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#still trying to catch up on posting after that damned migraine lol
acommonanomaly · 2 months
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Caranthir for @feanorianweek.
Inspired by a scene from my fic What Fades Away.
Excerpt:
“What is it, Moryo?” Maitimo finally asked, when Carnistir showed no sign that he would continue on his own.
“It is not fair that grandmother Miriel cannot return,” his said, his voice faltering as though he was admitting something very grave. The source of his solemnity was revealed when he continued, “If grandfather Finwë had not married Indis, then she could be with us.”
Makalaurë sucked in a sharp breath, and his eyes were heavy when they met Maitimo’s. Neither of them spoke at first, for each of them had their own conflicting emotions to sort through at the raising of this issue. But when Carnistir shrank down on the stool as if fearing their censure, they pulled themselves together.
Maitimo’s voice grew delicate, each word formed with care. “Although you may find them tiresome at times, would you wish that your uncles and cousins did not exist at all?”
Carnistir’s flushed cheeks paled. “No, I wouldn’t wish that.”
“So some good did come of it, you see.”
“But we will never meet our grandmother Miriel.”
“Oh, Moryo,” Makalaurë said tenderly. “It seems strange to miss someone you have never met, but so it is, and we miss her, too, and long for what might have been.”
Maitimo nodded in agreement with Makalaurë, but he was troubled. He could not help but feel as if he had been dishonest with Carnistir, somehow.
Although he did not regret that his grandfather had been allowed to remarry, allowing their family to grow and become enriched, he felt it an unnecessary cruelty that his grandmother should be forbidden to return because of it. The Valar claimed it was the will of Eru, and though it was not Maitimo’s place to gainsay them, he did wonder how this could be true because of the grief it caused. 
It was while Maitimo stood lost in his thoughts that Carnistir finally unburdened himself.
“I did something very wrong.” Carnistir would look at neither of his brothers, dropping his head again as he stroked the cat.
Maitimo raised his eyebrows at Makalaurë, who only shrugged. He tried to keep his trepidation out of his voice when he spoke.
“What did you do?”
At the same time, Makalaurë asked, “You mean, to those children?”
Carnistir shook his head. “I took something from Atar’s study.”
Maitimo’s eyebrows rose even higher, and Makalaurë gaped in surprise, but as it was obvious that Carnistir meant to go on, they said nothing.
Carnistir sighed and shifted on the stool, careful not to tip the cat off his lap as he reached into one of the pockets stitched onto his loose tunic. He pulled out a silver chain, lifting it until a large oval locket slipped out of the pocket and hung spinning in the air.
“Oh,” Makalaurë said.
They knew this locket well. They had all seen Atar holding it in his study when the occasional quiet, somber mood came over him. At some time or another, each of them had opened the locket to see for themselves what it held, or asked Atar to show them. It contained a miniature portrait of Miriel and a twisted lock of silver hair that glinted like starlight.
“I just wanted to feel closer to grandmother Miriel. But now I am worried that Atar will notice the locket is gone before I can put it back, and he will be angry with me.”
“I don’t think Atar will be angry with you for taking this, especially once he understands why you took it,” Maitimo hurried to reassure his little brother. “You must give it back to him as soon as we return home, of course, but I will talk to him first before you go to see him.”
Maitimo would have to decide how much to tell Atar, because he did not wish to upset him any more than he had to. 
He didn’t think the children who had questioned Carnistir meant any harm, likely only curious and repeating things they had heard adults say. It was unfortunate timing that their questioning had come while Carnistir was struggling with personal issues.
Makalaure seemed satisfied with this, and he stood, gesturing for Carnistir to stand as well. “I think Nelyo is right. Atar will be pleased that you wish to feel closer to grandmother Miriel. Perhaps you could take up embroidery, and learn the skill that was her delight.”
Carnistir stood and set the cat on the floor, where it wound around his legs and meowed in complaint. Determination burned in Carnistir’s eyes now, and he said, “Yes, I would like that.”
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mallowstep · 2 years
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I haven't had a chance to catch up on your blog since the new Med!Dove chapter was posted, so sorry if you've already answered this. But could you tell us more about Dove's powers in this au? It looks like she can hear/see the past and future? Will she still be able to hear the beavers blocking the lake? Or are you planning to veto that plot point? Also, are Lion and Jay's powers the same as in canon in this au? Or is Jay not able to read minds anymore? I already love this new series so much lol
oh my god i don't know why this has been in my drafts for so long and atm i'm not going to read any of it so hopefully this is a full answer sorry it's just been here for five months? sdalkjf;
ooh excuse to talk about her! i won't be saying terribly much more than what's posted, but if you're a spoiler purist, i'll use a cut.
so our Key Words here are see and hear. they're bolded in the text but i won't be continuing with that lmao.
anyway. the way dovepaw thinks of her powers is that she can see the past and future, and she can hear the past, future, and present.
"Sometimes I see things," she whispers, because her voice keeps dying in her throat. ... The past. The future, sometimes. Usually just when — I touch cats. Sometimes, it's all the time." She ducks her head, staring at her paws. "I hear things, too. Everything."
(all quotes from requiem unless otherwise stated)
dovepaw is drawing a distinction between see and hear in that she has the ability to hear the present, but that's not actually true. it's just that the visual "clutter" of seeing two times at the same time (usually) means she can't interpret anything from it.
