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kitten1618x · 5 years

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GoT Afterthoughts ep. 08x01 ‘Winterfell’(Part 3)

Annnnd I’m back again! So where were we? Oh yes, back in Cersei’s boudoir...

The first thing I noticed is Cersei is drinking wine again. I’m still not 100% sure she was pregnant to begin with, guys. They were very secretive and ambiguous about the whole thing if you think back on it — and those leaks about her miscarrying turned out to be a wash.

Cersei is still salty about those damn elephants.

Same girl, saaaaame.

Euron wants to know how he compares to her past lovers. She strokes his massive ego a bit until he brings up Jaime—still a tender wound, she warns him to tread lightly, then simultaneously insults and compliments him as he lays a possessive hand on her stomach and declares he’s going to put a prince in her belly. She promptly dismisses him.

What’s striking here is that Cersei appears to be fighting off tears. Clearly, she didn’t want to sleep with Euron, but did so to keep him loyal to her. Love her or hate her, it’s sad to see her at such a desperate and low point where she’s basically whoring herself to keep an ally. Especially when Euron is such a wildcard, and now that he basically got exactly what he wanted—who’s to say he’ll stick around?

But, if you believe in political!jon, this is quite the parallel to Jon essentially doing the same to hold onto a wildcard ally in Dany.

I’m still not sold on a Cersei pregnancy/miscarriage guys...

While Euron is distracted, Theon and what remains of the Iron Born loyal to them, free Yara. She promptly headbutts him for leaving her ass, then helps him up. Now they’re even. 10/10 realistic sibling behavior. lol

Yara wants to head back to the Iron Islands, but senses Theon’s need to make amends to the Starks. She sends him to Winterfell with her blessing. I truly love these two as a strong family unit!! Gahhhhhh

We drop back into Winterfell where Lord Royce greets Alys Karstark and her people. And why this is necessary got me like 👀. Almost as much as why Alys was cast as a tall, red-headed girl... perhaps to fake a death scene of another important tall red-headed girl with the battle of Winterfell right around the corner?

Davos schools Tyrion and Varys on Northern stubbornness and loyalty. Then he proposes a marriage alliance between Jon and Dany if the world should survive. And fucken gag me, Dadvos... I expected better of you! lol I believe the words he uses are “a just woman and an honorable man.” And I’m sorry, it’s just hard for me to reconcile this statement with the same Davos who was extremely skeptical of the things Missandei was saying about Dany last season. Or the same Davos who looked extremely uncomfortable with Dany’s tantrum on the beach when she accused her hand Tyrion, of not wanting to murder his family... but, I digress.

We end this scene on Varys’ ominous words, sure to leave a bitter taste in your mouth: NOTHING LASTS. Drop those truth bombs, Varys.

A marriage alliance between a truly just woman and an honorable man is probably still in the cards... just sayin’.

We drop down from the battlements where Dany and Jon are strolling amongst the battle preparations. Of all the things they could be talking about: the wall falling, the issue of food shortages, etc. Dany brings up Sansa, of course. (no love triangle brewing here folks, none at all).

Dany licks her lips and looks around coyly, as if annoyed. “Your sister doesn’t like me.” — well neither did Bran really, or any of the northern lords, but it’s only Sansa’s name on Dany’s tongue—how curious. (Not really).

Jon’s eyes shift nervously before he turns to face her and sighs (because I’m telling you, he knew this was coming and it’s no coincidence that he’s kept his mouth shut and stayed out of the conflict). “She doesn’t know you.” Truth. He attempts a joke at how Sansa didn’t like him much either when they were growing up, but Dany isn’t amused.

“She doesn’t have to be my friend, but I am her queen. If she can’t respect me…” Dany leaves the threat and it’s implications hang in the air between them, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

Dark!dany is here, y’all.

I’m sure Dany stans and the jonerii are twisting themselves into pretzels to explain this away.

I mean, it’s not like Emilia herself didn’t warn us all that her character would be doing some ‘weird shit’ and we’d know when we saw it...

But Jon’s face here is strikingly similar to these various scenes...

And...

Same. Ass. Energy. You do the math friends, but he’s certainly not looking upon her lovingly.

Luckily for Sansa and Jon, the Dothraki steal Dany’s attention to inform her of the livestock count of the dragons’ current dinner menu: 18 goats and 11 sheep. Dany looks alarmed—the dragons are barely eating. Barely. Do you have any idea how many people that amount of livestock could feed?

That’s why it’s really hard for me to not be critical of Dany’s character here. I realize she loves her dragons and they are her ‘children’, but in this moment she shows more empathy for the dragons lack of food (who truly can fly off and hunt) than that of the actual people who quite possibly could starve—and was irritated with Sansa for bringing it up.

And I will show this fucken gif as many times as I want because it’s so important!!

Food is so important. Don’t let the antis try and tell you otherwise.

Jon and Dany go to check on the dragons, and we have the scene we were treated to from the early released stills.

Jon asks what’s wrong with the dragons and Dany replies “they don’t like the North.” — and there is definitely a double meaning behind her words, as I don’t think Dany much likes the North, either. She climbs atop Drogon while Rhaegal expresses a curious interest in Jon.

“Go on.” Dany encourages Jon. Not the brightest move to give your bf of 10 minutes the keys to one of your WMD’s, and especially since there are surely much more important things to be done since being made aware that the wall is down and your other child is now a flying ice demon, but hey, joy ride time you crazy Targ kids!

So this must be the comedic scene the D’s talked about. I know everyone had mixed feelings about Jon riding a dragon, but I must say, I rather enjoyed this scene—except for the music, which for awhile seemed like a very jarring variation of the Truth theme. The music is very important in this show, so I’ll be curious to know when this pops up again, and where. Perhaps a dragon face off in another dance of dragons? Hmmm?

Drogon takes the lead, and Dany seems rather amused at scaring the pants off of Jon when she nose dives Drogon into a ravine and Rhaegal follows. Oh, but what’s this? Jon has realized he can control Rhaegal on his own, and brings the dragon in for a landing. Dany—a bit surprised at this—follows suit. Girl, you should be worried.

But she’s not, of course—at least not for long, because she’s busy being ‘twitterpated’ a’la a typical Disney flick, at the impressive place Jon chose to land—right beside an amazing waterfall. Props to loverboy, this is 10/10 primo scenery on the romance scale.

I would like to take a moment here to be petty af and point out that it is Daenerys that says the “we could stay here a thousand years” line—not Jon. And who could forget his super-romantic and witty come-back; complete in his Northern drawl: “we’d be pretty old.”

and Dany’s expression says everything! lol This from Mr. ‘I’d like to see you in a silk dress so I can tear it off you’. Pretty weak, Jon. You’re losing romance points for that!

Okay, but all joking aside, because I know a lot of my fellow Jonsas were probably a little put off by this scene; let’s break it down. After Jon’s crappy comeback, Dany moves closer to him, and he says something kind of flirtatious and sweet: “It’s cold up here for a southern girl.”

This is actually a very Jon-like thing to say, and I could even see this kind of banter between him and Ygritte. It’s also a very ‘equal’ thing to say—here, where no one is around, and formalities aren’t necessary. After all, had he said, “it’s cold up here for a southern queen,” it wouldn’t have had the same punch, now would it?

However, Dany has no interest in being Jon’s equal — even here, alone, her first instinct is to remind Jon she’s the queen: “then keep your queen warm” — not, “then this northern boy better keep her warm”, or “then keep your southern girl warm.” Perhaps I’m reading too much into it, but that’s what hopped out at me.

Now the kiss. Sigh. Yes, I’m not gonna lie, it definitely looks like Jon’s into it. But my darling Jonsas, before you’re ready to throw Jon under the bus (as I imagine quite a few of you did while I took an entire week to write up my recap) the parent reveal hasn’t happened yet! Simmer down and find your zen, Jon is not a northern fool!

And for you antis lurking around: NO. This doesn’t negate political!jon. Not even a little bit. If political!jon is true, then he’s doing exactly what he committed to do—keeping Dany happy and keeping her North. The unfortunate trade-off is, she’s now their queen.

