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factual-fantasy · 3 months

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26 ASKS!! :DD THANK U VERY MUCH!!🎨

Well that wouldn't be a good thing to do- Its very well known that I don't like fanart of my works..

If you wanna show that you like Bibi, just leave a comment please!

Seriously ya'll, just comments. Reblogs, tags, asks.. what ever form they may take. All I look forward to when posting artwork is reading all the responses. 👍

@solst1ce-sketches

WAAAHGAGAG THANK YOU SO MUCH!! AND HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! 😭😭💖💖💖😭💖

@luna-purple454

Oh they're both fine! :0 Other than some angst ideas I had for them-- they're both still alive and well XD I just haven't drawn them in a while :/

@minnesotamedic186

I can hardly wait! :DDD (And yes you can XD)

@butterbreadsworld

Sorry, I don't take requests. Thank you though!! :}}

@i-v-y67

Blackmail XDD

@samcat2

I still like transformers! Though I'm not really interested in drawing it atm.. thank you though!! :DD

(Post in question)

XDDD fr tho--

:DD Thank youuu!! :}}}

@kiinther

XDD Blue is too big for that too! Though Seafoam might be able to give her a little peck on the cheek 👀 if either of them would just confess their feelings already <XDD

I know, and I hate all of it. :(

Also thank you so much! :DD

I was thinking that they're kind'a a cross between the two.

They pillage and raid other ships, but they don't normally go for "innocent" ships.. if they attack anyone, its usually other rotten pirates or slave ships maybe? "Bad" ships I guess you could say-

As for the voice claims. If like you explained- you happen upon an OC of mine and think "HE LOOKES LIKE HE SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE THAT OTHER GUY" Then feel free to send it on over to me! :DD

But don't go out of your way to find voice claims for my characters as a gift or a form of fanart. Remember! All I really want is comments. Engagement with my work means everything to me! <:)

@neo-metalscottic (Post in question)

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! :DDD I'm so glad you like him!! :}} And that head injury was kind'a just a pose prompt. Though I might slap some lore on it and make it canon! :00

As for Papyrus.. its complicated.

Papyrus had accepted long ago that Sans and all his friends were gone. And that he was never going to see them again.. It really hurt. And it took him a very long time to accept that fact. But he did. He knows in his soul that his true brother is gone..

That didn't make seeing "Sans" again any less painful though. He probably saw a Sans through the trees in a new Snowdin. Man, I cant imagine how he felt.

The whole multiverse thing was explained to him by Frisk. He knows that's not his Sans. He knows its not him. But gosh. Its been so long since he's seen his brothers smile. What he would give to hear one of his silly puns again. What he would give to hear his voice.. to just.. to hug him one last time..

Frisk would grab Papyrus' hand, "Papyrus.. we need to go.. please, common.."

Seeing the other Papyrus walk into view and begin talking to that Sans.. He recollects himself. Its not him. Sans is gone. He's been gone for a very long time..

With tears streaming down his face, he would find the strength to grip Frisk's hand.. and turn away.

It never gets easier..

@jesterpiecethejester

Sorry, I don't take drawing requests! Plus the crews already pretty full as it is- <XDD

@bunny-coffee

I didn't intend to ever draw Frank and Eddie in a romantic light.. becuase yeah like you said, I just don't really like ships. Or honestly any romantic content that isn't my own OCs. Idk I just don't really enjoy drawing it--

But that's kind'a what I feared about the Welcome Home fandom if I'm being honest. I felt like people were really protective over Eddie and Frank. And if I revealed that I wasn't interested in drawing them as an item, canon or not? I felt like I would get a loooot of backlash.

But hey, I found a loophole. Just don't draw them together and there wont be any drama! :D It sucks though becuase Frank is a big part of Eddies lore and all his flashback shenanigans-

(Also thank you! :DD )

@beryl-shade

Oh! No no, its just made of seafoam! :0 Though whipped cream would make sense because he's a cookie- <XD

I do??

Huh.. I guess I do don't I..

What do I do with that power--

@sparkdrawsstuff

Well the strongest would be Blue Beauty by far- but looking at the smaller cookies? I think Seafoam is probably the strongest. But that's mostly due to him being so big. He's the biggest cookie on the crew and most of his strength just comes from packing more weight to his punch.

Though another toughy on the ship would be Louis. He may not be very big. But boy that crab arm? He has a grip strong enough to break cookies in half. And enough upper body strength to take your pieces and chuck em overboard--- 💀💀💀I wouldn't mess with either of them tbh--

As for the bounty.. that's a good question. :0 I wanna say Seafoam because he's the Captain an all.. but I really like the idea of Cuttlefish having this dark past and a surprisingly huge bounty over her head- 👀👀

@wilmawillow

<XD I think you might have got those two words switched around. I don't take drawing requests! But I've considered going back to some old artwork and redrawing them in my updated style.. 👀👀

@danikoshi

Not really.. :( There have been times in the past where I have asked for drawing ideas/requests when I was feeling low. But now a days I have plenty of ideas to draw so I don't need to do that anymore-

And to be totally honest, when someone says "Hey draw this thing for me." It just makes me go-

@astaherussy

You can find all the lore you need about Papyrus in this ask post! Just scroll down a bit and you'll find all the links and a bonus paragraph <XD

As for the tags. If you wanna see my AU with Jevil and the gang, you can find that under my #deltarune tag. They're also tagged under #Undertale but that will also bring up my Refinedtale AU and other au stuff-- :00

As for the Octonauts question, bro I EAT questions like these! :DD

Its a very interesting prompt. Usually we think of Captain Barnacles as very level headed and calm. He seems like one to bounce back from any situation and keep leading the team no problem. But man. After something like that? That's gotta scare him to his core.

