#what r u gonna do put him on trial?? no. give him some food and a fireplace and he’ll calm down

[looseduke]

pib is really really good bc he’s basically a war criminal but he’s also just a little cat? like he has human intelligence i guess but he’s quite literally just a little kitty cat. what are you going to do, lock him up? you’re gonna put the cat in jail? throw away the key? come on. he’s just a little cat. he wants to be comfortable. and well fed. bowls of milk and little scritches behind his ears. and if people have to die to make that happen can you really blame him? he’s a cat.

#what r u gonna do put him on trial?? no. give him some food and a fireplace and he’ll calm down #quite literally just a cat he can do whatever he wants forever bc like. how do u bring a cat to justice #is pib going to answer for his crimes? no. he’s going to just keep being a little guy. forever #dimension 20 #d20 neverafter #it’s 2am idk #d20 pib

[coramvobis]

Imagine an South Korea!AU where Seo Dan and Seri are both chaebols... (part 1 because this is getting out of hand)

Obvs, Seri and Jeong Hyeok are married already bc this STORY IS ABOUT DAN AND HER HAPPINESS SO TAKE A BACK SEAT BINJIN.

Jeong Hyeok, pianist, whatever. Sickeningly in love with Seri. Seri is basically the same as CLOY, just got the man AND IS BEST FRIENDS WITH DAN EVEN THO DAN WOULD NEVER SAY IT OUT LOUD

My boy Seung Joon, a poor boy who’s living in a shitty small ass closet of an apartment. He’s just gotten fired from his job bc he prob gives out free shit or something to old ladies and loses profit or whatever that he did as a job

Now Dan is obvs CEO of you guessed it, her moms cosmetic department store but imagine it’s like a chain now and it’s big and international. That’s prob how she met Seri, two strong women in the business. Instead of competing they got together and TAKE DOWN ANY MAN WHO THINKS THEY CAN WALK OVER THEM

So Dan, workaholic, doesn’t take care of herself very well bc she wanna make her moms company the best she can. Doesn’t date v often and so her mom is like dan u need to go out more!!! You can’t just hole up in your office everyday, you’re at the perfect age for marriage and kids!!

Dan, not having it, bc single is the new trend right? (IM CRYING) basically brushes her mom off n was like I don’t need that kind of burden right now and was like I don’t have time to cater to a mans ego where they want to be the alpha and like her to be a docile housewife. And listed all the things that she doesn’t wanna deal with when being with a guy.

Mom, I swear she’s my fave, like second to seo dan. Mom being the smart ass bitch that she is, went and posted an ad, like discreetly Ofc, looking for a stay at home husband. And proceed to like list all the requirements.

Guess what. seung joon saw the ad and was like this sounds fun and totally replied to the ad. Not knowing it’s for like a fucking millionaire or whatever.

Comes the day of interview, mom went thru all the candidates, some were plain ugly (dan has taste and she doesn’t want her grand babies to b ugly), some were creepy (like srsly), and some just outright lied on their app and did NOT in fact want to be a stay at home husband but wants to “fix” her daughter.

So this is where our boy seung Joon comes in right. With his charming suave self and a killer smile, charmed the pants off mom and landed himself a trial period of 6 months.

U might be wondering. After mom set it all up, she went to see Dan and told her the good news. Dan was HELLLLAAA PISSED Ofc and was like MOM WTF DID U DO. Moms like I found u a suitable candidate! And bc nobody can out argue her mom, dan is like ok fine, I’ll try it for 6 months but if it doesn’t work out u can’t interfere in my personal life ever again. Mom Ofc agreed bc mom knows everything.

So fastforward.

Seung Joon is literally the perfect stay at home husband(fiancé???). He realized this is literally his dream life. He gets to live with a gorgeous woman and take care of her and don’t have to work????

Every day seung joon would cook her breakfast (which dan is like ??? Bc her breakfast was a cup of coffee), prepare her lunch with like a cute lil note about how he hopes her day is going well, or not to forget to take a break, or something cheesy n cute ok. Like it just shows he cares. When dan comes home he’d have dinner ready and he would b like the devoted husband and ask about her day n everything (Ofc at the beginning she’s prob like only replying with one word or two, then slowly she starts to say a little more when she realized he actually wanna hear about her day.) when dan stays late at the office, he would bring dinner to her and stay just enough to watch her finish dinner. Then one day he just shows up to pick her up from work BY WAITING OUTSIDE HER BUILDING UNTIL SHE COMES OUT. And so after that dan just sends him a txt when she’s about to leave so he doesn’t have to sit and wait. And SEUNG JOON BECAME HER DRIVER TOO. They just spend a lot of time together ok. Whenever Dan isn’t working, he tries to be with her. Bc he’s in love.

Lbr seung joon fell in love with her like at first sight ok. He just wants to know everything about her and wants to care for her and just make sure she knows she’s not alone and she can rely on him too bc he’s there for her and her only. He wants to be the person that she depends on, the person she shares her thought and emotions with. He wants to make her happy.

So they ended up with a routine of sorts. They started texting each other throughout the day (ok seung joon txts her and she just subconsciously smiles at it bc it’s always something stupid or flirty or just something so very seung joon, but she secretly like it even tho she doesn’t know why)

Seung joon takes her on spontaneous little dates when she’s free. He makes sure she’s having fun, he tried to teach her how to make food once and it ended terribly but it was hilarious and they were LAUGHING AND JUST CUTE.

I can’t.

Six month mark coming up right. Seung joon knew already like two months in or something when dan started warming up to him that he wants this. He wants this for as long as he can. He wants to marry her bc she’s amazing and literally a goddess. She’s exactly his type (TEARS R STREAMIMG DOWN MY FACE) so he used the little savings he’s got and went and bought this cute ring right. Not the biggest diamond. It’s nothing flashy but pretty. It’s pretty and sophisticated and it reminds him of dan. So he’s got it all planned right.

On the last day of the 6 months period, Seung joon made like this romantic ass dinner for dan. Decorated the place and all. Made it look a+. They had a rly nice time n they were so comfortable (dan even laughed at one of his jokes and he felt like he was on top of the world). The night was winding down. Seung joon was getting nervous but Dan’s fave song came on and it was Time.

So he reached for Dan’s hand and started his whole speech (you know the one. The one on the bridge where we all just died a little bc damn that’s cute) and at the end, he kneel in front of her with the ring between his thumb and forefinger. AND ASKED IF SHE WILL HAVR HIM AS HER HUSBAND BC HE WANTS TO SPEND HIS LIFE MAKIMG HER AS HAPPY AS SHE MAKES HIM.

Dan, not knowing that Seung joon was actually going to do this, was SHOOK. She thought they both knew it wasn’t gonna be like a Marriage thing after the 6 months but here he is. On one knee. Looking at her with those soft eyes.

She wrapped her hand over the ring and Seung joons hand and frowned. Ofc. Seung joon knew what that meant but a little bit of him still HOPED LIKE I HOPED THEY WOULDNT KILL HIM and dan said no. She can’t marry him. She was sorry but he’s like don’t apologise right. Bc even tho he’s like dead ass heart broken, he doesn’t wanna hear her apologise to him about this. So he got up, put the ring back into his pocket, and started cleaning up the dinner table like nothing happened. He told Dan to go rest n shower like it was just another regular night with them.

Ofc. The next day, Seung joon is GONE GONE GONE. he left a little card that says thank you on it but nothing else. All of his things r gone.

Dan’s mom called n was like SO HOW DID IT GO. And dan just tells her that Seung joon is gone. He proposed and she said no. And he left.

AND SCENE. tbc

#crash landing on you #seo dan #gu seung joon #gu seung jun #I literally don’t have time to write a fic but #fuck #the feels caught me off guard again #I’ll never be over how dirty they did to my girl seo dan #she deserves the world #and in my world seri n dan r bffs and not fighting over a boy #chicks b4 dicks #shit I wrote

[silverlightqueen]

Tia and Tamera... and Nicole

fratboy and best friend!namjoon x reader, university!au, comedy, fluff, angst (and making out, if that counts as something idk lol) ft. twice nayeon, got7 jackson & skz hyunjin

For btswriterscollective’s 1 year anniversary contest!

Summary: y/n decides to make a big fashion change and, all of a sudden, is the object of attraction of every male within a hundred metre radius of her. Namjoon, her best friend, isn’t too impressed about it.

Rating: 15 (mature themes, explicit discussion of sex, strong language)

Word Count: 9.9k+

Warnings: lots of sexism/misogyny, the typical she-has-a-makeover-and-suddenly-every-boy-wants-to-date-her-trope, lots of gross frat boys, strong language, explicit discussion of sex, alcohol and drug consumption, making out, Namjoon is trash and doesn’t know how to text. I think that’s it but lmk if you noticed that I missed something!

a/n: hey guys ! it’s silverlightqueen back with another university au lmao i’m sorry :( thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess​ for proofreading, you’re the best and I love youuu !! I hope you guys enjoy this bc it was really fun to write !!

silverlightqueen masterlist

I got the divider off google (it has no relevance to the story but it kinda matches the colour scheme so we move lmao) so credit to whoever made it lol

joon: u up

y/n: don’t fuckboy text me

joon: so thats a yes

y/n: what do you want ?

joon: u free tmrw

y/n: it’s Monday tomorrow

joon: what about it

y/n: I got a lecture in the morning, but I’m free after 11

joon: ill pick u up nd take u 4 food

y/n: look at you, any excuse to drop in that you can drive now

joon: do u want food yes or no

y/n: what food ?

joon: mexican indian chinese whateva u want

y/n: yeah, sounds good

joon: rnt u gonna tell me what food u want

y/n: I’ll sleep on it

y/n: anyway go to bed, idiot, why are you even awake at 2.30 on a Sunday night ?

joon: y r u

y/n: questioning my existence

y/n: duh

y/n: now tell me why you are

joon: i just left jens lol

y/n: nvm forget I asked

joon: sure u dont want the deets

y/n: positive

y/n: goodnight you demon

joon: gn angel

‘Took you long enough,’ Namjoon exclaims as I open the front door of his car and climb into the passenger seat. ‘Wait, whoa. Hold on. What is this?’ Namjoon demands as I shut the door behind me, and I quickly turn to look at him. ‘What?’ I ask worriedly, and he shakes his hand in my general direction. ‘This. Your outfit. I’m confused,’ he says, and I relax, rolling my eyes, trying to ignore the way my cheeks are heating up and hoping he doesn’t notice it. ‘Why are you confused, Namjoon?’ I ask as though I’m speaking to a child, and he laughs, starting up the car.

‘I’m confused because I’ve never seen you wear anything other than clothes that are way too big for you,’ he says, and I make an indignant noise as he speeds down the road like the devil driver he is. ‘Don’t even deny it, you know it’s true. I started to wonder if you had something you were trying to hide. A growth on your stomach. A hunchback. A pregnancy. Or worse; no boobs!’ he says, gasping dramatically, and I hit his shoulder, holding back a laugh. ‘I wasn’t hiding anything,’ I say, and he glances over at me, eyeing my chest, before his tongue darts out to wet his lip. ‘You were. I always assumed you had small tits – a B cup, max – but obviously not. I can’t believe you hid them so well. They’ve gotta be at least a D,’ he says, and I roll my eyes, not bothering to disclose that I’m actually an E. He’d probably pop a boner. ‘And your legs,’ he says, and I look down at them self-consciously. ‘What about them?’ I ask, and he blinks before looking down at my freshly shaved limbs. ‘I’ve never seen them before. They’re nice. Smooth. And curved, with some fat on them. I’m glad you don’t have stick legs,’ he jokes, and I sigh. ‘Stop body-shaming,’ I say, and he lets out a little chuckle. ‘Am I not allowed to have preferences?’ he smirks, eyes on the road as he overtakes cars left, right and centre. ‘No,’ I reply, and he bursts out laughing.

‘So what’s with the new look? What prompted this reinvention? Because, I’m either still tripping from last night, or you’re actually wearing makeup too,’ he says, and I shift embarrassedly in the seat. ‘I just felt like it was time for a change. I wanted to experiment, try something new,’ I say, and he nods, face blank. ‘Okay. Now, do you wanna tell me the real reason?’ he asks, and I laugh, annoyed that he knows me so well. ‘I was getting changed in my room-’ ‘Okay, hang on, let me picture it,’ Namjoon says, and I hit him again, ignoring his chuckles. ‘So, I was getting changed, and Nayeon barged in and had a meltdown over… my body. She said that she was really annoyed with me for hiding my body so much, because if she had my body, she’d walk around naked. Or whatever. Something like that. I’d never really… looked at my body like that, but once she said it, I realised that maybe I could start branching out, fashion-wise. So she took me shopping, and this is the trial of new outfit number one,’ I say, and he listens intently, nodding in all the right places.

‘So how have people reacted today?’ he asks, and I get a little embarrassed thinking about it. ‘Some of the girls in my class started screaming when they saw me, and Taehyung asked if I was new here, and if he could get my number. Oh, and our lecturer asked me to stay behind to ask if I was okay, because I didn’t seem to be myself today,’ I explain, and Namjoon bursts out laughing. ‘You’re kidding.’ ‘Not at all.’ ‘Wow. All I’ll say is to ignore Taehyung. I think all that weed has caused permanent damage to his brain,’ he says, and I can’t help but agree, wondering how that boy can even breathe right anymore. ‘Well, anyway. Why did you used to cover up so much?’ he asks, and I laugh. ‘Are you just gonna keep quizzing me?’ I ask, and he nods instantly, grinning. ‘I’m intrigued, y/n. You have to understand that this is a lot for me to process. My best friend has transformed into someone else since I last saw her. My mind’s going into meltdown mode,’ he says dramatically, and I roll my eyes at him. ‘Drama queen.’ ‘I learn from the best. You. Now, anyway. Can you answer my question?’

