#this song is just LIVING in my brain space rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

axel-skz · 10 months

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hey!! I have a request🤭;

Ok what about chan w a vv sleepy s/o like their always falling alseep everywhere or they can fall alseep rlly easily not like narcoleptic but just sleepy🤷‍♀️

Chan had always been very accepting of the fact that you were always sleepy. You had a talent of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, he was actually a little jealous. He struggled to sleep. It made him feel good to look after you though. Randomly feeling you fall asleep on his shoulder or somehow leaning on him or holding his hand.

It made him happy. He felt like you trusted him. To be able to fall asleep without worries around him. He slowly started to keep items in all the spaces he was in regularly. Things that would help keep you comfortable. He had a special drawer in his office with a nice pillow and there was always a blanket on the back of the sofa.

People noticed it in his live and he chalked it up to him taking naps in the office. But no, it was for you. He kept snacks for when you woke up and felt hungry. He would turn his music down as to not wake you as well as shushing anyone who came in.

You never realised just how strict he was about his shushing when one day, you were half asleep and jisung came in. He said something, fairly quietly. But there was Chan. This man, fully jumped like it was jumpscare in a movie. Then turned and so dramatically shushed Han that you would think he was Hyunjin.

He really loved you and made you feel so comfortable in your own skin. He never let you feel nervous or self conscious about it. He’d always say, ‘I get to hold you while you sleep. How could I be upset? I’m winning here.’

A/N: I’M CRYING RN! OMFG DO NOT LISTEN TO SAD SONGS WHILE READING THIS! I was listening to same boat by Lizzie Mcalpine and I’m just breaking down. The thought of someone so loving and accepting- my soul is dead.

Listen to cielings if you really wanna cry cus Istg that would hit so hard.

I hope this was better then the other stuff I’ve been posting lately :’) my brain is just not on my side lately and I’m so tired and sad. It’s hard to be anything rn.

I said this in my other post, todays song is Muddy water.

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twig-tea · 6 months

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Current Tag Game

Tagged by @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan and @wen-kexing-apologist!

Current Time: 12:27 PM

Current activity: Taking a lunch break from work between back-to-back meetings (during which I sometimes post to tumblr when they are not useful meetings lol).

Currently thinking about: Balancing work stuff with Palestine stuff with Shadow theories! Also trying not to think about medical news I am waiting for....my brain is a stressful place rn.

Current favourite song: So I fell down a TXT FreeFall rabbit hole; fell in love with Skipping Stones, which then led me to the artist who created that song, Hanroro, and am now obsessed with one of her other songs, "Even if you leave,". Her tone, mood, just everything. Obsessed.

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Currently reading: These days I only read fanfic and nonfic. Oh and the Batman: Wayne Family Adventures webtoon lolol Shoutout to Yeaka on A03 who (among other things) writes pitch-perfect Ustukushii Kare ficlets that get me through the day; here's the one I read most recently.

Currently watching: lol here we go (in no particular order but semi-ranked in terms of how much space they are taking up in my brain?):

Shadow the Series: binged all 7 eps yesterday, eagerly awaiting the back half!

I Feel You Linger in the Air: finale this week; this one was really hard for me to watch at first due to the the sexual assaults in the first four episodes, but it's a really gorgeous piece of work and I'm glad I stuck with it (I did have a real moment to myself where I thought if this pattern was going to continue I would have to drop it, but luckily it did not keep going). There are a few powerful scenes that I've written about separately that will live rent-free in my head.

Kimi ni wa todokanai / I cannot reach you / won't get through to you: I'm watching this one grey thanks to the incredible sub work by @lurkingteapot (follow @kiminaisubs!) and am absolutely loving it. These are such wonderful characters. It's so interesting to be watching this at the same time as the next one, because the similarities and differences make comparing the two a richer experience watching both!

Kimi to nara koi wo shite mite mo / If it's with you: Amane has rocketed up to one of my favourite characters of all time. Love how the family stuff is integrated into this show. I think I actually like this show more than I cannot reach you, but I've been providing the minimal insight I can into drafts of the subs for the other show so have been thinking about it more.

One Room Angel: very excited for this one, the humour is pitch-perfect and the themes are my cup of tea. I love supernatural stuff, and mysteries especially around supernatural mechanics, and psychology, and self esteem issues. and all that good stuff.

Kinou nani tabeta / What Did You Eat Yesterday?: Love that this show has retained the heart and quality of the previous work. Loving this a lot. It's not higher on the list only because I don't need to think about it a lot, it's SO legible, and so well done.

Mr Cinderella 2: I am having a FANTASTIC time with this show lol it is such a pulp; there is high drama, paranormal elements (rituals and potions), insidious psychological tricks, and really solid relationship writing. This show starts with the main couple together, and shows how they deal with all of these external forces--which works for me in a way it doesn't with Kiseki below because their response as a couple at first is to unite and shore up; they support one another through it. It's when they start trying to handle things on their own (and this is justified by the narrative) that things fall apart.

Kiseki: Dear to Me: Like everyone else, I have fallen in love with Ai Di the murder kitten. I think the mains aren't resonating with me as much because their problems are all external rather than internal, and they keep trying to handle them individually (i.e. without ever working as a couple to face these issues), but they are also very pretty and I appreciate all the lap-sitting.

