#where 👏🏽 are 👏🏽 the 👏🏽 purple 👏🏽 ones 👏🏽

[tfatwsiguess]

Everything Wrong with Rogers: The Musical

So many things wrong with the Rogers musical in Hawkeye that I’m obsessing over 🤕 Welcome to my review where I get all the thoughts spinning in my head out of my brain and into yours 🙃

I haven’t been able to get over the brilliance of the entire musical scene in episode 1. This is in no way a hate list, it’s just stuff that makes me laugh throughout the entire scene. If anything it’s more of a compliments on the details the show puts into having a completely ignorant, concerning, and borderline offensive musical show placed at the top of Barton and his family’s first appearance in the series.

These quotes…

- “Black Widow’s a knockout who can knock you out” Nuff said.

- “Tony you’ve got nukes to catch, be careful not to crash” idek the best way to complain about this line

+ “The city’s smashed when you take your bow. We’ll blame you then, but you’re good for now.” The ONLY good line in this whole thing

The amount of cheesy references that no one but the Avengers would probably know about was a clever addition:

“We’ll conquer the Chitauri then get schawarma when we’re done”

“Just how are we to fight them?” “We’ll do it as a team.”

“Hulk you know the magic word is” “SMASH SMASH SMASH.”

Double pointer for this one: “Avengers unite ‘cause we’ve got to hear you say, I can do this all day” The irony. The forcedness. They really thought they did something leading up to that line 😂 👏🏽

- Something about that “I can do this all day” climax of the song strikes me as the part everyone gets annoyed at when you sing it in school. Like the MCU version of back when Let it Go came out and people were tired of hearing it everywhere 😂

- Please take the time to go back and literally just watch all the choreography and nothing else, it’s hilarious. You’ll thank me later.

On to the real critiques

- HOW WAS THIS A BROADWAY SHOW. I’ve never seen a more middle-school-theatre looking production. Everything about that number was so elementary and basic. The music, the lyrics and message of the song, costumes, choreography. *And let’s be clear, I appreciate Marvel for so clearly wanting this to be intentional, they executed it damn well.

Costumes

- Steve is literally wearing a CA t-shirt I could buy at Target and SWEATPANTS

- Same thing with Iron Man wearing a t-shirt with his “heart” on it instead something theatrical like a prop or costume ornamentation

- Black Widow is wearing a black jacket and black jeans over a red shirt. Ig that and the hairstyle was good enough for them lol

- Hulk, is in a green hoody.

- Not sure why Hawkeye is wearing just a tank top but I guess the nod of it being purple is nice?

- They got the basics of Thor down okay but in addition to being a Greek god from another planet, he is royalty and it’s reflected in the armor he wears all the time. The pulled shirt and red vest/cape look more like lounge pajamas lmao

- We don’t even know why Ant-Man is here but why is he played by a kid in comparison to everyone else, and why is he wearing his goggles over a backwards cap? (Also I’m starting to recognize him I think he was Romeo from Newsies on actual Broadway LMAO imagine going from that to this fake production)

- UUUMMM BACKTRACKING TO HULK I THINK ITS A BLACK MAN UNDERNEATH ALL THAT GREEN PAINT LMAO THEY REALLY STUCK TO THE STEREOTYPE WITH THAT ONE

- Why is everyone in the ensemble a police officer or a doctor or construction worker or cab driver, etc? Are there no normal dressed street people in this version of NY? At least throw a businessman or a homeless person in there idk

- Between the lyrics and costuming and the cardboard Chitauri ship zooming by there’s so much blatant lack of creativity 😂 But seriously, what was the budget for this musical ‘cause they could’ve thrown in a costume piece for Tony’s heart or an actual one piece suit for Widow or fake muscles for Hulk. Issa lotta street clothes for a Broadway show

+ Enough about costuming. The set is actually pretty good. It’s a good set up of an overpass for levels and the stairs on the sides are an efficient way of getting around that also looks like real architecture modeling. And the layer of set buildings and backdrops in the back actually portray a NY street point of view pretty well. Plus the damage on the buildings, a section under construction off to the right, lampposts, awnings and concrete, details like that

- I’m watching the rest of it now annnd I stand by what I said above about a good set but I’m seeing there arent actually any stairs that lead to anywhere, there’s just a ladder and a fireman’s pole allowing them to travel from up and downstage WHAT 🤦🏽‍♀️ 😂

- I guess I should also mention the weirdness of Loki and some Chitauri singing and dancing with the ensemble. I don’t think I even need to explain there

- I’m confused about how that song fits into the show. The sign starts out as the ensemble calling to The Avengers for help, then turns into a recap of who everyone is and what they do… Who is the song for??? The audience who already knows who The Avengers are?

- And where does this song go? Putting it at the beginning would spoil everything, the end wouldn’t make sense to recap the most basic thing everyone knows about The Avengers. And even in the middle of a Chitauri attack scene makes no sense. There’s no plot being conveyed and the show creators really wanted us to see that ig lol

- WHY IS IT CALLED ROGERS THE MUSCIAL?! 😂 I was expecting it to be about Captain America but they’re singing about everyone at the 2012 fight and then adding more Avengers that weren’t even there??? Steve doesn’t even have the solo for half of the song! Maybe they just added Ant-Man for the sake of making it 7 people so Steve could be dead center in the superhero pose lmao

The biggest question is: how did Clint’s family end up there??? I can’t imagine any of his kids, Laura, or Clint actively suggesting to see that musical given what it’s about alone (whatever it’s about anyway lol…) The only thing I can imagine is someone from Broadway publicly inviting Hawkeye to come see the show with comp tickets for the whole family, maybe as a publicity thing. That would really put the ignorance of this entire production over the top. And then there was some pressure involved between response on social media and maybe someone in the family mistakenly thinking it might be a nice thing to do with the family at Christmas time. The kids clearly weren’t enjoying it either and I can’t see Laura suggesting that to Clint either so that’s the only possible explanation I can think of

I mean the Clint Barton walking out in the middle of their show should say enough to them.

Now that I think about it, this is like the equivalent of if someone produced a musical about 9/11 or something… I mean in the show I get it’s to honor The Avengers but at the end of the day they’re singing and dancing onstage about an attack where people died and lost loved ones, and that the people who fought in it see it as a source of trauma. And it was that long ago for them either. They’d never dare to make a musical about Sokovia I bet but another attack on New York? Why not bruh 😂

I was prepared to be one of the weirdos who strangely like the Rogers Musical scene ‘cause I’m a musical theatre kid but geez I could not stop cringing and laughing. The hardcore MT kid in me would’ve been hurt seeing Clint turning off his hearing aid because he was at a Broadway show, but with this one I 100% support that choice lmao

- The only thing I absolutely love from this whole scene is that needlessly strong ass belt when they sing “I can do this all… DAAAAAAAAAY–” So much passion. It gives me life.

I just had to get this out of my head somewhere. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Overall review: 4/10

#hawkeye #clint barton #kate bishop #marvel #rogers the musical #steve rogers #i can do this all day #musicals #hawkeye episode 1 #broadway