#that one made me sad cos everyone says hes cool and i just feel so mean for not liking it but breh i was falling asleep

[mindibindi]

No Place like Home...? 🌈

So what...Ted Lasso just goldfishes his way into forgetting about his big diverse found family so that he can return to humble, hometown heteronormativity? Look, I get that "be a goldfish" is a cute moment from s1 and an idea that has some (limited) practical value. But isn't it also emblematic of Ted's initial overly positive attitude which ultimately just served to ignore difficult emotions, interactions or situations? This is his big advice to his son and his parting words to his audience? Wasn't the whole point of his time in Richmond and his return to his son to establish and encourage an alternative kind of masculinity? One that expresses, not represses? One that deals with difficulty maturely rather than just avoids it? One that actively and ethically chooses rather than simply doing what's always been done?

Honestly? There was plenty of stuff about the finale that I really liked. Colin's kiss was the best bit. That godawful wedding moment the worst, for many reasons. But I'm unsure how to even read Ted's ending, and not in a oh-gosh-it's-so-rich-and-ambiguous way but in a whaaaa....???-this-is-not-consistent-storytelling-this-is-missing-the-mark-for-me kinda way. When Ted looks at the camera, are we supposed to feel happy for him? Happy that he is happy? Is it a happy ending? Is he happy?? He doesn't look happy. Or sad. Or content. Or much of anything really. He just looks kind of vacant. Which is how he looked most of the episode. The final game (which wasn't even the final game and I suppose they justified not showing it for "creative" reasons, okay, sure, whatever) was the only time he looked engaged, and even then it wasn't fully. Most of the time, he did look like a gaping goldfish with a 6-second memory.

When it was time to say goodbye to everyone, there was no sense of nostalgia for the past 3 years and no sense of those relationships continuing. There were no promises or assurances of visits or skypes or calls. Phones, planes and the internet suddenly ceased to exist (when they'd served him and Henry quite well up until then). While the corniest song choice ever played (yes! we get it! the sacred struggle of fatherhood! GAAAHH), one family was sacrificed for another because both couldn't possibly co-exist. Two things at once makes brain hurty. After all the good work they did around dismantling traditional models of masculinity, in the end they reinforced a version of masculinity which centred supposedly noble self-sacrifice rather than ethical self-actualisation, regression over growth and singularity over plurality.

Sure, it bookends the series poignantly, if predictably. And truth is, Ted leaving Henry was baked into the premise of the show from ep 1. It's actually a pretty big emotional leap to take with a character but, as the audience, we made that leap because we understood that this extraordinary move away from his son was necessary for adventure, narrative and growth to occur. In real life, this move would've been highly questionable (esp for a female parent). But we are in a fictional reality here so we are bound as well as freed by the rules of genre, character and narrative. Without Ted leaving Henry, there is no story. We also understand that Ted's adventures will ultimately benefit Henry, who gets a dad who is fully engaged, professionally challenged and supported by a community of like-minded peeps who think he's super cool. By sending Ted back (or at least sending him back in this way), it implies that there is no more story to tell, Ted's story is over, his growth is done. It robs him of further growth and adventure, robs his son of a happy and fulfilled dad and robs the audience of imagining future failures and glories all shared by an indefatigable Richmond FC.

The whole point of this show was to show Ted building a new life, home and family after the disintegration of his marriage. This marriage did not provide the space or opportunity for him to heal childhood wounds or expand as a man. He was a small man, living a small, limited, conventional life. Which would be okay, if he wasn't suffocating in the process. He needed to find a bigger pond. It's possible that Ted's panic attacks were not a sign that Richmond was unhealthy or overwhelming for him. It's possible that there, he could breathe for the first time in years, he had the time and space to feel his feelings, pay attention to his past pain, move up and out and onward. Are we supposed to believe after that 3 years away and maybe 1 of therapy that that's it? He's done now, all healed, squared away? What exactly has changed in Kansas to assure us that he will be any happier there than he was prior? Henry was there then too. Little has changed with Michelle. His mum delivered some food and guilt then left. The show hasn't spent enough time in Kansas to assure us of Ted's happiness or continued growth. Literally, all we know is Henry is there. And BBQ sauce. (And Michelle's boyfriend has turned into a dick suddenly, conveniently).

What we do know well is what Ted is leaving behind. A rich and challenging world, wacky and wonderful experiences with a diverse community, a loved and actively loving chosen family. So are we supposed to read this ending like "The Wizard of Oz" which has the most disingenuous final line in movie history? Yes, Oz has some dangerous territories and menacing figures (represented by Rupert etc). But Oz is also where Dorothy's friends, her found family are. Oz is in bright technicolour. It's surprising and bizarre and bright. It's larger than life and full of weird characters and unexpected episodes. Oz is where we all want to be, to live, to stay. Richmond is Ted's real life Oz. It's where we want to be and want him to stay, even if only in our imaginations. In the finale he says: "There's no place like home but there's no place like Richmond either" (or something similar, only watched it once). This implies that Richmond is not his home, that homes are just where you come from. Homes are not found or created or collaborated on together. They aren't malleable, moveable. They aren't out there in the wild, potential beyond. They are behind us always, defining us by our often sad pasts.

Again, this idea is entirely contrary to the premise of the show and the progress of its characters who banded together under Ted's leadership to create a home, a family, a community. Unlike Ted's small, conventional family unit, his found family is queer-coded (as all found families are, since they suggest an alternative to traditional nuclear family units based on shared biology but not necessarily values). Logical families are the family you find after you have been ejected from the traditional biological family unit. They are sought and created, based on common interests and mutual support. They are made up of people who are likewise separated from their homes, due to distance, circumstance, fracture, whatever. The home world is displaced, but it is still home (and all the more precious for it). In this case, the queer-coded found family of TL includes and celebrates LGBT+ folk (took a while for them to get there but eventually they did), women, people of colour and any man choosing to do masculinity his way. This is the environment the show set up. This the environment the creators invited us into. This is the environment Ted left behind.

Now, I do think there could have been a way for Ted to return to Kansas and Henry (but not Michelle) that would have been consistent with and faithful to this initial set-up and its themes. But that isn't what we got. Like Dorothy waking up to a dingy black and white world where there's nothing to do but talk to your dog about all the adventures you long to have over the rainbow, Ted's Kansas looks grey and dull and muddy. And Ted looks like he only half-remembers the most vivid and important things he's ever seen and done. "Be a goldfish" is a useful idiom for dropping baggage that weighs you down. If you burn your tongue on your coffee but don't wanna be irritated all day, then it works. It doesn't work for a scenario in which you need to deal with the reality that you and your co-parent/ex have carved out very different life paths. Simple, wilful ignorance is not a solution to the sort of complex family circumstances that grown adults face every day. Just forgetting the past 3 years and moving on like nothing ever happened does not in any way guarantee Ted's happiness or his success as a father. Attempting to find fulfillment through that one! special! person!! is unlikely to end well. Whether it's a parent, partner or child, the burden on them is unfair.

Ted's predicament is a huge one but it's also one that has been there from the very beginning. They had 3 years and 30+ episodes to resolve it satisfactorily, using all of the freedoms that fictional realities can afford. And yet, when Rebecca brings up the various ways in which she is willing to adjust to Ted's fatherhood, these suggestions are made to sound ridiculous, impossible and totally futile. But are they? Are they anymore outlandish than any of the other highly optimistic plot points they've gleefully included? Ted flourishes personally and professionally in this milieu. And had they made a move earlier in the series, Henry could also have integrated into it and benefited greatly from it. (He clearly enjoys the club when he's there). As Rebecca implies, Ted has the opportunity to offer Henry a richer, wider and more diverse view of the world than he would otherwise have. He would have access to a queer-coded community that includes and celebrates, experiments and strives. He would see his dad loved, celebrated and supported. This show takes some BIG optimistic swings. If audiences were able to make the emotional leap of accepting Ted leaving his son in ep 1, then they can probably be trusted to make the leap of him staying, esp. if the writers took the time each season to establish how they will manage their relationship and the benefits each will glean from such an arrangement.

After all, Ted is not one to back down from a challenge. Taking the job at Richmond was a bold and brave move. This is the same man who pledged to "win the whole fucking thing". This is the same man who looked Rupert Manion in the eye then promptly whipped him at darts. But when it comes to distance co-parenting, he's not even open to suggestions? No "I appreciate you" for the boss/bestie, just oh-so-sage resignation? Please. These writers set up this predicament then refused to resolve it in a satisfactory way. Instead, they reduced Richmond FC to a dream and Ted to a memory-challenged goldfish who flails about when faced with the reality of a pre-existing predicament of his own creation. He rejects the help of others who could actually provide real-world solutions. Nor does he seem to register the possibility of a mature relationship with a woman who wants him and connects with him. Instead, he chooses to forget, keep swimming, paddle backwards -- not onward, not forward. He has a big pool, a new home, a found family that represents human complexity and plurality. But he chooses the small, simple and singular. A traditional three-part family unit that was supposed to make him happy but never did. He had his little holiday jaunt in technicolour land, a fun lil detour into an expansive rainbow family community. He came in, tinkered about with some people's problems: gave a middle-aged woman confidence here, supported a sad gay there. But rainbow families are not just a temporary playground for white cishet dudes with a saviour complex to get their own admirable values reflected back to them. In the end, Ted's found family had something absolutely vital to teach him that he did not stick around long enough to learn.

#ted lasso #ted lasso finale #ted lasso tv #ted lasso season 3 #spoilers #jason sudeikis #brendan hunt et al #ted should have stayed #ted x rebecca #btw this is airing during pride week/month while some parents are trying to keep their kids from learning about the big bright queer world

[beautouslysandy]

When You Get Into Fights-HC’s

By- Sandy

Warnings: Just mentions of yelling and objects breaking, nothing serious

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-I haven’t done any headcannons yet so thought I give it a try, this one seems to be popular along with the outsiders when there jealous soo…

-Enjoy and let me know if I should make more

-DARRY CURTIS

I feel like you and Darry wouldn’t get in many fights but when you do get in them watch out.

He isn’t crazy or anything but don’t expect him or you to apologize and just get over it.

He seems like he could hold a good grudge, but he doesn’t like arguing. It makes him feel bad.

He does however know how to make it up to you. (Flowers, chocolates, and more) This man knows how to be forgiven easily.

You guys don’t fight a lot as said but when you do they are usually huge cause you guys work a lot and lead stressful lives which cause build up. If you couldn’t tell Darry doesn’t really know how to share his emotions :(

You guys might not talk to eachother for but so you can cool of but after a break you guys talk it over and forgive, but you of course get flowers :)

SODAPOP CURTIS-

Okay guys let’s be realistic here, it’s Sodapop. He would NEVER EVER have the ability to be angry >:(

So if his upset he just acts like a little brat (sorry soda, love ya) and ignores you which infuriates the hell out of you. So you just ignore him back.

Depending on the situation you guys could go awhile without communication but when I tell you he gets lonely with out you (so sad) I mean it. Soda is a very needy person and when he doesn’t have his s/o with him, oop. He just even gets more bratty. (sorry soda)

Soda is the first one to start talking again, and he try’s really hard to make you talk to him. Like to a level where you talk to him to make him stop bugging you. And when you talk to him again he does a little happy dance and kisses you. (i swear he is so precious)

PONYBOY CURTIS-

I feel like Ponyboy like Sodapop doesn’t like to argue with their s/o or just in general.

But if you made him real upset he will say something. He isn’t afraid of a little confrontation.

He cares and loves you a lot but sometimes you can really upset him and he gets all frustrated and says something.

He isn’t mean about it (cough complete opposite of Dally cough) he is very mature about it and know how to express his feeling (Darry we are looking at you here)

Y’all work things out quickly, it’s nice and simple. Then everyone’s happy expect maybe Dally

DALLAS WINSTON “DALLY”-

Boy oh boy, this man gets ANGRY he’s over here like the big bad wolf or somethin’. Dude is so emotional.

You guys get into fights but honestly I feel like it’s a happy-medium. He doesn’t like fighting with you but he doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings correctly, okay? Don’t hate on my boy.

He is very vulnerable with you and when you do something that hurts him he doesn’t know how to process it so he is all “smash smash and roar”.

(That’s a spot on impression of him, I know thank you)

Trust me he will find some way to put it on you, he is very bad at claiming ownership of things that don’t include you, any cigarettes, his jacket and St. Christopher necklace.

He does break things out of angry, man’s very impulsive and emotional what can I say, I told you so. But he never will ever lay hands on you, boy would cry enough tears to fill the ocean if he did.

Basically, when you argue with Dally you are arguing with Dally (hehe)

JOHNNY CADE-

Little angel Johnny or so you thought, just kidding.

You and Johnny strike me as a we will talk about it later kind of couple.

He doesn’t like confrontation but he hates arguing even more. Seeing his parents argue has given him a image of what arguments look like and he does not want to have to experience that with you.

e isn’t an oblivious person so he knows if something is up. If it is truly something horrendous then he will muster up the confidence to say something.

He doesn’t like calling people out unless nesscesary. With you that doubles. He just doesn't want to lose you and especially doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

KEITH “TWO-BIT” MATTHEWS-

Two-Bit and you will have serious conversations from time to time if it's bad but he just doesn't seem like someone who can tell if you are mad at him or if he should be mad at you. You are definitely leading any “serious” conversations the two of you have.

I don't see him as someone who can really grasp the point of arguments. He seems like he would just prefer whatever is in your best interest.

STEVE RANDLE-

I feel as if Steve is a good chuck of Dally and Darry when arguing.

Arguing will either be over something stupid he did or over miscommunication or possibly jealousy

Steve tries his best not to argue with you because he doesn't want to but there are times when he just can't nit say anything

Either your the leading role in the argument or he is. There is no in-between.

Arguments will most likely turn into cuddles. He just strikes me as someone who apologizes to the s/o in that way.

TIM SHEPARD-

Okay, so we all know that Tim and you are pretty much a done deal. You guys have been close forever. Y'all went from a platonic relationship to a romantic relationship. So he likes to say he knows all your little quirks and such.

So if you pissed off at him or something else, he is gonna know. You have a harder time reading him because he has a poker face aka not easy to read.

You guys do argue quite a bit and it can get intense. He isn't like Dallas where breaks things, it's more verbal.

He never says anything intentionally but you can often take it in a way that he does. He will mostly leave and take off for the night but when he comes back he apologizes immediately and if you're not ready to talk he understands.

CURLY SHEPARD-

You and Curly only argue about two things and only these things. One...if he got caught by the fuzz(police) again. Two.....if that guy in the drive-in was checking you out

Curly can get a bit jealous, actually, that's an understatement. We all know that Dally is 1st place in the jealousy league but Curly is right up there with him, proudly taking 2nd to place. Curly isn't afraid to shut a guy down if he is hitting on you (very much like Dally) but sometimes it’s a bit much.

Curly and you just argue for a tiny bit before you say “Just don't do that again.” and he will say “I promise.” but he is totally telling a white lie.

What can you say, he is very protective and/or stupid in certain cases.

Hope y'all enjoyed this! -Sandy

#the outsiders #the outsiders imagine #darry curtis #dallas winston #sodapop curtis #two bit mathews #ponyboy curtis #tim shepard #curly shepard #johnny cade #headcannons #the outsiders headcanons #steve randle

[awmancreeper]

♡Lonely Boy Will Stay Lonely?. 17 - Y/n’s Youngluv era>>>

--❣︎ StayC’s Y/n is notorious for being K-pop’s social butterfly and making friends comes rather easy for her. When she’s asked to be an MC for Inkigayo, one of her co-hosts doesn’t seem too pleased to be working with her. This unknown feeling sparks a drive to become the bestest of friends with him but from the looks of it, he’ll fight her the whole way there.