Absolute Zero: Honestly I now watch this show with annoyance like "What are you doing with this scene, New Siwaj? Why?". The mechanics of the show are still interesting but I am mad at it so I now approach those questions with annoyance rather than interest lol

Venus in the Sky: I liked this one way more than I thought I would; it's miles better than Check Out and far more coherent. It's a decent pulp!

My Universe: I'm a bit behind on this one but mostly caught up now (one story behind); the quality of these stories varies wildly but it's an interesting short story format! I'm keeping track of thoughts for all of the stories and will do a post when I'm done if anyone wants to know which are worth watching (since they all stand alone)

My Dear Gangster Oppa: This just got started; the first episode was pretty! I think it's going to be a solid and enjoyable pulp lol

You Are Mine: This one I am not enjoying. Too much boss-using-his-powers-over-his-subordinate-to-force-proximity-and-not-actually-communicating, and the women pushing this male secretary at his boss as fodder really sits wrong with me.

Dangerous Romance: I have very little sympathy for the rich boy who doesn't think through the consequences of his actions or the people who enable him, and I'm annoyed that the Sailom character we got at the beginning of the series who was self-aware, confident, clever, and had his priorities straight seems to have disappeared. There is no internal consistency in this show.

Taskmaster series 16: I love this dorky show from England lol comedians are given absurd tasks and then are judged; it's got a very strong undertone-turned-overtone of kink, and yet is family-friendly, and I find that fascinating. What a good show lol

Current favourite character: HMMMM. Amane from If It's With You comes first to mind, to be honest. He's gay, he fucks, he has self esteem issues but he's working on them, he's brave enough to be honest to his crush even though he's been burned before, and he asks for what he really wants, and then hold hope that he might actually get it. And his behaviour around his crush is relatably cringe. I LOVE HIM. [@wen-kexing-apologist wrote this before I saw yours but YES, sad boy hiding behind happiness is THE BEST]

Current WIP: I have 4 asks that I have in my drafts that I owe @wen-kexing-apologist, @mynameisnotthepoint (this wasn't really an ask per se but it was an excuse to gush so I'm taking it), @wanderlust-in-my-soul, and @waitmyturtles. I have been working on all of them and do still plan on answering them! I also have a draft re: Hidden Agenda the novel vs the show that I realllllly need to just stop fussing with and post.

Tags: Tagging folks I've chatted with recently! @dribs-and-drabbles @my-rose-tinted-glasses @slayerkitty @neuroticbookworm @lurkingteapot @crowie @visualtaehyun @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @sorry-bonebag @thewayurant

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verit · 3 months

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got tagged by @dudeyuri to list my 5 fave songs right now! ahh thank you i love sharing music (im gonna list more than 5 too dhjshjdhsdj)

tagging (only if you want to, ofc) @rabidline @yandereleorio @drcalvin @midnightfreeway and anyone else who wants it <3 i've actually grown steadily obsessed with Tilly Birds thanks to thai bl (after msp + the song in the original OF trailer), a LOT of bangers there. here's one of my faves rn (honestly i recommend their whole latest Live album) — Status (แค่พี่น้อง)

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next one has to be this... it's actually also BL-related, in that it's the opening of s2 of Utsukushii Kare, which is incredible and i can't recommend it enough; but also the song REALLY got me.

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(the ending of s1 is also by ロス and im also obsessed with it btw.)

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then there's Sheena Ringo who I discovered last year. obsessed with 意識 (Consciously) currently

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i'm actually listening to less kpop currently than in the past several years, but I really loved Dash

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and specifically in the NCT corner... again, listening to them less currently (usually they kinda occupy most of my music brain space) but still loving when it comes on shuffle. i guess i'll list PADO, just because i never skip it rn

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and then there's also unknown Russian songs (this is Ежовы Рукавицы — Пена дней)

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#i guess i dont listen to much stuff in eng these days haha #when i do its like... random stuff i guess? hmm. curious #music #currently listening to a lot of jp stuff i guess... and tilly birds lol #Youtube

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cousticks · 4 months

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COU have you ever listened to will wood? I've been listening to him for a couple years and he's pretty neat. His lyrics are really fun to dive into.

(the normal album is my favorite but I also like his stuff with the tapeworms and his two most recent albums. I just love all his stuff lol)

Anyway

I've been assigning bsd characters to his songs for awhile and I was listening to one of his songs from his most recent album. It's called Misanthropologist (<- good song I like the lyrics alot) and I think it's got some Skk vibes but I wanna see what you think :D

first of all the opening lyrics:

I wanna meet your maker shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels Holler “look what you’ve done gave this planet a sun and a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"

to me reminded me of how Dazai views Chuuya when Chuuya’s fighting he’s captivated and in 15 Chuuya basically gives Dazai a reason to live and I think that fits with the last line well.

This verse:

Cause you defy creation I hate you, I hate you, I do Hands to the night sky Praying that you might die Before I fall in love with you

Idk how to explain this but this feels very Skk to me.

But I can hate myself so you don't have to

Dazai coded tbh

Also

God don't explain the way time and space made us But with the wavelengths bending it makes sense to me The only things that's meant to be is gravity and what comes up must go down

This verse, this verse is what made me think “oh this is skk coded”. Its just them to me

Bit by bit and heart by heart, this won't have to end if it doesn't start

Reminds of how they still call each other partners despite everything.

idk man I'm sick as heck rn and maybe im delirious but I wanted to see what you thought :D

-🦑

Squoose hi!!!!!

