#through her own doubts

[annikasevenshots]

Seven of Nine + her journey in Starfleet (S02E09 vs S03E01 vs S03E10)

#and what a journey it has been! #jeri ryan take a mf BOW! #seriously i'm in tears #so many tears #i'm so proud of her #for forging her own way #through prejudice #through her own doubts #and here she is. #seven of nine #take a bow! #my girl #i'm so proud #so so proud #star trek picard #picard spoilers #s2e9 #s3e1 #s3e10

[mayasaura]

Ortus' murder from the point of view of Harrow the Ninth is like. So turns out Crux isn't just Harrow's seneschal, he's her nurse. He was her touchstone for reality for years, the person she turned to to ask "did that really happen?" or "is that real?". And he lied to her.

She didn't believe him, about Ortus. He didn't succeed at pulling that one over on her, but he tried. Which kind of makes you question how many times he might have tried it before, and how many times he wasn't caught.

#like Harrow doesn't tell anyone about watching Silas kill Coronabeth because she wasn't sure if she was an accurate reporter #if she saw Crux straight up try to murder Gideon who would she believe #crux or her own eyes? #especially if Gideon was walking around miraculously recovered the next time she saw her #and once she does start to doubt Crux #what is she going to do about it? #accuse and punish her caregiver? #alienate the one person who knows about her psychosis? #the one person she trusted to help her through the worst of it? #it's fucked up man #it's all the way fucked up #the locked tomb #harrow nonagesimus #harrowhark nonagesimus #marshall crux #harrow's schizophrenia #gaslighting cw #op

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage - The World Within

#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage #kh0.2 #the world within #dwarf woodlands #realm of darkness #scenery #my gif #this world is interesting because it's so different from the rest #the sky looks like some sort of dome with triangular screens that project a broken glitchy sky #almost as if it takes place in some kind of data simulation #which i don't think is the case but it adds to the feeling of aqua's experiences here not feeling ''real'' #i mean this place hardly even resembles what the original world is supposed to look like #like it changed to match aqua's psyche. forcing her to look at her own reflection and confront her own fears; doubts; guilt; and sadness #actually now that i think about it this feels extremely fitting for this world #it's like when snow white was running through the forest and was so afraid that it made the trees around her look alive and dangerous #except aqua has to wander this broken world and face her dark thoughts that take shape by looking exactly like her #she's constantly running in and out of mirrors into rooms that make no logical sense like the endless staircase and the pillar maze #there are ghostly echoes spoken in her own voice that mock her by saying no one can save her and no one wants to. it's chilling #i can't even say for sure if the phantom aquas are actually physically there or if it's all in her head #similar to how she'd see visions of terra and ven #she's such a tragic character

[triflesandparsnips]

Accidentally started rereading Northanger Abbey, and was sudden reminded all over again that Jane Austen is, in fact, fucking hilarious.

NA is her parody/satire of Gothic novels at the time, and she starts the book by choosing violence-- she describes the "tragedy" of the main character, Catherine Morland, a girl Determined to be a Heroine even though ALL ODDS are against her: she has a sane father who doesn't lock up his daughters, a healthy mother who didn't die in childbirth, no preternatural talent for music or drawing through which to reveal her Deepest Soul, and-- most shockingly of all-- absolutely zero love interests for whom she can wander the hills mourning their starcrossed fates until she wastes away from the sheer Sentimentality of it all.

But don't worry! She's got this FIGURED OUT. She KNOWS why she has not yet found her TRUE LOVE:

There was not one lord in the neighbourhood; no—not even a baronet. There was not one family among their acquaintance who had reared and supported a boy accidentally found at their door—not one young man whose origin was unknown. Her father had no ward, and the squire of the parish no children.

But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way.

(SPOILER: She is introduced to a mysterious young man who lives in an ABBEY, which everyone knows means he has a DEEPLY MYSTERIOUS SECRET PAST and is maybe a TRAGIC HERO or even a ROMANTIC MONSTER and either way this is IT this is Catherine's TIME TO SHINE she is going to get a good grade in DOOMED LOVE, a thing that is normal to want and--)

(...meanwhile Henry Tilney-- an ordinary guy who never expected "get cast as the Hero in some Grand Gothic Romance" to show up on his bingo card-- starts wondering when exactly he started finding Catherine's attempts to locate bloody daggers in his linen closet charming.)

