#when i say this is all jokes i mean it

[grimmboytezxd]

⚠: All Jokes, None of this is to be taken seriously, and warning for slightly promiecous gif???, idk

So hot take..... Arno and Bayek are switches

Wait wait wait-

Hear me out-

Look at them

Like you're honest to God gonna sit there and tell me that they don't like getting pegged from time to time?

LOOK AT HOW THEY LOOK AT THEIR PARTNERS

Arno hunny please that little bratty stance im- 😭🤚🏽

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON ELISE

Like that little SHRUG- THE SHRUG IM- 💀💀

But to be fair, they're not even the worst of the bunch, it's Bayek and Aya, they're the worst.

How? Well they may have only shown you scenes where Bayek was topping, but come on, he's bottomed once. Even if he's not into pegging (which is perfectly fine, of course) he's been tied up and topped before and you CANNOT prove me otherwise.

Observe:

Look at that. Proof. That right there is grade A PROOF. Alright thank you all for coming to my TED Talk, have a nice day.

#assassin's creed #assassinscreedorigins #bayek of siwa #assassin's creed bayek #arno dorian #assassin's creed unity #first post #jokes #please dont take me seriously #like at all #when i say this is all jokes i mean it #also im aware this has probably been said before but i just came to this realization myself so lemme feel cool for like 2 seconds please- #pls ignore #shitpost?

[dayurno]

(voice of a man slowly losing his mind) does it ever strike you that the plot of aftg is moved by little acts of kindness kevin offered to people who never had any semblance of it before. loving riko when no one would, befriending jean in the nest and keeping him alive through debilitating amounts of trauma, telling andrew he was worth it in a dingy high school locker room, teaching neil every night even if he knew he was about to die

#if i think too much of it i need to throw up #i know i say kevin character of all times but im NOT JOKING. IM NOT #kevin is the one constant voice in the story that is telling these characters i think you are worth it #i think there is a future for you #i think you have a life worth living #and its fine if you dont care about him if you think hes mean if you think hes annoying #BUT ITS STILL TRUE YOU KNOW.......... #its still true that when it mattered he was kind. when it mattered he was there to help #kevin dayyyy TT__TT #kevin day #all for the game #txt

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately #and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something #it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is #but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live #the person you used to be #hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back #we're all just a little bit sad all the time #and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place #because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused #and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place #and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about #but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it #and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end #that's what it means to be human #the good place #tgp

[nightlocked-in]

“peeta is bisexual” you guys are losing the vision. peeta isn’t even straight. katniss INVENTED sexuality for him. whatever katniss identifies as, he’s like “yeah, i’ll take that one” no questions asked

#katnissexual #i’m joking btw #and i agree with yall #he says you’ve ruined all other women for me #yeah twink we know #the hunger games #katniss everdeen #thg #nightlocked-in #everlark #peeta mellark #hunger games headcanon #hunger games incorrect quotes #thg incorrect quotes #bisexual peeta #peeta what’s your sexuality? #idk #what do u mean u don’t know #i’ve never thought about it #well i mean… do you like guys? do u like girls? #he thinks for a second…. girl #just one #katniss he says #i’m convinced in modern au’s when he’s dating someone else he just pictures katniss when fucking and then feels horribly guilty for it later #peeta why don’t you look at me during sex? #huh? oh glimmer uh… i just get distracted by how uh… good it feels. yeah that haha #katniss was his first love in every thing and not only was she his first love she was his ONLY love #so he’s never even considered being attracted to girls besides her #so when he tries to date he finds girls that are objectively attractive but on a scale of 1 to katniss they are still 1’s to him #and that never stops being a problem

[inkskinned]

"it's so embarrassing you like that popular thing" "oh ew that geeky/strange thing is so cringe lol" "oh it's kind of weird you get excited about that harmless shit"

dude i love how ironic and jaded you are and that's so cool and sexy of you. and i am so so glad to tell you - you won!! we all had a meeting and we decided that you won, and we are writing your name on the inside of a burger king crown. the marker smeared, sorry, but we knew any form of real effort is ugly to you. but anyway. congrats! you are officially the coolest, most ironic, most jaded person in-the-world-right-now. we would throw you a party but you would think it was totally boring - and besides, we're weird so we wouldn't have been coming. we would have brought our love of beetles and of baking and of little canapes. we would have brought our artsy videogames and pages of writing. we would have written a poem with you, our hands covered in ink, and spread out a canvas to dance on, the night so lurid and pink.

