#this was so different and soso good also i am going insane over. Things | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buggirlbutt · 13 days

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FIRST OF ALL. SPOILERS. I AM SOSO SCARED OF SPOILING PEOPLE. ANYWAY. OK so I don't ever make original posts and I never go here any more than just reblogging art from my mutuals but. Restoration was so weird I feel like I have to put my thoughts down somewhere. Other people have mentioned some specific stuff that also confused me but since it was already covered I won't go over it unless I feel like it. In no particular order:

-Why was everyone separated. Where was Carolina. Why was Wash in a hospital. WHY DID DR. GREY ACT LIKE THAT. WHY WAS DOC DEAD??????? Where the fuck was Donut. Lopez and Sheila completely disappeared after 5 minutes. Why was nobody friends

-What the fuck was up with Sarge dying. None of it felt real and not in a denial sort of way it just felt like they were gonna have a fakeout with it. Someone else said that Grif and Simmons didn't even try CPR or aloe vera and like. Right???? I kept expecting Sarge to get back up and say something insane like "oh I got all my major organs moved to different parts of my body 10 years ago to keep the blues on their toes heheh"

-On top of that everything Sarge said and the way they all acted felt so weird and fake. He would not fucking say that even on his deathbed. Everyone felt so out of character

-Why the fuck were they trying to straight up fucking abandon Caboose. None of them would ever ever do that what the hell. Running away yes but Leaving??? Not in a million years. It felt like it was only there to pad the runtime a little bit, you 100% could've had Sarge die trying to rescue Caboose without them trying to leave first. Not that I think Sarge should've died because it made no sense

-Where was Donut. Why was Doc dead

-Why did no one care that it was still Tucker in there. Why did Tucker even still have the meta armor?? That feels like something that should've been taken off after the fight, not something Tucker should've kept on for several months afterwards. And I say several months because there's an extremely brief line about how Tucker has been missing for months "again." This was just something that happened multiple times and nobody cared or noticed???? What on earth

-Wash being in the hospital made so little sense. Why was he there. What the fuck happened on Chorus that killed Doc and why was Wash so haunted by Doc specifically. As other people have mentioned, why was his hospital room number the same as his prisoner number??

-Why did Dr. Grey act like that. Wash having an episode and saying stuff about "we" as if Doc were there I can understand but the fucking. The news report? That everyone can see with their eyeballs? Why did she act like that wasn't real either. Everything with Wash in the hospital felt like it was supposed to lead to some reveal of like, the hospital is fake and the government is keeping him there and Dr. Grey and all the other staff are being forced to act like that but no. Apparently they did that of their own free will. What

-Where the fuck was Donut. Why was Doc dead

-For that matter where was EVERYONE?? Why were they all separated??? Nobody fucking cared that Wash was hospitalized and Donut was missing and Carolina was god knows where??? Are they not a fucking family

-Why were the reds so mean???? Grif especially was so mad about everything and like yeah he gets stressed out easily but not to that extent. Good lord

-Also if Wash broke his leg and Doc wasn't real how did his leg. Get unbroken lmao

-OK I think that's everything I can think of. Byebye

-Wait one more thing why the fuck did Grif leave Simmons alone in blood gulch. Simmons now the only fucking member of red team and Tucker and Caboose are the only members of blue team?? That's not. That's not right in any capacity. LOPEZ AND SHEILA ARE STILL AT THE UNDISCLOSED LOCATION. The ending was so fucked up in so many ways

-OK byebye for real

#rvb #rvb19 #spoilers

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jikookpancakes · 3 years

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JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it

#jikook #kookmin #jikook fic rec #bts #jimin #jungkook #there's some that i wanna include but they're gone from ao3 now so sad #lesson: read these while you still can #i have so much more saved to read omg #i shall return with a part 2 #fic rec

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ynkkoo-a · 4 years

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♡◞ 𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒖 !

not at me repurposing one of my theme graphics bc i’m a lil lazy babie , but ! since i jus hit another follower milestone n the decade is comin to a close , i jus wanted to say thank u to all my mutuals n followers n such who rly made this last year enjoyable on this hellsite ! 2019 was tough on a lot of us in a lot of ways , but we all did it , babyluvs ! we saw it out to the end n hopefully the 20′s are a lot prettier for us all ! p.s. i’m sorry to anyone not mentioned ! i hav the memory n attention span of a babie fish , but i luv all of u soso so much n u rly all do mean the absolute world to me ! ♡

first off , jus’ a quick an honourable mention to all of my nonnies of the year , wherever u babies are now ! in particular , my cherry nonnie , my jk anon ( @jminacious ) , my boo , my strawberry nonnie , n my grades anon ! n anyone else who has sent me sweet nonnies , these r jus the recurring ones of the year heh ! u sweet nonnies own my heart n truly made this blog such a lovely n pretty n positive experience for me , n i cannot properly express w words how much all of ur sweet mssgs meant n mean to me always ! ^♡^

starting off w the mutuals i literally never speak to , bc of my shy babie antics , but who i admire from afar so much ! ur all soso talented , jus all around beautiful souls who deserve the prettiest days . pleathe feel free to come talk to me , i’ll luv u down w my whole heart since i’m practically ur secret admirer anyway .

@miyanez , @kimseokjvn , @rmsrpt , @capitae , @chunghart , @aronpiper , @jinjeongguks , @yukhciz , @cjdoesrpt , @pocmuzings , @chuuiez , @leeieno , @igorrpt , @luvgifs , @joonkookies , @drunkblushed , @savta , @frcylan , @jinsoouls !

now , to give all my luv to those who literally . . . hav my heart . we haven’t talked much , again bc i’m a shy babie , tho sum of us hav jus recently been talking more which makes me very sparkly , but ! we exchange ims here or there , send an ask or two , reply to n like each other’s posts , support each other’s content --- u know , we’re cute mutuals ! the ‘ will they , won’t they ‘ mutuals ! for realsies , tho , ur all so talented , whether it be in making gifs or themes or graphics or writing or whatever ! ur talent astounds me n i am beyond in luv w u !

@sprfluous , @chanheez , @loonarz , @jungjnsoul , @yeriimss , @hotjoong , @hiqey , @tcehyvng , @kvinabstract , @stcinfelds , @kermitgrinch , @mcninas , @doyyeon , @jminssii , @jiminslolli , @raihelps , @svnflxwer , @softcarpenters !

n now for honourable mentions ! the few ppl on this site who my shy babie antics did not keep me from talking to n becoming friends w . these are the literal luvs of my life ! our ships are literally *chefs kiss* , i feel comfy cryin’ n rantin’ to u guys without worryin abt being annoying n i hope the feelin’ is mutual , i don’t feel even an ounce of anxiety when talkin’ to u guys which is such a major thing for me ? i consider u guys my friends sm n our friendship literally means the world to me . ur soso talented in so many ways n u hav the loveliest hearts , n i’m so honoured to be able to be ur friend n to write w u all !

p.s. there’s cute lil mssgs for each of u under the cut !

@pointlcss , @ultraviclets , @musetories , @briingmetolifc , @heartvfire !

♡◞ @pointlcss !

alli ! ♡ i am literally so happy that u happened upon my lil 1x1 post a couple months back n decided to mssg me abt threading bc our cute lil starstruck plot turned into a friendship that i am soso so thankful for ? there is not anyone that i wld hav rather gone thru it over jungoo’s long hair , tattoos , n haircut w . that one pic of jjk from season’s greetings as our matching discord icons . . . stayin’ up to yell abt stray kids’ n txt’s comebacks . . . i literally luv this for us ? ur soso talented n making gifsets n writing , n i’m so happy i cld make this last year a lil bit special for u , bc u’ve made this year such a special n pretty one for me too ! i can’t wait to see where our cute lil plot n ship takes n i hope the year has even more luvly things in store for us ! i luv n adore u soso so much . u rly are the sweetest soul out there n i’m so happy to consider u a friend ! also thank u for jus’ now informing me abt bts’ 2020 tour i owe u my lifeKSHDKJ ♡

♡◞ @ultraviclets !