#Catherine: *literally breaks into a foreboding cabinet in the middle of the night - finds illegible papers no doubt related to murder* #Catherine: *accidentally blows her own candle out while trying to just lower the flame for Effect - proceeds to freak out* #Catherine: *woken up next day by a maid - the cabinet was a linen closet - the papers were inventory of sheets n shit* #Henry Tilney: “Why are you like this? And WHY am I apparently into it?? #Catherine: *too busy trying to stare through the keyhole of the abbey's Forbidden Rooms #totally doesn't hear him* #jane austen #northanger abbey #austen: both a diamond thief AND a talented humorist #give me a time machine and a dinner invite and I would 100% try and flirt with her #GIVE THIS TO ME SCIENCE

[cluescorner]

I gave myself a writing challenge and I am fascinated by it

So basically I put the robins in a randomizer to give them a new order/role (because I just...kinda wanted to see what would happen + I like role-reversal AUs) and got results that are giving me a fucking brain blast.

Stephanie, the first sidekick who defines the role

Tim, the sidekick who dies and comes back wrong

Dick, the sidekick who saves Batman from himself

Damian, the sidekick who was never supposed to be a sidekick but would go on to prove everyone wrong

Jason, the youngest sidekick who is still the Kid Wonder

...So this is fucking wild. I've got some ideas and several of these fit perfectly (Dick's role is pretty similar to his one in canon), but some of these are fucking INCREDIBLE to explore (Steph being the first Robin is something I never even considered but tbh I kinda love it).

I probably won't write a fic or anything because tbh I don't like publishing my writing that much, but I might expand this into a full AU and post about it. I might randomize other stuff too (ie, stuff that I cannot change vs stuff that I cannot keep the same) but this fucking rules as a starting point.

#uhhh what am I calling this?? #randomizedrobinsau #stephanie brown #oh my god I am so excited to figure out how tf to write this. #because she's my favorite of these characters and having HER be the first sidekick + the one who has a mentor/older sister relationship #with the others?? kickass. though I'll probably keep her and Tim's relationship as 'dating-then-exes' because I think it's funny #and then SHE can be the Robin who Tim got fixated on + figured out her identity?? holy fuck and then the angst of Tim later dying #Tim Drake #tbh I kinda wish he'd gotten a different position because 'sidekick who dies' Tim has kinda been done a lot with the standard #reverse robin aus. But it'll still be fun to write. Definitely going the Joker Junior route with this because Batman Beyond kicks ass #Dick Grayson #He'll honestly probably be the easiest. Like...his role has not changed much outside of being younger/not the one who defines this #But I still think it'll be good to see how well I know Dick beyond his eldest brother thing (which is my best way of relating to him) #Damian al ghul #damian wayne #oh this is gonna kick ass #Bruce does not want his son to be a sidekick but Damian just kinda forces his way into that role #and everybody doubts him because of his history with the league but he later proves himself more than capable #to the point that he can set out mostly on his own and still thrive #Jason Todd #Jason being the baby of the family is also something I have never thought about but holy shit it could kick ass #I really hope that I don't roll 'Jason must die' or 'Robin 5 must die' on the randomizer. I just kinda want Jason to live this time #But unfortunately I double-screwed him because he's on the 'must happen' wheel twice now. I did not think these prompts through #TBH I am so happy that none of them rolled their OG roles. because that would have been so fucking boring

[swan2swan]

There's still not enough talk in Avatar circles about how Mai was absolutely hauled off for interrogation after the Day of Black Sun, what with the whole "Zuko was spending all his time with you and he knew the Avatar was alive and attacked the Firelord" thing.

"Oh, by the way, your father also failed to secure the city he was appointed governor of, so this was not a banner couple of days for your family."

#but she still had THE GOODBYE LETTER HE LEFT HER which would have been full exoneration #possibly #but she still had it so she might never have turned it over #she got out of trouble through her own honesty #mai #atla #avatar: the last airbender #maiko #doubt she was tortured or anything but #she had the absolute WORST week of her life

[destructix]

i havent watched detco in a minute but it really does grind my gears how aoyama will introduce female characters that are really cool conceptually (JODIE!!!) but soon enough they'll be relegated to being some guy's sidekick. or ex girlfriend (that was so stupid and unnecessary imo sorry i hate shujodie or however it's called lmao)

#like please explain why this woman's internal anguish must necessarily revolve around a man. u have 5 seconds before the water starts rising #also early in the series i was on board with ran being scared/insecure about making deductions and relying on shinichi bc #she's just a teenager and doesnt consider herself a detective so it makes sense she would doubt her own competence #but after going through that i think?? 3 times you'd think it would be less of a thing #then again. like i said i havent watched in a hot second maybe thats changed (id be surprised) #talk tag

[robinsversion]

I was rewatching hbomb’s video for the millionth time yesterday and the line “I don’t know why anyone would make video essays like this unless they were strictly in it for the money” stood out to me because if you replace “make video essays” with “write poetry” that perfectly describes my thoughts about Rupi Kaur.

