#sometimes i really suck at endings

[lunarharp]

if i just told you i love you would this world change

#witch hat tag #orufrey #these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!! #i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was #some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that #like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god #aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it #ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!! #I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE! #tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood. #Why do you keep pulling away from me? #It is because i love you that i do this #the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings #“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want #to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“ #oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you #maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me #i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life #until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to #NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!! #........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*

[hareefaree]

The new DnD movie was good! Went into it with my tabletop group expecting a marvel-sequel quippy mess and was surprised by very cool practical effects and wet puppets. Also it felt like a really good translation of a campaign and watching them translate dnd mechanics into actual moments scratched my brain.

I am not immune to advertising ;-; I guess I kinda understand marvel fans now

#dungeons and dragons honor among thieves #dnd movie #honor among theives #really they did not pick a good title for fandomifying it which I kind of appreciate #plugging this into search filters is gonna suck #ALSO! the end credits sequence was very cool #loved the illuminated text styling #art design for this movie was just incredible and the animation felt physical in a great way #sometimes big budget does translate when the folks making it are passionate :) #inspo

[moomeecore]

here's that essay i accidently hyped up (sorry) on how fionna & cake did a poor job of concluding betty & simons characters + story in the final 2 episodes. sorry it is so insanely long. i don't know what my deal is. sometimes a show just does such a bad job of handling your favorite characters that you have to write 19k+ words complaining about it, i guess. im linking it as a pdf bc i DO NOT want to have 2 copy & paste this all over to tumblr & i kinda don't think tumblr would be happy with me making a post that long.

#if it sucks uhm. be nice to me pls 👉👈 #ik im very snarky & kinda harsh in this but like. i rlly dont usually share my thoughts on media like this much #im ok w hearing rebuttals btw. but also its not likley youll change my mind #im really happy other ppl enjoyed this ending (& also kinda jealous) #but i very definitely. dont like it #not just from a personal standpoint but in that #i just genuinely think the portrayal of simon & betty was done really poorly #things r bolded + theres random section titles that interupt the flow #bc even tho i wrote this much i do genuinely have reading comprehension issues #as in the actual definition of poor reading comprension. due to disability #not the tumblr thing where its for some reason used to mean ' bad at understanding media ' sometimes #oh yea also the font is big bc of this too #im nervou s abt this but too late now ig #fionna and cake spoilers #im not putting it in the tags its 4 the ppl who already know abt it #its emberassing that i wrote all this but i think its worse if i dont share it bc then i just. have it #mmmm..worst part is i dont even cover everything. i have MORE complaints #text

[sparkly-skies]

@reserved-fruit thank you for the link to this video with Kris' heart ring (goes perfectly with Keep Me Grounded, Keep Me Calm, just saying 👀 do you like friends (Bojan and Kris) comforting each other and jokingly proposing while still being deeply serious about how important their friendship is? Go read this!).

Here's some screenshots to look at with me, why? Because I'm a touchstarved bitch and scream and cry at any sighting of physical affection. Thank you Bojan for providing enrichment in my enclosure.

Also this one. Because I see a mention of friends spending time together because they love each other and love spending time together, I scream and screech in missing my friends noises.

#i'm half convinced alistair has saved me on discord as touchstarved fuck or something #anyway. do these fuckers know how LUCKY they are to have their friends this close at any given time? #I spent 2 1/2 weeks at my parents' during christmas and I saw friends I think... three maybe four times #plus a visit at a friend's place across the border for two days #which i was very happy about! i was really happy about the times i did see friends! #but it also sucks that everyone's so busy with their own lives and responsibilites and whatnot that it's this hard to see friends now #plus that one friend who just doesn't answer anyone anymore. just TELL US if you don't want to see us anymore #that's okay. it would still hurt but sometimes a friendship has come to its end and that's okay even if it hurts. but don't just #ghost your entire friend group while still sending snaps and then not answering if we answer there #okay that turned into a rant #because like bojan in the shower with kris i am incapable of shutting the fuck up in the tags #go read that fic! #mine #joker out

[puppygirlgirldick]

for the purposes of reading porn, i am now considering myself a trans girl who somehow has a cervix and a womb. if people can't be arsed to write smut without referencing wombs and cervixes and making specific note of somebody having both a vagina and an asshole or write shit like "all three holes" then i am just gonna get high enough to forget that i ain't got that kinda equipment.

