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midnight-mismanagement · 1 year

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I’ve been thinking about That Church SceneTM and idk I think what hit me hardest was how Spike is talking about his former pre-soul mindset and how naive it is. He says “and she shall look on him with forgiveness and love and everyone will forgive and love and he will be loved” because while pre-soul he knew he was a monster and he knew he had done horrible things, he was okay with those things, he was a vampire after all, but he felt horrible for what he did to Buffy, but even then he still had a bit of hope. From the outside looking in, Angel’s soul seemed like the “button” for the “be good” switch. It would be the “piece that would make [him] fit” so he would be the “kind of man who would never [hurt her].” The “be a man not a monster” switch, that would make him be able to tell right from wrong and never hurt the people he loves anymore. But...the soul is not a “be good” switch. I don’t really know what the soul exactly is, since it’s never really concrete in the lore, but it doesn’t just make him fit, it doesn’t turn him into what he wants, but what it does do, is make him much more aware of himself and what he’s done, and he comes to the realization that no, there is no forgiveness. There never will be, he will never be worthy of it. He is condemned. He says “it’s okay now, right?” with hopeful despondency because he knows it will never be okay. Spike has always wanted acceptance, and love, and he sought it from places he would never get it, and now he knows he will never get it because he shouldn’t.

So when he goes up in flames by the end in heroic sacrifice and all that jazz, he’s happy he even got to have an ending like this, he’s finally doing something right. And when he comes back in Angel, as a ghost with no ability to affect the world around him (except annoy the crap out of Angel) he feels he is on borrowed time. In the moment of burning up, he didn’t have to think about if he would end up in hell or the aftermath, but with Pavayne toying with him, tugging him in to hell, it’s a slow torture of what he’s known all along, even if he didn’t fully want to face it. He is still condemned. And yet, given what he believes to be the one opportunity to stave off the inevitable for however longer and get a body, he still chooses Fred’s life over his own. And Fred tells him “you’re someone worth saving.” She doesn’t condemn him. She believes in him, like Buffy did, and this time it’s someone he doesn’t have a rocky past with or romantic feelings with, she just sees him for him and wants to help. And in the end he gets a body while she loses hers, and it’s because Angel and Spike did the “right” thing because it’s what Fred would’ve wanted. I think soulless him would’ve saved Fred, even if it meant condemning so many others.

And on the day he thinks will once again be his last before the big suicide mission showdown (which he was the first to volunteer for), he doesn’t call Buffy to give her the pain of finding he’s alive only to die again, instead he goes to a bar and reads his poetry, the window into his shameful, soft soul that was stamped on and laughed at the last time he was a human, and hopes for acceptance. And he gets it.

#I just have a lot of Spike feelings all of a sudden #this is how I procrastinate is by falling down eighth grade rabbit hole obsessions #but yeah just very much the whole #will this fix me oh shit nothing can #and it was me who did that #is very much oof #the soul doesn't make him a good person #it just holds up a mirror he hasn't seen himself in since he was a human #and it's on him to figure out what to choose from here #to keep going or sink into his inevitable condemnation #and accept there is no salvation only living #or unliving #btvs #spike #spike btvs #buffy the vampire slayer

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little-smartass · 1 month

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me, booking in my next tattoo: this one will fix me

#irl #am I joking? sort of #but my most recent tattoo gave me such a burst of body euphoria that for several days I honestly felt Fixed #looking at myself in the mirror like 'oooh who's this sexy person??? who IS she????'#tattoo fix me. fix me tattoo.#I can like the bits of me I hate if only they are covered in pretty pictures

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zukkaoru · 1 year

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sorry i'm thinking abt megumi's incessant desire to be the first to die vs. the narrative keeping him alive despite and how the most tragic ending for him is not actually dying, but being left behind. for megumi, the worst fate is living a long life

