#we all know amanda spock. you understand what your friends are saying

[daftmooncretin]

spock pretending not to understand figurative language and earth sayings just so he can roast people will never get old. like go spock play that bimbo act. what an absolute bitch.

#my man is so funny #we all know amanda spock. you understand what your friends are saying #the crews differing reactions always get me too #scotty just walks away silently in this scene no reply or nothing #kirk is practically kicking his feet and blushing every single time like spock doesnt do the same bit every time #and i’d say by the end of the five year mission spocks joke contribute more to bones’ alcoholism then his divorce #star trek #spock #amanda grayson #spirk #bones mccoy #scotty tos #star trek the original series #star trek tos #tos

[affixjoy]

Today I continued my Star Trek journey by rewatching Star Trek (2009) and boy howdy do I have some thoughts.

So first off, I saw this for the first time when I came out in 2009. It wasn’t my first experience with Star Trek, but it was probably my first with Kirk and Spock and that gang. I remember liking it a lot.

Now that I’ve watched all of TOS and a few of the movies with the original cast my feelings are a little more complicated.

Overall, fun movie! I imagine they had to have felt the weight of recasting and redoing such iconic characters, and in a lot of ways they succeeded. It certainly got younger people like me interested in the franchise!

💫 Spock: I do love this version of him. His “live long and prosper” to the VSA is perfectly bitchy and I’m obsessed with it.

💫BONES!! if you’ve read any of my other posts you’ll know that somehow Bones snuck up on me as my favorite character. I love his intro here, and I think Karl Urban gets the tone just right. This really is a buffet for the McKirkers out there, I can see how this led to 1000 academy era fics of them.

💫Kirk: oh Jim. Jimmy Jim Jim. Baby boy. What are you doing. How did being played by Chris Pine (who is incredibly hot) make you LESS attractive??

Obviously this Kirk suffers from some Kirk drift and the added trauma of losing his dad. He’s so much angrier, so much less sweet and nerdy. Rewatching this now I can see why I was so hesitant to like him in TOS because he’s a lot less lovable here.

💫 I get it’s an emergency and they had to for plot reasons, but almost all of Pike’s staffing choices make no sense. Sure, Spock as acting captain, I get that. But everyone else?? Imagine being one of the other people there who has been with starfleet for years and seeing him hand Kirk the role of first officer. The ship can’t be entirely cadets can it?? Imagine the group texts going around after like “thank god he didn’t die because I really need to bitch about this.”

💫 I love all three Uhuras (tos, aos, and snw) and I get why they made her Spock’s love interest here because they’ve got fun chemistry! They have a lot in common, they’re both hot and smart, I get it. But cmon guys, that man is a 6 on the Kinsey scale. You keep pairing him with women and it doesn’t work.

💫 I feel like they worked in lots of little references to classic trek, from plot stuff to smaller details like when Spock enters from the turbolift at the end in a very TMP way. I love that, it makes me feel like the people making the movie really care about the stories and the characters. When Spock Prime says good luck I felt all the weight of his relationship with his Jim and how it changed him. So lovely and touching.

And just how close they made Kirk and Spock stand, especially towards the end of the movie. They were always glued to each other in TOS and JJ must have known us Spirk shippers needed something to latch on to 😅

💫 There’s too much action in this movie for me. We didn’t need to see Scotty beamed into the water tank. The best sf stuff is always story based, I don’t need extravagant fights and cgi shit. I’m sure there are people who watch science fiction for the spectacle but I’m here for the ideas and the feelings.

💫 goddddd everything with Vulcan and losing Amanda. Rip all our hearts out why don’t you. Spock’s mom dying is just heartbreaking. I know they had to lose someone we knew to make the destruction of the planet more real to us as viewers but so crushing to see it.

💫 Old Spock 😭😭😭

He knows right away who Jim is and expects that Jim found him on purpose.

Old Spock just launched right in to the mind meld huh. To me this really says that he and his Jim are on very casual mind meld terms and he’s not fully understanding that this Jim is not his Jim.

Think about how fucking weird all this must be for old Spock. How heartbreakingly strange it would be so see a young version of your husband and send him to a young version of yourself. Meeting all your old friends young selves, years after you’ve lost them all.

And from here out it’s just miscellaneous thoughts I jotted down while watching that don’t fit great anywhere else:

⭐️I love when the redshirt is so excited to get the Romulans and Kirk gets this look like… that’s why you’re here? Dude the battle not the appeal here. A nice glimpse of how this Kirk is similar at heart to TOS Kirk.

⭐️Love you Sulu and your fencing skills

⭐️I love when they stop the lift for emotional reasons.

⭐️“Our destinies have changed” goddddd great speech Spock

⭐️Jim has the look of a man who is frequently escorted places by security

⭐️Spock wants to break Kirk so bad 😂

⭐️When Jim slaps Spock’s back and Spock has a look of “I think that just awakened something in me.”

⭐️Spock you’re calling him Jim already? You slut. (Delighted, affectionate)

Overall I think it’s a fun movie but it misses a lot of what’s at the heart of the classic Trek I love. They try to do everything too fast and it just doesn’t work as well for me. I’m excited to rewatch the next two and see how these versions of the characters change!

#spirk #star trek #james t kirk #spock #leonard mccoy #star trek 2009 #nyota uhura #not a bad movie! #but missing a lot of the vibes I love #I get why people love it and I get why people hate it. #mckirk

[lightshiningforth]

Continuing my saga of showing my best friend Star Trek: TOS for the first time, she watched "Journey to Babel." And while she's not fond of Sarek, she hates Amanda. Hates her. And it really made me rethink about how I feel about Amanda. Because I feel like I had absorbed the general vibe from fans that Sarek = bad dad with high expectations and Amanda = sweet loving mom. But yeesh, my friend's complaints from "Journey to Babel" absolutely ring true. Her primary issue is with the conversation Amanda has in which she attempts to persuade Spock to go forth with the procedure to save his father. This scene:

Amanda: You must turn command over to somebody else. Spock: Mother, when I was commissioned, I took an oath to carry out responsibilities which were clearly and exactly specified. Amanda: Any competent officer can command this ship. Only you can give your father the blood transfusions that he needs to live. Spock: Any officer can command this ship under normal circumstances. The circumstances are not normal. We are carrying over one hundred valuable Federation passengers. We are being pursued by an alien ship and subject to possible attack, there has been murder and attempted murder on board. I cannot dismiss my duties. Amanda: Duty? Your duty is to your father! Spock: I know. This must take precedence. If I could give the transfusion without loss of time or efficiency I would. Sarek understands my reasons. Amanda: Well, I don’t. It’s not human. Oh, that’s not a dirty word, you’re human, too. Let that part of you come through. Your father’s dying. Spock: Mother, how can you have lived on Vulcan so long, married a Vulcan, raised a son on Vulcan, without understanding what it means to be a Vulcan? Amanda: Well, if this is what it means, then I don’t want to know. Spock: It means to adopt a philosophy, a way of life which is logical and beneficial. We cannot disregard that philosophy merely for personal gain. No matter how important that gain might be. Amanda: Nothing is as important as your father’s life. Spock: Can you imagine what my father would say if I were to agree, if I were to give up command of this vessel, jeopardize hundreds of lives, risk interplanetary war, all for the life of one person? Amanda: When you were five years old, and came home stiff-lipped, anguished, because the other boys tormented you, saying you weren’t really Vulcan… I watched you, knowing that inside, the human part of you was crying. And I cried, too. There must be some part of me in you. Some part that I still can reach. If being Vulcan is more important to you, then you’ll stand there, speaking rules and regulations and Starfleet and Vulcan philosophy and let your father die… and I’ll hate you for the rest of my life. Spock: Mother- Amanda: Go to him, now, please! Spock: I cannot. Amanda: slaps him, leaves

There's the obvious thing, that Amanda has no right to slap Spock. That's messed up, no matter how upset she is. But then there's her final attempt at persuasion, which was what got my friend riled up. Amanda uses Spock's childhood torment against him, and does the same thing Sarek does. Sarek doesn't consider Spock Vulcan enough, despite the fact that that's his fault for having a son with a human woman. Now Amanda is upset that Spock isn't human enough, even though (as Spock points out) she had a son with a Vulcan and raised her son on Vulcan to believe Vulcan ideals. She has also switched her position from earlier in the episode, when she said that she wouldn't allow Spock to risk his own life in an operation to save Sarek. Now she demands that Spock put Sarek first.

In the name of fairness, a few words in Amanda's defense:

She's clearly emotionally distraught. Her husband is dying.

Earlier, Spock makes the case that to her that to not going forth with the surgery would be condemning Sarek to death. He introduces that language to the conversation, she repurposes it here.

She sees no reason that anyone else couldn't command the ship. To her it seems that Spock is throwing away the planned-upon surgery on a heartless technicality.

She attempts (at first) to reason with logic (someone else could serve your function on the bridge, no one else could do so as a blood donor).

That said... she's not being fair to Spock. We've gone from "I won't let you risk your life" to "I'll hate you forever if you don't." He's clearly tormented by the circumstances (dying father, nearly dying friend, impossible command situation), and rather than offering any sort of empathy, she's accusing him of having none and piling on the guilt. Of course he cares about his father's life - it was his idea to do the surgery in the first place, at risk to himself.

And why is it always about Spock's duty to Sarek? What about Sarek's duty to Spock? Sarek is the one who stopped speaking to Spock because he chose a career path he didn't approve of. And yet Spock is the one who gets a little dig about not calling or visiting home. Why not stand up for your son? It's not enough to tease Sarek about being secretly proud of Spock, in private. Why not ask him to acknowledge his son in public? True, she does request that he thank Spock for saving his life in the end, and it's Sarek who does the whole dickish "Why thank logic?" thing. But throughout the episode we see Amanda prioritize her husband over her son. She tells Kirk that the Vulcan way is a better way than the human way... until the Vulcan way risks Sarek's life, at which point she starts guilting Spock for being insufficiently human. Insufficiently like her. But she is someone who has dedicated her life to the Vulcan way of being. How is that fair?

Anyway... what do you think? Is this take too hard on Amanda, or is it fair critique?

(Not considering AOS or Discovery Amanda in this train of thought btw)

#star trek #star trek tos #spock #sarek #ambassador sarek #amanda grayson #journey to babel

[cardentist]

I haven’t been in the star trek fandom for very long (I’ve only just started binging the series in the last couple months), so it’s been pretty surprising to find out just how negative the perception of the reboot movies are.

this isn’t coming from the perspective of someone who grew up with the series, so it hit different for me than it might for people with a different relationship to TOS, but I thought it was genuinely clever and Respectful with how it was handled.

To quote leonard nimoy: “Well the alternative timeline gives them license to escape from canon concerns. I can’t see people saying ‘they shouldn’t do that because…’ or ‘that doesn’t tie in to such and such’ because it is a different time and place. Am I right about that?” [Link]

the entire Premise is that the original series happened as it was presented in TOS, but an event late in Spock’s life caused the creation of a parallel universe in which everyone’s lives were significantly altered through two key changes to the timeline. this gives them the freedom to Both revel in fanservice And explore different facets of the characters and their relationships. 

the destruction of vulcan Vastly impacts the characters and the plot moving forward, and its a detail that a lot of people take issue with. but the emotional impact of sarek admitting Directly to spock that there is value in his humanity, that his feelings Aren’t wrong, that sarek married amanda because he Loved her cannot be understated. you can read all of these things into sarek as he was in the original series, but he Never had an open conversation about these things with spock. this creates a Believable and Rewarding change in their relationship, where we get to see a different facet of them Because of the changes made. and that’s exactly the appeal. showing us pieces of these characters that we never got in TOS that are nevertheless undeniably Them.

everyone is Different yes, but they’re also fundamentally the same people at their core and that matters.

kirk’s personality obviously takes the biggest change, with him experiencing trauma at a young age, losing his father, and having an implied abusive father figure after that point. he has a harsher personality in reaction to harsher conditions, he’s spikier and harder to love. but he’s also still fundamentally a Good person whose willing to risk everything to help people. he still has what made kirk prime a good captain and a good friend.

I’m not gonna say that it’s the most nuanced story in the world, but it explores a version of kirk that was born from even Less fortunate circumstances than kirk prime, exploring a kirk brimming with potential who learned to bite back after he was kicked down. exploring those themes of trauma and loss, of insecurity and growth, and coming to the conclusion that Fundamentally He Is Capable Of Good isn’t a Bad thing. you don’t have to like it, but his growth into a better person is The Point. they deepened his flaws (all of which were present in a less exaggerated form in TOS) To Show That Growth.

and then of course there’s his relationship with spock.

people are totally justified in not liking that they had a rough start to their relationship, I usually don’t like to see that kind of thing in reboots or hollywood adaptations either, but the way people talk about it is just unfair.

Yes kirk and spock and bones have a very strong relationship in TOS, they also already know each other by the time the show starts. to look at them having to learn to get to know and trust each other when they first meet and say that it’s Bad because they were already full on ride or die for each other in the og series is silly. TOS kirk and spock had to meet and fall in love with each other too, it didn’t just happen over night kings.

secondly, the entire point of the first movie is that Even With reality itself being altered to pull them apart they are fundamentally compatible people that are Bound to each other. they meet each other on bad terms because of circumstances outside of their control, and yet they’re still pulled into each other’s orbit and find the other slotting into place next to them as if they always belonged. one of the first things that spock prime says in the movie is “I am and always will be your friend,” spock and jim are Meant for each other and the movie goes out of its way to explain that. which is what makes it so Weird to see people complaining about how they don’t like each other.

it’s a Different relationship, but it’s absolutely no less steeped in yearning or queer subtext. 

speaking of queer subtext ! some people are Very unhappy with spock’s relationship with uhura.

first thing I wanna say is that making the argument that they’re doing anything that the original series hasn’t done is just, completely untrue. kirk has fallen in love with more girls in the og series than he knew what to do with, leonard nimoy was a heartthrob in his time (and he deserves it, awooga) and spock reflects that ! Spock usually turns the women who come onto him down (or when he doesn’t it’s because a plant has literally altered his mind), but there are exceptions to even that. all of three of the main boys have plenty of romance subplots, it happens. if that takes the possibility of them being queer off the table for you (which it shouldn’t, m-spec people exist) then I’m sorry to say that TOS is not exempt.

now, I can understand why Specifically This Relationship could rub people the wrong way or being disappointed that they didn’t outright depict kirk and spock as having a relationship (if not in the first movie then in the following ones after they’ve gotten to know each other), but even in that context the way I’ve seen people talk about it comes off as insensitive.

no, the relationship did not come out of nowhere. they considered having spock and uhura date each other in the original show (and you can see signs of this in the earlier episodes, where uhura very obviously flirts with him and they spend time together in their down time) before they decided against it, and spock was originally going to kiss uhura until shatner insisted that he wanted to do it (because it was the first interracial kiss on tv). [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3]

nichelle nichols was asked about this exact thing (spock and uhura’s relationship in the movie), you can read the interview in full here [Link] but I’d like to highlight this paragraph in particular:

“Now, go back to my participation in Star Trek as Uhura and Leonard (Nimoy) as Spock. There was always a connection between Uhura and Spock. It was the early 60’s, so you couldn’t do what you can do now, but if you will remember, Uhura related to Spock. When she saw the captain lost in space out there in her mirror, it was Spock who consoled her when she went screaming out of her room. When Spock needed an expert to help save the ship, you remember that Uhura put something together and related back to him the famous words, “I don’t know if I can do this. I’m afraid.” And Uhura was the only one who could do a spoof on Spock. Remember the song (in “Charlie X”)? Those were the hints, as far as I’m concerned.”

the film makers looked at the fact there were Hints for uhura and spock, that they were Interested in exploring an interracial couple for the first time (both before and immediately after interracial couples won the right to legally get married) but Couldn’t because of the circumstances of the times and decided to Make that depiction. you don’t have to Like their relationship just because of that fact, but it’s Incredibly reductive to play down it’s significance as just a No Homo cop out. explicitly queer relationships are not the only progressive or culturally important relationships in fiction.

moreover, if you can’t imagine polyamory in the communist utopian future that’s on you.

moreover, this perception that this was a soulless cash grab is just, unfounded.

leonard nimoy returned to the role as spock for the first time in 16 years (since 1991) and this was Entirely because of the respect they had for nimoy, spock as a character, and the franchise as a whole. 

