes it hard to see, the busted window in the back letting the wind whistle between his ears.

‘’ I… ‘’

His tongue rolls in his mouth, he doesn’t know what to say. On one side, he shouldn’t tell you, admit that he likes you, not when your dad had been clear about that in the contract. All means necessary, don’t fall in love. On the other, how couldn’t he, when you had been so kind, so charming since the beginning, why wouldn’t he want to date you?

‘’ Don’t. ‘’ You answer back, sinking into your seat. ‘’ I don’t want to know. ‘’

He had done lots of business with your dad before, a strong man with piercing eyes, sharp suits. That is where the offer came from, between gun trades and small talk. Got a babysitting job for you, Gilly, easy work, easy cash. More like a bodyguard job, a dumbass bodyguard job with actual danger, guns and wounds. Your dad had told him you wouldn’t be easily convinced, that to ensure your safety he would have to be less traditional, less leather and handgun, more friend, even closer if needed. And he did, even if he knew it wasn’t part of the plan, letting you run your fingers through his beard, sharing the same side of the bed, he just couldn’t say no.

‘’ Listen, baby, I- ‘’

‘’ Don’t- oh my god, Gilly what the fuck is wrong with you?! ‘’

Your hands are tight, gripping the door handle as he takes a sharp left. You turn to face him.

‘’ Stop it, it’s over! Don’t ‘baby’ me, don’t… ‘’ you gesticulate around, hands flying, ‘’ Just stop. ‘’

You raise your palms to your eyes, pressing, muttering things he can’t understand. He can sense your distress, he knows you now, better than anyone, more than your father would like him to probably. It has been months since you two had been together now, good months, the best ones for him this year. It was an easy job at first too, simply because you never were a primary target, just one that they would try to hit if deals went wrong. Being the child of a gun lord usually came with a fair share of barrels pointing back, and, from what he had seen from you when bullets eventually started flying, staying low and away from the windows, this whole routine was old news to you.

‘’ Please don’t be mad, I can explain. ‘’ He tries again.

You scoff, and he watches as you squint your eyes at him. It makes him feel small in his seat.

‘’ I don’t think you can, Gilly. Save your breath. ‘’

The car is colder now that the sun has gone down and he watches the wind wrap around your hair, lets the breeze bring goosebumps to his arms. He knows the two of you are too exposed, in this beat-up car, bullet holes on each side. It pains him that he knows the only place you will truly be safe is at your dad’s house, and he has to bring you there, not the club, not his house, not anywhere else. Drop you off, collect his hazard pay and leave. Leave you and hope you will answer his texts, even if he something tells him you probably won't.

He takes a left turn, fast, into a poorly lit backstreet, almost propelling you against your window side. The breaks get pressed just as fast, and you have to brace yourself with your hands on the dash.

‘’ Have you gone mad?! Did they hit you on the head or something?! ‘’

Gilly turns off the car and pivotes to you, bringing his arm up to wrap the back of your seat, caging you in.

‘’ I can explain. ‘’ Let me, please.

He is observing you, the frown between your brows, the anger in your eyes, the dried blood on the side of your face. It is superficial, really, barely a scratch, but he has to hold himself back from reaching out, move your chin to the side so he can get a better look. He breathes your name as the overhead lights dim out, leaving the two of you in the dark, pleading. He can smell your perfume, hear the shakiness in your breath.

‘’ Okay, whatever. ‘’

You cross your arms around your chest. Even in the darkness, he knows you are watching him, waiting.

‘’ I like you, I do. ‘’ He starts, ‘’ I wasn’t supposed to, though, we just needed to be friends, you know? So I could make sure you were safe. ‘’ But I failed.

‘’ My dad hired you. ‘’

‘’ He did. ‘’

Your shadow moves, moving to the side to lay your head on the headrest. Your voice is soft, going through the motions, exhausted. You must be tired, the rest of the adrenaline dripping out of you in waves.

‘’ Do you work for him, selling the guns and stuff? ‘’

‘’ More like with him, I’m in a motorcycle club. ‘’

We buy them, he could have said, sell some back if they ever come across a nice shipment from god knows where, but he doesn’t. You are smart, you get it.

‘’ You’re used to getting shot a lot. ‘’ It is not a question, more like a fact, piecing the information together.

‘’ You could say that. ‘’

He holds his free hand out, and you take it, his warm fingers taking in your cold ones. He can tell you have softened up, put down the axe.

‘’ You really like me? ‘’

‘’ I do, very much. ‘’

You squeeze his hand, gently, even though he can’t see, he knows you are pursing your lips, biting the inside of your cheek. You move gently, twisting between your seat and the cup holder, leaning down and pressing your cheek on his shoulder. He can feel your body relax into his.

‘’ Can we go home now? I want a hot shower. ‘’

‘’ I know you do, baby, we’ll be there soon. ‘’

He lets you nuzzle into in shirt, caressing your hair with his free hand. He starts the car, driving back up to the main street. He doesn’t have the guts to tell you you are going home alone tonight, that there is no way in hell your dad will let you sleep somewhere else.

To his surprise, you don’t put much of a fight when you notice the gates around your dad’s house, or when he says your name into the intercom so you can be let in, but you are a smart one, of course, you picked it up. The nuances, the conflict inside of him, how he couldn’t get out of the car at first, couldn’t let go of your arm when people started pouring out the house. I’m good, Gilly, you whispered to him, thank you. And so he listens, he lets go, picks up his cash and leaves.

A week passes, a long one, of mindless thinking, passing time, putting cars on the lift and then bringing them down. He hears about you at Templo one morning, barely a sentence, something about your dad catching the guys, how business between him and the Mayans has been booming since then. Thanks, Gilly. Good job, man. The military training finally paying off, uh? He nods and smiles, but he doesn’t ask about you. He tries to play it low, make it seem like he is not taking the biggest hit of his life.

When he gets home that afternoon, something is different, maybe it is the way the grass is bent where it usually isn’t, how the doormat is slightly crooked, but it is you sitting at the diner table that makes him stop in his tracks.

His hand is still on the gun at the back of his waist, his other tight on the door handle when you wave at him, a small smile on your lips. Your hair is slightly shorter, different, and you are wearing too many layers for the California heat. You speak first.

‘’ Hey, baby… ‘’

Gilly lets go of the handle at his back and closes the door behind him. Baby. Baby. You stand up before he can talk back, nervously taking a few steps towards him.

‘’ We were on lockdown, I couldn’t call, I couldn’t leave. ‘’ Your fingers are pulling at threads on your jeans pocket. ‘’ I’m sorry, Gilly. ‘’

He melts, there is nothing else he can do. His arms find their way naturally around you, one hand on your head, pushing your cheek against his chest. He knows you can feel his heart beating in your ear, hear the relief that comes out of him with a sigh. There is no hesitation when you hug back, warm fingers griping at his cut.