I can see Barnacles being more tense and not wanting any of the crew to stray too far from him or the Octopod. I can imagine that he would give Kwazii a lot of time to recover, a lot more than he actually needs. And maybe even going as far to forbid him from going on certain missions.

But after a little time and maybe a talk with Kwazii. I'm sure both Kwazii and the Captain would recover from the experience and continue on as normal.

(Also thank you! I hope this response was along the lines of what you were hoping for-- :00 )

I pictured it being like really dense soap bubbles. They smell nice and can be picked off his coat or head. But if you jumped on his coat foam you wouldn't sink through. It would be like a big cushion that you could sit on top of. If that makes sense?? <XDD

@danman22ful

Out my OCs? Probably Seafoam 🥺

Out of the game cookies? Uhhhm.. well, I don't really know/remember any of the characters.. But Tea Knight cookie looks really cool! :0 He gives me major Reinhardt vibes :))

Thank you so much!!!! :DDD

@insanityislife101 (I couldn't find the post in question :((( )

Oh fr??? Cool! He was in character after all! :DD

#my response #octonauts #undertale #deltarune #papyrus #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run ocs #my ocs #factual fam #welcome home

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miru667 · 4 years

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Do you have any art tips or a step by step on how you color??

Please its ok if you wont

sure, i can give a tiny bit of insight on how i colour. Under the readmore:

At this point of my personal understanding, i would say colouring is just two things: 1) making sure your colours look good together, and 2) lighting (if u decide to even do lighting/shadows, that is)

The 1st one you can achieve by doing palette studies based on photographs or other ppls art, or by doing trial and error, or apparently by learning colour theory (im too dumb to understand it) and also applying digital tricks like overlay layers and also fiddling with hue/sat/brightness/contrast until it looks good to you. Below is my latest Audrey drawing without the overlay layer (left) and then with the overlay layer (right).

It’s magic, right!? I’m so used to having an overlay layer in every drawing now that these days i just slap one on before i even start colouring lmao. usually 20-50% opacity, usually a saturated orange or pink and then i’ll adjust as i go. mostly i just do trial and error like fitting wooden toy shapes into the right holes - my brain will go “ding!” when the arrow on the hue gauge hits a colour that looks good to my eyes.

The 2nd one, lighting, is more complex. I always say “lighting is everything” because to me it IS...it can control the entire mood of the picture. Where is the light? Is it hard or soft? is there a secondary light? What emotion are u trying to convey? and then how can you execute it? how would light look on THIS object compared to THAT object? A big part of lighting is being able to visualize your drawing in 3D. Once you can do that, you can lay down the light and shadows quite naturally depending on where your light source is. this ties into the way you DRAW things tho (like, u have to already be thinking about 3D while in the drawing stage) so i dont wanna get into it since this post is about colouring.

Lately I’ve been p lazy and doing all my major shadows on a single layer, set to “Shade” on sai (it might be something diff on other programs idk), 42% opacity (for this particular piece), and clipped to my folder of colour layers. So that means almost all my actual colour layers are just flat colours! Here’s my main shadow layer all by itself without any base colours (left), and then shadows + base colours (right):

sometimes i’m already thinking about lighting while im still sketching the picture. sometimes i’m already thinking about lighting before i even start to draw. For this particular pic I ended up with 5 different layers for lighting: 1) all shadows (42% opacity Shade layer); 2) some extra shadow under her hat (72% opacity Shade layer), which then allowed me to create the cool hat texture by simply erasing bits of this layer 3) a soft angelic backglow coming from behind her. this layer goes somewhere above the lineart layer to give the illusion of light spilling in front of her and fading out her edges; 4) secondary blue reflective light coming from the....sky im presuming, but mostly because i just felt like the drawing needed some blue lol; 5) a 55% opacity overlay layer containing a trace amount of vignette in 3 of the corners + an extra glob of light just to the right of her cuz i was experimenting with different instagram filters near the end and found one i rly liked and tried replicating it on sai 😂 Here’s the picture with only my main shadow layer (left) vs the picture with all 5 lighting layers (right):

The pic on the right makes her look more like she is Somewhere. I think I could’ve pushed the depth even more but i wasn’t confident enough. And sai doesn’t have blur tool :(

I also always have at least one layer that i name “extra”. The Extra layer goes on top of the colours/shadows/lineart layers, but under the overlay/glow layers. This is for extra details (including extra LIGHTING details) that I wanna add like extra sparkles, extra straw hat strands, hair strands, hair shine, zipper shine, etc all for that “extra” touch of realness. I don’t do all this stuff at the end, though. I have my Extra layer created pretty early on and i go back to it and add to it when I need to. Here’s what it would look like without the Extra layer (left), and with it (right). Try to find all the extra bits i listed:

One last note is i don’t colour one thing at a time. Before I start, I slap on all the base colours and all the shadows super roughly, just to check if my lighting and colour choices look good TOGETHER and make the entire composition look good. no point in spending hours rendering all the lighting and shadows on the character’s hair if in the end u decide there was actually a better lighting design u could’ve gone with. So here’s the rough colouring plan I made for myself before i started rendering for real:

im not sure if this was useful at all but i hope it was interesting at least! if you want to see my actual chronological process for colouring you can watch the gif of wips i compiled here: [link]. You’ll notice that i edit my lines as i colour. I think it’s good to be adaptable, and to be ready to go back and change ur lines to benefit your lighting, colouring, and overall look of the piece.