Yeah, I have listened to Will Wood! I've heard a handful off of The Normal Album!! Sometimes Suburbia Overture gets stuck in my head.

But gosh that first bit you sent. Look what you've done // gave this planet a sun // and a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells is sooooo. That can be so 15 era but also them in general. Everything you've sent me is SO correct.

That last line especially gets to me, but it just feels really dazai in general to me. this won't have to end if it doesn't start??? from the perspective of a man that is always pursuing a reason to feel alive but never allows himself to truly grasp it because its always pulled away at the last minute???? god.

You're so correct these lyrics are so Them coded but from a Dazai brain. I'll be rotating some of those lines in my hindbrain for a while thank you

#asks? answered. hotel? trivago.#squoose!#🎶

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flowers-all-around-me · 9 months

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Yeah, I'd love to know which mechanisms songs you think I should start with, or if it's a particular album. I actually went and listened to a few seconds of one after reblogging the post. They remind me just a little of The Amzing Devil. I'll be honest, that specific specific song didn't keep my interest too long, but I'm sure someone who knows their music could point me toward the better ones. :)

Ahhh! Thanks for reaching out :3 (and also hope you don't mind if I make this public, just in case someone interested might see it :'>)

I'm going to assume you know nothing about them just in case (and also since I know some songs are less good for casual use/can take a little warming up to :'3)

The gist of it is that it's a storytelling cabaret where every band member is in character as an immortal space pirates; as such, their albums are retellings of "actual events" they have "witnessed" during their travels in space.

I think I will put the rest under a Read More though because! I went off a bit! Sorry about that :'D

I recommend listening to their albums as they interest you to get the general gist of the stories. Once I got that, I added them to my shuffle playlist and listen to my faves - that way it's not confusing to me and I don't have to "suffer" through the other parts when I don't wanna listen to a whole concept album.

The "main" four albums all follow a similar structure of switching between narration/song, with varying amount of information relayed in the song (as in, sometimes it's just about a concept of the story, sometimes it's more akin to a musical piece where the story moves as well). The songs themselves are often based on various extant, mostly folk, songs (e.g. Bella Ciao, WW1 songs, and I can't think of any more rn because my brain is cooked).

If you want the cliff's notes version of these albums (none of which have a "happy" ending, so be aware of that going in):

Once Upon A Time (In Space): their first album, Grimm's fairy tales but it's about a space rebellion against an immortal, tyrannical king with an army of clones.

Ulysses Dies at Dawn: greek mythology but it's a noir cyberpunk planet-wide city. Contains (in my unbiased opinion lol) very good and interesting takes on how the setting would influence some of the myths we are familiar with today. Fair warning though: will contain references to the original material you might miss if you are unfamiliar with the OG characters, but it's still enjoyable

High Noon Over Camelot: Arthurian legend but it's a diesel-punk desert space station with bike-riding cowboys. SPECIAL MENTION TO THE MOST BANGER BANJO (again, in my opinion), specifically in Peacemaker. It's going wild in there.

The Bifrost Incident: Norse Mythology but told as a space-train noir mystery. Notable for not being narrated by an outer character, but actually told as a "recording" of the police officer investigating. Features a very good banjo in "Expert Testimony" (which is narration) (also the banjo is in a genre I like to call "bastard" because oh yeah, what is happening in-story is that a character is being A Bastard <3)

As for Tales to be Told I and II, they contain smaller stories (either relating to the main albums, origin stories for in-universe band members, or self-contained ones)

There is also a standalone single, "Frankenstein." Guess what that one is about lol. It, along with "Alice" and "Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser" are "songs" on the longer side that contain shorter narration/song segments.

Lastly, there's Death To The Mechanisms, which was the band's farewell concert in 2020 when they disbanded. It's been recorded and put together as a live album and contains fun banter and character lore regarding their deaths.

IF you want my favourite songs, regardless of album, it's probably Red Signal, Peacemaker, Blood and Whiskey, Thor, Rose Red, Alice, Acatea and Lyssa, Lost in Cosmos, The Ignominous Demise of Dr. Pilchard (which also has fun banjo), Elysian Fields, Ragnarok II: The Calling, and Riddle of the Sphinx.

ANYWAY! Extremely long, heatwave induced rant aside, I do hope you'll check them out! Feel free to reach out and let me know how you liked the songs/stories, I am always down for recommending the band to more people :3

Lastly, allow me to link the unofficial YouTube channel TheVoidSings (here!) which has all their albums with lyrics and in neat playlists so you can listen to them in order!

(I would link the band's channel so that they'd at least get some youtube cents from it, but it got demonetised under the new guidelines a few days ago, so that's fucked and yes, I am mad about it :'D)

#flower answers

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penguin--person · 6 months

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I don’t know if you care but I am thinking about Alík in my day to day life now. If I see a wolf I go “WOAH it’s ALÍK from the PENGUIN PERSON!!!!!” Even if it’s not an Eurasian Wolf. Also, I poorly doodled her in class a few times. Very fun, much better than paying attention tbh 10/10 would recommend to any and everyone

I have many thoughts after some comments you made about alík a while back but I need to compose my thoughts and also not spam your askbox so that is. Later. Unless I just shouldn’t I didn’t have anything deep to say anyways 👍🏽

And lastly every time I listen to animal by sir Chloe i think of Alík

so in short: your OCs (Alík especially) are all very cool to me and take up a normal amount of space in my brain

