#take everything with a grain of salt; don't jump to change things just because someone else thinks you should

[nientedal]

On Constructive Criticism.

Hey friends. You ever want to leave a critique on a fic, and the author says they like constructive criticism/"concrit," but then you leave your critique and you try to make it complimentary but the author still seems less than thrilled with you? You may have missed the point of "constructive!" Don't feel bad, you aren't alone. Took me until I started writing and receiving feedback to really figure it out.

The key to remember is, "constructive" doesn't mean "nice." It doesn't mean phrasing gently, or doing a compliment sandwich (although those are fine things to do as well). "Constructive" feedback is feedback that would make the story as the author has already written it stronger.

"The execution of this character's decision to do XYZ felt a little bit out of nowhere, to me. Was that your intent? It didn't seem like it was meant to be a big twist, either. Maybe some extra foreshadowing would make it stronger, or some shock on the part of the other characters." THAT'S constructive criticism.

This is NOT constructive criticism: "This character doing XYZ thing really doesn't make for as strong a story as it could. I think he should have done NQD thing, instead. That would have been better."

The first example offers some ideas on how to help a character's decision land better when the reader couldn't tell what the author's intent was. It's possible the reader didn't like the decision and that's why they noticed - maybe some foreshadowing would have helped them accept it better, or some indication that it was meant to be shocking would have validated the reader's surprise & displeasure. But, crucially, the reader did not suggest anything that would require a massive rewrite. Some tweaking, sure, maybe the addition of a few paragraphs. But not a change to the character's decision as a whole, the way the second example suggested. The second example does describe something the reader thinks would make for a stronger story...but it is not something that would make THIS story stronger. It is describing a different story than the one the author has already written so far, so it's just plain ol' criticism. Constructive criticism makes the existing story stronger.

That's the difference. You aren't workshopping. You are commenting on something that is already being written, that is already planned to the point where someone is already posting it. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE between workshopping a story and simply giving concrit! Unless the author has specifically asked for workshop-style help, offering things to do differently from what was already written is worse than useless. Don't.

Rule of thumb: if what you're saying can be boiled down to "I think this cake would be better if it was pie," say something else. The cake is not pie. It's not GOING to be pie. I didn't ask what you think I should bake, I put cake on the table and asked what you thought of this cake. Tell me what would make THIS cake better. Not the pie you were thinking of, and not a different cake you might have liked better. THIS CAKE.

#writing #constructive criticism #concrit #fanfic #fandom #@ my fellow authors... it's also important for us to remember that even constructive feedback isn't always right #maybe the reader simply missed the foreshadowing that was there #maybe they just really really hated the character's decision and would have needed way more foreshadowing in order to accept it #but your other readers were fine #take everything with a grain of salt; don't jump to change things just because someone else thinks you should #*is* this how you want to write it? yes? then leave it #it's fine #someone not liking your work doesn't mean you should change it #just like someone getting upset when you say No doesn't mean you should have said Yes

[flowersandbigteeth]

do you have adulting adult advice for us newly adulting adults

Ummm hmmm I'm not a great role model but there are some good things to keep in mind, generally, but they are probably not particularly profound, but more pragmatic informed by some of my less than enjoyable experiences. Life comes at you fast 😭

TW: mention of domestic abuse

- opinions are cheap and people hand them out liberally. They have no idea what it's like to live as you day to day, so take them with a grain of salt, including mine!

- Don't let people rush you. Be thoughtful about your decisions. In romance, purchases, everything

- Keep a folder or binder with all of your important documents, you never know when you will have to leave a place abruptly and you want to be able to grab the important stuff quickly.

- Keep a "go bag" if you can with some useful stuff, toothpaste, travel bottles of shampoo and hair styling stuff, a brush, deodorant, some cash, tampons or pads if you use them, an outfit, etc either in your car or someplace easy to grab if you need to escape an abusive person, fire, etc.

- take a night to develop a plan in case you need to leave a job or shelter in the future. I know this sounds a little paranoid, but seriously shit happens! At least have a general idea of what you would do and who you can trust. Check what local shelters, camp grounds, motels might be available to you and their requirements and or prices.

- Jot down in a notebook all of your relationships, who you can rely on, and their phone numbers or addresses in case you need help. It's also useful to jot down the shelters or camp grounds you researched. Put it in your go bag for if you lose your phone or someone steals or breaks it. Memorize at least one phone number of someone you can rely on if you can.

- Try to brush your teeth regularly and limit super acidic drinks, dental work is very expensive even with insurance 😭

- Keep your eyes on your own plate, people and their lives are complex. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors so don't compare your life to other people's it's a waste of your limited energy

- If you can, make a friend or two at your job that you can use as a reference who is NOT your boss, in case you need to leave the job abruptly or get fired. You can also use references from hobbies or volunteer work.

- If you can, put even as little as $10 in a savings account every paycheck, it will add up, even $100 in savings is something for an emergency (a tire, a motel room, some food, a bus ticket, etc.) If you can put a little bit of money aside it can be the difference between losing your job for an absence because you had a flat tire and not, if that makes sense. If you have more sporadic income, just put some money away wherever you can, no matter how small. I put any money I get as a gift from family into savings because it wasn't money I was even expecting to have, so I don't miss it.

- if you have a car, watch some YouTube videos on basic care. Learn how to add fluids and when to change them, and how to change them if you feel comfortable with that. Keep a full sized spare tire not the donut most cars come with if you can. Get some jumper cables and you can buy a battery charger that will jump your car without another car that you can plug in to recharge.

-if you have family that asks you what you want for Christmas ask for pragmatic stuff not treats 😅 a battery charger, a battery block charger for your phone, a warm jacket, etc.