She knows it from the rush in her ears and the flickering spots in her vision, like she is really and truly forgetting what is now and then and later.
and it gives her killer migraines.
setting aside the Present, when it comes to the past and future, she has...ig you can split things into spontaneous and triggered.
she sees variable amounts of the past and future whenever she makes physical contact with someone. sometimes she doesn't see anything, usually she sees something minor enough she can ignore it. a brief impression. a tiny physical sensation. and it ranges all the way up to a Fully Immersive Vision.
the strength is not proportional to contact, and although dovepaw can't Strictly control what she sees, she's already learning how to manipulate matters a little bit.
at the gathering, we see her try to untangle what willowshine and flametail are talking about, and she tries to see what's in ivypaw's future if she goes to riverclan.
the other kind are spontaneous, and those are the ones that are just Happening.
with the exception of hearing the whole damn lake now and then, these are pretty rare. usually, they're because of a really strong vision that keeps going after the contact has ended, but sometimes she just Sees Shit and has to deal with it.
they overlap with the present which makes them very overwhelming and also hurts her head.
she can usually Cope with one extra "scene," as long as she doesn't need to interpret overlapping visual input, but beyond that, and it is pretty much mush.
She doesn't like to push her vision. It tends to give her headaches, and make her feel groggy. But she can't control everything, like how she can still see Briarpaw rolling soiled moss out of the elders' den, or Jayfeather restacking juniper berries.
so here she can process what's going on in camp because she's not paying attention with what's going on with ivypaw.
we'll See later what happens when she tries to reach out spontaneously.
okay, that's her powers, roughly. if i missed something on that feel free to Let Me Know lmao. i don't have like. a written up set of notes for this so it's Entirely Possible i forgot something.
we're ignoring the whole beaver plot. not interesting; takes up too much time. (similarly, leopardstar died off screen. mistystar and mothwing have already gone through their Drama.)
lionblaze and jayfeather have the same powers (kind of), but dovepaw is kind of Impossible for jayfeather to read. uh. okay so she's getting like. a Lot of input all the time. more than she can process. so in order for jayfeather to read her mind...
okay so back up if you're not familiar, i think jay's mind reading is not "free." he can't Just See Someone's thoughts. he has to sort through what the Hell is going on in their brain, and then he can figure out what they're thinking.
he can't read lion when lion is using his power for the same reason as dove: he has no idea how to read the information lion's power is sending him because his brain doesn't have any ability to process that.
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shhhlikeme · 4 years
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“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series: 
Outtake Collection #16:
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A/N: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii babies!!!!!!!!!! Let’s fucking goooooooooooooo! I’m excited for y’all to read this juicy marathon. As of right now, I am unsure of how many collections it will be but it’s going to be one of the longest marathons ii. Check back every 20 minutes or so if you caught this immediately. Oh and I will be trying again to put my post under a read more but if it fucks up an deletes half the chapter again I am DONE and I TRIED okay??? xo
***ALSO I did not add my taglist to the last marathon so you guys might have missed collections 13-15!!!!***
TABLE OF CONTENTS
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Your Losty Heartbreak and Your Spy Kids Debut 😎🖊📚
Sigh. The curse of being a young adult, I tell ya. 
You are annoyed. 
Yes, two months after the breakup you are still completely heartbroken, even though, yes, it was your genius idea to break up with the love of your life: a man that girls only dream about having as a S/O….
but it was a selfless decision.
Aone Takanobu deserved more, better… than you. That was your rationale.
It’s not fair of you to just accept the perfect man because he was lost enough to lock onto you and not someone on his level. 
While it was a selfless decision , it was still a decision you selfishly regretted because …you were so in love with that man at the time that you did it….
You are….
But you will stifle those emotions so that he can get over you and hopefully see his own worth. 
But that didn’t mean you couldn’t be annoyed. Because you were. And at what, exactly? Well:
After dating and breaking up with him, Aone had females constantly approaching him. A/N: Not constantly but it felt that way for you ofc lol
You guess it’s nice that the females of Date Teko gave him the courtesy of one month to get over you but STILL!
Kusa and Katana said that Takanobu’s admirers shot up because everyone witnessed how he treated you, how amazing he was to you, and they fell for that along with his looks.
Your ex’s new admirers are hoping they can get a man that just as inwardly beautiful as he is outwardly and hopefully he will like them, too
In other words: They want what you had. 
And what did you want? 
Well:
You wanted to rip some hair out. Yours or theirs? You’ll leave that up to subjective interpretation. 
EVERY TIME you walked past your ex—that you still love—’s locker there was some brat or another staring up at him in admiration like he was Mount fucking Everest. 
You wanted to scream. 
but isn’t this what you wanted, Y/N? Your Mountain man to find someone else? Your conscience would ask. 
Shut the hell up, conscience. You’d bark back. 
You heard from Katana who was keeping tags on his every admirer that he denied them all dates (which defeats the purpose of your break-up, but you smiled nonetheless) but that Aone did agree to host a study session with a group of girls that apparently begged/needed his help in all subjects before finals. 
give me a fucking break, you and your conscious agreed.
“Ugh. He’s too kind for his own good. Can’t he see those girls just want an excuse to be near him?!?!” You raged about the study session as you peered closely through the passenger side window to make sure that Kusa got inside her house safely. It was 6pm, and you had just heard the news while on the way home from dinner at your favourite restaurant. Katana drove. From her doorstep, Kusa waved at you before closing her door.  