-Nonymous

heheee!!!! this is the second time (to y knowledge) a stranger has fallen in love with one of my ocs... what a wonderful world we live in..!!! teehee!!! no such thing as poor alík doodles... she'd wag her tail five thousand power times !!!! awaaa!!!! you can spam my askbox as much as you want my dude, other than you, ive got no one in my askbox rn 👍other than the oc aks for penguin--rat hehe... alíks thing will get out... sometime.. she WILL get one.. it will be this week, probably... then im gonna do zt and volkov.. and maybe marya.. she deserves some love.. animal REAL ‼️‼️‼️every song ever called animal is alíkcore, real not fake thank youuu Mwah!!! have a short haired alík doodle

#nonymous #alikcore #gonna anwser your (assuming its you?) kind kind sweet ask on penguin--rat after i get home #gonna try n draw something again even if a doodle

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thekidsarentalright · 1 year

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ok ok i’ve started to process the album but honestly cant stop yelling enough to write a coherent ask so here’s a whole bunch of stuff that has me going feral:

the title track. i think fob just released one of my fave songs ever, it went to my top 5 from them so fast!!! it reminds me of how much the pandemic fucked up for everyone… “thought we had it all” fr!! but like. the strings??? the choir at the end?! SUNSHINE OF MY LIFETIME REPRISE?!?! SHUT UP FOREVER!!!!! (also my bday is the “day after christmas past” so i nearly screamed when i heard that line lmaooooo… followed immediately by “my pain isn’t cool enough”?! literally almost fell over at that point. that felt like an accidental shoutout and then getting punched directly in the gut 😭)

flu game is absolutely my second fave!!! the “youuuu” in the chorus just hits my brain a certain way i’m obsessed!! also i relate to it a little too much 😭

what a time to be alive!!!!! soul punk vibes fr <3 also that bridge goes so hard i think screaming it live would fix me 😭 WHEN I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE THIS ISNT QUITE WHAT I MEANT!!!! GOT THE QUARANTINE BLUES BAD NEWS WHAT’S LEFT!!!!!

the strings in i am my own muse?!?! patrick is just flexing at this point (as he should) <3

my synesthesia went crazy with heaven iowa… it’s this beautiful deep blue/indigo/purple situation and i want to live in it <— totally normal thing to say abt a song

so good right now gave me whiplash right after heaven iowa but it’s so fun! i went from crying to dancing so fast lmao

in general i love space and this album delivered w the references!! i caved and bought the glow in the dark stars 😳

and the living even though it’s painful and scary, especially when it’s painful and scary vibes… fob always knows what we need to hear i swear!!! ur post abt the themes on this album is so so true <3

patrick dressed as a chicken playing the piano… i love him so much it’s stupid <3 also that music video nearly killed me. couldn’t see the screen super well when they were on fallon and didn’t process that the costume was like… a muscle suit for a solid minute. my brain literally shut down lmaooo 😭

ik there’s like… lyric parallels and stuff i got rlly excited abt but am totally forgetting rn! i’m sure it’ll come back when i listen to the album again (which i’m probably gonna go do rn) but… yeah!! so glad we get to be insane abt all this on here together lol <3 peace and love in fob world ☺️

- 🧋 anon

YESSSS the title track is INSANE with how good it is and how much is in it like. i swear every lyric hits Hard, the reprise absolutely breaks my heart it is so. Perfect. so so so valid for it being in your top 5 fob songs of all time already it is genuinely That Good!!! and made for you Clearly with that birthday shoutout!!! even with the gut punch after. every lyric feels like such a gut punch i swear kfgjdhfkjs

flu game is ALSO one of my top favs, i could not rank this album yet even if it would save my life kfjsdkfj but i know for Sure flu game is in like. top 5 territory. i'm obsessed w it for the same reasons fr it is. too relatable thanks pete (haha i said the thing!)

REAL i need them to perform what a time to be alive live SO bad literally just so i can scream that bridge i think that would fix me fr fr. also just love how dancey it is while having. incredibly depressing lyrics. vibe of all time fksjdhfks

patrick is flexing w his arranging skills all over this album but Esp in i am my own muse and i hope he keeps flexing forever bc it is. so good!!!!

OUGHHH heaven iowa being purpley blue it so pretty... to me it's like... idk a very warm song, orange/yellow/golden so. the opposite of you KFJDSK but still pretty i Also wanna live in it. we are So normal for that bff <3

they are literally sick for putting so good right now right after heaven, iowa it was Such an intense tone shift fsdkjfsh i Love so good right now tho it's slowly becoming one of my favs i think

i absolutely love how jam packed this album is w space references, i was anticipating it but Still am like. fuck yeah space fkjdshkfjs i'm still debating on getting the glow in the dark stars tbh... is u getting them a sign i should too... much to think about

but yeah the albums themes are SOOOO. like. i think what the world needed to hear right now, also what i needed to hear rn, what You needed to hear like. they always know!!!! it is just so cathartic to hear that things might not be okay or better but that you can still live and be fulfilled and have love Despite Despite Despite!!!!

and lastly fr i. didn't process it was a chestplate/muscle suit at first either so was like. ready to die over patrick looking like That lmao honestly i still am he pulls off that look way too well. also pulled off the chicken costume imo <3

#LOVED hearing ur thoughts on all this if u have more. processed ones KFJHDSK i would love to hear them too <3 #so fun to go insane over fob w u and everyone on here tho its the best <3 these last few days have been SOOO fun on here <3 #asks #🧋anon