but do not worry. we will not throw the party. we will just get you a ringlight and that crown i mentioned. it is a nice crown, except for where one of us dropped it.

the vote was a really hard one because we had so many cool ironic people to pick off the shelves. all of you have hands that rot fruit, how strange is that - you can't look at something without destroying it for other people. you like it when you can squeeze a person into a pinpoint - all us small ones scampering our little feet around our ugly joys. the vote was also a hard one because we kept our voices down because you don't like it when we talk too loud. you were on your phone at the time, talking to people other than us. you are a ghoul of every moment - half in, half out, you resent us for being here without shame or embarrassment.

so good news! we have invented an island for people like you. you get to go there and speak into the air things like if you still like watching harmless twitch streamers in 2023 you're fucking boring. you will say things like liveplay podcasts are fucking ugly and it's kind of awkward they try to make everything gay. on the island we made you, all of your words will have weight. they will form in the air like icicles, large white behemoth letters that will crumple in anvils around your feet. maybe we will send someone there once in a while to sweep, but honestly you might be there for a while, alone, waiting. we are busy being outside looking for mushrooms and flapping our hands and humming. we are busy kicking our little heels while we watch cringey tv. we are busy - sorry! as an apology, we have pre-filled the island with every bland, mediocre, unscented thing we could find. the island has the texture of american cheese. the island has an ocean that never gets angry. the island is perfect for you, trust me. you will be so happy there - as happy as you can be, ironically.

we want to say we are sorry for doing harmless things that you find annoying, childish, or unappealing - but we are not sorry. we thought we could help you, because we don't mind laughing at ourselves, but it turns out you are allergic to color and noise and atmosphere, so this is the best that we can do for now. we are all making a big shirt that says i voted in the ironic monarchy. we got you one that is just a fast fashion buttondown. i am so excited for you and this island and the big life you have won. you have a cool jaded grey life and miles of irony to roam. i love you! be well.

now leave us alone.

#spilled ink #writeblr #slam poetry #i started this as a joke and ended up taking after #the poem about all the women in the world meeting in the bathroom #i can't find it to link it directly i've been googling for like 15 minutes if someone can remember #turns out frantically googling the only lines like ''women meeting in the bathroom'' #''secret womens meeting you always believed happened" is not useful for . to search??? help :( #also the reason this says harmless so many times is bc like #this is 100% about like #yeah man when ppl are mean about ppl enjoying things like. fuckin lady gaga #like this is so obviously about ppl who steal ur joy for no reason (i WILL steal ur joy if ur a bigot btw) #also yes it's bc someone was like ''liking the mcelroys in 2023 is cringe'' #and im like. dude what the fuck literally just let people like things it's LITERALLY not that deep. #like i dont like centipedes theyre one of like the 2 bugs im squicked out by ... but like. #if u really like centipedes. im like so happy for you. i hope you can put socks on ur centipedes #so they can speedclean ur floors. that would be fun and cool!!! #i love u i hope all of you have a weird passion i love you i hope that passion fills your life like soap bubbles

[epiphainie]

i've just finished my s7 rewatch and it's kinda so funny to me how much discourse people created over every bucktommy interaction when their whole arc boils down to tommy being patient and vulnerable with buck and showing up for him. like when you are not wearing shipper goggles under the name of "analysis" and don't try to reverse-engineer every word and look and shot with utmost bad faith, that's what it is. a simple and sweet story of a new exciting relationship with a guy who's understanding and willing to show up. literally the two things buck needs from a relationship but never had with his previous love interests. they are kinda sickeningly sweet and well-communicating actually lol

#yall are too serious and too strict about a show being written two weeks in advance like i love this show but picking out bits and pieces #and trying to make it all fit a narrative is kinda doing too much no one in the writing room is being that deliberate or precise or #enigmatic with their word choices as they write for a prime time network tv procedural #sometimes when a joke is played as a joke it's a joke #when a character says a character is good for another character thats what they mean #this show does not require reading between the lines for subtext it's just asking you connect the dots with common sense #and it's okay if you dont like the execution you can just say that without trying to make it an issue of morality or becoming #conspiracy theorists #anyway rant over #bucktommy #they are so precious i hope abc doesnt mess up this once in a lifetime luck they struck with tommy and continue the overall #beautiful dynamic they captured in a short few episodes #tevan #911 #also not saying this to bash any of his ex girlfriends i actually liked all of them for different reasons except for natalia who was #unfortunately just a blip

[ryllen]

Sebek & Yuu's teenage child . [insp] .