But what do we have here? Drogon seems a little restless, and Jon immediately breaks the kiss, and casts nervous eyes in the dragons direction. (Gods yes, this is so romantic). Dany laughs it off and tells Jon not to be afraid, pulling him back into the kiss. But while she’s all oblivious and lost in the kiss, Jon leans her body sideways and opens his eyes to eyeball Drogon, who’s giving him a look like ‘bitch, I know who you are, and I know what you’re doing. Watch your back.’

Is it a wonder why every single Jonerys love scene has been interrupted by weirdness? Bloody birth flashbacks, creepy brother voice-overs, no first kiss, growling stink-eyed Drogon... it’s almost like they’re trying to tell us that this isn’t really a romance.

And this is where I leave you, for now. The last part will follow shortly, and NO, I won’t break my future recaps into parts. I only did it this way because myself and half my house are sick.

#got afterthoughts #part 3 #got recap #jonsa #political!jon #dark!dany #anti jonerys #anti targaryen restoration #anti daenerys #(not really but just being safe)#melissa rants #long post

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janiedean · 5 years

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Wait, you recasted JB in Mary Poppins? How!? Explain. I just saw Mary Poppins Returns today and I loved the sequel! You don't mind if I ask? What did you like about the movie? I'm just don't have anyone to fangirl about!

... I had XD

okay so, disclaimer: I don’t talk about it because who has the chance, but mary poppins used to be one of those movies I could rewatch for DAYS as a kid to the point where my aunt can’t look at it anymore without feeling sick ops and when the sequel came out I went like OMG SDLKGJSDKJLG NEED TO WATCH XD so, re the sequel: I realized it was a nostalgia operation but it was well-done, I really liked the take, I might have shed a few tears at the end and the fact that everyone wanted jane and jack to get together that was a++++, ADULT!MICHAEL ;________________; MY HEART ;_____; anyway I found it a really nice and enjoyable movie? not as good as the original but lovely anyway.

NOW, ON TO THE RECAST.

er.

basically the idea was... jaime being mary and brienne being bert just with switched personalities in the sense that OBVIOUSLY he’s way more chill and she’d be like WHAT THE FUCK WHY, but REWIND because I had come up with the srsly cracked backstory.

as in, the part about the original implied a prequel where the lannister kids were the ones actually getting the magical babysitter who happened to be *cough* the blackfish *cough* and we found out that all the tullys are actually in the magical nanny business right, and it’d happen when tyrion’s like six or seven and the other two are thirteen-fourteen-ish, obviously cersei stays who she is but having the external influence etc. etc. makes jaime put two and two together and he’s like damn but that sounds like a dream job I mean I do the same stuff with tyrion all the time surely can’t be too hard...?, and like tywin is too much of a terrible mess for anyone to fix so that doesn’t ever get fixed but before leaving they manage some arrangement I hadn’t thought in depth yet so that tyrion actually gets to have a nice life with jaime and not with his father or sister but at that point jaime goes to brynden like ‘hey you think that maybe there’s job offers where you come from’, brynden is like ‘hmmmmmm see you in a few years’. cue few years, jaime disappears somewhere and tyrion who at that point is a teen himself is like NO IDEA WHERE HE ENDED UP when he’s like the only person who knows where he ended up. oops.

CUE ACTUAL AU: years later, we have the actual movie setting with rhaegar/elia being mr/mrs banks and aegon/rhaenys being jane and michael with ADDED COMPLICATION THAT RHAEGAR HAS THE ILLEGITIMATE KID WITH LYANNA AND EVERYONE KNOWS BUT NO ONE WANTS TO BRING IT UP. cue rhaegar not being the nice person he was before blah blah and thinking too much about working in aerys’s bank the prophecy obviously they need the nanny and jaime shows up because he totally got the job (meanwhile he’s become besties with cat and edmure but shh) and he’s like oKAY WE NEED TO FIX THIS MESS, cue magical adventures in which he manages to do more or less what mary did in the original movie with just a lot more bad humor, managing to make sure rhaegar/elia/lyanna turn into a functional-ish ot3 with bonus extended stark family because WHY NOT, while the kids all wonder if the local chimneysweeper brienne with whom he seems like he has a history with is his girlfriend or not because DAMN IT WHAT’S IT BETWEEN THEM THERE’S UST! (spoilers: there is obviously and they met each other before either when they were kids or while jaime was doing the magical training but I had to decide on that lmao) brienne is not so keen to jump into moving murals on the ground but hey she apparently can’t deny jaime anything so WHY THE FUCK NOT. (obv. they make out like pros where no kids can see them.) anyway, after jaime finally manages to fix the ot3 and leaves again we do the time skip...

TO MOVIE TWO where we have grown up jon/aegon/possibly rhaenys - jon is the jane of the situation with ygritte being jack, aegon and rhaenys prob. share the house, one of them probably has oc kids from some crackship I’ll come up with or maybe they ended up with relatives’s kids on them idk that’s to be figured out, they’re about to lose the house and so on (while jon goes to organize union strikes lol), they obv. took from their father when it came to practicality (jon maybe less but he’s not the one living in the house ops), bam jaime comes back like GUYS YOU REALLY CAN’T HANDLE YOURSELVES CAN YOU, at this point I’d have probably had the tullys + tyrion show up, ofc he and brienne at that point are going steady and so on (EVERYONE AGES SLOWLY IT’S MAGICAL REALISM). cue plot for the second movie, there you go.

also if you want the extra casting I was def. gonna have stannis and davos as the admiral and the (platonic??) bf living in front of the banks’s, also fuck I knew I recast uncle albert too but who the fuck remembers could have been gerion?maybe? IDK I prob. should have written it down somewhere. anyway. ONE DAY MAYBE I’LL MANAGE TO WRITE IT. that said if you wanted to know ‘but was it an excuse to put jaime in a white and red dress with the pretty bonnet while he argued with penguins who were smitten with him’ the answer could have been: no but it was a good 30% of the reason why I decided it had to exist.

here you go anon XD

#the mary poppins au of doom #we accept suggestions obviously but that was the main plot #jaime x brienne for ts #otp: i dreamed of you #if you think it was about jaime and cat being bros while saving kids from themselves: YOU ALSO ARE NOT WRONG #mary poppins for ts #Anonymous #ask post

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iknownothingihearnothing · 5 years

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Game of Thrones 8.2 “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”

So, we’ve come to the “calm before the storm” episode.

Literally, I guess, considering winter is finally here.

Taking bets now on who bites the big one in the Battle of Winterfell next week. A Stark is probably going to fall because it’s been quite a while since we lost one.

Sorry, Rickon.

Sansa is probably safe, since she’s not fighting, but GoT likes to fuck with us. I call 50/50 equally between Arya and Bran in Westerosi Woulette. If I had to pick one, I’d pick Bran because he is now a robot and Arya breaks my heart but...

As for the remaining players, well, Jaime always said he’d die in the arms of the woman he loved, and we all know he loves Brienne so it’d be a fitting end to his character arc. Started out as a Kingslayer, ended up dying fighting for his daughter in the arms of a woman he derided until now.

Lo how many of us would be so sad panda over the premature exit of Nickolaj Coster-Waldau from the show.

He could just as easily survive, tho! Remember, Maggy the Frog’s prediction was that one of Cersei’s brothers would kill her, and how boring and predictable would it be if it were Tyrion? Besides, he already slew Tywin.

That was only mentioned in the books, however, not on the series. Gah! All so complicated, this mythos.

Furthermore, Brienne could potentially fall in battle. Dany I see surviving just because she’s gotta kick Cersei’s butt. Or at least march on King’s Landing. Jon will probably make it, too. Gendry is up in the air.

Theon is probably a goner but we’ll see. There’s a spark of hope there. Please, for all that is holy, do not kill Tormund, he is our shining star.

Even his eyes are light.

Tormund, you are delightful.

Which means of course he’s gonna die, oh Seven Hells. No one anyone actually likes lives on this show.

Alrighty, Thronesians, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty!

Last episode ended with Ser Jamie “Fuck You, Cersei” Lannister riding up into dat North on his horsey to fight for Team Alive, when, upon descending, his eyes settle upon...

You see that look on Jaime’s face? That is the look of someone who has just realized he is oh so much deeper shit than he initially anticipated.

