#the love is there but it’s conditional the love is unconditional bc you are my child but i don’t know or love you as a person

[angrylesbianstereotype]

Every other aspect of Jesse’s trauma makes me go oh no poor blorbo :( but his relationship w his parents and thinking ab it in the context of the series aftermath actually makes me unwell… they never even knew him they only ever saw the worst in him and now they’ve had that validated by his own actions and they’ll never know how sorry he is and that he was a good kid at heart and they didn’t imagine it and they still love him but how can they have loved him if they never even knew him and only ever saw the worst in him *flatlines*

#i sometimes feel like i’m the only one here who cares ab jesse’s parents but look #i grew up upper middle class with very attentive parents who really loved me #who would also accuse me of doing really bizarre terrible shit based on nothing but me wearing too much black or reading the wrong things #the love is there but it’s conditional the love is unconditional bc you are my child but i don’t know or love you as a person #obviously jesse actually did some really bad shit but even before all that they thought of him more as a junkie than their son #not me unloading in the tags lol it just hits too close to home is all #if i ever put my parents through that shit i would have to kms sorry #breaking bad #brba #el camino #jesse pinkman #diane pinkman #adam pinkman

[gregmarriage]

was thinking last night, as i was falling asleep, that caring abt what ppl think is so BORING and EXHAUSTING and i’m so OVER IT

#i can’t be bothered to give a shit anymore fr fr #doesn’t mean i don’t *not* care sometimes bc like literally no one in the world truely gives NO shits but still #i’ve also lived with anxiety my whole life and i have autism and my brain is weird for many different reasons imao #but yeah i’m not smoking that shit no more #i don’t wanna fucking feel like i did when i was 16 and was subconsciously masking and felt like shit all the time #literally ppl just have to deal with me #i’m weird sometimes i’m cringe i talk too loud #i have a cane and i can and will hit you with it if pushed too far #i am a pacifist but some people really are the exception to that rule #take me as i am fuckers <3 #ppl who like for ME are the best #my love for you is unconditional just like yours for me <3 #honestly just i’m general if your love for someone has conditions you don’t love that person let’s be real here #if you have to push them to be something you want them to be you don’t love THEM you love the image you’ve created in your head for them to #be #anyways i’m rambling lol #but yeah #gwen rambles #gwenposting

[syn0vial]

thinking about how even after evelyn stands up for joy to gong gong, validates her relationship with becky, and runs after her into the parking lot, joy still doesn't believe that their relationship can be mended. she still wants to surrender to the darkness and let herself be destroyed bc she still can't imagine that her mother could actually love and understand her—she still thinks evelyn is trying to control her and in a sense, she's right. evelyn is trying to keep joy alive and while that's a completely understandable and loving thing to do, it's still a condition she's trying to impose on joy against her will. pushing joy to live is still pushing her and joy can't take that, not when evelyn's pushing is what broke her in the first place.

i've seen people's reactions to this movie and how they're often horrified by the moment when evelyn lets joy go—when she says, "okay," and lets her daughter slip into the void. but it's exactly evelyn's willingness to accept joy's choice that saves her daughter in the end. it's exactly what joy needs to see and hear. not, "i will only ever do what's right for you," not, "i will save you no matter what," but rather, "i will love and cherish you regardless of the choice you make—even if that choice is death, even if the only thing i have left to cherish is my memory of the moments we spent together." it's only at this moment of radical acceptance that joy realizes that her mother's love is truly unconditional.

#everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #STILL FEELING THINGS ABOUT THIS MOVIE.... #the daoism of it all........ trying to grasp we lose #cw: suicide mention

[deanpinterester]

Hi!

Thank you for your criticism of the execution of Sally's character in the show. I agree that it was done really poorly and I have a feeling that people defending it don't really know (?) Sally from the books.

It left a very odd & sour taste in my mouth that she's so visibly annoyed/upset with/mad at Percy so often in comparison to how often she's supportive of him. Book Sally Would Never. Musical Sally would never, hell even movie Sally would never - all of these versions as well as the original were all shown so empathetic, and no matter what Sally's priority of never exposing Percy to behavior that will make him scared was so prominent.

Show Sally seems like she would have no reservations to blaming Percy, almost, if she's annoyed enough; and that's just not how I remember book Sally. I feel like people don't understand that Percy's care and love for others comes from the unconditional love his mom gave him, and now that the show made that patience, tolerance, and willingness to hold down irritation very much conditional... it leaves me wondering if Percy's character is going to suffer the angstification too.

Thank you for your thoughts!

"angstification" is such a good way of putting it lol like why is the supposed show for children based on a series known for its sarcasm and comedy so overly serious and grimdark

anyway i probably won't post much about the show from now on, just bc i feel like i already aired all my grievances and continually thinking about the show is just going to make me grouchy, but the last thing i'll say is: i think it's weird how when the movie completely misunderstood the characters' personalities, everyone was rightfully annoyed, but when the show does it we're supposed to be okay with it because...?

#uhhhh me #pjo show crit #i mean. we know why. #anyway i don't mind changes in adaptations bc i Know they're necessary #as long it can retain the SPIRIT of the source material then i'll happily watch it #but the show doesn't even even. do that #anyhoo. no more complaining from me. i have things to do

[aemiron-main]

no bc I am so emotional about mike “so much of the love and care in my life has been conditional” wheeler finally getting together with Will and being like “I can have all of this care and affection?? for FREE???? Like I don’t have to do anything to get it??”

