#the surgeries were the only time with a set ‘goal’

[maeo-png]

transmasc medic is actually something that can be so personal

#him doing his own surgeries being his only form of ‘fixing’ something #everything else is just fucking around finding out and getting good results #the surgeries were the only time with a set ‘goal’ #DIY HRT TOO OMG #tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 medic #LIKE #LEGITIMATE BATHTUB TESTOSTERONE #BAHAHAH

[cellythefloshie]

;; Daddy Dunn

Summary: You, Dunn's fiance, travel with Vince to Lindsay, Ontario to celebrate the St Louis' 2019 Stanley Cup victory. It is in his hometown, after seeing Dunn's sweet interaction with children that - after years of thinking you would never have kids - you decide you want to have a baby. After telling Dunn, he assures that the two of you take a night to sleep on it, but not without a little practice.

Set in the summer of 2019.

Kinks & TW: Breeding/Desire to Become Pregnant, Oral Contraceptives, Unprotected Sex, Vince likes to Moan, Have to Stay Quiet, Hand Around Throat - Not Quite Choking, Hand Over Mouth, Woman on Top, Sundress Sex.

Notes: Apparently Vince had 4-5 surgeries during this off-season after sustaining a broken jaw in the series against SJS. This is touched on very briefly but nothing in detail.

Inspired By: This video and this anon.

Word Count: 2448

Taglist: @mp0625 @starshine-hockey-girl

For as long as you could remember you hadn’t wanted kids. Whether it be the responsibility that came with having a child or the pregnancy itself that scared you away from the idea of being a mother, it was something you have been comfortable with accepting. You would be the cool, wealthy, aunt that spoiled your nieces and nephews but that all changed in a single moment and it was all thanks to Vince. 

It was summertime, which often meant a relaxing postseason, but this off-season was different since St Louis had won the cup. Since Sanford scored the 4th goal in game seven, your life had been a whirlwind of festivities but it was all meant to wind down after Vince’s day with the cup. You had travelled with him all the way to Lindsay, Ontario, his hometown, and quickly faded into the background of the festivities. You followed him in his parade in the quaint community. 

With the population less than a tenth of St Louis, it almost left you feeling lost, but the crowds that flocked to Lindsay were far from underwhelming. Blues fans travelled from all across the Province - and even the country - for their opportunity to see Vince and Cup. You watched them all, the young and the old flock to him. Their hockey hero, the pride and joy of an entire community, had brought Lord Stanley home to them. 

He was met with smiles, with fondness, and some were even brought to tears. They had known him since he was a boy, and now he was a man. A humble man who had not forgotten his roots, and who spent his time with every single one of them who had come to celebrate his success with him. 

While it all had warmed your heart, there was one moment that left your heart fluttering and seemed to alter your brain chemistry in all of a single second. A woman that you hadn’t had the opportunity to meet yourself since you were watching the day unfold from the sidelines had brought her 8-month-old to meet with Vince and the cup. And while you would have admitted that the baby was cute, you didn’t fully appreciate the sight in front of you until Vince had taken the baby in his arms. He was kind, and sweet with zero hesitation or fear when it came to cradling such a young, sweet child. It was that moment that changed it all. 

Seeing him with the child in his arms. Hearing the soft voice he used and the ease at which he handled the child as they grew finicky as they sat in the Stanley Cup had ignited something deep inside you. You wanted a baby. 

It was something that weighed heavily over you the rest of the day. It left you fidgeting at the dinner table, your fingers twisting the delicate engagement ring on your finger. Vince had only proposed over the holiday season and you weren’t set to wed until the next summer, which should have been enough to have you biting your tongue - but the moment you had him alone in his childhood bedroom that had been given a bit of a facelift to be more suited for guests, you couldn’t hold yourself back from him. 

The moment the bedroom door had been shut behind you, your hands had found Vince’s chest. He was still wearing the same polo shirt, black with a thin white detail along his collar and sleeves, and you wanted it off of him. Fingers dragged down the buttons of his polo drawing his gaze down, and soon you were subject to a slack-jawed breath and his bedroom eyes. Your name left his lips in a slow hum. A hum that was laced with the little restraint he could muster. Before your trip, the two of you had agreed to not have sex if there was a chance his parents could overhear. Yet, you were undressing him with the very risk of his parents hearing everything from the next room. 

“I’ll be quiet, promise,” you whispered up at him, your lips curling into a faint smile that coaxed one up onto his own lips. 

“But I don’t have anything-”

You almost laughed as you pulled his shirt up and over his head and tossed it aside. You watched as your gleeful expression perplexed him. You had always insisted on using a condom, until now. “I don’t want to use one,” you told him in a soft whisper, your hands finding your bare chest to push him back towards the bed. 

Once you had him seated, the skirts of your sundress pulled up just enough for you to straddle his lap, you spoke again, “and, with your permission, I want to stop taking the pill.”

His face softened at your words, his full lips parting with a heavy breath. His hands quickly settled on your hips, caressing over your soft silhouette slowly as he spoke your name, “Are you sure? I mean, I’m not saying no - I just - you’ve - this is a big surprise.”

“I know, I know,” you sighed, your hands coming to rest on the strength of his shoulders, “but seeing you with all the kids today,” you looked away as you felt your heart begin to race in your chest, “and seeing how you were with the baby…”

Vince wore a cocky smile as he lay back against the bed, his arms reaching up to stretch out and flex the toned muscles of his body before they came to rest behind his head. “Oh, you liked that, huh?” he raised a brow, his words coy before he let his tongue run over his bottom lip slowly, “Daddy Dunn,” he said the words as if to taste how they would feel in his mouth, and they left him grinning ever wider when he saw the reaction it got out of you. 

Your skin had flushed with color, your jaw slacking for a moment before you found your composure and gave him a playful shove. “Stunner, don’t,” You had tried to be firm, but your words were laced with a nervous laugh, “don’t tease me like that and make me regret telling you.”

“Hey, hey,” Vince hummed and reached out a single hand to stroke over your cheek slowly. He used the touch to draw you in. He greeted your lips with a soft and gentle kiss before he eased back just enough to mutter out to you; “no teasing,” his hand reached up to brush your hair back gently, “but I do want you to sleep on it. You took your pill this morning, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you breathed out gently before biting down on your lower lip. 

“Good girl,” he hummed, his head shaking slightly as his thumb dragged down over your jaw to coax your lip from the bite of your teeth. He stroked it carefully with the pad of his thumb when he spoke again, “In the morning, if you feel the same way we’ll throw them away, but until then I don’t see there being anything wrong with a little practice.” 

Your head cocked to the side, your lips speaking into the touch of his thumb, “Practice?”

Vince let out a hum of confirmation as he leaned in, cast his thumb aside and placed a lingering kiss against your lips. It was slow and careful, a little cautious even as both were mindful of the tenderness that still lingered after his jaw had been broken during the playoff run. If anything, it forced the two of you to slow things down. Desperate hungry fucks, became tender, deliberate touches - and that didn’t change with the proposition of starting a family. 

His touch was gentle as a single hand brushed down the length of your body. It caressed over every curve as it sought out the bottom hem of your sundress. He pushed up the skirt of your dress slowly, his hand coasting over the flesh of your thigh as he let out a groan, “I’ve been wanting to fuck you in this dress all day.” 

“Oh, have you?” you raised a brow at him, your breath heavy as you pressed back into his touch. 

“All fucking day,” he reiterated with a groan as his hand found the waist of your panties and hooked onto them with a single finger before drawing them down the length of your legs. With every inch it travelled, you could feel your own arousal as it became a cool trail down the inside of your leg. When he pulled the panties from your legs, Vince balled them up in his hand, feeling the arousal that had pooled there, “you thinking about me too, Princess?”

You nodded slowly, your hands dragging down the length of his chest only to come to rest at the waist of his dark denim jeans. Fingers toyed with the thin hair of his treasure trail as you smiled down at Vince, who smiled in return, as he waited for you to indulge him in the fantasies in your mind. 

“Thinking about you,” you spoke slowly, your hands pulling the button free before toying with the zipper of his fly, “your cock…” you trailed off slowly, hesitant on letting the next words fall from your lips, “and your cum.”

His eyes ignited as he lifted his hips for you to rid him of his pants and his boxers with ease before returning to your lace in his lap. “Tell me about it, Princess.”

You spoke slowly as you took his cock in your hand. You stroked him slowly as you spoke, your words soft and just above a whisper, “I was thinking about your cock,” you licked your lips slowly as he twitched his cock in the hold of your hands, “and how it would spread my desperate cunt, and fuck me. You always fuck me so good baby, but to feel you, to really feel you,” you let out an exasperated breath, “and how you would fill me up. Leave me dripping-”

“You want a baby, Princess. All you’ll be feeling inside you until your round with my baby is my cum,” Vince grinned up at you, his cock hard in your hand, “and we can start right now. You nice and wet for me, Princess?”

And you were. You had been all day. 

Lifting up the skirt of your dress, you guided him to your slick core. You dragged the head of his cock along your entrance, your stomach jumping up into your throat as you felt him. You could feel every bit of him. From the head of his cock leading away to the thick vein along the underside of his cock. You quivered at the feeling, and at the realization that you were working him so deep inside you with nothing but the oral contraceptive you had taken that morning to keep him from getting you pregnant. 

You weren’t the only one who relished in it as you began to ride him, the pleasure coaxing a satisfied hum from his lips, “Ah fuck.” 

There was nothing more you liked than Vince getting vocal with you, but with his parents sleeping down the hall, it was the last thing you needed them overhearing. 

“Vinny,” you sighed to him in a low whisper as your cunt flexed around his cock, “you’ve gotta be quiet-” Your cautions were lost on him as his head lulled back into the bed with his lips parted. He was on the verge of ecstasy, and there would be no holding him back from letting the entire household know how good you rode his cock - that was unless you intervened. 

Your hands left the strength of his chest and slid up over his shoulders until one hand settled carefully around his throat. You gasped at it, anchoring yourself to him before your left hand came to rest over his mouth so that he could feel the warmth of your engagement ring against his flesh and every single attempt at a moan would be muffled by your palm. 

It was enough to silence him, but his pleasure wasn’t lost on you. You could feel it in the throbbing of his cock inside your walls, and it could be seen in the emotion in his eyes. They had always betrayed him, even now as they threatened to roll back in ecstasy but instead, he held your gaze as you continued to ride him. With each role of your hips, you took him into your cunt, feeling all of him from the tip of his cock buried deep inside you to his balls as they smacked up against your flesh and you didn’t stop - not until Vince had let his hands slide free from where they rest behind his head to grip at your hips. With his heels pressed down firmly into the mattress and your hand still firm over his mouth Vince plowed into you in a series of forceful thrusts that left your cunt and legs weak. 

Then, on the final thrust, you felt him. All of him. Every inch of his cock, and every drop of his cum as it consumed your core. It heated the blossomed through you, rendering your body still with the very exception of your walls that vice gripped him with your own pleasure. Your hands eased from his mouth and his neck, easing down onto a mattress as your lips parted in a ghost of a moan. 

“You like that, Princess?” Vince whispered against the shell of your ear as your body collapsed down on top of the strength of his body. You could only manage a feeble nod in return, “Good, you’ll be feeling me well into the morning after that one.”

The thought painted a soft smile across your features, one that was met with the exhaustion of the day and the fall of your pleasure. It left your eyes heavy, and your body calm as Vince eased out of you and moved your carefully to rest against the pillows. It was there, still in your sundress and with his cum coating the inside of your thighs, that sleep took you quickly, quicker than it had ever before. 

Come morning you moved straight for your bag and took your pills into your hand. You held them in against your palm for a moment, hearing their soft rattle in the packaging before you gripped them firmly in your hand. Taking a steady, confident breath, you walked across the room and straight to the trash bin. You showed no hesitation as you opened your hand and let them fall. 

#vince dunn #nhl rpf #nhl imagine #hockey rpf #hockey smut #nhl smut #rpf #hockey imagines #vince dunn fanfic

[outsideratheart]

Secrets & Lies (Christen Press x reader)

Based of this request.

A/N: This is the longest fic I have ever written with 11,599 words. I hope it isn’t too long and that you all like it. One more thing, ANGST!!!

You had been keeping a secret since the day you were born. Only a few people knew about it and that's because someone else told them but at what point does a secret turn into a lie?

You spent your childhood having bi yearly surgeries but they were only temporary fixes until the doctors felt your heart was strong enough to take the stress of a more complicated surgery. This came when you were 15, it meant you could play the sport you love, and to the naked eye your condition was non existent as long as you took your medication. It wouldn't be the last surgery you had, in fact the doctors told both you and your mom that they would have to do the same surgery again in around 10 years.

It resulted in you learning to live one day at a time and you never looked too far into the future but you couldn't ignore the fact that every year is one step closing to needing a second surgery. So when you turned 25 you couldn't help but feel like you were on borrowed time. Two years after that, the hospital visits became a monthly occurrence in order to keep an eye on your condition and your doctor was surprised that your heart was holding up well and it was but that feeling of being healthy soon came to a halt.

First came the shortness in breath followed by the chest pains, they are symptoms that you are all too familiar with. At first it was manageable but then it got hard to hide the toll it was taking on your body.

"Are you ok kid?" you feel a hand rest on the small of your back as you bend over in attempt to catch your breath after a sprinting drill.

"It's getting worse" you look up at your captain Christine Sinclair "I'll be ok, I have to be. The olympics are around the corner and I can't miss them" the panic in your voice sparks concern within the Canadian.

"Ok, ok, calm down. We will handle this like have in the past, just me, you and the doctors. Have you told Tobin or any of the others how bad it's getting?" you shake your head "Maybe it's time you tell Christen. The two of you have been tog—“

“No! Christen doesn't need to know"

"And when will she? When she is calling an ambulance?"

Christine Sinclair had many abilities and the one you hated the most was how well she showed tough love.

"No Christen and no Tobin. This is my fight and I know how to handle it" you know that the conversation is no where near over but you don't have the energy to talk about it and you don't want to risk the rest of the team hearing you.

At first only you and the Portland Thorns team doctor knew about your heart condition but then your mom told Christine when the thorns were playing Gotham. She wanted someone to know about it in case you were to have an episode. They didn't happen all that often, especially as you got older, but when they did come they were bad.

Portland were in Houston playing the dash before the players would go to their respective national teams. It meant that you had to pack for 3 weeks away. You made your checklist, packed your bag and then went through the list twice, you had everything.

The Thorns ended up beating the dash 3-1 with goals coming from you, Tobin and Lynsey so when you arrived at camp you were all in fantastic moods although yours could have something to do with the fact that you would be seeing Christen for the first time in a month.

As you enter the reception you are told that you are the last to arrive and the team are in the conference room handing out room assignments. As you enter the room you eyes eagerly search for your girlfriend but she isn’t there, worry starts to set in and you nudge tobin who in suit shrugs her shoulders. So her girlfriend and best friend didn’t know where she was. You are just about to raise your hand to ask the question when you feel two arms snake around your waist.

“Looking me for” Christen says quietly as not to interrupt Jill.

You remove one of her hands and place a kiss on the back of it.

“I better not be sharing with Kelley again” You tip your head back to rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll be happy to know I persuaded Jill to let us room together but you have to be on your best behaviour”

“Me!” You turn to face Christen. Your increased volume becoming apparent when Jill calls you out.

“Is there something you would like to share with the team” Jill encourages you to speak up.