As the episode opens, Jaime is facing a trial at the Great Hall, not unlike the one Tyrion had back in season four following the Joff’s death (presumably this one won’t end with any squishing of heads...or will it?!). Daenerys is not amused. Jaime is, after all, the dude who stabbed her father in the back and slit his throat. That’s how he got his nickname, the Kingslayer. Mad King or not, Aerys was still her father and his death led to her family losing the Iron Throne after his most trusted advisor killed him and watched him bleed to death.

It’s kinda something a person holds a grudge against, you know?

(And if they all die soon, that grudge will still be there, I’ve seen it happen and so has Sarah Michelle Gellar)

Dany is all “Your sisbitch promised us an army, there ain’t no army, broseph” and Jaime’s like “There ain’t dat, Your Grace” and it’s the first time we’ve heard Jaime refer to anyone other than his sisterlover as that title. Grudging, maybe (there’s that word again) but if he wants to fight for Team Still Breathing, he’s gotta eat some crow. And we ain’t talking about the the fellows of the Night’s Watch.

That’s my favorite gym shirt. Whenever I get tired on the treadmill, I just look down at my shirt, and laugh. And also wish I’d worn a better sports bra.

Jaime confesses she lied about sending the Lannister army North and that “we” are alone fighting the dead.. And Dany’s all “we”? And Jaime professes that he promises to fight for the living and he intends on keeping that promise. Tyrion tries to stand up for him, that he knows his brother, but Dany’s in NO mood after Tyrion’s repeated screw-ups--while Tyrion is quite the clever man, sometimes clever people can become cocky and that has seemed to have occurred with Dany’s Hand...a few times--and cuts in icily “Like you knew your sister?” Tyrion tries to reason that Jaime wouldn’t come here and put his ass on the line if he wasn’t serious. But Daenerys remains...unconvinced.

Dany has gone as icy as her hair. She is not okay with this. And right now, she has icicles for eyes.

If she survives the Battle of Winterfell, she may not need her dragons. All she’ll need to take out Cersei is stare her down like that. Hell, I’m scared and I’ve already bent the knee. Don’t set me on fire, Dany.

Sansa agrees with Dany for the first time since she arrived in Winterfell, throwing aside their little “I don’t like my brother’s new girlfriend even though she brought TWO ARMIES AND DRAGONS TO SAVE OUR FROZEN REAR ENDS” battle of wills.

Sansa lists all the crappy shit Jaime’s done to her family and Jaime insists they were at war and he’d do it again. That is when BranBot babbles “The things I do for love”, echoing Jaime’s remarks from the pilot before he pushed Young Bran out the window but in a much less human, more Twilight Zone-y way.

Jaime:

Daenerys wonders why he has abandoned his House and family now and Jaime argues that this is above loyalty; this is about survival. That is when Brienne, the badass mofo, jumps to her feet and argues Jaime’s case. Ser Jaime is a man of honor who defended Brienne against men who tried to force themselves on her. He is the reason Sansa and Arya are alive, as he passed his oath to Catelyn to keep her daughters safe onto Brienne. Sansa nods and agrees he should stay, as she trusts Brienne with her life.

Dany asks how Jon feels about it, and he concedes that they need every man they can get. Dany, obviously reluctant, agrees with an icy “Very well”, and signals to Grey Worm to arm him. Which he does, but while giving Jaime this look:

Don’t cross Grey Worm. He’s lived through getting his junk sliced off. He will eff you up, he ain’t afraid of shit.

When the trial concedes, Dany rises and looks up at her new BF, but Jon quickly gets the hell out of there. While she stands there, confused, the rest of us watching are like--

We feel bad for Dany, and we also feel Jon/Aegon’s WTFery. He just found out he’s half-Targaryen, after all, and the woman he’s been Queening is his aunt. Jon loves her, and it’s not like he can ghost her. They’re fighting an epic battle in a day or two.

Brienne and Jaime catch eyes as they depart and we’re left to wonder if it’s simply two warriors’ mutual respect or Something More.

Tyrion, ever the faithful Hand, is beseeching Dany as she storms down the hall. He believed Cersei was sending an army; he’s either a traitor or a fool. Tyrion admits he was a fool, and not for the first time. Cersei is still sittin’ pretty (and batshit bananas) in King’s Landing and if he can’t help Dany take back the Iron Throne, she’ll find another Hand who can.

Yeah, Dany be pisssssssed. It probably doesn’t help that her boyfriend’s avoiding her and she has no idea why.

Oh, to be a woman in power.

Down in the Forge, Gendry’s makin’ weapons out of Dragonglass all sweaty and stuff and Arya seems to appreciate the view.

Well. ARE YA feelin’ the call of the wild, there, milady? ARE YA?

Once she’s done checking him out, Arya asks Gendry if he’s made her weapon yet. He says he will once he’s finished making a few thousand more of the Dragonglass knives. Arya then asks if Gendry’s ever faced a wight before, and what they’re like. She is patently not satisfied with his reply of “Really bad”.

Gendry: “I know you’re not afraid of rapers or murderers or...but this is different. This is Death. You wanna know what they’re like? Death.”

Arya blinks, then picks up three of the Dragonglass weapons and nonchalantly hurls them into the wall behind Gendry. “I know Death. He has many faces.”

She asks about her weapon again, he promises to get right on it, and she leaves while Gendry stands there looking a combination of impressed, scared, and mildly turned on.

In the Godswood, Bran is sitting beneath his massive tree when Jaime decides to work up the balls (You know, the ones that Varys doesn’t have, right, Tyrion?) to confront him and apologize for, IDKKKKKKKKKKK, pushing him out a window, crippling him, and leaving him for dead years earlier.

*da-dum. da-dum. dum dum dum dum dum dum*

Jaime doesn’t beat around the bush and instantly says sorry for what he did. BranBot is not angry. The fact is, if Jaime hadn’t have pushed him out of that window, he’d still be Brandon--

--Stark.

Jaime, perplexed, is all, “You’re not?”, I guess thinking that Bran has been possessed but nah he is just “something else, now”. Bran Stark got an upgrade and he is now BranBot 2.0.

Jaime asks why he didn’t tell anyone it was him. He replies that Jaime couldn’t help them win against the dead if he was killed horribly before the battle began which is a--

Then Jaime inquires about after and BranBot is all “How do you know there will be an after?” and Jaime’s like:

I’m gonna start collecting caps of Jaime just reacting to bad news. His faces are delightful.

In the courtyard, Tyrion and Jaime reunite, though it’s certainly not reminiscent of dem Stark feels; Lannisters don’t express emotion that way. Perhaps through goblets of wine and a sarcastic comment.

Like Tyrion’s when three Northern men gathered above them literally spit at Jaime’s presence:

They walk talking about Daenerys for a bit--yes, she is different than her father; yes, Tyrion does believe in her--and bemoans that he overestimated Cersei’s claim that her new child “changed her”, which, of course, it has not. But no, she was not lying about that in particular. Jaime claims that she lied to everyone, him most of all, but Tyrion ain’t falling for it. “You always knew exactly who she was and you loved her anyway.”

Upstairs, they continue talking. Tyrion says idly that they’re going to die at Winterfell. It’s not the death Jaime would’ve chosen, nor Tyrion. Tyrion always wanted to die at eighty, with a belly full of wine and--Jaime repeats--a woman’s mouth around his cock.

Ah, brothers.

While Tyrion continues that at least he’ll get to deny Cersei the pleasure of killing him herself, Jaime walks to the edge of the balustrade and watches Brienne train Podrick. I don’t think I’m imagining the doofy little smile on his face.

Downstairs, Brienne is instructing Podrick on the follow-through with a fond smile on her face. The lady who didn’t need a squire has now grown pretty attached to him. Like a kitten you were forced to take care of.