ness ! ♡ literally . . . the luv of my life , perhaps ? i remember following u when u published ur first theme , bc i was jus like . wowow wubbzy ? this is beautiful n free n i’m broke n u hav my heart ? n u know , for a while we were sort of will they , won’t they mutuals , too , which was cute for us , but i think we actually started talking when we were both in abroad ? n then u mssged me later on to lmk that jjk was open in ur rp if i wanted to join n it made me so absolutely soft ??? like . ik it was jus a lil thing but u captured my whole HEART in that moment ? n now ur genuinely sumone that i trust so much , like . the other day when u let me rant to u a lil bit abt smth kinda silly , rly , it jus meant the world to me ? n u mean the world to me n !!! writing w u is absolutely wonderful always n our current ship is *chefs kiss* even tho i hav yet to reply to our thread again BUT !!! i will do it , i pinky promise , i’m sorry i’m the worst . u deserve the whole wide world . ur talented beyond belief , ur such a blessing to the rpc n this hellsite as a whole , n i adore n am soso so thankful for our luvly lil friendship every time we talk . u truly hav made this icky year a lot less icky ! u hav my whole heart ! ♡

♡◞ @musetories !

sarah ! ♡ u’ve genuinely been one of my best friends for four years + one month now n like ? wowow wubbzy ? that’s such a long time ! from the rp that shall not be named to lit rally whatever tf we’re doin rn . u were the first person i ever rly shipped w on this hellsite , even tho i was a whole babie n my writing was godforsaken at the time . n now we lit rally hav so many ships up our sleeves that i can’t even name them all , but i luv each n every one of them soso so much ? sum of them are so iconic that they’re jus’ eternal now ( we’re rly ALWAYS on our eli & zazzy bullshit ) n i kind of adore that for us ? we’ve spent so many our jus’ stayin up into the night / morning writing novels in my dms , n those are genuinely sum of my fondest rp memories ? we don’t rly talk quite as much anymore , but that’s okay n it happens ! we’ve had sum ups n downs , but i’m genuinely soso so thankful for ur friendship these last four years n here’s to four more heh ! n also u got my into bts so i owe u my lifeKJSHKD ♡

♡◞ @briingmetolifc !

mozzie ! ♡ wowow wubbzy , i cld genuinely write a novel abt u ? we’ve been friends for practically four years now , too , n to think it all started w our one lil ship in the rp that shall not be named ! i can actually n genuinely jus talk to u abt anything ? whether it be our ships , a random plot i wanna write , the political state of our country , how fucked ap classes are , mister jungoo himself , whatever issues i’m having w sumone that i need to get off my chest --- there’s literally no limit or bounds to what we can talk to n it’s so nice ? like . i genuinely trust u so much ? u’ve always jus kinda been That Person who i know i can trust w anything , who i never felt wld judge me ? like i can jus tell u anythin , i trust u so much . ur genuinely one of my best friends , even when ur tryin to fight my babie or we’re both bein’ bratty n silent treatmenting each other or ur bein a stubborn lil babie n won’t let me do ur theme for u even tho !!! i luv doing ur themes ! but it’s okay bc u hav my heart , n i genuinely ??? wld be such a different person w/o u in my life for the past four years i’m sure ? n also ur such an amazing writer , ur muses are so unique n ur writing is so fluid n ??? god !!! everythin abt u is smth that i adore . pleathe come to california n be my first kissie . . . i luv u ! ♡

♡◞ @heartvfire !

kacchan ! ♡ oh my god ??? where in the world do i even BEGIN ??? ur genuinely one of the most important ppl in my life . i met u first when i was a literal fckin babie in the rp that shall not be named a whole four years ago now , n like . we didn’t talk a ton at first , but u were never weird or condescending bc i was young ? like , we eventually did start talking n i’m soso like ??? happy that we got close ? like . since day one , i’ve looked up to ur writing n u as a person ? ur characters were always so insanely creative and unique and ur writing was so fluid n beautiful n just ? u were literal goals to lil 14yr old kookoo . n even now , whenever i do a reply to u , i will literally write n rewrite it five times over before posting it bc i want to make sure it’s as good as urs is ! like !!! god ur so talented ! n like . especially as of late , we’ve jus gotten super close ? n like . i’m genuinely so happy abt it ??? our friendship is genuinely a WHOLE blessing in my life , like . ik i can talk to u abt anything n u can talk to me abt anything n we’ll meet eachother w the same amount of enthusiasm ? we can vent to each other n completely understand n empathise n talk things out so we feel better n it’s jus ??? we jus’ get each other ?? so nice . thank u for listening to me when i’m anxious or sad , n for not thinkin ill of me when i’m bein a brat , even when it’s for silly reasons , n for listenin to n not judging me when i talk abt jungoo n bts , even tho i talk to them a lot n ik i can be a bit much sumtimes . like , genuinely ? i’m abt to start crying rn , i’m so thankful for u . u’ve helped shape me so much as a person . helped me grow as a writer . i met u at one of the worst n most important ages of my life n u’ve impacted my life such an insane amount ??? u’ve always been the first person to talk to n comfort me when things go to shit n i truly cannot express how much that has always meant to me . i genuinely think i wld be a bit of a different person n not as confident in my writing if i didn’t hav u to look up to for these past four years . i trust u so much n i luv u soso so much ! n i am going to reply to the dm u sent me properly , i jus need 2 formulate my thoughts properly first , so pleathe hav this for now ! u literally hav my whole HEART !!! ♡