#like #have y’all seen the videos where she’ll whip off a ‘poem’ in less than a minute? #cuz that made me completely lose all benefit of the doubt I had for her #you write poetry because you want to you need to because the emotions are trying to claw their way through your skin #and you need to find the words to describe them before they succeed #it should be fun to find new ways to say what’s already been said before but in your own way #and to combine words in artistic and satisfying ways #not just slapping seven to ten words on a page at random and then call it good #and this is not me being against ‘insta poetry’ #I love Amanda lovelace and one of my fav poets is Trista mateer #I just think poetry deserves the time and effort you’re able to put into it #anyway #james somerton #hbomberguy #why are you booing me i’m right

[persefoneshalott]

thinking about how they could've ruined madalena's character so many ways in galavant but they didn't < 3

#madalena #galavant #if they had gone through the richard love interest route that'd have been very not interesting and they could've also just made her the #bitch character which would've made me so mad #but they give her backstory! complexity!!! < 3 #I used to be doubtful about the maybe you're not the worst thing ever scene and thought that may be them considering richard x madalena but #later changing their mind (which idk if true) #but now I think it's great bc it has her opening up a bit when he's talking to her as a person and on their own rather than trying to push #any romance #and then she closes back up when he starts doing that again and we see her sad face after 'being forced to be the bad guy' #it's a great way to show pre- kidnapping madalena and show she's not one or the other she's both #anyway #LIKE madalena has trauma the way a traditional male hero would have trauma if that makes any sense

[mariocki]

La tarantola dal ventre nero (Black Belly of the Tarantula, 1971)

"Yes, I've always told you to drop it, it's true. But now... you're not giving up. Not now. And I don't really care about the movie. If they're out to get you, it means the murderer is afraid of you. It means you know what you're doing. He's afraid of you."

#La tarantola dal ventre nero #black belly of the tarantula #italian cinema #giallo #1971 #paolo cavara #marcello danon #lucile laks #giancarlo giannini #claudine auger #barbara bouchet #rossella falk #silvano tranquilli #barbara bach #stefania sandrelli #annabella incontrera #ezio marano #giancarlo prete #nino vingelli #eugene walter #anna saia #relatively early in the giallo canon but it's nice how this is already starting to play with the established formula; Giannini's lead would #ordinarily be a loner out of his depth or an overly confident cop‚ but instead he's a cop out of his depth‚ crippled with self doubt and #paralysed by his own dissatisfaction with his chosen profession. he does his job well and correctly but still people keep dying and still #he solves the case less through some genius epiphany of what he's been missing and more from simply being in the right place at the right #time. it lends this all a sense of helpless ennui‚ the giallo as predestined exercise. unusual too in lacking a strong female leading #character; Bouchet is introduced as the apparent audience avatar then unceremoniously killed off a few minutes in‚ with no one really #rising to take her place. it's an interesting and downbeat dissection of the tropes‚ exposing that while plotting was usually king for #these films‚ in reality (and there is a streak of realism through this film which many gialli miss) it has little impact on the people and #the lives concerned. there is a great complex qeb of intrigue going on but it ends up having nothing to do with the killer's motive

[queensparklekitten]

time princess players how do y'all picture the MCs of every story

like since every set and piece of official art has a different hair colour, length, and style with every picture of them, and sometimes there's descriptions that don't match the images, which one do you go with