Also here’s the finished version of the pic: [link]

#Anonymous #miruask #miru art #tutorial #there's a lot more i didnt mention #i didnt mention my texture layers #cuz i felt too ashamed lol im just a sham artist using textures and overlays and texture overlays #textures can absolutely make ur colouring look interesting tho so try some out!#i didnt use a texture for the hat tho i did that all on my own and im proud #i also didnt mention locking ur lineart layer and colouring the lines themselves #but thats such an age old technique that im sure everyone already knows it

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youmeanlove · 5 years

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all of them for yusuke !!!!!!!!!

SCREAMS thank you SO much im bout to end this mans (my wish to keep answers short) whole career

update: sorry this took so long i decided to become a novelistKJF LITERALLY its so long thank you soooo much for sending this ask i had a field day

fresh mown grass: what is your f/o’s favorite scent? does it remind them of anything specific?

paint is the obvious answer so ofc that but he rly likes the smell of a smoked out kitchen. probably because thats what happens every time he tries to experiment w food but it still makes him happy to hav fun with it

pastel sunrise: what was your f/o’s first impression of you? yours of them?

hehehe…he thought i dressed really weirdJFJF he was like one part intrigued one part ‘wtf ew’ but either way boy did he stare at me! for like, minutes straight because he has no self awareness. once we started talking he thought i was um..like, inspiring i guess. that sounds conceited but he just thought i was a cool ‘care-free’ model of life! i thought umm..he was very tall and kind of intimidating! i felt bad because the other students shunned him for being involved with his mentor nd thought he could do with like, literally any social interaction. i thought he was really kind, despite being very straightforward w everything! OH and i thought it was admirable how focused on his passions he was

blooming flowers: what is your f/o’s favorite part of nature? do they even have one?

the ocean!!!! we went to the beach once and he went ape over how the moon looked reflecting over the water

four leaf clover: does your f/o have any good luck charms or superstitions? do you? do the two of you share any?

yusukes really superstitious actually! unlucky words/numbers and stuff like that. one time he broke a comb on accident and threw it across the room lmao. we both go absolutely ham and wont sleep w/ our heads to the north bc we dont feel like dying young

ocean breeze: have you and your f/o ever traveled together? what is your dream vacation?

hoyah! we dont travel because we’re both poor ass art students but we do go to the park a lot! theres some really pretty ones near the schools so we’ll go stare at geese and flowers n stuff! we talk a lot about traveling to spain bc sexy

lemonade stand: what is your f/o’s favorite beverage? and yours?

yusuke my mans rly likes lemonade but like when its kinda bitter? he doesnt like really sweet foods but lemonade and tea are 👌👌. i really like cola uwu

fireflies: how do you light up your f/o’s life?

hehHEHE U///U show that boy how to have fun!! let himself go and chill out sometimes!! he’s always so hard on himself and i help him remember that he doesn’t need to be so focused and stressed all the time anymore!! lov that guy

music festival: what is your favorite type of music? your f/o’s? any overlap between your favorite genres?

yusuke likes chill out music like classical and stuff because hes a NERD and it helps him focus on work! i’m a speedcore rat. we both like swing music because we’re gay

pumpkin latte: what is your guilty pleasure as a couple?

sometimes we drink juice out of the carton and put it back in the fridge because like who has time for cups..nasty nasty. also idk if this counts but we’ll take those stupid buzzfeed quizzes for like an hour and judge our results OH we stan ‘accidetally’ falling asleep in our day clothes bc we were too tired to change

costume shop: do you wear couples’ halloween costumes? what’s your favorite thing the two of you have ever gone as?

HELL YEAH WE DOOOOO yusuke was like dude remember that time i turned into a mouse can i dress up like a mouse and you dress up as a giant block of cheese and i was like (slaps the desk) absolutely babe

cozy sweater: how does your f/o make you feel secure and safe?

ahejegfahjkgehaheehaejh tall. hes vv straightforward to every1 so i know he’ll always have my back if someone does something to upset me! and he’s always like Bro You Are So Beautiful Dont Ever Say You Arent Bro I Love You Bro except he doesnt say bro ofc hes Fancy

bonfire: what’s one thing your f/o has done to warm your heart?

ONE TIM OH one time he told me that i was one of the few ppl that never rly seemed like i judged him for not being very good at social stuff and that it made him want to talk to even more ppl and like get his childhood back and im :”) also one time he let me hide a stray cat in his dormKJF

ski slope: do you and your f/o play any sports or do any athletic activities together?

lol no we both have an iron deficiency we dont do anything about. we do like to play hand clappy games a lot tho he can beat my ass in slide

snowball fight: how do you and your f/o playfully tease each other?