Lets look at some quotes from nimoy in interviews regarding the film:

Leonard Nimoy: When I first read the script (...) I immediately contacted J.J. and said “I think it is terrific…I think you guys have done a wonderful job. There is still work to be done, but it is very clear that you and your writers know what you are doing and you know how to do this movie and know what it should be about….and I am very interested.” Then as time went by we worked things out with Paramount, but the most important things were J.J. and the script. (...) I am very pleased about that and I am very comfortable with where this is going. I think the writers have done a terrific job. They have a real sense of the characters and the heart of Star Trek and what it is really all about.

(...)

TrekMovie.com: Now in the case of the new movie you have been retired from acting for years. What was it about this one that made you want to act again and go through the make up again? What was it that made you say ‘I really want to do this?’

Leonard Nimoy: You are right, this is a special situation. First it is Star Trek and so I have to pay attention. I owe that to Star Trek. Second place is that it is J.J. Abrams who I think very highly of, he is a very talented guy. Then came the script and it was very clear that I could make a contribution here. The Spock character that I am playing, the original Spock character, is essential and important to the script. So on the basis of those three elements it was easy to make the decision. So those three things: Star Trek, J.J. Abrams, and an interesting Spock role.

[Link]

Praising the cast playing younger versions of characters from the original 1960s TV series, he [Leonard Nimoy] said: “Let me take the opportunity to say this. Everybody at this table [the cast] are very, very talented and intelligent people.”

“They found their own way to bring that talent and intelligence to this movie, and I think it shows. (...)  When Karl Urban introduced himself as Leonard McCoy and shook hands with Chris Pine, I burst into tears. That performance of his is so moving, so touching and so powerful as Doctor McCoy, that I think D. Kelley would be smiling, and maybe in tears as well.”

“The makers of this film reawakened the passion in me that I had when we made the original film and series. I was put back in touch with what I cared about and liked about Star Trek, and why I enjoyed being involved with Star Trek. So, it was an easy way to come on home.”

“[In this Star Trek] they said things and showed me things, and demonstrated the sensibility that I felt very comfortable with, and I think that shows in the movie. I like it.”

[Link 1, Link 2]

again, you don’t have to like it just because leonard nimoy did, you don’t have to Agree. but the idea that nobody working on the film Cared is provably false. near everyone working on the project was already a fan of the series or were excited to be involved and did their homework. it’s genuinely a Miracle just how much of a labor of love this was, and in my opinion you can feel that through the movie itself. I’d highly recommend looking into interviews and behind the scenes details about the movies. they had a respect not just for the source material, but for leonard nimoy as a person.

there’s definitely more I Could say about this, but it’s 4 am now so I’m gonna shelve it jklfdsa

that said! it’s Fine to not like the movie, not everything is going to be suited to everyone’s taste, but the specific criticisms I’ve seen feel very off base

#star trek #kirk #spock #uhura #nichelle nichols #leonard nimoy #star trek aos #aos #star trek tos #tos #meta #long post #hello followers I write essays about star trek now

[lorenzobane]

Harebrained Scheme

AN: Written for @trektober-challenge first installment- namely Prime Directive, but more specifically inspired by some of @fractal-baby discussion about Spock’s absolutely insane plans. It was written pretty quick and definitely playing fast and loose with timelines, but set after ST:ID but before ST: Beyond. Can be read as pre-Spirk, but the major relationship is Jim & Sarek chatting. 

Can be found on AO3 here

Being kidnapped and held with his First Officer’s father was never exactly the plan for Jim. There are, in fact, a lot of people Jim would rather be kidnapped with. Namely, the aforementioned First Officer Spock.  

But as it stands-- 

“We have been held here for approximately 2.3 hours,” Sarek says after a moment of silence. 

Jim nods, “don’t panic.” 

Sarek gives him a look that plainly says Vulcans don’t panic. “I am simply stating a fact of our capture.” 

“Yes, sir,” Jim says patiently. “I’m aware of how long it has been.” 

“The temperature is several degrees below Vulcan standard,” Sarek pointed out. 

“I am aware of that as well,” because Jim was. Whoever their enemies were, they knew who they had kidnapped. The temperature is holding steady at a place where Jim is uncomfortable but is draining Sarek. 

Sarek says nothing and continues to observe the cell around them calmly. Jim has been pacing since he woke up about an hour ago. It’s a plain white room with no windows and no doors as far as he can tell. He’s tried clawing at just about every inch of the sterile space, and as far as he can tell, nothing gives. 

“What are the walls made of?” Kirk mutters to himself. They don’t feel like metal or even plastic- they radiate the coolness as if they’re some type of natural product, but the way the room is sealed tells him some kind of technology is involved. 

Sarek cuts into Jim’s thinking with a, “I believe these are made of Betazoid limestone.” 

“What makes you say that?” Jim asks. With Spock, he’ll usually prattle for a few minutes, discussing density and texture before giving him an answer as straightforward as his father. 

Sarek looks at him in surprise, “you are not able to tell?” 

Jim resists the urge to reply with sarcasm. Sarek isn’t Spock, which is plainly apparent in every interaction they have. Though Spock always seems extremely calm and balanced to Jim, being around his father makes Jim aware of how much more emotion and variation Spock regularly expresses. 

“No,” Jim says. “I haven’t spent much time on Betazoid.” 

Sarek nods, “I was briefly an Ambassador there in my son’s youth. He was very fond of the rock and found its cool texture pleasing.” 

“I thought it would be illogical to find a rock pleasing,” Jim replies without thinking. 

Sarek is quiet for a moment before responding with, “yes, indeed it was. However, as my wife put it to me then, there is nothing illogical about curiosity. The desire to explore. I am not sure I agree with her, but I have never been successful in curbing my son of any habit he does not wish to break.” 

“He can be stubborn,” Jim replies with amusement.

A mild understatement if Jim has ever said one. Though he is always respectful and never veers into full-on insubordination, Jim now understands what Pike meant when he referred to Spock fondly as an ‘extremely independent First Officer.’ Jim doesn’t mind it, maybe even loves it- the way Spock is relentless when he is convinced of the correct course of action. The argumentative (logically debated, in Spock’s words) messages and memos coming at all hours until Jim either gives in or says the phrase, “drop it, that’s an order.” 

Which, at the very least, shuts him up for a shift or two. 

“Do you believe they will be able to find us?”

Jim shrugs, his communicator is still on his person, and he tries it every few minutes, but he keeps getting static. “None of my messages are going through, but as you mentioned, your son is very stubborn and an extraordinary Starfleet officer. If anyone could rescue us, it would be him.” 

Sarek nods again, and they sit in silence while Jim continues to search every square inch of space. It doesn’t make sense- unless their captors beamed them into the room, there is no way for them to have entered without a door of any kind. 

“My son,” Sarek says, somewhat awkwardly pulling Jim out of his observation of the walls once more. “How is he-- I mean to say, I recognize as one of the very few Vulcans at Starfleet, and now as an endangered species, it may be challenging for him.”

Jim kindly doesn’t say that Sarek didn’t actually ask a question and responds with, “the crew loves him. He fits in great and has a surprising number of friends. The kids in the Science department all think he’s some type of rock star. The amount of transfer requests I get specifically for his division is getting out of hand.”  

“Rock star?” Sarek repeats back. 

“A term for an old Terran classical musician who was known for extreme popularity,” Jim responds with some curiosity. Spock is exceptionally familiar with Terran classical music and had known precisely what Jim had meant when he used similar phrasing. Still, Jim supposes that perhaps he picked it up in his many years on earth.

“I am gratified to hear this,” Sarek replies, somewhat slowly. Jim jerks up, alarmed, when he realizes that it appears that each blink is getting slower and slower as if he were fighting falling asleep. “He has so few affiliates on Vulcan.”

“Really?” Jim asks, surprised. 

For all Spock can be logical, sarcastic, and moralistic to the point of exhaustion, he’s also a kind friend, a shockingly understanding commanding officer, and a good sport about most things. He even participates in some ship-wide events, like the talent show where he played some genuinely excellent Vulcan lute. 

And purely for Jim’s amusement, played a lute version of a truly ancient Terran classic that Jim has a soft spot for, Wildest Dreams. 

“He… Was an unusually brilliant student,” Sarek says, still slow as if fighting for words. Jim realizes with an urgency that he should probably try to keep Sarek talking to keep him awake. 

“Vulcans didn’t like brilliant students?” Jim asks with amusement. The idea of Spock being a nerd among nerds is somewhat hilarious. 

“No, they did not like an unusually brilliant half-human,” Sarek replies, his voice for the first time that Jim has ever known him touching with a hint of sadness. “And he was… Willful. Unusually brilliant, and ferociously unselfconscious about his mother.” 

Jim laughs a little at that, rubbing his neck unconsciously, “yes, I definitely learned the hard way that you shouldn’t insult his mother.” 

“As did many,” Sarek says, his eyes closed. “He had a violent physical altercation when he was eleven for a similar reason. It was that disrespect of his mother that ultimately caused him to turn away from the Vulcan Science Academy.” 

“He didn’t go to VSA because they insulted his mother?” Jim asked, surprised. “Why would they insult Amanda anyway?” 

Sarek takes a sharp breath at the casual use of his wife’s name, and Jim feels terrible. After months of playing chess with Spock, they had begun discussing their childhood and Spock often spoke of his mother glowingly. He had insisted that they use her name to honor her memory. 

“They referred to her blood as a disadvantage. I knew the moment they said it; he would never accept a place that looks down on humans. He could be illogically loyal.” 

“His illogical loyal behavior saved you on Vulcan, and it saved earth,” Jim replies, his voice sharper than he intends it to be. 

Sarek opens his eyes at that, slowly and blearily, “I did not mean that negatively. I have come to find that many of the traits I viewed as… Aberration in him, in his youth, has come to define his tremendous successes.” 

Jim doesn’t say, though he dearly wants to, that viewing his child’s personality as an aberration at any point is pretty illogical. Still, Spock is a subject that Sarek is willing to stay awake and speak about, so Jim asks, “like what?”

“Well,” Sarek says wryly, “his disregard for rules he simply disagrees with. It is, presumably, the reason that he works so well with you and your idiosyncratic leadership style.” 

“I would not say that Spock isn’t interested in the rules,” Jim replies with surprise, the betrayal of Spock’s report after they saved him from a volcano still kind of stings. 

“He follows the rules he believes in avidly, that is true,” Sarek says, his voice does hold amusement now. “But he regularly ignores them if he wishes to. I presume you are referring to his report after the events of Nibiru?”

Jim jerked in surprise, “how did you know--?” 

“My son and I have been keeping close correspondence after the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of his mother. We are attempting to… work through the strain our relationship was put under while I worked through my disappointment that he did not go to the Vulcan Science Academy.” 

“Isn’t disappointment illogical too?” Jim asks. It is hard for him to hear the casual way Sarek describes his feelings towards Spock when Jim truly and completely believes that his First Officer is one of the finest beings he has ever encountered. 

Sarek makes a noise of agreement, “you are correct. Vulcans may take a vow to control our emotions, and we certainly may attempt to utilize logic in most decision-making. Still, there is no doubt that our species can be vulnerable to prideful behavior.” 

Jim, having beaten Spock at chess a few times, can attest to that. 

“What did he say about Nibiru?” Jim asks, curious now as to how Spock described the events to his father. 

“I believe,” Sarek says again, his voice rich with amusement now, “that you saw yourself as the rule breaker in this scenario. However, after listening to his entire recounting, I must ask you- whose idea was it to freeze the volcano?” 

Jim looked at Sarek blankly, “Spock’s. He had been reviewing the geothermal events on the plant. He calculated the likelihood of explosion was incredibly likely, so he asked if he could try one of his experiments to save the planet.” 

“You realize that the plan itself, from its initial conception, violated the Prime Directive, do you not, Mr. Kirk?” 

Jim looked at Sarek blankly, “what?” 

“It is against the Prime Directive to interfere with a planet’s destiny in any way. Then, the matter of his cold fusion device. An entirely novel invention that had gone through no formal testing, no review process… He simply believed it would work, conducted experiments in his free time, and wanted to use it. And had a captain who trusted him.” 

Jim blinks again at Sarek. “But… But…” 

Sarek leaned his head back, “do not feel bad. He was somewhat infamous for this when he was a boy. His capacity to convince his instructors that his personal pet projects were highly logical and beneficial regardless of external forces was… Remarkable. And in you, I think he has finally found a place where his prodigious intellect is not being checked by constant regulation.”

“Spock always follows regulation,” Jim defends on instinct, his mind reeling. 

“He always follows the ones he believes deserve to be followed,” Sarek corrected. “He has always had a somewhat unusual penchant for attempting novel actions without the traditional Vulcan tendency of deep contemplation.” 

Oh, the thought hit Jim suddenly. Spock is a Vulcan bad boy. Jim doesn’t know why he finds that so shocking; Spock does, after all, go along with a majority of his plans and even comes up with half of them. Even more damning, if Spock did not agree with a course of action, it relatively rarely ends up occurring. 