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sharonaparadox · 2 years

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huge iswm spoilers!

hd + subtitles available!

fandom: In Space with Markiplier focus: Engineer Mark audio: “My body is telling me” by Whitney Galaher + “Lovin U” by Stwo (edited together by me) program: Sony Vegas Pro 13

i haven’t really edited anything since september, but mark’s projects once again have a grip on me

i’ve been having trouble figuring out what to edit iswm to bc i love it, but the only thing on my mind rn is the relationship between the captain and mark, and it’s so difficult to plan out a vid where one character is literally the camera pov

i woke up the other morning with this song in my head, though, which is weird since i haven’t thought abt it since i downloaded it years ago from vine (!), and my brain put 2 and 2 together to get this idea. i also grabbed the original song that was used for the backing track bc i didn’t want to make an edit that’s only six seconds, and i knew i wanted to break my own heart again just making this lol

in hindsight, rendering this in 4k wasn’t worth it, esp since it slowed down both the rendering and uploading, but, you know, live and learn

#Markiplier #In Space with Markiplier #Engineer Mark #Head Engineer Mark #iswmedit #i've been vidding for years and i still don't entirely understand what to tag them with lol #ISWM spoilers #fanvid #YouTubers

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overturetoanadventure · 1 year

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Yesterday I kayaked at a state park that was a four hour drive, one way, with some friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday. The space was so so so beautiful. It felt really nice to see different friends get along well! Our music tastes didn’t align as a group but we made it work (and I think all four of us are a bit too polite (there’s a better word but not wanting to think hard rn) and after garnering reactions from the first run of songs, we started asking to skip stuff that was already created by the Spotify blend lol). While on the river, we came across a mom and her daughter; the daughter got lots of anxiety halfway into the trip as they floated along. The mom asked us if we know how much longer it would be for them to reach the next drop off point and how they could arrive quicker. I was on a tandem kayak with one of the friends and we offered to tie the rope connecting their tubes together to the back of our kayak. They then joined us for the remainder of the kayak trip. It felt so nice to be able to help them!! Then, after we returned our paddles and vests, we changed and we’re eating snacks while gathered around the trunk. There was a lady who parked next to us that i had seen on the river that wore such a cute outfit and had killer eyeliner so I commented on her makeup! She had brought her own kayak and was struggling to put it on top of the car so we offered to help her. It made me remember the mom conversing with another guy on a tube we came across in which she remarked that she was going to ask him for help but he was too far ahead and instead got there with girl power. Girls/women really do rock :-) I would like to go back there with a full day lined up so that we can go tubing after we kayak as well!! I woke up today in such a great mood thanks to the joy from yesterday!!

I watched memoirs of a geisha with a dear friend yesterday. Before we began the movie my mom called and I can’t remember but some part of our conversation pissed me off and i felt irritated even after ending the call but I was trying really hard to keep those feelings internal and enjoy the movie but she asked if I just wanted her to leave and I felt really bad so I tried to do a lil meditation inside my head and it really did help!! The movie was really good! I remember annotating my copy of the book back in the summer after I graduated high school and rereading it through my freshman semester too so I vaguely remembered the plot but I’m glad that she ended up with the chairman in the end. I’ll miss hanging out like this and am trying to somehow store the shared happiness away for when I’ll, no doubt, miss her presence and affection after she lives abroad. Neither of us are big texters; I do much better with in person communication so distance is a big issue for me unfortunately. Proximity is also the largest factor in relationships which is backed by research.

Moving on, ended the night with watching the finale of the last of us and then dissecting it as a group and sharing our thoughts. I think I would’ve done the same exact thing as Joel, and also like the callback to that ‘crazy’ lady who was hunting Henry bc he had sold out her brother to fedra for medication for his own little brother in the whole ‘what lengths are you willing to go to for your loved ones, even if that’s not what they would want for you to do’ as her brother would have likely forgiven Henry were he in that situation and similarly, though idk about life ending brain surgery for a potential cure but Ellie clearly wanted to go through with working with the fireflies to help find a cure and Joel defies that due to his now accepted role as a parental figure and the associated love and attachment and somewhat manipulation (again not the right word but idc rn) that it entails to parent a child. I was really saddened by the fact that he broke the one constant in their rocky relationship which was trust in honest communication. It’ll be heartbreaking whenever she has to confront with both herself and him that he lied to her about something so important when she tried to offer him an opportunity to come clean.

Also I know the whole ‘I know you say like you me but do you actually hate me’ thing feels overdone as a society and I very much hate that I still have feelings like this about people I’ve been friends with for a little bit if not a few years now. I know for my own self that I go through phases where honestly just being around people is too much and interacting often feels overwhelming and I start to get annoyed by them and that it’s not actually personal. I’m trying to tell myself that if I am capable of feeling this way but still loving those people at the end of the day, then I should be okay with sitting with the idea of my friends being annoyed by or disliking me sometimes. But like idk what’s wrong with me but I’m like well if you don’t like me then I feel that im worth less. It’s really annoying being aware of my people pleasing tendencies too because I constantly question whether im actually a kind person or if my kindness in any situation is driven by the need to be liked. I know this goes back to childhood trauma and blah blah blah but like I’ve already talked this shit through in therapy twice can’t I just be a stupid airhead that’s confident in herself and her relationships. It feels gross to want constant validation. Fuck.