Mike, getting affection and care from Will totally unprompted and he’s confused at first because he’s not sure what he did to deserve this or what he’s supposed to do in return. Will, panicking and thinking that mike’s confusion/hesitation is because he doesn’t want Will being affectionate towards him. Mike, stumbling and trying to explain that it’s not that he doesn’t want it, he’s just confused as to Why he’s getting it like he hasn’t Done Anything To Deserve It and Will is just like “??? you don’t have to do anything???” and Mike is just. stunned.

like esp since Will grew up with that unconditional love from Joyce and Jonathan, whereas the love mike experienced was almost always conditional- and Karen would often not only just comfort Mike when it was convenient for HER, but also just comfort him when the process of comforting him comforted HER, soothed her own guilt about parenting, made her feel like she wasn’t a bad mother, only when mike getting comforted was a source of comfort for HER. So then Will starts comforting Mike and Mike tries to comfort Will back and Will’s confused but mike’s thought process is like “well will must be comforting me because something’s up with him and comforting me right now makes him feel better, right?? does he feel like he’s a bad boyfriend and that’s why he feels like he has to care for me/comfort me?? i need to show him that he’s not a bad boyfriend!!”

Mike, being upset about something and venting and just having a bit of a breakdown tm and expecting Will to rescind care because of it, because he’s not expressing himself/being upset in the “right way,” because he’s “too much,” like how in s1 he talked abt how Karen got mad at him when he was actually sick and so he didn’t want to tell her that he was sick again (when he was pretending to be sick), and like how at the wheeler dinner table in s2, whenever mike expresses himself in the “wrong” way, he’s scolded and dismissed. But then Mike is totally SHOCKED when Will still comforts him instead of scolding him or dismissing and demeaning his feelings. He can’t believe it!! Like not only is will NOT mad at him, but he’s still actively comforting mike??

Will keeps comforting Mike and Mike starts crying even more and Will panics for a second because he thinks he did something wrong, but mike’s crying because he can’t believe how Nice Will is to him and that it’s totally unconditional?? Like not only does he not have to do anything to earn the care/comfort but he STILL gets it even when he actively does things “wrong”/expresses himself in the “wrong” way?? What kind of sorcery is this?? Mike doesn’t deserve this and one day Will’s going to realize that Mike doesn’t deserve it and he might as well get it over with, rip off the bandaid so that Will realizes that Mike doesn’t deserve this, realizes that Mike should be doing so much more in return for this care, should be earning it, that Will should have higher expectations and standards and “conditions” in exchange for expressing love to Mike, realizes that Mike is so selfish that he just briefly basks in Will’s care and affection without doing something in return and then realizes that he SHOULD be doing something in return, that he didn’t do anything to earn this care, rip off the bandaid so that Will realizes what a burden it is to love Mike and put up with him and so that he can stop bearing that burden.

Mike, feeling like he’s taking advantage of Will’s affection and kindness because Will is just so kind that he just must not know any better and this is Will’s first romantic relationship and of course he doesn’t understand that it’s supposed to be conditional, of course Will is so nice and kind and wonderful that he doesn’t see how awful and selfish and overbearing and “wrong” mike and his emotions are and how Mike is too loud and too much in the ways he expresses himself and just simply in the way he exists, and too selfish in the way that he soaks up any scraps of kindness.

Mike, continuing down this self-deprecating mental rabbithole until he feels a gentle hand on his face and another hand gently shaking him and hears Will asking him what’s wrong and caring for him again, and not only does Will care for Mike and listen to him even when he’s expressing things in the “wrong,” way, but he even actively goes out of his way to counter Mike’s self-deprecating thoughts/stop them?? Doesn’t Will know that Mike deserves those thoughts?? That not only are those thoughts true, but they’re also a punishment to himself, and a burden for other people?? That even the things that hurt Mike, even the punishments he faces are still “too much,” for people like Karen to deal with, like how his depression and his outbursts and his grief and his self loathing behaviour are all “too much,” for Karen/his family and gets ignored as a result.

And then Will shakes Mike out of the self-deprecating rabbithole again for a second and stares at Mike with so much love and concern in his eyes that Mike can’t really do anything but bury his face in Will’s shoulder and cry, even though he still feels like it’s selfish, still feels guilty for taking up even more of Will’s time and care and even just for getting tears on Will’s shirt, but he supposes he must be selfish by nature, unchangeable in his greed because no matter how much he hurts or burdens people, he still keeps taking that comfort. And Will just keeps giving it, keeps feeding into Mike’s greed, keeps comforting him and keeps smoothing his hand across Mike’s back and petting his hair.

Mike, trying to comfort Will in return but Will stops him (and Mike freaks out for a second thinking he’s done something wrong), but he’s stopping Mike because he wants this to be about Mike, wants Mike to be able to just express himself and receive comfort without guilt or expectations or conditionality or having to do anything in return. Mike, who is just absolutely in awe and still feels guilty but for right now he’s just basking in the comfort of Will’s presence, like Will’s existence alone is comforting to Mike, and Will’s own well-being and happiness and being taken care of makes Mike happy, and so Will actively comforting Mike?? Taking care of him?? Without conditions?? Even when mike’s acting out?? Especially when Mike’s acting out?? That absolutely shocks mike’s sad little brain!!

Will, for whom Mike expressing himself is not only not a burden, but something that Will WANTS????? Mike is in awe and shock.

#stranger things #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #byler scenarios #st scenarios #mike’s mental health #mike wheeler analysis

[fluffypotatey]

*kicks down door*

ANY HEADCANONS AND/OR THOUGHTS ABOUT OUR LADY AND SAVIOR MEI DRAGON!?  👀 👀 👀

so

i had a whole fucking list. i was on fire. AND THEN MY PAGE REFRESHED AND NOW ITS GONE T^T

let’s do this one more time:

Mei has a complicated relationship with her family

not that she hates them. no she loves them. truly

but sometimes she wishes she did hate them because maybe she’d be able to stomach their disappointment and disapproval better than she currently does

because while her love for them feels unconditional and on instinct, her parents’ feel like an indefinite list of conditions that Mei will never complete perfectly at the expense of their acceptance of how she lives her life

and it’s not like she’s dependent on their approval, but living in a house that acts more like a museum does a lot on a kid’s psyche when all they want to do is roughhouse and stick their hands in the dirt and paint on the walls

so she learned very quick that her definition of herself did not coincide with her parents. though the unsolicited advice and backhanded comments did enough to cement that

and she did her best to tell herself that her worth does not need to rely on her parents’ approval but the self talk didn’t really improve until she moved out