Which means… Spock is actually as goddamn reckless as he is. 

Jim isn’t sure how he feels about this revelation. 

“He... He tricked me!” Jim cries out eventually, unable to contain it. 

“But as I have said,” Sarek adds, his voice is shallow and slow now, “I have come to realize… These qualities, his capacity for creativity, and quick thinking have allowed him to become the most remarkable of us.” 

“I’m glad that you could see what we have always seen,” Jim says, though he’s more using the royal “we.” 

It took him considerably longer to see what was right there in front of him, but once he had, it made sense to Jim that Spock had been a popular professor, First Officer, and Advisor in his time at Starfleet. 

“I was unwilling to admit it, but I was worried when he chose Starfleet. So far from his people, alone and living in an abundance of difference. Vulcans can be quite homogeneous.” 

“Infinite diversity in infinite combinations,” Jim quoted from Spock’s eternal sermons. 

“Ironic that it is a Vulcan philosophy when so many of us view the world so similarly,” Sarek said, inclining his head slightly. “However, in a land of difference, he was able to find a space for himself that he was unable to find with his people. He always did appreciate adventure, read illogical books with his mother like Alice in Wonderland and Sherlock Holmes. Even Shakespeare which his instructors on Vulcan never enjoyed.” 

Jim raised his eyebrows again. Spock often quoted fanciful literary classics in trying situations. Still, it never entirely occurred to him how oddly poetic and even artistic that would have made him in a different place. 

“I hope he knows that I hold him in high regard,” Sarek says after a moment, and his eyes drift shut again, his breathing going slow. 

“No,” Jim leaps up. “No, you can’t. I can not be responsible for the death of two of Spock’s parents.” 

“Captain Kirk,” Sarek says with exhaustion, “do not worry. I can place my body into a healing trance that will allow me to remain stable for an extended period of time if need be. The Betazoid limestone will make us challenging to track and as such--” 

Just then, there is a loud thudding noise on the wall to their right, like something heavy just rammed into it at full speed. 

A thudding again, and then Sarek shudders awake, “Spock?” 

Jim doesn’t hear anything but Sarek does because he turns to Jim and says, “please move 3.87 feet to your left.” 

Three seconds later, a thud outside the wall gives way to what appears to be an ancient wrecking ball. 

“What is that?” 

“I think it is your crew, Captain,” Sarek says. 

Another beat and a large stone crash through the wall using a device that is an ancient Terran wrecking ball. 

“Captain,” Spock said calmly through the hole he just blasted through the wall. “I see you’re unharmed. Father, it is gratifying to see you safe as well.” 

“Glad you got to us in time; we were running out of gossip about you,” Jim says with a smirk as he slowly starts to try to clamber through the slightly too small hole. 

“Please refrain from joking,” Spock says, guiding his father through the hole much more gracefully. 

“Who’s joking?” Jim replies. 

Spock looks to his father with an eyebrow up, and Sarek responds, “while I would not term it “gossip,” the captain is correct, and our mutual affiliation with you helped pass a majority of the time.” 

Jim nearly cackles at the brief look of horror that passed over Spock’s face when he replies with a steady, “indeed.” 

Jim smirks and is silent while Spock focuses on calling the Enterprise to beam up. 

And much later, when Spock asks him what they discussed while Spock and Jim played their usual game of chess, Jim can be entirely honest when he says, “your many admirable qualities.” 

It’s definitely worth the way Spock’s ears turn a light green. 

#trektober2021 #star trek #aos star trek #aos spock #spock #AOS Kirk #james t kirk #ambassador sarek #i intended this to be pre-spirk #but can be read as gen

[hurt-spock]

Writing prompt-Something about Spock getting physically bullied at Starfleet Academy. (either by xenophobic people or by cadets who are jealous of him or his drunk roommate or something) Just, Cadet Spock getting bullied and maybe doubting leaving Vulcan.

So, I'm not going to do this exact prompt. I've seen a story exactly like this being written currently on AO3 called We're Alive and I think that it probably covers a lot of things that I'd also cover writing a prompt that is pretty much the same as this. So, although I won't answer this prompt exactly, I did get an idea for something slightly different but will be a different take on things.

I did start to write something, but I just wasn't loving the idea and as I started researching a bit more, I decided I wanted to go a totally different way with things and explore something different in terms of facing hardship and being isolated.

Here's what I wrote anyway, so you can get a taste of the very beginning.

“So Spock, how are things going at Starfleet?” Amanda asked.

“They are proceeding adequately.”

“Adequately?”

“There is a period of adjustment required.”

Amanda didn't comment further on that. Instead, “I was thinking that when you have your first break I could show you some of the places from my childhood.”

Spock stalled. Amanda thought he wanted to say no, but was trying to spare her feelings. He settled on an alternative. “Perhaps.”

She decided not to push Spock. She hoped he would make friends and have them to explore the planet with instead of her, but she also didn't want to have him feel cut off.

She knew he wouldn't return to Vulcan. He and Sarek were not on the best terms currently and she felt that Spock would want to establish himself in Starfleet before he returned. Both Spock and her husband were stubborn but would deny they were alike.

“We can discuss it closer to the time. I want you to know that you will always be welcomed home, Spock. And if you need me, you are never too old to turn to your mother.”

She expected him to resist her invitation, open as it was, and her sentiment. Instead, he embraced it.

“Thank you,” he said, sincerely. “I should go. I have studies to complete.”

“Of course,” she said. “I love you.”

Spock did not return the sentiment.

~

Spock excelled in all of his classes.

It wasn't surprising to him as he knew that joining Starfleet Academy and the courses he had taken there was a degree of overlap in what he had already been taught at the VSA.

It didn't take long for some of his fellow cadets to notice his success. He noticed hints of jealousy from some of the other cadets. This was nothing new to him. His Vulcan counterparts back on his home planet were the same. They expected that his human heritage would have made him less intelligent than they were. The truth was, it had no effect on his intelligence. His father had tested him several times in his youth and had never found anything to show he had a lesser understanding than other Vulcan children.

Of course, other Vulcan children did not want to believe that he was equal to them.

He had kept social interactions minimal at Starfleet. He did not need to make friends, that was not what he was here for. And he was certain not to let anyone think he was less than 100% Vulcan.

People would not assume otherwise. But it soon became clear that what he wished, and what would unfold were two different matters.

Someone found out.

Spock knew someone had to have snooped to find out his personal information but by the time he knew that he had even happened, it was common knowledge. He had strangers coming up to him and asking if it was true that he had a human mother. Most didn't seem bothered about it. They were harmless and curious about it and were genuine in their curiosity.

It was in the classes that he found this to be an unfavourable thing.

The students that he was performing better than already resented him and now they had ammunition to throw at him. Of course, he already faced such persecution and expected it to be much the same as it was on Vulcan. He handled it then and he could handle it now.

Except it was not the same.

#fanfic #prompt #writing #Spock

[green-blooded]

So, the TNG episode Sarek. If you haven’t seen it, there are some content warnings for terminal illness and dementia, because that’s what the episode is about. And it’s real sad, and I feel like a lot of people discount it when talking about Sarek as a character, so here goes.

First, a very brief summary.

The episode starts with Picard and Riker going to greet Sarek, who is completing one last mission before retirement. He’s been working on a treaty with the Legarans for 93 years, and he’s the only one they’ll talk to. He’s accompanied by his current wife Perrin (also Human), a Human chief of staff, and a Vulcan personal assistant named Sakkath. 

Unbeknownst to the Enterprise crew and Sarek himself at this point, the three people with Sarek all know that he has Bendii syndrome, which causes him to be unable to control his emotions. The symptoms have been slowly getting worse over the years, and the stress of this particular mission aggravates it to the point that Sakkath can’t help him. A bunch of stuff happens (which I’ll be talking about later) and Dr. Crusher and Troi figure out what’s wrong with him, and Picard has to confront him about the problem. They determine that they only way to complete the diplomatic mission is for Sarek and Picard to mind meld for a couple of hours, so Sarek will have the emotional control to complete the treaty negotiation. The negotiation is successful and Sakkath assures Picard that he’ll be able to help Sarek keep his emotions under control until they get to Vulcan. The disease is not reversible, so it will only get worse with time.

There are a few parts of this which I think are key to understanding Sarek at all times of his life, and that’s really my motivation in making this post. I think some of his actions make more sense if you understand where he’s coming from.

First of all, Sarek loves Mozart.

Sarek loves Mozart, and this is well known enough that Picard et al. have planned a Mozart concert for his visit. Not a Vulcan composer, a Human one. He’a also remarried at some point after Amanda’s death, and chose to marry another Human woman. His chief of staff is also a Human. Perrin states that he’s taken an interest in Picard’s career, yet another Human.

Sarek does not appear to consider Humans inferior to Vulcans. Maybe Sybok would like us (and Spock) to THINK he does, but that’s just not reflected in any of his actions. 

On a side note, the scene where he is moved to tears by the Mozart concert is one of the scenes that has stayed with me since I was a child. Not because it’s Sarek showing emotion--I didn’t know who he was the first time I saw this episode--but because it’s so rare for a man to show that kind of emotion on television. It’s really interesting how jarring it is to the viewer because he’s a dignified older man while also being jarring to the characters because he’s a Vulcan, and specifically he’s Sarek.

Maybe that’s why I have a different view of Sarek than people who didn’t start with TNG, because this is the scene I have always associated most with this character. Like, the way a TOS fan feels watching Pike in Discovery knowing what direction his life takes? This is how I feel about Sarek, too. This well-respected Vulcan ambassador who isn’t supposed to feel emotions, moved to tears by beautiful music... then rushed out of the concert because the others are trying to shield him from realizing that his health is failing. Just heartbreaking. And when Picard brings it up later in the episode, Sarek’s reaction is even more heartbreaking.

PICARD: But you needed his help at the concert. Or is there possibly some other logical explanation for what happened that night? SAREK: What happened? PICARD: I saw you crying. SAREK: I do not cry. PICARD: I was there I saw the tears. SAREK: You exaggerate, Captain. I recall only one tear. PICARD: So you were emotionally affected by the music. SAREK: That is not possible! PICARD: You still haven't answered my question, Sarek. Is it logical for a Vulcan to cry? SAREK: It was late. I was fatigued. Nothing more. The Legarans trust only me. They will not meet with any other member of the Federation. I must be allowed to complete my mission! There are no other logical solutions!

And this is the part where I say that if you haven’t seen the episode recently (or ever), please, please watch it. Nothing I could say would really spoil the episode. The performances are so good, and there’s no way to express that with only the dialogue. Sarek is trying so hard throughout this confrontation to control his emotions, and you can see him deteriorating. You can see how sick he is. It’s so much worse for him than the illness he was suffering in Journey to Babel. This illness strips him of his control, which has always defined him. Look at his face when he finally admits to “one tear.”

This is the point where Picard keeps pushing him until he... basically has a breakdown.

PICARD: No other logical solutions? But Ambassador, there are always other solutions. You have said so yourself many times. SAREK: What I meant was that... PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan would never be afraid of looking straight at something he did not want to see. SAREK: I warn you! Your efforts to discredit me will not succeed! PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan never confused what he wanted with the truth. SAREK: I will not be spoken to in this manner! PICARD: Do I hear anger in your voice? SAREK: It would be illogical for a Vulcan to show anger! It would be illogical! Illogical! Illogical! Illogical!

I think it’s important to note that moment Sarek really starts to lose his temper completely is when Picard says that he never “confused what he wanted with the truth.”

This cuts to the heart of who Sarek is. He has always denied himself things that he wanted (as we’ll see later in the episode) in favor of what he believed was the truth, what was best for everyone.

But then he realizes that he’s become angry about this very reality, and he just breaks and it’s so sad. You can see tears in his eyes.

After this, it’s clear he can’t handle the negotiations, so Perrin begs Picard for help, and Picard goes to Sarek with her suggestion that they mind meld. The whole conversation is great, but I’m going to bold the parts that are most important to this discussion.

SAREK: A mind-meld? Between the two of us? Do you realize the dangers involved in what you are proposing, Captain? PICARD: Yes, I do, Ambassador. But I also realize the potential benefits. SAREK: We would be linked telepathically, sharing our thoughts, becoming in essence one mind. PICARD: Which, for a few hours, should provide the emotional control you need. In that time, you can meet with the Legarans and conclude the treaty. SAREK: It is a generous offer. But I must warn you that while I would gain your stability, you would experience the fierce onslaught of emotions unleashed by my condition. Vulcan emotions are extremely intense. We have learned to suppress them. No human would be able to control them. They would overwhelm you. The mind-meld can be a terrible intimacy. I cannot allow it. PICARD: I'm aware of the risks. But it is the only logical solution. SAREK: Your courage honors me, Captain.

Again, the text really doesn’t do justice to Mark Lenard’s performance. It’s so good. The way he catches himself becoming emotional and stumbles over words is so spot on and affecting.

Anyway, here’s his face when he says “The mind-meld can be a terrible intimacy.”

Which I highlight not only because it’s a beautiful line, but also it gives me a chance to remind you that Sarek never mind-melded with Spock.

And I think that says a lot on its own, but in the context of what Sarek is saying here, it’s really enlightening about some of his behavior. According to Sarek, Vulcans have such powerful emotions that a Human COULD NOT HANDLE THEM. So, what does that say for his half-Human son? 

I don’t know, maybe all those times he pushed Spock to be more Vulcan and to maintain more control over his emotions had something to do with his concern about his VULCAN emotions harming him, not because he didn’t like the Human part of Spock. I’m not saying he did it the right way, but I think it makes it a lot more clear why he was so hard on Spock about certain things.

Then we get to the real intense part of the episode, where Picard has to take on Sarek’s emotions so he can complete the treaty. While Picard has pretty good control for a Human, we see what Sarek is actually going through that he hasn’t been expressing.

There’s a lot, so I’m going to break it down.

PICARD (as Sarek): No! It is wrong. It is wrong! A lifetime of discipline washed away, and in its place bedlam. Bedlam! I am so old. There is nothing left but dry bones and dead friends. Tired, oh so tired.

We see here, again, discipline is how he defines himself, and having it taken away is the worse possible thing for him, and the transition to talking about his age and his dead friends isn’t coincidence. Remember, he is close with Humans, and he’s over two-hundred years old, which is old even for a Vulcan. It’s not only Amanda he’s had to watch grow old and die while he kept going, but probably ever Human friend he’s had.

PICARD (as Sarek): No! This weakness disgusts me! I hate it! Where is my logic? I am betrayed by desires. I want to feel. I want to feel everything. But I am a Vulcan. I must feel nothing. Give me back my control. CRUSHER: Jean-Luc! PICARD (as Sarek): Perrin. Amanda. I wanted to give you so much more. I wanted to show you such tenderness. But that is not our way. Spock, Amanda, did you know? Perrin, can you know how much I love you? I do love you!