‘’ I will never lie again, I swear. ‘’

You laugh, and it makes him squeeze tighter.

‘’ It’s alright, only for good reasons from now on, okay? ‘’

Okay, he will. Protecting you will be a full-time job now, maybe not the small contract he thought he was going into, something different, something warm and meaningful—soft, loved.

The most pleasant job in the world.

#mayans imagines #gilly lopez x you #gilly x reader #gilly lopez x reader #mayans mc imagine #mayans imagine #mayans fanfic

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the-ninjago-historian · 2 months

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I'm feeling sad today, so FLUFFY COLE X VANIA HEADCANONS TIME!

FEAST YOUR EYES UPON MY HALFBAKED SHIPPING IDEAS!!!🤣🤣🤣 Lol. I need something to cheer me up. These or Pixane usually does the trick. Also, I wrote most of these well past my bedtime. So you KNOW it's gonna be fun! Lol! And I have a little post-series stuff thrown in too. So these headcanons aren't canon to Dragons Rising. Just wanted to make that clear. Anyhoo, let's go!

1: Vania fell first. Cole fell harder.

2: They like to go hiking and spelunking ALL the time. They're the cutest little adventure duo ever! They've discovered all sorts of secret places in Shintaro's mountains. And even some ancient artifacts and cave paintings from Shintaro's past!

3: Whenever Cole visits Shintaro, Vania just lights up. She's happiest when she has her bestie with her.❤️

4: Vania once tried to teach Cole how to use the Shintarians Flight Packs. He was absolutely terrified at first. (Falling off of stuff trauma.😭) But Vania told him to focus on something nice so he wouldn't look down too much. He ended up looking at her. Cue mutual blushing and shy downward glances.🤣

5: Cole taught her some new dance moves. (She had been brought up on more refined forms of dance. Like waltz and such.) She wanted to try something different.

6: At first, they are both quite shy around each other. Not quite sure how close to get. But eventually once they got comfortable around each other, they became very snuggly and affectionate. Especially Cole.😊🧡🧡🧡

7: Everyone in the Ninja fam were super happy when Cole finally admitted to liking Vania. He'd always been so supportive of their own relationships. So they were happy he'd finally have a partner of his own to love.

8: Vise versa, the Geckle and Munce were very excited that the Skyfolk Queen was interested in the Son of Gilly/Milly.

9: Vania loves to chatter about her interests and Cole is always happy to listen. (Chatty Extrovert x Good Listener!😁) Vania sometimes secretly worries she's talking his ear off. She doesn't know that Cole loves just hearing her voice.🥹❤️

10: Vania is very protective of Cole. She loves him dearly. Even before they started their relationship. She wasn't kidding when she said she would bring her entire army to his aid. (As seen in Crystalized.) That being said, I think she would do anything in her power to help keep him safe.

Okay, post series ones now!

11: Cole had this perfect plan for proposing to her. Except he wasn't expecting one thing. When it finally came time to propose, Vania proposed at the same time. 🤣 They laughed about it more a good ten minutes before exchanging rings.

12: Cole ends up becoming King Consort of Shintaro. At first, the Shintarian people are a bit apprehensive to the idea of having some who isn't a Shintarian on the throne. But this changes quickly after seeing what a good ruler he is. And he quickly becomes popular with the people.

13: They have three kids. Their names are Valkyrie, Zephyr, and Collette. AKA Cole Jr.✨ More on that later.

14: Val and Zephie here are twins. But, they're aren't identical twins. Val looks more human and is the spitting image of Lilly. Except with streaks of gold in her black hair. Meanwhile, Zephyr looks more like a Shintarian. And he has the opposite. Gold hair with black streaks.

15: Cole was unbelievably excited about finally becoming a father. He'd always wanted kids of his own. When Val and Zephyr were born, he actually cried when he got to hold them. He couldn't believe him and Vania could make something so beautiful.

16: Collette is the baby of the family. She's adorable and definitely a daddy's girl. Also, this happened;👉

Jay: Hey Cole! I guess you missed out on naming one of your kids Cole Jr again, huh?

Cole: *smirks* Oh? Meet your niece, Collette.

Jay: A- *Jay EXE. has stopped*

Cole: *Dabs in victory*

Kai: Son of a gun. He did it.

And FINALLY, this funky quick doodle I did of them. It's kinda "Meh" but I tried.😅 (Vania is a nightmare for me to draw. Lol.)

On a side note, I'll probably do something like this for each of my favorite Ninjago ships. That should be fun!

(Tagging @only-lonely-stars because I know she like these two. Hope you don't mind!)

#ninjago #lego ninjago #cole x vania #vania x cole #cole brookstone #cole ninjago #ninjago cole #ninjago vania #vania ninjago #princess vania #Vanillacakeshipping #ninjago master of the mountain #My art #My writing #headcanons #I love the Knight and Princess vibes these two have.#I really should doodle them more.

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saltygilmores · 10 days

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 8, Part 4: "Let The Games Begin", the part where Lorelai says that if Jess was trapped inside her burning house she would save her shoes first

Lorelai Gilmore, you are no Jack Pearson. I won't complete that thought, even though I'm feeling nice and mean and I totally should.

Scene: Lorelai and Rory are discussing the upcoming road trip to New Haven with the Gilmore Grands. Rory forgot to pack. Lorelai goes into panic mode. Rory questions why she needs to pack her entire closet for a short road trip. Lorelai recounts a family vacation story from her childhood that would be best unpacked in a lengthy therapy session, frets that her mother will lecture them for under-packing, starts rummaging through Rory's dresser. Rory catches Lorelai making a double entendre about a meaty taco and declares it was dirty. The show makes another dig at New Haven after Lorelai brings home a pamphlet about Exciting Things to Do In New Haven but it's only a few pages long.

You sound surprised, as if ya'll aren't wearing heavy coats and long sleeves in the spring and summer. I swear there's something in the drinking water affecting everyone's thyroids in this town, they can't regulate their body temperatures.

Could anyone tell I'm stalling here? Classic Salty.

Rory: Mom, stop rummaging through my shit. Awwwe. Even Evil Villains like Lorelai Gilmore get the blues. I'm surprised she decided to go on this road trip to Yale instead of sending Rory off alone with the Grands, that way she'd have the house and Dean Forrester to herself the entire day. Since Dean's sexual stamina only extends to 1-2 minutes, they could have had sex hundreds of times in a day.

Two quips that sprang to mind (couldn't decided which one was better): The only words Lorelai is thinking about right now are "Dean" and "Shower". Lorelai thinks Jess removed Rory's bracelet while they're in the shower together? Jess could only hope.

Excuse me for a moment... *deep inhale*

I went into the Tumblr gifs library and looked up "peaceful". Here is a nice, presumably not-evil, Peaceful Bunny.

So not only does Jess commit attempted vehicular homicide, and steal Quarters on a String, he steals said QOAS by forcibly ripping them directly off the wrists of poor unsuspsecting delicate young ladies.