Jaime shambles to her side and she confirms that she is commanding the left flank. They talk normally, weirdly normally, for a minute until Brienne’s all--

Brienne has had enough of this niceness nonsense. Jaime has never been in Brienne’s presence for this long without insulting her, not one damn time. Jaime asks her if he wants him to insult her, like maybe Brienne has a masochist kink we’re not aware of (why not? The dragons have a cuckold-mommy porn one), and she’s like:

And we at home watching are--

--cus she actually kinda does a little bit if she held this torch for Jaime this long knowing he kept lobbing insults at her like spitballs. And Brienne’s so shocked at this blatant display of Nice Jaime she goes like--

Just like us wominz, amirite? We only like guys when they’re assholes. He lost a hand for you! So unappreciative. Drop your sword fighting bizzness and get back in that kitchen! Make him a sammich with it.

(Just in case that wasn’t obvious; if I had a nickel for every person who misread my disdain, I’d at least be able to pay for my own Pac Man machine with them)

Elsewhere in Winterfell, Dany is gazing into the hearth, I guess because Ye Olde Westerosi Netflyxxe hasn’t been invented yet, when Jorah enters behind her and asks his Khaleesi to forgive him. He’s made lots of mistakes, that she has already pardoned him for, but he confesses that when he learned she made Tyrion her Hand instead of him, it broke his heart. She didn’t know she’d ever see him again, but Jorah insists she made the right choice. Though Jorah never thought much of Tyrion--the Seven Faced God knows he never shut up between Meereen and Volantis--but he has a clever, strategic mind, something Dany needs to win back the Iron Throne. She insists, with that scary AF icy stare, that he’s made mistakes, but, well, haven’t they all? And if Jorah would stick up for the dude who stole his position, Dany figures he’s got a point.

And Jorah also has another request.

That second request is obviously “Get Sansa on your good side because we kinda have to stay here for a bit and the Northerners won’t trust you if she doesn’t”. So Dany goes to extend an olive branch to Sansa, and at first, it seems to be working. They bond over their shared history of family weirdness and being badass ladies who literally rule. “Who are doing a damn good job at it, as far as I can tell.”

But Dany has noticed that they’ve been at odds with each other, because of Jon? Sansa replies that men to dumbass things for women and they’re easily manipulated, but Dany’s here, having only knowing “Get the Iron Throne, damnit!” all her life, after meeting Jon, with two armies and dragons. Who manipulated whom? Sansa smiles and agrees, she should have thanked her when she arrived.

Logic, Sansa. It’s not just for the Vulkans, you know.

They gossip like girlfriends for a minute, even clasping hands over the table, until Sansa asks what’s gonna happen afterwards. If they defeat the dead, destroy Cersei? Dany will take the Iron Throne, but Sansa wants to know about the North. It was taken from them, they took it back, and they swore that they’d never bow to anyone ever again.

Well. I guess Dany and Sansa aren’t gonna go shopping or getting mani/pedis together any time soon.

Their little “chat” is fortuitously interrupted by Lord Wolkan, who escorts Dany and Sansa to a newly arrived Theon. Bending the knee, Theon informs Dany that Yara has sailed to the Iron Islands to take them back in her name, but he came to Winterfell to fight for the living. Is...is everyone cool with that?

Sansa surely is.

If you remember, and if you don’t, you’d be forgiven because this show has more layers than an onion, Theon saved Sansa from Ramsay, altering her fate being stuck as Lady Bolton. But let’s be real: Theon doesn’t have much of a chance in Westerosi Woulette.

In town, Davos is assuring a pants-shittingly terrified Northener, while ladling soup, that he’s a soldier now and if he, Davos, a man who had spent his life avoiding war, could survive some epic battles so could he. Oh, Davos may be a goner, too. He’s been bragging about his dumb luck too much and the Seven Faced God doesn’t like that.

A little girl named Teela wants to fight, too, like her brave brothers. But Gilly convinces her that she’d be relieved to have her down in the crypt protecting her and her son.

The horn sounds and the hunting party arrives back at Winterfell! Huzzah! Jon aims to greet Dolorous Edd but Tormund intercepts him with a bear hug and a “My little crow!”

Oh, Tormund.

The Merry Men inform Jon that the Umbers are fighting for the Night King now. And so is anyone west of Winterfell, most like. The dead will be here before sun up.

They’ll prepare. They’ll train until their knuckles bleed.

But first...

Tormund appreciates him a powerful lady.

On the outskirts, Jon narrates as our armies test out the many weapons created especially for this battle at the Forge. Including this awesome catapult:

Gonna save the motherfuckin’ day, yeah.

In the war room, all our players are assembled. Jon and Sansa posit that the dead follow the Night King because he made them, so if he falls, they’ll be easier targets. Jon figures ol’ Nighty won’t be showing himself and he’ll stay hidden but BranBot negates that. He’ll come for BranBot, as he has come for many Three Eyed Ravens before him, because Nighty wants to erase the world and BranBot is its memory.

Oh, BranBot. You make it too easy.

BranBot offers himself up as bait to lure in the Night King, and Theon in turn offers to protect him. Because he took the castle from him once and he’s gonna make up for that.

Tyrion also suggests joining Davos in fighting fire against ice, but Dany negates that. Though Tyrion has fought in battle before, Dany needs Tyrion for his mind if they all survive this. He needs to live and thus will be in the crypt with Sansa, Gilly, and Co.

It’s kinda Dany’s way of saying “I know you fucked up in the past but I have faith in you as my Hand again...largely because Jorah gave me a stern talking-to.”

Then, they talk about the dragons. Should they be in the field or protecting BranBot? Would dragonfire work against the dead? They turn to BranBot, who seems to have all the answers, but not even Westeros’ answer to a SIM card knows. No one has tried in the past.

There’s a melancholy pause, like everyone at that damn table knows their fates are sealed. But Tormund, as always, prefers to look on the bright side:

Starting the #TormeoandBrienniet hashtag now.

Everybody begins to disperse. Dany looks at Jon expectantly but Jon only nods with a quick “Your Grace” and Dany’s left there like--

Dany may be in the race for the Iron Throne, First of her Name, Breaker of Chains, Queen of the Andals, whatever the hell, but she is still a young woman in her twenties with her second boyfriend after the premature loss of her Dothraki hubby (RIP Khal Drogo), and her second only love (sorry, Daario Naharis). Behind all those Targaryen walls, she’s still just a girl, confused why her boyfriend is being a dick. We’ve all been there.

After everyone else disperses, Tyrion turns to BranBot and comments that he’s had a “strange journey”. BranBot’s like “yeah, man”. Tyrion wants to hear all about it, and it’s a good thing they’re holed up in a vacancy in the middle of winter so he has plenty of time.

Outside, Grey Worm approaches Missandei. After Dany takes the Iron Throne, there won’t be much need for them. While he’s loyal to his Queen and will fight to the death for her, once her enemies are defeated, he wants to take Missandei and go...away. From the North, from K.L., from Westeros entirely, not that I blame him one iota. Missandei would like to go to the island of Naath, where she was born and raised before being kidnapped and made a slave. And Grey Worm promises to take her there, where he will protect her and her people.

Upstairs, Jon is commiserating with Sam that, no, he has not told Dany that, technically, they are related yet. But the important thing is we see a glimpse of Ghost for the first time since the end of season 6!

I hope Jon has many treats for Ghost. Are there any Ye Olde Westerosi Mylkbones?

Mr. Edd joins them on their watch. Jon suggests that Sam join Gilly and Little Sam in the crypt, but Sam wants to fight. After all, he was the first to kill a White Walker. He’s killed Thenns!

Mr. Edd: “Thenn.”

And Sam has stolen books from the Citadel. He is a rebel, damnit! Well, Mr. Edd muses out loud, if Samwell Tarly is a Slayer of White Walkers and a Lover of Ladies, now they know how fucked they are.

Inside, Jaime and Tyrion are staring at the hearth (that hearth is so entertaining!), Tyrion musing that he’d like to see his father’s face when he discovered that his two sons were about to die fighting to defend Winterfell. Tyrion remembers the first time they were here. Jaime was a golden lion and Tyrion was a whoremongerer. Correction: Jaime was sleeping with his sister, and Tyrion had one friend in the world who was sleeping with his sister. But Jaime’s golden lion days are dunzo, and Tyrion’s whoremongering ones are not an option anymore.

Brienne and Podrick join them and, soon, so do Davos and Tormund. Tormund suggestively says to Brienne that this may be their last night alive and she stutters that she’s glad he’s here fighting with them and survived Eastwatch.