‘I don’t know.’ ‘You don’t know if you can answer my question?’ ‘No, moron, I don’t know why I used to cover up so much,’ I say exasperatedly, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘I find that slightly hard to believe.’ ‘Fine. I wasn’t the most confident in my body. It’s hard, seeing all these super slim tiktok girls, petite and slight, and seeing them dress the way I wanted to. It’s like… I felt stupid wearing the same clothes they wear because they look so different to me. The way the media glorifies slim women… it’s hard for not-so-slim women like me. So I just hid my body in loose clothes for so long that it was what I was comfortable in,’ I explain, Namjoon still listening attentively. That’s one of the best things about him; he may be an idiot, but he always listens to what I have to say.

‘That’s… kinda sad, actually. Because – don’t get me wrong, your old look did suit you – but this new look? It’s great. You look really good, y/n, regardless of the fact that you’re not a super slim tiktok girl,’ he says matter-of-factly, and I smile shyly. ‘Thanks. So it’s a yes to the black and white check mini skirt and blazer set?’ I ask, and he nods instantly with a grin. ‘I can’t wait to see the rest of your outfits,’ he says, turning into the car park at the shopping centre. ‘There’s… quite a few to come. I’m a bit nervous about a couple of them,’ I say as he pulls into a parking space, and he gives me a greasy smirk. ‘I’m even more excited now,’ he says, and I swat at him, the boy chuckling as he ducks away from my hand. ‘I’ve just driven you to buy you food, and this is what I get in return?’ ‘Yes. You’re lucky I’m not beating the shit out of you.’ He sighs, checking his blond hair in the mirror before climbing out of the car, and I reach into the back and grab my bag before getting out too.

‘Oh, my God,’ he says, sounding shocked, and I instantly panic. ‘What?’ ‘What are those?’ he shouts, throwing his hands down to point at my feet, and everyone within a hundred metre radius turns to look at us. ‘Joon!’ I exclaim, embarrassed at him grabbing so much attention. ‘Sorry. But seriously? What are those?’ he asks, and I look down at my shoes. ‘They’re sock boots. What’s wrong with them?’ I ask, and he stares at them before taking a step back and looking me up and down. ‘Nothing. They look great. I’m just shocked to see you in shoes other than trainers. And is that a handbag I see instead of the usual backpacks?’ he teases, and I roll my eyes. We walk towards the entrance, and I struggle to keep up with him (I always struggle when walking next to him, but even more so in these boots). ‘Wait,’ I say, hooking my arm through his so I can slow him down, and he laughs. ‘Aww, struggling in your boots?’ he teases, and I huff. ‘Shut up,’ I pout, and he laughs again, looking at me with an affectionate gaze and an amused smile.

But the affection and amusement soon disappears. ‘y/n. You’re literally killing me here. Hurry up,’ he says impatiently. ‘Sorry, Joon. It’s my first time wearing heels though, cut me some slack. At least I haven’t fallen over,’ I say brightly, trying to put a positive spin on it, and he scowls. He’s been trying his best to walk slow but he’s now struggling not to walk at his normal pace – his legs are so much longer than mine. ‘Yet,’ he says venomously, and I gasp. ‘Was that a threat?’ I demand, feigning indignance, and he side-eyes me. ‘Maybe it was. I could stick my foot out right now and no one would ever know,’ he says in a wistful tone, and I shoot him a dirty look. ‘I’ll step on your foot if you try it. Then who’ll be laughing when my boots ruin your Balenciagas?’ ‘Me, because you’ll be buying me new ones.’ ‘With what money? I ain’t got money like that.’ ‘Oh, but you got money for clothes?’ ‘I always got money for clothes.’ ‘Get a sugar daddy.’ ‘You are my sugar daddy.’ ‘Huh?’ ‘Who takes me out for food at least twice a week? And buys me things out of the blue?’ ‘Damn. I really am your sugar daddy. This isn’t a good deal for me at all. You’re getting the daddy, but I’m not getting any sugar.’ ‘I’m not sure that that means exactly what you intended it to mean.’ ‘You know what I meant. I want my sugar, bitch.’ ‘Jen can give you sugar instead.’ ‘Okay, but Jen isn’t getting the daddy. You are.’ ‘She was getting the daddy last night.’ ‘Did you really just refer to my dick as ‘the daddy’?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Never do that again.’

‘Where are we eating?’ I ask, and he grins. ‘Wang and Nayeon are waiting for us at Red Velvet,’ he says, and I gasp. ‘Yes! It’s been so long since we’ve been to Red Velvet!’ I exclaim, and he laughs amusedly. ‘I know. I was worried you might start getting withdrawal symptoms.’ ‘I thought we’d never go back. Does Seulgi still work there?’ I ask, raising an eyebrow, and he pulls a face. ‘Yep,’ he says, and I feel my eyes widen. ‘And we’re still gonna go?’ ‘Yes, because I’m a great person and make sacrifices for you even though all you do is abuse me and threaten to ruin my Balenciagas,’ he says, and I pout. ‘Sorry, Joonie,’ I say, putting on a baby voice as I give him puppy dog eyes, and he refuses to look at me, fighting a smile off his face. ‘Apology accepted. Now stop being the real-life version of that emoji.’ ‘Which one?’ ‘Don’t play dumb, you know exactly which one I mean.’

We round the corner to where Red Velvet is, tucked away from the rest of the shopping centre, and Nayeon and Jackson are sat in the window booth, watching a video on Nayeon’s phone together. When Namjoon and I enter, the little bell above the door rings, and both of them look up at us. Nayeon grins so wide I’m worried her face is going to split, and Jackson does a double take, eyes wider than an anime girl’s. ‘y/n?’ he exclaims, loud enough to catch the attention of everyone in the restaurant, and I shoot him a look, shushing him. ‘Oh, my God. What’s happened to you? Who’s this sexy thing?’ Jackson says as I slide into the booth opposite him and Nayeon, shuddering at the thought of my bare legs on the worn (and most likely, germ-carrying) leather of the seat as Namjoon slides in beside me. ‘Don’t refer to me as a ‘thing’, I’m not an object,’ I mutter, but my comment is ignored when Namjoon says, ‘literally my exact reaction.’ ‘No, it wasn’t. You did not call me sexy,’ I frown, and he blinks at me, looking surprised. ‘Did I not?’ he asks, and I shake my head. ‘Well, I thought you would’ve gathered that I thought that anyway. Based on the way I had to pick my tongue up from the floor when I saw you,’ he says, Jackson and Nayeon laughing as I roll my eyes.

‘You look good. Really good, y/n. I didn’t know you had boobs,’ Jackson says, inspecting me, and I try not to squirm under his scrutinising gaze. ‘Neither did I! Until I walked in on her naked!’ Nayeon says, Jackson’s eyes nearly falling out of his head. ‘I was in my underwear,’ I say defensively, and Nayeon rolls her eyes. ‘Details. But, yeah, after I saw her hot bod, I told her to stop wearing Billie Eilish’s hand-me-downs.’ ‘And gave her your hand-me-downs instead?’ ‘Excuse me, these are brand new,’ I point out, and Nayeon nods. ‘Yeah. You should know me better. I could never pull off an outfit like that.’ ‘I could pull it off you,’ Jackson jokes, Namjoon fist-bumping him as they laugh, Nayeon and I exchanging an exasperated glance. ‘I could pull it off you too, y/n,’ Jackson says with a little quirk of his eyebrow, and I roll my eyes, willing myself not to blush. ‘Jackson! y/n’s our baby, and we’ve gotta protect her from fuckboys, so stop being one,’ Nayeon says with a slap to his shoulder. ‘There won’t be any… fuckboys,’ I say, and all three of them raise their eyebrows at me. ‘You’re delusional if you think that. Just wait ‘til a frat boy sees you,’ Jackson says, and I frown. ‘Okay. That sounds fake, but, okay,’ I say, just as Seulgi appears to take our order.

‘Hi, and welcome to Red Velvet. What can I get for you?’ she says in the most bored tone I’ve ever heard. She must really hate her job. Even more with this moron sat beside me in here. ‘Can I get the Ice Cream Cake freakshake please?’ Nayeon asks, Seulgi gracing her with a rare smile as she writes down her order. ‘Can I get the Power Up brownie with Red Flavour ice cream please? And just water?’ Jackson asks, also getting a smile. ‘Can I get the Cookie Jar freakshake? And she’ll have Mojito cheesecake with Blue Lemonade. Thanks,’ Namjoon says, ordering for me too, but, unsurprisingly, he doesn’t get a smile. ‘Will you all be paying together?’ ‘I’m paying for mine and his,’ Nayeon says, pointing at herself and Jackson (she lost a bet with him a couple weeks ago, and owes him a meal). ‘And I’m paying for mine and hers,’ Namjoon says, Seulgi fixing him with a dirty look. ‘So this is who you’ve moved on to now?’ she demands, Nayeon and Jackson wincing. ‘Sis, you can have him,’ I say, unable to resist, and Namjoon shoots me evils as Seulgi looks bewildered. ‘Pardon?’ ‘I’m good, luv. Enjoy,’ I say, but she’s still staring at me, her mouth suddenly falling open. ‘y/n?’ she asks, and I nod, slightly confused. ‘OMG, I didn’t even recognise you. Girl, you look so good! I didn’t know you had boobs!’ she exclaims, and I have to stop myself from facepalming. ‘Thanks, Seulgi,’ I force out between gritted teeth, embarrassed as hell, but she doesn’t seem to notice, grinning away obliviously. ‘No problem. I’ll just get your orders put through and then I’ll come back for payments,’ she says, visibly perkier (nothing like seeing one of your friends unrecognisable after a makeover to cure a bad mood – apparently), before disappearing.

‘That was awkward,’ Namjoon says nonchalantly, all three of us fixing him with hard stares. ‘It wouldn’t have been so awkward if you weren’t such a dick,’ I say blithely, and he gasps dramatically. ‘Excuse me?’ ‘Don’t play innocent, dumbass. If you hadn’t had slept with Joy and Seulgi on the same day, we wouldn’t be in this situation. We’d actually have avoided a lot of situations if you weren’t such a dog,’ Nayeon says, brutally honest as ever. ‘Hey, I never made any kind of commitment to either of them!’ Namjoon defends himself, both Nayeon and I shaking our heads at him. ‘It’s common courtesy, douchebag,’ I reply, Namjoon sticking his tongue out at me. ‘I’d like to know what situations you’re referring to. I don’t get us into awkward situations,’ he says, all three of us giving him a ‘really?’ look.

‘Remember when we went out to that bar – what was it called again? Oh, yeah, Playing With Fire – and Jisoo threw that drink at you for blocking her on socials after you slept together?’ Jackson reminds us, Namjoon nodding slightly embarrassedly. ‘Oh, and when we went to Breakthrough, that club, and Sana got us kicked out by pretending we smuggled drugs in because you ghosted her after telling her you felt ‘something real’ for her?’ Nayeon brings up, all of us looking pointedly at Namjoon who nods sheepishly. ‘And that fight you got into with Daniel after you went ‘round telling people that Jihyo’s your sloppy seconds?’ I say, and he gasps indignantly. ‘I didn’t say that once!’ ‘Still. If you hadn’t had slept with her, that fake rumour wouldn’t have gone around,’ I say, and he pouts. ‘We could name several girls you’ve gotten us into awkward situations with. Chaeyoung, Hyejin, Wendy, Dahyun-’ ‘Okay, okay, damn. I get the picture,’ he says, the three of us exchanging looks.

‘Anyway, I need to go toilet. Come with me, y/n?’ Nayeon asks, and I nod. Namjoon sighs, reluctantly getting out of the booth to let me out. ‘Whoa, hold on,’ Jackson says, and I turn around to face him. ‘y/n… what you doing out here with all this ass?’ he asks, voice far too loud for my liking, and the few people in the restaurant turn to look at us disapprovingly. ‘Double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon!’ Namjoon exclaims, before they chorus, ‘Hella ass!’ They burst into laughter, and my face is on fire, everybody in the restaurant staring at us (or, more specifically, my ass). ‘y/n, you dumb thicc, sis,’ Jackson says, and I take a deep breath before saying, ‘I’m going to go to the toilet now.’ ‘Take some ass pics while you’re there!’

joon: hey sexc

y/n: hey, what’s up ?

joon: wang wants 2 know if u nd nayeon r up 4 wing wednesday @ KPN

y/n: what time ?

joon: weneva imma get there 6.30

y/n: are there gonna be any other girls there?

joon: idk prolly the boys gfs

joon: y u asking so many qs u dnt have 2 come if u dnt wanna

y/n: I just don’t wanna be one of the only girls at a frat house with loads of stupid frat boys

joon: ill protect u bby

joon: me nd wang got u

y/n: much appreciated

y/n: we’ll come, but I’ll text you when we get there and you need to meet us at the door

y/n: I’ll feel awkward just walking in

joon: ok but call dnt text

y/n: you never answer your phone

joon: ill take it off silent 4 u angel ;)

y/n: thank youuu

joon: ofc see u tmrw

y/n: see youuu, goodnight joonie

joon: gn stupid

‘Wrong number,’ he says when he answers the phone, and I roll my eyes. ‘We’re at the door, come get us,’ I say, and he lets out a loud sigh. ‘I’m gonna lose my seat,’ he complains, and I huff. ‘Joon, please come get us. Do you know what it’s like being a girl around dozens of frat boys? You need to look after us,’ I plead, and he sighs again. ‘Give me a minute,’ he replies before the line clicks off. ‘Is he coming?’ Nayeon asks, and I nod. ‘Good, because it’s freezing,’ she says, clutching at her bare arms. ‘That’s what you get for wearing a t-shirt,’ I say, and she rolls her eyes. ‘It’s not like you’re dressed warmly either,’ she says pointedly, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘I’m not complaining about the cold.’ ‘Yeah, which I’m surprised about, because that top is thin as hell.’ ‘It’s not that thin.’ ‘Sis, I borrowed that top yesterday – it’s thin.’