This Saturday, your best friends forced you on your first outing since the breakup, dressing you and even doing your makeup despite your complaining about leaving the house. You had to admit that the food that you did order at the restaurant was decent enough, but really—you would much prefer to still be in bed, flipping through pictures of Aone and Perdu and having a good cry.
Katana rolled her eyes as she stopped at a red light, responding to your initial question. “Ugh. Yeah, they are smarter than we thought. But you’re okay with this, right? I mean this is what you said you  wanted when you broke up with him. You said you want him to find a new girl,”” Katana fished for your true feelings, sounding a lot like your annoying conscience. 
You sulked, picturing other females near the man you are in love with. It made you sick. But, instead, you said, “Of course I am Okay with it. I want him to be the happiest he can be.”
Katana fixed her eyes on the road and bit her tongue so that she wouldn’t laugh. 
You had no idea why you weren’t being fully honest with your friends, but perhaps it made you believe it more the more you said it aloud. “I know Kusa had that assignment to do tonight… and you have that one with Kenji tomorrow, right? so do you want to come over? My mom got me another tub of cookie dough ice cream, and we can rewatch Bad Girls Club again.” You asked Katana in that voice that meant you didn’t want to be alone tonight.
Katana smirked. It was an evil smirk. “I’ll do you one better.”
“Uhhh… Katana….you missed my turn.” Your eyes widened when the cheer captain passed your street, and then passed her own street a few seconds later. “Katana!”
“Word on the cheer team is that Aone-san’s first study session ends in 20 at the local library. I wanna check it out.”
“What?! No you will not—!” You yelled, but you couldn’t help the surge of excitement that flew through your body thinking about seeing that man again. It was always like this.
“—Oh, lighten up— it’s not like I will be joining the damn study session.”
“You won’t?” You asked, surprised.
“Obviously not! Muri is studying something else there, so I need to give her back her notes anyway. It’s only a plus that I’ll get to see how desperate those girls are being with my besties ex. Incognito, kay? I was going to drop you off first and go, but it looks like you don’t wanna be alone. Right?” 
Your pretty best friend waited a few seconds for a response, and when she didn’t get one, she nodded. “Exactly.” She turned into the school’s practically empty parking lot, finding her favourite spot. “So, you can stay in the car. No prob. And I won’t tell you anything about it.” 
You frowned, watching as Katana reached in the backseat for her purse so that she could take out the notes she had for Muri.
“Okay,” you whispered anxiously.  
“I’ll be like, 10 minutes.” The brunette removed her keys from the ignition and stepped outside of her car.
You stayed where you were as Katana’s figure disappeared into the one of the Date Teko’s many entrances. You began to think about what your friend was going to see in there: Aone leaning over the shoulder of pretty Date Teko girls? Helping them with their homework the way he would help you? These girls smelling his fresh icy mountain scent, and leaning in closer, the way you would to him?
Naturally, you began to panic internally.
You pictured the girls twirling their hair flirtatiously and telling him that they didn’t understand when they did, just to keep him hovering over them longer. The same way you used to. 
😤😤😤
Your foot started tapping on its own inside Katana’s car, thinking about how your lost ex-boyfriend wouldn’t even pick up any of it as flirting, ugh. 
Your imagination created even more concerning visuals: more giggling, more oblivious Aone, more shoulder brushing, more oblivious Aone, and then some more….. yeah. Should it really have come as no surprise that you soon found yourself hidden behind a dusty bookshelf in the anatomy section of your school’s library on a Saturday, squatted down and peeping through the slits between books to catch glimpses of your ex boyfriend hosting a study session?!
You blamed your active imagination. 
Behind the dusty shelves, you whimpered because the obstructed vision due to the books covered the white haired beauty perfectly. You held a disgusting book to the right a bit.
“Oh,” your stomach flipped. “He looks so cute.” You put on a 🥺 face when you noticed how utterly adorable a standing Takanobu looked decked out in forest green sweatpants and a matching hoodie with the hood on, and his white hair barely visible. 
Your stomach flips were quickly bumped away by sheer annoyance as you saw him then do exactly what brought you up here, just as you thought: innocently leaning down to help a blonde third-year girl you knew by the name of Sutairu Elyts with a question she was asking. She was smiling way too much for someone doing boring ass school work on Saturday, you noted. Flipping her hair, giggling, and obnoxiously putting her cleavage in Aone’s line of sight. You picked up the dusty library book that was obstructing your view and stopped yourself from tossing it at Sutairu— instead choosing to toss it to the side without a care in the world, trying to get a closer look at how close the girl was going to get while Aone answered her question. 
You were close to literally poking your head through the bookshelf hole completely, when someone to the left of your hiding spot cleared their throat very loudly. You jumped, bumping your head and hissing in pain. 
You removed your head from the bookshelf and looked up at the cause of your newfound migraine.
There stood Katana, her arms crossed and a knowing smile on her face. “You got here faster than I thought,” She reached down to help you up. “Now, come on. None of this amateur shit. You know my style. When it comes to cute boys: make it obvious, and make it count.”
***
Aone was in the middle of teaching Algebra to a group of students (he doesn’t register the fact that they are all conveniently female and all too well dressed for a study session) who had desperately begged him for his help, to the point where the teacher just asked Aone to do it. 