"Nothing she can repeat in front of the youngens, right Y/N?" Kelley teases.

The defender knows that you will bite straight away if the teasing had to do with your relationship, more so what goes on behind close doors. You are on the verge of retaliating when Christen places her hand over your mouth.

"Sorry coach, continue" Christen tells Jill.

The team meeting runs a little big longer than you had hoped. Jill taking this time to discuss the basic plan for the camp as well as assigning rooms and then reassigning them when she gets complaints.

You and Christen waste no time in making up for being away from each other. It might have been a few years since the two of you started dating but the way she makes you feel never failed to catch you off guard. The connection you shared reminded you of fireworks and no matter how many times they went off you always jumped.

The two of you cuddled in bed, covered in nothing but the white hotel bed sheets. Christen's head rested on your chest whilst her hand traced shapes on your stomach.

"Your heart feels like it is about to beat out of your chest" whilst Christen jokes it is a reason for concern to you.

You think about it for a second. The Thorns schedule has been gruelling recently and you knew that you were putting stress on your heart but it was fine, you were taking your medication then it hit you, you hadn't taken it this morning.

"My heart will always skip a beat for you" you stare up at the ceiling in fear that Christen will see your pain if she looks you in the eyes.

The pair of you get ready for training all whilst worry starts to sink deeper into your thoughts. Christen knew you took several supplements in a morning but she didn't know what they were and you wanted to keep it this way. When you are on your way down to the lobby you see your chance.

"I'll meet you down there. I forget to take my vitamins" You daren't use the word medication because you know it will cause her to worry. It's the reason why she has no idea about your condition. You saw what the worry did to your mom growing up and you wouldn't put that on your girlfriend.

Luckily Christen doesn't ask any questions and she doesn't follow you back to the room. By the time she gets to the lobby the whole team is there ready and waiting.

"What, no Y/N?" Pinoe asks her fellow forward.

"She forgot her vitamins" Christen says fully unaware of the looks that are shared between Emily and Tobin.

Emily tips her head towards the elevator and Tobin picks up on what she is suggesting.

You are rummaging through your bag hoping that you will find your medication but it is no where to be found. You thought you packed enough for the Thorns trip and the national camp but you hadn't. You didn't know what to do, you knew that if you told Dawn about it she would have you benched and that couldn't happen because you were playing Canada and the team needed you. The sound of someone knocking at the door pulls you out of your head. At first you ignore them, you had more important things going on right now and the person on the other side of the threshold could wait but the knocking continued only louder and more persistently.

"Y/N let me in"

Tobin, just the person you both wanted to see and did not want to see. When she enters she recognises the panic on your face immediately.

"You forgot?" Her tone reminds you of your mom and you didn't care for it.

"I'm fine now" It was a lie but you didn't have a choice  "I'm just tidying up. You know how much of a neat freak Chris is"

You had been taking this medication for 12 years surely you built up enough strength to live without it for a week.

Training was tough to say the least but you chalked it down to the Arizona heat. Tobin kept a close eye on you and even went out of her way to partner up with you during drills which pissed you off more because you wanted to work with Christen. Dawn watched you from the sidelines and at first you didn't think anything of it until you saw her whispering in Jill's ear.

When the coach calls you over in the middle of scrimmage, it gains the attention of the entire team. Players only ever got called out of a game when they were in trouble but Jill eyes wasn't filled with anger, they were filled with pity and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw Dawn mouth 'i'm sorry'.

"Do I need to be worried?" Jill asked.

Here's the thing with Jill. You know she knows and she knows you know she knows but the two of you have never spoken about it. She keeps an eye on you during training and Dawn let's her know if there is a reason for concern.

"No. I forgot to take my medication this morning so it's taking a little bit longer for it to work"

Another lie.

"You were struggling out there and don't say it's because of the heat. I have seen you when we play in Australia and you aren't phased at all"

"I'm already feeling better. Watch and you will see that I am fine" you shut down the conversation before it can go any further.

When you're back on the pitch you score within seconds and dedicate your goal to your coach with an arrogant salute. Instead of it making her believe you're healthy, your celebration makes Jill think the opposite. You are trying too hard to show her you are ok.

The next couple of days are more difficult than you would like to admit. You were tempted to ask for a personal day and fly back to Portland but it would lead to more questions and you were trying to keep your amount of lies to a minimum.

With game day getting closer and closer, you begin easing off the physical side of preparation. You took a back seat in training and when asked about it you stated that as your role as captain you want to use this time to pass on your knowledge to the younger players.

When it comes to the afternoon lift session, Dawn pulls you aside and tells you that you will be working alone. She puts you on the treadmill whilst the rest of the team focus on the weights. Her attempt at testing your fitness isn't as subtle as she hopes.

"Wait, why is Y/N the only one doing a fitness test?" Tobin asks. Christen wants to know the same thing. She had seen the change in your behaviour over the past couple of days. It happened in the blink of an eye, one minute your the confident player the world loved the next you are on the sidelines trying to catch your breath like a rookie.

"Because I am the fastest on the team and Dawn wants to see if I can improve my stats from last camp"

Your girlfriend buys it, Tobin on the other hand isn't so easy to persuade. In the end she walks away but not before talking to Sonnet who looks at you and shakes her head.

Great! You aren't well and now you have pissed off the two people that could out you to the entire team.

"I've seen you watching me and I'm fine but if I am sick then I will get worse by doing this" you whisper in Dawn's ear before setting the treadmill to 15 where you begin sprinting as if you have a perfectly good heart.

By the end of the treadmill test you can barely breathe. Dawn helps you to chair before getting you a bottle of water. You hear her shout of Christen and within seconds your girlfriend is by your side.

"Y/N breathe for me" Christen begs. She had never seen you this out of breath.

"It hurts" you clasp both of your hands over your chest. This couldn't be happening, not here, not now.

"What's going on with her?" Christen asks dawn.

"She is--" Dawn tries to answer but Tobin and Sonnet come running over.

"She took an elbow to the chest in our last game and it's causing her some problems" Tobin tells her.

"She'll be fine. Here, use this" Sonnet gives you an ice pack knowing that it helps with your chest pains.

Your hands shake whilst you hold the cold block to your chest, so much so that Christen ends up taking it from you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christen asks.

When you look to Christen you see the hurt you are causing her and this is because she didn't know about a tackle that didn't happen. In a matter of seconds you go from feeling pain to feeling guilty.

“I—" part of you tries to tell her the truth, even it it's only a half truth.

"It's best if she doesn't talk" Tobin cuts in.

Dawn tells you that you're done for the day and that Christen should take you back to your room. Your girlfriend talks to the performance coach in hopes that she can tell her what to do to make you feel better.

"I don't know what's going on with you but you cannot tell her when you're like this. She will think you’re ill" Tobin whispers in your ear.

"That's because I am ill and I always will be. She deserves to be with someone who isn't a burden" your breathing begins to even out.

"Y/N don't do anything stupid. You trust us with your secret, you can trust her too"

"No, my mom trusted you. I didn't want people to know because they look at me like—“

"Like what"

"Like that" you point at both of the friends "Like I'm broken"

Walking away you feel their eyes burning into the back of your head but you don't look back. Christen stands near the door with her hand extended waiting for you to take it.

Once back in your room Christen goes straight into the bathroom and begins running the bath. It is something that calmed the two of you but funnily enough you haven't done it whilst being at camp. Your girlfriend comes back out to find you laid back on the bed, your eyes closed with one hand on your chest. She can just about hear you counting your breaths.

"Join me" Christen says from the door way but she doesn't get an answer, you don't even move.

"Baby, come join me" the softness in her tone when she calls you the name that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world gets your attention.

"I think i'm just going to lay here for a while"

"Look at me" your girlfriend demands and upon doing so see her standing there in nothing but her underwear "I wasn't asking"

The smirk that pulls at your lips in uncontrollable. The sight you saw had the power to bring to your knees and the past had proven that.

"Then I won't say no" you stand and remove your shorts and as you walk towards her you remove your top.

Christen is the first to get into the bath and she slides forward so that you can slip in behind her. She grabs your arms, wraps them around her and then covers your arms with her own.

"I love you Christen Press" you place a kiss to her jawline "but if something were to happen to me then I want you to move on" you feel a tear roll down your cheek but you cannot wipe it away "Please don't waste your years mourning me and don't be afraid to open your heart to another. You wouldn't be betraying me and although i'll be gone, i'll always be with you, in here" you place your hand over her heart.

"Y/N--" Christens shifts her weight.

"Don't look at me"

This was strange. You and Christen are very open about your feelings and aren't scared to be vulnerable around each other but whenever you shared these moments you wanted to feel as close to her as possible which lead to the two of you having eye contact.

"You are my one true love Y/N Y/L/N and should the worse happen, that will never change. I cannot make a promise to move on because I am not in control of my heart but I will promise to let love in should it come to me"

"I will love you Christen until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

This time you don't stop her as she turns in the water so her legs are either side of you. You craved her touch and reassurance that everything would be ok only she couldn't tell you that. That night Christen makes you forget about how this pain in your chest has ended in the past and you don't think twice about whether you future is going to last a year or ten years.

Game day came on day 5 without your medication and you were starting to regret not going home to get them. Sleep had become nothing more than a long nap and every time you ran it felt like a marathon. Still you had been able to downplay your struggles and Jill put you in the starting 11 despite being concerned about you.

You knew there was one person you couldn't fool and you did your best to avoid her until the whistle. At the pitch inspection you stayed away from the Canadians but you saw Christine staring at you from a distance, by the look on her face you knew she knew. When she tipped her head towards the tunnel so she could speak with you, you shook your head.

"You should go see her" Christen nudges towards where your club captain is standing.

"And fraternise with the enemy. I would much rather fraternise with you" you whisper in her ear.

It seems that Christen buys your distraction as she doesn't bring it up again even when Christine waits by the locker room after the warm ups.

You think you have managed to evade your friend's questioning but when you stand in the line waiting to go out you have a bad feeling in your gut so when Christine walks by you grab her arm and pull her back towards you.

"I didn't bring enough medication with me" you confess.

Up until now you haven't been scared but the look Christine gives makes you feel just that.

"How long?" she keeps her reply short given the crowd of players that surround you.

"5 days" You see Christine eye up Jill as she walks past "No, don't. I can handle this game but you need to know if case something happens"

"What makes you think that?"

You bring you hand to your chest "gut feeling" you reply.

Once gain Christine's expression changes and the worry is not something she can hide. She pulls you into her arms and whispers in you ear.

"I know you can handle it especially when playing so be smart out there kid"

And that is exactly what you do or at least for the first 50 minutes it is. All of sudden you feel your chest tighten and you feet give way underneath you as your body goes into fight or flight response. You do everything in your power to fight but it is too hard. Within seconds you are laid out of the floor, instead of your heart beating rapidly it is slow, too slow.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Christen kneels beside you.

Your eyes lock onto her, she is the reason why you want to fight but your lack of response does more harm than good. The team don't know what is happening so they don't call the medics over.

"Is it your heart?" Tobin asks having no care in the world about who hears her.

"What's wrong with her heart? Is this about the knock you took?"

You had been dreading this moment but somehow it has turned out worse than you imagined.

"I'm" you take a deep breathe "sorry"

"Why are you sorry? Tobin what is she sorry for? What is going on?"

Tobin looks at you and you use whatever energy you have left to shake your head.

"Sincy" you look at Tobin and she understands what you want but she doesn't want to leave your side.

Emily picks up on this "It's ok, i'll get her"

The defender turns to get your team mate only to see the opposing captain already running over.

"Move out of my way" Christine pushes her way through the white shirts.

"Sincy, it hurts" tears start to fall as fear begins to set in.

"Tobin get your medics now"

Christine looks at your team mates but her gaze ultimately falls on your girlfriend who looks petrified. Christen has one of your hands in hers, squeezing it so tightly that part of your fingers have turned white.

"I don't want to die" your words earn gasps from your team mates. Some of the Portland players are trying to hold back from crying as they know what this could mean.

"You're not going to die" Christen places a kiss to the back of your hand "Why would you die? You can't die. Christine" Christen looks up to the older player only to see her holding Tobin in her arms as she tries to console her "Tobin" at the sight on her best friend in tears she knows that something much bigger is going on.

The medics come running onto the pitch and in that very moment you realise that the secret you have kept for the last 27 years is about to come to light. When one of them starts asking question you know that you don't have it in you to answer them,  a mixture of not wanting to and not having the ability to.

"She has a heart defect and hasn't been taking her medication" Christine says when she realises you wouldn't say it. Your club captain proceeds to explain your condition in detail as well as your medical history.

"No" Christen shouts "She is fine, tell them you're fine Y/N. You're not sick, you just took a knock in your last game. I know you're not sick because you would have told me, we don't have secrets" tears are flowing freely down your girlfriends face.

"Y/N" Christen whispers when she feels your hand slowly loosen it's grip from her own.

"I don't want to die. I wan’t—" your breathing hitches once again as your bodies tries to inhale a much oxygen as possible.

"Baby, no" Christen leans forward and rests her forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry. I love you" those are are the last words you say and Christen is the last thing you see before it goes black.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. I need everyone to back up so we can try and save her life" One of the doctors say as the other one sprints away in search of the defibrillator.

"No, i'm not leaving her" Christen holds onto your unconscious form. It is only when Ashlyn pulls her away does she let go and begins sobbing into her friends arms.

The team stand there, helpless, as they watch the medics try to resuscitate you. All of them feeling a mixture of emotions. Some are angry at you, why didn't you tell them things had got this bad. Others feel guilty having known nothing about your condition, they begin wondering if the signs where there and they had just been too ignorant to see them.

Christen feels every emotion under the sun but the strongest one of them all is rage. You were her girlfriend and not only did you keep this from her, her best friend did too. You were the two people she trusted the most in the world yet today made it clear that trust wasn't reciprocated.

You are loaded into an Ambulance and taken the the nearest hospital. Christen is asked if she wants to go with you but she says no. The game gets suspended and the teams head back into their locker rooms. The US players planned on getting changed and heading straight to you.

The atmosphere in the locker room is something that neither of them have experienced before.

"You knew!" Christen shouts at Tobin.

"Chris" Pinoe tries to pull your girlfriend towards her locker but fails.

"No, I deserve an answer. My girlfriend was sick and you didn't tell me"

"It wasn't my secret to tell Christen. She made us promise not to tell you"

Tobin's words didn't exactly instil faith and calmness in her friend.

"Us?" Christen takes a step back and she scans the locker room. Now that's she is looking, it is very obvious who knew and who didn't "Emily, Lindsey. You knew too" Christen couldn't believe it.

"I didn't know things has gotten this bad. Y/N has episodes but she handles them on her own" Emily tells her.

"She doesn't like to talk about it" Lindsey adds.

"And Christine Sinclair knew" It isn't a question. The woman's action on the pitch made it obvious that she is very aware of your condition.

"I did"

Turning around Christen comes face to face with the women she was talking about.

"I have known since the beginning" the invisible spotlight that was placed on Christine made her nervous "I'm going to the hospital. Come with me and I will tell you everything"

Christen quickly replaces her boots with a pair of trainers, grabs a jacket and follows your captain.

Christen sat in the hospital waiting room alone. The seats either side of her remained empty because although her teammates wanted to support their friend, they knew it was just as important to give her space. It didn't make sense at first, you being ill, but then she begins replaying some of your recent conversations. Obviously the one you shared in the bath a few nights prior wasn't as hypothetical as Christen thought. Did you really think that Christen could move on from you?