Nice try. You think you're so slick, but you're not, Slick Gilly.

You all don't understand the effort it takes for me to break down a scene like this without taking the cowards way out and simply rage quitting (which I have done before). I have to come up with multiple lines of witty, cutting commentary about what is unfolding before me, when all I want to do is KEYBORD SMASH. SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL!! ITS A FREE COUNTRY ISNT IT! BALD EAGLE BASEBALL APPLE PIE! (Deep inhale) sagfshafgahfgasvxzcywtryqwuhajlkansjbkfagsfyafvabsfvsdgr2347527q2y4q#&$T%#^%^#*U@(%)&@tGSHFBSHFSVAGFSFS FUCKYOULORELAIGILMORE#^&#^%&#^WGHFSHGAS@$%@^@

Thank for reminding the audience the reason why Lorelai thinks Jess should, ya know, die painfully and slowly. He was mouthy once. (the Netflix captions borked the line; Rory also said "and wrecked my car", but as if that makes Lorelai's treatment of Future Nephew any more justifable).

I am told that in a later season, Lorelai bemoans the fact that unlike Dean, Jess never offered to change her water bottle for her. NOW WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? YOU'RE ABOUT TO WISH HIM A FIREY DEATH. AND WHEN HE WAS (FORCIBLY) APPOINTED TO CLEAN YOUR GUTTERS YOU DIDN'T WANT HIS HELP..

Lorelai practically moans this, lol. We know "Change the water bottle" can mean two very different things. You ain't so slick, Slick Gilly.

Welcome to Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation Theater! See, here's the thing Slick Gilly, I watched an entire frigging episode about you accusing Jess of being a thief, it was called Lost and Found and it took me four frigging centuries to finish, I'm quite sure I have concrete evidence that you have accused him of stealing things. I am Jess Mariano's defense attorney and I will see you in court. Bring Rory too, she should also start getting used to what a court room looks like.

Rory, honey. Sweetie. Sugar bear. It's best you don't wish for a crystal ball. Just strap in to the rollercoaster that is dating Jess Mariano while living with your mother, and pray.

See, here's the thing Slick Gilly, I watched an entire frigging episode about you not letting Jess enter your house, it was called Swan Song and it will take me four frigging centuries to rewatch it.

This "Jess talks in grunts" shtick is getting old and moldy.

So not only does Jess commit attempted vehicular homicide, steal Quarters on a String, and steal said QOAS by forcibly ripipng them directly off the wrists of poor unsuspsecting delicate young ladies, but he's also an arsonist, and not only is he an arsonist, he's such a bad one that he'll apparently be killed by his handiwork? (he also can't be trusted to clean gutters). He was probably trying to off himself instead of live in Stars Hollow for another minute. Can we recall another time Rory tried to play this same grim hypothetical with her mom? Does Rory, like Jess, also have some kind of firey death wish? I mean, who can blame either of them. *twinkly flashback music to early season 2*

I notice Pigtails didn't say "my daughter" this time, either. Sorry Rory. Maybe try playing a third time until she answers with "Some form of human life." Lorelai lies to Rory's face that she "promised you before and am promising you again that I will cut "this kid" some slack." Alright, I ran through my 30 screen shots, let's stuff this scene in a sack and throw it into the lake with Shane and her swan family.

Rory: "You're just waiting for the day I break up with Jess." Lorelai The Villain: "Did I like Dean? Yes. Did I worry less when you were with dean? Yes! I never expected you to be with Dean forever. I don't expect you to be with Jess forever." What a pile of rancid baloney. Maybe he won't be with Rory forever, but 13 years later Jess becomes her nephew and will be a part of her family forever and I will never, ever, ever stop loving that. What JUSTICE.

When I hit my lowest of low valleys listening to this wretched woman spew her many lies and Gilly-Nonsense, It's often the only thing that makes me smile.

#jess mariano #literati #gilmore girls #denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 3 #let the games begin #ltgb #now I just have to suffer through the ridiculous shit fit she has at Yale

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redemn · 2 days

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thinking a lot about how to be a dog , by andrew kane , today . thinking about how many dog allegories i put into arthur's characterisation and the way i envision his character to be , and how perfect this poem is for him .

thinking about how he must learn how to speak : that " you must learn not to speak unless you absolutely must , or to speak as much as you feel you must regardless of how many times you are told to stop , or sit , or placed behind a door this will depend on what kind of a dog you want to be [ … ] it may not feel as though you get to choose , and that too is a kind of dog . " that he accidentally found a family in two outlaws during one of the lowest points in his life , and in the formative years of his life . who he immediately clung to and , with the desperation of a stray pup who has been yearning for that love , determined he would be loyal to for the rest of his life , who he grew close to and willfully bowed his bed to proudly wear the collar of the van der linde gang , because it's the thing that keeps him safe and feeling as though he belongs somewhere . a reminder of the people who love him , on purpose .

how he " must learn to relinquish all control over everything you might wish to control . you must learn to prefer to be led about by the neck on a piece of string , or staked to a neglected lawn by a length of chain . you must learn , once you have sampled the freedom of a life without a chain , that it is better to return and be chained again . " because in learning his alphabet and how to shoot and how to speak , he learns how to appear to the gang , that role of enforcer which he has not chosen himself , but which he has settled into so easily . there's nothing wrong with it in his eyes : this is where he is most wanted , this is where he will find his love , and where he will always be welcomed and fretted over when he returns . that he is no leader in the way dutch is . that he is meant to be a follower , a helper , the one who protects with his imposing presence .

and then … thinking about how " of course you must learn to love , to love always and love entirely and to be wounded by nothing so much as the violence of your own love . you must learn to be confused but never disappointed by a deficiency of love . " that he learns this thrice in his life .

1 . ) that he forged such a close relationship with mary gillis , and with her brother beside that , taught him how to ride a horse and taught her how to protect herself when she needs it , and learned from her how to love himself in the same way she loved him . learned that he must not fall victim to despair when he read that letter from her , that she was engaged because she couldn't love or marry a man with his lifestyle . that he had always known it . 2 . ) that his impetuous and outspoken little brother could leave their gang without much explanation , despite all the love that was there for him . despite all the love arthur had for him , he still left . he could leave , in a way arthur never could . that he must learn not to be wounded from this , and to carry on regardless of the stain on their relationship , regardless of how angry and jealous inside he was that the golden child could return and not be hit with the consequences of his actions . that the way he was scolded would never be wrought upon john . but he must learn to look past it . 3 . ) that dutch's ever-growing distance was a blame placed upon him from dutch himself , even though it all seemed to coalesce into something noticeable once micah joined the gang and began to lead dutch astray . that it is forcing him farther from hosea , trust dutch like this . and yet he perseveres . that he must learn to live through it and clutch his collar and remind himself of the loyalty and the love he has for this man , and that leaving him even in the most broken of times would be a betrayal . that they would pull through , because they had to , and because they always did . that he must never be disappointed by the deficiency this love .