HONESTLYFKJF we dont tease each other that much bc like. yusuke literally doesnt understand teasing most of the time and i cant bring myself to risk hurting his feelings! i jokingly made fun of his emo bang once and he was like What Is My Hair Bad Should I Get It Cut Do You Not Like It and i was like OH NOOOO!! he doesnt rly know how to tease either but its okay we just compliment each other a lot! no room for teasing in this house

gift wrap: what’s the best present your f/o has ever given you? what’s their favorite present they’ve gotten from you?

OH MY GOSH eheh one time he gave me a winter coat and that sounds lame but it was the best thing to ever happen to me bc i had been talking for like 3 weeks abt how gosh darn cold it was and this poor fool bought me a whole coat!!! raaaaaa!! yusukes fave present i bought him would probably be okay this also sounds silly but a dvd player! he kept buying dvds that were interesting and then realizing that he couldnt watch them anywherejkhf

rosy cheeks: tell us about a time your f/o has made you blush!

hehHEHEEJH okay so at lunch we used to trade so that id give him like food and hed draw me something bc his foster dad be like (whips and dabs) financial abuse but anyway his sketches used to be like scenic stuff or still life or random stuff he happened to see outside while we ate but then one time he gave me a sketch of me!! and was like cause u looked rly nice today i had to draw it and BOYYY WHEN I SAY A BITCH WAS RED!!!!!!!

OKAYFKJF I WROTE WAY TOO MUCH THANK U SO MUCH LEGEND im in love with an anime boy

#Anonymous #ship: art block #ask meme #long post /#ask

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silvadraconis · 2 years

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I posted 17,699 times in 2021

31 posts created (0%)

17668 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 569.9 posts.

I added 180 tags in 2021

#feral flowers - 32 posts

#fate grand order - 24 posts

#ref - 22 posts

#silva - 18 posts

#fgo - 18 posts

#mood - 17 posts

#otl - 14 posts

#mastersona - 13 posts

#not for logan - 11 posts

#yeah - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#to say that i'll be by your side for as long as you want me but if you cant do it anymore i wont make you i wont let you suffer needlessly

My Top Posts in 2021

I was singing alone

I don't remember what it was I was singing, I suppose it doesn't really matter. It was something dark and melancholic, the kind of song that resonates from the depths of your soul, the kind that comes from the heart. I was singing alone for a long time, or perhaps it only felt that way. I don't really know for how long. All I remember, is suddenly I wasn't alone A piano joined my song, without preamble or warning, shifting and sliding in to match and harmonize and accompany my song. It was a dark and throbbing, deep and intense sort of piece. For a brief moment my voice was silent, as I was surprised by the sudden music. But in my silence the piano continued to play, as if inviting me back wordlessly to sing my aching wretched song. So I did. My voice sounded back out again, slipping easily into the tune and tempo that was held by the raging piano. And together we sang and played, weaving our hearts songs into a growing crescendo. It was not pretty, not gentle. It was a howling aching thing. But it was ours, it was our truth and our feelings and emotions. And there was no one around to judge us for that in that moment I often sing alone. But lately, whenever I do so now, I try to sing where there is a piano around. And sometimes, my voice no longer rings out alone.

14 notes • Posted 2021-06-12 00:03:43 GMT

Wanted to post the design of Silva’s command seals while I’m trying to make an actual drawing of her and Guada XD

(also something interesting to note about them is that actually Guada’s and Silva's seals look different, so the only way one could see Silva’s seals is if they could see her in her ghost form, since when she's occupying Guada it just looks like Guada’s seals, tho if you look realllllly closely during combat when seals get used you can see the ghostly form of Silva’s seals overtop Guada’s in addition to Guada’s own when they light up)

(taggin peeps @panyum @tricketra )

15 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 10:17:27 GMT

@panyum and @tricketra gave me courage to post these so have some messy sketches of dantes

(Also may or my not be building up the courage to draw my mastersona one day)

21 notes • Posted 2021-01-08 07:19:54 GMT

I finally got around to drawing my mastersona Silva! Most cant see her except for servants when shes a ghost on her own, since when shes possessing guada, guadas appearance just changes a bit XD guada gets longer hair and the hair gets blonder and blonder from the ends up the more magic gets used, and her eyes darken to the brown.

didnt come out perfect not I'm still hyped for how it came out!

(Tagging peeps, @tricketra @panyum

32 notes • Posted 2021-01-23 12:07:53 GMT

My Mastersona Masterpost!

I figured it was finally time to make a masterpost about all the things I've written so far about Silva!

Her Backstory!

More Backstory, More detailed backstory

Command Seals, What she looks like!

Attribute and Origin

Fuyuki, A one shot (Dantes), Another one shot (Hektor) Nightmares one shot (Dantes) one shot (Salliari) Nitrocis np

Earlier Singularities

Trivia!, More Trivia!

Lostbelt 3, Fluffy Oneshot (Hektor)

Healing Ability

Avenger Servantsona

I will update this as I write and maybe even draw more about her!