#* koo rambles !#hi i luv all of u !!!#this is the first milestone . i hav done anything for !#will try 2 get that psd posted later ! ^♡^

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audible--silence · 3 years

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Words from the north - the whole unedited note from my phone

Words from the north

Watching the sunset over the Cape range tunes. A light yellow through to dark blue gradient swings through the sky with a string of Aqua running down the centre a single star sits above as a full moon shines lightening up the town of Exmouth after a day spent in the sun in the sand

I am convinced the only difference between the average joe and a poet is one pays attention to life, understands the dictionary and writes things down

From the one day the conditions called for hoodies and cameras rather than wetsuits and surfboards

Smelling like mosquito spray, salt water and sweat is a way of life

Surf forecast up here looks like sitting in SoSo looking out the window staring at a palm tree to figure out what the wind is doing and asking ya mates that walk in the door “hows the surf?”

You know you’re doing something right when you start feeling guilty for all the fun you’re having

And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kooks

From that one time we thought itd be a good time to be homeless together for a week. By the end of it we were somewhere between brothers, lovers and mortal enemies all at once

#fucktony

#whothefuckistony

Sea’s of red dirt and shrubs for hours and hours and hours on end

Karijini

The sound of birds chirping, the wind rustling through the tall grass and the camp fire crackling away as the sun hides away behind the towering mountains im front of us. Shades of purple, red and yellow take over from the normal red, green and blue that make up the scene. I relax into a camp chair as twilight starts to take over. Indi is editing photos while Noems takes charge of dinner. Despite many attempts at offering help, we were both benched from kitchen duties. Another day of adventure comes to a close and the contentment sets in alongside the anticipation of what tomorrow may hold

Worth the wakeup knock on the car at 4am in the freezing cold

Worth the bitter windchills knocking our balance on the slippery rocky path up in the dark

Worth racing the sun to the top of the mountain

Worth choosing between having my fingers warm or my camera in my hand

Worth struggling to see by the light of a phone torch

Worth not feeling my fingers for two hours

Worth it for the golden yellow and blue light peeling over the horizon

Worth it for the feeling of being awake and alive before the sun is up

Worth it for the view of the cliffs side

Worth it for seeing the wind blasting trees

Worth it for the view from the top

Worth it for the oranges on the way down

Worth it for the tunes and singalongs

Worth it for the smoked salmon croissants

Worth it for the snacks and the beers in the carpark

But first, let me check my engine oil 🤙

You can tell where all our money went when you look at us, none of it went into shoes

At a fucked up level though thats just evolution. The strongest survive (colonialism)

“But what are ya gonna do with that information though? Just make your own meaning and chase that” (on the topic of the meaning of life)

The ritual of fires every evening after a days adventure and then every morning to boil the water for our coffee before we go again

The grit that came off my skin

The knots that became of my hair

The red dust that washed off me as I stepped into the first bit of hot water id felt in what felt like a very long time

The black under my finger nails

The red and yellow stains on my hands that the soap didnt wash off.

The holes in my shorts, tshirts and sweater

The red stains on my towel after drying my face

The rash on my face after shaving

Tilting your head back in ya camp chair to escape the heat of the roaring campfire and getting a glimpse at the sky absolutely glowing with stars was a constant reminder of how fucking good we’d got it

And you say sheeeeeesh

nice garyyyy

“Oi dad, what are ya doin?”