#when i saw that girl on the link my first thought is *points* if it's actually allowed i would say that's sebek & yuu's child #everything is on point like the fairy like hairstyle; eyes color; darker green hair as if the mixture of black and green hair #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #twst yuu #twst mc #twst baby #fanart #i will just incorporate the braid style hairstyle because i really love it #maybe her name is ai #just simply means love to remind sebek that however the child will turn out despite mixture of bits of fae's and human blood #she will be loved and find herself to be loved #jokes on sebek maybe she would make all the blood business even more complicated because she finds a beastman partner fFSDHShdshdas #yey it's fae x beastman x human blood #and maybe the grandchild will find a merman/mermaid partner #and so the bingo card is filled #xD #imagine she is easily cold bcs of the croc blood #and that's why she just finds beastman's warmth endearing #would be funny if it turns out to be jack's child #i kinda consider sebek and jack quite a best friends #or maybe ruggie's #i like to imagine she is smart enough to see through the sly behaviour & focus on the good heart that shares resources with their poor pack #or maybe other hyena's than ruggie fshs sebek would absolutely not trusting ruggie

[paper-mario-wiki]

alright look i know my following is not the target audience for this kind of post but i wanna at least point something out about a scene in the Fallout show that i haven't actually heard a single person point out or comment on.

spoilers ahead.

in the scene where the ghoul is rewatching his old movie, specifically the scene where he originally protested about killing the villain.

the first layer is the obvious one: he is talking directly to himself. "you were strong, ugly, and you had dignity. i'll give you two out of those three." he remembers what happened at that shoot just as clearly as we did, and after he literally tells himself to his face "you're strong, ugly, and have no dignity" followed by him killing the man he originally wanted his character to save. this, of course, coming DIRECTLY after the person he sold into slavery earlier that day sparing him with life saving medicine while he's on the ground and telling him to his face that he only lives on because someone stuck to their humanity. very heavy! i bet he feels like shit, which he probably should because he's kind of a jerkoff! (but in a cool way that i like to watch)

the SECOND layer is the one i find way more interesting. the phrasing of his final line we didn't hear before was so dripping with importance that it felt like i was reading RPG dialogue and story relevant words were highlighted. "i hope you like the taste of lead you commie son of a bitch". as we'd already seen in episode 3, he despises vault-tec for everything he knows they are responsible for while he was their face. moreover, it's made clear that he doesn't just resent himself for being used for their image, but he resents the fact that he was the face of the propaganda which drove the war fever that caused the end of the world. the wild west ideal caricature of masculine wisdom from the movies as the spokesperson of the company who stood to profit from the purposeful decimation of the human race. he became The Ultimate Jingo.

and i really enjoyed how brief yet informative that detail was! i really enjoyed how the directors tell you what the characters are thinking intuitively and effectively through the camerawork and those little details make the whole thing a lot more fun to mull over and consider as a part of the whole of Fallout! i think it's neat.

#text #fallout show #im not joking when i say ive considered recording a podcast that's just a rifftrax over the episodes of fallout #but instead of making jokes i just do like. a reverse directors commentary. #i do an audience commentary where i point out what all the shit means and how cool it is

[fireladybuckley]

I can’t believe a boyfriend made a silly sex joke to lighten the mood after both partners had a moment of vulnerability. The audacity. The horror. The normalcy! Unbelievable. How dare a conversation about feelings turn to levity. How dare a couple have a light chat about trauma-related things over dinner that doesn’t turn into an incredibly deep heart to heart instead of a joke and moving on. Unbelievable. I’m never watching this show again! 👎🏻