51 notes • Posted 2021-01-23 05:43:17 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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felixeslee · 6 years

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92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg )

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :(

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,,

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL )

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao…….

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE'

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so ://///

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob????

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL

Career: waterbottle 🌙

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,,

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun :)

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no

Drank hard liquor: nO

Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES…..

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,, lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

#sarah: tag #LMAO sry for the random stories here nd there #and i wrote this like 2 weeks ago so yeah .l LMAO #thank u all for tagging me i luh u all <333 #lSDKGJOSDIGJSDG

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survivormykonos · 6 years

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Episode #1: “everyone knows I’m here for the drama™️” ~Robbie

First impressions these people are basic players who wont have very big personalities, and not willing to put a lot of effort into this game. Hopefully thats not the case and its just late so no one is really wide awake :) Because I came to play and I hope thats what everyone else came here to do as well

Okay so my plan basically worked, winning the first reward competition by placing a good score has opened up one of many avenues to come. Ryan, and Zeezo want to work with me (bad choice for them since I will be winning this aka taking them out eventually but oh well)

Him hitting it off really well with this tribe they are all so friendly and welcoming, Ain is my main homegirl at the moment she is the best and jared is a nice friendly face so it should be interesting to see what the coming days are like.

so not 30 minutes in and meowth comes out with the question "what if someones racist" which to me carried an air of accusation it was public and clearly meant for all to see it just gives me a bit of an icky feeling towards meowth

I'm glad that others are getting higher scores than me because i definitely don't want to be presenting as a threat in challenges particularity not the first day so i just am hoping that ill land middle of the pack challenge wise

so this immunity is fun i love puzzles like these even though they are hard tbh im not completly happy about our chances but i hope we can push through and win or the other tribes internet fucks up, either or really

so right now the vote seems to be between Robbie and Mewoth (Josh) and tbh i dont care which goes because they havent spoken to me but whatever, in any case id rather keep someone who actually contributed to the challenge and if he doesn't step it up then Josh will be gone next

Going into tribal council i am very nervous, you never know where the vote is until the votes are read and if im on the wrong side of the vote i might not be around much longer

I dont know whats gonna go down here but i hope i do well

reunited with lukas my love

she sells seashells at the seashore

why is the first vote already so confusing and wild.... just decide on a person

WHATS UPPPP!!! Can’t say much because I’m busy but I’m stoked!!! Only two other girls on my team tho :/ but it’s ok! I have Stephen who I know but I’ll get into all that later and I have lukas and Sammy on the other tribe who I LOVE TO DEATH but obviously can’t tell anyone that. Ain is on the other side who I hate but I just hope she gets voted out and we never have to interact :’)

Honestly, living my best life and enjoying the brief small talk with my tribe mates. So far getting a good vibe from everyone but lets be real, shit (I can curse right... I lowkey have always wanted to say that) is definitely going to go down as soon as something goes wrong. But like *shrug*.

OK LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT TIME THAT I DIDNT WANT TO GRAB THE LIGHT AND SHINE IT ON ME AND WE WIN FIRST IMMUNITY AND I GET SENT TO PARADISE ISLAND!!!!!!!!! Yeah, because like, screw the idea of trying to lay a tad low for the first vote. But hey, I guess when you are working with Zeezo and she tells you the immunity boxes must be evens because of the clue she got, and then you get sent to PI, it can't be all that bad. I'm so shook I don't even know if I'm making sentences rn hahaha. I hate saying this, but like I am so happy with where I am rn, but I def know there is so much more work to put in before my tribe ends up going to tribal. AND SPEAKING OF TRIBES, WHET ON EARTH? Two abstains in the reward and then a tie and only two points in the immunity challenge for Yalos? Did they also think they were cast in ANTM because like same. We've all been there, amiright? Can they continue to do this so I can just breeze my way to merge and start playing this game already??? Please and thank you.

When I wake up and realize I have so much work to do for school but at least I don't have to worry about going to tribal tonight! I aint mad! At least Im not gonna be the Francesca of this season soooooooo.....

So... ya boy just beat Jared in a word search comp... and beat him... and went to Super Paradise Island... and idk which greek god is on my side, but one them has ya boy's back because he just the sapphire gem... Like no big deal... I didn't expect to be the first voted out and then just somehow came across getting one of the first big advantages of the game... WE ARE ALL FINE GUYS!!!

I have Oakley, who voted me out on Athena: Himalayas and Olivia, who I voted out on Atomic: Isle of Skye on my tribe. And my immediate thought is I want to work with them. Olivia more than Oakley, I don’t have any beef with him from another season but he is sneaky. However my strategy especially at this point in the game is just make lersonal connections and pretend to have the strategic knowledge of a goldfish. Here’s hoping it works.

So far I’ve talked to most people but some are easier to connect to than others, Joanna seems the most distant, she responds but it doesn’t feel friendly. But we won, so we’re all good this round. I really hope Ain goes home, shes manipulative, vindictive and isn’t afraid to use underhanded tactics.