- Sometimes you have to leave jobs abruptly for a myriad of reasons and you have to buy a new uniform (nonslip shoes or whatever) so it's good to have $50 put away for that.

- I lived in my car for awhile when I was younger, (which is why I have so much car advice, lol) so in regards to that, try to find the cheapest gym membership you can with a locker room so you can take a shower. Bonus points if it has a locker where you can store stuff. You can also find public showers at the beach if you live near one that is safe (usually during the day and during the season where the beaches are busy with families). I had a friend who lived in a campground which had a shower he could use.

- Storage units have gotten expensive, but if you can afford one, they can be useful to have if you find yourself without shelter to store your electronics and easy to steal stuff. PO boxes are around 5-10$ a month in the US to receive mail if you need that.

- If you are without shelter, be VERY careful with who you share that information with. Predators look for vulnerable people and they are really good liars.

- If you have resources to and can, get a different doctor if yours isn't taking you seriously. I went to a doc before I was diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD that literally laughed at me when I told him about my hallucinations. Fortunately, I went to a student hospital and he got swapped out with a new one when his semester ended who actually diagnosed me properly, but bad doctors exist. If they are not addressing your concerns, it's ok to "fire" them.

- I don't care what he, she, or they says, if you can, keep your own bank account even if you also have a shared one with them. Keep some money in it in case you need to leave...even if it's only for a night to go to a motel room and cool off or for a bus ticket home. Also, even if the partner is not romantic but a parent. I've had friends thrown out because someone outed them to their parents with nothing. If you can't get a bank account for whatever reason, stash cash somewhere safe and don't tell anyone.

- If you break up with someone or get kicked out change all your passwords immediately. Even if you think they don't know them, you might be logged in on other devices.

I think those were the most useful things I learned when I was younger 🤔 sorry if it's too pragmatic but the most important thing to know as a young person is that it's easier than you think to become unhoused or jobless. I grew up in the era where when you were 18 you were on your own, so I kind of internalized that you need to plan for the worst because no one is coming to save you and if they do it's a nice surprise not guaranteed 😅

There's no shame in it, either. I've been laid off because corporate decided to just close the store a few days before Christmas with 0 notice. You don't have to obsess about this stuff, just take a night and try to develop a plan to give yourself some peace of mind in the case something bad happens.

#ask #sweet asks #sweet anons

[crystallinestars]

Hello! I'm back for another rant :)

I was still thinking about Mihoyo's tendency to pair characters and play the ambiguity game to make more money and something I've noticed is that people will jump through sooo many hoops to defend the company. ''oh they can't be explicit because of censorship'', ''oh it's China, their culture is different!'' or even ''stupid entitled westerners always complaining about things they don't even try to understand smh 🙄''

Now, while I can agree that censorship and culture should be taken into account when talking about these games, I also feel like it's a bit disingenuous and lowkey patronising to chalk it all up to ''the Chinese are just all like that lol''

Like, why are we so vehemently defending a company that makes millions (if not billions) through ship teasing, as you've put before? Censorship does not change the fact that the development that characters get in these games (especially Genshin) goes out the window every other event or as soon as the main story is finished. And whenever I hear someone talk about censorship, I always think about Mo Dao Zu Shi (granted, the situation was different in its case so we should take it with a grain of salt) where its donghua and drama adaptations where indeed censored (but they were much more explicit than whatever's going on in Hoyoverse), yet the novel (the source material) had many MANY chapters with its two male leads going at it

I admit that I've been feeling a bit salty recently (because I feel like people only care about coding when it comes to the 'great' questions of ''OK but do these two men FUCK? How many times a day do they go at it and who's the woman in this ship??'' Meanwhile nobody ever talks about different dynamics, asexuality and aromanticism are seen as boring, and oh lord does bisexuality seem to be often treated as a trump card to say ''ok but this character is at least 50% gay'') and I also don't know that much about how everything works in China, but idk, I guess my point is that if they wanted to make ships canon, they WOULD (or could) find a way to do so

Anyway, your recent posts and asks also got me thinking and I guess I wanted to show you some support! I've seen your bio and I think it's a really smart move on your part to be clear on what you don't feel comfortable with from the get go. It can definitely be awkward when you have to tell someone that's just really excited to share their thoughts on something they enjoy that you're not interested and you'd rather not talk about this AT ALL. And it really does not help that popular ships tend to attract a lot of unhinged behaviour 😑 It's really refreshing to come across content creators like you, who are very clear in their boundaries and write such thoughtful fics

Once again, I hope you will be left to do your own thing in peace and that you'll keep finding ways and solutions for you to enjoy your favourite works without feeling alienated 💜

(And hopefully one day I will learn how to type short rants 😅)

Haha, short rants don't exist, Anon! It's perfectly okay to type long rants to me, I don't mind. If anything, I relish in them. As someone who rants and complains a lot myself, I welcome it when someone else does it. 😊 (I mean, just look at the length of my reply. I am not any better than you, dear Anon)

Lord, the "Mihoyo can't show explicit gay ships because of the CCP censorship" excuse grates on my nerves, as well. Censorship of homosexuality is definitely a thing in China, and it can sometimes be very horrible, but that's not what's stopping Mihoyo from making certain ships canon. They got way with a lot of lesbian ships in Honkai 3rd (though admittedly they had to tone it down once new laws were implemented, but the fact remains that at some point they were able to be blatant about their ships), and if we're talking actual coding, then Jeht being lesbian-coded is a thing that exists! If it was such a huge deal, I feel like Mihoyo would have either been way more subtle about it or not included these things at all.