#911 spoilers #bucktommy #Evan buckley #Tommy kinard #look #as a queer person in a relationship with another queer person #both of whom have major familial trauma #trust me when I say you generally DONT WANT ever reference to your feelings and trauma to turn into a huge deep discussion #sometimes you just say something vulnerable #and the other person does too #and then you joke about it and move on #humour is powerful coping mechanism as well #one that is pretty common especially among guys #people need to freaking relax ffs #Tommy is not a horrible person for making a flirty joke #things were said and feelings were acknowledged #and then they moved on #this is all perfectly freaking natural #Buck is not some sensitive flower that can’t handle a silly joke about daddy issues #please I beg you all to look at this at a distance with some common sense #rather than the ‘but Buck is traumatized and must always be treated delicately!!’ lens #and I am saying all of this as someone who really doesn’t give two fucks about the joke itself #I’m not into daddy kink idgaf #but if the idea that a queer couple isn’t allowed to insert a flirty joke to lighten a moment of vulnerability #then I don’t know what to tell you #you personally finding something innapropriate does not mean it’s actually innapropriate #please just chill out ffs #no one wants to hear about how evil Tommy is for hitting on his boyfriend for months and months to come

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I like about Leo is that he’s honestly really chill? It’s easy to remember the moments where he’s being obnoxious or excitable but I feel like most of the time he’s incredibly “go with the flow” and has an overall affable demeanor.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #Genuinely speaking I feel like said demeanor is incredibly useful for when he has to charm and/or persuade people into listening to him #I have a whole post talking about Leo’s charm and how he consistently gets people to hear him out even if he’s annoyed or upset them #like they’ll still listen to what he has to say in full #his charisma stat is real and utilized quite often in this series I swear he’s not just a loser cringeboy all the time 😭 #if he wants to persuade and/or charm then he honestly sooo often does #me listing the 400th reason why Leo grows up to be the worlds best ninja and a good 365 of those reasons are Leo’s various subterfuge skill #Like most episodes where he’s not the main focus (and even many where he is) #he’s a voice of reason who notices things quickly and is often the one taking point to talk down situations #something interesting I found between Leo and Mikey is that #Mikey tells people what they need to hear #Leo tells people what they want to hear #not only out of his own agenda either #when bullhop was wrecking their home leo was the one that negotiated to make the situation go smoother #even if he would have rather bullhop left #meanwhile Mikey is the one who bluntly tells things as it is #small character moment that means a lot to me #Mikey is an honest boy who is upfront about his feelings #Leo prefers to let people make their own decisions he wants them to through steering the convo in that direction #but he is easily cowed by guilt #regardless leo is a people person - he knows how to talk to them and how to manipulate/persuade #and I like that his bros know this and often push him forward to do the talking if they wanna charm someone into doing what they want #I think Leo’s hope speeches are also an example of this - he’s saying what people really want to hear (and often it’s ALSO what they NEED) #the further the series goes on the higher Leo’s inner stress rises and he just keeps that chill aura anyway #there’s a reason!!! he wanted to go to a SPA so badly!! #literally the first thing he does when he gets in is rest #no joke meditation would do him good? like- it’s a Leo thing and I genuinely think rise leo would be no different here

[theyhitthepentagon]

"MALE" CHARACTERS I THINK WOULD BE COOLER IF THEY WERE BUTCHES. in no particular order

both mario brothers

2. gordon freeman, including all machinimas except for gorgeous freeman

3. ANY wizard

4. bubby from hlvrai

5. the scratch cat, for fun

6. scourge from cats

7. link from totk

8. link from twilight princess

9. this cunt

10. hobie brownfor fun

#my truth #hobie is like everything and anything and nothing to me i think thats beautiful #he HATES labels but he also hates consistency and thats why i think imagining him as anything i want is fun #hes butch hes a girl hes a man hes agender he isnt any of those hes all of those etc. you get it right #hes cis hes trans hes both and neither... #editing to say that none of these are jokes and theyre all sincere #the scratch cat isnt like serious though i just put it there for fun. DOESNT mean its a joke #also fun fact art of butch gandalf big naturals is why i decided to come out as a lesbian #i thought about it alot before but a butch wizard was my breaking point. that was when i knew

[gxlden-angels]

I love getting my silly little dose of validation whenever I explain something as small to my childhood as "yea they taught us to be prepared to be soldiers in spiritual warfare between angels and demons from a young age" and having my therapist or a friend respond like