WOAH! So after being recommended to play by a friend, I found out he ALSO recommended Miles to play, although in the other tribe.. I have someone I know here although I kinda got them eliminated in a Twitter Survivor... Hmmm... So far in Kalafati tribe, Im liking Miles and Joanna, Haven't had much contact with the others but they seem really cool. Im so excited to play, Especially with winning a lucky hidden immunity Idol

I’m still waving the flag

I’m still waving the flag I hate that challenge. I got a respectable score but if i did all that just to have the Yalos player stop after a low score, I'll be sad

My first impressions of the tribe is pretty positive! No immediate negative figures jump out at me. I'm still testing the waters, trying to figure out if any people are potentials for alliance members. Some people like Olivia, Jacob, Miles, Stephen and Thomas have reached out to me which makes them seem like good potentials for friends. However, I want to see how the reward challenge goes before I can evaluate my teammates further.

It's amazing that we won the reward challenge and I'm so happy that I performed as well as I did. However, I am worried about the immunity challenge. I'm happy with the flash game, but the controls are really wacky and I already know it will take forever to get used to.

I'm honestly a little worried seeing that I didn't preform very well in the immunity challenge. Thankfully, we still managed to pull off a win and we didn't have to worry about tribal. Speaking of tribal, I don't think there is anyway Robbie is going to stay, seeing that he abstained in the reward and striked in the immunity. Also, I feel like I want to work with Olivia, but Miles also seems like a good person to work with, but I haven't approached either of them yet. Still weighing my options and figuring out the best way to proceed.

Honestly it doesn’t seem like anyone is playing hard yet which is annoying me. Because I want to play hard, but if no one else is people can get sketched out by highly strategic, social players

Honestly if I finess this vote and stay in the game after forfeiting two comps it will be hilarious. But everyone knows I’m here for the drama™️ Hope no one gets blind sided

So the first night went..... alright. My tribe wasn’t as energetic or as talkitive as I had expected. It appears as though I am on a tribe with all gay men, which sounds nice in theory, but I’m bracing for the moment these twinks start wildin. Aside from the gays, I know Ain from a past org and am starting to warm back up to her. We will probs stick together for awhile. As of now, that’s all.

Robbie, queen of being inactive and making cases to stay last minute, came to me with the idea of booting Meowth instead. I said hell yeah! All for that shit! Not that I don’t like Meowth, it’s just I would love to do something unexpected for the first tribal. However, Sammy and Michael seem to be so against it for some reason. Lord knows why. I’m going to aim to be in the majority, but I may just cast my vote for Meowth for the hell of it.

Ok I don’t quite remember what my last confessional was but I know for a fact I fucked up the names. Robbie is the one on the line, Sammy is just another gay. I swap their names all of the time.

I really like this tribe so far! Everyone seems pretty chill and it's nice to know that at the moment, nobody is really mean-spirited. I know that Jacob has some past with the other Miles, but he's on the other tribe, so there's really no past relationships to deal with either, at least that I know of! I think that by far, I'd probably like to align with Olivia and Joanna for sure, and maybe Stephen, Zeezo, Oakley, and Julian as well? I'd rather not get into scheming this early! I think it'd be much better for my game at the moment not to be the leader or figurehead of a group, but rather an updated member. I guess I'll have to see!

Alright so... Not a whole lot is going on, it's just the start of the game, we're just doing the first reward challenge. This tribe is just a bit too large for my taste but whatever, I'll manage. Getting to know all these people is interesting, which is funny because the absolute LAST word I would use to describe myself is "interesting"

I'm not entirely sure what use one would have for a fire making kit in an online survivor. Am I meant to set my laptop on fire? ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING????????? lmao...

There's a few people that I'm getting great vibes from. Miles would probably be the biggest one rn. I would love nothing more than to get some sort of alliance going sooner rather than later JUST IN CASE but like I don't want to be the one to actively go out and do it because if someone leaks RIP ME. Idk what I'm doing just yet. We'll figure this out.

We won the first immunity and don't have to vote anyone out, that's awesome. I can't help but feel just a little concerned though, everyone's almost a little TOO peaceful on this tribe. I'm not saying I'd want to LOSE a comp and have to face tribal but the reads I'm getting from everyone is giving me a sense of unease. I do enjoy winning though and wouldn't mind winning out. I'm just saying, I feel very uneasy with the vibes I'm receiving. Good lord I just repeated myself there. Oh well.

I think I'm pretty safe after this immunity challenge. I was one of 2 people to win the head to head for my tribe and therefore I have a chance to go to Paradise Island! I'm trying my best NOT to go though because I think that would put a target on my back very early on.

Right now my closest ally is Matt and I feel that we have a strong bond. We're each other's #1's and talking back and forth over who should go tonight. I'm very torn for who I'm voting for at tribal tonight, it's either Meowth (Josh) or Robbie. I've heard that Robbie may have gotten the majority but I don't feel 100% on wanting him still in the game. Yes, Meowth is weak in challenges but he's another easy vote moving forward in the future.