#this is a complaint but it is a complaint that will also lead to me feeding my breeding kink #so it's a win win situation really #but no for real it's twenty fuckin 24. write inclusive porn. it's not that fucking hard. or just #be up front. and say your shit isn't for transfems (or for pre/non-op ones). that's fine. sometimes shit isn't for you (me) and that's fine #i might think your kinda jerk. but in the same way that i think someone getting pizza delivered to their house is a jerk cuz i don't get an #not the end of the world. #just kinda sucks to get halfway through something relatable and then whoops here's a reminder y'all weren't thinking about trans women agai #maybe that's a me thing not being able to imagine having that equipment and more weed will fix it. i'll be testing that theory #the tags are longer than the post at this point because i am unhinged and i cannot be stopped. sorry.

[zukkaoru]

i think. everyone should stop reading my most popular fics that aren't really that good and start reading the ones with 18 kudos that are significantly better

#this is about (just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of #yes i had fun writing it. but it's REALLY NOT THAT GOOD #also i cannot stress this enough: that fic was a fluke #it's NOT a good example of what i write. guys i'm so much better at the angsty character study fics #i promise i actually can get proper characterization. i had to sacrifice some of that for the light-hearted stupid cheesy premise #alas #no one in fandom actually cares about characterization #ngl sometimes i even wonder what the point of writing stuff in-character is if the flat #'characters reduced to a single trait that they may or may not even possess' #fics will ALWAYS end up being more popular than the ones with good characterization #anyway i know why the 18 kudos one is so low. it's the mcd tag. AND it's a gen fic centered around a character no one cares about #i wasn't expecting that one to do well #but it does suck that like. my most popular fics will never actually be my best ones #it's the same with bsd but THAT'S a whole other story #that's the phenomenon of everyone reducing bsd to the skk show and not giving the time of day to fics centered around anyone else #do u guys realize there are SO many other INCREDIBLE characters and dynamics???? #like i was doing that bsd fic rec event on twt and almost all of the fics recced were skk #meanwhile i was searching for anything NOT skk bc idk other ships and characters deserve appreciation too?? #and i don't even read much skk bc it's so hard to find anything that's. like. ACTUALLY good. #anyway. i don't actually care if you read somebody i'm proud of #but i hate that that's like. one of my most popular fics by a longshot #i have stuff that is so much better that people won't even glance at bc it's not tagged with the most popular m/m ship in the fandom #hello grace here

[hidinginmyhands]

The thing about all this new stuff I’ve heard about Bruce doing to Jason in Gotham War is. Honestly? He’s never going to face any actual consequences for it. I mean, come on, he never has before. It’s basically been proven that Bruce can do whatever he wants to Jason (and his other kids, but the worst always seems to be done to Jason) and in the end nothing really happens to him. Yeah, this time some of the other Batkids are going at Bruce for what he’s done, but ten bucks says it’s completely forgotten about and never mentioned again, even by Jason, before the run is over. It’s happened before—the batarang in UtRH, the severe beating in RHatO… Bruce never faced a single consequence. And I find it hard to believe he will now.

I’m just… tired.

#honestly sometimes being a Jason fan really sucks #and I end up wishing I could’ve hyperfixated on like Dick or something #because of course everything Bruce does to Jason is Right in the end because he’s Batman #so he must be the good guy even when he’s absolutely not #yeah so screw the people who make those decisions honestly #I’m so glad I didn’t actually start reading Gotham war because hearing about it is bad enough #jason todd #red hood #batfam #Bruce Wayne #batman #Batfamily #dc comics #Gotham war #my posts

[yuridovewing]

As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).

Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).

Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)

dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)

i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick

(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)

#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong'' #the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book #and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it #like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities #and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him #(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself) #and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series. #like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much'' #anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it #and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming #i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public'' #you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling #so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example #but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones #its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her. #and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder #wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships

[munamania]

ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this. #film girl saga

[midigated]

I'm probably in the minority with this but I wish the first 3 arcs of Sailor Moon Crystal were a two-part movie series (like they did with Eternal and Cosmos.).

This will probably make the Crystal fans seethe at the mouth bc God forbid anyone has an opinion different from them. But we probably would've avoided a lot of the embarrassing poor animation choices had they turned the material into two-part movies for each arc. They'd have more time to focus on the good bits that moved the story along. They'd have more time to also focus on the animation quality of the movies.

Maybe, as a result, they could've spent more time honing their character designs versus getting better after three FULL seasons of SMC.

Sorry not sorry, the designs in Eternal and Cosmos are way better than the poor attempts to copy Naoko's style that plagued the first 3 seasons of SMC.