He sees his desire to feel as a weakness, and views being a Vulcan as “feeling nothing” even though we know that’s not actually true of Vulcans. He’s even said himself that Vulcans have powerful emotions that they’ve learned to suppress. Judging by every Vulcan we’ve ever seen on the show, and Sakkath in this very episode, Vulcans still feel their emotions and have to regularly maintain their suppression through meditation, etc. Meditation which Sarek has been unable to do for weeks, as mentioned early in the episode, while Sarek is deep in denial about his condition.

And then of course the part about Perrin, Amanda, and Spock. If Sarek never felt anything, how could he have wanted to show them tenderness? How could he have loved them this whole time? That’s where he’s always struggling. He sees being Vulcan and being unfeeling as the same thing, yet he never achieves that. He feels deeply while also needing to maintain the appearance of total lack of emotion. As he said when Picard first mentioned that he suspected Sarek of having Bendii Syndrome “I have been accused of many things in my life, never an excess of emotion.”

Lastly, even in this state, even with Picard unable to keep his emotions under control, notice that he can’t manage to direct anything AT Spock. Everything he says is to Perrin and Amanda. He says Spock’s name, but then says “Amanda, did you know?” Which can’t directly apply to Spock... Spock is still alive. He’s not able to say anything about Spock until the disease has progressed much further in the episode Unification, Part 1. There is the popular line about Spock disappearing into the mountains, but the last part of what he says often gets left out.

SAREK: No. I never knew what Spock was doing. When he was a boy, he would disappear for days into the mountains. I asked him where he had gone, what he had done, he refused to tell me. I insisted that he tell me. He would not. I forbade him to go. He ignored me. I punished him. He endured it, silently. But always he returned to the mountains. One might as well ask the river not to run. (lies down again) But secretly I admired him, the proud core of him that would not yield. PICARD: Sarek, we're a part of each other. I know that he has caused you pain but I also know that you love him. SAREK: Tell him, Picard.

So, if you didn’t know Sarek admires and loves his son, now you know! 

And, now the last part of Picard during the mind-meld:

CRUSHER: I'm here, Jean-Luc. I'm not going anywhere. PICARD: It's quite difficult. The anguish of the man, the despair pouring out of him, all those feelings, the regrets. I can't stop them. (He falls, sobbing, into her arms) PICARD: I can't stop them. I can't. I can't. CRUSHER: Don't even try.

The way Picard describes Sarek’s feelings here is so important to me. Anguish, despair, regret. All of which are so intense that Picard sobs through this whole scene, something that is so far from how he usually behaves that it really drives home how intense these feelings are for Sarek all the time.

These feelings are not new. As Perrin said, the symptoms have been creeping up for a while, and after the mind-meld, Sarek says:

RIKER: And the Ambassador? SAREK: I am myself again. It has been a long time.

There’s no happy ending to this. No miraculous cure or surgery that fixes it. Sarek will become more ill and tormented by all the emotions he never allowed himself to feel when he was younger. There are still deep divisions between himself and Spock to the point that Perrin is angry at Spock for how he treats his father, but Sarek doesn’t seem to share that anger. Probably because he knows all of the mistakes he made with Spock. That’s part of why he has so many regrets, after all.

Basically, my point is this. I think it’s easy to look at Sarek as a Spock fan and see all of his faults. But he’s actually a really complex character who cared about his son a lot, and just didn’t always know what was best for him. He’s definitely not as unfeeling and uncaring as he can seem. It’s just an uncomfortable fact that parents aren’t perfect and can do harm no matter how much they love their children. Which is one of those themes that comes up a lot in Star Trek, but I think this iteration of it is extremely well done and moving through all of the various series and movies.

There aren’t any easy answers and barely any resolution. The relationship between Sarek and Spock never stops being tense and difficult. It’s just how things are with family sometimes, even when you care about each other.

#star trek #sarek #st: tng #meta #i just feel a lot #and maybe i get a little sad that people just see him as a shitty dad

[a-really-confused-hamster]

The Cultural Indifference towards vulcan culture/language

I would like to hear different opinions on this: I've read this several times by now and I always get annoyed when in a Spirk or Mcspirk fanfiction there's a part where Jim or Bones learn Spock's full name and after they once tried to pronounce Spock's family name (S'chn T'gai) correctly and couldn't do it, they just say: "Oh, what the hell. I'll just keep calling you Spock" and leave it at that. Maybe I'm biased there, because I have a different cultural background than some of the authors and because Spock's last name is relatively easy to pronounce in my language (as half of our vocabulary sounds like that), but simply refusing to learn part of someone's name, especially if you're a good friend (or maybe already in love) I find extremely reckless. It's all about trying and the effort you make for someone. Even in the original series, it sometimes seemed to me that Spock's friends didn't care much about getting to know his culture. In the episode "Journey to Babel", for example, Sarek visits the Enterprise as the vulcan ambassador, and only when the ambassador is already getting off the shuttle does Bones quickly ask Spock how the Vulcan greeting works. When Bones can't get it right, he says, "That hurts worse than the uniform." But at least HE tried. Jim just nods in greeting and doesn't even know that Sarek and Amanda are Spock's parents. You've known Spock for years and don't even know how to salute in his culture?! Even if you can' t quite do it because your anatomy doesn' t allow it, it is still possible to get some basic information in advance about how it works! And this is not about perfect imitation, but about interest in foreign culture and the attempt to participate in it.

Personally, I do not think cultural indifference is cute in a relationship. I don't really ship Uhura and Spock, for example, but unlike many, I understand why their relationship would work. Uhura has been interested in languages and other cultures all her life, and for Spock, as someone who is the child of two cultures, it must have been a relief to meet someone who doesn't ignore one half of his cultural background. 

Maybe we could use fanfiction to solve the problems of the series and movies, instead of making it worse.

Alternative suggestions for scenarios:

Spock teaches Jim and/or Bones how to pronounce his name and finds it cute (which he doesn't say out loud of course) that the pronunciation isn't quite right yet, but that they try so hard.

Jim/Bones get in contact with Spock's mother (if she is still alive) and ask her for advice on Vulcan culture and pronunciation. A few days later they surprise him with their knowledge.

Uhura teaches them! 

#Spirk #mcspirk #english is not my native language #cultural indifference #star trek #fanfiction #cultural differences #tos #aos #spuhura #bones #spock #uhura

[redrose689]

Chapter 1 - Prologue

Year 2248

As Spock stared at the flashing, gaudy invitation on the screen of his PADD, he – not for the first time, mind you – thought to himself what his parents would do.

When faced with a social endeavor, Spock was never one to particularly thrive. Not like his father – Sarek, Spock quickly corrected himself – did. As a diplomat, Sarek was somehow renowned for his way of making reason with even the most illogical species. The reason for this was frankly lost to Spock, who believed he hadn’t seen such skills displayed by his father in quite a few years.

Perhaps what was considered skill was really just an immeasurable amount of patience.

And then, there was his mother.

His mother was a bit trickier to decipher. As mercurial as Earth’s Pacific Ocean, one moment she was smiling and charming her way around the room (assuming that the occupants were a mix of other species rather than Vulcans, of course), and the next she was quietly bemoaning at how ‘stuffy and horrid’ the whole affair was. From across the immaculately placed table, she would send her young son a pained expression, and this little secret act would bring a warmth to his chest when he was a boy. It had become clear to Spock as he was growing up that although she did not particularly enjoy the tedious affairs that came with hers and Sarek's own respective careers, she was nonetheless capable of acting like it.

But, Spock reasoned, this Starfleet social gathering was not the same as a diplomatic affair. This is something his mother would press on him to go to – to go make friends. This was something his mother would thrive in, in a way that neither Sarek nor Spock could ever.

Frustration flared in his chest. In an uncharacteristic move, Spock tossed his PADD carelessly onto the bed, shrugged on an Earth styled coat, and walked out into the brisk San Francisco air.

Perhaps, he was approaching this predicament in the wrong manner. His siblings – wherever they may be now – would be a more relevant comparison, considering them being closer in age. But Spock quickly decided that Sybok would perhaps thrive with his natural charisma and eloquence, the latter of which was often attributed to their father. And Michael? Well, his elder sister was fearless and undaunted. Focused. On quiet nights, Spock often thought to himself that Michael was more of a true Vulcan than Spock would ever be.

Spock attempted to lift up his coat’s collar in vain, as it did little to alleviate the chilly winds that graced Starfleet Academy. Laughter echoed across from the other side of the courtyard, where a group of students sat together eating lunch.

He – not for the first time – wondered if coming here was a mistake.

As he glanced towards the students, however, a figure caught his eye.

Her short stature had slowed to a stop, as if caught in action. It took him less than a split second to recognize his mother. The only reason it took him any longer was due to her human clothing and loose, flowing hair. It was indeed his mother, Spock reconfirmed, who was somehow on Earth.

From across, Amanda Grayson raised her hand in a sheepish wave.

Spock eyed his mother's drink warily. He's only been on Earth among humans for two weeks, but he has already been made quite aware of the effects of intoxication.

"Oh, don't judge me," admonished Amanda, as she wrapped up her brown hair in a loose, messy bun. "It's been a long week."

Spock wisely decided not to press on it. "I was not aware you had business on Earth."

Amanda raised an eyebrow. "Spock, when do I ever need a reason to see my son?"

"I would assume by your tone that it is never, but it is strange considering I had seen you only thirteen days ago. Furthermore, if I recall correctly, you have not visited Earth in the past eight years."

"Was it really that long ago?" mused Amanda, a small frown gracing her face. Remembering what forced her to return to Earth eight years ago, Spock found himself reluctant to break the silence.

Amanda suddenly shook her head, as if waking up. "Love, how have you been?"

It occurred to Spock that this was the perfect (and he used that term subjectively, of course) time to bring up his predicament. Although Spock was certain of his mother's response, hearing it from her directly would be comforting. But Spock hesitated. He was already doubting his decision in coming here, and he sought no reason to bring that doubt onto his mother. His mother, he knew, would worry unnecessarily.

So instead, he answered, "I am well." He tilted his head. "May I inquire your reason for being here, if not for business?"

Faintly exasperated, Amanda reached into her bag.

Spock blinked when a small, soft item was tossed into his lap. In a forthright manner, Amanda nodded at it. "I meant to bring this to you."

The item was made of a soft, knitted wool. "It is a hat."

"A beanie," corrected Amanda. "It's your father's - he uses them whenever he has to go to an ice planet like Andoria for business. It'll suit you well here."

Amanda pursed her lips as Spock inspected it. "You don't like it?"

There was a sharpness in her tone that Spock recognized far too well. Spock and his siblings were definitely on the receiving end of it before, but it was mainly Sarek who was more often than not graced with it.

"It is appreciated," Spock answered carefully. "You travelled sixteen light years to bring me a beanie?"

Amanda gave Spock a soft smile, but it was not a familiar one. And he had a startling realization that it was sad.

“Spock,” she said, with the smile intact. “I’ve been on Earth for the past two weeks, and I’m staying. Indefinitely.”

Spock blinked. “What do you mean to do in this time?”

“I was offered by the Academy to be a visiting professor for the current academic year. We’ll see what happens after.” She raised her hands up. “Don’t worry – I won’t embarrass you here, I promise.”

We’ll see what happens after.

In Spock’s surprise, he forgot to refer to his father by his name. “You left father.”

His mother held her hand out, and Spock accepted it.

Spock always felt from his mother a flurry of emotions. She was a sandstorm, while Sarek was a levelled lake.

Spock felt from her a surprising amount of determination. Of purpose. Some fear, though it was invigorating rather than debilitating, and some sadness and pain. But there was an overwhelming amount of assuredness, as Amanda promised, “Spock, it was not because of what happened – ”

Spock spoke in a fast manner. “That is unlikely considering the argument that had entailed. While we may have had a serious disagreement, it was not my intention for you and Sarek – ”

“‘Sarek’,” suddenly exclaimed Amanda. She threw her hands up. “My god. You both can be so dramatic sometimes. Spock, he is your father. And refusing to call him such isn’t going to change anything.”

“It was his decision to denounce me as his son and cast me out of the S’chn T’gai clan.”

Amanda’s face tightened, and her smile disappeared. Part of Spock regretted that, but the other part felt relieved at stirring her out of the facade.

“I know,” she said flatly. “Believe me, I know. But that isn’t wholly it. So please, do not blame yourself for this.”

“Your words for comfort are appreciated, but not necessary. It is evident that me rejecting the Vulcan Science Academy was a source of great distress among the family, and it clearly led to the dissolution of marriage with Sarek.”

“Dramatic,” Amanda repeated. “And no, love. I am sincere when I say that this was a long time coming. Your father knew it, and I knew it as well.”

Spock found himself confused.  His mother was gazing levelly at him. Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed and her mouth in a small frown, but there was no obscene display of pain or grief. “I do not understand. I was under the impression that you and Sarek shared a… mutually satisfying and content partnership. I was not aware there were serious strains.”

Because past all the arguing and disagreements and shouting (on his mother’s behalf), Spock always saw in Sarek a softening when it came to his wife. And as for Mother, well, Spock steadfastly believed she was capable of loving anything.

His mother chuckled, and Spock deemed it genuine. “Well, your father is not always an easy man to love, and it’s not easy for a Vulcan to give it.”

“When I had asked him as a child, he said that he married you because it was logical.”

Spock remembered it clearly. He was ten years old, then. Covered in bruises and filled with confusion. That was the first time he had hit somebody.

Amanda seemed to contemplate this. Surprisingly unfazed, Amanda shrugged. “Love, you’ll learn quickly enough that logic is subjective.”

Privately, Spock disagreed.

Amanda continued, “And in some way, he believes that there are other things even stronger and more valued than love. In that, I think he’s somewhat right.”

Spock fell silent for a moment. “You do not love him anymore.” Spock found that to be a rather sad thought.

But Amanda frowned and shook her head. “I still love him. I do – it’s just love is not always enough.”

“I do not understand.”

“Well,” she mused. A strong breeze fluttered the strands around her head. “Love is only one facet in marriage – and in any relationship. Another one is history, which is tied to trust. And another is communication.” She sighed. “Your father sorely lacks in the latter. It’s a marvel, considering we are bonded.”

“You are still bonded with him?”

“Of course.” Amanda grimaced. “I know it’s confusing – I hardly understand it myself. But right now, your father and I are simply… separated.”

He thought about how Amanda was to remain here ‘indefinitely’. “Do you intend to remain so?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly after a pause. “We have reached a point where both of us have to get ourselves sorted out first before deciding anything. Your father, especially.”