It's just my personal opinion, but I'm certain that the reason Mihoyo doesn't make any ship canon is for the sake of making money. They need to sell characters, and the best way to do that is to allow players to enjoy characters the way they want. Assigning a specific sexuality or canon ship will crush the interpretations some players have about a character, and make that character unappealing. It would negatively impact their sales. Keeping things vague and only giving teases of the most popular ships seems to be the ideal marketing tactic for them. It panders to a lot more people this way and keeps most of them happy (however, the fact remains that they ignore a particular demographic of women, though that's a story for another time).

Regarding your reasons why people whip out the "coding" card... YOU ARE SO RIGHT! People only use sexuality coding as a way to "prove" their gay ship is canon and discredit any BG pairing. And they focus on things like one guy being muscular and the other more slender, and then assigning traditionally masculine and feminine traits to them, respectively. I could go on a whole separate rant about this topic, but I'll spare you the wall of text. Feminizing one of the guys in a gay ship is one of my biggest pet peeves, especially when it's OOC for the character.

One thing I noticed is that sexuality often gets used as a convenient tool to suit the needs of certain shippers instead of being used for actual diversity.

I can't tell you the amount of times I saw a sexuality tier list where the aromantic and asexual rows were treated as trash bins where people tossed the characters they didn't care about. There's no actual thought put into the sorting, and that's very unfair to actual aro and ace persons.

As for bisexuality... it's such a polarizing topic in fandoms. It's seen as a good thing when you have a canonical BG pairing, because then you can claim one or both are bi and therefore are also attracted to the same sex (as you said, they're "at last 50% gay" and can be shipped in gay pairings). However, if you have a non-canon BL or GL ship, saying one or both characters are bi is tantamount to treason. How dare you suggest they can be attracted to the opposite sex? That's erasing the gay representation!

Basically, bisexuality, much like the term "coding", gets treated like a tool that's allowed to exist only when it's convenient to a person, instead of as an actual sexuality real people have. I feel like bi, aroace, and pansexual people get shafted hard in fandoms in general.

Anyways, thank you for your support, Anon! I mentioned it in another post, but putting your likes and dislikes in the bio is a common practice in the Eastern part of the world, and I chose to copy that. I think it's a good way to meet people with similar interests while also letting those who have opposite interests avoid you. If the BL Anon had checked my bio first before following me, he could have spared himself some trouble haha. Sadly, it seems that many don't look at bios 😢

Thank you for your nice sentiments! I'm fairly confident that I won't be harassed, especially not in the reader-insert community, but I appreciate the thought! And hopefully I can find a way to combat the alienation... If not, then I'll simply uninstall both HSR and Genshin and find games that actually pander to me 😅

May you stay happy and free of harassment as well, dear Anon! 💚

#Lunaria answers #Hopefully the read more bar works properly this time

[gaymer-hag-stan]

A Beginners' Guide to KARA

Hey you! Yes, I'm talking to you!

Maybe, for some reason, you or someone you know happened to watch the MAMAs and you happened across a group of gorgeous women. "Who are KARA? Are they new?" you thought to yourself.

Well I am here to tell you exactly who KARA are!

(Pictured From Left to Right: Nicole, Seungyeon, Gyuri and Sunghee)

KARA debuted in 2007 with Break It, and while nowadays being the "younger and prettier" version of an already established group can, apparently, skyrocket you to global fame, this shit just didn’t work back in the day. So, when Seungyeon, Nicole, Gyuri and Sunghee released an R&B-influenced dance pop song with a bold and independent tone and fashion and styling directly carried over from DSP's, their label, previous success, Fin.K.L., the public tore them apart! For the record, I don’t share SK’s opinion on this, I loved Break It and I think it would have been interesting in they continued down the R&B path, but at the same time the visuals were indeed too dirivative of Fin.K.L., and KARA would go on to leave their own mark in K-pop so this was probably the one time public backlash lead to something good happening!

I only mentioned four members, that's because the rest would debut later, and Sunghee herself is not part of the anniversary celebrations as she quit the group and the industry long ago, immediately after their debut's commercial failure, though I'd like to think she's cheering on her former sisters.

(Pictured From Left to Right: Hara, Nicole, Gyuri, Jiyoung and Seungyeon)

What happened next is something you don't see that often in K-pop. KARA underwent a 180 degree image change, adopting a cutesy and girl-next-doory look and sound. Hara and Jiyoung joined the group in 2008, and with the release of Rock U, they slowly started building an audience.

In early 2009 they released Honey, which is considered their first hit, and the summer of the same year, they doubled down on that success with their massive hit Mister, establishing themselves as a group with upbeat dance music and fun choreographies.

They didn't settle on cute however, as the release of songs like Lupin and Jumping in 2010 proved that they could still find success with more mature and sophisticated concepts. Another big step they took in 2010, was to re-release music in Japanese, beginning a string of successes in their neighbouring country as well, a country whose music market is the second biggest in the world, might I add.

The next year was when the troubles for the group started however as Hara, Seungyeon, Jiyoung and Nicole sued DSP for overworking them, not providing them proper working conditions and underpaying them, requesting their conracts to be immediately terminated. Hara would eventually back out of the lawsuit, but the other three powered through, and eventually reached a settlement with DSP in April of that year as DSP could obviously not afford to lose them. They were making lots of money for them in Korea, but like I said, they were also really popular in Japan, the world's second largest music market. To put things into perspective, they would often release music at the same time as local artists and would outperform them. That's how much Japan loved them. Hara, Jiyoung and Nicole even worked and lived in Japan instead of Korea for years. They released Jet Coaster Love in Japan, which was a massive hit and became their first song to debut on Japan's Oricon charts (Japan's equivalent of Billboard), something no other girl group had ever achieved until that point. They also released STEP at the end of the year, possibly their most well-known track in the West.