Masterlist / prev / next 

!!written parts!!

 You put your phone down finishing up your business on Twitter. Sitting on the couch as your mc partners got their clothes/makeup touched up, you looked down at your hands nervously fiddling with the black arms warmers you had on.

“All done!” One of the makeup artists said allowing Kai to stand from the chair. He looked over at Jisung who was chatting with one of his members that came along today so he decided to not join that conversation. That left you

The aura in the room was quiet everyone doing their job in silence. Your leg bounced up and down, you were nervous and discouraged. After the MC special stage, you felt like you had fumbled it not being able to hold Kai’s shoulder in the bridge even though you were center. instead, your hand hovered awkwardly over his back nowhere near his shoulder where your other arm sat perfectly over Jisung’s shoulders. Easy to say you were disappointed with yourself and now you had to get ready for the MC introduction.

Kai secretly looked over at you. You hadn’t spoken since the incident of last night, both of you only talking to Jisung but not each other. This awkwardness resulted in the three of you not doing a practice run before the actual stage, even though y’all did well it wasn’t as fun and natural as when at rehearsals.

Although he’s only known you for two weeks, he does know you take pride in your dancing and tend to be self-critical. Also, you looked like a sad puppy messing with your arm warmer.

He sighed and walked over to you sitting on the same couch (just on the other side). This made you stiffen up, still feeling embarrassed for what had happened. This was odd, you always seem to find a way to start a conversation, especially with Kai but there you were lips sealed.

Kai lowkey felt bad, I mean he’s never gone raving about his celebrity crush to his friends but he does know what it’s like to feel embarrassed plus you messed up on stage. He just felt like he needed to reassure you.

“You did really well” his voice startled you but eventually you relaxed. You sighed taking your face into your hands “Don’t lie to me” a muffled voice came from your hands.

You peeked through your fingers to see Kai giving you a soft smile. You sat up a bit tucking a long piece of fringe behind your ear “Thanks but I know I could’ve done better” You returned a smile but it came out rather lopsided. “There’s always next time” he said with a chuckle and you followed but it quickly died down.

“Hey Kai, I’m sorry about the whole Soobin thing. It probably made you uncomfortable-“ but Huening Kai waved you off “No it’s completely fine,” he said nonchalantly “Really?”

He nodded “I guess I kinda overreacted calling you creepy and stuff” You raised a brow “You called me creepy?” But he just ignored you and continued on “But it’s pretty cool to know that you’re an actual fan of us… well I hope all of us” You giggled

The whole green room looked over at you and Kai seeing you giggle. It was the the aura of the room completely switched up being more livelier, the staffs were talking and joking around, Ji and his member Chenle spoke a bit louder and somehow the music that was playing in the background sounded more prominent. Even Kai could’ve sworn he saw the flowers bloom outside.

He smiled finally understanding the power of your smile or laugh

He wanted more of it

“I promise it’s all of you” you joked covering your smile with your hand “well not in a crazy way I swear, and I won’t fan girl in front of you”

He nodded “you don’t have to, I’m fine it”

“Plus what kinda a friend would I be if you couldn’t be yourself around me”

You felt your cheeks heat up “you’re my friend?” You questioned while he looked over at you like you were dumb “well yeah I thought you-“

You stood up “YAY!!” Throwing yourself over kai engulfing him in a hug. Everyone look over shocked as you were practicing were on top of Kai. Even Hyuka was shook this being the first time you actually hugged him.

His hands froze under you “o-okay that’s enough” he tried to speak out but his red face caught a glimpse of Jisung over your shoulder “y’all cuddling without me?” The next thing you both knew a new weight was added on top.

Taglist: @txtbrainrot @azinwo @mackjestic @mangobee @ggggghost @adajoemaya @kainkhemistry @suzirumas @amareoverall @owotalks @justemalove @kaisdefender @aloverga @myahwritesss @justiceya @loopycorn1123 @amara-mars @samvagejkflxhrt @iraa567 @liinori @reinahwanggg @bangchansbae @heyitssarah63 @txtmetonight @lilyidk03 (OPEN: comment or ask to be added) CLOSING THE TAGLIST IN [1] CHAPTERS if you want to be added last call

#tomorrow x together #kpop smau #kpop #fem reader #txt smau #txt fluff #huening kai #hyuka x reader #huening kai x reader #idol smau

[nightswithkookmin]

Bingo. And if you pay close attention to all of my takes on ships, you'd notice a pattern. I am drawn to ships where the dominant strong headed emotionally stunted almost damaged one reaches a breaking point to allow themselves be vulnerable around another and recieve love.

Jungkook is a taker, I like to see him give.

Tae is a giver, I like to see him take and recieve.

Jimin is a giver- I like to see him give, receive and take for reasons I'll explain later.

So if any of these are in a ship where they aren't doing any of what I desire to see in them, I'm not shipping that ship🙂

Personally I struggle with being vulnerable in my personal life. I say I want love and actively seek it but I struggle letting another person take care of me. I struggle being at the center of attention and being made a priority- yet that's what I deeply want.

Growing up I used to fight my mum whenever she did my laundry and I would sooner jump off a speeding train and break my legs than ask anyone for help.

In my relationships I'm always the one giving and yes I do attract narcissists and emotionally unavailable and noncommittal girls.

I struggled making friends cos I wouldn't let anyone close- not because I was afraid they would hurt me. But more so because I didn't want them to see just how much I am hurting. I can't do it. I don't want people to worry about me or feel sad because of the difficulties I struggle with.

The down side of empathizing with people is you start alienating yourself to protect others from the pain.

Shipping is a way I heal too. I learn from these people, take notes and practice how to be vulnerable with a partner- therapy is expensive please 🥴

I learn the emotional tools they employ to resolve conflicts and share their vulnerabilities with one another.

Once upon a time, if I had a disagreement with you we were done. Lost a lot of friends that way I stopped making friends all together. Until this dude I befriended told me after a fight, take tonight to cool off and when you done call me. Just because we have an argument don't mean our friendship is over.

Then I see Taegi talk about holding hands whenever they have an argument. Jimin explaining to Tae he's only trying to give him strength and push him to be a better him.

That changed my outlook on friends and relationships for ever. Now I don't tiptoe around people, I'm not afraid say what's on my mind, I'm not afraid to dissent or hold opposing opinions and no we don't have to agree on everything to have congruency.

It's why I hate people who berate and demonize shipping. Like any source of entertainment shipping can be therapeutic. And for same sex ships, it's a safe way to explore your sexuality or learn about your yourself and work through certain difficult emotions without necessarily putting yourself at risk.

Jimin, Tae are without a doubt the givers of the group. They give and give to the point it's borderline unhealthy- most of us struggle with this and it's important while we watch them navigate these emotional Situations that we have discourse around it, understand it and learn from it.

Hobi has healthy emotional boundaries. Namjoon, Hobi, Jin- in my opinion don't really seem to have questionable emotional attachments the way the Maknae line do. Suga walks a fine line but he's alright.

I like to see the givers take and the takers give. Thus, I am drawn to certain ships and repelled against others. Nothing personal tuktukkers.

I like when two givers are paired because they balance each other out. Two givers swiftly transform into sharers. A giver and taker however transforms into codependency especially if the taker enjoys taking whatever the givers has to give.

But its not always the case that a taker enjoys taking. If they enjoy taking from just about anyone and everyone that's just greediness.

where the taker is closed off to receiving or taking what the other has to offer you have nothing but a very one sided unrequited and even toxic dynamic.

For Kook, I think he is aware of this fact. He's said himself that while he and Tae have a lot in common they are very different in that Tae is not as greedy as him. That he's so greedy he used to try to do everything at once.

He's talked about struggling with this aspect of him- taking taking and taking all that he can get without a care. In relationships, this might translate as him taking all the attention, putting his needs first, doing what pleases him without compromising, allowing himself to be prioritized by his partner and allowing his partner to put his needs above theirs consistently.

But I think his physical and emotional boundaries is a way for him to keep that in check. You should count yourself lucky if someone like that is telling you to take care of yourself, and not give too much to them. Which most of the time is what is happening with Tuktuk and BTS and even at times Jikook.

Dude ain't trying to take advantage of nobody💀

Do you know how easy it would be for him to just let himself be consumed and bask in all that overflowing love and attention when he has to do nothing in return for it?

And it's even worse when people give just because they want something in return. That's extortion and emotional trafficking. Bamboozling of the highest order. I loved you therefore love me back

For a taker, giving and sharing becomes a love language and something they prize highly. Which means they don't give to just about anyone or share with just about anyone and if you tend to be a Natural sharer or giver they find you very distrustful because you give to just about anyone and anything💀

It's like the entry level for you is ground zero and so low just about anyone can walk in. And they do love to earn your love. They love to work for it and feel they've earned the attention you give them, they've earned the caresses, they've earned YOU.

It's why many books will tell you to play hard to get to get a man. lmho.

AND yes, they will act jealous if you treat everyone the same way you treat them, yes they will find you unattractive if you act Barbara the builder trying to build everyone up- you get my love, you get my love, everybody gets my love. Because then your love is not special the way theirs is.

So the more Tae pushes, the less attractive he becomes to someone like Jungkook. Jimin learned that the hard way didn't he?

Jungkook has a lot of love to give too but unlike many of us, he is selective about who he loves and who he gives his time and affections to and no about of badgering and pestering will make him love you💀

From where I stand, there is nothing wrong with him and I hope to God people around him don't gaslight him into thinking there is.

[kidshowsarecool]

The Day He Left Home

TW:Character Death

“Move back! Please be cautious!!” 

The fire burns the building away. Cars and people are running out, some are heavily injured or damaged. Cover in dark smoke, rescuers race in and out with anyone who is in. Firefighters and police cars trying to cool down the burning flames on the building 

Ryan raced down the road to the hospital . His cart was full of injured and sick people.  As a year old medical car, this was what he does all the time. His siren alerts any cars as he drives. Reaching the hospital, his back is open and nurses and doctor come out to bring the injured people inside. A knock on his cart meant that he was a clear and he could head back.

 "Come on, people need us" One of his co-workers yelled and they rushed back. The building was as still on fire as they arrived. The rest of the medical crew left leaving the firefighters and the officers to keep the flame down.

"This fire isn't calming down." Ryan mumbled to Sam. A good friend of Ryan that worked as an officer. Currently he was trying to put the fire down with the extinguishers

"Yeah. But we were able to get everyone out. That the good part" He responded. 

Then they heard a cry for help. It came from the second story of the building. It sounded young.. like a child.

"There's a kid in there!" Ryan exclaims. Everyone's eyes widen but one of the captain step in. 

"Keep putting the fire out! Focus on the fire!" He turns to Ryan with a stern but sad look.

"It's too dangerous right now to send anyone in. The fire is really out of control." 

"So we're leaving a kid to die?!"

"We have two Members in there. They’ll eventually find the ."The captain said and he moved away. 

Ryan did not like that answer. He glanced at the fire extinguishers and the building entrance. It wasn't engulfed in flames yet. He could transform and save the kid like that. 

"I'm going in!" Ryan declared and transformed. Sam looked back and shakes his head

“Ryan, you can’t stay in your transformed mode for long! You’ll lock up and if something happens in there, you wouldn’t be able to move! Just wait for them to find the kid!” 

“It doesn’t matter! There’s a life in danger right now! Sitting here does nothing ” He continues and grabs an extinguisher. He rushes toward the building with Sam yelling for him to come back.

“Ryan! What about Solana!? Your kids need you!” But it’s all ignored as he goes inside. Sam feels the dread creeping in.

“Sam! Come on! Stop staring and put the fire out!”

“Yes, Sir!” 

—-

It was really hot. The fire hadn’t made itself too bad in the hallway he was walking in. The smoke was thick which isn’t too good. The kid could have passed out somewhere. 

“Hey, if you’re here, I’m going to get you out! Just yell or make a noise! Something that will let me know you’re here!” Ryan calls out. He didn’t hear much and began to worry. He used the extinguisher to continue along the hallways. Suddenly a cough was heard and Ryan goes into a room, revealing a child hiding under a table.

“There you are, come on. We gotta get you out of here. Can you walk?” He asked. The child nods and crawls out. Ryan ushers him to the exit as quickly as he can.  The smoke was significantly larger now and they were both coughing. The extinguisher ran out when they were almost to the exit. 

“Hey, I got a kid coming down the left side building exit. Make the sure you can get him out” Ryan states to the rescue crew.

“Roger.” With that, he turns to the kid. 

“Go ahead. You’ll be safe. It’s going to be okay.” He smiled. The kid nods and rushes down the hallway and down the stairs. Ryan watches and sighs with relief. However, just as he was about to move, he heard something break. A loud bam send him into the walls knocking him out 

—

Sam watches as the kid runs out and into one of the officers. That was good. Now he just had to hope for Ryan to come ou-

A crash sound was heard loudly. Some of the firefighters back away as they hear it. 

"Ryan! Ryan! Say something!" Sam exclaims through his radio.  "Ryan answered me!" Sam began to panic. "Please!"

—-

"Nghh.." Ryan groaned as he tried to open his eyes. They shot open as he realized where he was. Debris blocked him from the exit, the smoke was stronger and so was the smell of gas

"I gotta..get out of here" Ryan mumbled as he tried to get up. As he stood, he tried to move his arm but it stiffly stays put. 

"No! Not now!" He moves as fast as he can however his legs stop midair and he crashes on the floor.  

"No! Don't lock up now up!" Ryan tried to stand but he couldn't feel his legs. Something hits his head and he realized the ceiling hasn't fallen yet. But the cracks and the small dust coming down said it was coming soon 

"Ryan! Where are you!" A voice comes from his radio. Ryan forces himself into a sitting position with his other arm and answers. His vision was swimming and he groans 

"Sam…" He coughed

"Thank goodness! Where are you!? Get out of the building right now!" 

"I can't.. can't move anything."

"Ah! Ryan, I told you this was going to happen! I'll get you out don't-"

"No. You can't Sam.. I think.. I'm done for'"

"What!? No you're not!"

"I smell.. gas.. smoke.. so strong" He coughed again. "Ceiling is going.. collapse."

"No! Please hang on!" 

The begging of his friend made him really upset. However, the feeling he wasn't going to see his family again made it even worse. 

"Sam.." Ryan laughed sadly. "Tell my family I love them and I'm sorry." 

"Ryan!" He shuts off his radio 

What an idiot he was. Never again would he see Solana,and her beautiful face. He was never gonna watch Thomas grow up. He wasn't able to fulfill the promise he made to Roy.. His oldest boy wanted to become a rescuer and he promised he would train him once he was old enough. He really hoped this wouldn’t affect them too badly.. but he knew it would.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled with tears in eyes. He closed his eyes,thinking about his family while waiting for his death. 

—-

“Pick up!” Sam couldn’t believe this. He was about to run whether or not anyone was going to let him but-

BAM

Another explosion came from the building. Few rescuers got knocked back hard , and some of the vehicles were pushed to the side.

“Was there anyone in there?!” The captain yells.

“Yeah- some of the rescuers- I think“

Sam just eyed the building in horror. He nearly fell to the ground as he knew what had just happened to his friend.