#megumi growing up assuming he will be the first to die out of those he loves #bc gojo is the Strongest and tsumiki is a non-sorcerer so they should both be Safe while megumi is just. megumi #vs megumi at 15 having lost tsumiki gojo nobara nanami etc etc and knowing it's only a matter of time before he loses yuuji too #megumi not knowing how to be the survivor because he never thought he'd live long enough to have to say goodbye #also sometimes i think abt that post that was like... remember in thg how katniss' motivation for Everything is saving prim?#and then prim still died at the end because the world they lived in could not allow someone so good to live? it could not allow #katniss the One thing she wanted most #yeah so like. everything megumi is doing and has done has been for tsumiki. it's all been for her #but the world they live in is cruel and tsumiki is too good of a person #and when has megumi ever been granted anything he's wanted? why should the world allow him his one biggest desire of tsumiki's safety?#and what is megumi supposed to do when he outlives the one person who has been by his side - the one person he wanted most to save #how is he supposed to live a long life when everyone he cares about is gone? how is he supposed to care about new people?#what's that one quote that's like. a son or a husband can be replaced but who can grow me a new brother #no one can replace tsumiki. megumi cannot find a new sister #yes losing gojo and yuuji would be devastating. but at the end of the day megumi has known yuuji for only a few months #and gojo was already a replacement for his father #tsumiki has been with him longest and she's always been megumi's main motivation #she's the reason he didn't go to the zenin clan. she's the reason he was trained by gojo. she's the reason they're all in the culling games #trying to fix it from the inside and running on a time limit #and what happens if he CAN'T save her. what happens if. like katniss and prim. despite EVERYTHING. tsumiki still has to die #THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF TSUMIKI #BECAUSE MEGUMI WANTS TO SAVE HER #DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE TRAGEDY IN BEING ALIVE WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry i'm not normal about fictional sibling dynamics. btw if you even care #hello grace here #jjk spoilers #update i just realized it's not even 7am. as you can tell i'm having a great time today

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tj-crochets · 1 month

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this poll brought to you by a text I got from one of the other [my job title]'s contractors while I'm covering for him being gone. The contractor texted me "The answer is as always [his name] [his company ID number]" To which I could only say "what was the question?"

#the person behind the yarn #also brought to you by the many many contractors that will request I quote something for them via email #so I send the quote via email #and then they text me 'okay I'll take it'#and it's like great! thanks! Who are you? what are you taking???#it's not as big a problem when I am only dealing with my contractors #but I am getting a reputation among other [job title]'s contractors when I cover for them #as someone who can fix paperwork problems #which means I get texts from unknown numbers saying things like #why didn't I get paid for the [city name] job??#and I have to be like WHICH ONE we have done so much work in that city #also who are you #but when they send me the job number I can look it up and find their name so I usually don't even bother asking for their name

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igura · 8 months

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stolen away

#elrond peredhel #thranduil #elronduil #literally how do i tag this #tolkien #lotr #the hobbit #myart #this started as a joke but it is not a joke anymore i have 5 wips of them in procreate #everyone thinks they can fix thranduil you know who is the only person who can??? elrond probably #this is not so much me pushing two (not really) single dads together this is me wanting legolas to have three younger siblings

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yorshie · 6 months

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So.... remember how I said I took that sketch yesterday not turning out well a little too personally?

Yeah..... Might have went just a wittle bit overboard.

Also come get ya new profile pic (pspspspsps Angelo fans)

#good morning ITS FRIDAY HAVE SOME SUNSHINE BOI #my tmnt art #bayverse tmnt #tmnt #tmnt michelangelo #bayverse michelangelo #bayverse mikey #All the people that say never mikey #I am coming for you with a spork #rip any mikey fans that get knocked out in the cross fire #bayverse mikey does not have enough love and i am here to fix that #so.... yeah. Turtle can loom. Winnie is who I'll be using from now on when I gotta draw an insert into the pictures #she's not really an OC #I just use the name when I don't feel like writing second person (and Y/N makes me cringe)#I made her 5'3 #This is for all the people that forget how big Bayverse Mikey really is. He's compliant with my “head cannon” height #which I only changed from 6' to 6'2 here so the top of her head hits Angelo's traps.#(Side note I feel like everyone forgets that while Meagan Fox is 5'4" she just runs around in 2 1/2 to 3 inch heels in the movies

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extravalgant · 10 months

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i think its very interesting that most npcs within the wiz story remember the necromancers very well.... they note a trend among death wizards that allows for prejudices to form even though many of them were going through very real and heartbreaking things (i note malistaires death of his wife and his grief specifically & the loss of morganthes brother)