“25 ak47’s and a piece of plywood, thats what im doin”

Im in full travel mode now. All i think about is whens my next meal, when do i have work and hows the surf. Also wheres my weed.”

This post brought to you by…

All my friends do lots of drugs

“Ya livin the dream ya lucky shit” - taes dad, post

surf

An observation about all the people you see on social media who you idolize in some capacity: when you meet them in real life, no matter how much idolization or importance you think they carry, when you meet them in person, they all still behave like normal people

I’ve completely left behind my old way of life.

I’ve forgotten what its like to go to a bar.

To dress cool.

To think about what im wearing.

To think about impressing people.

To think about who to see.

To think about what event to choose from.

I’ve forgotten what its like to look up at tall buildings.

To see lots of concrete.

To walk past unfamiliar faces that dont smile when you walk past them.

To order coffee in a takeaway cup.

To eat nice food.

To see my friends at pica bar for drinks at the last minute plan

There came a time about two months in where i began to get over it all.

Doing dishes with a water bottle and a tea towel that smelt like smoke. Sitting in the drivers seat on your phone, tired because you dont want to have to brush your teeth with a water bottle and climb like a contortionist into your car’s bed every night. Sick of having to plan when i want to take a shit. Sick of having to set up and pack down my kitchen every time i want a coffee or some lunch.

Sick of not having anywhere to be but knowing im in one of the most beautiful places in the world and feeling a burning pressure to see it all. Sick of having to buy ice every two days

Sick of emptying water from my esky

Sick of laundromats and planning how long I’ll last on a single outfit

Sick of worrying if im spending too much time sitting in the cafe

Sick of being the tag along in everybody else’s group of mates

Sick of drinking beer every shift

As time goes by, you learn the intricacies of a place. Where all the rocks are on the track to the camp. Who in the carpark not to wave at and who to have a chat to. Where and when to be to get a free drink. How to steal a shower. When

More and more i find while living out of my car thst routine is important. Something to ground you. For me, its making coffee out of the car, no matter how inconvenient it is. Before inevitably giving up and buying an oat flatty at soso. - talk more about habits

Some things that dont grow old:

Seeing the surf going off

Seeing familiar faces out and about

Turtles next to you in the water

Whales breaching in the distance

The moon rising over the ocean or the ranges

The sky full of stars when the moon doesn’t shine

The sun and the warmth no matter the season

Town beach hangs with good crew

The feeling of a shower after a few days of salt water

The people at work

The chats at work

Free beer at work

The life in the oceans

The vibe of fun

Never knowing where you’re gonna end up after you wake up

Whatd you see when you nearly died?

A big pair of tittys and a snickers bar

The moon rises in front of me for the third night in a row. I watch it from my car, a leftover slice of pizza from work in one hand and my phone in the other. Im one of the very few people lucky enough to witness this insanely beautiful sight and yet it feels in this moment it feels unextraordinary. How spoilt with wonder must you be for this to feel normal. The same goes for this whole place. This is paradise and right now this is home. This is standard. Only when I get back to Perth and am able to look back with the 20/20 vision that is hindsight and realize just how special it all was.

I wish I was more conscious at the hour of 6am, snug in my bed, parked in the bush as the sun rises over the bay in front of me. An explosion of pink and gold dominates the sky, shining through the bushes and the trees around me. The sound of the waves crashing behind the birds chirping. An easterly wind rustles lightly through the trees. I’m so sure it’s beautiful. If only I was awake to take it all in.

Instead, i roll over and try and escape the golden light for a minute or two more.

Hey siri play lots of nothing by spacey jane

Sometimes Id like not to feel like a fugitive when i take a shower, other times, the stars as my landlord is a pretty good deal

Its not a mistake its a decision

Maker of questionable decisions

I dont wanna face this day for fear of what will come. For I know how good it can be, and I know the fuckery that this day holds

Holy fuck thats a lot of cars

Yeah its cos nobody fuckin lives anywhere

To be fair I’d stalk you

A happy change of plans

Like all good road trips, this one started out with unfortunate circumstance, poor planning and a significant lack of caution. We planned for months to leave WA and drive across the nullabor, up through NSW and into QLD and at the 11th hour, three days before we were due to leave, we find out that covid has closed the borders. Again.