Oh. Also??? My face and neck, and especially the bottom area of the skin under my eyes feels so dry and tight and itchy. It’s all a bit red and my neck is very splotchy. I can’t discern if this is the work of allergies bc I’d never experienced allergic reactions (or was aware of it at least) before or if I somehow went too hard on the retinol?? And I’ve been slathering my skin in like three layers of different moisturizers without drying my face even after I wash it but no dice. I might just have to buy Zyrtec or Benadryl tomorrow and see if it helps. The power of deductive reasoning to the rescue.

#dear diary

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plinkcat-gif · 2 years

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2 or 5 (or both) <3

2. What's your top 5 songs at the moment and why?

Tangled Up In Stars—Stealing Sheep

YK. i’m just Going Back a little bit i would listen to this all the time in like sixth grade i think. and also the first lyrics “you look so lizard-like it’s hot like you’re not, like it’s force-fed to you from the dark like a puppet on a string” so true bestie. so true.

Monsters of the North—The National Parks

NNNGGGGGGGGHHGNGNHHHG KAKASHI SONG KAKASHI SOGN !!!!! !!! it’s so just. fuckkuuuuckccckkkk

WE CAN BE WOLVES HOWLING AT THE MOON INDEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH YOURE RIGHT WE CAN WE SHOULD!!!!!!!!!!! it’s just. the two singers. it’s a kakarin song but i’m a kkobrin shipper so i’m obligated to say it’s kkobrin. and i’m right 🔫

Two Sparrows—Tow’rs

GUITAR. I LOVE WHEN GUITAR. also a kkobrin song with verse 1 for kks, verse 2 for rin, verse three for obt. god i just think about this song all the fuckin time it lives in my head rent freeeeeee i’m insane ab it

Seventeen—Peach Pit

tbh. it’s got a good beat. deeper it’s a kkobrin song where kks is still (tragically) in high school but they’re taking a gap year for him DKSJDJJD idk it’s half an au it rots my brain it’s a little codependent girl summer idk idk idk i explode into jams every time i hear this song

literally anything by the oh hellos i coudlnt choose one i’m hooked on all their music literallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

honorable mention: rome falls by panicland mostly because this song came COMPLETELY unbidden to me in a completely silent room and jumpscared me a little. i vividly thought “oh? ok i guess we’re doing this now” DKFJKSJSHF

5. Whats your relationship with your parents like?

HAHAHA I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THIS QUESTION WAS IN HERE THATS SO FUNNY THANK U SJDKDLAJSFLAJDK

my mom: super slay we’re actually besties and vent buddies and i tell her everything and she’s literally my closest friend rn and i love her dearly. soem strain regarding phone usage and online spaces because of some serious largely unaddressed trauma but so long as i keep convos away from that we are a-okay :333

my dad:

tiny vent and flashing gif under cut

complicated and nonexistent at the same time. short answer bc i’m not here to super-vent is that he has autism and alexithymia, or he drank for so long that he developed symptoms similar to it and he’s now trying to fix himself and his marriage and his relationships which is great but. um yk. it’s got issues.

thank u for asking even if i am trying not to overshare on that last one DKSHFKSJDKFJ <3333

#kirpy answers #ty for asking i legit didn’t know the parent one was on there <3333 SKDJSKDJDJ

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jxnkshop · 6 months

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updates #1

This last weeks were a rollercoaster. To be fair i’m genuinely feeling better with my body now I understand where most of my insecurities come from, and I have the privilege of living in an environment where I have a certain freedom about it. I haven’t came out to my friends yet but I’ve been pushing barriers. I mean, I always had this defense mechanism whenever I felt social anxiety and felt insecure about my body, I just imagined I was being read as a cis woman by everyone around me. It was always a subconscious thing, and it happened mostly when I was really drunk. I play bass in a band, and suffer from stage fright a bit, so it’s a mechanism I use whenever I’m onstage too.

But since this became clear for me, that I really enjoy being read as a woman, it just reached the surface of my brain, and I have much more control over it, and realized that, for exemple, all the beauty standards I have settled for myself were feminine beauty standards and that is why I always hated my body. I used to paint my nails in middle school but got bullied for that. Also always wanted to dress in a feminine way (not too feminine tho cause I kinda like wearing baggy jeans and oversized shirts, but that’s another subject) and throughout my childhood and my teenage years I thought I was gay, or tried to closet myself around most cis men and heterosexual women, and this made feel very distant from a lot of people that could be potential friends.

I used to search about transitioning when I was a literal kid and lied to myself that I did it only for curiosity, and I remember an specific situation in which I read that the earlier someone transitioned more efficient it would be. That freaked me out for some reason, and yeah, now I know why.

My 23 birthday way yesterday, and sometimes I feel like I should have thought about it before. I mean, I had, but probably thought I would be able to hide it forever, and now I feel really dumb. as 100 gecs would say “i’m the dumbest girl alive”.

The first real song I have ever wrote I was 16, and I did it because my brother had a shoegaze band with a friend of ours, and neither of them knew how to write lyrics, so they invited me to play bass and be the lyricist or something. Now reading the lyrics of that first song I wrote for them I understand that it was always about being a trans person. I mean I feel really dumb rn for thinking I could ignore it, cause it was always so clear.