Spock exhaled, in what was almost a sigh. “I am sincere when I say I did not intend for this to occur.”

Amanda patted his arm. “Spock, listen to me. This wasn’t a sudden decision that occurred solely because of Starfleet. It was a… culmination, of sorts.”

“Of the arguments?” He remembered hearing Amanda’s raised voice during certain nights. It always coincided whenever one of the children tested Sarek’s patience – which happened quite a bit.

His mother’s face softened, and it was almost warm. “No, love. It was not just the bad. All the good, the great, and the tragedies – they’re all tied together. And how your father and I ended up now is just… just how it came to be.”

Silence befell the both of them, and the sound of waves softly crashing filled the air once more.

As they walked back down the winding streets of San Francisco, Amanda asked, “You avoided the question earlier – how is everything? Classes? The people?”

Spock glanced down at his mother. It was strange, how time made his parents shrink. He could remember vividly a time when he thought his mother tall and Sarek towering, like beacons.

“I admittedly am at an impasse.” He explained to her the upcoming Starfleet social. “Essentially, I am uncertain if I should attend this gathering.”

There was a lot he hadn’t said – how he felt himself lacking in friends, in company, and in confidence – yet somehow, Spock sensed she understood. She gave him the same soft expression she always did – faintly worried yet also amused, as if they both already knew the answer.

He knew she would tell him to go and branch out and –

“So don’t go.”

They reached his dormitory building, and they both stopped as Spock turned to stare at his mother.

She smiled. “Don’t go if you are truly uncomfortable. It takes time to acclimate to a new planet and new people – and that’s perfectly alright. It took me ages to adjust to Vulcan society, and even now, I’m still always learning.” She sighed and brushed off a stray leaf from his shoulder.

“But,” she emphasized, patting his arm. “- if it fear that is stopping you, go even if you're afraid – because you're afraid. The first step is always the hardest, but you have a good, sincere heart that people will see. And think about it this way: everyone here on campus is having a fresh start – just like you. Everyone is afraid, nervous, and stressed, and that’s – ”

“Perfectly alright,” finished Spock. For once, he didn’t question the meaning of this paradoxical phrase he has heard since childhood.

His mother beamed up at him. “Exactly.”

Looking at his mother now, Spock supposed he had never seen her so relaxed in public. The only place on Vulcan she could relax was home at the D’H’riset. But on the streets of Vulcan, there was a certain image she carried – the ambassador’s human wife.

To the Vulcans, she was invisible, in that way. She wasn’t Amanda Grayson.

On Earth, she was invisible, too. No, corrected Spock – it wasn’t an invisibility. It was a freedom.

It was something Spock felt here, as well. Realizing this, Spock felt a sense of peace over his decision, for once.

Spock accepted her hug, as she continued, “And I know it’s never cool to have your mother around you during school, but I’m always here should you ever need anything – even if just company.”

“Perhaps weekly lunches will suffice.”

Spock knew he said the right thing when she hugged him tighter. “That sounds lovely.”

“Will you be well on your own?” he asked, as he stepped away.

“Yes, yes,” she assured him. “This isn’t the first time I left your father, you know.”

Spock apparently did not manage to completely hide his disbelief, as Amanda laughed, “There’s quite a bit we didn’t tell you kids, did we?”

“Evidently."

There was a familiar twinkle in her brown eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll tell you all about it.”

An hour later, Amanda tentatively stepped into the cool, brisk waters of the Pacific. The cold bit at her toes, but her eyes closed regardless, and she swayed against the force of the tides and wind.

She deeply inhaled the salty air and relished in the warmth of the sun’s light.

It really had been too long.

Eventually, she sat down – alone – on the white sand. She could hear the waves crashing and the sharp cries of birds as they swooped overhead, as well as the laughter from a young family sitting nearby. It was so loud here on Earth, yet it never felt more silent.

The bond was… silent.

Amanda exhaled slowly, burrowing her hands deep into the sand – and with it, her anger and sadness.

As the fine grains of sand slipped through her fingers, she remembered a time long ago, when she and Sarek were at a beach. Except it wasn’t here in California, but on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. A small smile slowly graced her mouth.

Amanda softly snorted to herself.

There many things she couldn’t tell her son, but those, well, Amanda can cherish them all herself.

#sarek/amanda #spock #sarek #amanda grayson #star trek #s'chn t'gai family #im terrible at remembering to post

[aceofwands]

Hi! I saw your rant about ST: Discovery. I watched the first 2 seasons of Discovery and I wasn’t hapoy about any of ti. It made no sense at all, especially timeline wise with TOS. To me it doesn’t make sense that Sarek would want to adopt/foster a human child because that jsut doesn’t seem like something he would bw on board with. And I reeeeeeeally HATE what they did with this AU version of Spock in season 2! Having a learning disorder does NOT give one the ability to communicate with people from the future or whatever the Red Angel bullshit was. And if Discovwry is a decade prior to TOS, it makes no sense why Amanda and Sarek would be young in Discovery yet somehow age absurdly quickly to how much older they are in TOS! Discovery is just a bad AU fanfic that claims to be part of the main timeline when it really shouldn’t be! (Sorry for the rant! I am tired of this show and tbh am worried that the author of The Autobiography of Mr. Spock that’s supposed to be released later this year (September 7th, 2021) will have the crap from Discovery as TOS!Spock’s history; I want to read about TOS!Spock not Discovery!Spock.)

It brings me such great joy to know that other folks out there are also completely over Disco and its terrible nonsensical choices AND that you took the time to share! I’ve kept my rants off Tumblr solely because I still haven’t gotten around to s2-3 (though I read reviews of every episode, see clips, and still keep track of what happens) aaand I vent about the show (and all of nuTrek) privately to friends who also agree it’s all hot garbage. I don’t actually want to ruin the experience of anyone enjoying it, even if I’m judging them for their bad taste ;D  But of course, you’re completely spot on, it really is just like bad fanfic - the very premise of Spock having yet another secret sibling is just facepalm worthy. And I still don’t see any point to Burnham being Spock’s adopted sister except that they were very obviously trying to bring in fans of the Kelvin timeline who only knew Spock, Sarek and Amanda, etc - I’m still not sure why they didn’t just set the new shows in that timeline considering they made zero attempts to have any of it fit with the prime timeline. I’m pretty sure the vast vast majority of hardcore Trekkies like myself have given up on Disco long ago, and nothing I’ve seen since the first season has given me any desire to watch more terrible storytelling, let alone them continuing to shit on the universe I spent so much of my life completely hyperfixated on.  I hadn’t even thought of Spock’s Autobiography including Burnham ... but I dare say it probably will, which is SUCH a shame!! Honestly, it seems like as soon as they realised so many of us hated it they tried to overcompensate massively by bringing in as much old Trek as they could ... without actually understanding any of it, or why we loved it so much. So instead of appeasing us - well, okay, there are still plenty of people who seem to live off memberberries and don’t care if the writing is utter drivel so long as they get a glimpse of an Enterprise or a character they already cared about - but the point is, those of who aren’t buying the garbage they’re selling are just getting more and more annoyed and turned off by the way they’re ruining the characters we love. I genuinely dread every announcement about a character I care about being brought onto one of the new shows, haven’t they ruined enough of them?? At this point, I’m just ignoring all the stuff I don’t like, and I certainly don’t intend to buy any more books that support the new timeline (I don’t care what they say, Disco, Picard and LD all exist in their own GarbageVerse) - hopefully when the autobiography is out the reviews will indicate whether there’s a lot of Disco!Spock to deal with and it’ll help you decide if it’ll ruin the whole experience for you, or it’s still worth getting and just skipping that chapter.

#discovery critical #I can't remember what my OG tag was sorry #groovyfluxie

[dawnquafam]

Spyota+ "Jim, the are doing it again!" Please. I loved Ur last spuhura post and thought it was rlly cute❤️

A/N: Thank you so much!! I hope you enjoy this too

Set in my We Could Not Stay verse, but only because I wanted to write mom!Nyota, so you don’t have to read it to understand this

Inspired by a post I saw the other day about Spirk’s bond, but I didn’t reblog it so I have no hope of finding it to add a link whoops

Nyota prided herself on being professional. She allowed herself moments of play and romance – this crew was her family, after all, and she loved them more than anyone except her daughters – but her mother had always taught her that a professional woman was a successful woman, and overall, she preferred to adhere to that.

However, running on a mere hour of sleep snatched from various catnaps whilst spending most of the night trying to console a feverish three-month-old didn’t exactly leave her in the best position to focus on the dreadfully dull, first thing in the morning weekly meeting of the command crew. She could hardly bring herself to pay attention to Scotty’s ramblings about the engine’s status on her best days, and the tantalizing smell of the coffee that she desperately needed but couldn’t drink wasn’t helping matters one bit.

Nyota.

Spock’s voice echoed in her mind, a little telepathic nudge to wakefulness, and she hurried to refocus on the meeting, straightening her slouching posture. He sat beside her, hands resting on the table in front of him, head tilted ever so slightly to look at her sympathetically. He had lost his own fair share of sleep due to Amanda’s illness over the last week, though his Vulcan heritage had given him a decidedly unfair advantage in being able to overcome it.

Jim would not begrudge you a day off, he pointed out, not for the first time. But as much as she had loved the guaranteed abundance of quality time with her daughters, having none of her Starfleet work to do during maternity leave had soon left her feeling bored, not to mention occasionally helpless during the instances when Spock and the others were stranded off the ship. Given that she had only returned to work two weeks ago, she was reluctant to give up her job again so soon, so as the topic shifted from Scotty’s engine reports to Hikaru detailing their various course deviations and potential obstacles on the route ahead, she touched her fingertips lightly to Spock’s arm to reassure him that step wasn’t necessary.

He rested his hand beside hers, their fingers brushing, and gave her a dubious look. I know you are worried about her.

I am, she admitted, lowering her gaze. But Len says she’ll be fine. She’s just being fussy.

And yet, emotions often deny the logic of such reassurances.

It shouldn’t have been a terribly amusing thing to hear, but between the sleep deprivation and the faint tinge of his resigned dryness echoing across their bond, she had to work quickly to hide a laugh, ducking her head and pretending to cough into her elbow.

Unfortunately, that drew everyone’s attention to her. “Are you all right, Lieutenant?” Jim asked.

She cleared her throat, lifting her head and trying not to look at Spock. “I’m fine, sir.”

Len’s eyes were narrowed, flicking between her and Spock. “Jim, they’re doing it again.”

Spock tilted his head innocently. “We are doing what again, Doctor?”

He gestured between them. “Your telepathy thing.”

“We are not,” Spock denied. Not anymore, he added silently.

She nearly lost it again at the little caveat, and while his expression didn’t betray it, she felt his amusement as well as Len began to protest. “But you two were looking at each other, and touching each other-”

“As married couples are wont to do,” Spock pointed out, perfectly maintaining his air of innocence.

“Well, yeah, but-” Len huffed in frustration “-but not you, hobgoblin.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose. “Are you saying I do not look at my wife?”

“That is not what I was saying and you know it.”

Nyota now had her hand over her mouth to hide her grin, very nearly holding her breath to contain her laughter, and everyone else around the table was undergoing a similar struggle – save Pavel, who had given up and was just chuckling behind his hand. “Bones, you sound like a crazy person,” Jim said, just barely managing to sound like a concerned friend over his mirth. “They weren’t doing anything.”

Len spluttered. “But you saw how they were looking at each other! They only do it like that-” he waved a hand at his head “-when they’re doing their Vulcan voodoo.”

“You seem quite perturbed by this aspect of our marriage,” Spock observed. “Are you jealous, perhaps?”

The heat in Len’s glare could’ve lit Earth’s polar ice caps on fire. “I’m not jealous, Spock.”

“Paranoid, then.”

“Look, it’s creepy that you two can have entire secret conversations right in front of people.”

Nyota finally regained enough control to speak. “We don’t need our bond to do that, Len. You, for example, only speak English and Spanish, whereas we could converse easily in Vulcan, Swahili, Hebrew, Russian, Romulan, Andorian, Klingon-”

“Ok, stop showing off,” Len interrupted. He looked around the table. “It’s creepy, right? Those little moments they have?”

“Those little moments have saved our lives occasionally,” Jim reminded him.

Len threw up his hands. “I’m so alone.”

“On the contrary, Doctor, you are in a room with-”

“Shut up, Spock.”

Pavel’s half-suppressed chuckles turned into full-blown laughter, and that was all everyone else needed to burst out laughing as well, Len glaring at each and every one of them.

With everyone distracted, Spock reached out to take Nyota’s hand, twining their fingers together. “Are you feeling better?” he asked quietly.

She looked up at him, her amused grin fading to a soft smile. “Much better,” she answered, just as quietly, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, my love.”

He squeezed her hand, returning her thank you with a gentle cheek kiss of his own. “You are welcome, Nyota.”

#nyota uhura #spock #spuhura #spuhuralove #nyota uhura fanfic #spock fanfic #spuhura fanfic #star trek #fulfilled request #my fanfic #dawn answers stuff #chubbypeasworthy #st aos

[ichayalovesyou]

My last Lyrical Fanfic was Pon Farr (An Amok Time Tribute) check it out Here.

Shame & Shores To Walk On:

Ship: Spirk (Spock/Kirk)

Episode: The Naked Time

Premise: Poorly timed soul baring, mutual and intense pining, angst, and very messy confessions brought on by sickness and a life or death situation.

I Am Sorry (Act One): Starts with Ugh, Spock having an emotional breakdown in the briefing room.

Bad Taste (Act Two): Starts with I Don’t Know What To Do With My Hands, Spock struggles to confess his feelings for Jim.

Better Off (Act Three): Starts with These Streets, Jim laments his love/hate relationship with the Enterprise and longs for a relationship, something real, something permanent.

The Risk Untaken (Act Four): Starts with After All, what was seen cannot be unseen, done undone, said unsaid, time warp or no time warp. Jim & Spock have seen things in one another that neither was ready to show, the question is what do they do about it?

Full fanfic below!

~Act One: I Am Sorry~

Ugh~by The Warning, from Queen Of The Murder Scene (Album) “I am in control of my emotions”

Spock is having a full blown panic attack, he’s enraged, embarrassed! He hasn’t had one since he was a child! What could have possibly brought this on? Was it the accidental meld with Christi- the disease. He cannot be seen like this! But, the Captain needs him. Spock is horrified to discover that he needs him too. Where had this need come from? Why did it insist on tightening his throat and setting his hands trembling? He cannot be seen like this!

“There’s so much more to this than that, suppress those feelings bite them back.”

The Sailor Song~by Autoheart, from Punch (Album) “I am an officer, an officer!”