how " you must give up your children and not know why . " how he returned to eliza and isaac one fateful day , expecting to hold that little toddler in his arms and kiss his head and sniff that feather-soft familiar scent and expecting to see that warm smile eliza always wore for him whenever he came to visit them only to find two graves beside that little house instead . that his heart broke into a thousand fragments the moment he spotted those gravestones , before he even read the names , knowing that the woman who birthed his child and the sweetest boy he had ever known in his life , the two people he loved were gone forever , that he could never see them again . that he never recovered all the fragments of his heart . that he learned to give up his children without knowing why a few thieves could be so needlessly cruel . that he learned to fall into despair , into drinking , into grieving and crying in ways he had never known before . that he learned , months later , how to overcome the darkness , but not quite completely . learned to carry himself with a different worldview after that , a quick gun , more ruthless decisions . that there were some things that could never be changed about this world , that he must learn that these things will be , no matter what .

because in spite of his tough exterior and his determination and the resolution in all his actions , he is still a dog waiting for a bone that will never be tossed , with a fraying leash of loyalty that is ever tightening in each chapter until it yanks his head to the east and chokes him completely . but he has learned " to believe that you are not in fact a dog at all . "

#( ;; hey everyone. i ruined my own day writing this one. )#╰ ゜headcanon. * i'll fight forgiveness ; so suffer for my shame.#long post //

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teamfreewill2pointo · 3 months

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The whole height thing is not the advantage people think it is for an actor. Jensen is actually a very desirable height at 6'1" because it is tall and manly, but not too tall. 5'10"-6'2" is ideal for most leading men. Jared had to lie about his actual height, 6"5 3/4" for years, because it was considered a detriment for leading men to be over 6'4". It just didn't jive with the other actors or actresses. In a recent photo of Jared and his siblings you can see that Jared is almost as tall as his brother, who is 6'7". Tom Cruise is another outlier to the norm for leading men. At 5'7" a lot of modifications had to be made to accommodate filming him with taller actors. Too tall and too short just makes framing the hots more difficult. Nothing against the actors.

Yes, it's also annoying to have to stand on a box to film your scenes because of how it changes from the typical blocking and so forth.

The directors later learned how to shoot them so the perspective is built into the scene so that they didn't have to use the Gilly boxes.

Earlier in the Jacksonville Con video that I linked, Misha talked about filming the scene where Sam and Castiel go into Dean's mind, and how they originally shot it, Misha looked like he could fit in Jared's pocket. He joked about wanting to destroy the tapes or something like that because he was embarrassed by it because it made him look tiny.

#cast #behind the scenes #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #misha collins

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themaybug · 9 months

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little doodle of my and @faerunaways PCs in our shared playthrough! they're playing Slate, a Dark Urge drow monk, and i'm Gilly, deep gnome spore druid 💗

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #dark urge #tav #deep gnome #drow #my ocs #gilly stonewort #my art #gilly is standing on something by the way. she is a lot shorter than that

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lcpmon · 6 months

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yeah man im not a furry i just bought these giant cat paw pad gloves cos i think theyre cute

#i got them in black and white </3 #i miss having silly cat paw gloves and itll be nice to pay out for something a bit fancier #maybe one day ill do something cringe with them but rn theyre just going to exist once theyre made and arrive #gilly speaks

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ravennaortiz · 2 months

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Came from this request.

Tag list: @hatersaremymotivators

Summary: Coco x OC Daniela( Dani) Reyes. 18+

Both Coco and Dani have been unlucky in life can they find healing and their second chances in each other? Or will outside forces tear them apart?

Word Count: 2.4+K

It was late as Daniela made her way home from the bar a couple blocks away. Her phone had died over an hour ago and she hadn't told anyone she would be going out. This was the shit her brothers were always on her case about and she always brushed them off. Now that she was positive she was being followed she wished she had listened more. Granted it was just her most recent ex and she doubted he would do anything but tendrils of fear still seeped into her movements.

As she turned the corner into an alley she glanced back only to come to a complete stop as she ran into something. More like someone as she felt arms steady her. "You okay?" inquired a tall, good looking, dark haired guy. "Umm, I'm sorry" she managed to get out as she laughed nervously. "Good thing you weren't driving a car or you would have flattened me" joked the man as he watched her glance back the way she came and nervously shift her weight.

Moving to look back to the street he saw a man waiting a few feet away. "That guy bothering you?" he inquired as he turned back to the girl. Daniela simply bit her lower lip wondering if she was trading one problem for another. This guy seemed nice enough but that was how she had always felt until they turned into monsters that her brothers had to handle. Daniela shut her eyes as she felt tears start to form as she simply nodded. "I'll take care of him. Stay here" stated the stranger as he stepped out of the alley.

"Do you have much farther to go?" inquired the stranger a few minutes later when he stepped back into the alley. "No, I live fairly close" Daniela replied. "I can walk with you the rest of the way if you want?" inquired the stranger as he shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets. "I don't want to interrupt your evening" murmured Daniela as she shook her head making the stranger laugh as he looked around at the dark, smelly alleyway they were standing in.

"Nah your good. I shouldn't even be here and I'm taking this as a sign to get going" replied the stranger as he looked her over. She was pretty and seemed sweet but her eyes had an edge to them that called to him. She nodded as she spoke. "Thanks. I know about listening to signs myself" she replied as she moved out of the alley with him alongside her. Not that she usually listened well to them she thought to herself as memories threatened to spill from behind the wall she had built.

"No problem" replied the stranger as they moved down the quite streets. "I'm Johnny by the way. Most people call me Coco though" offered the stranger as they walked. "Daniela but I prefer Dani" offered Dani with a soft smile as she glanced over at him. He was tall and dark haired with eyes that felt like they could see her soul.

The two walked in a comfortable silence until they got to her house. Coco hung back by her gate wanting to make sure she made it inside before he made his way off. As Dani opened the door she turned back to Coco. "Do you want to come in?".

Coco looked at her in shock at the question. "Umm....."running his hand through his hair not sure what to say.

***

3 months later

"Your looking healthy man" stated Gilly as he sat at his kitchen table across from Coco. "Work in progress. I'm doing this not just for me but for Letty and my girl. I need them and this is the only way." Coco replied as he smiled down as he thought of his daughter and Dani. The two of them were the bright spots in his dark life. "Going to meet her family tonight" added Coco with a nervous chuckle.

"That's good. I'm sure her family will love you" nodded Gilly as he grinned. "When do I get to meet this special lady? Would love to put a face to the woman who has my best friend strung out on love instead of drugs" laughed Gilly as Coco grinned. "Hell. I don't even know her name and I'm starting to thinks she's not real" continued Gilly as Coco flipped him off and rolled his eyes.