But not everything was well and cool. The next paragraph has never been directly confirmed by official sources, but if you've been a K-pop fan for a while you know how petty entertainment companies can get, nevertheless, you should probably take the following with a grain of salt. Although they did settle their legal issues with their label, the lawsuit did not sit well with them, as you can imagine, and since it was Nicole's mum who largely encouraged them to fight for their rights, Nicole started getting the short end of many sticks despite being one of the more popular members of the group at the time. Despite being the main dancer, they would often no longer have her in the center during dance breaks. Despite being the main rapper, they would now split her raps and give half a part to Hara and Jiyoung and and half to her. Despite previously doing adlibs in all songs, giving the group a unique and trademark sound, she was no longer given any. In 2012, before releasing another hit, Pandora, they all got to release solo songs, first in Japan and then translated for Korea. While all the other girls got to perform their songs on music shows, her and Hara didn't. For Hara it was understandable because the Korean general public were going on one of their usual witch hunts at the time and she was their target. But Nicole had no conflicitng schedules, because they gave her no solo activities from 2011 to 2014, and her song was among the best reveived ones from their solos. Hell they even gave her a hairstyle that hid 3 / 4 of her face for STEP... I mean...

All of the above lead to her, essentially being forced out of the group in 2014. When her contract expired she wanted to switch labels but remain with the group, as many idols have done after that, and some were even doing that at the time, like Gain having a different label for her solo activities than the rest of Brown Eyed Girls. Jiyoung also left that same year as she needed time to focus on her studies as well as some time to rest as she had been working nonstop with KARA ever since she was fourteen (!) but she also expressed her desire to remain a part of the group. But DSP wouldn't have any of that. And so, they would continue as a trio... Or so the fans thought!

(Pictured From Left to Right: Gyuri, Seungyeon, Hara and Youngji)

DSP would announced that they'd be adding a new member to the group, one who would be chosen through a competition show, long before shows like Produce 101 were a thing. Fans were furious and they organized protests and boycotts. The extent of the backlash was unreasonable, of course, but at the same time, adding a completely new member so long into a K-pop group's lifespan, on top of cherished members leaving usually doesn't work well. This wasn't the case for KARA however, as Youngji won the hearts of the vast majority of the fans, and even though there are still idiots who refuse to acknowledge her to this day, her addition to the group undoubtably gave the group a breath of fresh air, and a ton of momentum to keep them going for a little longer.

That is until 2016, which is when Hara and Seungyeon decided not to renew their contracts and focus on their solo careers instead. Youngji and Gyuri stated at different points in the year that they did not consider their days as KARA over, and that they would release more music if an opportunity presented itself.

(Pictured From Left to Right: Jiyoung, Seungyeon, Gyuri, Nicole and Youngji)

And this brings us to the present! In the summer of 2022, for the first time ever, Youngji, Seungyeon, Jiyoung, Nicole and Gyuri would join forces for a commemorative photoshoot for KARA's fifteenth anniversary, and would also announce an upcoming album! The Korean version of said album, Move Again, released yesterday, with WHEN I MOVE as the lead track. WHEN I MOVE is a dance track with an elegant and mature tone. The girls slay the choreography and don't feel the need to infantilize themselves to appeal to a younger audience, instead looking and acting like the mature, badass women that they are, and the music itself does not appeal to current trends; the entirety of Move Again sounds as if it was naturally released after IN LOVE, their last album before disbandment. The music video also honours Hara with a sixth chair and microphone reserved for her, who is no longer with us. You'll notice I made no references to any of the events that lead to her demise, not for a lack of care, but because I strongly believe she should be remembered for how she lived, not how or why she no longer does. Hara was a hardworking, badass bitch who had to work from a young age, supporting herself, her brother and her grandma, after their parents abandoned them. If you want to know about Hara don't look up videos and articles seeking to gain clicks by dramatizing her death, you should get to know Hara through her music with KARA, or her work as a TV show host.

To celebrate Hara, Youngji, Seungyeon, Jiyoung, Nicole and Gyuri, here are a few more song recomendations, including some of their biggest hits as well as some of my own personal favourites from their discography:

⦁ Pandora - My personal favourite song of theirs

⦁ Lupin - Yes this is styled after the Lupin you're thinking of, years before he was mainstream!

⦁ Damaged Lady

⦁ GO GO Summer!

⦁ Jumping

⦁ CUPID

⦁ Jet Coaster Love

I would also be remiss not to mention KARASIA, a collective name for the three tours they embarked on from 2012 to 2015 across Korea and Japan. Here’s the intro to their first ever show of the tour in Seoul in 2012 featuring STEP, Wanna and Jumping.

If you wanna stay up-to-date with them, here are the links to their socials:

⦁ Group Website

⦁ Group Twitter

⦁ Group YouTube Channel

⦁ Youngji's Insgram

⦁ Seungyeon's Instagram

⦁ Seungyeon's Twitter

⦁ Jiyoung's Instagram

⦁ Nicole's Personal Instagram

⦁ Nicole's Bussiness Instagram

⦁ Nicole's Twitter

⦁ Gyuri's Instagram

⦁ Gyuri's Twitter

#KARA #Hara #Youngji #Seungyeon #Jiyoung #Nicole #Gyuri #Goo Ha-ra #Heo Young-ji #Hur Young-ji #Han Seung-yeon #JY #Kang Ji-young #Nicole Jung #Nicole Yongju Jung #Jung Yong-ju #Park Gyu-ri #K-pop #J-pop #Girl Groups #STEP #Pandora #Mister #Mamma Mia #Lupin #Damaged Lady #GO GO Summer! #Jumping #CUPID #Jet Coaster Love

[timetraveltodystopia]

Jungwon Enhypen - Love reading and future partner

Disclaimer: I'm a beginner with tarot and my readings could be correct and could be not. I am still learning so please take everything with a grain of salt. These readings are for fun and for entertainment purposes only <3

Love reading

What does he look for in a partner?