“Ah, I hate that we need to do this but we need help from the flying vehicles from the other town. It’s getting out of hand”

‘Please Ryan. Hold on.’ Sam though.

— 

Nearly an hour later, they finally put the fire out. Sam volunteers to find anyone or anything to salvage. He did find a couple of unfortunate pets who didn’t escape, some of their teammates, one who was found heavily injured and barely clinging on to life. The others were passed out.

Then he found Ryan. He saw a speck of red under some of the rubble and dug him. It almost looked like he was sleeping.. if there weren't so many dent and a hole in his side… that showed the machinery for them to work... half blown up 

“No, No, No!” Sam took out a device that could tell them whether they were alive or not. He scanned desperately, just hoping...

The line was flat. It made a loud long beeping noise as if someone died. Sam fell to his knees and looked at the lifeless body. 

“No! You were supposed to make it out! Your kids! Your wife! Why?! Why?!” Sam screamed. He punched the floor and shaked..

“Sam! What’s happening?!” The captain asked. Then he saw the body and sighed. He touches Sam’s shoulder,

“I’m sorry.. I know this is hard.. but we need to focus on everyone who might be alive ” The captain said, grabbing a walkie talkie

“Operator Ryan Mitchell is down. Operator Mitchell is down"

#robocar poli #Ryan #Sam #jp writing

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Be Panda, Do Soft-Style

You know this guy?

I love this guy. Eh catches cannon balls and doesn't afraid of anything (it's an older meme, sir, but it checks out), except PTSD and low self-esteem. That's my Panda.

OK. So let's talk about negative emotions, pain, and crippling anxiety.

No! Ha-ha, well, okay, maybe a little.

Some of us like movies and TV because their sameness is comforting, they teach us valuable lessons, and they don't judge us if we have to go back and watch something again because we didn't understand - or just 'cos we like seeing it again, and we're having a parasocial relationship with everyone in it. And some of us need movies and TV for those same reasons. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less, but real-life people aren't going to be patient enough to help us learn the hard stuff, and we know that, so we stick with movies and TV. Society tends to label people like that, people like me, as autistic. Not always, but it's getting better at catching and labelling the behaviour.

So when I need help with a big concept, something super hard, I go running to movies, TV, and stories or metaphors of all kinds. That's the easiest way for me to learn and understand, but most of us like learning that way. At least a little.

So, let's talk about my Panda pal's kung fu.

Po fights dragon style, which is a soft style. Soft styles are more about seeing where the energy is coming from and redirecting it. Tigress, who is hard-style to her core, will punch a brick wall until she busts right through it. Po will just go, "Hey, there's a door! You guys? Door over here!" walk through, and maybe poke his head back out and ask, "You need anything while I'm in here? Okay. Cool." Soft style requires you to slow down enough, and be smart and patient enough, to find that door.

All kung fu is valid!

(I love you, Tigress! You can punch me anytime!)

But not all kung fu is appropriate for every situation. You punch through a cannonball, it explodes, and you get very badly injured or die.

I see a lot of stuff on Tumblr about people trying to punch through their pain, anxiety, and negative feelings. I don't like you, anxiety. I don't like you, depression. I don't need you. You're not real. You're a little bitch. I will defeat you. I will get better and better at defeating you, and you will go away FOREVER! DIEEEE!

It's my first instinct too! I don't want these things, they are hurting me, I want them to go away. If I were strong, I could just break through. Normal people break through these things like they're nothing (*bing!* I've just added another layer of wall, "I'm broken, I'm weak," to what I've already been failing to punch through). If I just keep pushing (adding more layers to the wall every time my punch fails to defeat it) I will get stronger, and better, and I will feel nothing!

"Is that what you want?" Oogway might say to Shifu, his student who insists on learning (and teaching) everything the hard way. "To feel nothing? That sounds rather sad to me."

"No! I want to get rid of these bad feelings so I can make good ones! I want to feel happy, and loved, and secure! I want self-confidence!"

"My poor friend is still holding a peach," the turtle might say, "and trying to force it to become an apple. And then, when he has done the impossible, he thinks he may deserve self-confidence."

"I can throw this peach at the wall, and destroy it, and go find an apple!"

The turtle laughs. "Then you will have made quite a mess! And when you return with your apple, you may find the peach pit you have abandoned has grown into another tree, with many more peaches for you to throw. But perhaps there is a better way." And he would pick a peach, and eat it, like turtles do, slowly, but without mercy, until it's all gone, even the pit, and walk away. "It was not bad, a little bitter. I think next, I will eat a dumpling."

My boi can catch a cannonball because he doesn't go after it hard-style. He takes it head-on, holds it in his furry little arms, and redirects it. He's not super great at getting it where he wants it to go, not at first, and it does set him on fire, but he's still alive!

"You know, this doesn't feel great, but dealing with your trauma and post-traumatic stress is a process! My fist hungers... for self-care! Ow!"

He does, eventually, get better at it (quickly, because we only have about 90 minutes to tell this story) and not every hit lands, but when one does, he holds it for a second, aims, and lets go. He does not punch, he does not try to stop that sucker cold, he holds it, deals with it, and lets it go. And once he figures out what he's doing, it doesn't hurt so bad anymore. He has fun. Po's not the Fun Police, if he's having fun, he accepts that too. Yep, okay, this could kill me, but it looks so cool! Let's have fun while it lasts! Ladies, gentlemen and others, I present: soft style.

Even if your brain behaves itself perfectly, in your life, you are gonna hit walls. Some of 'em won't slow you down. But when one does, the first thing you gotta do is acknowledge the fact that there is a WALL here. I know you don't want the wall, but there it is. It doesn't matter whether it belongs there, you don't have to justify it. Insulting it and interrogating it won't make it not be there. That irritating AOL voice yelling "You've got wall!" will not go away until you acknowledge receipt of your wall. Okay. I've got wall. I don't have to like it, but here it is. It is here.

(This is what they mean when they say "your emotions are valid," they're just insecure and trying to sound professional.)

Now what?

(OK, but assuming we don't have a flame-proof cartoon butt and a destiny.)

First: Don't punch the wall. Ah-ah-ah! Back up! How hard could it be to not do something? you think. This'll be easy! It's incredibly hard to comply with a negative. Don't read this. Yeah. Now don't think of a solid white zebra. ... ... ... Yeah. Ka-POW! Ouch! Why does that hurt? I'd better punch it again and figure it out!

Stop. Redirect. Since we're using a wall metaphor here, you gotta go sideways. (Indeed, given enough time, all things shall become crab.) If there were a door right in front of your face, you'd see it. Forwards is not an option right now. Be a good little crustacean and pick a new direction. This is also how one extricates one's self from a riptide - people die because it's counterintuitive. You want to be back on the beach, why would you swim towards more ocean? Attacking the obstacle at its strongest point will not get you where you wanna go any faster than looking for a way around. In fact, sometimes, it won't get you there at all.

Are you still, intermittently, thinking of a solid white zebra? Like, what would that even look like? How would I know it's not just a white horse? Well, if you weren't before you are now. OK. So every time that zebra comes back, think of a solid white peacock with a tragic backstory.

(I know he's not solid white, I'm just being silly. Forgive me.)

If you take a step towards the sexy (but still extremely evil and genocidal) peacock, you are moving sideways. If you keep it up, you'll get a little distance, a little perspective, and when you have enough room to stop banging your head like a stubborn moth, maybe you'll be able to see a door in the wall... Or some convenient fireworks, who knows? Maybe you do have a destiny. Then, you'll be able to go through.

...Though it may be a squeeze, and you might not end up exactly where you thought you wanted to go.

(Oh, no, stairs!)

Or maybe you'll end up someplace even better and more surprising.

"You just wanted to see the tournament? Well, now you're the Dragon Warrior. Have fun with that."

But, again, this is a skill that takes practice. Every time you manage to stop or head sideways instead of banging into the wall is a victory. Eventually, you will get better at it.

I mean, you know, I've heard.

(This is me. I wanna be Po, but it's just my nature to fight hard and make everything harder. Maybe one of these days I'll accept that, and stop fighting my nature and making it harder, but I wouldn't bet on it.)

Doctors and mental health professionals will tell you, most pain is anxiety. Part of that is the simple physical fact that when you tense up and struggle, it hurts more. Some things can be fought hard style, and some things can't. Slow down, take your time, feel the flow - and then you can decide whether to go with it, go against it, or go around.

For example, I was having serious anxiety because, right when I got up, a lot of things were going wrong, and needed attention, and I couldn't fix them all, or even one. So I let someone I trust give me a little help, and I wrote a little mental health article with my friend, the Panda. Maybe I'll find a way to go forward in a little while, or maybe not yet, but I already feel a little better.

(Even this guy smiles once in a blue moon.)

Thanks to the Kung Fu Panda Wiki for hosting most of the images I needed. And if you "like" this content, reblog it 'cos I'm trying to get known around here. That goes for just about everyone else, too.

#mental health #kung fu panda #po #shifu #oogway #tigress #soft style #emotions #your emotions are valid #and now you know why autistic people relate better to media than real life #i didn't catch that could you play it again?

[maybege]

Distraction Rock

Summary: You and Boba get used to life without Nat. (Part 13 of Midnight Special)

Pairing: hot dad!Boba Fett x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 4.9k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: angst and lots of fluff

The second to last chapter, can you believe it because I certainly can not! This one is a good mixture of angst and fluff (ending on a fluffy note, rest assured) and I am so so excited to share it with you. As always, please let me know what you think in a comment or a reblog!

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

The weeks that followed were torture. There was no other way to describe it.

You knew Boba had tried not to let Nat’s reaction get to him but you knew him and you knew it hurt him when she refused any attempted contact from his side. Until he just gave up and the missed phone calls ceased altogether.

He did not talk about it, at least not yet, and you knew that for the moment it was best this way. Because as soon as you would try to put what had happened into words, your entire being would just shatter. Natalie had been your one constant friend ever since you had arrived here and losing her had made it all too clear just how intertwined her social life was with yours.

The real surprise of the week had been when Poppy had dropped by one day, when you had been there too, and the sad look on her face when she had spotted you. Your heart had stood still, realizing that she knew.

Fuck, she knew.

“Boba left Rob his screwdriver,” she had said, holding up the tool in question, “Is he here?”

“He, uh, he had to drive back to the office really quick,” you had explained, pretty sure that she must have seen his leaving car from her house, too, “He should be back soon.”

The older woman had nodded, simply leaving the screwdriver on the kitchen island before turning back to you. “I know you might not care for it right now. But I just wanted to say that Rob and I … we are happy for you, you know?”

There was no way you could hide the tears in your eyes, not when she was mustering you like she knew exactly what was going on in your head. “I imagine you thought it would all go differently when he had a partner,” you had brought out, “Certainly not me.” 

“Of course, it is not ideal,” she had replied softly, “But I have known Boba for a very long time and I haven’t seen him this happy and laidback in years. You are good for each other. And I am sure, with time, she will come to see it, too.”

Her smile looked so much like Nat’s, you went to the bathroom to cry for five minutes after she left.

*

Going to work was not as fun as it used to be either. And it had never been particularly fun.

Even if you didn’t know if Nat had spilt your secret affair with Boba to any of your co-workers, you felt like everyone was staring at you. She was the kind of person who wore her feelings on her sleeve and although you did your best to remain as cool as possible, you knew everyone in the office had the suspicion that something was up.

And something was very well up.

You shouldered your bag, hurrying down the line of cubicles, to store your leftovers in the company fridge. (Boba had made the most delicious pasta ever, smiling proudly when you had asked for seconds.) You almost froze in your step when you spotted her in the office kitchen, talking to (who else?) fucking Brenda from marketing.

“Good morning,” you said quietly as you passed her at the coffee machine. Nat stared at the opposite wall, completely ignoring you. It did not come as a surprise but it still stung and you forced yourself to take a deep breath and smile at them nonetheless.

No reason to be unprofessional.

“Hi!” Brenda greeted you loudly, and you waved in greeting.

It surprised you that Nat had chosen Brenda of all people as her next office friend, given that she previously seemed to despise the colleague from marketing as much as you did, but Brenda was nice enough and she did not seem to be too eager to make friends with you which you were grateful for considering the circumstances.

You opened the fridge, a bit annoyed when you saw the disarray of somebody’s improvised TETRIS game with the employee’s lunch boxes. Perhaps if you put this orange juice here, then –

“You know, my father just got out of a relationship as well, maybe you guys should meet up.”

What the fuck?

Your hand froze, stuck between some pasta salad and grocery store sushi rolls. Your heart pounded so fast you could feel it in your throat as you realized that, yes, it really was Nat who had said that. And she clearly didn’t mean Rob.

She looked at you, meeting your gaze without a smile while she was still talking to Brenda. “He has a taste for younger women, I’m sure you’re just his type.”

“Really?” Brenda asked, completely oblivious to your reaction behind her and pleasantly surprised at the redhead’s suggestion, “Sure, give him my number, I think you have it from the department’s group text? He can call anytime!”

“Great!” Nat sounded way too happy for her liking, “I’ll let him know.”

The fridge beeped, letting you know that you had held the door open for too long. Bile rose up in your throat and you knew Brenda and Nat were both looking at you. But you couldn’t look at them. You couldn’t look at her.

Without sparing them another glance, you shoved your leftovers somewhere where they hopefully wouldn’t fall out as soon as the door would be opened the next time.

“What’s the rush?” you heard Nat ask and squeezed your eyes shut as you picked up your pace.

You rushed to your cubicle, not looking at or talking with anyone for fear of them seeing the tears down your cheeks.

This would be a hard day.

*

Lunch break wasn’t even close when you were about to break into a tiny million pieces.

Work was not as busy as it could be which was good on one hand because it meant there was less stuff for you to mess up and bad on the other because you had so much free time to ponder what Natalie had said. Why would she do that? Was she truly that angry with you? And why in the hell would she rope in fucking Brenda?

You sighed, forcing yourself to take a deep breath in and out. There was a lot going on at the moment and it wouldn’t do you any good to spiral now. Natalie was angry and you could not change that but what you could change was how you reacted to things.

The screen of your computer lit up as your inbox synchronized, showing a new email. Another deep breath. You could do this.

Re: Fall Prediction Numbers

Hi, could you please look at the numbers again? It seems one or two mistakes have snuck in and I cannot present them to corporate like this.

Thanks, Michael

Scratch that, apparently you were still messing stuff up.

Before you knew what had happened, your cheeks were wet with tears as you got the feeling that everything was suddenly way too much. It was too much.

It was like you were in a fog when you called in sick, barely remembering how you had packed your bag, got your leftovers and made your way to the elevators to take you down and out of this building. Only when you were sitting in your car, sobs wrecking your chest, did you realize what had happened.

With shaky hands, you searched for your phone, quickly dialling the number of the person that you knew could help you through this.

“Hello?”

“Boba?” you sniffled quietly into the phone, “I’m sorry that I’m calling. I know you have this meeting and –“

“Princess?” his confusion turned into alarm, “What is happening? Are you okay?”

“Could, um,” you took a deep breath, hoping to keep your voice quiet, “Could we maybe stay home tonight? I know that reservation took forever to get and –“

“No problem,” he interrupted you, his voice firm but full of concern, “That is not the reason why you called, is it?”

You shook your head before going, “No, it isn’t.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“If I do, I think I might start crying,” you admitted in a broken whisper, nervously looking around to make sure no one was passing your car. You did not want to know what would happen if someone saw you sobbing in your car at 11:30 in the morning, holding onto your phone for dear life. “It’s just – it's just not a good day, okay?”