He didn’t mind, the teacher offered him extra credit and everyone he was teaching was nice, they didn’t mind him being pretty silent, plus Kenji fully supported it. So why not? Aone mainly supported it because it was a great distraction from his broken heart and his plan…. 
Or so he thought it would be—before he spotted you in the library.
His heart skipped a beat because he absolutely was not expecting to see you today. His plan wasnt supposed to be put into action until Monday! Trying not to freak out, Aone watched you enter from a side that wasnt the entry way—which is pretty odd—but he shoved the thought to the side anyway because there you were, looking busy.
“Wow.” Takanobu couldn’t stop himself from mouthing when his eyes found you. He mouthed it to himself, of course, but it caused the observant participants in his study group to whip around to see what he was looking at. 
you were dressed pretty casually, coming from dinner with the girls, but Aone hadn’t seen you dressed in anything other than your school or cheer uniforms since your breakup, so it took him by surprise
Not to mention you looked really, really, really good:
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Aone watched you scan the bookshelves with Katana—which, if Takanobu was thinking straight— he would realistically call bs on you ever coming to the library for no reason, ESPECIALLY on a Saturday— but you looked too gorgeous to him to care 
Now that he is working alongside you in a project, he has been able to crawl out of depression a bit, simply because your mere presence made him feel whole again, so he basked in the delight he felt any time he was able to see you.
Aone realized that even though he struck out the first time and failed to make you want to be with him, he had nothing to lose if he tried again. 
The premise of Aone’s plan presides on the idea that you are the only girl he wants. Therefore, he just has to prove that to you. Silently. Strategically. 
So that’s the only reason why Aone was able to to shift his focus right now and look away from you, effectively returning to helping his study group and making them forget you even walked in. 
Aone’s mission is to become the man that you want and need, naturally. He will exude more confidence: which is a testament to the fact that he was here right now: tutoring a bunch of girls who have asked him out and he has rejected before because of you,
He wants word to get back to you that your ex is the type of guy who knows how to be just friends with people who had feelings for him. Just in case you wanted to start there with him.
He wants to be your friend. Aone wants to be anything to you but a stranger. It’s the only way his heart stops aching and if that’s all you can give him is a friendship after this project is over, then that is what he would willingly accept!  
Aone forced himself to look back down, getting up to step around the circular table to help with the other girls’ study guides. 
He was able to keep his cool for the most part, but almost lost it twice... 
Once when you dropped a book and bent down to pick it up, showcasing how amazing your butt looked in those jeans. 
Aone cleared his throat to get his own attention back and turned away quickly when he felt a familiar stir under his sweatpants. He stuffed his hands deep in his sweatpants pockets and directed his energy back to the paper in front of him. He erased an answer for one of his students and plugged in the correct one.
The second time Takanobu almost lost his cool was when he heard you make a cute noise and his eyes flicked back up to you. You were trying to reach a book that was too high for you but probably met the height of his ear, your hand above your head, your bodyweight on your toes which gravitationally rose your top up as well, exposing the naked skin on your lower back. 
Aone’s throat went dry and he bit back a groan because the last time he’d stared at that lower back of yours so intensely: you were in a perfect arch, naked, using his dick to pleasure yourself when he told he was on the phone. 
Cue hands in pockets again.
He recalled how that section of your back had a light layer of sweat on it back then, making it glisten as he bit his lip, trying not to moan to the feeling of your tight and juicy walls running up and down his length. Holy, shit, that feel good. 
Aone began thinking about helping you get that book and then fucking you against that bookshelf you were leaning on: holding you up in his arm, the other hand used to place it behind your head as a cushion so that you did not harm yourself when he sheathed his big dick inside your absolutely perfect box, so hot and so delicious, and soo hard not to cum inside within the first minute…..
👁👅👁 Aone’s eyes glazed over to the point where one of his tutor-ies had to snap their fingers in front of his face. 
Highly embarrassed, Takanobu pulled it together ASAP, muttering a quick and sincere apology and thinking only of his plan. Trusting in his plan, he refused to look up in your general direction again. He didn’t trust himself to. 
***
“He barely looked my way….” You sobbed into your cookie dough ice cream later that night, Katana rubbing your back and removing your hair out the tub. 
“Please, Y/N,” Katana begged, absolutely gutted seeing her best friend like this. “Please be honest with yourself and make sure you truly stand by the decision you made.”
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A New Aone and a Perfect Plan? ✅🤩
Mountain Man put absolutely all of his energy into his plan to get you back. His understanding is that you broke up with him because he wasn’t good enough for you, so that means he would just have to make himself good enough for you. While Kenji was completely against Aone trying to get back the girl who broke his heart, Kenji found himself agreeing with the plan since it meant that his best friend would be speaking, playing volleyball, and overall living life again while it was in action. The plan was to essentially fake it till you make it—show you that Takanobu could be the man you deserved. 
The gist of the plan was for Aone to disallow himself to be zombie-like anymore, because you probably didn’t like that. He started spending more time with his friends again, and he was eating again. He was banking on this plan, and if it didn’t work—sure, he’d be crushed for the rest of his life—but at least he’d have no regrets. It wouldn’t be easy, he’d have to speak back to other females kindly letting them down when all he wanted to do was speak to you. He’d have to ignore you when you walked by which meant going against his every instinct, and he’d have to speak to you confidently in class when you two were working on the project and small talk about your lives, when all he wanted to do was lean in and kiss you until he could taste you even when he pulled away. 