BUT THE SAME IS NOT SAID OF DIVINERS... most notably the villains/antagonists in arc 3 (i think of vanitus and the storm titan specifically) are all diviners or use storm magic. there's something in there about the double standard of these schools but its so interesting to think about

#val.txt #does this make sense.#like diviners introduced in the story are power hungry in a sense #but yet there isnt anything in canon that sort of. demonizes them to the same extent that it does to necromancers #i think bc storm is such a powerful school that hasnt had many quote unquote iconic diviners that have tried to end the spiral #or at least have 'tarnished' the name of diviners #that allows for the double standard to happen in a sense #i only thought about this bc i was thinking about calamity LMFAOOO #LIKE LEGIT I THINK SHE WOULD GO THROUGH A VILLAIN ARC. IN ARC 4 #she sees dasein suffering because of the everything and shes like oh... the one other person who i can consider my friend #and all these people taking them for granted... making them suffer...#and shes like ok! ok. i can fix it. ^_^ dont worry #(also tries to rewrite the spiral)#but thats another story for another day..... hohoho #that last post really got me thinking....#edit: spelled vanitus' name wrong. my BAD #close enough

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runawaymun · 1 month

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#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags #cw personal #once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says #THEY don't #they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated #like will she take my insurance or not who's right here #anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now #why the hell is this so hard man #the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain #once again no one knows what they're talking about #like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds #and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover #*contracted #not retyping all of that #and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim #and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart #and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH #like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles #the bureaucracy is INSANE #i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second #and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH #literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times #like not on the phone after I hung up obvs

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gecemi09 · 5 months

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Regarding Batman and Responsibility: A Rant

So, whenever there is talk about the age old question of "Should Batman kill Joker?" there is always, and I mean always someone who says something along the lines of: "But it's not Batman's responsibility to kill Joker so it's wrong to put the burden onto him." and on the surface this seems like a reasonable argument. After all, there is a police department in gotham, there is a government, so shouldn't we hold them accountable as well? Well, not exactly.

(Warning: I probably mispelled responsibility and responsible a LOT in this post, please don't begrudge me for it.)

Of course, those institutions ARE responsible for the Joker to some degree but the real question, to me, is: why is Batman considered as "NOT responsible" when he very much is.

People who make this argument usually say: "Well Batman is a volunteer, a vigilante! This is practically none of his bussiness." And true, Bruce isn't required to be a vigilante, he does it entirely out of his own volition. But is that not the whole reason why he IS responsible? I mean, Bruce is the one who CHOSE to take up that responsibilty, he is the one who CHOSES to shoulder that burden. In that sense he isn't that different from a government official/cop/etc. those people do it of their on will too don't they? Bruce, day after day, year after year, choses to fight for Gotham, to protect it and its people; he takes those responsibilities onto himself and yet... stopping Joker somehow, isn't one of them?

In my opinion, it is hypocritical. Bruce is the one who says things like "Gotham is MY city" or "I don't allow metas in Gotham, you need MY permission." or "You can't operate as a vigilante in Gotham without my say-so."(Stephanie Brown, anyone?) he routinely describes his vigilantism as a "war on crime"(which, yikes) and calls it a "crusade" and says it is his "mission" no? He chooses to do these things all on his own, no one forces him to. At a certain point, it's a matter of integrity. He can't pick and choose what exactly constitutes to protecting Gotham and what doesn't. He can't decide that beating up muggers in the streets is extremely important and is his job while improving Arkham isn't. He can't decide that, despite putting Joker in Arkham over and over again knowing he's going to escape, he isn't at least partly responsible for Joker's future victims. He can't keep stopping people from killing Joker(Under the Red Hood, hello!), saving Joker from the death row, putting Joker into a Lazarus Pit, or saving him from natural disasters(because you KNOW he would) and then claim "Oh, but killing Joker isn't my responsibility." He can't willingly claim responsibility for Gotham in every other scenario, EXCEPT for that. That's just having your cake and trying to eat it too. Unless he decided that by saving Joker he is not actually harming Gotham, by allowing Joker to live he is actively NEGLECTING his mission, his duty. And anyway, I thought the whole point of superhero comics was that people with power to better things shoud use those powers to do exactly that. Batman DOES have the power to "better" Gotham, he just isn't using it.