So, what's been going for me so far? Well, reward challenge I busted my ass and showed what I can do, which was great! WE lost, which sucks, and 2 people didn't submit. Those 2 were Miles and Robbie. This made me upset, mostly because Miles I know from my Minecraft UHC days, so we made an instant alliance from that. Robbie I didn't care about. Then came immunity, where once again, Robbie was unable to compete, and I still stand by that I was robbed in my challenge because of a shit quality image, but this is what I'm used to from online games like this, so I'll move on (eventually). We got rekt in immunity, and the obvious choice was looking like Robbie for not submitting twice. So, being the intelligent player I am, I basically pitched to Robbie that he was going home unless he made a better pitch about someone else. He aimed at Michael, someone who I somewhat wanted to work with at the time (in hind sight, I wouldn't have cared much). I proposed, instead, we vote for meowth (Joshua) because he just rubbed me the wrong way, under-performed, and refused to talk game strategy with me at all. I pulled in Lukas and Jared, as well as had Ain in my pocket, and with the acquiring of Sammy by both me and Robbie, the vote should be set in our favor. I'm still trying to convince Miles to roll with us so he's not on the losing end of the vote, but I think its 50/50 whether he will or won't. Honestly, I feel pretty safe with this vote, being that I was a top performer and have shown how active I strive to be in these games. I'm not super worried about this vote and hope that Robbie sticks around. Hopefully, he becomes a powerful player and a big help in challenges. If he's not, he'll go next for sure. Let's hope I don't live to regret these words!

I think I’m in a pretty safe spot right now, but we def have people who think they are running the show around here...SIT DOWN or else you’ll become a target early😉 but I like everyone just don’t know who we should keep...someone who hasn’t been active or someone who tries but does not communicate. Eh either way I’m not on the chopping block sooooo. Okay wow that sounds rude but um i like everyone:) yikes

Honestly, this is a fung ame and a fun set of people. Just hope my time here isn't too short.

So far I feel pretty good about my tribe even though there a couple people I forgot to ever talk to oops. We seem to be good at challenges and get along well. I've connected most with Ryan so far and told him my idol clue to gain his trust. He's told me he trusts me the most out of anyone so that's good. After we talked we decided to pull in a 3rd and settled with Thomas since he got the best score in the reward challenge. After consulting with Ryan I decided to share my clue with Thomas too and the 3 of us officially performed an alliance. I think with this alliance my goal is to think more long term. Thomas is probabaly going to on Tinder performing well at challenges and be a shield for me. He also doesn't seem to talk to a lot of other people. Meanwhile Ryan seems like the type of person who might play too hard so he could be another shield. Plus we get along really well so far so that's good :') We might pull in a 4th for the alliance later since Thomas is kind of inactive and Ryan suggested Stephen so I'm interested to see how that will pan out. In other news Ryan got sent to paradise island and got the sapphire gem thing so that's great :') So if one of us finds the idol we should have great power in the game so I'm looking forward to the rest of the game

Nothing is going really because we have been on a winning streak and have been crushing it. I knew Stephen from a previous game and we agreed to work together. He is not being extremely subtle about it but I think he wants to work with Olivia because he has mentioned her a lot and how he likes her. I don't mind that because I do like her but I am worried about the two of them being closer to each other than to me because I know they know each other. I am really liking Ryan as well and would like to work with him. I am worried I am not being as social as I should be because I do notice that I don't talk to as many people as I would like. Miles I have talked to a bit but haven't built much of a relationship with him and everyone else I have said hi to and talked to a bit but I haven't really built anything or know anything about them. I just hope we can win long enough for me to build those relationships because I am worried that I am one of the two people to lose my round in the immunity challenge.

#It'sCalledFreedom

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haeroniel-doliet · 6 years

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thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings:

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours.

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess.

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant.

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it. and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold.

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks.

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves, no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example.

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel.

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit.

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth

#rant time #bc i guess i need to vent out my feelings that are just annoyingly complex and i cant actually deal with them #aka i hate myself #but not like actively or aggressively #i prefer not think i exist but thats not even covered up above #just bullshit #dont read if youd like to keep your day being nice

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exactlywhoyouthinkiwas-blog · 7 years