Cards: five of cups (rx), nine of pentacles (rx), knight of cups, two of cups, and nine of wands. At the end of the deck, page of wands.

He looks for a forgiving person, who let go of the past and doesn't get attached easily to bad memories. He looks for a partner who knows their worth and improves themselves to be a better person every day. He wants a peaceful person, that stays calm in problematic moments, a negotiator, someone neutral. He looks for a happy person, who he can establish a long-term relationship with. That even in the best and the worst they will face everything together and conquer everything together like a power couple. Overall, he looks for someone charismatic and playful, who he can do childish things together as a way of always being young.

How is his love life looking at the moment?

Cards: nine of pentacles, two of pentacles, page of pentacles, page of swords (rx), seven of pentacles (rx), the world (rx), and the moon (rx). At the end of the deck, ten of cups (rx).

He is making a decision between pursuing that person or not. But I think that person looks like a heartbreaker and will break Jungwon's heart. He will see the true colors of this person and he will move on. He was ignoring the red flags of that person and when he will enter into the relationship, he will realize everything. After that, he will recognize what was happening and he will see his worth as a person and will think twice before jumping into a relationship. Overall he will reflect on his patterns in choosing love partners and will improve in the end who to trust and who not.

Future partner

What personality do they have?

Cards: queen of cups (rx), knight of swords (rx), the lovers, two of cups, eight of cups, and seven of wands. At the end of the deck, the sun.

They are soulmates and the confirmation was the lovers with the two of cups. Let's begin. This person is older than Jungwon, they could be immature and have a lack of empathy. Also, they could be arrogant, cocky, and have a lack of self-awareness. But when it is about relationships, they give everything for the other person, they are really devoted, and see their significant other as an equal, as a person part of their life, just two souls in one life. But to recharge themselves, they need a bit of time alone and make introspection in their life. Also, they don't trust a lot in people and put their walls up when they see something is off. Overall, they are positive about life and they give good vibes. I have to mention the sun card also has the meaning of travel, so Jungwon's SO can be from a foreign land.

When, where, and how do they encounter?

Cards: three of cups, queen of swords, knight of cups, seven of wands, and eight of pentacles. At the end of the deck, the lovers.

It seems like is through friends, a celebration, a party, or at work. They probably will have a nice intellectual conversation or mature conversation with the queen of swords. I think at the beginning they would put some walls because they are not sure if the relationship is going to work but in the end will work with the knight of cups, both of them will enter into an emotional and romantic relationship. And it will last with the lovers, this card is the confirmation. The relationship could be in the future three to eight months or years. Time is difficult to calculate :)

This changes over time. Everyone has free will and vibrations change. Hope you like this reading <3

© rights reserved to timetraveldystopia

#enhypen tarot #jungwon enhypen #jungwon tarot #kpop readings #kpop tarot #tarot readings #tarot reading #tarot community #engenes #love reading #jungwon future spouse

[dangan-happy]

(No offense, but you're looking really good today.)

To Kyoko, Korekiyo and Kokichi. I want some advice. There's this guy I've been talking to on Discord for less than a month. I started to develop a crush on him, but I don't think it went any further because prior to meeting him, I had a crush on an irl person.

Today I get confirmation that he likes me romantically. I don't know what I feel about him and I don't know what I should respond.

Can I get a hug from Kokichi as well? thanks a lot

Hmm, romantic situations are always incredibly uncomfortable when the advances are unwanted or confusing. Perhaps this is my anti-social side talking, but I feel like these are some of the most uncomfortable social situations, so I'm sorry you have to unravel the knots of this. We can start by looking at the facts. You did, (past tense) have a crush on this individual, it is now confirmed that he has romantic feelings for you, and as of now you're unsure how you feel. Honestly, I would tell him just that. Tell him that you're not sure how you feel. Be honest, yet gentle and clear. Make sure he understands, and do try to phrase it at least a little nicely if you're worried about hurting him.

I would not recommend mentioning that you did have a crush on him. From what I've seen, that can sometimes lead to self doubt on his end, as he might start wondering what changed, or what he did to change that. Honesty is the best choice overall. I can't promise that your relationship won't change. Conversations between you may be awkward for a time, but it's better than just ignoring the situation. Yes, not acknowledging it would keep your relationship the same, but failing to address this now can lead to a bigger conflict later.

In problems like this, I don't think that any advice offered by anyone can be one hundred percent helpful. Ultimately the choice is yours, and this is all from my personal opinion. The most important thing is that you think of yourself and think of your own well being. It's ok to be selfish sometimes. I wish you all the best throughout this, I'm certain things will turn out alright for you.

-

Hiiii anon! Of course you can have the one and only Ultimate Supreme Leader help you out here! You're welcome in advance!! Ok, let's see. Aw man, these situations suck. It's stressful and awkward, and there's like, a whole other human person's feelings to worry about. If you did have a thing for him at one point, I'm guessing you do care about him as a person, so yeah, I think it would be good to worry about his feelings. Yeah, wow this is like, totally weird, but I agree with Kiyo. Honesty is the way to go with this one. I know, that's like, not my style but hear me out. Speculation and refusing to act almost always make these kinds of things worse. So to avoid that, put everything out in the open. Say you're not sure how you feel, and if he's a good person, he'll respect that and not push you.