"Family of Y/N Y/L/N"

Upon hearing your name the entire USWNT flock towards to the man clad in scrubs.

"I'm her girlfriend" Christen says as she stands directly in front of him.

"I'm sorry her file says to only discuss medical matters with direct family or Christine Sinclair, is that you?"

Christen couldn't believe what she is hearing. Even when you are in god knows what condition you are still determined to keep this from her.

"That's me. This is Christen Press and you can discuss Y/N's condition with her" Your friend has had enough of your secrets, Christen deserves the know the truth and at this point she knew that you could no longer hide it but that you would still try.

"Unfortunately Y/N coded again on the way here. Her heart had to work overdrive just to beat regularly and in the end it couldn't take it"

"No, She" your girlfriend couldn't believe what she was hearing "She can't die"

"She's alive Miss Press" The doctor confirmed "What I meant is that her heart couldn't take it which lead to the incident during your game. I spoke with her doctor in Portland and we agreed that minor surgery was needed until she can have a full exam when she returns home. Y/N is in recovery right now for observation then we will move her to a private room. I will have someone come get you when she is allowed visitors"

Christen stands frozen in her spot. Her mind, body and soul had grieved your death twice now even if it wasn't permanent.

"This is a good thing Chris" Tobin ignores the looks she gets as she talks to her best friend.

"How is this good Tobin? She almost died, no she did die. I lost her"

Tobin tries to pull Christen into a hug but she fights it. She takes her anger, which is rightly or wrongly is aimed at you, out on Tobin before surrendering.

"How could she not tell me Tobin? I'm suppose to be her person, she tells me she loves me yet—“

Christen is cut off before she can finish her sentence.

"You really don't get it do you" Christine says. After speaking to the doctor she found a seat near your Portland team mates "Y/N does love you more than you realise. It is the reason why she hasn't told you. I know that doesn't make sense but it does in her mind. Y/N has never told anyone about her heart condition"

"That's not true. You know, Tobin, Lynsey, Emily and I guess Becky knows, oh and dawn too, maybe even jill"

"You're right but that's not because Y/N told us. Her mom is reason why we know. She told us for this exact reason, in case something happens to her daughter and she isn't there to help her. In Y/N’s eyes she was protecting you by not telling you"

"That does sound like Y/N" Ashlyn sees sense in what the Canadian is saying.

"It doesn't make it ok"

"No it doesn't and for what it's worth Tobin has been begging Y/N to tell you since you started dating" Christine comes to her team mates defence.

Christen knows deep down that none of this was Tobin's fault and that her reaction was uncalled for. The way Tobin looks at her is something she has never seen before but then it hits her. You might have been her girlfriend but you are Tobin's best friend.

"I'm sorry Tobin. It just the thought of losing her is—“

"I know. It's scares me too"

When the pair hug, the team awe in response. For a brief moment the energy changes but it doesn't last long.

"Y/N is awake"

Having not needed to be told twice, Christen heads straight towards the nurse.

"You're going to have to wait sweetie. Y/N only wants to see Miss Sinclair"

It hurt. Once again you were choosing Christine over her and quite frankly Christen has had enough. A huge part of her wanted to say 'screw you' and leave. If you didn't want to see her then she wasn't going to stick around.

"Let's go get a coffee" Pinoe suggests which Christen agrees, Tobin follows in suit.

The three of them return just as Christine is storming through the hallway. Clearly nothing good happened in your room but it wasn't clear if the bad thing was related to the incident or something else.

"Christine, wait" Christen grabs her hand as she strides past them "What's wrong"

"She's unbelievable and all yours. I'm done"

Christen heads straight for you room, alone. The rest of the team know that there is conversation that needs to be had between the two of you and they had no right to be a part of it.

The sight itself is worrying. You are laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to several hospital wires and have a nasal cannula which is helping you breathe. All in all you didn't look well and it made the next words that came out of your mouth that much more frustrating.

"Don't look at me like that, i'm fine" your attempt at reassuring your girlfriend seems to have the opposite affect.

"No more lies Y/N. You're not fine. I watched you die, do you know what that was like?" Christen starts the speech that she had been planning in her head for the last couple of hours.

When you see her eyes begin to well up you want nothing more than to get out of the bed and comfort your girlfriend but you simply didn't have the strength. Instead you used what strength you did have to move over slightly so there was room for her near you.

"Come here"

Christen does so happily. Even though she is mad she has been craving the feeling of being in your arms and the solace it brings her.

"You knew this would happen. It's why you talked about you dying when we laid in the bath. You held me in your arms and we had a conversation which you knew could happen whilst I thought you were being hypothetical"

"I meant what I said. When I die I want you to move on with your life, not live in the past, in our past" once again you cannot bring yourself to make eye contact with your girlfriend.

Christen hovers her hand over your chest before placing it on your heart. The room goes quiet, enough so that you can hear her counting the beats under her breath. She is worried about you and you knew what the next couple of months would look like. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. You never wanted things to come to this and you certainly didn’t want to be the reason for Christen’s pain. It’s why you know the thing you are going to next is the right thing to do.

“Why did Christine leave?”

Well it looks like Christen is going to be the one to initiate the conversation only she has no idea what is about to come.

“I told her i’m not going to have the surgery when I get home. If I do then I'll miss the olympics and that isn’t something I am willing to do. I am going to have another minor surgery and work with the doctors so that I make it until the summer”

Christen lifts her head so she can see your face and what she is met with worries her. You are blank, almost emotionless but it was the facade you chose to put up in order get through this talk.

“No! You—“

“Christen the last few years we have shared have been incredible and I wouldn’t change a thing. I know you are mad at me for keeping this from you but I don’t regret it. If I had it my way you would have never found out. I wanted to protect you from the pain that comes with my condition because I saw what it did to my mom and I won’t have you going through the same worry”

“Y/N” Christen doesn’t like what she is hearing.

“I love you Christen Annemarie Press more than anything in this world and it’s why I can’t be with you”

Her eyes well up within seconds. Her breathing becomes erratic and it matches the increasing beeps on your monitor. You may be calm on the outside but the wires hooked up to your chest tell a different story.

“No. You don’t get to tell me your dying then break up with me, that’s not how this ends, I won’t let it” Christen refuses to acknowledge that you have decided to end your relationship.

“Chris” You reach out for her hand but she pulls away just as your fingertips touch.

“Why are you doing this? We’ve talked about our future, marriage and kids. I may not have known you were sick but you did and you still had those conversations. Were they lies too?”

You get up out of bed against your better judgement. You ignore the pain in your chest and the rapid beeping coming from behind you.

“I never lied to you, I withheld the truth, there is a difference. Those conversations we had were a fantasy, one that made me look forward to a future I knew I might not have. I am doing this because I love you way to much to break your heart just because mine is already broken”

Your emotions are starting to get the better of you whilst Christen has tears rolling down her cheeks. It was naive to believe you could break up with the love or your life and not have her fight for you.

“You are so selfish Y/N” Christen’s sadness has turned into rage “I am willing to stand by your side though all of this and you are pushing me away. You are making a decision for our future without letting me have a say”

“I might not have a future Christen!”

The volume of your tone is the last straw. Doctors who had been monitoring your vitals come rushing into the room to make sure that you are ok, your team mates follow in suit.

“Miss Y/L/N I need you to get back into bed before you rip open your stitches” One of the nurses try to usher you back toward the bed but you don’t move.

“Christen, Listen to me. I am doing this because I love you, one day you will see that. I have to let you go”

Christen waits in your room to hear you out but she doesn’t respond before leaving.

When you are back in bed you cannot bring yourself to look at any of your team mates. There are those that knew and some that didn’t. You chose to stare out the window and your friends leave one by one, soon enough it is just Tobin and Emily in the room.

“You’re not getting the surgery?” Emily asks you. She had been the one to follow Christine to find out what happened.

“I can’t. I want to go to Tokyo and I can’t if I get it. My doctor said the risks are very high given the stress that my heart is currently under and he’s not sure if it can take it. I meant what I said on the pitch, I don’t want to die” The blonde understood your reasoning and didn’t question it any further.

Tobin on the other hand. She has had enough with your stubbornness and you knew that a lecture was coming.

“Please don’t” you beg her

“You two were made for each other and you just threw that away, why?” Tobin asks you.

“Because it easier to mourn someone you hate than someone you love”

The next month was tough. You were back in Portland, a place you called home, but you had never felt more alone. Your friends were mad at you for not getting surgery, even Christine only spoke to you when her captain duties called for it. Christen spent the first week after the incident texting and messaging you. She was fighting for your relationship but you couldn't step into the ring for her.

You had to take a temporary step back from the team to recover and get back to a place where you can play high level soccer. You released a statement saying that you were stepping away in order to focus on your health. You didn't give the fans anymore details and they respected your wishes, the press on the other hand, well they wanted to know what the damage was.

Truth is you missed your friends and the loneliness that your stubbornness caused became overwhelming which only made things worse. Your doctor was pleased with the improvements you were making but after the first few weeks things took a turn for the worse. The temporary surgery you had in Arizona had reached its limits a lot sooner than your doctor had hoped.

It was three months later when it came to a head.

"When do I have to make the decision?" you ask.

You had just completed another round of tests and as you sit in your doctor's office you can tell by the energy in the room and the lack of eye contact of his behalf that things weren't good.

"I would like to do this as soon as possible and before you ask, it is my recommendation that we do the full repair"

"But what about the risks? I want to go to Tokyo and you said the best way for me to do that is to have the smaller surgery and reevaluate when I get back"

"Y/N if we don't do this surgery I cannot guarantee that you make it to the summer"

"So what you're saying is I have the surgery or become part of the 27 club?" You let out a small chuckle but nothing about this was funny.

"I'm sorry things have come to this and I know it isn't what you wanted"

"It's ok, these things happen" It was as if you had already admitted defeat.

When you get up from your chair it's as if time had slowed down. You walked over the window which ironically looks over Providence park. You had made so many memories there and you truly thought you would have years to make more, now though you're not too sure.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" your doctor stands beside you "Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be about this but you can't close yourself off from everybody. You shouldn't keep your friends at arms length Y/N, they are there because they want to support you"

"I don't want to become their problem"  you confess.

"I made a promise to someone but they're not my patient you are" He goes back to his desk "Christen Press calls my office once a week to get updates on you"

You were both happy and angry after hearing this. On one hand it was nice to know she still cared but you had been killing yourself, literally, so that you could keep her away from this and your doctor has been telling her anyways.

"You had no right"

"No I didn't but it was the right thing to do. That women loves you Y/N. When faced with death most of my patients live life there's no tomorrow. They do all the things that are on their bucket list, they make memories with their friends and confess their feelings but you, you have done the opposite. You refuse to see or speak to anyone unless it is unavoidable and you push away the woman you love most in this world. I made a decision, one that I won't apologise for"

At this point your doctor was like family so he didn't mind calling you out when your were being stubborn or stupid.

"What if I hurt her?"

Dying doesn't scare you because you had been preparing for it your entire life. Being the reason that Christen cries herself to sleep at night, that is one of your greatest fears.

"You already are by pushing her away"

You knew he was right. It became obvious the moment you broke up with her but in your eyes you were hurting her a little bit now in order to keep from hurting a lot more later on.

"Can I call you tomorrow with an answer?"

"Of course"

When you leave his office your phone feels like it's burning a hole in your pocket. Every part of you wanted to hear Christen's voice but something was stopping you.

Ignorance had been your greatest ally as of late. If you weren't at the hospital or at rehab then you would tell yourself that you are healthy but you were no longer able to ignore the uncertainty of your future. Portland has been home since you went No1 in the draft so subconsciously you take yourself to Providence park which isn’t all that strange considering it’s about this time of day when training ends. You stop at a poster of you and Tobin after you won the championship last season, the two of you looked so happy and carefree.

"It's a good photo" you don't need to turn around in order to know who is there.

"Y/N and Heath, Portland's unstoppable force" It was a nickname that the fans gave the both of you years ago and it has stuck ever since.

"Well one of us is" Tobin jokes.

"I guess I deserve that. I've missed you Tobs" you hug her tightly with a force that she returns.

"You're scaring us Y/N. Everyone is worried about you. Christen isn't herself, she is barely sleeping, every time she closes her eyes she sees you on that pitch or worse. She told me the other night that she finds herself walking through cemetery and it is your headstone that she goes to"

"I never wanted any of this to happen. I just wanted to protect her, you do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do and she does too. I know you don't want to talk about it but please tell me you're getting better" Tobin pleads.

"I wish I could. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to put you in a position where you have to lie but I need to have the big surgery, the one I have been putting off, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to have it yet"

"You're scared?" Tobin asks and you nod "You will make the right decision Y/N and I know you want to do this alone but if you want me to then i'll be by your side through it all"

The offer meant more than Tobin knew. You truly thought that your behaviour over the past couple of months had burnt the bridges that you call your friendships.

"Thank you Tobin"

She joins you as you wander the city but after an hour she picks up on the fact that you wanted to be alone and before leaving she reminds you once again that she is only a call away should you need her.

You find a bench that over looks the water. You put your earphones in and dial Christen's number, praying to the higher powers that she answers, she doesn't. It didn't come as a surprise, you didn't deserve her time. You try again only this time you decide to leave a voicemail.

"Hi bab—, sorry I mean Christen, it's Y/N. I have been told that I should talk to someone and you are the first person that came to my mind. I—“

"Y/N? Are you ok? Is something wrong"

"Christen?" you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if the call has connected "you didn't pick up, I thought I was leaving a voicemail"

"Sorry I was in the shower. Is everything ok?"

"I want to talk to you but I need you to treat me like the old Y/N, not the weak and broken Y/N"

"You're not broken Y/N. You are human and sometimes humans get sick"

"Chris, please"

"Girlfriend Y/N or cocky and confident Y/N? Just so I know which Y/N I am speaking to?" she chuckles slightly as she allows herself to get lost in the game are playing.

"The one that loves you unconditionally"

"My favourite Y/N"

You ignore the butterflies that you feel when you hear Christen's voice. Despite everything that is going on with you and her, she still manages to calm you down without even trying.

"I remember the first time you took me home to meet your family, I was so nervous. I know how much they mean to you and although you are this independent woman who doesn't need anyones approval, you still wanted theirs and I thought for certain I wouldn't get it"

This was news to Christen. She couldn't have imagined this is how you felt given the way you strode into the Press family full of confidence and not willing to let anyone get in the way of your relationship.

"I didn't know that"

"Can you remember the end of the night when you Dad asked to speak to me outside?" you hear Christen hum on the other end "That was the calmest I had been the entire night"

"Y/N, that doesn't make sense"

"It does because I knew the 'nobody will be good enough for my daughter' speech was coming. He asked me if I deserved to be in his daughters life and I said no. It was an easy answer because although I had known you for a few years, we had only being dating for a few months and in that time you showed me just how amazing you are and part of me knew from the moment I met you that you were too good for me Christen. The next morning Channing and Tyler cornered me in the kitchen and asked me the same type of question. The only person who didn't was your mom"

"She told me to tell that she's really mad at you"

"She'll have to get in line. Can I continue?"

You take her silence as a yes.