"Killing Joker isn't Batman's responsibility." No, it is. Because protecting Gotham and its people IS his responsibility, as he took it onto himself. If he didn't want to deal with the consequences of such a thing then he shouldn't have become a vigilante in the first place.

Mind you, this doesn't mean he's the ONLY one responsible, far from it, just that he is.

(I genuinely don't remember whether I made a post on this before but I have ranted about this to myself outloud when alone multiple times and if I have to think about this so do you)

[And YES we all know the real reason is because Joker is DC's cashcow, that is not the point of this post...]

#am i the only one who thinks this way?? mutuals pls sned help #like seeing this argument annoys me soo much #apparently bruce has authority on who can do heroing in gotham but killing joker isn't his responsibility??#this is also @ the people who say fixing arkham isn't bruces responsibiltiy btw #yes it is???#he is the one beating ppl up and sending them there #his whole thing is “i want to make gotham into a better place”#so yes it is his responsibility #i guess this might be a subjective thing? like depending on how much someone cares about personal integrity lol #personally if you willingly took on a responsibility then there is no excuse for slacking off(for lack of a better term)#anti bruce wayne #anti batman #batman critical #went hard in this one lol #i just hate this argument #its fine if it goes againts bruces moral code thats fine #but dont start the responsibility discusison w me lol #screaming to the void #also slitting jasons throat is his responsibility but killing joker isnt?? be fucking fr dude

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aromantic-diaries · 1 year

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The absolute horror of someone being in love with me is truly a nightmare. It's only happened twice because I'm a complete weirdo in the least endearing way possible and I am not attractive at all because I put no effort into my appearance. But still it is horrific

#personal ramblings #first time was when i was like 7 or 8 and had a friend who had a crush on me. i knew. everyone knew. i did not acknowledge it #again we were like 7 so nothing really happened. we stopped being friends due to unrelated reasons and then he bullied me later on #now the second one is one big rancid can of worms #it was an online friendship that i got out of not long ago #it was an absolute mindfuck for other reasons (my poor judgement and thinking i could fix them only for them to make me worse)#well they caught feelings and i didn't know i was aro back then but i was in a relationship and well they did not take no that easily #but let's not air someone else's dirty laundry #there is a lesson to be learned and it's that i am not a therapist

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vampirepunks · 2 months

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Higgs Monaghan's MBTI + Enneagram Typology (pt. 2)

(disclaimer: this is my opinion based on deep character study, eight or so years of special interest in typology, and subjective interpretation. if you wanna argue, good luck finding my PDB. friendly debate is fine.)

MBTI: ENTP (Ne-Ti-Fe-Si)

Enneagram: 7w8

Instinctual Variant: sx/sp

Tritype: 782

(part one: mbti deep dive)

(Sam analysis)

As an ENTP, Higgs is right at home in enneagram 7. However, he's an interesting flavor of ENTP 7, due to his sexual instinctual variant, 8 wing + secondary fix, and emotional center in 2. Let's start with the basics.

Enneagram 7 Overview Basic Fear: Of being deprived and trapped in pain Basic Desire: To be happy, satisfied, to find fulfillment Fixation: Planning Trap: Idealism Passion: Gluttony

Deprived and trapped in pain, huh? Considering Higgs' backstory as an abused child locked away from the outside world, forcefully told there was no life outside the four walls of his home, denied the ability to explore and discover, punished for basic curiosity, this makes perfect sense. Higgs experienced extreme repression of his natural instincts, denial of his basic emotional and psychological needs, and had no means to escape the constant abuse he suffered. Remember, the common belief is that one's MBTI type is innate, while enneagram theory hinges on the acquisition of negative traits stemming from warped self-beliefs manifested by the impact of inevitable social oppression and possibly even trauma. The enneagram dips closer to psychology and sociology than MBTI (still pseudoscience tho, Naranjo was a hack and is very worthy of criticism) and thus is a lot more logical in its foundations. Hence, I strongly believe that any MBTI type can be any enneagram, due to the breadth of human experience, it's just a matter of conflicting cognition and instincts. Don't fight me on this one, y'all, I'm working on my sociology B.A., I can go back and forth all day about this stuff. I'm gonna get banned from PDB any day now for the arguments I get into.