(personal hc that she moved out of the house after high school because of her feeling stifled at home. she lives in a studio apartment probably. somewhere close where she can work on her bike. mostly bc idk the vibes i got from 1x03 was that she only ever visited home when her parents ask her to house sit now. like they’re all avoiding the huge issue and the parents maybe realize that Mei needs her space, so think that asking her to house sit helps keep that distance and gives Mei her agency. idk that’s what i personally gathered)

also her social media fame can be pointed to her posting updates and trio videos of her working on her bike and implementing ways to incorporate her own magic into it

(there are so many trial videos of her trying to find a way to make her magic compatible with the bike. every new trial is Mei being like “ok so THIS time we won’t mess with the engine but what about the wheels :3”

eventually, the trial videos are just her live streaming and you can see a scrawl of comments of unsolicited advice, people being like “Mei’s at it again”, or just bets on the trial’s success)

with her claim to fame, Mei used to to help give her some interest in being selected for races (which she excels at)

she also branches out from just showing her workshopping on her bike. she does gameplays, react videos, and fashion videos

she meets MK at a Monkey Mech tournament

they play against each other in the semi-finals and Mei ends up winning the tournament but the two clicked so well that MK invited her over to Pigsy’s Noodles to celebrate and they have been inseparable since

also, last one:

Mei had admirable the dragon sword king before it ever chose her

it held so much history for her clan. it was held by heroic ancestors that Mei has looked up to since she was little. and she had longed to hold it since the first day her parents showed it to her

and then it chose her. it found her worthy to be the next wielder. it thought she was deserving enough to be someone the clan could depend on to protect them. that her distaste in the sterile walls and floors was not a dealbreaker, or her passion for things on the opposite side of what her parents wanted from her was okay enough

and that all i have rn off the top of my head. i love her <3333

#lmk #lmk mei #asks #lego monkie kid #the keep reading button was always there what you mean?

[dreamgirlvibes]

My thoughts on “Unconditional Love”

Love isn’t a feeling- it’s a commitment everyday to choose to be there for someone physically and emotionally. Loving someone doesn’t stop when the “butterflies” fade away- if anything real love proves that you’re still there even when they are uneasy to love. When someone is hard to love is when you test yourself to see if you truly do love this person. So ask yourself a question: do you love conditionally or unconditionally? Are you basing your love on feelings or do you truly love someone every single day even when they are unlovable? I can admit, I definitely have loved based on conditions before and ended some things based on if I’m being “treated properly” and no I don’t mean physical abuse or any of that matter. I mean the days when people aren’t so romantic, aren’t so nice, aren’t so sweet. The days when people become “normal” and love feels “normal”. But what is unconditional love? We see and hear about it everyday even if we ignore it. It’s what Jesus did for EVERYONE- even those who rejected and will reject him. He gave Himself for everyone. He showed the world that love is not based on feelings bc if it were- He would have only died for the people that believed in Him, not the ones who didn’t care or believe what He did mattered. He gave everyone a chance. He showed all of what Paul described to be love in the Bible- Patience, Kindness, He didn’t boast about it, he remained humble, what he did wasn’t self seeking, he didn’t even become angry about it, didn’t dishonor anyone and most importantly He did it so that God can keep NO RECORD of wrong! He did to to protect us, He trusted God’s plan for His life when He was here and hoped for us, preserve it through the end. That is love! What He did showed that if Love was truly conditional, there would have been conditions for who got to receive eternal life- and He literally gave it to us as a free gift- to just accept Him and believe that He did it. You didn’t have to be anything or anyone- you didn’t have to own much or own anything at all- it was LOVE. And to think I’ve loved unconditionally? Nah…lol I haven’t. Maybe I thought I did, but I know for me- the first time someone doesn’t make me FEEL appreciated or special bc of course MY FEELINGS are more important- who cares if they’re having a bad day? MY HEART means more, MY emotions need to be catered to, who cares if someone else can’t reciprocate what I need immediately right? Wrong. If Love was truly based on conditions, imagine how much even your own children will have to prove themselves to be worthy of being your child? Your kid can stab you in the foot, crash your car, rip every dollar you have and even talk about you negatively to everyone they know but you’ll still love them. You may be livid, but that doesn’t mean you’ll just throw them away, right? Where’s the care and concern for people you CHOOSE to love? Not everyone is capable of unconditional love but that’s why we need to be at His feet every single day- looking at the cross. Looking at the example and reminding ourselves that at our MOST unlovable- Jesus said “I still love you”. That even after years of being the world’s best friend and coming to the fact that the world is a backstabbing, lying, toxic person- Jesus says “I love you still, I’m still here”. Just waiting. But us humans? We don’t really know a thing about unconditional love and we need the Lord every single day- to teach us, to show us, to help us become like Him. To LOVE and find LOVE that resembles the Father’s heart.

#Spotify

[percyjaczon]

i’ve only watched up till ep 4 of pjotv (🏴‍☠️ ofc) and i’m mostly finding it pretty bad, but i do think there’s some genuinely interesting tidbits in there. one of them was the line from annabeth about how she had to fight for thalia’s love — i thought that thalia making annabeth earn her love is a pretty interesting characterization choice for thalia. yes, it is a drastic change from tlo and ‘the demigod diaries’, where it was clear that thalia is soft for annabeth right away and tries her best to do right by her from the moment they meet, but when you keep in mind some of the context from the book + show, i think that the change they made does line up with thalia’s character.

ok so first of all, annabeth’s recounting of her relationship w/ luke and thalia is meant to parallel her upbringing with her father and stepmother, the loving doting father figure and the harsher mother figure (which was . . . smth, but that’s a whole other issue). smth that i realized later on was that this kind of alludes to thalia’s own upbringing as well. thalia has been taking care of herself pretty much her entire life, and even when she was on the run, she had to fight to survive by herself for years before she met luke. though it deviates from her book characterization, it makes sense that this would be the only lifestyle she’s ever known, and that she would expect others to behave similarly. luke could prove he could handle himself, but a 7 y/o child is dependent on others, smth that thalia couldn’t fathom, hence leading to her making annabeth ‘fight’ to earn her love.