"Your mom asked me why I don't trust that her daughter is making the right decision. I said because i'm not capable of loving you like you deserve and whether it be in one year or ten years, I will break your heart"

"Y/N"

"She told me breaking someone's heart isn't always a bad thing because if you have the power to do that then they must love you with every fibre of their being and that isn't something to be sad about. She said when the day comes, I won't do it on purpose because if I do then I would be hurting myself in the process"

"When the day comes? She knew?"

"I asked myself the same question. Her words were filled with so much comfort that I was sure she did but it wasn't possible"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I knew from day one that this wasn't going to end well and I pursued it anyways. I was selfish and I have hurt you when I spent years making sure that didn't happen"

When the line goes quiet you are sure that Christen has hung up. You wouldn't be angry if she did, it was nice of her to give you the time that she had.

"Can you remember the night before the world cup final when we walked the streets of Paris?"

This is how the rest of the night went. You and Christen went back and forth sharing your favourite memories from your time together. Every so often she would change the subject to your health but it was only for a second then she would go back to her story.

The night draws in and the temperature drops but you are too content sitting by the water, admiring the view and talking to Christen. A dog comes running up to you, the bark makes Christen question where you are.

"Y/N where are you?"

"On a bench"

"You should go home"

"But I don't want to say goodbye"

Both of you go silent. The heaviness of the words you just said bring back the reality of what has been going in.

"There's no reason for you to say goodbye" Christen says and it's obvious even she didn't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth.

"Chris"

"No, I won't have this conversation with you over the phone. If you want to say your goodbyes then you do it in person"

"I love you and my heart, as broken as it may be, belongs to you and it will do until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

A strong sense of Deja Vu hits you and Christen. You had said this before but the meaning is different now.

"Stop"

"I need surgery Christen and the risks are high but if I don't have it then I don't know how long—“

"Y/n, please" Christen begs you from her end of the phone "I know you broke up with me and I know why but I love you"

"Christen, stop. I can tell what you're thinking. Please don't come to Portland"

"But I want to be with you"

"I am only a phone call away but I need space to do this ok?"

"I want to make a deal. No more radio silence. You call me every day, whether it is a good day or a bad one. I'll give you your space but I need you in my life"

Christen's determination was admirable and you wouldn't expect anything less.

"We have a deal"

"Pinky promise?"

"Ok"

"I need to hear you say it"

"Christen I pinky promise to call you everyday"

You decided not to get the major surgery. Life is short, you know this more than most, so you took your chances and worked with the physios to get you fit and healthy in time for the summer. It was difficult and there were days that you felt like giving up but you persisted, maybe a little too hard.

The bad days came along more than the good days but you kept your promise to christen. You called her everyday, sometimes twice.

You were promised a spot on the olympic roster if the doctors cleared you. It didn't matter if you didn't take part in the camps. The staff and players knew you belonged on the team, you could take a year off and still step on the pitch like no time had passed.

Just before the send off series, a rematch against Canada was organised. Due to the history of the fixture both teams felt they owed the fans a full 90 minute match. They agreed to have the game in Portland seen as though the city means so much to you.

Christen wanted to go to your apartment as soon as she landed but in the end she chooses to respect your wishes.

Your absence in the locker room was obvious. It was the first time that the national team had played without you in years and each player struggled with the thought of not having you on the pitch with them. Christen kept checking her phone every few minutes, you hadn’t had your morning call and something didn’t feel right. What she saw next seemed to add fuel to the fire.

“You can’t wear that?” Christen says when she watches Mallory change into her shorts. There on the left side was the number 7.

“Y/N told me to wear it” Mal’s defence was honest. She remembers getting the call from you, at first it was strange but then you explained the reason why and the young forward saw it as an honour.

“She would never do that” it is Tobin who speaks up “It’s her number and she wouldn’t give it up, not when she knows she’s—“ your best friends stops herself when she realises what you have done.

“When she’s what?” Mal asks.

“Never mind” Tobin retreats to her locker where she tries to call you only to get your voicemail.

The game ends in a 1-1 draw. Both halves were uneventful but the post match press conference made up for that. Canada goes first and as Christine Sinclair sits down she has no idea what she is in for.

The US team watch from the changing room given that their captain is next and they want to see what she gets asks.

“Christine do you have a comment on the latest news regarding your Portland Thorns team mate Y/N Y/L/N?”

It was a question that threw not only her off but the entire USWNT locker room. As far as they were aware you were recovering well and on track to return to the team.

“What news is that?” Christine says as she ignores the pit that is forming in her stomach.

“What are they talking about?” Christen asks Tobin. The insecurities of been left in the dark regarding your condition come straight to the surface.

“I don’t know” Tobin tries to hide her worry.

The journalist who asked the question remains quiet. It was clear that Christine didn’t know what he was talking about and he knew that a press conference wasn’t the right place to tell her and he shouldn't be the one to do so.

“Tell me, please” Christine encourages the journalist.

“I have a source that tells me Y/N was brought into OHSU this morning by ambulance and that she was rushed into emergency heart surgery” she can tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t want to say it.

“This press conference is over” Christine leaves and heads straight for the opposing teams locker room.

The room that holds your team is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They were all in a state of shock that left them frozen in their spot. The first to move is Emily who calls your number time and time again hoping that if she does it enough then you will pick up. Tobin is next, she calls you mom who doesn’t answer either.

“Hello”

Christen’s voice fills the locker room.

“Ok, I understand”

Her team mates watch and wait for her to tell them something, anything. Christen takes a deep breathe before turning her attention to the team.

“That was her doctor’s office. All they can tell me is that she is in surgery”

Christen takes a deep breath. A few days ago she begged you for honesty and against your better judgement you gave it to her. You told her everything and what followed was never part of your plan. After cooking a meal together over face time Christen asked you to say goodbye and you knew you owed her that. It wasn't a sad goodbye and you didn't talk about your past. You talked about a life where you are healthy, get married, have children and live long enough to grow old together then at the end you said your goodbyes.

It is the reason why Christen remains in her locker when the rest of the team get ready to go the hospital. Even as Christine comes to tell them the news that they already know, she remains still and calm.

"Christen, get your stuff together, we need to go" Tobin tells her.

Yet she doesn't move.

"I'm not going"

"I understand that things aren't great between the two of you but this is bad and she needs you"

That's the thing, even though you wasn't dating, you and Christen were in a good place. There were no more lies between you and it made your friendship stronger than it ever was.

"I've already said my goodbye and I don't want my last memory to be of her in a hospital bed"

The team couldn't believe what they were hearing. They had no idea you were at a point when goodbyes were necessary.

Given the seriousness of the surgery you were having, most of the team decide to go back to the hotel while a handful of them went to to the hospital.

Christen however asks for space and the team give it to her. She doesn't go back to the hotel, instead she goes to your apartment and uses the key you gave her to let herself in. She goes straight to your room and gets changed into a pair of your joggers and grabs a hoodie as she brings it up to her nose she takes a deep breathe in, it smelled just like you.

She gets into your bed, the one that you shared many times before. Then she gets her phone, opens up your thread of messages and scrolls until she find the one she is looking for. It was a voice note followed by the text 'don't listen now. Wait until it's time'. At first she thought it was vague but right now she knew now is the time you were referring to.

Hearing your voice knowing that there's a chance she won't hear it in person again brings Christen to tears and all you're doing is mumbling words of frustration as you have knocked a drink over whilst recording.

"Sorry about that. Now, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, I love you. It's been a while since I have told you that but if you're listening to this then i'm guessing you need to hear it. I know you are scared right now but I want you to know everything is going to be ok, I promise"

"How can you promise that?" Christen says to the phone.

"And I can promise that because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met"

She laughs at little at how much you know her.

"I know we said our goodbyes but now I want to say thank you. Living the life I have means that I have cherished everyday I've spent on this earth and those days have been better than I could have ever imagined because I got to share them with you. You see I was determined not to fall in love but then you came along and I found out how naive I was to think I had a choice in the matter"

"I didn't have a choice either Y/N" she replies as if you are there in the room with her.

"I never feared death growing up but now the thought petrifies me and it's because I have something to lose and somebody to live for. I want a future with you, I want to marry you, will you marry me? No Y/N what are you doing you can't ask the women to marry you over voice note pull yourself to together"

A small chuckle escapes christen's lips are she listens to you tell your self off.

"Would you marry me?"

She had never heard you sound this unsure before.

"I would" she answers your questions.

"I hope you said yes otherwise this next part is going to be very awkward. I take it your in my apartment right now and in my bed, if I am correct then you can open the draw to the left of you where you will find a small box"

Christen's interest had spiked. How did you manage to plan all of this over a voice note. Just as you said she finds a red box and awaits further instructions.

"Open it"

She does so and finds a diamond ring.

"This ring is open for interpretation but for me it's a reminder. Should I die I want you to remember the love that I have for you. I bought it during the world cup but I told myself that I would only give you it after I had told you about my condition. Can I class this as me giving it to you?"

You are about to answer your own question once again but out of nowhere you begin coughing and Christen winces at the sound. She doesn't know when you recorded the message but given that you are in surgery she can guess it was recorded in the last couple of days.

"Sorry, give me a minute"

Christen listens as you try to get your breath back.

"I really hope this is not the last time you hear my voice" she can tell you are scared.

"My dying wish is that you find peace"

"Don't say that" Christen begs.

"I truly am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I never wanted it to happen. Goodbye my love"

Christen waits for you to say to more but you don't. That is the last part of the voice note. She lays in your bed long enough to watch the sunset through your window. In the same draw that held the ring is a photo album, one that you had made. There were photos taken over your career, of you and your friends and quite a few of you and her.

Later that night Christen receives a text from Tobin saying that you are out of surgery and that you should wake up in a few hours once the anaesthesia has worn off. Then she received a second message saying that you had woken up but Christen stayed in your apartment. When her phone goes off again she assumes it will be Tobin asking why she hasn't come to visit but that isn't the case.

Have you been watering my cactus?

Christen cannot believe it. You have just had major heart surgery and this is the thing you say.

You don't need to water a cactus. They live in the desert.

I knew that. I was just testing you.

She doesn't get the chance to respond before you send another message.

I know I scared you. Will you come and see me? It doesn't have to be today, it can be in a couple of days or whenever you are ready. It's not like I can go anywhere.

I'll come by the day after tomorrow. You need your rest.

You were disappointed to receive Christen's reply. You may have been surrounded by your mom and close friends but the only person want to see wasn't there.

Just as she said, Christen walks the halls of the hospital two days later. She finds your room but cannot muster up enough courage to go inside.

"She's ok" your mom's voice causes her to turn on her heels "The wires make it look worse than it actually is"

"I don't know if i'm ready to see her like that yet" Christen admits. It was the reason why she had waited this long to come.

"I understand but she has been waiting for you. You were the first person she asked for when she woke up"

"Is she alone?"

"No Tobin is in there with her now. She hasn't left the hospital since she got here after the game but she was asleep when I left. I'll give you some time with her" and with that your mom walks away.

The door to your hospital room opens and you are expecting your mom or more doctors but instead it is the person you love most in the world.

"Hi"

When you see Christen you notice the dark circles in her eyes and the way her smile is forced. You look her up and down as if doing your own inspection and that is when you see it.

Christen is overcome with emotion as she saunters over towards you and before you can say anything her lips are on yours. Nothing in this world compared to moments like this, when your connection with Christen is proven through a small act of intimacy.

When you pull apart Christen sits on the side of your bed.

"Nice ring" you hold her hand up just enough to see the diamond glisten in the lights.

"Crappy proposal"

At least now you know Christen listened to the voice note and wasn't just snooping around.

"It's wasn't a proposal remember? And I don't recall telling you which finger it was for" There is a hint of playfulness in your voice but the truth of the matter is you were happy to see Christen wearing the ring but then she takes it off and gives it to you.

"Y/N you gave me this ring because you thought our story was over but it isn't. Regardless of how long it is, we have a future together and I want to spend it with you so no more running, no more secrets or lies and no more protecting me from this" Christen gentles rests her index finger on your heart "You may not have proposed but right here I take the vow to love you in sickness and in health and to be your partner in the good times and bad"

You didn't know what to say. Christen knew everything and she still chose to stand by your side. You always said you didn't deserve her and now you know this more than ever but the difference is you are determined to spend your life making up for the years you spent keeping her in the dark. You will earn back her trust and show her just how much you love her.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt one shot #uswnt imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #christen press x reader #christen press imagine #christen press one shot #angel city fc x reader

[lilyrizzy]

for jacknico: jack is used to being called “pretty” as an insult- to emasculate him, minimize his accomplishments and talent, etc etc so he always bristles at someone calling him pretty… until nico does it in a tender/intimate moment and oh. the whole meaning of the word changes. augh

okay anon this isn't reallyyyy what you wanted but...it felt right. I hope you like it anyway! also on ao3

Tilting his head back, Jack tries to make the patterns of stars above him into constellations. They shine bright despite the distant glow of city lights around him, the hotel rooftop dark enough not to dull them. If this were his apartment building in Newark, Jack isn’t sure he’d get to see this many.

Not that it matters. Jersey is home now, stars or no stars. He’s only sat here on this roof because of Trevor, because he wouldn’t stop banging on about the calming abilities of his fucking sunsets.

California sky, man. Nothing like it.

And after watching the Ducks hand Jack's team their asses while he sat on his own in the fucking media box, he needs all the calm he can get.

He still can’t quite understand how Trevor can live in a place like this, with no seasons. Just hot and then hotter, no chilled winter air to close the windows of your apartment against. No need for extra blankets on the bed, just the constant blast of aircon against the thickness of the air. Even now, an hour past curfew it’s warm in a way that lets Jack sit here with no jacket.

He shouldn’t have come on this roadie. He wasn’t going to, was prepared to mope alone in his apartment until it was time for his surgery, but then-

Are you coming, Nico had asked him after turning up at Jack’s apartment with fucking chicken soup, like he had a cold and not a potentially season ending injury. I- I think the guys would like it best, if you came.

So Jack is in fucking Anaheim. By the time the team made it back to the hotel, the sun had long set, but he’s nothing if not someone who fucking tries.

It’s why he’s searching so hard now for Orion’s belt, for the big and little dipper’s that Quinn pointed out to him three summers ago. Anything to slow his pounding heart, to unfurl his clenched fists and help him forget the image of puck after puck sinking in their goal, to shake the maybe arrogant belief that, I could have given that game a different outcome.

The back of his neck prickles, and behind him he hears the fire escape door open and close.

“Jack?”

He doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s Nico behind him. Hell, he didn’t even really need Nico to speak. It seems like lately, no matter where Jack has turned, there he is, both off ice and on it. If Jack was able to think badly of Nico he’d think he was taunting him with it, seeing how far he could push before Jack snapped and begged him for something they’d both regret, but- Nico isn’t mean.

Nico is good.

“Hischier,” Jack says, though he knows putting up walls is pointless when one look will have them crumbling as easily as a kicked sandcastle. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Nico snorts, and by the time Jack is brave enough to turn around, he’s there. Stood beside Jack’s stretched out legs, lowering himself to sit besides him.

“I could say the same thing to you,” he says, and with the simple exchange, Jack knows this isn’t his captain speaking, just his- Whatever Nico is.

It’s never felt simple enough to be friends.

“Did Ty rat me out?” Jack asks anyway, just to be sure. “Send you looking for me?”

Nico stretches his arms out behind him, falls back onto his hands and tilts his head back to look at the same stars Jack was just minutes ago.

“No,” he says easily. “Maybe I just wanted to see the stars as well.”