"She's real. I just don't wanna jinx it" muttered Coco as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and started scrolling through his photos. "Here" he replied sliding his phone across. Gilly took the phone laughing but froze the moment he saw the photo. "She's very pretty" he offered as he looked at the photo of the little sister of two of his brothers in the MC. "What's her name?" he inquired as he pushed the phone back. "Daniela but she goes by Dani" replied Coco oblivious o the war raging in Gillys head.

"I haven't exactly talked to her about the club yet, like she knows about them but I haven't gotten into that mess. Need to talk to Bishop first and even see if I can come back before i get to explaining all that" continued Coco as he looked up at his friend. "All you can do is ask man. I doubt he would decline but you gotta keep working hard" replied Gilly as he shrugged his shoulders.

Coco nodded as he finished his drink. "I think I'm going to head over that way. Wish me luck for tonight" he stated as he stood up and pulled on his jacket. Gilly stood and hugged him tightly. "Good luck. Can't wait to hear how it goes" Gilly replied making Coco laugh. "What are we teenage girls that gossip after a date?" joked Coco with a shake of his head.

***

Dani was nervous as they finally parked in front of her fathers house. The last time she had been here had led to a blow up between her and her oldest brother. While she knew his intentions had been good, his words had still stung like a slap to the face. A sensation she had gotten used to thanks to the guys of her past. Her other brother had tried to referee the situation but it was to little to late. So for the last year she had kept her distance.

"I feel like I've been here before" murmured Coco as he took in Dani's fathers house as the two of them walked up the wooden steps. "Really?" Dani replied turning the knob to the door as she glanced back at Coco whose eyes were wide as he caught sight of her brothers motorcycles. "You okay Johnny?" Dani questioned as she let go of the knob and placed her palm on his cheek bringing his gaze back to her. "Umm yeah. I just... I just didn't know your pops was into motorcycles" Coco stammered slightly. He could feel a cold sweat starting to trickle down his back.

"Oh. Those are my brothers." Dani replied as she bit her lip. "Their good guys..... just protective" she added as she watched him look back at the motorcycles studying them. "Nice, we will have something in common" replied Coco turning to Dani with a smile. Gonna have a lot in common he thought to himself as Dani nodded before opening the door and pulling him in.

"Hi Papi" started Dani as the three men in the living room turned to the door before Angel cut her off. "The fuck are you doing here?" demanded Angel as he lunged out of his chair. "Pops asked" started Dani taken aback by his anger. "I'm not talking to you Daniela" Angel replied cutting her off again as EZ grabbed ahold of him.

"Chill" mumbled EZ as he held Angel in place as he observed their little sister who was near tears and Coco who looked like he wished the earth would open beneath his feet. "Angel and EZ Reyes are your brothers" chuckled Coco nervously as he ran his hands over his face. Fuck me he thought to himself. "Really wish you had mentioned that or told me they were in the Mayans MC too. So I could have saved us both a lot of trouble" he continued as he felt his heart crumble.

"Johnny" started Dani as she went to grab his hand as he turned to the door. "Its okay. You have dinner with your family" he murmured before walking out and closing the door quietly. Before Dani could react Angel breezed by her following after Coco as EZ sighed.

***

"So your just going to run away? Fuck with my baby sister and leave her like trash?" yelled Angel as he caught up to Coco and shoved him. "I didn't know man." replied Coco as he put his hands up in defense not wanting to fight his friend. "Now you do. So stay the hell away from her or else" threatened Angel before turning back to the house.

"You really know how to pick them" stated Angel once he was inside the house. Rolling his eyes as EZ consoled their sister who was sobbing. "Wasting tears on a loser" he added as he grabbed his beer from the table and drank it. Ignoring the look EZ shot him.

"Johnny isn't a loser" snapped Dani as she turned her eyes on Angel. "Trust me on this. He was just using you to keep his bed war--" started Angel before his head snapped to the side. "Dani" scolded EZ as he grabbed her arm and positioned himself back between his siblings. "That's what I should have done the last time too" spat Dani as she shook EZ's hand off her as Angel rubbed his stinging cheek.

"You two, kitchen now" stated their father as he stood up from his chair pointing at Angel and EZ.

"Pops" started Angel once the men were in the kitchen. "Be quiet" snapped pops angrily. "I will not lose my daughter. Is that understood? I do not care what issues you have with that young man but for the last few months he is all she has gone on about. She is the happiest she has been since your mother passed." he ranted as he looked from Angel to EZ. "Fix it" he stated slamming his hands on the table making both men flinch.

***

"So you think he loves her?" questioned Angel as he sipped on his beer watching Coco from across the clubhouse a few days later. "Yeah, you have no idea how caught up in her he is man. She's all he talked about. " nodded Gilly as he frowned looking at his friend with his face down on the table. Ez sighed as he joined Angel and Gilly. "Well Dani finally answered only to tell me to go fuck myself and she hopes you choke on a dick. Angel rubbed his face as he considered his next move.

Angel slammed his chair back and stalked over to where Coco was sitting with EZ hot on his heels unsure what his brother planned to do.

Coco didn't acknowledge either of them as he continued to scroll through his phone looking at photos of him and Dani. The ache he felt without her was worse than any day of withdrawal he had went through.

"Listen man. I'm sorry for being such an ass the other night. I was....a bit surprised" offered Angel as he took a seat across from Coco. Angel frowned when Coco didn't respond after a couple of minutes.

"Dani hasn't always made the best choices with guys and she's gotten seriously hurt in the past. We worry about her and with your...past its" started EZ trying to help Angel out.

"Don't talk to me like I don't know shit about her Boy Scout" snarled Coco as he sat up his eyes dark with anger. "She told me about all of that when I was telling her not to waste her time on a outlaw addict like me months ago. Neither of you would know that though because no one wants to give me a damn chance." he yelled drawing attention before slamming his chair back and storming out of the clubhouse.

***

Dani was stepping out of the shower when her phone dinged.

My Love: Can I swing by? Need to tell you something important.

Dani thought for a moment before replying and making her way to her living room to wait.

Coco took a moment to try and calm his nerves before he opened the door with the key Dani had given him. He was so thankful for her and he only hoped she would forgive him for the other night at her fathers house.

Dani stood up when she heard the key in the lock. She toyed with the string on her silk robe nervously as the door swung open and she watched Coco close and lock it behind him. "Dani, I just want to say I love you and...." Coco stopped speaking as his brain registered what he was seeing. Even though they had been dating for awhile they had yet to have sex and seeing Dani in just her robe had him swallowing hard as he struggled to concentrate.

Dani smiled at him before replying. "I love you too. I want to be with you. I want you always".

Coco nodded as he kept his eyes glued to hers as she spoke. He caught the twinkle of mischief in them right before she undid her robe and let it fall open. Coco couldn't help but let his eyes drift over every perfect inch of her bare flesh. Licking his lips at the thought of running his tongue and hands across it.