Spock is absolutely irate with himself, this was horribly unprofessional, horribly Human. He is a starfleet officer and his Captain needs him, they’re all in grave danger and all he can do is sob?! And shudder?! The Vulcan in him wanted to run, hide, desperately. The Human half, more than anything else, wanted to seek Jim out. Neither could be satisfied, so here he would remain, and hope he would be found. Not just by anyone, but, by Jim…

Pathetic.

“Your overbearing best friend, hoping, for some attention.”

Love Love Love~by Of Monsters & Men, from My Head Is An Animal (Album) “My duty- my duty is to- too late. Too late. I’m sorry.”

The shaking, the tears refused to stop, no Vulcan meditation or mathematical litany could get them to cease. Spock was suddenly overwhelmed with the pointlessness of it all. The effort to stop it, the effort to fight both halves of himself. He did not have the strength to fight the needing, wanting for James Kirk. The Captain, who did not have time for a First Officer who was now unfit for duty by his own carelessness. No, it was better that he was alone, he had failed.

“And those bright blue eyes, can only meet mine from across a room filled with people that are less important than you.”

Lazy Eye~by Silversun Pickups, from Carnavas (Album) “Where have you be-?! What happened?”

To say Captain Kirk was shocked to find his First Officer in such emotionally compromised straits would be a woeful understatement. Spock barely recognized that he’d arrived, whatever Jim was saying, it didn’t matter, not yet, perhaps never. There was a silver lining to this, madness, brought on by the disease, it was that Spock was free. He could speak his mind, his heart- If he could get these words out, then maybe the freedom would be permanent. He had to tell him.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment, all my life. But it’s not quite right.”

~Act Two: Bad Taste~

I Don’t Know What To Do With My Hands~by Minor Alps, from Get There (album) “Living on a planet where love, emotion, was in bad taste.”

Precision and coherence had left him with the carefully cultivated logic Spock so prized. He had been flung so violently against his human half in this moment, normally enduring a constant fight to come to the surface, was now running amuck. He felt like a freak of nature, he was, a freak of nature. But that didn’t matter, so long as he could talk to the Captain, Jim deserved to understand. Understand what has prevented him from speaking his heart all this time. If only he could reach him. Then everything else could matter.

“May be some kind of monster, maybe I just don’t know how to reach out, reach out.”

The Moon Will Sing~by The Crane Wives, from Coyote Stories (Album) “I respected my father, our customs, I was ashamed of my earth blood.”

Spock felt his resentment claw at his throat. The blow reminded him of childhood bullies. His father, though he’d never struck him, but wasn’t much better; Cold, seeking weakness, seeking emotions, that forbidden humanity. Why did he feel as though something had been kept from him? What had been stolen and could it be found again? This madness let him see it, but he could not touch it. Whatever it was, he wanted to give it to Jim, why couldn’t he understand?

“My heart knew the weight, ten years worth of dust and neglect, we made our peace with weariness and let it be.”

Runs In The Family~by Amanda Palmer, from Who Killed Amanda Palmer? (Album) “Jim.. When I feel friendship for you I’m ashamed!”

Spock quickly found his resentment mingle with rage. Why did his parents insist upon his being born of two worlds?! Could they not have afforded him the blessing of being from only one? There was no logic in being shamed for biological differences by his peers! It was illogical to feel shame over it! Why couldn’t Jim see what he was trying to tell him? Why wasn’t he listening?!

He grabbed Jim’s hand, perhaps they could both be certain then.

“We tend to bruise easily, bad in the blood, I’m telling you ‘cause I just want you to know me, know me and my family”

The One~by The Warning, from Queen of The Murder Scene (Album) “Understand Jim? I’ve spent a whole lifetime, learning to hide my feelings.”

Could the Captain really understand? He was Human after all, and there was no doubt Spock’s feelings, grotesque or not, were undeniably Human. Spock needed an explanation, he needed words, he needed them so that they could be given back. All he could receive from the Captain were feelings, feelings between to shouts that could not yet matter. The emotions that radiated from his touch were as painful and confusing as his own. More so than the feeble strikes that accompanied them.

“Can you explain to me what’s this feeling? Love it or hate it it’s never leaving. Want to believe, that you feel it too.”

~Act Three: Better Off~

These Streets~by Bastille, from All This Bad Blood (Album) “I’ve got it, the disease… Love. You’re better off without it and I’m better off without mine!”

This new, vulnerable Spock, Jim was ashamed to admit, scared him. And not just because he smacked him clear across the table! If Spock was trying to say what he thought he was, he couldn’t afford it! He couldn’t allow it, he wished he were more like Spock, able to just block the feelings bubbling up within him. Everyone he’s ever loved has left or gotten hurt, he couldn’t let that happen to Spock. The only thing that could not leave him was this ship, and he could not afford to lose her!

“These streets are yours you can keep them, in my mind it’s like you haunt them, and passing through I think I see you, in the shapes of other women.”

Various Storms & Saints~by Florence + The Machine, from How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (Album) “You’re allowed to notice her, a captain’s not permitted-“ “Jim.”

Jim found himself thinking of Janice, he couldn’t touch her, not after what his other half had done. Besides, he shouldn’t, he didn’t deserve it- and Spock… He wanted him too, but the ship needs him more, it needed them both more. It hurt so much all the sudden, it was like he was drowning, anchored to the bottom of the ocean, if he could reach the surface for a moment- what made Spock think they could be together?! Have anything at all?!

“I know you’re bleeding but you’ll be okay, hold on to your heart you’ll keep it safe, hold on to your heart don’t give it away.”

Crimson Queen~by The Warning, from Queen of The Murder Scene (Album) “A beach to walk on, a few days no braid on my shoulder”

If they could just get out of this place, live to fight another day, then, maybe! But… even if the ocean would be gone and the anchor would still be there, there’s nowhere to go. Why did this scare him more than the immediate danger? More than any other feelings he’s felt for someone else? Was it just the disease… or something more?

“I know love shows in mysterious ways, still my screaming makes no sound, just silence at the roundabout.”

Hearts A Mess~by Gotye, from Like Drawing Blood (Album) “…no beach to walk on.”

“Sinner repent?” Ha, that much was true, it seemed to James Kirk that these, whatever these feelings were, were his repentance. He couldn’t reach out, couldn’t speak, and Jim didn’t want to, couldn’t afford to. The blood was still there, it could be wiped away. The ache? He could live with it for now, he’d live with it forever if he had to. As long as Spo- the Enterprise and its crew were safe.

“Your hearts a mess, you won’t admit to it, it makes no sense, but I’m desperate to connect, and you can’t live like this.”

~Act Four: The Risk Untaken~

After All~by The Altogether, from When We Were Kids (Album) “Are you alright Jim?”

Part of Spock looked forward to being cured, the other wanted to hold onto the madness, just a little longer. He thought of the three words he could not say even with the peculiar freedom the sickness brought, and certainly could not say on the bridge… “Let me help” would not work, the captain could not show weakness at this time, perhaps, this other verbal trinity would suffice, in place of “I love you”.

“To heal the hearts the world had broke, a song for every sacrifice.”

Three Little Birds~by Branches, from Three Little Birds (Album) “… are you?”

Neither of them answered, but the silence was more than enough, of course they weren’t alright. They had revealed to each other things neither were ready to share. Sure, they’d survived, thankfully no one had died. Jim was no longer drowning, the anchor was lighter than he had remembered, and Spock seemed, fine, back to normal, sort of. They weren’t alright, but maybe, they would be.

“Singing don’t worry, about a thing, ‘cause every little thing is gonna be alright.”

She~by dodie, from Human (Album) “We have three days to live over again.” “Ha…Not those last three days.”

Three days, all over again, perhaps they could pretend what happened… No of course they couldn’t, what is done cannot be undone, nor said unsaid. But, what was said? Did he know? did he understand? Does he feel the same? For now, he is content to let the answer lie hidden. Not daring hope that he was right, but… why was he still staring at him?

“Am I allowed to look at her like that? Could it be wrong? When she’s just so nice to look at.”

Drive~by Incubus, from Make Yourself (Album) “We may risk it some day Mr. Spock.”

Fears and aches or not, Jim had learned a great deal about his First Officer today. It would only be a matter of time before the Vulcan in him took over again. If the anchor was light enough, maybe he could drag himself, little by little, close enough to reach him. Regardless of what may come, at least they knew each other now. If Jim could help it, he was going to learn more.

“Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, with open arms and open eyes.”

#spirk #fanfiction #fan playlist #star trek tos #fanfic #Shame & Shores to Walk On: A The Naked Time Tribute #the naked time #shame and shores to walk on #kirk/spock #the premise #space husbands #k/s #the warning #the crane wives #florence and the machine #incubus #dodie #minor alps #the altogether #branches #silversun pickups #autoheart #of monsters and men #gotye #amanda palmer #spock

[green-blooded-computer]

Just saw you’ve already done the prompt I sent in. Sorry about that!! How about this one? “I need you to understand that you just left. That does things to a person.”

Didn’t mean for this to take so long or to be so long! This takes place at the end of ST IV: The Voyage Home. Spock still hasn't recovered much of his memory, including his bond with Leonard. Forgive my improper Vulcan. Translations are at the end!

Leonard watched the lights of San Francisco burn into the night. He took a sip from his glass - bourbon this time - and tried to wash down his feelings. It was unfair to blame Spock for any of it. He didn’t, not really, but there was animosity there that neither of them understood. After far too long a time, Spock still didn’t know who he was. They'd been back in time, for Christ’s sake. Saved all the goddamn whales. Made it back in one piece, in a Klingon ship...none of it mattered. Spock didn’t remember. Didn’t remember him.

“Doctor.”

Leonard jumped a little. “Dammit, Spock. You’ll give a man a heart attack doing that.”

He hadn’t even heard the damn bedroom door open. Everything rattled on the Klingon ship. Everything hissed and shook - there was a reason he continually referred to it as a rust bucket. It was nice to be staying in the comfort of a Starfleet guest room until they were reassigned, but he still wasn’t used to carpeting and doors that worked.

Jim had been in and out of meetings since they’d landed the Bird-of-Prey in San Francisco. Starfleet was demanding to know just what the hell was going on. Why had they hijacked the ship, flown across the damn universe, and ignored orders? Sarek and T’Pau had only been able to explain very little on their behalf. 

Oddly enough, and something Leonard was privately glad for, none of the blame was placed on Spock. He was left largely out of the politics, which graced him with a decent amount of free time that he was using to reacquaint himself with his position and with his crewmates.

When he turned to Spock, Leonard saw he was dressed in a Starfleet Captain’s uniform now, hair perfect, belt fitted - much more like his old self. The image hit Leonard like a ton of bricks. He felt his heart flutter at the sight. This is how he was meant to look - all prim and proper and dressed to the nines. Decorated. Hand folded behind his back.

Swallowing any visible feelings, Leonard stepped forward, away from the window, but kept his distance. Seeing him like this hurt a lot more than he thought it would. 

“My apologies, Doctor. I was simply endeavouring to ask you a question.” 

Spock had been open about asking his old crew everything he thought he needed to know. While he spent most of his days continuing the studies he had begun on Vulcan, there were only so many Starfleet manuals he could digest before curiosity seemed to get the better of him. He was remembering some personal things, little by little. It seemed, however, nothing about Leonard was left in his head.

The doctor was not surprised when he claimed to be looking for some answers. He’d stopped by a few times before, asking specifics about old missions they’d been on that he’d been reading in the ship’s logs, and wondering about Starfleet medical policies. So far, there had been no questions about the events on Vulcan. Leonard didn’t have it in his heart to turn him away. He was happy to sit and reminisce about everything in detail even if it resulted in too much alcohol once Spock had left.

Leonard sighed. “Alright,” he said as he laid his glass on the table. “Sit down. What do you want to know?”

Spock did not sit. Unlike their other conversations which had been casual in feeling and appearance, this one seemed to be strained. Spock remained near the door and did not move. 

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Everything alright?”

“I am not sure,” Spock replied. 

Well, that was an alarming statement. Vulcans weren’t known for admitting their feelings of unease, but especially not this one, and especially not since the fal-tor-pan. The two of them stood in silence for a moment and then-

“Well, speak up, dammit, what is it?” He was getting nervous now. Maybe someone had told Spock that they used to be bonded. Maybe he was here to say things were just too uncomfortable and they couldn’t be friends. Maybe he had requested a transfer. Maybe he was in love with someone else. 

Leonard felt sick. 

“I have been recovering more memories each day, Doctor, as you had surmised I would.” Spock’s voice was calm and steady. He was absolutely unreadable. 

“Yes. It’ll take a while, maybe a few years, but-”

“I have remembered something important.” 

The suspense was killing him. Nervous habit, he picked up his drink again and took a large gulp before locking his eyes to the ice in the glass. “Okay. Well...what is it?” 

Spock stepped closer to him, but still kept a few feet between them. The tension in the room was almost visible now. Bones grabbed onto the back of a nearby chair to steady himself. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he was damn near sweating now.

“Leonard.” 

The name sounded foreign coming from that mouth. That voice. It made him angry. Made him desperately sad for his mate who - as far as he was concerned - was gone. He placed the cup back on the table and did not respond. 

“In engineering,” Spock began. “On the date we faced Khan. The ship was in danger. I was the only one who could restore the warp drive.”

Leonard stared at him wildly. He remembered that night. Imagine remembering your own death. It was incomprehensible. Why was he bringing it up now? Why here?

“I find my memories through meditation. Sometimes, I feel I am almost there, in that moment. I recall making the decision, knowing you would not allow me, delivering the neck pinch, and then transferring my katra into your mind.”  

“I could not fathom why I would do such a thing. It is very difficult to place one’s katra into the mind of another, especially someone with which there is not already a link established. I clearly remember this moment now - it took only seconds. I thought ‘how is this possible?’ I remembered over and over. Re-lived that moment again and again for the last few days until I realized - there must have been a link already.” 

He knew. Leonard’s grip on the chair was so tight his knuckles were white. He knew and he was going to tell him he never wanted to see him again. As Spock approached, it took everything for him not to back away. 

“As soon as I made that realization, it all came back. Every moment together. Every memory. Our initial joining. I knew what we had been.” Spock reached out his hand and brushed his fingers gently over the back of Leonard’s hand clutching the chair. It was just a touch - no bond came with it. “Ashayam,” he said softly. Not a title - he wasn’t being addressed. Just a word. Beloved. The word sounded so clinical. “Why did you not tell me?” 

So there was the question. Why didn’t he say anything? Why hadn’t he told him from the start what they were? “I was afraid,” Leonard sputtered. 

“Afraid of me?” Spock perked an eyebrow. 

“Afraid of...messing up your recovery. It would overwhelm you. I...I was afraid you’d reject me.”