It’s easy to believe. Nico probably grew up under a sky full of them, in the Swiss mountains. Gorgeous, Jack has heard him describe his home multiple times, with a passion Jack can find for few things, hockey one of them. Maybe Nico knows these stars well enough to have used them more than once to impress someone, to get them into his bed.

Still, like always, Jack is unable to help offering something to Nico, even if it’s maybe not quite what he wants-

“That’s Orion’s belt,” Jack tells him.

His finger traces the pattern of it in the sky, and it feels headier than it should, to watch Nico’s eyes follow it. To see the arch of his neck as he tilts his head back to look at where Jack is pointing. He shifts closer to Jack, their ankles brushing. Nico is wearing sliders with no socks, and the bones of his ankles look weirdly smooth. Hairless.

What would they feel like, against-

“Oh yes,” Nico says, happily, “I can see it. You know all the constellations?”

Jack lets the thought go. It’s safer that way.

He distracts himself by showing Nico all the stars he knows. He can’t see them all, so when they’re lost to their eyes, he traces what they should look like against the inky black. Then, when he runs out, he starts to make them up. The big stick, the puck. The giant dick.

“There’s a special one, in Jersey,” he adds with a grin. “It’s called the bad-ass devil. You can only see it from the roof of our building though, so um. I’ll have to show you when we’re home.”

When he turns to look at Nico, to check he’s made him laugh, he sees that Nico is looking at him with surprisingly serious eyes despite his smile. Close like this, Jack notices the way the tips of his hair are damp like he showered again when he got back to the hotel. Except, no. Jack doesn’t have to have been in the locker room to know Nico didn’t shower there, too eager to get out, to get away the way Jack had been.

The same way Nico had known to look for Jack on the roof.

The longer Jack looks at Nico, the sweeter his smile gets. His dimple appears, high on his cheek, and Jack-

“What?” He dares to ask into the silence, but-

Kiss me, he thinks, and the clarity of it should startle him but who is he kidding. Every moment since he met Nico has been building to this one, stark desire. I’ll do anything you want if you just kiss me.

“You’re so pretty.”

The moment snaps, a string pulled too tight. Jack can’t help the way the word makes him recoil, jerking backwards to put more empty space between them.

“What?” He asks again, this time with an angry sounding laugh. “What- Fucking, okay Hischier.”

Pretty. Fucking pretty. Jack isn’t-

He scrambles to his feet, as quick as the twinge in the shoulder will let him. Nico stays frozen on the ground at his feet, his face crumpled into something dangerously close to hurt. It’s almost enough to have Jack smash his own head against the concrete wall behind them because he’s fucking this up. He’s fucking it up, but he has to say this. If anyone has to know, Nico has to know.

“I’m not some fucking- I'm going to be back,” he says, the words like venom sucked from a wound. “I’m going to be back, and then I’m going to score enough to carry this shit show of a team, and- And I’m going to do it all with my pretty fucking face.”

“Jack-“ Nico tries, finally pushing himself to his feet too, “Jack, I didn’t-“

But Jack doesn’t want to hear it. All he listens to is the crash of metal on metal as he slams the fire escape door shut behind him.

#thank you for the prompt anon <3 #don't worry #there is a sequel where jack gets to come about nico calling him pretty... #just...not yet;) #nicojack #1386 #fic

[avenirdelight]

Take Care

Son Heungmin

Sonny is recovering from an injury and he’s going away for the world cup. [Requested]

Warm food was ready on the table. She had bought those bath bombs that he liked, refilled his favourite soap, and replaced the empty bottle of face toner. She had changed the bed sheet and covers. The aromatherapy candle in the bedroom was ready to be lit. She had set the house to perfection and got everything ready so Sonny would have the best comfort.

She had felt the horror just over a week ago when she received the news about Sonny being injured. Things had been a blur since. Some examinations, a surgery, recovery sessions, and endless discussions about the world cup. Even though a fractured eye socket wasn’t a huge injury, it didn’t make it less overwhelming especially when Sonny’s participation at the biggest tournament is at stake.

But thankfully everything was going the right way. Sonny was all better now and was confirmed to be a part of the world cup squad. He’d started to do his own sessions of training and today he’d gone to the stadium to watch the match; she’d chosen to use the time to clean the house and do things she hadn’t had the time to do.

The night was getting deeper, but she patiently waited for Sonny to come home. She rushed to the door when she heard Sonny’s car pull up. Even though she knew he was okay—she saw those photos of him and Rodrigo after the match, both men had wide smiles plastered on their faces—she couldn’t help but to worry. She had actually asked him to stay home but he insisted on going, saying he needed to watch the last match and see his mates before going away for the world cup.

“Hi. You okay?” She asked, welcoming Sonny with a hug.

“I’m okay. Like I promised, I came home safely. All good. Nothing to worry about.”

“I simply can’t not worry about you.” She hugged him a little bit tighter. After the injury she had been feeling awful every time she had to let Sonny get out of the house. She honestly would prefer to have him stay home so he could always be under her watch.

Sonny led himself to the kitchen as she asked him about how the match had gone, she trailed behind him. He animatedly bragged about how Rodrigo had scored two goals, how the boys had put on a fight. Sonny looked genuinely happy and that gave her a little bit of relief, mostly because he’d been a little bit down lately because of the injury.

“The mood was good. It was nice to get a win before the break. Everyone was happy and— Wait a minute.” Sonny only wanted to get some water at first, but the sight of the dining table caught his eye, so he stopped. “You cooked? Oh, no. I already had dinner, babe.” He turned to her with an apologetic look.

“I know. It’s fine. I just cooked a bit just in case you were hungry,” she shrugged. “Do you want to just take a bath? I’ll run the water.”

Sonny immediately took a seat and picked up a fork. It was already too late for dinner and he really shouldn’t be taking any more carbs today. Though he knew she wouldn’t even get upset if he didn’t eat it, the food she had cooked was still warm and looked very appetising. He couldn’t resist, especially when he knew it was going to be good.

“Baby, this is so good,” he commented as he munch on the food. His eyes sparkled like it always did every time he ate her food, which gave her that warm and fulfilling feeling. He gave her a smile, which was infectious, she smiled too. “I need to have some bites. Please don’t tell my nutritionist.”

She giggled as she ran her hand through his hair. “I won’t. How about the bath? You feel like taking a warm bath before bed?”

A cheeky grin appeared on Sonny’s face, and he nodded.

—

“I feel like it’s my birthday. You’re kind of spoiling me tonight,” Sonny said as he got in the bathtub. The water was turquoise and smelled nice from the bathbomb; his favourite one, he always said that it made him calm and relaxed. “This is really comfortable, innit?”

“You tell me,” she said, pulling up a stool so she could sit near him beside the bathtub. “I think you’re really gonna have a good night's sleep tonight. Watched a fun match, ate good food, end the day with a warm bath…”

“I know. Today was a good day. Almost feels like my birthday because I feel like you’re spoiling me.” Sonny reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you.”

She shrugged. “It’s not much.”

“No. Thank you for everything. You’ve been taking a really good care of me. I really don’t know what I’d do without you,” Sonny said, staring into her eyes. She knew he meant every word, she could feel how genuine he was being. 

She let out a little sigh as her other hand went to his face. She graced her fingers on his cheek very carefully, still scared to hurt him even though he said that he no longer felt any pain. Sonny seemed to melt into her gentle touch, closing his eyes and slightly leaning his head, wanting more of it. She, on the other hand, felt her heart clenched when she stared at his healing scar.

“I’d do anything to help my baby recover and stay fit. He needs to captain his country at the world cup, remember?” She gave him a reassuring smile. Sonny drew her hand closer to his lips and placed a kiss on it.

—

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself,” she muttered. The worry was creeping back and it showed in her voice. It was quite a tiring day for her and it was time to get some rest, but she just couldn’t stop thinking. “Listen to your coaches, get enough rest, have fun.”

They were in bed, lying face to face as their hands linked. Both were wearing matching pyjamas, covered by a warm blanket. Sonny was already drifting to sleep and honestly she could easily fall asleep too now, but she still wanted to use the opportunity to just stare at his beautiful face.

Sonny was going to leave in three days for the world cup, they’d be away from each other for a moment. She’d go with his family once the tournament started but they would only have very limited time to see him, so she was determined that she’d make the best out of the next three days with him.

“Are you still listening?”

“Hmmm,” Sonny responded.

“Promise me you won’t get injured again…”

“Can’t promise that. But I’ll try,” he vaguely mumbled.

“Promise me you’ll win the games.”

“I’ll try…”

Her lips perked into a small smile when Sonny opened his sleepy eyes and blinked them slowly a couple of times before meeting hers. “I need you to promise me something too,” he said. He sounded rather serious. “Take care of yourself. You’ve been stressing out so much, so once I depart for the world cup, I want you to take a break, have time for yourself.”

She simply nodded.

“Go have lunch with your best friends, bake some cookies, go shopping, do whatever you want. Okay? Stop worrying me for a second. I’ll be fine. Okay?”

She giggled and shuffled closer to put a kiss on his cheek. “Okay, I promise,” she said, kissing his cheek once again.

“Come here, now.”

Sonny opened his arms and she fell right into his embrace. He hugged her tight and caressed her back, kissing her on her forehead. She put her palm against her chest, feeling it heaving up and down, feeling his heartbeat. The conversation eventually ended and it didn’t take long until they both fell asleep. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, knowing that this had been a good day, for the first time in what felt like forever. She didn’t mind that it had been rough lately, but all that matters was that Sonny was happy again and getting his spirit back. And maybe she had to give herself a little credit for that.

—

thank you for everyone who has been reading my sonny fics, i really appreciate it🥺 i hope you enjoy them!

i hope you liked this one too. i currently take requests so you can send them in! likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated. thank you!💖

My Masterlist🤍

#avenirdelightwrites #son heung min imagines #football imagines #footballer imagines #son heung min one shot #football one shot #footballer one shot #football fic #footballer fic #imagine #one shots #fanfic #fanfiction

[razor-tits]

A very long and over due life update.

So, to start this off I guess I need to back up. Let's start in October. It feels like yesterday but also a lifetime ago. Things were...ok I'd say. Boring, routine, the only shake up was my hormones ran out and my job was changing our insurance, so I had to cancel my follow up appointment for bloodwork and a refill. But then I got some bad news from my parents.

My dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital. He was ok, but he needed surgery. First they thought just a stent, but then decided he needed a triple bypass. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, but we're kind of distant. I live a few hours away and only see them around the holidays but we talk on the phone weekly. My dad can lean a little on the conservative side but both of them are the absolute salt of the earth. They're done so much to help me and I felt powerless to be able to help. I couldn't leave work and felt like there was nothing I could do.

The next couple weeks were rough, my dad was staying in the hospital, my mom was going back and forth staying with him and taking care of my grandma, who is in her late 80's and has a litany of health issues. On a Friday I finally managed to make the drive home and spend the weekend there. Seeing my dad laid up in a hospital gown tied to machines is something i'll never forget. He could get up and move and acted like he was ok. But he's one of those guys you meet and you think he's invincible. The kind of guy that put a new roof on our house with a broken finger and can't turn away a stray animal at the door. Some family members I hadn't seen in a long time came and went over the weekend. Thoughts of our own mortality set in and I realize this could be the last time I see any of them.

I've lost people before. Some of them suddenly and unexpectedly. Others who's death was almost a sigh of relief after fighting for so long. I never got to say goodbye when my friend died and I hope he knows how much he meant to me. I don't want to feel that again, ever.

The day of surgery came. He was in the OR for 3 hours but it felt like an eternity and a second at the same time. A few hours after that my mom and I were able to see him. He was extubated already, which was a good sign. But he was on heavy medication, incoherent, coming in and out of sleep. But he knew I was there and that's all that mattered.

I had to leave and make my way back to my parents to get my dog, and then make the 2 hour drive back to Ohio and go back to work in the morning. At this point I knew my dad would be ok, he just had to get through recovery. But now thoughts of my own health were worrying me. I'm not in the best shape, I don't exercise or work out. I've already had surgery to fix stomach problems. Everyone on my dad's side has heart problems, and everyone on my mom's side has cancer and diabetes. There's not much I do to prevent any of that. I'm in my 30's and I feel it, maybe more than I should.

Over the next couple months my mental health continues to fall. I had a birthday and spent it sick, as I always seem to do. It's always a rough time of year for me. Seasonal depression kicks in, I get older, and another year passes. My dog, my best friend, the reason I kept myself alive, is getting old. I see it more and more every day and it breaks my heart.

The holidays came and went. I saw my grandma for the first time in a few years. Always wondering if it will be the last. Despite that, this year I never felt less in the holiday spirit. I used to love this time of year, now I desperately try to enjoy it, but part of me just wants it to be over. The best part seems to be a few days off work.

At this point it should be noted I have not restarted hormones. My identity has always been more in flux than i've let on, and maybe that needs to be it's own post, but I don't know if I want to start again or not. I don't know what I want, I don't know what my goals are. I don't know who i am. Beyond basic hygiene, I really don't even feel like taking care of myself most days. I pretty much always feel melancholic. I'm not angry, I don't get excited, I don't have much joy. My sex drive is non existent and I have no desire to do...well, anything.

New year's comes and I honestly couldn't care. It feels like another day. My gf and I go out and have an Ok time. I'm just so tired all the time it's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself like I used to.

And then, a couple days ago my landlord calls. We have to move out. Not sure when, but probably soon. I'm heartbroken and panicking over it. We absolutely love our house. We've only been here about a year and a half but it's been wonderful. It has plenty of room, privacy, it's quiet. We can leave our doors unlocked and packages aren't stolen off our porch. We're allowed both of our dogs and all 3 of our cats with no issues. We've invested so much time and money here. My gf is close with the owners and their children, who were the previous tenants. We even thought about trying to buy this house off of them when their other kid moves out of the downstairs apartment. And it's affordable. Anything else like what we have now will cost double and we can't afford that.

Our last apartment was tiny, cramped, dark and ran by an awful property investment company. And now we have to deal with that again. If we can even find a place where we can take 5 animals. We can hide 2 of the cats, but not all of them. We're in no position to buy nor do we have the time to go through the process. My gf said we may have to find 2 different apartments and live separately for a while. Just the thought of that brings me to tears. I can't live without her, I can't live without our pets. We're a family. I don't know what to do.

Since I got the phone call I've done nothing but panic, contact rental agencies and weigh my options. None of them are good. Best case scenario is we move in a smaller, worse place, paying more rent.

Nothing is going right for me. I know this isn't insurmountable and nothing that people haven't gone through before. But...god damn I need a break and I can't get one.

#i just needed to vent #dont reblog

[amoransia]

Leviathan: "Oooooooooh"

Beelzebub and Asmodeus: (This could've been an email.)

!!!Chapter 65 spoilers below!!!

Good fucking food and good chapter as per usual. Thank you for showing me my snake wife (Satan) again. Loved every page, and I hope Fukayama-sensei is taking his time recuperating from his surgery and doesn't push himself too much.

I say this because those pages were out of this world. I love the spookiness factor they're finally adding. A lot of exorcist manga just focus on the action and completely forget they're dealing with demons (and other creatures of similar nature) so I'm glad Aruma added that in. Belphegor's pathetic poltergeists(?) are really funny, too lol.