I’m dressed in a black long-sleeve top tucked into a pair of greyish-whiteish joggers, with white trainers on my feet, a simple gold necklace around my neck with an initial pendant, a couple gold bracelets on my wrist and gold rings on my fingers. Nayeon’s in a pair of blue mom jeans and a black t-shirt, a cross body bag with both of our things inside it on her shoulder. Neither of us have bothered with full faces or pretty hairstyles – we’ve both got on basic makeup with our hair out and natural. It isn’t really that cold; it’s 8, and the air is starting to get crisp and cool, but the sun’s only just beginning to set, so there’s still a little warmth. Nayeon’s just a drama queen.

The door opens after a few seconds, Namjoon glowering at us, before he looks me up and down, his frown being replaced with a smirk. ‘Have I told you I love this new y/n? Like… this is a look,’ he says, and I grin at him, feeling a little more confident now. ‘I’m stood right here,’ Nayeon says with a half-hearted scowl, and Namjoon grins, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a side hug. ‘Nayeon, me complimenting you is like complimenting Mona Lisa. She already knew she was sexy as hell so what’s the point?’ he says easily, Nayeon preening as I roll my eyes. ‘You think Mona Lisa’s sexy?’ ‘Not as sexy as you.’ ‘Can we go inside? I’m cold,’ Nayeon says, not waiting for either of us to reply before she slips past Namjoon into the house. ‘Come on,’ Namjoon says, grabbing my hand and pulling me along behind him.

The second we step into the living room, the smell of strong cologne, alcohol and weed hits me and all eyes flit from Nayeon – who’s hugging Jinyoung and squealing – to me and Joon. Well, more me than Joon. ‘Woah. Who’s this? Surely not y/n,’ I hear Hoseok say, and I shoot him a dirty look, the boy grinning in return. ‘Shut it, stupid,’ I say, Namjoon continuing to walk towards the kitchen, dragging me along behind him. When we step into the kitchen, the smell of spicy wings hits me, and my eyes are instantly drawn to the takeout bags covering the countertop. But when I realise none of the bags are unopened, meaning frat boys have already been at them, it puts me off a little – I’d rather not eat food that might have been tampered with.

‘Look. My seat’s taken,’ Namjoon says pointedly, motioning to where Kai sits on a stool, beside Taemin and Seokwoo, the three of them laughing at whatever story Jaehyun’s telling them. ‘You’ll survive. What’s the point of having such long legs if you don’t stand on them?’ ‘There’s no logic in that. Go get my seat back,’ he says, and I side-eye him, wondering if he’s being serious or not. ‘How am I supposed to get your seat back?’ ‘Go flirt with him.’ ‘No! Him and Krystal have got a thing,’ I say, and Namjoon rolls his eyes. ‘That won’t stop him from flirting back,’ he says, and I glare at him. ‘I cannot stress this enough. Men are trash,’ I say before turning away from him, heading towards where there’s a couple dozen drink bottles and cups covering the countertop. I carefully pour myself a lemonade, making sure the cup’s clean and the bottle hasn’t been tampered with (I know Wing Wednesday is ‘for the boys’ so it’s unlikely it’s spiked, but it never hurts to take precautions).

‘y/n!’ I hear Mina exclaim, and I turn to see her stood there, smiling widely. ‘Mina!’ I squeal, pulling the girl into a hug. Mina’s one of Nayeon’s friends (they’re on the same course) but because Nayeon and I are inseparable, Nayeon’s friends are my friends too. Mina’s here because she’s dating Bambam, a KPN frat boy, and it makes me realise my privilege; Nayeon and I are only here because of our connections. If we weren’t best friends with Jackson and Namjoon, we’d have missed out on so many amazing memories. ‘How have you been? I haven’t seen you for ages!’ she says as we break apart, and I grin widely. ‘I’ve been good. Really good.’ ‘You look it. This style is, like, amazing! Is this new style permanent?’ she asks, and I smile shyly. ‘I think so. I actually… really like my new style,’ I say, and before Mina can speak, I hear Baekhyun say, ‘I like it too.’ Mina and I both turn to look at him, his stupid grin making me roll my eyes amusedly. ‘Hey, Baek,’ I say, the boy opening his arms for a hug, which I give (reluctantly). Baekhyun is Nayeon’s ex. They’re still friends – they’re actually on really good terms – but I’m still… cautious around him. He’s funny, and we get along, but I can never see him the same after hearing all the drama from Nayeon.

I clear myself a space on the countertop and boost myself up, sitting on the hard wood surface and Mina joins me, Baekhyun standing in front of us. ‘Have you had any wings?’ Baekhyun asks, and Mina and I exchange a glance, obviously thinking the same thing. ‘No, I’m… not really feeling wings,’ I say, Mina nodding in agreement, letting out little giggles behind her hand. ‘Aren’t you hungry?’ he asks, and, to be honest, I’m starving. But I am not about to eat those… frat boy wings, and neither is Mina. ‘Yeah, I could eat.’ ‘Let’s order some pizza then,’ he grins, and I gasp. ‘Pizza? On Wings Wednesday? Isn’t that against frat laws?’ I tease, and he rolls his eyes, pulling out his phone. ‘What toppings do you have?’ ‘Just get margherita.’ ‘Shall I get two larges?’ ‘Yeah, Nayeon will want some too,’ I say, and he rolls his eyes again, an amused smile on his face. ‘I’m not ordering pizza for Nayeon – I’m ordering it for us.’ ‘I’ll transfer you the money.’ ‘y/n… it’s pizza. You don’t need to transfer me money for it.’ ‘Why not? I don’t mind paying.’ ‘Yeah, but what kind of gentleman would I be if I made you pay’ ‘You’re not a gentleman,’ I reply amusedly, and he clutches his heart, pretending to be hurt. ‘I am.’ ‘You’re not. And you’ve made me pay for food before. Remember the Chinese we ordered after the LSG party, and you made me answer the door, so I had to pay?’ I say, and he winces. ‘Well… the pizza makes up for it,’ he says, and I just raise an eyebrow, amused.

It’s so… wrong that he’s only willing to pay for food for me now that he finds me attractive, but I won’t complain aloud; it’s free food after all. And then it gets me thinking. Maybe I should… take advantage of the effect my new look’s having. I mean, frat boys aren’t the… smartest, are they? Namjoon may be an exception when it comes to his education, but his common sense? He has next to none, demonstrated by the stupid situations his whore behaviour has gotten us into. And the rest of them are even stupider than him. I’ve always been a master of manipulation, and it’ll be even easier now they think I’m hot.

It isn’t long until the pizzas arrive and the second Baekhyun leaves to collect them at the door, Mina turns to me with a grin. ‘Girl, if you don’t take advantage of all these boys thirsting over you, I swear, I’ll be so disappointed,’ she says, making me burst into laughter. ‘I was literally just thinking about doing it!’ I exclaim, both of us laughing. ‘No, but for real. You should, like, make the most of it while it lasts. Not to sound nasty, but you know it won’t be long until there’s another girl they’re all into. You should exploit this opportunity whilst you’re still the… object of the affections,’ she says, making me laugh. ‘Exploit this opportunity?’ I repeat, and she nods with a grin. ‘Their generosity will only go to a certain extent,’ I say, and she raises an eyebrow. ‘Wanna test that?’ she asks, a challenging glint in her eye, and I grin, nodding. ‘Go look in the fridge, and when you’re asked what you’re looking for, say… Vanilla Coke.’ ‘Vanilla Coke?’ ‘Mmhmm.’ ‘Okay.’

I head over to the drinks fridge (they keep their food in the mini fridge and their drinks in the big fridge – their priorities are so fucked up) and open the door. I scan the bottles, seeing mainly lemonade and coke with a couple alcoholic bottles, but no Vanilla Coke. ‘y/n!’ I hear from behind me, and I turn to see Donghyuck stood there, a big grin on his face. ‘Hyuck! Hey!’ I exclaim, throwing my arms around him. Donghyuck and I did extra credit classes together last year, and I’ve barely seen him since. ‘You look so different!’ he says, holding me away to inspect me, hands light on my shoulders, and I grin, bending one leg at the knee and striking a pose, making him laugh. ‘It’s weird to see you in clothes that fit,’ he teases, and I roll my eyes. ‘Don’t even. Everyone’s making such a big deal of it.’ ‘Yeah, because you look hot.’ ‘Whatever.’

I turn back to the fridge, and he comes to stand beside me. ‘Whatcha looking for?’ ‘Vanilla Coke. I’m, like craving it,’ I lie, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘You’re lucky we’ve got lemonade and coke. KPN stick to basics,’ he says, and I roll my eyes. ‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t. Vanilla Coke is amazing.’ ‘Well, the corner shop down the road might have some. Shall we go get some?’ he suggests, and I’m shocked. Mina was right. He’s willing the leave Wings Wednesday with his frat brothers to go get Vanilla Coke from the shop with me. ‘You sure?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘It’s only a two-minute walk.’ ‘Okay. Let’s g-’ ‘y/n!’ I hear Mina call before materialising next to me. ‘Hey, Mina,’ I say, Donghyuck greeting the girl too. ‘Hey, Hyuck. I’m need to steal y/n. Emergency,’ she says, and my eyes widen. I’ve literally left her alone for a minute. What emergency does she have? ‘You okay?’ ‘Yeah, it’s just… I started. Do you have a pad?’ she whispers, loud enough for Donghyuck to hear, the boy wrinkling his nose in disgust, making me roll my eyes. Why boys are so grossed out about periods, I don’t know. It took two entire years of friendship with Namjoon to get him to buy me some pads. ‘Yeah, I do.’ ‘Will you come to the toilet with me?’ she asks, and I nod, apologising to Donghyuck before Mina drags me out of the kitchen, through the living room and upstairs.

‘Oh, shit! My pads are in Nayeon’s bag,’ I say when we reach the top of the stairs, and Mina lets out an annoyed noise. ‘I don’t actually need a pad, stupid! I was just getting you away from him,’ she whispers before pulling me into the bathroom. ‘What? Why?’ ‘Because now he’ll go get your Vanilla Coke from the shop and you won’t have to go with him,’ she says, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘Are you kidding? He’s not gonna go.’ ‘Yes, he will,’ she says, before letting out an exasperated sigh. ‘Remember when I stayed home for a few months, because I wasn’t well?’ she asks, and I nod – Nayeon was heartbroken that she didn’t have Mina to gossip with in her lectures. ‘When I came back, all the boys were fussing over me. Trust me; he will go and get that coke.’

We spend a couple minutes in the bathroom, reapplying our lipgloss and fixing our hair, before we head back downstairs, quickly grabbing two of the empty stools in the kitchen, Bambam sat next to Mina and Namjoon sat next to me, chatting with Minho about football strategy for their next match. ‘y/n!’ I hear Donghyuck’s voice after a few minutes, making me stop mid-conversation with Yugyeom about dessert on Monday at Red Velvet (it was so good, I can’t stop thinking about it – I might have to drag Namjoon back there this weekend). I turn to see him stood at the door, holding up a bottle of Vanilla Coke, and I have to stifle a laugh, pushing down guilt. ‘Oh, my God, thank you, Hyuck! You’re the best!’ I exclaim, giving the boy a hug before he disappears to find me a clean cup. ‘I was right,’ Mina says with a grin. ‘I feel bad.’ ‘Don’t. You didn’t make him get it.’ ‘Yeah, but I’m not even gonna drink it. I don’t like Vanilla Coke.’ ‘Well, it’s a good thing I do.’

joon: u got a lecture tmrw

y/n: it’s Friday tomorrow right ?

joon: um ye how do u not know

joon: r u still drunk from last night

y/n: I wasn’t drunk! I didn’t even touch any alcohol !

joon; then y were u letting johnny touch u up

y/n: I wasn’t! there was fluff on my boob and he took it off for me !

joon: ur so naive

joon: n e ways, do u have a lecture tmrw

y/n: yeah, 1-3

joon: wanna go 4 coffee after ill pick u up

y/n: sounds good

y/n: I’ll pay

joon: no

y/n: you paid for dessert !

joon: idc, ill pay 4 coffee

joon: u save ur money 4 clothes ;)

y/n: ew

joon: bitch do u want coffee or no

y/n: yes :)))

joon: ill b there @ 3, dnt b late like monday

y/n: okayyy see you at three joonie

joon: yep, night sexc

y/n: ew

joon: fine u can walk 2 starbucks

y/n: NO I’M SORRY

y/n: joon pls answer

y/n: stop leaving me on read !

y/n: fine, you can go to starbucks by yourself

joon: sorry

joon: y/n

joon: r u there

joon: bitch answer me

joon: ignore me if u wanna fuck

y/n: you’re such an idiot

joon: gn y/nie

y/n: night stupid, ilyyyy

joon: luv u 2 dummy

‘Hi, welcome to Starbucks! What can I get you?’ the barista asks, smiling widely. He’s handsome, with dirty blond hair pulled back into a ponytail and sparkling brown eyes, and I can’t help but smile back. ‘Hi, can I get two large iced vanilla lattes please?’ I ask, the boy nodding as he clicks away at the register. My eyes flit to his little name tag. His name is Hyunjin. Cute. ‘What name shall I put on the cups?’ he asks, eyes sparkling when he looks back up at me, and I smile shyly when I say, ‘y/n.’ ‘Pretty name for a pretty girl,’ he replies, not giving me a moment to process the compliment before he says, ‘that’ll be £7.40. Cash or card?’ ‘Card,’ a voice behind me says, and I turn to see Jaemin stood there, smiling. ‘Can I add a large iced americano to that too?’ he says, holding up his card, and Hyunjin nods, tapping at the register. ‘Jaemin, don’t. I’ll pay,’ I say, though it’s Namjoon’s money in my hand, not my own. ‘It’s fine, y/n. I don’t mind,’ he says with a grin, and I smile back, touched.