#yeah i said it. i think the infinity arcs character design sucked balls #before anyone goes ugh youre a 90s fan ... all i have to say is: and? so what? i like versions of sailor moon and will criticize all of them #nothing is above criticism you dinguses #the musicals? the bandai ones are a YMMV in quality. the later ones are good but sometimes the songs suck. #manga? inconsistent artwork but i actually like that about the manga tbh - gave it a lot of 'action' in its line work. but 1d baddies #90s anime? theres a lot of filler. some of the filler is good. others are BORING. series does not grow w/ audience after 3rd season. #90s anime pt.2? the aging up of mamoru and him having a relationship with rei. ew ew ew. they ruined mamoru for me lol #pgsm? nothing. its perfect. oh wait one criticism is that they only did the first arc. le sigh. woudve loved to had more #crystal? questionable designs. questionable additions that deviated from the manga. kept in some stuff that sucked about the manga #crystal pt.2? like keeping in haruka kissing usagi to uh intimidate her??? really fucking dumb and huge yikes. the first 3 seasons r boring. #crystal pt.3? which is funny bc its far more condensed vs the 90s anime but somehow manages to be just as boring as the 90s filler eps. #manga addition: i like the manga and i still prefer it over crystal any day of the week. #we good? good. now keep your reply in the drafts #incel + crystal = cryscel fans #btw this is true w/ dragon ball super. they decided to adapt the movies into the series and the series ended up having 🥚 #🥚very questionable animation choices that were fixed but still didnt look that great. like id rather watch the movies they came from. #because if im going to get disappointed that they didnt give vegeta the final strike on freiza - it may as well look good. #still mad about that. vegeta deserved so much more and no one will never change my mind #vegeta being denied from killing freiza was the same as denying venus landing the final blow Beryl. YOU KNOW IM RIGHT.

[arcaneyouth]

i know i put angels and demons into a lot of my work but i will be real with you this has absolutely nothing to do with the religious trauma. angels were never a religious thing to me they were just guys with wings. people try to point at my angels and demons like "look see you are putting religious trauma in there" and i'm flattered you think so but i don't think you know a thing about me and my trauma. i put demons into my stories because the word "monsters" is usually used for a separate thing and i need a word that tells you right away this is some kind of creature that is by nature a bastard whether they want to be or not. cause monster is not a strong enough word for me. so they're demons

#queued post #in the deathspeaker demons are entities that were once grim reapers but got fired from their jobs for sucking absolute ass #they were especially common 2000 years ago when death took over the underworld from lonan #but nowadays they are very uncommon #demons in the deathspeaker have an insatiable need for souls as sustenance. but souls are difficult to get #their punishment for being fucking awful is going hungry until they are too small to exist anymore #in iamos true demons don't really exist anymore. engel is the last one #but anybody can Become a demon through certain means #demons are animalistic secondary forms that humans and monsters can both receive. regardless of how monstrous the original form was #the demon form always manages a way to be More Monstrous #but in the end they are simply creatures. they are just like any animal. but this one used to be a person #some people with demon heritage from when true demons were still around were born with demon forms that they get to switch between at will #they get the perks of having a monstrous form but still get to be. yknow. conscious #there are very few of these demons around still. none of them have a human base form unfortunately #in whispers of pandora angels and demons work in the department of miracles and sometimes have to answer to the various gods in this univer #but outside that and the aesthetics they're kinda just. some guys #they're literally just office workers #i don't fuckin put religion into my angels and demons. they are creatures or office workers to me <3 #stop telling me my religious trauma is in my stories cause of these guys you don't know anything LIASUDHLAIUDSH

[theflyingfeeling]

tomorrow-me's gonna hate tonight-me, part 3522

(an incoherent work-related rant in the tags, read if you will but it's boring lol)

#due to bus schedules i go to work every morning almost two hours before my actual work starts #and i always use this time to plan the day's lessons etc. #(in case someone's somehow missed this i'm a language teacher 👩‍🏫) #which is convenient but often i underestimate how much time i'm gonna need #and so i end up in a race against time to finish everything before i actually need to be ready (=my classes start) #so far i am yet to go to class without having prepared all the stuff. more or less at least lol #but it really sucks to have this rushed feeling to everything 😩 #and so every single fucking day i'm like ''when i get home i'll do this and this so that i can for once be ahead of myself'' #but the second i actually get home i'm like ''...nah 🙂'' #because goddammit i'm HOME pls don't make me work there 😭 #but some stuff i just don't have the time to do at work. such as marking student essays 😟 #at least that i COULD do at home if i wasn't so protective of my free time 🤧 #but lesson planning? lots of the materials are at the school anyway #so that's sort of my excuse to NOT do any of that at home but. sometimes i know i should 🤡 #because tomorrow-me would appreciate it #however tonight-me tends to be a lazy fucker who wants to just imagine blorbo nonsense or stare at a wall doing nothing 😭 #i have regrets about this career choice lol don't become a teacher kids istg

[gideonisms]

I think the thing about ntn is, it's like making a friend who you broadly agree with on the most important things but who you HARD disagree with on some of the details