"Like what you see?" questioned Dani as she moved closer letting the robe slip off and puddle at her feet. Coco simply nodded before cupping her face and pulling her in for a kiss. His hands roamed down her sides and onto her ass. "I'm so lucky your mine" he whispered into her ear.

***

Coco's phone going off the next morning woke both of them. "Sorry" he murmured into Danis back as he kissed her skin before reaching to grab it.

"Hello?" he grumbled as rubbed his face

"First congrats on you and Dani. Second your tires are flat per EZ. Third you have an appointment this afternoon with Angels fist" laughed Gilly into the phone as Angel and EZ grumbled in the background.

Coco laughed as Dani rolled over having heard the conversation. Gently she straddled him as she grabbed the phone.

"Hey Gilly. Tell my brothers to fix his bike and he's going to be busy for the next day or two" she stated firmly before ending the call and tossing the phone off the bed.

Want more Coco? Click here

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cositapreciosa · 10 months

Text

You & Me III

Gilbert 'Gilly' Lopez x ex-army!reader, the usual for the show, 4316 words

a/n : first time i've made a third part of anything? hope it still slaps

You can find the masterlist here !

Tagging my Gilly people @narcolini @drabbles-mc <3

‘’ God damn it, woman. ‘’

You knew that would come, but you didn’t expect it to be the second you stepped out of the car. You thought you could have sneaked your way past the garage, past Gil and straight into the clubhouse, hoping EZ would be there, but turns out that all the bombs, the gunshots and even the missing muffler on his truck weren’t enough to damage his hearing. You couldn’t figure out why his ears weren’t ringing when yours were almost all the time now. You can hear him mumbling as he walks your way.

‘’ I told you to stay put. That I would take care of this. ‘’

You can tell he is angry, and as much as you would like to pretend not to hear him, and walk away, you can’t. You close the door, and when you turn around, he is in front of you, tall and shoulders pushed back. He looks good in his uniform, a dark grey jumpsuit that he is wearing with the sleeves tied to his hips. You can tell he has stained his tank top again, despite the dark colour and telling him he needed to stock up on Oxiclean.

‘’ Hi, baby, I missed you, baby? ‘’

He ignores your attempt to smooth this out, arm moving behind your left side to pull the door of the truck open, the metal door missing your hip by an inch. Deciding to borrow his pick-up truck might have been pushing your luck too, but there is nothing he can do about it now. He points to the driver’s seat.

‘’ You’re going to sit your ass back down, and you’re going to go home, baby. ‘’

‘’ I’m not. ‘’

‘’ You- ‘’

He bites his tongue, you can tell, see it roll in his mouth. You like to rile him up, of course you do, especially because he falls for it each time. He better gear up today, because you are determined. You will talk to Alvarez, or maybe EZ, whichever is here, whichever would listen to what you have to say. Gil takes a deep breath as he takes a step forward, chest pressing into yours, silently and slowly trying to push you back into the car. When don’t move, sneakers pressing into the gravel, he talks again.

‘’ You are unbelievable. I’ve got two cars on the lifts, I don’t have time for this- ‘’

‘’ Yo, Gilly, gotta stop bailing on me like that, man. ‘’

Coco walks out of the garage, cigarette between his lips, hat pushed back. His hair has grown longer since the last time you saw him, just past his shoulders. He smiles when he sees you.

‘’ Sup, girl. How you been? ‘’

He doesn’t seem to notice the tension in both your bodies, a position that could easily be mistaken for some welcoming hug. A weird one, really, one where you are pushing back against a human wall, one where Gil could force you inside if he decided to do it. His knuckles are white from gripping the door, he knows he can’t just shoo you away anymore, that the boys will want to talk to you, ask you how you’ve been doing, if they fixed the leaking sink alright.

‘’ Been good, Coco, thank you. How bout you? ‘’

‘’ Same ol’ shit, mama. Are you here only for the big man or you came for us losers too? ‘’

You snort at that, using the momentum to slither past Gil, letting him close the door in defeat behind you. You hear him grunt something in return, but you don’t give him the attention of turning around. Coco crush the rest of his cigarette under his foot, he is smiling again, clearly happy with the joke he just made.

‘’ I came for Ava, but Gil told me she left this morning, so I bullied the big man into buying me a beer before his lunch break instead. ‘’

A straight-up lie, and Gil has to know you are lying, you are convinced it is written on your forehead. Big letters, bold and coloured. Coco doesn’t seem to notice it, though, doesn’t even move over the fact that Ava wasn’t even here this morning, as he lights another cigarette. You like Coco, you find him funny, smart, kind, and you realize you hate lying to him. It is probably because he took care of the body that night, telling you that he would take care of it. Maybe you feel guilty that it has come to light, guilty about how he might feel about it when the truth comes out.

‘’ Go spend his money, girl. He has to be back in an hour though. ‘’

‘’ Duly noted, chief. ‘’

He smiles at that, hand clasping on your shoulder in goodbye before walking back to the garage. You can feel Gil’s presence behind you, all warmth and anger. You don’t like giving him the cold shoulder, but you know you have to rip the bandage off, figure this whole thing out and find a solution before it is too late. You still wish it could be wrong, that Marco’s information is wrong, that they did find a body, just not that body. What a weird fucking day already. You and Jacob's endless hunt for his lost homework right before having to leave for school, coffee spilling on your jeans on the way to the club, using the silent treatment on your man and confessing to a murder in front of illegal bikers.

You look at him over your shoulder only to find out he is already looking down at you. Don’t do it, it means, but you know you have to.

‘’ I’m gonna go in there, ‘’ you begin, ‘’ and I’m going to sit at the table and tell Alvarez everything. I want you to do it with me. ‘’

His gaze breaks away from yours, meeting a point far away in the distance. You know you are pushing him into something he wanted to wait for, but you can’t spend another sleepless night over this. Not when you woke up every hour or so, walking to the door to make sure it is locked, hand reaching in your nightstand to feel the cool metal of the gun that is tucked in there.

He motions for you to walk, chin pointing to the door, towards the clubhouse. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, relieved.

‘’ You got my back on this? ‘’ you ask.

‘’ Always. ‘’

The clubhouse still smells of old wood and liquor, just like you remember it. You have been here before, seated at the bar with Gil, tagging along to celebrate whoever’s birthday or whatever event needed tequila shots and cigars. It always felt cozy, in your opinion, mostly because it belonged to them, every piece of it, every memorabilia and every bullet hole that splintered the walls. You understand why Gil loves this place every time you push the doors, why it reminds him of the army, the nostalgia of it.

You are greeted as soon as you come in, hello’s from behind the bar, the pool table. You had felt confident on the way here, fingers gripped tightly on the wheel, telling Gil you would get in there with or without him, but whatever is twisting your insides now feels like nervousness, impatient to get this over with. You feel Gil’s hand on your back, showing you forward, past the doorstep. His fingers are warm on your back, heavy, brushing the skin peaking between your shorts and your shirt.