Babacat confirmed!! Troperrific called it! I had my money on Cattan instead, lol. Regardless, this basically means she's been spying on Priest since the very beginning, so there's a high chance she'll try to talk-no-jutsu him into corruption(?) using what she knows about him. What Vergilius couldn't convince him to do, she'll probably (almost) succeed? If that's her goal, anyway...

Surprise! Chicken legs, as per her folklore of having a chicken leg-powered house. Nice to see that Aruma-sensei has some basic knowledge on her. As usual, they do look into things. Which makes me happy. I thought the chicken was kinda cute until her disemboweled headless corpse waddled in. Jesus.

Apparently, disembowelment and beheading are the punishments given to schismatics in the Ninth Bolgia in Dante's Inferno. Yeowch. Perhaps this is her punishment because she wanted to help wrongly convicted souls while not inherently being a non-believer and merely disagreeing? I don't know.

I'd also like to mention that Mikhail is probably going to gain a more prominent role when it comes to Baba Yaga. He was the first to recognize it was Baba Yaga, and I think this is because he's more familiar with Slavic folklore than the rest of the cast. After all, Mikhail is a name of Russian origin, so he's probably from around there. He probably got told stories of her as a child.

(I used to affectionately dub Mikhail "Florida man" because of his crazy antics, but he also does fit those crazy Slav dudes that post videos of themselves randomly bringing down abandoned buildings with only bricks. Anyway.)

Really hilarious that Priest can somehow tolerate the horror fuckery that happened this chapter but can't handle horror MOVIES or Japanese spirits. My MC is truly built different and I love him dearly. Someone get him a good therapist and multiple trips to a bunny café.

Just look at him go!!

Imuri's face didn't show up even once in this chapter, by the way! Probably means nothing, but it'd be curious if her reactions were obscured because she was familiar with Granny somehow. Imuri's lived quite a long while, too, after all. Wouldn't be weird if she knew some people here and there.

(Might I add that we've yet to see the mysterious Cass friend she texts... He said he hesitantly submitted a request to see her to the Church, but it's been a while since that...)

This line alone is either a red flag or a green flag, but I'm hopeful it's actually a green flag, since it goes against Satan's wishes. Maybe Baba Yaga will actually sympathize with Priest, since she's been watching over him... dunno!

Additionally, this is also something I mentioned on my Twitter, but to me, it appears that she's being set up as another parallel character to Priest:

Both are the strongest of their team

Got called "it" and "thing" by their respective benefactors

Both want(ed) to help people

Witnessed or witnessing wrongful accusations against the innocent

Priest even sympathized /explicitly/ with people who were wrongly tried for supposed witchcraft in chapter 64. Surely she must've heard him say that? I previously thought Vergilius would take on the role of the parallel, but I think Granny is a more deliberate one!

Welcome back Tachibana my beloved boss girl, in the most literal sense. She even has a big ass coat on. Is she single? We should ask Aruma-sensei. Please do a Q&A, I pinky promise to be civil.

Anyway, I'm convinced Mammon is coming back too, then, since she is extremely capable. Mammon's (first) arc was definitely rushed due to the looming danger of the axe, so I'm excited to see him being pathetic again. He's grown on me, for the wrong reasons. I think he's a big fan favorite amongst the JP sphere as well. He's the only Demon Lord that I feel truly values his human connections, so that's no surprise.

All in all, it was a perfect chapter, and I have nothing to say about the Japanese and/or translation of the chapter; I have but one single complaint:

Chapter 65

Chapter 36

THEY CLIPPED HIS FUCKING NAILS!!! NOOO!!!!!!!!!!! HIS EVIL SLY BITCH SWAG... it's GONE!!!!!!!!!! It has been STOLEN!!!!! Someone has to die for this FUUUUUUUCK

#make the exorcist fall in love #ekuoto #exorcist wo otosenai #amotalk #i'm so mad i'm so mad i'm so mad #i'm so mad the very spirit of satan invades me #why would you cut your nails...... sick and twisted

[eightyonekilograms]

Flash fiction exercise

Still watching the Brandon Sanderson lectures on writing, this time the short story segment with Mary Robinette. During this lecture she does a little exercise where you write a flash fiction story 2-3 sentences at a time, one minute per sentence, to help with the basics of "establish setting/character/goals, do try-fail cycle once with failure, once with success, end story". I had so much fun with this, I'm actually going to post what I wrote here. Keep in mind this was written in a rush with no advance planning and no editing. Also, see if you can spot exactly where I had written myself into a corner and then found a (to me, anyway) great way to write out of it.

Story below the cut.

The skinny horse underneath me was whining and shaking from the pain of its fresh implants, but I steadied my grip regardless. "We're doing this," I hissed, even though it couldn't understand me. "I've got too much on the line."

I didn't know if it was rotten luck or some kind of enemy action that I'd gotten a damaged horse for the sixth time this season, but this one was going to have to ride or die. I didn't have any chances left.

A horse coming off adrenochrome implant surgery would have too much inflammation for long endurance, so I was going to have to get the other suckers to push too hard and drop out early. So when the gate went up, I egged my mount on straight off for a hard accel, and looked back hoping to see a few jockeys chasing me. None of them were. Damn!

They knew what I was trying, but I knew they knew, and there's no way these dolts knew I knew they knew. Advantage: me. I looked down at the sutures where the chrome pump had gone in— still raw scar tissue, still soft enough to tear with your teeth. So that's what I did: ripping the pump out and jamming the hypodermic actuator into my neck just as the stupid beast's legs gave out from under it. Since I knew that was coming, I had time to jump clear— not so much for the other guys, said the screams and cracks of bone. There'd probably be hell to pay for this stunt, but technically the rules said only the jockey had to cross the finish line, and I was too juiced up to care.

They said by the time I won I had lost three pounds and six years of my life thanks to a chrome dose meant for a horse. And even with the prize money, after paying for a dead animal and a 6-month hospital stay, I was in almost as much debt as when I started. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat if they hadn't rewritten the rule book just for me.

#cw animal abuse #i apologize for that but this was done one piece at a time and i really didn't know where it was going when i started

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

What do you think life is about?..I mean I am a student whose going to be adult next year what do you think I should hope for?...Right now for instance I'm kind of struggling with my studies wondering if it's even gonna work out or not...so at the end of the day I end up with only one thought what am I running for?, what do I even want from life, what am I even working hard for?...

Life holds a very different meaning to every single one of us ,even among that, most people desire a life based on what they didn't receive as a kid, some didn't receive emotional stability / love others didnt have financial stability for all things they could have had, some people have a set of goals which help them move forward in life , for some people they just want love and to be loved for rest of their lives.

Since you are turning into an adult your first most basic goal should be financial stability, figure out your weakness and strength if studying is something that can help you make money go for it, if not there are different things such as business/marketing etc you always have plenty of time before u could make your mind up .

Money is one thing but at the end of the day it's all about love ,peace and finding something that makes you walk through this life ( it could be a person who loves and takes care of you that makes you feel how beautiful this world and life could be or it could be passion to improve yourself at something carrer) , may be your answer could be in finding what were things you wanted as a kid or when you were thirteen?

You don't have to figure everything out as soon as you turn adult, no one can ever figure out what they truly want, you grow more as a person with time and understand what you want ( ps: it's a different thing at different stages of life ),most importantly you should work for yourself for all the things that you deserve of and never forget you deserve everything.

As for me I am the only child of my parents my both parents suffer from a life long illness and one of my parents has gone through a life and death surgery ,the other parent has a chronic illness , i don't share very good connections with my parents either but idk how much time i have together with them so all I am trying is to do something that will make them feel good about their lives , or trying to do something that makes them happy/proud , this is the only reason which keeps me moving forward in life. I have no other desire of my own, my hands are covered in blood and disappointments.

#sorry this is too long but i hope it helps you #time flies anyway

[1super2]

alexia putellas ~ i hate him part 2

You had phoned alexia last night and it was confirmed that she had done her acl . She was going to come to the game later and then she would be staying for the rest of the tournament then you would both go back to spain for her surgery . With alexia out that meant you were to take over a job as captain and that started before the match with the pre match press conference.

Jorge walked up to you and you hadn't spoke to him since you were running yesterday.

" Don't you dare mention about anything that went on yesterday you understand? " jorge asked you

Just nodding your head you were both sent into the press conference.

" So y/n obviously devastating news about alexia putellas being out for the tournament what are your views on the " a journalist asked

You looked up at jorge with hatred in your eyes before replying

" it obviously could not of happened at worse time but as a team we need to be there to support her and make her proud " i replied

After many other questions for both me and jorge we headed into the locker room to get ready for the match .

" Hey mapi do u know if lex is out there yet ? " you asked her

" Yep i am pretty sure she is if we start warming up now i am sure you can go see her " she said as we both started walking out and warming up ,

There she was just above the sub bench with her crutches. My heart broke for her . I didn't care what jorge on anyone would say i ran up to her and pulled her in to massive hug .

" i am going to score for you " i said looking up with tears in my eyes

" I hope you do be careful with jorge though i know what you can be like sometimes " she said whilst i just laughed slightly

I had to leave her as the game was about to begin shortly . We were all about to go into the tunnel and for being the captain i had to a little speech .

" Girls we could go all the way in this tournament but each and every game we need to be at our best . No matter what happens i will be proud and we can go out their and make alexia proud " i say before we all go wait in the tunnel .

We walk out to an amazing atmosphere with loads of fans but as we are singing the national anthem i am only looking for one person . I then spot her wearing my shirt and my face instantly light up .

The euros had began .

In the first minute the has scored a goal . It was my job to get all the girls together after the early mistake and that it was i did .

I took us a little while but it the 26 ' minute i had scored the equaliser. I looked up to lex and made my hands to a heart before quickly running to get the ball so we can get started . I felt we had more in us .

Just before half time atiana got a goal to set us ahead .  There was a couple extra minutes and i was running accross the wing when i got fouled but the ref kept playing .

" Ref that was a clear foul are u stupid she took me out " i argued with

" I didn't see anything she got the ball " she replied as i started waking off

" bullshit " i said and ofcourse it was coming her whistles blew and she showed me a yellow just before half time

As we were walking through the tunnel jorge was walking next to me .

" Y/n what was that about if you carry on i will take you off "

i huffed and went to sit next to mapi in the locker room 

" i hate him " i spoke as she just laughed

Not much happend in the second half we got another goal and we were in the 6th minute of stoppage time when we got given a penalty.

I look straight at  jorge as he points at me to take the pen . I was going to do this for lex .

I did it all for her .

A/n

please request 🫶🏻🫶🏻

#barca femeni #leahwilliamson #alexia putellas #woso one shot #woso fanfics #jorge vilda

[dooksofearl]

SQUEAK SPEAK

Monthly newsletter for Dooks of Earl Ferret Sanctuary Inc

Happy April and Greetings to Everyone!

Much excitement at our little rescue this month and I can't wait to tell you.

Thanks to my income tax check coming in our fundraising goal for between now and May 1st is only $768.00

That will cover

The rescues regular bills like; utilities ($280 on average since our HVAC is still out, but we are hoping someone is coming to fix it soon), and pet foods ($488). I have managed to raise enough to cover the other bills and supplies from my income tax check. And of course, none of this is for me personally nor do I get paid for the work I do. It's not about me, it's about these animals and making their lives amazing for however long they have left.

Other needs that the rescue has not included in this list are:

As always, Pine pellets from Tractor Supply Company, we go through about 30 bags a month.

The blue dishes we got last time will be added back to our list because they are working so well for our sweet seniors and tiny ferrets in helping them eat in a more natural position.

We still have a short wishlist with links to these items on Amazon. The pine pellets I just listed tractor supply gift cards because they don't sell the pellets through Amazon for delivery.

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/dl/invite/63ZMinE?ref_=wl_share

I also want to remind everyone that you can pick us as your Walmart.com round up charity and that you can send gifts from our Walmart registry and Chewy Registry if you'd like.

https://www.walmart.com/nonprofits/7a69297c-7cb2-4cb9-a70f-3eaedd738ef4/profile

https://www.chewy.com/g/dooks-of-earl-ferret-sanctuary-inc_b103217538

We still need fence panels for an outdoor dog kennel yard if anyone has any locally they'd like to drop off. And if you are throwing out any 13 gallon kitchen trash cans or plastic bins of any size we would be thrilled to have them.

We currently have 11 ferrets in amazing foster homes so our population here is becoming very manageable for me AND we have 4 new volunteers!!!!! We are so happy to welcome Michael, his wife, and his mom to our team. They will be coming soon to help me get things back to tip top shape and I greatly appreciate it.

And an amazing girl named Michal who came yesterday and spent the day helping me. The ferrets were crazy about her and you know Keiko was too. The bunnies warmed right up to her but they are very friendly girls. Mr Maru gave her the tour till his house was finished then he had to go see what I had done and grab snacks. Cal the sugar glider, slept through it all. But what delighted me most was Mr. Spooky. Our shy, bite first ask questions later guy, went right to her and cuddled her. WOW He is still having a hard time with Justin not being here. Ferrets grieve just like us and he was really close to his dad the Ferret King. He gave me kisses and now this. It makes me so excited and emotional for him.

There was a minor set back for me medically as I have a new allergy, possibly to Stevia. Of course I try to do something good for my health and now I look like I have rolled in bees. If you don't know, this is not a surprise. Lol But I got some medicine for the hives and hopefully will be feeling much better very soon. Until then if you see me dancing against the doorway like a bear, just walk away. 😂

I'm through infusion 3 of 8. YAY! And I have a surgery consultation coming up finally so I am hopeful that it goes well and we can get a date for surgery. 🤞

I have a potential part time job as a virtual assistant and I am truly excited about that. And we are looking at setting up the trailer for a rental so that I can generate a little income and start paying off old debt and getting back on my feet again.

The three month anniversary of losing Justin was really hard on me but I want to thank everyone for their abounding kindness and support. Some days you and these rescue babies are all that gets me through to the next day. I am so grateful to have you in my life.

I also want to mention if you don't get a thank you note and receipt for your donation or some sort of confirmation, please check with me to make sure we received it. I always send a thank you note if it lets me and if you use cashapp I send a heart.

You are awesome and amazing and greatly appreciated. I could not do what I do if you weren't here supporting us and cheering me on. I hope the blessing that you are comes back to you ten fold. Have an amazing month!

Shelly Breeden-Conner

Executive director

Dooks of Earl Ferret Sanctuary Inc

731-326-0690

Tax ID 88-0945277

Donations can be made in app at:

https://www.jotform.com/app/213234930973154

Zelle and PayPal

[email protected]

Venmo @DooksofEarl

Cashapp $dooksofearl

Checks or money orders can be mailed to:

Dooks of Earl Ferret Sanctuary Inc

4826 US HIGHWAY 70 E

BROWNSVILLE, TN 38012-8412

#animal rescue #cute animals #animals #ferrets #cats #bunnies #kittens #funfundraiser

[yandere-writer-momo]

Heart Shaped Wound: Yandere Various Baki x Reader

Chapter 10

Author’s note: this chapter is pretty raunchy. 

Minors DNI!

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

  (Your name) and Jack really started to bond as Jack carried her to their destination. He didn’t know why but (your name) felt so easy for him to talk to. Maybe it was because he knew she cared and would understand. Or maybe it was how she stared at him with those beautiful eyes, as if he was the only one in this world? He didn’t know, all he knew was that his heart wanted to leap out of his chest and join hers.