You had a feeling he knew what you meant but you were thankful when he didn’t press the matter further. “Did you call in sick?” he asked finally, “I think you should go home, princess. I can get lunch from that place down in –“

“Boba, you have the meeting today,” you tried to protest, torn between feeling relieved that he wanted to be there with you and feeling even worse because you had such an impact on your day when that had been the last thing on your mind.

“The meeting is already over,” Boba assured you, his voice sounding firm, “and you always take precedence, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, hastily wiping your cheeks, “Okay, I, uh, I’m going to drive home now.”

“Do you want me to stay on the line?” he asked and you smiled.

Maybe this day could be saved after all.

*

With you staying at Boba’s for the last few days, you had noticed that your commute to work was much shorter. Which meant that Boba must have raced back from his job to his house in record time because as soon as you entered the hallway, he was in front of you. He did not say a word as he helped you out of your jacket or hung up your purse while you took off your shoes.

He was still dressed in his black suit but the tie you had tugged on this morning was gone.

“Hi,” he whispered, wrapping you in his arms and you leaned into him, closing your eyes at the contact.

“Thank you for coming home for me,” you whispered, enjoying the way his hands felt on your body and how sturdy he felt under yours, “It’s – it was …”

“It’s okay,” he shushed you when your voice started to break. He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead and you buried your head in his chest, “How about we get rid of these clothes and take a nap?”

You nodded, following him blindly through the house until you arrived at the dimmed bedroom, the carpet soft under your feet. Boba’s arms were still around you and you were quiet as you let him help you undress – pulling down the zipper of your dress before pushing it down your arms and hips, rolling your tights down your legs before having your panties follow and, finally, unhooking your bra, letting your chest fall free.

“What can I do to help you?” he asked quietly into your ear, his hands on your hips as he stood behind you. His lips brushed over your ear and you shivered, turning around to hug yourself close to him.

“I just want to go to bed.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

You watched as he folded the blankets back for you, helping you into the bed and you pulled them to your chest. The cool fabric felt nice against your skin, although your feet were too cold.

There was comfort in seeing Boba undress as well, taking off every single piece of clothing until he only had his briefs left. The lines of his body, the dips and curves of his belly, the veins on his hands, the designs on his arms – it was all familiar to you now. It all made you love him.

He slipped under the blanket with you, pulling you into his chest and you felt tears spring into your eyes again as your breath sped up.

“Now,” he rumbled, “Will you tell me what made you this upset?”

And so, you told him. You told him about the messed up numbers, told him about what Nat had said to Brenda and told him how your body and mind seemed to betray you all at the same time.

“I just want my friend back,” you sobbed into his chest, “I feel like I’ve lost everything, like I lost all control and yet everything is making me anxious and I just – I’m just so tired of thinking about it all the time, I just – I just want to forget it. I just don’t want to worry anymore and don’t want to – I don’t want have to think about any of it.!

Boba hummed, not saying anything as he simply held you to him. His presence was so comforting, so calming, it felt safe to just let it all out for once. With no one judging you.

When the tears ceased, you grew quiet, simply resting against him, completely exhausted by the emotions coursing through your body. “I love you,” he murmured, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

And with that, you fell asleep.

*

It was a week later when everything took a turn for the worse and better at the same time.

You had dragged yourself through the workweek, enjoying the weekend with Boba by browsing through the grocery store and through the TV channels. And then, Monday hadn’t seemed so scary anymore. Nat was nowhere to be seen and you felt like you had finally found your headspace again.

Returning to Boba every day after work was a blessing you would never take for granted and you found yourself secretly wishing that this could hold on forever.

(Although you still fought with your landlord over not paying rent when you couldn’t live in your apartment because of the whole pipe issue, much to Boba’s amusement who had offered more than one time to get his lawyers on it. “Lawyers?” you had asked him, completely stunned, “Plural?!”)

But driving from work, knowing that Boba would be there soon after? That made all the conflict worth it because you truly felt like you were getting even closer. You were sharing your lives together and now it wasn’t only the weekends, it was the late-night conversations about what you had planned for the week, the mornings trying to assemble a grocery shopping list and the afternoons filled with “home soon!” texts.  

Like today when you had gotten off work earlier than before and had made this elaborate dinner, surprising him with a set table and candlelight dinner when he had arrived. His smile was brighter than a thousand suns.

“That was delicious,” he said, leaning back in his chair, he had rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt and discarded the jacket but he was still wearing his suit. And he looked good.

“Thanks,” you smiled, “I am happy you liked it,” you threw a look at the pie, “Maybe we can have dessert another time?”

Boba groaned, putting his hand on his belly and you found your heart skipping a beat at the thrumming between your thighs, “That sounds like an idea. I’m going to explode if I eat a bite more.”

You laughed, agreeing with him.

“How about a little aperitif?” he wiggled with his eyebrows, “And a bit of a dance?”

Both your faces turned to the small shelf that held all of “the good stuff” as he called it.

“I wouldn’t mind one,” you nodded, “I’ll get the dishes and you get the glasses?”

He hummed in agreement and as you put your two plates in the dishwasher and stored the pasta in the fridge, Boba had served each of you a glass of something delicious.

It was pure instinct by now, to settle down with him on the couch, tugging his arm over your shoulder so you could lean into his chest as you took a sip, letting the calm wash over you. Outside, the sun was setting earlier and earlier and already, the sky was a light pink colour, announcing the end of the day.

But as you wound down from the stress of the day, Boba’s phone pulled you out of your thoughts.

The older man grumbled, standing up and leaving you on the sofa as he went to the kitchen in search of the ringing sound. You leant back into the pillows, cursing whoever decided to interrupt your peaceful evening as you listened to his half of the conversation.

“Hello? Hi … Yeah, we are, why? – Now? Yes, of course … No, I know … Yes, yes, see you soon.”

The last phrase made you frown and you turned to peek over the edge of the sofa. “Who was that?”

“That was Poppy,” he revealed, looking more stunned than anything, “She and Nat are coming over to talk.”

You jumped from the sofa, “Now?”

He nodded, looking a little lost.

“The kitchen is a mess,” you mumbled, “And if Nat comes and I’m only wearing my lounge things and –”

“To be fair, I don’t think the kitchen is going to be the problem,” Boba said, absentmindedly pressing a kiss to your temple and you forced yourself to relax for a minute.

“It’s a good thing Poppy is coming with her, right?” you asked, a bit unsure, “I mean, she said she is happy for us?”

“I hope it will help to make her feel more at ease,” he agreed, his warm hand splayed on your back, “She wants to come and talk, that is a good thing. It’s the first step.”

“Yeah,” you echoed, your gaze unfocused as you leaned into him, “The first step.”

*

Your heart had been racing ever since Poppy announced they would be coming and true to her word, it was not even five minutes later that there was a knock on the door. Boba went to welcome them as you made sure that your t-shirt wasn’t wrinkled too much. You had debated whether to change or not but, in the end, your desire to tidy up the kitchen had won over.

Voices swept over from the hallway and before you knew it, they were all there. Boba. Poppy. And Nat.

She was wearing leggings and a t-shirt, much like you. You remembered when she had bought that one, excitedly showing you the pattern on a picture she had taken as soon as she had bought it. Now she didn’t look as excited anymore, more apprehensive if anything.

But you did not want to give up hope yet.

“You’re here,” you said, hating yourself for how hopeful you sounded.

Her voice betrayed no emotion, “As are you.”

“Nat,” Poppy warned from behind her.

Boba moved the chairs back for her and Poppy before moving to your side, “I’m glad you came.”

“I did.”

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked, motioning to the cabinets behind him. The tension, the insecurity, was palpable between all four of you and it allowed you to hope that maybe things would turn out better than you had hoped.

But Nat didn’t react to his question at all. Instead, her eyes were trained on you still, making you shift nervously, “Why are you here?”

“I, uh –“

“Her apartment has some construction going on,” Boba replied smoothly, “So she is staying here for the time being.”

He put a glass of water in front of her and as he and Poppy sat down, you followed.

Nat wrapped her hand around the glass. “I see.”

When you sat down next to Boba you felt like you were able to breathe again. Even if your heart was still hammering in your chest. You allowed yourself a quick glance at him, finding his eyes on yours at the same time that his hand fell to your thigh, slightly squeezing in assurance.

“How are you?” you asked, “I, uh, I didn’t see you this week in the office.”

“Oh, you know,” she shrugged, “Work.”

“Yeah,” you nodded lamely, “Work.”

Silence.

You looked down at your hands, unable to stand the way she was mustering you so coldly.

“Your mother mentioned that you wanted to talk,” Boba started again, “I” – he glanced at you – “We are very happy that you are here.”

Nat took a deep breath and your heart sped up even more. “Yes, I thought about the whole situation and,” she looked at you, “You asked me once how I could forgive you. Do you remember?”

You doubted you could ever forget that conversation and nodded. Your hand landed on Boba’s hand, holding on for dear life. “I remember.”

“I understand that you never wanted to hurt me,” she started, “And to be honest, I don’t even want to know how you got to know each other because,” she shrugged, “it doesn’t matter anyway. I have thought it over and over again but I can’t accept it. I just can’t. The only way I can ever forgive you is if you guys aren’t a thing anymore.”

And with that, your heart broke into a thousand pieces. “Nat,” you murmured, not knowing what to say, “You can’t be serious.”

“I am,” she huffed, looking to her mother for support, “Believe me, I have never been more serious in my life.”

Poppy didn’t say anything but she looked troubled. More troubled than you would have expected. She leant closer to Nat, whispering something in her ear that you could not understand. But the support from the older woman did not help either. Not when your best friend was so clearly rejecting you.

You couldn’t help the tears that pooled in your eyes, slowly making their way down your cheeks as you tried to get yourself together.

Boba leant forward, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “Nat, I won’t lie, we hoped that you would be open to talking today and –“

“Talking about what?” she interrupted him, clearly unhappy, and you heard her chair scraping over the kitchen tiles,  “The fact that you fucked my best friend behind my back and now want to tell me that I am the one with a problem? Don’t be fucking ridiculous, Dad. What? You thought I would be all happy that you guys betrayed me like this? You played me for a fool and now I am supposed to fall for her crocodile tears and –“

“No, you listen to me now, Nat,” he said and stood up, meeting her gaze and seeming that much more imposing even in his own kitchen, “Your mother and I did not raise you to be this hateful. I understand why you are hurt and I am sorry you had to find out before we had the chance to tell you on our own terms. But do not pretend you did not put your fair share of effort into this conflict when you decided to set up John or not talk to us when you knew all along. Whether you like it or not, I am invested in this relationship and I do not intend to break it off because my daughter decided to act like a fucking child all of a sudden.”

Nat remained silent. But she did not need to say anything to feel the rage radiate off her.

His voice remained calm, collected, and you could see his fingers wrapped around the back of his chair. “I am sorry that we hid this from you but it is not her fault. And it is not even my fault. It is no one’s fault and I refuse to end something that makes me happy because you decide to behave so immaturely.”

“I understand,” she said coldly, “But don’t pretend like you did any raising.”

“Natalie!” Poppy exclaimed, rushing to follow her daughter out. She turned to both of you, mouthing a quick Sorry before the door fell shut behind both of them, leaving you in complete and utter silence.

“Boba,” you murmured, frowning, “I am so sorry.”

He shook his head, smiling slightly, “She’ll come around. I meant it when I said she’s acting like a child. Poppy reminded me yesterday that she pulled the exact same stunt when we refused to get her a pony. Wouldn’t speak with us for days until she wanted ice cream for dessert.”

He chuckled, his eyes unfocused like he was far off in memory somewhere. But the pain he felt was clear, even in just his voice, and your heart clenched in sympathy for him. Your hands came up to settle on his chest, taking comfort in feeling his heartbeat underneath your palms.

“Boba, are you sure?”

“I am,” he said with a sad smile, “But to be honest I am tired of talking about it.” He reached out his hands, pulling you up from the barstool and slowly pulling you into his arms as he moved from side to side, “I believe I promised you a dance.”

You laughed, watching him fish for his phone and squint his eyes as he scrolled through the music selection, “Does someone need his glasses?”

“I don’t need glasses,” he grumbled, not looking up from his phone. But the dimples in his cheeks betrayed him and when he pulled you closer still, his lips landed on yours. A slow jazz piece started playing in the background and you smiled when he started to move you around to the slow melody.

Your lips melted into his, moving against him ever so slightly. He kissed you again and again, not really letting go of you but also not deepening the kiss. There was a certain kind of peace, being this close to him, with just the quiet music guiding your movements and the lamp by the window offering some light.

“You know, maybe now is not the time to mention it,” he started and your heart skipped a beat in nervousness, “But with all the issues coming up in your apartment, have you thought about moving somewhere else?”

That was not what you had expected him to say.

“In this economy?” you scoffed, “I am barely keeping my apartment as it is. Moving is not as easy an option as it sounds.”

Boba hummed, his stubbled cheek resting against your temple as he led you through the living room. He was a good dancer, you had never really taken note of that, and as the living room became your dance floor, you allowed yourself to close your eyes and brush your thumb over his hand as you trusted him to lead you.

“I have heard it can be significantly cheaper to live with a roommate,” he mused.

Your eyebrows shot up and you lifted your head to look at him, “You are not seriously suggesting I get a roommate, do you?” you asked, disbelieving, “I’d like to think I left that behind in college.”

He smiled, spinning you slowly before pulling you back to him. “I think it depends on the roommate.”

“Show me a roommate I would not be opposed to living with and maybe then we can talk.”

“What if you already met him?”

That sentence made you perk up, a suspicion growing in you that made you both nervous and very very excited.

“Boba, are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?”

“Maybe,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling as his hand slid lower on your back, pulling you more against him. He was so sturdy underneath you, his belly pressing into yours and it made your knees weak, knowing that this man – this glorious glorious man – wanted you. No one else. Just you.

“I just think … Well, I’m old, princess –“

“Not that old!”

“- and I know what I want in my life. Who I want in my life. Being with you and having you here every day … I wouldn’t mind if we just continued like that.”

Your heart swelled in your chest, a kind of euphoria you hadn’t felt in a long time. He wanted you to move in with him. And you wanted to say yes. Stars, after two years with Dreks you hadn’t even stood the thought of going on vacation with him but now the months you had had with Boba seemed like they were always meant to lead up to bigger things.

But still, you tried to calm yourself, to think rationally.

“You know I have things?” you checked back with him, “My furniture and my books and – and your house is full already. How would we do that?”

“I wouldn’t mind a little redecorating,” he replied, his calm voice revealing that he had thought about this longer than he was ready to admit. A fact that made your heartbeat speed up even more. “Your apartment is not only a piece of you, it also looks much better than my house.”

“I would want to repaint the kitchen,” you warned him, “And we would need to redo the office so we can both work there.”

“My only condition is that my bed stays,” he smiled, before tilting his head, “And my map collection.”

You grinned, already knowing the kind of frames that would transform said maps from a dust collector in the back corner of his office to the perfect additions to a gallery wall.

“You look like you are about to say yes,” Boba turned you both around, the song and pace changing, “Are you?”

There was nothing left to do but nod and watch the way his whole face lit up like it rarely did. He looked so happy, echoing what you felt on the inside. “Yes,” you confirmed, beaming at him, “Let’s do it.”

“Let’s do it,” he whispered against your temple.

And you danced the night away in your new home.