It's not hard to understand why "be happy and fulfilled" became the crux of Higgs' pursuits. Enneagram 7 takes this most basic human desire, "be happy," and crafts it into an obsession. Until they overcome their fix and passion, 7 will never be satisfied. (cough cough, intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame... ahem. sorry, sorry, something stuck in my throat there. moving on.)

Enneagram 7 treats life as one grand stage, where anything can happen if you just want it badly enough. Thus, 7 is hedonistic, rebellious, undisciplined in one way or another, driven towards wish fulfillment, egotistical, persuasive, and extremely seductive, with some variants of 7 exhibiting charlatanism and fraudulence.

Sexual 7

Instinctual variants are the result of the enneagram type's passion invading an area of the social life and self, dominating its expression. There are three realms here: sexual (not always explicitly in the adult sense, this refers to one-on-one relationships, intimacy, etc), social, and self-preservation.

So, obviously sexual 7 is the result of gluttony + the sexual instinct. sx7 traits include: talkativeness, grandiosity and exaggeration, exhibitionism of personality and style, invasive tendencies, brazen audacity, obliviousness, magical thinking, relationship difficulties, self-indulgence, hypersensitivity, anti-hierarchical escapism, and intolerance for frustration.

Put simply, sx7 has their head in the clouds. Ichazo nicknamed this subtype "suggestibility." Although I really dislike Naranjo, he made an excellent point when he said, "The sexual seven is not earthly, but heavenly. He is not interested in the things of this world. It is the gluttony of the things of a higher and more advanced world. The sexual E7 is what we could call a dreamer[...] His passion is to dream, to go towards the sweetness of the imagined instead of contacting the ordinary and not so interesting reality."

Higgs is a showman. He paints everything in metaphor, in literature, in poetry, in history, in performances and masks and shadow theater. When captured in the literal view, Higgs' life is one tragedy after another, with no rhyme or reason, no grand answer to "why me," no satisfying conclusion to make an adoring audience cry for him. In the meta, fourth-wall breaking sense, the player becomes that for him. He looks us in the eye and asks, "Isn't this what you've been waiting for this whole time?" and prances around putting on a good show as we give him the attention and recognition he craves; we observe, we react, and a few of us see him. For a few moments, we live in his tragedy, we smile at his one-liners, we laugh at his bad behavior, and in those precious moments, he isn't alone. He's still at it, winking at the camera in the DS2 trailer when he quips about porters having to pull the trigger sometimes, a sly little, "I know what you did. You're not better than me. You get it."

But let's peel back that layer. Higgs is a mask. Let's talk about Peter.

Yeah, Peter, who was destroyed time and time again by his stubborn drive to believe, no matter how many times it got him hurt, nearly killed, even. Peter, who believed his way into stepping into a new world with a new sky. Peter, who believed his way into becoming a terrorist. Peter, who believed his way into Amelie's puppet master hands. Peter, who believed until the moment the carrot was snatched away and he met the stick face-first. Peter, the child whose only crime was being curious, became a grown man with his dreams shattered entire, with no innocence left to call his own, no one to save him, and no way out. So what was there to do but construct new dreams, nightmares made ideal, to build anew an image of himself as "the bridge that brings the extinction" in service of a greater power? Dreamer turned apostle, Saint Peter having the faith that he could walk on water. Except Amelie didn't pull him out when he sank. (Sam did, but that's a completely different conversation.)

Higgs built up a world of magic, because his real life was tragic, and in the end, Amelie forced him to bury the castle.

sx7 traps themselves in false hope, breezing through the world with witty speeches, talking, talking, talking, coasting by on charm and an energetic demeanor to mask their anxiety. This is right at home in the possibility-obsessed, silver-tongued ENTP, but the sensitivities of sx7 soften the ENTP personality quite a bit, amplifying their vulnerabilities and making them all too easy to manipulate. This is a personality that needs someone to protect them, and to teach them to protect themselves, which Higgs never had. Coffin tried, but fate had other ideas, and she became another loss upon his shoulders.