Thoughts of you consumed him, still, but they were now hopeful thoughts. He was not going to let his dream girl walk away that easily. 
A/N: GO BABY GOOOOO
You, on the other hand, took this new and confident Aone as a sign that he was getting over you. He didn’t seem very sad anymore, you didn’t see that same dejected and lost eyes you saw when he pushed his best friend away from you. You saw intensity there, like he was now focused on a new task in his life. It confused you, and it hurt like a bitch, because deep down you knew he’d move on soon and you wouldn’t. 
But this is what you wanted, right? 🙄🙄Repeated your conscience, again. You really wanted to fight her. 
“Y/N, you seem out of it today.” Mountain Man stopped writing the outline of the content analysis in class to stare down at you. You could see the concern in his eyes, but you refused to believe it was anything more than the concern anyone would feel for an ex turned friend, and nothing more. 
Embarrassed, you realized that you must have zoned-out, and now this gorgeous man that you wanted to jump was calling you out on your odd behaviour. “W-was I?’ You shook your head then looked down in your lap. “Sorry.” 
Aone placed his pencil down, heart pounding because he wanted that frown of yours to disappear so badly. “Is it about your University Cheerleading tryouts?” He asked kindly, too kindly—if you had any hope of getting over him in the next 5 years. 
You looked up at him, confused as to why he’d even mention that. 
The white haired beauty blushed. “Kogane—he, uh, well…” Aone took a second to look away and collect his thoughts because your big beautiful eyes were making him lose his train of thought. He reminded himself of his plan and collected himself, returning to your gaze. “Kogane-san mentioned to Kenji and I this morning that Kusa needed someone to film her audition tape, because that is the only way cheerleaders are able to send in your tryouts for schools that are too far away, correct?”
“Oh,” You nodded. “Ya—“
Aone continued without missing a beat. “I know Kogane is helping film Kusa’s, and you mentioned yesterday that Katana is out of town for a camp… so, and feel free to say no: but I’d love to offer you my help, Y/N. With filming and editing.” 
There was a pause in which you just looked at Aone with those big beautiful eyes that he thinks about 24/7. 
Afraid that he might be coming onto way too strong, which goes against his super slow plan, Takanobu adds: “As friends. Offer you my help as friend.” 
Your heart sunk, but he looked so sweet asking, not to mention you really did need to get on that tryout instead of pushing it off until you miss it completely and don’t end up going to University—
If you didn’t get a cheer scholarship you were screwed; Aone knew this. Not to mention you would love to see him more; Aone did not know this.
“I’ve taken photography as my elective for the past three years and do pretty well in that class in terms of grades, so I just thought…” Mountain Man was scared shitless, nervously listing off his accomplishments like this was an interview…. mostly due to the fact that you hadn’t answered him yet. Too fast, she can tell you want her back—now she’ll never give you another chance. Failure. Aone opened his mouth to retract his offer, but you interrupted him before he could get the first word out. 
“Um, yes. Sure. I’d love your help, Aone-san. I promise it won’t take long. Thank you so much.” 
Aone nodded even though he was bursting at the seams inside. Mountain Man couldn’t believe it. After  being broken up with because your feelings weren’t there, you agreed to spend non-school related time with him?! The middle blocker couldn’t help but think that you wouldn’t have said yes, had he still been acting like a zombie. Actually, he wouldn’t even have dared asked, if he was still acting like a zombie. Now he gets to help you and see you more than he has since the breakup, and he considers this like a gift! Yes!
“Great. Just tell me where and when you would like to have your audition, and I will be there.” A very cool reply.
You even rewarded him even more with a smile. “How about next Tuesday? Here on the field since it’s getting warm out again? I need to rehearse a lot and that gives me enough time.”
“Understood.” A cool second later, Takanobu had to excuse himself to the washroom so that he could celebrate in silence. He texted his friends and took a deep breath.
Selfishly, Aone also wanted to help you with this particular audition because he wanted you to go to the same University as he and Kenji. He wanted to help you with your future assignments and he wanted to see you everyday. How great would that be? A little torturous, too. But if you were on a cheer team and happy, then: mostly great. 
Baby steps, Mountain Man sighed contentedly. He would get you back in baby steps, and this was the first one. 
He just had to keep following the plan.
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Taglist: @galagcica @chaichai-the-weeb @nairobiisqueen @bisasterrr @juminly @simply-not-the-same @marvelousbakugou @qyuanon 💛
Outtake #17: CLICK HERE!
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leviathiane · 4 years
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SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES
this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.