#my therapist thought I was making a crusades joke and looked genuinely distressed when I said No No. I mean literal spiritual warfare. #I've never seen a person go thru the 5 stages of grief faster than that man in that moment #by spiritual warfare I mean the demons and angels fighting around us at all times or whatever the fuck #the thing that causes people to say the devil is attacking them #but yea no that fueled my martyr complex but not nearly as much as other things #cause this one was at least hypothetical and invisible #'She Said Yes' and whatnot was much more real and much scarier #my paranoia was awful in middle and high school #But yea me and a friend of mine were both raised in separate cults so we were explaining our cults to a friend and it was a great time #it's fuckin wild out here #ex christian #religious trauma

[daily-hanamura]

#persona 4 #p4 #persona 4 dancing all night #p4d #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #satonaka chie #chie satonaka #see this is super funny because chie describes yosuke as cool behind his back and we know she finds him reliable and trustworthy #esp in p4au where we see how she turns to yosuke for affirmation when shes frustrated or terrified #chie and yosuke quibble a lot and shes 100% joking here because its very much in line with the kind of ribbing the IT give each other #i feel like yosuke took this a bit seriously though yaboy probably went home and replayed that moment over and over again in his head #so i guess when i say super funny i guess i mean someone please give yosuke a hug by which i mean lets all give yosuke a hug #i think he reacts like this a lot to be fair its rare that hes calm enough to realise that hes being poked fun at #he's good with his queue

[cannibalovers]

hannibal bagged such a good husband cuz WHAT DO U MEEAANN that Will regretted not running away with him and couldn't let him go yet so he built his own fucking boat, sailed to Florence KNOWING, SENSING he would be there, FORGAVE HIM and didn't meet him face to face UNTIL he learned more about Hannibal by literally going to Hannibal's home to understand him more??? all that after Hannibal stabbed him and killed his surrogate daughter after making Will believe she is dead and framed Will for her death????&!#)€(

#we are going to ignore how will literally tried to kill him again tho #for the sake of the post and cuz deep down will trying to find hannibal was genuine #he tries to kill him again for revenge and resentment but that doesn't mean he doesn't love him #he is just really struggling to accept that he is like hannibal cuz that would make him not normal when he tries so hard to be normal #anyway #if i was hannibal i would indeed cry too to my pretend wife about this. #all that cuz will loved hannibal and felt understood by him and didn't wanna lose that and actually regretted his actions. #i better not hear anyone say that hannigram doesn't love each other after this #yall weren't joking when yall said that season 3 is the gayest of the seasons #the most romantic at that #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannigram #murder husbands #text post #my post

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’ #jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice #judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice. #she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry #he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as #he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back. #he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb. #planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco #you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen #his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but #jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control #i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation. #but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse. #i relate to ​jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late #my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone. #kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon #disco elysium #de fanart #jean vicquemare #disco elysium fanart #jean heron vicquemare #jean posting #illustration #de #artists on tumblr #my art #I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!! #i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings #my little maiu maiu

[moeblob]

Ohiwe (lady) and Ohime (man) aka the fire deity after they get punished.

Originally just "Oh", the fire deity had a bit too much fun with punishing humans and so in a means to stop them, the elder gods split them into two. So now they have to be together in order to have their "full" power but as before the split, they get restless and like to wander. So while one stays in their city, the other gets to go out and travel and see the world and check on the other deities.

Also, as a whole/singular being Oh would use they/them. After the split however, it's definitely not the same and so Ohiwe likes using female pronouns and Ohime uses male pronouns. That way when discussed as one, it's back to they. That feels best for them.

#my characters #i posted the unified base version to my side blog but they arent very exciting it was just a lil doodle #however as i sit here waiting for my throbbing headache to go away im dying squirtle i figured id try to doodle #before i work on the comm and unfortunately my head still hurts so back to medicine i go #also also ohime is much more mild in his commentary where ohiwe is sharp and harsh #and ohiwe is definitely more fond of running the city than ohime but that also means she gets more restless quicker #so he unfortunately is stuck in the city more than she is because she needs to wander #she still does most of the planning as she wanders and then talks it over with ohime when she returns #i wanna make a funny joke about how they are indeed the last two brain cells type of thing #but also they are on the same wavelength almost all the time cause they started as the same person #but its always a bit of a jump in their logic to other people while they remain on the same page #like ohiwe says something and YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS #and everyone else is like no ??? but ohime is like WE HAVE TO TAKE A NAP #or something and ohiwe is like exactly ! glad one of you in the room knows whats up