So with a house I had already moved out of, a plan in shambles on behalf of a big bad virus, and a car all prepped and ready to leave, we did the only reasonable thing to do. Changed course by a few thousand km’s and headed north with no idea what we would do, where we would sleep, what we would eat, where we would stay, who we would hang with and where we would surf.

Our first day saw lots of last minute preparations, plenty of driving to all manner of songs and podcasts from everything to the worlds dumbest grifters to Australian alcoholics talking about orgasms. I shut the door on 25 Chatham Road for the last time. We drove through familiar and unfamiliar roads. Memories of standing on the side of these very roads ripe in my mind. Except this time, with my whole life in the backseat of the car, in a setup Reubs and I built. Hell of an upgrade from a backpack and a thumb. After hours of rolling green hills, that resembled what I imagine new zealand to look like we parked up on the side of the road. Very true to form. We set up the tent, brushed our teeth and had dinner in the form of a banana and a beer and then got to bed as the sun set. I woke up at 25 Chatham and now I find myself falling asleep somewhere between Northampton and Kalbarri in my car.

“Traveling is just tetris on wheels mate”

No matter how far away you travel to try and escape modern society, if you look up at night, you will still see a satellite and you will be reminded that no matter where you go, you are a member of a species that can get itself to space

Shit i like:

Squeezing kenny

Cooking in car parks

Paying for wifi and toilets with beer or hot chocolates

Surfing. All day

Chatting shit

Brownies

Staring at the stars

Dunes

Eating brownies, chatting shit and staring at the stars under the shade at dunes.

Hunters

Making new friends everywhere

Chatting to literally everyone

Having nowhere to be and never thinking about home

Telling Tony to get fucked

Surfing bombie and paddling back in twilight glassy waters

Dinners and laughs with friends in the whalebone carpark

Breaking into RAC for a shower

Coffee dates at soso

Waking up to ben packing a tent

Laughing till my ribs hurt

Tonic water with lime

No internet for weeks

Chatting to esther and alice at dunes

Staring at groms wiping out

Carpark hangs

Never having an empty passenger seat

Never being able to see out the rear view mirror

Never being alone

Cooking in the carpark opposite the cop shop

Drying shit on the car every time we parked

Listening to lots of nothing a million times

Chaos at froth consisting of surprise drinks, random chats and boats

And the curtain closes.

On two months and nine days of nonstop adventure and fun. Unpredictable, unprecedented fun. The people you met were of a caliber I’d not encountered and never considered to be my own but from the get go and proved time and time again over the course of my time up north, they were.

I dont know how I’m going to fare when I get off this plane in two hours and have to see my parents, exist in cold weather, deal with a broken car, find a place to call home, figure out a new job and find my way with my friends who I can never be the same with after this.

The wheels are up. Fleeting views of the ningaloo coast and the cape range out each side of the planes window; a farewell of what I’m going to be missing. The red dirt and wildflowers underneath us where I’ve spent most of my nights sleeping look exactly as they always are. Untouched and still. I know I’ll be back soon. I’ve got so much more to see. So many more people left to meet. So many more memories left to make. So many more waves left to surf. So many more beers left to pour. So many more sunsets left to see.

Exmouth, for two months you sure have changed me.

Tiger,

I dont know your history brother but if i had to take a look into your past im guessing id see a lot of pain, chaos, missing love and bad mates who dont know that they’re bad.

You’re a good dude man im so fuckin sure of it but you seem so hell bent on starting a fight and proving a point. To whom i dont know. Your break up has obviously destroyed you and your coping mechanism is alcohol and trying to get with women. You’re incredibly kind and generous to your friends and a fierce antagonist to anyone who isn’t. You need help and you know it but you dont know how to find it or who to ask.

The hardest thing about you is that you need to change your whole view of life. Theres more than you think to it. I know there’s someone in there waiting to be found. I wanna be the guy holding the torch while you search.

You’re a good guy,

I dont wanna see you get killed by some drunk in a fight or waste yourself away in a bottle and a job you hate because you didn’t know there was another option.

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haeroniel-doliet · 6 years

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gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now) and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it.

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now.

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it. i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess.

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have a ballet company idk.

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things.#honestly noneed to read

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