to add on to my prev point about thalia’s upbringing, i kept on thinking about how in the show, they stress that demigods have to earn their olympian parent’s love. this is shown the most through annabeth’s relationship with athena, where she constantly has to be at her best to maintain athena’s favor and one little thing can cause it to be lost forever. while the line about thalia making annabeth earn her love was meant to reinforce why annabeth believes love is conditional, i also think that it could be a nod to how thalia bought into this mentality of conditional love as a result of her own relationship with her olympian parent. in the books, while she does feel bitter and resentful towards her father at times, thalia does believe in zeus and wants a connection with him. in ‘the demigod diaries’, thalia and luke only end up taking annabeth in bc of the chain of events that came from thalia chasing after what she thought was a sign from her dad! with the show’s insistence that (most) olympian love is conditional, it makes sense that thalia had to fight to gain zeus’s "love", and i think it makes sense then that mentality would transfer over to a relationship where she has to assume a parental role of sorts. i think it’s an interesting contrast to luke, who rejects everything about his olympian father and gives love unconditionally when he assumes a parental role. since luke (+ percy at this point in time) are irreverent of the olympians and actively question the way they treat their kids (ntm how both do know unconditional love from their mortal mother, regardless of their respective difficult home lives), of course they reject how the olympians show their “love” and give their own love freely regardless. but thalia and annabeth were seeking for a connection with their immortal parent, and have thus internalized this mentality that love is conditional.

also idk if the writers are keeping hoo canon in mind while they were constructing the tv versions of these characters, but the first thing that immediately came to mind when i heard this line was that thalia’s mentality had to have smth to do with the loss of jason. when thalia meets annabeth, she is only 12 years old, and jason would’ve probably ‘died’ 4 years ago. jason was most likely the first person that thalia had loved unconditionally, and its pretty obv that his disappearance shakes her up a lot, given that it’s the final catalyst to her running away from home and his memory is so painful that she never even told her best friends abt him. i think she did feel partly responsible for jason’s ‘death’ bc she didn’t keep her eyes on him and i think she did carry that guilt even 4 years after the fact. which is why i think it’s entirely plausible that thalia would not be so keen on opening up and getting attached to another young child.

ok last point on this but i also think the implications of this line would make the ttc emotional climax hit so much harder (assuming they ever get that far lol). luke, who was maybe the first person who had loved annabeth so easily and readily, manipulates and harms annabeth with no (observable) qualms. and thalia, who had been so hard on a 7 y/o annabeth, is so aghast by his treatment of her that she finally accepts her best friend is no longer the person she remembers and ends up kicking him off a cliff, and annabeth has to watch all this go down. isn’t that just heartwrenching?

#thalia grace #pjotv #the more i think about it the more i like it and see the potential in this change #i think it adds smth v interesting to the thalia-luke-annabeth dynamic esp re: ttc #though this isn’t to say that the og trip dynamic as in the books was lacking or wasn’t as interesting #but i do think an adapatation should try to uncover new depths to a character and not just simply stick to what’s in the src material #anyways. had to get this off my chest i rlly wanted to talk abt this choice lmao #ozzies

[diseaseriddencube]

braindumping about the hayase clan (even though I should really reread/rewatch the series before trying to analyze any of these guys bc it's been a while)

hayase: I'm kinda ambivalent towards her, she was kinda just the nasty iphone bitch when she showed up at first, but also just serving her role for yanome to control the villages or whatever. I never would've thought to interpret her reaction to Fushi as love or a new obsession, so that came out as a total plot twist to me later on, feels like a whole different character tbh, at first it just feels like she's doing her job.

so she shows up again, arguably cooler looking. and you know what, I love a good yandere, she's kinda badass and terrifically creepy, though her motives still just don't make much sense given her introduction in the series. does she love Fushi? does she just want to control and own him? does she want his children (<- the real answer right here)

most people hate her solely for the rape scene, and they are totally valid for that, unfortunately I am a freak and that kinda just makes me like her more— UH so she's kinda based for offering to let Fushi kill her so much, I respect her willingness to die in order to be 'immortal' even if only in her aspect rather than fye.

the fact that she fucked another man at the end, totally cheating on her waifu Fushi, just to have kids and make the rest of this series hayase hell is not something I can respect smh

she's a greasy haired menace to this franchise and I respect her commitment

hisame: idk lol she showed up for two episodes idc about her. goodbye stinky indoctrinated cult child 😍

kahaku: I was actually thinking of rereading while making a kahaku analysis essay but never got around to it... so we're going off memory here, though he is a character that needs precise introspection. I don't really like him at all tbh, I try to understand him, but I don't really like him for the most part. his backstory is simple and good, a boy in a line of what's supposed to be women, compelling. he has his funny moments, he's truly devoted to helping Fushi and not being weird about him (until he gets weird about him)

I think what makes me dislike him is his insistence that Fushi is a woman so that he can be straight and love Fushi only under those conditions, it's a very annoying way for an Unconditional Love character to act. it's low-key kinda gross like "she[Fushi] just hasn't opened up to her own femininity yet" like bro???? Fushi can be whatever they want, it almost sounds transphobic if it weren't for context 😭 the insistence on she/her regardless of whatever form he's in, and his own admission that he 'feels more like a boy I guess' is just kinda hhhnnnmmnmgghhg yeah

and remember how he promised not to be weird... yeah well that proposal scene went downhill so fast ;_; it almost feels out of character, and I guess we're supposed to blame it on the Hayase Insanity Gene kicking in? but it just ends up feeling like he was a liar this whole time and wasn't as respectful as he seemed. he acts well afterwards, but still,, yikes dude.