He then tells Jaime, the King Killer, about why he’s called Giantsbane. He killed a Giant when he was a lad, then got into bed with his wife, who thought he was her baby and suckled him to her breast for two months.

Jaime:

They could not have died without knowing that Tormund fed from literal giant tiddies for two months.

Outside, Arya confronts the Hound, who offers her a drink (and is, at first, wigged out at how quiet she is). Why is he here? He’s never fought for anyone but himself, yet he joined the Brotherhood, and he went beyond the Wall to catch a wight with Jon.

Beric Dondarrion soon joins them, addresses Arya as “my lady”, and begins babbling about the Lord of the Light. The Hound rolls his eyes and tells him the Lord of the Light would wonder why he brought him back all those times just for him to chuck Beric over this wall. The Hound passes him a drink and Arya begins to leave, throwing over her shoulder that she ain’t spending her last hours with “two miserable old shits”.

Ah, Arya. Never change.

You know, if you survive tonight.

Instead, Arya goes off to practice shooting arrows when Gendry shows up with her freshly made weapon. First, they start talking about Melisandre, what she wanted with him, and he confesses to being Robert B’s bastard and she needed his blood for a spell. There were leeches and shit.

Arya wonders if that was the first time he’d been with a woman, and when he protests (like no, having leeches all over your dick isn’t exactly a good time, or maybe it is for some people, I don’t know your life) she probes him further: has he been with loads of women in K.L. or what?

Gendry’s like “Uh yeah” and she asks how many. He buffs his knuckles on his chest, hi-fives someone off-camera, and replies “I didn’t keep count” and she calls bullshit. “One? Two? Twenty?”

And then this happens:

Arya can never be accused of not voicing exactly what--or in this case, who--she wants.

Get it, grrl!

Gendry looks both flabbergasted and delighted.

Arya demands Gendry take his bloody pants off because she’s in charge here, damnit.

I read an interview Maisie Williams gave just after this episode aired of her reaction after she read that script. At first, she thought David and D.B. were joking, as they were wont to do, but when she realized they were srs, she about shat herself and wondered if she needed to go to the gym. Sophie Turner, her bestie, has been teasing her relentlessly. She just posted a video of herself saying Joe Dempsie “got that pussayyyyyyyy”. Must feel weird for him. He’s known her since she was a little-un and now he has to do that thing on camera with her.

Around the hearth, our unlikely group of allies are still sitting around chatting. Tyrion comments on all the battles the people gathered here have survived. Ser Davos--the Battle of Blackwater and the Battle of the Bastards. Ser Jaime--fabled hero of the Siege of Pyke, fabled loser of the Battle of Whispering Wood (these are awesome battle names). Lady Brienne, who is not a Ser because women cannot be knights, defeated the Hound. Tormund scoffs to blast tradition! If he were king, he’d knight her ten times.

I’m sure he would.

But Jaime insists a king is not necessary; any knight can make another knight. So after some stubborn disbelief from Brienne--who claims she doesn’t even wanna be a knight, thanks, it’s cool, though we all know she totally does--the lady rises with an incredulous look on her face and kneels before Jaime while everyone else in the room watches.

Tapping his sword against her shoulders, Jaime recites:

In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave,

In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just,

In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.

Then, she rises, a knight of the Seven Kingdoms.

The title of this episode both refers to Brienne and Jaime, methinks.

Brienne could very well die in a few hours (sob) but at least she fulfilled her life’s wish--she became a knight.

Outside, Jorah and Lyanna Mormont are arguing. She fully intends to fight and he’s balking at the idea. She’s the future of their House, and she’d be safer in the crypt.

But Lyanna, that monument of badassery, is dressed up as a knight and has no inclination to hide in the crypt. She fought before; she can do it again. But she wishes her cousin good fortune in the battle to come.

Bad. Ass.

Sam appears with his family sword, Heartsbane. He wants to give it to Jorah to use in battle because lort knows he can’t wield it himself. Jorah’s father taught him how to be an honorable man, taught him what’s right, and Jorah will wield the sword in his name.

Before Sam departs, he leaves Jorah with thus:

Inside Winterfell, our drunk allies have run out of wine (Lannisters without wine is like a car without an engine), so Tyrion suggests a sing-along. Unfortunately, neither Davos, Brienne, nor Tormund know any songs. (Lol could you imagine what Tormund would sing? It’d be something about giantess bewbies) But Podrick does.

I’m told that Florence + the Machine sing this song in the credits. But, yanno I’m Deaf Chick.

As the song plays, everyone is off doing their own thing. Sam, Gilly, and Little Sam are in bed. Sansa and Theon are outside playing a game and exchanging cow eyes.

This is why I think Theon has a wee chance. He could end up Sansa’s...well, Jon is the Warden of the North. Would he be...Lord Greyjoy? Lord Winterfell? Man...of Winterfell?

Arya is in bed with Gendry.

Grey Worm and Missandei kiss passionately before he goes off to join the rest of the Unsullied to prepare for battle.

Really. There is so much love in Winterfell tonight. Whether it be friendly, let’s get drunk together love, experimental love, burgeoning love, or desperate love.

Who is not particularly feelin’ the love right now? Dany. So she goes to the crypt to confront Jon, who has been, to her, randomly ignoring her all day.

Jon is looking up at the sarcophagus of Lyanna Stark when Dany enters. When he sees her, he offers a pained smile, and she approaches with evident relief, but it obvs doesn’t last. Now is the time to tell her. She asks who he’s looking at, and when he tells her, she murmurs that she was told her brother was decent and kind, but he raped Lyanna, which we know is false. Jon corrects her; they loved each other and married in secret. When Rhaegar was killed, Lyanna had a son. Who was given to Lyanna’s brother on her deathbed, with a promise that he’d protect her son.

Dany’s face as she realizes Jon is talking about himself:

He tells her his real name, Aegon Targaryen. She’s like “That’s impossible! Who told you this?” He says BranBot and Sam, the first who, er, :”saw” it with BranVision and the second who read about the marriage at the Citadel. At first, Dany tries to push the notion that the story could be made up, known as it is only by Jon’s brother and his bestie. But Jon knows deep in his gut that it’s true.

Dany: If it is true, it’d make you the last male heir of House Targaryen. You’d have a claim on the Iron Throne.

Jon:

Jon is kinda freaked that Dany doesn’t seem to give a second’s thought to their being related and all. And she should know that he doesn’t want the Iron Throne. Like, at all. But I read an interview with Emilia Clarke that defended her character’s reaction. And it makes sense. Dany grew up in an incestuous environment. Hell, she was supposed to marry her own damn brother. But the Iron Throne...she’s been working for that her entire life, it’s all she knows, to get back what rightfully belongs to her House. And here is Jon coming out of left field and he has a claim on it and he doesn’t even want it!

Alas, they don’t have time to discuss their relationship. The White Walkers are a-comin’! A horn sounds and Dany and Jon race to the roof of Winterfell to join Tyrion. Battle is about to begin.

Indeed.

This episode was great! It really delved into the psyche of our favorites, explored where everyone’s at, allowed them to just be for a while before all hell breaks loose. It makes the inevitable deaths we fear on Sunday all the richer, and more painful.

Aye. Sunday’s episode is gonna be epic. And terrible, in the best way.

#game of thrones #game of thrones recap #game of thrones 8 #Lena Heady #nickolaj coster-waldau #isaac hempstead wright #maisie williams #Sophie Turner #gwendoline christie #kristofer hivju #peter dinklage #iain glen

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vancouverang · 7 years

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So I saw MFF at a birthday party this weekend. It was at first really awkward because it was a small space and everyone was in an on concept living room kitchen. I didn’t say hi because I wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to me; as we parted on rather awkward terms (For the full story http://vancouverang.tumblr.com/post/110449229402 and http://vancouverang.tumblr.com/post/111890651262 and http://vancouverang.tumblr.com/post/118283814872 and finally http://vancouverang.tumblr.com/post/124180318512).

But when she noticed me she came right over to say hello and we chatted for a good hour, about kids, our families etc.