“It would not be logical to reject one’s mate…”

“You did it once before.” The words held no malice. “I just...when you came back you barely remembered a thing. You were so concerned with your Vulcan studies and...Spock you have to understand it took years of building a relationship for you to be comfortable being with a human.”

“Years that are not lost, Leonard.”

His words were damn romantic, but not realistic. His Spock was gone. The doctor shook his head. 

“You do not believe me?” Spock questioned. 

“I don’t know. You still seem so...empty.” He cringed at the words. “Not, empty just...not yourself. Something’s missing.” Lots of things were missing.

“Part of me is empty. Joining with you would help to recover that part.” 

What had Amanda said to him on Vulcan? ‘He needs a little bump in the right direction.’ It seemed Spock was asking him for just that. ‘He is rejecting the human side of himself,’ she had told him. ‘You helped him to realize how important his humanity was.’

“Are you suggesting we reconnect the bond?” 

“That would be the logical course of action.”

His answer was so simple - as if that was the only solution. Wasn’t it more complicated than that? “Spock...I don’t know if I can do that.” Their bond had been severed twice - one my distance and one by death. He honestly didn’t think he could live through that again. “We were so intertwined and then you were gone when you died, and then I was you, and then you were gone again. From my head. But standing in front of me a complete stranger and...I need you to understand that you just left. That does things to a person.” Leonard couldn’t be sure that Spock remembered leaving to complete the Kolinahr, but he hoped it was understood - a third time would kill him. 

“I still...ah…” Leonard felt his face getting hot with embarrassment and he looked away. Spock’s hand was still over his and he carefully relinquished his hold of the chair and turned around so their palms were touching. It felt so good to touch him, but so strange without the connection. “I still love you. Of course, I do. You were a part of me for so long, it’s so hard to be by myself now.” 

“Then let us not be alone.” 

Leonard tore his eyes away from their entangled fingers and squinted his eyes at the man in front of him. “You don’t remember what it was like,” he said. “Why are you pushing this so hard?”

Spock raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely perplexed. “Creating a permanent, telepathic bond with someone is not a decision any two people would make lightly. Even though I do not remember every detail of our relationship, I know that it was intended to last for the remainder of our lives together.” He paused, presumably to hear any arguments, but one was not forthcoming. “I trust that I made the correct decision when I initiated the Van-Kal t'Telan with you.”

It hurt Leonard that he didn’t understand the Vulcan words Spock said. He frowned. “You don’t even know me,” he said quietly.

“Leonard,” Spock responded in the most matter-of-fact fashion. “I believe you are the missing part of me. I will never be who I was unless we rebuild our connection.” Spock knew he wanted this. He had to. The way he was speaking, Bones thought he really must remember everything about what they were.

Leonard wanted to say yes. He wanted things to go back to the way they were so they could just live their lives out like they promised. “I’m afraid, Spock.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Ugau nash-veh, Hakausu. Trasha-fam nash-veh.” 

Leonard didn’t have to understand Vulcan to see why Spock was getting closer to him, raising his hand, placing gentle fingers on his face. He leaned into the touch. He couldn’t help it. Spock was so close he could feel the heat of his body. His smell was so familiar and comforting. Leonard remembered clinging to his pillow the nights following his death, inhaling desperately. 

The meld was not like their first joining. It was not warm and fuzzy. It didn’t feel like they were intertwining, moving into each other’s space. It was not like the second time, on the Enterprise, on the way to V’ger. That had been shocking and sudden and overwhelming. This time it was as if there had been something missing, and suddenly it was back. Like he hadn’t realized he was blind, and now he could see. Like there was some gaping hole in his soul, and he felt normal for the first time in so long. 

‘Breathe, Leonard.’ He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Spock had moved to hold him around the waist with his left hand. His right still prodded gently into his cheekbone. It was as if he was seeing the man clearly for the first time since his death. 

Leonard cupped his face lightly with both hands. “Thank God for you,” he said quietly. “I missed you so much.” Without waiting for an invitation, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Spock’s mouth. His stomach did a flip when he felt the other man kiss him back without hesitation. “Do you remember everything now?” he whispered against his husband’s lips.

“Not everything,” Spock said softly. “But much more than I did.” He closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. “So much pain…”

“Not your fault.” Leonard kissed him again. Then kissed his cheek, then broke the meld by pulling him into a tight hug. Spock’s presence didn’t leave his head though. He prayed it never would again. 

“La’kwon-sum.”

--

katra - the living essence of a Vulcan.

Ashayam - beloved.

“Ugau nash-veh, Hakausu. Trasha-fam nash-veh.” - I promise, Doctor. I will not leave.

Van-Kal t'Telan - the ceremony of bonding

“La’kwon-sum.” - I am here forever.

#spones #Spock/McCoy #star trek #star trek fanfiction #fic request #Star Trek IV #the voyage home #Leonard McCoy #spock #thanks for the request!! #feel free to share

[endearingsalt]

I’m rewatching Journey to Babel and I have a *lot* of feelings

and i also have pumpkin liqueur with ice cream and you should too

i have BIG feelings about the very first shot of sarek being one where spock and bones are in the foreground as spock tries to teach bones the ta’al and the two are doing their banter as normal. like sarek boards the enterprise probably knowing spock would be there, and there’s huge fanfare, all eyes on him, except for one person, and that person is his son, who’s too busy talking to his friend to fuckn bother looking up for him 

what kind of an asshole do you have to be to not return the ta’al, at all, ever, much less to your own child, like i don’t even fuckn care that they’ve been estranged for 18 years, what the fuck @ Sarek 

and jim and bones agree with me. they have that quick exchange as the tension grows and sarek looks away, and i’m RIGHT there with them because they KNOW what a big deal this shit is and right out of the gate for seemingly no reason this guy’s just gonna insult spock like that 

we see bones think about trying the ta’al for all of one second and then my boi puts his hand back down and i’m like good, he doesn’t deserve your well-wishes 

and when amanda comes up?? when sarek presents her to jim??? she brushes past spock without so much as a glance. i hate them both so much 

now. we all love to laugh about jim asking if spock wants to beam down to visit his parents and then having to get told that “.....these.....ARE my parents....” but i’d also like to point out that jim’s original plan was to have spock show sarek and amanda around, likely because of a mix of being the first officer + being a vulcan. when sarek asks for someone else, jim and bones make eye contact again, and this one is more steely than the last. they were surprised and annoyed at the unreturned ta’al, but they’re both straight-up pissed now, and they don’t even know the tea yet. i would like to suggest jim goes out of his way to point out that spock is both well-regarded and a fellow vulcan, all while also trying to give him an out for a few hours, since none of them are happy about being around this many politicians anyway, and there’s clearly something Up with these two specifically. idk i really like that the timing and tone indicates jim specifically chose to offer that to spock because of what had just happened. of course it really blows up in his face, but, well, how could he have known considering none of these people chose to fuckn tell him

on that note, damn, we all talk about this one, but what the hell was spock’s plan huh? did he think jim knew, somehow? did he think he’d have a chance to explain later on? did he think he could get away with no one ever finding out? was his sole purpose truly just to sow chaos? did he try to find some way to explain all this beforehand and just kept falling short until the deadline was upon him and he just went in blind hoping for the best? not very logical in any case but wow is it a mood 

the first. and i mean THE FIRST FUCKING THING amanda says to spock is “after all these years among humans, you still haven’t learned to smile” okay lemme just break down all the ways i’m in a damn rage over this 

FIRST OF ALL, when they + jim arrive in engineering where spock is, he doesn’t seem to have been aware they were coming, and his back was to the door at the time, which means they effectively snuck up on him. he gets up, turns around, and settles into parade rest, as he do. he doesn’t acknowledge them beyond that, and jim continues the tour past him, graciously attempting to end the brief and unexpected encounter smoothly. need i remind us all that both sarek and amanda actively chose to not acknowledge spock before this; indeed, sarek actively insulted him twice, and amanda settled on simply acting like she’d never seen him before in her life. they set the tone here. his reaction in this scene is simply falling in step with what they had set, and is actually on the polite end of that. 

amanda breaks this no-contact with an immediate insult both to spock as an individual and to his vulcan side, which she knows spock highly values. furthermore, her exact words are something many of us have repeatedly heard. they are invalidating words that seek to shame a person for not presenting what they have deemed the correct emotion at the correct time. they’re invalidating enough when used on a person who is actively happy and just doesn’t show it in the way some are used to seeing it, but that isn’t what’s happening here. no, here amanda knows exactly what she and sarek have done to alienate spock just in the last 5 minutes, let alone the last 18 years. she knows precisely why he would be on edge here, and seek to avoid another encounter. she’s fully aware of his discomfort, and chooses to make her first words to him scolding ones. 

his response is measured, and scans as normal, but there’s tension in his tone, as there rightfully should be under the circumstances. and yet her next words are scolding him for not visiting her, despite the fact that he and sarek are estranged and she knows that, despite the fact that she’s given him not a single fuckn reason to do so in both scenes she’s been in so far. 

can we talk about “my wife, attend” and “mr spock, a moment if you please” and the fact that the parallel is completely obvious and jim is really clearly doing it so that spock can show off after it became clear that just walking past wasn’t gonna be an option (thanks, amanda). that ALSO immediately blows up in his face, but dammit, he’s trying. i feel for jim here honestly. he keeps trying to help spock out and at every turn he accidentally does the worst possible thing. anyways spock takes off, thankfully, and i sure hope the man gets to go have a solid meditation time before the dinner later, because Lord knows he’ll need it 

so then sarek, that little sniveling bitch, bows out on the rest of the tour. because “offense is a human emotion,” but pettiness is SURE vulcan. the humans are now alone. important to note that jim did not hear what amanda and spock just said to each other. all he saw was that the second amanda had an opportunity to speak to spock without sarek hearing them, she took it. he therefore likely thinks (correctly, to a degree) that he and amanda are on better terms. he’s also more comfortable with her because she’s human. so the first thing he says, after finally letting himself actually show some of the massive discomfort he’s been feeling this whole time, is “i don’t understand him,” meaning sarek. he’s hoping to gauge amanda and get some insight on what the HELL is wrong with sarek. and he and amanda hit it off! amanda is charming! they’re cute together! meet the mother-in-law is going well, and based off the way amanda says “he is a vulcan; i’m his wife,” it seems pretty clear that amanda is woke to The Premise from the get-go. meet the son-in-law is going well. jim then tackles the big question. the father/son estrangement. 

“spock is my best officer. and my friend” says jim immediately, because amanda’s response indicates the sarek isn’t wrong for the way he just treated spock, and wow is jim not gonna stand for that for a second. we love to see it. 

amanda is wearing this “concerned mother” expression as she talks about how it’s “hard” for spock to be split between humans and vulcans, as if she ever actually understood any of that when she so clearly doesn’t. 

let me. let me get this straight. let me just. let me really just. get this hammered in here. “it’s logical,” says amanda, for sarek and spock to have not spoken as father and son for 18 years, because spock chose starfleet, and sarek had wanted him to carry on the family tradition at the VSA. sarek is so fucking upset that spock chose a different career than the one he wanted him to have that he cut contact for nearly 20 years, and, amanda says, “it’s logical.” “it’s the vulcan way.” “it’s a better way than ours, but it isn’t easy.” what about this is the vulcan way? what the fuck? what the FUCK. 

anyways. stubbornness. a human trait. that grin. yeah, these two are tight now, as shitty as amanda may be. 

this post is about spock’s family life so i won’t rant about the colored marshmallow wine. 

jim: *kicks back a shot as he has to listen to sarek speak words*. what a mood 

bones: now’s my time to shine. my time to learn all the dirt on spock. 

spock: no, please, no 

amanda: now is my time to shine. my time to sow chaos 

this is it. this is why spock tried to not let bones know who sarek and amanda were. this was it all along

“you embarrassed spock this evening” says sarek, to amanda, when they are alone. “not even a mother may do that. he is a vulcan.” i’m gonna cut a bitch, i swear, this guy, this guy thinks telling your son’s friends about a childhood pet is worse than not returning the ta’al, what the fuck. don’t act so fucking high and mighty sarek. don’t even start with me. 

TO AMANDA’S CREDIT, she needles sarek about how he actually is proud of spock and just doesn’t want to admit he’s been wrong for the last 18 years. 

their marriage is cute i’ll give them that 

“threats are illogical and payment is usually expensive” IS a baller line, even though it comes from sarek. see this is the thing, sarek and amanda both have redeeming qualities. i can’t quite manage to hate either of them completely. which is what makes this episode so good. 

mm. i really like how bones just like, really tries to avoid outing sarek as a suspect, and just looks to spock instead. we love to see it. 

“sorry, it couldn’t have been me, i was busy having a heart attack”

“sorry, can’t argue, am having a heart attack now”

the vulcan way is to time heart attacks to the most dramatic times possible

spock: jim, please, please stop trying to make me feel feelings about my father. i am NOT prepared for that shit right now, for the love of surak. 

also, this episode said “uhura is a vital member of this team” and we love to see it

someone get amanda a damn chair, her husband’s in the middle of dying 

spock: wow. i was dreading this trip but i did not anticipate having to deal with the fact that i still care about my shitty father 

OOOOOOOOKKKKAAAAYYYY. when spock puts together the plan to use the drug on himself and then give the necessary blood to sarek, amanda is the one to explicitly put it together. when spock says yeah, still under the “emotions? none here, all i have is Logic,” we cut back to amanda, who goes through several emotions in the close-up. she knows. she knows spock’s quick willingness to take the risk is stemming from care for sarek, despite the fact that he’s been an extremely shitty father. she also looks maybe a little guilty. and i hope she feels that way. some guilt would do her good. 

this whole episode really sucks for bones. he’s just trying to be a decent medical practitioner and no one is respecting that. 

oh here’s kirk’s ass

gosh this fight scene is fucking outta nowhere. i fucking love this show. it’s weird as hell. what the HELL is this fighting technique. and passing like that? i’m losing my mind what the hell 

THAT SAID this episode REALLY sucks for spock. homeboy’s already going through some massive shit and then jim gets critically injured. we hate to see it 

oh no. oh shit. here it comes. the worst scene. the scene that makes me want to throw things at the screen. here we go 

FUCK YOU, AMANDA. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, AMANDA. FUCK. YOU. 

this isn’t even a vulcan-based decision. This is the kind of decision a human in the same situation would also have to make. spock CANNOT hand over command right now. there are dozens of delegates on board. the captain has been critically injured. there is an extremely dangerous, unidentified ship just outside. there is so obviously a scheme at work. there is immediate danger to hundreds of individuals, and as first officer, he has a duty to the ship. he literally says all this. he literally says that he would do it if he could without abandoning everyone else. this decision is logical, but it is not devoid of emotion. he states that clearly. but does amanda listen? no. she doesn’t. her ears are closed in this conversation. she only has one goal here: shame spock into obedience. and when he refuses to yield, she gets aggressive. 

i get it, okay. i do. this situation is awful for her. she’s stressed to the max. she has an outburst, a mistake. but what she does isn’t acceptable. it’s awful, it’s horrible, i hate her for it so much. 

i have more i could say on this subject, but this post is about the whole episode, not just this scene. 