Jaemin moves around me to pay for the three drinks, and I feel a little awkward, stood behind him, waiting. ‘How have you been, y/n?’ he asks once he’s paid, and I smile. ‘I’ve been really good, thanks. How about you?’ ‘Yeah, great. You look… different since the last time I saw you,’ he says with a little smirk, and I roll my eyes, an amused smile playing at my lips. ‘I’m assuming that was a compliment.’ ‘Of course. How could it be anything other than a compliment when the ‘different’ I’m talking about is this?’ he says with a flirty grin, motioning to my outfit (a pair of tight black cargo trousers and a long-sleeved black top, big black stomper boots on my feet and silver jewellery).

Jaemin flirts with me for a little while, but his americano is ready before mine and Joon’s lattes and he has a lecture at 3.30, so he leaves with the promise of continuing our conversation at the ASP party tomorrow, which I had no idea about. ‘y/n!’ Hyunjin calls and I go over to grab the lattes. I notice a caramel shortbread on a plate beside the cups, and I look up at him questioningly, the boy grinning back. ‘It’s on the house,’ he says, and I can’t help but let out a giggle, flattered. ‘Thank you.’ ‘No problem… y/n. I’m a student, at the university, and I heard your… friend talking about the party tomorrow. I’ll be there, and it’d be nice to see you,’ he says, smiling as he leans against the counter casually, my heart jumping. He’s hot, he’s confident and he’s sweet – I could definitely see myself getting to know him. ‘Yeah, it’d be nice to see you too,’ I reply shyly, breaking off our eye contact after a few seconds. ‘See you tomorrow then,’ he grins before turning to deal with the next customer.

I carefully take the lattes and the shortbread over to mine and Joon’s table in the corner, the boy instantly biting into the shortbread. ‘That is mine.’ ‘I paid for your coffee, so I can have a bite of your shortbread,’ he says, mouth full of food, and I scrunch my nose up in disgust, sitting down opposite him. ‘No, actually, you didn’t.  Jaemin did,’ I say, dropping Joon’s money on the table in front of him, and he frowns. ‘Who’s Jaemin? The cute barista you were just flirting with?’ he asks drily as he picks up one of the coffees, taking a sip. ‘No, his name’s Hyunjin. And I wasn’t flirting with him,’ I say, embarrassed, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Then what’s this?’ he asks, holding his cup out to me. I can’t hold back my smile when I see that Hyunjin’s written his number on the label with a smiley face beside it. ‘Exactly what I thought. Anyway… who’s Jaemin?’ ‘KPN Jaemin. He was behind me in the queue and he paid for our drinks. And then Hyunjin gave me the shortbread for free,’ I say, and Joon narrows his eyes at me.

‘I can’t believe you’re making these boys do all these things for you.’ ‘They’re doing it voluntarily – I’m not making them do anything!’ ‘So you didn’t make Donghyuck get your Vanilla Coke on Wednesday?’ ‘No, he choose to go get it!’ ‘Well, you’re putting Tia and Tamera to good use.’ ‘Tia and Tamera?’ I ask, confused, and he points at my chest. ‘Tia… and Tamera,’ he says, naming each boob, ‘don’t you listen to Doja Cat?’ ‘Not religiously – Say So’s the only song of hers on my Spotify.’ ‘Tasteless.’ ‘You’re tasteless for accusing me of using my boobs to manipulate boys,’ I hiss, and he rolls his eyes. ‘Did I lie?’ ‘Yes!’ ‘Okay, maybe I did. It’s not just Tia and Tamera. It’s Tia and Tamera and… Nicole!’ he says, and I blink in confusion. ‘Nicole?’ ‘Use your brain.’ ‘Did you just name my ass Nicole?’ I ask incredulously, and he nods, seemingly proud of himself. ‘People look at it more than they look at your face, so I think it deserves naming,’ he says bitterly, and I gasp. ‘That was low. People look at my face. I’m not just my body. My face is pretty too,’ I say coldly, a little hurt, and he looks guilty. ‘Well, of course your face is pretty, I just-’ ‘You just what? Judged me, even though you’ve slept with more girls than I’ve ever been friends with? Just remember that there’s a lot you’ve done that I could judge you on, but I don’t, because we’re best friends.’

The air is tense after I finish speaking, and I feel sick. Joon and I have never argued. Our friendship has always been so laidback, so chill, so easy. I’ve never had any downs in my friendship with him because we get along so well. But I’m surprised at him being so judgmental, and so… douchey about me getting some male attention for the first time in… well, forever. ‘Sorry, y/n. I’m being a dick,’ he says softly, and I can see that he feels guilty. I decide it’s best to end our argument here, because this isn’t a nice feeling. ‘Whatever, it’s fine, Joon. Anyway… you didn’t tell me ASP are having a party tomorrow! Am I not invited?’ I tease, and he grins, the tension between us gone. ‘No, you’re not. I’m tired of you being so dependent on me.’ ‘Shut it. You’d be lost without me.’ ‘Whatever. I was supposed to tell you about it at KPN, but I barely got to speak to you. You were… popular that night,’ he says quietly, not meeting my eyes, and suddenly, I can feel the awkwardness making a reappearance. ‘Ah, well, I guess there’s no point asking you to take me to Red Velvet then,’ I say wistfully, trying to change the subject, and he rolls his eyes. ‘Ask Wang, he’ll take you.’ ‘No, it’s fine. I don’t wanna be bloated at the party. We can reschedule to Sunday – order some for a hangover cure. Can I sleep over?’ I ask, and he nods, smiling to himself. ‘You and Nayeon are always welcome. There’s enough bed space for the three of us.’ ‘You say that, and yet, you end up on the floor with us two in your bed every time.’ ‘I’ll climb in with you while you’re asleep.’ ‘Isn’t that illegal?’ ‘Shut up and eat your shortbread. Or do you not wanna be bloated?’ ‘Matter of fact, you’re right. These cargo trousers are already tight.’ ‘That’s because you’ve got a fat ass.’

y/n: hey, is this hyunjin ? from Starbucks ?

hyunjin: yeah, and is this y/n ? the pretty cargo trousers girl ?

y/n: the one and only ☺️

hyunjin: I was worried you wouldn’t reach out to me after I saw you go and sit with that boy

hyunjin: I felt terrible bc I didn’t even ask if you had a boyfriend

y/n: oh no, he isn’t my boyfriend

y/n: he’s my best friend, namjoon

hyunjin: as in kim namjoon ?

y/n: yep, you’ve probably heard of him lol

hyunjin: I have lmao he has quite a reputation

hyunjin: I didn’t recognise him

hyunjin: I just saw you go and sit with a handsome boy and I felt awful

y/n: well, you don’t have to feel bad

y/n: and he’s not that handsome lmao

y/n: he’s just… namjoon

hyunjin: well, I’ll have to thank him when I see him

hyunjin: if he hadn’t given you my number from his cup, I’d have felt like an idiot

y/n: it’s a good thing he pointed it out to me lol

hyunjin: yeah, I’m relieved

hyunjin: I know it’s forward of me and I hope you don’t think I’m out of line

hyunjin; but I just thought you were really cute and I didn’t want to waste the opportunity

hyunjin: especially after jaemin paid for your drinks and flirted with you

hyunjin: I know it sounds silly but I was debating whether or not it was worth competing with him

y/n: jaemin’s not really interested, he flirts with anything that has a pulse

y/n: but I’m glad you didn’t waste the opportunity

y/n: I thought you were cute too, and I love your hair

hyunjin: ah thank you! I was a little nervous about growing it out

y/n: it’s unique, and it really suits you

hyunjin: thanks y/n :)

hyunjin: it’s late so I’m gonna head to bed but I’m glad you texted me, and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow !

y/n: okay, hyunjin, goodnight ! see you tomorrow :)

hyunjin: goodnight ! :)

joon: do u need a lift tmrw

y/n: no, jackson said he’s gonna pick us up

y/n: but thank you for offering anywayyy

joon: ok

joon: why did it take you 30 mins 2 reply its lit rally 2am, what else r u busy with

y/n: I was texting

joon: who

y/n: oh, just the, um, the girls groupchat, to talk about what we’re gonna wear tomorrow

joon: ok

y/n: I’m gonna go to bed, I’ll speak to you tomorrow

joon: aight gn dum dum

y/n: night joonie, sweet dreamsss

joon: ill dream of u in ur crop tops

y/n: pervert

joon: luv u ;)

y/n: love you more dumbass

‘y/n! y/n! y/n!’ ‘Oh, my God, Nayeon, you’re like a child! I’m mid-conversation!’ ‘I know, but this is important!’ she says, tugging on the strap of my top, her force nearly making me spill my drink down my outfit. I thought I’d dress simple, in just a black strappy lowcut crop top and a pair of ripped blue jeans, fluffy black slides on my feet and simple gold jewellery to accessorise. ‘Sorry, Dahyun,’ I sigh with a roll of my eyes, the girl grinning back. ‘It’s fine – go deal with your important business,’ she laughs, and Nayeon takes this as a signal to drag me into the kitchen, leaving Dahyun alone in the back garden. ‘What is it?’ I ask, and she grins. ‘I found your cute barista boy! Well, I think so, anyway. Not many boys have dirty blond ponytails.’ ‘Oh… okay.’ ‘Aren’t you excited?’ ‘I think you’re excited enough for both of us.’ ‘I’m serious, y/n! I saw him, and he’s really hot! You’ve been texting all day, and you said he’s really sweet. He could be your first boyfriend!’ ‘Nayeon, you’re getting ahead of yourself – I’ve literally known him for… 32 hours. And I don’t even know him, really. All I know is his name and that he works at Starbucks.’ ‘Well… this is your chance to get to know him. He’s with his friends in the living room – go,’ she says, not giving me a chance to reply before she pushes me through the open door.

He spots me instantly, calling my name, and I scan the room until my eyes meet his, smiles breaking across our faces as he waves me over. I head around the edges of the room, not wanting to get caught in the group of people dancing, until I reach him and his friends in the corner. ‘Hey, y/n! You look nice!’ he exclaims, smiling widely, and I feel butterflies; he really is so handsome. ‘Thanks, Hyunjin. You do, too,’ I say honestly, looking him up and down; his black jeans, loose blue and white striped shirt only buttoned halfway with a black t-shirt beneath are a chic and stylish contrast to the Starbucks apron he was wearing yesterday. Half of his hair is up in a ponytail with a few loose strands framing his face and his ears are adorned with earrings, sparkling in the low light. He introduces me to his friends, who all seem nice (I think I’ve seen a few of them before – I’m sure a couple of them are KPN frat brothers). As soon as the introductions are done, he asks if I’ll go with him to get a drink. He takes my hand gently – a shock running up my arm at the contact – and leads me into the kitchen, getting himself a bottle of Soju from the fridge. ‘Do you want one?’ he asks, and I scrunch up my nose – I find Soju absolutely disgusting. ‘Thanks, but I’ll stick to my vodka coke for now,’ I say, holding up my cup, the boy laughing as he nods, shutting the fridge after him.

We stand in one corner of the kitchen, chatting, and our conversation flows so easily. He’s an architecture and design major, but he does dance on the side too, with some of his friends. I ask him to tell me the basic things about him and I find out that he has a dog called Kkami, he loves autumn, he’s allergic to cat fur, his favourite food is sushi and his least favourite foods are onion, carrot and eggplant. Even though he’s so handsome (like intimidatingly handsome), he’s so modest, down-to-earth, and just so sweet. He’s like a breath of fresh air in comparison to the boys I spend time with on a daily basis (no shade to Jackson and Joon, but they’re nowhere near as gentlemanly as Hyunjin – he gets me two refills before I even realise that my cup is empty, and he gets me two slices of pizza as soon as it arrives because I mentioned I hadn’t eaten). I can already feel myself crushing on him; every time he compliments me, I get so flustered and all I can do is giggle – two weeks ago me would have hated now me.

After what could be hours (I’m having the time of my life chatting away to him), he asks me to dance with him, and I’m filled with an inexplicable fear. Actually, no. It’s explicable; I have never danced at a party before. Ever. ‘It’s okay… I won’t bite,’ he teases, and I take a deep breath, smiling as I nod. He takes my hand again, his touch so light and gentle, and instead of pulling me along behind him, he lets me go first, standing just a few inches behind me as we head into the living room. We mould into the group of our peers dancing, and I feel a little awkward at first, but I soon loosen up into the rhythm of the Rihanna and Bryson Tiller song pulsing out into the room. He’s really the perfect gentleman; he doesn’t lay a hand on me other than to move me out of the way when someone drunk stumbles past. It’s a nice change from the boys that don’t hesitate to just come up behind a girl and grab onto her waist, forcing himself onto her.

But after a while, I can feel the several vodka cokes starting to take effect, my mind a little hazy, and a tipsy y/n mixed with the RnB baselines floating out from the speakers isn’t a good combination. Hyunjin’s tan skin glows in the low light, his eyes sparkling, and he looks so fucking handsome, his plump lips stretching up into a flawless grin when I hook my arms around his neck loosely, moving closer. We dance a little more… intimately, our bodies pressed together after a few minutes, and his hands rest on my lower back, not venturing any lower, and his eyes stay on my face, even though my cleavage is right there. His gentlemanliness just makes him even sexier to me.

I look up at him, and notice that some of his hair in his face, and so I reach to brush it back behind his ear. His hair is so soft, the locks just gliding between my fingers, and I can’t help but run my fingers through the loose hair that he hasn’t pulled up into a ponytail, my nails gently scraping against the back of his neck. He shivers a little, his neck obviously sensitive, and it makes me look him in the eyes, practically getting lost in them. And before my brain can even register it, he leans towards me and my eyes flutter shut, his lips softly brushing against mine a few moments later. My first kiss.