Don't feel pressured to jump into anything, don't like, force feelings for this guy. Keep your emotions as priority one, make sure you're comfortable with what's going on. Yeah, I also agree on the "Don't tell him you did have feelings for him at one point" thingy. I think it's ok to leave that detail out. Like I said, if he's a good person, he'll respect your answer and leave it. This situation might be awkward for a while, but trust me, you want to handle this ASAP. You also said you've only known him for a month, so you might not even know him all that well. Just get the truth out there, and see how things go. This is like, probably kinda not helpful, but hey, you asked for a hug so a hug you will get!! Stay strong kay! You totally got this, and I'm sure as hell not lying about that!!  

-

I see, a dilemma that involves potentially breaking another persons heart because you’re unsure how you feel. Well then, I guess this is as good a time as any to see if I can provide you with some helpful tips.

I believe that you two need to have a discussion about this because avoiding it for too long will create a tense situation and awkwardness will form. For example, he might think that you’re annoyed with knowing that he’s interested romantically or he could also develop the habit of overthinking. That could cause him to believe that you don’t want anything to do with him. I’m not sure if that is the case but it could be a thought that’s come across his mind.

Excluding that you had a crush on someone else before meeting him think about the things that captured your interest with the person you met on Discord. What about him drew you to developing a crush, the small little details can help you decipher how you feel. Was it because you were speaking to him constantly? Or maybe the way that he treated you? The possibilities are endless, the evidence can be examined so you can determine your feelings. While I am no good with feelings myself, everything I say is circumstantial.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt Anon, I may be a detective but my specialty is dealing with murder cases, not love ones. But, that won’t stop me from trying to help you. I hope things mend over with no drama. If you can, you should inquire why he likes you. Questions can help probe whether you return the feelings or not.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #korekiyo shinguji #kokichi oma #kyoko kirigiri #mod korekiyo #mod kokichi #mod kiri

[donaidk]

This isn't really F1 related but I really hope you don't mind me asking. I saw you mentioning first hand experiences with sexism and how you think about giving up dreams because of fears. As someone who's about to go into university could you tell me what you mean with those experiences. What happened? Ofc if it's triggering for you please just ignore this but thank you for your help if you can talk about it 💝

Hi Anon! Luckily it’s not triggering me in a way that I can’t talk about, just mostly makes me angry and tired mentally. But if it can help someone I will gladly talk about it and show you how it affects me personally. I wanna highlight the word personally because we are all different and what hurts me could be nothing special for someone else. Also, one more important thing, I don’t think that every male human being is the devil and please never think about everybody as someone who wanna hurt you, as most of them are probably normal people. But maybe let’s start from where it all started as I want you to see the whole picture if you’re asking for true help ☺️

Warning: Long, not so happy post mentioning different kinds of sexism around university studies and working somewhere that’s usually filled with mostly males

To start off: I'm not someone to take unhelpful and toxic criticism from anyone. I like to think that I'm aware what I'm capable of and who I truly am, without others trying to tell me how someone should act, speak and think. My family raised me to make my own decisions and navigate life in a way that makes me happy and not others who think they have a say in my life. That's why, most of the time, I did achieve what I set out as a goal for myself. It's never easy and everyone has breakdowns, sometimes more than they should when they tend to overthink situations. However, hitting your goals and getting to live a life which you imagined for yourself never comes easy, but people will never see the behind the scenes struggles you had on the way to your current position. So please, take my experiences with a grain of salt and if you wanna try yourself at something don’t hold back just because someone had bad experiences in the field. (Although, please do not choose it if you know for sure it will only hurt you!)

So the whole story: Back in May last year I imagined the last past months quite differently. I envisioned my family being proud of me for reaching a milestone successfully, meeting new - more mature - people who will finally look at me for who I am inside and not outside and also getting to study something that brought a smile to my face every second of the day when I was thinking about it. I choose my university carefully, knowing full well how none of them will be easy to complete, but at least wanted to enjoy the years I was about to commit to the community there. I had friends and aquintances, from both genders, telling me how much they enjoyed spending their Bachelor and Masters study time here and how it was such a loving community all around. I was ecstatic when I got the text that I got in, and throughout the whole summer I couldn't wait to start my first semester.

Fast forward to September/October right before all hell broke loose. I made quite a few friends, got to be part of a fantastic study group which stayed together even when we changed to online learning and most importantly loved everything I got to study. Yes, there were a few classes which were hard or seemed unnecessary but I still enjoyed them and thought I did quite well compared to how it was such a deep dive after high school. Then I slowly got a taste of a side of everything I knew will be there but hoped will somehow stay away from me. These are the first hand experiences I also mentioned under this Susie post as it was the whole point where I thought back to everything. The list goes like this:

Almost failing a class just because our female teacher thinks all girls sleep around or flirt their way through uni with all the male teachers/tutors, and thinks we have to be punished through making us fail no matter our knowledge of the class. I got given a thesis that i knew word-by-word, which was my fave to learn, and I still was clawing for the second grade in our system. Fair, right?

We have a teacher who's known for letting girls who dress pretty just for his class pass his class easier while he makes it hell for the others (girls, boys are graded for what they actually give in). It's common knowledge and looked at like it's completely normal behaviour.