I appreciate his care for Fushi's mental well-being when nobody else does. I appreciate how hard he fought in the war, and it was really unfair of Kai to keep him locked up. that ending scene is really interesting, because he is Very Okay with killing his comrades and then just insulting them (look at messar's haunted face how could you say that to him) and I guess we'll never know if it was him or Lefty that attacked the immortals in the kitchen. he sounds like he's lying and making excuses to justify it, ough Fushi it was my left hand it wasn't me I would never (he would)

I don't blame him for ripping Fushi to shreds there (because it was definitely Lefty) though he was a little creepy about it two seconds before, like damn boy you look like you're about to commit a hayase rape scene when Fushi is vulnerable-

his suicide is pretty noble and I'd love it if it was an act of ending his bloodline... if it weren't for the fact that his bloodline comes back 💀

mizuha: ah mizuha, I don't know what to think about her at all. I suppose she needs a heavy analysis too. her introduction chapter was incredibly strong, I too, struggle with a heavy need for absolute perfection and a wish for death, so I instantly figured I'd like her. but she kinda just spirals downhill after that....

I'd like to take a moment to applaud the Hayase clan, one centered around having straight sex with a guy to get preggers, has so many gay descendants. mizuha x hanna literally being canon is ✨✨

mizuha is kind of a slow burn into madness, which makes her better than hayase becoming a yandere out of nowhere. like she already starts off with Issues, and doesn't seem like the happiest or most stable person that you could trust. but she's also a more normal modern girl with her own relationships outside of Fushi, she's more compelling that way.

her murdering her mother and not remembering it, yet being so weirdly casual about it and showing hints of the Hayase Insanity Gene when Fushi shows up, it's interesting stuff

when they're hiding out, the way she just demands all these modern amenities from him just makes it seem like she's lived a very privileged life, and she probably has.

I like that she wasn't instantly in love with him upon meeting either, she has her own love interest, but Lefty influences and controls her and has its own directive.

side note but I really really love the nokkers' shift into becoming parasites that control the bodies of depressed people so that they only feel their happiest moments... or in Mimori's case just suicide them for them 😍 can I get a nokker please-?

okay I kinda forgot everything that happened in between so I need to reread. but she slowly gets more influenced by her nokker and the rest of the nokker cult basically. she's a damaged teenage girl, being influenced and controlled by something with a millennia long goal that's beyond her.

the section where she's kept underground is pretty interesting. is it the nokker? or does she not care about herself anymore, she seems to have given in to their goals. I need to reread this in particular so I'll stop talking-

I recall she left on her own at the end, which was very mature of her. good riddance to mizuha :)

I think something a lot of people miss when analyzing or talking about her is her speech bubbles. I'm sure the anime will not do anything with that, and it'll become entirely ignored by the fandom. but if you're reading the manga, in Japanese or in English, look carefully whenever she's speaking. her font changes when it's her or the nokker speaking.. this is something that's incredibly important to check when you're analyzing her behavior vs what she doesn't remember/what the nokker says and does

izumi: can't talk about Mizuha without mentioning her mother, she is honestly one of my favorite descendants, simply because she's trying to break the line and get out of the cult. she's level headed, she's a good woman. even her bad mother behavior of the way she treats mizuha, is often just her forgetting due to the nokker's control over her, her obsessive picture taking especially

doro: I've seen her for one chapter and I would do anything for her, best hayase descendant by far she is a little lab coat science girl and she is so sweet and I love her I love her so bad there better be so much doro content in my future, my beautiful mud girl 🥺🥺🥺

Lefty: does left hand count as a hayase member? probably yeah. there isn't a lot of personality to it, but it's interesting that it's just some random nokker that borrowed into some insane person's arm and decided their goals aligned. so it fights against other nokkers, but can also be willing to betray its host if needed. it learned to write and speak and mimic because it was asked to do so. it wants Fushi carnally, it wants Fushi to dominate it hdhgggsfjjdd why did it say that 😭 (yes it was the font thing with mizuha again, the nokker wanted Fushi to dominate her so bad)

I'm sure someone else could do a much better analysis of Lefty than I could, I never paid much attention to it...

anyways I should finish my rewatch of s1 that I've neglected for a while now (watching it in German 😍 and then watching s2 subbed because I hate Bon's German voice)

#rave ramblees #to your eternity #fumetsu no anata e #hayase tye #long post

[niuniente]

Hi Niu! I'm a long time follower who's been considering to get into Tarot readings (largely bc of your influence and stories too actually aha). That being said, what's your take on being a Tarot reader and practising a religion? I'm Catholic and it seems to me that doing tarot or future readings are prohibited bc it feels as if I'm not trusting God, which honestly did devastate me to read about. Any experience you can share about this, perhaps you know anyone in your circle in the same boat as me?

Thank you for your time! And I am really a big fan of your work, even outside Tarot (your art 10/10). I hope you have a good day!

Tarot and religion have nothing to do with each other in my books. All comes from the same Source (God) anyway so why separate them?

I love the saying that God created a man but a man created religions. Religious dogmas are man made concepts while a man has did his (or her) best to understand life, the meaning of life, evil on the world, God etc.

My favorite books are from Jeffrey Burton Russell, who has studied decades of Western religions and a bit of Islam relating to the concept of evil, which also leads to the concept of good. He goes through many dogmas and theories religious influential persons had and how some of them were accepted and some of them were doomed as heresies. Both the same in origin, anyway; a person headcanoning God and Devil, the world and the afterlife, and then some headcanons were accepted and ascended to the role of a dogma in that specific religion. Even dogmas and rules within each religion have changed over the centuries and who is the leading figure or influential figure of the said religion. Religions do have themes and trends, too :3

What makes Jeffrey's books SUPER interesting is to get to see the headcanons which were doomed as heresies and how religions and the whole world would be different if those were accepted as dogmas - and the current dogmas were marked heresies when they arose. Super interesting and a super good nod to the fact that a man molds his religions with his limited understanding, not God.