He moves away, almost to check if I’m okay with it, and I just lean towards him, pressing our lips together again, making him let out a chuckle against my mouth. My mind numbs a little when he parts my lips with his, his tongue sliding into my mouth, and I really didn’t know that kissing was this good. His hands press into my back, holding me against him, and I grip onto his strong shoulders, his scent of lemony shampoo and expensive aftershave flooding my senses as our lips move against each other. ‘y/n, get a room!’ I hear Jin, one of Joon’s stupid friends, shout, followed by laughter, making me break away from Hyunjin, blinking as though I’ve just woken up, Hyunjin just smiling back at me. I turn to Jin, shooting him a dirty look and telling him to fuck off before turning back to Hyunjin. I feel braver than usual due to the alcohol and the fact that I’ve just kissed a boy I met yesterday in the middle of a frat party, and so I ask, ‘do you… want to get a room?’ ‘Um… what?’ he asks, blinking, and I feel the humiliation setting in already. ‘I mean, we don’t have to… but I thought you might want t-’ ‘Yes. I do want to.’

We’re both laughing drunkenly as we head up the stairs (it seems the several bottles of Soju he’s had have made him a little tipsy), our hands clasped together. ‘Whose room are we using?’ ‘Um, we can use Namjoon’s. I’m sure he won’t mind – he’ll be proud I’ve finally kissed a boy,’ I say, leading him into Joon’s room. The second we enter, he shuts the door, pushing me up against it and pressing our lips together again, his body against mine and our hands still intertwined against the door. I tangle my free hand into his soft locks, his free hand gently roaming up and down my side, and it’s bliss, the way he touches me. He’s such a good kisser – though it’s not like I have much experience anyway. ‘Did you say I’m your first kiss?’ he asks, lips moving against mine, and I let out a little noise of affirmation, the boy grinning. ‘Good,’ he murmurs, the word making my stomach turn with butterflies.

But it’s like I’m not allowed good things. There’s a loud hammering against the other side of the door, making both of us jump, and I manage to move out of the way just before it flies open, Namjoon storming in, anger all over his face. ‘y/n,’ he says, voice shaking, and I look at him in concern, wondering what’s happened. ‘Joon, are you okay?’ ‘No, I’m not,’ he says, teeth gritted, and it’s then that I realise; he’s angry at me. ‘Oh, did you… should I have asked you if I could use your room? I didn’t think you’d mind, I’m so-’ ‘God, you’re so fucking dense!’ he shouts, making me flinch, and Hyunjin looks between us before saying, ‘y/n, I’m gonna go, you guys speak in private. I’ll… be downstairs.’ I nod, too shocked to speak, and even more shocked at the way Namjoon stares daggers at Hyunjin as he slips past him.

‘What’s your problem? There’s no need to be such a dick to me, or to Hyunjin.’ ‘Oh, so you do know his name? I’m surprised, since you only met him yesterday.’ ‘Stop being so fucking judgy! You’re allowed to fuck anything with a vagina, but I kiss a boy I met yesterday and the world’s ending!’ ‘I’m not judgy, y/n, I’m jealous! Can’t you fucking tell?’ he practically screams, and the words don’t register with me for a moment. ‘Jealous?’ I echo, and he lets out a humourless laugh, sinking down onto his bed. ‘Yes, y/n, jealous. I’ve only been in love with you for two fucking years,’ he mutters, the words hitting me like a ton of bricks. He’s in love with me. My best friend is in love with me. ‘Joon, I-’ ‘You what, y/n?’ he asks angrily, and I’m filled with such rage, I want to slap him.

‘I didn’t know! If you’d told me, I’d understand why you’re so angry! But you didn’t, so stop fucking shouting at me, and being such a dick, and making me feel guilty when I shouldn’t!’ ‘There was no point telling you, because you don’t love me back!’ he shouts, and now I feel even more guilty. ‘I love you, Joon, but as my best frie-’ ‘And that’s why I didn’t tell you! I could deal before, when I was still getting to spend time with you every day, but now that you’re getting all this attention from all these boys, it’s so… difficult.’ ‘You still should have told me,’ I say quietly, and he scoffs. ‘There was no point! It doesn’t change anything! You still don’t like me!’ ‘No, I don’t, but you shouldn’t be angry at me about it.’ ‘I think I have a right to be angry!’ he shouts, and my eyes fill with tears. ‘Well, you don’t! Forgive me, Namjoon, but you’re not exactly a gentleman. Why would I fall for a boy that has a different girl in his bed every day, who plays girls like it’s his job, who’s misogynistic and vulgar and a dog? You don’t get to be such a dick to women and have your best friend fall in love with you, because it doesn’t work that way!’

‘Oh, and Hyunjin isn’t a dick?’ ‘No! He’s sweet, and he’s kind, an-’ ‘You’ve known him for one day, and you’re already rushing upstairs to lose your fucking virginity to him! I thought you’d care more about your first time!’ he shouts, still so judgmental, and I feel myself practically shaking with rage. How dare he behave the way he does and judge me, even though he’s supposedly in love with me? ‘Why do you care who I lose my virginity to?’ ‘Because I’m in love with you! Aren’t you fucking keeping up?’ ‘No, Namjoon, you’re not in love with me. If you were, you’d be happy that I’m happy. Instead you’re possessive and judgemental and douchey!’ We’re shouting at each other now, and anyone outside will be able to hear, but I don’t care. Let them hear how much of a dick he is. ‘I loved who you were, when-’ ‘When what? When boys didn’t talk to me? When you and Jackson were the only boys I spoke to at parties? When I was pure, untouched, innocent? Now, you’re annoyed, because I’m not who you thought I was. I don’t owe you anything, Namjoon, because you can’t expect me to have just known.’

‘Just go, y/n,’ he says, all of the anger in him disappearing, and he sounds so tired, looks so tired. And, as always, I feel guilty. ‘Joon-’ ‘No. Please, just go,’ he says, and when he looks up at me, my heart breaks. His eyes are full of tears, sadness, hurt, but the second they land on mine, they’re filled with love, too. Love that I can’t reciprocate because, he might be my best friend, but he is disgusting to girls. And I can’t love that. I can’t love him. ‘Okay. I’ll go,’ I whisper, turning away and leaving his room before I burst into tears.

#btswriterscollective #ficswithluv #bangtanhq #bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #bangtanidx #btspocnet #kwritersworldnet #btsghostie #magicshopnet #bts #bts series #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts au #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts angst #kim namjoon #bts namjoon #bts kim namjoon #bts rm #RM #twice #got7 #stray kids

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Juror #6 Job

leverage 1.11

it took them three (3) years to get the vargas case on trial ??? that’s so long, the court system is fucked up

- - - - -

Hardison: You are Alice White. It's one of the aliases I made for you, vegetarian, bookkeeper. She had a pretty wild time at her sister's wedding in Phoenix. You should check out her facebook page.

eliot smiling at that rb if u agree

- - - - -

Nate: No. No. Jury duty - A place where you have to follow instructions.

Sophie: Where you have to consider other people's point of view.

Eliot: There's gonna be normal people there, Nate.

eliot emphasizing that there would be NORMAL people there lmfao

- - - - -

the fam sitting together eating pizza we love to see it

- - - - -

Sophie: you know, she's never done that before.

Nate: What, stormed out? Come on.

Sophie: No, asked for our help. (walks out)

(Nate looks toward Parker, then back at Hardison)

Nate: What? Listen, there is a reason we put her in a jury trial.

(Hardison mutes game)

Hardison: You know, man, when I was a, when I was a kid, I was like 8 years old, I had a foster mom who was Jehovah’s witness. She used to dress me up in a suit and a bow tie and take me door-to-door to spread the word. Black neighborhoods, white neighborhoods, didn't matter. I would kick, I’d scream, or whatever, but she would say "Alec, you need to learn how to talk to people." See, everything I learned about people, I learned ringing doorbells and-and-and being in a bow tie. Parker never had that. I mean, jumping from a skyscraper, she's cool. But making small talk? It’s-it's like pure terror. Just cut her some slack.

(Eliot hurries in with a six pack of beer)

Eliot: How about them Cowboys? What'd I miss? (flips his beer)

Nate: Nothing.

(Nate looks at Parker, who is dialing her phone)

like I love learning about their backstories but I can’t believe someone made hardison be a jehovah’s witness

- - - - -

parker is wearing flannel again

- - - - -

Nate: Not if we steal it first. Who plays chess?

Eliot: I play.

Nate: Yeah, of course you do. A chess game has three stages, right? I mean, you got your opening, middle, and end game. In the opening, you want to take control of the board, and you want to line up your attack and you want to protect the king, which, ironically, is the weakest piece you have

nate isn’t even surprised that eliot plays chess. he’s just like yeah, that adds up.

- - - - -

(Eliot is in a dumpster while Hardison is on the ground looking through garbage bags)

Eliot: It's your turn to be in the dumpster.

Hardison: No, man, no. I-I have-I have peanut allergies. What if somebody threw in some extra crunchy Skippy? Then, you know, it's just a (wheezing) all up in my vocal area, man. Do you want to give me mouth-to-mouth? No, none of us want that. Hell no.

(Eliot throws a trash bag at Hardison’s head. Hardison looks up, angry)

Eliot: Heads up (laughs)

they’re idiots

+ ALSO hardison is always in danger of triggering fake allergies,,, this, the rashomon job,,,

- - - - -

Hardison: Quint's on the hook. He went to Mumbai international limited's website to check out Sophie.

Nate: It's a real company?

Hardison: Cover story's better that way. Just, uh, changed this... (hits button on remote, which changes a picture on a website) to this.

- - - - -

Sophie: Okay, today did not go well, but that's all right. You know, we learn when we fail. We're gonna-we're gonna go back to basics, and we're gonna do a little role-playing. Gonna start with-with persuasion techniques. So, Eliot (tosses him an apple) has an apple. Alice (tosses her an orange) has an orange.

Eliot: I love apples. Apples are my favorite fruit.

Parker: Good for you, sparky.

Eliot (to Sophie): I-I don't have to sit here and take this crap.

Sophie: Go on. Just do it for me.

Eliot (to Parker): You have an orange, all right? Now, convince me that I want the orange, not the apple. I'm gonna take a bite. (slowly brings the apple to his mouth and takes a bite)

Parker: I put a razor blade in that apple.

Eliot (spits out the apple): Are you serious?

Parker: Maybe. But do you know what doesn’t have a razor blade in it? This orange. (smells the orange) Don't you want it? (tosses the orange at Eliot and leaves)

Sophie: You fell for that? (exits room)

CHAOTIC OT3

- - - - -

Hardison: O- Okay. Um... you know, I have photos (places a file on the bench) that I would like to introduce from a vacation, the opposing counsel water-skiing. It's all from his website - very public.

Louis: I object.

Hardison: As well you should. You shouldn't be doing that. Seriously? I mean, he doesn't have the body.

r o a s t e d

- - - - -

Parker: Wait! Wait a second. That was a secret. You just told me a secret, right? That's something friends do.

Peggy: Well, I guess so. You're the nicest one here.

Parker: Really? I mean, thanks.

her S M I L E your honor

- - - - -

Earnshaw: Lunch is almost over. Get back to the trial. (opens folder) Joseph Miller, Georgetown pre-Law, Harvard law with honors! This can't be right. This guy's hourly rate has to be more than what our grieving widow makes in a month.

Assistant: Ma'am, it all checks out. Unless Gloria Vargas found some guy who created a CIA Level cover story and fake identity

hardison is just that good and we love to see it

- - - - -

Earnshaw: Wait. Who's that?

Assistant: The guy talking to the Vargas lawyer?

Earnshaw: No. Her. Raid Quint’s computer, his calendar, his e-mails. Pull out the call logs and the GPS records from his phone. I want to know who that is.

- - - - -

Quint: Earnshaw says if we settle, we open ourselves up to other lawsuits.

Sophie: We don't care about more lawsuits. With a billion people in the work force, a few deaths won't raise an eyebrow.

Quint: Government won't crack down?

Sophie: Mr. Quint, it takes five years to get a parking permit

that’s fucked

- - - - -

(Donnie is standing in front of a green screen)

Nate: Good. He's good.

Eliot (turns off camera): What I tell you? (hugs Donnie) Thank you for coming in on such short notice, Donnie.

Donnie: Ah, dinna fash yersel, laddie. What are friends for?

Eliot: Exactly. Beer's on me soon.

Donnie: Oh, you remember tha. (exits)

Nate: He's very good.

Eliot: What I tell you

we love getting more insight on eliot’s past and who his friends are/used to be

- - - - -

hardison, parker and eliot walking to the door and nate and sophie seeing them off like parents (even parker with her packed lunch!!!)

- - - - -

Hardison: Oh, incident. Okay. (referring to file) Would that happen to be the incident on flight 732 out of St. Louis, where you-you fondled a flight attendant's buttocks? Or would that happen to be the incident on flight 1433 out of Chicago, where you drank 17 tiny margaritas, you took your pants off, you stood up on the drink cart, and you sang, quote, "I'm a sexy monkey"?

Patemkin: I have no recollection of that.

Hardison: I'm not surprised, because it was not one, it wasn't two, but it was 22 incidents of drunk and belligerent, grab-assy behavior that landed you on that list.

Judge: Mr. Miller.

Louis: Objection!

Hardison: No, you know what, your honor? The US Government has determined that this man is not qualified to ride on an airplane, like Osama bin Laden. How is this jury supposed to rely on him to render a sound medical opinion

IM SCREAMING

+

parker looks so proud of him

- - - - -

Parker: Oh, sweet mercy, cooked flesh. (takes a bite of burger) Can we have fast food every time we make the bad guys go away

let parker eat as much meat as she wants 2k20

also, eliot is sitting right next to her and finally got to watch his football 😌 we love to see them sitting together

- - - - -

Nate: Did you realize what you just did? What you did? You won a jury trial without cheating.

Hardison: Without chea--I hacked a government no-fly list and used it to humiliate a witness.