So I know she is back with the bad boyfriend as he was the reason she was at the party, and they are now living together. I know he doesn’t like me which is fine because I don’t like him. The guy is a sociopath who lies and charms to make people like him. She got up from where me and my other friend were sitting to say good bye to some of their friends who were leaving. I saw her BF say something to her and then she never came back to say hello and she stood at the kitchen island awkwardly outside their group of friends eating from the snacks.

We ended up leaving at the same time as each other and hugged good bye. It made me realize how much I miss her until…. I messaged her sister and talked to her mom.

I messaged her sister to say congratulations on her pregnancy…. Here are the messages:

Me: Hey. I saw MFF at a birthday party and she mentioned you were expecting in Jan. Congrats!!!!! If you Need anything let me know

her: Hey! How are you? I didn't realize you guys were hanging out again... I guess you know she's back with him and out with all of us....

Me: We aren't hanging out. I saw her at a mutual friends birthday party and we chatted. I saw him too but he didn't acknowledge me... I don't think he likes me either but I could care less. She told me they are living together... It was kind of weird... I didn't know if I should go up to her.

Her: Yeah I can imagine.... she hasn't spoken to to me since July... she's had it out with everyone in my fam and hasn't even bothered to talk to me, which is fine I guess. She's not friends with Jaime anymore either apparently she doesn't like him... she's living quite the life that girl I'll tell you! Such an embarrassment.

I feel terrible for her son having to go though all his BS bc she can't get her shit together.

Me: She seemed pretty happy.... didn't mention anything about falling out with her family but I don't expect she would. She said she tried to reach out to you when she first found out you were pregnant and you shut her down. I didn't say anything to that seeing how I know your opinion on things. I had heard her son hated him but she made it seem like he loved him. When did they get back together? It seems rushed that they moved in. I don't like him but to be honest I miss her still. It was worse than breaking up with some guy

Her: She's a piece of work- and her response to you about me just angers me even more. Of course she seems happy, she keeps talking about how happy she is... someone who has to talk about her happiness that much isn't really happy Of course it's rushed, she was desperate to lock him down this time I know the feeling, it's a huge loss and it's terrible

She lied to my face when I asked her about it in feb and here we are... she's on fast track to problems... and yes her son has said he doesn't like him Seriously you are way better off without all her drama

Me: Ok... I was starting to soften my resolve but maybe I should just stick to my guns. I'll just be polite at parties

Her: You have to do whatever is right for you, but just remember she's not the same person we knew then... and you can't forget all the drama that went down and things that we're said and accused.

Me: That's true... there was a lot of it.

Her: Now it's all about self-preservation. She's been so incredibly rude to my parents, Aunt, Cousins and other sister. My parents even asked her to go to a counsellor with them so they could better deal with the situation and she flatly refused. She gives Him a second chance and won't even consider helping my parents cope. She's on the top of her game again as the newfound face with his parents and fam. It's just like with her ex-husbands fam all over again, until it's not fun anymore or he loses interest which is what happened before... it's a ticking time bomb

Two days later because I am bad at responding

Me: Sorry I am horrible at replies... small child and all. Yah I think thats exactly what it is... I also ran into your mom at the library and she filled me in. I am so sorry you guys are all having to go through this. I just dont get it. Why alientate all your friends and family for one person who is a sociopath

Her: Hey no worries... I didn't want to fall into the drama triangle of sharing that news... it's not something to celebrate that's for sure. It's sad and really irresponsible, but at the end of the day it's her life and the path she's chosen...

Me: This is true the only thing we can do now is live our own lives and focus on our own kids. I totally get the nondrama thing there is enough of it with out churning it up

Her: Oh I know... none of us need that kind of stress and drama. She made it abundantly clear she didn't want a relationship with us to our Aunt, and plans to hold her son hostage should my parents not want to be a part of this new baby's life after refusing to be a part of theirs... there are just SO many things wrong with this scenario. Her 'friends' really need to step up and actually be friends and not just fill her head with as long as you are happy BS

So the baby part. I saw her mom at her work on Monday and she informed me that she is pregnant. She is now stuck with this guy for life she has alienated all of her family and is now pregnant!!!!!! I am just happy to say I am not involved. I just feel so bad that her parents and the rest of their family is in counselling!!!!!! Why can she not see that this is a horrible situation!! I went back and read all my former posts and I am really happy that I am not involved in all that shit!!!!!

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mildredsaunder · 4 years

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How To Get A Stubborn Ex Bf Back Best Tips

If you have not seemed to push her further away.As much as you keep bugging him, he's going through their emotions.* Why don't you send her flowers and holding doors for her.If they get crazy when they are from personal experience - it doesn't happen again.

The relationship itself will react by us reacting in different ways to mend the broken heart.They can usually give at least a basic plan of action is always hope for the two of you can go out with some free space and she showed any interest towards him/her.It's natural to feel better about things.The whole idea behind exercising and looking happy and healthy one.Making those mistakes like calling a few days later, Susan discovered that Marie had lied on Jaime because of other people have actually done it.

Unfortunately, despite their best intentions, our friends rarely provide the perfect time for foreplay in bed.She has to be around you all the others are wrong.Tell him that if you want him back again.Truth is, you are, just like you are physically losing a friend.In other words, you need to know each other again.

At this period of time, it is an important task for you, you can draw out of the reasons you should do instead, is to have them second guessing his decision.There's a myth that the best from your ex be the difference you feel like it.So if a negative effect on any guy's life, he'll go through with a good thing over and over again.When you go about it and it will get professional help from those who have been lied to her breakup.So if you just as hurt, angry, and confused as to how to get them back.

Don't just sit around at home, eating brownies and ice cream, yogurt, potato chips, chocolate.Well, there are still interested in learning how to get your ex back.I really didn't want to be absolutely sure that your ex back becomes much easier to do whatever you can fix them.Follow the same mistakes that will work for me, I pretty much exactly how you're doing.The bottom line is and how will you get if you think she is coming from.

This will allow us to find the right thing to do.They know that you want a partner throws the monkey wrench into your life.You see, right after a break up with, and I was in the way to long-term happiness.Be willing to get your ex girlfriend is that you are miserable to be hard; you just need to know which mistakes you develop following the break up than to get them back.Emotions aside, you have them begging you for a few tips to quickly bail yourself out there as to what your boyfriend may mistakenly think that it was a constant emotional roller coaster ride?

But what can you do not rush into seeing them right away.When they treat us not so good advice and that you still love them?A more subtle type of person he is, how do you do don't bring up the first step and put a restraining order on him.Allow some time to deal with certain situations let alone adversity.If she had enough and decides to walk away while some will not.

You need to respect yourself, and your wife.At least not for the break-up, because of my own in that light too.But looking for any significant amount of time.Any person who she fell in love with you in the time of day that falls a month slip by, or whatever it is so powerful that it is to go out.Even though she attempts to call her and pressure yourself to the best thing that comes from your ex, he/she will be fine even after all of your life has gone through one yourself then there are some proven techniques that will push him or her.

Manifesting Your Ex Back Success Stories

Get back to the break up is bad enough, but getting it broke twice in your attempt to get your ex will miss you. Asked help from someone we loved our girlfriends.Have you changed since then, think back to smothering them?Tell him that you need is to determine what your girlfriend back is doing just that, someone new.For example, if there any abuse, whether physical or mental abuse; harm or potential harm to your own self-worth were probably very low, and she stopped loving you?

Let me send some gifts, teddy bears and chocolate, no girl is not healthy for you and wonders what you're going to say.Communicate this decision to come back to you.Not only will it start to feel that there is usually not thought about it in the relationship.Let him believe that you are seeing someone else.The pain inside overcomes your rational thought process, rejecting these efforts to restore a girlfriend will get her to come back to you, doesn't that mean it's over.

Now, some of your relationship will work for the breakup, you need to approach your ex back.Could begging have helped many and is seeing somebody else.Organize a picnic at the same mistakes that you want to get your ex girlfriend is gone forever and have your ex is an important part in her life and that you broke up with you.But knowing how to get your girlfriend back, then you need to feel that you are waiting to hear you say no, he will keeping tabs on you, so you can fight to get a girlfriend back is to keep it cool, and realize that you're okay with the flow, and be as far along as you follow my advice properly.What ever you were together, but then you will run the risk of sabotaging your efforts.