#maybege writes #boba fett x fem!reader #boba fett x reader

[mdhwrites]

One of the problems that ive noticed with TOH is its odd morality. By this i mean it has a very specific way of redeeming its characters, i dont have a word for it other than scapegoating.

For Amity, it was 'yes i am pretty horrible... but look! its my parents fault i ditched Willow! and look how horrible Boscha is! focus on that so i can be redeemed.'

For Lilith, it was 'yes i tried to murder a child and cursed my sister... but look! its Belos' fault for being so evil and manipulative! i deserve redemption now!'

For Alador, it was 'yes i went along with my childs abuse for years and even had a semi active role at some points.... but look! my wife is suddenly cartoonishly evil and i cant be blamed for anything all of a sudden!'

For Hunter, it was 'yes im working with a horrible man and i do anything he says, even killing innocent endangered creatures...! But look! my evil uncle Belos was abusing me so i cant be all bad!.'

Ok you probably get the point. when you notice it it becomes actively impossible to ignore and instead of wanting to explore motivations and actual growth, the show just shoves the blame onto someone else and everyone eats it up. Heck, ive seen Boscha be characterised as or called an actual S//ual Ab/ser in this fandom. Shes a Fourteen year old spoiled bully. not satan reinincarnated.

*screams bloody murder at the Boscha stuff* What sucks is I've seen and heard about those too. Actually, between seasons 1 and 2, people were so adamant about Odalia being more evil than Belos that it made me do a whole blog about the complexity of high society characters and the Blight Family's potential. All of which went to waste... As a note, if you read that blog and go "I want THAT Blight family," A: Little Miss Rich Witch and B: I have a 300k word TOH fic that has that Blight family. Getting back on track though... I agree. Just kind of in general. It's actually something I somewhat touched on in my Raine blog that some characters will feel like they exist in order to help others with their 'arcs'. Willow is the most blatant of these because it took until SEASON 3 to get an episode that's supposedly about her to ACTUALLY be about her. Before then, every episode that is supposedly hers is just used to push another character's arc forward. In S1 it's Amity every time. In S2 it's Hunter. It's part of why she never is doing anything with plants or magic, the things you think she might from the beginning, but other interests that keep getting tacked onto her so that she's doing something these other characters can interact with. And it's really bad because it's blatant that she doesn't have a plan for her or arc because she only exists when she can push another character forward. But calling these 'arcs' also feels incredibly disingenuous when you look at the larger scale of TOH. I mean, how long do any of those depictions EXIST before being replaced by "Going soft on me Blight?" "Mad but Sad Boy," "Cool Aunt Lilith" etc.? I mean... by the time each of those lines happens, the character is already a good person. Period. And questionably for any real reason in the cases of Hunter and Lilith, as neither really do much self reflection and all it seems to take with Hunter is "Pretty girl mad at me." Yes it's more complicated than that but if they'll simplify a child soldier becoming a good character to ONE PERSON SHOWED ME KINDNESS and BAM instant good guy, I'll simplify what the fuck happened. It causes them to feel like... Well, second introductions to the characters. Versions of them that just don't have the backstory and bad deeds of the past one. That's why phrase I use "Your arc seems more dramatic if the character starts OUT OF CHARACTER," straight up calls them OOC. Because by the time their 'arc' is finished, they feel like an entirely different character. Not only that but the show will work HARD like you pointed out to make you just... forget about the character's canonical history. Replace it with enough excuses or contradictory information and can you really judge them? Yes. Yes I can. Because they still did those things. I can just judge the show as a bad writer too then.

#TOH #Rambles

[quodekash]

im exhausted and could very easily pass out at any point in time, but it’s our skyy and it’s 11:30pm so here we go again

(because I’m so exhausted my commentary will very much be either very incoherent or there won’t be much of it at all)

theyre so cute omg

AYO THAT WAS UNSETTLING

IM SO USED TO HEARING THE ICONIC WOMAN SAY 'viewer discretion advised'

IT WAS WEIRD TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE SAY THAT, JEEZ

maybe not QUITE like you love him, i think you'd get jealous

I FREAKING KNEW IT

DID I NOT CALL IT??

I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN THEM, HUZZAH I AM A GENIUS

does this mean phum also likes men?

cos if so... my man had a lot of internalised homophobia going on, jeez

its okay, you dont need to come out to anyone at any point in time ever. but telling nueng took some real guts, that was really brave of you, and im proud of you

WU AND DAVID

WU AND THE-ONE-WHITE-GUY

I LOVE THEM

im pretty sure i cried when he proposed to him

it makes me happy to know they remember them

EJRHDFBKV

ITS ALREADY WORKINGGGG

EYE CONTACT LETS GOOO

am i about to cry? are my eyes welling up with tears this very moment as i type this? we may never know.

but the answer is yes

AAAAAAA

THEY MADE IT TO 7 FREAKING HELL YES

THEYRE SO EXCITED FOR THEM

to the surprise of literally no one, i am quickly becoming more obsessed with the side couple than i am with the main characters

AWWWW

theyre back now yayyyy

my bro now has ✨visual impairment✨

but... if he's his ancestor... then petch had sex with a woman?

i guess they had to

as long as they were together and happy tho, it's alright

and as long as the woman/women were aware that like. the guys didnt love them like that.

HOLY QUACK

HELL YES

FREAKING HELL YES

THEY ARE WONDERFUL

THEY ARE PERFECTION

THEY ARE HAPPY

I AM OFFICIALLY OBSESSED WITH THE SIDE COUPLE

everyone act surprised

the letters are so cute

WHAT THE HELL FLASHBACKS???

IM CRYING AGAIN

i aspire to one day have a hawaiian shirt collection as plentiful as palm's

THEY HUG

THEY KISS

THEY FOREHEAD TOUCH

i strongly believe that forehead touching is more intimate than kissing and i will die on this hill

but. why. life in modern times is just generally better for literally at least two reasons that i can think of off the top of my head (shut up its nearly 1am im not thinking properly rn) 1. gay tights, 2. health

i meant to say gay rights but honestly gay tights is also a plus

so theres three reasons

1. gay rights

2. health

3. gay tights

OHHH, THAT ONE

YOU WANNA ENEMIES TO LOVERS YOURSELVES??

thats it. that's the only reason.

palm, you astound and confuse me (in a good way)

wHY

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR

WAR IS BAD FOR AT LEAST 6 REASONS

1. death

2. sad

3. i think lots of dead bodies are probably bad for the environment

4. none of the wars in the past are cool. id wanna see a war like 50 years into the future, what if there's like space lasers or something

maybe i should just watch star wars instead of time travelling

5. killing people makes you feel like a mean person

6. picture this scenario: you really want a snack, your favourite snack, whatever your favourite snack is, you're just really craving it. but you cant have it, because you're fiGHTING IN A FREAKING WAR

GERIKJDBF

i was right

IM FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS

AND NOW THEYRE PLAYING IT IN THE BACKGROUND AGAIN???

I AM DEAD. DECEASED.

THAT WAS FREAKING LOVELY

hey, you were just here!

^D^ i am excited for simm

my final thoughts: GUJERKDNGREJKVDBNREUJDFLGHNEOIRLHGPI34EHRNGP9O34EJTPGOJ34ERPOTGJ3P4IERHTG9P34HEJ9TGFH34EI0RHOTGF893UOWB4E0TIOFHJ3490WEIHGUVIBERNDGOIVHEROIDSUFJ390I4OWEHCUOBJREFDNICGOBVPREIODFN

thank you and goodnight

#im gonna sleep now #quodekash watches our skyy 2 despite desperately needing to sleep #our skyy 2 #our skyy x never let me go #our skyy 2 nlmg #quodekash finally watches never let me go #palmnueng #nuengpalm #nuengdiao #nuengdiao kiattrakulmethee #palm nlmg #benchopper #chopperben #perthchimon #chimonperth #chimon wachirawit #perth tanapon #pondphuwin #pond naravit #phuwinpond #phuwin tangsakyuen

[aureiki]

Decided to make 2 posts in a day! Horray!

When it comes to these theories, I actually did avoid doing/delay theorizing certain characters and quotes.. Either cos they're *incredibly* vague and confusing, or different from the rest..

So here I am, I'll now write about the very character I've been avoiding! (Yay)

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Whit Young [Note: Barely any of the first few paragraphs will connect w one another, since I'm still very ??? oh him]

"We tend to idolize the dead."

Yippee! The very character I've been too scared to theorize on! His quote is very.. odd. The other HQ's were things a character had said, or something they felt guilty over. Though Whit's.. Its *probably* something he said, but literally what does it mean.

Maybe if you *squint*, it's a play on his talent, like Eden's. 'Idolize the dead', like how people would romanticize and idealize Romeo and Juliet right? Some people say they want a Romeo and Juliet love story (well, we all know how that ended.)

Idolize and Idealize are both diff words, but they do have similar meanings. To put something in higher regard (compared to reality).

But Aiki, what does this have to do with his backstory? His character?

Whit's the Ultimate Matchmaker. He can find you a partner and give you both a long love life, oddly, he can't find love for himself. I have a feeling it's a sorta.. Teruko situation.

He said he looked up to his mother, alot. To quote Whit himself, "She's so cool! She's really pretty and sophisticated and stuff! I look up to her so much! She's seriously the best! I even bleached my hair blond so that I could look like her!'

So, did his mother pass away? Well, that can't be right. He speaks of her as if she's still alive and well. Now let me bring up the theory that something must have happened while they were all passed out before the Killing Game started. Perhaps she is dead, but he just can't remember.

Or, now this is a large stretch, he *is* aware she's dead, but doesn't want to accept it, or ruin the mood and make everyone sad. So he pretends that she's fine. He speaks of her in a way that makes people assume she's healthy and alive, y'know?

Perhaps, he feels as if he didn't love her enough. Perhaps he wasn't able to tell her how much he cared for her before she died. Maybe to an even sadder route, he had the trademark 'fight before they die' moment.

No matter how many people loved Whit, as long as his mother wasn't there with him, he didn't care. He must take love very seriously in this case, whether it be platonic, familial, or romantic.

How does this become a Teruko situation? Simple, unlike Teruko, who's afraid to trust. Whit is afraid to love. Fearing that they might leave again. They might fight again. He won't see that person he loves oh so much again.

Sorry it's only Whit this time! But it's sad! And technically I made 2 earlier this morning, so altogether its 3! Haha-

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #whit young #cry #im crying too

[oblivious-aro]

Imogen is aromantic theory

So, when Nick cancelled his date with Imogen, she really didn't seem upset at all. She barely even reacted. It wasn't just that he said 'no' to the date, either, he said yes and cancelled at the last minute. Can you imagine your crush getting your hopes up like that? I'd be mad at last minute plan cancelling on it's own, never mind the romantic feelings involved in this situation. But her reaction isn't mad, sad, happy, or relieved, it was...kind of nothing.

Now sure, maybe this is supposed to be Imogen being mature. One of my favourite things about this show is that it doesn't fall on tired tropes to milk unnecessary drama out of all situations (besides for the thing with Tao, but that's another post). She did also have the rest of the night to cool down, and maybe in that time looked at the situation and noticed that Nick never seemed that enthusiastic. That is a possibility that I certainly wouldn't mind (seriously, I thought she and Nick were going to fake-date and there'd be lots of angst when she said her dog died. It was really refreshing to see her and Nick just talk, and not have some explosion-y argument. I hope we see more of their friendship in season 2). But maybe she reacted that way because she was never really interested in that date in the first place, and never realized it until it was cancelled. Maybe she's confused by her relief and doesn't know how to react to these unexpected emotions.

Now, this second piece of evidence is what does it for me. Nick talks about 'doing things because everyone else is doing them' and 'your real personality being buried deep down'. He figures Imogen won't know what he's talking about, but she gets it right away.Going after romance because it's 'what people do' and you've never really asked yourself 'is this really what I want?', and you just assume it'll make you happy because it seems to make everyone else happy is a very aromantic experience.

So why does she ask Nick out if she's not into him? Because A) she thinks she is. She and Nick have been friends for years, and she's confusing her platonic interest for a crush (another very aro thing to do).

B) She feels pressure to pursue a romantic relationship. It was Harry's pushing that made her finally ask Nick out. A lot of Nick's growth in the show stemmed from learning to break away from peer pressure and speak up when his "friends" were being jerks. Peer pressure (real peer pressure, not that 'say no to drugs' nonsense that never happens) is something that a lot of kids (and adults) struggle with, so it's very possible that Imogen is struggling with this like Nick was. I actually think that it would be really cool if season 2 continued those themes with Imogen realizing she's aromantic. Maybe she and Nick could talk about it, since he went through a similar experience in season 1 (especially since she totes knows he's dating Charlie).Also a lot of people around her would be starting to do dating stuff (teenagers, ammiright?), and I feel like there's pressure in Harry's group to 'be cool', for fear that Harry and co might turn their bullying/teasing towards you.

Note: Even if Imogen doesn't turn out to be aromantic, I'd still like to see her an Nick become closer friends. I'd like to see them working though cutting off toxic friends and making new nice ones together. Maybe Imogen ends up being part of the squad too! Her being aromantic would just be extra great and give the show some interesting themes to explore, as well as adding on to the breaking-away-from-expectations theme.

TLDR; Imogen had no reaction to Nick (a guy she claimed to have a crush on) cancelling their date last minute. She also sympathizes with his feelings of "realizing you're just doing things because other people expect you to". Also the subtle pressure of being expected to date at that age.

Oh no, now I really want aromantic Imogen, what have I done? Can you imagine how cool that would be?

#heartstopper #imogen #imogen heaney #nick #nick nelson #theory #aromantic

[loveislandthegamefan79]

Day 5: " Like A House On Fire" Part 25

The day went by as usual everyone doing their own thing and off talking to who they want to. You feel like having a wonder to see what everyone is up to and see how they are feeling about someone possibly being dumped. You head over to the gym first where you're sexy Irish man is and damn fine ex is.

Ariellea: Hey boys! Over here breaking a sweat 💦?

Finn: Hey Beour! You know me gotta get my daily routine in.

Suresh: Yeah, I figured I needed to a little lifting today myself.

Ariellea: Suresh, I figured you would be doing some grafting?

Suresh: Well, day isn't over yet.

Finn: You do you Suresh. Me, I'm not grafting no one I already maid my mind up who I'm picking.

Suresh: Well, Finny boy! Congrats to you.

Suresh is not showing it but he's annoyed that you and Finn choose to stay together. But you're not supposed to be annoyed at him. He literally be ignoring you and flirting with Valentina right in front of you. All because he's butt hurt about me not telling him about wanting to get married. You think to yourself { He says he's changing but at the moment he showing you he hasn't he thinks it doesn't hurt you to see him do this right in front of. You know it must hurt him to see you be doing it with Finn. What I am supposed to do, wait around to figure out he Suresh is ready to get his shit together? I really like Finn I do he is such a great guy. Suresh just don't know that he's the that has my heart not Finn} You sometimes wish Suresh would wake up and stop acting reckless just 'cos things aren't the way he wants them to be.

Ariella: Sooo! Are you two ok with being around each other after the choices that have been made?

Finn: Yeah, Suresh and I talked about it and we're cool 😎.

Suresh: Ariellea, I just want to see you happy. And if Finn make you happy, then I'm happy for you. For both of you.

Ariellea: You really mean that, Suresh?

Suresh: Yeah, I... I do. And me I'm going to be getting to know Valentina more, So! Yeah.

He sounds unsure but he choose to push you away and crack on with Valentina. Maybe he will come to his senses one day and figure out You're the only girl for him and stop playing these mind games with himself and you.