You want to do tarot? Do tarot! I fail to see how UNCONDITIONALLY loving God - that means 0 conditions - would have a condition that you can't try to help yourself with a tarot because it makes me upset and then I don't love you anymore. If God is like that, then God isn't unconditional as that's a condition; do this or else.

Tarot is not to predict future as much as it is to give you heads-up of upcoming things, help you to understand yourself and your situations (and others), help you to grow, and give you guidance as what to do next or where to go. It is supposed to, as I tell all my clients, help you to hear your own inner guidance (which you can say comes from God).

(Also, I must say that I live in a country that is non-religious and (American) daily religious lifestyle is seen as completely nuts in here. Like if you believe in any sort of God, angels, spirits, ancestors, Old Gods etc. you must be mentally somehow unstable or broken or easy to brainwash because no sane person believes in anything else but science. That is the common consensus here. I'm a lost nut case, too.)

#ask niu #spiritual

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

reading yaoi for the plot

recently i seemingly entirely stopped my life for a week to read the visual novel Slow Damage.

i dont really play vn’s (reading in front of my pc is HARD) nor do i read that much boys love (i am a bit of a gayboy by nature, so im not opposed to it) so what drove me to absolutely devour this one.....i honestly dont know. i would never have bought it for myself but my bestie gave it to me. so here we are.

slow damage is a game that you Could play. maybe should and maybe shouldnt. its sad and since it deals with self harm, suicidal thoughts, violence, sexual violence and rape, child abuse and just about every other bad thing you can imagine.......... man that shit can be depressing as hell. and since its a eroge, they are out there sexualizing shit they really SHOULDNT.

AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!! all those “fiction doesnt affect reality” talk some people do is bs in my opinion. yes, you probably wouldnt hurt people irl bc youre reading this rape scene. but YES, bad porn will still condition your brain negatively in the long run.

anyhow. slow damage is pretty damn self-aware. dont get me wrong man, i love the game so much. and yet, and yet.

its so deeply important to me how the game really pictures.... unconditional love between friends and multiple different endgames that finish the story Well for the protag. he can attain salvation and peace. whether it means never touching the wounds of his past or confronting it headfirst. either way he can go through the worst of the worst and end up better. or worse. its all so fickle but thats the good part right. mental health is very sensitive and as a chronically sick person, he is so so vulnerable. (not madarame. fuck everything to do with him. i think theres a storytelling and character study merit to his ends as well but this paragraph wasnt about them)

ive been thinking about talking about it but theres probably people who have. better more informed takes than i do. here are my 2 cents anyway

id love to talk about the ludonarrative dissonance that is a yaoi game with rape scenes taking a stance against rape

im also really intrigued by the setting; a very desensitized city with desensitized people, which we are supposed to see as sad, yet a lot of scenes are there for shock value

CAN WE TALK ABOUT GENDER. WHY IS SLOW DAMAGE SO FILLED WITH GENDER. ITS EVEN GOOD WITH GENDER. I LOVE THE AMOUNT OF GENDER IDENTITY TALK!!!!! WE LOVE TO SEE CIS PEOPLE TALK ABOUT GENDER. WE LOVE NORMALIZED DYSPHORIA TALK. BUT ALSO I LOVE HOW SENSITIVE THE TRANSLATION WAS ABOUT ITS TRANSFEM/GNC CHARACTERS

the fact that the game has an Entire big arc about gaslighting and an abusive relationship, that makes the protag really really internalize selfhate and doubt and makes that mindset smth that he wears like a protective “its just us two against the world” shield. its so sad yet so close to life

the protag, though horribly abused and traumatized, has the advantage of having a very functional very very loving support system in the form of his two best friends, one of which happens to be a doctor. can you imagine how much worse this could be. im constantly aware of it

thinking a lot about how much class plays a role in the last route and towa and fujieda only start to get along once their perceived differences are lifted, in fact them being “the same” is of fundamental importance - but also undermines how unbridgable their differences would have been otherwise

deeply in love with the fact fujieda, as someone who studied law and has been dealing with courts professionally, is this huge vigilante. bc he doesnt trust justice to happen unless he does it himself. and towa is important to him, but ultimately his own goals are just a bit more important than towas comfort. i love when characters have spines <3

on a related note, i also love when characters dont have spines. taku is literally my fav. the fact hes a human sanctuary contrasts so beautifully with him withholding vital info, constantly telling white lies, being conflicted about Everything, but eventually going to jail bc he thinks he Deserves it

how and why is eiji a metal gear solid character stuck in a pokemon characters body

#slodaposting

[spurgie-cousin]

One thing I admire about the Bates is that they celebrate children and it seems like they integrate them into their lives without question.

I’m not religious or fundie but because I’m surrounded by others that either don’t have kids ( lots of friends chose not to have kids) or are glad they don’t have to take care of kids anymore (grandparents) plus I don’t have a large family, I wish I had that support system and general friendly environment for my kids to grow up in and feel surrounded by care. Not that I needed one but I wish people in my life cared and were enthusiastic that I was having a second kid enough to plan a small celebration. Or simply accepting that children come with my time for the most part.Idk creating a village is hard

I totally get that, that's something I've thought a lot about too bc we've moved around so much and are pretty far from most of our family. Creating a support system from scratch is hard, and it sucks because I really think as social animals that's the way we're meant to raise kids ya know? I totally get that some people are just not into it for whatever reason but I also get how difficult it'd be to not have that automatically accepting atmosphere with friends and fam. I know with my friend I was talking about the other day, having so much support has made a world of difference for her and with her demanding job. She's talked to me about it a lot and said she just can't express what that kind of things has meant to her. ✨If any moms out there have tips or advice for anon on ways to help build a little local support system in this way, I'd be happy to share them!✨

A lot of people say similar things about the Bates and Duggars as far as how great it would be to have a big family like that, and I totally get what they mean, but I think it's important to remember that this support is not unconditional; there are 100% expectations for the kids to meet to be a part of this support network. I think that's true even in the Bates family, I know they seem generally more lax and accepting, but would they be if one of their kids wasn't straight and wanted to have a family? Or married a person of a different religion? I personally don't think so. It's what makes it so hard to leave those kinds of situations, the support system is great but it's conditional and if you don't conform, you lose everything. And like we mentioned it can be so hard and intimidating to build a new one from scratch. I guess the only reason I mention that is if you find yourself looking at them and envying their lives, just remember you do have an advantage over them; maybe they have a built-in network, but it comes with constraints on how you get to live your life, whereas for you, it's still possible for you to be a part of network that loves you and your family with no strings attached, you know?