In one class we have to send in homework and we can get 0-1 point for it, depending on how well it works. If you don't send it in you get -1, and at the end of the semester you have to have at least 0 points all together. But if you can't send it in, you have one more chance to do so in the next 7 days for 0 points no matter if it works or not. This is something every student gets to use and it's not a personal advantage. However, one of the boys in my class probably didn't pay attention and didn't know about it. Why is it important you may ask. Well, because when he heard me ask about it in his opinion I'm 'a bitch who uses her gender to get better grades and pass uni easier than others'.

The same boy has been harrassing two other girls in dms and made fun of them for their tiny mistakes. He also called me a bitch once again right in front of the whole class and our young male tutor (who I have to add I love because he's always helpful and never looks at us different), making the whole situation truly awkward.

Getting told by another student that they would be willing to share notes to me if I wore more feminine clothing and laughing about his comment with his mates.

Family members saying I probably chose what I did because I would have mostly just boys around me and that I should just give up if I feel like this is my only chance at finding a partner. At the age of fucking 19, where I'm sorry, but I had more important things to experience than chasing after boys who were all immature compared to what I was looking for. Same person saying that he thought I wouldn't be one for adult work, as it usually ends with us sleeping around for titles and positions anyways.

I also have to add again that these are of course the extremes, and at the same time I know several fantastic students and teachers who I love with my whole heart from both genders. But every memory gets stained when you get into situations like the ones mentioned above. It also makes me scared about the male-oriented atmosphere I'll have to work in, if the one I have right now, which is deemed a safe environment for all, already showed signs for being dangerous. It's also probably worse online as people get bolder by not having to show their faces or name while making comments and saying shit. But I still don’t want to let this change my mind about something I spent years on building up the plans for. Even if it will be hard I want to show that their stupid opinions won’t break me and will never stop me from achieving the final dream of mine.

Even though we are living in the change, it’s still not fully here and in my opinion won’t be here for quite a bit. But you can take part in it and help it move forward. I do change back and forth between getting my energy from these and letting it break me as I’m a human with feelings and not a robot, but what matters is which side will win in the end. Even if you feel like giving up, just try getting on with the next day. If the bad side can’t stay for long it won’t be the winner.

It’s a lot easier to get through if you have friends who support you, but it’s never gonna be actually easy. Things like this will hurt you, but also make you stronger in my opinion. It’s important that you know who you are and what you are like, and not just take everything that’s thrown at you. People who are trying to hurt you are cowards and deserve no attention. You’re the one living with yourself and the only one who actually knows who are you inside. Never let them change you!

I’m sorry for the late answer, but I wanted to truly think about this and not just give a quick and short answer that means nothing to someone who reads it. I probably went in circles a little bit but hope it makes sense. I also truly hope that you will enjoy university and that situations like these will stay out of your experiences throughout the years. Remember, that these aren’t setbacks, just hurdles that you will be able to jump over either today or tomorrow or another day. Just take everything as it comes and make your decisions only for yourself. Love ya and good luck 🧡

#tw sexism #dona's uni life #dona goes to ramble town #i probably don't make sense #even though i tried hard to build it up logically #if you have any questions still please message me again #i will try my best to explain it better #ask #donask #answered #anon

[dorothydelgadillo]

4 Things They Don't Tell You About Parental Leave - From A First Time Dad

I heard time and time again that nothing prepares you for parenthood.

And boy, was that right!

My wife Victoria and I welcomed our little girl, Madelyn, into the world 3 months ago (September 29th!) and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

But that also brought on the insane stressor of planning my parental leave (I’m fortunate that IMPACT offers employees - both moms and dads - 8 weeks of parental leave). I love my job and the folks I get to work with, so making sure I didn’t leave anyone in the lurch was important to me.

Here are four things I was completely blindsided by during my parental leave - along with some insight from other IMPACT parents on their experiences, both at IMPACT and outside of it.

Hopefully, this will help to prepare you a bit more than I was!

1. Babies Are Amazing!

...and at times, more difficult than your day-to-day job.

I always wanted to be a dad - so I felt somewhat prepared for parenthood. Funnily enough, a lot of the things that I had encountered and learned at IMPACT had set me up for success in being a new parent.

Two things in particular stand out:

Steep Learning Curves

Being Agile and Embracing the Messy.

Steep Learning Curves

The hardest part, for me, in being a new parent was the elements of the unknown.

Can she have milk straight out of the fridge? Is her diaper on right? Is she sleeping too much? Too little? The list goes on and on.

There’s probably a new question every minute running through your head. But being able to slow down, assess the situation, then act on what was going on was absolutely critical.  

One of the “double-edged swords” of the world we live in is the internet. I had so much information and insight at a moment’s notice - which is great at 2:30am when you’re worrying about a stuffy nose.

But the amount of information on the web can also create unnecessary fear and stress - so take everything you’re reading with a grain of salt (easier said than done🤣🤣).

I was shocked at how quickly we both learned the ins and outs of baby care, keeping her happy, and what was likely bothering her based on which cry she’d let out.

The first month of “parent-life” felt like it had a lot of correlations to early start-up life at IMPACT - specifically, needing to learn frequently to thrive in my role, and coping when things go wrong.

Be Agile and Embrace the Messy

Things.Will.Go.Wrong.

That is a fact.

Case in point, the first time we tried to take a family trip to the grocery store.

What’s normally a 20-minute ordeal sans-baby, turned into a 1.5-hour trek that included two outfit changes, a mid-trip feeding, and a forgotten half-gallon of milk.

Be present and understand that even when nothing goes as planned, you’ll get through it with your partner.

I asked our Design Supervisor Jessie-Lee Nichols about her experience with embracing the messy. She told me that “Delegation skills transfer to your home life. You’ll need help and you’ll need to ask for it often to avoid drowning.”