Nate: Excessively. "Cheating excessively" is what I meant. But, I mean, think about it, I mean, if you applied yourself, Hardison, you could be anything you want.

Hardison: You know what? I could. I could. You know, next week, I think I’m gonna be an astronaut.

Nate: Well, that's not really what I meant. I meant if you studied, you’d--

Hardison: Yeah, if I--Who needs to study? You know, I’m gonna be a surgeon. A surgeon – ER. Surgeon.

HARDISON IS A GENIUS AND CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANTS SEND TWEET

- - - - -

(Parker gets a text and checks her phone)

Parker: Hey, it's Peggy from the trial! She wants to have coffee next week. Alice made a friend.

Eliot: I'm gonna tell you one more time. You made a friend, not Alice.

Parker: Oh, cool. Well, think she'd want to steal a painting with me?

Sophie: Start small, Parker. Try coffee.

that’s so cute and means so much that she made a friend that even went as far as REACHING OUT to HER !!!

and she doesn’t reject the idea!!!

okay but also if a girl as pretty as parker asked me to steal a painting with her with that smile on her face, bitch you bet I would,,, I am but a simple bisexual with a weakness for pretty ladies

#leverage 1.11 #leverage 1x11 #the juror 6 job #the juror number 6 job #leverage season 1 #season 1 #notable moments #leverage #mine

[lavenderlight]

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 39, 40 >:)

Ahdgkhh okay here we go!!!

1: Which TES games have you played?

All 5 main series games, ESO, and Blades!

2: Favorite TES game?

Oblivion........ like the other games have traits I like more, but also cons. Like... if I had to pick a game to just play with only the Unofficial Patch, it’d be that one.

3: When and how you got into TES? I was at a game store with my brother and we saw Oblivion with all these award “amazing game” stickers on it on clearance. So picked it up. I wasn’t impressed right away (remember picking dark elf tho) so put it down. My bro played it and said “omg you have to get out of the tutorial dungeon that sucks but the rest of the game is so good!” So I made a bosmer and did and there rest is history. TES has been a special interest of mine and a big comfort series for a decade now!  4: Favorite race Bosmer! Dunmer are a close second though. Thanks Morrowind. 5: Favorite province Valenwood........... love it............ Cyrodiil too because I’m basic. 6: Favorite character Ahdjgh hard to pick because there are so many! Off the top of my head, Dagoth Ur/Voryn Dagoth, Indoril Nerevar (what a shock, I know), Serana Volkihar, Glarthir, The Adoring Fan (don’t @ me), The Jemane Brothers, Marcurio, really all the characters from ESO’s main quest and the ending side quests who help you 😭😭. 7. Favorite faction

Thieves’ Guild, minus Skyrim’s. Skyrim’s Thieves’ Guild was awful eww.

8: Which province you would like to live in

If the lore and history and stuff weren’t a thing, Summerset because it’s aesthetic and has nice beaches. Realistically, probs Cyrodiil because I’m basic and I like how it’s a melting pot of various races and cultures!

As much as I love Valenwood, wouldn’t be able to handle the Green Pact

9: Which deity/deities would you worship?

Dibella - because I like how she’s the divine for the arts, and actual true love and beauty in the world (feel like she’s the divine most likely to say gay rights and trans rights). That vibes with me.

Makes me sad that both in the games and in the fandom, she’s reduced to “ha ha slutty sex goddess”. 

10: Favorite Divine

Dibella because see above.

11: Favorite Daedric Prince

Oh boy... hajdg I love Daedra (except Molag Bal - eww)!!! So it’s hard to pick. Just rapid fire listing some favs: Sheogorath, Meridia, Azura, Barbas (does he count?), Hircine... 

12: Favorite enemy

Dagoth Ur

13: Favorite dungeon

Hmmm, I feel like I’m forgetting some, but I enjoyed Nocturnal’s trial dungeon in Skyrim because I like sneaking and it was all based on that.

14. You have awakened and you are a Cliff Racer. What do you do?

Hunt and kill anyone who dares to step outside Seyda Neen lol

15: What would you do if you contracted vampirism?

C u r e

16: What would you do if you contracted lycanthropy?

C u r e

17: Are there any characters you have crushes on?

Not rly because I’m ace.

 If so, who?

18: Favorite Great House

The Sixth House. The Tribe Unmourned. The-

Honestly all of them are whack and have... issues. When I played Morrowind, I didn’t join any of them lol. Telvanni is at least entertaining and very out there which makes them cool. So I guess them?

19: Favorite TES music

Ahaha... I sold my soul to Jeremy Soule... I have so so many... :’)

“The Road Most Travelled”, “Peaceful Waters”, “Stilt Sunrise”,  “Auri-El’s Ascension”, “Sunrise of Flutes”, “Harvest Dawn”, “All’s Well” “The Streets of Whiterun”, “Secunda” (this is one of my all time favourite video game songs!), “Sovngarde”, “One They Fear”

Then from ESO which has other composers too: “Northpoint Nocturne”, “Moth, Butterfly, and Torchbug”, and “Grazelands Dawn” (mostly because it’s a remix of “The Road Most Travelled” 🥺)

Oh, and this song from the Morrowind dlc because the remaster of “Nerevar Rising” from 2:54 onward. (which how could I forget “Nerevar Rising”? Ugh it gives me feels! The Oblivion and Skyrim main themes are very near and dear to me too)

Also really enjoyed this song from Clockwork City - captures the melancholy vibe and I like the clock noises in it.

20: In your opinion, what is the scariest thing in TES?

I can’t stand spiders so anytime anything having to do with them shows up... I play with mods that remove them and in ESO,  I have a list of dungeons and places to avoid. If I have to do one, I make someone go with me and kill them for me lol.

The Lighthouse Quest in Skyrim was also mega spooky. As for lore, soul trapping and the Soul Cairn really freaks me out! I can’t bring myself to use soul trapping because it bothers me :( I headcanon that when a soul gem runs out of charge, the soul is freed because it’s the only way I can sleep at nigh leave me alone lol 21: Favorite main quest Morrowind, hands down. I will infodump and discuss that game’s plot forever. 22: Favorite side quest

I really like the Daedric Shrine quests, they’re always fun. Also love the silly little short quests like in Morrowind when you have to help the guy get his pants back, or in ESO where you gotta find the lost dog in Valenwood and pet it.

Oblivion has loads of side quests I loved... the missing dunmer painter, Hackdirt, that quest with the ladies who are killing men, the Floating Bowl quest... the mystery at Chorrol Castle....

23: Most frustrating experience in a TES game

I get mad any time the sneaking mechanics in ESO don’t work like the main games. Because I always play an archer-thief lol.

That one fabricant machine puzzle in Tribunal.... oh man........ I had to look it up.

And also the final boss for Clockwork City was annoying. Don’t go to the Clockwork City!

24: Funniest experience in a TES game

Other than moments intended to be funny, I sometimes laugh whenever I miss a jump and end up dying from fall damage. It’s so ridiculous.

Dagoth Ur’s “What are you doing?!” when you first attack the Heart always gets a chuckle out of me too. He sounds so... upset and disappointed in you? Lol

25: Most badass moment in a TES game

The ending to ESO’s main quest was a rly big power fantasy moment for me.

Also more mundane, but I felt really cool and powerful when I got to the point in Morrowind where I could one shot kill cliff racers lol

26: Saddest experience in a TES game

The ESO side quest, “The Soul-Meld Mage” in Coldharbour. After that one, I had to step away for a bit.... man. It hurt my heart and I still feel so bad. That was a case in the game where I really felt impacted by how cruel and awful Molag Bal is. Like I *knew* but that quest played with my emotions and made it personal.

27: Favorite area/region

Valenwood from ESO. I spend all my time there, and sometimes go to Summerset or Vvardenfell lol.

28: Least favorite character

Vivec.

Also don’t like Maven-Black Briar. :I

29: In-game food item you want to eat the most

Sweetroll! 

Also this one recipe for a beef dish I found in Valenwood sounded good.  Maybe also the Sunrise Souffle mentioned in Skyrim?

30: If you could try skooma, would you?

No. Don’t do drugs, kids.

31: If you had the skills and resources to do a perfect cosplay of any TES character who would it be?

Probs Serana

32: Have you read any of the novels?

No, but I’ve been thinking about it!

33: Favorite class to play

Thief, or a thief-similar class like agent or rogue.

34: Which type of magic would you most like using?

Alteration seems the most useful for everyday life lol. But illusion would be fun.

35: Favorite weapon

I use bows all the time!

36: Favorite spell

Levitate from Morrowind - it’s so much fun to use!

37: Favorite artifact

Nerevar’s Moon-And-Star Ring. It’s cute lol and I like the lore behind it!

Also enjoy the Wabbajack because of how silly it is, and Dibella’s Brush of Truepaint.

38: You have awakened to find you’re in Tamriel. How do you react?

Because yeah I love TES but also the world of it is scary with gods and monsters constantly trying to kill you lol

39: Thoughts on ESO so far

I really enjoy the world and writing! But I’m still cranky over some moments where it’s an MMO and not a normal TES game :I

I also hate that we can’t have NPC companions.  You really gonna give me a clockwork nix-hound named Snuffler and not let me travel with him? For shame.

40: Character you’d most like to hang out with

Nerevar, because I’m very awkward and shy and bad at peopleing and I would hope he could teach me how to improve lol.

But to actually hang out and chill, Marcurio would be pretty fun lol

#thank you!!! #asks #rucow

[ryouverua]

Trial 6 - (Fifty)Third Time’s the Charm, Post-Accusation (3)

Is that all we are to you? Just a vehicle to solve your cases for you?! ... you know what on second thought don’t answer that -

Trial: 1 / 2

hello darkness my old friend

What an interesting reaction. Despite the weird back and forth she’s been having with Monokuma, he still had the Monokubs jump in to defend her - though with that said, the desperation of it all probably backfired in Shuichi’s eyes. The point is, her first reaction wasn’t to protest - I mean, she will, and she did a bit weakly earlier, but it’s to withdraw into herself and think. Isn’t that how we first came across her? Thinking deeply to herself and completely ignoring Kaede and Shuichi to the best of her abilities?

A-are you attempting to plead ‘power of friendship’ right now -

“There is no time for friendship in the court of law!!!”

Clinging to that idea is the only thing he had to keep himself going all this time, too.

Also, after pushing behind the scenes for him to condemn three of the most well-meaning people in the class (and, y’know, Kirumi and Korekiyo lol), it’s interesting that she seems to think that this line of defense will work - especially considering what he’s accusing her of doing. You’ve managed to do something way beyond just murder, Tsumugi! Aside from Rantaro, you set the groundwork for everything that followed! And I feel like this game, more than the others, really pushed the idea that the survivors share some of the blame when the ‘blackened’ dies. I don’t agree with that mind you, but survivor’s guilt is very real and very powerful.

Despite all of this, he still wants to be wrong and is happy to be wrong. Being awfully, painfully right seems to be a running trend with him, with the one glaring exception hanging over his head.

BUT SHE STILL ISN’T SAYING ANYTHING -

she’s just sitting there with this worried, anguished expression and I don’t know what I was expected but it wasn’t this?? Is she trying to frantically brainstorm a way out or -

Seriously Monokuma do you actually hate her??? Despite working with her? Despite being intrinsically linked to each other???

Anyway whatever that just means it’s cute comic time, nice.

“gdmt do I have to do everything myself -”

They kept her glasses on! Oh, they kept her glasses on it for this! I don’t know why that makes me so happy.

Aaaaw look at Miu tinker away! The animation is really cute for it, tbh. Also something about Korekiyo eating all by himself with Kirumi waiting on him is kinda hilarious to me...

.........

I just realized that everyone in the dining hall were killers/wanna-be killers of the game lmao. Also, if only the nosier people had been in the room, this could have been prevented. 8′\

.... Now I really wish we knew where Kokichi had been at the time.

i just have this screenshot because Shuichi and Kaede are cute here

What was the signal that clued Tsumugi in on leaving, I wonder? Maybe she waited a certain amount of time after seeing Rantaro leave with the others? Would she have been willing to wait longer if she needed to for Kaede’s plan to either work or not work, or was she counting on it happening in that five minute span?

This was a pretty damn good set-up by Kaede.

I

CANNOT

BELIEVE EVEN NOW -

!!! New Act 5.

Also no shit he would’ve been surprised. Actually, I’d say that was an understatement. What a great expression by the artist - that is definitely the look of someone whose life or what he remembers of it is flashing before his eyes.

RANTARO

RANTARO DAMN IT

I GET YOU’RE IN PSYCHOLOGICAL SHOCK BUT

oh god I was gonna say ‘did he not hear Tsumugi right behind him’ but 1) the video was still blasting 2) no, seriously, he was probably in shock and still processing that he nearly died and was a sitting duck

WOW LOOKING REALLY CREEPY THERE MISS MASTERMIND

okay now the glasses still being there is kinda hilarious but I love it

SHE REALLY WAS.... RIGHT THERE....

This is another redundant picture because.... I’m not sure. I like this group together. We didn’t know anything about them at this point in the game, but they really did try so hard - and hell, Tenko, who I never got to know that well, was already putting aside her own bias this early in the game to work with Kaito for everyone’s sake. aaah now i’m getting sad

Which was so believable because even Kaede thought it was the truth! I’m so torn. I really like Kaede, and honestly? I like the fact that she was willing to go after the mastermind so aggressively. Tsumugi did twist the truth, sure, and we convicted the wrong person - but I don’t want to lose the fact that Kaede only didn’t kill Rantaro because her calculations were slightly off and Tsumugi cleaned up after her. I keep going back to it, but that line of Kokichi’s, telling Kaede she lost the moment she let murder into her heart, does still ring true to me...

THAT POSE.... I’d been waiting for her to make that type of pose all game. IS THIS WHY IT NEVER HAPPENED? BECAUSE YOU WERE SAVING IT FOR THIS DRAMATIC REVEAL?