“we cannot disregard that philosophy for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be.” your 1 is showing mr spock. also i love you. i’d ask you to marry me but you’re already married 

oh, i hate her. OH, i hate her. 

the gaslighting, folks!! the shaming!!!! the emotional manipulation!! i hate it!! i hate it so much!!!! OHHHHHHH MY GOSH I HATE THIS 

oh wow i’m gonna have to make a second post just about this scene later. i can’t type it all now. i don’t have time and also i’ve get too emotional 

spock can’t even talk it out with jim because jim’s busy being near death in the same damn room as his father, and he can’t go to bones because bones is busy trying to keep them both from dying, and he can’t go to uhura because uhura is busy tracking the threat.........ohhhhh i hate this so much 

the hand he puts up against the door that will ultimately mirror wrath of khan, only this door isn’t clear, and the gesture isn’t returned....... i hate this so much 

jim, finding out about all the shit that’s gone down while he’s been unconscious: can’t damn a man for his loyalty. YES JIM YES. this is what we love to see. everyone else sees spock’s actions so far as disloyal to his father. only jim has seen them as acutely loyal, to starfleet. AND he’s willing to put himself in danger to let spock off the hook. 

spock, looking from jim to bones back to jim: mm. i sense bullshit. and you know what? plausible deniability. yeah sure i’ll go save my father’s life. 

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT, that the plan jim made upon waking up assumed spock was overly cautious in thinking scotty shouldn’t be put in command. he intended to let scotty take over as soon as spock was gone. then. after a mere few seconds on the bridge, he changes his plans. spock had been right. spock was RIGHT to stay in command. VINDICATION.

okay i don’t even think amanda should be in the room right now but she should CERTAINLY have a damn chair

spock, in the middle of an operation: okay WAIT actually i just figured it ou- *is sedated* this is just like hermione getting petrified 

wow this episode really sucks for bones. the poor man’s doing surgery on vulcans in the middle of a space battle. 

jim, immediately: is spock okay. don’t give me this bullshit is hE OKAY YES OR NO

the end scene is sweet. EXCEPT FOR SAREK BEING A BITCH, AS HE FUCKN DOES. “one does not thank logic” fuck you man

“Logic, logic, FUCK your logic” - let amanda say fuck edition 

we do like to see sarek finally speaking to spock of his own free will, but he’s still an asshole 

okay this bit with the triumvirate. very cute. a nice ending. we need some release after that damn episode. 

i can’t believe i made it to the end. i started at 8:15 and it’s 10 now. 

#marie talks #star trek

[ravensblood18]

Awkward

Everyone reacts differently to anesthesia – that’s part of what makes emergency surgery so complicated. There are correlations, of course, with body mass, metabolism, etc, and with the computers the best  drug and dose for each patient can be calculated.

It is perfectly safe, as McCoy assures every first time patient about to go under.(The first time he operated on Spock, the poor devil was in no shape to talk, but the second time he reeled off a series of statistics on  that particular anesthetic’s safety and tempted the CMO to up the dose just to shut him up.) What the computer cannot calculate is the reactions of each patient in coming out of sedation.  Doctor- patient confidentiality ensures that the anecdotes will never leave sickbay, but it doesn’t stop occasional bets being placed or personnel arranging to position themselves within earshot of certain patients.

Sulu, now, comes out in what is now called his D’Artagnan persona. After an incident which involved Dr McCoy getting a broken nose and Nurse Chapel getting her hand kissed, the good doctor has made restraints standard when the helmsman is…less than coherent for some reason, whether it is surgical sedation, mysterious virus or  plain old concussion.

  Ensign Chekov, from what a very amused Russian nurse could translate, usually ends up under the impression that he is the Tsar of Russia. Or that he is dating the Tsar’s daughter. It varies. Occasionally he gives orders for Dr McCoy to be banished to Siberia, for the offense of “being mean to Mr Spock.”

Riley, the one time he ended up in the post operative ward…sings. The-Song-That-Must-Not-Be-Named doesn’t sound any better when slurred beyond coherence. (The captain who had come to check on the casualties, practically bolted out of the sickbay when that started.).  Nowadays McCoy has authorized post operative medication for Riley in the interests of the patient’s safety and the Medical staff’s sanity.

Scotty, in the normal run of things, seems to get particularly inspired when half conscious, and particularly insistent on discussing said inspirations. Like the time he held a long, slurred and complicated discourse on how he could improve the production of his illegal and officially non-existent still located on Deck Ten. With a visiting Admiral who was in for his regular check up.  Fortunately, the admiral in question  turned out to be vulnerable to Kirkian charm  and a bribe of Romulan Ale.

Spock…gets very talkative.  Luckily for him, he tends to lapse back to his native language, so mostly McCoy has no clue what he’s talking about. By the time he’s coherent enough to talk in Standard, he’s coherent enough to know he shouldn’t be talking at all. The few occasions when he was just high enough to get voluble and not out enough to forget his (better than they seem) language skills have given his  hovering frenemy  blackmail material worth a life time, but unfortunately for the doctor,  the Hippocratic Oath gets in the way. The Captain, now…

“Um, Bones?”

“What, Jim?” The doctor is grinning from ear to ear. It’s only partly the euphoria of having pulled off one of the most complicated surgeries in his career (while the ship was under fire, no less). There is a particular unholy glee in the CMO’s eyes that the convalescing Captain doesn’t like.

“Just what was in that hypo?”

“Normal painkillers. Wasn’t even supposed to put you out all the way, but when you’ve lost that much blood, through direct ignorance of medical advice, I may add-“

“Okay, okay. Leave the lecture for later, Bones. I’ve got enough of  a headache already.” He pauses nervously. “Er, I wasn’t fully out all the time, was I?”

“You came round for a bit.”

“Did I…say something?”

The grin had widened to Cheshire cat proportions. “What do you remember?”

Jim groaned.

“I…think I asked Spock out. For the Valentine’s Day party.”

McCoy’s grin was now made more intolerable with the addition of a smug glint.

“Don’t even say it!” Kirk orders before the doctor can put himself at the risk of being punched out by his still-a-bit-groggy captain. “I was hypoed half way to hyperspace, that does not mean what you think! And you are going to help me explain that to him!”

The doctor mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘In Hypo Veritas’.

“We. Are .Just. Friends. Get your  damn mind out of the gutter and help me figure out how to explain this!”

“Well…”

“Well what?”

“You didn’t ask Spock out.”

“I didn’t?” Bones isn’t sure whether Jim sounds more relieved or disappointed.

“That damn hobgoblin left the sickbay (against medical advice, seeing a pattern here, Jimmy-boy?) the minute he was able to stand up without passing out. Said something about the ship  couldn’t have both the captain and the First Officer off the bridge “in the current volatile environment”. If he ends up fainting on the Bridge, serves him right.”

“So I was just talking to myself?”

“Nope, you just mistook someone else for him.”

Jim sighs in relief that he hasn’t ended up potentially frightening his shy First into transferring  off the ship at the first chance, then realizes just who  he was most likely to have mistaken for said First. The look of horror is enough to send McCoy into a hoot of unprofessional laughter.

“I asked Sarek out?”

“Well, you called him Spock, so I don’t think he would have..”

“Just shoot me.”

“Tempting, but maybe later. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think he understood the reference. Vulcans of course don’t have Valentine’s Day.”

“Bones, the guy is an ambassador, learning alien customs is his business! Plus, he’s married to Lady Amanda, you think she never dragged him off for a Valentine’s Date?”

The image of  stoic Sarek sitting across from Amanda at a table covered with roses and candle light is enough to provoke another fit of mirth from the doctor.

“And anyway, Lady Amanda was here, she’d understand the reference, Good God…”

“Not the most dignified way to meet the parents, eh, Jim?”

The Captain chooses to respond non-verbally, by flinging his pillow at the CMO.

“Next time, just let me scream. No painkillers! Definitely not these painkillers!”

“Against Hippocratic Oath, Captain. I will, however, consider an isolation cubicle…”

The intrepid captain of the Enterprise slumps back into bed and prays to any deity who may be listening that the famous Vulcan regard for privacy would extend to not prying into  existing or potential relationships of adult sons…

McCoy returns the pillow to it’s proper position and walks out, still grinning. At the door, he turns back for a parting shot “By the way, Jim, Amanda looked like she approves…”

The pillow goes flying again.

#star trek fanfiction #james t kirk #pre-slash

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Regarding Vulcans and autism

Since why the hell not make it a series with recognizable titles that will make it easy to look up and create links for if I ever make enough of them for it to be worth it. Disclaimer: it might be hard to understand what I’m getting at without reading the other posts since this isn’t supposed to be, like, a comprehensive analysis on how one is like the other.

Thing is, as an Aspie woman, I can see perfectly well how Vulcans expressing nothing but neutrality gets twisted in reception and interpreted as smugness/disdain, and autism (or at least Asperger’s, I am sorta more knowledgeable about one than the other) does tend to include self-awareness issues that leads to feelings of superiority and/or inferiority, and with the most recognizably “autistic” (either explicitly or through coding) being the Sheldon Coopers and the BBC Sherlock types, the assumption that anyone like them in some ways will follow in others (heck, might be why pop culture has accepted Holmes as an asshole at all, since he wasn’t that bad in the stories but he WAS smart and eccentric and every once in a while disdaindful of the people whose jobs he did better than them) is not unexpected.

The problem’s not really there because I actually have faith that we could have talked about it and raised awareness of not only this case, but also made people question why seeing a smart(er), seemingly cold but all-around just neutral characters or races made everyone raise their hackles to such a degree, assume that they’re actually mostaken about their skills (literally have seen people go “but what if Vulcans only think they’re some of the best scientists around bc they’re supercilious assholes and it’s just not true”)and wrong about life in general. Don’t get me wrong, I do get the impulse ever since Star Trek (2009), but, well, that’s just the thing, that’s where the problem is. Because we could have talked about it in fandom and be friends about it, but now there are TWO official canon sources that depict the Vulcans as intolerant, xenophobic, racist, ableist hypocrites, and not only is it harder to argue with actual canon telling you that you were right about your worst assumptions, but now you’ve seen them be actually WORSE than you first thougt, and to your faves, and in such a way that none of their positive/redeeming qualities (say, being all of that stuff sorta kinda messes up the whole IDIC thing, but it wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t doing it out out of malice, but out of ignorance and genuine misunderstanding, and if the only members who were shown to be sorta kinda decent weren’t at least partly from a different species (u.s., uh, I mean, us) and/or implied to have been influenced by a different culture) were shown. In fact, those good qualities, such as their pacifism, reverence for life, belief and respect for diversity, their curiosity and constant push for knowledge that probably wouldn’t let them just let a kid fall by the wayside becuase he was dyslexic (“there is no other wisdom, and no hope for us, but that we grow wise”), their deep attachment to their morality that’s even more important to them than to be liked by the other members of the Federation COUGH COUGH AUTISM MUCH COUGH COUGH were the first to be dropped in favour of what’s anathema to all of this, the last one in particular was turned on its head so it wasn’t that they used their logic to arrive to the most compassionate and fair choice, and it had to be logic since emotion would resist a sacrifice in a way logic won’t, making logic the compassionate choice (as they saw it, I don’t think it’s universally true, but also not universaly false), but that they were mich more willing to let people suffer and to look the other way and not be affected at all because, I don’t know, they mistook logic, which is a tool, with efficiency, which is a goal, I’d guess.

They lost the best things about them because freaking J J Abrams decided to make movies about a franchise he didn’t even like and then, even though all of it could have stayed in a parallel universe were, as many have proposed, Vulcans were worse because the Kelvin accident led people to know what Romulans looked like earlier so THEY were worse and everyone was just an asshole to each other, but then Discovery took a leaf out of his book and used his version of Vulcans and even changed old characters to fit this new version better (Sarek doesn’t disagree with Starfleet because of its bellicosity [you can’t even argue that he still disaproves of violence because he spent the worst part of the war following General Cornwell around and idk commiting mind crimes] or because he sees it as a rejection from Spock [since he says he’ll keep his distance because it’s what Spock would want and what the fuck even was that?] and he’s a cold bastard who’d take a child to a completely different culture than the one she’s used to purely for superficial beliefs and even then he’ll still prioritize his more Vulcan son, Amanda doesn’t think Vulcan’s is a hard but better way [and honestly she wouldn’t be justified to] so since she can’t be staying because of her children since they’re being mistreated, she must be doing it because of Sarek which is just so feminist, you guys, and ok, I better change topics before this becomes an “everything that’s wrong about Disco with a sidenote of everything that’s not objectively wrong but I still didn’t like”, but also, Vulcan brains can literally lobotomize themselves while dealing with trauma, don’t you think they’d take mental health seriously?) so now it’s canon in the original universe, too. Even with Enterprise (which, to be honest, I haven’t watched, I’ve only learned what was going on with Vulcans from Memory Alpha and the recounting might hace left events and/or the essence and implications of the plotline out), the tomfoolery was supposed to be Romulans infiltrating the government and twisting Surak’s teachings, all of this is supposed to be how things vecame after they got his katra back and went through the Reform.

And this got long, but the thing is: it’s not just about the Vulcans. It’s about the fact that some of the worst assumptions made about them were recognizable at least by this one Aspie as, among other things, a neurotypical’s response to an autistic trait and a long history of negative autistic coding, and now they’ve been confirmed by canon, so instead of having a nice discussion and maybe a bit of disk horse about this, we’ve gotta deal with the fact that now some people feel legitimally repelled by and resentful of Vulcans (insofar as any emotion applies to fiction) because they are now the bigots and oppressors - now it’s not a one episode race of black&white and white&black people ridiculously pointing at the obvious differences between each other, but Vulcans who have said and done bigoted things many people have been exposed to during their lives, and if they were ever willing to give them, and by extension us, a chance, now it’s ruined. I am not, of course, saying that if you hate Vulcans, especially now, you’re ableist, or that making them the Asshole^tm will turn people ableist. Just that it would have been nice to see people like me who didn’t end up justifiably despised.*

*Especially through character assassination, couldn’t you have at least made them unlikeable from the start?

#Star Trek #Vulcans #Spock #am I metaing yet? #I don’t know #it’s been bothering me #because I really love Vulcans and all of this seems like a permanent giant stain