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[3/2/2015 6:42:48 PM] Evan: Hi. [3/2/2015 6:44:23 PM] YV??~: yoyoy [3/2/2015 6:46:48 PM] Evan: How are you? [3/2/2015 6:48:31 PM] YV??~: Fine, i guess. You? [3/2/2015 6:50:15 PM] Evan: Alright. Still doing 'nothing'? [3/2/2015 6:54:15 PM] YV??~: considering after days of work ive only got 2 frames sketched for the episode preview....and one is just erasing the chin some if the jawline and opening the mouth, yeah the lack of productivity is notable [3/2/2015 6:56:32 PM] Evan: Well, it's a starts. haha [3/2/2015 6:57:22 PM] YV??~: its not good enought tho [3/2/2015 6:59:18 PM] Evan: Do better, then. *shrug [3/2/2015 6:59:20 PM] Evan: :P [3/2/2015 7:02:26 PM] YV??~: If i could i would. but im garbage at everything. What about you? [3/2/2015 7:04:03 PM] Evan: Basically wasting time until work. Nothing worth mentioning. Might draw another picture. [3/2/2015 7:05:24 PM] YV??~: sounds fun [3/2/2015 7:06:03 PM] Evan: Oh yeah, tons of it. [3/2/2015 7:06:15 PM] Evan: I have no idea what to draw, though. Wanna make a request? O: [3/2/2015 7:09:22 PM] YV??~: i dont know. I tend not to make them for the same reason i tend to stay out of the GOTO, I have really bad refs. Most of them arent even finished even though ill need them at some point. [3/2/2015 7:09:57 PM] Evan: Eh, makes no difference. [3/2/2015 7:13:13 PM] YV??~: Fine. Ill see what i have... [3/2/2015 7:13:22 PM] Evan: :D [3/2/2015 7:20:04 PM] YV??~: This is honestly the best one i have and even then its still not done because everythings not fully colored http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2015/061/a/d/ww_by_artgeek21648-d8k6w4l.png [3/2/2015 7:20:35 PM] Evan: Seems done enough to me. O: [3/2/2015 7:20:50 PM] Evan: What kind of personality? [3/2/2015 7:22:55 PM] YV??~: Ehhhh, shes pretty much that expression as a person. She doesnt like to open up to people and basically tends to hide everything shes feeling. I guess. [3/2/2015 7:23:17 PM] Evan: I see. [3/2/2015 7:24:50 PM] YV??~: Shes really hard to condense down mostly because she changes so much from the beginning even if she ends up similarly at the end shes still different in someway. [3/2/2015 7:29:38 PM] Evan: Ah, gotcha. [3/2/2015 7:29:57 PM] Evan: It's a pretty cool design, though. What's she from? [3/2/2015 7:30:22 PM] YV??~: Mahito. She is the lead character. [3/2/2015 7:30:59 PM] Evan: Oooo cool. [3/2/2015 7:31:00 PM] Evan: Name? [3/2/2015 7:31:10 PM] YV??~: Yoi Hitobito [3/2/2015 7:35:19 PM] Evan: don't bito ma'hito [3/2/2015 7:37:36 PM] YV??~: Heheh [3/2/2015 7:41:13 PM] Evan: Are there any other Mahito refs? [3/2/2015 7:42:40 PM] YV??~: I only have the pencil sketches which are really hard to decipher because i didnt have a scanner...and i cant scan them now because i lost one. [3/2/2015 7:46:43 PM] Evan: Ah, I see. Just wondered. [3/2/2015 7:53:41 PM] Evan: So what kind of nothing are you up to. :P [3/2/2015 7:56:33 PM] YV??~: ...Im drawing Doki as Madoka.......=:T [3/2/2015 7:57:08 PM] Evan: Madoki. [3/2/2015 7:57:19 PM] Evan: Ah yes, doing the thread thing I see [3/2/2015 7:57:51 PM] YV??~: i was going to anyway at some point.... [3/2/2015 7:58:54 PM] Evan: I might do one as well. Wasn't planning on it, but then I remembered a really obvious one. heh [3/2/2015 7:59:14 PM] Evan: Also why Madoka [3/2/2015 8:02:28 PM] YV??~: I dont know i guess theyre kinda similiar....even though i came up with MSCs ending before i watched it. If i had at that point i probably would have ended it differently.....cause its pretty much the same thing...like Doki doesnt make a wish but they both like transcend being to protect everyone. [3/2/2015 8:02:56 PM] Evan: Ah. [3/2/2015 8:03:13 PM] Evan: Did you always plan on making MSC get darker [3/2/2015 8:05:56 PM] YV??~: A lot of that series came to me within months of the drawing that ended conceptualizing 2 series and an OVA the ending was actually the first thing I really planned out. and even then its different from now because originally more of the main cast was going to die. [3/2/2015 8:31:15 PM] Evan: O: [3/2/2015 8:31:38 PM] Evan: So is it going to get more serious right off, or will it stay kinda silly for a bit? [3/2/2015 8:33:40 PM] YV??~: season one is generally going to stay pretty light since most of the beginning of it is just meet all the team and the enemy and shit, but i probably use season 2 to slowly phase it to the same mood as season 3 which is pretty much where everything happens. [3/2/2015 8:35:16 PM] Evan: Ah. Cool. [3/2/2015 8:36:59 PM] YV??~: the subsequent series will only have 2 seasons but ill probably do it similarly and Magic End Story will be nothing but serious because i gotta end this whole franchise somehow. [3/2/2015 8:42:39 PM] Evan: haha yeah [3/2/2015 8:43:07 PM] Evan: I assume the art style is going to be different in episode 2? [3/2/2015 8:44:10 PM] YV??~: well considering it wont be drawn with a laptop trackpad because that irrates my hands overall too much for a shitty joke, yes. [3/2/2015 9:08:09 PM] Evan: Should look pretty cool then. O: [3/2/2015 9:25:14 PM] YV??~: yeah (sorry for late i got a cat murder scene to clean up) [3/2/2015 9:25:43 PM] Evan: lol [3/2/2015 9:32:13 PM] Evan: Well, gotta run to work. [3/2/2015 9:32:14 PM] Evan: Good night.

[3/2/2015 9:52:02 PM] YV??~: (this is mad late so whenever the fuck you see this uh same i guess. but i was being literal about that like no of them actually DIED but there was blood everywhere that i had to clean up before the others tried licking it up)

[3/3/2015 6:35:47 AM] Evan: Oh.Wow. [3/3/2015 6:36:10 AM] Evan: I thought about that at work, lol. It just occurred to me that I forgot to ask you what cat murder meant.

#said evan to vriska

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