Damn I love this picture, and I love how we’re finally getting to see the first hints of menace in her expression (outside of the ‘backflip into a minefield and die’ lol).

So.... now what....?

DO IT I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE PRESS THE BUTTON

Aaaaw, even K1-b0 is willing to hear her out. :(

MAKI ON THE OTHER HAND LMAO

“I’m giving you 5 minutes. Oh, we’re down to 298 seconds now. Tick tock, motherfucker.”

And... she has nothing. Pretty much nothing. I mean, I guess she manages to throw the word ‘plain’ out one more time - literally just, “it’s plain to see I didn’t do it” - and that’s... it. Not exactly what one would expect of the mastermind who was able to throw this all together...

NO NOT THAT THING

“Tsumugi I swear to god -”

THAT’S NOT A GOOD REASON AT ALL!!! THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF A GOOD REASON!!!

;LKDFJAS;KJ

SDKFLJ

kalsdjfsljf;sfj

f m l    that’s actually

amazing

thank you based tsumugi

Where are you going with this????

???????????

I think everyone who‘s played the game has this scene seared into their memories and for good reason.

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME AGREE WITH MONOPHANIE DRV3 -

oh thank god

Wait no, Tsumugi. Wait. No, we’ve had something good going on between us, right? Right? Tsumugi please - please don’t -

TSUMUGI I AM BEGGING YOU

NO

TSUMUGI

TSUMUGI WHY

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

......

WAIT DID YOU LITERALLY JUST CHANGE IN THAT CLOUD OF DUST

HOW -

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT shit she really is the Ultimate Analyst

Wait, the 53rd???

THE 53RD??? THERE’S BEEN 53 OF THEM??? HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN UP YOUR MANTLE -

NO FUCK YOU IT’S TSUMUGI GIVE HER THE CREDIT SHE DESERVES

HOW DARE YOU

U-UM

UM WHAT JUST HAPPENED

first of all BITCH -

second of all HOW DID YOU

SWITCH BACK SO FAST WHAT IN THE WORLD

third of all, which is really just an expansion of first of all, I actually still managed to keep liking her despite everything! Even that damn love hotel scene! DESPITE ALL THE ODDS I STILL EXIST -

“I’m pretty sure Kokichi copyrighted that. You gotta wait at least 25 years before you can use it yourself, y’know.”

hHGHGH MEGANE MASTERMIND SPRITE

omfg they

they’ve been holding back on this pose for the entire game

just for this moment

just for glasses!junko

............

fml I’ll allow it but I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT

Also I... I still want to believe that this Junko persona was born from Tsumugi and not the other way around....

Wait, does that mean Maki and the others know what Junko sound like? How? Were there recordings of the final trial or something? This just makes me more curious about the time separation between the last two games and this one! Especially with the number ‘53′ dropped - that would mean someone’s picked up the mantle 53 times, right??? So shouldn’t it be at least 53 years? but then how old was Naegi in that flashback, and that’s assuming every person that took the role would last no longer than a year, but then - wait -

No, if I’m going to stick with the idea that these students were made to replace actual Ultimates... then maybe this is a lot farther back than I initially thought...?

DOES SHE HAVE A V   3 IN HER EYES

....

WAIT A SECOND

Which is why she’s calling herself the 53rd... So Junko Enoshima is a title that can be passed down. It’s officially bigger than the person herself - the same way ‘Ultimate Despair’ belonged to Junko (and she pretty much defined it), but was also a title that could be earned by other people... right?

“You literally keep bringing out your glasses. You can’t even see us properly from over there, can you?”

EXCEPT FOR YOUR DAMN EYES I CANNOT BELIEVE -

SHE’S THE 53RD JUNKO WHICH SHE HAS A V3 IN HER EYES BECAUSE V3 IS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT 50 + 3 DAMN YOU DRV3

“Please, Shuichi? Please? Can I do it now?!”

omfg Maki why is the answer to everything murder ARE WE REALLY GOING TO DO ROUND THREE HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING -

......... b u t  on the other hand we actually do have the confirmed mastermind here. H M M M M ....

AAAAH IT’S THAT TSUMUGI POSE EXCEPT NOW IT’S OMINOUS AND SHE’S LOOKING AT US OH GOD

Sweetcheeks is staying on track! You’ve got her right where you want her, kiddo! :D

“..... like, do you wanna go get some food or coffee after this, or....?”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR STUPID COFFEE I NEED A GODDAMN NAP AND A CHANGE OF SCENERY!!!”

I’m... suddenly getting a terrible feeling that things won’t be that simple. We’re definitely not far enough into this trial for it to end...

W-Why do I feel like I’m facing a Tsumugi-Junko tag team right now?

FML I really like this transition between her initial sprite and this menacing one!

I-I... I guess we’re just going to let her exposition-dump now? O-Okay...

Ffffffuuuu where do the weird memory shenanigans mix into this and what part of this is the truth? Because Tsumugi clearly feels a deep connection to Junko (lmao inner Junko) but the flashback light machine showed us that we could literally choose scenarios where people other than us survived!

MAKI

MAKI NO

I THOUGHT WE HAD FINALLY GOTTEN SOMEWHERE ON THIS

.... Whoa this sprite looks really different from the rest. It’s ripped straight from the first game, right? I don’t know if the colours quite match up with the others. 8′D

I didn’t realize I could hate the Remnant of Despair Kokichi theory more than I already did but then he, with the supposed talent Supreme Leader, was relegated to a mere follower. 8′D

Unrelated but I lowkey love this ^ line.

... Do you ever just realize how small Kokichi was in a moment like this.

Anyway I thought we’d already drop-kicked Remnant!Kokichi into the sun but apparently we have to do it in-trial now. Or, well, soon, anyway.

Himiko and the others are trying to stay on track though - on the idea that there are viewers to the madness. At first I thought, ‘oh, that’s a bit of a tangent though’ then I remembered Kokichi was the one who gave us the tools to get all the evidence to prove that so it actually does make sense to bring it back up now!

Bullshit.

An intriguing line of thought, but bullshit.

THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG HERE THAT I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN -

so thank god for Shuichi, who can help us get started.

#Shuichi Saihara #Tsumugi Shirogane #Maki Harukawa #Himiko Yumeno #Ryou plays drv3 #K1-b0 #Kiibo #Keebo #drv3 spoilers #spoilers

[quowreadspact]

“Mm hmm,” he said.

“Let’s start from the initial deal my partner proposed.  You would be bound until… shall we say five minutes after midnight, two nights from now, as a starting point?”

“Hm.  I haven’t accepted.”

So little time.

“Then let’s talk in terms of the hypothetical, and discuss when we’re done.  We could say that no term or written word shall be considered binding until both of us agree and sign.”

“Outside of the inviolable rules,” Pauz said.  He hopped down onto the table, picking something out of a piece of raw meat.  He opened his mouth, let it dangle and wriggle for a second, then dropped it into his mouth.

“Which rules?” I asked.  “The rules of binding oaths?”

1. Ew, eating a maggot

2. Yes, please let us go back over these rules. 

“Those laws, which were established in the emergence from void and chaos, and the fundamental structures and forces of existence your practice, my power, or practice and power combined can’t alter,” Pauz said, chewing far too much, considering the small size of the thing he’d popped into his mouth.

If we’re talking about rules my practice or your existence can’t alter, why even mention them?

I thought about it for a minute, turning the words over in my head.

Trap?

No.  Couldn’t see a trap.

Not unless the trap was to throw so many terms and ideas at me that I’d stop being careful.

“I could accept that,” I said, finally.  “With further consideration.”

“Then we agree to talk about terms,” he said.  “With nothing binding until we sign and verbally agree.”

More words, more terms and ideas to complicate matters.

I guess he could maybe exploit some rule that is inviolable but hurts Blake and not him? I don’t know enough about the rules to say, and neither does Blake. 

I was making the wish to the genie that was hellbent on twisting the terms of the wish to screw me over.  More than that, I was dealing with something very inhuman, in a context I didn’t fully understand.

Here we went.  Dealing with a devil.  “Sign by putting pen to the very set of pages I’ve outlined the terms on?”

Thats what your family does. 

And not scrawling your name on Dowght or the underside of the table?

“Yes.”

“And your statements can be considered verbal agreement, even if you aren’t human, or if you aren’t technically there and speaking in the conventional sense?”

“Point conceded.”

“Then we agree to define anything you say as verbal?  Anything you write as written by you?”

“Agreed.”

Circular reasoning, to agree to the terms of ‘agree’, but fuck it.

Tricky tricky. 

Where to start?  How did a contract normally go?

Basics first.

“The terms of this contract exist between me, Blake Thorburn, and…”

“Pauz, given of the Marquis Andras, both of the fifth choir, feral and foul.”

I scribbled it out, leaving the names blank.  “Spell.  Your name?”

“In the Dutch tongue-”

“In English,” I interrupted.

“P-A-U-Z,” he said.

Huh.  Not the spelling I’d anticipated.  It rhymed with ‘ooze’ when heard.

Was he just gonna through the different spellings in different languages? Why Dutch first? Weird...

Also wtf, it rhymes with ‘ooze’? Not how I imagined the pronunciation at all, but ok. 

“And your…”

“My sire, my lord, the metaphorical tree that bore me as fruit.  Andras.  A-N-D-R-A-S.”

“I bear no risk by inscribing his name or yours?”

“No.  Andras is bound, and only those bearing the saber he was bound to may call him forth.  I am a lowly imp, and my name has no power, spoken or written.”

I scribbled out the paragraph defining myself and Pauz as the individuals the contract referred to.

I used the spine of Black Lamb’s Blood to push the various dishes and bits of food to the floor, clearing the table in front of me, then tore that half of the page off the pad, tore it so the section of paper with the paragraph was the only thing on the page, and slapped it down onto the table.

“What are you doing?”

“Outlining,” I said.  “Conceptualizing.”

If I was going to write a contract, I’d do it like I was putting something together for work.  Start crude, confirm direction, refine, polish.

Deep breath (but not too deep cause it smells here) Blake, you can do this! Also I looked up Andras: 

“Grand Marquis of Hell. He appears to have the body of an angel and the head of a wood owl, and to be riding a black wolf and carrying in his hand a pointed saber. He teaches those whom he favors to kill their enemies, masters and servants. He stirs up trouble and dissension. He commands thirty legions.”

So um. Yikes. 

I needed to bind him, I needed to bind him very fucking carefully, and I didn’t have the background of hundreds or thousands of years of trial and error in diabolism to back me up.

“The goal of the contract,” I said.  “Is that we bind you for a term ending five minutes after midnight, two nights from now.”

“At which point I am given over to the Incarnation’s possession,” Pauz said.  “Or you are forfeit.”

“Forfeit what?” I asked.

“Your word, your being.  Whatever I desire,” Pauz said.

To hell with that, I thought.

“Firstly,” I said, “I am absolved of responsibility once I bring you, bound, to the Lord.  I’m not going to suffer consequences if he or you do anything after that point.”

“You give me to him,” Pauz said.  “A transfer of possession, with no intent to immediately reclaim me.”

“I’m not under the impression he’d give you up once he had you,” I said, looking up from the paper I was writing on.  “But yes.”

“And you make some attempt, overt or otherwise, to ensure he keeps me until such a time that the contract’s terms end and I am free.”

“Unless such an attempt would work against your goals and mine?” I asked.

“Hm?”

“If he obviously intends to keep you, and pushing him further would look suspicious.”

“Granted,” Pauz said.

I wrote it down.

Careful about saying the ‘Incarnation’s possession”. I’d be a hell of a lot more specific than that... so many ways this could go wrong. 

#text #collateral 4.7 #4.7

[shuttershocky]

Fate/Grand Order NA edition: A Recap

A quick recap of some of the events that happened so far in the misadventures of Mash and Guda:

FUYUKI

A teenager (we shall call them Guda) answers an ad in the papers, ends up in a military base called Chaldea hidden in the Himalayas.

A bomb toasts everybody inside the base.

Mash and Guda time travel back to the edgiest version of Fate/Stay Night where Saber Alter rules with an iron fist.

Mash, a cute Chaldea clerk, fuses with the ghost of some guy, gets a massive shield to bludgeon people with. 

Cu Chulainn beats people up with the Wicker Man; Thankfully leaves out the bees.

Their boss turns out to be a bad guy and throws their other, dead boss’ ghost into a black hole, making her super dead-er.

The only staff surviving at Chaldea is the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci and the absentminded doctor she’s fucking.

ORLEANS

Gilles de Raiss, unhappy with the canon ending, makes an edgy Jeanne D’Arc OC to fix it.

The real Jeanne is summoned without her Ruler powers, joins Mash and Guda on their merry stroll through France.

Some countries have roaches, others have rats. France has dragons.

It also has vampires.

Marie Antoinette pulls a drive-by shootout with the vampires to rescue Jeanne D’Arc and company.

They escape because Mozart makes the vampires vomit and/or poop themselves with a piano attached to the back of Marie’s carriage.

They bond. Marie learns what a homie is. Marie and Jeanne are super gay.

Kiyohime and Liz are first introduced. FGO is never the same.

They rescue the German hero Sumanai Siegfried from a castle. He’s pretty beat up.

They need saints to heal him for some reason. Good thing St. George spawns... on the other side of the map.

Do you really wanna hurt us this way George? Really? Take anyone else instead. Take this Mephistopheles, he’s just hanging around in my archive!

Big Bad Battle with Cheese and Dragons. Assassins recommended.

Jeanne vs Jeanne. The edgy OC is no match for the original of course.

Gilles is kicked back into the depths of FF.net where he belongs

SEPTEM

U M U

All of Nero’s forebears in the Roman empire form an alliance against her called Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as EVIL

Nero brings the company to Britain from Italy. On foot.

Mash suffocates under the overwhelming force that is Boudica’s boobs.