Self-Preservation 7 (secondary)

Now, on PDB, almost everyone has voted Higgs as sx/so, and I get why, but I believe Higgs is very social-blind and not countertype. The last instinct in a stack is a personality's blind spot, their weak point, the thing they struggle with, try to ignore, and overcompensate for. For Higgs, that's the social instinct. The self-pres and social instincts are conflated a lot in 7, due to this type’s inherent need for outward validation; their cool exterior conceals fear of inferiority and deprivation. 7 is arguably the most extroverted of the enneagram thus their self-preservation needs are heavily dependent on the presence of other people and having a clear role within a group. They often create family units and can appear similar to the so8 via their proclivity for creating a “tribe” for themselves, a group they nurture and in turn are protected by. Thus, sp7s are characterized as defenders in spite of their obvious self-interest. sx/sp 7s are often warm, charismatic people. Combined with an 8 fix, they're quite intense. In a well-read ENTP, this is a personality that could sell ice in the Arctic, and people gravitate towards their ability to sell their dream. "Together, we'll carry packages from sea to shining sea."

Many of Higgs’ deeper issues can be explained through the aforementioned developed Fe + social-blindness + a 2 fix in his emotional center. Having grown up completely isolated from the world, there’s no way he could be anything but soc-blind. His self-sacrifice is cognitive compensation for social deficiency and expression of a moral righteousness generated by his sx7-driven idealism, not an instinctual social egotism and rejection of gluttony. More on this when we get to his 2 fix. sp7 is the closest of the 7 variants to the literal definition of gluttony. They yearn for indulgence in every way.

Now, let's talk about that 8 wing and tritype secondary fix

Enneagram 8 is known for its aggression before all else, and it has a strong pull on any personality that has it in their wing or tritype. The 7w6 is flighty, much more risk-averse, and they work to satisfy their gluttony by seducing others into feeding their cravings for them, holding back to explore all possibilities, and they seek assurance that they're making the right choices, whereas 7w8 knows what they want and they'll take it if they have to. The 8 wing adds a heavy-handed, decisive edge to the 7 personality; 7w6 pushes back when the world closes in on them, 7w8 pushes forward against the world to make sure they're never restricted to begin with. Thus, the sx7 with an 8 wing displays much more sexual aggression (licking people!) and is inclined to show dominance. They're self-protective, they don't like to share their toys, and they won't let anyone take what's theirs. See: "gonna make [Sam] regret ever fucking with me and mine." This makes the 7w8 a powerful protector, a fierce enemy... and a nervous wreck prone to covering up fear with violence, anger, and provocation. This sort of aggression is a tendency in the standard 7w8, but with an 8 fix added to the tritype, it becomes a leading trait. This is particularly interesting in an ENTP, as they aren't typically aggressive by nature; they seek conflict for entertainment's sake, without malice, looking to test people and expand their own worldview through discourse. The ENTP 7w8 with an 8 tritype fix, on the other hand, takes up stronger convictions, greater stubbornness, and an impatience for people who won't bend to their whims. They often go looking to convince people they're right, getting frustrated when they aren't heard. ("You just don't get it, do you?") Further, when 8 invades the sexual instinct, secondary to a 7 fix, you get a personality that wants to possess the hearts and minds of their closest loved ones, fears abandonment, would die to protect one of their own, and knows better than to bite the hand that feeds.

Finally, the tertiary 2 fix

Enneagram 2 is a nurturer. 2 generously gives of themselves, constantly fixating on everyone else's needs. This is a personality that would give another person the shirt off their own back if they asked. Important thing to understand: their help isn't free. They might say it is, but 2 unconsciously expects to be rewarded and praised for helping others. Overall, this fits well with Higgs' secondary instinctual alignment in sp7. 7 fears being deprived, while 2 fears that no one appreciates them, and they mask this insecurity with a show of humility and an insistence that they were merely doing the right thing. They reason that if they meet everyone else's needs, their own needs will be taken care of in reciprocity. Meanwhile, they minimize those needs, making themselves as small and convenient as possible, denying they have needs at all. With an sx/sp alignment and a secondary 8 fix, this becomes a push-pull internal conflict between "I don't need anything, really" and "Give me what I need or else." I firmly believe that part of why Higgs' betrayal of Fragile was so malicious was a subconscious urge to punish her for not being... you guessed it... what he needed.