and do you make half of them look like your avatar or have your own designs

#dutp #time princess #when playing/viewing it through the ''story traveler'' lens #i often justify the hair colour changes in-universe by headcanoning that it's story kingdom magic that allows you to change your hair colou #by default i make half the mcs look like (taller versions of) me/my avatar (who's designed after me but with purple eyes) to some extent #but there are exceptions #like if the mc isn't white i'm obviously not gonna base her design off myself #except Maybe giving her my/my avatar's hair length #and if a spinoff shows the mc i'll often use that design #i always pictured zoya blonde until the salvia spinoff story came out and showed her with the light brown hair from that one set #it also described zoya as having black eyes which i went with #i didn't have a locked in eye colour headcanon for her before but i didn't really picture her with eyes that dark #probably because none of the album art gave her black eyes #though eye colours tend to be inconsistent in this game #nastia's described with gray eyes but that one album art gives her blue eyes #and on the flipside charlotte's described with blue eyes in one side story but her model doesn't have blue eyes #nor does at least one album art of her #i give virtually every mc long hair just because most of the hairstyles in those sets require it #i always picture cordelia with dark hair and ocean green-blue eyes #like a vivid teal colour. just fits someone whose name means ''daughter of the sea'' #and sometimes i have her stop shaving her legs when she becomes a pirate because a) she lives on a boat #and b) representation of her leaving behind that gilded-cage life of fancy etiquette and ''you must become a perfect wife and mother'' #in which she did everything society demanded of her at the expense of her own happiness #like yeah after escaping that i Will make cordelia stop shaving her legs. for the symbolism. and the fact that she lives on a pirate boat. #i always give aurora that pastel-almost-white shiny gradient dyed hair #because a) it's in half the sets b) it looks so so so cool c) it looks great next to the companions i ship her with #matches with novi and gives her a light-dark duality with selene's dark purple hair #idk her natural hair colour but i also give her the creepily pale eyes from Silent Night Rebirth #to match the pastel clothes she's so often in. this is not her natural eye colour either. hey that's p clearly a common thing in this city #i strongly doubt that selene's eyes are naturally that bright blueish purple

[lovinnelily]

Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?

For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.

This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).

Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. Nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.

He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.

#Different from the other white character in the series he was never questioned or doubted #There's a presumption of perfection with no exceptions that society doesn't give to us (women poc immigrants visible minorities in general) #His privilege (handsome white man with no visible disability son of Zeus etc) also prevented anyone from worrying for his well being #This illusion/expectation of him having no weakness/being untouchable pushes himself too far and clouds his judgment. #I headcanon he didn't even consider the possibility of myopia because that wouldn't fit Jason Grace Son of Jupiter so it wasn't an option #And you think it'd be the same character after facing racism? Because ain't no way he'd be praetor without going through racism #I think I'd love him nonetheless since I'm very weak to the whole golden boy tearing himself to save the world but it'd be a new character #jason grace #I know racism in USA is different from here but I know how different a “non-racist” white person treats me and treats my white friends #Also for him to not be an entirely different character if PoC would be incredibly disrespectful and racist on its own #It would fail to recognize the difference in how we are read (and written). I hate that a lot. #I remember that when Cody told Brandi “I see no color” she told him “then you don't see me” and that's so fucking striking #We ARE different. treated differently. if you act like you don't see it then you also turn a blind eye to the violence that comes from it #This is straying from my point I got a bit heated banalization of things I care about usually does that to me #Point is please don't change Jason on the very few things that man actually bothered writing about him #I actually think this is true about Octavian too. A lot of what he is allowed to do would not be possible if he weren't a white man. #Same for Rachel Elizabeth Dare. I mean you can work around making her poc but it will truly be pushing A LOT #Let's put it this way: a woc doing a street performance is perceived very differently from a white woman doing a street performance. #Specially in the eyes of cops #Pjo

[br1ghtestlight]

i can never take nickel and balloon's conflict fully seriously even if they make up and apologize to each other etc because the whole time im just imagining that comic of baseball and suitcase going back to hotel oj after season 2 and seeing that nickel and balloon are #besties now meanwhile suitcase had a psychotic break over their bullshit 😭😭

#regardless of what nickel did to balloon they NEED to apologize to suitcase for putting her through the Literal actual horrors #she's gonna come back to hotel oj see that they're friends now and start beating nickel's ass and i dont blame her even a little bit tbh! #i love nickel as a character but bro fucked up w/ suitcase #and bcuz she's stuck in season 2 purgatory there's no way for that arc to get closure right now so im just like #well we're all forgeting to apologizr to SOMEBODY arent we!!! #baseball too i wish i knew how to fix this. baseball you cant fix this it doesnt just go away but you're here you're listening so thanks :) #i mean im sure they've got their own bullshit going on in s2 right now not a doubt in my mind. nickel is not suitcase's most important issue #atm they're about to get killed by robots built for actual literal genocide FJDMDMDKSJS #txt #inanimate insanity

[fictionadventurer]

It's the time of year to get really upset that Jane Austen never finished The Watsons.

It would have put the Jane Fairfax/Fanny Price Changeling Child plotline front-and-center, with a heroine who'd been adopted into high society only to be sent back to live with a lower-class family she no longer knows.