Ariellea: I'm proud of you Suresh.

Suresh: You are?

Ariellea: Yeah, for being the bigger man and not kickin' off about it. Maybe you are changing in some ways.

Suresh: Thank you, Ariellea. For the kind words.

Ariellea: No problem. Well boys I'm going to go see what everyone else is up to. Finn, catch up later yeah?

Finn: Of course babe.

You give him a little peck on the lips nothing to major you don't want to totally disrespect Suresh or rub it in his face. You head to the pool are where Alfie and Meera are they are having a blast with each other You are so happy that Alfie has someone he clicks with so well.

Ariellea: Hey guys! Looks like you two are having a blast over here?!

Meera: Oh my days, Ariellea! Alfie is so much fun to be around. He keeps me laughing so much. He's such a goofball.

Finn: Meera, is such a ball of fun. Not to mention very very pretty.

Meera: Oh, Alfie stop. You're gonna make me blush. So what are you up to today, Ariellea?

Ariellea: Oh just seeing what everyone is up to. And seeing how they feel about the recoupling.

Meera: It is so sad that someone could be going home tonight. I hope it's not me. I just got here and I'm really liking Alfie. He's the only boy I'm interested in.

Alfie: Don't worry that pretty little head of yours. You're not gonna go home tonight.

Ariellea: Does that mean you will be coupling up with Meera?

Alfie: You betcha. From the moment I saw her and she spoke to me I felt that spark that special connection I've been looking and waiting for.

Ariellea: I'm so happy for you both. I really am. Alfie you're such a sweet heart and so are you Meera. You two look so good together.

Meera: What about you Ariellea? Do you have the recoupling on you're in handled?

Ariellea: I believe so. But you never know in this place right?!

Alfie: Very true. Do you think Suresh will pick you?

Ariellea: I doubt it. We actually had a conversation about maybe taking a step back from each other just explore our options.

Alfie: Where does that leave you then? 'Cos I'm pretty sure Kat has Finn on lock.

Ariellea: I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Meera: Oooh, this is juicy. So what you saying? Finn is going to choose you over Kat?

Ariellea: Yeah, we had a deep conversation about it last night. And he basically said screw it and he wants to give things a proper chance with us.

Alfie: That means Kat most likely will be going home.

Kat: Yeap, Unless someone else chooses her. But I don't see that happening.

Alfie: WOW, this is mind blowing. They way they were with each other the past day or so and Finn told me kinds friend zoned you. It's just a shock. So he really changed his mind?

Ariellea: Yeah, we talked about for a while and made absolutely sure he wanted this. Then we did some bits some big big bits. If you know what I'm saying.

Meera: Oh my gosh, already?

Ariellea: Oh sweetie. It wasn't our first time. We've actually don't two other times.

Alfie: Damn, You got him whipped girl.

Ariellea: It's not just about the sex though with him, as amazing as it is. I genuinely like him a lot. And the feelings seems to be mutual.

Meera: Well, that's great. At least you're happy.

Ariellea: I am. I'm so over the drama at the moment with my ex. I came here to have fun and maybe find a new love. I just hope Suresh can respect that.

Alfie: Well, he's going to have to. Hell he seems to be crackin'on him self so he really has no room to talk, right?

Ariellea: Right, Well guys I'm going to let you get back to you're fun. I'm going to chat to some of the others.

Meera: Okay girls chat to ya later.

Alfie: Catch ya later Ariellea.

You walk away from Alfie and Meera you see Valentina sitting by herself you decide to go and talk to her. You want to let her know about the Suresh situation and that there will be no interference on you're end.

Ariellea: Hey, Valentina! Do you mind if we chat for a few?

Valentina: Sure, what's up? Everything alright?

Ariellea: Yeah, yeah everything good. I don't know if you know yet. But Suresh and I did have a little chat earlier.

Valentina: Yeah, seen you guys chatting earlier. Was it anything serious.

Ariellea: Not to serious. I just told him that I really liked Finn a lot and Finn and I want to give things a proper go. And maybe we should just explore our options. I know you know we have a lot of history and baggage. Suresh was a big part of my life for almost 2 years. But what he did hurt me really bad and I mean bad. I went through depression for a long time. And when I seen him here on day 1 I was in total shock. Cause we haven't seen or talked in many months. But anyway. My point is, you don't have to worry about me stepping on you're toes. If you two want to get to know each other that's great.

Valentina: I'm really sorry you went through that. Has he apologized for what he did?

Ariellea: Yeah, many times. I believe he honestly is sorry and does regret what he did. And I want to trust and believe what he tells me. But after the Excess Baggage Challenge and the way he acted afterwards and the stuff he said to. Hurt even more.

Valentina: What did he say? And what do you mean acted?

Ariellea: Well, he acted all shocked and butt hurt that I never told him about the ring. I mean it was supposed to be a surprise.

Valentina: Did you guys ever talk about marriage?

Ariellea: Not really. I think we both was scared to bring it up to be honest. I don't know. But one day I thought to myself I love this man with my whole heart and soul. Why not spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife. So I started checking out rings. The night I picked up the ring I came home like usual. I don't know what started the fight we had. It was usual about me going to university. For some reason it bothered him. But I was going to plane out a special night, that night for us and ask him. Then we had a fight we left out to his favorite bar came home really late. But I didn't know he cheated until a few days later. I had to use his phone for some reason and I seen a picture message of him and a girl come through. And he was laying next to her practically naked I seen that she had a turtle tattoo. I left that day with out a word. Came back when I knew he was at work packed all my belongings and didn't look back.

Valentina: Did he ever try to reach out and explain what happened?

Ariellea: Yeah, he did one day. And I let him explain. But then after Ihe was done I was like ok cool, then left. Then when he gets here we have a game the night Finn had to choose who to couple with. And it comes out he had been flirting with her for months, months and didn't even bother mentioning me once. He said he wanted to many times but then he couldn't.

Valentina: WOW!, I'm sorry. What else he tell you.

Ariellea: He questioned if me and him we're even compatible at all. I was what are you for real? He said it maybe just the shock of it all. I said well welcome to my world. Then he said. It just feels like we are worlds apart then walked off. I was left standing there in aww. Think like WOW really he just questioned our whole relationship like that.

Valentina: Yeah, that is crazy.

Ariellea: I'm sorry I don't mean to put you off him or anything. I just wanted to let you know. That there won't be any interference from me or me giving you two the stink eye or anything.

Valentina: It hasn't put me off him. People do change. I'm just going to be a little cautious. You know what I'm saying. I can sense on both ends you two probably still have proper feelings for each. I mean you guys we're together for a long time. And you was thinking about marriage. But thanks for coming to talk to about it. I really appreciate it.

Ariellea: Yeah, you're right about the feelings part, But like I said you have no worries. Finn even nows about my feelings about Suresh. But he also knows I want to give him and me a chance to really get to know him and see where things lead us.

Valentina: Well, that's good. At least you we're honest with him about it. And don't worry I'm not going to be that girl that is going to be jealous if he still wants to pull you for chats. 'Cos you to probably still have a lot of stuff to sort out. Just be respectful about it ya know what I mean.

Ariellea: Oh, yeah totally. You don't have to worry about any flirting on my end if we have chat's.

Valentina: I know this situation isn't idea for you. It must be weird having your ex here. But I'll be respectful too I won't rub or throw things in your face with us. I wouldn't want anyone doing that to me. I'm not that type of person.

Ariellea: That's cool, but also don't hold back on my account either crack on girl.

Valentina: Cool, I do hope we can be friends though too. You seem like a cool chick and also could use better friends other than Kat and Dana. Ohhh, speaking of Kat. How she take it when she found out Finn wants to give it a go with you?

Ariellea: I haven't personally talked her yet. She seems to be avoiding me. But the conversation between her and Finn didn't go to well. He said she laid into him big time. Don't get me wrong I let him know he was wrong about leading me on then wanting Kat. He said he was just scared of falling for me and I break his heart if I choose to be with my ex.

Valentina: I guess that's a little understandable. But still not cool.

Ariellea: Right, Well thanks for hearing me out and everything. I do wish you and Suresh the best. And yeah I could use better friends 😂.

You two stand up up and hug.

Valentina: I'm around if you ever need to talk. Please don't hesitate.

Ariellea: Ok will do. Well I'm going go chat to a few more people. I'll catch you later.

She tells ok and you walk towards the kitchen to fill your water bottle and run into Eddie and Kelly who are just chatting away they look so cute together.

Ariellea: Hey, you two! What's crackin'?

Kelly: Oh just enjoying spending time with this handsome man here.

Eddie: Kelly your going to make me blush.

Kelly: That's my plan to. You would look even more cuter with some redness on them cheeks.

Ariellea: You both are too adorable. You guys seem to be getting on well?

Kelly: Oh, Ariellea. We are. Eddie was telling me about his modeling and his hometown. And was telling him about my bakery I run with my grandparents.

Ariellea: It's good to see you happy Eddie.

Eddie: Thank you Ariellea. What about you? How your relationship prospects?

Ariellea: Well, Suresh and I came to a mutual agreement on some things and Finn and I are going to give things a proper go.

Eddie: That's great. But wait. I thought him and Kat was moving forward?

Ariellea: He changed his mind. We had a long chat last night in bed I reassured him about some things and we both agreed to give it a proper chance between us.

Eddie: Oh ok. How does Kat feel about all this?.

Ariellea: I'm guessing not to happy. We haven't really spoke all that much today.

Kelly: Are you going to?

Ariellea: We can if she wants too. I'm not going to force it. I know I wouldn't want to talk to the person that the guy I liked choose her over me. It'd be a little awks.

Kelly: True, but maybe it might clear the air between you two a little.

Ariellea: Maybe, I don't know. Just have to wait and see. Well I'm going go finish my rounds I'll talk to you both later.

Eddie: Ok, see you around. Ariellea.

Kelly: See ya girl.

You walk away from the kitchen and see Dana sitting by herself you decide to go over and see what she up to she kinda seems lost in thought. You know she hasn't been a great friend to you. But you want to make sure she ok.

Ariellea: Hey there, Dana. You ok? You look lost in thought?!

Dana: Hey, yeah I'm ok. Just been thinking about the recoupling and and possible dumping. I'm loving it here . What if I'm the one to possibly go home?

Ariellea: Aren't you and Arlo getting on? You two seem to really hit it off.

Dana: Yeah, she is great I like her energy and drive she's obviously gorgeous. But you never know in this place. Right?

Ariellea: Yeah I guess you're right. But if she really likes you, you have nothing to worry about. Just make sure one of you choose each other first before the boys go.

Dana: Do you think that will be possible?.

Ariella:I don't see why not.

Dana: I guess I'm just overthinking things. I really like her and just want a proper chance to get to know her.

Ariellea: You're not feeling my ex anymore?

Dana: No, He really don't pay me much attention besides in the challenges and then that's only just kisses. He hasn't even pulled me for a chat since the last one we had.

Ariellea: It's looks like him and Valentina are hitting it off.

Dana: Right, and I say good for him. 'Cos I'm all about Arlo.

Ariellea: Well, I happy for you. But I'm going to let you be for now. I have a chat or two left. I'm just trying see how everyone is doing today.

Dana: Well, okay. Chat to later.

You see Arlo all by her lonesome you head of to check in with here.

Ariellea: Hey, Arlo! How you doing?

Arlo: I'm doing ok. Just enjoying the sun.

Ariellea: I'm surprised you're not grafting Dana at the moment.

Arlo: Oh we already had some chat's today. She is really a great girl. So so funny and awkward at the same time. It cute?

Ariellea: So none of the boys catching you're eye?

Arlo: Don't get me wrong, their all very handsome. But none are really my type at the moment. I'm you're ex is a little bit but, I don't want that drama. Plus him and Valentina seem to be getting on.

Ariellea: Yeah, they are aren't they?!

Arlo: Is it weird for you? Him being here and seeing him crack on with someone else.

Ariellea: Yeah, it is. Finn knows I still have some kind of feelings for Suresh. And he understands. Does it sting seeing Suresh flirting and kissing other girls? Yes. There was never any proper closer for us and still a lot of unanswered questions. But we both decided to take a step back from each other in here. I told him how I was liking Finn. I know he didn't like hearing that even though he didn't express it. The way he acted after Excess Baggage, totally blew my mind. Like it was all my fault cause I didn't tell him about the ring. So,. I'm just letting him do him and I'm going to be doing me.

Arlo: Do you think there is a chance you might take him back?

Ariellea: At this point I don't know. All I do now is I'm having fun and enjoying Finn.

Arlo: Well good for you.

Before anything else is said a phone pings.

Arlo: I GOT A TEXT!

All the Islanders gather around to hear what the text says

Arlo, Merra, Kelly and Valentina,

Welcome to your first full day in the villa. You must now pick one boy or girl each to go on a date with. #FinneDineSunshine #PartnerUp

All four girls are excited everyone eagerly awaits to see who they pick.

Meera: Alfie, would you like to go on a date with me?

Alfie: Heck Yeah! I'm totally pumped for this.

Arlo: Dana, will you do me the pleasure of joining me on a date?

Dana: Oh my days, Yes!

Kelly: Hey, Eddie you handsome devil. Wanna be my date?

Eddie: You know it, Baby.

Valentina: Suresh, Would you care to be my date this evening?

Suresh: I would be more than happy to.

He looks over at you for a brief moment to see if you will give some sort of reaction. But you don't give him the satisfaction. You just stand there in Finn's arms while he holds you.

Kat: Have fun guys. Don't do nothing I wouldn't do.

Everyone rushes of to get ready for their dates.

#litg #litg fanfic #litg ex in the villa #litg s5 #litg season 5 #ex in the villa

[selfcallednowhere]

February 8, 2020 New York, NY

Only my second time attending a show at the storied Bowery Ballroom--the first was way back in 2003, at the special show with bunches of special guests to celebrate the release of Gigantic into regular theatres after it had already spent some time touring the festival circuit. It was really really cold in line so I was happy when they herded us inside before doors, into the venue's bar where I remember vividly remember all those awesome people hanging around (with one rather glaring but not-at-all-unexpected exception) after that special show and getting to meet them and how cool that was. But we did have to wait for quite a long time first there (quite tightly crammed together) and then by the stage before the show actually started--I think it was the latest show start I've experienced since they started doing the "An Evening With" two sets, no opener thing (when they usually are starting just a few minutes after the stated start time), and it was just peculiar because it was a hometown show so it wasn't like they had travel difficulties to deal with or anything. I was just feeling pretty loopy at this point because it was my third show in a row and the usual combination I deal with when I do trips like this of not enough sleep, not enough food, and really intense emotions was starting to get to me, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that the show would be amazing enough that it would all be worthwhile and the distraction of chatting with the nice girl who'd been beside me in line.

They opened the show, fittingly enough, with "New York City." I'd seen someone commenting on the oddness of them not playing it at the Bowery show they'd played the previous month, their first one at the venue in over a decade, which is fair because it seems like the one place they'd really have to play the song would be the venue that's specifically name-checked in its lyrics. So that was cool, but it also blew the first of the assertions I'd made to people in line, as the wise old sage who'd been to the previous two shows and seen how they went down, which was that the first set would be the Flood one.