#we all need a village!! i wish they were just automatically granted to everyone bc everyone deserves them #but definitely one that operates on unconditional love #i mean not like you can be a horrible person unconditional but yall know what i mean i think lol

[notcolleen]

tw for very rambling suicidal ideation behind this, i promise i am safe 👌 (but blunt talk about death and rambles abt cats and mentions of pokémon 👌)

[[MORE]]

but i have not been this actively suicidal for extended amount of time probably ever, yet i say that knowing that i will stay alive indefinitely……..just really really really sad all the time 😌 (so please know that too and allow me to write this out lol)

it’s just a very overwhelming sense of staying alive out of obligation and that’s not exactly what dbt would call a Life Worth Living

but i am obligated to my cat first and foremost (as ridiculous as that might sound to some but i know others will understand lol) and to my family as well, and the guilt of leaving them overwhelms me even though i know logically i wouldn’t be alive to feel it….like i look at phoebe (the cat in question for those who don’t know) and i see a wonderful animal who didn’t sign up to be taken in by a severely depressed human — she deserves unconditional care and love and that is what i agreed to when i adopted her so that is why i am obligated to stay alive as long as she is alive

plus on a more practical level, when my ideation gets to the point of “okay let’s try to find an equally loving home for her ! maybe even someone who has more space and more time and more emotional bandwidth !” im like wow that would be pretty obvious to anyone that knows you that something is wrong lmao and also i get so sad at the thought of not having her in my life……..which contradicts the “i actually want to be dead” ideation and brings on my next unwavering reason to stay around……which is my extreme fear of death and the unknown

like…….that’s terrifying and idk how it’s just basically accepted that we as humans exist and then stop existing? and that’s it? like a hs classmate of mine just passed away less than a week ago and i can’t stop thinking about it, i selfishly can’t stop thinking how unfair it is that i am sitting here, literally abusing my body every minute of the day and not taking care of any part of my self and yet my health is essentially perfect?? yet she was genuinely one of the nicest ppl in this horrible town and breast cancer took her life and if that doesn’t prove that this life has no logic at all idk what does

and it’s terrifying bc i can’t comprehend what happens after bc in my mind there just can’t logically be any after but there also can’t logically be nothing so it’s just….overwhelming blankness

so now i wake up every day and i cry on my walk to work because i have the same compulsive thoughts about dying at the same spots on the same walk bc my brain is dumb and repeats everything

but also keep thinking about how that would affect the kids i work with, who tell me they love me every day and hug me even though they’re not supposed to and tell me i’m they’re favorite teacher when they’re not supposed to but it’s really only because i’m the only one that knows pokémon enough to print out the coloring sheets they want so it’s conditional love but i don’t even care bc it’s real to them and to me

but then i cry more bc i love them too but i still want to die and they would move on quickly but it would still be something in their life that they certainly dont deserve and wouldn’t understand

so i go to work and i pretend to be a good, caring person and it’s exhausting bc i am not, so i get home and it’s like a switch is flipped and i am an entirely different person with no moral compass and no desire to connect with anyone or be around anyone or do anything…..like at this point i have alienated everyone in my life and can’t see myself getting to a place where i can build connections again, my only social interactions rn are work and i get frustrated that i have to make the same small talk with my coworkers every day, i get frustrated that i have to partake in social niceties or that im expected to go to holiday parties and have lunches with these people who don’t actually know me and i don’t actually know them??

i did have thanksgiving with my family tonight and i know i have so much love for them, and i felt safe there for that time……but there was still this underlying emptiness to everything and even conversations with them, the people i am closest with and really the only ones i talk to anymore, felt surface level in a way that frustrates me and i can’t articulate it accurately but it’s exhausting and i am tired

and i was getting more anxious as i was getting ready to leave my parents bc the time alone after being with family is the hardest for me and my dad turned to my sister…..who had just had another fight with her husband….and said “just so you know, you can stay here tonight, you’re always welcome to stay here” and i started crying on my way home because that’s what i needed to hear tonight but he wouldn’t know that bc i can’t vocalize my emotions like a functional adult and go out of my way to make it seem like i’m doing better than i am so that my mom doesn’t worry

i know i need more help in terms of my mental health (also not in denial abt how bad my eating disorder is rn but that’s another issue that i’m not going to write another novel about rn) but idk what that looks like in my life rn and it’s hard when my depression is this bad because i keep coming back to “yeah i need more help but also it’s all pointless anymore lol” so i just go through my days completed detached and telling myself that any way i can cope is okay bc instagram told me 💖✨if all u did was survive today that is okay✨💖 but really it’s just me enabling apathy and destructive behaviors and moving targets of “i’ll do better once xyz”

idk how to end this post other than to say again that i am safe, just obviously not in a good place mentally but very much able to keep myself alive (i’ve been jaded by too many “instagram cares” messages after posting lol) (i know this is tumblr) (still jaded)

#also am i dumb or do the read mores not work like that anymore?? #when i view my blog on mobile it doesn’t work lol so it kind of defeats the point sorry #but also i only use tumblr every couple months when i should really break out my journal so i can’t be bothered so figure it out rn

[devilscastle69]

hello there~~ 20, 41, 43, 80, and 94, if you would like! :D (absolutely don't have to if you don't want~!)