#ntn spoilers #i'm at the point where i can have actual opinions now i think. #paul. paul. #i loved the campal tragic moment i loved everything with pyrrha and nona's reluctance to remember the ways she'd been hurt the #compartmentalizing of identity the acknowledgement that sometimes we just are going to become someone vastly different #the question of whether love can overcome that or why love matters if everything's just going to change and end and restart again #and the conclusion that it did matter because it mattered in the moment #love as this huge imperfect force of acceptance for others vs love as a determination to cling to them the way you think they should be #all of that was so good #even the stuff with gideon kind of. felt like it belonged in a different book but i agree with the broad character strokes of like #the horror of what's been done to gideon the way she is trying to become a different person making her own terrible decisions etc #but still trapped in this awful framework for her life & death where she only matters as a symbol for others #and her reckoning with that is messy and awful bc of course it is! #but it did feel like it needed more space than the brief chapters we got & hopefully it will come to the forefront in the next book #like all of the elements didn't necessarily mesh well and i think the humor she was trying to go for with the silly name didn't really work #and the stuff with judith was like. the most boring way to handle that imo. did she have to be unconscious the whole book #she's got so much potential as a character #and! my top pet peeve when harrow lobotomy girl nonagesimus is like i'm going to find the real god you suck #iconic yes but it reveals #she's had the agency to walk away from john the whole book and has sat there listening and now is going to find alecto when? #like?? #the point of the lobotomy was that she is rejecting the framework for her previous life bc she's decided she cares more about the human cost #like??????? #if she was just sort of drifting in the river having alecto's dreams that's one thing but i refuse to believe #she wouldn't be trying to figure out where gideon was the whole time #maybe if she hadn't done the lobotomy i would buy it but she did do the lobotomy!!!!! she literally did do the lobotomy #you have to do a lot of work to get harrow from only caring about gideon's life and i guess religion kind of to just hitting pause on #thinking about gideon for an entire book! #this is not even my shipper brain it makes sense gideon has other priorities is in mourning for her previous self the things she's lost etc #but harrow literally did the lobotomy if u needed to get her to the 9th for plot reasons there were better ways to explain it!!

[dykethevvitch]

Started as a doodle about how Jonny's probably got a lot of scars, ended with me having a headcanon that he 100% lounges around the ship shirtless

#tw smoking #cw smoking #the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #art #digital art #btw had to actually think about how I think their regeneration works #and most wounds (especially fatal ones) scar and won't go away unless the entire area AROUND it has be be regrown #which resets their bodies (keeping scars gained before or during mechanization) #most scars end up being reset BUT sometimes scars will fade completely bc that's possible it just takes awhile #but some scars are so thick/large that they only go away with a total reset #they'll often throw themselves into the engine/other extreme deaths to reset on purpose bc after a certain point #too much scar tissue is painful/makes it hard to move #normally after getting a burn as large as the one on his back Jonny would immediately try to reset bc burn scars suck #but he doesn't do it this time bc he loves bringing up the fact that tim dropped a grenade on him by accident and needs a reason to #so the scar can stay #really large/severe/or old scars will sometimes last THROUGH a reset but will be less than they were #so when jonny eventually DOES reset the scar doesn't actually go away it just heals enough that it doesn't hurt to lift his arm up #his top surgery scars look thin but if you touch them the scar tissue is super thick so they last through resets #his most recent scar is the stab through the ribs from Ashes

[nexus-nebulae]

odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually #we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive #i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth #like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system #so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier #like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON #and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time #we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton #it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes #like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks #but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier #we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it #and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking #side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it #like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great #i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully #and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot #also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao

[yourcalamity]

“it must be so nice being tall you can do so much” no one will ever hold you like you hold them and even at your smallest you were treated like you were bigger and more capable than anyone else

#sometimes i think maybe if i was a foot shorter people would see me as pathetic and weak and in need of care and comfort #and not just see this giant guy who is able to overwork himself and ignore constant pain until i end up in the er #its not like a geight discrimination thing but yknow it fucking sucks #ive noticed all my male friends who havevthe same attitude i do go through the same shit i do need comfort need help etc all under #5’7 and suddenly youre a poor little meow meow and people empathize with you #but if youre bigger people just assume you can handle more. well that means more of me can hurt too thanks #tbf though i know i personally carry myself this way as a very capable and impervious person and only recently have i really been able to #put my childhood and adolescene into a comtext where i can see just how stressful and chaotic all of it was #so if i seem like im fine or even comfortable in the midst of chaos or under circumstances any other person would be severely impacted by #yeah i could use love and support and comfort the way its offered to people who are seen as vulnerable #im still struggling severely every single day and have been for years now but im obviously going to use the survival skill of seeming fine #like i have my entire life