After the song and the usual "We're They Might Be Giants, great to be here, how's everyone doing" greetings, Flans introduced Curt by saying he was here "all the way from Rhode Island." He'd said that the night before too and I thought maybe it was a joke since we were, y'know, actually in Rhode Island at the time, but with this repetition in a different place I conclude that he must actually live there now and not in Connecticut (where Flans introduced him as coming "all the way from" on the '18 tour). Then he explained about the two-set format and repeated that joke he likes about how we should "treat us like any other opener" by not really caring about anything they were doing. "That's our final announcement as an opener," he promised, to which John added, "until the next one."

They followed this with two of my absolute all-time favorites (although songs with such different styles, energy levels, and general vibes that I was a bit startled by the combination): "Museum of Idiots" and then "Let Me Tell You About My Operation." Flans went ahead and put his guitar on just before the final chorus of the latter, even though he still didn't need it, I guess to save time before the next song when he did. I was just a little sad about it cos when he did it he also just parked himself behind his mic stand, and I love watching him strut all around stage on songs like this one so much.

The next song was "Older." Just as they were starting to play it John held up his requisite cup of coffee towards Dan as if he were toasting him, and then there was some excitement near where I was standing about it being someone's birthday. Also, there was no phone call from Mama TMBG or other shenanigans during the now-seemingly-mandatory pause in the song, but John did take a luxuriously long sip of his coffee (and then just wiped his mouth off with his hand afterwards, which seemed rather uncouth to me, but then again, I don't know what he could've done instead that would've been any better, since he presumably doesn't just keep a napkin with him on stage).

Next they played "Fingertips." Notable differences from the many, many other times I've seen this song live included John pointing at his eye on "Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?"

Next came "Why Does the Sun Shine?"--Flans introduced it with "We want you to want the sun!", which I haven't seen him do in awhile. As for John's whole weird and difficult to describe but also very funny shtick, in the spoken part this time it included the following: After (in a normal way) listing some things that are a gas on the sun, he did a very long pause before informing us (now switching into the weird silly voice) "When I woke up I was wearing someone else's dinner jacket. I don't know what happened." Next (normal voice again) "If the sun were hollow--I know it's not actually hollow, but, if it were hollow, it would be just about as cold up here on stage. (This marked the second show on this rip where he was complaining about the cold, and as a Texan and also a very small person who gets cold extremely easily but still felt comfortable both times I don't really know what he was talking about.) By the time he got to how far away the sun is, which he didn't even do any sort of joke for this time, people were already cheering and laughing as he was starting it, and I am still rally happy for him for finally managing to successfully land on something he can do on stage that people consistently find funny. Finally, the heat and light of the sun were caused by the nuclear reaction between "electric baby giraffe, electric baby giraffe, teenage baby giraffe, electric family of ["???" is what I have written in my notes and even listening carefully to a bootleg obtained later whatever he said remains entirely unintelligible and seems as if it was intended to be], two-dimensional zebra [keyboard], and electric human face" (with him once again pointing at his own on the last one).

Then there was the "Final Jeopardy" music and the old TV "Please stand by" image on the screen at the back of the stage while they got everything set up for Quiet Storm. This was the first time I've seen them need to take any sort of break to get set up for it because this was the first time I've seen them do it anywhere in the show besides the beginning of the second set, which allows them the between-sets break for the setting up. But the crew worked with impressive speed, so there wasn't too much of a lull in the action.

Once all the stuff was set up, The Johns and Marty took their places, and the former introduced the next song they'd be playing. Flans said the song made its live debut at their show here the previous month.

JF: This song--I like to call it "Two Thousand Eighty-Two." JL: But I have different funny names for all of our songs. JF: John--John thinks the proper title is "2082," which is his high-tech way of talking about the future.

So they played it, and it proved once again to be a succinct and splendid little live gem.

Then they started introducing the next song. He was saying it "went all the way back to the origin myth of They Might Be Giants," and that it was written by Ellie Greenwich, who "you think of all those great songs that Phil Spector wrote, Ellie Greenwich wrote 'em." Then he was struggling to remember who had originally recorded the song, and I yelled Lesley Gore, but Flans I guess didn't hear me and had to have it repeated by someone else, who he then thanked. Then John said (I thought of this as hearkening back to the discussion the previous night about them forgetting their own lyrics, although I suppose it could've also been a reference to something that happened at the other Bowery show the previous month which I didn't attend and thus can't speak to) "We promised you we'd have prompters."

Then they got off on this whole weird funny tangent spurred by Flans saying he'd been thinking of Quincy Jones but he didn't sing the song.

JL: Although Quincy from the TV show Quincy did a cover version. JF: It was beautiful. It was in the punk rock episode of Quincy. And uh, y'know--he had a beautiful soliloquy right before he sang it. Why can't songs have feelings? JL: *silly gruff voice* When I was a kid, we were into peace and love! JF: It was really funny cos it seemed like the script was suggesting that he was a hippie. It was like--Jack Klugman is--is that Jack Klugman?*audience cheering* JL: It was Jack Klugman, yes, yes. You guys know. JF: Great episode. JL: *silly voice again* I'm a coroner. JF: *similar silly voice* I'm a coroner! Yeh. And Courtney Love is in that episode as an extra. JL: That's true, actually. JF: With her friend who was like the Rent-A-Mohawk of LA.

So then they played the song, and although I'm not really a fan of this one (I find it quite boring, frankly), this particular performance was livened up by what my notes describe as "spacey sounds" via Marty's electronic drums.

And that mention of the electronic drums provides me with a perfect segue to Flans talking about them immediately after the song was over: "What acoustic set would be complete without the electronic drum stylings of Mr! Marty! Beller!" Then he did the "your applause is his oxygen, your screams are his nitrogen" bit he often does (and not just with Marty--I remember him also using it for the Avatars when they were making regular show appearances), but this time he extended it out to (all this said in a chanty way) "His life is in the balance" and some other stuff I couldn't quite make out. When it was over John said, "I was hoping that would go on for the rest of the show," and Flans replied that he "had a lot of plans."

They played "Wicked Little Critta" next, and then "Meet James Ensor," which Flans introduced as being "for all the people with a strong liberal arts background," which I of course cheered for, proud English major that I am.

Next they played "Istanbul," and in so doing blew the other confident assertion I'd made pre-show about how these shows were working based on my inside information as an attendee of the previous two nights, this one that all the Flood songs would be contained in one set. And on that same topic, after they'd played the song's intro, Flans (realizing I guess that his own assertion had also now been disproved) said, "Oh, we're playing one song from Flood."

It was the really silly duo version of the song, made even sillier by something that happened towards the end. Flans was making this really ridiculous face, which made John laugh, and then he left his post by his mic to go whisper something to Flans, and whatever it was really cracked Flans up. I have on idea what he said and I am SO DAMN CURIOUS, curious enough that, while I don't usually condone people in the crowd yelling stuff (actual useful information like the aforementioned Lesley Gore thing aside), I was totally with the person who yelled "WHAT DID HE SAY, JOHN?," but alas, neither of them answered. The one other noteworthy thing about this performance was JOhn actually sang his "doot-doot-doot" part that goes along with the Flans yelling part, which he rarely does live for some reason.

That was the end of Quiet Storm, and once again they showed a Dial-A-Song video to keep us occupied while the crew was resetting the stage to its normal configuration. This time it was "Gudetama's Busy Days," which again I'd never seen because I don't pay attention to this stuff, but it was...ok, I guess?

After that, the band returned and Flans plugged some stuff. He told us that if we signed up for the mailing list we'd be able to get presale codes for upcoming shows and so we should do so whether we were "real people or just bots sent from below the sea." Then he talked about the new Flood picture disc and said that there was talk about picture disc sound quality not being great, but "while this might not be the best-sounding vinyl album you ever hear, it is the best sounding zoetrope you will ever hear."

Then there was some talk about what Flans described as the "intense contact high" he was getting from all the people in the crowd smoking pot (one of my biggest concert-going pet peeves, as I've bitched about before and sadly will surely end up having to bitch about again).

JF: I'm looking forward to that disorientation in the second set. JL: It's already started for some of us. JF: It's just nice to have something to blame.

The next song, which John introduced as being from "some record," was my beloved "Turn Around," which was incredibly exciting to see as always. This was followed by "Damn Good Times," which elicited one of my rare all-caps notes, which I reserve for just the times John is doing something so unbelievably exciting and unexpected that it manages to stand apart from the many, many, many things he does in every single show taht I already find unbelievably exciting. This time, it was that he was doing what I call his Deep Deep Thoughts pose, which always fucking kills me and I think this was the first time I've ever seen him do it in person rather than in a photo or video.

Next they did "Wearing a Raincoat" (Flans was over standing on Marty's drum riser for part of it) and then "The End of the Tour" (sad and beautiful and intense as always).

Afterwards, Flans thanked TMBG for letting them open.

JF: Those guys are supercool! Well, most of 'em. JL: Not really! They're dicks! Turns out! JF: Pay to play?

And then they closed the first set with "The Communists Have the Music," a superfun and rockin' way to end the set on a high note and a great choice.

When they came back for the second set, Flans said the Bowery is great and "I don't know why we bother playing anywhere else." Then there was some more talk about the smell from all the pot people were smoking, which John claimed had "dissipated" but Flans (correctly, and much to my continued annoyance) disagreed with him). Then Flans pointed out that if people really wanted to get high at a show they could just do it via edibles (which is exactly what I always say and had in fact said it to the girl I was chatting with in line pre-show), and then said that if someone were smoking a regular cigarette so openly "someone would call the police. Which is--fine. We're only here to judge, ladies and gentlemen. We're not telling anybody how to live."

Then he told us all again that they'd be playing all of Flood (as if everyone didn't already know, but it predictably elicited huge cheers anyway), and said that the setlist was planned by "taking out our thousand-faced die and coming up with a completely random sequence." He said the first song they'd be playing was from near the end of the album (and people cheered at even that for reasons I can't say I understand because it was so vague).

Then there was what first seemed to be some classic "Wait, what?" Linnellian banter, but it was a rare case of the actual logical sense of what he was saying being revealed a minute later. He said that the song they were about to play could've been the first track on the album and then that he'd "leave it to people to guess" what he was talking about because one could make the argument that any song on the album could be the first one, which is definitely not true and I was confused at that point. But then he said that "there's a theme song to the album, and there's also a theme song to the band" (and it was at that point that I was like "OH"), and then he finished with the typically self-deprecating "cos we, y'know, we only have one idea."

So the next song was of course "They Might Be Giants," notable this time for the singing got very fast towards the end. Next came "We Want a Rock" (always awesome) and then "Twisting" (also always awesome, and this time featuring John doing the main riff on his Kaoss Pad towards the end which was cool). Then came "Particle Man" and then "Whistling in the Dark," after which John played a random stray note and then apologized, "Sorry to startle you," which was cute.

Then Flans said, "So we're doing the song 'Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love,' this is how the song goes," and then after just the very beginning instrumental intro of the song was played John added "Normally," which was an important distinction to make since this marked the first show since they debuted the backwards version two shows prior that they did, indeed, play it normally. But then of course this was all just a lead-up to how the song is played not normally, which they introduced thusly:

JL: Ok. So that's how that one goes. But wait Cos--wait, wait. JF: So now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to perform that song backwards for you. Over the course of the next two and a half minutes we will go all the way back to the halcyon days of five minutes ago. For that sweet, nostalgic, sentimental feeling. JL: Remember that? Remember before-- JF: Before we played this song-- JL: Before we started playing "Sapphire Bullets." We're actually gonna get back to that. JF: Because we love joy. We are celebrating delight. JL: Unlike some people. JF: We are celebrating delight on this stage! We don't care what the voices in my head say. All right, so uh, yeh, this is the song that we perform backwards, historically. JL: We like to talk about this for a long time because we spent literally weeks learning how to do this, and we're trying to, y'know, get our money's worth. JF: Yeh. There's not a lot to show for it, and it's not a big payoff. JL: Unfortunately, it's not that fun to listen to, but it was really hard to learn it. JF: And that's the important thing. Dragging everybody down with us.

So then they played it, and it got the usual great response, totally disproving all their self-deprecating introductory remarks. Afterwards, John pointed out that "We did the choreography as well. That was part of the homework." He was presumably referring to the (very silly, very cute) thing they did at several points in the song which was mostly just throwing their arms up in the air. Flans confirmed that planning it had taken "minutes in the rehearsal hall," and then said that for the 40th anniversary they'd do the whole album backwards.

Next they played "Letterbox" (always a personal show highlight even though I've seen it so many times because I just so completely adore it), and then "Road Movie to Berlin" (I noticed Danny sitting on Marty's drum riser for the first part of it, looking thoughtful).

After "Hearing Aid" and then "Someone Keeps Moving My Chair" something on the stage was needing to be fixed, but I don't have record of what exactly it was in my notes and I can't remember now. What I do know is there was lots of cheering and wooing, and John thanked us for the woos because "they help us to while away the idle tech repair part of the show." Anyway, whatever it was got fixed quickly and then they were successfully able to play "Hot Cha."

After that, Dan left the stage, which Flans said was "leaving the four of us to fend for ourselves! What will we do?" "It's not gonna go well," John replied ominously, but he was of course totally lying, because the next song was "Dead" which is another one of the big "Ok yes I've seen this song a whole bunch but I love it SO MUCH that I will always get excited about it" songs for me on the album.

Next came "Lucky Ball & Chain," "Minimum Wage," "Women & Men," and "Your Racist Friend," none of which I have much to say about except that on the last there were some strobes on Curt's big trumpet party break section.

Then they did "Birdhouse in Your Soul" and everyone (myself included) bopped around in pure joy as much as we possibly could as per usual. Afterwards, John thanked us for coming to their "presentation," and Flans said there would be a Q&A outside the venue afterwards (obviously a joke, but oh, if only it were true...). John said there would also be one in the dressing room--"'What was that? What the hell was that?'" Then he thanked us, and Flans thanked the crew, "not by name, just by inference." John: "They know who they are. I may not know who they are, but they know who they are." (This was also clearly intended to be a joke, but given what I know about the division of labor between The Johns was probably not too far from the truth.) Then Flans said that Brian, an old sound guy of theirs, was in attendance and that he'd worked for them 15 years ago but "I still think of him as the new guy!" (which amused me because I really was doing that with Marty all the way up to the 2018 tour).

They ended the set with "Theme from Flood," so even though they'd scrambled up the song order after keeping it the same the previous two nights they stuck with the same one they kept this as the closer, a move I heartily support because of how amused I am by positioning what's so clearly intended to be an opener as the closer.

The first encore was "The Guitar" (always a stellar encore choice). When they returned for the second, Dan was pointing at something on John's keyboard stand to draw his attention to it--once again I'm not sure what exactly was going on, but John was apologetic and said "I want to drag this moment out" and then "I'm sorry I couldn't be here tonight." Then, I guess to kill more time, Flans introduced Dan ("on the keyboards!", which he was for just this last song) and then did a shoutout to "All the people wearing glasses in the audience!", which elicited plenty of cheers but perhaps none as enthusiastic as my own, considering my extremely well-documented fetish. But then he said, "But how can we forget the people who aren't wearing glasses!" and John added "We don't know who's better!" (I DO. I FUCKING DO.) Flans introduced the rest of the band, and then they closed the show with one of the most superfun choices they could've made: "Doctor Worm."

Closing thoughts: This is indeed a great venue and I was happy to have another chance to see them there after a 17-year gap, a really high amount of obnoxious fan behavior aside--still a most excellent show. And, John was wearing the same (pretty boring if you ask me but he seems to love it) black pullover jacket that he did the previous night.