‘’ Do you think it would be better if you took the lead from here? ‘’ you ask him.

You know it would make him feel good to be in control, to be able to take the reigns on this one. He squeezes the side of your hip in response, his warmth leaving as soon as it arrived as he moves around you and towards the hallway to your right, the one you know leads to Templo, disappearing from your sight. You usually wouldn’t ask for help, you would deal with it on your own, swallow the anxiety, the nerves and jump in, but asking for help is something you have done more than usual the past few months. You always wait for it to come back and bite you, reminding you of why you stopped doing it in the first place, but it hasn’t, not yet.

‘’ Can I get you anything to drink, sweetheart? ‘’

Cielo catches your eyes behind the bar, torso leaning over the counter, wiping away any spilled liquid. You smile, and you hope she doesn’t notice that it is forced, that your fists are closed so tight you think your nails might break the skin.

‘’ I’m all good, thanks. Just waiting for Gilly. ‘’

Gilly. It still feels weird to say it like they do. It has always been Gil, ranger, or any insults that fitted the need at the time. He never took any of it personally, of course, but he was always quick to answer something witty in response. Another minute passes, and he is back in front of you just as fast as he had left, one hand sliding in yours, prying open your tensed fingers.

‘’ Come with me. ‘’

And you do, following him into the hallway, posters and license plates decorating the walls. The air is heavy, and the more your steps bring you toward the doorway, the more you can feel your heart in your throat. Your hand hasn’t left Gil’s, fingers wrapped so hard around his tattooed ones he might think you are scared he would let go. Deep breath in, deep breath out. You let him pull you further in, almost bumping into his back when he stops in front of a woven basket, reaching into his back pocket to drop his phone into it.

‘’ You got your cell? ‘’

You nod, rapidly reaching into your pocket to place your phone next to his.

‘’ Good, ‘’ he swallows, ‘’ You got your gun? ‘’

‘’ I don’t? Look, Gil, if I’m making anyone uncomfortable, I can just… ‘’

You can just what? Go home? Actually get your gun and wait for the wave to come crashing? You watch him adjust the sunglasses on top of his head.

‘’ This is just protocol, you’re good, Alvarez said he would listen to what we had to say. I told him that Marco came by the house. He had already heard something about a missing brother. ‘’

Just as he finishes, he takes a step closer to you, coming back into your personal space. You didn’t expect him to kiss you, warm lips against yours, with his hand under your chin. It makes your body shiver despite the heat, toes curling and craving for more. When he pulls away, he is smiling. You are not sure why, looking at the circumstances, but God, God, maybe you do love him for real, maybe it isn’t in your head or it is routine from being around too long, maybe-

‘’ Hey. Everything is going to be fine, take a deep breath. ‘’

And you do, because he tells you to, because his hand is warm behind your ear. You nod, I’m good, you want to tell him, let’s do this. You know he reads you like an open book, hand squeezing the back of your neck in encouragement before he turns to face the stained glass door.

The air seems thicker inside the Templo, barely any light, dark leather chairs, and cigarette smoke filling the air. Alvarez sits at the end of the table, watching as Gil sends you toward one side of the table while he goes for the other. You take a seat in front of your man, El Padrino on your right. You had met Marcus two times before, the first time when you had met everyone else for Angel’s birthday at the clubhouse, the other after you had stumbled upon his wife in the grocery store, a sweet woman was quick to invite Gil and you for a barbecue at their house.

The third time is today, just as you are about to tell him the truth, what you have been bottling up for weeks now, the blood that still stains your nails. Nothing Marcus hasn’t done before, you can easily guess. It feels weird the more you think about it, how your lives are similar in many ways, but different in so many others. It is Gil that breaks the silence, forearms leaning on the table. His eyes meet yours for a brief second. Behave.

‘’ Thank you, Padrino, for meeting with us. ‘’

Marcus acknowledges him with a grunt, a brief nod. If Gil notices the astonishment that paints your face he doesn’t let it show. Whatever boot-licking, democratic bullshit this is, you are already over it, but you let him speak, mostly because you told him you would. It is rarely his thing to lay low, lick boots and follow the rules, maybe the two of you have just gotten too old for it. But Alvarez doesn’t answer him, he turns to you instead, Gil discarded as quickly as he had started.

‘’ So, this has to do with the missing brother they found in the state park? ‘’

‘’ Maybe? I mean- I don’t know if that’s where they buried him. ‘’

‘’ They? ‘’

Marcus is intimidating, unreadable, pulling on his smoke every once in a while. He seems unbothered, and that makes you nervous. You don’t know how much you should tell him or how much Gil planned to tell him. You wouldn’t want to put any of them under fire of any kind, especially when they did all of this out of the kindness of their heart. You could have been anyone that night, but they helped anyway. Your eyes flicker to Gil, his hands are crossed in front of him and he is looking at you, fingers twitching for a smoke. You wish you could tell him to have one, that you'll allow it this time, that he doesn’t have to hide them in the inside pocket of his uniform. He motions to you to keep going as he eventually pulls one out.

‘’ Coco and Creeper. I needed the help and Gil called them. ‘’

Marcus hums, crushing the end of his cigar against the ashtray. ‘’ And help with what? ‘’

He is pulling it out of you, question by question. This feels like an interrogation, and in a way it is, nothing you haven’t done before, nothing you haven’t gone through before. It tingles inside of you, the adrenaline that pumps in your veins just at the mere thought of it. You try to remind yourself that this is a safe place, that you are home, but still, your arms feel heavy, neck muscles tensing. You try to swallow it down, readjusting in your chair. If Marcus wants the truth, the whole story, you’ll give it to him.

‘’ A dead body, the one I murdered. ‘’

You can see the twitch in his eyebrows, the surprise hidden deep behind his brown eyes. He didn’t expect you to tell that fast you bet, but that means he has been underestimating you so far.

‘’ I was doing mercs jobs in Fresno for a few months, that’s where I met him- ‘’

‘’ What the fuck? ‘’

The cold that drips from his words is like an ice bucket in your face. You had almost forgotten that Gil was there, silently watching from his side of the table. As you look at him, you can see the anger in his eyes, the shock moving across his face. Wait.

‘’ I thought you knew? I left Santo Padre for a job, I told Rea about it. ‘’

‘’ And you thought she would tell me? Snitch on you while you were back on this bullshit? You told me you would stop. ‘’

You don’t have an answer to give him, because you did tell him you would try, but that was a year ago, when life had started to feel good again, until it wasn’t, until you felt that need to run again. They are using you, he used to say, they don’t fucking care if you come back alive. He was right, but what he didn’t understand was that you didn’t care either if you did or not. Bills needed to be paid, dark thoughts and memories more easily buried under the clicking sound of ammunition and the smell of gunpowder. Gil is leaning across the table, chair pulled back a few inches, and if you didn’t know him, you would think he was ready to jump, hands on throat.