But nevertheless, right now I kinda feel like I walked big steps. I started to paint my nails again and my partner is helping me with makeup (they’re an amazing makeup artist omg). The city I live there is a big techno scene in which some of my friends are part of, and it’s a really comfortable space to wear makeup and dress more feminine, and I’m really enjoining it :) also there is an alternative rock scene in which my band is part of. It’s not the most trans inclusive people in the world but at least it’s not a big deal when i’m wearing makeup onstage. I believe music simply breaks a few barriers around gender expression, and I can be anyone I want onstage, since I play well.

I called my best friend this morning cause I think my next step is coming out to him, since he’s and important and reliable person. I said I had something really important to talk to him, but he lives in another city and doesn’t have plans to come back to our hometown in the next month. I wanted to talk to him in presence but since it won’t be possible it will probably happen through discord. It’s not the best for me but it’s the best way available. I’m kinda nervous but I’m pretty sure he will support me, so I’m looking forward to doing that.

#transfem #trans woman #queer #baby trans #personal vent #transition

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no-ctrl · 6 months

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Im sad. Maybe my period is coming. Maybe seasonal depression is kicking in. I am dead inside rn. I feel like I’m being laughed at from above whether it’s God or the Universe. I’m sorry to talk about both in vain but it genuinely feelings like a twisted joke. I literally had one of the worst spirals 2 nights ago. This is how it started. I unblocked Israel on Instagram then saw he was active a day before. Then I looked through his little bros page and he had posted a guitar cover of Ivy by Frank Ocean which is a song I have shown to Israel (not saying that’s why his bro is playing it but it reminded me of Israel) then I go onto his cousin’s insta and he posted a baby and I’m guessing it’s Israel’s baby brother and that was straw that broke the camels back(it’s me I’m the camel) it felt like an addiction. I looked at his threads, I looked at his tiktok and I felt so desperate I literally resort to making a Facebook. That was an all time low. I purposefully deleted my Facebook bc it was extremely unhealthy for me in terms of letting Israel go. As if making the Facebook wasn’t shameful enough, I reopened a wound the literally makes me sick to my stomach. That wound being facing Israel’s mom and how she was able to continue life and move forward while I felt left in the dust. I saw a picture of her while she was pregnant. It was a photo of her from July 2022. Israel hadn’t even been back yet at that time and there she was pregnant enjoying a family party. Then this weekend she was at her nieces baby shower. I hate her. I hate how much she has control over my feelings. I hate being so terrible. I hate hating her. I don’t want to think or feel anything towards her I want to forget her. But I can’t help but hate her for everything. I hate how she used me like if I was some emotional support dog for her addict son. She didn’t treat me like a person. She never considered me. I hate how Israel would get upset with me when I expressed my hurt towards her bc he would get defensive towards his mom (I don’t blame him) I hate how despite everything she did to him he still chose her over me. I hate that I even feel that way bc it sounds so irrational. I hate her. I hate how she gets to cause havoc and destroy everything yet continues to live life and having community within her family, she still has her son choosing her. I hate her. I hate seeing her happy while I’m miserable. It feels so tortuous. It feels like I have a wound and someone is just pouring salt and lime in tht wound and rubbing it in. Instead of being tortured by the thoughts of my brain I’m being tortured in all aspects. You think seeing her was the worst part? No it really wasn’t. Today when I was driving to my evening class after work tell me why he was right next to me at the spot light and he was just so eager to drive away he literally ended up crossing 2 yellow lights. It felt like a practical joke bc I was already in my feels these last few days. I literally couldn’t stop crying for 20 minutes. I felt like I was being laughed at. It felt like a cruel joke was being played on me. Haven’t I gone through enough? Haven’t I been putting my part? I haven’t broken no contact. I haven’t driven past his house. I give myself space to feel my emotions. I won’t lie this past weekend was a great sabotage to myself but it didn’t involve rekindling with him. So why universe why did you put me in that situation? I’m sorry being so angry and upset but isn’t this enough? I’m literally so tired. I want to be happy. I’m trying I swear but today felt so excessive. I know life is u fair but why me why now? I’m tired of being strong and holding it together. I just want to be looked after. I’m just so sad. Like I just want Israel but he doesn’t want me. He literally left me. His mom dropped him in Mexico many times when things got hard yet I’m the villain in this story. Im tired of this. Im tired of all the injustices I’m faced with. Im tired of this. I deserve to be happy I deserve an easy life. I deserve peace. I deserve to be loved.

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idgs-space · 10 months

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listening to the end, the bitcrush and repeating effect could literally be from an electronic song made today and id believe it omg

this 15 minute space can only be described through experience without words

be sure not to be doing much else and focus on the sound and familiar jingles as much as you can, previous album track knowledge is advised, have fun in there

oh my god

I think I'm ready to fall apart, all these familiar chords and melodies, falling apart before me

this is so fucked for a Minecraft album, the way all the different melodies clash into each other

everything here can be perceived as a melody if you're insane enough, the pad with ominous chords keep your brain online while it pieces together all these melodies

then sweden

a hopeful synth?

im writing this live rn

the ominous pad is there but this is like a harbinger of safety

that synth with the pitchbend was a little scary but it's kinda pretty

and now there's strings and some distorted sound is making it all fall apart again

it falls further, the piano's broken, the bass began buzzing and died out

WAIT I'm like 11 minutes in, that plucky bass is from alpha's hopeful strings pitched down I think

WHAT THE FUCK I was typing that and then that electronic static appeared, and now this granulated sweden??