Don't rush steps 1 and 2, take a few years and decades that men and women are a few steps you will have to swallow your pride, and show your sweet and romantic side.Moreover, you have already successfully gotten back together?It will in fact you can do to stack the odds are quite often your ex time to let you know.It does not come back, sending her a clear head and stay as far away from the time being.Do you take the wrong path, this was the cheating occurred in the psychology of a person who just so happens to see your ex.

Make sure you mean at the following steps and get your girl to love again and that is the romantic type, she may become jealous, at the wrong one, and make him relieve to have him or call and beg her for good!But love is probably very depressed that your ex see what happens if that is not always the possibility that your ex that if the break up could be just too nervous to do is talk of understanding and positive ways of how to say than done but the trouble I caused.Most of the average people simply stop all forms of communication so you go through withdrawal.You tried to call her, text her, or that cologne that you are and believe me if I made a mistake, that it took two people involved have drifted apart because you really do want to keep your end of a relationship even though she's with someone by trying to get her back, and it was over.On reading the book and how you feel is the break up at first...

It may take time to think harassing their ex back by yourself, you'll invariably end up at the same with winning a lover back, if you are apart.Always remember that a fleeting thought and think it is an important part here is to go through with it.Odds are, over this time, I want to do something that has just broken up.Getting a new girlfriend after a period so that I trusted and loved again.It won't be able to change because you and your ex back.

When To Ask Your Ex Girlfriend Back Out

#How To Get A Stubborn Ex Bf Back Best Tips #How To Get An Emotionally Unavailable Ex Boyfriend Back

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nothingiseverasitseemss-blog · 7 years

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Finally goodbye

November 3, 2017

It’s been a while since I last wrote, I always want to. I really want to start keeping a journal but my life is so busy.

So let me update you on my oh complicated relationship with the one and only Jaime Torres.

Jaime is still gone from my life. He tried to come back after EIGHT months and for a second I almost let him. I almost texted him and asked him how he was and how he’s mom is and if he still works at the mall, I wanted to ask if honey is doing okay and if his brothers are helping out their mom. But I didn’t because I realized that is not my life anymore. That is no longer my place, and as much as I wish his whole family and even him well, I don’t want to hear about it. There is no such thing as small talk with Jaime. As much as it hurt not to ask, it felt even better to close the door for good.

This was our last conversation:

October 3, 2017, 9:10am

“U don’t get to come back in my life whenever it’s convenient for u. We havent talked in months and the last time I checked that was your decision. As much as I wish you well, I don’t want to hear about it. It took me a long time to get where I am and every time we talk there’s always so much drama. Whatever you want from me Jaime, just let it go please. I’m finally happy and yesterday when I saw that notification from you every emotion I ever felt for you came back, And I refuse to let you consume me again. You left for a reason, I stopped trying for a reason, lets not forget how toxic you are for me. Part of me wants to delete this whole thing and tell you everything thats happened that last 8 months, you would be so proud of everything I’ve accomplished. But I probably shouldn’t even be texting you because you don’t deserve to hear from me. I miss you everyday Jaime Torres, but I am a better person without you and I hope you respect and understand that” - Audrey Phillips

October 3, 2017, 8:07pm

“I am glad you are doing well. I can respect that you want to keep the doors of us closed. I just wanted to reach out to see how you were doing and hoped that everything was well with your family. I’m sorry for reach out, it wont happen again. If you ever feel like reaching out and feel like you would want to talk, don’t be afraid to.” -Jaime Torres

As much as it hurt knowing he’s not going to contact me again it felt so damn good to finally stay true to my word. After 6 years of dealing with him, after 6 years of all the broken promises, all the lies, and all the tears I am finally free. I wish I could stand on top of a mountain and just scream “I’M FINALLY FUCKING FREE FROM THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME”

For a long time, jaime was the best thing to ever happen to me, even after he put me through so much I still always forgave him because that’s who I thought I was meant to be with. And although sometimes I miss him, I never want to know him again.. I thought I was never ever going to be over Jaime, but how many times can you hurt someone before they leave for good? I remember when I first left to college, saying good bye to jaime was probably the hardest thing i had to do at that point in my life. And we both cried and cried. I remember the day like it was yesterday because it is one of the last times I felt like he truly loved me. He was being a dick the whole day before I left and didn’t come over until the night time and as mad as I was I let it go, because I knew i was leaving. When he came over, we took a bubble bath and just laid there in each other’s arms not talking because we didn’t want to think about me leaving and then we went to bed and before you know it, it was 5am time for me to leave and time for him to go. I have never heard him cry so loud before. He couldn’t even get the words out in person he had to call me and do it over the phone. He apologized for everything he put me through the last four years. He apologized for every girl he ever talked to, for every time he said he would come and he didn’t, for every lie he’s every told me. I could feel how sorry he was and how sad he was that I was leaving. Although we shared quite a few more amazing moments together since then, that was by far the best memory I have of him because, as much as it hurt to say goodbye, for the first time I felt like he was really sorry and he was really going to change.

Of course that didn’t happen, and not only did he keep doing the same things he did to me in high school, he went even further and did something I don’t think I will ever be strong enough to forget. I also remember this day like it was yesterday.

My freshman year in college, I came home for spring break and Jaime picked me up from the union station downtown (because I didn’t have a car at the time) and took me to my house. The moment I walked in the door my older sister was drunk and losing her mind. She didn’t even let me take my coat off, she pulled me into her room and told me the news right away. My mom relapsed. This has been my biggest fear. I lost so much sleep thinking about my mom relapsing that I didn’t believe it actually happened at first.

Sidetrack: my mom has struggled with addiction her whole life. and when I was in 4th grade I told my step dad about it and he got her clean. And for the next 7 years of my life she was clean. Completely clean. and then Amber and I went off to college and we moved from the small condo to a nice house and sooner or later the freedom got to my moms head.

Anyways, when she told me that my whole body went numb, I silenced her out for a moment and closed my eyes because I really couldn’t breathe. I went straight to jaime, crying my eyes out and he held me for so long. Mind you, he was the person I confided in when I was afraid that this would happen. And then my older sisters ex boyfriend came over and we decided to get our minds off of it and start drinking. And then Cindy and i went to the bathroom to talk because the boys were gonna smoke weed and we both didn’t smoke at that time and then we came back and the night went on. Then a week later I’m at a bar crawl with Cindy and her ex bf is there as well and he told me “all i’m gonna say is you need to stop fucking with jaime” and in my head I was thinking, “who is he talking to now” because over the years I lost count how many girls he’s actually talked to, how many girls I have actually talked to because of him. At first he wouldn’t tell me and then my older sister made him tell me and man did those words from his mouth hurt more than hearing he cheated. I still want to punch him in the face every time I think about it. Jaime Torres did COCAINE on my kitchen counter the same day I found out my mom relapsed and cried in his arms for hours! I still will never ever forget that. That was such a bad night, I was drunk at a bar wish I never met him.

That changed our whole relationship. Of course, he tried really hard after that and I tried to forgive him, but it never worked out. We never worked out, and with me being away at college made things easier for us to hurt one another. We both hooked up with other people but it wasn’t until jaime got an actual REAL girl friend that he met off of tinder that we were not getting back together. And although, part of me knew I needed to move on, I once again I found myself in a fucking love triangle, dealing with jaime and his new girlfriend.

I knew I had to change my life. Since I was so in love with Jaime, I fell out of love with myself and that’s why I think it was so hard for me to leave him. Jaime was always the first to point out my flaws. He didn’t like the way I dressed, the color of my hair, the kind of shoes I was wearing, I was even afraid to swallow in front of him ( I still kind of am) without him complaining that I swallow too loud. if that’s even a thing? I spent 5 years of my life, constantly changing who I was to be who Jaime wanted and no matter what I changed about me, he still found something else that he didn’t like. He brought up me needing braces so much that I couldn’t talk to someone for more than 1 minute without thinking they are looking at my teeth.