So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 
I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 
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if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 
I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 
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Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 
and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 
some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 
“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 
“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]
“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]
“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 
** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 
besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:
“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “
“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”
I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 
finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 
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So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)
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beerbaby210 · 3 years
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Stress + Depression + PCOS = *insert exploding head emoji here*
I’ve dealt with stress for most of my life. Was it not making the right grade in school or how am I going to pay my car payment this month or I am now responsible for a functioning business...how do I not fail?! Stress comes in all shapes and sizes and it can be extremely hard to manage. I am a naturally emotional person, catch me on a bad day and look at me funny....TEARS! Or cursing...depends on the mood lol. But in being a natural bag of all the feels, makes dealing with stress even harder. Sometimes you just gotta cry it out or lock yourself in a walk-in (damn should’ve kept one of those around). Imagine the trash compactor scene in Star Wars: A New Hope, that’s a real feeling. Do I manage my stress very well after years of dealing with it...hell no. Have I tried to find some useful ways to help cope...hell yes. Sometimes they work and sometimes I’m right back where I started, or worse than I started. And then there is trying to hide said stress so everyone thinks you’ve got your shit together on a regular basis. That only makes it worse, that dual persona thing...I don’t recommend it. Fake smiles are harder to create than natural ones. I’ve been to therapy, loved it in fact, but got to a point where I thought “I’m cured!” so I quit. Lies. I wasn’t cured, I was on the path, but I never picked it back up. People are still to this day so hush hush about seeing a therapist...why? Because that must mean that we’re psycho...completely unhinged...could snap at any minute. Here’s a clue...people that have been in therapy for YEARS still have those moments. It’s natural. Doctors have told me that a certain level of stress can be healthy. Ha! I guess I’m the one that has to decided my levels but certain situations call for certain levels of stress. Not everything in my life has been stressful mind you, and even things that used to cause me stress don’t anymore because I’ve worked on that particular piece and gotten it to a maintainable level. But something that causes what feels like never ending stress...PCOS.
Now depression...I’ve only been knowingly dealing with it for about 6 or 7 years, for all I know I was probably dealing with it before that. The only reason I know about it is because I went to see a new Primary Care doctor and I had a questionnaire to fill out on a tablet before my appointment. I answered the questions the way I thought I should answer them, and then I get back in to see the doctor and before the end of my appointment she’s telling me that some of my responses in that questionnaire registered as warning signs of depression. Of course I’m in shock...you think about it sometimes but you never want to be that person...the person you see in all the Zoloft® ads on tv. I’m not as bad off as some people, but I’m not dismissing their illness, depression, like stress presents on all levels, and I admire the people dealing with more crap than I am. So of course she prescribes me medication, that’s also supposed to help with my migraines and my lack of sleep...it didn’t. I was on that crap for 5 years and it didn’t change a thing, I still felt sad about a lot of things, I still felt stressed about a lot of things. I gained even more weight which just added to the depression and the stress. I moved across the country and decided that I was going to stop taking the meds, I wasn’t seeing that doctor anymore, and I didn’t feel any benefit to taking some drug that was doing god knows what to my body. I’m 100% positive that I’m still dealing with the depression as I am with the stress, and not seeking help for it is my own fault. Hopefully some day soon I will pursue said help and start making progress on my mental health. But something that causes what feels like never ending depression...PCOS.
PCOS is a new term. Not new in the sense that I’ve never heard of it but new in the sense of...I have it. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. More or less the lack of or off schedule ovulation (I know...eww avert your eyes) for those unfamiliar with the term and potential infertility. This is the gist...there’s tons more information about it. But man...add that to the other 2 and you’ve got a recipe for female mass destruction. I was diagnosed with PCOS early summer of last year, Kyle and I had been trying unsuccessfully for 2 years to conceive children. You wanna talk about stress and depression. Wow.  I’m 33 years old...my time is starting to run thin as far as the window for conceiving healthy children. Ya know that whole “biological clock” thing...it’s a ticking. In just 2 more years if we haven’t conceived anything after that will be considered a geriatric pregnancy...at 35...a geriatric pregnancy. And there are women out there who’ve conceived past 35 and they deliver perfectly healthy babies, but the chances of that are significantly lower the older you are. Having PCOS makes those chances even more miniscule. Doctor says I’m not infertile, but we’re still struggling. We’ve gone through almost 6 IUI cycles now with zero success, even a miscarriage would’ve been ideal because at least it means I can get pregnant. It’s a million times worse going through a procedure with a 10% success rate, when you conceive naturally its a surprise when you miss your period and take a pregnancy test to find out yay you’re pregnant! But going this route every month I go through a set of blood tests and ultrasounds, and 2 IUIs and then in 14 days I have to go back for another blood test and then sit by the phone and wait for them to call me with the bad news. Those are the most agonizing 14 days...they tell you not to stress, don’t do anything differently, think positive uhh yah...sure...right. I got another negative test just yesterday, and I assure you positivity was the furthest thing from my mind. I’m constantly left wondering, what did I do wrong? Especially after 5 of these things...with one more to go before we move on to the next option. IVF. I wondered to myself last night...if I had known years ago that I had PCOS would it have made any difference now? Maybe? But I suppose it’s one of those things that you always think to yourself “no way, not me!” The weight gain over the years from the stress and the depression...that helped lead to PCOS. Along with that I get acne breakouts like I’m twelve and going through puberty (I actually had better skin when I was going through puberty), weird hair growth on my face where women, well even men don’t want hair growing. I’m sure my migraines are at the root of it somehow and this could’ve been going on FOR YEARS! Ladies, with little girls, I implore you to be pro-active when your daughters start getting older to be part of their life in this most delicate way. I’m not saying everyone assume that their daughter will have PCOS but it’s one of the most undiagnosed and common female disorders. Most women don’t even know this exists, my mom sure didn’t, how would she have known to even suggest asking my doctor about something like that. For me it falls under the same category of my skin issue, there’s so few out there that know about it so there’s not a lot being done to create awareness. Something like 5-10% of women of child-bearing age have PCOS and a lot of them don’t even know it. It’s treatable/manageable, I’m told, I guess I’m being treated for it correctly and managing it to the best of my ability, taking all the vitamins and what not that I’ve been prescribed that can help combat it. But man after almost a year of treating and managing it and still not having a kid...it wears on you. And I know there are millions of women out there going through the same crap I am and my heart goes out to each and everyone of you because damnit...this sucks. I always see friends of mine posting this one particular meme on Facebook about “Please Stop Asking Women Why They Don’t Have Kids Yet” This is one of those reasons, because it’s a sad, debilitating thing to deal with and then on top of that to have to smile when someone says why don’t you have kids yet...and then think well geez do you have a minute so I can make you feel terrible for asking?! 