     “I did all of this to avenge my mother.” Jack whispered to (your name), setting (your name) down. His large form bent over to be eye level with her so they could sit by the lake. “I pushed my body past its physical limits to the point that I needed steroids so I wouldn’t fall apart…”

     (Your name) placed a hand on his arm, Jack looking down at her in surprise. (Your name) didn’t say a word to him, only laying her head on his arm. Her fingers tracing lazy patterns on his rough skin, sometimes tracing the patterns of his scars. 

     “I went through a lot of surgeries to get this far. I sometimes look in the mirror and think I’ve become a monster…” Jack looked at his reflection in the water, his blue eyes narrowing. “I feel as if I’ve dedicated my entire life to beating my father to the point I don’t even know who I am outside of it.”

     (Your name) frowned at him, deciding to comfort him.

     “I think you’re a really admirable person.” (Your name) told him, her eyes staring up at him. “You went through so much and you’ve come so far. You’re dedicated to your goal. I think your stubbornness is a really admirable trait.”

      Jack turned to look at her, his eyes studying her face, memorizing every detail. She was too pretty for him. Pretty. Small. Delicate. If she stuck to him for too long, he’d ravage her.

    “I think you’re really hard on yourself, to the point that you think rest is a weakness. It takes a lot of courage for someone to really look into themselves to realize they need to change the bad aspects of themselves… so I think you’re a really amazing person, Jack.”

      “If you keep staring at me with those pretty eyes, I will eat you.” Jack whispered. He didn’t expect her to be understanding to him. Kind to him. Didn’t she know the danger she was in? How he was a savage animal? “It’s taking everything in me not to take a bite.”

     “You must really like to bite.” (Your name) teased. “So scary.”

     Jack wasn’t used to be flirted with, most girls avoided him like the plague unless he paid them for a good time… but even then they were terrified of him. So this was all new to him. He has never been flirted with before in his entire life.

    “Aren’t you afraid of me?”

     “Should I be?” (Your name) leaned into his arm, her lips puffing out as bit as she contemplated. “Maybe I should be. That would be a natural response to someone who as tall as a tree. But I think you would’ve hurt me already if you wanted to.”

     (Your name) gave him a teasing grin. “YoI would’ve sank your teeth into me a long time ago if you were going to make me afraid of you.”

    “You’re very strange.” Jack muttered his thoughts aloud. His brows knitting together. “I’ve never met someone like you before.”

     “Is that a good or a bad thing?” (Your name) laid her head on his arm. “I’m going to take it as a compliment either way.”

     Jack laughed, his cheeks hurting from how much he has been smiling. His face wasn’t quite used to expressing joy but he didn’t necessarily think it was a bad thing. Smiling and laughing this much felt nice. His heart was fluttering at this new foreign feeling.

    “You know, I never thought I’d ever be on a date.” Jack stated, his eyes glancing down at (your name). “I never thought a girl would be willing to be around me like this.”

     “Well why not? I think you’re pretty charming.” (Your name) smiled at him, Jack biting his lip a bit to try to prevent himself from kissing here then and there. Why did she know all the right things to say?

     “(Your name). I don’t think a lot of women like scary looking men. You’re just weird.” 

     “I’m also taking that as a compliment but I’d prefer the term unique. I think I’m my own special snowflake.” (Your name) giggled, Jack reaching over to grab a smooth flat stone.

     “You’re something else.” Jack rose up, his fingers running the smooth stone between them. The cool surface of the stone calming the drumming of his heart. “Have you ever skipped a rock before?”

     “Are you challenging me?”  (Your name) stood up, her eyes searching for a flat stone. “What’s in it for me?”

     “Whatever you want from me.” Jack replied, his eyes stern. “But only if you can skip your rock further than me.”

     “Hmm. And what’s in it for you?”

     “A kiss.” Jack replied, (your name) laughing. 

     “You’re willing to give your soul to me when I win?”

     “If that’ll make you happy.” Jack snickered.

     Jack reeled his hand back before sending the stone flying. The stone only skipped three times until it sunk. The water making a large wave from how much force Jack had used.

     “You’re too rough.” (Your name) teased, her fingers lightly holding the rock. “You have to be gentle. Like this.”

     She then skipped the rock, the rock skipping on the lake’s surface a whopping twenty times before sinking. 

     Jack’s eyes widened at (your name), a victorious smirk on (your name)‘a face.

     “Wrap your sausage fingers around another stone and I’ll guide you on how to do it.” (Your name) snickered, her eyes sparkling. “Are you that rough with everything?”

    Jack bit his lip a bit to prevent himself from telling her he was being gentle. 

   (Your name) placed her hand on Jack’s with a smile. The young woman holding up another stone, this one a lot bigger than his first one.

    “You’re a big guy so I think you need a bigger stone.” (Your name) placed the stone in Jack’s hand, her eyes staring up at him eagerly. “Just a light flick on the wrist. Maybe think of a baby or something when you throw it. You’re not trying to hurt the stone.”

    Jack sighed, obediently following her suggestion. Except he didn’t imagine a baby, he imagined her instead. Jack didn’t ever want to hurt (your name).

      Jack flicked his wrist, sending the stone skipping twenty five times. His face now in a smirk.

     “Would you look at that?” (Your name) beamed up at Jack. “Maybe you can be more gentle.”

    Jack bent down so he was face to face with (your name). 

     “So what do you want from me since you won?” Jack whispered, his eyes half lidded. He really hoped she wanted to kiss him too.

   “Well… it’s a bit embarrassing.” (Your name)  chortled, her cheeks slightly pink. Jack felt his palms sweat in anticipation, his mind going to places they haven’t been since he was a teenager.

    “Ask way then.” Jack swallowed the lump in his throat, his hands shaking a bit. He hasn’t touched a woman since before his limb lengthening surgery. And even then, he wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle him.

     “I’d like to sit on your shoulders.” Jack felt as if someone just punched him in the gut. She… wasn’t interested in…

     “Oh it is a little strange to ask isn’t it?” (Your name) scratched her head nervously. “I just felt as if I could probably see a lot more if I was up as high as you were. Plus your shoulders look like they’d be fun to sit on.”

     Jack stifled a laugh, he had never been asked that in his life nor has he been told his shoulders looked comfortable to sit on.

     “They’d be more comfortable to sit on if you say the opposite way.” Jack teased, seeing if that innuendo went over her head. 

     “But then you wouldn’t be able to see?” (Your name) furrowed her brows. “Plus I’d probably have to have a death grip on your head so I don’t fall off and die.”

     Jack roared with laughter, his right hand covering his face. How could someone be so innocent? Unless… there wasn’t a possibility that she was…

     “I was being suggestive. What are you, a virgin-“ Jack paused mid question when he saw the flush on her face. His body going cold with sweat while his throat went dry. No way. There was no way.

     “Is there something wrong with that?” (Your name) fiddled with her hands. “I feel like everyone around me kind of judged me for it-“

    “It’s not a bad thing at all!” Jack but his lips to calm down. His mind and heart racing. She was untouched. “It’s actually a good thing.”

     (Your name) hummed, her eyebrow raising at Jack. 

     “I honestly thought you’d be too.” (Your name) joked. 

     “No. I’m not.” Jack answered honestly. 

     “I’m judging you in my mind.” (Your name) joked, Jack trying to muster up a smile. 

     “I’m still in disbelief about you. I’d thought you’d at least have a collection-“

     “No. I’m not really interested in those sorts of things.” (Your name) crossed her arms. “I’m a little old fashioned when it comes to those sort of things.”

     Oh. That would make more sense. (Your name) seemed to be the picky type so maybe it wasn’t too much of a surprise she was still a virgin. 

     “Are you going to allow me to sit on your shoulders or not?” 

     Jack bent down more so (your name) could climb on. The young woman practically pouncing on him, causing Jack to laugh.

      “You’re a little too excited.”

     “You’re the tallest person I’ve ever seen, of course I’m going to be excited. Now I’m going to be taller than you.” (Your name) rested her head on top of his short blonde hair. “Your hair is kinda fuzzy.”

    Jack inhaled her scent, his eyes nearly rolling back from how sweet and spicy she smelled. Like cinnamon, cloves, and vanilla… it was such a fitting scent. The poor guy was trying so hard not to come off as a weirdo.

     “You smell nice.” Jack complimented (your name), his hands holding her legs so she didn’t fall as he stood up. 

     “I think you smell nice too.” Now that was another thing he’s never heard. What on earth did he smell like? “You smell like cypress, pine, and a lot of musk. It’s a really manly smell.”

     “You keep inflating my ego. I’m going to start thinking you find me attractive.” 

      “What if I do?” (Your name) teased, a gasp escaping her lips when she was lifted off of Jack’s shoulders and held to face him directly.

     “Don’t. I lack self control.” Jack whispered, the veins more visible in his face to show his restraint. “I’ve been unstable because of all the steroids and I can flip at a switch. I can only take so much teasing.”

     (Your name) placed her hands on his, Jack calming down a bit. 

     “I apologize for my outburst.”

     “And I’m also sorry for teasing you. I hadn’t realized-“ (your name) froze when she felt Jack place a kiss on her head. The giant man placing her down.

      “I can walk you back to your place. I wanted to spend a bit more time with you but I’m riled up.” Jack felt so awful. How stupid was he to admit to having no self control? Now she was going to think he was a monster.

     “Jack. Bend down.” (Your name) put her hands on her hips. Jack hesitantly bent down, his brow raised.

     “Why-“ Jack was tackled in a hug, the poor man having no idea how to react. “What?”

     “You’ve never had a hug before?” (Your name) asked. Her hands rubbing comforting shapes on his back. Jack hesitantly returned the embrace, his large arms engulfing her. 

     Jack pressed his nose into her hair, inhaling her scent greedily. (Your name) was starting to be like a drug to him. Didn’t she know how intoxicating she smelled? Didn’t she know if the weird feelings she was starting to stir up in him?

    The two stayed like that for a bit before (your name) pulled away a bit, thinking she calmed him down.

    “Are you alright-“ Jack pressed his lips against hers so gently, his whole body trembling. He could feel electricity shoot through his body from the small touch. 

      (Your name)’s eyes blew open when he snaked a hand on the back of her head, the other holding her body in place. 

     Jack pressed his lips to her forehead, his hands separating from her quickly.

     “I’m alright now.” Jack could feel his whole body trembling, his tongue darting out to give his lips a lick. She tasted like cinnamon. 

     (Your name) was still frozen. She could feel how much Jack had held back, the poor man trembling so much as if he was afraid of breaking her.

     “Jack? I’ll head back home, but I would like to see you again.” Jack clenched his fists, a part of him was happy that she wanted to see him again. Yet there was another selfish part of him that wanted her to stay with him longer.

     (Your name) pressed a hand on Jack’s leg, giving him a reassuring smile. “I still like you. You’re not a monster, Jack.”

     “I want to kiss you again.” Jack muttered so softly, (your name) almost didn’t hear it. “Just one more time.”

     “Okay.” (Your name) smiled, Jack taking in a shaky breath.

     “Open your mouth.” (Your name) hesitantly opened her mouth, only for Jack to dive right in. One hand on the back of her head while his other was on her waist, pushing her up against him. His tongue wriggling in her mouth while she could only mewl in confusion.

     (Your name)’s eyes fluttering shut, trying to enjoy the open mouth kiss with her tongue shyly trying to dance with his. Jack only be egged on even more.

     Jack began to kiss her with the passion of a man possessed, his lips moving against her inexperienced ones with dominance.

     (Your name) squealed when she felt something grind against her. What was that and why was it so big? 

      “I’m sorry.” Jack whispered, his body shaking  as he tried to regain control. His lips separating from hers, a long stream of saliva connecting them. Her dazed expression was so cute, Jack wanted more but he knew he needed to stop being greedy. “I’m sorry.”

   (Your name) pressed her fingers to her lips, her expression still dazed. What just happened? 

  “What was that called?”

    “French kissing? You don’t know what that is?” Oh lord. Jack thought she was so cute. She was too cute. It was entirely too much for him. He was going to need to take care of himself after this date m, there was no way he would be get rid of what (your name) was doing to him without him doing more to (your name).

     “No… I’ve only kissed one other person besides you I’m just a little lost.” 

    “I’m going to need to leave now.” Jack replied hastily, his body sweating. He wished she wasn’t so honest but it was also what he really liked about her. 

    “My address is xxx if you want to see me again. I’ll head home too… I just follow the trail right?”

    “Yes.” Jack watched your name)’s whole face explode red, her eyes a little teary. Jack held his breath, using the last bit of his mental strength not to pounce on her again.

     “I’ll see you around then, (your name).” Jack awkwardly said goodbye. “I enjoyed our time up until now.”

    “I enjoyed our time too... I’m just confused now but I’ll ask my friend about why I feel weird.” (Your name) gave Jack a bow. “I’ll see you around then Jack.”

    Jack walked off quickly, his mind realizing she probably didn’t understand she was attracted to him more than just romantically. 

     Jack knew their relationship was going to leave him so sexually frustrated, but damn it. He liked her a lot. How could someone be so cute but also drive him wild with desire. It wasn’t fair.

    He was just glad he didn’t rough her up any. Her lips were slightly swollen but nothing that was too noticeable. (Your name) had no idea how hard it was for him not to sink his teeth into her neck and leave a permanent mark.

     It was entirely too hard and frustrating to him on how much he held back, but this potential relationship was worth it all. (Your name) was going to be Jack’s first and only girlfriend. There was never going to be anyone else.

.

.

.

      (Your name) checked her reflection in the water, a smile on her face when she still appeared fine.

     Jack was kind of like Jekyll and Hyde with his switches. (Your name) was well aware how much it would destroy him if she showed him how scared she was when he was kissing her. 

     There was a part of her that enjoyed being kissed by him though. She could feel the restraint he had too but he was much too big for her to ever be able to handle in all areas.

     Jack was also the only one who didn’t want to possess her or obsessed over her. So maybe she should keep seeing him? 

     He was charming and he was comfortable sharing his past with her already… so she’s continue to see him. Maybe he’ll eventually get used to her so she can actually get a great view of the scenery on his shoulders next time?

     (Your name) continued her trek out of the forest. Her eyes lighting up when she finally saw the road that was take her home in just a few blocks.

     A black limousine pulled up beside her, a familiar yakuza leader rolling down the window. 

     “Do you need a ride?” Hanayama asked, his voice low and sultry.

     This man was everywhere wasn’t he? And she knew better than to say no.

    “Yes. How sweet of you.” Hanayama opened the door for her, (your name) slowly sliding in. 

     Hanayama closing the door behind her, his arm the scooping her over to sit beside him.

     His arm now resting comfortably around her waist.  His other reaching beside him to hand her a neatly wrapped present. This time, the black box was long and thin. Its contents kept wrapped together in silk rope. The rope wrapped in intricate knots she’s never seen before.

    “I’m going to be real honest with you. I have no idea how to untie this.” Hanayama gave her a smirk before skillfully untying the rope for her. 

     “I tied it myself.” Hanayama leaned over and whispered in (your name)‘s ear. “Nice and tight.”

     “At least you know how to untie it. I probably would’ve cut it open with a pair of scissors.” (Your name) honestly had no idea what his innuendo was and she wasn’t even going to try to hurt her brain trying to figure it out.

    (Your name) opened the box, her hands touching a black silk garment. 

     “It’s a dress for tomorrow.” Hanayama pressed his cheek on her shoulder, his fingers holding the dress up for her to see better. It was a maxi dress with a low v neck and a backless design. “I think it would look lovely with one of the necklaces I’ve gifted you.”