Nero chops down the ghosts of Roman emperors past one by one. No biggie.

Mash and Guda find their bad boss in the capital and oh shit he’s a demon from hell.

RIP AND TEAR 

The demon summons Atilla the Hun. He is later of two minds about this choice.

Nero punches Atilla in the face. Civilization will never die!

THE MOON FESTIVAL

Someone steals all the dumplings. Now Chaldea’s gonna starve.

Some booby archer pesters Mash and Guda about helping them recover the food.

Marie doesn’t remember her own homies.

Never mind she totally does.

Saint George is into photography.

Martha is into dumplings, bondage, and breaking faces. Tsk tsk, Saint Martha.

Martha makes her escape by jumping on to her dragon Tarrasque, who begins to fly by spinning around rapidly until it zooms away like a UFO. She probably puked at some point.

Altera, Atilla The Hun, the great destroyer herself, explains the differences of good and bad civilization.

Surprise surprise, Booby Archer is a bad guy- holy shit this is the goddess of the hunt?

Please don’t spook my guaranteed SSR gacha Artemis, I beg you. I’ll do anything you want just don’t come home.

OKEANOS

Sir Francis Drake, Pirate Queen.

Blackbeard. Weeb.

And lo, Captain Drake did shot the god Poseidon in the face, declaring with a mighty shout “Let there be booze!”, and the crew were drunk with infinite booze, and it was good.

Blackbeard wins the award for cringiest villain.

Drake and her motley crew recruit Medusa’s bitchy sister Euryale and her hot monster boyfriend, Asterios The Minotaur.

OH NO ORION AND ARTEMIS ARE BACK SOMEONE CALL THE COPS

The Golden Hind VS The Queen Anne’s Revenge, battle of two legendary pirate ships, FIGHT

Artemis and Orion board the Queen Anne’s Revenge during the fight in an admittedly cool action scene. Orion blows a hole into the ship.

Blackbeard is a tough bastard, but Drake literally killed the god of the seas for some booze so

Hektor, hero of Troy, won’t shut up about being an old man. Also he betrays Blackbeard.

Blackbeard to Drake: “Secretly, I admired you...r boobs.” *dies*

Drake trades upwards, gets the Argonauts as her new nemesis

Jason is just as much of a shitter in Fate as he is in mythology. Who would have guessed?!

Wait wasn’t one of the most famous members of the Argonauts the great hero Hera-OH GOD HE’S HERE WE HAVE TO RUN

Asterios vs Heracles summed up:

Guda: Well now that we lost our muscle we need reinforcements. Atalanta and David: Hi

Atalanta meets her God. She now believes in atheism.

David: Yeah I actually have the most dangerous thing on Earth with me as a second noble phantasm. Everyone else: It’s a box. David: I know. It’s got nerves of steel.

Who would win? A nigh-immortal demigod, son of Zeus and the strongest hero there is, or some box?

“Hey Jason, eat a dick.” - Medea Lily

Eating a dick turns you into a vessel for yet another Demon God. As Jason painfully finds out.

RIP AND TEAR 2.0

David: Yeah all of this time-stream dicking is my idiot son’s fault. It would be just like him, for he was an idiot. Roman: Nuh-uh! David: Yeah-uh!

Goodbye, Captain Drake. T’was an honor to be one of yer hearty crew.

HALLOWEEN 2015(17?)

An invitation? To a party? But all of history was dicked. Where are you supposed to hold a par-is that a castle?

Mash: hOLY SHIT I GET TO PUNCH GHOSTS Guda: Mash calm dow- Mash: WHEN THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE

Kiyohime casually defies the laws of space and time (again).

Mata Hari: *Starts stripdancing* Mash: :O Kiyo: >:( Roman: :D

Carmilla uses her noble phantasm to clean a spot. I-I’m not even exaggerating this is actually a thing that happens.

Vlad is the supportive uncle who knits for his fellows.

Tamamo Cat; nothing she says ever makes any sense.

Elizabeth Bathory: Surprise! All of this was to prepare you for a special private concert from an up and coming pop idol star!

Everyone: Liz you are a bad Me, tears falling onto my phone: Liz you are a good

Liz: Y-you d-didn’t like m-m-my concert? Everyone: Boo you suck! Me: I LOVED IT BABY YOU’RE GONNA BE A BIG STAR ONE DAY

GODDAMNIT VLAD STOP BEING STUBBORN AND DROP THE GODDAMN CE.

GUDAGUDA HONNOUJI

Split psyche story

What you expected: Angry Nobu, sad Nobu, kinda freaky happy Nobu

What you got:

Rabbit season? Duck season? No. It’s Nobbu season.

A whole string of really funny jokes if you’re a fan of Oda Nobunaga’s place in Japan’s history.

Even more funny jokes that don’t require knowledge of the Sengoku Period

Arash chases after the crew while on fire and screaming “STELLAAA!!”, blows up over Ushiwakamaru’s army

Mash and friends somehow run all the way into the desert.

I give up. There is no way to exaggerate anything that happens in this event.

 It is just bonkers.

Oda Nobunaga and Okita Souji for best couple

THE SCATHACH TRIAL

DW: Boy we sure hope you’re not tired of the Fuyuki map!

Stupid, sexy Scathach: Greetings. Guda: Gaddamn. Mash: Senpai, for once can you not be a perv- Stupid, sexy Scathach: *flips her hair* Mash: Holy fuck I’m so gay right now.

Scathach casually kills ten thousand ghosts.

Scathach casually teaches her new students while crushing a skull with one hand and flexing with the other.

Scathach also gives the nicest headpats.

Brock from Pokemon Fergus joins the party.

Mash: And then, Cu Chulainn saved us in his sexy druid outfit. Scathach and Fergus: Druid outfit? AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fergus: God I’m just super horny right now. Scathach: I’m pretty DTF myself but only the finest warriors can get some of this. Fergus: Well do I qualif- Scathach: No.

Altera: Hi Fergus: *Dies from nosebleed*

For the final part of the trial, Scathach summons another warrior to replace Fergus.

Diarmuid knows its fanservice day. He doesn’t even bother to put on a shirt.

Artemis: I’m baaaacckk~ Me: AHHH KILL IT! KILL IT!

Scathach to Artemis: From one booby servant to another, your kind of fanservice is super gross and wrong my dude. Domestic violence against men is a very real concern. Now I’m gonna spank you.

Scathach kicks divine ass. Thank you, Shishou!

Scathach: Now before I leave kids, what did we learn? Mash and Guda: That the road ahead of us is long and dark, but if we hold firm and believe in each other, we can be humanity’s saviors from the dark? Scathach: No. What did we really learn? Me: That now I can’t not have you in my Chaldea and must ask for an advanced paycheck this instant? Scathach: Good child.

#Fate #Fate Grand Order #FGO

[drv3imagines]

🔥It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…🎂

Rantaro Amami * How…how…howhowhowhowhowhowhow * Amami.exe has stopped working. * And he’s back to having a mental freak out. * How could he forget?!?!?!?? * He was sure that- * As soon as he check’s his phone he realizes his schedule for yesterday and your birthday definitely clashed. * He can’t quite speak for everyone else, but you’re HIS s/o, he HAD to remember your stuff! * To make up for his mistake he takes you out that night. He asks you to get super spruced up and he will meet with you later to take you to the most expensive restaurant he can afford. * Of course money is not everything, and he has to bring his late birthday gift to try and fix everything. * (Spoiler, it was a bracelet to match his, one he carefully embroidered with your name and ‘I love you’ in the inside.)

Korekiyo Shinguuji * He. Feels. So. Bad. * Birthdays are really important, as cultures all over the world celebrate them to commend the celebrated’s success in evading death. * He would not go unpunished for this matter, but right now he intended to mend your broken heart. * He knew that materialism wasn’t going to get him out of this one, but why would he settle for a dozen roses when he could settle for a dozen of you instead– * That wasn’t humanly possible, but he could instead flatter you by creating an entire day dedicated to you–even though technically you already have one and he missed his shot. * He cries silently to himself as he prepares the festival in your honor. * With his connections he is able to gather nearly 100 people, all ready to worship you like the deity you are. * In the center of the festival is a shrine with little trinkets he thought would best represent the wonderful person you are. * …if you find this endearing, and not creepy af…well your day certainly has been made~

Kaito Momota * *insert a string of curses* * *pause* * *insert more curses* * Way to go Momota, you forgot your love’s birthday. How are you gonna get outta this one? * Offer to sleep on the couch for starters… * Maybe a movie night? No too lame. * Stargazing on the beach? Nope that’s, like, every Tuesday… * Sheesh what’s a guy gotta do to- wait– * While you were moping (in your pity party music video) Kaito rushes up to you and immediately rushes you off to his car. * “Where are we going Kaito?” * “It’s a surprise~” * “I hope it isn’t too far, I hadn’t even had lunch yet.” * “Oh well in that case we had better get going…” * During the long drive, Kaito kept you occupied with a game of Ispy, that is until he asked you to blindfold yourself before reaching your destination. * “Okay, now watch your step…careful…and a short step down…and we’re here…” * You remove your blindfold…and honestly…you’re speechless. * Let’s just say Kaito’s connection with the astronauts pays off substantially. He was able to borrow the ‘Moon Room’ which was designed to the tee to act as a replica of the real thing. Even better was the picnic spread laid out before you. * Two birds, one stone~

Kokichi Ouma * He forgot it on purpose because celebrating your birthday on your birthday is wayyy too lame! * That’s why his super duper surprise party is awaiting for you this evening, but shhhh you’re not supposed to know ;). * Even though you were skeptical, you decided to play along and get ready. * As soon as you’ve gone off to prepare for your ‘special day’…. * OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! * WTF OUMA?!? THE GREAT POWERFUL KING CAN’T FORGET HIS BELOVED’S BIRTHDAY! THAT IS AN ULTIMATE EPIC FAIL! * Now he’s completely stressing himself out trying to get the best last minute party of the century planned for you because of his big talk. * He figures the best way to get people there in such a hurry was to lie~ And who better could pull off such a scheme other than the Great King~ * … * The turn out was more amazing than you expected. Maybe Ouma really was telling the truth about that weird trend… * However…one of your friends’ comments struck you odd… * “I’m really sorry to hear that your goldfish died… I lost a close pet once too, so I know this situation is a little tough for you. But you’re not alone.” * What the actual- * “Happy birthday, babe! Pay no mind to them, because I’ve got you the best cake money can lie- I mean buy! Eat up~”

Shuuichi Saihara * He…forgot… * But…but he couldn’t have…it must’ve been a mistake! * Are you sure your birthday was yesterday?? * Oh no…nonononononononono… * He’ll make it up to you. * He– Okay, breath. Nothing is going to be solved by making you more upset than you already were. * He just had to trust in his sincerity to resolve the issue. Saihara knew this mistake wasn’t something you could just overlook by saying sorry, so he did all so you could feel loved. * On the side he used his detective skills to pinpoint and question your friend’s absence (he could at least account for himself because of his investigations, but that was still no excuse). * By the end of the day he has worn himself out, which is not what you wanted to happen at all. * So to resolve both of your ordeals you settle for calling in some take out food and fawning over a recently released detective novel series.

Kiibo * Well he has a pretty valid excuse as to why he didn’t show up to the party, he was malfunctioning due to a nasty little prank Ouma pulled on him. * He still feels guilty for missing your party though, especially since no one else showed up. * While part of him wanted to reach out to the Internet for help, the other half told him he needed to decide for himself what to do. * It only seemed logical to reorganize the get together and invite the same people over. It is scientifically just after all, an experiment cannot be decided after only one trial. * It must be tested over and over again before it can be decided. * So that’s what he does. * He continues to throw you a birthday party hoping that eventually one of these trials will yield a different result… * After day five, you decide that it is time to give up. That and he was running low on cash and throwing all these parties was the reason behind it. * Even though no one else came to celebrate with you, Kiibo faithfully stuck with you until the end. * His gesture definitely hadn’t gone unrewarded and you properly gifted him with three uneaten cakes and a couple of unopened presents. At least you got free parties from this experience.

Gonta Gokuhara * He could do one of two things: cry or be a man and own up to his mistakes. * And a real gent owns up to his wrongs! * He apologized profusely and promises to take you on a really nice romantic evening to show how sorry he is…but right now… * He insists that he helps you out even more by figuring out why your friends did not attend. * So you two go around town (breaking down doors and taking names…lol jk) rounding up the invitees who were no shows. * The first didn’t go so well, since some of your friends have never met Gonta…his appearance can be very frightening… * The results of your mission: one friend had a valid excuse… a handful were going to throw you a make up party and the others were ✂️ from the squad. * Gonta fulfilled his promise and made your evening worthwhile for his terrible mistake. And you were certainly not disappointed :3.

Ryoma Hoshi * S E L F - L O A T H I N G I N T E N S I F I E S. * How tf did he forget? * He didn’t have a game or practice or anything to do yesterday???? He literally had no excuse???????????? * Gahhh! * He’s dying on the inside, but practically reduces his human classification to a step stool for being such a lame boyfriend. * But it’s even more lame to whine about and not take action. * He practically gave everyone who didn’t come the bird and primarily made the day all about you. * His pride and joy, a gift from life even…apologizing for all the bs he had to put up with in the past (albeit could have been avoided if–) * His pampering doesn’t stop with just being your personal butler, he does extra favors for you as well…like baking… * P L E A S E D O N ’ T B U R N ! ! !

#I went with no formatting this time because I'm too stressed out right now to deal with that bs #I am not funny #(okay but admittedly I did make myself laugh a little lol) #Mod Tojo #Rantaro Amami #Korekiyo Shinguuji #Kaito Momota #Kokichi Ouma #Shuuichi Saihara #Kiibo #Gonta Gokuhara #Ryoma Hoshi #I am so sorry for all the memes I used...and emojis... #it's 1 am my pals the hour of creativity!!!