this is so fucked dude

I've never experienced anything like that in an auditorial form before, and the end just doesn't end, it's like "you shouldn't be here"

WHAT IS RHIS ENDING ??

what was rhat

What does this all mean

c418 what

OH DONT PUT ON CHIRP NOW

#in post i was thinking of thirteen from vol alpha #and i realized rhat this is 10 levels above ro that #Its now so familiar and messes with something so sentimental

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lesbenson · 1 year

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sometimes i like to stare into space and listen to I and Love and You by the avett brothers and think about 3.0 eo. it makes me feel like my brain is being spun in a centrifuge but hey its an honest living

listened to this song getting groceries so you almost caused a public disturbance. let’s get into it

them in ali’s road trip au

whatever. manhattan. long island city. but this is them at the intervention

them always but especially return of the prodigal son … fighting with each other, liv fighting with garland Over elliot, elliot in interrogation etc

that line is also. sooo if i’d heard your voice i wouldn’t have been able to leave. liv offering to call the kids when kathy died and elliot saying just find the guy. the actual dance that was supposed to happen at the not wedding where instead elliot ghosted her for three more months. kats fic venus planet of love (which ruined my life btw)

don’t even get me started on elliot vs saying he loves her while in a clear state of mind i can’t get into it rn but. i care for you. and there are literally at least ten examples of liv saying i love you without saying it and you specified 3.0 which like. single most important person. to partners. you look better. elliot tell us what you need. we’re gonna find him and we’re gonna bring him home. stabler was my home. i want to but i can’t.

this is insane. back then nobody looked out for me the way he did. i’ve known him for 23 years. you would’ve loved it. he would’ve.

WHERES THE EXIT

#act like that vid is cropped better and not a screen recording of a youtube video #?#i really enjoyed this song so thank you anon but also. what is wrong with you

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thiives · 1 year

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SMALL ADDITION TO MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION LIST

i neeeed to fix my record player and get back into silk screen printing! i have so many ideas for small runs of simple grungy shirt designs i can do at home. also i want to build up a music library with everything that moved me through the years. as i m posting on tumblr rn the foundation of that collection is pretty much the embodiment of my 2014 tumblr era ... which was ( to be fair ) a pretty defining time for me, too.

LANA DEL REY — BORN TO DIE, ULTRAVIOLENCE self explaining if you knew me for 5 minutes ...

HALSEY — BADLANDS, MANIC, NIGHTMARE i have tattoos for all of them, and manic was a surprise. i didn't like it at first and ended up calling it therapy in 2019, which might have been one of my worst years so far

THE BLACK KEYS — BROTHERS the first album i actively listened to and still one of my all time faves !!!! sinister kid for life

GREEN DAY — AMERICAN IDIOT THE BROADWAY RECORDING idk if or where to get this yet but i basically grew up on the green day albums the musical is made of and the first time ive seen billy joel armstrong live on stage! just holds a special place in my heart

TWENTY ONE PILOTS — TRENCH although i got into the band with blurryface, i ended up with trench on the loop! my best friend and i cried like babys at the concert

BON IVER — FOR EMMA, FOREVER AGO another one of my earliest favourites and it still gives me a very special, melancholic feeling

ARCTIC MONKEYS — AM blueprint and milestone for my style and music taste development?!

GORILLAZ — PLASTIC BEACH, DEMON DAYS also a very early found of mine and filled with so many bangers i hold close to my heart

AMY WHINEHOUSE — BACK TO BLACK not every song moved me as much as the other but it just feels right to have that one

OEL — ÜBER NACHT the first band my brother and i 110% agreed on and it will forever make me feel like home

WOODKID — THE GOLDEN AGE the golden age of my video game addiction indeed. i also started running with their songs.

ANNENMAYKANTEREIT — ALLES NIX KONKRETES a little cringe but it WAS the soundtrack to my sturm & drang times in cologne. oh my god is this a reckoning?!

MODERAT — III just. bliss.

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE — CEREMONIALS lungs was great but this was wicked, my guys. a must have for me.

FUNKADELIC — MAGGOT BRAIN i'm loosing my mind over this on a daily basis ngl

CHET BAKER — CHAT BAKER SINGS as i still feel like a jazz newbie, chat just kinda speaks to me?? the resemblence is also striking and idk sometimes it just feels like there's my past-me singing ...

SON LUX — BRIGHTER WOUNDS of ALL the great son lux songs and albums that accompanied me through the years, this strikes me the most!

MELANIE MARTINEZ — CRY BABY product of its time, adorable and important to me

THE NEIGHBOURHOOD — WIPED OUT! product of its time, adorable and important to me !!!

CRYSTAL CASTLES — (II) product of its time, adorable and important to me !!!!!!!!!!!

SIA — 1000 FORMS OF FEAR a surprisingly heavy influence when i dealt with my first experiences with substance abuse :") also cute lil wig cover

that might be it for now, and only should give you an idea of how im working on this. it almost feels like i'm building up my heritage of sorts. music gladly made it to one of the most important things in my life again and i finally want to give it the space and time and care that it deserves. so excuse me for being emo and absolutely unnecessarily explicit about my plans here. ITS CALLED MANIFESTING.

#new year resolutions #music #vinylcollector #silkscreen #screen printing #grunge #alt aesthetic

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momentofmemory · 4 years

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yeah, you’ve got something they don’t.

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