“Delegation skills transfer to your home life. You’ll need help and you’ll need to ask for it often to avoid drowning.”

There are definitely many parallels between what’s successful in the workspace versus the “arena” of having a tiny human at home. To Jessie-Lee’s point, one of the biggest things you don’t want to do is not communicate with your partner (and family) if you need help.

As the saying goes, delegate and elevate!

2. You'll Miss Your Team More Than You’d Think

With all of the prep I had done to ready myself for being out of the office, unplugged, and focused on family time - I was completely unprepared for missing my team as much as I did.

This is especially true if you work at a company that has a very close-knit culture, like we do at IMPACT, and it may be one of the harder things you encounter on parental leave.

After 7+ years here, it’s hard to imagine a week without some of these folks around - let alone two months.

Once the newborn chaos slowed down, and we got into a groove at home, I found myself missing some of the familiar faces and conversations.

That may differ for you based on your company culture, but it can be a real downer when you’re home and missing your team especially since, when you’re passionate about what you do, not being engrained in it every day can be stressful.

My counter to that was to have quick, ad-hoc chats with folks to not feel so left out, and it worked really well!

I found that grabbing 10 to 15 minutes just to say “Hi”, and check in with a small group of folks really helped me stay in the loop and not drive myself crazy.

3. Working Small Amounts Can Keep You (and Your Partner) Sane

Saying that this statement was true for me is a massive understatement.

I love my wife (Hey, honey 👋) but limited sleep, a screaming baby, and scarce contact with other adults can make even the most glued-together couples start to annoy each other.

We realized early on in our parental leave that doing 30 to 60 minutes of work throughout the week helped revitalize us, even if it’s just clearing out your inbox, and marking down things to prioritize upon your return (more on that below), or doing a quick check-in with the team.

Before your head explodes because I just recommended you take time away from your family - hear me out.

It worked for a few reasons, in my opinion.

We had some dedicated “me” time away from each other, and the baby. Plus, it let us shift our mindset back into the things we’re passionate about - aside from the little bundle of joy. 😀

The break from all things baby actually refreshed me, and helped me start to see how I could balance my commitments early on.

Another thing to consider is there may be times that the team needs you. It may be unavoidable.

Marc Amigone, one of IMPACT’s Client Success Managers and fellow first time dad said, “I was totally out of a work mindset for the first month and totally focused on dad stuff, until someone messaged me to let me know about an internal conversation I should be aware of... then it was like my bubble popped and I had never left.”

“I was totally out of a work mindset for the first month and totally focused on dad stuff, until someone messaged me to let me know about an internal conversation I should be aware of... then it was like my bubble popped and I had never left.”

While it’s extremely important to unplug and dedicate time to the family, it’s equally important, in my mind, to not leave your team high and dry.

I experienced the same thing when getting back into the office. Strangely enough, even after eight weeks, it felt like I had never left. The routine was still there, and I was able to almost jump right back in.

Something that I’ve always battled with when taking time off is the fear of what awaits me upon my return. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt this way.

That’s another reason why I worked small amounts on parental leave - so I knew what’d I’d be coming back to. It’s also important to have a solid transition plan - both when you’re leaving and coming back.

4. What You Can Do To Make It Easier

The entire new parent experience is a daunting one, but with a little planning, you can make the transition so much easier.

I recommend planning your exit, and your return, so you know exactly what is expected and so does your team. That way, in all of the chaos that happens in the first couple months of parenthood, there’s some structure to fall back on.

While I was preparing for my parental leave, I did a few things with some guidance from our awesome VP of Talent, Natalie Davis.

Documenting what a typical day looks like for you, what your major responsibilities are, as well as your leave plan, are a few pretty simple things that can help dramatically. They definitely did for me.

I also spent some time recording videos of me giving insight into what things can pop up in my role, how I handle certain conversations, and other tips to help whoever was taking over for me to prepare and get a better understanding of what to expect.

Lastly, that plan I mentioned was extremely helpful in getting both me and my supervisor on the same page regarding my parental leave. I detailed what my rough exit date would be, along with my return date, when I was going to be completely unplugged, and when he could start reaching out if needed.

Things can change quickly when you’re expecting, and they did for us! Our little girl came 3 weeks early, so having a plan documented with dates that could easily be shifted was so helpful.

When you’re starting to transition back into the office (or working remotely), that same type of plan can save your sanity.

During the last two weeks of my parental leave, I started working a 2 to 4 hours, three days a week, to get my mind back into the old habits and shake off the dust.

That type of transition back isn’t ideal for everyone, but it absolutely helped me get back to work and started full steam ahead.

Once I got back to the office, I made sure to keep a few morning hours blocked to dig through any remaining emails as well as have some time to get into the right zone before the meetings and work piled on.

Every little bit helped :)

Jessie-Lee gave me one of the best bite-sized nuggets of knowledge regarding the transition back, especially for remote moms (but it applies to dads too!).

“Be real with your team; tell them you need time to pump/nurse, tell them when emotionally things are a bit too much, and tell them when to expect a sick kiddo strapped to your chest on the next video call. Life is allowed to happen, just as much as work is expected to.”

That level of candor, vulnerability, and as she put it, realness, can make or break your new parent experience as you transition back into the workforce.

Don’t be afraid to let your team know what you’re experiencing and ask for help.

Parental leave is an incredible benefit that can be a daunting thing to plan for. After all, it’s a huge change in your life, plus a transition to account for getting back into the workplace. But with some planning, support and the right mindset - you’ll be burping babies and crushing goals in no time :)

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/parental-leave-lessons-learned