     (Your name) gulped. How did he know her size? 

     “I’ll pick you up at five in the afternoon sharp tomorrow.” Hanayama placed the ropes in the box along with the dress. The knots still being intact except for one. 

     “Thank you, Hanayama. I’ll wear the necklace you had just given me with this dress.” Hanayama held her chin with his hand. 

      “Good girl.” 

     The car came to a slow stop. Hanayama stepping out of the car to open the door for (your name). His hand held out for her to take.

     “Thank you again.” Hanayama held her hand up to his lips, kissing it softly.

     “Ask Zaria about the ropes. She’ll know what else I can offer you.”

    (Your name) flushed in the face, bowing her head a bit under Hanayama’s intense stare.

   “I will. Have a nice day, Hanayama.” Hanayama gave her a bow before he went back inside the car. 

     (Your name) clutching the box tightly as she made her way down to her house.

    “I think you scared her, boss.” Kizaki muttered, Hanayama smirking at him.

     “She needs to know that she belongs to me.” Hanayama lit himself a cigar, taking a deep inhale before blowing out a large cloud of smoke. “That way she realizes how much better of a life she’ll have if she picks me.”

     Kizaki bit his lip. His boss really had it for this girl and that poor girl. She had no clue what Hanayama had in store for her. 

     Kizaki should’ve never had Hanayama find out about her being innocent. It seemed to have fueled an even bigger fire within Hanayama to own her.

.

. 

.

     Zaria held up the silk ropes in pure shock. She hasn’t seen handiwork like this in years.

     “So you’re telling me Hanayama tied this rope like this around the present box he gave you?”

     “Correct.” (Your name) answered, her hand rubbing her arm nervously.

    “(Your name). I’m going to put this into terms you can understand.” Zaria took a deep breath before holding the rope out to her. “This man is a freak. He is a sex god. This man is the kinkiest man I have ever seen.”

    “What-“

     “This guy would give you the best lay in your entire life. This is shibari, (your name). He’s into bondage.” 

      (Your name) just sat there, her mouth open a little. Zaria never ever called a man a freak before, onto ever herself. So did this mean…

      “This man is clearly telling you he wants to f-“

    “That’s enough!” (Your name) blushed, raising her hands up to stop Zaria from continuing. “I’m going to go sit in my room because my head is throbbing. First I was French kissed by Jack and now I’m being told I could be tied up-“

    “You kissed, Jack?!” Zaria shouted, her eyes wide. “On the first date? You’ve been bad-“

    “It was my fault. I didn’t mean to get him all riled up-“ Zaria held out her fist to (your name). “What are you doing?”

    “Fist bumping you as congratulations on having mad hoes.”

     “Please jump off the cliff outside.”

     “Please jump on the Hanayama guy.” Zaria begged. “Do it for me.”

     “I thought you were cheering on me jumping on Katsumi?”

     Zaria paused as she thought to herself. “You have two holes for a reason-“

     A loud slap echoed throughout the house, a squeal of pain soon following.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

Author’s note: almost four thousand words. I personally believe Hanayama would be into Shibari. The man screams Dom. And Jack is probably super into rough intimacy. Katsumi definitely whimpers and cries. Anyways. I’m going to go jump into the sin bin. Want anything while I’m in there?

#female reader #yandere #yandere imagine #baki hanma #baki the grappler #jack hanma #kaoru hanayama #katsumi orochi #yandere fic #baki x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x you #baki son of ogre #baki the grappler x reader #retsu kaioh #baki kaoru hanayama #smut #yandere baki

[chelseafcwmemes]

Another one behind a paywall

https://www.sportherning.dk/artikel/b2936750-9100-4136-a391-fa72c10fb6e3/

Pernille Harder has fought back from her first long-term injury and feels that her body is strong again ahead of her first World Cup final round.

Pernille Harder has, among other things, won eight championships in a row - across three of Europe's strongest leagues.

Nine cup titles and three finals in the Champions League are also there. Along with an EC silver medal.

But the star player, who was born and raised in Tulstrup by Ikast, has never been a part of the World Cup in football.

- I am really looking forward to experiencing it and being part of the WC. Of course, we go out on the pitch to get the best possible result, and I give everything for that. But as I said, it's my first WC, so I'm just looking forward to soaking it up, says Pernille Harder.

She delivers the words to Herning Folkeblad before Tuesday's training on the hybrid track in Herning Fremad. This year, the national team has set up its big WC training camp in Herning with three training days this week and four next. The squad for the final round is announced the day after the last training session in Herning.

The injured thigh feels strong again

Of course, Pernille Harder does not have to worry about her place in the World Cup squad, even though she has not actually played a single international match this year.

She was injured in an international match against Switzerland on November 11 last year and subsequently underwent surgery for a thigh injury and was sidelined for five months.

- It was the first time I was out with an injury for a long time. But I worked really hard during my injury period to be in good physical shape when I came back.

And it also felt good when I returned, says Pernille Harder.

She got playing time in the last six games of the season in the English league for her club, Chelsea, and scored five goals in those games.

Now she is also back on the national team for the first time since the injury.

- It feels great to be back. Nice to see the girls and train with them and just be in the national team camp again, says the 30-year-old offensive ace.

The fact that the training session takes place in Herning with accommodation at Hotel Eyde is only a plus.

- It feels quite homely. After all, it's only 10 minutes to Ikast, smiles Pernille Harder, who still has her parents Annie and Mogens and older sister Louise in Ikast.

There are exactly 29 days until the World Cup in Australia and New Zealand begins. Denmark is in a pool with the European champions from England, China and Haiti.

- We have a month to train hard and make sure we are sharp.

- We are of course looking to progress from the pool. That's how it always is.

And then we'll have to see after that, points out Pernille Harder with a sense of humor.

New challenges in Germany

She also has a lot to look forward to at club level. Just three weeks ago, she and her boyfriend, the Swedish national team captain Magdalena Eriksson, were presented as new players in FC Bayern München.

It may seem surprising to some that one of the world's best players is saying goodbye to the up-and-coming and money-rich English league, but for Harder it makes good sense.

- I wanted to try something new. And I really like the German culture and German mentality, and I think that Bayern as a club is really interesting.

I like the values in the club, and I think it's a really good team that I hope I can help to become even stronger, says Pernille Harder.

She played three and a half years in the German Bundesliga before moving to Chelsea, and thrived enormously in the German back then.

It was in VfL Wolfsburg.

This time it is Bayern Munich, and this time it will be with Magdalena Eriksson. The Swede has been at Chelsea for six years.

- It is of course a big plus that the club wanted both of us and sees a good role for both of us in the team, she states.

They have both signed three-year contracts with the southern German big club, which has won five German championships on the women's side - including two within the past three years. In the past three seasons, Bayern have been in two quarter-finals and one semi-final in the Champions League - The aim is to play for the titles in Germany - both the championship and the cup - and try to chase the big one: the Champions League, says Pernille Harder, who has been to three Champions League finals without winning the major trophy.

I wanted to try something new. And I really like the German culture and German mentality, and I think that Bayern as a club is really interesting

[potatoes83]

Slice of life...

I hate daylight saving time. Besides this being the biannual reminder of how many clocks I have in this house that need setting, it really messes with my sleep. And I have actually been maintaining a good sleep schedule as of late, good circadian rhythm, haven't needed the melatonin or unisom, head hits pillow, eyes get heavy, sleep.

This is saying a lot, because there has been a LOT on my mind. As chronic followers may recall, Mom's got cancer, although the chemo is working, and that's good. Dad's heart is still out of whack, they had to put him under and stop/restart it AGAIN. Dog's got cancer again, his surgery is this week, and the vet's saying this is pretty much the last one... Stupid shit at work, and to quote Tolkien, I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. It's a lot, and people all around me are constantly asking, wondering, just how am I keeping it all together, how am I continuing to work at the pace I am with everything going on... I don't have an answer for that, I just am.

With all that, the fact that I am sleeping well is a miracle in itself; maybe I'm just completely emotionally and physically exhausted at the end of the day, I don't know. But I'll take what I can get, and I fear that I am now NOT going to be able to properly sleep, which gravely affects my performance.

Case in point, I was up at new 6:00 this morning, after getting to bed after 10. I am tired. The biggest problem with the time change is the very sudden drastic shift in daylight; I know internally what 9:30 is supposed to look like, and this doesn't look like that right now. The clock on the wall and light in my surroundings are completely discordant. It doesn't help either that it's cloudy today, so it's light, dark, light, dark... Sun is trying to be out right now, and I couldn't tell you what time it feels like or not, but it absolutely feels off.

Really, with everything else going on, it's about the last thing I need. A decent sleep schedule is about the only thing keeping me going, and here we are, shifting the clocks again like nobody wants to do...

This too shall pass. And I am hoping that since I am tired now, I will sleep well tonight. Goals, and all that. But yeah, on top of everything else, let's steal an hour from my slumbers, thanks for that!

Gratuitous creature shot. Cheek to cheek, as it were. 🥔

[uncloseted]

How can I gain the confidence to continue to go out in public? There has been a lot of times when I'll be out in public, with or without makeup on, and men have commented on how I look in passing. I've had men call out from their cars how ugly I am. I've been called a grenade. I've had a man double back so he could walk past me again and under his breath said how effing nasty I look. I know I'm ugly but how I look is beyond surgery (I have small close set eyes). I'm losing confidence enough to

not want to go out in public, especially with other people I know. I'm afraid of how embarrassing it would be if these comments got made when I'm with someone else. It's happened before but the person didn't hear what was being shouted out at me. I really don't know what to do any more because even if I dress nice and do my makeup and hair, it doesn't make a difference. I would have surgery if I could but what I need isn't humanly possible to do

There's a lot to say here, from the practical to the philosophical, but first things first, those men are being assholes. I have a feeling that even if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, those men would say the same things, because their comments aren't really about how you look. They're a reflection of the insecurity that these men feel and a desire to put someone else down so that they can feel better about themselves. In my opinion, those types of people just aren't worth listening to, because their only goal is to make people feel badly about themselves.

But even if you were the ugliest person in the world (which I don't think can possibly be true)... nobody owes other people physical beauty. Nobody owes other people physical beauty to be worthy of respect, to be worthy of love, to be worthy of compassion. Those are things that you're worthy of simply by being a person. And how a person looks shouldn't be the most important thing about them- isn't it more important to be smart or kind or funny or helpful or innovative or driven or a million other things than it is to have been born looking a certain way? Something that might help you to feel more confident is to remind yourself of those non-physical aspects of yourself that are really great, and to give yourself plenty of opportunities to show other people those parts of you.

In terms of more practical advice, there are lots of women who have small, close-set eyes and are considered beautiful. Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Bell, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lana Del Rey, Kristen Stewart, and Miley Cyrus all have close set eyes that are on the smaller side, and people consider them beautiful. Jennifer Aniston was even named the sexiest woman of all time. And for what it's worth, I had to search for a list of women with small, close-set eyes, because I couldn't think of any off the top of my head.

If you do want to make your eyes appear larger or further apart, there are some makeup tricks that you can try:

Conceal under your eyes. Dark circles can draw attention to the under-eye space, and you want everything near the corner of the eye to be as light as possible.

Along those same lines, use a highlighter or light eyeshadow on the inner corner of the eye, which will brighten it and create a sense of distance. You can also use a light, shimmery shade on the middle of the lid to make the eye appear rounder and bigger.

Use a nude eyeliner in your waterline and tightline. This will help make your eye look bigger and more alert.

Don't take your eyeliner into the inner corner of the eye; instead, only line the outer half of the eye and extend the wing out past the edge of the eye. This will create the illusion that your eyes are further apart than they actually are.

When doing your eyebrows, widen the arch and extend the tail further than where it naturally ends. As with the eyeliner, this will create the illusion that the eyes are further apart.

Focus your mascara on the lashes on the outer corner of the eye. Mascara will make your eyes look larger and focusing it on the outer corner will reinforce the look the eyeliner is creating.

I know that these all seem like small things, but together they can create a real difference in how a person's eyes look. I want to be clear that I'm not saying I think you need to do this kind of makeup or that you should- rather, I'm just offering it as an option that may help you to feel a bit more confident when you're out in public. You could also throw on a cool pair of sunglasses if you don't feel like doing makeup but feel anxious about people looking at your face.

Finally, I would consider talking to a therapist about this. I'm not a medical professional, so take this with a grain of salt, but if the way you look is impacting your day to day life to the point where you don't want to go out in public, it's possible that you may be developing body dysmorphic disorder or another similar condition. A therapist can help you work through those feelings and find ways to feel better in your body, regardless of what other people think of it.

[sunskate]

CPom podcast- This Week in Skating

Anthony had surgery on the talus joint in his right ankle - 6 weeks no weight on the ankle. spent post-surgery in Colorado Springs. It was 10-12 weeks to walk without crutches or a boot. Started with skating 20 min only on two feet for the first week. difficult knowing he could do more but knew itnot benefit him in the long run. They made sure the return to the ice was correct. only finished choreography and were able to do run throughs mid August 2022

Scott and the medical staff kept him in it, motivated him. when things got tough- seeing competitors full on in their prep and season was difficult, but his team helped him, said you're on your own plan, that they had a heavy 2nd half of the season planned, and now is for recovery and getting better. Anthony- Christina was so patient with me. She skated by herself for months. Having everyone around me like that helped me in the long run.

C: trusting the process. went in July to MTL to get choreo-- they were getting starting choreo while everyone else was getting ready for camps. MF said you need to take your time, don't need to skate full out when you're just learning steps. that calmness helped

Set some goals at Champs Camp- it was a distant goal, a distant dream to go to Worlds, almost just like a dream- they were skipping elements at Champs Camp because they weren't ready. and here they are now in Montreal doing run throughs with some of the best in the world now- it's an honor. they took it one competition at a time.

When did you find out you were going to Worlds? After 4CC all the coaches talked and told them to be ready just in case. learned the week HB announced their withdrawal that they were going

They've made a lot of changes in the RD, small ones in the FD. loved not having the pattern - a blessing that they didn't have the compulsary dance because training the pattern usually takes an hour a day, hour and a half-- so with this injury not having to do the drilling, give the effort and time for the season they've had- loved not having the compulsory. usually they really focus on key points- with the choreo step- adds life to the program.

Changed coaches and moved to London-- 13 min

Time for a new environment and new coaches. Made the decision to leave after Nationals in 2021. Spoke a lot with Scott and Patch who told them the transition would be difficult because the approach was very different. It was really hard- last year you saw some growing pains. This year we feel more comfortable, coming into our own, skating better.

Being with a coach so long, it's hard to change everyting- everything we learned was with Igor. New environment, new style was difficult. How well we're doing now is the payment for that- we had to learn, to grow, get comfortable, also the addition of Madi and Adrian was great- put a bow on the new training camp, helped in a big way.

How have they helped you this season- C: Helped so much- I'm so happy to have Madi work with me every day- she's truly the best female skater. Everything from how she handles the partner to the way she skates and presents herself- having her teach me every day is so important and so so helpful. And i don't think we would have had the season we had without her or Adrian

A: they're extremely hard workers- let's say Scott gives them Monday off, and they're in Toronto, they'll come home early and work from home and fill documents and this and that. they're truly embracing this new path of life, they're fully committed, and the energy they bring is just fantastic. I don't think we'd have the results and the programs we have now if it weren't for them

#first 16 min #cpom