#tmbg #show reviews

[ramuda-kinnie]

Tonight Before The Bed I Want To Tell Why I’m Writing This Tag

Tonight before the bed I was thinking about a lovely and sad headcanon about how Rio and Dice might have first met. It’s a headcanon that is likely not going to be canon since we know by the last chapter that Dice didn’t run away from home until he was 16-17, but for the sake of the prompt I’ll write it down. But I saved it as a draft to elaborate later instead because I would like to go to sleep as soon as possible.

That aside, I want to thank everyone who liked/reblogged my posts! 💖 I edited all of them to be a proper title because it was difficult to distinguish the notifications when all posts started with “Tonight Before The Bed”. I know this blog does not have much followers compared to my main blog— but to consider I started posting here without expecting any interaction at all, it is honestly a blessing to see that my posts are read and enjoyed by other fans! (I actually don’t like the word fans/readers, we all are here over talking about the things we enjoy! So friends it is!)

I have actually started drabbling these thoughts as a mental-exercise to let go of perfectionism. It has been difficult for me to talk about HypMic in public because I either gush and co-plot/make headcanons with my partner or I cry to my best friend on hours and hours about how much I love about JakuRamu, but the only public things I posted until these drabbles were the neat, well-organized fanfictions on AO3.

Which is pretty funny, actually, because those who know me, KNOWS that I am a HYPE person, an extrovert who actually just TAAAALLLLKKKKKSSSS and POSSSTTSSS!! But I guess…

I guess, something held me back about Hypmic. I’m not sure what. Definitely not something negative, though! Perhaps because I’ve had been on a stressful stage of my life that I didn’t feel energy to show myself not as The Cool Fanfic Author but Grace herself, because I’m a bit— a bit 👉🏻👈🏻 of a perfectionist. So it’s either each fic will be really polished, or they will be roleplayed until conclusion with my partner, or they will not be published at all.

Which is bullshit, honestly.

I’ve had my fair share of perfectionism ruining my life so I thought to myself—

Hey.

What if you just, ✨ post? ✨

Without editing? Without writing multi-chapter long fanfics about it that are likely going to be abandoned once it gets tiring to flash out the next chapter even though you already planned the ending?

So you mean it’s enough to say “I’m thinking about Samatoki Aohitsugi” or “This JakuRamu line is so cool!” or “Just a one sentence fanfic idea” instead of turning them into a novella?

…

..and to be honest, since ramuda-kinnie did not have a lot of followers and since I could not see much Hypmic content on recent Tumblr tags, I thought they wouldn’t really get any attention at all. Which might be discouraging for the past-me since I’m used to being recognized for my writing. (Which I appreciate with all my heart! ❤️) So when I started posting it was not for a particular audience.

I was just testing the waters.

How would it feel for my brain to let these out?

Would it make me get bored of Hypmic/bored of this discussion because I already wrote them here? (In a sense they would be completed, so, hypothetically, they might not suffice the dopamines for me.) I honestly thought they would, but… To my surprise it backfired! It backfired in a GREAT WAY THAT I COULD NOT EVER SEE COMING—

Not only did it become a lovely habit to drabble my thoughts here each night, it gave me more self-awareness through character analyses, it made me recap & rethink what is important for me, why I like a particular scene, what about a character I love, what this says to me as a person and how I can get better in my personal relationships and my relationships with myself by appreciating the parts of Hypmic that I love (refer to last Samatoki post, such an inspiration he is!).

It also put an end to my mind aimlessly coming back to half-shaped headcanons or ideas that were never voiced or not planned to be a full fanfic. I do keep a journal for personal matters, so writing Hypmic drabbles here made a similar effect— helped me to put them out instead of them working on the background of my mind.

But here is the thing that shocked me.

Instead of “letting go” because I “put them out”, it only made my love for Hypmic… stronger?? Like how?? It made me go through my blog happily even if the post has 2 likes (THANK YOU MY TWO NEW BESTIES ILY) because hey. It’s out there. I wrote it. I wrote it for characters I love and even if it does not get immediate attention, it’s okay because I didn’t write them for recognizion. (I don’t think wanting validation over your art/fic is anything to be ashamed of, btw, it is well deserved! I totally want my fics to be well read and make readers happy! But for these specific drabbles, getting reads was not my goal.)

I wrote them mostly for myself, and for people who may be struggling the same. Having that Fic Idea but too drained to say it so you do Nothing. Loving a character or a ship but tag is so Silent you just wonder if you’re the only person on the earth loving them (felt so with JakuRamu EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE ALMOST CANON LIKE WHY).

It was also… Self-respect, I guess. Because I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and try to do something imperfect. Talk to a fandom with whom I have only made few (bUT ABSOLUTELY GREAT ilsym) friends with. I didn’t know what to expect through Tumblr interactions (but I expected to get not much).

But…

No matter what, I wanted to let my thoughts out, so even if the tags are silent, I could be the voice I wanted. I love my partner by all means but sometimes you gotta be your own Prince Charming, right? It was like that. I wanted to make myself and (if there is, which there is) who may enjoy reading them happy! I wanted to say, hey! Life is difficult but here is a cute thought I had! How lucky and blessed we are that we have Tumblr, a not so toxic social media platform (unlike instagram and tiktok etc., not about fanbase or anything literally the algorithm and selling strategies and influencers and everything are soooo suffocating that I quit them 3 months ago), where I can post them, add images, change the colors of text according to character theme and even add tags so we can find them!!! Here!!!!! I baked this!!! For us!!! I hope you enjoy!! ❤️

….sort of logic.

That’s why, here is a big thanks and good night wishes those of you who liked and/or reblogged the posts!!! Added tags!!!! Made my little psychological exercise A LOT more enjoyable!!! Showed me I’m not alone! Or just overall interacted with posts! It makes me soooo happy! I hope you have a great day/night ahead and I hope you have the courage and inspiration to say the things that are important to you as well. Even if they sound trivial. Even if it’s just a half, incomplete idea. As long as you want to say it, as long as it makes you happy. Go for it, honestly. You all made me so happy by the interactions! Thank you so much! Have a great night! 💖

P.S. Thank you to those who put Ramuda gifs on tumblr’s database. 🍀 Their credit appears bottom right of each gif, respectively!

— May 23, 2022

#hypmic #mental health #psychology #perfectionism #jakuramu #samatoki aohitsugi #ramuda amemura #therapy exercises #neuroscience #riodice #tonight before the bed #nila stuff #hypnosis mic #hypmic analysis #jakurai jinguji #amemura ramuda #jinguuji jakurai #motivation #busujima mason rio #hypmic rio #arisugawa dice #dice arisugawa

[coffee---bean]

ok so jesus pt. 1

so january 1st i was walking with no shoes around haberfield. i saw this person who called me over and asked me about my feet and then about jesus. she spent like half an hour trying to convince me and kind of berating me for not believing in jesus.

she showed me this insane poster of hers, covered in plastic and tape, sort of falling apart from being rolled and re-rolled. the images were clearly put together by someone who doesn't have a ton of experience putting stuff together, but please understand i don't mean this in any kind of mean or put-down-y way. i have a huge love for outsider artists, and i kind of consider myself one too.

shit, i guess i need to explain what outsider artists are,,,,,,,,,,

OK

yall probably already know this but the definition of "outsider artist" is basically "someone who is an artist but doesn't really do it the way ur supposed to, or someone who is completely independent from traditional art systems or whatever." so an independent musician who's style is really really weird and obscure and not-the-thing-you-are-meant-to-do might be an outsider artist. it's definitely a vibes-based term, who is and isn't an outsider artist is kind of up to you.

to me, outsider artists are usually people who seem kind of out-of-place in the world. and everyone is out-of-place to some degree, but i guess there's some kind of magnetic out-of-placeness to them. something really divergent and itchy about their persona or their history or work. i'd almost call vincent van gogh an outsider artist, but he ended up kind of becoming a figure of the establishment after he died.

there's also musicians like daniel johnston, who made super cheap recordings in the 90s and managed to gain a cult fan-base of weirdos (especially cos of kurt cobain being a fan of his). his style is really inspirational to me! i recorded this weird cover of his song "walking the cow" just to kind of say thank u to him for existing, cos he lived a really sad and too-short life and it can feel like suffering like that isn't worth it, and what was the point? but also - walking the cow mightn't have saved my life, but also it might have. it's one of the many things that collectively save my life constantly.

the first outsider visual artist i found out about was henry darger, who i found out about through another outsider musician called jordaan mason (whose album "divorce lawyers i shaved my head" is absolutely insanely good)

this is just one of many excellent songs on the album!!! i also recommend "racehorse get married" and "avalanches" ("avalanches" is a total banger and completely changed how i play guitar). anyway this album features a lot of references to henry darger's "in the realm of the unreal". this is a kind of graphic novel thing which was never published or even finished, and yet it's over 15,000 pages long. when henry died, it was found by his landlords and eventually it gained notoriety.

unfortunately i've never been able to read it or any part of it, cos it's really hard to get ur hands on. i don't think it's ever been released in full to the public, which really bugs me. the artwork in the manuscript has inspired lots of my favourite musicians - jordaan mason, sufjan stevens, avey tare from animal collective.

but even still, more than the work itself, the idea of someone secretly inventing huge worlds in private and dying without ever being discovered is so cool to me. i worry about not mattering, and truth is that even if i was a famous artist person, i would still worry about that. making worlds like henry's brings me genuine comfort. i consider my tv show to be my version of "in the realm of the unreal", and its really great having a place to go and imagine the lives of these beautiful weirdos, and letting my friends see it, letting them influence it. and hopefully one day letting them help me make it, letting them create it.

anyway!

one other outsider artist that the musician sufjan stevens was associated with is royal robertson. his work was really inspirational on sufjan's best album (heeheheheheheheh) "the age of adz", from 2010.

here's the best song imo on the album, and probably the song i'd take with me to a desert island if i could only pick one. royal robertson drew the artwork for the album. royal was kind of a paranoid schizophrenic, and according to sufjan was pretty misogynistic too. he had a family, but it fell apart, and a lot of his art is about umm how much he hates his wife??? there's also a lot of biblical imagery in there, very black-and-white us-vs-them mentalities.

the art produced by people who are convinced of some kind of intense delusion or seem to live in a different world to most people is really cool to me. i'm a person who lives in my own head a lot, and i've always struggled to make that inner life fit in with the world, and to try let the world change me enough that i can survive. it's often not very healthy to go the whole way into the darkness, like with royal robertson.

recently i've watched someone who i consider to be a great artist, ye (formally known as kanye), basically become that same paranoid figure. royal seemed to really react badly to his divorce and the loss of his wife, and turned that anger outwards towards her rather than into some kind of wake-up call. i don't really want to judge, i don't know these people. but ye seems weirdly similar, turning towards christianity, becoming more agitated and paranoid, more public with his most harmful and scariest beliefs, and a lot of this really hit it's lowest point after his divorce.

i find the art made by ye before his divorce often pretty problematic, but also earnestly beautiful, honest, endearing, yknow. complicated but very human. and to me, it felt like something coming from someone who is really unwell, especially his post-mother-death work. and i can relate to feeling desperate and needing some kind of relief, and being a fuck-up, and all that kind of stuff.

and now it's really different. when i listen to the newest music, it feels like it's coming from someone mostly incapable of introspection. it's really bizarre art. and that's attractive because it's so odd and unique, but it's also really repulsive and hard to empathise with outside of feeling pity.

anyway, ye had a super christian period in 2019, and his art was really reminiscient of the stuff the woman at the bus showed me.

there's an amazing dunkey video about it.

the merch is so not-normal. idk how else to describe. it's not BAD, but umm.... it's kind of bad? but maybe that's what's good about it? it's just so WEIRD. and his 2019 album is the same, it's just bizarre. he is capable of making regular enjoyable music, he did it in 2018 and he did it in 2021. but in 2019, he just made something fucking bizarre.

i really like this album, but it's weird. i like it because it's weird. i like it cos it's uncomfortable and it forces me to see a world i don't really understand. and when i try to understand that world, unlike the newest material, i do actually see things i appreciate and wanna see.

another example of this bizarre christian art style is this person i saw on the bus this morning.

this is so sick!!! i'm not a christian but i really fuck with people who write on their clothing. i do it too, i write other stuff though.

i think the aesthetic is also kind of similar to memes that combine different qualities of font or resolution or image to make something just bizarre and funny.

i love this meme especially cos there's like 15 jokes. u might not even notice the fucked up bloody bathroom background thing. OR THE FUCKING SNAKE. and the way they edited the guy's eyebrows to seem more,,, sultry???

anyway,

point being i really like outsider art and underground art.

so her poster was really cool! i didn't get a photo cos i didn't have my phone on me at the time, alas. anyway she prayed for me and i went home. i told her i'd try to invite jesus to dinner but i also told her that he better show up cos yknow, i invited him so,,,,

yknow its polite

#screen arts

[whythewords]

Moving Target

I'm doing well.

I seriously just wanted to start one of these god damn posts like that for once, throw everyone off their game.

Realized it mid-conversation with someone recently about how, yeah, the romantic stuff is eluding me but other than that...everything is kinda going according to plan. I finished school which is the thing I set out to do as the first major ball in motion to do this big 'ol reset. I went on my solo trip to Japan and had an incredible time. I'm back in a more steady routine of healthy eating and exercise. The job hunt is going pretty well...

I got an offer to be an IT Support Tech from one company and I'm kinda cool on the offer because of the location, amount of commuting and potential on-call stuff happening real early on in the role...and I'm thinking about turning it down and it seems like I can absolute afford to. The concept of actually being selective is foreign to me. I am definitely nervous about saying no to something but I feel like future Joe will appreciate the forethought.

Fortunately, it seems like a lot of prospects are popping up: pre-interviews, recommendations, the city job where I did my co-op is still on the table in the near future. This is one of the things I was most worried and stressed about going into this stage of things but ultimately I don't want to start out in a job that I know will make me unhappy. But the beauty is I am free to make these choices and I'm feeling more confident about them and about myself. It's a good spot to be in.

I did my first open mic in a while, an event for my brother at his shop and it was a nice opportunity to step back into performing in front of people. I got a better sense of what my brother was doing down there and got to meet the people he worked with. One of them was another musician, older Spanish fellow who made KILLER empanadas that were on the menu for the function that night. He was also a killer guitar player and actually had convinced my brother the night before to pick up his guitar and start playing again. At the end of night this gentlemen and i were trading off songs and playing lead/jamming and I got to jam with my brother which was a nice bit of nostalgia going all the way back to the basement of my parents' old house.

So all is well aside from dating. It's there though, and unavoidable, it hasn't really left my mind. I did get into a good rhythm with it, not letting the apps be too distracting, but I am struggling a little bit with my need for companionship and intimacy, which caused me to start paying a bit more attention to them. I think I've already a mentioned a couple of times that for all the pining and romanticism, I'm still not sure what it is I want or if I'm ready. More and more I start to feel as if I should get the job situation squared away and move out (for the thirds time) before I can even think about properly re-entering the dating world. But if that's the case, not taking a job I don't feel good about may prolong the time it takes to be gainfully employed, in order to start saving money, in order to move out, in order to be more desirable in order to start seriously dating again and etc. etc.

These are the kinds of spirally thoughts I'm working to avoid, and doing a mostly good job I think. As long as I can stay busy and motivated. What's that saying about idle hands? Something something devil's something? I'm gonna try to keep these hands moving at a pretty quick and consistent clip. This is how I'm defying sadness and longing. Keeping busy. Moving. It's a lot harder to hit a moving target.

#life of joe #not so daily journal