I know it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen for us, but until that perfect moment comes along I try to remind myself to stay positive as hard as that may be at times. Just remember that life isn’t always cupcakes and unicorns for everyone...sometimes it’s dark and scary, but we’re built of stronger stuff, I won’t let me illnesses defeat or define me. This is just a detour around to the cupcakes and unicorns. I’m just putting this out there for a little awareness, maybe someone sees it that had no idea and this could possibly explain their issues. These are real illnesses that I and many others struggle with on a daily basis. I don’t typically put my business, out there like this, I didn’t write it because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, all hope is not lost yet. Just throw some good juju out into the universe on my behalf, whatever your juju may be. I certainly could’ve gone into more detail than I did...but it’s raw and it’s real. If you’re reading this thinking this could be me and you wanna talk about it, please by all means, reach out to me. You’re not alone. Thanks for reading :)
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keyofshadows · 7 years
Text
Mostly out of context and in no particular order.
Someone tell Henry to stop turning into Sora. Also Wendy is making me think of Namine. So who does that make Pan? Wait, Marluxia!
I keep wanting to cry happy tears and hug chibi Sora into little bits and this has Maya and Kai all upset- well, Maya's squeaking at Sora's cuteness and kinda spazzing over 'Can you imagine if Kai HAD been Riku's son' and we're not getting into that mess and Kai's just mostly upset because he misses his family damn it, even if he has friends where he is and a kid brother.
And hi, rambling because FEELS.
AUUUGH.
I've gone weird again.
Ahahaha, and the bad ideas keep coming. I wrote out a thing for the mods seeking permission for Heartless-related stuff. Haven't sent it yet 'cause I might be sane come morning. That and Kai's borderline freaking out. Something about not wanting his mother's past to be his future. Maybe I really just want an excuse to have a weird AU KH/WR crossover where Ray kicks his ass for training Shadows as minions.
Meanwhile Eli and Fen just sit on the sidelines and snicker.
I wanna go home and laugh at the trouble Kai's gotten into. Or not. I giggled earlier and was exhausted for 20 mins. But still, Kai just found out he's fucking with a 3,000 yr old spirit born of darkness. Somehow this is not phasing him as much as it should. He's either very much his mother's son (with all the issues that entails) or Riku and Sora rubbed off on him. Or he really IS Riku's, but Maya can dream. It's better than the truth, anyway.
Random 1 am thought: Eli as a kid, boasting to all his friends that he was kidnapped by an evil faerie before he was a year old and turned into a kitten.
"And she replaced me with a fake baby that turned inta sticks when my mama blew out my birthday candle! Isn't that NEAT?"
Amy: /facepalm Lanie: /jealous
"How come Eli gets ta do all the fun things?"
Eli: /smiiiirk
So I got this started during a low-pain point in my migraine, and Eli can't stop snickering. Despite the migraine Kai's post got me thinking. 'The last time...' in reference to wishing his dad was there. 'The last time he'd built a snow fort like this, it'd been in Christmas Town. His uncle had taken him and his dad to see Santa, when Kai was on the edge of not believing anymore. He was, after all, seven. His mom had stayed home, insisting she'd not only get a stocking full of coal, but would probably find herself buried under it.'
And she would've, too.
When someone introduces themselves as serving under a king, it's appropriate to use 'Keyblade wielder' after your own name, yes? Yes. Inwardly Kai's just like '.....fuuuuuck.' This was not how he wanted to become known to Henry. 'Yeah, I kinda adopted your adopted son as my kid brother, I swear I'm not a bad influence on him and I'm so sorry I attacked your knight unprovoked. Please don't have me executed.'
Newsflash: Kai doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut.
'They're kind of cute when they're not trying to eat your face.' - Best description of Shadows ever.
OMG it's so cold in this house why do I not know Firaga. Or where my gloves are. Or my scarf. Or hat. Assuming there's any money left next month I'm buying socks. I have...five pairs of socks? That don't have holes. And I'm not sure where three of them are. I'm wearing one and the other is...in my dresser. I think. Lol I'm totally on top of where my stuff is. This is why cleaning my room is bad. I can find my floor but nothing else. Ever. This'll be Eli someday. Only able to find things when they're strewn across his room. And he'll like it that way! "But mom, all great warriors have messy rooms! Uncle Sora told me so!" And you KNOW Larkin'll be the only one that can make him clean it properly. Threats and bribes. Though both may be the same thing.
Right in the middle of one of Xehanort's speeches and I got a migraine. I'm kinda disappointed.