20. Do you want a grand adventure?

Yes!!! I wanna see my friends who live far~

41. What fundamentally matters to you?

Love, safety, compassion, humanity

43. Do you create art? How do you define art?

Yes!! I paint sometimes tho I’m not very skilled. I knit, I make music. Art is really like anything anyone can create. Art is like the extension of the soul maybe. Hm. I lean more towards music which is an art form w sound as the medium~

80. Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time?

Omg I love this question. Like. I have a Mr worldwide playlist. I have playlists kinda based on mood but it gets kinda all over the place and stuff doesn’t fit. I listen to my on repeat a lot and it’s a variety of genres and artists. It really depends. Like I have some sad playlists and upbeat but I’d say I’m all over the place

94. How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

This is a tough one. I def have a history of loving desperately and like I convince myself it’s unconditional. But I think relationships should be conditional. Love isn’t but like it’s a choice to stay w someone. U can love someone and also let them free. There’s eternal love and there’s temporary love. There’s love for friends and family and love for lovers and for partners and for soul mates and for twin flames. They’re all different. I have a hard time bc once I love someone it’s all consuming and I can get self destructive. I just started seeing someone and I’m scared it’s gonna go that way if it turns into a relationship. But that’s why therapy exists. I also get scared to get too attached and struggle with expressing actual emotions

Ty for the ask 💞💞

[heartfucksmouth]

I will not deny that my baby shower still being excessively-blue-themed (bc "its a boy") was slightly disappointing, but I can't even be that mad because I left it up to other people to plan, and those people don't actually listen to my core beliefs. most of my family and Myles family as well would have done the same bc they're "boy-mom/girl-mom" people and if it's a boy? it's blue, it's trucks, it's sports, it's the fucking gender binary conceptualized (this word doesn't feel right but I have baby-brain).

I'm just glad I wore olive green and Myles didn't choose to wear any blue either. I love that i chose a woodland theme (even though my shower definitely did not adhere to that) for most of the things on my registry - at least that broke it up with some greens and encouraged some less strictly-masculine gifts. I have nothing against blue either, lol, but I want to encourage some gender neutrality, because Myles and I already discussed that we want to give our child the freedom to become whoever they want (gender, sexuality, religion, interests, career). I refuse to dictate "he's a boy" just because he's been assigned that at birth. If that's what is comfortable for him, I'm glad. if it's not, I'm just as happy to help him find himself.

I still felt extremely loved and embraced at my shower, and the love for Baby Ade was palpable. I am far from ungrateful, and it's just an observation I can't ignore that bothered me. I know how people and families can be, and I know a lot of love is conditional. A lot of people will love you only if you fit their idea of you. If you don't? They withdraw their love and break your young heart. And I can't help but state that this small detail of my shower, once again, feels the tiniest bit alienating, and is another reminder that most people in my life don't know me well, don't respect my values or boundaries, and instead just push what they like or believe onto me as if I'm expected to embrace it.

My love will always aim to be unconditional. My goal is to be a safe place for my child, while still being a parental guide (not a best friend).

I can't wait to cry for an hour in therapy about all my feelings.

#personal #and maybe its my own fault bc im still not confident at speaking up for my needs and anticipate it creating conflict #i still feel like speaking up for my preferences and needs feels like im ungrateful and selfish #and i still expect expressing who i am and what i want invites abuse and bullying and betrayal from the people who claim to love me #gender shit

[bts-mbti]

Oh! What do you mean about Jimin falling back on masculinity (not sounding accusatory or anything!) he always seemed flexible to me after accepting himself u know with what the heck is men, hurry up and be me someday, and esp w filter, he just seems to embody both masculine and feminine energy to me really well which is partly why he’s one of my favorites

i spent some time trying to figure out how to point this out, but it's honestly pretty simple. jimin's still not actually comfortable with his femininity because his femininity is conditional on his masculinity to be allowed to exist.

jimin has taken ownership of his femininity, which is far (Far) above where he began his internalized misogyny journey. and none of this is to discredit his growth & the fact that he is still the most challenging to gender norms in the group and that i love him to fucking bits for it. but true self-acceptance is unconditional, which is difficult for type 2s and 3s, especially when they wing each other. 2's nature is to be in conflict with what it wants, 3's is to be oblivious to what it wants, and they both turn to other people/the world to find it. the combination, particularly on a sx/so type like jimin, is a pretty intense lack of stable self-worth, which intersects in a nasty way to his r/s with gender.

without elaborating too much on gender politics, jimin searching for what the world rewards (w3) to be loved (2-core) leads him to cisheteronormative gender roles that i remain unconvinced he naturally falls into or wants to participate in, and just desires because he's internalized gender as intrinsic to his worth as a person.

a person is more than their gender or gender expression. jimin has yet to internalize this, even tho he’s internalized that it’s okay for him to be feminine in some ways (and does not look at other people this way). i’d describe it as him having one foot in the water of deconstructing his r/s with gender, but he isn’t willing to go further yet (or maybe doesn’t realize there’s further to go). probably bc there’s something he’s avoiding in the deep end.

but when i said he falls back onto masculinity, i meant exactly that. when jimin's unhappy or going through a hard time he craves masculinity. it doesn't always translate to his exterior, but it always shows up in his behavior (classic 2 -> 8 disintegration, in a gendered hat). this is stereotypical low Si behavior as well--desiring what's familiar in the face of committed change even if (especially if) it's not healthy.

it's funny bc i wrote this after i’d just seen his weverse magazine photo where he's posing shirtless all sexy-man-like, and he's quoted literally saying "i want to be better, and cooler". cool is a gendered term for jimin, and korea as a whole as i understand it. i don't think him using better and cool together is a coincidence, nor is it that this is coming up as he faces doing solo work (which he's clearly insecure abt) & their emotional break.

#let me make it clear that #i don't think he can't be masc #i simply have never seen him act/look masc #in a way that convinced me #it's who he is when he's happy #and carefree #text wall #and also this is none of my business #but i'm not gonna pretend i don't notice these things #anons #asks #jimin #jimin's functions: Si #jimin's enneagram: 2-core #jimin's enneagram: w3 #<- the real culprit here lol