You don’t have an answer to give him, but you still open your mouth, hoping to find something to say. Marcus cuts you before you can.

‘’ And then what? ‘’

He is looking at Gil, and you figure he is telling him to back off, to calm down. Surprisingly he does, pressing back into his chair, huffing. You close your fists under the table, hoping the pain will bring you back into the room with them.

‘’ Then he was an abusive bitch, and he tried to kill me, so I did him first. ‘’

You can still hear the thumping in your ears, feel the split skin of your knuckles as you continue.

‘’ I didn’t know he was SAMCRO. I’m here so we can find a solution. ‘’

You finally meet Gil’s eyes across the table. He feels so far away, miles and miles when he is only at arm's length if you reached far enough. You crave his touch, you realize, you want him to hold you like he does at night, tucked in his chest, nose pressed against his shirt. It would smell like him, your favourite detergent, that Irish soap he uses in the shower.

‘’ I know what this would mean for the club if they think it’s your guys who did it. I don’t want this to happen. ‘’

You feel it in the back of your head, those thoughts that make you think that this is wrong, this is what happens when you stay for too long, when you stop and start thinking too much. The crescent nail-shaped wounds in your palms hurt. You are not sure how you knock out of it, but you are back, and Gil still sits in front of you, deep brown eyes observing you. You can tell he noticed it, how far away you were, barely a second. Alvarez turns to him.

‘’ I have already talked to Tig. The Fresno charter does think we’ve done it, and Marco has confirmed that they did find some evidence that points to us. ‘’ I don’t want to run again, please don’t make me do it again. ‘’ I’ve been told his brother doesn’t seem that bothered, but he does want reparation. ‘’

‘’ Whatever he wants, but I’m keeping my fingers. ‘’

That makes him crack a smile, barely pulling at the side of his lips. He can laugh if he wants, but you are dead serious. You have met Chucky before, and even though he is a nice man, got a good job, that is not a sacrifice you are willing to do.

‘’ Cash seemed fine with him, if it’s fine with you. ‘’

‘’ How much? ‘’ Gil is quick to ask.

‘’ Hundred thousand. ‘’

‘’ That’s insane. She was fighting back, not- ‘’

El Padrino raises his hand, asking for silence he is rapidly met with. What surprises you is when Alvarez asks him to leave, even more so when Gilly actually does it, reluctantly, of course, but nonetheless. You can’t stay in this room if he isn’t, because you know you can’t deal with Marcus alone. You are panicking just at the idea of it, like a dog being left behind. The room feels smaller suddenly, and just as your knees lock, ready to stand up and walk away with Gil, Marcus stops you.

‘’ No. ‘’ Is all he says, ‘’ You’re staying. ‘’

Both of you watch as your man crushes his cigarette against the ashtray, giving you a brave nod before closing the door behind him. When Marcus’s attention is back on you, you can tell he is asking if you can do it, if you have enough. Gil was right on this one, it is insane, no one carries that much money in cash, not you. Your teeth are piercing your bottom lips, maybe you could spare a finger or two, you think, maybe you could do that.

‘’ I can get you 15 thousand in a few days. Not more than twenty if you give me a week. ‘’

The silence is deafening, you can hear the buzzing from the overhead lights. You are ready to pay your debt if that is what SAMCRO expects of you, any way they see fit, you stopped trying to change people’s minds a long time ago. There's no point in lying to Alvarez, even if you try, a hundred thousand dollars is just too much.

‘’ So you have a military background? ‘’

You frown. You don’t understand what this has to do with all of this.

‘’ Yes. Gil and I were in the same unit for years. ‘’

Friendship, lovers, everything in between, rangers in death and life. He takes a cigarette out of his pack, offering you one. You think about accepting it, only for a second, long enough that he can see the hesitation in your eyes before you decline.

‘’ We could use someone with your skills. ‘’ he begins, ‘’ Sharp, quick. ‘’

The smoke dries your eyes when he exhales. You know what he is offering, a type of work you have done before, something you’re good at, something that Gil would have said no to if he had stayed. Alvarez is offering you a chance to say yes, to make your own decision.

‘’ I could loan you the eighty-five thousand you need, drop it all off to SAMCRO, but you’d be in our debt. ‘’

I need to ask Gil, I need to know if this is fair, if this is legit, I need-

‘’ Can I sleep on it? ‘’

‘’ As long as you want, until they’re tired of waiting. ‘’

You don’t remember when or how you left the room, if Alvarez even told you you could leave, but before you know it you are passing the stained glass door, phone back in hand. Gil is not at the bar when you turn the corner, and you hate that it crosses your mind for a second that he left you, took his shit and drove away in anger. You know it’s not true, that you are thinking too much again. Too much thinking, too much-

You push the door open, fresh air in your lungs, the sun prickling your eyes. You want to cry, to fall on your knees and sob all of it away. All of the stress, the images that pass behind your eyes every time you close them, the ringing in your ears.

I want to go home. It’s the first thing you tell him when you reach the truck, where he is leaning against the hood, sunglasses covering his eyes. You can see the panic on his face, the way your own has crashed on him like waves. I want to go home, please, I can’t-

‘’ Hey, hey, it’s all good, I’ll drive you home, baby. ‘’

Breathe, you can’t breathe. You only seem to be able to when he eventually brings you to the passenger side, when you feel the leather on your thighs, when the drilling noise coming from the garage finally stops as he closes the door.

Can I sleep on it?

You told Alvarez that you would do it, let them use those skills of yours as they saw fit, you do remember that now. Eighty-five thousand dollars in exchange for your life. Is it really how much you are worth?

As long as you want, until they’re tired of waiting.

You don’t feel like telling Gil, admitting to him that you took what looks like the easy way out. No out in glory and blood, guns blazing. It feels like you are out of high school all over again, passing in front of that army booth. Good pay, insurance, good pension, holding that blue disposable pen as you sign your life away for the next six years. We could use someone like you, with your knowledge. Same old shit, new leadership.

‘’ Would you think I fucked up, ‘’ you whisper as he buckles his seatbelt, ‘’ If I told you I made a deal with Alvarez? ‘’

You can see him bite his tongue, the clench in his jaw at your words. He knows to eat his words and think about it before he answers, and you are grateful for it. You couldn’t take it if he had said the first thing that came to his mind. You can’t stop your leg from shaking, up and down, up and-

‘’ Of course not. ‘’ He says, gently pressing his hand on your thigh.

You immediately feel better when he turns the corner and drives out of the yard, his palm caressing your skin in an effort to show comfort, understanding. Of course not, he says again and again, like it would fix the panic in your chest. You hope he means it, that with all his heart he thinks that it’s true.

Of course not, baby.

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