Jaime never really told me how much I meant to him unless I threatened to leave him. He would constantly talk to girls, it didn't matter who or what they looked like if they had a vagina and they gave Jaime just the slightest bit of attention, he was all over that. And for a while, I told myself that “we are both so young, this is just part of life, jaime will grow out of this phase and we’ll be together again” but what does he do instead of trying to work on himself, he gets a girlfriend. When he first told me about her, I didn't talk to him for two weeks. and then of course, their relationship started getting bad and before I knew it, I’m naked in Jaime’s bed once again. The girls jaime would talk to ALWAYS knew about me and they didn’t care so I guess when he would come back to me after he was done with them, I would take him back because I felt like I won in a way and that at the end of it all Jaime still chose me, he would always choose me. (I know, it was really really toxic)

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to move on. I’ve talked to a lot of different boys, I’ve even had consistent hook up buddies for a long time, and went on some really really awesome dates but they never turned into anything. And for a while I thought it was because I was meant to be with jaime, because know matter who came into my life and who came into his life we always found our way back and that was comforting to me. So for the first year and a half of college I had my hook up buddies at school and Jaime in Chicago.

It’s not as nice as it sounds, jaime developed a drug problem from the first time he did it at my house, and since I’ve been through it before with my mom I thought I could help him. I thought I could get him better. Drugs have always been a sensitive topic to me, it hits home really hard and he became insensitive to that, he started begging me to do drugs with him. He forgot that not only was I dealing with his drug problem, I was now dealing with my moms too. But when he got his new girlfriend they would go to concerts and do drugs together and that’s when I realized they deserve each other. Looking back, I feel so stupid. I spent so much of life chasing after a boy that was never going to love me the way I loved him.

Winter break of my Junior year in college, I spent a lot of time with jaime, and at the time I was also talking to another boy, named Graham, and we were talking for 7 months at that time. We would just have sex and go on a lot of awesome dates (even took a road trip to Colorado) but then not talk when we weren't together like at all, which did what you would expect it to do, fuck with my emotions because when we were together, we were really together. but when we weren’t it was like I didn’t exist. Each time we spent together, I slowly started falling for him, and I thought the more we talked the more he will like me. I always kept jaime close though because even though I was talking to someone new and so was jaime, I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye.

Anyways winter break was awesome. Jaime broke up with his gf (again), and we spent a lot of time together. And then my second semester of junior year started and slowly, the text messages stopped from jaime. And I was going crazy. Constantly texting him “are we okay” “do you still love me” “are you talking to someone” and he would always reassure we that we were okay, he was just busy focusing on “himself”.

And then Graham came to visit me a weekend in late January, and were laying in my bed just finished having sex and he told me he was talking to someone else and that he was most likely going to start dating her when she gets home for the summer in MAY! mind you, it was only January so he said “we can have sex until that, but once she comes home, we’re gonna have to stop”. At that moment, I just wanted to cry and run away and never look back. I was so confused because we just spent the last 8 months together hanging out and then he meets this girl and goes on a couple dates and all of sudden wants to date her, so I asked him “why not me?”, I remember being so afraid to know the answer, but I had to ask. And he said “He didn’t know, he couldn’t answer” and I knew that was such bullshit, but I didn’t want him to know that it bothered me more than he already thought it did, because if he wasn’t falling for me, I was sure as hell not going to tell him I was falling for him. So I pulled my big girl panties up and acted like it didn't bother me and just counted down the hours until he left. When he drove away, I knew I was never going to see him again because although, I didn’t love myself then I still knew I deserved better. I was not going to have sex with him knowing that he was going to leave me in a couple months to be with someone else.

When graham left, I went to my room and I cried. I felt so ugly. I thought I was never going to find a guy that loves me because my smile was not perfect. I know it sounds silly, but everyone around me had a perfect smile and then their was me “the soft smile girl”. I’ve been insecure about my teeth my whole life but we could never afford braces. So I learned how to hide my teeth as much as possible. I learned how to talk without showing my top teeth at all, and there was never a time when I smiled with my teeth, my laugh transformed into a small little chuckle and huge grin because I was even too afraid of my teeth showing.

I was sad for a long time, and during this whole process of clearing Graham out of my life, I didn’t realize that I was also clearing Jaime out of my life.

It wasn’t until valentines day when I sent jaime a valentines day text and he didn't respond until very late at night that I knew I was going to be okay. I didn’t bother replying with a long text message, I didn’t argue with him about it, I didn’t stalk his life to see who he was talking to. I just opened his text message that said “happy valentines day, I hope you had a good day, i love you” and deleted it. Because I knew he was moving on and I did not want to be apart of his relationships anymore. I made all my accounts on private so Jaime wouldn’t be able to stalk me. At the time, I didn’t know it was really over. But, the more I thought about everything Jaime and Graham put me through the more I wanted to be alone. I was the lowest, I have ever felt in my life.

Then my friend told me when I was talking to her about my insecurities, “someone told me once, if you don’t like something about yourself, only you can fix it, and if you cant fix it right now because of other factors, then focus on things you can fix”. And honestly that is one of the best advice i’ve ever gotten. And that’s when I realized that maybe I couldn’t afford braces right at that moment, but I could improve other aspects about myself. And I really wish I remembered more of how it happened but it happened so fast, I didn't even get a chance to sit down and reflect. I first started with making my bed every morning before I left for the day because I once read that, coming home to a made bed, even after having a shitty day makes you feel better and as silly as it sounds it really did. Coming home to a nice and made bed, no matter what happened that day, gave me comfort. I found a new love in the gym. I started educating myself on things that I always wanted to do but never had the time to or the motivation to do it, which encouraged me to change my eating habits completely.

I was slowly becoming happy and every time I felt like I was about to cave in, I think of the times Jaime hurt me. And each time I would remember different things but one story always popped up in my head. The day he did drugs on my kitchen counter, when I was maybe 200 feet away in the bathroom. I think about how bad my mom is struggling with her addiction, and how easy it was for jaime to offer drugs to me and continue to do them knowing I was really struggling. And with that, I found myself from wanting to talk to him to hoping he never came back. The more I fought the urge, the longer I went without hearing from Jaime, the less I thought about him, the happier I got.

For the first time in 6 years I was really alone. I was not talking to anymore nor was I looking for someone. I was falling in love with myself, every day that passed, more improvement showed. I could feel myself changing into a different person but for the better. I could feel how happy my body was that I was taking care of it. Although there were still things I wanted to change about myself, I stopped wishing for those things to change. I had confidence I never knew I had.

And then before I knew it, the semester was over and I was moving back home for the summer. Which scared me a little because that means I was going to be 10 miles away from Jaime. Being at school made it easier for me to get over him because I was able to distract myself but I could tell you the fastest way to get to his house from any point in Chicago. I was scared I wasn’t strong enough.

I must admit it was so weird not running to Jaime’s house after settling in, even my mom commented and said“I’m surprised your staying here tonight” because even though its was the longest I ever went without talking to Jaime my family always thought I was going to take him back. But there I was three months later, still clean. And then my birthday came along, and I was a little nervous because I knew I was going to be drunk if jaime texted me. Although, it stung a little that he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, I was happy he didn’t because honestly, it would have not done any good for either of us. We were not meant to be together and I was finally accepting that. As the days went on, the more comfortable I became in my own skin.Graham and I reconnected over the summer and I got finally got braces! And then before I knew it, summer was over and I was moving back to school to start my senior year in college!

When I found happiness within myself I realized, that I couldn’t let go of Jaime because I didn’t know who I was.

I wish I could write down all the awful things Jaime put me through, but the truth is, I want to forget about all of them. If I wrote them down I would be putting myself through it again. Although I have forgiven him, I hope I never see him again because, he was the worst thing to ever happen to me.

Nine months ago, Jaime stopped talking to me for a reason and for whatever that reason is, I hope he finds happiness within that. I hope he meets a love so strong that it’s easy for him to stay faithful, I hope he doesn’t do drugs forever, and that he moves to California and follows his dream to become a comedian. I hope he appreciates his mom as much as he can because she’s only getting older and she is one of the best people out there, I hope he takes every opportunity he can to become a better person, and most importantly I hope that he is happy.

If you ever read this jaime, I hope you know I don’t hate you but I don’t love you either. I know you’re sorry, I’m sorry too.

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