But she'd have had an Anne Elliot sister whose good-natured practicality keeps the family together even while she deals with the heartbreak of being separated from the man she once loved.

And a harpy of a sister whose machinations make everyone's lives miserable.

And a brother who's a surgeon (!) who has his own hopeless unrequited love story happening in the background.

And when their father died, the girls would have had to live with a higher-class brother and his disagreeable wife who would have found them a burden.

Meanwhile, our heroine is being pursued by a socially-awkward, proud lord who doesn't know how to discuss anything but hunting.

But she's really in love with a humble, kind curate who is devoted to caring for his widowed sister and her children.

But the curate is being romantically pursued by the lord's predatory mother.

And mixed up in all this is a charming, lively young man who uses his skills to grovel for position with his betters.

In short, we could have had Jane Fairfax and Anne Elliot as devoted sisters forced to live with John and Fanny Dashwood while their sister Lucy Steele causes problems, a Charles Musgrove version of Mr. Darcy pursues Jane, Anne gets a chance to be reunited with her Wentworth, and Jane falls in love with a Henry Tilney version of Edward Ferrars who's being pursued by Lady Susan, while Wickham is doing his best to be Mr. Collins. Plus a romance plot for a brother! We could have had a book with the family complexities and darker issues of Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park and the light, bright and sparkling humor of Pride and Prejudice.

But we don't, because she never finished it, and I'm so upset.

#the watsons #jane austen #it's a very october story so it comes to mind a lot #i've read one version that did decent things with it #(i was shocked to remember that penelope doesn't show up in austen's fragment because she's so vivid in the continuation) #but it still feels very different and much less layered than austen would have made it #i don't think it used all of her planned plot #and it skipped over almost everything but the central romance #and there's another one that i stopped reading halfway through because the author wrenched it off the austen rails #to have the curate give a long speech about how the lord's mother is actually a victim and we should pity her #and it felt so unlike what austen would have done that i've never brought myself to read further #this is prob the one austen story i'd be tempted to try my hand at if i had any skill whatsoever in that area #i would really want to try to imaginary book rec this thing into something that follows austen's style of storytelling #but i'm aware my view of austen is warped by my own preferences and i doubt i'd get any closer to the real thing than any other authors #so i just have to yearn for the imaginary version that never was

[hella1975]

choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her

#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me #and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front #always always bowl me over #like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time #like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that #when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair #but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard #so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment? #and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's #even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with #bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc #i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum #BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart #like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me #it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE #and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry #and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls #that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good #and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her #that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension #and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone #but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her #i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me #but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her #girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH #hella goes home

[gideonisms]

I also think that maybe my idea of repression is a bit different than what sometimes gets presented as repressed because it's like. Repression refers to the process of holding back or ignoring things but what those things are varies wildly from person to person. For some people, if you got rid of the repression, there's a fun-loving, sensory stimulation seeking person underneath. But I think that a lot of times, what we repress has to do with what the people around us expect. sometimes what's under there is a really deep frustration, or a list of ways that the world is overwhelming and exhausting, or the realization that you've been seeking out experiences not because you want them but because they were a compromise between what you actually wanted and what you thought you could get. Anyway this post is basically the lead-up to saying that if harrow was less repressed, she probably wouldn't have metaphorically fucked ianthe in the first place. the fact that harrow isn't in touch with her feelings in htn is a big part of the reason the bone arm sex even happened

#harrow is repressing her lesbian feelings but not for every girl. not for the body #not really even for gideon post remembering her #because she is such a good metaphor for the whole repressed religious deal it's easy to read her as that with no additional complications #but i think there's a bit more going on there #this is a place where muir's handling of psychosis is i think relevant #it's interesting to read her whole deal through the lense we get in htn which is that harrow has reason to doubt her perception of the world #i don't necessarily think it's something you can put in a box like this affects physical perceptions but wouldn't make her doubt emotions #i think it does bleed into the way she thinks about her own emotions as well #harrow fears she can't be trusted to understand the world in a way that makes sense to those around her or helps her navigate situations #so she defaults to a set of intense rules #which is i think why a lot of autistic people relate to her so strongly bc it's like yeah that is a way you sometimes deal with #being told your perceptions of the world are incorrect #harrow just does hear things/possibly see things that aren't there which makes the whole thing even more complicated #idk. it is not as simple as repressed catholic girl. repressing her gay feelings isn't her main problem