Let's go back to the point from post no. 1 about Higgs having highly developed Fe. In his youth, every time Higgs found himself in a new social situation, he responded with skepticism and instinctual aversion to social connection. It took time and persuasion for him to warm up to the idea of group politics; he’s only convinced when he realizes he’s needed and stands to have his own needs fulfilled in turn. Most people try to place Higgs' emotional center in enneagram 4 (which, when modulated by the sx-instinct and an 8 wing, can get downright nasty due to the fixation with envy and the aggression of 8) but frankly... I think that's lazy analysis.

Higgs’ initial reluctance to accept his DOOMS for what it was and subsequent secretiveness about killing to maintain it for his own survival screams 2. Higgs doesn’t self-victimize or wish to be special. Rather, he conceals his own needs and justifies his actions through a belief that he’s undertaking a selfless path. (“I’m an altruist now, I live to help other people[…] Community’s what it’s all about.”) He needs the world to need him and deteriorates when his role is threatened. In his time leading the West, people loved him and relied on him, but that wasn’t enough for him. Because he’s soc-blind and sx-dom, he only feels truly seen, fulfilled, and appreciated when he has attention and approval through a one-on-one relationship, such as with Coffin, Fragile, Amelie, etc., and he obsessively pursues the same recognition from Sam. (It’s worth acknowledging this is also indicative of disordered attachment, anxious-avoidant type.) When he fails, he falls back on the self-pres instinct, so… pizza, anyone?

Amelie initially lured him with the deceptive promise of enough power to create the better, freer, fairer world he was striving for. In his mind: save the world = save himself. Can’t save the world? Can’t save himself, time to take the whole thing down with him and call it mercy. That’s an unhealthy 2 heart center, believing he can only meet his own needs by rescuing everyone else, projecting his own turmoil onto others. He convinces himself he’s doing the right thing, giving the world what it needs. While his thirst for wide-scale justice is genuine, he exhibits an intense craving for attention, intimacy, and recognition, becoming suddenly naive and vulnerable when someone offers what he lacks. Conversely, he’s antagonistic, aloof, aggressive, and ego-defensive when his needs are denied or threatened.

Conclusion

Higgs' most basic of needs were denied from a young age, and as an ENTP, he's inherently driven to hedonism, has a need for an intellectual playmate/trustworthy equal, and craves a balance between novelty and safety, so he’s gluttonous towards intimate relationships and a sense of security. His sx7 alignment means he dreams big and loud, constructing kingdoms in his mind and a personal narrative where he's the hero in shining armor, free to explore the world as he wishes and save it while he's at it. His sp7 secondary means he thirsts for his own means of survival and the assurance of it, going out of his way to endear himself to others and become indispensable to guarantee that survival. His 8 fix means he's assertive, strong-willed, aggressively self-protective, and highly possessive of anything he views as "belonging" to him. His 2 fix means he needs others to need him, needs to feel important in his loved ones' lives, needs to have his efforts rewarded, needs a larger role to fulfill, and most of all, needs to know that he's allowed to need things. As an sx7, he's comfortable with wanting things, but that 2 fix means needs are unacceptable for him to express.

Becoming Higgs—embodying a self-righteous, pharaoh-inspired persona—was the only way he could cope with the injustice and deprivation he suffered. (Coffin: “There was such a fear in him, but beneath that a terrible anger[…] That poor boy…”)

Mature-but-unhealthy ENTP 782 at its finest. Feet on the ground, head in the clouds. In conclusion, I want to fuck him so bad it makes me look stupid. What a man.

#literally obsessed with the fact that he has the exact mirror of my personality type #intj: ni-te-fi-se. entp: ne-ti-fe-si. alter egos. he's 7w8 i'm 8w7. he's soc-blind and i'm soc-dom. so on so forth #i could fix him and he could make me worse <3 #to sum up: this is a horse girl movie and i imagine myself to be The Special Girl who's the only one that can ride (😏😏😏) the wild stallion #i'm delulu about it actually. very fun. highly recommend. but watch out it'll hurt your sanity forever and people will def look at u funny #:)))))))#✨✨self-awareness✨✨#mbti #enneagram #personality typology #character study #entp #higgs monaghan #death stranding #logan.txt

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