Re: OUAT and hearts - DUDE HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK and Hello WR flashbacks. Also re: next week's ep and swords being present at a baby's birth - Yes, I imagine Jalen was armed when Eli was born.
That random idea I had a few days ago involves what Awiergan's supposed to be doing, you know, hunting down Mal's nobody and knifing her. She's certainly had prime opportunities to do it, what with her current masquerade. Amy and Jalen's wedding anniversary is the 5th this month, and I wanted Amy to be back to herself by then, however temporary. THEN I thought, hey, what if Awiergan went out, found the nobody, brutally killed her, and let Amy watch? The shock of that would be enough to let Amy push the Brat back under, and she could come home covered in blood freaking out. To who, I dunno yet. But hey, happy anniversary!
Um, what was the original plan for the Cornerstone of Darkness? And I vote we destroy Disney Castle. As in the whole world. Dunno what exactly that'd mean for the Cornerstone of Light, but hey. The one place everyone trusts to always be a refuge against the Darkness going bye-bye? Always a good time! *whacks Awiergan*
Eli insists on a new tradition = New Year's Day Bug Hunts. Every New Year starting from age 8, he's gonna spend the day looking for the weirdest, most colorful bugs he can find. He demands that Larkin accompany him and carry his jars. >>; I do not see that ending well for him. "I only asked her to carry seven jars! An' then she dropped 'em! Down a hill! WITH MY BUGS IN 'EM. THEY ROLLED INTO THE POND AND 'MOST DROWNED!"
...The last time I had a *really* awesome and entertaining idea, it was a plague that wiped out two-thirds of Hogwarts.
This kid is gonna be in so much trouble. Eli: "....Aunt Song, Larkin won't stop followin' me! She says she's gotta protect me from Heartless!" Amy: *snickers forever* "Good luck with that. This is why we don't pretend that Igor is real sweetie~"
I decided Lanie gets to learn magic from Ray too, because she'll need to help keep her brother in line. God forbid her best spell turns out to be Thunder.
Yay babies. Oh god, a three year old and a newborn why did I do this to Amy oh wait. *cackle*
I had this cute little dream where Auryn wakes up crying (He's like a week old) and Eli gets to him first, and is trying to calm him down so he doesn't wake Larkin 'cause she needs her rest, and god forbid his mom, 'cause he'll never get to hold his son again. *snicker* He finally gets the kid to pass out by putting Igor in the crib by Auryn's feet, then makes the comment, "Yeah, he was my favorite too."
Hahaha so adorable and sappy and damn it, men should not be attractive when wounded. (And this is where Jalen's eyebrows go into his hair because what conversations has he been missing)
And then there was that time that healing magic was backfiring and Jalen was stupid and fell off the bailey wall and broke his wrist, and instead of his wife going 'Oh, my Jale!' and cuddling him silly, she whacked him upside the head, gave him a lecture, and teased him for a week. *snort* But then, they have an weird relationship that'll be sure to amuse their children for years to come. Hell, it's amusing FEN.
Ahahaha. I love how Kai is all '.....How do I explain this?' Because apparently he was taught the honor thing but not exactly the why of it? Or he's just a dork. Let's go with that. Eli says that girls can take care of themselves, but you should at least make the attempt unless you want to get beat up. Speaking from eventual experience, no doubt. Also I love how that last sentence makes no and yet all the sense.
I've always sympathized with the villains. Maleficent was the first. I was four. *shifty eyes* I was a weird kid.
The game I've got Kai in is getting an expansion. The school's going to be revealed to be on an island. I'm happy. Kai on the other hand, not so much. Reminders of not-home and places he'd been with 'Jem, which are probably gonna lead to him hitting things with his Keyblade. Especially once he finds his Corridors STILL can't get him away from the damn place.
Suppose Kai could always just try and use his Keyblade to chop 'em up...and this is for a bonfire, actually, though I did think him trying to make a raft in an attempt to leave the island would be all sorts of funny and history sorta/not really repeating itself, but I gotta get mod permission for that first and I'll just shut up now.
Yay, they have access to the beach now. And someone else decided to try a raft, which I'm actually glad about. >_> Kai will instead make an idiot of himself trying to catch fish. And the 'here fishy fishy' is a ridiculous inside joke from the old game that I couldn't resist using even though no one will get it. Riku had a net and was out tromping through the shallow water on Destiny Islands, trying to catch dinner for himself, Sora, and Kairi. He finally managed, but he burned dinner afterward. *snerk*
Oops. Kai wants to know what the fuck I just got him into. *cackles madly* Hell if I know. I've got Eli on the sidelines lecturing him on Darkness. And Fen pointing out he should consider himself lucky he's never met Ray. *facepalm*
Yeah, so if the wyvern doesn't kill Kai, he's gonna take Eli's advice and call him Yen Sid. ...My muses should not be allowed to interact sometimes. Also now I've got Jalen snickering because hmm, who did he know that had problems with a wyvern? *facepalms forever*
Re: 'Driel - And why doesn't this kid have fear? She's a nine year old on her own in a strange place, and they had a 3-4 day blackout already, but she's just...peachy. Lonely for her family, sure, but she's met a 700 year old faerie that shifts into a wolf, a boy that's possessed by a 3,000 yr old malevolent spirit, a king from the 15th century, and now friggin' Death, and she's just hunky dory. This IS a good thing, yes?
IT'S LARKIN AND ELI LMAO Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML
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